People Are Ready For What We Have To Say About Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Snapping At My Fiancé's Aunt Who Pressured Me To Convert My Brother's Religion?
“This happened last year and it’s still fresh in my mind. For context, I (30F) have a brother (26M) who was diagnosed with autism and learning disability. Because of that, my parents and I are very protective of him.
Last year, I was engaged to my husband (30M) (together for 11 years and finally tied the knot). He understood my position and my brother’s condition, he even played online games with him. When the wedding was near, I went to his parents’ house to help prepare for the wedding.
During that time, I met and greeted all of his relatives. They knew about my brother because my husband had told them before.
One evening, I was helping his aunts behind the yard. And had a lovely conversation with, let’s call her Aunt A (she’s in a wheelchair).
The conversation went like this:
Aunt A: So, have you ever tried to ask your brother to convert?
Me: What do you mean?
Aunt A: To convert to Christianity of course!
Me (Taoism is my religion): Why would I ask my brother to convert? He is fine the way he is.
Aunt A: Well. I just saw how close you are with him and thought he would follow you by converting as well, and I don’t want you to feel lonely.
Me: Thank you, but he is perfectly fine and happy as he is.
She kept pressuring me to convert my brother until the last straw by saying, well, the reason why he is disabled was because he believes in the wrong religion.
I snapped and said, well if your belief is that strong, why are you in a wheelchair instead of walking on your own two feet? She left angrily and complained to everyone. My husband asked me what had happened and I told him everything.
He was appalled but asked me to ignore her.
He told his family what had happened to me because I was still annoyed. Some of them understood but some said I should be the bigger person and ignore her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good for you for defending your brother. It was a perfect opportunity to put her in her place.
Neither of you needs to convert to comply with such ignorant people. I just hope once you’re married, this isn’t something they’re trying to do for your entire marriage. There’s a time to be a bigger person (and I imagine you’ll have to do so a lot with these people), but when such a bold and ironic statement is made, I think you standing up for yourself and your own family is perfectly fine.
Make sure your fiancé knows that you can only be the bigger person for so many visits before you either stop wanting to visit or you stop being the bigger person (which can be exhausting over a long period of time depending on how much you see these people).
Good luck, OP.” echoCashMeOusside
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Love your comeback, and couldn’t agree more. Also, I hate it when people say to “be the bigger person”. It always seems to be said when a different person says or does something rude and everyone just wants to push it under the rug.
All it does is show the rude person they can get away with saying/doing mean stuff and no one will do anything. It just makes the rude person worse.” lucky-in-life
21. AITJ For Refusing To Sell The Apartment My Late Son's Pregnant Partner Lives In?
“I’m 54M, my ex-wife is 52F. We have been divorced for over 15 years. We had a son together, Michael, who passed away this May at 22 years old.
He was a firefighter and died on the job.
Michael’s partner Ilhan is 21F and is pregnant, due in October. Her very conservative parents kicked her out for getting pregnant outside of their religion.
My ex was never fond of Ilhan and very reluctantly agreed to share the cost of an apartment with me, when I said we should help them out with a deposit and the first few payments for their own place.
This was just weeks before Michael died.
Ilhan stayed in the apartment after his death. I told her already I’ll help out in any way I can. My ex approached me a few weeks ago and asked me to sell the apartment and get our money back.
I told her Ilhan REALLY needs it and deserves our help (we both have more than enough money).
My ex asked me to sell many times in the past few weeks. Last week we got into a fight about Michael’s estate (she wants to sue Ilhan because she doesn’t think she should get anything).
She again asked me to sell the apartment (it’s still in both our names). I told her I’ll just pay her for her share of the apartment and let that be it, she gets her money then. She said she doesn’t think Ilhan should have the apartment.
I told her she is a spiteful and selfish jerk who cares about the money and not her DIL and grandkid, who literally will never know his dad.
She cried, called me a jerk, and said I am insensitive about her loss.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at all. You even offered to buy your ex out so you can protect your DIL and grandchild. If your ex doesn’t take you up on that, it will be fairly obvious that it’s not actually about the money, but about your ex’s prejudice towards Ilhan.
Hasn’t Ilhan been through enough? Kicked out of her family. Lost her partner while she’s pregnant. Now your ex wants her to be homeless? That’s messed up. You are a wonderful father, and you are honoring your son’s memory by helping out Ilhan.
NTJ in any way, shape, or form. I’m so sorry for your loss. I really hope that having Ilhan and your grandchild in your life will be a healing presence for you.” MasterChicken52
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your ex is. I can’t imagine how awful it is to lose a child, so my condolences.
That said, I’m shocked that your ex dislikes Ilhan to the extent she wants to disown her, and your grandchild, too. If there is any time to put personalities aside and do what’s best, this is it. It’s a shame your ex is behaving this way.
And her comment about how you’re insensitive to her loss is laughable because she’s insensitive to Ilhan’s loss, especially since it sounds like Ilhan is NC with her family. I know this is probably an awful time for you, but it means the world that you’re looking after your son’s partner and your grandson.
I don’t know what you think happens after someone dies, but I think they’re on the other side and watching us, and I think your son is giving you a huge hug and a thank you right now.” ClothesQueasy2828
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sure you’ve already thought about this but, if you get run over by a bus tomorrow, your ex will have your DIL and unborn grandchild out of that flat in a heartbeat, leaving her homeless and vulnerable to a grandmotherly baby-grab.
And if Michael didn’t update his death in service beneficiary details, she would be totally reliant on state benefits – and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, no matter which country they live in. Can I suggest – if you haven’t already done so and wish to do so – that you immediately update your will to leave your share in trust for your grandchild, with sufficient funds to Ilhan to buy out your ex-wife.
Also, talk to Ilhan as to whether it is comforting to stay in the flat she shared with Michael or whether it would help the grieving process to move to somewhere else as a fresh start. Meanwhile, if your ex insists on selling, maybe look for somewhere you can buy for Ilhan and the baby to move into if the apartment is sold?
I don’t pretend to understand your ex-wife’s thinking on this, but as you say, morally Michael’s child and sweetheart have a claim to being supported by his estate and optionally by you. I’m sure it will be a comfort to her to have your support through all this.
I’m sure you will be a lovely grandpa when the child comes along and they will be a great comfort as you mourn together. I’m very sorry for your loss.” dragonsfriend-9271
20. AITJ For Not Parking My Wife's Car In The Garage Resulting In Her Chocolate Melting?
“My wife (42F) and I (50M) have a double garage that is at the end of our driveway. The layout of the driveway, the street, and the garage mean that to fit two cars in the driveway and be able to get them out, you need to reverse into the driveway and reverse park.
My wife’s car has no reverse camera but mine doesn’t either. I’ll admit, parking is a pain, so if we come back home and know we’ll have to drive somewhere else I will just park in the driveway.
My wife has vehemently refused to learn how to park in our garage (both cars).
She will leave the car in the driveway facing the wrong way and at the end of the day, it is up to me to reverse it into the garage properly or face leaving it exposed. It is hard, but our son started driving recently and is picking it up fine so we have started sharing “fixing-up-wife’s-parking” responsibilities.
It really just gets on my nerves though when I come home from work, after suffering in traffic to see the driveway clogged up with her car, and I have to play “Parking Mania” and switch between both cars to park them up.
The other day, my wife came home from a shop and parked in the driveway.
It was sunny and the driveway offers no protection for the car so it becomes an oven. I ask her to at least try to park inside and that I will guide her. She, as usual, refuses and takes the shopping inside. One thing, she forgets the bar of chocolate she bought and left in the cupholder.
Sunny day and oven-like car plus chocolate equals? Big mess. I told her that it is her mess and that she should get to work cleaning when we found out 3 hours later. She called me a jerk for not fixing up the park and leaving the car in the garage which would have prevented the mess.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sounds like you need to have a calm relaxed sit-down with your partner and clearly discuss frustration and annoyance of the parking situation. Also, you know the open to hearing any other things that she is frustrated about. Occasionally small frustrations build up and they can turn into a bigger disagreement than what they need to be so have a chance to air these out and make amends and figure out good solutions for both of you.
I’m just taking a guess but maybe you show her how to back into the garage properly and she teaches you how to load the dishwasher properly. That’s just a random example.” boiledpenny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: it’s not your responsibility to move her car and she’s the one who left her chocolate in the car and refused to park it where it’s cooler.
