People Roll With The Punches In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Wanting My Emotional Mother In The Delivery Room?
“This is one of several times my mom has asked during this pregnancy to be allowed in the delivery room while I’m giving birth. With my first child, it was the same issue. And she made a scene when she was in the room before I started giving birth and during recovery.
Also, I just don’t feel comfortable with anyone besides medical professionals and my fiance in the room during that time.
She has a history of becoming very emotional and panicky, during any situation. She stresses me out during normal activities, so I know she will stress me out during a seriously hard, painful, vulnerable time such as childbirth.
But she is again asking, a week before my induction day, about being allowed in. And using “I’m the grandmother, I have a right to be there” as her reasoning. Am I the jerk for not agreeing with her logic?”
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re NTJ!
You might have made a minor mistake when you engaged in a conversation with her because you wouldn’t have been wrong to say “Mom, I want this to be just “Jack” and me. It’s not negotiable, so please don’t bring it up again.” With people like her, remember the JADE acronym, because it’s so helpful!
Do not Justify, Apologize, Defend, or Explain. This just gives her more ammunition to keep that conversation going.” maricopa888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you had no good reason (which you do, her stressing you out is 100% a good reason), you have the right to choose who’s there and who isn’t.
Her saying she’s the grandmother and deserves to be there is her just guilt-tripping you. Only allow those in who make you feel comfortable and who you want there. Also, maybe let the hospital know she’s not welcome in case she shows up the day of to try to get in.” Solaris_Luna
Another User Comments:
“If you weren’t part of the conception, you don’t have a right to be there for the delivery. (And sometimes even those part of the conception don’t have a right to be there for the delivery if they can’t or won’t act right…) You need to be comfortable, period.
If she won’t be contributing to your comfort, the answer is “no” – no need to justify your position, and in fact I wouldn’t waste your breath. I would also make it a point to tell the labor and delivery nurses of your decision – as my friends who have given birth tell me, they do not mess around and they will make sure she’s not in the delivery room if you don’t want her to be.
NTJ.” hannahsflora
21. AITJ For Not Letting My Husband Move Our Sick Son Out Of Our Bed?
“My husband was away for over a month and he came back late Sunday night. Our son was sick so for the last few nights before my husband came home, I was letting him sleep in our bed since he wouldn’t sleep in his and was waking up multiple times in the night anyway.
I knew my husband was coming home on Sunday but since he got here so late we were both already asleep in our bed. I woke up when he got home and he wanted me to let him move our son to his room but I said no since I knew he would just wake up and wouldn’t sleep until I let him sleep with me anyway.
Plus, our bed is big enough that the three of us can all sleep comfortably in it.
We’ve let him sleep in our bed before and my husband has never been upset about it but this time he was upset I wouldn’t let him move our son.
He kept trying to convince me and I kept saying no. Even though he tried not to show it, it was obvious to me that he was still annoyed the next morning.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I have a 3-year-old daughter, and she will sleep with us when she’s scared, sick, etc. It really is that age, and honestly, when she’s sick and waking up, I am not getting up 20 times a night to go into her room to comfort her.
My husband travels about half the time for work, so I have a unique insight here. He knows if she’s in the bed, she’s not getting out. Also, at 3 am, no one’s moving anything. Just get to sleep!” JenniJS79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know about your kiddo, but when mine is sick she does not sleep well.
She cries in her sleep or calls out or ends up with night terrors; the only way that either one of us gets any sleep when she is sick is if she is in my bed. Otherwise, I am going into her room every half hour to try to soothe her.
(If she has been vomiting she sleeps in her own bed and I sleep on the floor of her room or in her little bed with her because my mattress is more expensive than hers!) It is just easier all around to co-sleep with a sick child.
Your husband had envisioned coming home and having a nice peaceful bed to sleep in alone with his wife. The reality is that as parents often parenthood throws wrenches in plans like that. I don’t like that your husband was annoyed with you the next day.
You were taking care of a sick child and he was resentful of that. That’s not how parenting works.” AdelleDeWitt
Another User Comments:
“I have raised 5 daughters & have to say when you have sick toddlers things happen. Mom stated he had been sick for several days & she was not getting sleep because the toddler was ill & waking her throughout the night.
Now you know when he called to check on the family (At least I hope He did) I am sure she informed him. If there were no problems before why now? Let me tell you keeping house and running after a toddler will suck the life out of your soul.
You’re already tired from chasing around a toddler (All Month By Herself No Break) & keeping the house. Now add no sleep into the mix. I myself would have said fine I will sleep in his room then so I can get some freaking sleep because once again I am being woke up.
I am watching 2 grandchildren who are toddlers & I am dead at the end of each night & can never keep up with the housework. So you are NTJ OP. Hope your second toddler figures out he is not the only one wanting the house to go back to normal.” SuperDupperSnooper
20. AITJ For Making My Own Meals Due To My Partner's Unpredictable Schedule?
“My S/O has adult A.D.D. She cannot keep a schedule for the life of her. Meals, waking up, getting to work on time, house chores, etc… I eat at very specific times throughout the day. To avoid angry arguments I make my own meals usually.
Lately, she’s been getting upset at me because she says I can’t wait for her to make food. Usually, when she says we’re having dinner at 5 pm that means it might be at 9 pm, could be at 7 pm. I get very hangry if I don’t eat at my scheduled times so to avoid this I just make my own meals and eat by myself.
Sometimes our son will join. She has been getting more upset lately at the fact I can’t wait for her to cook her meal. When I make her food she usually doesn’t eat it. AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“As someone with ADHD, I can see both sides to it.
I wouldn’t personally get upset by this, but I have in the past gotten upset at other things that stem from similar disconnects. My partner is super regimented and lives by his routines, and I am… well… not. Anyhow, the #1 thing I would recommend is ignoring the advice you get on the internet, which tends to be more relevant to neurotypical relationships and find a counselor who specializes in ADHD specifically (as in, that’s their primary thing), and who does couples counseling.
It doesn’t matter if you are doing great aside from this, nor that this may seem trivial. I have found that ADHD adds a huge and unique set of complications related to communication in a relationship and understanding each other. After all, you are wired differently.
A good ADHD counselor will be able to help you not only understand each other better but also come up with effective strategies for dealing with future communication problems that will almost definitely arise.” no_objections_here
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has no business whining about you or waiting for her to make food while not giving you any idea of when the food she’d make would be ready.
That’s unreasonable. As someone with raging ADHD myself, I’m firmly in the NTJ camp. She needs to stop externalizing the responsibility for her discontent, Her difficulty managing her time should not be foisted onto you without your consent. The onus is on her to use tools to help her get her stuff together.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I have ADHD and frequently forget to eat. When I still lived alone, I regularly ate dinner at 1 or 2 in the morning because I simply forgot that I have to feed myself. So I get it! I’m right there with her!
The problem is that she does not live alone and her inattentiveness is not your responsibility. I think you’re being very accommodating to her disability by just feeding yourself instead of getting angry when her executive dysfunction interferes with your schedule. Of course, IMO, that’s the appropriate response, but regardless: she doesn’t get to be butthurt about this.
Her disability (and it is) interferes with your life. You are allowed to work around it to keep yourself happy and healthy. Absolutely NTJ.” bitritzy
19. AITJ For Refusing To Sleep In The Same Bed As My Grieving Mum After My Dad's Death?
“My dad passed away on Sunday.
My mum and my dad were super close. They did everything together and she’s absolutely devastated that he’s gone now. We’re all still very young and his death was super unexpected and spontaneous we didn’t even get to say goodbye. Now it’s just my mum, my brother, and me, and my mum copes by constantly talking about my dad and being with someone so she’s not alone.
I cope the opposite. I’d rather be completely alone and not talk about it because it’s painful. My mum says she can’t sleep alone and my brother and I slept with her for the first night he was gone and it was super uncomfortable I couldn’t sleep at all.
Yesterday my brother slept with her and now she’s saying it’s my turn but I really don’t want to. I feel a massive guilt because I know she’s really sad and I should be there for her but I really feel uncomfortable and I want to be alone.
I even gave her my big teddy bear so she doesn’t feel alone in her bed but she wants us. Should I go to sleep with her?
AITJ for not sleeping in my mum’s bed with her after my dad passed away?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you are NTJ. But your mom isn’t either. Everyone grieves in different ways. You were sweet to give your mum your big teddy. I think you should talk to her about how you feel. Maybe suggest a compromise of a cuddle on the couch to watch a movie before bed, then sleep separately?
