People Need Us To Show Them Right From Wrong In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Selling My Late Husband's Home To Someone Other Than His Parents?
“Last year my husband passed away in a car accident.
We were separated for about a year prior but not officially divorced, so I was named the administrator of his estate. I have my own home and I’m financially independent. We had two children together. In late summer of last year, I learned that his parents were the beneficiaries and received a boatload of funds.
Since his passing his parents have told me that they have wanted to buy the home. I have been waiting for them to go through with the purchase since August, I have been paying the mortgage on his home ever since. In February I warned them that I was sick of paying for two mortgages and that I needed them to go through with the purchase, they have dragged their feet ever since and told me that it was in their lawyers’ hands and they had no control.
My lawyer has not received any kind of formal offer from them, other than their lawyer stating they were interested.
Last week I was approached by a gentleman willing to pay good funds for the home. I warned them hoping it would make them move forward on their end but they scoffed and told me that I just needed to be patient and wait.
It has been an entire year of waiting, of them letting me pay the mortgage on his home and support our children while they go on vacations, make large purchases, and pay off their debt with the life insurance. Am I the jerk for accepting an offer from someone that isn’t them?
Is selling the home of their deceased son wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Honestly it sounds like you have a kind heart or this wouldn’t bother you at all. You have waited a year that’s plenty of time for them to get things in order.
If they couldn’t put in the paperwork and get things in order to buy it the least they could have done is offer to pay the mortgage while they’re waiting. Do what you think is best for you and your family. If they don’t like it then they can get over it.” xtasybliss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your husband had an entire year to change who was administrator of his estate, he did not. He obviously did however change his life insurance policy! I would take that as clearly he was leaving the house to you (most likely for his children) in the case of his passing… at least until the divorce was finalized and financials were figured out.
It is very possible his parents already knew of this!! I would imagine he had at least some sort of contact with them to let them know he put them as life insurance beneficiaries when he did it (even if it was prior to your marriage!) So they most likely knew in advance they would get the cash but you would get the property….
so then why drag it out and force you to pay 2 mortgages especially while caring for children (their grandchildren!) it’s just a waste of funds for you. It could have all been some way of being petty and making you literally pay over the divorce, and possibly they indirectly blame you for the accident also.
(if OP & our son were still happily married, he never would have been driving on such & such road at that time, etc.)” AbbyBirb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From your response to an earlier comment, you said that they were the beneficiaries of his life insurance and not your children?
And they are blowing through it taking vacations and haven’t offered to put any of it aside for the kids? And you were stuck with his outstanding debt and are using the last of the estate to pay for it all? You have done more than enough!
You aren’t selling the house “out from under them.” They have had plenty of time to work out the sale with you. Info. Are they actually living in the house?” Growlingbunny
20. AITJ For Throwing A Turtle Back Into The Lake?
“I (F32) went on a first date with a guy (M35) today. We’re exchanging the usual first-date pleasantries as we walk down Central Park when he points to a middle-aged woman who is pulling something out of the lake with her fishing rod.
As we walk closer, he whispers “it’s a turtle!” in shock. The woman keeps pulling the rod, dragging a football-sized turtle through the gravel. A man who seems to know her turns the turtle upside down to pull the fishhook out of its mouth, as the woman says, elated, “I’m gonna take it home!”
My date and I are now a foot away from them. I’m calculating whether I can negotiate the turtle’s freedom with the woman and decide she’s not gonna budge. So I step in, swiftly pick up the turtle, and throw it back into the lake.
The woman is furious. She’s yelling at me, an inch from my face, asking why I did that. I say I’m sorry but am otherwise unresponsive. She keeps shouting “but why?! I was gonna take it home!” and her man-friend repeats “why! She was gonna take it home!”
My date grabs my arm and leads me away as the woman’s yells echo behind us. So AITJ for freeing this turtle?”
Another User Comments:
“Depending on the type of turtle, you saved either the woman or the turtle here. Football-sized could mean red-eared slider or possibly a really big musk (the turtle dies very quickly after she takes it home, unless she just happens to have experience with reptiles.
Doubtful, since she thinks it’s a good idea to kidnap wildlife.) Or it could mean a young snapping turtle (she’s losing fingers. I think she would deserve it, but that would probably *also* mean the turtle dies at some point.) You don’t take turtles out of their habitat because you think they’d make a cool pet.
Point blank. And I’m semi-responsible for a mature musk turtle and a three-year-old red-ear (I work with live fish and occasionally turtles come in with the deliveries that can’t be safely released into the wild because transferring a turtle that was hatched in one state, into a body of water in another state) and I’m here to tell you that you need to know what you’re doing, you need to have a huge habitat (several hundred gallons for a football-sized turtle, at the least?
maybe more?) and she *absolutely* did not have any of that. NTJ. And if your date’s giving you trouble…don’t go out with him again.” genus-corvidae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are awesome. Removing native wildlife is illegal and actually punishable by law in most states.
Even if it wasn’t native wildlife, what a jerk. Leave the animal alone – if it’s an invasive species, call fish and wildlife. If it’s injured, call a freaking rehabber. SHE WAS NOT IN A PET STORE.” KrissiNotKristi
Another User Comments:
“Good lord I was about to storm in here enraged that you’d released someone’s pet turtle randomly into the wild (bad for several reasons), but that’s not the case at all!
In an ideal world, it would have been better to explain to the woman why removing wildlife from the park is wrong and illegal. And then resort to yeeting the turtle if she didn’t listen. However, if you didn’t feel comfortable or able to do that, then taking action was much better than doing nothing!
I’m a wildlife biologist and regularly have to have those conversations with people, but I know other people might not be able to do that, so what you did here was 100% the right call. NTJ.” iSharxx
19. AITJ For Calling The Cops On My Neighbors Over Fireworks?
“I (24M) had fairly good relations with my neighbors thus far, most of us in the neighborhood being quiet. My neighbor to the left is an elderly man, and my neighbor to the right is a family of, I believe, 6. Despite their children being obnoxiously loud, and when I say this I mean screaming bloody at all hours of the day and night, more so than typical noises of kids playing, I have never had an issue or complaint personally about the noise to them.
Today, however, unprompted, they started lighting off Roman candles into the air. I have 3 dogs, all of which rarely bark or make much noise, and all three of them cowered and fled when the fireworks went off. I myself am a vet and don’t really appreciate the sound of explosions as much as some might, so I decided to go over to their driveway and request that they keep the fireworks to just the street type until the 4th, as it’s quite alarming when not expected and it distressed my dogs and myself.
They told me how they just spent hundreds on fireworks and how dare I suggest they don’t use them, and that I should just put my dogs in the house and turn the TV up to drown it out. I told them I’d be more than happy to do so on the holiday itself, but random evenings for long periods of time was a bit rude.
They told me to screw off, and go be a crybaby or call the cops or something, so call the police I did. They had clearly been drinking and had no intention of stopping, and since it was their suggestion, I went with it. I really don’t feel that my request was all that out of bounds.
Inebriated adults lighting fountains and cracklers is one thing, but handheld airborne fireworks can get out of hand quickly on the best of days, and they sound like they’re exploding several feet above my roof. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ. They told you to call the cops.
That’s on them. I’d actually be happy if the neighbors (here in south Cali where almost all fireworks are illegal) stuck to Roman candles. But, nooo… At least a dozen different houses in the neighborhood like to set off mortar-style fireworks, and two of those crews don’t do it right, with the fireworks going off way too low.” IAndaraB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Unfortunately most people forget how fireworks can affect others. My FIL has intense PTSD from his time in the military which resulted in him shooting off his gun in the house, this was over 10 years ago. My SIL still has panic attacks around loud noises, the 4th of July is an especially hard time of year for her.
It helps people like her, and also people who have animals that don’t like fireworks such as yourself if the fireworks are kept to the day of the 4th so at least you can prepare in advance the best you can.” Parking-Belt7680
Another User Comments:
“I live in a state where some fireworks are legal and I am already having anxiety over what jerks my neighbors can be. I mean, I sort of understand their need to celebrate by being general raucous jerks as long as they do it, say, between the hours of 8 and 10 pm.
