People Refuse To Accept The Blame In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
21. AITJ For Wearing Revealing Clothes When I'm At My Partner's Apartment?
“I am very comfortable in my body and I love to wear as few clothes as practical. Naturally, in social settings, I try to be more careful. My partner and his roommate have a pretty sweet apartment downtown so we spend most of the time there.
He’s a really nice and chill guy, and on days my partner and I don’t wanna get intimate, we just hang out in the living room drinking, smoking, and watching movies.
Sometimes I end up just hanging out in a towel after a shower.
I explicitly checked with the roommate that this was ok and he didn’t mind.
Unfortunately now, he has a new jealous SO who DOESN’T hang out with us sometimes but she still feels like she needs to police what I’m wearing in the apartment of my partner.
We got into a bit of a stupid text message exchange when she found out and she’s clearly jealous and insecure. It doesn’t help her self-esteem I guess that nine times out of 10 people are gonna say I’m the hotter person (beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that).
I’m not self-centered, it’s purely a comfort thing. It’s not remotely sensual for me, so I think I’m in the right holding my stance. AITJ here?
Edit: I would cover up if she was around, for sure.
I don’t intend to make anyone uncomfortable, that was said in the beginning.”
Another User Comments:
“You know what? I’m hot. I’m also chronically hot all the time and have been my whole life.
I, too, loooooove to be comfortable. If it were just a comfort thing, I would be most comfortable going everywhere in a tank top and some undergarments. You know why I don’t?
Because it’s so weird to prance around in front of other people like this. Oh, you mean ‘not in public.’ Got it.
When I go over to other people’s houses, I don’t strip down to just a tank top and undergarments.
I’m also not about to ask the people I’m visiting, ‘Hey! Mind if I take off my clothes and lounge around on your furniture like a cat? I promise I’m not vain.
It’s just a comfort thing!’
I hope your partner’s roomie gets a girl that’s hotter than you, and she likes to walk around without clothes. I’m far from a prude.
If you were at a beach full of exposed people, go for it. But you seem to be really into the idea that you’re soooo much hotter than this dude’s SO, and she’s obviously super jealous of you.
Meanwhile, she likely thinks that you’re a strange, little creature with no social skills who likes to parade about in small cloth—much like Gollum.
YTJ” CalligrapherActive11
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are not in the comfort of your own home.
You are in a shared apartment and someone has stated they are uncomfortable with how little you dress yourself. You’ve stated that you asked your partner’s roommate if your lack of clothing was okay and got an okay them him.
You never asked her. You go as far as saying she FOUND OUT instead of you asking her if she’d be uncomfortable. She then stated you made her uncomfortable and when she addressed you about it, you felt entitled to continue.
Interesting… Whether she hangs out with you or not, her feelings are valid.
The fact that you first stated her as insecure and jealous tells way more about you than her. Please know that.
Why was it needed to say most people would call you the hotter one? Decent humans don’t go around saying ‘9 out of 10 people would call me hotter than her… she has low self-esteem’ – I wonder why or when she feels like that.
Must be walking into a home and seeing you exposed next to her partner and pretending SHE’S the issue.” stoned13river
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know, you say you’re not doing it for any other reasons than comfort, but then flex how you’re so much hotter.
Not too sure I believe you’re not getting pleasure from the perceived male validation. At the end of the day you’re breaking a pretty huge social norm it’s a little weird and it’s even weirder to stand ten toes down on this.
YTJ.
Also even if she is jealous like sometimes some things warrant a little jealous discomfort and it’s human and normal. If she were telling you not to wear shorts above the knee that’d be crazy but wanting you to have clothes on is honestly pretty normal even if it is partly coming from a place of jealousy.
I don’t know you just 100% give off the vibes of someone who enjoys doing odd things like this for the getting male validation. Very pick me. Or maybe you’re just an exhibitionist. Either way YTJ, in my opinion.
But also hopefully miss girl will also realize that her man is sketchy for allowing you to do this.” mountainmonk72
20. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Friend For Calling Me Her "Gay Best Friend"?
“I (24M) have had this friend who we’ll call Kari (24F) for around 10 years now. Came out to her as gay when I was 16 and at the time she was very respectful and supportive.
But over the last couple of years, I’ve been feeling kind of dehumanized by her.
Every time we go out together and she meets someone new (usually a guy she’s interested in.) She always wants me to act as her wingman and calls me her ‘gay best friend’ when she goes over to talk to them.
I’ve told her many times I don’t like being called that. 1. Because it makes me feel like an accessory. And 2. It means she’s outing me to random people who I don’t know and who could act maliciously toward me.
She would always stop calling me that for a while but pick it right back up. The last time it happened we were at a cheap bar and she was interested in a guy there.
She wanted me to talk her up to him and then came over and started talking to him herself. Well, he ended up asking who I was and what our relationship was, and before I could say anything she chimed in ‘oh he’s my gay best friend.’ I kind of lost it at this point because it had been going on for too long and I had a lot of pent-up frustrations with it.
I yelled and told her ‘I’ve told you over and over not to call me that and you keep doing it. I feel like you see me as an accessory and are using me to fulfill your ‘yasss queen’ fantasies.
You are risking my safety every time you out me. I don’t think we should talk anymore because you clearly don’t respect me enough not to do something I told you repeatedly I don’t like.
If you can change the way you see me maybe we can hang out again but I need some space from you.’ Meanwhile, the dude is just standing there awkwardly but he ended up agreeing with me.
I’ve been getting texts from her and our mutual friends saying I was a jerk and needed to apologize because I was overreacting. I ended up just blocking all of them because I can’t deal with it.
I have however started to feel bad. My SO agreed with me and as I said so did the dude she liked. But AITJ?
Little update: I have now lost my entire friend group since we shared all of our friends and they all chose her ‘because it wasn’t a big deal, you need to learn to chill’ as one of the people in the group said, so that’s fun.
Just a great thing to find out while I’m at work and already stressed out. I and the guy at the bar hit it off though and he wants to hang with me and my SO.
So I guess I’m gonna start making friends from scratch starting with him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. With you out of the picture, Kari’s going to have to turn someone else into her wing person, which in her case seems to be code for ‘I don’t feel entirely safe talking to this person, so you’re going to come along and be my shield whether you like it or not.’ I bet after the third or fourth time she reduces them to whatever trait she’s decision won’t make them seem like competition, and refuses to listen when they tell her they don’t like it, they won’t think you’re overreacting anymore.
(And if she’s somehow able to treat them like more than just an adjective… well, that tells you something about how much consideration you owed her in calling it out.)” mm172
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are exactly correct. She’s using you as an accessory and an ice-breaker to meet people, and you are very right that if she says that to the wrong people it could go badly for you.
The fact that the flying monkeys are now descending on you is proof that she knows she’s wrong, and very telling in that she doesn’t value the friendship enough to apologize, but is trying to force YOU to apologize for calling her on her bad behavior.
You are not a brooch. You are not a bracelet. You are not her little purse dog that she can pull out when she wants to impress someone with how progressive and open she is or wants to start a conversation with someone.
‘Gay’ should never come up in an introduction. That is not everything you are, it’s an incidental part of the whole. She’s throwing it in for cool points and possibly shock value; she wouldn’t introduce a non-gay friend as ‘my straight friend, Hillary’, so why does she insist on throwing it in for you?
You had it right with your summation. She either needs to clean up her act, or she needs to be cut loose. And SHE needs to apologize. Not you.” Moonchaser70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! It can be tough not to feel bad, especially when you guys have known each other and been friends for so long, BUT! BUT! You have repeatedly communicated, over a period of YEARS, your (valid) thoughts, feelings, and reasons.
And every time, in the end, she would just continue saying, ‘my gay best friend’ like you’d asked her not to, ignoring you and your feelings. You’d given her plenty of chances to change her behavior and she didn’t.
Putting up firmer boundaries (saying you need space/blocking, etc) doesn’t make you a jerk. It means you’re done taking her crap, standing up for yourself, and no longer taking the disrespect. Good for you!” Light_Seeker90
19. AITJ For Making My Son Return His Brother's Jacket?
“My (29F) son (6M) took my other son’s (5M’s) jacket and put it on. I asked him kindly to give it back and he refused and his bro started crying (he’s autistic I think the jackets a sensory thing for him) and I took it off him and put it on his brother and put my 6-year-old’s jacket on him, both my 6-year-old and their dad (30M) got mad at me.
The dad was saying ‘aww poor little baby has to have his jacket and mommy has to intervene you wear my clothes all the time maybe I should start throwing a fit when you wear my clothes I’m sick and tired of your favoritism towards him’ and my oldest said ‘yeah!’.
I don’t show favoritism. I love them both equally and treat them the same. I didn’t think it was so wrong for the kid to have his own jacket and not have it stolen.
Siblings do not equal a married couple using each other’s stuff, especially since I had permission and the oldest didn’t have permission. Every time I correct the oldest about something, the dad steps in and says I’m showing favoritism right in front of him, and I’m worried he’s gonna start believing it even though I sit down and talk to him about how it’s not true and about his many great qualities and that even though he’s doing something wrong at the time I will never love him less, but I’m his mommy and need to make sure they grow up to be good and kind people.