You didn’t mention your age, but your mom shouldn’t be guilting you or your brother into sleeping with her for any kind of extended period. It will be a process for all of you. Try to be there for each other, and remember to set boundaries, but keep an eye on your own mental health.
Try not to shut everyone out. Make space for your sadness, and understand that your mom has a different way of expressing hers. Try to be there for each other through your pain, and talk about your differences in expressing it so no one ends up with long-term hurt feelings.
I’m so sorry for your loss.” FLukeArts
Another User Comments:
“After reading (scanning) some of the comments here I just wanted to put in my 1/2 cent. Yes, your mother is grieving, but so are you and your brother. She is not the only one in the family needing support…you and your brother also do.
So she should recognize this fact and respond with respect and honor your boundaries. No one in your home is a child. You are all adults and should be treating each other accordingly. I know you and your brother are doing chores, but she should be pitching in also.
She is still the Mother. I could certainly be wrong here, but I would not ever sleep with her, again, That is a slippery slope of having to redefine what is acceptable to you every.single.night. This is non-negotiable. If she is not feeling better and doing “normal” daily activities within a certain period of time (3-4 weeks), then it may be time to suggest therapy/grief counseling for her.
It should get better…with time and effort. No one should be stuck in the active grieving period. And, yes you all will miss your father, but there will be more days than not without the clenched stomach, the pain behind your eyes, and a very tender heart.
Treat yourself and each other well. Don’t expect instant miracles. But, do expect constant uphill progress. Hopefully, your mother will lead this band!” Radiant-Chipmunk-987
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. My condolences, OP. Dealing with guilt doesn’t make one a jerk. She needs support and comfort but so do you.
Consider compromising like sleeping with her once or twice but no more. I feel you, I’m like you and spent a month sleeping with my mom after my father died and getting upset cause she would tell how he died to every new person (I’m more of a “let’s pretend it didn’t happen till I actually can process it”).
Be strong. Some people here go full “children shouldn’t be emotional support for parents”, and I disagree. As you grow older, your relationship with parents changes, and turns into a more equal one. Parents should still support adult children, but adult children also should support their parents.” tatasz
18. AITJ For Not Refunding The Father's Day Gifts My Dad Didn't Like?
“Today is Father’s Day and my dad asked for a cup.
I got him the cup as well as a new BBQ, some chocolate, and a steak. This morning I gave them to him and he took the cup and started arguing with me over the other presents. He said he hates surprises and that I ruined his day.
He then belittled all the plans I had for the day (We were going to have a BBQ).
He then left the house for about an hour and came back and asked me for the chocolate. I gave it to him and he didn’t even say thank you.
Then he asked me to get a refund for the BBQ and the steak and to then give him the money to spend on what he wanted. I refused because I put thought into his gifts and I think he was being ungrateful. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Someone who treats you like that is NOT someone for whom you should be trying to do nice things. Do nice things for people who are kind and caring to you, not people who cut you down and hurt you. I know he’s your father, and you want his love and approval, but – even assuming he’s (1) capable of giving those things to you, and (2) willing to do so, and one or both might be beyond him – desperately begging for scraps from someone who responds by kicking you will never end well for you.” GothicGingerbread
Another User Comments:
“NTJ take the BBQ and keep it or return it. Then give him what it was worth, only give it to him in $5 increments over weeks or months instead of the lump sum he wants. Make the love last till next Father’s Day.
And he’s a dummy as well as a jerk if he thinks one can return a steak, so he forfeits that if he doesn’t eat it. Send really mushy or religious-themed cards so he knows how blessed you are that he’s your daddy.” dinahdog
17. AITJ For Insisting My Sick Partner Replace The Gelato He Stole?
“My partner (23m) and I (23f) are both sick with an illness. Before we got sick, I bought really expensive gelato and asked him not to touch it. Today I went into the freezer to get it and it was gone. He apologized for taking it and offered to pay me back, but I said that wasn’t good enough and asked him to replace it instead.
He said no because he couldn’t go to the store while he was sick and he didn’t want to pay for the delivery fees.
AITJ for insisting that he replace what he took even if it costs more than what I paid for it because of delivery fees?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One reason taking a partner/roommate’s food is so wrong is because it’s not just about the cost. If I’m coming home from work, I might be looking forward to the steak I have waiting for me. I get home and my roommate says “I ate the steak, here’s the money to buy another one.” That doesn’t help me.
I’m tired and have nothing good to eat for dinner. Now I have to get back in my car and go buy another steak. Same thing with you. You don’t need the money, you need the gelato in the freezer. He needs to make that happen whether he goes out while sick to get it or has it delivered. He can consider it part of his sentence for being a thief.” disruptionisbliss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The dude took a thing you explicitly asked him not to take when he knew you were too sick to go the store to replace it for several more days and also knowing he wasn’t going to pay to have it delivered rather than make you wait however many days.
Dude sounds like a total jerk. Does he do selfish stuff like this often and then whine about being expected to make it right?” Jrxibell
Another User Comments:
“You’re both sick. He probably wanted something to soothe his throat which I get. Should he have replaced it?
Yeah which makes him a jerk too but he offered to pay you back. Why don’t you order it with that money? It sounds like it’ll effectively be the same as him ordering it, yet you won’t because…..?” joshthatoneguy
16. AITJ For Defending My Colleague Who Was Told To Smile More At Work?
“During a recent appraisal, one of my colleagues at work got told he needs to smile more around the office.
He didn’t seem too fazed by the comment but it didn’t sit right with me at all, and I turned around and said “you can’t say that. You haven’t got a clue what goes on in somebody’s personal life, telling them to smile more when they could be dealing with the worst mental health crisis ever isn’t going to help anyone is it?
Rather, how about we start questioning why someone isn’t smiling rather than asking them to fake it?”
AITJ here, or is it time we started to change the overall tone with this sort of thing?
I should point out that this was said by a manager who is soon departing the firm, and the boss wasn’t present in the appraisal, I’m fairly confident in saying that he wouldn’t like it either.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I manage a restaurant and always put my employees first to make sure they are doing good mentally first. Due to this, I’ve had employees trust me with personal info about life events that took a turn for the worse. I helped as much as I could and have a much more solid relationship with them to where they can actually smile and laugh at work genuinely and not just for the sake of it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I was told that people had complained about me being ‘unwelcoming/intimidating.’ I asked in what way? Had I not been personable in interactions? Had I not smiled when greeting people? etc. (knowing full well that I always smile and nod if I make eye contact with people, a good morning/afternoon if appropriate) No. No issues there.
Apparently, it is the ‘face’ I have when walking around… I asked, “I’m sorry, I’m truly not understanding, you’re saying the problem is my face? I need to walk around with a big smile even when not interacting with people, just going about my day-to-day business?” With a straight face they replied, “Yes, your face makes people uncomfortable so you need to smile whether you are interacting with them or not.” Like WHAT?!
I have shared this story and everybody agrees it would be far more disconcerting to have somebody walk around smiling for no reason.” GarrZillarr
Another User Comments:
“Ugh! This is the worst. Some people take their work seriously and don’t walk around grinning like a maniac.
I had a boss who kept asking me “why don’t you smile more? What’s wrong?” Nothing was – but she wouldn’t take “nothing” for an answer. She then told me if I wasn’t happy then I needed to pretend, and in my annual appraisal wrote she thought I was “emotionally unstable.” The whole situation gave me a serious complex.
I was usually a smiling, happy, congenial person – right up until she came around. NTJ OP. You’re right – change is needed. People are more complex than a facial expression and personally I’d rather surround myself with genuine, sincere people who may present as more serious, than someone who is just smiling to “fit in.”” delila-blue
15. AITJ For Possibly Not Allowing My Sister's Friend's Plus One At My Wedding?
“I (f25) and my partner (m24) are getting married this summer.
We sent out invites, and the RSVPs are starting to roll in. We invited my sister’s friend (“Friend”), who lived with my family for a couple of years (I had by that time moved out). Friend texted to say she’s coming and she’ll be bringing a plus one.
It’s a little awkward because we’re funding the wedding ourselves and we’re trying to keep the numbers fairly low, so we’re limiting to people who know both of us. I’ve never met Friend’s SO, they’ve been together for maybe 1.5 years and the stories I’ve heard about him aren’t stellar.
I texted my sister, letting her know that if we get too many RSVPs, we may not have room for Friend’s SO. My sister replied that I can’t “take back” a plus one, and that it’s implied that all people with SOs get a plus one.
I didn’t think that was the case, especially when Friend was basically another child to my parents, living in their house with my sister for a while. She even knows my extended family well.
