People Try To Remain Positive In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Eating Eggs For Breakfast Despite My Coworker's Egg Allergy?
“There’s a woman in my office who is anaphylactic to eggs.
We’ve been asked at work to refrain from bringing eggs, egg cartons, egg products, etc into the office as it can trigger a reaction. We’ve also been asked to refrain from eating eggs on the days we’re at the office with her – this means on lunch break (if we happen to go out of office for lunch) but also prior to coming into the office (i.e. breakfast).
I’m more than happy to comply with refraining from consuming eggs at work or during work hours as I know how terrible such a trigger would be for her.
However, I eat eggs as part of my breakfast nearly every morning. So after I eat breakfast, I take a shower, brush my teeth, and then get ready for work.
Another coworker of mine (not the one with the allergy) found out about it and called me a jerk and said I’m putting our coworker in danger. I explained everything I do to mitigate the risks but she wouldn’t hear any of it.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ unless you are kissing this co-worker, food eaten nowhere near her cannot trigger a reaction. The company has gone way overboard, I don’t understand how eating cooked eggs even in the building with her could trigger her at all.
I get some of what they are asking but outside of work building is too much. If her allergy was really that bad she would not be able to go anywhere, there are people eating or cooking most types of food. She would never be able to actually live a normal life.
Eggs are in too many foods and eaten by most people, and you would encounter people in every single indoor place you go, there would be nowhere safe.” Lady_Ellie119
Another User Comments:
“I have a severe seafood allergy. So severe my allergist told me that in his 20+ years of being an allergist, he never saw one so severe.
I carry two EpiPens with me because just being around seafood or shellfish (raw or cooked) can cause a reaction. Any office I’ve worked in had to instill a ‘no seafood’ rule because of how many times I’ve had to go to the ER due to a reaction.
(Try explaining to an ER doc that you didn’t eat any seafood but still had a reaction and see how THEY react.) If someone has seafood at a place where I’m not and then they come to see me, I get hives. It’s that serious.
But it’s on me to watch out for that. I take antihistamines every day to lessen the reaction. I pretty much walk around EVERY day with hives because it’s nearly impossible to not come across someone who could cause a reaction to me.
I’ve had them on the bus, on trains, and in my office on multiple occasions. Where I can control it, I do. I don’t go to restaurants, I don’t go to weddings, and I pretty much avoid every social occasion that involves food when I’m not the one preparing it.
It sucks, but that’s how it is. It would be lovely if people could be more understanding about how serious some allergies are instead of just wishing for people like me to die…but that’s the world we live in I guess. So, no, OP, you are not the jerk.
You’re doing so much more than most people do. (Which, I suspect, is why the person with the allergy isn’t complaining about you.)” jynifercones
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this reminds me of a story where someone’s relative had a cat allergy and expected someone to bend over backwards because they wanted their relative in the friend group but the poster had like five cats.
The poster agreed to make sure to shower and keep their clothes and items separated from the cats. Another friend group member even offered to take some of the poster’s clothes to their house, wash them in their washer and dryer, and let them change there.
But only the poster getting rid of the cats would work as the relative would be left out of spontaneous hangouts and get-togethers at the poster’s house. Sorry, but while accommodating someone with an allergy is reasonable, changing an entire home life scenario for someone you don’t live with is not.
Was this the co-worker or the management that set these rules?” Formal_Air1697
21. AITJ For Telling My Friend Her Kids Can't Come To My House Once They Start Crawling?
“My (21f) friend (21f) and I have been friends since we were very little. I have studied and worked hard and now I own my own home and I absolutely treasure my space.
I am single and love my alone time. Recently my friend has given birth to twins and they are adorable but really kids just are not for me, they’re not in my plan and I don’t expect that to change.
My friend asked if I wanted to see them and I said I did but I was quite busy so she could come round with them if she was happy to.
She was and she brought the babies round, I had gifts for her and them and we had a nice catch-up. The conversation got around to if I’d ever have kids and she knows that I am not planning on ever having them and I said exactly that, the conversation then turned to her babies and I explained that she wouldn’t be able to come round once they were crawling/walking as my house wasn’t child friendly and in all honestly I don’t want children in my space.
My friend was quite shocked at this and honestly offended but I think that if she wants me to see them, she’ll invite me to her place, there’s no need for them to be in my space. Not long after this conversation, she left and hasn’t spoken to me since, I went on social media today and she has blocked me and when I texted her to ask about it, my number is also blocked. So really, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. But not for not wanting children in your house, but for how you handled this entire situation. I get you were trying to set up boundaries from the start. But judging by her reaction, you hurt her. You were someone important enough to her that she was excited for you to meet her children.
Then after meeting them, you put a limit on when and where they could be around you. It’s just a bit shocking for a new parent to hear. It is perfectly fine to not want children and to even not want to be around them or have them in your space.
It is also perfectly fine for a parent to decide who will be in their and their children’s lives. You invited her and her newborn babies into your home in the first place. Then basically told her you don’t like her bringing her babies into your home, and definitely don’t want it to happen when they are older.
She decided not to wait and to just start now.” EastPractice2616
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Opinion is valid, I don’t like kids in my space and will offer to go to my friends when things like this come. However, you literally told her to “bring them round”.
Now, in that same visit you’re choosing to tell her, they aren’t welcome back? Please look into ways of delivering unwelcome information in a healthy way and knowing your audience. This conversation should not have and did not have to happen at the time it did and you could have waited. Even if it was brought up by her there was no need to say something like that.
Conversationally you can change subjects or directions in convo.” girlatbar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for setting the boundaries but YTJ in the way and moment OP said it. In all honesty, OP could’ve said it better than just straightforward and blatantly saying how it was said as OP was the one to invite her friend in the first place instead of going to her friend’s house due to being busy.
It’s very rude to invite someone to then only say they aren’t welcome with their kids when they start crawling which nowadays is fast. Naturally, would her friend feel hurt and unwelcome now that she is a mother? Not gonna lie though, her friend did react too fast and negatively on it by instantly blocking OP instead of trying to talk it out.
In the end though it seems the situation has finished by OP having lost her friend due to setting the boundary at an unfortunate time and the friend having cut OP from her by blocking OP.” Pandarise
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit My Nephew And His Cat Without Prior Notice?
“My sister and her family live in another country. Their 12 y.o. son, my nephew is on holiday so they “shipped” him over here to spend some time with me and his grandparents.
We’re family, so no big deal, but they didn’t discuss this with us. They just showed up, left the kid and his cat, and drove back to their country.
Now I’m on vacation too, plenty of free time, but it would have been nice to be able to spend it as I wish, not constantly being expected to drop everything and entertain a teenager, or cat-sit (I even had to take my puppy to my parents’ place, since they would rather have the pup and leave me with the cat).
Couldn’t have the two pets together because they don’t know each other and my parents don’t want the cat. And the kid’s parents keep giving me suggestions for activities I could engage in with the nephew, to make sure he has a good time.
In my culture “we do for family”, there’s no such thing as boundaries, kids come first and everything.
I love my nephew and he’s the least at fault for all this, but I want my free time, some peace and quiet, and my puppy. So I’m dropping off the kid with my parents for a few days, getting my pup back, and hoping the cat doesn’t act out on him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is not your child, you are not responsible. You’re not responsible for the cat. Your family is taking advantage of you. If it were me, I’d call the police for abandoning their child, but I understand you’re in a different culture.
But yeah, I’d call social services and the police for abandonment.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are taking advantage plain and simple. They are entitled to a child-free summer but not you? I would take him home in a week or two or I would tell them to wire me the funds to place him in a Day Camp or pay for said activities.
You are neither the nanny nor an ATM. I grew up in the city and spent PLANNED summers with family in the country. They knew when I was arriving and leaving. My family always dropped off an envelope of cash when I arrived. It is inconsiderate of them to just drop off their kid, no announcement and no plan.” stinstin555
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not your child, not your responsibility. It’s absurd they just dropped him off without notifying you. I’d call them and leave a voicemail if they don’t pick up, warning them you’re going to call the cops for child abandonment if they don’t come pick them up.