However, there are a few morons who must spend an entire paycheck every year in order to still be up and shooting them off at two or three in the morning. Every single year, on New Year’s, 4th of July, and Christmas (because the good Lord Baby Jesus apparently wants tons of fireworks set off to celebrate…who needs quiet reflection and thankfulness?) I see and hear great acts of jerkery.
Over and over again.
There are cops and firemen and EMTs and nurses and doctors who need to sleep when they can. When one of these idiots blows off four fingers in an “unfortunate” fireworks accident, you’d think they’d prefer the team working to save their hand is going on more than two hours of sleep.
What about military members with PTSD? There are families with newborn babies. With toddlers, all utterly terrified of the noise. Elderly people who are frightened. Terrorized animals who run away to escape the noise. When the acts of a few affect many, it’s time to stand up and tell them to knock off the nonsense.
I call the cops every single fireworks holiday, whenever I hear or see illegal fireworks set off, or when I hear anyone using fireworks after midnight. And I do not need an invitation from the jerks to do so. When these clueless idiots make things miserable for their neighbors, I’d say turnabout is only fair play.” LoadMuted2162
18. AITJ For Not Caring About My Sister's Wedding After She Chose My Anniversary Date?
“I (28f) have been married for 5 years, and just had baby #2 less than 2 weeks ago. I moved to a different country 5 years ago so don’t see my family very often but we are still close. My sister (30f) had her wedding postponed last year and when it was time to choose a new date chose to get married on my wedding anniversary, I was/still am very annoyed at this.
Leading up to the wedding all I’ve heard from my family is wedding talk, no one checks in on me or my new baby. So the wedding is this week, Mom sends me a text with a photo of decorations for a pre-wedding dinner that she is hosting for the groom’s family, I responded and said that it looked nice.
She then asked me if I had texted my sister to see how she’s doing, I told her no and when she questioned me I went on to explain that when I do check in I don’t get a reply because my sister is “too busy” and that no one has bothered to check in on me or new baby in the last week so I don’t really care about her wedding.
For good measure, I finally mentioned how I am annoyed about her choosing my anniversary for her wedding day which I have only ever expressed how I felt once when I was told of their decision. Now Mom is upset and said I am ruining this special time for them.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I feel like there is missing information here. Like how is your mom not excited to be a grandmother again? Do you get along with your parents? Is there a “rivalry” with your sister? Seems strange to me that no one in your family has messaged you about your new baby and are only focused on the wedding.
I don’t know.” rila07
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Family for not caring about their newest member. You for expecting anyone outside the two of you to care about your anniversary. That’s important to the couple every year and outside some milestone years, no one else.
Have you not even thought of doing a speech to congratulate the happy couple, and “hope they’ll be as happy as you and your spouse who have been married X years today?”” gordondigopher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I have read so many stories like these regarding anniversaries.
I can’t say that I would consider someone else’s wedding anniversary when I’m making plans. Maybe if it was a big one like 10 or 20 years or something. Do y’all remember your friends and family’s anniversary dates? I find this so bizarre.” thewildlifer
17. AITJ For Telling My Brother He's Lucky He Didn't Get Fired?
“Last year my brother got a new job.
It was in management and this was his first time being in charge of other employees in his career. He just got demoted into a non-management role and is no longer in charge of anyone.
The reason for the demotion was that one of the employees adopted a preteen/teenage child (I’m not sure of the exact age, my brother didn’t say).
While she was on parental leave my brother still contacted the employee to ask job-related questions or to do work tasks. Not only would working while on leave mess with the employee’s benefits but the company has an in writing agreement with its employees not to contact them.
I also think it might be against the law but either way, the company doesn’t allow it. My brother was dumb enough to keep asking the employee to come back from parental leave early even though they still had a year left. The employee complained to the company after my brother didn’t stop contacting me when the employee asked. My brother got demoted and the company did damage control to avoid a legal problem.
After the demotion my brother couldn’t keep up his rent with the lower pay and he’s living with me and our parents again. I got sick and tired of him complaining every single day about how unjust his demotion was and I told him he’s lucky he didn’t get fired instead, which really offended him and caused him to turn his ire on me.
Was it a jerk move on my part to tell him this?!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Institutional knowledge is real and I’ve had to once or twice call someone at home to sort out something at work, but those were genuine emergency-type situations involving courts and deadlines, but it was rare.
Now that said, unless your brother is a complete knob, what it sounds like to me is that this person was a key team member and that upper management didn’t provide adequate cross-training or replacement and was putting pressure on your brother to complete tasks that this person was basically essential to.
Why else would he be making repeated calls and requests to come back? If the workplace was running smoothly and everything was getting done then there’s no reason to be hassling this woman, which possibly also explains why he’s salty about it. If management was pressuring him to get things done and she was essential to getting those things done, then I can see how he’d be bitter about doing what he thought was necessary to satisfy his boss.
Now, assuming this is the case, what he SHOULD have done is gone in to bat for his team, and outlined that management’s expectations were unrealistic and why, but also if it’s his first supervisory role I can see how that would be daunting.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I will say it sounds like your brother has yet to take responsibility for his own actions. He is not mature enough to have an actual Convo about it which is why I’m guessing you didn’t. You let him continue until you couldn’t handle the pity party anymore and snapped. It might be best if you stop enabling your brother to the point that you can’t handle it anymore.
You already softened his financial consequences, you don’t have to be his therapist. He needs to get his stuff together.” Jess_cue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dude. You are so correct. He’s lucky to still have a job. He sounds like the classically ‘not fit for management’ type of personality.
Did everything wrong and blames others, I bet he got the job on lofty promises and hot air from his own ego. Also, why can he not afford rent anymore? Did he move into an apartment too big for his means the second he got the bigger paycheck?
Sounds like a real chad type move. Want to seem big and important and show results so he harasses employees to show results for even more own benefit.” Fry_super_fly
16. AITJ For Not Letting My Son Be Unsupervised With My Volatile Sister-In-Law?
“I, 21F just had a beautiful baby boy 6 months ago. My husband, 22m, has a big family.
And I at first loved this, until they started to tell me that “family is family” and I should “just accept who they are” whenever a boundary is broken or something else happens.
He has one sibling in particular, 29F, who has two kids as well.
Recently, she and her husband have been making some…. Questionable… parenting choices. Specifically how they punish their son who is in elementary school. Not to mention, They fight CONSTANTLY. Not little fights, full-blown screaming, degrading and breaking stuff. I am not comfortable with this at all.
Some background, I grew up in a terrible environment with my parents. My mother is crazy and awful. I was surrounded by violence and anger my whole childhood. I am now in a VERY happy and healthy marriage. (I know we’re young, but honestly, our relationship is more open, communicative, and safe than some people twice our age.
I wouldn’t have gotten married otherwise) I REFUSE to expose my son to any kind of mistreatment, verbal or physical, because of what I endured.
I was recently talking to my FIL and MIL and told them that until my SIL and her husband went to therapy and could control their tempers, my son would never be allowed with them unsupervised. This prompted FIL to get angry with me.
He told me I am overreacting and that they “wouldn’t act that way in front of my son,” but I have seen them explode with just me there (pre-pregnancy) and SIL has previously broken my trust and boundaries WHILE PREGNANT so how would I know she wouldn’t act out while I’m not there.
He said I should trust family and that I would change my mind when he’s older. (They have another child around his age so play dates are bound to happen) but I stuck to my guns and told him that we are his parents and WE get to decide who we trust and where he goes.
AITJ and just overreacting? Or is this justified?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your job to protect your child. No one is as invested in your child’s well-being as you and your husband are. No child should be exposed to mistreatment of any kind. If your husband’s sister is OK behaving this way in front of her own kids, then she will definitely be OK doing it in front of yours.
It’s hard to cut off family, but your baby has got to be your #1 priority.” justme7601
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you’re not wrong about protecting your son. However, you did make a big slip-up. Talking about someone in the family to someone else instead of the person directly is called triangulating, and it’s a toxic communication behavior.
If you have an opinion, and if you have a boundary to set, then say it directly to the person you have a problem with and do not talk behind their back. In this case, you could have said to SiL, “I did not like the argument you had in front of me, and it made me feel unsafe.