I correct them both when they do wrong, so I don’t understand.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your child with autism has different needs. You were addressing those needs. That’s not favoritism. That differences.
Your six year may not be old enough to understand that but your husband sure as shot should be. Your co-parent is teaching your older son to disregard you and belittle you, and he’s openly mocking and shaming his own five-year-old.
He should be embarrassed. He’s a jerk and that needs to stop.” MLeek
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your sons EACH/both have a right to have their own items not be stolen by the other.
That said… your husband is a bully. He is actively tormenting and picking on your younger son because you corrected the mistake the older one made (ie. theft).
If I was you, I would suggest family counseling as soon as possible before he turns the older child against both of you (he already started) or you end up with the choice of a divorce (where he will torment your younger son during visitation) or watching him continue to divide the boys with his own poor behavior, assisting and teaching the older boy that it is fine to bully the younger.
That’s the outcome of a bully dad and the bratty entitled older kid that throws in a ‘Yeah!’ because he thinks he gets the right to do what he wants and backtalk his own mother cause… wait for it… dad shows it’s okay.” C_Alex_author
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this is clearly a case of your husband being abusive so you need to be careful. If you can, call a helpline for advice and start getting your ducks in a row.
I’d suggest getting a new cheap phone he can’t track or access. Get a new bank account and when it is safe to do so, get your pay put into that account.
Get hold of all important documents (birth certificates, passports, SSNs, Insurance details, leases, etc) and any important sentimental things like photo albums, heirlooms, etc, and making copies of them to save in the cloud or on a USB drive in case the originals are lost or damaged. If possible keep originals somewhere safe (can you keep them at work?
A friend’s garage? or your mother’s house?). Next, see if you can make a ‘go bag’ of stuff you will need for you and the boys for a few days – change of clothes, essential medication, charger for your new phone, etc. keep that somewhere he won’t find it.
Be safe and be smart. Good luck OP.” StabbyMum
18. AITJ For Not Going To My Birthday Brunch?
“My (29f) half-sister (41f), Amy, is simply not a good person. She has been an addict for as long as I can remember, albeit with recurring small breaks of sobriety. I have been naive enough to defend her sobriety and encourage others to trust her many, many times and have gotten burned each time when she inevitably relapses and screws someone over.
Apart from her addiction, she’s also a thief who has stolen from me and my brother many times, even my birthday money as a pre-teen when she was an adult.
A few other facts about Amy to give a glimpse into her character:
Amy once used checks from our dead stepfather to buy Christmas gifts for her kids. She then returned the gifts for funds to bail her partner out of jail.
My mother was sick once and Amy gave her some pain reliever (my mother doesn’t always make the best decisions either), which knocked my mom out for 2 days straight.
At that time, Amy stole all her checks, her social security card, the deed to the house, and the titles to the cars, and took out a life insurance policy on my mom with herself as the sole beneficiary.
When our brother got his first job at 15, she stole a check and drained his $500 bank account. He was saving up for a car.
If Amy ever finds out I give my niece or nephew money for a gift, she conveniently forgets her wallet at a store or finds some other way to ‘borrow’ the money.
They don’t get it back.
Amy has 2 kids, which I have tried to protect over the course of their lives while their mother was in jail/rehab/homeless shelters. To the point of spending my chore money buying them clothes and toys for Christmas.
She has been a horrible mother to them, and they have spent most of their lives living with my mother, but my niece still loves her mom. I will admit that Amy didn’t have the best childhood, but I believe at some point that has to stop being an excuse.
Parts of my childhood were rough too, but I turned out ok.
Amy is currently in a sobriety period. I do truly believe that addicts can change, and I hope she stays sober for her kid’s sake, but the pain she’s brought on my family has me full-on no contact with her.
I have a 3-year-old and am currently pregnant, and I honestly never want my children to really know Amy. I have caved and agreed to go on holidays at my mother’s house for her sake (she refuses to not invite Amy), but that’s my limit.
I don’t associate with her while we’re there.
My mom wanted to take my niece, my daughter, and me out to brunch for our birthdays this weekend and I gladly accepted. Again, I love my niece.
The problem is, my niece mentioned it to Amy and she invited herself along. My mom refused to say no to her and can’t understand why I can’t just suffer through one meal without making a big deal about it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with NTJ.
If you have indeed made it clear you want nothing to do with Amy, then your boundaries should be respected.
You said Any is in a sobriety period.
Is she in a program? Has she attempted to make amends?
You may find yourself in situations where you’ll be the one who doesn’t attend because she’s there, but your birthday shouldn’t be one of them.
Drive yourself there and if she shows up, leave. Don’t make a scene. Just tell your daughter it’s time to go, say goodbye, and exit. Take her someplace for mommy and daughter time.” Fenriswolf_9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Amy has a pattern of behavior. Unless she can prove in the long term that she is committed and capable of change then you have to assume that she hasn’t changed. Long-term means years, not weeks/months.
All she’s proving is that she’s just as selfish sober as she is intoxicated and your mother wants to keep the peace with her because if she relapses and blames the family she’ll feel guilty.
It is not your responsibility to cater to your sister for her or anyone else’s sake.
Take your daughter and have a mommy/daughter brunch somewhere else. You’ll have a lovely memory with just the two of you before the new baby comes and your mother can have the brunch she wants with her other child.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell mom that you and your kid won’t be able to make brunch this year. And ‘no’, you’re not giving any money to help cover the bill as a birthday present for your niece.
Tell mom that if you hear one word of complaint, you and your kids will be backing out of the holiday visit. Next, call your niece. Tell her that you love her, but you’re now firmly in no contact with her mother.
You’re happy to spend time with her but won’t stick around if Amy is there.” Flat_Contribution707
17. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Stepdad?
“This wasn’t a big deal until later on, but I started noticing that recently, my stepdad started staring at me every time I did something in front of him.
It could be things like if I walked into the kitchen, he would not take his eyes off me until I was out of sight… I know it may sound dumb, but I was the type of person who wouldn’t like attention or anyone looking my way.
I’m an extremely shy person, and it just made me anxious to know that someone watched my every move.
It didn’t happen once or twice, but every single time. I got extremely uncomfortable, so I talked to my stepdad in private, and asked him if he would stop staring at me whenever I was in the same room as him.
He asked why I told him that he was making me uncomfortable. He then asked if I hated him, then I replied ‘No, I don’t. I know you don’t mean harm but please stop doing that, it makes me really anxious’.
And he said, ok.
We left it off with that, but soon my mom heard about what happened, then asked me to apologize. She told me that was inconsiderate, as he was just checking up on his daughter.
I told her that I knew he wasn’t trying to be mean, but it made me extremely uncomfortable – and if he wanted to check up on me, he could’ve just talked to me directly.
I felt really bad, and my mom’s friends have also sided with her, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you phrased your request nicely. The best-case scenario is that your stepdad is just oversensitive (‘do you hate me?’ is not a normal response to your request); the worst-case scenario, he’s fixated on you in a way that’s not healthy.
Either way, you weren’t unkind and you didn’t fly off the handle. I hope that he will honor his promise. Tell your mom that your request was reasonable, and as long as your stepdad lives up to his word, there will be no future problems.” MonarchOfDonuts
Another User Comments:
“Your stepfather’s behavior is creepy and when challenged he is manipulative. The normal response is not ‘don’t you like me?’ Not if there is nothing sinister. Then he runs to your mother to see how she will react – and your mother sides with him?
Trust your instincts. They are there to be listened to before you rationalize and talk yourself out of the alarm you are feeling. You don’t say how old you are but please confide your concerns in a trusted adult.
This behavior is not normal at all. NTJ.” Dogmother123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ a thousand times.
We don’t have a lot of contexts here, but we can be pretty sure of two things:
Anyone who asks, ‘do you hate me?’ is an admission of guilt, even if the person wasn’t actively trying to do the thing they’re guilty of before it was brought to their attention.
Someone who asks ‘do you hate me?’ and is also talking to their stepdaughter as a grown man is using weirdly childish language.
Since he told your mom, I think your stepdad did this because this is the kind of wording/logic that young people use with each other and he thinks it’ll hit you mentally as a very black-and-white and relatable feeling, so you’ll immediately empathize with his struggle and allow him to victimize himself.
I think he’s consciously aware he’s staring at you, and he’s trying to not only manipulate you into thinking it’s normal and what someone who loves you does but also he’s manipulating your mom into thinking that you’re against him – getting remarried as an adult with kids is so hard and it’s the dream scenario to just ‘have a stepdad who loves their stepchild like their own.’
However, mom is willfully ignorant at best and grossly complicit at worst. He didn’t want to check up on you. He wanted to look at you. And any stepdad who was not staring at their stepdaughter and was accused of it would probably never ever want their wife to know (or at the very least they wouldn’t turn wife against OP) because that’s gross, and they’d want it clarified right away to avoid anything like that ever coming back.