I don’t know wedding etiquette. WIBTJ if I told her that, pending RSVPs, we may not have room for Friend’s SO?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t take away something you never gave. I’m in the planning stages of a wedding myself and I plan to give individual invites to everyone, down to the kids, just to make sure I have an accurate count.
If I’m not sure the person has an SO, they’ll get a plus one. Unfortunately, even with the best of planning you know your FIL is gonna show up with at least 3 people that weren’t invited.” scistudies
Another User Comments:
“Wedding invites are NOT presumed to have a plus one.
Traditionally, standard etiquette has been that people in longstanding relationships typically get a plus one (though some only give a plus one if living together, or if married, and as long as you generally use the same line for the whole group, that’s traditionally been accepted).
But if the invite does not say plus one, it is not implied. Nope. NTJ. You’re not retracting a plus one, you’re letting her know that only she was invited.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk if the invite included a plus 1.
It’s never “implied” it has to be stated on the invite. Typically invites are sent out to So-and-So and family (if they’re married with kids), or if you know that someone has a SO the invite should say So-and-So plus 1. If not then you need to tell her the circumstances, that it’s nothing against her or her partner but it’s that you only have so much food and whatnot for a specific amount of people.
This should be common knowledge. So your friend shouldn’t be upset about it. You can’t just invite someone to a wedding. This actually ruined a friendship with mine and my wife’s wedding because we invited a friend who had a person staying with them that we did not care for.
We told them explicitly that their friend was not invited and they brought her anyway. We had to save face, but we were irked pretty much the whole night.” Ok_Present_6508
14. AITJ For Telling My Grandson To Stop Bringing Up His Bullying Past?
“I have 11 grandchildren. Recently an issue has arisen between two of my grandsons due to a girl. Both boys are in college. They grew up in two different countries.
“Tim”, the eldest of the two of them, is my son’s kid while “Victor” is my daughter’s son. Tim is 3 years older than Victor. Through middle school, Tim was picked on by a set of twin boys. They’d tease him about his height and the fact that he was not from that country.
My son removed Tim and put him in a private school once he was told about the bullying. It breaks my heart that Tim was treated that way as he is very kind and loud.
The issue is that Victor is seeing the set of twins’ younger sister “Nadia”.
She’s a year younger than Victor but the two have been together for 3 years we just never got to meet her. Victor and she met through a pen pal activity and have been sending each other letters until her family moved to his country.
Tim feels super betrayed that Victor didn’t break up with Nadia when he explained how her brothers picked on him. Victor has refused saying Nadia never did anything wrong. I love both grandsons but I recently told Tim to quit it. I just wanted a nice family dinner and he and Victor were being super passive-aggressive which was stressing the two and everyone else out.
I told him to shut up and drop it.
Nadia has never brought her family to any family function, she’s now been actively avoiding anything with our family and it’s stressing Victor out. Victor has always been really shy and nervous so this was a big thing for him to have a partner.
I will admit I find Nadia to be a very nice caring girl, she’s a joy at family functions.
My son is upset at me for getting upset with Tim saying I do not understand how bad those boys were to him. I just feel it’s unfair for Nadia and Victor who had no part in the bullying.
Everyone is divided on the issue. My daughter thinks I was in the right but my husband says I was rude. I’m worried that I was too harsh on Tim. The bullying was horrible and I want him to know I understand and I didn’t intend to downplay his feelings.
I just want my grandkids to get along.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Getting bullied sucks, and it sounds like Tim might need some counseling to get over it. But Victor is right – Nadia never did anything to Tim, and unless she’s talking about how funny it was way back when her brothers used to be jerks, it sounds like this is just something Tim needs to work on personally.
I’m not saying his feelings here aren’t valid, but to completely write off a girl just because her siblings are jerks is a jerk move. I also understand the parent wanting to advocate for their kid who had a really rough school experience that got so bad he had to change schools.
(Good on him for taking action once he found out about what Tim was going through.) I think the only jerk here is Tim for not even giving Nadia a chance – so, NTJ – sounds like some calm discussions about not judging a book by its cover (or, I guess by the books written by the same author if you want to stick to one metaphor) and talking to your son about getting Tim in therapy to work on his past issues from being bullied.” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not a grandma, but your insensitivity to Tim’s trauma being constantly triggered by Nadia is deplorable. You’ve said that Tim has been to therapy after being bullied so badly that he had to change schools, was called names by Nadia on their first meeting, and you decided to solve the issue by asking him to get over it?
Look, obviously, he needs to work more on himself to fully move on and get some peace of mind. But even with extensive therapy, your “family traditions” and “relationships” may not be the same in the future – ie. if Victor and Nadia bring about Nadia’s family to some party or happen to get married, the chances of Tim or his parents showing up are less to nil.
Please stop taking sides (of anyone -I’m not asking you to support Tim because he isn’t right either) and support both your children silently. Don’t meddle even if it makes your dinners “uncomfortable” because while Nadia may not have bullied your grandson yet (debatable based on her comment), Tim is not wrong to be triggered/made uncomfortable by her presence.” SarcasticComment30
Another User Comments:
“I was initially undecided on the judgment and had come to the comments to say you’d DEFINITELY be the jerk if you pushed Tim to have any contact with the twins. But you seem like you’re asking Tim to be the doormat and play happy family so you can have your family dinner.
I understand your dislike of drama, and I respect you telling Tim to drop the subject at your family dinner. That’s your right, and this wasn’t the time or place for the boys to argue about this. However, you’re saying Nadia doesn’t bring her family, personally including her brothers, to your family events where Tim, who’s your actual family, would have to share a house with his former bullies, who are NOT your family, as if it’s a bad thing that they’re not there.
It is extremely inappropriate and unfair of you to invite them to your family events, and your son and his family will 100% stop coming to your events if you start having the twins come. If you’re really unlucky they’ll just stop talking to you altogether.
Tim doesn’t get to be a jerk about his cousin seeing who he wants to see, but YTJ, big time, for attempting to make him see the bullies at FAMILY FUNCTIONS.” N0S0UP_4U
13. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Because Of My Sister's New Relationship?
“I lived in a studio and was happy but there was water dripping from the ceiling so I could move but it was not a desperate need. My sister was in a long-term relationship and needed to move apartments – her partner was leaving in due course and she couldn’t afford a place on her own – she asked me if I would live with her and I signed a lease with her and moved in 6 months later when her partner left.
Situation: Sacrificed my space. She has the master room, I have a tiny bedroom, right on the street, that goes up to 30C in summer, it’s cozy enough that I make it work but only agreed because I was living with her (and got the benefits of it).
I left for the past two months on holiday and she got into a new relationship very quickly.
A week after I left for holiday, she and this new man were living full-time with his cat in our apartment – she has not spent a day apart from him (since they met 2 months ago).
Some of my stuff went missing, and some was ruined. (Also their relationship feels quite toxic and intense but she is blind in love). When I came back I told her I’m not ok with it, and so she’s done everything she can to make me comfortable – e.g. spending all her time at his house (haven’t spent proper time with her since being home), and they only come at the weekends so they can party in the city (I am trying to get sober and it’s hard with that in my space).
The apartment is small to start, and this new life my sister is living is affecting me so I said I would move out. (My parents would cover my half of the rent for her – and she would be able to live with him here if I was gone).
I feel resentment towards her. I don’t want to move out but need to protect my peace. We have been fighting, and she can’t understand why I would move because of her, she thinks I have a victim complex, and she’s upset that I haven’t been overtly positive about her relationship.
She does not seem sane right now, her friends are all worried about her. I have tried to be open-minded but I feel I have lost my sister.
AITJ for beefing and having an attitude with her about this? And for feeling resentment towards her for me having to move?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are free to choose who you live with of course and if you can’t room with someone anymore (even if it’s your sister) it’s reasonable to want to move out. You can’t do much about her behavior, it’s her relationship, and voicing your concern is all you should do in my opinion.
It’s ultimately up to her who she dates and if she listens to advice.” AngraManiyu
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have certain needs for the space you call home and while she has tried to be accommodating it may not be the best idea to stay there.
However, given you and her friends feel this relationship is bad for her she may run further into it since she couldn’t afford the place on her own. With the two of you having a place she still has a safe place to call her own should she come to her senses about their toxic relationship.” Bearmancartoons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a common problem with roommates that one of them might get into a new relationship and they invite their partner to live with them. You agreed to move in with your sister, you didn’t agree to move in with her AND her new partner.