I’m not comfortable for me or my family to be around anger expressed in that way. I don’t want my son around fighting.” If you have a boundary, say it out loud to the person you have a boundary with, don’t spread it around the family.
That’s messy.” imtchogirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’d feel the same way. But, I probably wouldn’t have felt the need to lay it out there so openly at this point. Your son is still so young! And it doesn’t sound like the issue has even come up.
If invites had happened in the future I’d have just declined for whatever reason (not ready to leave son without mom & dad, we’re busy, etc) While grandparents watched our kids alone, aunts and uncles didn’t until my kids were like 10+. Not that we wouldn’t have allowed it, It just didn’t come up.” SpeechIll6025
15. AITJ For Moving Out After My Mom Claimed She's Raising My Unborn Child?
“I’m a 22-year-old female. I’ve lived with my mother all my life up until this past month.
My partner and I, who have been together for two years, found out we were expecting my first child. We were both very excited and also worried because of the relationship between us and my mother. She was very excited to find out I was pregnant with her first grandchild and even encouraged me to get pregnant but after I carried him over halfway I found out she doesn’t deem me fit to be a parent.
She suddenly became very supportive of my and my partner’s relationship and supportive all around when finding out I was pregnant after previously starting arguments over anything before with me and stating her dislike towards him and how he wasn’t right for me anytime I didn’t agree with her opinion on random topics.
She would bring his name into conversations that had nothing to do with him to get a reaction out of me.
So flash forward and I’m almost 30 weeks and we go on a trip by plane to visit family, my nana specifically who has been like my mom’s mother figure since her twenties.
My nana brought to my attention that my mom was saying very questionable things and wanted to ask me about them. My mother told her that my partner’s house where he stays with his mom is filthy, full of mold and substances were being smoked all throughout the house.
None of which is true and I told her so, my mom has never even been inside his house even though she told my nana she had.
The two things that sealed the deal for me to get my partner and little brother to move my things out while I was gone was her telling my nana that “the state already told her she has to raise this baby” and after my grandma shows up and tells her she can’t take my baby she replies “yes I can”.
My mom has always tried to kindle a close relationship with me and fakes us having a close relationship while constantly putting me down, gaslighting me, and cussing me on a weekly basis. But after finding out about the baby suddenly decided to be supportive and nice and started from day one buying all sorts of baby stuff and expensive baby stuff after being told by me many times that it was either too soon or that she didn’t need to do that because his dad and I were buying things.
Now she uses that against me claiming to have provided everything for him and if it weren’t for her he’d have nothing… though we have bought him the same things. She’s painting me as an ungrateful child and a horrible person.
One more thing about my mom is her favorite phrase to call me is a “stupid kid” and she has called me this my whole life.
She says I’m 22 going on 12 and continues to try to make decisions for me and claims to know what’s best in every situation and refuses to accept that I’m no longer a child and haven’t been one in years.”
Another User Comments:
“You need to get ahead of this.
She said the “state” said she needed to raise your baby. She is going to call CPS/law enforcement on you for child endangerment. She has already laid the groundwork of saying you are not fit and your partner’s home is dirty. She is making a false trail so it looks legit when she calls.
Get a lawyer and look into contacting CPS/local law enforcement with the guidance of your lawyer. Also, know your mom is a huge kidnap risk. NEVER forgot that. Even six years from now when your baby is in school, make sure they know never to release them to your mother.
NTJ and good luck.” no_rxn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your mom is planning to interfere in your raising of your child. And you need to establish strong boundaries immediately to ensure the health and safety of your baby as well as yourself.
Don’t live with your Mom again. Don’t tell her when you are in the hospital in labor. Don’t allow her in your labor and delivery room. Don’t let her be alone with your baby (no babysitting). Set up Do Not Disturb settings on your phone so you don’t receive Mom’s calls at times that are bad for you (while you’re resting).
Don’t feel obligated to do what your mom wants; if something makes you feel uncomfortable, say no. Don’t let your mother’s feelings be more important than your own feelings. Be cautious about giving your mother too many details (about your relationship, your child’s health, etc…).
You can’t trust your mom to have your best interest. You and your SO are the parents of this baby and you need to consistently ask yourself, “What is the best decision for the health and welfare of my baby?”” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
But you absolutely have to go no contact with your mom. Your relationship with her is toxic. Why are you still in contact with her? She won’t change – she is nice to your face and nasty when she talks to others about you; or she is just nasty to your face.
Her lies have gone too far. Some people won’t believe you when you deny what your mom has told them about you, your SO, SO’s family, etc. – because it will sound to them as a false denial. So your SO’s reputation is already tarnished. She is also clearly setting things up to file for custody.
Or failing that, she will sue for grandparent’s rights – if your state has that option. So you don’t want her to develop any kind of relationship with your child. Cutting her off before the baby is born will deny her that ability because she would need to have a pre-existing relationship with her grandchild.
Please please make sure you tell the hospital/health center where you are giving birth that your mom is absolutely prohibited from coming in and give them a picture of her. You’re probably better off telling them who is allowed, give them a verbal password, because your mom would try several different names to try to get in.
Labor nurses don’t take crap and they are used to crazy people trying to crash deliveries!! Congrats on your pregnancy. Wishing you an uneventful and speedy delivery for a healthy baby!!!” Canning-mama-1998
14. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Partner's Mother For Not Helping With The Kids?
“We’re all getting ready to go out for the day. I (45M) was holding my baby (7mF) whilst my toddler (3M) was playing around in the office while I was trying to herd him to the door to get his shoes on. My partner was upstairs getting some stuff.
Her mum was standing by the door waiting.
My son was then playing with the button on my desk that lowers it. We have a vacuum cleaner that is kept under there. I tried to get him off the button whilst still holding my daughter, but he kept walking around me to play with it again.
I asked my partner’s mum to hold her for a second so I could switch the desk off at the wall so he would stop playing with it and it wouldn’t potentially damage the vacuum cleaner. She just stood there. I asked her again with some urgency to just come and hold her.
She refused and then told me I was crazy (she’s Polish btw, and her English isn’t perfect, but she knew exactly what I was saying).
She told my partner that I shouted at her and it wasn’t urgent. I didn’t shout, but I was very annoyed that she just stood there and then walked away.
I put the baby on the floor to then turn the desk off. My partner then shouts at me because at this stage I am actually shouting at her mum for walking away and then having a go at me. They’re now out for the afternoon and I’m sat at home writing this.
My partner and her mum are still angry at me.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH – and I mean EVERYONE. Not for nothing, but the reality is, that not every annoying action a rude/narcissistic person does is actually wrong or done out in some sort of malice.
In this situation, all you had to do is make a smart decision when parenting YOUR children. At any point in this story, you could have either grabbed your toddler with one hand while holding onto your baby with the other OR what you finally did, put the baby down.
Sure it would have been nice for her to help you, but as a mother who had to parent two kids at the same time, by myself during the day (and yes, my husband was an equal parent when he came home from work) I would be….irked that I was being asked to step in for something so easily handled. And by your own admission, you yelled at her.
Should she have taken pity on you and helped,? That would have been the nice thing to do. But I have a feeling that there is more going on here.” VonShtupp
Another User Comments:
“Info: It does seem a little strange that your partner’s mother wouldn’t hold the baby.
Why do you think that was? (I’m leaning towards no jerks here or even soft YTJ, because it seems you could have handled the situation yourself from the start, without expecting your partner’s mother to step in the second something was slightly inconvenient to you.
I mean you did put the baby on the floor in the end, and it seems to have worked just fine? So maybe your partner’s mother felt this wasn’t really a situation where you actually required urgent assistance. But then again, it’s not like holding the baby would have been a massive favor either.
Hence my question.)” i_are_lisa
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Lol. You can’t shut off a switch and hold a baby? Why are you a “parent”? Not a great multitasker huh? All while a mother will literally be holding a baby one-handed making dinner dealing with a 3-year-old.
She told you you were crazy because you could have also set the baby down. 7 months can sit for a second. You could have put up your leg to stop the 3-year-old. You could have stood in front of the desk. You could do a better job so that you aren’t being punked by a 3-year-old.