This is NOT normal.” TeachingSpare1951
16. AITJ For Not Wanting The Responsibility Of Watching Over My Brother's Kids?
“So I (28f) am the only girl in my family and surrounded by older brothers in their 30’s.
They all have spouses, children, own homes, the works. I, however, do not have any children nor do I want them. I understand completely that having children to raise takes a village and I help out with watching them, buying clothes for them, etc. Please keep in mind in total I have 11 nieces and nephews.
My brother (Joshua) is getting married in two weeks and today they decided to go to court to file for the marriage license. The kids (15f, 12f, 6m 3m) are on fall break so I was surprised they choose today to go.
I was having breakfast with my parents (stopping by) before doing errands on my one day off this week. Joshua Called my mom and asked if I was there since he already has been to my apartment and received no response.
My mom confirmed I was here for breakfast. He said, ‘oh I was going to ask her to watch the kids.’ My mom firmly said to call me to see if I was busy.
He agreed and hung up.
An hour goes past and I start getting my things to leave. As I am packing up Joshua comes and sees me and said ‘I brought the kids For you to watch.
Me and Tanya (33f) have to go file for our marriage license.’ I responded with no. I have errands to run and things to do and you didn’t even check to see if it’s okay to drop the kids off.
I firmly said I can’t watch your kids and grabbed my bag and headed to my car.
He followed and said ‘come on this is what family does. I need someone to watch my kids.’ I again said no and basically said ‘you guys decided to have kids just like I decided to not have them.
Automatically assuming I will want to watch your kids on your day off is selfish. If this is truly what family does ask your future wife to ask her family to watch the kids!
He was mad. But now I’m getting slack from it.’
I feel like since I am the youngest and childless they automatically assume I will be cool with watching their kids.
And half the time Joshua doesn’t bring anything for the kids. My second oldest brother (Marcus 33m) said I was a jerk for not wanting to help out. Parents get tired sometimes.
But people who work, run a business, and have to run Behind kids at least twice a week (because someone needs a sitter) get tired too. So AITJ for not wanting to watch my nieces and nephews?”
Another User Comments:
“OP you are NTJ nor are you responsible for babysitting ever, but especially not when they didn’t even have the decency to ASK. They need to find some sitters especially after being asked by your mother to CALL AND ASK.
I’m petty but I’d be like, well, bro, because you couldn’t even be bothered to ask if I’m available I’m going to tell you that you need to ask 2 weeks in advance if I’m available.
Also, it’s not like getting a marriage license takes a long time to get. With 15-year-old and 12-year-old old enough to watch the younger kids long enough to get the license. They didn’t need you for that.
Tell anyone upset you didn’t help out that they will let your bro know that they are now volunteering to have the kids dropped off on their days off with no notice now in the future.
Best wishes.” coloradogrown85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Start asking for payment. That should prevent them from ever FORCING you again.
Because that is EXACTLY what it is. Them FORCING you to watch them under the guise of FaMiLy when you have none and don’t want none.
I find it odd that they just showed up at your house WITHOUT CALLING OR GIVING you a heads-up in advance to coerce you into babysitting on your day off.
If he knew in advance he needed to get his license that day the HE KNEW IN ADVANCE he would need a babysitter and could have hired one.” SuperHuckleberry125
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He was going to dump the kids on you at your place. When that didn’t work out he called your mom who very specifically told him to check with you.
Instead of doing that he turned up at your parents’ place to dump them on you there instead.
Joshua and Marcus should go on babysitting breaks. Don’t buy their kids anything. Don’t look after their kids.
Visit, feed them sugar and leave. If they ask: ‘I don’t even have kids. I choose not to so I can be free to do what I want. You expect me to give up my time for you.
Until you respect that my time is just as important as yours and you recognize that I am not obligated to help you I will not. Maybe you’ll appreciate me more, maybe you’ll figure out how to cope without me, either way is fine with me’.” Natural_Garbage7674
15. WIBTJ If I Tell My Aunt I Don't Want Her To Come Over?
“I (26F) just moved to a very popular tropical island because of my husband’s (26M) work.
My aunt (36F) called and talked to me about visiting and by talking to me I mean telling me she is coming around new years.
I am too nice. I tried to hint to her that we still didn’t have a house at the time of the phone call, I don’t know what my new work schedule will be, my husband will be deployed during this time, and I may even travel myself for new years.
She came back with I bet you’ll get a house, I can keep you company, if you aren’t there I can watch your dogs. Basically not getting the hint. I said maybe but I have to speak with my husband and I thought that was that.
I talked with my husband and tbh in the conversation, I realized I don’t want her over. She is rude, tries to be in charge and boss me around, is a bit reckless since she is going through a divorce, and drinks excessively.
I haven’t spoken to her since the phone call a month ago and she just texted me yesterday she bought a plane ticket. Mind you she didn’t double-check with me first.
So here it is: WIBTJ if I told her I’m uncomfortable with her coming so she can’t come to stay with me?
I’ve never spent 1 on 1 time with her and tbh I’m already going to be a little stressed with my husband deployed. She is also very vocal and critical.
Edit 4: I sent this message, ‘Hey everything is good.
My husband and I talked and we just aren’t comfortable having you stay over.’ No response yet. Hopefully, that’s the end of it.
Edit 3: She lied. She’s only getting an Airbnb for a couple of days but still expects to stay at my place for the first two nights.
Even ended the text with hope everything is good? Ah!
Edit 2: She keeps texting me if everything is okay with me. Now what?
Edit: I have never really had boundaries so they are hard.
But I did it. I texted her, ‘I really wish you had confirmed it with me before getting a ticket. That actually won’t work for me. Sorry. I hope you can figure something else out.’ And she replied, ‘Okay, I’ll get an Airbnb’.
Definitely not what I expected given how she usually is. I still feel a sense of guilt like I do anytime I set boundaries but also a sense of relief.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but take this as a lesson to be clear with her (and other people) about your boundaries in the future. Although she is absolutely in the wrong for booking a ticket without a firm yes from you about the situation, your earlier waffling will give her leverage to bad-mouth you to friends & family and try to guilt you into changing your mind.
Stand firm and make sure she has no way of obtaining your address, or she may just show up on your doorstep in the future, on the theory that you’d ‘have’ to let her stay once she’s physically there.” ruffled_heart
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t budge. Just tell her you’re happy she booked a flight to the island because the place is wonderful. She’ll have a great time and ask her to please let you know what accommodations she has booked. Maybe we can meet up for coffee or lunch later in the week.
If she sets foot in your apartment you lose and she stays, guaranteed. Treat her like a tourist and you’re not an Airbnb so an island map, rental car info, or public transit.
And rest assured she’s just the first person who will attempt to make your house a vacation destination.” dinahdog
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ! she is only interested as you are living on this nice island.
Babysitting the dogs? I don’t know if you yourself have a job or not but what would she gain from traveling onto an island to look after dogs, where are you going to be?
I would use the distance as a way to politely tell her No, and then ignore her calls. If she is too persistent, tell her you are overwhelmed with your new situation and can’t have her there.
Do an Uno reverse on her and give her a taste of her own medicine. Entitled relatives are the worst and she has to understand your boundaries or otherwise, she will make it a yearly vacation.” Icy-Pitch-8697
14. AITJ For Getting Ferrets?
“I (22F) live with a friend from college to save funds.
We usually have gotten along pretty well.
I’ve mentioned to her before that I was possibly thinking about getting ferrets – we had some when I was little and I wanted them again.
She sort of begged me not to because she said they smell god-awful and she can’t stand it. I have almost no sense of smell, so it wouldn’t matter much to me, but I said if it meant that much to her, I could wait until we had our own places to live.
She has a cat, and recently she hasn’t been as consistent with the litter box cleanings as she was in the past. I get that she’s been super busy and 90% of the time she does fine, but a couple of times she went too long and the cat did its business in the living room, which grosses me out.
The second time it happened, I got a bit upset, and she apologized and said she’d try to do better. She asked if I could help clean the box if she did forget and that it’d be a lot easier for me without much of a sense of smell, but I refused since it’s her pet.
When it happened again a month later, I told her that if it happened again, I’d be getting pet ferrets. Not as like a punishment, but I’m not gonna go out of my way to keep the apartment free from pet smells or whatever if she’s showing it’s not really a priority for her.
She got upset but said she’d do better.
She did, but 2 months later, it happened again. I didn’t give her a warning – when she was out of town one weekend, I bought 4 pet ferrets.
When she got back, she was practically crying that the stench was overwhelming and everything stinks and begged me to get rid of them. I said no, sorry, I warned you what the consequences would be and I’m not just going to abandon them now.
I figured she’d get used to the smell anyway. However, it’s been a week and she’s still pretty upset, saying I don’t understand how nauseating it is since I can’t smell and that this ‘punishment’ is totally disproportional to any grossness her cat could ever produce, etc.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. FOUR FERRETS?! One smells bad enough, let alone FOUR?! IN AN APARTMENT?! How do you have the space to ethically house them and give them enough room? And they don’t smell simply because of their waste, they smell because they’re smelly animals.