It might start a family fight or whatever, but right now they’re just using you as free child care.” veerlerutten
19. AITJ For Skipping The Family Birthday Dinner I Requested After It Was Hijacked?
“I just turned 40. I have never in my life requested a birthday party because I have never felt like anyone cared enough to throw me one.
The one birthday party I had was when I turned 30 and I planned and executed my own party because no one else even mentioned my birthday.
This year, I decided that I wanted a birthday party where 100% didn’t fall on me so I asked my mom more than a month in advance if I could have a birthday dinner like she has done for my three siblings, their significant others, and all their kids.
Not once has there been one for me or my husband. I was so excited when she said yes with no hesitation!
Well, a week after she agreed to host a birthday dinner for me, she decided that she was going to include my nephew since his birthday is in the same month.
Ok, whatever. I’ll share a party with my nephew… The next week she proceeded to tell me that now the dinner was for my brother and my other brother’s partner too. I’m frustrated but still planning on going. One week before the party she told me that my brother’s partner’s kid was going to celebrate his birthday too even though his birthday was two months ago.
Now I’m really irked.
On top of that, the one thing I asked for was her homemade chicken tenders because I don’t eat chicken on the bone. She tells me the day before the party that she’s making fried drumsticks and thighs. So I won’t even eat the dinner she’s making.
So, rather than start a big drama, I faked a migraine and stayed home. Am I a jerk for not going because I feel extremely unimportant and like my feelings were completely ignored?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – who does that? Just piles on birthdays and having the party for other people instead of you when it was originally meant for you?
And won’t even make food that you like for a party that was meant for just you? It’s extremely rude and inconsiderate to do that to someone, no wonder you stayed home, I would too if my family did that to a celebration that was meant for just me.
PS: And for people who will be all “It’s selfish to not share a celebration when other people have their birthdays.” First off, it’s not even their birthdays or their party, they already had their celebrations, and OP never did, they can have their birthdays on their own birthdays not be backpacking on someone else’s, and secondly, when someone hasn’t had a proper birthday dinner and no one actually cared enough to make one without her asking, nor did they even mention it and she just made her own party, it would mean a lot if they actually had a party meant for only them without them having to create the whole thing by themselves.
Happy birthday by the way!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Believe me I know a lot about the birthday blues; BUT, what’s screaming at me from your post is the belief that you’ve never voiced any of your hurt feelings with your family.
Having a chat or writing a letter or whatever way you can muster to communicate your feelings needs to happen pronto. It might not bring change or resolution but it sure would be a confident way to kick off your 40s. You’re forty, an amazing decade.
Ten years from, gasp, fifty. So, kick off this decade by expressing yourself, like it or not, you deserve to be known and your family deserves to know you, the real you. Tell them who you are and what you feel. And happy birthday!” WentAndDid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, But this should really open your eyes to how much your family values you, especially your neglectful mother, and it’s time she gets repaid in full for all those years of neglect. Time to go LC/(I’d push for NC) because no matter what you do you will always be the second fiddle to the entire world because clearly, that’s how much your mother cares about you.
So better to cut her off completely rather than beating yourself about it. Rather be happy with your partner and live your life and forget about them.” stunkshoezz
18. AITJ For Laughing At A Co-Worker Who Criticized My Cultural Wedding Attire?
“I 19f am South Asian and in my culture, the groom’s family wears the same color as the groom on his wedding days (we have multiple) and the same goes for the bride.
My cousin 24m is getting married and as he has only one brother, my two brothers and I are going to be matching with him since we were basically raised as siblings.
He’s wearing white and gold. His brother, father, and my brothers will all be wearing white suits and I will be wearing a white dress – my aunt is also wearing a white dress but it’s a different style to me. The bride and her family will be wearing red at this event so I won’t be similar to them.
At work, I showed my friend my dress and a co-worker walked past, looked at the dress picture, and started the whole spiel about not wearing white to other people’s weddings. I explained to her the bride was wearing red and even then we could still wear the same color as the bride and that it’s different in my culture but she called me cold-hearted and still insisted I would be taking the bride’s spotlight (trust me guys, even if a guest shows up in red like the bride they wouldn’t be able to match her unless they purposely spent hundreds on a bridal dress and jewels).
I just laughed at her but she and other people who agree with her are saying I’m cold-hearted to laugh at someone who was trying to save me embarrassment at a wedding.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your coworkers, however, are jerks for trying to shame you, even after you explained your cultural traditions.
I’ll admit, if you had shown me a photo of a white dress that you got for a wedding, I would have probably said something like, “Oh hey, I’ve heard it’s not cool to wear white to a wedding, so you don’t show up the bride”.
And then you would have told me about your traditions, and I would have learned something cool about a different culture and then we would probably talk about what’s for lunch.” anti-socialmoth
Another User Comments:
“I was worried this was going to be a situation where the bride was Western and would want a Western wedding but you would want to participate in your and your cousin’s traditions against her will.
But like…Western traditions don’t need to apply to weddings that aren’t Western. Your coworkers are jerks. NTJ.” high_on_acrylic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made an effort to explain the context and the culture, and they still felt justified in correcting your choice of wardrobe.
Also, you weren’t even talking to her… why was this conversation any of her business? Sounds like she needs to work on not infringing on conversations that don’t involve her. Especially when she doesn’t have situational context.” raeseri_
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend A Wedding That Charges An Entrance Fee?
“I’ve (21F) never attended a wedding before so I’m unsure of what the common wedding etiquette is in the UK.
My cousin is getting married next year and has invited a large number of guests. I’ve been kept out of the loop when it comes to their lives (as I’m not very close with them) and I found out that I’ve been invited to the wedding through a different cousin.
(I wasn’t even aware of the engagement, they just casually mentioned in passing that I was invited.)
The issue is though that they are charging everyone they’ve invited with a £70 entrance fee. I cannot afford to pay £70 to attend a wedding. What’s worse is that every other member of my family is attending and it would look odd/rude if I didn’t attend, since we all live together (I’m financially independent from them).
I don’t have direct contact with my cousin that’s getting married so I can’t tell them directly that I can’t attend. I know that if I tell my family that I won’t attend they’d be against it.
But a little part of me thinks that charging a large number of people, £70 per person, is a little bit excessive?
Or is that normal? I personally wouldn’t get married if I knew I’d have to charge everyone £70 in order to afford the wedding. I know they’d get back several thousand from the guests this way.
I’d never tell them this, but am I a jerk for not wanting to attend purely due to the fee and for thinking it’s ridiculous?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No, charging your wedding “guests” an “entrance fee” is totally jerk-like. It’s completely against any kind of civilized etiquette. And “inviting” a relative without issuing a written invitation to you is also completely violating all civilized rules about weddings and guests.
Entrance fees are for nightclubs. Being a guest at a wedding means you are invited to attend a big party, and a gift of some kind is usually expected. But you cannot require a gift, or it’s not a gift is it? And certainly charging an entrance fee is jerk-like.
As for the family members you live with who are all planning to attend, you will have to suddenly discover an absolutely essential errand that requires you to be far away on that very day. Terribly inconvenient, but you must, sadly, miss the wedding! Hope they have fun.” Harmlessoldlady
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ if you didn’t attend. I live in the US and people tend to want big lavish weddings. Some will even go so far as to go into extreme debt to do so (their money not mine so more power to them).
However, it’s not common practice to have a cover charge for a wedding. If you paid £70 would you also be expected to provide a present? Typically here you give a gift of some sort (sometimes monetary) and there is no expectation to fund their wedding.
If they were having a destination wedding and you were invited I could see paying to fly yourself and for accommodations, if you decided to go but a cover charge is abnormal at least from my perspective.” Live-To-read
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The expectation in the UK is that guests do not pay for anything at weddings, except drinks at the bar.
An entrance fee is extremely unusual. Some people do give cash as a wedding gift but it’s never a requirement. Most wedding gifts I know of have been something with a sentimental meaning or something useful for the new couple in their life together (harder now that people commonly live together before marriage, but something like a cookbook, for example).