Is this the reason you are 45 just having children? Not good under pressure. Cannot multitask. No common sense and not a good problem solver? Because … that’s all of those and the grandma thought you were a joke and can’t handle a non-situation.” stahppppnow
13. AITJ For Not Giving My Privacy-Invasive Dad My Laptop Password?
“I (26F) am Asian in an Asian country. I have the lightest laptop that my dad is borrowing for work when he goes on a trip with my mom.
He requested it, and I made a separate local account for him and helped him install some games and programs he’ll use when he’s overseas.
There were some issues with the User account control so I tested out a script that would bypass it when he opens a program.
He thinks it won’t work and he’d need my admin password to redownload/install programs. The programs are not for work but for his own downtime. I said I won’t give it to him. He said, “Don’t worry, I won’t look at your Personal Data (emphasized).”
This upset me a bit but it’s expected because my dad used to be crazy about invading my privacy. He would read my diaries and set up a meeting where he’d interrogate me about the contents of my adolescence. He stalked my social media and read through my posts.
At one point he asked about putting a tracker on my phone and I flipped out on him. He said “It’s not that I don’t trust you…” but I said, “but you don’t.”
I don’t believe he understands the weight of his actions. I feel like this is the wrong hill to die on because there are much more important things to do than worry over my password.
But I don’t want to give it to him so he can download whatever programs he wants. I already established with him that I’ll do the installations for him and he agreed. WIBTJ if I don’t give him my password?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For one, he has a history of violating your privacy and that isn’t acceptable.
Secondly, even if he never violated your trust before, it’s your computer. You have a right to choose how it’s used and by whom. Frankly, it’s also just bad security to give anyone any of your passwords ever anyway.” Narciii
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I wouldn’t lend someone my laptop in a million years, it’s generous enough that you’re letting him borrow it.
It’s also perfectly reasonable not to share your password simply because you do not want anything downloaded and installed on your computer without your explicit approval even if you didn’t have the snooping concerns. If you want a trump card to play, offer to install a remote access software and if he needs the password, you can set up a time to remote in and approve it yourself.” typicalaquarius
Another User Comments:
“INFO: have you given the laptop to him yet or not? If you have the time before you give it to him you could use it as a test to see if he will respect your boundaries. Save all your files and data to an external hard drive or cloud storage then reimage (wipe and reinstall the operating system) the laptop so there’s no data, browsing history or anything he could find on it.
Create separate user accounts for you and him and install whatever software and games you want on it. Give him your password after setting a screen background on your account with a message to him if he snoops like “this is why I don’t trust you dad”.
I’m sure you’ll hear about it if he sees the message. But either way, definitely reimage the laptop again when you get it back before using it or putting any of your data back on it in case he has installed some kind of spyware.” magentatwilight
12. AITJ For Not Asking My Friend Before Giving Away An Extra Chair At Our Table?
“I (M 46) was out on Saturday with my friend (F 38) at a pub. There were 4 chairs at our table.
One guy on the table behind her turns around and asks us if they could have one of our empty chairs. I get eye contact with him because he is in direct line of sight.
Since clearly, to me, there were two available chairs at our table I answer, “Yes, that is ok” without asking my friend about it.
My friend then confronts me about the fact that I did not ask her before answering him. She said that by doing so then I am answering for her and she doesn’t like it.
Even though there were 2 empty chairs at our table she feels that I should ask her if it is ok before answering him. And that that would be good communication between us.
She said that there could be many reasons why maybe she wouldn’t agree to give away one of the chairs, like for example that I wouldn’t know if maybe she had invited other people to come and join us without me knowing about it.
It was late evening and only the two of us had spent the evening together.
I felt that the situation was obvious and that the answer would be obvious so that I didn’t even think about asking her first.
I think I might be the jerk because by not asking my friend first then I’m not considerate enough about if it is ok with her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s just flat-out wrong. You’re not speaking for her; you’re assuming she, an adult, will speak for herself. “Like for example that I wouldn’t know if maybe she had invited other people to come and join us without me knowing about it.” That would actually be the failure in communication that she’s complaining about.
But it would also be where she says ‘Actually, I have two other friends coming out, sorry.’ Also, riddle me this: if a male friend had said the same thing, would you be considering if maybe he’s right?” Cent1234
Another User Comments:
“The earlier instance, allowing someone to join your table, can be seen as a bit of a jerk move if not all people involved are on the same page.
But to allow someone to take one of 2 empty chairs from the table? Unless she was expecting 2 other people to join you, that is NOT something that needs everyone’s approval. NTJ. Also, if this is a constant habit of your friend, accusing you of “answering” for her, you should look more in-depth at the dynamic between the two of you.
Either you have more of a habit of dictating how, when, why, and where than you realize (or are admitting) and she is reaching her limit, or she may be dealing with that from other people as well and is reaching her limit and you are the one she can talk back to, whereas she feels she can’t stand up to the others and that she is just generally being overshadowed. Talk to her, in a neutral setting and non-accusatory tone, to get to the bottom of this.
And do it before her last strand of patience breaks and she goes nuclear on you. IF, this is not the case though, and she is just being hyper-sensitive for no reason or assumes SHE should be the only one deciding things, then you need to take stock of the friendship and where you want to go from there in handling this.
Because that could be an annoyance to end a friendship in the future.” SayerSong
Another User Comments:
“Your friend is being controlling. Is she your friend or is she your partner? It’s inexcusable either way but I can’t think of any reason someone who is just a friend would feel entitled to speak to you this way.
It’s problematic no matter what the relationship. As others have stated, if she’s not normally like this, maybe something else is going on. If you don’t know her that well and this was a date, then run for the hills. If she’s your partner, you’re on notice that these may be her true colors coming through.
These are all red flags but how seriously they will affect your demands on what the actual relationship is between you! NTJ but proceed with caution with this “friend.”” refill_lady
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Follow My Overweight Twin's Diet?
“My (14f) twin (also 14f) is 50 lbs overweight, I naturally have a high metabolism.
My parents want “us all to eat healthier” to help her lose weight. So they have forbidden me from eating “junk” at home or when we’re out as a family because it’ll be “too hard for my sister to watch.”
We don’t get along but it has absolutely nothing to do with her weight, I don’t care what she weighs, it’s because she’s manipulative, cries to get her way, and uses her bipolar disorder as an excuse to lash out at me. I know it’s mean but she reminds me of Dudley from Harry Potter (more because of her personality than size).
She always calls me “anorexic” and “skinny jerk” and my parents expect me to just take it because “she’s jealous and has it hard”, but heaven forbid I say anything about her weight. I did it ONCE 6 months ago but only because she kept calling me anorexic and wouldn’t leave me alone so I did it in self-defense then I was grounded for 2 weeks.
I don’t think we should have to do this “one size fits all” approach. My partner got me chocolates for my birthday and my parents made me throw it out because “it’s tough for your sister and we’re all trying to eat healthier to support her.” Plus they are afraid she’ll sneak and take the candy.
But she sneaks junk food all the time (I don’t snitch because it’s not my business, although she always whines to my parents “it’s not fair sister gets to eat junk food!” So now I can’t eat my favorite foods even though it’s hard for me to keep my weight up.
While I’m happy to be emotionally supportive of her and even help her work out I don’t feel I should have to change my diet.
AITJ????”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if you are struggling to maintain your weight are you able to talk to your parents about taking you both to a dietician?
This way they can address your sister’s weight and help you to maintain yours without it being at the expense of your own health. Going to a professional means that your parents then have it in writing how best to support both of you.” Cultural_Industry429
Another User Comments:
“First off, NTJ. Seems like you have two problems going on that need to be addressed.
1. Current issue: You think it’s unfair that you are being forced to follow the same diet as your sister in all regards.
2. You don’t like the way your sister is allowed to talk to you (abusive) with no punishment from your parents and you feel there is a double standard in how your parents punish bad behavior between you and your sister.
These 2 problems are legit problems. You shouldn’t have to tailor your eating habits based on someone else feeling bad because you are being held accountable for your sister’s emotions, whereas the right thing to do would be your sister holding responsibility for her emotions. Your sister also shouldn’t be allowed to essentially verbally abuse you and get away with it because she has issues in her life.