Congratulations that it doesn’t bother you but you live with someone who very much does mind. I’m sorry that your roomie didn’t clean up after her pet super well, but litter smells go away after you clean the litter box.
Cat turds on the tile stop smelling after you clean them. Hopefully, she is soon able to overcome her depression and better care for her animal.
The ferret smell never stops. You cannot clean away the ferret smell.
Even after a bath ferrets stink. Even with their glands, removed ferrets stink. It doesn’t go away or stop. You can only not have ferrets.” catpaw_tappers
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, but that was really trashy, dude.
If your roommate says no new pets, then that means no new pets. Especially since you can’t smell? Buddy ferrets are one of the smelliest pets there are if you aren’t caring for them right, and even if you are they don’t smell good.
Why didn’t either of you just like, opt for a second or third litter box? And don’t tell me there’s no room. I’m certain you could find room. I get you being annoyed about the cat going in the living room, I would be too, but you don’t bring live animals in as ammo.
And you don’t get to say it’s not her punishment, because it literally is.” whatcakepopsdouhave
Another User Comments:
“Because everyone else has addressed the elephants at large…
Four ferrets with finances tight already, you are an incredibly irresponsible pet owner.
What’s going to happen when they need their shots, need to see the vet, have an emergency, or require new bedding probably every other day because they smell too high heaven? Pets are NOT collectibles.
You don’t catch them all just because you like them. They’re not pokemon, they’re real animals, and you have some nerve to call out your roommate for not taking care of the litter box once in an actual blue moon when you more than likely have no resources to care for these four animals.
You also completely shoved your roommate under the bus regarding the deposit. She won’t ever see the deposit again, and neither will you, and she may actually end up having to pay the landlord for a deep cleaning because of a decision YOU made.
For your information, cleaning up after stinky pets in rentals is NOT cheap at the LEAST. We have spent thousands cleaning after tenants who have simply had cat hair in the house. I couldn’t even imagine a ferret.
If I were your roommate, I would lawyer up.
This was not okay. YTJ YTJ YTJ YTJ” Daligheri
She has ONE cat, and you got FOUR ferrets? In what universe could you possibly think that's okay? Did you even look at your lease to see if ferrets are allowed, or if you have to pay a pet deposit for them? Do you know that many landlords won't allow ferrets BECAUSE of their terrible stench?
You didn't get the ferrets to teach her a lesson; you got them because you're petty, inconsiderate and just downright mean. I hope your roommate finds a way out of the lease and throws your immature, vindictive hindparts out, along with all of your stinky pets. Better yet, she should leave with her cat and stick you with the cost of deep cleaning that apartment. What an absolutely wretched piece of work you are.
13. AITJ For Being Disappointed At My Step-Daughter's Actions?
“I’m a stepmother of my husband’s children. Last night was her mom’s night with her, husband gets a call from their mom because she is throwing a tantrum about going to bed. Things escalate and she began screaming, breaking things, and not listening to either parent.
My husband decided to go get her and bring her to our house. She faced no punishment for her actions and I expressed to my husband that’s why she threw a tantrum because they are essentially very spoiled and never hear the word ‘no’.
And never face any consequences.
This morning I came downstairs and calmly told her ‘I’m not happy with you right now for how you treated your mom and dad last night,’ She started to cry and my husband immediately got on me saying I was too harsh and I explained that it’s something she needs to hear so she understands her actions can really hurt people.
He then began to compare me to their mother saying ‘you sound just like her. Do you have a problem with her?’ Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needs you because her father is not parenting her.
I recommend that you and your husband read Ross Greene’s book The Explosive Child. Either that or Raising Human Beings by the same author. Greene says that children do well when they can… when they are not doing well, it is often because they have a lagging skill.
His method helps parents stop trying to enforce rules from above and I stead come alongside a child and collaborate to solve the problem.
For example, her erosion may not have been about bedtime.
There may have been something that happened earlier that led to her being dysregulated. Also, Mona Delahooke’s book Beyond Behaviors will help you ALOT. You are handling this situation with wisdom and grace.
Add some specific skills and you will be a huge blessing to your stepchildren and husband.” Sonsangnim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even though you didn’t tell us her age, any age child should learn there are consequences for their actions.
If kids start learning this at an early age, they will learn to be thoughtful, caring, and responsible. Just letting her get away with that behavior just teaches her that she can act like that and get away with it and she will continue that behavior.
You only spoke the truth to her, you didn’t call her names or yell at her.
I hope she started crying because she was worried about what you, Mom, and Dad think of her behavior.
As parents, it’s our job to teach our children how to behave, and what are acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. Not teaching them can turn them into entitled brats who don’t know how to handle what life throws at them.” Retirednp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You basically nailed the language you should be using with a misbehaving child. How you felt and why you felt it. Consequence and action. If your husband finds that unacceptable then his parenting is unacceptable.
You have a massive husband problem. Anyone who tells you ‘you know what you signed up for’ as an excuse to mistreat you is abusive. It’s time to check out. Stop helping your stepdaughter.
Don’t watch her alone. If you normally cook for her continue to do so but make your husband serve her food. Her father has just taught her that if she throws a tantrum her dad will take it out on you, the same way that her parents are teaching her how to play them off against each other.
This will escalate.” Natural_Garbage7674
12. AITJ For Joking In Front Of My Parents And Future In-Laws?
“My family and my fiancé’s family are heavily invested in our wedding, and they’ve pretty much planned the entire thing themselves.
We were going over the guest list one last time and my sister asked if we really needed to invite my fiancé’s ex and her family. My fiancé’s family insisted we did because their families work together so it would be insulting not to invite them.
My sister made a comment about how everybody knew they dated and that it would be inappropriate to have her there and my parents were agreeing with her. I jokingly said that if they insisted we uninvite everybody my fiancé has slept with, we would only be left with 5 guests.
The joke didn’t go over well and only my fiancé seemed to find it even remotely funny. My parents are angry at me for embarrassing them by being so crude in front of my future in-laws and my fiancé told me his parents weren’t impressed by what I said.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because it’s obviously a joke. 5 people left so that’s saying he only hasn’t slept with your parents, his parents, and your sister. Everyone else he’s slept with? Your family honestly thinks his parents think you were serious.
They are there arguing about how ‘inappropriate’ it is to invite an ex when it’s his family inviting her. That’s inappropriate to even begin to dictate who you invite (I’m not happy about inlaws insisting but if it doesn’t bother you then that’s ok).” MissIllusion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wedding, your decision. Your fiance shares your sense of humor, so congrats. The rest of them should have told the sister to butt out in the first place.
When she’s married then she’ll get to pick the guest list. Until then, this has NOTHING to do with her. Butt in where you don’t belong and try to force your opinions on someone else’s wedding, well, expect fallout.
If it made her feel uncomfortable, GOOD.
Your parents can pout all they want, they could have told sister to knock it off any time when she started in on this and didn’t, or at least stepped in with an ‘It’s none of our business.’ Nope.
They joined in. Embarrassment earned. You should probably apologize to the in-laws, and talk with your fiance about how best to word that you’re sorry for making a crude joke about your fiance.” maroongrad
Another User Comments:
“This is hilarious! No one’s particularly a jerk except maybe your meddlesome sister who started the whole thing.
You and your fiancé discussed this and set the invite list. That should be enough for everyone.
They intruded and you set them straight with your great sense of humor. They didn’t like it but they asked for it. Wishing you a joy-filled wedding! NTJ” MagicianOk6393
11. AITJ For Slacking At Work?
“I’m not gonna lie, I’m a slacker with work. After getting wayyy too bought into the ‘girl boss feminism’ kinda stuff and overworking myself for jobs that underpaid me to prove something to who knows who, I decided that my career goals were gonna be… Getting paid as much as possible for as little work as possible.
Ironically, this attitude has brought me way further in my career than the grinding and hustle culture ever did. I’ve strategically picked work that made me an expert in a very niche and very well-paying engineering field and put me in really high demand.
I go to interviews regularly with the internal energy of ‘You need to convince me to come work for you,’ which helps me in negotiations way more than the ‘Please, please hire me!’ energy ever brought me.
So as much as I call myself lazy, it took a lot of strategizing to get there. Plenty of privileges too, I’m not trying to discount that either.
So that background is out of the way; I work from the office 1 or 2 days a week and ‘work’ from home for the remaining days.
I share an apartment with my partner who works from home full-time.
But honestly, I front-load all my work on Monday and sometimes Tuesday. Then throughout the rest of the week, I’ll send out the rest of my work piece by piece and respond to emails and Slack.
But honestly, my usual week looks like this:
8 hours Monday
1-8 hours Tuesday
1-2 hours Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday
Meanwhile, my partner, who works in the same industry, has this schedule –
Every weekday: 9-10 hours plus evening calls
Weekends: Calls about ’emergencies’ more weekends than not. If he’s offline they’ll call his own cell.
He gets frustrated with it sometimes, but whenever I’ve encouraged him to look elsewhere he says stuff like how he hates interviewing, and ‘better the devil you know’.
I’ve mostly stayed out of it even though I feel like he’s doing himself a disservice.