There is no expectation to gift cash. In my experience, it’s perfectly acceptable for a guest’s ‘gift’ to be a card, or even for a guest to come empty-handed, though an actual physical gift is a nice gesture. Also, if they want you at the wedding they need to send you an actual invite not have family do Chinese whispers.” edmundmk
16. AITJ For Taking A Break While Caring For My Sick Mother And Husband?
“I am 26 and I’m married to my husband who’s 28. Recently, my mother (50) moved in with my husband and me because she is battling breast cancer and is very ill, so my husband and I agreed that she needed to stay with us as I’m her only child and we didn’t want her to be ill and alone.
Along with taking care of my mother, I have also been taking care of my husband this week because he caught the flu from a coworker. Being responsible for two sick people all week while also having to work has been very stressful, but I was managing until today.
I don’t know what it was about today, but I just became so overwhelmed, my mom had chemo today so she was feeling absolutely terrible and my husband had a fever that wouldn’t break and they both couldn’t keep anything down, it was a lot for me, so after making sure that they were settled in and no longer vomiting, I told both my mom and husband that I just needed a little break and I would be back in 30 minutes.
I drove to an ice cream shop not too far from my house and I grabbed some ice cream and just walked down the street a bit. I was gone for no more than 25 minutes when I got back in my car and saw that I had 5 missed calls from my mom.
I instantly panicked and raced home as I called her but she didn’t answer.
When I got home paramedics were there and I started freaking out. My husband’s fever got so high that he started to hallucinate and eventually fell unconscious. My mom heard a loud thud and when she went to my room, she found that my husband had fallen out of bed so she called the paramedics.
The hospital was eventually able to bring my husband’s fever down and after hours they released him. I felt so bad and I told him that I was sorry profusely, but he was and still is angry with me that I wasn’t there. He’s saying that I shouldn’t have left knowing that there were 2 very sick people who needed me.
I explained to him that I was sorry about what happened but I needed a break for myself, that ultimately didn’t lead us anywhere and instead, he’s just back in bed resting and still upset. I didn’t leave in hopes of one of them getting hurt, he’s making it seem as if I wanted this to happen.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s understandable he is upset, it must have been quite a scare, plus he is still sick so everything must hurt and annoy him at the moment, no doubt. But at the same time, I can see your side of the story, bearing the emotional, mental, and overall physical strain that is taking care of your mother knowing she’s battling cancer, and your husband being so sick that his fever wouldn’t break, and both of them unable to keep anything down is overwhelming, and it can sometimes become so much it feels like it may crash you, sometimes even out of nowhere.
It’s understandable you needed a break, too. The timing was just very unfortunate. You had been taking care of both all week, you couldn’t know the only time you actually stepped away would be the moment an emergency would arise.” RedditUserIsUnknown
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You were burned out and stressed and weren’t sure how to handle it. You shouldn’t have left, HOWEVER you didn’t know that. You got them settled (he was even lying down in bed), they seemed okay in your eyes, and you thought they were safe.
To the best of your knowledge, they were okay. There was no ill will there. It’s not your fault because you did the best you could here. He is angry and sick right now. Give him some time to feel better and calm down. Give yourself time to feel better (mentally) and calm down.
Then you guys can worry about having a conversation about it. You don’t need to have a conversation right away. Sleeping on it is okay. When people are sick, taking a break is fine. But don’t drive away. Try to find something else in the house or on the porch/just outside.
Always have the phone on loud, not mute. Make sure they are really okay first. A great way of doing this is when someone gets sick and they go to the doc, ask the doctor, “What signs mean I should take them to an urgent care?
When should I take them to the ER/call an ambulance? Just in case.” Do this with your mom’s doctors too. Make sure you know this for fevers in the future. Fevers are very tricky. They can cause seizures sometimes too.” cadmium2093
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for needing a break, that’s human. But (in my opinion) part of being an adult is waiting to take that break when it’s appropriate. If your husband had a high fever that wouldn’t break, and your mom was too sick to help him at home, that break should have waited until his fever broke, you got a family member/friend to come help/you contacted medical help yourself.
It’s human to have a breaking point and to need a break. But it’s also expected that you will be there for your loved ones when they are depending on you; and if you reach a point where you cannot, you seek additional help. Leaving your husband with no one to support him when he still needed help is a soft YTJ to me.” makethatnoise
15. AITJ For Not Giving My Daughter The Room With An Ensuite?
“I (31f) have two children Riley 13f and Noah 11m. I recently got married to Jonah (44m) who has a son Jake (10m) that he has shared custody of. Jake only stays with us for a week every month and shares a room with Noah, both boys don’t mind this arrangement.
We’re moving houses and there are still only three bedrooms. The master bedroom will be mine and Jonah’s whilst the second largest room will be Noah and Jake’s. The smaller room is still pretty large but doesn’t have its own ensuite like the other rooms. Riley saw this and started saying that we prefer the boys to her.
I tried explaining that it’s not favoritism and that they need more room because there are two of them but she won’t listen and has told my ex (her dad) who has been calling me saying that Riley needs her own bathroom and that I shouldn’t be favoring my sons (he’s not Noah’s dad).
He’s been messaging me saying that as a young girl, she needs an ensuite more than the boys. He’s also been encouraging her to act out to try and make me give in and give her the room. AITJ for not giving her the room despite the trouble she and her dad are going through.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Your ex however is being a total jerk and should listen to logic too. You aren’t favoring the boys, they happen to have a bathroom with their room but at the same time with how two boys are that’s probably a blessing in disguise lol.
Your daughter can have free reign in the main bathroom if needed. Or maybe buy her a nice vanity for her room where she can do whatever she wants with it.” Outrageous_Sink_6965
Another User Comments:
“Oof – NTJ! (But your ex is!) I think it’s even more important now to stay firm in your decision.
You can’t allow bad behavior and acting out to be rewarded by getting her way. A mature conversation acknowledging her want for the room and understanding her frustration would help – followed by a discussion on how it’s fairer for two people who will share a room to have a bigger one.
They’re small boys now, but they will grow fast. They never complained about sharing the room, and now they are seeing the benefits of good behavior! Nothing at all to do with favoritism. Show your daughter this thread, since teenagers biologically develop a resistance to their mother’s voice and requests once they hit 13ish (it’s an involuntary neurological response as adolescents begin to seek more independence and individuality).” Lolo647
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am so sorry. She’s learned from her father. He’s enjoying turning her against you and he is feeding this. Stay true to the math. Your sons are good kids- understanding the situation and accommodating each other. If her father is determined – I am sorry to say – it ends up being lifelong.
Do right by your entire family and hopefully, she will see the sense of you not enabling her entitlement. Yet he will continue to fuel this and spoil her when he has her even getting her to live with him full time if possible. The good news is she may find someone who will treat her like a queen when she is an adult.
Hopefully, she’ll come around when she is a parent. Maybe not. I assume you don’t have to ask me how I know.” grianmharduit
14. AITJ For Throwing A Drink At My Dad After He Insulted My Partner?
“My (M34) partner (F30) and I have been together for a few months now and it’s been getting serious to the point where we have been meeting each other’s families.
When I met her side of the family, everything went smoothly; however, I unfortunately cannot say it has been smooth sailing for her.
For context prior to being with my partner a while back, I had a childhood best friend (F33). We grew up together since our families were friends and eventually started being together in high school until one day she revealed she no longer had feelings for me.
I was heartbroken as a kid, and because of it, we fell out. Obviously now I don’t have any feelings for her since it was so many years ago and I love my partner a lot.
My dad’s birthday came up and he hosted a party at his house inviting the entire family and family friends.
I of course brought my partner along and at first, everything seemed fine until I noticed my partner was suddenly occupied with random chores for the party when she was supposed to be a guest. When I asked what was going on, she said that my dad asked her to do some of the cleaning to help make it easier to have more room in the kitchen when cake is served. I found it odd but I tried to shrug it off and help her out so it could be done faster and returned to the party.
As I was approaching my dad, I noticed my ex and her father were there chatting with him. I immediately felt uncomfortable and tried to turn around, but he already saw me and flagged me over. I tried to be polite and kept the conversation short, but it seemed that she wanted more from us seeing each other again as she tried to keep talking to me and have a deeper conversation about our past. I told her, “it’s water under the bridge and I needed to get back to my partner.”