Whether her relationship is toxic or not is her business. But you don’t have to stay there living with them.” Deep-Okra1461
12. AITJ For Not Revealing My Abusive Mother's True Nature To My Friend?
“My (F18) best friend’s (18M) mum passed away when he was young.
Our mums were best friends, so naturally my mum was hit hard by the death and worked to help his dad take care of both my best friend and his little brother, acting as a second mother figure. I’ve always been okay with this, it meant I got to spend more time with my best friend whilst he was grieving, and I like to think having a silly little jester around helped him in some way.
Here’s the issue: my mother was an abusive monster, something that I only figured out around the time of her death. I won’t go into too much detail involving myself, but the woman was a racist, homophobic, transphobic person who believed autism could be cured with “proper parenting” (which did not stop me from being diagnosed at 17).
To mention a few specifics, she told me about his mother’s condition before he knew and made me swear to be secretive and a source of entertainment over the next months or I’d be selfish. She was constantly overstepping in the most uncomfortable ways.
She talked badly about all my friends to me (including him). She even slept with my best friend’s dad. Physical, emotional, basically everything awful you can imagine, she probably did it.
Regardless, she was still a strong maternal figure to my best friend, and I feel it would be morally wrong to ruin that facade in his head.
On the other hand, I think he deserves to know the truth about someone he probably still looks up to, but I just know it would crush him if he believed me at all. To top it off, we barely talk anymore now, so to come out of the blue and just info-dump all this traumatic stuff just feels unfair.
Is it wrong to leave him in the dark for his own good? I just want him to be happy, and as someone burdened with the knowledge of everything she ever did, it hurts me in a way I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy.
AITJ for not telling my friend about my dead mother’s true nature?”
Another User Comments:
“The problem here is, you two barely talk anymore so what would be the purpose of this convo? You’re the one burdened by this- not him but you want to unload your burden on him for what?
She was horrible, so you should have said things sooner because some of the things you knew beforehand. I think you should go to therapy and not trauma dump on your friend. But you wouldn’t be the jerk for not telling him.” WickedAngelLove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, I feel like you’re mad that she was a better mom to a “stranger” than to her own blood, so in a way you don’t want her to be remembered by your friend as the good person she never was. First of all, you need therapy to overcome the traumas she has caused you and the harm she has put you through (and to cope with your grief because it seems also that you have built up anger and sadness over her death).
Secondly, ask yourself do you want to tell him really for his sake or as revenge of your late monster of a mother? I say it’s likely the second, so drop it off, move on with your life with the help of a therapist, don’t let her control your life and affect you even after she is gone.
You are already distant from this friend so you won’t have a conversation or a connection in general that would trigger you to remember her actions and try to expose her, so don’t do it there’s no good outcome or any benefit to any of the parts involved. I pray you have a blessed life and that you heal from all the abuse you have been through.” SiestaLolo
Another User Comments:
“Write out those things, as if you are having a good conversation with him, so you don’t forget some of those little things that are easily forgotten. Someday, you may find out that he wants to know this stuff, if you want to be a good sister, let him know that you have wanted to make sure it was something he was okay with.
I’m a geezer and I wish I had written down and saved a lot of stuff. I’d get a hardback notebook, hide it in a place that nobody finds it, don’t let on to what’s in it, (people are jerks), don’t rush it, you can remember and write it, move on, oh go back, because I just remembered that, whatever.
If you get a free day, you can work on it all day or a couple of times a day. But write it down, to help heal yourself also. Writing is therapeutic, and it’s time alone with the only one who knows all the secrets.
Yes, if you’re looking at a mirror, you can see too. When you do talk to your buddy, ask questions about things you may need a bit more info for your book, without revealing the reason why you asked. Lie if you need to, just so you don’t have to tell why.
Example (I was thinking about Joe the other day and was trying to remember, whatever…) Make up something. It is manipulation, with good intentions. Good luck to you and your buddy.” KickinBIGdrum26
11. AITJ For Refusing To Reassure My Friend's Partner That We're Just Friends?
“I (24F) have been friends with a guy (24M) for over 15 years. Our relationship has always been platonic, we were very close including times when we had relationships, we both befriended our partners and gave each other relationship advice. However, things got complicated after high school.
We stayed close at first, even when he went to college far away. Over time, he started pulling away, especially when he had a partner. He ignored my messages and stopped making time for me, but would occasionally come back into my life when things went wrong—like when his partner was unfaithful to him.
At one point after I was deceived, he set me up with one of his friends, but when I started seeing the guy, he ghosted me. He even ignored me and my partner when I visited them in the town he went to school in.
Once my partner and I broke up, my friend still wasn’t talking to me but I found out he was talking to my ex and hanging out with him, which hurt.
2 years later, he randomly FaceTimed me, venting about his new partner, who he claimed was controlling and insecure.
He said she would follow him around and constantly accuse him of being unfaithful. He also said that she read our past messages and found out that we live in the same neighborhood so she doesn’t let him go home for breaks anymore. He told me that he wanted to break up with her but was too afraid of how she would react.
She started harassing me on Instagram, sending follow requests and DMs telling me to accept her request. I told my friend and he told me to accept it if I wanted to but I shouldn’t feel forced.
One night he messaged me at work asking when I was done work, (he asked me on vanish mode on Instagram which was weird) I was worried so I called him.
He told me that since his birthday was coming up he wanted me to do him a favor. He asked me to accept her request and when she messages me, I should reassure her that there was nothing between us, but I refused because it felt inappropriate.
I told him it was a ridiculous request and I wasn’t going to get involved in his toxic relationship, especially since he only seemed to reach out when he needed something.
Now, we’re not speaking, and I’m wondering if I was wrong for not helping him with his relationship.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That guy has not been your friend for years. This is actually the first time you two are not speaking based on anything else than him ghosting you. Like what will you miss if you block him and his current toxic partner?
I don’t think you will miss being ignored or used. Also, if a spouse of any of my friends would want me to explain and confirm how I am not/haven’t been involved with this friend, that’s a hard no from me. If you don’t believe your spouse, I am sure you won’t believe me either.” Danube_Kitty
Another User Comments:
“You can tell this girl there is nothing between the two of you until the world ends. Her insecurities will not let her comprehend the concept. I have seen people like this. They are the biggest, most annoying people on the face of the planet to deal with.
Now I am in no way dismissing someone’s feelings of insecurities because that person could have gone through some horrible experiences. I’m just saying seeing them, they are a huge pain in the behind. It is very toxic. He is also harming her by enabling her to be like this.
She has to go to counseling. She will not have a normal life until she addresses these issues. It is very toxic on both ends. He needs to go to counseling as well. It can mess with someone to be with a partner that is controlling and allowing their mental health to affect theirs as well.
He needs to admit to himself the problems. 1. Her feelings are her own. He does not have to have her feelings. 2. She has a warped sense of thinking. She may think everyone may betray her and everybody wants to be unfaithful with everyone else. Everyone is different.
I am a female and have had many guy friends to which I would never even think of them in that way. She may have gone through some trauma. She definitely needs to address it. Counseling will help her be free from the chains of being a victim.
I hope she can heal from whatever she has seen or experienced. I hope he can heal from being her victim as well. She may not realize that she is actually victimizing him. Encourage him to start going and him to encourage her to start going because something is definitely eating away her soul there.” Ferret0376390
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – however…. Sounds like he has been in an abusive relationship for years. If the shoes were reversed I have a feeling people would be more sympathetic to a woman in an abusive relationship. Maybe I am wrong. Either way, I would keep the door of communication open.
You do not need his toxic relationship impacting your life negatively, I would send him one last message along the lines of you value the former friendship you have, you wish him always happiness, and that you will be here for them as a friend when the timing aligns for a healthy reestablishment of the friendship.
With the little context, you can provide it appears your friend is aware the relationship is unhealthy based on his behavior and he’s probably starting to look for a way out.” Bright_Command_6549
10. AITJ For Refusing To Audition For A Role And Upsetting My Mother?
“I’ve had a lot of family drama raised over this issue and I’m somewhat failing to see what I’ve done wrong in this situation.
I’m 17, still live with my parents and have bought myself one thing in the last year, which was my new 125cc Honda motorbike.
Cost me around £4000, which is a lot for me on an apprentice wage.
I used to dabble in acting on the side, and I received a request to self-tape for a role. The role was titled “fatty” and the script was entirely weight-related, which really didn’t work for me, and I didn’t want to tape for it.
On top of this, I was on a two-month probationary apprenticeship period where I wouldn’t have been able to get the leave to film this even if I had got the part. Due to my age, these emails still come through to my mother and she called me once I’d finished work expecting me to leap at the opportunity.
