People Want To Rewind These 'Am I The Jerk?' Situations
19. AITJ For Telling My Best Friend Her Partner Lied About Her Gift?
“I 28 F, have a best friend (Sarah 28F), and she has a partner (Luke 29M), they met three months ago and started seeing each other. I met him twice so far, and the last time, Sarah and Luke gave me a ride home, so we talked a lot in the car about personal stuff, which was fun.
Three weeks ago, Luke texted me asking for advice, he wanted to get Sarah a birthday present and asked me for gift ideas that she would like. I told him she loves Gucci bags, and that she would be so pleased if he got him one,
I sent him photos of the two black bags she already has from Gucci and a photo of the one she would like the most.
He told me he never even heard of the brand, thanked me for giving him the idea and later he went to the store, he sent me photos of all the bags available and we picked one, which he bought.
A week ago, he called me asking for advice, because of some issues he’s been having with Sarah, he told me he is a little unsure about their future together and told me many things Sarah did in the relationship he didn’t like and asked me for advice on how to approach the issues with her so they can resolve them.
He also said he was calling me because he didn’t have any close friends and that he enjoyed talking to me the other night.
I advised him to just be honest with Sarah, that she values honesty above all, and that he should just talk to her.
After I hung up I felt weird about the call, I didn’t like that he called me and regretted that I didn’t tell him that I thought it was inappropriate
But I never told Sarah about the call.
Today is Sarah’s birthday, she called me today all excited telling me she’s so in love with Luke because he is the sweetest most attentive guy she ever met.
She told me he arrived at midnight at her house with a big Gucci box and that she was shocked he guessed she loved those brand bags because she never mentioned anything about those bags.
She told me she was so grateful to him and that later she asked him how he knew that’s what she loved so much, she asked him if her mom or I, her best friend, helped him, and he said no, that we didn’t help him.
He said he noticed her wearing those two bags she already had, and that one time she left her bag in his car so he took a picture of the bag and brand, and googled it, so that is how he found the store and model she liked
She told me that she was so impressed and that she never imagined someone would pay her that much attention to be capable of investigating what she liked and so on.
So I told her that he was so sweet for caring for her but that I was the one to tell him that she liked those bags and which ones she already had because he didn’t even know the brand name.
Now she is bummed and sad that he lied to her about such an insignificant thing, and it’s my fault she is sad because I told her the truth.
So, AITJ for telling her the truth about the actions of her partner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was/would have been simple for him to say, “I’m glad you like it, (OP) helped me pick it out.” If the relationship is already slightly tentative, which is what comes across from your post, lying is not going to make it better. Sarah likely would have been perfectly happy if she had known that he was considerate enough to find out exactly what she wanted.” Signal_Astronaut8191
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Remind her of the phrase ‘don’t kill the messenger’ and the reason for it existing is so that she won’t be left in the dark. That, now, if someone is dishonest to her, deceives her, plans something bad, and so on, you face punishment if you tell her about it.
Ask her which is more important. If being informed is the choice, discuss how she needs to stop punishing you.” Scenarios
Another User Comments:
“YTJ So yeah, a little braggy of him to make up a whole story about how he figured out what bag she liked, but also, when you call a friend to ask for an idea, you don’t just immediately blurt out ‘oh yeah it wasn’t my idea, Sarah told me what to get’.
He still put the effort in, he called you, who he didn’t know very well, to find out what his partner would like. That’s a nice thing to do, shows he cares, puts in effort, and wants to get her what she wants.
It’s no less ‘impressive’ than scouting it out himself. Guys sometimes struggle with knowing what to get and who better to know than a best friend? The whole other calling to complain is separate and something you need to stay far away from… but the gift-advice call is not something someone has to be ‘honest’ about…why did you treat it like some big lie he told her?
Get over yourself. Also, a three-month relationship, and your first response is he should drop $2k on her? You guys must all be doing well for yourselves.” Canadian_01
18. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Handle Kids Alone While I'm Out For Happy Hour?
“My husband (39M) and I (37F) have been married for 11 years and have 3 kids (8, 6, & 3). We both work full-time and our 2 oldest kids are starting to become more active in sports/activities so our day-to-day lives are pretty busy.
To maintain a sense of self, I have a happy hour every Tuesday with a group of friends. Sometimes it’s just an appetizer and a drink and I’m home in an hour or so. But other times we will get full meals and end up gossiping for 3-4 hours.
Last night was one of the long gossiping nights because one of my friends had gone through a break-up. My husband sent me a text around 7:30 pm asking when I was going to be home because he was having trouble getting our 3-year-old to bed and needed help.
I cut the evening short and got home shortly after 8 pm.
When I got home, my husband was reading to our 2 oldest kids and getting them settled into bed. I asked him where our 3-year-old was and he said she was in our room.
I found her lying in our bed and it was obvious she had been crying. She gave me a big hug right away and I consoled her and brought her to her room where she fell asleep pretty much immediately.
I asked my husband what the big deal was and he told me that our 3-year-old was refusing to go to bed without me and was screaming at him and throwing tantrums so he left her in our room while he read to the other kids.
I told him that doesn’t seem like a good enough reason for him to make me cut my only social time short. He told me that he just asked when I was coming home, he never told me that I needed to come home right away.
He said it took me over 30 minutes to get home anyway, so I must have kept talking for a while.
I told him that he should be able to take care of the kids for one night a week so that I could have social time.
He got mad and told me that he could take care of the kids just fine but that some nights he just wanted to have an idea of when I was coming home so that he could tell the kids, especially the 3-year-old since she was going through a cling-to-mom stage.
He said the open-ended “happy hour” that turns into a 3-hour meal isn’t working for him anymore and he needs me to give him a more structured plan.
I told him about my friend’s breakup and why we were talking so long and he told me that he doesn’t care about whatever gossip we were talking about.
He said he just wants me to be cognizant and aware of the fact that not giving him an expected time to be home makes it more difficult for him to plan the night out for the kids.
He said he’s glad I’m getting social time but that I need to be more respectful of how that impacts him and the kids at home.
He also said that my comment about him needing to be able to take care of the kids was a low blow and that he would never say anything like that to me. I told him that one night a week is not too much to ask and that he still could’ve handled things by himself if he just took a breath and stayed calm.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ He just wants to know the plan and didn’t even ask you to come home. Sounds like he doesn’t even care when you get home, just that he knows what is happening. And then you insulted him and treated him like he was incompetent for asking something entirely reasonable.
You say you guys tag team all those responsibilities every other night, so clearly he’s a very involved parent. Just communicate your plans with him and stop dishing out low blows.” so-very-done
Another User Comments:
“It’s completely reasonable for him to want to know when to expect you home.
Just plan on X hours and always come home within those hours. Or if it’s going to take longer, text him and give him a new time. His asking you when you were expected home is reasonable. He also needs time weekly to himself if he wants it.
Sit down and offer him a night a week he gets to spend the same number of hours for himself. Either doing a hobby at home with no kids, going out with friends, or just chilling and leaving to watch a movie.
Communication and consistency is the key. YTJ for getting upset when he asked for a time frame.” KingBretwald
17. AITJ For Wanting To Prioritize My Studies And Health Over Family Responsibilities?
“Since I was 13 years old, I have taken the role of cooking and working as a seller of seafood on the side of the road to help with our parent’s business on top of having school and tuition.
I will have to cook dinner every day for my entire family most of the time alone while working as a seller of seafood on the weekend for around 6 hours. I also have school on weekdays from 6 am to 3 pm and tuition from 4 pm to 6 pm.
And after that cooking from 7 pm to 8 pm. It is a demanding chore and since my father gets sick, I have to take care of his medicine as well as make sure his ***** pressure is fine and so on started when I was 15 years old.
After high school it is a holiday for like 3 to 4 months before continuing my studies, I still do my regular chores of cooking, helping my parents with the business on weekends, and helping my dad with his medicine.
This is taking a toll on me since helping with the business means I have to exposed to our financial situation since I was young and having to take care of my dad instead of the opposite of him taking care of myself.
Whenever my dad could not eat, my mom would blame me for not cooking what he wanted since I was the cook. Whenever the house is not clean, my mom will blame me for not cleaning the house. I finally got into college and the first time went to a dorm.
The first week is difficult because we have a bunch of activities from 4 am to 5 pm. After the first week, they allowed us home and when I first got back home around 6 pm, I was expected to cook.
