People Reflect On Past Actions In Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
23. AITJ For Kicking My Mom Out Of My Bedroom For Facetiming My Abusive Sister?
“My mom (61F) was visiting my husband (m34) and me (30f) over the weekend for our daughter’s birthday party.
My side of the family is very messy relationship-wise.
There’s been abuse, divorce, and a lot of cruelty. I currently am NC with my sister because of past abuse.
After dinner, I went into my master bedroom to have a shower and wind down only to find my mom video calling my sister in my bedroom.
We’ve asked her not to talk to her around our kids because we’re not ready to have that conversation with them. She’s crossed this boundary a few times.
Finding her in my room talking to someone who caused a lot of damage really upset me.
I kicked her out of my room after telling her to have some respect for my privacy and get out because I’m having a shower.
While I was in the shower, she stormed to the guest bedroom and began throwing her things into her bags and ranting about me to my husband in front of my kids.
She told my husband that he deserved better than me, and that I needed to just get over my abuse. That I was pretentious. That she was never going to visit us again and that I would never be welcome in her home, but that he was always welcome to visit with the kids.
She also insinuated that he should leave me or check me into a mental hospital. She then stormed off to her car and left (4-hour drive home for her). I came out of the shower to my three kids sobbing because Nana just left and didn’t understand why.
It took three hours to settle them down.
Am I the jerk for telling her to leave my bedroom?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – so sorry you’re part of the narcissistic mothers club. If she’s not willing to respect your boundaries in your own darn house then she’s going to continue to do it, especially given that you said your sister is going through a divorce and your mother wants to be the white knight.
That’s likely not going to improve, especially if you have no interest in rekindling a relationship with her. I’m also terribly sad for your children, I’ve been there and it’s very difficult to navigate.” Main-Chemist9502
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am so sorry she chose to do this.
She chose to traumatize her own grandchildren to make herself feel better because she’s that toxic. I think you need to go no contact, for your children’s mental wellbeing’s sake. My own grandmother did something similar, where she got all up in my face, and screamed that my mother was a nutjob who needed pills.
I was 3 or 4. I will never forgive that woman for that and many other things. And I wish my mother had not exposed me to those people and those toxic situations throughout my childhood. Family or not. It’s just not healthy.” Roux_Harbour
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom’s ridiculously oversized reaction was all about manipulation. She didn’t say it out loud, but this is what she was telling you: “Doesn’t matter all the terrible things I’ve done, condoned, and continue to do, because I’m the one so upset that I drove 4 hours home.
And whoever is the most visibly upset = the ‘real’ victim, and that’s me, so I win the argument.” And no. Not how that works. That logic is manipulative crap. She didn’t actually transform herself into the victim by crying crocodile tears and throwing tantrums. And anyone who doesn’t see through all this, who mistakenly equates creating the biggest ruckus with being right, is really just uncomfortable with conflict and thinks you’re the easier one to deal with.
So I would take Mom up on her offer. Massive time out, and definitely no more visits to your house.” PARA9535307
22. AITJ For Laughing At A Dead Baby Joke In Front Of A Woman Who Had A Miscarriage?
“A while back, I (26f) was relaxing at home when my roommate brought home a few of her friends, amongst whom was a woman (32f) I had never met before.
Let’s call her Claire. So we were all just drinking, eating, and watching a movie together, and we were having a good time. After we finished watching a movie, one of us put on a random stand-up comedy on TV basically as background noise. All was well until the comedian told a dead baby joke, and I laughed. I immediately felt the tension in the room.
Claire silently got up and went into the kitchen. Two of her friends went after her. Then I heard loud crying and screaming coming from the kitchen. Although I couldn’t hear it very clearly I could tell that she was angry at me.
I was totally confused and in shock.
My roommate whispered to me and explained that Claire had a miscarriage a few years ago. At this time, Claire stormed out of the kitchen, grabbed her bag on the couch, and started walking to the front door. I tried to apologize and tell her that I didn’t mean to upset her.
She turned around and called me a disgusting monster, and that she wished one day I would suffer the same pain of losing a child as she did. Then she stormed off. The next day, her partner (who I have never met before) found me on social media and sent me a long message calling me a jerk for upsetting his partner, and for laughing at a joke like that in the first place.
I know my humor is dark, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A vast number of women have a miscarriage at some point. If we tiptoe around, we would have to never mention the words baby, miscarriage, pregnancy, etc around any woman in case she felt targeted or triggered. Dead baby jokes aren’t funny to me but they’re like fart jokes, just unfunny.
If someone is that fragile they should let people know in advance, or only socialize with people who know their particular rules.” Unit-Healthy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was a joke said by a comedian on TV. You didn’t make the joke. How could you know it was a personal pain for someone you barely know?
You apologized. That’s all you can do and still keep a clear conscience. I actually wouldn’t worry about it anymore. But if they can’t let it go, stand up for yourself. You had an innocent laugh and shouldn’t be punished for it forever.
Especially since you said you’re sorry.” Secret-Sample1683
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not being a telepath. It sucks that she lost her baby, but it’s not up to you or anyone else to bubble-wrap her against the world. You shouldn’t have to take wild guesses about what’s going to set off someone you barely know.
I lost my little guy 22 years ago and it still utterly sucks. What I’m not going to do is get angry at someone because they laugh at a joke. The joke and their laughter are not personal attacks and have nothing to do with me or my departed baby.
I don’t have to laugh at said joke. . .” no_shirt_4_jim_kirk
21. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Cousin Constantly Bragging About His Salary?
“I’m close with my cousin but it seems like whenever we talk, whether on text or in person he always shoehorns the fact he makes $117k a year into the conversation.
I make significantly less….like 35k a year. I don’t have kids or a house so I get by just fine….I don’t know if I’m just being a hater but it gets annoying. Like last night he was talking about a trip he’s about to go on and telling me how I need to go on a vacation.
I told him…yeah I’m not really trying to dip into my savings like that for a few days of vacation. He responds “yeah I feel you, I’m making 117k and kind of feel the same.” Now if this was a passing comment I wouldn’t care.
But it’s always brought up. And forget it, if he makes a commission that week I’m the first one to hear about how his weekly $2200 check was $3500 this week. He also constantly talks about how he makes over $50 an hour.
Another thing that bothers me is he’s asked me for money twice in the last year.
$500 once and $750 another time…telling me something about his commission didn’t come in. I’m over here making a fraction of his money and lending him money.
Anytime he brings up his pay I just want to say dude how many times are you going to bring up the money you make.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, stop him next time and ask if he’s aware of how much he talks about his salary? Then ask him if he’s figured out why he’s so focused on it. Every time he mentions it, ask if he’s aware he’s done it again.
Make it awkward, maybe it will slow his roll. At least you’ll enjoy pointing it out.” whatsmypassword73
Another User Comments:
“You are absolutely NTJ. There’s nothing worse than a one-upper/someone who is constantly shoving their (in their mind) superiority down your throat. I have 2 thoughts about this.
1. He sounds very insecure with himself if he feels the need to constantly bring this up. 2. Why in the world is he asking you for loans!? Is he a liar and doesn’t make what he claims to or is he just that irresponsible with his money?
Okay I lied, I have 3. 3. Next time he mentions this again I would say something like “I’m happy for you to be making so much money, but I’m curious as to why you always need to borrow money from me?”” 4BritishEyezOnly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but why in the world are you loaning him money????
If he asks, you say “with your 117k a year vs my 35k a year, I should be asking you for money, not the other way around.” When he tells you how much he makes, respond, “and yet you’ve had to borrow money from me.
Do you need budgeting tips?” He will shut up real quick.” FrumpyHedgehog
20. AITJ For Throwing Away The Diet Candy Bar My MIL Keeps Giving Me?
“So my MIL is…..interesting. Sometimes she’s fine to be around, sometimes she can be quite moody and throw hurtful comments or do things that seem hurtful towards me. What’s clear is that she never gets me anything, literally walks into my home with gifts for everyone but me.
Except for one thing she started bringing whenever she comes over.
Every time she visits, she comes in and hands all of my kids and husband Twix and Reeces Cups and comes over and gives me a Skinny Cow Candy bar and says “hey…I don’t mean nothing, but these are good.” I just put it on the table, nod, and walk away.
I couldn’t help but feel it’s deliberate because of my own body issues and struggles.