Once I mentioned her, she gave me a thrown-off expression and said that she was told by my dad that I wanted to rekindle our relationship and that I was “very much single.” Hearing the news made me upset and I was in disbelief that my dad would say something like that to her, my dad has never told me that he disapproved of my partner and he always was polite to her.
Now here is where I might be the jerk. Once everyone was gathered for cake, I chewed out my dad and exposed him at the table for what he did. He then insulted my partner saying “I could do better” and that “better” was my ex from high school.
This comment set me off and I grabbed my drink and threw it at him. After that exchange, I left with my partner and haven’t spoken to my dad since. People who attended the party have been telling me I did the wrong thing by embarrassing him at his birthday party, but I thought I was doing the right thing since I was standing up for my partner.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your story does not really make your behavior sound any better than the title, does it? Obviously, your dad was being a jerk but nothing you did in response was appropriate or mature. Once you found out how he felt about your new partner, why not just get her and leave the party?
You instead drew attention to yourself and your dad’s bad behavior and probably embarrassed your partner too. What you did had nothing to do with your partner and everything to do with your ego.” LyrisiVylnia
Another User Comments:
“ESH – your dad is not in the right mind to be insulting you and your partner, especially in front of other people.
Your life with your partner is your business and he shouldn’t be trying to intervene and make his desires come true by lying to your ex. As for throwing the drink, YTJ. It was not appropriate or necessary as he did not physically assault you.
You could’ve just voiced your frustration aloud and maybe called him a name but you shouldn’t have acted with violence. I’d say you embarrassed yourself more than you did to him.” MindDifficult7207
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You were right to call him out on it and right to leave.
I wish we would shine a light on jerks more often rather than doing it quietly where no one will know they are jerks. What you should not have done is throw a drink at him. That’s lashing out like a child. It didn’t just embarrass him it embarrassed you.
When people call you a jerk for embarrassing your father just tell them that you were deeply hurt that he disrespected your partner and tried to manipulate you and you don’t know why they would support that. When they say they don’t support that just say thank you and end the conversation so they can think about what they just realized.” bigmonmulgrew
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Use A Child Leash For My Daughter?
“My husband and I have a daughter who just turned 3 and is very full of spirit.
She loves to run around and play. We’ve been going out more to places like the park where she can really go wild.
They went out while I was at work recently and my husband called me in a panic saying he lost sight of her and had no idea where she went.
Needless to say, we were both very scared and about to contact the police, but he thankfully found her playing with a group of kids.
Since then, he’s been trying to convince me to keep her on a child leash. I don’t like those. They just don’t sit right with me.
Especially since we are an interracial family. My husband and I are white and our daughter is adopted and black. We’ve already gotten a few stares. If people saw a white couple walking with a black child on a leash, there would be all types of stares and accusations.
And I couldn’t be mad at it.
He doesn’t think I’m taking our daughter’s safety seriously and says he’s going to buy one anyway to show me that it’s useful. I told him to go ahead but there’s no way I’m going to actually let him use it.
I reminded him it’s not a leash we need, but him keeping a better eye on her. He’s angry at me now and thinks I’m accusing him of being a bad father. I’m not, but he made a mistake and I think he’s trying to fix it in the wrong way.”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly? YTJ but softly. I was paying a bill and turned my eyes off my kid for literally 5 seconds and they were gone. They became a leash kid after that until they learned to stay with me. You can get really cute little backpacks and animals with those leashes attached. Your husband and you cannot watch your child every second you are out in public because that’s unrealistic.
Your child is clearly a runner and your husband is doing what he feels is necessary to keep her safe.” Quizzy1313
Another User Comments:
“If it wasn’t for one of those child harnesses I wouldn’t be alive to give my opinion. At age 2 or 3, I went to walk into traffic, cause clueless kid.
Mom gave me a tug on the leash and I fell back on my butt but didn’t get splattered across the car that would not have been able to stop. Total YTJ. They can save lives. In this day and age, I’m sure you can find one that is cute, or subtle.
And remember. It might be the reason she’s able to share her experiences with a stranger one day.” Ok_Seaworthiness7314
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – this isn’t about free spirit or racism. This is about parental styles. Using reins (leash I am guessing in the US) is a choice you have to make in regard to your daughter’s safety and for that, I applaud your husband for being serious about the matter.
Think about how you have worded this though – she is a wild free-spirited runner – would you really want to take that from her? For me, I agree with you but additions of boundaries for your three-year-old are the key, ones that should be reinforced by a team of parents with the same message.
It will take time but it’s all part of the ‘fun’ of parenting. Good luck!” badreligionlover
12. AITJ For Giving My Son My Old Phone And Keeping The New One?
“My (53F) son (20M) has been having a bit of bad luck these past two years; major life-altering surgeries, the recent breakup with his long-time partner, having to quit his job, not being able to attend college due to health issues.
His father & I have supported him, sought help for him, and generally kept our hearts & ears open for when he needs to rant/purge. He’s now mending and is able to get his life on track. Then this happened. His iPhone 8 fell off the sofa without him seeing it.
He had to run to the bathroom (surgery-related) in doing so he stepped with his heel on his phone and destroyed it. He felt terrible! Apologized because my husband bought him that as a gift. It was an accident & we felt awful for him!
His dad/my husband bought him a new phone, no questions. It should arrive soon. Hubby said for me to give our son my iPhone 8 and keep the new one. I was going to say no, but my husband said it was an iPhone X and our son has complained that the X is “goofy.” Also, Son said he “wanted the same phone.” I said I’d be willing to give our son my PRISTINE phone.
Well, when I told our son this he was appalled! Ranted about how he’s having a horrid time, he‘s depressed (he is), etc… “I get the cast off! Now that my colon is working, am I getting Dad’s old undergarments?” I was stunned!
He can be a tad self-centered (as we all can), but he’s never been selfish. I held it together but the more I dwelled on it, I became upset.
When he returned to my room to talk with a less-than-convincing apology, I cried & said we were giving him a phone & that I was shocked by his selfishness.
He choked up and said he ruins everything.
AITJ for giving my son my phone and keeping the newer phone? And crying in front of him and saying I was stunned by his selfishness? (Might have been a jerk there.)
I am so depressed I want to vomit.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ look he’s going through a hard time – clearly he has no idea that he made some comment about the goofy iPhone X and that’s where this is all coming from so; take a breath and EXPLAIN THAT. From HIS perspective; he clearly mustn’t know that.
And he’s clearly having a rough time. So just explain that. And also no lol you don’t owe him a new phone after he broke the one you bought him. He has his reasons for being a wad, granted – but he is being thankless nonetheless.
He’s 20. I would rethink giving him ANYTHING, even after explaining the goofy comment and how that shaped decisions; because frankly even without the goofy comment, you still simply don’t owe his grown self a second new phone. Or even the first one. That’s some grade-A entitlement.
And it’s ugly.” Luhdk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First: it is more than nice enough and acceptable that you are giving him YOUR phone and keeping the new one. He is getting a free phone no matter how you slice it and it is extraordinarily selfish and entitled for him to have acted as he did.
Second: if he were a CHILD, I might condemn you for crying and guilting him in that manner… because, well, it’s a child… but he is 20. 20. He is old enough to know better, and old enough to see how his actions affect others. NOT to even MENTION that he is guilting and manipulating you with statements like “I screw everything up” and such.
It’s a “playing victim” mentality. Instead of coming out and pushing through his struggles he’s leaning into them and using them to justify bad behavior. This isn’t a learning thing for him, it’s just a pity party. I’ll say it again so you really see it: NTJ.
NTJ. NTJ. NTJ. I can repeat it a few more times too if you like. Hang in there momma. He needs to be shown that’s unacceptable.” RoxasofsorrowXIII
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But still a lil wrong. Being a mom can be really hard sometimes, it’s not always easy being the better person and it doesn’t mean you don’t love your son.
Even though you have really good reasons for doing what you did, sometimes the youngest will just say a bunch of nonsense things when frustrated or stressed out, they usually forget it cause they don’t really mean it, just we don’t. I understand you did your best from the heart cause that’s what he said he wanted previously but I don’t think he really was hoping to get a used phone no matter how good it still is, rather he was just trying to be humble or to not make an issue cause he didn’t want to show how much actually he cared. Sometimes it’s hard to accept feeling vulnerable even in front of the people who love us the most. This doesn’t mean you didn’t have the right to feel hurt, not even a little, someone you love was harsh and unfair and that really sucks.