And I said that I was tired and I had just gotten back home and then my family would tell me that they were also tired after working the whole day and told me to cook.
I did it and it’s just tiring knowing that I was not treated like their daughter who had just gone through dorm life for the first time in her lifetime. I fell sick the next day and when I told my mom when she came back home in the evening, she kinda ignores my topic.
Yes, she said “Oh are you ok” and then I replied something along the lines of me feeling sick, and after that, the conversation ended. The timeline is I got back home on Thursday and got sick on Friday.
I knew I still had to work as a seller on the weekend for the family business since the first time I stepped back into the house but I got sick on Friday and when I told my mom that I didn’t know if I could help for the family business on weekend, she kinda told me that it’s just a day and I should endure it and to stop being selfish because after that you can sleep the whole day blah blah blah.
I feel like I’m just tired. Whenever I wanted to say I didn’t want to do it anymore, they would say I was being ungrateful and that my siblings were also tired so I should just listen and not increase their headaches.
I’m still adamant about not going.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re an adult now and starting your life. Your time and energy must focus on your studies and your health. You cannot mess this up as it lays the foundation for the rest of your life.
Your parents are adults and are responsible for themselves. It is time you moved on and stopped being their slave. You deserve your own life.” Legal-Lingonberry577
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve been shouldering an immense amount of responsibility since a young age, juggling school, cooking, and helping with your family’s business.
It’s completely understandable to feel exhausted and overwhelmed. It’s important to prioritize your well-being and communicate your feelings to your parents. You deserve support and understanding, not blame or guilt-tripping. Consider discussing your situation calmly with them and seeking ways to share responsibilities more equitably.
Taking care of yourself is not ********** necessary for your health and happiness.” AngelaCandy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are being forced to take on way more burden than you should. Based on your language about school and “tuition” I doubt if you are from the United States.
Your first obligation is to yourself. You are now in college and living in the dorms. You mention younger siblings. Are they over 13? If so, maybe it’s THEIR turn to take over selling. It’s insane that you were expected to come home from college and then do the cooking.
How about that being Mom’s job? Honestly, unless they are paying you a ton of money for you to attend college, just quit going home. You are of adult age and deserve to get an education and not continue to be the family slave.
Shame on your parents for this.” ElmLane62
Edit: I read your comment. Stop defending your parents! If they care about your future they will leave you ALONE!!
16. AITJ For Not Supporting My Mom During My Parents' Messy Divorce?
“AITJ for not supporting my mom? Over a year ago now my parents and I (22m) were in the car on the way to drop me off at college. It’s around a 12-hour drive, so we usually settle in and do our own thing.
My father doesn’t like when anyone else drives, so my mom usually sleeps and I stay awake trying to chat with him so he can stay focused and not drift off. I was sitting behind him and glanced over his shoulder.
He was on his phone so I wanted to see what he was looking at so I could start a conversation about it. However, when I looked I saw him texting an unsaved number on an app that wasn’t his messaging app.
I looked away quickly but couldn’t help to see a few gross messages.
Once we got to the hotel we were staying at, mom went in and got us checked in while my dad and I parked. I confronted him about it.
He got very defensive and said that it was “nothing” and “don’t tell your mother. She’ll just freak out over nothing.” I knew their marriage was kind of rocky so I let it go. Against my better judgement, I kept my mouth shut.
6 months or so later I came home for spring break. I arrived home at midnight so I was quite tired. My parents greeted me at the door, and even though it was dark, I could tell my mom had been crying.
I asked her about it and she said she was fine, hugged me, and went to bed. I followed suit shortly after. The next morning my mother was out and my father woke me up. He sat down and told me everything.
He said he had had been inappropriately texting a woman he used to know. He admitted everything to me, which I appreciated. I also told him that he was a piece of junk, which he agreed with. However, he followed it up by telling me that he was afraid of my mother, and that she was scaring my younger brother (16).
He said that she has been clearly experiencing episodes, but refused to get help.
I brushed it aside as something that he was just saying, until I noticed the little things. Scratch marks on my dad’s office door that turned out to be from a screwdriver my mom used to break in.
Holes in a monitor that my younger brother used to use. The long 45-minute showers that she took despite always being upset when we shower for too long. I decided to try and help her, as I knew that she must be going through some hard times.
What I experienced next was nothing short of horrific. I can’t go into too much detail, but the things that were said and done around me still keep me up at night. I’ve since graduated from college and moved back home for the time being.
Once I got home, my father filed for divorce. I wanted to stay out of it, as I don’t want to be involved with the mess that this has become. However, it’s gotten bad enough that everyone knows in my hometown.
Worst of all, my mother has been spreading rumors about me instantly taking my father’s side. So, I decided to retreat and now I stay in my room or at my friend’s until I have to work.
My mom and her family think I’m betraying her by not supporting her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I think your father left because you are now under the same roof as your brother. Can he go live with your father?
Can you both go to his residence? It’s not fair of him to leave you with someone whose outbursts are so out of control that he is afraid of her! I suggest two things. Try to be neutral and polite around your mother and whatever she means by support you can at least say things like “I know this is really hard on you” or “I’m sorry for all the stress you’re going through” only to try and diffuse the tension in the house.
But know that this is about keeping you safe not whether or not you side with your father. Also can you visit your maternal relatives and confide in anyone sensible just how dangerous she has become? She needs to see a doctor and/or a counsellor. I think you and your brother may have to leave her home ” Firm-Molasses-4913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are not responsible for your Mom’s mental health or for managing it. Your father owes your Mom big time. He did wrong by her. But even he isn’t responsible for her mental health. It would be **kind** if he steered her towards counseling and even better if he participated in it.
However, I wouldn’t count on that, given that he chose to be unfaithful *prior to* separating. What a mess. I have to admit that it really stood out that he was *texting while driving, with you and your Mom in the car.* Thereby putting all of you , and oncoming traffic at risk for a nasty crash and possibly fatal injury.
I don’t think your father gives a rat’s behind about anyone but himself. I feel sorry for your Mom. Good luck. P.S. Don’t listen to gossip from your relatives. Gossip isn’t helping anything , and you don’t need to dignify it with responses.
Keep your focus on being kind to your Mom, and taking care of yourself.” SubjectBuilder3793
Another User Comments:
” NTJ because you aren’t obligated to take care of anyone but you’re kinda not nice for not saying something about seeing those messages.
If you’re my age I’m 22f then you know what apps like that and messages like that mean. You knew he was doing wrong. Only ones I feel bad for is the younger brother and mother. That said if your brother knew about your father’s unfaithfulness and yall hid it from your mother no wonder she went off her rocker.
She got betrayed and the “men” she has raised seem to take after their father by not having in integrity. I hope your dad gets his karma as well as your mother. (If anyone wants to disagree feel free to.
I’m not arguing with anyone! We all deserve our own opinions)” Yshehere
15. AITJ For Defending My Close Relationship With My Twin Brother?
“I (19F) have a twin brother who I am very close to.
Let’s call him J. We hang out together a lot and I consider him to be one of my best friends.
We became a lot closer during high school when we found out we were both bisexual. Making friends doesn’t come easy to me and I only have 2 close friends.
3 if you count my best friend’s childhood friend who hangs out with us sometimes. My twin is very social and has a bigger group of friends that he hangs out with all the time since most of them go to the same college.
Last week when we were hanging out with some of our mutual friends from high school one of them commented on my shirt, saying it looked like one my brother had in high school. I told her it was the same shirt and she gave me a kind of weird look.
I brushed it off because I didn’t think she meant anything by it. My brother and I sometimes share clothes because we have a similar style and are about the same height and build. For us, it just means we have a lot more clothing options.
Yesterday, I ran into that same friend after one of my classes and we stopped to talk. My brother called me in the middle of our conversation to ask if I wanted food since he was ordering anyway and before I hung up I said “Bye, I love you.” He said it back and my friend gave me a strange look.
She didn’t say anything at first but then when I asked her what was wrong she said it was just strange that I said I love you to my brother. I laughed it off and asked her if she didn’t say it to her siblings.
She said no because that was weird.
I didn’t know what to say so I just left it there and told her I needed to go so I could meet J at home before he left for his friend’s house since they were planning on hanging out.
She then started talking about how weird our relationship was and how it wasn’t normal for siblings to share clothes or say I love you, hug, hang out so much, or do any of the things we do. And how high school was weird since we were always together and talking to each other.