For (1) could you negotiate keeping sweets in your room and to just eat what your parents make? For (2) you have to sit down with your parents and tell them the problem and tell them how it makes you feel when your sister is nasty to you, and how it is especially hurtful that your parents take her side even when she is being cruel, and tell them what it makes you feel like, and that you won’t tolerate it anymore.
Bipolar is a bad thing to have, but just like with all mental illnesses, your mental illnesses are never an excuse for bad behavior. It might illuminate the situation and give you more understanding how why people do certain things, but it’s never an excuse.” Western-Knee5975
Another User Comments:
“I had a similar situation growing up. I was always skinny, nearly underweight but my siblings/parents were not. Cue in every diet (zone diet comes to mind), they went in I went in too. Lunch at school? A handful of almonds.
Wanted ketchup on something, out came the measuring spoons. Plus they always bullied me calling me bony, anorexic etc. The one time I called them fat I got super grounded. All this to say, ignore them as best you can. This situation growing up set up my eating disorders during my teen years (which no one ever noticed) I would spend days not eating and then binge.
Even the car detecting my weight for the seatbelt was super triggering for me. I have a better relationship with food now, but it has been rough getting here and every day I battle the urges to go back to “what I know” to lose a few extra pounds I have.” radiolover1
10. AITJ For Not Drying My Wife's Laundry After Years Of Complaints?
“When we first got married, I had no problem doing her laundry. I still do my laundry and the kids’ laundry but very early on my wife would berate me for “ruining” her clothes.
She never could produce an article of clothing I had supposedly ruined or could even describe in what way I had damaged her clothing.
So, I just got tired of her yelling at me for what I saw as doing something necessary and helpful and just quit doing her laundry. It’s been 18 years since this has been our arrangement.
We have 2 girls and 2 boys, I do all of our laundry, mine included, and none of our clothing is getting ruined.
But last night when I went to do laundry, my wife left her clothes in the washer and I needed to wash the kids’ clothes for school today. So, I just took her clothes out of the washer that seemed to have been in there from earlier in the morning and put them in a laundry basket, then did the kids’ clothes.
As I was finishing up and going to bed, my wife came downstairs and started yelling at me for not having put her clothes in the dryer, and now even this morning she is complaining about her clothes being damp.
I’m pretty sure I’m not the jerk here, but I just need to make sure that there isn’t something I’m missing here.
I don’t understand why this dynamic we have had for such a long time would suddenly change unexpectedly.”
Another User Comments:
“My husband and I started washing our laundry separately a few years back because I’m convinced his clothes make mine smell bad. That said, we do move each other’s clothes over from the washer to dryer, and dryer to folded on the shelf if it’s in the way of doing our own.
I can see your hesitation because if you dried something and it shrunk, she would be mad, so I am going to say NTJ.” Vegetable_Ad_5112
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, since she’s persnickety about her laundry, she left them in there and you would have had no idea if any of those clothing items needed to be dried a certain way, hung up, etc. But I have some questions – Is your wife ok with this dynamic?
Have you ever revisited this discussion over 18 years? Have you somehow really never run into a situation where her clothes were in the washing machine and you needed to use it? Your outright refusal to touch her laundry seems like a strange thing to hold onto after literally 18 years unless she still actively wants to do her own laundry.
But if it’s true that she couldn’t give *one single reason* why she thought you were ruining her clothes, that’s awful communication on her end obviously. And it’s absurd for her to blame you about the clothing being damp since if you hadn’t gone to do laundry they would have sat damp overnight anyway because she left them there.
I think you should ask her what she wants you to do in the situation you find her clothes wet. Wake her up if she’s sleeping? Put them in the dryer – and if so, what settings? Then you can just follow that rule and it’s on her.” charonthemoon
Another User Comments:
“So, my spouse and I also have this arrangement. Mostly because they have extra sensitive skin while I am sensitive to scents so we just use separate detergents. Plus we have separate bathrooms and laundry hampers, so it just works out better.
But, if I happen to do a load of laundry and the washer is full of their clothes, I put them in the dryer. They do the same with mine. That is just common sense. Leaving damp clothes to sit means they will smell and need to be washed again.
And it’s not like the dryer was being used. Now, to your wife’s behavior. I don’t know what is going on with this woman. A guy that willingly does laundry? That’s something to be celebrated! As far as ruining her clothes, sometimes there are certain fabrics or items that need to be hand washed or treated differently than other laundry.
But that is on her to keep those items separate, not on you to magically know. There is no excuse for her behavior towards you. I don’t know what the rest of your marriage is like, but you obviously still hold resentment over the laundry issue.
Otherwise, you wouldn’t have knowingly pushed her buttons by not putting her clothes in the dryer. Don’t act all innocent and say this is your “arrangement”. That’s your passive-aggressive way of getting back at her. You knew what you were doing. I think you have deeper issues than laundry.
ESH.” lifewith6cats
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Time With My Critical Mother-In-Law?
“My mother-in-law and I used to get along very well when I first started seeing my now husband. After we got engaged her attitude changed towards me. Almost like one of those scenarios when the mother doesn’t want her son spending time with another woman.
Anyhow, this eventually went away and she became respectful of our space and spent time with the both of us together.
Not long after she became comfortable talking to me about things he did that would bother her, for instance, she wants him to go back to school and constantly pushes him to, so she told me he will not be a successful husband if he doesn’t.
Then proceeds to tell me I control him now and that I should make his decisions. This is how almost every conversation goes now whenever my husband isn’t around. I’ve asked her not to talk negatively about him around me anymore and this has now stemmed into her rarely talking to me at all.
Tomorrow my husband leaves for a business trip and asked me if I would go spend time with his mother since he had to cancel their plans for his trip. I declined and now he’s upset with me because I’m “being petty and won’t try to fix my relationship with her”.
Anytime I try to talk about something else it feels very forced and she makes me feel dumbed down. AITJ for not spending time with her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to be clear with your husband that you don’t want to badmouth him and that’s all his mother wants to talk about.
It’s not that you don’t like her but you don’t want to spend your time talking bad about someone—especially your husband. If she could discuss anything else (news, weather, even celebrities) without it coming back to how she wants you to control him for her, you would be fine being with her.
Ask him if that’s the conversation he wants his wife to be having with his mother.” prove____it
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you don’t feel comfortable with her, don’t spend time with her. You set a reasonable boundary with your MIL and she decided to punish you by not talking to you at all.
This is something your husband needs to understand. Besides, it’s his relationship with her, not yours. You don’t need to babysit her just because he is out of town. You have your own life, that doesn’t go away just because you are married.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“Here’s where you might be the jerk: if you haven’t talked with your husband about how your MIL denigrates him to the point where you feel exhausted. If he isn’t aware of the problem, then he might be prone to pushing you out of your comfort zone not to be mean, but most likely to strengthen your relationship with her.
Which isn’t to say you HAVE to tell him, after all, that’s his mother and there’s a bond there that supercedes all. But if you opt not to tell him, then you’ll have to come to terms with how he’ll react and behave when you resist spending one-on-one time with her.
It sounds like you struggle with how much honesty is too much honesty. The way you share how you’re dealing with it sounds like a petulant child rather than an adult who prefers to be drama-free. Perhaps the better way to handle this is to say you’ll work something out with your husband and then do an activity (lunch, coffee, shopping trip) that’s brief, public, and prohibits your MIL’s nagging traits.
If she persists, firmly but gently tell her that out of respect for her relationship with her son, this type of conversation makes you uncomfortable and then redirect. It wouldn’t hurt to take a class or see a counselor to help you better navigate the waters, give you some sense of self-worth, and learn how to open the doors of communication without having to sell your soul in the process.
Verdict: not voting.” SueDohNymn
8. AITJ For Expecting A Deposit Refund After A Vendor's Poor Communication?
“I recently planned a party at my home and booked a jumpy/bounce house and some other event rental items like chairs etc through an IG small business that my neighbor had recently used (she is familiar with the owner IRL too). The price was very reasonable, and since it was a referral I felt no issue with sending a $120 Venmo deposit when asked to secure the date.
I paid the deposit about two months in advance of the party date. No contract or liability items were signed detailing any caveats to the deposit.
About three weeks before the event, I IG messaged the owner to ask about the delivery date/time for the rental items. No response.