A few days ago, she came in here and did the exact same thing but pulled out the skinny cow candy bar and just sat it on the table in front of me then she sat across from me.
I, getting fed up with it, get up, grab the candy bar, and throw it in the trash right in front of her. My husband asks what I was doing then his mom starts lashing out about what a horrible, ungrateful thing I just did.
I tell her that I had about enough of her passiveness and that her attitude regarding me was too much. She starts arguing talking about how I disrespected her at her son’s home and threw her money in the trash. In response, I said “well stop bringing me those candy bars then.” She gets up and leaves and my husband follows her out.
He then walks back in and berates me for what I did and for being hypersensitive and taking everything his mom does as a slight against me. He wants me to apologize to her but I’m not sure if I should.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If your husband only sees his mom in the right for this, then he should be happy to trade his Twix/PB Cups for the Skinny Cow. After all “it’s not a slight.” Instead of the trash, just casually take his and give him “yours” preferably in front of his mother, you can say exactly what she said “I don’t mean nothing, but these are good,” and of course add in that you prefer the normal candy.” OBotB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Giving everyone else regular candy bars and you a diet candy bar is a slight — you are not imagining it. Rather than apologizing, I’d say it’s time for an honest conversation. Tell her that you don’t appreciate the implication that you need to lose weight, which is obviously what is intended by giving you diet candy, and that you won’t be insulted in your own home.
Stand firm on this one — this MIL seems like the type who, given an inch, will take a mile.” girlandagun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s passively aggressively telling you that she thinks you’re fat and should only have “diet” candy. If she isn’t giving your husband Skinny Cow candy bars, too, then she is clearly targeting you.
That your husband isn’t seeing this is a problem. Your kids are seeing this and they will internalize all this stuff. It may not come out now, but it will come out in some form. Your daughter hits 13 and starts questioning if she needs to start eating Skinny Cows because that’s all Grandma brings Mom.
Does that mean she’s “too big” for Snickers now? What else can she no longer eat? Drink? This type of attitude will have long-term consequences if it’s not stopped immediately.” Catri
19. AITJ For Not Letting My Roommates Use My TV One Night A Week?
“I (31m) let my friend (29m) move into my apartment because he needed a place to stay. Long story short, his partner (30m) ended up moving in as well.
Despite having 3 people in the apartment, it works out very well because I spend the evenings/ nights at my significant other’s house.
So I essentially come home in the morning, work until 5 pm, then pack up and leave for my significant other’s. My apartment is essentially just my office.
This is except for Thursdays. My significant other has a long meeting with his business partner every Thursday, so I usually stay home.
When this happens, I usually have dinner made and am watching TV (catching up on a show my significant other hates) by the time my roommates come home. I will then usually watch my TV show until around 8 pm.
Well, the other day my roommate confronted me and asked that I let them have the TV to eat their dinner on the nights that I stay at the apartment.
I told him no, I will not accommodate them. However, I told them that they were welcome to join me in the living room.
My roommate told me that I’m being inconsiderate and that it was not fair that they need to eat in their bedroom because I am “hogging the living room.”
Now, there are some important details I’d like to note:
1. The TV show they watch is entirely in Japanese, and I am unable to watch or understand any of it.
2. It is my TV (everything in the apartment I own)
3. They can use the TV, or anything else in the apartment, uninterrupted 6 days of the week.
I am just asking for one day to catch up on a TV show I enjoy.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I feel that it’s your stuff and they are essentially borrowing the use of it when you are working from home.
They are seriously going to gripe that you take one day out of the week to watch a show or two? Do they pay rent? If it’s such a big deal to be able to watch TV, here’s a concept for them… Get your own!!!
There are plenty of alternative options besides the TV to watch too. I’m almost certain they can find their Japanese show streaming somewhere.” UltimatelyCoolDude
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it is time for a sit down with BOTH of them. For some reason, I don’t think the partner understands that you don’t need their rent and you are doing him a favor.
She prob thinks he is a good guy and he is telling her stories. If the rental agreement is in your name only, tell them. Kick them out if you want. They are acting entitled and are teaming up against you, quite unfairly.” Trick_Delivery4609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you weren’t the owner of the apartment, as housemates, everyone should share. In this case, you would like to use the shared lounge for a couple of hours on ONE evening a week and your two housemates can have the other 6 evenings (and this evening after 8 PM).
That seems like a very generous balance towards them, so they need to stop whining. Sounds like they feel like they own the place and you are some kind of interruption. How much rent are they paying? Especially with you only working there and not actually living there, they’d better be covering 2/3 of the rent and at least 2/3 for all utilities.” wandering_salad
18. AITJ For Not Noticing Someone Took My Fiance's Chair At The Bar?
“My fiance and I were out at a bar tonight with her friend and maid of honor (same person only the three of us present). There were no seats available but a stack of chairs in the corner and some empty tables.
We followed the lead of a few other groups and took three of the chairs and set them around an empty table.
At one point in the night, my fiance left to go to the bathroom, and her friend and I stayed and kept talking.
While she was gone someone took her chair without us noticing. When she came back I gave her my chair and grabbed another from the stack but she was upset that I let someone take her chair while she was away. She has read this post and we are together trying to figure out which one of us is the jerk.
Our engagement is currently called off.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There was no malicious intent on your part, you simply just did not notice someone move a chair in a likely crowded establishment by the way you described it. Even if the place wasn’t packed, like I said, you had no malicious intent.
You even gave up your seat for her with no hesitation like any good fiance would! If your fiance can’t forgive you for such a minor and perfectly harmless mistake you are surely in for a world of trouble.” TOADHOLY
Another User Comments:
“Fiancée is the jerk for even making an issue of something so absolutely trivial. I feel like she has unrealistic expectations that he should always ALWAYS prevent even the most insignificant of inconveniences from crossing her path.
It’s not good enough to correct the inconvenience, he MUST BE WATCHFUL to PREVENT any little thing that might make her brow furrow. Her expectations are absurdly unrealistic and unfair. Has she never learned to pick her battles? Does she just enjoy making a scene and causing drama over nothing?
Of course he would’ve retained her chair had he noticed it being moved in that crowded bar. So his transgression was in being too relaxed and not being vigilant at every possible moment, even when she is not around. How DARE HE spend a few moments chillaxed and mellow in that bar?
If she is truly canceling their future over this then it’s a dodged bullet for OP. I mean she is going to make his life a pain if this is what she wants to fight about. IDK, maybe she’s only like that when she’s drinking.
I would avoid going to bars with her ever again.” not_inacult
Another User Comments:
“Based solely on the information provided you, OP, are NTJ and your fiance definitely is. Let me get this straight: she’s calling off your engagement because you didn’t pay attention to an inanimate object that doesn’t even actually belong to her (if this was her purse, might be a different story) and which you easily and immediately replaced when you realized someone else had taken it?
This whole argument is so dumb, I think half the posters here can’t even process the idea that it would be an engagement ender. If there’s nothing else going on though, and she really did call off your engagement over something so trivial, I suggest you don’t put it back on.
She sounds completely unprepared for the trials of marriage. It’s a bumpy road no matter how much you love each other, and if this molehill is throwing her off, then she’s not meant for the ride.” Trilobyte141
17. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Mom Pop My Acne And Take Her Prescription Pills?
“I (15m) and my mom (54f) are in a slight feud about this and this has started this Thursday and it’s just ripping me up from the inside.
My mom is a woman who’s always cared about appearance.
She believes that her children reflect how good of a parent she is, and I’m not fighting that. She believes that my (admittedly) very bad acne has to be popped and her special way of doing it doesn’t cause scarring. My sister who also struggles with bad acne is on my side saying that she(my mother) caused her this scarring.
My mom proclaims that is nonsense and my sister caused it to herself. I have done my research and it does cause scarring.
I have tried to tell her multiple times how I have done my research and I want her to stop asking me about it.
She also wants me to take half of her prescription pills that as a side effect bind ‘bad’ male hormones. But I don’t want to take them as I have no idea what else they do. I have a treatment cream from my doctor which I have been using on and off.
(I started like a few weeks ago?)
She still pushes. Recently I asked her what she wanted for her birthday as I’m broke and have no ideas. (Drawings are out of the question as I don’t have the ability to create a masterpiece.)