She also brought up a comment I made in high school in response to a question about what I would do if my twin died. I said that I didn’t think I could live without him because he was a part of me.
This question was asked to another set of twins we were friends with and they both had the same answer.
The whole time she was going on, I just stared at her because I really couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
Eventually, she stopped and I just blurted out, “You know you should stop watching so much inappropriate content.”
She was very embarrassed and went off at me for saying that. I just left and went home. I told J what happened and he just laughed at me while I felt like I was dying inside because I couldn’t believe I said that.
I asked my friends what they thought and they laughed at me and told me I’m not the jerk but I still feel like I am. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m an identical twin and while we are close to our other siblings, we are the closest to each other.
Twin relationships might be strange to other people but there’s nothing wrong with them. The person who has something inappropriate to say is the person with the problem. This “friend” should be embarrassed, but she caused this, it’s a result of her actions.” BohemianBarbie87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think it’s great that you are like this with your twin. I’m like that with my brother and we aren’t twins. We are like best friends, and it’s better than fighting and having constant arguments.
So, I don’t see a problem. It’s great to be close to someone, especially if that person is a sibling. I tell my brother I love him, and believe me, sometimes siblings need to hear you love them. Because sometimes there is no one else telling them that someone loves them.
It’s love out of care not like how your friend makes it out to be. She is insecure. And that’s something she has to sort out for herself.” HospitalOutside1084
14. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Lifestyle For My Step-Son's Partner?
“My step-son, Ben (20M), is living with us right now during summer break from college.
About a month ago, he asked if his partner from college, Liv, could stay with us for the rest of the summer because she was going through a rough time at home. I wasn’t fully on board with the idea because we already have our 2 other kids (11 & 9) in the house and having 4 adults and 2 kids in our space is a lot.
My wife has a soft spot for Ben and struggles to say no to him, so my concerns were dismissed and now Liv is living with us until they go back to school. There have been a few issues that have come up since Liv came, pretty much all of which have to do with me.
First, one of the big reasons Liv wanted to change her living situation is because her parents are heavy drinkers. Now, I don’t drink every day but I do have booze in the house and I like to imbibe with a meal sometimes or have a few cocktails on weekends.
This is triggering for Liv to see a parent drinking with kids around.
Second, Liv is vegan. We eat a lot of meat in our house. Pretty much every meal has meat involved. I also hunt, so we eat meat that I have harvested and I have a few mounts on the walls.
This makes Liv especially uncomfortable.
Ben and Liv sat down with my wife and me this past weekend and offered some suggestions to help make Liv’s time here easier. Their first suggestion was that if I wanted to drink, I should do it in private and not around the kids.
I tried to interject when they suggested this, but they asked me to let them finish before saying anything.
Their next suggestion was to allow Liv to cook vegan meals for us so that we didn’t eat so much meat all the time.
She offered to do grocery shopping and meal planning to provide vegan meals for us instead of our usual meals. Finally, they asked if I could remove the mounts from the walls of the house until they go back to school in 6 weeks.
When they finished, I asked if it was ok for me to talk now and they said yes. I told them that my answer to all of their suggestions was “no.” I told them that I appreciated Liv’s offer to cook for us and she is free to cook a few vegan meals for us during the week if she wants, but we are not going to completely change our diets for one person.
But as far as their other suggestions, not happening.
My wife spoke up and said that maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try their suggestions for a little bit and see how things go. She said it’s only 6-weeks and that changing our lifestyles a little bit for a short period wouldn’t kill us.
I told all 3 of them that if they want to change the way they live, they are free to do so. But they are not going to force me to change the way I live in my own home for a temporary guest. I told them if that means I cook separate meals for myself, so be it.
But the mounts stay and if I want a beer or a glass of wine, I’m going to have one.
All 3 of them think I am being unreasonable and that they aren’t asking too much of me for a short period.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a great lesson to them that you cannot always control the world around you and you certainly cannot control other people. She is lucky to be a guest and guests should never make the kind of asks she is making; it is not polite or respectful.
If your lifestyle is so hard for her, then your home is not the safe place she needs and she should make other arrangements. The biggest issue I see is why your wife thinks this is okay. Has she been making some similar requests to you before?
(PS. I am taking you at your word you drink lightly. If you drink more than two tipples every day, they might have a point.)” TheEmpressIsIn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This girl is going to have a difficult time adjusting to reality.
She is getting free housing and wants it to adjust to her. You did say some vegan meals are fine, so you are willing to do enough compromising. I assume she had been to the house previously and knew what it was like. ” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this is coming from a nondrinking vegetarian. You aren’t stopping anyone else from living how they want so it seems weird they are trying to stop you. It would be different if you were sloppy inebriated every night and making her help you skin rabbits.
I’ve found the best scenario is to have the vegan food as a side to your meat course. Ie tandoori chicken with red lentil Dahl and rice. Or roast vegies with beef. Etc etc. best of both worlds and not much extra mess.” wrathofworlds
13. AITJ For Leaving My Friend At The Arcade To Catch Our Train On Time?
“I (24M) recently went with a close friend [let’s call her] Maddie (22F) on a short trip to the coast. We stayed for three days and everything went well, we had lots of fun and generally enjoyed our time there.
However, everything went downhill on the last day when we were supposed to go back.
Very early that day, another mutual friend of ours [let’s call her] Abbie messaged Maddie saying that she would be passing by the coast that day with a friend of hers and that we should meet.
Since we had nothing else to do while we waited for the time to catch the train to go home, we agreed to meet.
The thing was that that day it was a complete downpour, and for some reason, bus services were not going around, and neither were there a lot of taxis, so we had to meet on foot along the way.
It was short of miserable but funny at the same time, having to walk against the rain and the wind along the coast. At some point, we eventually met, and we had to go back to dry up in a local arcade, as we were completely soaked.
While we were there, things started to turn strange to me. Both Maddie and Abbie were asking me constantly if I was okay, to which I answered I was every time, getting confused as to why they kept asking.
After that, they kept to their playing on the arcade machines. At some point, I realized it was getting dangerously close to the train leaving time, and the rain wasn’t stopping at all, so I stood up and tried to tell Maddie that we had to leave.
She said she didn’t want to, and that she wanted to stay a little longer. I said okay and waited a few more minutes, but seeing how the rain didn’t calm down at all, I approached them again and said that I would be leaving now because I wanted to dry up at the train station before the train left, and that she could catch up with me on the train station if she wanted to stay on the arcade a bit longer.
She said “Yeah, okay”, to which I said okay, so I left.
When I got to the train station, I took my phone out and saw that she had left me some messages. In short, she was in disbelief that I had “Actually left without her”.
I was very confused as we agreed to meet here, but she kept saying how much disbelief she was and that I should be ashamed of leaving her there. I told her that I didn’t see the issue at all, but that just made her get angry and make snarky comments.
At some point, the conversation was going nowhere, and I was worried about how she was going to get back if she missed the train, so I kept trying to get her to meet halfway or anything that would help.
She, however, decided that she would come back on a bus with the “people I left her with” and just continued to make snarky remarks. I got upset at this point, so I just told her “Congratulations” and stopped texting then.
We didn’t speak again after that, and it’s been a couple of weeks. I’d just like to understand what went wrong and if I am the jerk in this situation. Any insight would help!”
Another User Comments:
“Oh, no!
You *left without her* so you could *actually* catch your train *on time*! How inconsiderate of you to have only warned her repeatedly it was time to leave, and then you just up and *left*! Astounding! It’s not like you abandoned her on the side of the road, she was with friends.
And it looks like she somehow managed to get herself home. If she wants to give you the cold shoulder over this, well, you can’t stop her. But you don’t have to care, either. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- You are young, so you will realize in time there are people like this who will show up and try to manipulate you over time with mind games…you don’t need to keep these people in your life!
You communicated with her and gave her the option to come or not. She said no, …you stuck to your guns and made the right decision for yourself. Honestly, I would just ignore her if she texts you. Unless she self-reflects and apologizes.