Yet I think this is one of the times you have to be the bigger person, find a way to understand and forgive even if he doesn’t apologize the way you need, not because you owe him but because your son needs you. Communication is the key and this is all a misunderstanding, once you both calm down maybe bring again to the table the opportunity for him to choose the phone he wants if you are still up for it.
Don’t let this little thing become an issue, it’s not worth it. Sending you a big sisterly hug, don’t feel too bad about yourself, there’s no age limit to learn from mistakes, you are a good mom, and you are doing great.” Taking_Therapy
11. AITJ For Not Telling My Roommates I'm Bisexual?
“I’ve been friends with my mates since we got to college three years ago. We just hit it off and since they’re good people, we got really comfortable around each other. We do school work together, and we go out together. They are good dudes and honestly, I couldn’t ask for better friends.
This year we decided to rent a place for us since school housing wasn’t that available anymore. Thus, we are sharing a house out of campus. We are having quite an easy time, as pretty much all of us are responsible for studies, house cleaning, and bills.
It has been good so far, but things got awkward a few nights ago.
We went to a party this past Saturday, and during said party, I hooked up with a man I knew from our university. I thought my mates knew I was bisexual, although we never really talked about that.
They’ve seen me get with a woman before, but I think this was a first for a man.
The next day when I woke up and went to have breakfast, they were a bit awkward around me. But I thought nothing of it. However, as we started to talk, things got strange.
To summarize, they were not aware that I was bisexual, and now feel very self-conscious for living with me. While most of them are awkward but understanding, one of them is very self-conscious to the point of saying it was a jerk move to not tell them I was bisexual before.
Now, I have no idea what they are thinking. It’s not like I’m going to jump them. This is an absurd notion. I have zero attraction to them, as I view them like brothers.
However, I can’t stop thinking if I should have said something before.
I mean, they are feeling awkward because I didn’t say anything. But it’s not like I hid it, we just never talked about this stuff before.
Anyway, who better to ask than strangers on the internet? Please, can you be a judge and tell me if I really messed up here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve lived with them this entire time and haven’t made a move. Why in the world would they think that changes simply because they know? It’s not like they came out to you as straight before moving in together.
Simply because they wrongly assumed one thing doesn’t make you deceitful. If you feel the need to explain your point of view, then by all means. But it shouldn’t be required.” sbollom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is their problem, not yours. You are not required to disclose your sexuality.
What you do is none of their business. If you really want to work things out, you can try having another talk with them just to clear the air/establish your own boundaries but don’t feel obligated to do so. Again, this is THEIR problem.
You shouldn’t have to placate them. You should be ready to stand up for yourself if need be.” ConfusionExact7663
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell them you are out of their league. If it wasn’t an issue before, it shouldn’t be an issue afterward.
I didn’t realize I had never told my bro-ey friends from university that I was gay. I just rolled up with my giant gym rat partner (at the time) to a birthday party, and their shocked faces are something I will treasure for all time.
They didn’t have any problems with it, and they haven’t ever. Think of it as an opportunity to cut out the weakest link. It might be weird for a day or two, but they will get over it. Or they won’t and you can make friends that don’t suck.” IraWeatherall
10. AITJ For Avoiding My Mom's Side Of The Family And Preferring Smaller Gatherings?
“I (23F) live with my mother (51F) and brother (24M).
My mother and I don’t have the best relationship. From a young age, I realized I was not what my mom wanted. So in turn, I became the black sheep. My parents’ divorce was messy and she resents my dad and his family. (I look like a mini copy of my dad, so that angers her).
For example, I had to wait for my Christmas gift one year, while my brother and cousins got their gifts. (They got computers and game systems and I just wanted a DS that I was promised for my good grades.) I waited like 2 weeks.
My mom’s family is, as I would say, not healthy.
There is always drama and they would tell anyone who would listen to get them to take sides. As I have gotten older, I have become used to venting as they know I won’t tell anyone. Me being put in an awkward situation and too nervous to give feedback in case they involve me in their drama or being told I’m being disrespectful/rude.
I would just sit there and say okay. Even if the situation made me extremely uncomfortable or if I knew it was straight nonsense. When I was old enough to stay home, I would make up excuses to avoid any unimportant events as that’s when dramatic talks would happen.
Onto now, I try to completely avoid going to family gatherings, as I told my aunt I wanted no part in spreading lies about my mom’s partner whom she had never even met or seen a photo of. That spiraled into some big problems for me that month.
Now my mother has noticed me avoiding these events and hanging out with my dad’s side more. She went on a rant after I suggested just going to a small restaurant for my birthday instead of having a large dinner party with like 50 people or going to a fancy restaurant.
She claimed I hated her and was tearing this family apart. That’s why I never want to spend time with her side. I got a few calls from family saying I should suck it up and go to where she wants like a “good girl” but I just hung up the phone.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would try to move out. At 23 you are absolutely old enough to decide how you choose to celebrate your birthday. And you are way too old to be told to be a “good girl.” Ew.” IChooseYouSnorlax
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — I came from a super dramatic and endlessly squabbling family. They were always at each other’s throats and oddly co-dependent at the same time. I stayed in contact with a few of them who weren’t like the rest and it worked out.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. I’d start standing up to your mom more and tell her that you know she dislikes you so she can cut the nonsense and once you’re old enough you’ll be gone and she can forget you even exist and have a nice life with her “do over babies.”” RaM0Na1995
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend Family Events With The Father Of My Unborn Child?
“I’m really good friends with the father of my (unborn) kid. We had a one-night stand, and that’s how we have this upcoming child.
I don’t mind being around his family here and there when I visit and hang out with him, nor do I mind conversation.
But he and his family want to take me out to special gatherings and whole family meals that are solely just family. And that makes me feel uncomfortable. The father has made it known he doesn’t want an actual relationship with me. And at first, it hurt because I ended up falling for him.
But I accepted it. I’m not going to force someone to love me. I mostly got over it and we accepted co-parenting roles.
But now he constantly tries to hint and persuade me into these family gatherings. I genuinely wouldn’t mind doing these things if I were in an actual committed and serious relationship with him.
But because I’m not. And not to mention the fact that he’s actively looking on relationship websites for potential partners. I don’t want to put myself in that awkward position. I don’t want to potentially become a third wheel.
I’ve told him I’m not a part of his family and he shouldn’t expect me to act like I am.
I’m the mother of his child. And his friend. He tells me he understands my point but it does make him sad, that that’s how I see it. And his family is upset because they think this means that they won’t be able to see their grandchild as much as they would like.
Which is totally not true. I have zero problem handing the baby over when they want to have fun vacations involving him.
I just don’t want to set myself for that type of mental “hope” that maybe I’ll be accepted as a true part of the family.
Just for the father of my child to get into a relationship. And have it be a potentially awkward situation. It’s not like I can predict how his future partners will act or feel around me, and I rather just avoid it entirely.
And I still do have minor feelings for this man.
It doesn’t affect how I choose to parent and handle our situations in general. But, I also rather not feel like he’s rubbing his relationships in my face.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would tell him that you would rather not have a front-row seat to his future long-term romantic relationships nor do you want to be uncomfortably embedded in his family at the point when he finds a life partner who will not likely welcome your presence.
And on your side, you don’t foresee your own future partner wanting this family dynamic. This all screams “keep baby’s mother on the back burner to return to if/when I don’t find a better alternative/when I’ll settle down” because being pregnant or immediately postpartum is hard for a mom.
My cousin had this happen and it did not go well, she moved on. Her ex did it again with his next child’s mother where he felt entitled to be a single guy when she was expecting and not as carefree and fun. She was a single mom but he expected both my cousin and his second child’s mother to maintain involvement with his family and keep up happy appearances.
My cousin wasn’t into it but let his sister take their kid to visit but the second child’s mom stuck around. Even when the third child’s mother entered the picture. The second child’s mom then ended up being the fourth child’s mom, because she couldn’t escape the trap of his family loving her and him sometimes wooing her.
