People Put Their Reputations At Risk In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Suggesting We Each Buy Our Own Groceries Due To Financial Strain?
“My husband and I are in a tough spot financially.
We bought a house last year and got into debt fixing it up.
He also has some properties he rents out on Airbnb and had to make some big expenses to fix up some of his properties this month.
We agreed to a 40-60 split on joint expenses when we bought this house, but now he wants me to pick up more of the mortgage payment.
I can do that, but for me, that means that I have to re-budget my lifestyle to make it work, so I said I would agree to the new mortgage payment split if we can each buy our own food.
Most of our grocery list is “extras” that he buys. I was okay footing 40% of $800 a month when we agreed on the split, but now that finances are tighter, this spending category is the biggest place where I could make this work.
He got really angry and shouted at me. He said that it feels like we’re roommates and that I’m the jerk for balking when I feel financial pressure.
I feel like I am trying to keep my head above water and I tried to compromise.
Info: We have a joint checking account and pay all of our joint expenses out of it. We agreed on the 40-60 split based on income. Our expenses come out to a little under $7000 a month, so I direct deposit 40% of it.
The Airbnb’s are all his business and we agreed in the beginning that it’s all financially his. I help him out with cleaning and moving stuff.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your finances sound weird. Joint or separate, this is..
weird. $800/month for groceries for 2 people is… Insane? Are there kids? I’m from a high COL area and that still sounds too high. It is utterly reasonable to say “I need to rebudget and I don’t want to negatively affect your grocery choices, so I think it makes the most sense to just buy our own groceries until things change.” Kinda feels like he knows he’d get the fuzzy end of that lollipop.” Kitastrophe8503
Another User Comments:
“So he’s in trouble with the finances with his Airbnb business which she has no claim to, so he’s demanding they change their longstanding agreement and she pay more toward their mortgage. She looks at her budget and the only place there is room to cut expenses is food and when she informs him they will have to split the cut evenly, he throws a temper tantrum.
Poor baby without his treats. I guarantee he will sneak and buy them anyway out of his Airbnb accounts. I doubt you live in the US so I don’t know how to tell you to protect yourself from this selfish money-grubbing man other than making sure your home is in both your names.
Save whatever money you can and hide it. He doesn’t seem like a nice generous man to me.” cat-ona-hottinroof
Another User Comments:
“So you willingly agreed to an increase on your portion of the mortgage? Which means less money for your budget + more money for his budget?
He however threw a tantrum when asked to buy his own food even though he will have more money? Then he tried to make you feel guilty? You’re not the jerk. Tell him then unfortunately I cannot increase the mortgage payment.
I just don’t have that kind of income. Either that or you quickly pay the bills you’re responsible for, buy your food immediately and what’s left he has to try to make do. I’m curious, does he pay you to clean and move in the Airbnbs?
I’m hoping he does as he makes bucks from those and he keeps all of it, as a roommate would. He likes things one-sided doesn’t he.” Spiritual-Concert363
20. AITJ For Distancing Myself From Friends Who Used My Deceased Child's Name For Their Daughter?
“I (35F) am longtime friends with a married couple (40M) (42F).
I’ve been distant since their daughter was born, and they just confronted me about it about an hour ago.
I started distancing myself when the husband started judging me for not making my marriage work. There were extreme reasons I left that I never really broadcast for my children’s sake.
Some were very public which I addressed, but the rest I’ve kept quiet.
But the most recent issue is that I lost a child when I was 18. She was born alive but survived only a few hours. I chose a name for her, that I confided in them, that was very special to me, a play on family names, but appropriate for a very unexpected and traumatic loss.
They used the name for their daughter. I would have had no issue with this, but I found out in the social media announcement. Which brought back some very painful and traumatic memories. I didn’t say anything, I don’t own the name, but I felt very disrespected that they chose not to even give me a heads up, especially as many in our friend circle know where they got it and I was put on the spot as far as my reaction.
So I just distanced myself from them. Well, about an hour ago I got a message from him that was very angrily worded. Apparently, he had been talking to a mutual friend about me and how I’ve shown no interest in their daughter, and he mentioned that them using the name without a heads-up was very painful for me, and that it had put me on the spot because a lot of people had been asking for my reaction.
He called me selfish and a jerk for trying to “sully their joy with my pain” and “making everything about me” and that I “should just get over it, she passed years ago”.
In my opinion, losing a child is something you never truly get over, and I was never rude, I never spoke badly of them or to them, and I won’t talk about it with anyone.
I’ve just chosen to protect myself and remain distant. I wanted them to enjoy their daughter, they struggled with infertility for years and I am happy for them, it’s just painful for me and I felt very disrespected with how they handled it.
AITJ? Was I wrong to create distance in a 20-year friendship over this? Or was my reaction reasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“OP – my sincerest condolences. I, too, have suffered such a loss (two, actually). And it is not something you get over.
Do people tell others to ‘get over it’ when years have gone by after a parent, sibling, grandparent, or other family member has passed away? No. Infant and child loss is not the same, but not in a good way.
It’s not just the loss of life, but a future. A wish. A hope for what could have been. You had plans with and for that child. To use a name that was a play on family names means it was likely unique or not common.
Clear and obvious where they got it from, and absolutely disrespectful to use it without consideration for you. Correct you don’t own it, but they knew the history. It’s not a matter of them asking for permission to use, but giving you notice to come to terms with the fact that you will be hearing that name so much more.
And watching this sweet little human grow when your own had her chances taken away. Hugs, OP. Your sweet one is always in your heart and she knows her mama loves her forever.” borahaebooksies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly I know how everyone says you don’t “own a name,” but when it is the name of your child that died, you kinda own the name.
If they were strangers fine, but these are people who know you, know about your child that died, and are supposed to be “friends.” In this case, you own the name. I’m sorry to you and for the loss you have endured. You reacted a lot classier than I would’ve!
Maybe you should distance yourself further from these people because they obviously don’t really know how to be compassionate human beings.” Both-Enthusiasm708
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The husband is a jerk who you should’ve distanced as soon as he started judging you for your marriage not working out.
The flippant disregard surrounding the child you lost takes his jerkiness to a new level. You’re allowed your feelings and to act upon them. You haven’t caused a scene or made demands. You simply took a step back for your own well-being.
You don’t owe them an active role in their child’s life. Particularly not at the expense of your mental health.” Anxious-Routine-5526
19. AITJ For Giving My Sister-In-Law Advice On Choosing Baby Names?
“My husband’s brother and his wife are expecting a baby together. This is their first. My husband and I have four kids so we’ve been there, done that and we’re both happy with our kids’ names. For the sake of the post, BIL’s wife is going to be Emma.
So Emma came to me a few weeks ago and asked me how my husband and I figured out names for our kids because she and BIL haven’t listed the names yet for their baby. She said they’ve made a few lists already but there’s never one name overlapping.
She said given we seemed to find our names easily and we’re still happy, she felt I was a good person to ask.
I decided to help her without going into “name your baby this” or “use this to get a baby name” and instead I told her some steps my husband and I took.
1) Write a list of top names, top 10, 20, 50 whatever, and choose the names off each other’s list that are absolutely no, never going to happen and accept that and don’t hold a grudge over it 2) Discuss what your priority is in a name.
For us it was a name that fit among peers (not too old, not too weird) but where they would still be the only (name) in the class. 3) Try to have fun with it both individually and together 4) Take breaks if you feel yourself getting stressed or frustrated.
Emma took it all in and even made some notes on her phone while we talked. She thanked me for the words of wisdom. Then she went to BIL and all seemed fine. Until he found out I had given advice.
He told me I had no business interfering and told my husband I should mind my business. My husband stood up for me and said Emma had asked and I didn’t interfere, I didn’t try to talk them into a name, I just gave some tips on how they could work together better.
Emma apologized to me for BIL getting so angry. BIL said I should at least apologize before we put this to bed. He said I did overstep with my advice. My husband said BIL is being unreasonable.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Gee, I wonder why your SIL is having trouble picking out names with her husband, he sounds so reasonable and sane, and not a jerk at all. It’s just a total mystery. OP, do not apologize for having a conversation with your SIL and telling her how you and your husband managed to name your kids and not have it turn into a fight or a tragedy.
Especially since she asked you. How were you to know her husband would be offended by this? Well, you know, now. If she ever gets tired of him, maybe she can come to you for assistance while cutting herself loose.
NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“”He told me I had no business interfering and told my husband I should mind my business.” Your BIL made a false accusation. “BIL said I should at least apologize before we put this to bed.” If that is required for him to end his silly absurd emotions on this issue, then the price is that you won’t be involved with him or his family because he is bound to believe anything you might opine on or discuss is somehow interfering or not your business.
If you HAVE to be present with his family (including any upcoming kids) you will say nothing except to exchange greetings and manners (e.g. “Thank you for passing the butter” at Thanksgiving).” Scenarioing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel bad for Emma.
What did BIL expect you to do? Emma: “Hey, can I get some advice?” You: “Sure, but I need to get permission from your husband first.” You weren’t pushy. You didn’t tell them to do any particular thing.
You just gave Emma an example of how you and your husband compromise. They were free to disregard it or tweak it to their liking.” BlueBumbleb33
18. AITJ For Not Changing My Birthday Plans Because My Friend Can't Afford It?
“My friend group and I have been planning to go to an entertainment arcade for my birthday. At night you pay 50 dollars to get in and you can basically use everything in the place. The only thing that is extra is drinks.
It is much cheaper to go in the daytime because all the adult entertainment isn’t open. Their bars are not open, an adult rope course, entertainment such as singers or comedians are not there, etc. Not to mention that is when all the kids go and after 9 is adults only.
So we made plans at the beginning of the month to go to this on Friday. Everyone agreed and I thought it was fine.
My friend Sophie called me and asked to change the event to lunch since she can not afford it.
This annoyed me greatly since she spends money like it grows on trees. She is always getting takeout and even will do it at lunch for her job. She literally showed us her new purse that I know wasn’t cheap (named brand purse).
I told her no and this started an argument. She wants me to change and I am being selfish for not taking her finances into account. I told her that her money issues are her own fault and not to come.
My friends are split, some think that she needs a reality check because she has done this money game before and others think I am too harsh.”
Another User Comments:
“A recurring problem with friend groups is how they don’t always align on how to react when one of them flakes out and causes problems. When the rest are not the victims, they often prefer the comfortable “peaceful” route.
We see that to some extent here. It is obvious that the one friend here prioritized spending on herself. That’s fine, she doesn’t need to go and it was fine to tell her she prioritized differently and she is not poor.
Telling her not to come was harsh. You could have told her that this was the long-known plan, that she can try to borrow some funds and you hope she is able to make it. That, if she can’t, you will understand that she has other priorities.” Scenarioing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You planned an event for a specific time and day to correlate with what you wanted the event to be. Your friends are invited to come and celebrate with you, but you don’t owe it to anyone to change it for their convenience.
If she can’t afford it, she does not need to attend and if she wants to celebrate you with all her friends, she can plan an additional event that is within her budget to attend. It doesn’t sound like you’re badgering her to attend when she can’t afford it, so this is definitely a “her” problem.” george_the_green
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Recovering Addict Sister Chip In For Our Dad's Watch?
“My brother James and I went in halfsies to get my dad a luxury watch for Father’s Day. A few years back, our addict sister Ashley stole our dad’s watch and sold it. Ashley is in recovery but still difficult to deal with, and we hardly see her.
We are having a BBQ at my parents’ house, and my dad wanted to show off his new smoker. He made brisket and ribs. Who shows up with her new significant other? Ashley. Not someone my brother and I wanted to see.
Things stay civilized until we give Dad his gift, and Ashley looks sheepish about it because she got this dumb teddy bear from CVS down the road.
In front of her new significant other, Ashley asked us “why we hadn’t told her we were going in together on the watch and she said she would have loved to chip in.” James was mad and tells her loudly, “You should have bought Dad a new watch by now since you stole the last one.”
Ashley turned to me upset and said she couldn’t afford it right now, and she would pay us for 1/3 of the watch in installments so it could be from all of us. I told her, “It can’t be from all of us.
We already gave it to Dad, but you can get him one by yourself and replace the one you stole.”
Ashley started crying and they left after that. My mom seemed angry because she wants us all to forgive Ashley and we should have given her a heads up about getting Dad a watch because she would have never asked Ashley to come if that’s what we got him to avoid the “awkwardness.””
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. If you want your sister to stay clean, you and your brother should probably stop throwing her lowest moments back in her face, especially when she’s trying to contribute/do better. You could have made your point in a much kinder way (e.g., This is a sore subject for us.
Please drop it.) Instead, you decided to maximize the tension, on Father’s Day no less.” K8Reddit
Another User Comments:
“Hm I’ll go not the jerk but you and James are borderline, for me. I think she behaved inappropriately by addressing this so awkwardly, in a group setting, and by seeming so blind to the obvious background here that she STOLE your father’s watch.
She seems like she’s still struggling somewhat with reckoning with her own actions. This wasn’t just a nice gift that you and James went in on together, you were replacing something that she stole, so it’s a really odd ‘solution’ that she’d think she can just go in on the gift with you – especially after the fact.
You are right that the proper thing would have been for her to replace the watch herself, or to sit quietly and not criticize you in this moment that you and James bought him a new one. Stealing a watch and then reimbursing someone else for 1/3 of the replacement is not enough, and it’s not a gift.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ashley may be in recovery but she has not made appropriate amends or accepted the consequences of her actions. You did not have to be mean to her, you could have just said no this is from us and you have given him a present from yourself.
Obviously, you are still hurt by her previous actions and may need to get some therapy to help you recover from the damage she imposed. This does not mean that she gets no consequence and if your mother has any idea of how you and your brother feel she should have warned you about her coming.” FornowWearefine
16. AITJ For Excluding My Brother From Our Food Plans After He Complained About Paying?
“So today I (15M) was hanging out in my pool with my friend Jack (15M), my other friend Ben (16M), and my brother (19M).
We were hanging out and Ben said that he had just gotten paid (he works at a grocery store) and suggested that we should get something to eat.
We hadn’t even made plans when my brother said that he would start getting ready so Ben said “dude for starters, we haven’t even made plans and also we didn’t even invite you. If you’re gonna bring your own cash then you can come with but I’m not paying for you.”
So my brother flipped out and said “well why the heck would you suggest anything if I have to bring my own money? Dude that’s messed up.” Ben always pays for me and Jack because 1, we’re friends, and 2, we have both done stuff to make up for it, like do housework.
So I told my brother “you aren’t entitled to the food Ben wants to buy. It’s his money and he gets to pick how he’s gonna spend it.” Ben thanked me for backing him up and said that we should just go to my room if we’re gonna make plans.
Here’s where I might be the jerk, my brother said he would pay for himself, and I told him that ship has sailed and he already complained so we don’t want him to bring the mood down. He told my parents who told me that I wasn’t allowed to get food unless I planned to get enough for everyone.
And now my parents are mad at me and grounded me for excluding my brother. AITJ for how I treated my brother?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think Ben should pay for your brother, he should assume to pay for himself.
It’s an absolute jerk move to bring up going out to eat when you’re all hanging out together to then say “we didn’t even invite you”. That’s cruel bullying behavior. Should your brother have had a tantrum that Ben wouldn’t pay for him?
Nope. Should you explicitly exclude him as punishment? Not in my opinion. You don’t have to want to include your brother, but you can be decent about it. Be clear about boundaries, and kind. None of that social exclusion nonsense.
You can be upset with someone and still communicate in an okay way. I wouldn’t want to hang out with you. I don’t think your parents are correct in saying that he should be paid for, at all. I understand if they were upset about how you handled it though.
ESH.” Thoughtsinturmoil
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You and your friends because it’s rude to make plans in a group of people where one person isn’t invited. If you want to go to dinner without him, say goodbye and head out with your friends, don’t plan the dinner with him there.
Your brother because he assumed someone else would pay for his dinner and got mad at the idea of paying his own way.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“I guess we know who is your parents’ favorite. So they believe your friend should spend his money to also feed your brother who is not friends with him.
Wow, the entitlement there is real. And your brother is a mooch. NTJ in the slightest. Your parents and brother need a wake-up call. Your brother is 4 years older. He can easily drive and get a job and come up with his own money.
But he thinks he is entitled to a 16-year-old, who isn’t even his friend, paying for him instead. He is probably hanging out with y’all due to not having friends of his own and it probably is because of his entitlement and wanting others to do and pay for things for him.