Ps- Boundaries are everything! Set them and the right people will respect them.. the wrong people will try to get you to change them.” Nire_Cats_Rule_888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made it clear that you wanted to get to the train station soon, and you waited a bit longer for her to be ready, but eventually, you let her know you were going to catch the train, she claimed to understand that you were leaving and you left. If your description is accurate then she was the one who created the problem, not you.” minimalist_coach
12. AITJ For Snapping At My Sister And Her Husband Over My Food?
“I am 20 and have 6 siblings, I’m fine with most of my siblings but there are two that I am not okay with one being my 26-year-old sister, said sister has 4 kids and their father is still in the picture for context.
I am currently living with my mother as I look for colleges to attend after my year break from school, recently my sister was hit with issues that forced her to stay with me, my mom, and my two younger siblings.
Them being here has been a pain for me and my two other siblings since we like our privacy and cannot stand the house being so loud, but alas my mother cannot leave her children alone in desperate situations.
Here’s where I need an opinion, my sister’s husband tends to deal with animals and animal breeding but mostly with dogs. I am a germaphobe, a couple of days ago I was in the kitchen making food for me to eat since
I haven’t had anything at all that day, I see my little brother creeping towards my food, knowing exactly what he was trying to do. I warn him not to touch my food, keep in mind I am a germaphobe and I do not know if my brother washed his hands at all that day, which first ew.
He was smiling like things were funny as he continued to creep up to my food. After warning him again my sister’s husband jumps into the situation being stupid and commenting on how he was going to take up for my brother and what not, starts relaying messages “that my brother said.” As I am not entertaining it, I tell them no again and I was making it strictly for myself as again I had nothing to eat at all.
My sister’s husband then reaches over after just coming out of the bathroom and me not knowing if he washed his hands or not stole my food to give to my younger brother.
Angry I yelled at them both because I had told them no and I meant it.
My sister’s husband then decided to snatch the fork out of my hand that I was using to flip the food and says he will finish the bacon for me. I snatch the fork back and start yelling at him again saying that I didn’t stand over here just to make myself food for him and my brother to do something like that knowing I didn’t have any food previously and that.
I am a germaphobe who doesn’t even like touching my things without my hands being scrubbed thoroughly. My sister tells me to drop the subject since I was ranting to my mother about it and my mother takes up after her golden child who keeps instigating and starting things with my other siblings, telling me to drop the subject while also yelling at my brother to get out of people’s faces while they make food because it’s irritating.
My sister then says my name telling me I don’t know how to curse I shouldn’t try again and that it’s just food. I peek my head out of my room and yell at her to keep my name out of her mouth and to stop trying to start fights with people, only for my mother to tell me the next day that I hurt my sister’s feelings and that she didn’t mean anything by it and that she wasn’t trying to start anything when she was.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Why does your sister’s husband feel the need to be so darn childish and annoying? Who just takes away someone’s food like that and then keeps causing problems? It doesn’t matter, germaphobe or not — you were making something for yourself to eat and he shouldn’t butt in and hand it off to your brother.
I think you and your brother arguing is honestly just what siblings go through, but he does need to understand when something isn’t a joke. Your sister needed to either not say anything or come and collect her husband.” chaenukyun
Another User Comments:
“I probably would’ve taken the hot utensil flipped the bacon and smacked both. Hard. And then screamed « I deserve to eat » until they all backed down. Then waltzed to my room with my dinner and locked the door.
In other words: meet them on their insanely juvenile. But then I am not a « High Road » person. NTJ.” Comfortable_Arm3949
11. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Move Out To Save My Family's Finances?
“My parents were divorced 6 years ago and I allowed my mom to move in to a guest apartment in our basement because she had nowhere else to go without having to move out of state. She spent her life raising kids and didn’t have work experience or any money.
She did end up getting a job and working the last 6 years. She pays us enough to cover her utilities. The agreement was that she would live in the apartment while she figured out her next move and saved money.
I have two siblings, one who lives out of state and one who lives in town, who provide no help or support to her.
I have asked her to pay a small amount of rent over the years, and she has always said no, she can’t afford to do that, but then she also travels a lot, goes out to eat several times a week, goes shopping with friends all the time, and seems to be living it up.
I feel like a jerk for asking my mom to move out. She has really spent a lot of time fixing up her space and making it perfect for her needs. She painted and got new furniture and made it really cute.
She spends all her time there and seems happy and content. She planted a little terrace garden and spends her days chilling and traveling.
Despite her living downstairs, our relationship is pretty distant. She keeps to herself. Whenever we do hang out or have dinner, she makes weird comments about when I was a child, or talks down about my dad.
Their divorce was bitter and terrible. She could have forced him to sell their house and split the cost, but instead she allowed him to buy her out of the house, which ended up being a terrible deal for her, since the house has tripled in value in the last 6 years.
The main issue is that my wife and I can’t afford our bills. We have discussed either renting out the apartment or living in it and renting out the bigger main house. My wife is going back to school soon and won’t be able to work, and we are helping our kids pay for college and other expenses, so we need to find a way to increase our income somehow, and this seems like one of the most sensible ways.
My mom doesn’t take change or boundary setting very well. Last time I asked her not to come in to our part of the house without first asking us (she comes in to pick up her mail, do laundry, etc.), because there had been a couple of awkward moments where she walked in on my wife and I snuggling or kissing, etc., she got really sad and upset and voiced that she felt uncared for and unloved. She did accept the boundary and doesn’t stop in unannounced anymore.
I just feel so sad that she can’t support herself and if we tell her she can’t live with us anymore she will have to move to another state to live with her mom and sister, which she does not want to do.
She retired recently and is living on social security and a small retirement account and told us that her retirement funds will only work out if she lives with us, because she doesn’t have enough to pay rent anywhere else.
WIBTA for telling her she has to find somewhere else to live?”
Another User Comments:
“NTA. What does she do if you can’t afford the mortgage and you go into foreclosure? People get into terrible situations all the time, and you just have to do whatever it takes to press on.
For her that probably looks like cooking all her meals at home, no more shopping, and no more vacations. It might even include moving in with her mother and sister. You need to give her a reasonable amount of time to plan her next move though.
I think six months is fair, considering she’s had six years.” MODandANGRY
Another User Comments:
“NTA but she can’t keep living her life the way she has been without living rent free. She can live within her means and live independently.
They have sliding scale apartments based on income. She will gaslight and manipulate and guilt you regardless of your decision. Get your home back. She can figure out her life on her own. You gave her six years to save and plan and even if the home value tripled- she had that payout as well.
You’re not supposed to be her retirement plan.” United-Manner20
Low cost housing n she needs to cut the trips n shopping out
10. AITJ For Ignoring My Verbally Abusive Mother After She Yelled At Me For Going Out?
“I 25F live with my parents & I help with rent bills, etc. primarily why I don’t leave so I’ll be of help to them.
I also work from home so I can get caught up in my head at times where I want some peace & quiet.
On Monday evening I went to take a walk around 730pm after having some dinner “fart walks”.
On Tuesday I felt like taking a walk again after dinner and my mother shouted at me. She was shouting nonstop saying who goes out at this time why do I have to go? I didn’t interrupt her once while she was ranting and I said okay I will stay home that’s fine.
I went to my room and went on my computer and she came in saying don’t mind her and that now I can go. Now it’s 9 pm and I told her I don’t want to go anymore.
She kept going back & forth saying why don’t I want to go now since she now permitted me. I finished some work on the computer and I went to take a walk and by then my mom was already asleep.
While I was outside I saw a guy get run over by a car it was such a horrific accident the guy’s face was bleeding nonstop and he wasn’t able to get up. All the cars and nearby individuals that saw stopped to help.
I went to help also I felt so terrible seeing such a thing happen right in front of me. I gave the dude water and we waited for the ambulance to come.
While I was waiting for the ambulance to arrive my mom called me.
She not once asked where I was. She simply started yelling and shouting for 8 minutes straight, I didn’t interrupt until she let me speak. Once I told her I came to walk she started calling me all sorts of things.
I let her “express” herself more as she wished. I told her you could just call me and say hey where are you. It’s as simple as that.
Now Wednesday, yesterday, I picked my mom up from work and her attitude and energy were disgusting to me so I told her I’d be going out to the library and just relaxing.
I do get tired of being home all day since working from home can have its cons when your mother sees you as a child. I decided I didn’t want to come home until my brother came home or she fell sleep because I was tired of the verbal mistreatment.
At 630 pm she called me multiple times and as expected first thing she did was yell and shout at me nonstop & I told her what was wrong I told you I was going to the library and I wanted to relax.