I very calmly explained on the phone that 1: I didn’t want to tape for such a role and 2: that I couldn’t get the necessary leave even if I got it so there was no point taping. This ended with her telling me I should tape anyway?
I said still very calmly that there was no point, resulting in her yelling “screw you!” down the phone several times.
I then started making my way home, and when I arrived was told to “get back on that flipping bike and leave”. Obviously, I didn’t do this, I went to my room and took a shower and got ready for the evening.
Completed all my chores and began doing my smart assessor (apprenticeship verification process).
She then comes in the house screaming about how I’m taping for it now and all this other stuff to which I still calmly replied “no I’m not”. She proceeds to grab her keys and jacket and decides she’s leaving to clear her head or some rubbish.
On her way out, however, she decides to shove my month-old bike over as hard as she possibly can, busting both the indicators on the left side off, bending the brake lever, and putting two sizeable dents in the tank. I didn’t retaliate physically but I was absolutely devastated as you would be, right?
So I had my little internal cry and started figuring out how to tape the indicators back on as best as I could before I could afford to get it properly fixed. I was later informed by my father and cousins that I should’ve just taped to keep her happy, but I feel like it was somewhere of an overreaction on her part.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should file a police report on your damaged property, which could at least give you some record of the abuse you’re getting from your mother in case things escalate in the future. If I were you I’d consider moving in with some other family until you’re able to afford your own place.” RelevantSchool1586
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’d explain the shelter more like “Your temper sometimes gets the better of you” so it doesn’t sound like it’s about trust. In other words, you trust her but you don’t trust her temper. To your father, you can say that giving in to her demands just makes her problem (with her temper) worse.
Because it leads to more tantrums. To your cousins, well who gives a flip what your cousins have to say about this?” Deep-Okra1461
Another User Comments:
“Omg NTJ I hope you cut off communication with her once you’re able to move out. Talk about abusive and immature, sounds like she needs medication!!
Of course you don’t trust her is she stupid? Would she trust you if you went out and destroyed her property?? No she wouldn’t!! Abusive people always try to manipulate others to make it seem as if their actions are your fault and it wouldn’t have happened if you had done what they wanted!!
Which is why it’s abusive, you did nothing wrong and she’s not much of a mother, I feel really bad for you. Definitely keep it locked up, you should also tell her that she ruined any trust you had in her by damaging something you worked really hard for and you don’t know if you’ll ever trust her again.
Or if you’ll want to keep a close relationship once you move out, as you realize the older you get that she’s emotionally abusive to you & you’re not sure if you want someone who treats you that badly in your life, that you feel you deserve to be treated better.
Man I bet you wanted to knock her over after that, I know I would!! It’s good you didn’t, you don’t need to damage your future because of her but still doesn’t mean you didn’t feel that way lol. You sound like a great guy and you’ve got good plans for your future, focus on that.” Many_Swordfish_5207
9. AITJ For Putting My Husband's Book In My Bag And Calling Him Grumpy?
“This morning (Saturday), we slept in late, took our time doing the chores and it was already almost nine before my husband and I were getting ready to go for a walk to find some breakfast. It’s a pretty regular Saturday morning routine to go out and walk together to get breakfast.
Anyway, as we were getting ready to go he saw me take a book out of my bag of holding and set it on the table. He says, “Did you have my book in your bag!!?” And I said yeah, “I told you our daughter was reading it yesterday when we were out.” And he says, “But I didn’t know you put it in your bag!”
And I get it, he takes better care of books than I do in general, but the book was fine. He only knew it was in a bag because he saw me take it out, not because it was damaged. Anyway, I explained why I had it and that it was fine, he was like I don’t want it going in your bag, it was annoying, but whatever.
So then I’m getting my shoes on to go for our walk and my dog comes up because he thinks he’s going. And I say, sorry dog, I’m going out with Mr grumpy Pants this time, not you.
To which my husband replies, “No you’re not.
I can’t deal with you this morning.”
And… Now I’m sitting alone a few blocks away crying after storming out.
I always really enjoy our walks and thought it was mutual and if that statement that it was “dealing with me” didn’t stick right in the gut.
So who’s the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: what else goes in your bag? What type of bag is it? I keep books in my bag all the time, but I won’t let my partner put their (occasionally leaky) water bottle in there if I’m carrying a book or something else that might get damaged. Ultimately, I think this comes down to exactly why your husband doesn’t want you putting his books in your bag.
If he’s overreacting because one of his books got damaged in your bag in a freak accident or because the corner of a paperback cover got bent once, then NTJ. There are plenty of people who act like a dog-eared page is the end of the world when to me it’s a sign the book is getting used. But if you have seriously damaged several books (ripped covers or pages, water damage, ink spills, etc) he has asked you to be careful with and he has since decided that he can no longer trust you to take care of these things that are important to him, then YTJ.
If he’s overreacting, then yeah it’s fair to call him out on being grumpy. But if you have a habit of being careless, then you insulting him when called out for doing something he has explicitly asked you not to is a fair reason for him to be upset.” EmbarrassedSpecial54
Another User Comments:
“I’m honestly kinda surprised at most of these responses? Everyone’s saying you invalidated his feelings but?? Where? As soon as he saw the book it seemed he was immediately mad instead of having a calm conversation with you, which would upset me.
Maybe he was frustrated cause there’s a history about the book thing there. Fine. But you clearly state “I get it, he takes better care of books” so to me, you are acknowledging his feelings right there. You explained why it was in there, he loaned it to your daughter so obviously he’s okay with it possibly being damaged, and she asked you to hold it.
The bag was empty and it was safer with you than just thrown in the car. Then people say you were belittling or rude by the remarking to the dog but again I feel like that wasn’t bad. You were most likely trying to joke or break the tension by using such a harmless normally joking term but he flipped out.
I honestly wish there was a “no one’s the jerk here” option. I think this was a miscommunication that could’ve been handled better on both ends but I don’t agree with how people came at you. But that just shows that people truly have different views, feelings, and communication styles.
Which is extremely important to learn in relationships to avoid fights or hurting each other’s feelings.” Educational_Mess_362
Another User Comments:
“How would I feel if my husband did something I had explicitly asked him not to do in the past, if he looked unbothered and definitely wasn’t taking the problem seriously, then on top of that called me grumpy for it?
I think I would blow my gasket. The important points are: 1. Just because being careful with the books isn’t important to you, doesn’t mean it’s not important to him. And it’s HIS book. 2. While grumpy is not a hardcore insult, because it comes in the context of you being so dismissive and careless beforehand, it’s a lot more angering.
It’s like calling a woman a nag because she’s had to remind her husband 20 times to do a chore he agreed to do. Your husband HAD to remind you not to put books in your bag because he already discussed this with you but you ignored his wishes.
Essentially you called him grumpy because of a problem you created. YTJ.” Tiger-Lily88
8. AITJ For Confronting My Brother's Partner About Her Late-Night Noises?
“I (24F) live at home with my parents as does my brother Harry (21). We both attend university in our city. Harry has been seeing his partner Isabel (19) for about 2 years. She is usually pretty nice and has a generally somewhat anxious demeanor. I haven’t been able to fully get along with her, just because of one issue.
Now for some context. I work early morning shifts (6 am-2 pm) so that I can attend university in the afternoon. For this reason, I have a pretty strict bedtime. I have a lot of trouble falling asleep, but once I’m asleep it takes A LOT to wake me up.
I am a person who sleep talks coherently with my eyes fully open to other people, but still entirely unconscious. I am a heavy sleeper. This is important context.
Isabel often sleeps over on weeknights, and my and Harry’s rooms share a wall. For the past 2 years, she has consistently screamed Harry’s name over and over late at night (11 pm onwards).
She will do it randomly, Harry says he is tickling her. I have spoken to Harry and my parents about it on multiple occasions because it often keeps me up and sometimes even wakes me up. Harry says he’ll talk to her and it never stops.
I’ve said that at some point I will have to address it directly with her.
Well, this morning I worked at 6 am, as per usual. I woke up at 3 am, however, to Isabel screaming. I wanted to bust in there and chew them both out then and there.
But I didn’t, because I knew nothing good could come of that. So I waited until after I got home from work so that I had calmed down and could address it nicely.
I knocked on Harry’s door and said, “Hey guys I have a small bone to pick with you.”
In, pretty much, my customer service tone, I continued “Last night you guys woke me up at 3 am. The screaming at night has to stop, everyone else is sleeping or trying to sleep and there is no reason for it.”