I would say show this thread to your family as a wake-up call but you would probably just get grounded longer for showing people what their precious son is really like. Grounding you for it was crossing a line. Eventually, there is going to be a thread of “my son won’t talk to us and we have no idea why.” When you are so blatantly favoring one kid, you are begging for the other kid to cut you off.
The situation sucks because there isn’t much you can do because of your age. But what happened is wrong on so many levels.” Impossible_Cover_232
15. AITJ For Wanting My Roommate To Pay For Wi-Fi She Makes Me Turn Off?
“I (28f) am getting tired of having to turn off the Wi-Fi at night for my roommate (24f) who says she’s concerned about 5G and EMFs.
My roommate is already very much organic style hippie. She is against using harsh chemicals for cleaning and is very unaware of the sticky messes she leaves behind. I understand that I need to communicate better and tell her these things bother me, but I feel like it’s best to pick and choose my battles.
The thing that has become very bothersome to me is that she now requires to turn off the Wi-Fi at night because she’s worried about EMF and 5G. In my head that’s more of a her problem than a me problem.
I also pay for the utilities because I’m aware of our financial differences, and I have never requested that she pay me for any of it.
At night when the Wi-Fi goes off, I have to use my hotspot.
I’ve now run out of my own data for hotspot on multiple occasions and it charges me extra when I go over. So now I’m paying for both Wi-Fi and extra data so I can continue to use the Internet after she goes to bed.
We also agreed that I turn off the Wi-Fi before I go to bed since I go to sleep later than she does and she will turn it back on when she wakes up because she wakes up before I do.
Most of the time when it’s late at night, I just feel tired and I don’t want to have to walk out of my bedroom into the living room and turn off the Wi-Fi. So I got in the habit of turning it off while I was still more awake but having to rely on my hotspot.
I understand that must be champagne problems that I have to go click a button, but I find it quite annoying and irritating. I used to use my Alexa as my alarm clock, but she won’t work unless she’s connected to Wi-Fi.
If you know how to make Alexa work for the alarm without wifi let me know!
I have even discussed moving the router to a different area of the apartment, so it’s further away from her room, but she still says no she wants it off at night.
I even offered to buy her some sort of EMF blocker that I found online to help her concerns but again she says no. I am becoming annoyed and frustrated because I feel like it’s more of an inconvenience and if she doesn’t turn the Wi-Fi on in the morning when I have meetings right away then I have to wait for it to load up and I’m stressed. Again, I understand I can wake up a little bit earlier and turn it back on, but it’s just so annoying to have to click a button when it could just stay on.
I have decided she must start paying for the Wi-Fi since I am having to overuse my data. I’m worried that she’ll think I’m retaliating, in a sense I guess I am, I just don’t feel comfortable paying more than I should be for something that shouldn’t be occurring in my mind.
I of course have tried my best to make her feel heard, but I feel like this is just a matter of wearing a foil hat, even if we turn off our Wi-Fi how do we not get exposed to the EMF from the surrounding apartments from our left right and below us?
I don’t really see how it can make much of a difference just turning ours off.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to grow a spine. You would rather live in a sticky mess than confront her about her cleaning.
You would rather use your mobile hotspot and spend extra money for slower internet than tell her no over her illogical conspiracy theory. You’re paying all the utilities because of income disparities—normally this wouldn’t be a flag, but with everything else, I’m guessing you’re getting taken advantage of on this too.
You are prioritizing her needs above your own. She will never prioritize you in the same way. It can be hard to build the skills of sticking up for yourself and getting more comfortable with minor confrontations, but it is your key to a happier life.
It’s worth it, and you are worth it.” Sure_Feature4629
Another User Comments:
“You actually need a new roommate without issues that affect you. Considering you are paying for it, she has no say. Better to change your wifi password too so she can’t use it because she doesn’t deserve to use it and dictate that ONLY AT NIGHT she fears the EMF and 5 G.
Hotspot will be her next rule for you to not use at night. It is a her problem, not a you or we problem. Stop trying to compromise with her on this. Annoying as heck just reading about how she is.” pensaha
Another User Comments:
“How did you let yourself get suckered into giving into your roommate’s wifi fears? Especially when you’re the one paying for it? Look, you should sit your roommate down and talk to her. Have all the debunked 5G conspiracy etc nonsense ready to show her.
Then tell her the wifi is staying on all the time from now on. Tell her how you’ve been paying through the nose twice (and how much) because you’ve been trying to be nice. But you can’t afford to do it anymore.
She may feel she can’t stay there anymore (if your debunking isn’t accepted) so you’d need to look for another roommate. Catering to someone’s fantasies only reinforces the idea that they should be being catered to.
That’s not healthy or sustainable for either of you.” Global_Look2821
14. AITJ For Not Giving My Brother Access To An Inherited Apartment?
“20 years ago, my grandmother promised my brother an apartment before she passed away. She registered him there without my grandfather’s knowledge (in our country, this is often considered equivalent to ownership rights, though it’s not entirely so). My grandfather was living in the United States at the time and rarely visited. My father and brother started renovating the apartment together.
However, when my grandfather returned to Poland and discovered that my brother was registered there, he decided to have him legally deregistered without his knowledge. For several years, my grandfather only visited my father’s sister’s family and had a strained relationship with our side of the family.
My brother got offended and stopped talking to him altogether.
Eventually, my father and grandfather reconnected, and my grandfather decided to write a will leaving the apartment to my father upon his death. Sadly, my father passed away, and my grandfather made a new will, bequeathing the apartment to my brother.
Unfortunately, my brother has a drinking problem, and my grandfather started worrying that after his death, my brother might squander the apartment. My grandfather gave my brother an ultimatum that he had to be sober during his next visit, or he would leave the apartment to someone else.
Of course, my brother started drinking again before my grandfather’s visit. My grandfather gave him a second chance, but my brother drank again before his arrival.
My grandfather then decided to leave the apartment to me because, apart from my mother, only my wife and I kept in regular contact with him.
After my grandfather’s death, I took care of bringing his ashes back, arranging the funeral, and handling the inheritance matters. The apartment is about to be officially transferred to me, but my brother claims he deserves half because that was our grandmother’s wish and because he invested in renovating the apartment.
We have now agreed that I will transfer the apartment to my daughter when she comes of age, and he has agreed to this, but he wants access to the apartment in the meantime. I fear that he might move in, start drinking there, and I will end up having to pay the bills.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A promise made 20 years ago means nothing in the reality of today. It doesn’t even sound like she had the authority to make that decision, let alone have anybody demand it be honored. Your brother is not responsible, and clearly not a person fit to own that apartment.
I think you are right to deny him access to your apartment now. It was due to be his, and he squandered that opportunity. He needs to deal with the consequences of these choices now. He made his decision already – and that lost him the apartment.
Don’t reward him now that your grandfather has passed.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“Your grandfather took legal steps to unregister your brother. He had more than one opportunity to show he could be responsible and he didn’t follow through.
The fact that Grandma promised it 20 years ago well… things changed he squandered his chances with Grandpa and it’s now yours. I am not sure why you feel you have to bend to your brother’s manipulation, it was left to YOU.
What you ultimately do with the apartment is no longer your brother’s concern, who you eventually bequeath it to is also none of his business and isn’t a decision you must make today. NTJ. But do yourself a favor. Learn to tell your brother to go kick rocks.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The apartment’s in Poland which means the following: if he stops paying bills then you as the owner will be forced to pay them, and you will not be able to evict him unless the city arranges social housing for him.
This is incredibly unlikely seeing as he’s an adult male with a drinking problem. So he’ll be on the waiting list for social housing (assuming he’s even eligible) for YEARS. Courts take forever to do anything, so it’ll take ages to try to evict him in the first place.” GreenChair_1234
13. AITJ For Making My Whole Family Eat Healthy To Help My Youngest Daughter?
“I (44F) have 3 kids: 16M (James), 15F (Liana), and 12F (Sarah). James is 5’9 and about 160 pounds, which is perfectly healthy. Liana is 5’5 and 149 pounds, which seems pretty normal, and I’m not concerned because she and James are both very active.
However, Sarah is only 5’2 and weighs about 155, and she refuses to participate in sports and such because it makes her feel self-conscious. To try and counter this, I’ve taken to making much healthier, lighter meals, taking away soda and unhealthy snacks (like potato chips and snack cakes), and taking family walks after dinner.