That was her choice and she’s blaming you. Sounds like some childish nonsense. Also, my parents put tennis balls on strings from the garage ceiling to help them not back in too far in the garage. Maybe an idea?” myguitarplaysit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
On one hand, if your wife is anything like mine, she probably does stuff for you constantly that you don’t know about. So backing her car into the car hole isn’t too terrible of a way to reciprocate. She COULD be a little more considerate of how she parks though.
On the other hand… she’s frickin well 42 years old, time to learn to drive!! Some people hang a tennis ball from the roof so that when it touches the windshield in front of you, you know when to stop. I’m sure there are other hacks like that too.” feesher01
19. AITJ For Refusing To Work Until My Colleague Stops Leaving The Toilet Unflushed?
“I’m (22 f) the senior graphic designer in a big company in my country.
I manage a team of 5 people for my company. I’m currently the only one working from the office.
Here’s the issue:
There’s a man (maybe 38?) who works at the office, let’s call him Dave. Dave’s fairly nice, a bit too vulgar but nice. He always comes in with a smile, says good morning, and is genuinely a nice guy to talk to if you can look past his language.
Here’s the thing though, he never flushes the toilet. All the bathrooms in the office are co-ed and every single time I go to the bathroom after him there’s pee in the toilet. I’ve even stalked the bathroom from my desk to make sure it’s only him who does it (there are 2 more people who use that bathroom).
It’s disgusting, I don’t even think he washes his hands! He’s literally in and out in less than two minutes. My other coworkers have also stalked the bathroom and we’ve noticed the toilet is always clean whenever he’s not in the office. I’ve talked to my boss multiple times to please talk to him and ask him to at the very least flush the toilet.
He always says he’s going to but things never change. I’m so tired of walking into the bathroom and seeing pee in the toilet and having to flush and clean (yes he leaves pee spots everywhere) so I can finally go to the bathroom.
Today, it happened again.
He hadn’t been in the office for a week and the toilet remained spotless then he came back and boom toilet is a mess again. I lost it, I stormed into my boss’s office demanding he talk to him and the issue be resolved or I was leaving for the day.
My boss swore he would talk to him and to please not leave or talk to Dave about the issue. If I leave my teams would be at a standstill since I need to approve everything and I can’t get to certain documents from my home computer.
My boss talked to Dave. The whole day Dave’s been making comments like “I’m going to the bathroom, I’m telling you that I’m going to flush” or when he comes back from the bathroom “Don’t worry princess, I flushed”. I went to the bathroom after one of those comments and again he hadn’t flushed and worst of all, there was pee all over the toilet seat.
I walked out and he’s sitting there with a smug look on his face, I ignored him and sat down at my desk. I wrote an email to my team explaining everything and giving them tomorrow off. I cc my boss on the email and left.
My boss called me a few minutes ago to ask why I left, I told him to read his email and let him know I wasn’t coming to work tomorrow. He’s now begging me to come in, promising that the issue will get solved but it’s been weeks since I first asked him to talk to Dave and things haven’t changed. I know it’s not my boss’s fault, he’s not the one doing it but I can’t keep on coming in and cleaning up some guy’s pee.
We have 3 major projects to finish before the end of the month, we’re ahead of schedule and my team works fast so that’s not an issue.
So, would I be the jerk if I don’t show up to work tomorrow?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not getting paid to clean up a colleague’s mess in the bathroom.
He should really be disciplined for this as it’s affecting other people and he’s now doing it on purpose and interacting with you verbally about it like you’re in the wrong. He should perhaps go back to nappies/diapers till he can clean up after himself.
Disgusting behavior.” MsLollister
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, Dave is a complete jerk who apparently doesn’t realize that he works in an office with other people and that his actions affect them. And he is also a petulant child with his reaction to being spoken to.
Second – your boss is a coward who should have taken care of this when you first spoke to him. That is their job – make sure the office runs smoothly. They also should have shut Dave down when he was acting like a jerk.
Your decision on how to protest is reasonable and justified. Dave flexed his muscles to show what he can do. Now you are flexing yours. Your value to the company and the fact that they need you to get work done is leverage you can use – so use it!” bamf1701
18. AITJ For Not Inviting A Judgemental New Coworker To Our Casual Gatherings?
“My workplace only had five women, including me (26F). We are all in our late twenties, early 30s, and I’ve been working here since I graduated college, and we have all formed a friendship.
It started off as a “ladies should stick together” but later on became a solid friendship. We go out for drinks after work, go out for brunch on the weekends, and spend some holidays (like the 4th of July and Memorial weekend) together.
We had a transfer, Anna, come in around a month and a half ago.
In an effort to be welcoming, I invited her to one of our brunches. Brunch comes around, and we start ordering food and drinks. Anna looks uncomfortable, and I ask her what’s wrong. She says she doesn’t like people drinking booze around her.
I apologized and told her I didn’t mean to offend her, but that we usually drink mimosas. Later on, when the food was being served, she made a face, saying that she didn’t like the smell of bacon and that her religion didn’t allow her to eat it.
I told her that’s fine, Lena doesn’t eat bacon either due to her religion, which is why we order turkey and regular bacon at the table.
Once we started eating and talking, one of my coworkers started spilling details about her date from the night before, Anna stopped eating and told us that it was unladylike to speak about things like that and that she was uncomfortable, and that we should only be talking to our husbands about things like that.
My coworker apologized, and the table went quiet and stopped the conversation. Honestly, at this point, I was annoyed with her, and I knew in my head that I was never gonna invite her out again.
After that first outing, I didn’t invite her again.
We were all cordial and kind to her while working, but it was apparent that her personality wouldn’t fit with our group. We are all women with higher education and know better than to ostracize someone at work. I was having lunch at the same time as Lena, and we were at my desk looking at a new restaurant to try out this weekend, and Anna came in to ask me about a file.
I gave her the file and continued looking at restaurants with Lena.
Later on, I got called into HR. Anna had told HR that we are purposely excluding her, and she thinks it’s because of her religion. I had to sit and tell HR the whole story, including the reasons that we didn’t think she was a good match for our friend group.
The HR specialist said that she agreed and that she just needed to hear everyone’s side, especially with an accusation this heavy.
Later on, I spoke with my mother, and while she told me she understands, she also feels bad for Anna and that I should’ve invited her out at least once more, that maybe she was nervous around us, and that being around a group of women can make someone feel anxious, especially if they don’t have a lot of friends.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because you’re keeping your business relationship cordial and professional. What you/your friends do off the clock is none of her business (as long as it’s not derogatory towards her or makes its way back to the office). If she was truly anxious about being around new people, she wouldn’t have been bold enough to interject her own preferences like that, and certainly not insist you all do the same.
She wants you and every other person there to live life as SHE sees fit. INFO though, do we know if Anna and Lena are the same religion? If so it would be very easy to prove you aren’t excluding on the basis of religion.
Also, what was she trying to do by going to HR? “These girls don’t like me”?? And?? Are any of you her superior or have the opportunity to negatively affect her work environment? What’s she tattling for anyway…” ccmsoftball
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When a new person joins an established group, one of three things happens.
The new person adjusts to the group, the group adjusts to the new person, or the new person never becomes part of the group. Your group made the overture, but she didn’t. To be a new person at a first outing and immediately make demands on your drink, your food, and your conversation is the jerk move.
Nervous doesn’t translate to “Hey, I’ll just make them stop doing their fun activities.” You COULD extend another invite, but warn her that there will be bacon, booze, and discussions of outings. If she doesn’t like that, she is free to decline. That is the fun of your outings.
Period. She probably won’t last long, but as long as you are respectful at work, you’re fine. And HR is on your side.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You handled this exactly as you should. Anna is rude and self-centered and is obviously very much a prude.
Obviously not going to fit in with your group and y’all shouldn’t have to put yourself through listening to somebody judge you all the way through a social situation. And HR called this correctly. I wouldn’t give another thought to this situation. And your mother obviously comes from a generation that you be polite at all cost but her feelings about this are off base.” [deleted]
17. AITJ For Refusing To Take Out A Loan To Pay For My Brother's Wedding Debt?
“My spoiled, high school dropout brother married his wife (same qualifications) this year, they’re both 19. I’m 23 by the way. Long story short is that my brother’s hag of a mother-in-law wants a grandkid as soon as possible so she manipulated them into getting married and my stupid mother went along with it.