Just make boundaries.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a responsibility to be in a good mental, physical, and emotional place to fully support your child. “The father has made it known he doesn’t want an actual relationship with me. He tells me he understands my point but it does make him sad.” You are doing the right thing to stay away from this emotional morass that he wants you in.
The two points above show that he is not even able to articulate what he actually wants. There is no way for you to successfully navigate that, maybe by design, not enough information to have any insight on that point.” Tical79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
In your position, you’re doing the best thing for you and your mental health, which is also better for your baby. Besides, he doesn’t get to be upset. He made clear that he doesn’t want that kind of relationship with you and it’s unreasonable and frankly cruel for him and his family to expect you to basically act like you are in that type of relationship.
You have no intention of denying his family time with your child, you are just limiting your own time with them to avoid a potentially messy situation. I’ll be honest here: It sounds suspiciously like he wants to keep you on the back burner while he has as much fun as he wants with other women, but then has you just waiting there for whenever he’s ready.
Maybe I’m reading into it wrong and they just actually consider you family now because you are the mother of his child, but… Well, I just don’t believe that to be the case. A bit of both, perhaps.” ChildofMerlin2
8. AITJ For Telling My Aunt About Grandpa's Deteriorating Health Despite My Mom's Objections?
“I (30F) am my grandpa’s POA/Executor. My mom also has medical POA.
For a time my husband, son, and I lived with grandpa to help out. Eventually, we moved out as it was becoming increasingly difficult to try and juggle my son and grandpa (and straining my marriage). We were still on good terms. My mom lived close to him so she was able to pick up the slack left by our absence.
While my mom and I are very different people (that backstory is a novel itself) we both were trying to do right for Grandpa. Through all of this, my aunt (mom’s sister) was absent and would come around with her adult kids to visit maybe a couple of times a year.
I had sporadic contact with my cousin (aunt’s daughter) and we would discuss what was going on but she also didn’t really factor into anything as she lives hours away.
A couple of years ago my grandpa was hospitalized. My mom was the one who was primarily around to help with things, while my aunt was dealing with her own problems at the time (she lost her husband a couple of months later).
I was now living in a different town so I was mostly absent during this situation. Mom and aunt have a huge falling out due to my aunt not helping. Since mom was the one close to the situation my grandpa followed her truth and also wrote off my aunt.
I stayed out of it as I didn’t think it was my place.
Grandpa now has severe dementia and has to be put in a nursing home. His memory is gone and he typically doesn’t remember who people are, but sometimes hints will come out of the man he was and he will remember stuff from way back.
My husband and I end up having to do all of the work to get him into the home (as my mom said ” it would be too hard on her to have to do that”). At this point, it’s over a year since he’s talked to my aunt.
Grandpa has been in the nursing home for a while now. I struggle with the fact that nobody has told my aunt. Eventually when my cousin reaches out as she does periodically asking about things I don’t lie and I tell her the truth about where our grandpa is knowing that she will surely pass word on to my aunt.
About a week later my aunt called telling me that she had finally gone to see my grandpa. I don’t know specifics about the visit but she was thankful that she was made aware.
Now a few days later, Mom texts asking if I had told my aunt about things.
I tell her the truth and about the conversation with my cousin. My mom then proceeds to tell me about how much I have hurt her and that I should have considered her first and that I have damaged our relationship by telling my aunt.
I expressed that I had no intentions of hurting her but that I thought it was the right thing to do and that if I was in that spot I hoped I would be given the chance to rectify things or make peace. She ignores my points and just keeps circling back to her and how what I have done is wrong.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandpa has limited time. Yes, the aunt is selfish but to restrict her from seeing her own father when it’s bad just because you’re angry is selfish of your mother. Source: didn’t get to say bye to my dad over family feuding.
I resent everyone involved and all it gave me was trauma.” SoleIbis
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like there are some serious problems between your mom and her sister, but none of that gives your mom the right to hide your grandfather’s declining health from your aunt – or expect you to keep it a secret.
And even if there was a legitimate reason to keep your aunt in the dark (I doubt it), your cousin has a right to know too, and she’s the one you told. Your mom being mad at you makes no logical sense here. NTJ.” asgallant
Another User Comments:
“As a former carer for people with complex dementia, NTJ. Your grandfather is in the safest place with the care he needs, you did the best you could when looking after him, you’ve done the work to get him into the care home, you’ve stayed out of your mother and aunt’s dispute, your aunt hasn’t tried to involve you, you told her where her father is and she visited. You have done nothing wrong.
Your mother does not get to gatekeep your grandfather, deny him visitors, or say her sister can’t see their father. She is the one trying to make you pick a side and involve yourself in something you know doesn’t concern you. She needs to grow up, shut up and think of her father’s best interests, not her own petty bull crap.” Lulubelle__007
7. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Partner Over Locking The Front Door?
“My partner and I live together, both of us in our mid-20s and we have a 4-digit code door lock. When I get back from work I always instinctively lock the door (as I have been taught to by my mom since 6 years old) and this was a problem for my partner.
The actual problem boils down to her getting upset at me every time I’m home and the front door is locked and she has to input the 4-digit pin. She pouts and asks why I locked her out. I don’t do it on purpose and I try to remember but my instincts just take over half the time and I lock the door without thinking.
Today was one of those days, and when she said her usual line, I snapped and said, “no I’m done with this, stop making me feel bad for locking the front door, I’m done.”
She got really quiet and said “ok” and went into the bedroom and closed the door and hasn’t come out.
I’m upset that something so simple is such an issue, for what I feel is a logical behavior.
The question is really AITJ for getting mad at my partner for getting mad at me for locking the front door.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was taught the same exact thing.
Lock the door after you come home just in case. I know someone who didn’t do that and she was sitting in her living area watching TV and the front door was unlocked in that area. Some dude just walked in, she freaked out and he made an excuse that he “got the wrong house” and ran out of there.
So lock the door. Tell your partner that story.” cattripper
Another User Comments:
“First, it’s a security risk so don’t stop locking your door and you need to make sure she’s locking up as well. Second, she doesn’t even have to dig for her keys, all she has to do is enter a code.
It takes less effort to enter a code than it does for her to complain to you for not leaving the door unlocked. NTJ and your partner needs to respect and practice basic security measures before you get robbed.” miyuki_m
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
My husband and I live in a very very boring neighborhood, deep in the suburbs. One evening someone tried to open our front door. Turns out a neighbor a block down has a son battling a very bad addiction paired with psychosis. The teen wanted to sweep our front stairs but apparently, there are demons that live in our bushes.
He got violent. Tried to kick in our door and broke windows, and ran away when we were on the phone with the police. Went house to house trying to get in a house and along the way beat up a jogger and chased some kids.
The police took him eventually. You simply never know when just the wrong thing might happen in the wrong place and yours is the door nearby. Locking the door is basic basic basic security.” Ocelot-Worried
6. AITJ For Blocking My Ex-Roommate And Not Paying For Her Phone Line?
“I 21F have been living alone since my mother’s death a year ago. My friend from high school Katy 21F had a huge fight with her mom and siblings and decided to move to my house without asking for my permission, so we started living together but kept having a lot of problems due to money and house chores.
I started working at a new company and then Katy stopped paying for household items, and when I asked her why, she told me that since I’m earning more money than her, I should take care of more things. I didn’t think that was fair, so I told her it would be better for both of us to buy our things separately.
Back then, she didn’t have a cellphone so I lent her my mom’s phone with MY MOM’S number, so we could keep in contact. Katy asked me if I could sell her the phone, I agreed with it and she paid me through dues.
Since Christmas was coming, I surprised her with a ticket for her favorite band’s concert and told her to go together.
But on the day of the concert, she met with a friend and left me alone to take care of her things while she went to the front row. I was a little upset because I wanted to be there with her, but she told me that I was being selfish and she would go with her friends for dinner, so I could calm down.
A few weeks later, Katy told me that she’d get back to her mom’s house because she “wanted to fix their relationship. After that, Katy texted my partner and told them that the real reason why she left my house was because I always mistreated her, and that she was tired of paying for groceries and not being able to buy new clothes or things for herself.
Since she left with my mom’s number, I kept having trouble with my mom’s bank accounts, since they were all connected to her number, I didn’t want to have anything to do with her anymore so I talked to the telephone company to check if could block the line ONLY so I could keep the number and she the phone, they told me yes, and I asked them to do it.