She said, “I want nothing more than to clean your face.” I tried other things like yard work free of charge or cooking her dinner for a week.
But she said “If I can’t clean your face, there is no point in getting me anything else.” I slowly walked to my room and I am currently writing as I am crying.
She believes this hurts her image as a mother because of my acne.
She says it for my well-being.
My dad doesn’t know any of this however my sister and I don’t want to tell him as mom’s a teacher and he doesn’t pay his child support.
It all feels like I’m being a hormonal teenager and that I don’t know anything.
So please help me. Am I just a crazy hormonal teenager? Or is she the one that’s out of line? My sister does know most of what’s going on.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This all sounds manipulative and creepy. Like, I get wanting to look out for your kid’s health and as someone who deals with intermittent breakouts even in my late 20s, I get how it can make someone feel insecure.
But if anyone tried to come at me to pop my pimples I’d be telling them to pound sand, like… Who does that? Teenager or not, you’re not your parents’ property. Also, there is no magic way to prevent scarring from pimple popping, it’s pretty much all genetic (lifetime pimple popper with no scars, I do nothing special.) She’s full of nonsense.” ThatsCatFood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!! Your mom is very insecure and delusional DO NOT take her advice. That is so wrong for your mom to push her insecurities on you. If your mom offered advice such as taking you to a specialist that would have been much better but instead she tries to guilt you into some MLM scheme.
It is VERY normal to have acne at age 15 and if you wish you can see a specialist such as a dermatologist that can recommend products specifically for you. Even these products take time to work and usually your face looks worse before looking better.
IT IS YOUR DECISION THOUGH.” Sea_Chocolate_2681
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She wants you to take HER prescription medication that “binds bad male hormones”? NO! At first, it sounded like she was just very narcissistic and wanted to have perfect children, but that’s way over into mental health territory.
At your age, you should absolutely NOT be taking unprescribed medication that meddles with your hormones, “bad” or not. Then this guilt-tripping on the issue? She needs professional help because she’s going to harm you (with the BEST of intentions) if she does not stop this immediately.
You need to see your pediatrician or a school counselor and tell them exactly what you posted here. You also need to make sure that you are not ingesting any of this medicine. If that means you prepare your own meals and don’t let the food out of your sight, that’s what you do.
You should contact her doctor and tell them that she is trying to make you take her prescription. As far as “cleaning your face”? No. She’s got it in her head that acne reflects badly on her, but scarring is your fault. You’ve got medication that is actually prescribed for you that will treat your acne AND avoid the scarring she will cause.
Stick to that.” big_bob_c
16. AITJ For Telling My Aunt To Screw Off After She Accused My Parents Of Two-Timing?
“I (20f) do not get along with my aunt (Jessica-45f). Since the death of her brother (John), she has become this bitter shell of a person.
I understand that grief changes people, but her behavior is not acceptable.
2 years after my uncle died, my mother (who had been with him until his death) began to see their brother (Michael-40f). Michael is my father. I wasn’t born until 4 years after John had died. Bearing in mind, that my mother and John were both teenagers when John died so Jessica’s assumption that they were ‘soulmates’ is misplaced in my opinion.
Jessica has always hated this relationship and has cried affair since the beginning. She made my mother’s pregnancy miserable, filled the nursery with smoke on the day I was born because she was ‘depressed’, and blamed my mother for her birth complications (we both almost died).
My parents went low contact with Jessica as best they could (they couldn’t avoid her at my grandparent’s house) but I’ve always been kept at arm’s length from her. However, since turning 18, she’s been adamant about talking to me. I always declined her offers, but last month she had a health scare and so I decided to indulge her and listen.
I had my idea about what she was going to say, and I was correct.
She went on a rant about she thinks two-timing occurred but had no solid proof and just asked that I ‘trust her’. As soon as that came out of her mouth, I got up and said ‘literally, screw off.
You’re pathetic.’
A few hours later, my father calls me and asks what happened. Apparently, Jessica had shown up at the house and berated Michael (mum wasn’t home). I explained and he said I should have just grinned and bore it but instead I caused an argument.
Now Mum, Dad, and Jessica are all mad at me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to “grin and bear” anything. Jessica disrespects your family and just because your parents tolerate it, doesn’t mean you have to. You made your position clear which is a kindness.
Perhaps if your parents had dealt with her years ago, Jessica wouldn’t be trying to rope you into her vendetta agenda. Your parents’ way of dealing with Jessica ISN’T working and hasn’t worked in 20 years. Time for a new plan.” Impressive-Amoeba-97
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
No. You didn’t cause an argument. Your aunt, who has spent 22 years claiming an affair because a teenager moved on after their partner died young, wanted you to listen to her conspiracy that she has formed a part of her personality around and which more or less casts negative shades on your conception that doesn’t exist. You chose to call it what it was, pathetic.
That didn’t cause an argument. She caused an argument. She couldn’t read the room, and chose the wrong audience to approach with her nonsense.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because this obsession by Jessica has gone on for too long. Even if her claims of an affair happen to be true, she really shouldn’t be bothering you about it (which she would’ve kept on doing if you had grinned and bore it).
What’s she expecting you to do? Avenge your dead uncle who you’ve never met by constantly harping on your parents like Jessica does? Unfortunately, even on here, there is a significant number of people who would equate an ex getting on with a sibling of a former partner to be equally as bad as two-timing even if there was no two-timing involved at all when the ex broke up with the former partner.
Maybe not many here piping up on this post, but plenty of them pipe up on other posts. So even if Jessica gets incontrovertible proof that no two-timing happened, she may not change her mind at all that your mom and dad getting together is wrong.” Monimonika18
15. AITJ For Keeping My Pride Flag Up After Coming Out?
“I (22M) recently came out as gay to my friends and family, all of them being very supportive, except my brother (30M), he thought it was kind of weird but he didn’t judge.
A couple of weeks ago I hung a pride flag outside, just to show everyone in my neighborhood that I’m proud to be me!
Flash forward a couple of days to the 4th of July…. the flag was still up. I invited family and friends over to have a little party and barbecue, but my brother was acting weird.
I asked him if he was okay and he rolled his eyes and said, “I don’t understand why you have that dumb flag up still, it’s July now. We don’t care if you’re gay you don’t have to rub it in our face.” Now, I’m a shy insecure person so I said sorry and left to my room.
I don’t know what happened but I heard my mom and friends screaming and my brother screaming back. He left early and I came back out, I went to go take down the flag but my mom said if I did she wasn’t putting me in her will, I know she was joking, so I laughed and kept it up.
My brother and I haven’t talked since then, but I feel like I did something wrong, like I let my brother down, and am debating on taking it down and replacing it with an American flag, just so my brother and I can act like siblings again, but I don’t know, I’m torn.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is just homophobic. I bet there are a lot of people who feel a little happier when they drive by your house and see that flag! It might make some of your neighbors feel supported too. Keep it up!
If you want, you can always put an American flag up too, but don’t take your pride flag down.” Amblonyx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pride, like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, is not restricted by a specific time period. You don’t switch off your sexuality just because the month has concluded, just like the aforementioned parents don’t stop being parents after their commemorative days.
You fly that flag with joy and pride, and enjoy flying it throughout the year, OP! I’m proud of you for being your true self and showing the world (or, at least the people who live nearby) that you love and accept yourself.” majesticjewnicorn
Another User Comments:
“”I don’t understand why you have that stupid flag up still, it’s July now. We don’t care if you’re gay you don’t have to rub it in our face.” See…my issue with this is how ridiculous the thought process is here. To me, flags are pretty darn ubiquitous no matter where you are.
I live in Canada and I see a Canadian flag here or there, a Ukranian flag here or there, during pride I saw various pride flags including the classic. These flags all have one thing in common which is that they ultimately do little more for me than add a splash of color to the world, and that’s it.
I can’t guarantee everyone’s experiences are the same, and I’m admittedly autistic, but to me, flags don’t alter the visual landscape all that much, they just are. So, to me, it’s a bit ridiculous to call flying a flag for a month and simply not taking it down as, “rubbing it in our faces.” The only way for this to be true for just the act of flying a flag is if your brother took issue with it to begin with, which undermines his claim of not caring.
If he truly didn’t care he wouldn’t comment, but he did. I mean, I do hate playing armchair psychic, but it feels a tad ridiculous to flip out on you because of a flag. NTJ.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Wanting To Name Our Baby After My Childhood Best Friend?