One incident being: This week, Liana had 6 1/2 hours of dance practice a day (it’s a special prep camp) and became upset because I packed her a lunch instead of allowing her to go out to eat during her lunch break.
I packed her a salad and a few turkey wraps most days, along with a few sides like hard-boiled eggs. I gave her enough food to have energy during practice, but she became mad because the dance team at her school has a habit of all going out to eat in small groups/sometimes as one big group and basically carb-loading and eating all the junk food they want during intensive weeks/days like these because “all the calories will burn off anyways”.
My husband (44M) took her side. My husband says it’s unfair to be so strict on James and Liana who are much more active than Sarah is. He told me that I shouldn’t be expecting my more active children to eat the same diet as Sarah and that I was setting unfair expectations among my eldest two children.
In addition, he told me that I shouldn’t be completely banning sweet treats from the house because James and Liana knew how to eat them in moderation. My husband told me that I was going to make James and Liana resent me for this, and I rebutted by saying that it was unfair for us to expect our obese child to diet by herself and this argument continued on.
AITJ for forcing my whole family to eat healthy?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “I packed her a lunch instead of allowing her to go out to eat during her lunch break. I packed her a salad and a few turkey wraps most days, along with a few sides like hard-boiled eggs.” Of course she’s going to be upset.
She wants to eat with her friends. Also if she’s dancing for 6 & a half hours what you’re giving her isn’t nearly enough. She actually needs carbs. You shouldn’t force your older 2 kids to diet when they don’t need to.
Your husband is right here & you need to listen up. “It’s unfair for us to expect our obese child to diet by herself”. I hope you aren’t saying that in earshot of your 12 y o because it isn’t healthy either.
I get you want to do the right thing but you’re going about it the wrong way. Get some advice from a dietician so you can guide her eating without making her feel bad or punishing your entire family.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. 155 at that age and height is nowhere near heavy enough to freak out. Also, it’s normal for kids to be overweight during puberty. They need the calories to grow. All your rules are going to do is encourage sneaking, resentment, and unhealthy relationships with food.
For all three of your kids. Keep healthy snacks in the house and encourage your youngest daughter to be more active – it doesn’t have to be a sport, it can be martial arts classes, bike rides, or even dancing to music or YouTube in her room.” FantasticCabinet2623
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and you’re very clearly not a dietician. I am going to say this more gently than you deserve, only because I think you will be more likely to hear it. Carb loading is a well-known and common sports practice.
Carbohydrates are very important to someone in sports because they prevent muscle breakdown. Without them, the body will go for proteins which are important for muscles. So congrats, you are making your daughter less healthy, less effective at sport, acting tyrannical over a forced diet, and yes your husband is correct that they will resent you.
When you cause your children to have an injury because you wanna pretend to be a doctor, please seek a professional and not the internet. (I did not say I was going to be nice, just more gently than you deserve.)” Fine-Assignment4342
12. AITJ For Not Allowing My Narcissistic Mother To Stay With Us During My Second Child's Birth?
“I am expecting our second baby in August. Since we don’t have any family nearby, we’ve arranged for our oldest child to stay with a friend when I go into labor.
My mum, who lives five hours away, has taken two weeks off work around my due date and the following period. I was unaware of her specific plans until she announced she would be staying at our house. She knows we value our privacy and prefer not to have guests due to limited space and my partner’s irregular/unsociable work hours.
We recently moved to a larger house, but the spare bedroom is now the baby’s nursery, fully furnished and decorated, with no room for even a single blow-up bed. My mum believes that because we have more space, she is entitled to stay with us.
I struggle to spend more than a night with my mum due to her narcissistic and manipulative behavior, which I’ve endured my whole life. When we visit her, it’s usually a short stay. I don’t want her around constantly before/after I give birth.
So, AITJ for not allowing her to stay with us and expecting her to book a B&B or hotel? We don’t need her here for the birth as we have other plans for our eldest; she’s coming because she wants to.
I am sure regardless of what/how I say it she will blow it out of proportion.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, do not bring any stress upon yourself when that baby arrives. Your mom can’t improve her personality for the sake of your relationship with her, so she can’t stay with you.
She took time off work without telling you and invited herself to stay with you, so I’d go even further and tell her not to bother booking a room because she will not be allowed in the house. If you don’t stand your ground, she will never improve.” phostachio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If you don’t even need her there at all then she doesn’t need to be there at all. Tell her “NO”, be firm. The way she’s treated you and “her narcissistic and manipulative behavior” means you can tell her not to come at all and you should have nothing to feel bad about.
She is the only jerk here. “She will blow it out of proportion.” Too bad for her. If it were me I would at least go low contact with her; and definitely not let her hang around for two weeks, whether she’s at a hotel or not.” StonewallBrigade21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You know your mother blows things out of proportion regardless of what or how you say something, so don’t worry about it. Tell your mom “No”. You don’t owe her lodging just because she wants it.
She’s coming for two weeks and expects to stay with you, freshly postpartum, hormonal, exhausted, and sore? No. Just no. “Mom, thank you for thinking of us, and we can’t wait for you to meet baby, but you cannot stay with us when you come.
We don’t have the space. Here is a listing of local hotels, and Airbnbs.” Wash, rinse, repeat. She’s going to freak no matter what, so why set yourself up for 336 hours of misery?” SubstantialQuit2653
11. AITJ For Refusing To Remove My Bird And Squirrel Feeders Despite My Neighbor's Complaints?
“As of late I’ve been laid off of work and have been trying to find activities to do at home that are low cost. That being said I’ve been bird-watching and squirrel-watching its been kinda fun to see the different varieties that exist in my area.
I noticed early on that squirrels frequented the bottom of my bird feeder and quickly got a squirrel feeder to place in an area away from each other so I could monitor both and they could each live in harmony.
I’ve noticed many of the squirrels had what appeared to be mange but rather it was a fungal infection causing some hair loss. I’ve been adding coconut oil and coconut chunks as recommended by the DNR as an antifungal nutritional supplement to aid in them regrowing their hair.
My neighbor (The apartment is 5 studio apartments) has brought it to my attention that she has issues with my bird feeders and squirrel feeders and that according to her I’m trying to give her scabies from the squirrel’s mange. While I attempted to explain to her that it wasn’t mange and that I called the DNR she quickly became defensive and didn’t want to hear what I said.
She is demanding I remove them because of the “Pest” problem that the feeders have invited stating that I’m actually harming the wildlife population in the area. I have since refused to remove the feeders as I don’t see it as an issue and the Landlord could care less about someone bird watching.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bird feeders are fine, and are guaranteed to attract squirrels as well. She could reasonably argue against droppings, or shells/food falling in her area. But scabies: Per the CA HHS “Scabies is usually spread through direct, long-lasting or frequent skin-to-skin contact with someone that is already infested with scabies mites.” Ask her what she was planning on doing with the squirrels.” Puzzleheaded-Sign-46
Another User Comments:
“Kind of, yes. You’re in a shared space and while you did check with the landlord, you didn’t check with the people who actually share the space with you and they’re the ones who are more immediately affected by this.
TBH, I’m shocked that the property owner was okay with the squirrel feeding since they often decide to move into structures and tear up the insides. Your neighbor is silly and misinformed to think she’ll get scabies from the squirrels, but that doesn’t make her a jerk, and she’s not incorrect in the fact that they’re pests and can interfere with native wildlife (assuming that you’re in one of the many places they are not natural to) and you admit in comments that DNR has even recommended against it overall, so yeah… YTJ here.
Not hugely, but you are. You could choose to go to a local park for your bird and squirrel watching or even at least compromise by suggesting removing the squirrel feeder and leaving the bird feeder. But you have commandeered a shared space despite objections from fellow inhabitants.” CannibalisticVampyre
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. It’s a community living situation. That means everyone’s opinion matters. Feeding squirrels is going to attract a ton of squirrels to her living space and they can get aggressive when food isn’t where they expect it.
If everyone in the shared space isn’t down with that, you should respect their wishes. The accusation that you are giving her scabies is silly. Let nature run its course. It’s better for the squirrels anyway than artificially feeding them for your enjoyment.