Harry gave me a face, and Isabel said nothing, so I just turned and walked away.
As soon as Isabel left, all chaos broke loose. Harry accused me of screaming at Isabel and being incredibly rude to her. He says she may never come back here (dramatic).
My parents agree that at some point I had to talk to her about it, but think I should just apologize to Isabel to clear this whole situation up.
Harry is livid and insists I had no right to speak to her about it at all.
So, AITJ? Should I apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried to get Harry to address it, and he didn’t. There’s nothing wrong with you addressing something that is interrupting your sleep.
If Harry wants his partner to continue screaming his name while he…ahem…”tickles” her, they can go elsewhere. Don’t apologize, you did nothing wrong. If Harry keeps on with the you had no right business, just tell him “if you had addressed it when I asked you to, I wouldn’t have had to say anything.”” Mindless-Client3366
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your brother is. He didn’t talk to his partner and now she’s embarrassed about how much you have heard through the wall for all of this time. He knew that she might not want to be “tickled” as freely knowing you could hear through the wall and it was more important to him to get his.
I completely believe you were diplomatic when you spoke to her, but I would absolutely try to talk to her again and be extra sensitive to her embarrassment, smooth things over, go ahead and throw your brother under the bus, let her know you aren’t upset with her because it’s clear your brother didn’t follow through, and just explain you’ve been woken up a lot.
Hopefully, your parents will continue to back you up and make it clear your brother created this problem. Couples sharing space have to consider people around them when they’re intimate, whether they’re having a private conversation or argument, it’s part of being an adult.
I would never in a million years make loud sounds of any kind from a bedroom in my parents’ house in the middle of the night, even just playful conversation, because of how unbelievably uncomfortable it would make my family and how rude it is in general, and I’m a fully grown adult with kids.
That kind of freedom only comes with renting your own apartment.” Decent_Butterfly8216
Another User Comments:
“Well, sometimes the troublemakers and drama stars do you a huge favor when they overreact, don’t like what they hear and meltdown when someone establishes a boundary, and either stage a dramatic exit saying they’ll never ever ever return as long as they live or tell their partner after the fact that they’ll never come back again.
Ever ever. I confess in my head I’m thinking, “Promise? Cross your heart and hope to die? Stick a needle in your eye?” It’s not very Christian of me but there are just some people I don’t want to make nice with or forgive when they pull stuff like this.
Think about how peaceful your nights will be if your brother, the Tickle King, starts spending his nights at HER HOUSE!” SweetGoonerUSA
7. AITJ For Defending My Drinking Habits To My Partner's Father?
“I (23f) have been seeing my partner (23m) for a year and a half.
My partner, we’ll call VG, introduced me to his family very early on in our relationship and I have talked with his dad a lot about how I like to drink booze. I am not a heavy drinker by any means, however, I do indulge sometimes and I collect neat bottles.
His dad and I share an affinity for whiskey.
I told VG that I had gotten a small bottle of Sazerac during my annual trip to Kentucky this year and that I wanted to bring it to his parents’ house and we could all try it together.
That is when he informed me that his dad doesn’t believe that women should be allowed to drink booze unless they are in the presence of men. He said that it is due to the Filipino culture and that if a woman drinks without her man present she will be unfaithful to him.
I told him that while his dad may be of that belief, he does not get to tell me that I can or cannot drink no matter if I’m in the presence of a man or not. I understand that the culture in the Philippines is different from the culture in the US and am not trying to berate a cultural difference or say that he shouldn’t hold true to cultural beliefs.
From what VG has told me about his family, they moved to the US 18 years ago and since getting their citizenship, have tried to emulate American culture in practically every way, obviously barring a few things.
I brought the Sazerac to the house and his dad asked me if I drink without VG.
I told him that I did and that when my friends come up, we go clubbing without him, however, we have a scheduled pick-up time from a DD and we don’t get wasted. His dad berated me for clubbing and drinking and told VG to “keep me in line” or I would be unfaithful to him while I am inebriated. I snarkily told him that I’ve gotten really inebriated without VG around and when a guy hit on me I called him and cried because I missed him so much and didn’t want other men talking to me.
I ended up leaving with VG after I pretty much blew up at his dad. VG told me the next day that I may have blown it out of proportion and I should have considered his dad’s side in this. I told him that his dad knows nothing about me and my relationship with booze and doesn’t need to know it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask SO what he thinks that you overreacted to, and what he thinks his dad’s view is. His answers will be instructive; you should pay careful attention to them. The first clue was when he didn’t tell his dad directly and immediately that he has no intention of monitoring your behavior for any reason.
I’m betting that your partner will spout something that amounts to 18 years isn’t long enough to assimilate. Can’t wait to hear his perspective on how booze can reasonably be considered the direct cause of infidelity – for women only.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“OP NTJ.
So he basically demeaned you and ALL women that we are all just faithless jades unless we have a man to keep us in line. Basically saying we are incapable of having morals. What an ugly misogynistic mindset! Oh, so living here in the US is preferred for them, but not opening themselves up to rid themselves of these beliefs!
Nope, considering Dad’s side of things?? Nope. And VG is a jerk for not saying anything in your defense! OP – realize that this kind of prejudice against women will be a part of your life if you stay in this relationship.” Chance-Cod-2894
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but at the end of the day don’t forget blood is thicker than water. VG may take your side but family is family and usually they come first. One day if you’re together for a long time you’ll be family but you’ve been together a year and a half when his dad has been there for him his whole life, who’s going to win this argument and is it even worth going down this path?” Noissima
6. AITJ For Telling A Mother To Control Her Child Around My Service Dog?
“I 17m went to the store with my grandparents for a day out of the house, and I have a medical alert service dog I bring almost everywhere with me in case of medical emergencies. I had gone to the hygiene part of Walmart and my grandparents were at the food part of the store.
I was looking at soap and other things and my dog was lying in front of my legs on a traffic leash in case of fainting episodes I have.
I had my back turned and this 8 or 9-year-old child yells “Mommy a puppy” and runs up to me and tried to touch my dog.
I told her no and she kept doing it and I kept telling her to stop it and that’s not how you should ask and I told you no I mean it. About 3 minutes later my legs gave out and my dog didn’t alert on time because of this kid touching him and I’m pretty sure I passed out because I was lying on the floor with my dog licking my face.
I have bruises on my legs from it and the kid’s mom showed up and I told her to control her child and teach her not to pet random dogs she doesn’t know because it’s a good way to get attacked by a dog, and she called me a jerk and said I was overreacting when her daughter distracted a service dog.
I told her it was illegal in the state and that it was a class c misdemeanor then she walked away. So AITJ for telling a mother to control her kid?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your dog is like most others, they wear a harness or vest that alerts people that it’s a service dog and warns against petting or interfering.
The dog is doing a very important job for their human. The mother should have been watching what her child was doing, and it would have been a good opportunity to teach her daughter the respect we need to give to working service dogs. Keeping their focus is vital to their job.
The mother was disrespectful and rude, and you had every right to be upset. While children may not always understand the situation, parents do. It’s their job to make sure that kids understand the rules and mind their manners. I’m a dog lover, too, and I have so much admiration for the intelligence and skills of these amazing dogs, but I never do more than feel my heart smile just viewing them hard at work.
Hope you are feeling better and sorry you had to experience that unnecessary drama.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“When my oldest was about three we saw a lady trying to get a couple of kids to leave her medical alert dog alone while the mom was irritated they just wanted to pet it.
My son yelled that he’s trying to work and leave him alone. He then informed the mom that’s why it was wearing a vest. He told me he was glad I already knew this stuff. Yes he’s cheeky but he calmed the situation probably quicker than anyone.
I and a few others got a chuckle and the mom actually seemed embarrassed to be schooled.” RoguesAngel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ right from the start. Let’s remove all the other factors, like medical dog, necessary tool to help with dangerous condition, and just approach it from a position of pure logic.
The dog is your property. You have a right to control access to your property, no matter what. 8 is old enough to understand and obey a firm no. She did not, and her parent acted like you were being unreasonable in exercising your right to control access to your property.
It is the parent’s job to teach their children to respect other people, which she obviously did not do because she showed you no respect until you mentioned criminal charges.” UnicornForeverK
5. AITJ For Only Discussing Step-Sibling Issues With My Dad, Not My Stepmom?
“My dad has been married to his wife for 3 years. In the house are me (15m), my sister (13f), and dad’s wife’s kids (14m, 12f, and 10f). It’s fine. There are some issues we’ve had come up since Dad and his wife moved us all in together.