“My husband (30M) and I (28F) are expecting a baby and thinking of baby names for our son due later this year. We’ve got a good list of names we love, but we’re still undecided. The other night I was up late with a bout of insomnia, thinking about when our baby is going to be a kid and what he’ll be like, and I remembered my childhood best friend, Lucas.
We were best friends from 5 until 15 when he passed away. About a month before he died, we started “seeing each other”, as in we held hands in the hall at school and kissed a handful of times. My husband knows about him as I have fond memories with him and he’s in a lot of my childhood photos.
He has never shown any disdain for me talking about Lucas. I also do not harbor any leftover romantic feelings for Lucas. I cared for him, but we were not in love, just kids doing what kids do. He was my best friend and I miss him, but he is no longer with us.
Lucas is a pretty timeless name with multiple variations, as well as a way to honor my childhood best friend, especially since he doesn’t have any siblings who could name their children after him. Plus, a lot of my and my husband’s first name ideas have multiple syllables, so I thought a short middle name like Luke would help balance it out.
I suggested it and my husband hit the roof. He said me wanting to name our baby after an ex was gross and insulting to him as the father. He said if the baby should be named after anyone, it should be him. I told him I wasn’t trying to be insulting and it was just an idea, not a name I was set on, and him vetoing it was completely fine.
I also said it wasn’t naming our baby after an old friend, but an old friend. He’s still angry, though, and is demanding I apologize for disrespecting him as the father.
I refused to apologize because the suggestion wasn’t a way to disrespect him.
It had nothing to do with him at all, it was just a way to pay homage to my friend. He said he’s not interested in brainstorming ideas anymore and has been giving me the cold shoulder ever since. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ how do people not know that naming your baby after any of your exes no matter the duration of the relationship is just a terrible idea?
It’s setting up for the baby daddy to think you would prefer that man to be the dad. It may be an irrational thought from your perspective but how would you feel if he wanted to name your daughter after his ex? I’m not trying to be harsh I just don’t think you thought this through.” Wifevsofficewife
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sometimes we do or say things with good intentions but it doesn’t always translate well because we are not the recipient of our delivery. 1. Naming your baby after a deceased ex/male best friend who you still hold so dearly in your heart can be insulting to your present.
Even if it wasn’t your intention, the outcome is a pain inflicted on your husband. 2. Your name suggestion came purely from your personal experience, it is not a shared memory with your husband. Both of you share your baby, but its name will come from a dude in your childhood pictures who you used to be intimate with, irrespective of duration.
3. When you apologize, it’s not about your intention, but how you made that person feel. If that person is important enough to you, you lower your pride and apologize. It’s free and won’t make you any less of a good partner. In fact, it reinforces you value him and will lessen the insecurity he’s most probably feeling from your suggestion.
This can still be remedied. Pride is a great killer of relationships. Good luck!” greatname61
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Omg how insecure is your husband? “Disrespected him as a dad”!? The only thing he needed to have said was “mmm, I’d rather do a name without baggage, you know?” You came across the idea in your head, you thought about a close friend that you have good memories of, and since you liked the name on itself as well you wanted to discuss the idea.
Sounds ok to me. Your husband throwing a fit about it, not being able to distinguish between a close childhood friend you also had a slight romantic adventure with and, say, a random ex you were with for years right before you met your husband, and then demanding you apologize and sit there like a stubborn toddler until you cave… sounds insane to me.
Hope he can take a deep breath and be reasonable again soon.” Just_Loves_Music
13. AITJ For Not Letting My Son Attend Football Camp Because Of His Grades?
“My son Kellan (15M) has always wanted to play football like I did, but I’ve never let him until this year because I got constant concussions which still affect me today and I want him to aspire to be more than just a football player.
This year he begged me to play especially since his friend DeShawn (15M) was also trying out this year and that he’d do whatever it took. I talked to his mom about it and she got me to relent. I did tell him though that he had to keep his grades up and I told him that he had to tell his coach anytime he so much as got dizzy.
He kept up with the latter and he made 1st string and I was proud of how well he played but his grades started dropping some and he was having trouble keeping up with football and his grades. I gave him a warning that if he didn’t get his grades back up he’d have to quit and he assured me that he would and I trusted him.
His coach wants Kellan and DeShawn to go to a football camp this summer, but I found out that Kellan barely passed this year.
I was upset and I told him he couldn’t go. He’s been pleading with me to change my mind and I’ve said no. The camp starts next week and he’s made one last plea and I told him no because he wasn’t keeping his grades up like he promised he would.
He told me he wouldn’t need school in the NFL and that I was just jealous I couldn’t make it. I got upset and told him he was being disrespectful and he yelled at me that I’m being unfair because he still passed his classes and stormed off.
My wife says I’m being too hard on him. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A tiny fraction of a percent of high school football players make the NFL. Hanging all your hopes on that is frankly stupid – you need to be able to fall back on your education if you’re part of the 99.9% who don’t make it.
It’s great to have dreams and aspirations, and it sounds like you support that as long as he’s keeping his fallback of having a reasonable education secure.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you laid out the (very reasonable) expectations and he failed to meet them.
He now gets to learn about consequences. Empathetic failure my friend. Fwiw- I’m hs I played soccer and was terrible at it but didn’t realize that and then decided I just HAD to go to Australia to play in this soccer camp for six weeks over the summer and my parents were (rightfully) like lol what no… and I threw a FIT.
And now I look back on it and go man I was unbearable. Being an adolescent is hard. Setting boundaries, expectations, and enforcing reasonable consequences makes you a good parent.” dancedanceabbacat
Another User Comments:
“I’m a parent and I totally understand where you’re coming from, but sometimes I think we get so caught up in consequences that we aren’t actually doing something proactive to help our kids.
If he loves football are you really going to take that chance away from him? After all you only have 3 more years, and then he’s an adult. Do you want to go out in the world feeling loved and supported, or do you want him to leave feeling controlled, stifled, and resentful?
Try to find ways to help him with his grades so he can still play football. Maybe a tutor? As for camp, why not let him go? It’s summer so grades aren’t an issue. Not letting him go doesn’t help him with his grades, so it would be strictly a punishment.
I think your heart is in the right place, so no jerks here.” Jorbarip
12. AITJ For Supporting My Daughter's Vegan Diet Against My Ex's Wishes?
“I (45F) have a daughter “Kylie”(15F) with my ex (49M). We share split custody of Kylie and it’s been stressful recently. Kylie told us that she wanted to be vegan and I have been very supportive. My ex and his wife don’t agree with her being vegan.
I am currently working from home and will bring her lunch to school when she is staying with them.
Due to my ex not being supportive, they are not close. Kylie has mentioned that she does not like staying with them. His parents have said things to me about Kylie being vegan.
I just want her to be happy and healthy.
Sunday night is usually when my ex picks her up and it’s normally after dinner. I cooked dinner for myself and packed Kylie’s dinner. Kylie calls me an hour later crying that my ex had thrown the dinner out and sent her to her room.
I was furious and headed over to my ex’s house. Kylie wanted to go back home with me and I told her to get in the car. My ex and I got into a huge screaming match. He put all the blame on me for buying Kylie the vegan food.
His wife got involved and called me a few names.
AITJ for packing my daughter a vegan dinner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I cannot stress this enough. You are being very supportive of your daughter and her choices. She is at a very critical age, and it’s important for her to have a support system.
I do not believe you are overstepping with bringing your daughter lunches or packing dinners when she’s in her father’s care. I do believe you want her to have a healthy relationship with food and her diet, and I believe that comes across.
Your ex and his wife are not providing a safe or supportive environment for your daughter. Not accepting her dietary changes will probably affect how your daughter perceives food.” Difficult-Bell-6924
Another User Comments:
“First, this sounds like a really difficult situation — I’m sorry you have to go through this.
A couple of thoughts: First, it sounds like you’re doing a great job of being a supportive mom — shifting food preferences can be tricky to navigate even without the complexity of a shared custody arrangement, so kudos to you for rolling with the veganism.
You’re definitely NTJ for packing this dinner, but you might consider trying to find an opportunity to talk (hopefully in a neutral, respectful way) with your ex about the food choices.