You can still watch all the squirrels you want – just don’t become a feeding station for them.” superfastmomma
10. AITJ For Briefly Stopping My Stroller Near A Driveway?
“I’m peacefully walking with my Pre-K son who is biking and my infant is in the stroller. We walk our neighborhood daily—super family-friendly, people walk here all day every day.
I bring a double stroller in case my son gets tired of biking. We are walking along a very quiet street when a white truck passes us and turns around to park facing us. I’m just minding my business.
The guy (mid-30s, very clean cut, cartoony Avengers shirt on) stays in his truck. I notice. My son is whining asking me to help put his stuffed animal in the cup holder of his bike. I put the brake on the stroller and still have the strap around my wrist. I turn around and quickly stuff Fox in there.
Took maybe 3 seconds. As I’m turning around and letting up the brake the guy is opening the door to call the eight feet away that I “shouldn’t park your stroller there. She is going to be coming home soon and I don’t want her to hit your baby.” I look and I’m at a part of the sidewalk that intersects passed a driveway.
Pretty standard neighborhood stuff.
There were no cars on the road. None audible anywhere near us. I was kind of caught off guard because the whole thing was so quick and it was preposterous to think I would’ve left my baby parked there to be hit by a car that wasn’t even there.
It was also silly to think that someone was going to come speeding so fast down a residential loop and pull into their own driveway so fast they wouldn’t see a huge double stroller and a person standing there.
And…it was barely three seconds.
I replied: “I think we are all set” with a little smile. He grimaced at me and said: “well, I wouldn’t want something to happen or someone to get hurt.” I probably should’ve just pacified him with a “thank you” but I said “I’m a vigilant mother.
Thank you.” He couldn’t leave it alone either and snarked back: “oh, I’m sure you are.” It was just so odd and got under my skin. It all seemed so passive-aggressive and contrived from the start.
Of course my adorable child chimes in that he likes the guy’s shirt and asks him what is on it.
The guy ignores him, opens his car door, takes (or pretends to take) a call, and closes the door. The whole way down the street I looked to see if another car came quickly and no other cars came.
Should I have just said “thanks” and just left the unnecessary comment alone?
AITJ? I feel a little creeped out by this person now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems really unnecessary and presumptive for a stranger to give unsolicited advice having seen you do something like pause in a driveway for an incredibly brief period.
I guess I would assume he lives there or knows the owner of the home, given the reference to ‘she will be home soon’ but it also seems like he went out of his way to watch you and find a way to interject.
If you were like parked there for a few minutes having a chat, I could see MAYBE mentioning it, but this was not that situation. It’s reasonable to not want to be chided by perfect strangers. Your ‘I think we are all set’ was a reasonable way to tell him to back off/you’re not interested (which is important, I think, when a woman is approached by a strange man).
He’s the one who introduced a vague threat about ‘someone getting hurt’. I can definitely understand why you were rubbed the wrong way and uncomfortable with his behavior.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Plenty of people stop for a second or two on the sidewalk, sometimes in front of a driveway, to adjust something during their walk.
He was being confrontational in broad daylight with a woman who had two little kids in tow. So brave, much manly. I’m picturing his truck as this giant, white, lifted monstrosity with a Punisher sticker on the rear windshield. We all know the type.” hot_throwaway_2006
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… when reading things like this about the USA I just can’t wrap my head around it… For starters, you absolutely have a right of way on the sidewalk and any car parking should yield to you, and in case of an accident I would assume in a situation like this with damage to people it would be criminal. Sidewalks are made for pedestrians to walk freely, it’s their function.
Secondly, the car wasn’t even there. If the car was trying to park and you were blocking it abusing your right of way, you’d be a jerk, but it was absolutely not the case. Literally nothing happened, nobody was in the way of anything.
The guy is a regular busybody power-tripping. It’s hard to say why he decided to pick on you. Is the neighborhood cliquey and doesn’t like unfamiliar faces? Could you be of a skin color or otherwise presenting yourself in such a way that triggers some sort of bigotry in him?
Or maybe he’s just a general bully?” quick_justice
9. AITJ For Exploding At My Absentee Father Who Suddenly Wants A Relationship?
“My biological father and I have a very strained relationship. From the stories my mother told me, he used to do substances a lot before and after I was born.
She told me that while she was pregnant with me, he never once helped her do anything. He took her money, made her cook and clean, and treated her like dirt. He even allowed his friends and family to treat her like dirt.
After I was born, he got worse until he just took everything (his stuff and all of the money. He left my mom $38 to use to take care of me) and left. My mom told me that when he left, he looked at her and then me and said “she’ll be alright” then ran off down the road like a drifter.
There were a few times he came into my life trying to be involved but they were all big letdowns. Nothing to sing home about. So, fast forward to yesterday, I get a message from him on Messenger with him saying “I love you”.
I was confused and basically just asked really blunt questions about what he wanted. He told me he wanted a father-daughter relationship and that, “when I’m ready. Let him know.”
I will admit, I saw red and the 31 years of built-up anger, rage, and sadness exploded like a dam.
I. Went. Off. I told him he was a terrible father and that he walks around caring about other people’s kids and preaching about how God wants us to do this and that but he could never follow those teachings and do right by me.
He ignored every single attempt I made to get him to recognize that he didn’t do right by me. He flipped everything around to make it seem like he’s the victim. He even had the nerve to shame my mother for choosing me instead of him!
I was a newborn. I needed her but all he cared about was himself. I left him a long message pointing out his faults and how he needs to better himself then called it a night.
About two days later, he messages me while I was playing Fallout 76 with my friends and tells me to “grow up” “and that I don’t know anything about him.” (yeah no kidding.
You left me jerk) He then throws in a curve ball by telling me he has cancer and that if I don’t want a relationship with him then it’s basically my loss and he’ll pray for me.
Now, I will admit I may be a jerk on how I went off on him but I feel like my feelings are warranted. His side of the family doesn’t care about me.
His mother preaches God to me every time she calls me on my birthday and pressures me to have children because I have yet to give her grandbabies. I’m not against having children but I’m enjoying life before I focus on caring for a little human.
His sister used to make fun of me and call me a football player as a baby because I was a chubby baby. (Ironic since her daughters look like pit bulls) They don’t even try to get to know me.
The only time I matter is my birthday and that’s if they care enough.
So people, am I the jerk for going off on my dad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he abandoned you. You don’t owe him anything. For your own mental health reflect on how you feel about his cancer and if it’ll make YOU feel good to do so then have a coffee with him once a quarter until he passes.
In-person only, no texting, no long phone calls (that’s how they wrap you into their messed up world…) If you feel like you’ll have regrets about his cancer then establish a relationship from a distance. Also, this is unfortunately a very common thing that men who have abandoned their children will do – waiting for the child to grow up and then love bombing them.
Don’t fall for that tactic. You do NOT have to forgive him. You do NOT have to love him. You don’t even have to speak to him. This is your life, your time, your energy be cautious.” yamichou82
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He abandoned you – he doesn’t get to be angry at you, and he doesn’t get to set the terms of your relationship. If he really cared about you and wasn’t doing this for his benefit, he would have realized this and acted appropriately.
Since, when he tried to turn things around on you when he didn’t immediately get what he wanted, you can pretty much assume that he is in this for himself and will drop you again as soon as he feels he needs to.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that was me around 8 years ago with my mother. The one who raised me but should have just let me go. The worst part is the lack of acknowledgment of the pain I got, “You’re just trying to make yourself a victim.” Uh no, you did mother dear.
She pulled the cancer line too. I without hesitation pointed out how I would have been there for her if she had modeled that behavior to me. Instead, she whined to a family friend (who later told me), “Am I really that bad?” She was point blank told yes for making me mother her four boys and for constantly having bad habits.
She STILL thinks it’s not her. Narcissistic people go through mental gymnastics to make everything not their fault. Once I ignored her I started finding peace. Once I truly accepted she will be no more than she is, I mourned the mother I could have had as if she really died (still alive even though she’s been sick for the time I’ve been gone) and realized no energy on our part as much as we wished it would, will change them or even make them reflect.” Write2teach
8. AITJ For Allowing My Stepson's Teacher To Visit Him In The Hospital Without His Dad's Permission?
“I have a 9yo stepson named Matt. Last Tuesday he had a seizure at school. He never had one and there is no family history. He was brought to the hospital and was discharged on Friday so they could run tests, observe, and consult specialists.