But we’ve been having this ongoing conflict, he’ll act super judgemental when I’m doing stuff other than work when he’s working.
Just comments like how I’m being paid to get a butt when I was weightlifting one afternoon, or asking if my boss knew I was doing ‘arts and crafts’ on the clock when I was making some custom stained glass pieces to sell on Etsy one morning.
After a few more times like that I got so annoyed I snapped at him that I didn’t know why he was acting like such a bootlicker, like did he really want me slaving away for no reason, or was he just jealous?
Because if it was the latter, that’s a him-problem… And if it’s the former, I was kinda judging him for being a suck-up.
I know it was a harsh thing to say but I was honestly fed up with him talking trash whenever he saw me not working.
Stuff has been so tense since.
AITJ for slacking at work when we’re both working from the same apartment, and for my fight with him?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk necessarily, but you guys do have issues in the relationship that you need to work out if you want it to continue.
The notion of ‘fairness’ is deeply ingrained into the psyche of intelligent, social animals. There have been plenty of experiments where dogs will refuse to do tricks if they see a different dog reverend treats even while doing nothing.
We may understand on an intellectual level that there isn’t really unfairness going on, by the lizard brain only sees that he is slaving away at his desk while you are not.
You also mention that you come from a position of privilege so that likely plays into it as well.
Your partner sounds like he is risk-averse and has a bit more of a survival and resource-conserving mindset. That is fairly common for people who come from more modest backgrounds.
I don’t know what his socio-political views are like or what your financial statements are like as a couple, but since you’re not married and he may also feel like he can’t (or shouldn’t) rely on your financial support to take risks and advance his career.
None of this excuses his behavior and you are by no means obligated to try and work with him through this, but I doubt that even he understands why he is lashing out at you.
Whether this is worth the time depends on if this is the one thing in your relationship that you guys fight/chafe over or if there are other issues that have been on a constant simmer over the years.
Maybe here’s a better approach – what is it that YOU want out of this relationship? Let’s do this mental exercise: if he decides to quit his job to pursue something that he’s always wanted to do and makes him happy but doesn’t necessarily pay well at first (or potentially ever), would you be ok with bringing the primary breadwinner?
Or do you kind of see it as a lack of ambition?” Zanna-K
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner does sound jealous but if he doesn’t want to ‘work smarter, not harder’ you’re right that it’s a him problem.
He needs to stop taking it out on you though.
Also, you may be a self-deprecating person like me, but I encourage you to stop speaking the way that you do about your career.
You’re not lazy. You had to put in a lot of work to become an expert in general, and you intelligently chose a niche field so you would be in higher demand. These are savvy choices and you’ve put in the time.
And I believe that the way we talk about ourselves subtly gives others permission to think and speak that way about and to us. Just a thought (and it’s something I still struggle with too.)” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re managing your workload effectively, to provide the best outcome that works for you, whilst still getting your job done. That’s not ‘lazy’ – it’s efficient.
Your partner is lashing out because he’s stressed and frustrated. This would be understandable… but for the fact that he’s translating that stress into being judgy, condescending, and insulting towards you.
Once contempt enters a relationship, it tends to poison everything.
Your partner is responsible for managing his work life and his work stress. If he refuses to make changes and continues to lash out directly at you to relieve this, your relationship is dead in the water.
‘You should be miserable because I’m miserable’ is no way to live.” JustASW
10. AITJ For Reminding My Ex-Step-Daughter That I'm Not Her Father?
“When my ex-stepdaughter was 14 she said she wanted to study abroad in the UK but it would be too expensive so I told her that I’d start saving for that then so that we could actually send her there.
I opened a savings account the next day for that and it was supposed to cover tuition, housing, and some allowance. The next year her mother and I divorced. I still tried to maintain a relationship with her but that ended quite sour when she said I wasn’t her father and I should stop being involved as if I was.
I said alright and that the ball would be in her court then and we never saw each other again.
That was until two days ago. She (19) came knocking on my door, I invited her in, we sat down and she asked me if remembered that promise I’d made her when she was younger.
I asked which one and she said the college fund one. I said I did remember and she said she wanted some of that money right now to cover ‘expenses’ and she’d use the rest to actually study abroad next year.
In case you forgot, this was the first time we’d spoken in 4 years. I told her that since we lost contact I repurposed that money a long time ago so there was unfortunately nothing there to give her.
She was rather unhappy about that and said something along the lines of ‘figured, you were always full of crap. So much for I’ll always be there ‘dad”- a callback to when we told her about the divorce and I said I would still be in her life and she could still call me dad.
This obviously upset me so I responded with the fact that she stonewalled me after the divorce and reminded her that I wasn’t her father like she’d said so she had no right to complain.
She left afterward and I got a call yesterday from her mother cussing me out. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You tried to stay in her life and be a father figure.
Instead of accepting you, she told you that you weren’t her father and she didn’t want you involved in her life. You accepted that and told her it was up to her. Then she chose not to speak to you for years.
And now 4 years later she expects to come to and that you’ll just give her money? That’s not how it works. Even if she was your real daughter I wouldn’t expect you to just give her money after she hadn’t talked to you for four years.
They are being ridiculous.” *************
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If this were just about rebuilding your relationship, I’d say cut her some slack as it makes sense a teenager would lash out during a divorce and would only realize her mistake with time and maturity.
But to ask someone you haven’t spoken to in 5 years for money? That’s completely inappropriate, and she should know better. Even though I understand why she might have lashed out, her behavior still has consequences – and the consequence is you did not continue the savings with her in mind because you no longer had a parent-child relationship.
It is very entitled of her to expect that kind of treatment when she is the one who cut off the relationship, and at 19 she should know better.” Charming-Barnacle-15
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If your ex-step daughter expected you to keep paying into her college fund she should have kept you advised of her future plans and invited you to her graduation. You weren’t wrong for not trying harder to maintain your fatherly relationship with her.
She told you she didn’t want you to have that role in her life, you had no legal rights, and her mother was against it. Trying to communicate with an unrelated teenage girl who wanted you to leave her alone could have got you in legal trouble.
You did the best you could for her when she was a child in your household but she’s no longer a part of your family. Based on this new interaction, neither she nor her mother is prepared to treat you respectfully.
If you want to reach out to her, I’d do it with an open mind and closed wallet.” KaleidoscopeGreat973
9. WIBTJ If I Prohibit The Kids From Eating Candy On Halloween?
“My cousin’s kid is diabetic. We’re having a Halloween sleepover this year, and she was invited. My cousin (Cat) and her daughter (Diana) are excited, but Cat asked if we could have a rule that no candy gets eaten that night.
When Diana leaves in the morning, she’ll leave her candy behind, and the kids will have extra candy they can destroy in November first.
I think this compromise is fair, and we can have diabetic snacks for the kids to eat at home that night.
I also think waiting one night for their candy in exchange for a ton of extra candy is something the kids will be okay with. It might even be a good lesson on delayed gratification.
My wife is strongly against the idea. She said if Diana can’t handle watching other people eat candy, she should just go home after trick or treating. I think that’s mean. My wife said her sister’s kid will throw a fit if she doesn’t get her candy that night, and there’s no way her sister will agree to the plan.
I say we ask her before we assume. Diana is five, and my SIL’s daughter is eight, so I think it’s fair to expect slightly more maturity from the older child.
My wife said we aren’t asking her sister because the plan is dumb.
I think I’ll ask her anyway and talk to our kids and my sister’s kids as well and see how everyone feels because I think my wife is being dramatic. It’s just candy, and a little flexibility never hurt anyone.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, there might be a way to handle a middle ground – have diabetic candies ready for Diana and let the other kids choose an equal number of candies that is theirs for that night, so no one is getting more or feeling left out, along with whatever treats and snacks you otherwise had planned. You could even play up a spooky game or tradition to go along with it, like because it’s Halloween if you eat 7 pieces of candy from your trick-or-treat bag or less, you will have good luck!
it is important for these kids of parties to be fun and inclusive, rather than something you get through for a reward.” Wrong-Construction40
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They’re kids. It’s Halloween.
Sorting and trading treats are the best part of trick or treating.
Someone needs to spike their bags with Diana’s acceptable candies and treats, then have the kids all trade with her for the things they like.
Makes it equitable, and they learn to work together to accommodate both Diana’s need and their wants.
Then no one is to ‘blame’ for the weird rule Diana’s mom is trying to foist on everyone, which will most likely just make her cousins resent her and not want her around.
She can teach Diana self-control on her own time. Gosh.” EveHallidayInTheRain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your wife is right that they need to learn they can’t always have something that everyone else might be having.
Is her diagnosis new or has she always had it? At 5 that might be pretty upsetting.
Is there a way your kids could maybe have some candy while trick or treating discreetly? I think if you talk to your kids ahead of time and explain the plan and why and how bad candy is for diabetics.
Waiting a night shouldn’t be too big of a deal.
Your cousin could also be prepared with diabetic-friendly treats that they could give to their kid while your kids have some candy.