You, Kylie, your ex, and his partner are all at the beginning of a difficult life stage — adolescence is going to mean a new turn in parenting, and it’s going to be best for Kylie if the adults can establish an open line of communication and get on the same page about parenting and policy (I know that’s WAY easier said than done).
This can be especially challenging with an ex-partner. Kylie’s veganism isn’t going to be the only teenage parenting challenge the three of you face, so it’ll be important to have a system in place for open conversation. One strategy you might try in the short term (and this is going to be really tough) is to really try to hear the concerns and frustrations your ex has, even though you might expect they do not justify his actions (throwing a teenager’s dinner out, especially when you were the one to prepare it, is a really extreme move).
If you can show that you’re really listening, and open to helping problem-solve, it’ll be easier to establish common ground and work together. Again, though, I’m sorry you have to navigate this — it sounds hard, both for you and Kylie.” earnest_dad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s 15. Old enough to decide what she wants to eat, what clothes to wear, and which books to read or shows to watch. Ex and next seem to be very controlling. It is not ok to force a 15 y.o. to eat meat and dairy if she does not want to.
It is not ok to throw out food just because they are too dumb to find out that vegan food can be very tasty. Or not creative enough to cook vegan. (I’m not a vegan, I love meat and dairy, but there are a few vegan meals I make every now and then because they are just…
delicious. Just like red lentil falafel with hummus. Cabbage rolls stuffed with risotto and mushrooms. That delicious Georgian dish made of roasted eggplants with a stuffing of walnuts, herbs, and garlic… all right, now I’m hungry.) Well done for standing up for your girl.” redsoxx1996
11. AITJ For Telling My Estranged Son I'm Pregnant On My Wedding Day?
“I (43f) have a son (19m), we had a very close relationship with one another when he was growing up.
His dad was very distant and prioritized his work over his family. I was the one who was left to raise him. The older my son grew the more distant he became, just like his father.
When his father was home a lot more often, I was excluded from everything within their lives.
This caused a lot more tension between my husband and I.
We decided we would be better off separated. I could tell my son sided with his father, which I feel had led him to go as far as uninviting me to his graduation. I was already struggling a lot with the separation and this just added salt to the wound.
A couple of weeks later, his father was in a fatal car accident which caused me to spiral.
I spent the next few weeks in bed struggling with my depression. My friends planned a night for me to help me feel better. This landed on the same day as my son’s graduation but I felt as if he didn’t really want me there anyways.
The day after his graduation he had packed all his things and was gone. I found out from his friend’s family that he was staying with them. I made countless efforts to get in touch with him and he abandoned every attempt.
I confronted his friend and begged him to convince my son to reconnect with me.
I explained to him that I met someone new and wanted my son to be a part of our new family. His friend however was nothing but cold to me and acted as if he knew my son better than me. I could see that the conversation wasn’t getting anywhere so I left.
After that encounter, my mum went to my son and convinced him to at least attend the wedding. He had one condition which was for his friend to attend as his plus one for “moral support”. This did pain me that my son would think he would need moral support to see his own mother but in the end, I agreed, just desperate to see him.
The day my wedding came, it was just really good to see him and how much he’s grown. Though I was excited to catch up with one another, he spent the whole day with his arm practically around his friend. We basically didn’t get a moment alone.
They were constantly whispering in each other’s ears which led to people coming to me and questioning their relationship. I’m not homophobic but I find it disrespectful for them to act like this on my wedding day.
I asked my son if he would walk me down the aisle, and he surprisingly agreed. As the bridal party was gathering, I took my son to the side and told him the exciting news that I was expecting.
He didn’t react in the way I envisioned, he completely blew up at me, calling me a bad mum and throwing everything I’ve done for him in my face then left. The entire venue could hear.
My family rushed to my side and comforted me.
However, my mum berated me after my wedding calling me a jerk. I don’t really see what I did wrong especially since he ruined my wedding.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for your timing alone. There’s not enough information here on whether you’re a bad parent or not (sounds like you are), but YTJ for several reasons.
1. thinking it’s ‘disrespectful’ that he could potentially be in a relationship with someone who obviously means everything to him 2. getting mad that he needed a friend by his side just because it’s your ‘special day.’ Obviously, there is bad blood for him and he needed that support.
3. You pulling him aside and telling him that you’re starting a new family when he’s barely speaking to you, what did you expect? A hug? You have absolutely the worst timing ever. You should have waited until you’d had a better relationship instead of springing it on him like that.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Are you saying that his father passed away before graduation, and then you didn’t go to his graduation? There is a lot of information left out, how long was this new relationship? When did it start? Etc…but if you did NOT go to his graduation after his dad passed away that’s the first and biggest mistake right there.
Whether he wanted you there or not if his father passed away before he graduated you absolutely should have been there to help ease his pain when he would no doubt be hurting, and reminded of his dad who couldn’t be there. The way I read what you wrote YTJ, for sure.
I’d still like to know for sure though, did his dad pass away before he graduated?” Crazyredneck422
Another User Comments:
“A child doesn’t become estranged from a parent without there being a major event. What happened in your case? Reading between the lines, it sounds like your son is gay and you don’t approve of homosexuality.
(Why did I reach this conclusion? You claim it was “disrespectful” that your son had his arm around a male friend and was whispering in his male friend’s ear. You also claim that your son just ran off to his friend’s house after his dad died with nary a word to you.) You know you and your son have some issues; why would you tell him you’re pregnant right before he’s going to walk you down the aisle?
Why not wait for a less charged time? YTJ. A child doesn’t become estranged from a parent without something major happening. You know what that major event is and are omitting it from the story because it makes you look bad. Alternatively, you don’t know what that major event is and you’re the jerk for being so clueless as to drive your child away.” He_Who_Is_Right_
10. AITJ For Moving Out Because My Partner's Sister Increased Our Rent?
“About a year ago, my partner’s sister, Beth, moved into a 2 bedroom flat and asked my partner, Mike, to subsidize 200 in rent so he could have the other room.
Mike suggested both he and I move in and pay 300 between us. Since then, we have started paying 400 between us. Beth pays 500 + bills. (Mike and I are both students)
The cost of living has skyrocketed and Beth is struggling to pay bills, she needs us to go 50/50 or she will find someone who will, we said we would move out and find our own place then.
We are tidy people anyway but Beth needs everything to be mopped down, vacuumed, sanitized, etc. after every use. She is lovely but she is difficult to live with, and if I am going to stretch myself further financially then I want to enjoy the freedom that comes with living away from my parents, and not be under more scrutiny than ever.
We found a two-bed flat for 600 + bills, and my friend said she would move in with us (200 each + bills). Beth has now said that if we could afford to pay more than 200 each then we should have offered it to her.
Beth has said we need to give her two months’ notice before we leave, we haven’t signed anything though, this is all just verbal agreements but we’ve complied as we don’t want to leave her even worse off than she was before.
I woke up this morning and the electricity wasn’t working, I messaged our group chat and she said ‘our electricity is pay-as-you-go, the details are on the kitchen table, you can top it up if you need to use it.’
Mike has been saying that it’s an unfair situation for everyone and the least we can do is pay her 200 more each for the last two months we are living here since she let us live here so long with such cheap rent.
He says that it’s not like she’s just a roommate that we are happy to screw over, she’s his sister. I say that I’m the furthest thing from ‘happy’ to screw her over, but sometimes bad situations are just bad situations, and it’s not our fault she signed up for a place she couldn’t afford.
Beth is being really nasty now and making out like we are scroungers who’ve taken advantage of her for a year, who could always afford to pay equal rent but just didn’t because we are selfish. She’s turned our electricity off and has morally obliged us to stay for 2 months, leaving us with no choice but to pay these bills that we never agreed to pay.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m genuinely really upset that Beth is in this awful situation and we have had to make the decision to move out, leaving her without a roommate. I feel terrible. But it’s not my responsibility to subsidize other people’s financial contracts because they’ve run out of money.
And Mike is confusing me even more because he seems to think that while we haven’t done anything wrong, we have a moral obligation to go into debt to help Beth.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The cost of utilities and the cost of living has skyrocketed. That is the only thing that matters here.
She cannot afford to subsidize in the way that she has in the past. Period. You can either pay 50% of the expenses, which is generous considering you are two people who use twice the electricity, water, etc, or you can leave. You have chosen to leave.