My wife and her ex both work in banking and had quarter deadlines that they had to meet so they couldn’t stay with Matt during the day. I WFH so I was with him all morning and afternoons.
Matt had a lot of visitors including his friends, the vice principal, and his 2nd grade teacher from last year.
His current teacher, Mrs. P, only sent an email to my wife and her ex to say that she hopes Matt feels better. Matt’s dad “Mike” dislikes Mrs. P and Mrs. P probably dislikes him back. There were a lot of misunderstandings and Mike is a nice guy until he’s not and Mrs. P is a nice girl until she’s not.
School ended on Thursday and Matt was discharged the same day after they found nothing wrong with him. Mrs. P emailed me, my wife, and Mike to see if she could see Matt before he left the hospital. I said sure.
He loves visitors and probably is sick of seeing me all day. Mike then emailed Mrs. P and said no need to visit because she was probably too “busy” with school ending and the VP and another teacher already came by.
She didn’t respond. Ouch.
Then he emailed me saying I had zero business approving visitors and Mrs. P was probably pressed to visit after the VP came by. He didn’t want her to visit and he thinks she didn’t really want to visit.
I told him to chill and I’ve been helping out. Literally, a woman came in to give your son a sponge bath and he freaked out until I said I would get him washed. I sat there and entertained a 9-year-old boy all day so you could go to board meetings.
He said that he had primary custody and I should have asked permission before telling people that they could see Matt. I said just because you and this teacher don’t like each other that doesn’t make me collateral damage. You should be thanking me.”
Another User Comments:
“Do you have legal guardianship of this child? It doesn’t sound like it. Therefore, you should not be allowing any contested visitors. It would not have burdened you in the slightest to say no or to direct the teacher to the custodial parents.
Yes, you are doing a big favor for BOTH the kid’s parents, however, you are not in a position to make this call. It is actually worrying to me that the hospital allows this.” ylwsubmarineresident
Another User Comments:
“You have no decision-making capabilities unless you are his legal guardian.
If his other parent wanted to raise a stink, she could. Yes, you were there, you love him, but legally – no consenting especially with a medical issue. You technically can’t even sign permission slips at school – you are NOT a legal guardian sorry.
I feel ya. I really do my bonus son keeps trying to get me to sign slips all the time. His dad works at a school and it’s a slippery slope. Bonus kid complains that his stepdad does it all the time—not my problem.
Dad can sign when he gets home. IF my husband wanted to call her out on that he totally could. Don’t muddy the waters as you love these kiddos, all decisions clear through a parent.” blackbird24601
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’re the stepdad and in charge when the parents aren’t around. If someone not there wants an opinion, they can state it before it comes up or sit in the room with the kid themselves. I hate when adults extend fights between themselves to involve kids.
You should apologize to the teacher so that the rest of the kid’s school year doesn’t suck with a resentful teacher and request a different teacher for next year. See if you can move him to the other class if possible and explain to the VP that she and his dad are fighting and making everything uncomfortable.” Effective-Let-621
7. AITJ For Not Showing Enthusiasm About My Friend's Wedding Details?
“My friend is getting married soon and has accused me of being a jerk because I am not showing interest in her wedding planning. She posts her color and style options for her bridesmaids’ dresses in our friend group chat (keep in mind none of the friends in the group chat are bridesmaids), posts about the design of the wedding invitations, wedding dresses…etc. For the past year, the chat has been focused on the wedding.
Now, everyone in the group chat is absolutely ecstatic and over the moon, texting things like “omg what a beauuuuuuuuty” or “wth this is so stunning, I can’t waiiiiit”. The thing is that I don’t text these things and just say it looks nice.
I just can’t bring myself to text like that but that doesn’t mean I am not excited for my friend to get married and be happy. I find that stuff borderline vacuous because I always thought that people make a too big deal out of a wedding and forget the real meaning of it: getting to marry the love of your life.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think if you’ve expressed happiness and support for your friend, that should be enough. She needs to grow up if this is how she reacts to not getting enough attention. It reminds me of a group chat I’m in where one person shares multiple child photos a week.
The more frequent the subject matter, the less interesting/exciting the content is. Happy for the person and want to stay up to date on them, but for some it’s hard to hold excitement.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m the same as you, I really don’t get the hype with all the showy/pushy wedding stuff. I married my husband because I love him, our wedding was small and we just had a few friends/family with us to celebrate.
Do I feel like my love or commitment is any less for not making a big show of our wedding day? Nope! I think people forget what marriage is actually about.” bookish-catlady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, it is a vapid conversation.
How close are you to this friend? Depending on your friendship, you may be able to tell her “Friend, I am really looking forward to your wedding, but the ceremony and reception and the toasts are the things I feel more passionate about.
I like your invitations and bridesmaid dresses etc and I think it will all look beautiful”. If your friendship is more shallow, then faking enthusiasm may be a way to get the bride’s attention off you. If that’s simply not your style, find something practical to say “That’s a great color for a summer wedding.
Those invitations really go well with the theme….” Saying something more than “Yes, it’s nice” will get the bride off your back. Your point about what is more important is true, but right now your friend group is all wrapped up in the superficial stuff.
Sometimes it’s just easier to play along to keep the friends group happy.” noccie
6. AITJ For Refusing To Take Care Of My Capable Adult Sister?
“My father expects me to move my sister in and take care of her like a child or something. My sister (37) is more than capable of getting a job and becoming an adult but everyone always allowed her to get away with being childish.
She is healthy and mentally all there (just never had a job or license), she lives with our mother, whose health is no longer great.
I’m 39 and have 3 kids and work 60+ hrs a week. I have no plans or interest in raising or taking care of anyone else.
I already take our mother to her doctor’s and other appointments. I bring her meals and make sure she is taking her meds.
Recently my father asked what I was going to do about my sis when our mother passes… ( she had a bad health scare and was in the hospital for weeks.)
He knew I was bringing groceries to my sis and making sure bills were paid while she was in the hospital. I told him she can live on the streets. He got upset and said I can’t do that to her.
Told him I have no plans on taking care of any more people. Did that since I was a child. (our mother has mental health issues and my grandfather lived with us and I took care of him. Cooking meals, cleaning his room, and doing his laundry) Told him if he didn’t want her to be homeless then he could move her in.
(his wife won’t allow that) He thinks I’m being unreasonable and cruel. I don’t think she is my problem. But am I the jerk for feeling that way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father has plenty of time to arrange for an apartment for your sister that he can pay for if he and your mother have enabled her her entire life.
Alternatively, he can research the social services she may receive like SNAP benefits, Medicaid, and Section 8, and get her wait-listed for public housing if he’s worried about how and where she’ll live if your mother’s health continues to deteriorate.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have your own family and in any case, aren’t responsible for your adult sister. I thought this was going to be about taking in a disabled sister. I suggest that sis learn to drive and start applying for jobs.
If she has a college degree there will be other options but right now, without job history, call centers, retail, fast food are options.” Clean_Factor9673
Another User Comments:
“Hmmm I wonder if she is as physically and mentally healthy as you think she is.
So NTJ you don’t have to be responsible for a capable adult and good for you for shutting that down with your father. That can be the end of it. However, if you are so inclined you can communicate with your sister using the health scare as an opening.
Ask her how she coped while your mother was in the hospital and that your father wondered what her plans are after the mom passes. See what crawls out from under that rock.” Firm-Molasses-4913
5. AITJ For Wanting To Keep Our Laundry Separate When We Move In Together?
“I (F23) have been talking to my partner (M23) about possibly moving in together when he finishes uni next fall.
Currently, I still live and work in my hometown. He has a job lined up in a town nearby, and I could definitely continue my career there.
My worry has been that, were we to move in together, household chores would be unequally distributed. I’ve gone out with guys before who essentially made me their mommy and expected me to keep the house clean.
I vowed to never let that happen again.
My partner isn’t bad when it comes to chores. I think the main issue is that we have different cleanliness standards. I’m pretty organized and cannot feel good in my space if it’s not clean.
I truly don’t think I’m too demanding, my partner is just a bit messy. If I tell him to clean, he will, and he does about 80% of the cooking. Still, most of the cleaning falls on me just because I want my space clean whereas he’s okay with letting dishes sit in the sink for a couple of days or leaving his clothes on the floor after taking them off.