My new sister-in-law is expecting now so I’m pretty sure my theory is correct. (No, I don’t care that I’m being disrespectful.)
We’re not well off, not at all. My father who all of a sudden became a coward and didn’t talk brother and mother out of it, (he had talked me out of the college I wanted to attend though because of the tuition fees back in the day).
In order to pay for the wedding, my father has gotten a “loan” from my uncle, his brother, and he now wants the money back.
My parents sat me down a few days ago and they told me that they have no money to spare, too much in debt to get a loan from an actual bank, and since my brother and sister-in-law are so young and expecting they can’t pay back my uncle either.
That leaves only me.
Apparently, because I don’t have debts, no baby is coming any time soon but since I have savings and a job, I owe it to my family to take out a loan and hand it to my uncle.
I didn’t say a word, just laughed in their faces and left. I’ve been receiving a bunch of texts and calls from my family to “save” them financially but I won’t.
I don’t know, either I live in a different reality or they do.
(No, it’s not a “cultural” thing or anything.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dear lord, this is a mess. If no one can afford to pay for this wedding, what are they going to do about the baby?
Other than keep coming to you for “loans” they will never pay back, that is. Hold firm this is not your problem to solve, and refuse to discuss it any further.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ they were irresponsible enough to go along with this ridiculous idea now they have to reap the consequences.
A baby has no place with two young barely adult teens who haven’t had anything figured out, especially with no basic qualification to their name. Parents failed them to be honest, they genuinely only cared about having a grand-baby, and now it’s up to them to support said grand-baby.
You have no obligation to take on this kind of financial responsibility when you have your entire future to worry about. Their lack of planning and sense is not yours to fix. OP I suggest you make sure none of your personal documents is within reach of your parents, brother, etc… if you’re still living at home maybe it’s time to move out, if you live somewhere else, do not let them into your home, keep your distance and be very vigilant.” Chantalle22
Another User Comments:
“Can’t afford a wedding??? My wedding was done in a friend’s dorm room. Our minister was our eccentric friend who was ordained as a minister 10 minutes before the wedding and during the wedding was holding a mangled Garfield plushie. My husband and I were both in our pajamas too.
That wedding cost us only the fees for the marriage license and that was like 50$(?). There is no way they can’t afford a wedding. They just can’t afford a nice princess wedding. You’re NTJ and thinking about my wedding made me laugh.
While it wasn’t a dream wedding it was definitely something to remember.” Night-light51
16. AITJ For Playing A Prank On My Partner That Made Her Cry?
“Yesterday I (19M) saw this prank online where you put raw noodles (rigatoni works best) in your mouth and then ask someone if they could crack/massage your neck.
When they touch you, you bite down on the noodles and pretend to be unconscious. I thought it was really funny and eager to try it out on my partner (18).
Well, my partner comes to my apartment and I ask her to crack my neck.
She didn’t think much of it because I often ask for that after working on my computer. As soon as she touches my neck, I bite the noodles. It made a pretty gross loud cracking sound and I fell down on the floor.
My partner is immediately next to me, calling my name and trying to shake me.
Once her head was close enough to mine, I opened my eyes and said “gotcha!”
She was full-on crying and looked kinda shocked.
I was laughing and said it was just a prank, no need to cry. She gets up without saying a word and starts walking toward the front door.
I tried grabbing her hand but she pulled away immediately. Told me to not touch her. I told her there was no need to act like a jerk and that it was just a stupid prank.
She snapped and said that I knew she absolutely hated such pranks and that this was just cruel and not funny.
She also said that pranks are supposed to make everyone involved laugh not feel bad. My partner then left and told me to not contact her. I tried calling and texting but she won’t answer.
So am I the jerk? I think she’s overreacting.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You scared someone – and the fact that they care about you was the reason they got super scared and reacted strongly. You dismissed their feelings and called them names for being upset. (Info, are pranks normal for the 2 of you? Because that might change my view a bit.) Your ex has every reason to be upset.
(Also, 22? Years ago, my then-partner made me think I cut him badly and once it was clear he was OK, I burst into tears. He apologized profusely, felt bad, and hasn’t done that again. It’s being able to say “I messed up, I’m sorry” that made it ok.
We’re about to have our 20th anniversary because we feel bad and try to fix it when we screw up.)” Sequence_Of_Symbols
Another User Comments:
“”I think she’s overreacting.” YTJ. As someone who went through what she did, I.E., Trying to wake you up and get you to open your eyes, you’re the biggest jerk.
Let me tell you, trying to wake someone up who’s unconscious or whatever is the worst feeling in the world. By the way, my person didn’t wake up. You do not joke with stuff like this, it is terrifying.” MissKoalaBag
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sounds like you’ve played pranks before and she didn’t like those either.
You scared her and made her cry. Rather than apologize, you insulted her. And now you’re here, dismissing her feelings and refusing to show any remorse. You seriously need to grow up.” ComprehensiveBand586
15. AITJ For Walking Out Of My Unsanitary, Overworked Job?
“I’m a cook and work a lot with food safety and handling techniques, and I worked in a large resort with multiple outlets.
About a month ago, I was transferred to this one outlet that had so many health concerns and OSHA violations that that place should’ve been shut down. I immediately started making lists upon lists of systems that if implemented could turn this place around.
I had several meetings with management about it. They pretty much tossed my systems in the trash and told me how they were doing things was working perfectly fine. In fact, they started piling so many responsibilities on me that I was doing the jobs of five people.
I asked for a raise since I’m doing so much and they laughed and said no. It’s just me and one other cook up there, and her last day is in a week and a half.
Present day: I turned in my two weeks yesterday and my chef was MAD.
Today he threatened to write me up for turning in my notice and that I was burning bridges by doing this. He told me that quitting was unprofessional and that if I wanted more money I should’ve asked (I did and was laughed at).
Then I went back to work, found a hat on the table (food safety), and asked my coworker if it was hers. She snatched it out of my hand, spraining my finger, and said if I touched her stuff again we would have a problem.
That was the final straw for me so I grabbed my belongings and left. So in a week and a half, there will be no one there to do the necessary work.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your boss is being unreasonable. You have absolutely every right to quit especially in a place that has so many health concerns and disregarded all your suggestions.
Also, your boss saying if you wanted more money you should have asked is ridiculous given that they laughed at you when you asked for a raise.” brownsugarmilkteaa_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. how a place like that hasn’t been shut down already seems beyond me.
but no, you were treated unprofessionally and responded accordingly. be glad you left before it got worse, you wouldn’t want to be there when it gets shut down by the health department lol.” erinisbogus
Another User Comments:
“Nope, NTJ. Fellow cook here. Sometimes, people just won’t accept the help offered. Restaurants/food service have been notorious for not giving appropriate raises and expecting miracles from overworked, underpaid back-of-house staff.
They did this to themselves. Enjoy your freedom, and good luck in the search for new work.” autumnalspectre
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother To Stay Over After Receiving Some Bad News?
“I had a baby this year and she had a GI problem that showed up about a day after birth. She was very sick and our hospital only had a nursery, so she was transferred to a hospital with a NICU.
I was discharged in the middle of the night so I could go with her. That week we got a diagnosis, and she was scheduled for surgery on a Monday.
On Saturday, I spiked a fever. I was only a week out from giving birth.
The staff told me I needed to go home and I could come back when I was 24 hours fever-free.
My mom is our only family member in the area, so I called her to pick me up. She brought me home and took care of me for the rest of the day.
Sunday, she went to the hospital to bring things to my husband, who hadn’t been home in days. A friend of mine came to take care of me, but at this point, my fever was gone and I was running down the clock until the hospital would let me come back.
In the afternoon I got a call from the surgeon saying that my daughter’s WBCs were up, and that they wouldn’t be able to do the surgery on Monday.
This news was upsetting, as we had suffered several setbacks and our timeline for taking her home was delayed further.
My mom had planned to come back from the hospital and stay the night, but I wanted to be alone. My mom means well, but she’s very sensitive. She hovers when someone is upset and lets other people’s emotions affect her to a serious degree.
I asked if she could stay at her own place that night. She sounded weird on the phone and said she needed to come by to grab her overnight bag. I sent my friend home and waited for her.