You should leave with enough notice as she has been very generous to you previously.” Issyswe
Another User Comments:
““We weren’t ready to move out at all though, we were living at home with our parents, the flat she bought initially couldn’t be lived in so she had nowhere to go and quickly chose this two bed flat that she couldn’t afford and asked us if we could help her out, we were doing her the favour.” You failed to mention in your original post that Beth BOUGHT a different apartment that was in an unlivable state so is residing in a separate apartment while her purchased one is worked on.
That’s a pretty big detail. For that alone – NTJ. She made a foolish purchase that requires money to repair and moved into another apartment while it’s unlivable. You moved in to help her out. Beth has put herself into an untenable financial position, not you.” Beck2010
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t think people are reading everything. Rent has been increased multiple times, and each time OP and her partner paid the new price. Sadly cost of living has continued to go up, and now Beth wants to raise the prices again.
OP cannot afford the new price and did what any tenant would do when the landlord increases the price, they found a new place. Beth told them that if they can’t afford it they have to leave. And that’s what they did. I think Beth thought that they would just make the new price work, but to her surprise, they didn’t.
From what I read Beth is the jerk to go and shut off electricity and make people pay as you go is extremely childish.” sunsetflower32
9. AITJ For Considering Calling The Cops On My Noisy Neighbors?
“I live in a multi-story apartment. My upstairs neighbors for whatever reason have a lot of laundry. As in they do laundry for 6-8 hours nearly every day. This commonly leads to them doing laundry until 3 or 4 in the morning.
For the last few months, I’ve been calling my apartment’s courtesy officer to tell them to stop past midnight because I get up at 6 AM for work and the noise from the washer and dryer travels into my apartment extremely well.
I have probably called them literally over 30 times. Sometimes it works and they won’t do laundry past midnight for a few days, but they always revert back eventually.
This morning I received an email from my apartment management:
Dear (REDACTED),
This email is sent in regard to your after-hours call on Sunday, the 27th of June.
Please know that our after-hours emergency line is ONLY for emergencies. Unless a resident is violating the lease agreement, there is nothing that he is able to do. We do not wish for our Courtesy Officer to needlessly be disturbed from his sleep at 1:30 in the morning.
I will notify your neighbor that we have received a complaint, and hopefully, they will refrain from washing clothes late in the evening.
Thank you, (REDACTED).
They’re the ones who originally told me to start calling the CO in the first place so that they could build a record of incidents and have justification for any actions they’d need to take.
If I call the cops and they start issuing fines it’s $500 for the first time and $1000 and/or up to 60 days of jail for each subsequent time.
That seems rather extreme to me but at the same time I feel like I don’t have a choice at this point.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can’t believe the management company told you to call the C.O. and then scolded you for doing what they told you to do. I still think hitting the management with a “fix this or be reported” will work better than calling the cops, but you do you.
Also, if the decibels are that high in your apartment from the washer/dryer, again that’s an apartment management issue. The units should be built to withstand the noise. And usually there are laws giving the apartment manager a set amount of time to fix the problem.” BroadElderberry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I had the same exact problem several times in my current place. My building’s laundry room is right above me and the apt next door so we hear everything. I don’t know why anyone uses it because the apartments all have in-unit washer/dryers.
The first time this started someone else must have complained because management put up signs saying that the room is not to be used between 10 pm and 7 am so as not to disturb everyone who lives around it. It stopped for years up until last year.
I made a few complaints this time and it’s been a lot better. You have a right not to hear the constant hum and pounding of the washers and dryers. It’s maddening and it going all night is even worse. The jerks in my building would start at 11 pm or midnight and go till like 4/5 in the morning.
And of course the loads would become unbalanced and start banging wildly. Stuff was actually falling off shelves in my place. No one should have to live with that. Noise ordinances don’t exempt laundry noises. If management won’t do anything keep calling in noise complaints.” WBSP87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But make sure it’s definitely coming from that apartment. I was accused of doing laundry all night by the people under me and beside me. They called the landlord and complained almost every night. I was up before 5:30 am so I never did laundry past 9 pm and single so maybe 1x a week early afternoon.
Laundry cut-off was 10 pm. Turns out it was the other downstairs neighbor. who happened to work for the apartment complex at a different location and said the dryers were horrible and she needed to get stuff done.” Interesting_You_2315
8. AITJ For Wanting To Spend Mother's Day Alone Instead Of Attending A Family Gathering?
“I (F37) am a stay-at-home mom to two girls Eleanor (F3) and Adaline (F1). My husband (M36) is a very hands-on dad and helps out when he can.
For Mother’s Day, I told him that I just wanted the day to myself. I love my girls so much and love staying at home with them, but I spend all day, every day with them. I’d love to just binge a Netflix show in bed all afternoon.
My SIL (F41) invited us to a gathering at her house in the afternoon on Mother’s Day to celebrate the moms in the family including my other SIL (F38) and my MIL (F60). I told my husband that he is welcome to go and bring the kids but I’d like to stay home by myself and relax.
We have church in the morning and then lunch, so I won’t be able to take time to myself for the first part of the day. He thinks it wouldn’t look good to his family if he just shows up by himself and tells everyone that I am at home relaxing.
So WIBTJ if I skip the gathering to spend Mother’s Day by myself?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but there’s no real good answer to this one. That’s sort of just the nature of a holiday like Mother’s Day when there are multiple moms in a family to be celebrated and accommodated. I think it’s totally fine to stay and want your own free mom day by yourself, but your husband isn’t wrong in thinking that all the other moms in the family will probably wonder why you didn’t want to come and celebrate together like they all did.
If you’re cool with that then go for it. But if you’d rather keep familial harmony this is sometimes the silly stuff you have to compromise on. Maybe your husband could simply make a tradition of giving you your own Mother’s Day the following weekend instead, like you pick a Sunday and treat it like your day and that’s your chance to celebrate you without overlapping on any family obligations.” DorothyZbornaksArmy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your husband can give your absence a positive spin by saying, “She’s home enjoying her Mother’s Day gift — having the house to herself for a little while!” Anyone who has been a mother will immediately smile and agree that free time to do exactly what you want when you want is rare as a mother of young children and a great gift. Your husband is going to honor HIS mother by attending the party and is honoring the mother of his children by giving you exactly what you want.
Sounds like a win/win for everyone. No guilt needed, here.” Alarming_Paper_8357
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk. This is about celebrating you. Too often that turns into a burden for the celebrated. It shouldn’t be. Your husband should go to the party and explain that you just wanted a little “me” time, and that he and the girls were happy to celebrate you in the way that you wanted. He should be clear that it’s not a judgment of how others want to be celebrated, and that you love and respect the other mothers in your family, but that you’re going to take your special day, and binge-watch Netflix.
If you’re shopping for a suggestion and enjoy the works of Shonda Rhimes, Bridgerton is phenomenal. If your relatives can’t understand that, then you’ll be flagged as an eccentric weirdo, and good news – that’ll mean more solo Netflix time!” BigBayesian
7. AITJ For Sharing Clothes With My Wife?
“My wife (f28) and I (m27) have been married for a few years, and we are both procrastinators when it comes to certain chores (only minor ones though, we don’t live in a pig sty). This is especially true for groceries and laundry, which we do separately for our own stuff, but together for things we share.
This often leads to each of us running out of clothes, and we sometimes end up without something to wear. I think this whole thing initially started with my wife running out of undergarments, but we have begun to occasionally borrow each other’s clothes.
We are close to the same size in clothes, so that’s not an issue, and we ask permission before taking something from the other person. We’ve both done this with pants, shirts, and even deodorant and shampoo. This has also enhanced our intimacy a little, but it’s mostly a non-intimate thing.
This all led to last night. We were out with some friends, and one of the women asked my wife about the jeans she was wearing. They happened to be mine, and she said as such. The friend kind of gave a confused look and asked if she normally wears my clothes.
My wife said that she sometimes does and that I will sometimes do the same for her clothes. Now this is when the friend started getting mad, saying that this was weird. My wife and I both say that it’s not that unusual, but she wouldn’t listen.
She stormed out after calling us both jerks. This put a damper on the night, and we all left soon after.
Most of our friends agree with us, but a couple of them are siding with the one friend, saying that what we are doing is weird.