I want my space clean but I also refuse to be his overseer, so I decided that the best course of action was sitting down and explaining my demands, as well as creating a chore chart that had to be kept to.
It seemed rational to deal with this now, before we actually move in together, to avoid any arguments.
So I sat him down and laid out my expectations. He was okay with them and agreed to assign each of us specific chores on specific days.
No issue there. I did, however, tell him that I want each of us to do our own laundry. Each of us will get their own part of the closet, and their own laundry basket. He objected and said that adult couples living together usually share a laundry basket and do it all together.
I have multiple issues with this. First of all, I know we both go through clothes at a different pace. I like to do laundry very frequently. I also like to fold it neatly, whereas he just tosses his clothes into the closet.
While I think that he will keep to the rest of the chore chart, I doubt he’d do laundry as often as I wanted him to. I like the idea more of each of us paying attention to our own clothes.
He seems a bit upset with this. He asked what will happen when we have kids, and I said that that’s when we divide up who does their laundry when, until they’re old enough to do it themselves.
I just know that if we were to do joint laundry, I’d end up doing most of it and I’m not cool with that. He’s an adult, there’s no reason for me to routinely fold his boxers.
Now he’s saying that this arrangement would make it feel more like a roommate situation to him than a couple living together, that it’s something people do when they move in with their romantic partners. I don’t really know how to feel about this or what to think.
AITJ for telling my partner I want to keep our laundry separate?”
Another User Comments:
“Excuse me, what? I’m 38. I’ve lived with 4 partners over the years. We have always had our separate laundry and done our own laundry. Your partner just wants you to do his laundry.
Make sure you put your foot down. NTJ, don’t become someone’s mom until you’re actually someone’s mom. I don’t know about you but me personally I don’t want to put my sweaty clothes I’ve been working in all day on my partner’s clothes and possibly staining them with grease or dirt.
I find it so weird to share a basket.” silent-fallout-
Another User Comments:
“So if he doesn’t want to do his own laundry, then who is he expecting to take on the laundry chore? Is he willing to do all of it, or is he expecting you to do it?
NTJ, doing your own laundry is such a normal thing, especially if you have clothes that need to be washed a certain way/can’t be put in the dryer, and the other person doesn’t know which clothes those are. My husband and I do our laundry together, but we did it with the arrangement that he would wash it and I would fold it.
That works for us, we compromised. I’m sure the two of you can work to find some kind of compromise here too.” calicocowcat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you do it his way, you’ll end up doing all the laundry.
Since you’re already doing chore charts and whatnot (btw this is already the household management you were trying to avoid) you could try to compromise – fine, you’ll do joint laundry, but it gets done to a frequency with which you’re comfortable and on an alternating schedule.
Ex: you want laundry done once a week, if he says you have to do joint laundry, he does it one week you do it the next – and it has to be to a degree you both find acceptable, no getting lazy with the delicates or washing cold stuff in hot till you give up on your clothes getting ruined and just do it yourself.
If that sounds like too much trouble to him – fine! Then you should both do laundry yourselves so there’s no stress about it not being done to one’s own liking. Neither of you should be adding stress to your life in order to adhere to some social norms about laundry.
What works should be what goes.” Kitastrophe8503
4. AITJ For Laughing At A Girl Who Sang A Love Song To My Partner Twice?
“So last weekend my (25F) partner (27M) went out for a friend’s birthday to a karaoke place. Important to note it was one of the ones where you rent out a private booth, you can order food and drinks there and there’s one karaoke machine for everyone to take turns singing, but most of the time it’s just everyone singing at once.
It was a really good night, there were six of us in total and between us, we all got relatively inebriated. The song options they had were pretty limited to anything from the 80s to the early 2010s and no one was taking it super seriously.
One of the girls we were with (I’ll call her Emma) has a crush on my partner. They never were in a relationship and my partner is (up until this story) clueless about her feelings. He doesn’t have a lot of confidence, is pretty shy, and struggles at reading a room so has never really been able to tell at all despite how obvious Emma makes it.
Now it’s Emma’s turn to sing and like I said, all tipsy at least. She starts singing Taylor Swift’s You Belong With Me (for anyone who doesn’t know the title basically implies what the song is about: your partner isn’t good enough and I’ve always loved you).
At first, we all started singing along with her but the more serious and intense it got the less people were laughing and joining in and just staring at me, as if to see what I would do. And I didn’t do anything, I smiled and clapped at the end.
Who cares? This is her Rachel Berry, main character moment and it wasn’t really hurting anyone. My partner looked mortified, I’ve never seen him look like he wanted to be swallowed by the ground more than at that moment.
I figured this would be nothing more than a “I told you so” moment in the taxi ride home.
The awkwardness eases somewhat until it’s Emma’s turn again. She gets up and sings at my partner again. The. Same.
Song. We’re all just staring at her, dumbfounded. Meanwhile, she’s staring at my partner who’s holding my hand so tightly as though he’s afraid he’s going to float away. It’s so tense and weird and I can’t help it, I laugh.
Not a belly laugh but a quick loud “HA” before instantly clapping my hand over my mouth. Emma storms out mid-song, one of our friends follows her and we get a text saying they’re not coming back to the party.
It’s been almost a week and I got a text last night in the group chat calling me a bully and a mean girl for laughing, not by Emma, but by the friend who followed her out. But I don’t know if I am.
To be honest, I think I deserve a darn medal for sitting through the first song without saying anything.”
Another User Comments:
“If one of my friends was actively making a play for my significant other in front of me, laughing would be the kindest response possible, even if it was as cringe as this.
Totally heartless toward you, totally tone deaf where your partner is concerned, but truly and utterly cruel. At the heart of the matter, this person is trying to tell your partner to leave you and be with them. NTJ, not by a long shot.” BeMandalorTomad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ considering how wildly inappropriate Emma’s behavior was, extra points for the Rachel Berry reference. Hasn’t this whole scenario been an actual scene in a different show, though? Just about any other circumstances, laughing at someone doing karaoke is maximum-penalty jerk – it shatters the delicate trust that everyone in the room relies on to sing freely without fear of ridicule.
Yeah, your laugh was the final nail in the coffin for that party, but Emma’s Swift reprise had killed it for you and your partner anyway, so you get a pass.” Beginning-Credit6621
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have been pretty civil, most other girls would have caused a scene.
The friend who called you a bully and a mean girl has spoiled it for everybody else in the group chat as it may be for others to feel they have to pick a side. I would suggest you respond, civilly, by saying you do not see you can have been a bully and a mean girl, and add that this is how much you would like to talk about that moment.
Be prepared though, that the group may cease to exist as you know it due to how awkward this will be. However, do not accept to be put under attack and cut your losses, if it comes to that.” Artistic_Thought7309
3. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Father-In-Law About His Disrespectful Wedding Speech?
“My husband (29M) and I (29F) tied the knot two weeks ago and it was a wonderful day of celebration.
We had some touching speeches from our wedding party and my side of the family, however, my father-in-law and mother-in-law truly embarrassed us during their wedding speech at dinner.
My father-in-law’s speech (65M) spoke about one of my husband’s exes as part of his “relationship history”… and honestly he said really good things about her, such as he found her involvement in sports “very cool”.
However, he extended beyond that to only describe me as a “pulchritudinous” female… and told everyone how awful the word sounds but it’s the best way to describe me. That’s the only nice thing he said in the speech about me.
Then throughout the night proceeded to tell almost everyone at the wedding how I was “somewhat attractive, but the real attractive one was my friend who flew down from Spain”. Saying this multiple times, in front of his wife I might add.
My husband wants to sit him down and tell him how embarrassed he was by his speech and actions on the wedding night, but I’m worried digging into him after he helped pay for our wedding and stood up there to do a speech is a bad move to make.”
Another User Comments:
“If you (as in your spouse) do talk to him, I wouldn’t focus on the word or the ex. I’d focus on “I am so embarrassed by having a rude father. Everyone was shocked and made comments about your tacky behavior and how terrible your speech was.
Could you not have behaved properly for even one night?” Because I find that when people focus too much on – you didn’t talk about my wife, you talked about the ex, you weren’t nice enough to my spouse – people like this just flip it right on its head and say “oh she is so insecure.
I bet she made you say this. What a brat”. Make it about him being embarrassed about his father instead. NTJ.” SnooPets8873
Another User Comments:
“L***o shout-out to “Akeelah and the Bee” for teaching me the word pulchritude so I didn’t have to look this up.