I waited another week and messaged again, politely asking if they could give me a delivery window and also confirming the number of chairs I needed. No response.
I messaged the Monday before the scheduled Saturday event, asking one last time if they could give me a delivery window, and if they weren’t able to accommodate my reservation anymore to please let me know so I could get another vendor.
I also got their phone number directly from my neighbor and texted them. No response to either. I then Venmo requested my $120 deposit back and proceeded to book alternate and more expensive vendors since I had to just go with what was available still with only four business days till the event.
Then on the Friday, less than 24 hrs before the event started, they messaged me saying they were going to be dropping things off in a couple of hours, that they had been going through some personal things but “never let clients down”, and asking if I was going to be home during dropoff time that night.
I replied saying I hadn’t heard back for almost three weeks, so I had made other plans already and could they please refund my deposit.
They proceeded to tell me the deposit was nonrefundable as I was just now canceling and they had already booked me and confirmed. I replied saying my message Monday can be considered demanding adequate performance of our contract, and they had not responded when I had indicated I was going to find another vendor.
They responded repeating that the contract is “in compliance” and that the nonrefundable info is all on their booking contracts, which I have never seen.
So, AITJ for expecting to have my deposit refunded, when I had lost good faith that they would be able to perform their side of our agreement?”
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk… you provided a deposit for services that the owners refused to verify. They left you out of the loop for weeks and didn’t contact you until you had recovered the Venmo funds, you located and locked down services and materials from another vendor and they waited to contact you back less than a day prior to the event.
The main problem you have is not having a contract between the two of you. Unless you take the owner to court and he or she happens to tell the truth, you have no legal ground to stand on. This does not mean I wouldn’t pursue the return of your deposit.
Good luck to you!” Filling_Graves
Another User Comments:
“I’m very much a stickler for adhering to contracts and agreements, but because there wasn’t one here, you’re definitely NTJ in this case. You tried contacting them numerous times over weeks and they were not responding, so you had every reason to believe that they’d basically bailed on you.
“We’ve been going through personal things” is a non-excuse for them failing to respond to your messages. If they’re gonna run a business, they have to at least attempt to stay in contact with clients and they failed to do so. Get a chargeback on that deposit, tell them to learn from their mistakes and to be better about responding when their clients try to reach them.” ShadowCoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Their booking contracts aren’t relevant if you didn’t sign them. I’d respond by politely pointing out that while it’s fine if they had personal things going on in their life, they absolutely did let you down as a customer. You didn’t see it sign any such contract and failed to provide adequate communication.
Request the refund again.” opinionreservoir
7. AITJ For Exposing My Manager's Discriminatory Behavior And Getting Them Fired?
“I’ve been working where I am for over a year now and have done everything in my power to do my job to the best of my capabilities. But for my manager, it was never enough.
I know for a fact that I’m not the only person who had a problem with them.
My manager is the kind of person who would belittle anyone’s efforts but would always sing praise to their favorites for just existing. It was so frustrating because all of my hard work would be tossed aside like garbage or not even looked at.
It all fell apart when I found out that my manager had been gossiping, discriminating, and speaking poorly about my co-worker (poorly is an understatement here). This information came in the form of a voice message that my manager unknowingly sent to my co-worker, which was used as evidence in the future investigation.
Something to know about me is that I couldn’t care less if someone was treating me in an unpleasant way. But the moment anyone treats someone I care about in a way they don’t deserve, I will do anything to help my friend.
So you best believe I was fuming when I discovered this.
My coworker was shattered when they found out about this and it broke my heart. They ended up resigning to escape the stress and negativity, and when doing so they also notified HR and the leader of operations due to the severity of the manner.
Once this escalated, the higher-ups were concerned with her motives for leaving and began looking into the matter. That’s when I let loose on everything I knew and all of the issues that I’ve had with my manager.
It was an official process and everything that made it clear that the higher-ups were taking this seriously as there was physical evidence against my manager.
It was just announced that my manager would be leaving the place I work as soon as possible. As the cherry on top, my manager notified as many people as possible that I was the reason why.
Looking back now, I feel as though I crossed a line by interfering with someone’s career.
I know they did something really bad but maybe I should have kept my head down and let karma swing their way. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Someone who is discriminatory and gossipy and talks about other co-workers with other co-workers – especially as a manager – should NOT be remotely in a high-up position.
The manager brought it on themself. Karma did its job Regardless of whether it had to be helped along or not. You’re probably saving the mental health of other employees by getting this monster sacked.” EdinburghLass1980
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The manager did this to themselves.
Also – what you did has protected the other employees at the office. You don’t know how many other employees may now be breathing a sigh of relief because the manager was making their life difficult but didn’t have the courage to come forward.
Not only that, but you kept future employees from quitting because they couldn’t stand that manager. Believe me, you did all the employees and the company a favor with what you did.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t interfering with someone’s career, it was the manager who was interfering with their own career by being an atrocious manager and also interfering in the career of every person they managed. You did everyone a favor, even the manager if they decide to learn the lesson… just do your job well, don’t be a jerk like your manager was, and companies will have less reason to fire you (I know they still fire people “just because” but in this case it was totally deserved).” alien_crystal
6. AITJ For Asking Questions About A Contract My Mom Wants Me To Sign?
“I (19f) am going to sign a contract for my mom today.
The contract is for renting a house out to tourists, and because of new regulations in my country, it will be easier and cheaper if we do it in my name. She spoke to her counselor about this and it is completely legal and will save a lot of cash.
Now, since I haven’t really done anything like this before, I want to know what this is going to mean for me personally. I am a student in a different country and currently have no taxable income, however, I will be paying taxes in the country where the house is at.
Or better, my mom will. She will be handling everything in my name, the proceeds will go to her account and she will pay the taxes.
Still, since I haven’t ever paid taxes before, I asked for some information about what this would mean for me in my day-to-day life.
She said nothing. I then asked her a specific question about being eligible for social student loans, and she admitted that it would not be possible anymore. My chances of ever getting it were low anyway, but I asked two more specific questions, to which she snapped at me and said: “well we won’t do it then, whatever.”
I told her that I was very much willing to help and that I trusted her, but since I know nothing about how any of this works I wanted to understand everything so that I wouldn’t get in trouble in the future. She thinks I am the jerk because she did a lot of research and went to see her lawyer and everyone said that it’s the best way to do this.
AITJ for “pestering her” with questions?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and her reaction is a big warning sign, don’t sign anything. Maybe what she’s doing isn’t completely illegal but probably very shady. And if there are some benefits, and everything is completely legal you should get paid most of the “saved” cash because in the end if anything is in your name and with your signature, you are the one who got most or sole responsibility for that matter.” It_s_just_me
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ALWAYS ASK QUESTIONS, AND ALWAYS READ ANYTHING YOU ARE ASKED TO SIGN! Even the bits you don’t think are relevant. It doesn’t matter if you trust the very bones of the person giving you the contract, once you sign you are liable for the terms stipulated. And it doesn’t matter in the eyes of the law if you don’t understand what these mean.
You have every right to ask as many questions as you need to to understand the ramifications of the proposal in front of you. I would also seek independent legal advice from a third party if you can. Good luck.” Ellf13
Another User Comments:
“You’re not pestering her, you’re doing due diligence.
One must never sign a legally binding document without first reading and fully understanding its contents, and what it means for any obligations for the signee. Your mom may be seeing your appropriate and responsible questions as a rebuke and is acting defensively. That should be a red flag.
If she is unwilling to allow you proper time to review the contract then you should refuse to put your name to it. You trust your mom, but that trust should not be blind. NTJ.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Being Annoyed At Not Being Invited To My Husband's Family Event?
“My husband and I have been married for 5 years and together much longer than that. We have two young children (3 and 6 months) and I have always had a good relationship with my husband’s family.
My husband was on a video call with his mum today, and while she was talking to him she invited him out for a meal to celebrate his brother’s birthday & father’s retirement, to take place next week on a weeknight.
My husband immediately said he couldn’t make it because he didn’t want to leave me alone with both kids at bath and bedtime (the meal would mean he’d miss both, leaving me to do it by myself). His mum’s response was, can’t she ask someone to help her?