When she got to my place, she stormed in, grabbed her stuff, and tried to walk out the door again in a huff.
I called her out on this, and she was upset that I was “sending her away”. I tried to express that I just needed a break from having people around me and that the news of the cancellation had put me in a bad headspace.
She said she wouldn’t hover, but that she wanted to stay. I said that the stress of having my baby in the hospital had made me a bit volatile and that I needed some time to reset. I said it wasn’t personal & that I had asked my friend to leave too.
When my mom said “you haven’t once thought about how this situation affects me or that I have feelings too,” I hit the roof. I told her to get out and that she was unbelievable for trying to make a situation where my newborn was in the hospital about her.
She left in tears and I spent the night extremely upset by the whole thing.
All of my family members and friends agreed that I was not the jerk, but my husband said that I was sick & shouldn’t have sent her home in case something happened.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because you had just given birth and your baby was in the hospital. That is such a difficult situation that you deserve all the leeway in the world. I’d excuse almost anything in that situation. At the same time, I feel for your mom.
You are the most affected, but she is still incredibly affected by what was happening. You tried to appease her by saying you weren’t having any friends stay either, but your mom is affected 1000x more than any friend. She has serious skin in the game.
You were downplaying her feelings in that. Which is okay, you were under tremendous stress, but it is good to acknowledge, at least to yourself, how other people felt. You refer to your mom as being super sensitive and hovering, but I think you are probably more persnickety and sensitive than you realize.
I don’t think most people would have kicked their moms out in your situation, even if she is low-key difficult. Your husband also made a valid point about the value of having someone there if there were further issues. Again, I don’t think you were the jerk here because you were dealing with a lot.
I do think it is ridiculous that your mother shouted at you. I just also think she’s right that you didn’t see how the situation affected her.” elinordash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mother is the same way. I have concluded over the years that she has some level of narcissism, and it sounds like yours does too.
Our mothers should be mature enough to understand that a new mom, with the impending threat of surgery on a baby, is allowed to feel stress and is allowed to want time alone without making that situation about herself. There is a wealth of life experience a mother her age should have that should enable her to handle being told, “I need some time to myself and it isn’t about you.” The thing with low-level narcissists is that they will typically get over these little things (they will remember them forever though).
She’ll move past it and you guys will be fine, you’ll just have to deal with her narc tendencies for the rest of her life. My condolences…I’m in the same boat, nine weeks pregnant, and dreading dealing with my mother.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ-ish I understand just having a baby and then having to transfer hospitals for the baby to undergo surgery, then you getting sick, then the baby getting sick…. It’s a lot to take in, in a short amount of time. Working in Peds and NICU for enough years has really made me see the worst come out in people.
The stress turns people into the worst version of themselves. You were sick and stressing because you couldn’t be there with your baby, your mom was stressing because she couldn’t “kiss the boo-boo away”, and then tempers erupted. It happens. Your mom was trying to be a support system for you AND be a mom, trying to make you better.
Apologize to your mom, thank her for her help, and both of you love on that sweet baby. Congrats on your sweet little love.” Faithfulsinger
13. AITJ For Not Letting My Parents Stay With Me For My Graduation?
“I (23M) have recently graduated college and would like to invite family to come for my graduation party, commencement, and dinner in two weeks.
My parents (65M, 63F), who had up until now considered renting a hotel/motel, have recently said that they would be spending at least two nights at my and my roommates’ house. I let my mother know that I was not in a position to guarantee anything and that I would speak to my roommates.
My roommates know my mother is a very difficult person. The consensus was that no one felt comfortable letting her, and only her, stay a few nights. They were concerned that she would direct aggressive or plain impolite behavior towards them. My main fear was that my mother would offend either one of the individuals I am living with or other family guests at the event (which she has done on multiple occasions before).
Furthermore, my parents are not aware that I live with or even have a partner (28M) (they are not LGBT friendly, and all of my housemates are queer to a certain extent) and it would be unfair to ask him to stay somewhere else.
I let my father know about the house’s decision, and I asked to speak to him about how to approach my mother.
He ended up telling her, and they both called me using my dad’s cell. They were demanding that I open our home to them. My mother screamed at me for being disrespectful and that she would be going to Europe to see my grandparents instead of to my ceremony.
She had been saying she would go for the past year due to their declining health but never followed through. My father is failing to understand that I cannot impose unwanted guests on my roommates who pay rent to live here, but believes that it is my responsibility to house guests particularly those from my immediate family for an event I am planning.
He also said that no matter what she is my mother and that I should respect her more. He’s offered to pay me $300 to let them stay the two nights, but I let him know that that is something that needs to be cleared with the house.
For context, he sends me $700 monthly to help with rent and utilities, but I do pay the most out of everyone (I am covering my room and a portion of the master after a problematic tenant was evicted).
My sister (36F) is siding with my parents, saying that I am prioritizing my roommates over them.
I tried to reason with her, explaining that forcing an uncomfortable situation on people I live with will not end well. Her retort was asking if we are a bunch of delicate flowers for not being able to withstand two nights of discomfort. For context, she is aware of my partner but does not approve of him (for reasons other than our sexuality, which I will not be getting into).
We agree that I could have been much more tactful in how I presented the information.
WIBTJ for completely disallowing the possibility of my parents from lodging in the house? I am seriously considering uninviting my parents but I would like to avoid that outcome.
This is supposed to be a celebration, and not a family drama/argument.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “My sister (36F) is siding with my parents, saying that I am prioritizing my roommates over them.” She’s right. What she and your parents are failing to understand is that you’re supposed to prioritize your roommates in this situation.
They live there. They’re entitled to feel comfortable in their own home. If they don’t feel comfortable with your parents staying there, your parents should not stay there. You did the right thing here, and your parents need to suck it up.” Kris_Third_Account
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do they not understand the roommates have rights far greater than theirs? What a bunch of entitled jerks. If you had your own tiny place, would they insist on staying there too? The current situation is not within your control, just accept they are using this as an excuse to act badly, and likely not attend.
They should be ashamed of themselves, acting like the roommates do not count for anything in this matter.” Not_really1010
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, do not let them stay! This is a shared house – regardless of any issues you have with your mother being a ‘difficult’ person, you have no right to have your family members stay there without the permission of everyone else in the house.
It is their house too. That your parents give you money doesn’t give them the right to dictate your life or your home. Your parents are making this a drama and argument, not you, and when they are supposed to be helping you celebrate a big deal?
Selfish and manipulative behavior. Tell her to go to Europe.” Original-Winter9334
12. AITJ For Not Taking Vacation Days For My Difficult Sister-In-Law's Visit?
“My husband and I moved to FL very close to Disney about a year ago.
I’ve always told my husband that I’d be happy if his sister and her family want to come to Disney and we’ll meet up with them there, but she is not welcome to stay in our home. A little background on her is that she has always been a very, very difficult person to get along with and I have never been anything but kind to her.
Here are some examples:
- One summer they bought a boat and then they just so happened to get pregnant. Her doctor said she wasn’t allowed to ride the boat. But because she wasn’t allowed to ride it, she made the rule that nobody was allowed to ride on it.
Nobody got to enjoy it at all that summer and they hyped it up so much when they got it.
- I was called selfish for not going to her baby shower at the very beginning of a global health crisis. (Different baby than the one mentioned above.) I still sent a nice gift, just didn’t go to the shower.
- She has openly complained in front of me about gifts that I have bought her children as they were opened on family holidays. One reason was that one shirt had a rainbow on it and she doesn’t like what “they represent now”.
- When my grandmother was literally dying, she was texting me and whining that I wasn’t responding to her or something.
I’ve blocked that one out because it really hurt.
I could go on and on. The reason she isn’t allowed to stay in our home is just because I am setting boundaries. My home is my space to feel safe and comfortable, not judged and belittled.
Anyway, she and her family came to Disney in June and they stayed in a hotel locally because they had earned a free stay somehow. We didn’t have to say no to staying with us. We met up with them and aside from a few snide remarks made to me, the visit was nice enough.
They came on a weekend and we didn’t have to take off work.
She texted my husband a few days ago and wanted to know if both of us would take a few days off work for them to come in the spring. My husband told her no. I’m new at my job and have a limited number of days off.
Spring is a very busy time at my office plus we want to save my vacation days to visit family for Christmas and for if my husband and I want to do a trip together. She started with a whole “Well we are family and want to see you” guilt trip.