Katy texted me immediately saying that I was a bad friend, that she paid for the phone, and that the line was my gift, she told me I should pay her another line, but I didn’t agree. A few days later, Katy texted me again telling me she couldn’t buy a new line because the phone was blocked, I didn’t know about that, so I told her I would fix it with the company, but she started telling me that I should pay her for the phone too, since she couldn’t use it anymore without a line, I told her that I’ll contact the company to fix the problem and will update her.
Katy started posting things like “I don’t deserve all this crap”, “I’m tired of being a people pleaser” and blocked me. So, I blocked her back and decided that she could fix her phone alone.
Katy texted my partner and some friends were offended that I blocked her, and started telling them that I was such a bad person that I just wanted to ruin her life, since a few of them agreed with her, I started feeling bad and started thinking that maybe I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Katy is a toxic person and fake friend who will use you as much as possible and drop you as soon as it’s convenient. You can tell who she truly considers her friends as she invited someone else to use your gift. Friends don’t try to take advantage of you whenever possible either.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to just cut off everything connecting to her and remove her from your life. Or else look forward to a “friendship” that’s only ever gonna go one way.” shtoopee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, she never asked if she could move in.
She assumed she could and you’d be okay with it. And she expects YOU to take care of HER and HER expenses just because you make more? She’s an adult and has money, she can take care of herself. I’m sure she forgot to mention that she blocked you first. I’d stay NC with her.” ElevatorOk8601
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she has been steamrolling all over you and you have let her. This is beyond entitled and rude of her. Either buy the phone back from her at the price she paid or tell her that the cost covers everything she didn’t pay for when she was with you that you covered. Then block her and don’t look back.” EwokCafe
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister To Sell My Cats?
“I (14F) found three newborn kittens in a box on the street about a month ago, and with my mother’s permission, I raised them. During this time, they’ve grown to be beautiful cats with good behavior. As their vet told me, they could be Persian (which are a somewhat expensive breed.)
My sister (18F) caught wind of this as she came with me to this exact appointment. Since then, she’s been suggesting that I sell them off to rich people who are interested. I asked her how people knew about them, let alone wealthy adults as she and I are still in high school.
She told me it was just a suggestion and that she didn’t know anybody.
I found out through a friend recently that she put an ad out for MY cats, for over 200$ per one. When I confronted her about this, she said the family needs it, when we do not.
My sister has been an addict since her freshman year (about 4 years) and has only had a job for about 6 months total in that time span. She’s been mooching off my parents, but it hasn’t been an issue until now as money is very relevant to her “addiction”.
I’d like to mention that in raising these kittens, I’ve paid for everything myself including vet appointments, milk, food, and even toys.
She informed me this morning that we’re getting rid of two of my cats next week, I don’t know the people she’s giving them to, and neither does she.
I know for a fact that if she does sell them for her original price, I’d only get about 30$ although I’ve put almost 150 into raising them to health. She just wants money, and I just want my babies to go to a good home.
My sister and I used to be very close, and my household is torn over this so it begs the question, AITJ..?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is stealing from you if she goes through with this, and your family will be the jerk if they let her do this without intervention.
Beyond the egregiousness of her trying to sell your OWN animals without your consent, if she’s not knowledgeable about properly vetting potential buyers, she could be unwittingly sending these cats to abusive/ill-prepared/etc. homes. (Don’t mean to sound dramatic, but I work with an animal shelter and you’d be surprised how awful people can be to an animal even when they fork over money for it.) I don’t know what the answer is here, since the bigger issue seems to be that your sister is basically holding the family hostage with her issues, and until someone sits her down and says enough is enough, she’s going to continue to pull these kinds of stunts.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! OP, reach out to your parents and if that doesn’t work then blast what’s going on all over social media! Make sure that everyone knows that if YOUR cats, who YOU have poured your time, love, and money into are rehomed then it won’t be with your consent or any vetting of the prospective adopters.
Make sure to keep a close eye on all documents relating to the cats–vet visit receipts, etc. They should have your name on them with your name and contact info and could be useful if the cats ‘disappear’ while you’re at school or something. Also, how old are the cats?
Cats shouldn’t be separated from their mother (that’s you!) until they’re eight weeks old. If they were newborns a month ago then rehoming them now can be dangerous for them! If they are at least eight weeks old, you might want to see if a friend or relative can take them in for a few weeks to keep them away from your sister until you can find a permanent home with someone you trust.” Readalie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your cats are probably not pedigree Persians. My mother had a cat who she took to the vet, and he said he showed and judged Persians and this one looked pedigree to him. However, years later we had another cat who also ‘looked Persian’ but probably was just a long-haired cat with some Persian in them.
Right now we have a cat I call a Maine Coon because he looks it, but I really doubt he is pedigree. Basically, you very rarely will find pedigree kittens just abandoned. The most likely explanation is that they are half Persian, and their mother probably was a pet someone was trying to use as a breeder and she got with a non-Persian, so they abandoned the kittens.
All this to say, if your sister is trying to sell the kittens as ‘Persian’ she is actually potentially scamming people because they probably aren’t. Beyond this, they are YOUR kittens, and she has no right to sell them. If you do want to give them to a good home, it is a good idea to ‘sell’ them to make sure that they aren’t just going to people who look for ‘free cats’ to abuse, and I would personally see about going through your vet, rather than online ads.
Also, make sure YOU sell them, and not your sister.” DiegoIntrepid
4. AITJ For Feeling Excluded By My SILs' Matching Outfits On Our Family Trip?
“My husband and I have been married for approx. 15 years and his family has a history of excluding me and one of our kids from events. This year, we went on an all-inclusive trip that a friend also booked.
One SIL loves matching outfits, so we picked out stuff for the kids including a swimsuit and a shirt. I asked if adults were matching and was told no. On the first day, they showed up with their families in matching outfits with one another.
They shrugged it off and said they just forgot to tell me.
The next day, after breakfast, my SILs disappeared & the kids followed. We went to the meeting place but they weren’t there and we couldn’t get any response to messages. When they returned, they were dismissive & said the kids followed them but didn’t address the messages; they left again a short while later to eat lunch without us.
We rejoined them later, but it was clear we were not included in their plans. They showed up for our dinner plans in coordinated outfits/colors again and, again, we did not get the memo.
By the third day, everyone, including the friend’s kids, was in coordinated colors except my family.
When I confronted my SILs, they denied anything was done intentionally and said I was overthinking things and moving too slowly for the group. They also said I was making everyone miserable and that I was aggressive in expressing my hurt feelings.
The rest of the trip was awkward.
I felt excluded and hurt, and now I fear there will be fallout with my MIL and the whole family. AITJ for feeling upset and confronting them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you didn’t ruin the trip by calling out SIL for letting everyone but your family know about this whole matching outfits plan.
SIL is ridiculous. Also, and this is just my personal opinion — matching outfits except for kids is kinda silly/dumb unless it’s for a wedding or something. To match outfits for an entire cruise…. I’ll be honest, I don’t get the appeal. That said, I have a particular taste/style and I’d dislike being told what to wear (especially if I had no input on the choices) for a whole vacation.
So I’d probably be relieved to not have to match people. But. If it matters to you, it matters to you. SIL should do better, and I hope your husband stands with you on that. Counterpoint…… make plans for matchy outfits with your own family (you, hubby, and kids) and make them….
better.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your in-laws are working hard to be this mean. It takes effort. And it only pays off if you care. Let them act like cartoon villains. And ask yourself–do you really want to be identified with a group of people who act like this?
Do you want strangers to look at you and think you all belong together? Of all the dumb ways they chose to bully you, they picked the one where you got to skip the matching outfits, which in my opinion means you came out absolutely ahead.
I am curious how they convinced your friend to go along with it and what your friend says now about whether she regrets playing along. Also curious where your husband is in all this, especially as the bullying also seems to be directed at one of your children.
I hope you have fewer vacations with these people in the future.” EsmeWeatherwax7a
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I sincerely and seriously dislike matching outfits for adults. In my opinion, it isn’t fun or cute – the opposite unless you are a first responder, military, or police.