We need you to come to celebrate these two occasions together. Husband said he’d talk with me and come back to her, but she properly guilt-tripped him.
After getting off the phone, we (husband and I) discussed this and I said that I was very annoyed at not being invited because I thought it was rude and inconsiderate.
My husband thought it was normal and I shouldn’t expect to be invited. Am I the jerk here for being annoyed at the lack of invitation?
Additionally – I am not going to stop him from going, I’m just annoyed (really annoyed). Husband is aware of this post, and fine with me sharing this information too.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, and honestly, I find families like this mystifying. There have been several posts like this lately and it seems so shockingly and blatantly disrespectful. Seriously, what kind of an awful person do you have to be to deliberately and regularly exclude your child’s spouse from family dinners and celebrations?
Who does that?!!** When your child (or sibling, or any other immediate family member) gets married, that person BECOMES FAMILY. That’s literally what the term “in-law” exists for. I don’t even particularly get along with or like my brother-in-law, but I CANNOT CONCEIVE of calling my sister and saying, “Hey, it’s dad’s birthday/I got a promotion/our sister is graduating, and we’re all going out to dinner .
. . but only you’re invited, not your literal spouse and life partner.” It’s just staggeringly rude. You are clearly NTJ here, but your husband’s family are huge jerks, and frankly, your husband is a pretty big jerk as well for not insisting from the outset that his wife is family and should obviously be included in any and all invitations involving him and family occasions.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“Maybe YTJ, are you two attached at the hip 24/7, I attended very few events with my husband’s family and we are all fine with it, I had no issue with the kids, I’d leave him at home too, he can care for them just like I can.
Guilt trips can be thrown on both sides of the phone.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with no jerks here, just because I would need to know a little more information, regarding this line near the end: “Husband thought it was normal and I shouldn’t expect to be invited.” Depending on the sentiment/meaning behind this sentence will make or break my decision in either direction.
I will say you are justified in being upset about not being invited, but that husband’s family may not be the AHs for the reason I will explain below. I will preface this by saying that, if the husband’s family is intentionally excluding OP constantly, or is excluding OP while still inviting other in-laws who have married into the family (if applicable), then the husband’s family is most definitely the jerks for that intentional exclusion.
Now, onto my reasoning. If the husband’s immediate family (husband, husband’s siblings, and husband’s parents) like to get together and spend time/celebrate as just an immediate family unit, then I can respect that and say that they are not the jerks.
I personally like to spend time with just my immediate family (younger brother and father/mother). My parents are divorced, so obviously I wouldn’t spend time with the two of them together except at big events. My brother is married and has a daughter.
My father is remarried to a woman with children from a previous relationship. And my mother is in a long-term relationship with her partner, who has a family from a previous relationship as well. I care for all of their respective partners and family, and I enjoy spending time with them.
BUT, there are times when I want to just celebrate/spend time with my immediate family. Where I want it to be just my mother and I, or my father and I, or my brother and I, or my father/mother with my brother and I.
And I don’t want to share those times with their respective partners/families. Because I want to spend that time with my original family. Some people may say that I’m jealous because I’m currently not in a relationship, but that’s not the case.
Even when I was in a relationship, there were still several occasions where I spent time exclusively with my family, without my SO there. Or some may say that I’m upset/harboring unresolved feelings about my parents’ divorce and that’s why I don’t want their respective partners/families around when I’m spending time with my parent(s).
That’s not the case, as I have spent several occasions with all of my family’s respective partners/families and I enjoy myself during those times as well. There are just some times I want it to be exclusively my immediate family.” GuidanceTraining9654
4. AITJ For Telling My In-Laws My Husband Left Me Alone On Our Honeymoon?
“My husband left our honeymoon two days in because he needed to help fix an emergency. He insisted I stay because he didn’t want to ruin our honeymoon for me but him leaving like that did ruin it, even though he eventually came back.
My husband planned our entire honeymoon as a surprise and while he had arranged things for me to do while he was gone, I still had a lot of free time I needed to fill.
I contacted my sister-in-law since I knew she’d been there before to ask for recommendations for things I could do in the area. She asked me if my husband had just left me alone there and I told her the truth. She told their parents and my mother-in-law contacted me to see if I was okay.
Eventually, he came back but he never mentioned his family saying anything to him until we flew home. He asked me why I had told his family he had left me alone on our honeymoon and seemed really upset with me for dragging them into our relationship.
According to him, his parents had torn him a new one over it and told him the emergency could’ve waited.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry you were left alone on your honeymoon, but it’s nice to have in-laws who will stick up for you.
If your husband truly had an emergency, why was his family upset with him? And emergencies can’t wait. It sounds like it wasn’t as urgent as your husband thought it was.” General_Relative2838
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I had an ex who would behave badly like this (left me NO contact for three days after our wedding.
He lived on base and I lived off. Wouldn’t answer his phone or anything. I regretted the marriage two days after.) and then got mad at me when I wouldn’t lie to his family to cover his bad behavior. I never sought them out to “tattle” but when asked direct questions I never lied for him and he would come unglued over that.
My ex was later diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and was really good at manipulating most people but I never feel for his crap which made him try harder. Be careful with your new husband. It’s not enough info but narcissists tend to act badly then get mad when you tarnish their image of themselves or don’t support their narrative.” Liz4984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He had one job: be on a honeymoon… and he failed it. Nothing else, no emergency would have had me disappear on my honeymoon. I told my folks “don’t die, I won’t be back til xx date”. My boss lost my number for the duration.
We only kept communications with the kids throughout, no one else. On the honeymoon, the expectation is that you have each others’ undivided attention throughout. Chatting on social media or with friends? Not allowed. Answering the phone when it isn’t your kid? Not allowed. Bring a work computer, nope.
It is supposed to be simple. Your hubby doesn’t get it and this is probably the beginning of other things interfering in your relationship ’cause he won’t say no. Even the top neurosurgeons in the world get time off. No one is indispensable.” Icy_Curmudgeon
3. AITJ For Yelling At My Fiancé For Destroying Our Family Photo Album?
“I don’t have a good family.
I won’t go into it, but I haven’t spoken to anyone in my family for 3 years. My fiancé and I are expecting our first child due in 5 months. As a little girl, I loved going through family photo albums and looking at their pictures.
So I went through and as a surprise to my fiancée, I compiled a family photo album, my baby pictures and his, pictures from our teenage years so our child can see what their parents looked like when they were young. My family is in some of these photos and while I know it’s going to be hard to explain why grandma, grandpa, and aunt and uncle aren’t around it’ll have to be talked about either way.
Plus some of those pictures are some of the only happy memories I have of childhood.
I presented it to my fiancé yesterday and he’s angry that my family is in the pictures, that he doesn’t want to expose our child to them.
I tried explaining to him that they’re pictures, my parents and siblings are not ever coming near our child, but we can’t erase their existence. We’ve already discussed how we’re going to explain my family situation to our child and keep it appropriate as our child gets older and can understand more.
There was a huge fight and my fiancé ended up destroying the photo album. In a fit of pregnancy hormones, I yelled at my fiancé that he was an insensitive jerk for trying to control and erase my past. We’ve barely said a word to each other since the fight last night and my best friend said I overreacted, that it’s natural that my fiancé wants to protect me.
Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I hope you’ve got copies of the photos because if not I’d be leaving him. Trust me get as many pictures as you can, keep them all for later life. I’ve hardly got any of me as a child (never mind the family bit) and I’m gutted I can’t show my kids.
As for the family bit, he shouldn’t have spoken to you about it first and maybe come up with a way to keep the book but with them blanked out or something.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said that in these photos where your family can be shown, are your best memories.
And just because you did this photo album by yourself and wasted time and energy, he should show some respect instead of acting immaturely. Your intentions were good, the photo album was basically memories of yours, something your child would love to look at in the future.” i_live_in_wonderland
Another User Comments:
“No sweetie! But your fiance and best mate are jerks! That wasn’t protecting you, that was invalidating your feelings and desire for your child. Regardless of pregnancy hormones or not, yelling at him for destroying something you made for your child is minor.