It didn’t work and then she really seemed mad that we wouldn’t take time off. We also think she was trying to stay with us, but she never flat-out asked. Even if she was mostly kind during their last visit, that doesn’t change how she has treated me for years.
We also said that they should come to Disney and that we’ll just meet up with them when we can. She apparently didn’t like that idea. So, AITJ for telling her no to us taking off work for her to come visit?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your vacation days (and in the US, there are usually precious few of them) are for you to use how you want to, and if you don’t want to use them on people who don’t make you happy, that’s your right.
Spend them doing something you want to, with people you enjoy being around.” trashpanda44224422
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think you all sound exhausting. Why do you think you have any right to their boat if they say you can’t use it? What’s this nonsense about “she definitely did or said something wrong but I’ve blocked it out”?
I think you’re on the right lines limiting your contact, but honestly just bite the bullet and go NC. You’ll all be happier for it.” BeccasBump
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a new job and you can’t, she should understand that. I live near Disneyland and my family always expects my family to take days off to go to the park with them.
It’s a big deal for them… but people visit all the time, they can’t expect you to take 2/3 days off every time someone visits Disney. You’d lose your job!” WaywardPrincess1025
11. AITJ For Asking My Brother To Reschedule His Daughter's Christening Because It's The Same Month As My Wedding?
“My fiancée and I are getting married at the end of October, my brother booked his daughter’s christening 3 weeks before our wedding. This has made my fiancée quite upset. She feels as though they are stealing the thunder of our wedding month.
We sat down and spoke to my brother and his wife about changing the day of their christening.
They claimed that between now and then there is only one weekend that works for them and the godparents. That weekend happened the be the weekend of my fiancée’s bachelorette party. They didn’t take that weekend because that would have meant my fiancée and my sister would not have been at the christening.
My fiancée would have been fine with them having the Christening that weekend. They never asked if we were okay with them booking an event the same month as our wedding.
The sit-down and asking them to change their date turned into a pretty heated argument between my fiancée and brother.
My brother and his wife got very upset and we haven’t spoken since.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And your fiancée is a jerk. You don’t own the entire month. Other people are allowed to hold events and no one needs to ask you permission.
It’s a christening, not another wedding and no one is trying to steal your partner’s thunder or overshadow her. Did she want the weekend of the bachelorette so that she and your sister wouldn’t attend? That makes zero sense. Two family members would be unavailable that weekend so they scheduled the weekend that worked for everyone.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
” YTJ. Or your fiancée is and you’re enabling it. You get a wedding DAY. You can make a big deal and have it be a whole weekend full of events, but you do not get a month, and nobody with a brain is going to think for even one minute that a christening three full weeks before your wedding is “stealing its thunder”.
Especially since they were kind enough to schedule it around the bachelorette party already, without even asking apparently. Remember. It’s a big deal to you. People coming from out of town might consider the whole weekend a special event. But there are lots of people at your wedding who will have worked, grocery shopped, done laundry, and just lived their normal lives the morning of your wedding.
The planet does not stop for you.” AdEmbarrassed9719
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Her wedding month, oh boy. “They never even asked if we were okay with them booking an event the same month as our wedding”, nor should they have. People have lives outside of a family wedding and to be honest, you and your future bride are going to have to understand that sooner than later.
If you would have brought that to me, I wouldn’t be speaking to you either. You may want to reconsider how you are thinking about this. What a time in your family to have two such events in a short time, where people will be able to get together and celebrate and welcome your niece’s christening and your marriage (remember that part, it is not all about the day itself).
I would suggest an apology is in order from you to your brother and sister-in-law.” KAJ35070
10. AITJ For Washing Vomit-Cleaned Towels In The Washing Machine?
“The other day I threw up on the floor because I had a stomach bug and one of my roommates was using the toilet. I cleaned the floor with soap, water, and towels – and then disinfected it.
I then cleaned the towels in the sink (and disinfected the sink afterward), and then put the towels in the washing machine at a high heat. I made sure there were no chunks or anything when they went in the washer.
My other roommate comes home and sees towels going in the washing machine and freaks out.
She said that I was insane for putting anything that touched vomit in the washing machine, and she has “delicate clothes” that go in there. She said that I should have thrown the towels out. I explained to her that it was a second wash after I cleaned them first in the sink and there were no chunks in there, but also was just too sick and stunned to even argue.
She also threw out the towels after they got out of the washing machine.
I feel like this is completely unreasonable though. Will she throw out anything and everything that her future children throw up on? This is a waste. The washing machine is meant to clean things.
And these are towels meant to clean the floor, not bath towels. Why would I need to throw them out? There were no stains or permanent damage.
AITJ for putting dirty towels in the washing machine?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, your roommate owes you a replacement cost for the towels.
I can only guess that she’s never stayed in a hotel or motel as the sheets and towels have poop, spit, etc on them that are washed off and re-used repeatedly – even at the best of places: NYC’s Plaza, Las Vegas Bellagio, etc. Restaurant cloth napkins: people spit in them, vomit in them, pick their noses with them and the restaurant washes them to re-use them.
And so on. She’s a jerk. Yup, she owes you money and an apology.” worldadvisor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, I want to ask a follow-up question. Is your roommate freaked out by vomit? If so, they may have emetophobia (fear of throwing up). Speaking from experience as someone who had suffered from this, anything that touched vomit can be seen as contaminated. I kept my phobia from many friends so me freaking out over something like this would have made me appear crazy.
It takes years of therapy to work through this phobia. It can make you do irrational, illogical, and unreasonable things.” Mississippi-lessly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m amazed you cleaned the towels in the sink first. I would’ve thrown them straight in the washing machine after I’d mopped up the puke.
I think your roommate is a bit of a germaphobe. To clean the washing machine, put a scoop or two (depending on size) of dishwashing powder (note: dishwashing POWDER, not liquid! If you use liquid, you’ll foam up the entire house) in the machine, and set it on a hot wash and soak.
When the machine gets to the soaking bit, open the lid and let it sit overnight. Then in the morning, let it finish the cycle. I worked for a white goods manufacturer, and was constantly instructing customers on the phone on how to wash their washing machines.” EveryFairyDies
9. AITJ For Not Inviting My Brother's Partner To Our Boys' Night?
“For the last few years, my (21m) friends and I have had what we call a boy’s night once a month. All we do on these nights is just drink, play games, or watch a movie or two. My brother (19m) started to join us as soon as he turned 18.
The thing is whenever we had a boy’s night all of our partners would have a girl’s night on the same night. So really it’s become a situation where everyone gets a night to spend time with friends without their partner there, you know have a life outside of the relationship type deal. This has been the case since we first started these nights.
The problem is that my brother got himself his first partner (M) a few weeks ago and when we were organizing things for this month’s night he wanted his partner to come. Since the whole point of the night is pretty much for us to spend time away from our partners I told my brother that I didn’t think that it would be okay for him to come.
My brother wanted to put it up to a vote for everyone else but the vote was pretty much split down the middle with my vote splitting the difference between him coming and not coming.
Now my brother is saying that the real reason is because I’m uncomfortable with his partner coming along, which isn’t true FYI.
He thinks that the whole thing has to do with homophobia or whatever instead of the simple reason as the whole point of the night is for us to hang out without our partners.
Now he’s refusing to come and says that the only way that he will come is if I invite his partner but I just feel that that invalidates the whole point of us hanging out.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And if your brother insists on not coming, then so what? Gay man here, and I fully understand the reasons. You want a group night where everyone is free to relax without a relationship dynamic operating. One person bringing their partner spoils that.
Moreover, soon some are going to say, “Well, if he can bring his partner, then I can bring mine, and if you don’t agree, you’re being sexist.” More to the point, the group took a vote and your brother lost, which indicates over half the friend group feels the same way.
In light of this development, you might want to change the rules of the group. Make it clear it’s for men to come without their partners.” RighteousVengeance
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. No, you’re not the jerk for wanting time with no partners but I can understand why your brother’s partner would feel left out.
This isn’t just a night without partners, this is a situation where partners of the group ARE also hanging out, and he’s the only one not included in the girls’ night or the boys’ night. Everyone in the group including partners is hanging out and bonding and getting to know each other better and he’s the only one being excluded because he doesn’t fit into either group.