Communication is the key here all around, but it’s not unreasonable to ask your kids to wait a night or find a compromise, if they wait they get an entire extra bag of candy.” LazyturtleX1
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you expect all of the kids to NOT EAT THEIR HALLOWEEN CANDY because one child can’t eat sugar. Cat is out of line for asking for a rule that no kids can eat candy ON HALLOWEEN because her kid can’t.
She should bring diabetic candy for Diana, and she can eat that while the other kids get sugared up. Your wife is right here – and Cat doesn’t get to impose rules at HER house.
So either Cat brings diabetic candy for her kid, or Cat and Diana go home after trick or treating. And don’t ignore your wife’s wishes and go around asking her sister and all the kids to do this – your wife made it clear that this rule is NOT welcome at her home/sleepover party.
Why are your cousin’s wishes more important than your wife’s?
The bigger picture here is that Cat is raising Diana to believe that the world revolves around her medical condition when she should be teaching her how to navigate the world with her medical condition.
If this was your kid’s birthday party, would Cat ask for a rule that nobody eats cake? Hopefully, you hear how ridiculous that sounds.
YTJ.” Muscle-Cars-1970
8. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Leave The Room When I'm Asleep?
“I’m (18) a college student and share a room with my roommate in our dorm.
The thing with me is that I usually go to sleep early (11 pm) on weekdays because we usually get up around 6:30 for college. My roommate on the other hand stays up late to study, sometimes until 3 or 4.
The problem is that I am a light sleeper. I can’t sleep with the lights on AT ALL, despite my trying multiple times, even with an eye patch. My roommate refuses to study using a lamp saying it makes her eyes hurt.
There are common rooms provided in our dorm with desks but she refuses to go there as well saying there are too many mosquitoes. She doesn’t want to go to a friend’s room as she likes to study in silence.
She says that because of this, she can only study in our room with the lights on.
This has been affecting my sleep and productivity a great deal recently and despite me asking her a thousand times, she keeps saying that it’s her room as well so she’s entitled to study in it.
I called her a jerk for not taking me into consideration and now she refuses to talk to me. My friends also said that since I’m sharing a room I should compromise and learn to sleep with the lights on.
I’m so confused. AITJ?
Edit: Yes, we do have an RA and I have approached them regarding this. The RA said that I should talk to my roommate first because if they talk to her, she might become aggressive and refuse to cooperate at all.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – you should probably ask about switching rooms rather than expecting your roommate to accommodate you. It is their room, that their tuition pays for, just as much as it is yours.
You asked, and they said no. It’s not that they haven’t considered your needs, it’s just that they didn’t see them as more important than their own need to study.
Neither of you is wrong. Just like a sleep mask doesn’t work for you, studying elsewhere doesn’t work for them, and that’s ok. You can try hanging blackout curtains around your bed maybe, it would help to block the light.
Just attach them to the ceiling with push pins or a shower rod.” Chick4u2nv
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, college is one of the first times people actually room with someone other than immediate family.
It is a difficult time of change and adjustment. We must all be flexible and try our best to accommodate others. College is also one of the first times people get to find out what times of day they actually function best. I think everyone needs to compromise here.
She needs to find a lamp that doesn’t strain her eyes. You also need to learn to sleep with some light. I’m not saying you have to sleep in full daylight mode but in low light, so she can study.
Do you have an 8 am class? 6:30 seems early for college students.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Bring an RA into the conversation. There is no compromise in the world that should result in you ‘learning to sleep with the lights on’ until 3 or 4 am.
In your shoes, so long as she’s awake, I’d start watching a movie without headphones or start playing music to help you fall asleep. See how she likes that. LOL.
In all seriousness, it’s only a compromise if she’s giving something up too.
Sharing space means you both have to be mindful of the other but I think 11 pm is a reasonable time to ask for lights out or midnight at the very latest. It’s unreasonable for her to disrupt your sleep when she has other options available.” lobosaguila
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here but the big jerk here is the RA. Most colleges give RAs free room and board for very little effort. With possibly 30 rooms of girls to loosely ‘supervise’, surely they can find 2 people that would be willing to swap rooms.
Have you considered that your roommate may actually start classes in the afternoon so is essentially following the same schedule as you? Wake up, go to classes, 6-8hours of free/ study time, then bed. If she is going to bed at 4 am, I doubt she is getting up at 6.30 like you.
If this was a relationship, Reddit would be telling you to break up due to incompatibility. You are too precious to sleep with the light on and she is too sensitive to use a desk lamp.
Both of you made a single token gesture, then refused to compromise.
You are adults, so it is time to realize that your needs do not outweigh your roommates, just as hers do not outweigh yours.” saran1111
7. AITJ Shaming A Boy On My Bus For Taking Photos Of My Little Sister?
“Me (17M) and my little sister (12F) go to the same school (I go to the sixth form at her school). We both get the same bus to and from school every day.
So, my little sister has told me about this one boy (14M), and she thinks he takes pictures of her. I tell her to say something but she never did. Usually, I sit nearer the back of the bus while she sits at the front.
But on this one occasion, the bus was very busy, so I sat next to her leaving this old lady to sit where I usually sit.
Now, this boy she had told me about was sitting in front of us and we were both minding his business when she took out my Airpod and pointed to his phone.
He was scrolling through pictures of MY LITTLE SISTER. What a creep. And at this point, I was absolutely fuming.
So here’s where I might be the jerk. When I saw what he was doing I tapped on his shoulder and told him what a creep he was and that was not the way to make friends.
(Baring in mind he would try to talk to her a lot at school) I breaded him about it in front of everyone on the bus and made him delete every single photo he had of her.
The next day his mum got on at my stop and started screaming at me about how I embarrassed her son and that it was only a few photos and how he didn’t mean any harm.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing so I just walked away.
I’m home now but I can’t help but think what I did was a little out of line.
So, AITJ?
Update: I just got off of a meeting with my school because my mom had reported the incident. It turns out this is not the first time he has done this to someone and he has done many other weird things as well.
I explained my side of the story and the school said I was definitely in the right.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Glad it’s been reported, I was about to suggest you let your mom do so and handle it.
Especially knowing the boy’s parents think voyeurism is ok, he’s not on a good path. Otherwise, I’d have suggested your mom tell his mom before informing the school – but you know already that’s futile.
Pat your sister on the back for reporting it at last and keeping other kids safe! You standing up to him probably showed her how to stand up for herself, given you said she’s not done so until now.
Give yourself a pat on the back for being a great big bro.
Good luck with it all, I hope that boy does get the help he needs because you’re right ‘it’s not the way to make friends’ you didn’t cuss at or shame him.” mayfeelthis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Be there for your little sister in the coming weeks and months. Let her know you love her and are there to listen if she needs to talk. Suspecting you may have been violated is one thing and finding out for sure is yet another.
She may be working through some feelings that she may need support for. Please be there if she reaches out and maybe suggest to your parents to get her to a couple of counseling sessions just to have a pro offer help should she need it.
Women begin having our spaces and bodies violated at a very young age in a wide variety of ways and circumstances and it can significantly impact our lives going forward if we don’t process the trauma.” hazelle33
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think you’re being a little hard on the kid. A fourteen-year-old may not yet be aware enough to realize that what he’s doing is super creepy. Given his mom’s reaction, it’s no wonder that he lacks basic social skills.
I think you did him a favor by making him aware of his social awkwardness. While it may have been embarrassing for him in the short term, accepting the mistake and learning from it will improve his social interactions in the future.
Who knows? He could potentially grow into someone that your sister would even be interested in. Sadly, given the bad parenting that he’s enduring, that seems highly improbable. I feel bad for the kid for having a mom who won’t teach him right from wrong, but I still think you did him a favor.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
6. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Brother's Kids?
“I’m currently in my second year of graduate school, and I have a consulting/assistantship job with the university on top of it. Needless to say, this not only takes up a lot of my time but also takes up a great deal of my energy.
I am a single guy, 37 years old, and I have become very protective of my time and my space.
If I get an evening free of obligations, I take full advantage and relish the opportunity to just relax and try to unwind.
I wouldn’t say I’m doing super well-handling everything right now, and any time I can get to myself is a blessing.
Tomorrow is one such night where I have a bit of a lull in my work and could spend a large chunk of my weekend hopefully recharging.
But my brother asked me to babysit his two kids tomorrow night, and it’s true that I certainly could and have no obligations, but it’s the one night where I can do what I want and not have to worry about anything the next morning.
Part of why I’m so reluctant to say no is because my brother and his wife have not always been understanding about me saying no. I once declined to babysit on valentines day after I had been on a date with someone and said I wanted to keep V-Day open, and they were mad because how could I say no when I don’t have firm plans?
It’s honestly less stressful for me to just bend to their will than to say no and deal with the consequences. In the past, I’ve said no, and I felt so terrible about it that I didn’t even enjoy my time off and figured I may as well have helped people out during my time of misery.
But really, if I’m able to help, and I don’t, does that make me a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Graduate school is a no-joke professional-level commitment. Downtime is a necessity so that you can perform and meet the obligations of your educational responsibilities.