She then started crying saying to pick up $10k for her since she’ll be leaving. She used to pull these moves on me before so she could see a reaction out of me but it didn’t work anymore I asked her to calm down.
Nope, telling her to stay calm made it worse she called me back to back until I had to turn my phone off. I started having anxiety to go back to the house. I called her back shortly and she said that I should pray for her death.
She said I deserve to see her die soon.
Once I got home I didn’t have the money so she started verbally abusing me again.
AITJ? I just don’t care anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This kind of hurts to read because my mom was like this.
It’s tiring and depressing to live with someone who thinks they can control you. She died realizing that she made a lot of mistakes. Little too late. When I said this – I’d drive to work at 5 am and come home at 8 pm.
On the weekend I’d go out with my friends to dinner and come home at 10 pm and my mom would yell at me telling me I was treating their house like a hotel. Then they’d yell at me to mow the lawn, clean the bathrooms, etc. This was with them charging me 700 a month (2007) for rent.
It lasted 3 months till I couldn’t take it anymore. You might need to move out too.” ZeeWingCommander
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP do not engage with your mother when she is being ridiculous like this, she is looking for attention and is clearly showing main character syndrome.
You have a mother problem, you are not the issue. She is emotionally manipulative, narcissistic, and verbally abusing you. You should try the grey rocking technique, create/assert some boundaries, and make plans to move out if you can.
Good luck, OP.” Unfair_Plankton_3781
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s time to move out. It’s not a pleasant place for you to be. You can’t develop friendships or have a romantic partner over because she’ll be busy yelling the whole time.
I did not see one thing in your post that validated you having to be in that house. You are an adult You are unappreciated Your mother thinks you are ten, she isn’t getting any better, She doesn’t seem to ever show any motherly love for you at all.
Why in the world do you live there? You are wasting some of the best years of your life. There are opportunities for you elsewhere. Go find them.” SubjectBuilder3793
9. AITJ For Refusing To Do Yard Work After My Wife Planted A Garden Despite My Severe Bee Allergy?
“My wife (29F) and I (31M) bought our first house this past winter. The house is in decent shape, but the yard needed a lot of work. We spent the winter planning what we wanted to do with the yard in terms of landscaping.
My wife has always wanted a garden, but I have a severe bee/wasp allergy and I did not want to plant a bunch of stuff that would attract those insects to our yard. She kept begging me to let her build a garden and told me that there were going to be insects in our yard anyway.
I carry an EpiPen with me pretty much all the time when I’m outside, but I would prefer not to have a deadly threat in my yard at all times.
I went out of town for work for a week about 6 weeks ago.
When I got back, I saw that my wife had done a lot of work in the yard. She had bought a few raised planting beds and started a little vegetable garden. She had also dug up a couple of areas on both sides of our driveway and planted a bunch of native plants and flowers as pollinator gardens.
I’ll admit, my first reaction probably wasn’t the best. It was something along the lines of “What are you thinking?” We got into a pretty big fight about it because she kept downplaying how much of a problem it would be for me.
She kept saying things like “They won’t sting you unless you bother them.” “They are going to be in our yard anyway.” “Native pollinator plants are important.” “You have an EpiPen anyway.”
Now, I’m not necessarily disagreeing with any of those statements.
But to me, she is inviting deadly threats into our yard. And to make it worse, she is telling me it’s not a big deal. I told her that if she wanted to keep all of that stuff in our yard, she just signed up to do all the yard work by herself because I was not going to put myself at risk just so that she could grow a few zucchini.
I am not going to mow the lawn if it means I might get stung.
She told me I was overreacting but since she wanted to keep everything she planted, she begrudgingly agreed to do all the yard work.
Well, now that summer is in full swing, she doesn’t like that arrangement. She complains that it’s too hot and the yard work would go a lot faster if both of us were doing it. She complains that the grass grows too fast and doesn’t like having to spend time every weekend mowing.
But then she will also post videos on social media about all the bees that her pollinator garden is attracting.
This past weekend she told me she was too tired to mow and asked me to do it. I told her that we already agreed she would do all the yard work since she wanted to keep her gardens.
She again told me I was overreacting and that I needed to help.
I told her that I was not putting myself at risk when we both knew there were more bees in our yard now because of her gardens.
I have taken on a lot more of the household chores to compensate for her doing the yard work, so it’s not like I’m slacking off. She refuses to see things from my point of view.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To begin with, it sounds like you and your wife were still in the planning stages when she went behind your back and planted her preferred garden. Second, she is being dismissive of a deadly allergy. An EpiPen isn’t a cure-all for your problem.
You still need to go to the emergency room if you are stung, and there can be lingering effects for days afterward. By inviting bees into your yard, she’s increasing your chance of being stung. It’s great that your wife is concerned about pollinators, but it would be nice if she was concerned about her husband too.” UteLawyer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ On some level, I can agree with your wife. In many years of gardening and even having raised bees, I’ve never been stung except the one time a bee got in my glove after I did some hivework.
You’re probably at more risk driving to work than you are in a garden. But, you don’t mess with anaphylaxis, especially not someone else’s anaphylaxis. The odds are low but if it does happen, it’s so dangerous.
Not to mention the anxiety and fear you may feel. Your solution of her doing the yard work is eminently reasonable. If she finds it too much work there are ways of reducing it if she wants. There are low-maintenance gardens and lawn solutions that take less mowing.
Or she can just put in the work because this is her hobby and her choice.” Right_Count
Another User Comments:
“If you have that severe of an allergy, you shouldn’t be mowing. Wasps and yellow jackets build nests in the ground in old animal burrows regardless of what you plant and bees are going to be on clover etc. Having contained areas of native flowers means pollinators will more likely be over there leaving you alone.
Being this reactive to the garden and flowers doesn’t make any sense unless you plan on rolling around in the beds. You just need to hire someone to mow the lawn.” Massive_Homework9430
8. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out And Live Independently Despite Family Expectations?
“To begin, I am a 27-year-old Muslim Asian woman (closeted lesbian) and I live somewhere in Europe (I don’t want to specify where). My family do not know I am a lesbian and I doubt I’d ever tell them.
I have 4 siblings, all in their 20’s. We all live at home with our mom. All 4 of my siblings wish to get married, move out, have children, and live their own lives. I do not want to marry or have children but I do want to move out.
Around 2 years back, I lost my 50-year-old dad. He was a severely ill man with several health complications. My mom was his primary carer and me and my siblings would assist with all types of care. We did not have a normal childhood – I could say we spent most of our lives in hospitals and medical centers, taking care of our dad in ways that normal children did not do.
Despite all of this, my parents tried hard to make our lives as enjoyable as possible, and I will always be grateful for that. Though taking care of him made me more empathetic as a child, and then adult, it was hard balancing life when I would prioritize my father and his health over everything.
It was rough watching my dad slowly die and his body gives up over time.
After his death, my mom became severely dependent on us for company. She spent 30 years attached to my dad so this was understandable. She doesn’t have many friends as she spent most of her time taking care of my dad so the opportunity to make friends never came around.
Her family live in a different country, and her in laws come over occasionally but their entire relationship is on the surface. Me and my siblings are constantly by her side. She breaks down a lot, doesn’t sleep much and has been having issues with her health.
A few weeks back, the conversation about marriage and children came up whilst I was with my siblings. All of them spoke about how they aim to eventually leave home, get married, and have children. I made it clear that I do not want to get married (I would be expected to marry a Muslim man, however, I’m a closeted lesbian, so I just tell my family that I don’t want to get married at all), but I do want to move out and get a place of my own.
All of them were baffled at my ‘selfishness’. To them, I can only move out if I want to get married and have children, otherwise I should stay with our mom and give her company as she would not survive being on her own.
I brought this up with my mom and she agreed with them. Since then, I’ve repeatedly mentioned that I want to move out, have my place, and travel, however, I’m constantly shot down and called selfish. It has been playing on my mind a lot and I can’t help but get upset.
I feel guilty. How can I wish to leave her alone when I don’t have to? When I could make her less lonely and give her some company and bring her ease? I spent years taking care of my dad and I can’t even live with my mom and take care of her?
I’m constantly conflicted between thinking I’m a horrible selfish person to thinking I deserve to live my own life? So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It is always amazing to me that family members who call someone selfish are generally the ones who are selfish.