It’s one of those things where no, you are not necessarily at fault, but I understand why as gay people your brother and his partner feel excluded/alienated for being the only people that don’t fit the typical relationship structure. Your brother shouldn’t be trying to force his partner to be invited somewhere he’s not really welcome, but at the same time if the group is gonna function in this way then your brother and his partner are likely gonna feel excluded and maybe stop coming as much, and branch out for other friendship groups where they’re not the odd ones out.” niv727
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I can kind of see all sides of this. I think the biggest problem here is the fact that you said when you and your friends all have a boy’s night, your partners all have a girl’s night. Which based on it being a girl’s night, I’m guessing Bro’s partner also isn’t invited. So in the end, you and bro and all your friends get to hang out and have a party, and all the partners of this group also get to party together.
So EVERYONE gets to have a party and have fun with friends. EXCEPT Bro’s partner. This scenario with you and your friends getting a boy’s night while all the partners go have a girl’s night means this partner (or any future male partner your brother may have) will ALWAYS be excluded. Because your brother is gay.
Your intent may not be to discriminate, and you may not have anything against gay people. But this whole boys’ night/girls’ night setup is one that has guaranteed that your brother’s partner will ALWAYS be excluded, even when everyone else’s partner can go to girls’ night because everyone else is straight and has an opposite-gender partner.
(Unless the girls are inclusive enough to be comfortable inviting your bro’s partner to girls’ night. As a gay dude myself, I have sometimes been included in girls’ nights. But if the girls are willing to welcome him as a fellow partner of your boy’s group, then everything else I’ve said isn’t really relevant.)” ChanceApollo
8. AITJ For Confronting My Cousin Over Body-Shaming My Sister At A Wedding?
“I (f20) was at a wedding last weekend and my cousin, Jane (f32) was making disgusting comments about my sister, Emily (f24) who was a bridesmaid. My sister weighs about 90kgs. She’s gorgeous, confident, funny and smart. Jane kept talking nonsense about Emily to her partner and a few others.
She said stuff about her being fat and how her dress didn’t fit her (it’s literally a custom-fit dress, made specifically for her. It definitely fit her), how she can’t understand how Emily’s husband can look at her, and how she and I look so much different.
I’m more on the slim side, I’ve struggled with an Ed since I was 13, which Jane knows.
I didn’t want to make a scene or let Emily know what Jane was saying so later on in the evening I pulled Jane to the side and told her to watch her mouth and stop projecting her insecurities onto Emily.
What she got for this was that I was calling her fat. She told her partner and anyone who would listen that I called her fat and when I explained she said I “implied” she was fat. I’m getting a lot of nonsense for this and am expected to make an apology.
I don’t think I did anything wrong, did I?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope….. NTJ……. You showed some restraint by waiting until a more appropriate time. Used big girl words to ask for what you needed…. And Jane can take whatever happened to her in her childhood to cause all that stuff and just scoot on out the door until she is adult enough to deal with it without spewing it on everyone around her during an otherwise very happy time.
No apology needed. Thank you for sticking up for people you care about.” thewaldenpuddle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jane can say disgusting things about your sister to a group of people but gets upset because you “implied” she was fat? You handled the situation nearly perfectly.
You stood up for your sister and didn’t embarrass Jane in front of the group of people. I honestly can’t believe people are giving you nonsense, for a private conversation you had versus the public roasting Jane gave.” _bbyshark
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If someone had said that about my sister, they would’ve caught a fade real quick.
You were polite by taking her aside when you had this conversation rather than saying something in front of guests. You didn’t imply she was fat, insecurities manifest in many different ways and aren’t always a 1:1 ratio. She could feel insecure about her dress color and it could come out as degrading your sister cause in that moment she “turned the focus” from her to someone else – someone who did nothing wrong and doesn’t deserve it.
You’re a better person than most just based on how you handled it, and you’re a gem for not letting it ruin the night for your sister or the couple getting married.” jazminekayy
7. AITJ For Wanting Better Communication When Gaming With My Husband?
“I (25f) and my husband (27m) like to play video games together. He’s pretty good at it but I’m not at all. I have a lot of confidence issues with playing games but I want to hang out so I try to push past it.
For context; I have a hard time keeping up. I lose sight of him and ask where he goes and a lot of times he is standing next to me. I think I’ve gotten better at this as time goes on in the game.
He also tends to get very aggressive when I try to get him to communicate with me about where he’s going (like if he’s gonna do a quest, I want to come but he does it himself). I’ve told him before that he doesn’t communicate during games (he plays other games with his friends and communicates everything).
He also doesn’t let me help—I’m slow but I can at least be given the chance to attempt it. It’s hard for me to learn the game when he is always the one completing the story or getting quest items. I’ve tried to communicate with him that I would also like to experience it but he doesn’t let me.
Pretty much I feel like he treats me as a big problem when we play.
Anyways on to the problem:
Today we were playing a game and I asked to sleep through the night. He doesn’t say anything. I sit there for a little while watching his icon bounce up and down.
He still doesn’t say anything. I timidly ask him if he’s coming to the sleep point because I had been sitting there for a while and didn’t know what was going on or if he ran into something and maybe needed my help.
He says in a really irritated and aggressive way, “I’m coming! I fell down.”
I told him that I was just asking because I couldn’t see (in-game it was night time and I had a piece of wood obstructing my view of anything).
He started snapping at me to the point where he had to go smoke but then later came back and apologized.
When he went to bed, I followed him. I let him know that he really hurt my feelings with the way he was talking to me and explained that I couldn’t see; and that I didn’t know what he was doing because he didn’t tell me.
He got very defensive and said he told me that he fell. I told him that he didn’t tell me until after I had already asked him if he was coming to the sleep point. He told me that I should’ve put two and two together and saw that he was coming.
I again explained that from where I was standing I literally couldn’t see anything. It escalated into him telling me that he basically has to play a game and a half because I suck at it and that I need to get good to be able to play with him without any problems. I realize that I’m a lot slower and I’m grateful for the times he does help.
He told me that he’s not going to change the way he plays games. After he started telling me to get good (and this is where I’m the jerk) I told him to shut up and leave me alone and then I called him a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you should stop playing games with him. At least those where he is a lot better/more skilled than you are. I’m sure you can find something other to do together and spend your free time doing something you BOTH enjoy.
I do understand your point of view as well as his. Playing often with someone who doesn’t really know how to play the game and you have to kind of drag along is kind of boring.” Solala22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it sounds like you just want a way to spend some quality time with your man and he craps on every attempt.
He shoots down any activities except gaming and TV and he makes gaming miserable. Most of my friends are super casual gamers so I always have to teach them how to play and be patient. I’m just glad to have someone to play with.
I wish my wife would game with me. Sounds like your husband has his time with his friends where he can be super competitive. When he’s gaming with you he could have fun and play casually. Your husband is being a jerk period. Anyone who says otherwise is wrong.” CaptainObvious007
Another User Comments:
“Honestly you are NTJ but I would maybe change the games you play with your husband. My husband is really skilled and likes playing games like Dark Souls, first-person shooters, online multiplayer, things that take a lot of skill. My kind of games are things like Spyro and Ratchet & Clank and I cannot play first-person games for the life of me.
We play games more my speed together, sometimes things like Minecraft, Stardew Valley, It Takes Two, and Mario Party and I watch when he plays story games I’m interested in. There are plenty of times he does his own thing playing games while I am doing my own thing in the same room.
I listen to him geek out about what happened in certain games and he listens to me talk about books or webcomics I read. Maybe playing games where your characters have to be within certain parameters of each other on the same screen might be better.
Certain games are meant to be played by two players so the characters can only get like 30 feet or so from each other and you could keep better tabs on what he is up to in-game without him narrating it to you.” dragonchica
6. AITJ For Telling My Daughters To Leave Their Older Sister Alone?
“My oldest daughter who is 14 likes to spend time alone in her room. We’ll call her Sammy. I have 3 other daughters they’re 12,8,3. I’ll call them Natalie, Maria, and Jackie. So Sammy like I said likes to spend time alone in her room, but she shares a room.
So she shares with Maria (8). While Natalie (12) shares with Jackie (3). Not only that but Sammy likes to draw, she’s an artist and is constantly drawing.