He actually destroyed something in anger. Here is where I am concerned. How your fiance handles things as minor as this. These are just photos. The baby is not here yet. He is getting bent out of shape over something that isn’t even happening.
It’s not like you asked your family to be in the birthing room with you, then he may say, “Honey, can we have a word?” Not talking is ok, right now you both need to step back, and think more cogently about what happened and how you are going to approach one another.
One of you has to be the adult here and it’s you.
Ask him what was happening to him when he saw those pictures and just listen to him. Don’t talk or interfere, let him talk. Consider what he is saying. If you understand, let him know that you understand exactly where he is coming from and reassure your stance.
Now it’s his turn to listen and consider what was going on for you and how hurt you are about him destroying something out of anger but it was something that was made with love for your child. He needs to understand that what he did was not acceptable and not going to be tolerated. That you are both adults and can have conversations about your feelings and consider the other person.
If you two cannot come to an understanding on the photos now, that’s ok, it’s not urgent, and over time people’s feelings change. This does not need to be settled now. He owes you a photo album……” Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo
2. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner's Parents See Our Son After An Argument Over Childcare?
“My partner (30F) and I (30M) both work full-time hours and as such we reached out to both sets of parents and asked if they were willing to help us with childcare so that we wouldn’t have to cut our hours and pay for extra childcare (he goes to a local nursery once a week).
Luckily for us, both parents offered to help with childcare, and a routine of days was set up (almost 18 months ago) and has gone swimmingly ever since.
Then the argument happened. My partner and her mom got into a spat regarding her mom and stepdad being unable to provide childcare for their grandkids (my partner’s sister also has a young son they look after on a different day) as they had booked time off work.
We have always expressed our gratitude towards both parents helping us so we wouldn’t have to drop hours/days or pay for external childcare. We asked, as we had already had to take considerable holidays because they were unable to look after the kids (3 week holiday in October), if they could change their days off so that we wouldn’t run out of holidays.
Words were exchanged and the argument got pretty heated, ending with my partner’s mom stating ‘If that’s your attitude then I won’t look after him going forward’ and ‘Good luck finding alternative arrangements’. After this, we made alternative arrangements which consisted of my partner changing hours and days when she was working from home, my parents swapping days that they would be able to provide childcare, and paying for an extra day in the nursery.
These arrangements were made for the days when my partner’s mom and stepdad were providing childcare for us. My partner and I then did not hear from them until we told them that the arrangements had changed. My partner’s mom then profusely apologized and what she said was said ‘out of frustration’ and was heartbroken that she couldn’t look after our son.
She asked if she could look after him every other Monday, to which I refused as I felt like my son was used as an emotional weapon. I have felt guilty because I feel like I am stopping my son’s grandparents from spending time with him.”
Another User Comments:
“You got into a fight with them because they wouldn’t change their vacation around to provide you free childcare at your convenience. Plain and simple, YTJ all the way. The mother was right. You were acting ungrateful by demanding they change their time off.
My retired aunt watched my kid for a few hours a day while my wife worked the first shift and I worked the second. If she decides to go on a trip, she gave me a reasonable heads-up and heard no complaints or requests from me.
You got into a heated argument just to save a few bucks without being thankful for how much money they’ve already saved you. Once cooler heads prevailed, she still apologized and offered to watch your son for a day, and you decided to be spiteful and deny that simple, mutually beneficial, request. In case it wasn’t clear, YTJ.” gover2087
Another User Comments:
“”She was heartbroken that she couldn’t look after our son. She asked if she could look after him every other Monday, to which I refused as I felt like my son was used as an emotional weapon.” You are absolutely right, you are using them as an emotional weapon.
You won’t let them spend time with a child they love because they wanted a holiday and you were upset at them for not having their vacation worked around what you wanted. Bad parenting because you are not just taking them away from your son but taking your son away from them.
You should be ashamed of yourselves. YTJ.” Wetnosedcretin
Another User Comments:
“I’m strongly leaning towards YTJ. As far as I can understand from your post, your parents watch your kid 2 days a week every week, as do your partner’s parents. That’s a lot of time!
I was going to ask for more I N F O and might change my judgment accordingly: Why can’t you pay for the nursery for more days of the week? How did the argument actually go? I think it was pretty bold to even ask if your partner’s parents can arrange THEIR off days around YOUR child, but okay.
So your MIL says no and then.. what? How did the argument get heated? I mean, the only acceptable response from your partner’s side would’ve been “well, sucks, but okay, I understand you do watch the child a lot and need some time off the same way we do”.
What did she say to make the argument turn heated? How exactly is your child being used as an emotional weapon by anyone other than yourself?
Your MIL very rightly put down some boundaries, probably saying something along the lines of “if I can’t decide myself when my days off are, then I can’t watch your child anymore”.
Am I correct? If so, that is not manipulation, that’s a boundary and the consequences for overstepping said boundary. You know what is manipulation though? “If you won’t watch child on the exact days we want you to, always, then you never get to see them again.” I mean… am I missing something?” Incognito0925
1. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Tax Refund To My Dad?
“I’m in my mid-twenties and I live with my parents in my hometown.
I never intended to go back after I moved out but since my dad was furloughed from his previous job, I and another sibling moved back in with them to support them with bills and utilities. He now works in a different job which he loves but brings considerably less income.
My mom who was a stay-at-home parent went back to work despite her poor health and I took on a full-time job at a restaurant while being a full-time student at my local CC.
My dad has always looked down on my job choices, saying that he didn’t waste all that money sending me up to a four-year university (I had a good financial aid package plus all of the loans I took were under my name so he never spent a dime on my education) and have me graduate all for me to go back to CC for a certificate in my field and to work a dead-end job.
I actually liked my job as much as he likes his job but it’s weird that he has been shaming me for being in the restaurant business. It helps us keep a roof over our heads and my own personal expenses.
Tax season is upon us and my dad (who was notorious for bad decisions and money issues) went to a different accountant and found out that they would have to pay the state and the IRS instead or they might be getting an incredibly small refund.
Same thing with my siblings too. I was sure I would have to pay some but instead, I found out that I’m getting a small refund. No one has really approached me except my dad, who asked if I was willing to give a good amount of my income to him.
He says it’s for our house and our expenses but knowing him, it’s probably for some project of his that he plans on selling or a trip he’s planning that he never saved up on. I told him no because it was from paying taxes “from my dead-end job” and if it’s related to the house, I would talk to my mom too and see how much I can pitch in but I won’t be giving out money without knowing where it’s going.
He calls me ungrateful and complains that he lets me live under his roof without needing to pay rent (I cover all of his utilities for our home and for his rental property without getting reimbursed). According to him, I should be giving him the money without asking too much.
He has since said he was just joking but I know he’ll bring it up again because this is a weird thing to joke about. To be fair, I do pay considerably less than the average rent in my city and I should be helping out my family if they are struggling, but I feel like asking for a good chunk of my refund might be crossing a line.
I would feel more comfortable getting an outline or a budget for the home improvement they want and give some as needed but I won’t do it blindly. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you can’t solve money problems by throwing money at it. Your parents have 2 homes.
If they sold both would they be able to find a place they can afford on their income? If yes then they need to sell both & downsize into what they can afford. Your dad shouldn’t mock another’s source of income when it is keeping him afloat.
If you find this situation to your benefit then you will have to navigate your parents. If not, move out, they need to figure out how to manage their own life just the same as you need to manage yours. You learned a valuable lesson about keeping your finances to yourself.” lucretziathevixen
Another User Comments:
“Wow, your dad has some major nerve to try to guilt you out if your tax refund. You and your sister are paying bills for the family and your parents wouldn’t be able to afford to stay in their home without your help.
I’m not sure what mental gymnastics it took for your dad to twist that into “I’m doing you a favor by letting you live here rent free”. Tell him no and if he persists with his guilt trip, find another place to live.
Of course, once you’ve moved out, you won’t be paying their bills anymore. Make sure he’s aware of that fact. NTJ.” Capital-Philosopher6
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk here. As a family, you need to get clear on money, as you are all feeling hard done-by at the moment.
Work out what the household expenses are, and what each person should be contributing. Don’t just pick up random bills because that leads to bad feelings when people have different expectations of how money will be handled.” Ok_Smell_8260
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