You should unwind however you see fit, which can include babysitting. But it’s not up to your brother. Good luck.” CaliPirate
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. You owe them nothing, it’s their child, not yours.
You’re not automatically required to take care of it when they want. Be honest with yourself about what you want and set some boundaries.
They are controlling and manipulative. They decided to have a child, not you.
If they didn’t have the time management or money to properly take care of a child they shouldn’t have had a child.” Ok-Albatross6794
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ, your time is your time.
You are under no obligation to watch anyone’s kids. You have a full schedule and your brother and his wide need to set up child care that they pay for. So that way they can learn time is a precious and expensive commodity.
Keep telling them NO.” demonmonkey1313
5. AITJ For Asking A Timber Crew To Give Back The Pumpkins?
“I have a decorative white pumpkin patch in front of a shooting range on my land. (Not normal orange pumpkins, these are those white decorative gourds people use to decorate with.) There’s a timber crew doing some work on my property.
One of the guys asks me if he could have some pumpkins for his wife and kids because he assumed I didn’t care because he noticed I shot quite a few of them for fun.
I said, ‘I don’t care, sure take as many as you’d like for your wife and kids.’ (thinking he’d take like 2 or 3.)
Well, the next day, the second they watch me walk back inside my house, I notice 3-4 guys hurriedly cut and take 3-5 pumpkins EACH and put them in their trucks while one guy stands to watch to make sure I’m not watching.
They took 20+ or so. I called my dad, and he said just to let it go.
So I let it go. But then the next day (today), at around 6:50 ish the sun is barely out, and I’m watching yet another young guy taking 5 more pumpkins to his truck.
Well, I got mad and told him to knock it off. And to put all the pumpkins in a pile. I called the owner of the company and told them either to pay me $5 per pumpkin or give them ALL back except 2 for the original guy because at least he asked. He said he’d give them all back.
It just rubbed me the wrong way.
Now, my dad said I should have been more clear and basically said I gave an open invitation – especially since they noticed I shot some.
But in my mind, one invitation for one person is not an open invitation for everyone to take as many as they’d like, especially because I was planning on selling the nicest-looking ones.
So what do you guys think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ
You’re out shooting them and told a guy to take as many as he wants.
The words were clear, but your actions and attitude were not.
Plus, you said ‘Take as many as you want,’ thinking he’d max out at 3. Nah dude 3 is ‘a few’ not as many as he wants.” Tomboyish717
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
When you are shooting them and then tell the guy that asked – to take as many as you like, you pretty much opened yourself up for that. Was it wrong for everyone to assume they didn’t have to ask and just help themselves – absolutely?
But between your actions (shooting them) and words – telling the guy to take as many as they want, they thought you just didn’t care about the pumpkins.
Lesson to learn – be more specific and don’t assume (like you did when you thought the 1st guy would only take 2 or 3).” TechnologyLivid9247
Another User Comments:
“In this instance, YTJ. You literally told him to take as many as he’d like, and then got mad when he did just that. Next time say something like ‘take a couple’ or ‘grab 2 or 3 of them if you’d like,’ but leaving it open-ended and saying you don’t care implies that they’re all up for grabs.
At that point, you should’ve just cut your losses. Instead, you demanded them back and made a big scene after you had literally told that guy he could take as many as he wanted.” C00KIE_M0NSTER_808
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You said, ‘take as many as you would like’. If you only want someone to take 2-3, then you need to say, ‘feel free to take 2 or 3’.
Given you shot up a few for fun and said to take as many as you like, I can understand why they misunderstood you and thought you didn’t care if they took all of them.
Having said that, they should have checked with you anyway that it was also okay for additional people to take them.” Cherry_clafoutis
4. AITJ For Commenting About "Harry Potter"?
“I (21 F) am in my college Book Club. It’s pretty casual, we have one book a month and meet every other week.
With the ‘holiday season’ coming up, we’re planning a fundraiser event to support childhood literacy programs, so at our last meeting, we started talking about if we were interested in reading when we were kids.
A few of us brought up that we’d been ‘advanced readers’ or ‘gifted kids’ or whatever when we were in elementary school, but that luckily we have gotten to the point we’re at a normal level now.
I made a joke something like ‘yeah, imagine my surprise when I found out Harry Potter isn’t considered ‘advanced reading’ anymore.’ Most of the group thought it was funny, (not like, ‘funniest joke ever’ funny, but somewhat amusing) but one girl, Lisa, got very upset saying that Harry Potter is super important to her and lots of other people, and it’s plenty ‘advanced’ even for a college level.
We didn’t really get into an ‘argument’ about it, since almost right after that, the campus librarian came over to talk about the fundraiser some more, but according to my friend Sarah, Lisa is still mad about it after almost a week.
Sarah said that basically all the book club agrees with me that Harry Potter isn’t College Level Advanced Reading, but she thinks it might be a good idea for me to apologize just so Lisa will calm down.
I’m not OPPOSED to apologizing to keep the peace, but I can’t figure out HOW I would go about doing that since I’m not really sorry for saying it. I’m sorry she was upset, sure, but AITJ for saying it in the first place?
I like Lisa a lot and I value her friendship, so I don’t want to mess it up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sounds like Lisa is just defensive about something she thinks is important and likes, and that had an impact on her.
Saying that a literary work is not advanced is not a judgment on its value or importance, it’s an observation of its level of literary difficulty and its use of advanced writing techniques.
That’s all to say that advanced doesn’t necessarily mean valuable and vice versa, which is something I think Lisa misinterpreted.
I would just talk to her and tell her you didn’t mean to make her feel like you were judging the series, just stating that it wasn’t advanced in a technical literature sense.
It’s less an apology and more a clarification. Hopefully, that will be sufficient.” stealthdawg
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A book can hold significant meaning to a person who is an adult AND not be ‘advanced college-level reading’.
The two are not mutually exclusive, and there’s nothing wrong with an adult still enjoying a book they read when they were young. If you have anything to apologize for, it’s that she took your comment as an insult, which you can certainly choose to apologize for if you think it’s warranted, since that wasn’t your intention.
It does seem like maybe Lisa needs to learn that differing viewpoints can both be correct, and that disagreement doesn’t necessarily mean disrespect. Harry Potter was written for children, at an elementary Lexile level.
So we’re many other amazing, impactful books. Doesn’t make them advanced college level, nor insignificant.” Creatureteacher86150
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think you’re just talking about different things. The reading/grade level of Harry Potter is comparatively low.
A pre-teen can understand the words and the basic plot. Your joke was accurate.
But it can also be analyzed in an advanced fashion. You could address its darker themes, cultural importance, how it changes on an adult re-reading, or controversy related to the author and whether that changes your feeling about the text (though I’d recommend against that conversation with a true fan).
So it’s easy enough to fix. You can apologize for the confusion, and specify you meant only the level of language… but then throw her a bone by talking about some advanced analytical topic, and say the disagreement prompted you to start thinking about it in a more complex fashion.
If she’s still upset about the actual definition of its reading grade, then she’s simply wrong. But I suspect she’s upset because she took it as a diss: ONLY a book for kids (which insulted both her pet series and her for still liking it as an adult).
Anything you can come up with that feels like you respectfully engaging with the book as an adult should smooth over the argument.” MeltingMandarins
3. AITJ For Surprising My Fiancé At His Office?
“I decided to surprise my fiancé for lunch but I bumped into his brother before I got to his office and he told me my fiancé was in a meeting and I shouldn’t wait for him since it didn’t seem like it would end any time soon.
I told him it was okay and that I would wait in his office since my fiancé still had to have lunch at some point.
He really didn’t want me to wait, though, and he kept trying to convince me to leave so we ended up arguing because I was insisting I would wait.
We were louder than I realized and he told me I was causing a scene and it felt like he was blaming me for the whole argument even though he could’ve walked away at any time.
The entire time I was waiting he wouldn’t leave me alone, not even when his dad came to say hello to me or when I was sitting in my fiancé’s office, and he seemed really bothered by my being there.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You started it. You shouldn’t expect to wait in people’s offices. That isn’t OK for any business. I’m sure you are trustworthy and maybe your fiance doesn’t mind, but that isn’t the point.
There is confidential information in almost every office and you showed up unannounced. The brother has no idea if your fiance shut down his computer or closed the file with the budget spreadsheet or left an employee file open before he left for the meeting.
Even if you are the most trustworthy person, you shouldn’t be allowed to see ANY of that stuff.
Was the brother rude, sure, but you really shouldn’t be hanging out at your fiance’s work for unspecified amounts of time and you shouldn’t believe you can just go wherever you want?
It is unprofessional and your attitude is pretty entitled.” Corpuscular_Ocelot
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
It’s sweet that you wanted to surprise your fiancé, but the thing with surprises is that sometimes they don’t work out.
He is at work, in a professional setting. Getting into a public argument with someone he works with (even if it is his brother) is not acceptable behavior and could affect your fiancé negatively in the long run.
Sometimes you have to accept that things don’t work out. Surprising someone at work rarely goes well. You could have/should have left your fiancé a note saying you loved him and tried to surprise him and wish it would have worked out.