Paying for the wedding doesn’t give someone the right to be mean or rude. This is his father. It’s their relationship, and he wants to speak up and talk to him about it, let him. You should be happy. Your husband is creating boundaries with his family and setting the tone for their interactions with you.
He is trying to protect you and stand up for himself and you. He is telling his family that he will not put up with disrespect. This is about his feelings, too. He was hurt by those actions, and he wants to convey that.
What’s more important to you, your husband’s feelings and his boundaries or your inlaws’ wallets?? Do you really want to accept their financial help if it also comes with strings, digs, and meanness? He wants to speak up. let him, it’s his parents and it was his wedding too and he didn’t appreciate the speech.” AGirlHasNoGame_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – so paying you means he gets to treat you as he likes and disrespect you publicly on the best day of your life?! What he said was just mean, there’s no excuse for it as it’s not like he can say it was just a joke, talking up an ex and comparing your looks to your friend.
Ew, what a misogynist pig he is. I’m glad to hear your husband wants to tell him off. You should absolutely let him, and not let yourself be controlled by his money.” Original-Winter9334
2. AITJ For Not Texting My Partner All Day While I Was Busy With Work And Friends?
“At the start of the day, I told my partner good morning and that I would probably be busy at work and hang out with friends after and everything. I was at work for most of the day then spent the rest of it with my buddies and practically had the rest of the day off.
After work, I was so stressed especially with work ramping up but I still made an effort to text her every few hours while hanging out with my friends.
I then went to sleep and the next day I woke up to multiple texts about how she was really mad and fed up with me not spending enough time with her.
She said that she was hurt I could spend the entire day without actively texting her. I told her I had a life too but she said she doesn’t even care. (It’s worth to note that she accused me of being unfaithful before based on one of her friends who lied to her on accident and didn’t believe me until her friend told her the truth but still didn’t believe me and probably still thinks I was unfaithful.
I think she’s been wanting to break up with me and this is an excuse to.)
This whole thing happened two weeks ago and now she’s really distant and only giving replies and giving nonsense answers. I always cared about her but strict parents and stuff always limited us hanging out yet I still made time.
In school, she’s always talking about weird stuff with other guys and that kind of gives me the wrong vibes. I’m fine if she breaks up with me now but that’s my side of that and I don’t even know what to say now.
I’m not sure if I’m the jerk or not but you guys decide after the new facts.”
Another User Comments:
“So, are we talking about one day in which you had work followed by time with friends, and you still texted her every few hours, but this is not enough, and now your partner is acting like a toddler about it?
Or, is this the straw that broke the camel’s back and you have not spent time with her in days/weeks, and do not respond to her texts, etc.? If the former, and that is how I read it, your partner is very, very needy.
She is also extremely manipulative if she is pouting and holding a grudge for 2 weeks over something so trivial. It is normal and healthy to have time apart and to keep your friendships. If she is using these tactics to control and manipulate you, and you give in, she will eventually isolate you from your friends.
I would look at this situation as a blessing that she has revealed “who” she really is and if she breaks up with you, view it as her doing you a big favor. There are red flags all over her.” anitarielleliphe
Another User Comments:
“It’s not about the text, it’s about you spending time with your buddies even after such a busy day, which gives clear priority signals to her, so being with your buddy is relaxing but she’s like a chore, another task to be ticked…. She told you you’re not spending enough time with her so you’re basically stuck in the wrong details.
You can save this relationship by CALLING her and agreeing on a day for a date. Take her on a date then talk about giving each other time, then another time for your friends, family, etc. This can be solved with clear communication.
If it’s long distance, try for the moment to specify some time for her, like twice or three times a week where you do video calls and do stuff together like watching something, doing some new recipe, or whatever that you might like together.” RealMarokoJin
Another User Comments:
“3rd opinion? You can be absolutely sure that she will break up with you! Everyone’s a jerk here, but I’ll give it a soft everyone’s a jerk here if you’re both still teenagers (sounds like it).
You dismiss her concerns, she acts passively aggressively. Classic. If you want to do better – discuss in the next relationship what are your partner’s concerns and how can you make her feel better. It’s not about what happened, it’s whether you use it to make the future better.
And feeling safe in a relationship is one of the main needs for any woman. PS. My partner is a director in his late 30s, and travels >80 days a year. There hasn’t been ONE day he has forgotten to text me during the day.
Why? Because I am his #1 priority and he puts in effort. In return, he says I make him the happiest man in the world.” Winter_Apartment_376
1. AITJ For Blaming My Parents For Their Lies About Our Adopted Sister?
“My parents were always open with me (26m) and my siblings (27m, 23m, and 22f) about the fact they had another kid before us and gave them up for adoption.
But our parents always said they had a son who had been given up and that we had a brother given up for adoption. That was something they were very clear on.
Not only did they say that but they built my sister up as their only little girl a lot.
They’d make it a thing for her to be proud of, she was adored by the family, she was their special little girl, their one and only. She was our only sister and we’d all be a little extra protective of her as her older brothers.
Five months ago we found out they lied when their daughter tracked us down and said she wanted to get to know us/be a part of the family. My parents were so excited. They were hardly able to contain themselves.
My sister freaked out and has refused to meet her. She brought up our parents’ lies and said she was never really as special as they claimed and told them she would never accept a sister and would never accept being made less special. Our parents acted so confused about her reaction.
They tried reassuring her and they encouraged her to meet their daughter… it was a mess.
My brothers and I have met this new sister. I met her once and I believe it’s the same for my brothers. I felt no instant connection to her and it was just all kinds of awkward.
She was really disappointed she didn’t get to meet all of us and she came on very strong when we met her which made the awkwardness more awkward. I think she was expecting us to be way more excited than we were and a lot more into the idea of being a family with her.
The fact my sister refused to even meet her was something she mentioned 10 different times when she met us.
Apparently, she still brings it up, which made my parents bring it up several times to me and my brothers I’m guessing.
The other day they were saying how upset they were that my sister refused to come to Mom’s birthday party because they had invited our other sister. They were saying how they thought she’d handle it better and be excited. I told them it was their fault for lying our whole lives (which they admitted they did, our other sister isn’t a trans woman, my parents knew she was a girl) and then hyping my sister up to be their only daughter.
I told them the way they did it probably made her feel like she lost their love when it was no longer the truth in her world.
My parents told me I shouldn’t blame them. They also accused me of putting my sister before them and their daughter and how clear it is whose side I’m on based on the lack of warmth for their daughter.
They also said it was unfair to blame them for the actions of an adult.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Holy cow, I mean…. how would your parents think they aren’t the ones to blame?! THEY chose to make such a huge deal of your little sister being their “only” daughter, and that it made her sooooooo special. I don’t have any idea why they saw fit to lie about their eldest child’s gender or to lean in SO hard to worshipping your little sister, maybe they never expected the oldest to make an appearance.
Even so. They made their bed by raising her to feel like their special little girl, and now are kind of favoring the feelings of the eldest girl. This has to be an absolute shock. And older sister is even harping on the whole sister issue.
Clearly inherited the delulu.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why did your parents lie? That’s so weird. Like there’s no reason to hide one kid when they mentioned they already had a son. I don’t understand. No one needs to give this sister a chance.
It’s entirely up to each of you individually what you want to do. Clearly, your sister doesn’t want to engage and is hurt that she was told she was special her entire life and had that worldview come crashing down.
The fact your parents expect her to get over it and bond is also ridiculous. It’s also really messed up that this sister (the newly discovered one) feels like she can bring it up constantly and share her disappointment. We get it, she’s disappointed. It almost feels manipulative to bring it up with your parents as if trying to play favorites or something or make herself seem more sympathetic.
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your parents suck for telling a half-truth and lying about the gender of the child they gave up for adoption. It also sucks that they praised your sister for being a girl. Your sister sucks because she is an adult who is throwing a temper tantrum because she doesn’t feel special anymore.
I grew up with four older brothers and was the youngest and the only girl. My parents also coddled me when I was young because I was the only girl, but I didn’t grow up with that ingrained in my personality.
At 22 this shouldn’t be an integral part of her identity. Lastly, you suck for getting involved in an argument that doesn’t concern you. Let your parents and sister resolve this on their own without outside interference whispering into either ear.” Purple_Material_9644