You didn’t miss anything there apart from their intention behind it. Their intention was to exclude you in one of the most immature ways possible. These people are dim bulbs if that’s the best they could come up with. They then blamed you for their meanness.
You said they have a history of excluding you and one of your children so I really can’t understand why you chose to go on this trip. That is a genuine question – I am not blaming you, just trying to understand. You also have not said anything about your husband’s view on this.
Another serious question – how did your in-laws get to take your children away for the day without you knowing where they had gone? It seems to me that your husband really needs to step up here to protect his family – which is you and your kids.
Please do not have anything to do with your SILs going forward. Their mission is to make you miserable which means they must be truly sad people.” Purple_Paper_Bag
3. AITJ For Snapping Back At My Partner's Cousin Who Called Me A Gold Digger?
“My (F23) partner, Kyle (M31) is from a very wealthy family. I went no contact with my family a few years ago so I didn’t have much financial help these past few years and I’m still struggling with finances but I have a good job and hopefully things will get better soon but right now Kyle helps me a lot and I really appreciate it.
When Kyle introduced me to his family some of them were extremely nice, especially his parents but some don’t like me and think I’m a gold digger. One of them is his cousin, Matt (M33). He has been making rude comments about us from the first day that we met.
Last night I was invited to one of their family gatherings. Matt was also there. He made some comments about how Kyle only got a younger partner because he is rich and I’m after his money. Usually, I don’t answer because I don’t want to cause drama but this time I couldn’t stop myself so I told him: “of course you would think like this.
With a personality like yours, I don’t think any of your partners ever wanted you for anything other than money.”
Now half of his family hates me and calls me a jerk. Kyle and his parents are on my side but I got some rude messages from Matt’s siblings and parents who called me a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think Matt’s comment is as much a diss to Kyle as you. He’s saying Kyle couldn’t get a sweet younger partner to love him and want to be with him intimately unless he had this access to a lot of money.
True or not (maybe Kyle had a sweet younger partner before he met you and upgraded to you), Matt’s basically calling Kyle out right there, ‘Kyle can’t get a nice partner without his family money’. That’s putting Kyle down. I have to guess Matt either does not have the same access to the family wealth Kyle does, or I have to guess Matt can’t get a sweet younger partner like Kyle has, and in Matt’s mind Kyle is no better than him and he resents Kyle has a sweet younger partner.
Then he covers that up or tries to cover that up by calling you a golddigger which IS dissing you. IMO, if Matt has as much or more access to money as Kyle has, and if he has a sweet pretty partner (or wife) and he’s not jealous of Kyle’s success with the ladies in his adult years – then Matt is REALLY the huge jerk for giving you and Kyle grief over your relationship.” cal_nevari
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Something that irks me on this subreddit is when people indicate NTJ when someone fires back at an insult with another insult. Taking him down a peg might have felt good, and maybe even seems justifiable. But his personality was attacked, that’s not a nice thing to do.
He was absolutely rude, the response given to him was also rude. There were more productive ways this could have been handled like asking: “Interesting, why would you think that?” “What have I done that makes you think I only care about him for his money?” “Is that really a nice thing to say about someone?” He’s been doing this for a long time, okay, but what has been done to de-escalate the problem before now?
It’s definitely harder work to do this, but being a jerk is easy, productive conflict resolution is not.” qualityfinish47
Another User Comments:
“I understand someone being worried for his cousin, particularly when said cousin is financially supporting someone. I experienced this with my brother, who ended up marrying the girl despite our reservations.
Troubling things about her past came to light after the wedding, which showed that she was in fact a gold digger, and it led to a messy divorce. However, these are concerns you bring up in private to the one doing the financial support, and not repeatedly.
Ultimately, it’s the supporter’s call whether they take that risk or not and live with the consequences. Matt should definitely not have made rude comments repeatedly to you, especially since all he’s seeing is likely the age gap and financial support, and has little idea of your relationship beyond that.
You’re NTJ for setting him straight.” Degs29
2. AITJ For Telling My Adult Daughters Our House Will Be Big Enough Once They Move Out?
“I have two daughters, both over age 21, who live at home with my wife and me. My youngest daughter has been complaining that she doesn’t have enough room for herself and that we should move to a bigger house in order to fix that problem.
I responded that I thought our current house would be plenty big enough for my wife and me once my daughters both eventually move out on their own.
This made her incredibly angry, and my wife scolded me for the damage my comment had done.
I think mine is a reasonable position to take – I am not trying to kick them out of the house, but they are old enough that if they are uncomfortable living at home, it is their responsibility to do something about that and not mine.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. By the way, they are never going to leave if you don’t establish a plan or timeline. They are over 21 and not working or going to school. Their mother thinks you even mentioning them leaving one day is damaging.
Your daughter is so incredibly entitled and sounds like a brat. Why aren’t you kicking them out of the house? How do you see this playing out?” Laines_Ecossaises
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I was going to say no jerks here but after reading a couple of comments everyone is contributing to the issue.
Your daughters have 0 incentive to leave home, they have everything paid for them, have no negatives to not having a job or going to school, and they don’t have to worry about rent or anything. They have 0 reasons to change and that is both on you and on your wife.
Your daughters are taking advantage of the situation and not growing up at all, they need to get their crap together and start working and contributing. I can very much understand not wanting to move out, I moved back home at 22 because rent and expenses are a lot, it makes much more sense to live with family and contribute, but paying board and doing housework and having a job and/or studying are a part of that too.
Everyone has contributed to the situation you have and it won’t change unless at least one of you do.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Things to think about: how is the housing market there? I can’t afford to buy a house anymore, the prices have gone up 30% in just a couple of years.
Does she have student loans she is paying back, too? What are her expenses vs her income like? Most kids really don’t want to be living with their parents but most times the only option is to share a slumlord place with three others.
The fact that she is insisting you buy a larger place to make it nicer for herself makes it clear you are NTJ. But do have a good conversation with her about her alternatives.” SkippingSusan
1. AITJ For Serving My Son's Friend Frozen Food When He Wouldn't Eat Our Dinner?
“My son is Indian, and his friend, who is White, are both 9.
My son brought his friend over after school on the bus. I messaged his mom and asked if this was okay and how late he was staying. She asked if he could stay until 10. I serve dinner around 8, so he would be eating with us.
I cook a lot of Indian cuisine in my house because that’s what I grew up making. My son told me his friend was picky and asked if I could make him something else. I keep fries and chicken nuggets for when my son has picky friends over.
So we all sit to eat, and my son’s friend seems happy with the nuggets, and they go to play after dinner.
The boy’s mom picks him up a little after 9. I get a text later asking why I fed her son frozen food when I cooked a fresh dinner for everyone else.
I told her my son said the boy wouldn’t eat what I was making. She said I should have made him something also instead of just getting freezer food. I told her I provided free childcare without notice, and her kid chose not to eat what everyone else ate.
I continued that when I was a child, my mom didn’t offer anyone alternatives to what was made, so he’s lucky I accommodated him. She told me she wouldn’t let her son stay with someone who mistreats children anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. If the mother wants him to eat home-cooked food, she should be at home to cook it! Frozen food now and then doesn’t do anyone any harm. It’s not your job to make sure someone else’s kid eats specific foods whilst in your home.
She said those things to you, yet she wants her 9-year-old kid out till 10 pm?” Scarlettohara1605
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You could tell her, “He was welcome to have what everyone else had, but I was told he would not eat it, so I gave him something he liked. Feel free to send him with the meals you want him to eat or give me money to get them.
Don’t feel free to make his dietary preferences my problem and offer no solutions other than your hostility. You’re welcome for the free childcare and meal.”” Leviosahhh
Another User Comments:
“Since when is frozen food poison? It has better nutrition than anything canned or all snack food.
I buy frozen organic gluten-free chicken nuggets and they are amazing and organic frozen fries, healthier than any restaurant, and easy to make. This friend’s mom is truly idiotic and I’m sorry OP that she is so awful your kids can’t be close friends.
Does this friend’s mom realize every bit of food in fast food restaurants and more than 50 percent of the food served in sit-down restaurants is frozen? Does she think every restaurant has a farm out back?” DrJennaa