Sammy was sitting in her room, it was about 11 o’clock at night on a Friday. She was playing on her Nintendo Switch Lite that she bought herself and had the TV on.
She was watching a JCS criminal psychology video and wasn’t bothering anybody. My husband (their father) was in the living room watching TV with Jackie and our dog. Maria and Natalie were in my room with me because I was doing my nails.
We then walked past Sammy and Maria’s room and they asked what she was doing.
So I responded by saying that she’s minding her business. Natalie then went to go see what Sammy was doing and I told her to leave her alone. Natalie then tried to tell me that she was just going to peek her head in (the door was cracked) and I told her no. And that Sammy wasn’t bothering anybody and if she wanted to spend time with us, then she’d actively seek us out.
But until then leave her alone.
Natalie then caught a little bit of an attitude because she was being reprimanded and left to the living room. The problem is Natalie and Maria are notorious for bothering Sammy, especially when she’s minding her own business. It doesn’t matter how many times we tell them to leave her alone but it doesn’t work.
So AITJ for telling my daughters to leave their sister alone?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you’re needlessly forcing a young teenager to share a room with an eight-year-old. This will only cause her to resent you and her sister MORE. You can’t force relationships and what you’re doing is going to cause more harm than good.” Turbulent_Poetry_456
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know if you know this but… you are the parent. NTJ. What you are doing is teaching boundaries and personal space/time to your children. Kids are going to get mad when they don’t get what they want or if they get reprimanded. Just remind her that if she wanted personal time you would ask her sisters to respect it the same way you are asking her to respect Sammy.” Chelular07
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for this specific interaction but why are your little kids still up at 11 PM and why are you making the older ones share with the younger ones? Is it so they can take care of the little ones and you get more rest and are less bothered?” GennyNels
5. AITJ For Calling My Step-Dad For Help Instead Of My Biological Dad?
“My (19F) parents divorced when I was 3 or 4, can’t remember, my dad (42M) never got remarried, but he has several other kids with a few more women but I’m the only girl, he used to be in the military (nothing really important though) so he’s all about ”Discipline!
Trust! Survival! Know your potential and your limits so you can make it out on your own!” yet he’s a poor dad. My mom (40F) on the other hand married the sweetest man alive (35M) 12 years ago and I adore him with all my heart.
Ever since I turned 16 my father has tried to be more involved in my life and I agreed because I didn’t really care, I already had a stable home with stable parental figures, I never cared about anything he said and if he crossed my boundaries, I just stopped seeing him until he apologized. No apology?
No daughter.
I was seeing a boy named Elijah and my father never liked him, no one did though, but my father said that as a former jerk, he could spot them and that Elijah was bad news. Whatever, didn’t care. Truth be told, that was the only thing my father has been right about my life in a while.
Two weeks ago Elijah took me out and he drove to the nearest part of the woods, I was okay with it. We made out, I let him slightly touch me but I ended up feeling not ready. He accepted it but got mad anyway and we fought.
He asked me to get out of his car and since I’m a proud lady, I did it, when he drove off I realized what had just happened and I got scared. I walked to the nearest gas station and then I called my stepdad, he came for me and an hour later I was home crying in my mom’s arms like a little girl.
My father came home yesterday because he wanted to take me out and he ”casually” asked for Elijah, I told him the truth and when I said that I called my stepdad, he asked why I did it. I was confused and said ”what?” and he said ”Why did you call your stepdad?
I’m here, you should’ve called me. I would’ve come get you anytime” and I just… I don’t know, I said that when it happened I just thought about Mom and my stepdad. I could see that he wanted to cry, he took me to dinner and then took me back home and only said bye.
I can’t get his face out of my mind and I’m wondering if I did something wrong so I can apologize, I only see him a few times per month. I feel like I should’ve said thanks for worrying and for warning me, but I don’t know if I was a jerk and should apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here seems like he just realized he isn’t as big in your life as he thought and was hit with it hard and all of his regrets boiled up. There is no need to apologize it is what it is you were stranded and called home for a ride.
If it’s important to you to deepen your relationship with bio dad talk to him and maybe get a counselor together to aid in communication.” venividivici809
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in those circumstances you call the first person you think of. You live with your mom and stepdad so of course you thought of them.
Your dad should be grateful that you are ok and be a shoulder to lean on/talk to about what happened. You don’t need to apologize for calling your stepdad but maybe explain that given your mindset at the time your instinct was to call the people you live with to bring you home, and that it wasn’t a dig at him.” Suspicious_You3973
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your actions are perfectly normal. You were in danger and asked for help from the man you trust the most. But looking at it from your bio-dad’s perspective, he was already worried from the beginning about this boy and, despite his suspicions being correct, he’s now realizing how little power he has to actually do anything about it.
Maybe the fact that you feel guilty is a good sign. It shows that you feel empathy towards him and that it might be worth fixing what little relationship you have with him.” TheOneNectarine
4. AITJ For Expecting My Wife To Cook Healthy Meals For My Diet?
“My (39) wife (26) always insists on ordering takeout. She always wants to order pizza or Chinese or fast food or any sort of greasy unhealthy meal. She knows I am trying to lose weight as I am around 320 lbs, but not only does she refuse to consider joining me, she purposefully ignores me and keeps ordering garbage.
I have gently encouraged her to consider making healthy meals but she always tells me she doesn’t feel like it. Considering I don’t cook very well, and she does, I don’t see what the problem is.
Last night, I told her this, and she essentially blew up and called me a lazy jerk who won’t learn how to cook.
I told her that learning is hard and that since she already knows it would be easier and more time efficient for her to cook than for me to learn.
I told my friend, who told me I was being a jerk and said that I should focus on my own weight.
But marriage is a partnership and we should be together through everything no? Why would my wife react so aggressively to one demand if she promised to be by my side through everything?
Anyway, my wife won’t speak to me and is holed up in her office playing video games (which is a whole other issue but whatever) and despite how many times I’ve apologized she won’t speak to me.
I obviously want to get on her good side, but I think this was a reasonable request and she’s dragging this out longer than it needs to.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I am a heavy guy. About the same weight as you. The ONLY reason that learning to cook is hard is that you do not want to learn.
Quit blaming your wife for not wanting to be your private chef. Get you a couple cook books and a small grill. Think George Foreman. On a day off try a couple of recipes. Guess what, the first time they probably will not come out right.
Learn from them and try again. Grilled chicken with some steamed veggies tastes great, is easy to cook, and is super healthy. And why am I still heavy?? It has nothing to do with what I eat. It is all about how much of it I eat.” Fattdog64
Another User Comments:
“Why is it your wife’s job to cook for you and to cook for your needs? She’s not forcing you to lose weight, while you’ve tried convincing her to join you on this weight-loss journey. This makes me think you’re disrespecting her by projecting your desire to lose weight and for her to cater to your new needs.
She keeps ordering takeout but she’s not making you eat it, is she? Looks like you need to reevaluate your ambition and determination to take on this weight loss journey this way. Meanwhile, step up your culinary skills. Better get on YouTube and TikTok and figure it out.
And maybe your wife is holed up in the office playing video games because she finds solace and she doesn’t want to be around someone who feels entitled enough to make someone else do work for them. YTJ!” AccidentlyHere
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you need to learn to cook and support your own dietary habits.
Your body goals are not her responsibility. That being said, do you think you could ask your wife to help YOU learn how to cook? Is she obligated to spend her time making and (presumably but not confirmed) cleaning up after if she wants to spend her time doing something else?
Absolutely not. That being said, could she support you more? Yes. But! Are you asking or telling? Are you willing to help yourself or are you trying to make it her responsibility? You allude to other issues and maybe this miscommunication stems from that. From where I stand, a completely unprofessional third party with no other basis of opinion than what I’ve read, it sounds like ego and insecurity (on both sides) are doing a number on your relationship.
It seems like a little time sitting down together and talking about whatever is bothering you would go a long way.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Joking About This Guy's Kids After He Lied About Having Them?
“I (31f) am not interested in parenthood, full stop. I love my nieces/nephews, but honestly just don’t enjoy interacting with kids generally.
I recently joined the apps, and very intentionally specified that I do not want children and do not want to be involved with someone with children.
I began talking to a nice enough guy, but after about two weeks of texting, he said (paraphrasing): “I know your profile says you don’t want kids, but I should tell you that I have a 7-year-old daughter and a 16-month-old son. Is that a problem?”