Now we are wondering, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ my husband and I do the same (for shirts and shorts, but he’s like 6 inches taller than me), we’ve gotten to the point where we go clothes shopping together to pick out shirts we both like.
We do have our own things, like dress clothes, but 99% of our everyday shirts are ours. Maybe, talk to your friend and ask what to her makes it weird and why it upset her? If it is a strange overreaction and doesn’t make sense. There is a chance that’s not really what she was upset about and there is something else going on.” UncreativeGlory
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’ve given my husband “too large for me” pants that I was given (gained a lot of nice clothes but those pants were just wrong for me). I lost more weight and he got those pants that were too big for me.
They were those spandex kind of jeans so when he was bending down etc. working on our cars they felt better than his normal jeans. I’ve worn his sweatpants or T-shirts. I’ve worn an old pair of his tighty whities back in the day when my few undergarments were being washed/dried and back then I never went Commando.” 88mistymage88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The lady was freaking out over something that is not very important. It actually isn’t very unusual for a woman to borrow her man’s clothes — isn’t the hoodie-stealing partner a cultural icon? It’s more unusual for a man to borrow his woman’s clothes; one doesn’t really hear about it happening.
So while I suppose it is a bit weird, in the sense of unusual, it’s not really storm-out-of-the-house-worthy. More like, “Huh, well, you be you I guess. Now about them Knicks…”” akaioi
6. AITJ For Exposing My Sister's Affair With Our Cousin's Husband?
“My older sister is pretty petty and mean to me. She has been sleeping with our cousin’s husband for about 18 years now. To the family’s understanding, it was just flirting and may have only happened once.
However, they have both confessed to me that they have been together many times over the years and don’t care about me knowing because they know the family will not believe me.
It tore me up mostly because it’s my sister and my cousin. I actually went No Contact for years, came back, and the affair was still a secret and my sister was using every family opportunity to be mean to me.
“Mom always liked you better, you got everything, your son is treated better than my kids,” etc.
One day she says in the group of cousins, the one being deceived included “I keep secrets but I know OP doesn’t.” So I say “dude if I were to tell your secrets you’d be in trouble.” To which she pulls me aside, asks me why I’m bringing up old stuff.
I tell her to stop being mean to me publicly and I’m not going to take it anymore.
On another occasion, she says “OP keeps threatening me saying if she were to tell my secrets I’d be in trouble” in front of family and cousin again.
I pull her aside and say if you say it again, I’m going to make her explain what it means.
Well, we are having dinner at my uncle’s house and she’s roasting me all night, per usual. And she does it again “she keeps threatening me saying if I were to tell your secrets you’d be in trouble.”
At this point I had it, I told her that the next time she did that I’d make her explain it. She says she has no idea what I’m talking about. The cousin is confused. The uncle is screaming at me telling me to shut up.
I’m crying. I ask for my keys. No one will let me leave because they say she and I need to work this out.
After cussing me out, my uncle tells my cousin that my sister and my cousin’s husband have been together but it was a long time ago (not true).
Cousin texts her husband. Husband calls cousin’s mom crying. And I get cussed out again on speakerphone asking why didn’t I keep my mouth off the husband. And that I’m not worth anything.
The next day I get cussed out by different members of the family.
I get told I ruined the family and that if the husband harms himself it’s my fault
So I snapped. A lot of people knew about this affair and did nothing. I posted to social media to get my feelings out about what happened. I set it to a limited audience so only people who knew about it would see it.
However, a different uncle, who also knew about the affair for years, screenshotted it, and sent it to the cousin’s mom. Who said again I ruined the family and I owe everyone an apology for posting family business to social media.
Even the church I was going to got a hold of the screenshots and called me crazy and said I was wrong for “not letting God handle the situation.”
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here except the cousin being deceived. You kept the secret for years but then blurted it out because you were mad at your sister and didn’t care about who you hurt in the process. If it were a matter of principle you would have taken the cousin aside and told her years ago.” Possible-Compote2431
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – you said your cousin blocked you because your sister and her husband denied it, but could it also be that you kept the secret for super long too? So your cousin cannot trust you either and I don’t think she’s wrong to block you because her world is getting blown up.
Either way, everyone really sucks here so much. I think you have some hope if you stop interacting with such toxicity but like another commenter pointed out, you only finally aired the dirty laundry cause you were mad at your sister. I think that’s going down a behavioral path that mirrors your family’s and it kinda sounds like you’d want to avoid that.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and your whole family loves your older sister and your cousin’s husband more than your cousin because why would the whole family keep this from her and not do/say anything to your sister or the husband, not even her parents?
This is gross!!!” Sparklique69
5. AITJ For Not Attending My Twin Sister's Surprise Birthday Party?
“I (f37) have a twin sister. We are very different, although we look the same.
When we were children and then teenagers, my mom always said “if you get one thing, your sister should get one too, if you’re invited to a party, she should be invited too.” She wanted perfect equality between us. Sometimes, it was great, sometimes not.
When I started seeing my husband (I was 19), for example, she wanted my sister to come with us, because she didn’t want her to feel rejected.
Recently, I received a text from my brother-in-law saying that he and my parents were very glad to invite me to my twin sister’s birthday party that would take place at my parents’, and of course, it had to be a surprise for her.
No need to say how upset I was. I decided to call my mom for an explanation. She replied that they didn’t think about me, they didn’t realize that it was my birthday too. So I asked her if she was going to fix this unfair situation.
Her answer was no. She didn’t want to have any trouble with my sister and her husband, they said yes, that was too late.
So I decided not to go to that party, I was too sad (it was the first time my parents ever organized a birthday party with friends and family), and now, because I missed that family and friends reunion, everyone thinks I am a bad daughter/sister.
And now, I am the one who feels rejected.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… you’re not wrong to feel hurt over your parents’ behavior. Gotta wonder, was that “if you get one thing, sister gets one too” working both ways? That is, if sister got something, did you also?
Or did the parents inexplicably favor her over you? I would have recommended that you go to the party anyway because now your sister likely thinks you are rejecting her. She got sideswiped by the conflict between you and your parents.” akaioi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just tell them you went to celebrate your birthday because it’s also your birthday and them forgetting it doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to plan your own celebration. If you have a good relationship with your sister you can still apologize to her in private, tell her you were hurt because of your parents’ behavior and it doesn’t have anything to do with her.
Maybe plan something for just the two of you to celebrate? Also INFO: what did your sister say about celebrating her birthday and not yours?” Nice-Satisfaction562
Another User Comments:
“Nonsense. With 36 years of being equal and birthdays, they didn’t “forget” that it was your birthday, too.
My mother had an identical twin and my grandmother and the rest of us always knew it was both of their birthdays every year. When we planned big parties like 50th, 60th, etc, we planned them together, but other years it would be separate. NTJ.
Their equality sure went out the window.” FabFannon
4. AITJ For Buying Healthy Food During My Partner's Family Junk Food Weekend?
“I (20f) went on a weekend trip to a lake house with my partner (20m) and his family. This trip was their tradition, where they would relax, watch movies, and indulge in junk food all weekend.
On the drive to the cabin, we had stopped for the usual road trip junk and treats.
When we arrived, I wasn’t feeling well and could tell my body needed, healthy fresh food from all the junk I had eaten that day. However, because it was their usual tradition the only things available were chips, hotdogs, junk food, etc. I asked my partner to take me to the nearest town, about 30 minutes away, so I could buy some vegetables, fruit, and salad ingredients.
He agreed to take me but when we got inside the store he got really angry, saying I was making his family feel bad and trying to show off by eating healthy food while everyone else had junk food. He tried to convince me to put it back and not get it, he caused a scene at the register and people were looking.
I felt so bad I put my head down and was really embarrassed. I still got some stuff but I basically ate it in secret over the weekend so no one saw me. The family just seemed quiet not saying much to me and my partner continued to scold me when we got back to the cabin.
Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, my husband’s family eats a ton of meat and fatty starches. They know I don’t feel well if I eat that much fatty food for that long, so instead of shaming me as your partner did, they make an effort to have extra fruits and veggies around just for me when we have long visits.
It’s not something I asked for, because it’s not something I had to ask for. They love me and want me to feel happy and included, so buying a few apples and salad ingredients is their way of showing their love. Shaming others for what they eat is unacceptable.