Maybe you can try again another time or schedule a day to have lunch together. If he was that busy he likely would have had to eat lunch quickly and/or at his desk.
If my partner shows up to my work insisting to see me even though I was in a meeting and started an argument with my co-worker I would be livid with him.
That being said, his brother should not have engaged to this level.
This was between you and your fiancé and he could have/should have left you alone after you initially said no to leaving. However, he’s not wrong that you should have left and tried again on a different day.” Uhwhateverokay
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is a workplace – although maybe it seems like a family business. You don’t work there and therefore don’t get to decide on the rules just because your fiancé does.
His brother told you he was in a meeting and asked you to leave and you refused. That makes you the jerk. It’s not your workplace – an employee asked you to leave and you made it difficult for them.
Maybe your fiancé had a meeting and his brother didn’t want him distracted or ending the meeting early because you were there and that would affect the business, maybe he didn’t want the people who his brother was meeting with to see you because that would seem unprofessional- like instead of working he spends the time with his SO and isn’t focused. Maybe the brother thought you would be looking through the desk and that may put off clients – it doesn’t matter he works there, you don’t – YTJ.” Educational_One2790
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your fiancé was busy and could not see you and instead of politely leaving, you threw a fit for other people to see and have someone else intervene.
This situation is one that could impact your fiancé professionally. Additionally, this is damaging your relationship with your in-laws who will likely view yours differently for not handling the situation with maturity. Fighting with him accomplishes what exactly?
Best case your fiancé comes out embarrassed and frustrated to tell you he can’t have lunch. Worst case, you caused significant issues that damage relationships all around.
Future brother-in-law sounds like he is hiding something which isn’t cool.
He should have asked you to leave and when you didn’t, called security or a manager to have you politely removed. He shouldn’t be yelling at you or contributing to the scene.
I work in industries that have very strict protocols about visitors and clearance. Once you realize someone isn’t supposed to be somewhere, you can’t just walk away or leave someone unattended in an office.
I’d think about the future relationships you want to have with your in-laws and go from there. Chalk this up to a situation you both could’ve handled better and leave it be.
Next time, text your fiancé to see if he has time to save the scenes.” allison2817
2. AITJ For Reminding My Child's Guidance Counselor That He Used To Be A Bully Too?
“So my 11-year-old son is having some issues with two older kids bullying him at school. This is relatively new since school has only been in session for two months.
At first, my son didn’t even know he was being bullied because these two older kids kept asking him inappropriate questions that went over his head. Someone finally clued him into what they meant and he told one of the bullies to go ask his dead mom the question.
That led to a short scuffle and then to a mediation.
I know my son’s guidance counselor ‘Mr. J’ since elementary school. He was a major jerk and bully. I know because I was friends with him but stopped because I couldn’t bring myself to bully younger kids.
The last I heard from him was that he fell into a wayward crowd, juvie hall and now he’s a middle school counselor.
I’m all for giving people chances and believing that they can change.
When we met with him, he almost lectured my son about his bully’s home life and how he should try practicing empathy. His bully and his aunt were there too.
I waited to see if Mr. J was going to shame the bully and he did not.
Instead, he was ending the meeting. I laughed and told Mr. J that his input was ironic because he was a major bully back in middle school. Before he could respond, I told him I could mention may incidents.
I clarified he didn’t bully me, just smaller kids.
He told me not to rehash stuff from 20 some years ago. I agreed but I don’t agree that my son almost owes his bully an apology.
That’s not fair and let’s not blame my son.
I made it clear that neither my son nor I hate the bully. As a dad, I wanted to hug that kid even though he was a jerk.
It’s that I lost confidence that he was handling it and was still in a bully mindset. My son was targeted, not the other way around.
He asked me what he wanted me to do.
I asked my son, the bully, and his aunt that can we agree to squash this and move on. Stay away from each other. They nodded.
I told Mr. J that I solved this problem in one minute and prevented more drama.
Nothing personal of course.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’d think that now he’s older he’d probably learn his lesson – but no; seems like he’s still a bully. Yeah, it is understandable that kids are bullies because of the environment they have at home, or the lack of attention.
But that’s what teachers and ‘guidance counselors’ are for. Teach and guide the kids the right thing – not tolerate them. Telling your son to empathize with his bully rather than teaching the bully a lesson means he cares more about the bully because he was one of them.” Zarthebeast
Another User Comments:
“I may be in the minority, but ESH
The bully should have been reprimanded, and your son needs to not respond way out of proportion by taking the absolute lowest possible blow.
I get you asking for the bully to have to take accountability. The problem with the guidance counselor (especially given this was your first encounter with him in this setting) should’ve been done privately away from the kids.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Basically, you pointed to his relevant perspective and why he was choosing to do nothing to help either of these children. Because he identified with the bully and didn’t want the bully to even be looked into because from his perspective that’s just punishment.
I’m glad you all were able to handle it outside of him, but you should probably make a complaint since he’s not sufficiently doing his job and is doing a disservice to the children.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You’re too focused on seeing the bully get admonished rather than the bullying stop. The counselor is trying to redress the root cause of the behavior. Perhaps he is more empathetic of the bully because he was a bully and has a way better understanding of the situation than you.
Perhaps he became a counselor precisely because he wants to help kids going through tough times and acting out because of it. You seem to be approaching this with the logic of ‘He’s on the bully’s side because he was a bully!’ and that’s absolutely foolish.
Your son isn’t entirely an innocent party here – he said something to the bully with the intent to hurt him. He may not have started the situation but he certainly escalated it.
That’s common behavior at his age, but it‘s still worth redressing that just because you can say something hurtful doesn’t mean you should.
You completely undermined the counselor by bringing up his middle school behavior.
Seriously, think about the situation a bit more objectively next time. You’re in defense mode to protect your son and I get it, but you need to recognize that his response was just as if not more so problematic than the instigator’s behavior.” sgloux3470
1. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Wedding Date?
“My (23F) stepfather Rick (52M) has been married to my mother for 8 years.
I’m getting married to the love of my life (23M) in a few months.
My wedding will be Christmas-themed, as it is my favorite holiday and I’ve always wanted to get married around Christmas.
My stepfather, however, never liked this idea. He believes it’s stupid to ‘Make the lord’s birthday all about yourself.’
Yesterday I went to my mother’s house for her birthday, which was lovely, by the way.
After dinner, my stepfather pulled me aside and brought up the wedding.
He demanded I change my wedding day, as it was ‘too close to Christmas’ even though that’s kind of the point.
It’s not even on Christmas, it’s a few days after.
I said that no, I would not change my wedding for him. He said that it was selfish to make the holidays all about me, and Christmas was the day to celebrate Christ, not me.
We got into an argument, to the point where he started screaming at me, saying I was a jerk and unreasonable. I yelled at him, telling him if he didn’t like it then he wouldn’t come.
I stormed out of the house with my fiance, and my mother called me earlier, saying that I don’t have to change the day, but please let my stepfather come.
My stepfather called me a jerk and asked how I could do this to him, and now he wants an apology.
I’m starting to think I should apologize, AITJ though?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell him ‘Thank you for your input but you’ve had your wedding and this is ours’. He sounds like he shouldn’t need reminding that Christ’s first miracle was turning water into wine at a wedding feast, so it’s doubtful He would mind.
Funny that while accusing you of making Christ’s birthday about you, he’s making your wedding about him.
So very sorry you’re having to deal with such nonsense at what’s meant to be a happy time.
In case he’s not reasonable though, you’ll find warnings on this sub about giving your wedding suppliers a password. That way, if someone calls to cancel or to make changes, they know if it’s you or not.
Most likely you don’t need to take that sort of step, but can’t hurt.” CoffeeSippingCat
Another User Comments:
“How dare you celebrate a wonderful union between you and your husband on a day that you picked…
for your information, you are not the jerk. You have nothing to apologize to your stepdad for unless you said mean things to him, then you could go the high road and apologize ONLY for that… but from what you said….
nah there is no need to give him that.
His behavior is what annoys me about the extreme Christians… you know… the same ones who freak about Harry Potter, Halloween, and The DaVinci Code… it is sad.
My folks were against me learning Karate when I was younger as I should learn to love one another (nice thought, but I still went). A few years later in my late teens, I get attacked and managed to fight my way to where I could run from the attackers.
My parents were praising my choice to take up a martial art and made no mention of their repulsion earlier. The high and mighty folks under the guise of Christianity are the most abusive and dismissive people I have ever met.
NTJ” True-Tomatillo-4720
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you choose when you want your wedding but putting religion aside, having a Christmas-themed wedding is really tacky. It’s great that it’s your favorite holiday but looking back on your photos 20 years later will you still feel the same?
Or be glad you themed your wedding based on a holiday? If Easter was your favorite holiday or Halloween, would you theme your wedding this way? Weddings cost a lot and I’d really consider whether you want to effectively throw a second Christmas day after Christmas, for your family and guests.
The upside is you can recycle any leftovers not eaten on Christmas Day and regift any trashy presents you don’t like as gifts to the guests.” Anxious-Lead-6344
What is wrong with you??