Your Mom is selfish to want you to give up your life to keep her company. She had a life the life she wanted with her husband and family – so why shouldn’t you have your own life? The best years of your life would be spent caring for her and then when she passes, you would be starting your life over Your siblings are selfish as well.
They are living the life they want. Wouldn’t it make more sense for them to house Mom as she could eventually help with the kids etc? Tell one of them to get an in-law appt. Live your own life.
Visit your Mom when you can BUT do not give up your chance to experience life.” hikergirl26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…Move out and live your own life. You know they’re never going to agree with you, so you have to simply let that part go, and refuse to feel any guilt or regret.
Marriage and family does NOT make their dreams any more important than yours.” RoyallyOakie
Another User Comments:
“You need to make sure that you’re the first to move out, otherwise if you’re left at home with just your mother it’s going to be much, much harder.
Also start getting her involved in your community, in joining groups and finding other interests. She might want to take steps to volunteer if she isn’t working. Also consider if she actually does want to move back home closer to your family.
If you don’t want to be the person solely looking after your mother when everyone has moved out and have their own families, you will need to consider how close/far you’re going to live from everyone.” CymruB
7. AITJ For Wanting To Join A Last Minute Family Trip To Visit My Dying Grandma?
“I (28F) texted my mom this morning that I was hurt that I got left out of a trip this weekend to see my grandma who probably only has weeks left to live.
My twin had scheduled to see her in August but due to her health, she changed the trip to this weekend. My sister and my mom had this whole trip planned without me, so when I heard about it I got upset because my grandma may pass away.
Of course, I want and need to see her. Last night when I mentioned it my mom said she had cancelled the trip because her sister that she hates is up there (I don’t know some random excuse in my opinion) but when I texted her this morning she told me she had a flight saved for me.
That’s when I got confused because if she saved me a flight I would like to know because of work accommodations and just knowing the plan. I told my mom I did not understand why she was booking a flight for me without my knowledge on top of saying the trip was canceled and that’s when everything broke loose.
Within 10 minutes I got a cryptic text from my sister that I ruined the trip and had it canceled. Her text – “Because your mom is canceling the trip because you’re a child and got your feelings hurt. If something happens to Grandma I don’t get to see her.
You are dead to me. I want you to know that. I’m just going to block your number because I don’t want to deal with you and your nonsense”.
I never asked my mom to book me a flight by the way I just wanted to join the trip!
So after all of this, I said forget it I’m an adult so I decided to go by myself to see my grandma instead. I let my mom know and then her sisters started texting me telling me how insensitive I was to see grandma in such a weak state of mind and that I couldn’t come.
My dad then sends this long text about how I’m not welcome at home and that I’m full of drama. He threatened me to not come around anymore and my mom is telling me that I’m making this all her fault and that she can’t do anything right… how she has skin cancer and I’m ungrateful, all this nonsense when all I asked was IF I COULD SEE MY GRANDMA.
My sister then called my best friend telling him that I told her he tried to take advantage of me (lol I don’t even know where she got that from but she’s upset I didn’t want to stay with her in the hotel for his wedding and this is a reason why!) but she called him today to try and get me uninvited from his wedding.
He called and confronted me saying he didn’t believe her thank god but still?! Am I losing my mind here? I’ve had 4 family members text me and all this drama all because I was upset my grandma was passing away and I wanted to join the trip with my sister and my mom.
They never cancelled their trip and now I’m not allowed to see my grandma.
I’m not allowed home, I almost got uninvited from my best friend’s wedding for no reason and my mom’s side of the family is texting me not to come and I did nothing wrong… AITJ?!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family seems to be full of drama for no reason. You asked a question and they couldn’t even give you a clear answer? As long as you were willing to pay for your spot on the trip, they shouldn’t be upset with you.
I hope you got to see your grandma” Ghosty_girl16
6. AITJ For Cutting Off My Dad And His Mistress Turned Wife After She Manipulated Me?
“My dad had an affair with my mom’s supposed best friend Cheryl. Three years ago Cheryl pulled me (15m) aside and told me about the affair and that she wanted my help to make my siblings still love her when they found out.
She was someone we were all close with. I’m the youngest of the family and the “favorite” of everyone, which I don’t see as true, but it’s a bit of a joke and I am the youngest so I do get people looking out for me more.
This is something Cheryl tried to use to her advantage. She put me in the worst position by telling me about the affair because she hoped my siblings would love me too much to hate her if I told them not to.
I was so angry at her and at dad. I didn’t want to be the one to tell mom. I didn’t want to see her break down. But I knew I needed to. Mom was furious, more at Cheryl for involving me than the affair at first. My dad defended Cheryl and said she had known me my whole life and should be allowed to confide in me.
It turned into a really big fight. My siblings hated them more for trying to involve me too.
During the divorce we all said we wanted to stay with mom. The judge ruled I had to go to my dad’s until I was 14.
So for two years I had to go to dad’s house every other week. I made it my mission to make life harder for them that whole time. I refused to go along with the happy family stuff they tried to pull.
Which only got WAY worse when Cheryl was pregnant and they wanted to do a pregnancy reveal with me in it and I said no. After the baby was born they thought I would soften and would want to know their baby, I didn’t.
The last time I was at their house Cheryl was pregnant again.
I turned 14 and stopped going. I refuse to answer texts from them either (can’t block my dad until I turn 18). My siblings have them both blocked and they refuse to engage with them.
Cheryl and my dad’s families are living closer to them now and both ask about us and why we’re not around. Dad’s family have tried to reach out and get me to reconcile but I told them it would not happen and I hate my dad.
Cheryl confronted me while I was at the mall the other day. She followed me into different stores and said I have two younger siblings I should know and that I loved her before so I should stop punishing her and dad and start being more respectful.
I had enough when I realized she wasn’t going to walk away and I told her she’s disgusting and repulsive for trying to use me to her advantage, a 12 year old kid, when she was having an affair with dad.
I told her I would never show her any respect and she and dad could explain to their kids why they’ll never be part of mine or my siblings lives. But I’m not going to let them guilt me into anything.
She has used dad’s phone a bunch since then and I got over 100 texts already. Mom told them to stop and bullying a child after all they did makes them look even worse. The response back was I’m a disrespectful child who should be taught better.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100% This woman’s behavior was disgraceful all round. Trying to manipulate & involve you only compounds that. ” I told her she’s disgusting and repulsive for trying to use me to her advantage, a 12 year old kid, when she was having an affair with dad.” Exactly.
“Mom told them to stop and bullying a child after all they did makes them look even worse.” She’s totally right. “The response back was I’m a disrespectful child who should be taught better.” Block her on everything. Your mom sounds well able to deal with her too.
Sorry you had to go through that & that your Dad is such a jerk.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The problem is their lack of respect for your parents marriage. Your dad is way out of line to condone Cheryl confiding in/attempting to manipulate a child, trying to force a familial relationship and bullying you.
You have no obligation to buy into it. Mom needs to take screenshots of the 100 text messages and ask if you can block your dad now.” Clean_Factor9673
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What the actual was Cheryl thinking. She is a homewrecker demanding forgiveness, respect and understanding from the people whose home she wrecked?
What a joke. Record everything in a book including when they harass you in public, everything on your phone (also back up if you can), then whenever you can, take it to the police for harassment. Having everything documented for however long you have to will make it easier for the police to help you.” CrabbiestAsp
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Watch My Friend's Unruly Dog Again?
“A few weeks ago, I agreed to watch my friend’s (male) dog next week for about 5 days.
I live in a house with my partner, SIL, (female) dog, and cat. Our backyard has some gaps in the fence and we rent so there’s nothing we can do. She’s also aware of this and didn’t have any issue with it.
We had the dogs meet in a neutral place and they seemed to tolerate each other (my dog is a bit old and grumpy). She talks about how her dog has perfect recall, doesn’t run away, and is very chill + low maintenance.
After this, she asked us if we could watch her dog for the night because her friend is in town. I agreed, on the condition that the next day, she comes to let my dog out while we’re out of the house.
She agrees to come first thing in the morning and just hang at my house with both dogs for the day. She drops off her dog and 15 min after she leaves, we let her dog out. My partner and I are both outside with him but he’s inching toward the edge of the yard.
We try to get him to come back inside and he just busts out. We both chase him and he runs into a neighbor’s yards and is gone. I call my friend to let her and ask for her help to get him.