I hope your SO corrects himself and embraces your ability to listen to your body.” traveling_lime
Another User Comments:
“I’m having trouble buying this and all the other stories like it. “My partner yelled at me because I did something normal like buy nonjunk food and now I need to know if I was in the wrong?” It all seems like rage bait to me.
It could be because it’s just one side of the story or that it’s fake but Jesus, how could anyone be so dense as to have to ask if they did something wrong? Are there that many people who are so blind to the obvious red flags?
Lol.” Technically_tired
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. He shouldn’t have berated you but you should have not gone if you knew that you’d break the entire point of the weekend considering that you only lasted the drive up to the cabin. I too have a digestive system that would yell at me if I only ate junk food but I wouldn’t have accepted an invite to the junk food weekend.
If they named it Board Game Weekend or Movie Weekend, that’s a different thing but it def seems like the emphasis is on junk food and committing to the bit. It’s like being invited to Napa Valley for a drinking weekend and only drinking water.” dopaminedeficitdiary
3. AITJ For Choosing To Spend My 18th Birthday With Friends Instead Of My Mom?
“My 18th birthday was a couple of days ago. One thing I really wanted to do was spend the night with my friends the night before, because the day of my birthday I was traveling to see a family member.
I haven’t been allowed to spend the night at someone’s house for about 5-6 years. I wouldn’t even ask to, since I knew the answer would be no. Usually, whenever I would hang out with my friends my mom would make sure to say beforehand “no you can’t spend the night.”
So the night before my birthday I asked my mom if I could spend the night. She said no, that she had something planned for me in the morning. Then she started to raise her voice and say that I ruined the surprise (she never told me what it was) and that I could just go do whatever I wanted. I debated with myself what I should do but ultimately decided to go do what I wanted. I told my mom “I appreciate whatever it is you had planned, I really do, but I only turn 18 once and I would like to spend the morning with my friends”.
She told me I didn’t appreciate it enough. I told her I loved her as I was getting ready to leave and she said “I doubt it”. I told her I do, but that it’s not about what she wants. Then she started crying and said “I just wanted you here in the morning.
Don’t turn this around on me.” I got angry and yelled that I was turning it around on her and that she’s making it about her, then quickly left. I didn’t come home for 3 days after that.
When I did come home we both ignored the situation, didn’t even talk about it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as others have said, she was making it about her and using guilt as a weapon to try and make you do what she wanted. This is terrible behavior from her especially the “I doubt it” comment. Staying away for as long as possible was a smart move on more levels than you may have intended. You made it clear you were going to do what you wanted (as she told you to lol) and actively enforced your boundaries over her coercion.
Like another comment said though, I would move out ASAP because if she’s doing this on your 18th (legally speaking the last day you’re a child) it will likely only get weirder and more dependent from here.” Feliks343
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your mom (while regretting it) told you to do whatever you wanted. As a mother, I’d want to spend birthdays with my kids but I also understand that at a point they need to begin to walk their own path.
Your mom sounds controlling and a bit overbearing. You didn’t ruin anything if anything your mom did. She could’ve told you she had something planned for the morning but you ruined that surprise so she’ll have to give you another….and actually said yes to a sleepover for the 1st time in years.
That would’ve been a surprise, instead, she made the whole thing about herself and attempted to guilt you into staying. I hope you had a wonderful bday with your friend and Happy Birthday!” Helpful_Candidate_92
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are a member of the family household and should not behave abusively or leave anyone worried about your welfare, regardless of your age.
The jerk behavior was not going to your friend’s house. It was that you yelled and disappeared for 3 days.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Say Please When Assigning Chores?
“Past marriage counseling has opened my eyes to my wife being “harsh” about everything, therapist’s words not mine. She says it is her way to be harsh or that no one listens to her otherwise.
Mostly comes out when demanding kids do homework or finish their dinner. Instead of asking kids to do their work, it’s do your work or you are grounded for a week. She usually pulls up past events to “insult” or bring down the other party.
I am trying to teach my kids to be nice. She doesn’t wait for your attention before going on a rant.
Situation: we have a guest coming this weekend, she likes to have the toilets and sinks cleaned, bed sheets washed, nothing too crazy.
Her request went something like this, “I am too busy so you have to do all of these things.”
My response was, and I was trying my best to be non-confrontational, “I do have the time, and if these chores are important to you, all you have to do is say please, and I will do them.”
Her response was “I don’t have to say please, because I expect you to want to do these things, because these are chores that must be done.” So she left and started the chores herself.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ that she has to ask at all for those things to be done. It sounds like she carries all the burden of taking care of your household and you don’t like the way she communicated that things need to be done.
You said you know she likes these things to be done so why weren’t you already contributing and doing them? If she had to become harsh because no one was listening then maybe you should look at your own behavior rather than expecting her to roll out a red carpet and give you a mighty please so that you can be magnanimous and give her a hand with things in your own house.
Grow up and do your share and maybe she won’t talk like that to you.” baker8590
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are probably unaware, but your wife carries all the emotional labor. She is the home manager, whether she wants to be or not. If you did chores and work around the house without being told (oh I’m sorry, politely asked) you wouldn’t even be having this conversation.
Weaponized incompetence is the game you play. She is probably just fed up and tired of it. Why does your wife have to assign chores in the house you also live in?” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why does she even have to ASK you to do these chores?
This is your house. What do you want, a gold star? It’s like asking for thanks after changing a kid’s diaper because you always leave it to mom. Take some initiative and clean the place when you know it needs to be done. Could she have been nicer?
Maybe. I think it was already pretty nice to give you a list to know where to work, cause sometimes finding a starting place is half the battle. Also, I want to point out some double standards here. “She usually pulls up past events to “insult” or bring down the other party.” And yet, isn’t that exactly what you are doing with the context here?
Because she has been called harsh before, she is CLEARLY being harsh by asking you to clean your OWN house without a please? That just sounds to me like you are being a control freak… trying to force her to follow your scripting in order to get bare basic support, and even though she got you a to-do list, she still had to go do it herself.
She’s a wife, not a maid, not a planner, not any of that.” Temporary_Pickles
1. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Write Our Son's Schedule On The Calendar?
“My kid (17M) just graduated high school and will be a freshman at Southern California in the fall. He doesn’t drive right now but will be getting his license in July. The community we live in is doing a summer band that meets on Tuesdays in June from 7:00-8:30 PM and he joined it.
At our church, I have been assigned chair of the Associate Pastor Nominating Committee that will meet every Tuesday at 5:30 PM from now on so now my wife is the one that has to drive him to summer band.
Well, when he first started, I told her before I left for work the day he first started to write it on the calendar in the kitchen while she was nearby so we wouldn’t forget.
Today, I got home at about 6:50 and noticed she had just gotten dinner ready. I asked her if she had forgotten about the summer band and she said yes. I then asked her if she had written it on the calendar and she said she forgot to do it.
I then asked my son if he forgot too but he said no and he was waiting to see if she remembered. He said she should’ve written it down on the calendar and that he shouldn’t have to remind her every Tuesday and I told her that.
She asked me why I couldn’t have just taken him today but I reminded her that I work and I’m now the chair of the Associate Pastor Nominating Committee. AITJ for saying this?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “He said no and he was waiting to see if she remembered.” Well, your son’s learned a valuable lesson: don’t wait for other people to remember your important commitments for you, let alone sit around and wait for them to notice you need something from them instead of speaking up.
You really shouldn’t be undermining that. (Although frankly, the fact he didn’t make an issue out of it suggests he doesn’t want to go that badly anyway, so…)” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – everyone in that house possesses the ability to use a pen and write something on the calendar.
That is not something only the woman in the family can do. It is not her activity but rather your adult son’s activity. YTJ and so is your son. If one of my boys had the nerve to tell me he didn’t write it on the calendar on purpose just to see if Mom would remember, I would ground him from the activity altogether.
Also, you don’t deserve the dinner she cooked.” Klute7
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and your son is picking it up too. Think about the example you are setting for your son with your actions: his mom is responsible for him which means he doesn’t need to take responsibility for himself, his mother who is already taking care of cooking should be berated for missing this appointment, and you as the man aren’t responsible for your family, and testing your loved ones is perfectly OK.
All seems like jerk behavior to me, Dad. Be a better father to your family and take some responsibility for what is going on.” rrb