I was honestly flabbergasted as to why this parent would even be pursuing someone who doesn’t enjoy being around children, so… yeah. I responded with some generic break-up stuff (we’d never met in person) and said as part of some throw-away-commentary “I don’t really have my life together anyways, and I wouldn’t want to start a relationship that could end up hurting your kids haha.”
I thought this was fine and light-hearted, but the guy got really upset with me. “What do you mean about ‘hurting my kids?’ How would you ‘hurt my kids?’” I was ready to end the entire “relationship,” but he kept texting me about my comment that I would “hurt his kids.”
I finally told him that I didn’t mean anything by it and that I wanted us to both move on, but he again texted “I need to know what you meant about hurting my kids.”
I’m just at a loss?? Am I a jerk for making that kind of joke, or is this guy just nuts?
He’s making me feel like I threatened violence against his family, whereas I thought I was making a benign joke.”
Another User Comments:
“When I read it I thought it meant you would hurt them emotionally if you got involved with their father and then left because of them being a deal breaker in the relationship.
NTJ he knew from the start you didn’t want anything to do with kids and now it seems like because you’re suddenly not happy with the discovery of him having 2 young kids he is trying to twist your words to make you out to be the bad person for not accepting his little angels who he lied about.
I would cut all contact and move on, he knew fine well what he was doing.” Random198234
Another User Comments:
“The guy is nuts. NTJ. He obviously lied because he’s looking for a mommy for his kids and figured he’d charm you first so you wouldn’t care about his kids and then you’d fall in love with them too.
I swear, people do not understand that when someone on a relationship app says no kids they mean it. He is only trying to keep you engaged with conversation to reel you back in. Unfortunately, he’ll probably report you as a threat. Screenshot your fairly standard sorry I’m not into kids breakup and then block/unmatch/delete.
Sorry you had to deal with this creep.” Dangerous_Prize_4545
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But as someone who has had to have that conversation before, don’t feel the need to explain yourself “I know your profile says you don’t want kids, but I should tell you that I have a 7-year-old daughter and a 16-month-old son.
Is that a problem?” Yes…it is. Honesty is very important to me and you have been deceitful right from the jump. It’s been nice getting to know you but this is where we go our separate ways. Then you block and move on The thing you have to understand is that people who do this, who purposefully mislead you, are never going to accept that their actions aren’t justified…they are too self-centered for that.
So in the future, if this happens again, just tell them thanks but no thanks and bounce.” The__Riker__Maneuver
2. AITJ For Not Allowing My Ex's Fiancée To Join Our Grave Visit?
“Every year, on the anniversary of my father’s death I take a trip to his native county so I can visit his grave and pay my respects.
I usually stay with my ex’s parents as it gives them a chance to spend time with my son. My ex usually makes a similar trip and comes to my father’s grave with us.
The anniversary was a few days ago and my ex brought his fiancée with him.
I’m neutral towards her but the trip to the grave is already hard enough for me and I didn’t want a bigger audience. The fiancée mentioned how she would be coming too and I told her she couldn’t. She insisted she would come to support my ex so I suggested they both go another time.
My ex got upset with me and said my dad meant a lot to him too and he was going.
My ex’s parents sided with me and my ex ended up telling his fiancée she couldn’t come. When we got back she was furious at him and they had a fight.
She ended up leaving and going to stay in a hotel. My ex cornered me after our son had gone to sleep to tell me he knew today was hard for me but I had been unfair. He also said how I had a way of hurting him even now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Going to your father’s grave on your annual trip is not a date! It’s not like a dinner party or a concert or other social occasion. It’s a very special type of visit that’s highly emotional and sacred. Your ex doesn’t just get to have a +1 now that he has a fiance.
She has no connection to your father and has no reason to barge in on your graveside visit just because she’s jealous or territorial over your ex. She was not invited and needed to respect that. Period. You were not unfair and your ex is out of line for putting his concerns above yours when you’re discussing a visit to your parent’s grave.
He still has his parents with him and should shut up forever about how you want to commemorate this visit. I’m glad he’s already your ex because him making the death of your father all about himself is a giant red flag and grounds for reconsidering the partnership.
Hopefully, his parents can get through to him about this.” ghostforest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Whilst it’s good that you and your ex get along well enough to pay your respects for your father together, especially for your child (wholesome), your ex’s fiance could easily support him before and after.
Or even, they could have gone separately. There was absolutely no need for her to be there with you if that made you uncomfortable. Perhaps, down the road, once they’re married and you appreciate her relationship with your child, there could be room to reassess, but for now, she’s definitely the jerk, and if she can’t see that it has nothing to do with her, may even be displaying the gasp dreaded red flag.” OddlySpecificK
Another User Comments:
“Excuse me??!! What the heck did I just read?!?! This isn’t a fun trip to the park for the whole family’s enjoyment! This is your father’s final resting place. Someone she has zero connection to. It’s one thing for the ex to go as the ex had a connection to your father.
It’s not even appropriate that fiancée attempted to intrude on this in the first place. And as for ex saying you have a way of still hurting him, um what?! How is you not allowing some random person to join your visit to see YOUR father’s grave hurting him??
He’s just mad that she’s mad at him but that’s not your fault or your problem, even his own parents think it’s not okay so how is this a you problem?! Tell him and her to go away and mind their own business!” ironkissed
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Nephew Call Me Mom?
“My sister is a wreck of a person at the moment, and so I have custody/guardianship of her kid/my nephew (6M) until she may possibly get her act together. (Father is unknown and my family and relatives refused to take him in, so I did.)
I don’t really like children a lot so it took a while to get accustomed to this whole thing, but I’ve since managed to get a decent hang of it and everything seemed okay until recently.
I call myself ‘Auntie’ or my name around my nephew, but I think he’s heard other kids call their parents (i.e. mom) and now has started to call me mom/mommy despite me trying to gently tell him otherwise.
I don’t want to confuse him nor do I really like being called mom, admittedly, just makes me uncomfortable.
Every time I try to remind him I’m just his auntie, he calls me auntie for like a day or two before it’s back to mommy/mom, and has started to tear up now when I do it, so then I stop for a bit, then the cycle continues.
At this point, I think he’s really starting to believe I’m his genuine mother or something, I love the kid but I’m just an aunt.
So recently, my mom came over to visit and saw me trying to remind him to call me auntie and just went off on me, saying that I was being heartless, cruel, and some other stuff and that I just should let him call me mom.
I made her leave, but now her words are making me reconsider. I mean on the one hand, I feel guilty, but on the other hand, I’m really not his mom and if my sister decides to work on herself and come back, I don’t wanna confuse him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think this necessarily makes you a jerk no. But I do understand that the child is very confused and probably hurt about the fact that the person he thinks of as “mum” like all the kids, doesn’t want to “be mum”.
Do you talk to him about his mother? Visit her? Does she call? She needs to not be a completely absent figure in his life, I think. Have you asked him why he likes to call you mum instead of auntie? I dunno, this is kind of a hard one because honestly, and I’m not trying to discount how you feel AT ALL, but you are an adult who can comprehend the situation but the feelings I’m most concerned about here are his.” Acedia_spark
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not comfortable with it so there’s nothing wrong with correcting the behavior just as you would correct any other behavior you’re not comfortable with. Your mom’s the jerk for coming at you while simultaneously refusing to take care of him herself.
These bleeding hearts in the comments are all basically saying the same thing: “your comfort doesn’t matter because there’s a child involved.” That’s just not true. Two things are allowed to be true at the same time. You can be uncomfortable with being called ” mommy” and simultaneously care loads for your nephew.
You’re not messing him up or hurting him or whatever the future trauma they’re assigning to him because you corrected what you wanted to be called. Keep doing you, you sound like a great caregiver.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Does he have any contact with bio mom?
Does he remember her? Kids actually don’t get confused by things as easily as adults do. He knows you’re his aunt, he wants to call you Mom – if bio mom shows up in the future, his head won’t explode from a logic bomb, he’ll just think “I have an old mom and a new mom” or “I have 2 moms” or something.
You can’t change the fact that he sees you as his mom, so why break his heart? As long as you’re not lying about bio mom, let him give the title. Or sit down with him and ask him why he wants to call you Mom and if he remembers his bio mom.
You can talk with kids about these things.” JuliaX1984