She and her friend arrive and we wander around the neighborhood with no luck. My friend admits that he actually has run away before. We return to my house after a couple of hours of looking and her dog comes back to our yard!
My friend leaves and we watch him for the night.
The next morning, she lets me know that she’s hungover and her friend’s gonna come by to get the dog from us, and she’ll let our dog out later.
However, she then calls and asks us to drop her dog off to her apartment instead, which we do. She never comes by to take our dog out, procrastinating until we decide to come home.
2 days ago, she asks me to watch her dog again, this time, only for 3 hours on 4th of July night while she goes to a show with her partner.
She now lets me know that her dog cannot be left alone for even 30 min or he might destroy her apartment. I agree since she promises to get him at around 1am, but let her know I’ll be asleep and my partner has to work early.
They come over beforehand for dinner and find out the show is canceled, but want to go out anyways. They promise to come back even earlier than intended. I get a text at 12:30am saying she’s getting ready to come get her dog.
An hour later, she says she’s too tipsy and will just come at 7am instead offering me $80. I don’t sleep all night because her dog is crying from fireworks. At 6:45am, she texts that she’s up, but is going back to sleep and I should text her when I’m up.
I text her 30 min later saying to get her dog and I have a vet appointment at 9am, but she’s on DND. At 9am, I text her saying I pushed the vet appointment but she needs to get her dog ASAP and hit “Notify anyways”.
She comes and gets her dog within 30 min.
WIBTJ for not wanting to watch her dog next week? She has proven 2/2 times that she’s not reliable to pick up her dog.”
Another User Comments:
“You’ve already gone out of your way for this person to watch their dog which is extremely nice but in the process of it she has lied about the dog’s behaviour and put you in a difficult position to attend to the things you also need to do.
She has disregarded what your schedule is and I don’t know for sure but from what you’re saying it also seems like there has been a lack of effort on her part when you’ve asked her to do something for you.
NTJ” rose_2317
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I watched my neighbor’s dog for a while, but it became too much and they’re really good pet parents. I suggested they get a pet sitter. They did. And while I would be there in a pinch, a pet sitter is the best solution.
I told them “I’m sorry, but this getting too much for me. You’ll have to get a pet sitter for the future. Check with your vet for recommendations. Good luck.”” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Back in college I lived off-campus with someone who would pull similar stunts with his dog.
I found that people that act in this way really shouldn’t have a dog/pet if they clearly can’t commit enough time to it. And/or don’t have a support system/ family that is also taking care of the pet.
That’s just my opinion though. Everything else said and done I’m surprised your patience has gotten you this far!” xxTryHardzxx
4. AITJ For Confronting My Dad About His Favoritism And Lack Of Affection Towards Me?
“I’m (22m) a twin and I have a twin sister Wren. When Wren and I were 4 our mom passed away from liver cancer.
She was 30. I know that would be difficult for Dad. Going from a happily married father of two to a widowed father of two with no family close enough (emotionally) for support would be a lot. But he was a better dad to my sister than to me and that started before mom passed away.
It just stood out more after.
My dad was an affectionate and caring father to Wren. She was his little girl and he cherished her. If she fell he would pick her up, kiss her tears, and clean her cuts.
He was gentle and compassionate with her. When she was upset she could sleep in bed with him. He’d snuggle with her on the couch. He’d pull her out of school sometimes and take her for father-daughter dates. When she was bullied, he was riding the school hard to deal with it and he fought so hard for her.
He went out of his way to make sure she was loved and supported.
Growing up I heard the words tough and strong a lot. I heard the word man a lot and I was still so young. He never cuddled me or kissed away my tears or carried me.
He never even said I love you to me. There was nothing gentle about him when it came to me. He was rougher, harsher, he expected me to be tough, to be a man, to be strong. If I had a nightmare I was sent right back to bed. When I got bullied terribly in high school my dad didn’t want to know.
There were times when Wren and I would both fall. We’d both be young too. And even if I was bleeding more, she was the kid he comforted. It was never me. Not if it was both of us falling and not if it was just me.
He never did father-son dates. The most interest he ever showed in me was when I could help him do guy chores, like moving stuff.
I tried to approach this with him on a few different occasions but I never got to finish.
He always cut me off for one reason or another. It got to a point where I expected it if I tried. I moved in with my best friend’s family after I finished high school (at home). Wren lived at home for two more years.
Dad only called me when he wanted something.
He did it again the other day and I decided this nonsense had to end. I told him I’m not a toy he can take out when he needs me and then discard me once I’ve served my purpose.
I told him I was his son, not his helper. And I brought up how he never says he misses me, or says I love you, he never showed me love or affection and I wasn’t going to tolerate it anymore.
Dad sent me an email in response (he emails better than he texts) saying I was being very harsh. He said I was never his little girl and boys are raised differently. I replied I was never trying to be his little girl but I was his little boy and he should have shown me love too.
He responded again that I accused him of discarding me like a possession which was unjustified.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I swear some dads [some not all] have this toxic mindset of having to be loving and doting for their daughter but will think it makes the son weak if he does the same for him.
I don’t get it. Showing your child you love them isn’t weak. You deserve better!” singyoulikeasong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Probably long overdue to bring some of that to his attention. If he “needs/wants” something, surely he can get “tough”, and “man up” and do it himself.
Facetiousness aside, would he be amenable to joint counseling do you think? It might help him, and your relationship with him, if he could come to realize and admit that “very harsh” was how he treated and continues to treat you and begin to make amends for that.” CatteNappe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, this nonsense happens a lot. Any child regardless of gender needs his parents to kiss them if they fall and hurt themselves. Any child needs their parents when they have nightmares. Any child needs their parents to show up for them at school and in life.
Not all but unfortunately the majority of parents have preferences. Girl dads and boy moms are super toxic. If you aren’t ok with the gender and loving your child regardless of what is in his pants you shouldn’t have children.
You have every right to express your feelings on the matter.” Otherwise_Degree_729
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Friends With My Ex Who Left Me For His Best Friend?
“I, an 18-year-old female, used to see this guy who is also 18. We met at a Thanksgiving after-party. I only met him in the first place because my cousin decided to bring her bestie, and the bestie decided to bring her brother (the guy).
So we started talking, and we had a great connection, not only that, but it was like love at first sight. A few weeks later, we started seeing each other, everything was going great. I was happy, he was happy, everything was good until I met his female best friend.
He told me he had a female best friend and I had a bad feeling about her, but I ignored it, I just put it as jealousy or having trust issues.
So we were seeing each other for about 3 months, I finally met the female best friend because I was on the phone with him while he was at work.
His coworkers were gathered around his phone, looking at me and calling me all types of names and being disrespectful, they didn’t even know me, but they were talking about me. I didn’t say anything back, I just ignored them, but his female best friend caught my attention when she decided to threaten me.
After that, I just hung up and told him I’ll call him back, but after I met his best friend, a month later, he changed and didn’t want to be on the phone with me anymore. The usual stuff guys do to their partners when they’re talking to another girl.
Anyways, another month passed, we got into a small argument and he broke up with me. I cried every day for two months, then I reached out to him asking why he broke up with me, he told me I wasn’t good enough that I was the problem and I always played the victim,m and that I hurt him.
After that, I cried more and blamed myself. Soon the truth came out that I wasn’t the problem and he just left me for another girl (the female best friend). Fast forward to last year and now he has apologized more than once.
He said he made a mistake and wanted us to get back together and work things out. He told me he only wanted to be with me (if that was true why would he or anybody else hurt the person they only wanted to be with).
We tried working things out but I had so much sadness and anger in me for him, I kept lashing out and I didn’t trust him at all. So we cut each other off. (That was last year). This year we started back talking and he wants to be friends and be on good terms. But I kind of still have feelings for him and I’m kind of still hurt from what he did.
We talked about it and he knows I’m still hurting. His response to me letting him know I’m still hurting is that I need to move on from it that he made a mistake and that I need to stop being stuck in the past. So, am I the jerk for being stuck in the past and am I the jerk for not wanting to be friends with him or be on good terms?
By the way, he and the girl are not friends anymore. He finally understood that he destroyed our relationship all because his ex-female best friend didn’t want to see him happy with anyone else. She never really wanted him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- you do not need to stay friends with your exes. You get to choose who you keep in your life. Anyone who lets his friends treat you like crap is not a friend.” ChakraMama318
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Breaking up hurts. It’s perfectly reasonable to want to avoid the source of your pain. Occasionally, exes can be friends. I think it’s lovely when that happens. But nobody’s the jerk if it’s not possible. It’s a jerk move to try to force an ex into friendship if they are not ready.