Some of the repeat stuff is;
My stepbrother coming into my room and taking my video games without permission.
My youngest stepsister barging into bedrooms without permission.
My stepsisters fighting and trying to make me figure things out between them.
Other stuff that has happened once are things like;
Jealousy from my stepsisters when I did something with my sister and not them.
Issue over who is walking home from school together or alone.
My stepsisters wanting us (sister and me) to go someplace with them but I didn’t want to go (it was aimed for girls not guys).
Stepbrother eating my snacks that are specifically for me because I have food allergies.
Stepbrother calling me a mean name for heating a frozen pizza when I was alone and not giving him some.
When stuff like this happens I go to my dad. I don’t go to him and his wife.
My dad is my parent. I love and trust him. I don’t feel that way about his wife though she’s fine. My dad never minded but after three years his wife is bothered and upset that I will go to Dad and not to her or them together.
She had Dad talk to me and he said she feels like it keeps the step in our family and she wants us to become more of a family. I told him for me the step will always be there. He said he understood. He said he doesn’t think I’m alone.
My dad and his wife talked about it and she approached me and said she would like me to try to come to her sometimes at least because she’s now my parent too and she’d like to be treated like one. She said right now me and my sister treat her like she’s just another adult and not a family member worthy of going to.
I told her I just felt better going to Dad. She didn’t like that and said I should try harder.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is appropriate to talk with your dad since he’s the bridge between you and the steps. You only feeling comfortable to approach your dad is fine and relationships with stepmom or even step-siblings take time to foster.
It’s not some automatic switch that flips for an instant family. Your actions are valid and your feelings are valid. On a side note, she has to earn her place in your heart. It is not automatic because she married your dad and her place in your life is whatever you deem her to be.
If her place is as your dad’s wife, so be it. If her place is as a parental figure, so be it. It is what you feel comfortable having her as that will be what it is.” Sea-Tea-4130
Another User Comments:
“I disagree. It’s not expected that he does anything he is not comfortable with.
It sounds like that is mutual respect and that they are civil to one another. OP made a great point that he feels comfortable talking with his dad. This leads me to believe OP is NTJ and that the try-harder person should be the stepmom in building trust and not forcing herself to be her dream version of a stepmom but being what OP needs or would like for her to be.
There are no set expectations beyond what they all have established together. It’s established that OP goes to his dad. That won’t magically change because stepmom has butt hurt. Adulting doesn’t work that way.” Sea-Tea-4130
Another User Comments:
“When you talk to your dad next, let him know that you’ll include step-mom when you’re ready and not to rush things.
(It’s ok if this never happens). Then I would ask him what she said when he passed along the concerns about the step-siblings. A good way for her to build trust with you is to act on the issues you have with her kids. She should be mediating fights, not you, and she should teach her kids to respect your things and space.
If she can’t do that, then talking directly to her won’t change anything. Also, a good way to test the process is to ask her to solve an issue. If she solves it, great! If she turns it back to you to understand her kids or to just recognize that you’re older and they don’t know better, then you know she’s not ready for the role she asked for.
NTJ.” StellaByStarlight42
4. AITJ For Asking My Ex-Partner To Knock Before Entering My Home?
“After living with my ex-partner in a dozen different places over the past eleven years, we decided to part ways amicably and move forward separately. That was about six months ago. Since then, she’s established a habit of just walking in without knocking – as if she still lives here.
This seems pretty disrespectful, especially when she’s made some judgmental comments about things she’s seen while here. I asked her to knock and wait for me to answer, which she did for a couple of visits, but now she’s back to just walking in.
The last time she came over, I was working on a project with a friend (a freelancer who isn’t a fan of unexpected visitors), and she just barged right in, resulting in a confrontation. A few minutes later, I caught her lingering on the porch, eavesdropping.
When I called her out, she immediately got defensive, saying I was the one with “control issue” and demanding to know what my friend and I had “been saying about her.”
Today she called to say she needed something and would be here in ten minutes.
My friend pointed out that it seemed like her way of letting me know that she wouldn’t be knocking. When she arrived, she did knock, but immediately threw the door open and barged right in. When I asked her to wait next time for permission to enter, she rolled her eyes, claiming she’d done “exactly what I asked” and again brought up my “control issues.”
So, I’m feeling pretty stuck and honestly just disrespected. As much as I’d like to remain cordial, I feel like my boundaries keep getting ignored. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Dude why don’t you lock the door so she cannot barge in?
Or change the locks if she still has a key. If you divorced amicably this could be a comfort thing for her or maybe it’s a power play. Doesn’t really matter other than it’s disrespectful, but my man lock the door so she cannot just barge in!” olive_us_here
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but why in the world haven’t you changed the locks? She has demonstrated multiple times that she’s not going to respect your request so now you need to change your behavior- you definitely can’t change hers. Get the locks changed and tell her she’s not welcome in person.
If she throws a fit tell her you need to go no contact for six months. If that doesn’t work, filter her texts to a folder so you’ll have them for evidence if you need a restraining order and block her on all channels. Your dreams of having a civil, post-relationship friendship are shot.
She’s showing you over and over again that she can’t handle that. Do both of you a favor and cut it off.” capmanor1755
Another User Comments:
“I see three options: 1. Stop having her come over. You mention no kids and allude to that you’re not “friends”, so ban her from your home.
2. Lock your door. You said you have a bad leg and didn’t include how exactly. So I’m gonna say exercise might be good for it. 3. Buy a smart lock and one of those Alexa/Google Home things so you can lock your door and unlock it with just your voice.
It sounds like she doesn’t respect your boundaries so you would be NTJ if you went with options 2 or 3. You’re doing no favors for yourself if you go with option 1. She’s not being fully cordial with you, so why should you be with her?” Reddit User
3. AITJ For Defending My Husband's Stair-Sitting Habit Against My Mother's Criticism?
“My parents came over to visit me and my husband at our mid-sized house. They’re great most of the time, but my mother is a bit of a perfectionist or narcissist. I don’t know how to explain it but she always tries to pick at something, no matter how minute or inconsequential, so she can show her “superiority.”
Anyway, my husband has this quirk where he likes to hang out on the stairs. Sometimes he’s on the landing, sometimes the top, sometimes the bottom. He’ll sit, lie down, or even drape himself in weird positions. He’s not hurting anyone—it’s just him.
It’s his way of chilling, and honestly, I find it endearing.
My mother was not a fan. She kept giving him side-eyes and finally said something like, “Why is he sitting there? He’s not a child. He can sit in the living room like an adult.”
I shrugged and told her, “It’s our house. He can sit however and wherever he wants.”
That set her off. She started going on about how it’s “weird” and “not proper” and how it’s embarrassing that he acts like this. I didn’t budge—I wasn’t about to tell my husband where he can or can’t sit in his own home.
Things escalated, and eventually, she stormed out in a full-on hissy fit, saying she wouldn’t “be a part of this nonsense.” She took the car and went to a hotel in town, leaving my dad behind.
The thing is, she has no reason to go upstairs, so it’s not like my husband was disrupting her.
He was just using his phone (sometimes he reads books on the stairs too, but not this weekend). The only things upstairs are my husband’s office, our room, and a small half bathroom, (a half bathroom is a bathroom without any bathing utilities, just a sink and toilet.)
My dad and I had a great night catching up. He didn’t care one bit about the “stair thing” and just laughed it off. Now I’m left wondering if I was too harsh on my mom. I know she can be dramatic, but maybe I should’ve tried to smooth things over instead of digging my heels in.
I get it’s not traditional (I can’t find the right word, correct, professional, formal?) but he’s my family too, and it’s our house. He can do whatever he likes.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think you handled it perfectly. And I think this needs to happen more often, every time she picks at something kicking up a stink, the response should be a calm “this is how we do things” and let her leave.
Don’t chase after her, just carry on enjoying whatever is going on. Then when she comes back, don’t make a big deal of it. Like nothing happened, no acknowledgement of her return and definitely no apologies. A narcissist doesn’t like not being the center of everything, so if you stop buying into her drama, maybe she’ll learn to behave…and if not, you get a few hours of peace while she sulks.” Rare_Sugar_7927
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re an adult in your own house – you get to decide what’s allowed and what isn’t, and no one should make you feel uncomfortable in your own home. My mom taught me that establishing boundaries and keeping them is important, which is why she is no longer allowed to stay in our house after breaking ALL of the few house rules we set, and overstaying her welcome without asking (it was supposed to be three days, but somewhere in her planning it turned into a week.
Would have been nice to know…). I still love her and we still get along just fine. I’m a counter-sitter myself, and NO ONE is going to tell me I can’t sit on the kitchen counter in my own home!” ProbablySomeJerk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yep, you tried to set a boundary with a narcissist. You just witnessed the results. It’s called an “Extinction Outburst,” when a narcissist doesn’t get the expected result from a comment, they immediately escalate in an attempt to get the intended result. She actually went into a full-blown tantrum, so just treat her like a three-year-old from now on.
She gets a time-out until she can respect others. No, don’t “smooth things over.” That is rewarding her bad behavior. She doesn’t get to disrespect you and your husband in your house. I get your husband. I used to do that too when I had a place with stairs.
I think I may be part cat sometimes, it’s oddly comforting to sit up high and watch the world below.” WhereWeretheAdults
2. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Stay Up Late To Teach Her A Lesson?
“Just like any other kid, my (7 yo) daughter HATES bedtime. If it’s ever 9:59 and we tell her it’s bedtime then she will make a huge court case about how we are depriving her of one minute of her life.
I always let it go but this week when I told her it’s bedtime at 10:05 she protested.
Essentially she didn’t understand why she had to go to bed while the rest of us adults stayed up later. It’s unfair that we get to enjoy the rest of our night while she has to go to bed early.
I mean she’s not wrong, it definitely makes more sense for me to go to bed early as well since all of us wake up roughly around the same time but I needed her to understand the consequence of the trade-off between sleep and early mornings.
So I told her okay…she can stay up as long as she wants. If we go to bed she can keep watching TV all night till the next morning.
Her eyes glimmered and she did her little victory dance before sitting on the sofa and enjoying her little win.
My wife protested saying that she’ll be too tired for school tomorrow and I said “that’s the point”.
I went to bed and woke up at 7 am, sure enough, my daughter slept on the sofa probably about 2 hours before I woke up. Understandably, getting her to wake up and get ready for school was a battle that neither of us enjoyed. I dropped her off at school and picked her up again after work, she was DONE with the day and slept in the car on the way home.
Once we got home she tried to go to bed and I told her she couldn’t because her swimming lesson was in an hour so she needed to get ready for that.
She cried but I still forced her to go with her mom.
She came back just barely able to make it through the day and tried making her way up the stairs again. I told her she had forgotten about her homework and she started crying again.
My wife said we should let her sleep but I was firm on my stance that if we let her off the hook right now then she will never understand the consequences of her decision.
Delaying responsibilities due to factors within your control isn’t okay and I don’t want her to learn that it is.
I helped her with her homework and by the time it was 8 she was already in bed.
The next night when it was 10 she didn’t even protest, just started walking up to her bedroom and declined when I asked her if she wanted to stay up with us.
I thought the mission was a success but my wife questioned my parenting technique and said it was borderline neglectful & manipulative.
I disagreed but after a few conversations with friends and family I’m slowly starting to doubt myself…so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all…Although we have different parenting techniques, yours worked. I made my kids go to bed at 8. And yes, they had tantrums, but hey, that wore them out! As they got older (9, 10) I made them a deal: they could stay up until 9 ( to watch DragonBall Z) as long as there were NO PROBLEMS getting up and ready in the morning.
If one of them was late or not ready in time the next morning, that night they went to bed at 8. It was interesting that at 6:30 am I didn’t have to yell, they yelled at each other. Problem solved.” Marmot_Mountain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for teaching your daughter a lesson.
She learned the consequences of her actions and why an earlier bedtime is important. However, YTJ for two specific reasons. First off, as others have said 10 pm is way too late a bedtime for a 7 yo. Second, YTJ for making your wife take her to her swim lesson or do anything else when your kid was grumpy and crying from lack of sleep.
Your wife didn’t want to let your daughter stay up late because she knew your daughter would have a hard time of it the next day, making parenting her harder, yet you still made your wife deal with the consequences of YOUR actions by not dealing with your grumpy daughter yourself.
Next time you make a decision like this over the protests of your wife, make sure YOU are the one dealing with the consequences, not your wife, by being the one to bring your daughter to her swim lesson or anything else that needs doing.
That means next time you do something like this your wife won’t have to deal with a grumpy kid when she didn’t want to do the thing in the first place.” Soaringsage
Another User Comments:
“Pediatrician here. That’s a late bedtime. Seven-year-olds need about 10 hours of sleep, and 12 would be better for their growing brains.
You need sleep, too. If you are getting up at 7ish, then 11 is your bedtime. Your window for getting ready starts at 10. Hers should start at 8. As for the lesson, 7-year-olds aren’t great at retaining things like that. She will remember how tired she was for a maximum of a week, and then bedtime will be a hassle again.
Most kids don’t want to go to bed; it’s boring. Also, don’t do that to a teacher. They had to deal with your tired kid all day. Imagine trying to teach a class and yours is falling asleep on the desk. Make a nighttime sleep ritual. A bath or shower, stories, slowly making the room darker, no threats, just reminding them to get back into bed when they get up, taking them to bed, putting them back in, and giving them techniques to fall asleep like letter association.
Use the word sleep and have her think of all the words she can that start with S, then L, then E, etc. Then move on to the word bedtime. It is focusing her brain on being in bed and sleeping. Giving her the gift of good sleep hygiene is part of your role and teaching her a lesson by allowing her to stay up is a short-term answer.
Remind her that when she’s in high school, she can stay up until 10, as long as she can get herself up in the morning. Some teens need more sleep and school in some countries starts ridiculously early.” Swimming-Study-8317
1. AITJ For Not Labeling My Wedding Cake As Vegan?
“My husband (32M) and I (30F) had a vegan wedding because we’re both vegan.
We made it clear in advance that the food and cake would be plant-based, and no one complained—until the reception.
The cake was gorgeous: three tiers decorated with edible flowers. Toward the end of the night, one of my husband’s aunts, Linda, came up to me looking visibly upset.
She said it was “disrespectful” to have a vegan cake on display because it felt like I was “pushing my lifestyle” on everyone.
I told her the cake wasn’t meant to make a statement, it was just the dessert we chose for our wedding.
She insisted I either move the cake off the main table or add a sign saying it was vegan so people weren’t “tricked” into eating it.
I refused because: 1) It was my wedding, 2) It’s a cake, not propaganda, and 3) No one else seemed to care.
Linda ended up storming out, and now my in-laws are saying I should’ve compromised to avoid drama.
I think Linda’s reaction was ridiculous, but my husband thinks I could’ve just put up a sign to keep the peace. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The only things you are obligated to include are allergens, dietary and religious food exemptions. Being Vegan, unless they are allergic to something like soy, is not something you HAVE to put. In fact, it’s more time-consuming to label something Vegan because every ingredient has to be outright vetted to be not animal-based to be legally labeled as vegan in the first place, like Kosher or Halal, there are rules and guidelines you have to follow.
Linda is being incredibly ridiculous, and no, a sign to appease people being dumb is not the answer. This is the kind of person that would have complained, sign or no by the sounds of it.” AnonAnontheAnony
Another User Comments:
“What’s even the difference between a vegan cake and a non-vegan cake?
Substitutions for eggs and dairy? It’s not like you snuck Linda a grilled leaf patty dressed up as a sirloin steak or whatever she thinks vegan food is like, it’s just a few changed ingredients. There’s hardly even a difference! And either way, you have the right to serve whatever you like at your own wedding.
It’s a party celebrating you and your husband, hosted by you and your husband, and both of you are vegan. Ergo, the food served at the wedding is vegan so that you (vegan) and your husband (also vegan) can eat it (because you both are vegan).
Surely Linda had to know this fact about you both if she was relevant enough to be invited in the first place. The ONLY way Linda’s criticisms would hold any merit at all would be if she’d either had a genuine concern, expressed RESPECTFULLY, about some allergen commonly found in vegan food, OR if she had discovered that the wedding had only ever secretly been a villainous front to trap your hapless relatives and indoctrinate the family into partaking in your Wicked Vegan Schemes™.
But simply existing and serving food catered to your own dietary preferences does not constitute tricking your guests. Linda is an entitled jerk. You are NTJ. I hope the cake was good and that you both enjoy your honeymoon!” wilderneyes
Another User Comments:
“My oldest son is vegan and he brought a vegan birthday cake to share on his birthday and it was so delicious.
We will eat whatever food he’s eating because it’s food come on people it’s food. He’s not forcing his views or whatever on us he’s sharing what he likes. Your aunt was totally out of line. Sounds like she’s kind of tripping over the edge there.
Is she a flat earther too?” Jazzlike-Election787