And it’s perfectly fine if the ex is never ready.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He dumped you hard when he thought he had a better thing going for him and then manipulated his way back when it didn’t work out.
I imagine you were the placeholder partner. Someone to support him while he waits for someone better. Funny how he was so sorry when he was trying to get you back, and now he’s telling you to just get over it already.
He’s only talking to you because he wants attention and he’s irritated that you’re talking about your feelings instead of stroking his ego.” nursepenguin36
2. AITJ For Resenting My Longtime Friend For Neglecting Our Friendship?
“So I’ve (22F) been friends with Lily (22F) since we were 13.
We met in our first year of high school, grew close, and have been friends ever since. For most of these 10ish years, our relationship has been easy. We got along well with no problems. We weren’t the type to fight or bicker, our dynamic just worked.
We were in a group of friends in high school. When she dropped out, she gradually lost contact with everyone except for me. Even at one point, I lost contact with the group too. We both went to a new school and we had just each other.
I was in the year above her at the new school since she had to repeat after dropping out. I graduated and ended up in contact with our group again. Lily was still in school, so I eventually had two separate groups going on.
I often asked Lily to hang out with the group again but she never wanted to because she felt awkward. I wouldn’t force her, so we continued this way till our 20s. A friend from the group, Kate, planned a surprise birthday for me.
She knew I was still close with Lily, Kate herself had no hard feelings with Lily so she texted Lily to come to this surprise party. I was over the moon to see all my friends in the same room, and Lily agreed it wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be.
Eventually Lily was in the group and everything felt great.
This is where it goes south…
It was little things at first. Talking to me less but getting on with the other girls is fine. Not including me in the plans she makes.
Not returning the effort I put in. I was put on the back burner. I was understanding still though, and didn’t let that bother me much. She was happy, I was happy. It was all okay.
She got a new partner, Andy.
His personality is not my cup of tea but he isn’t abusive like her ex so I had no issues. Lily has been gradually becoming less interested in me and my life for some time now and it got worse when she got with Andy.
She never asks me how I am or asks what I’ve been up to, she only ever talks to me about herself. When she needs something or whatnot. Her new partner Andy is not the nicest. For example: he doesn’t support the LGBTQ community.
Which is fine if you can keep your opinion to yourself. You do you. Just don’t hurt people. Plot twist. He openly discriminated against me (bisexual) and Lily said NOTHING. Didn’t defend me against HER partner. He often picks at my personality and she says nothing.
I put up with him to be civil. I recently had surgery with 6 weeks bed rest and she asked me how I was ONCE. However, has sent me messages about her day. About going out etc. saying it sucks that I can’t do the same.
It feels like she’s mocking me.
I don’t know if I’m being sensitive. I’ve always done my best for her but I feel like in the past 2yrs she has gradually lost interest in me. Only shows true friendship when it suits her.
It’s made me resent her a bit.
So AITJ for not being able to stand her anymore. Is it wrong of me to kind of dread seeing her now?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You drifted apart. This is what can happen when people grow up.
You can try and talk to Lily about this. Ask her, that she asks you more about how you are doing. She might have a wrong impression (something like ‘I don’t want to ask OP too many questions, so she isn’t bothered by me.
But I tell OP stuff and show her, she can tell me what she wants too’ … so a classic misunderstanding). But yeah, maybe it is just time to let this friendship run out and not invest time and energy into it.” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your feelings are valid. You can feel however you want about topics. Some things you mentioned are just natural ebbs and flows of people growing, changing, and growing apart. Her not defending you when her partner said disparaging remarks is almost cosigning the remarks.
That’s the only part that was stated that would put her in the jerk territory. Everything else is just people growing apart, going through the motions and her not being very interested in you or your life anymore. You aren’t her only friend anymore so she doesn’t need to put in the full effort she once did.
No one is entitled to a continued friendship. How long you’ve known someone or whatever experiences you’ve shared shouldn’t hold any weight in whether the friendship continues if it is no longer working the way you want it to work.
It’s perfectly fine to let people go because their personality no longer gels with yours or you feel like the effort to maintain is 1 sided.” terayonjf
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. The partner is a jerk and she should tell him to lay off.
You’re a jerk because you don’t appreciate that her life is taking on more responsibilities. She’s putting effort into rekirekindling relationships, and maintaining a partner. When she does have the time for you, you get her laser focus.
You need to accept you aren’t her sole focus anymore” Peskypoints
1. AITJ For Limiting My Mother's Role In My Wedding After She Kicked Me Out?
“Some background: My (22F) mother (48F) recently removed me from her house a week ago, which I have lived in for a year paying her rent.
We argued that day that caused it, which I had brought up. To keep it short, it was an old argument about how she had told one of my friend’s abusive mothers that she had visited us for the holidays after I asked her if she could keep it a secret, and she agreed. Other things were going on with the visit that were my fault, but I feel like nothing warrants putting someone in danger like that.
I have never gotten that mad at her before, because she refused to acknowledge her actions put my friend in danger. We both yelled, I used some language (which she hates) in frustration and called her a liar, and she threw me out in the middle of the argument with only my purse and keys.
She refunded my rent for this month and apologized today for telling my friend’s mom. Before today, she told me over text she didn’t want to hear from me until she reached out unless it was an apology, upon which I apologized for my behavior and left her alone.
I am currently rotating between living with my fiancé’s family and my dad, and my fiancé will be moving together on the 19th, so I only have to figure things out until then. She has been packing my stuff, and my brother has dropped off enough stuff so I can get by.
She is planning on leaving the boxes in the garage, and not letting me back in the house at all again to collect sensitive items, say goodbye to our cats, or anything else.
I thought this argument was the only thing that she threw me out over, but afterward, she sent me a text saying she was tired of me keeping my room the way it is (messy, but not grossly so), she’s tired of not getting extra invites to my wedding because she has helped me in the past, and she’s tired of me not being more grateful for a loan she gave me (which I have paid back consistently with the terms we agreed to and have thanked her numerous times before).
The latter two I was not aware she felt that way since she hadn’t brought it up. This is the only big argument we have had in months.
I know I was the jerk in the argument. My behavior was out of line despite the topic of argument.
My question is if I would be the jerk for limiting her role or attendance at my upcoming wedding or wedding events because she threw me out. I don’t know whether or not she is in the right to do it, since she owns the house and I do have my dad as an option to live with (although I haven’t lived with him for years now and we don’t talk very much).
What I do know is that I considered the house my home for the past year, I do pay rent, and she removed me without any warning and refused to talk to me for almost a week afterward besides letting me know my brother was bringing me some stuff.
I don’t know if I’m overreacting or being overdramatic, but if I don’t want to interact with her as much, WIBTJ if I limit her role/attendance in wedding stuff anyway?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – at all….. You are taking partial blame for the argument, which is cool – but I disagree.
It’s not like she told someone about a gift you were trying to surprise them with. She gave an jerk information about their victim. (I cannot help but wonder if your mom and your friend’s mother have some kind of toxic mom club.
Because this reaction to an “old argument” is kind of insane.) It sounds like your mom is used to having the power in your relationship and she will do anything to keep it – including putting you in questionable (potentially dangerous) situations.
I would not consider giving her any more power over your wedding day. I would invite her for the sake of keeping whatever peace you have, but I’d be preparing to go low contact afterward.” aj_alva
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you were paying rent. She did not have the right to eject you with no warning. You weren’t a danger to her. She didn’t communicate these things were issues, she just EXPLODED at you. She messed up by breaking her word to you and her response was to kick you out?
Ok. she didn’t even let you pack clothing? Get your paperwork etc. She’s the one building a wall. I’d be furious if she ratted out someone with an abusive parent, putting them in jeopardy. I’m so petty, I would invite her for the ceremony only and not the reception.” magictubesocksofjoy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think the answer on what your mom’s involvement is in the wedding is dependent on what you want in the relationship moving forward, but it definitely sounds like some boundaries and emotional keeping her at arm’s length is best, at least while you cool down.
No one is entitled to be involved in your wedding and it’s planning other than your fiance. Do whatever you’re comfortable with, and if she tries to bulldoze that then it’s just one more red flag.” Elegant-Drawing-4557
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