People Are Ready To Own Up To Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Wearing A Form-Fitting Top To A Family Gathering?
“20f here, partner (19m) and I have been together 6 months and I’ve met his parents about 4 or 5 times. Essentially, while on break from university, we both live with our parents and visit each other on the weekends.
I visited his home recently and his parents took us out to a local pub to get some drinks together, all fine and chatty, etc but I did notice them being kind of stiff with me the whole time – his parents aren’t particularly warm and friendly to me but I always try to be amicable and chat with them considering that they are his parents.
Anyway, recently his parents decided to sit down and tell him that the shirt I was wearing to the pub had ‘a lot on display’, which his dad, who was sitting diagonally across from me, apparently pointed out to his mum. They followed up that I should have worn something more appropriate when I knew we were going out and that if I wanted to come to the family get-together next month I would have to wear something more suitable.
My partner was appalled at this and so was I initially – it was 30 degrees C and we sat out in the sun, I wore a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with a cardigan, and I feel like they would be mortified if I had made a comment about their bodies.
But, they are in their late 60s, bound to have different opinions than their kid and his partner who are 40 years younger than them – should I have covered up or thought more about this prior? Should I go to the family event but wear something different to please them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seriously, it’s not like you were rocking major cleavage, it was form-fitting, but it wasn’t sheer or super cropped.. (note: even if it were any of the above, you’d be NTJ, it’s none of their business.. But there is literally nothing to complain about with that top).
This is one of those where it might be easier in the long term (if you see a future with your partner) to play along and dress conservatively when you’re with his family, but.. yeah, you didn’t do ANYTHING wrong.” peithecelt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
My dad is late 60s and wouldn’t dream of telling me or anyone else what they can or can’t wear! Their age has nothing to do with it and their being sexist jerks is why they feel they can police your body and clothes.
He shouldn’t have been looking at your chest in the first place!! Get your SO to tell him to stop being inappropriate for looking! Glad your SO was appalled – shows he may just stick up for you in the future on other matters as I don’t think this is the only thing they’ll show outdated views on sadly.
And don’t change your dress sense just to avoid conflict with them as they’ll see it as a win and you’ll go down the slippery slope where they think they can dictate everything to you.” Global_Monk_5778
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m 68 and not the least bit conservative, Old Hippie here, but what they said to you was rude and way out of line and inappropriate.
Telling you how you have to dress for the next time you go somewhere they’ve invited you or you can’t go is absurd. There’s really nothing to be done about it other than going low contact and choosing not to be around them. But what you shouldn’t do is dress any different because it’s not their place to tell you and you were not wearing anything offensive whatsoever.
They sound very judgmental.” [deleted]
21. AITJ For Shaving My Head In Solidarity With My Daughter Battling Leukemia?
“I (m33) have a daughter (f15). I was young when she was born and her mom decided last minute she didn’t want to raise a baby.
I know some people don’t believe in this but she is one of my best friends.
I believe I can be her dad and friend. We’ve set boundaries. 2 1/2 months ago she got diagnosed with Leukemia cancer.
It’s been really hard, to say the least. Her hair has been falling out which has been very hard on her. Yesterday I had to shave it, it was getting really itchy and uncomfortable for her and it was falling out in clumps.
She was crying in her room so I made a very rash decision to shave my head. Now I have been told I had “great hair”, my daughter once said it looks like Steve Harrington from Stranger Things.
It made my daughter feel better. My sister came over this morning freaking out about my hair.
I told her it’s not a big deal. Then like an hour later I got a bunch of calls from my mom and other sisters getting upset. I told them to chill out and leave me alone and that I just wanted to make my daughter comfortable and laugh.
And then they’re mad at me for yelling at them so, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Uh, you’re 33 years old and you can shave your eyebrows off, too, if you want to and you don’t need anyone’s permission. What don’t they understand about supporting a cancer patient?
Have they never seen the TV commercial where the guy shaved his head and asked the girl to the prom? She comes to the door and she’s bald, too. I’m so sorry about your daughter. May she be cancer-free real soon.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“In no universe are you the jerk. This is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read!!! Truly I teared up. I wish I had a father like you during my health issues in and out of hospitals during high school…..and it’s extremely weird to me that your family wouldn’t see it that way too???
Their granddaughter/niece is physically and mentally suffering, you did what you could to alleviate some of the mental suffering. That’s amazing!! Why wouldn’t they also want her to have that? And I hate to pull the gender roles but it’s not uncommon for men to be bald?
They reacted like you got a rude tattoo on your forehead (which theoretically you still can do if you want because: your body). It sounds like they have big vanity issues and I would keep all this from your daughter because like I said it’s not uncommon for men to be bald, so for them to act horrified that you look like that, all that will be going through your daughters head is how horrible she must look.” Zealousideal-Duty511
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ!! My little sister got diagnosed with brain cancer and when her hair started falling out, they eventually had to shave it (she was almost 3), she would start crying because she had no hair anymore. So my dad rushed to the bathroom and shaved his head.
He went and got her, had her look in the mirror and she looked at herself then my dad, and smiled, and she never cried about her hair again. You’re a great dad who’s supporting his daughter in an extremely rough time, I wish you all the best. Also if she’s started chemo, food can start tasting like metal, but my little sister said hot dogs with mustard were always good.” Fun-Acanthisitta-991
20. AITJ For Confronting A Family Member Selling My Homemade Food Without Permission?
“I, a 16-year-old girl, love baking and cooking. Honestly, doing anything in the kitchen is therapeutic for me. Overall, it’s for fun or clearing my head, not something I do for profit.
Recently, I made cookies for my grandfather (I specifically asked what he wanted) as nobody ever does anything for him and yet he is the first to offer help to everyone.
I brought his in a special bag with his name written in Sharpie on it.
The people that live in my house are pretty respectful at asking if I made anything specifically for something before eating or if we have a specific container I put things in after I am done that shows anyone can take it.
Well, apparently another family member was angry that they didn’t get asked if they wanted something specific and started being passive-aggressive and rude but still came over frequently and would take a lot of stuff out of the extra bin. Which I don’t mind but why are you being rude and then taking stuff from me?
So this family member then approached me and asked if I could make them something specific. Usually happy to, I asked what and it was a type of cake. Now I don’t do many cakes, only once have I not box-made and frosted a cake.
The cake they wanted was tiered and homemade frosting and everything. I said I would look for recipes and get back to them, well I found a recipe for cake and frosting that I wanted to try told them no promises as I had never frosted a cake like this and had to go buy special ingredients so it would take a few days.
Well, skip a few days I buy these expensive ingredients, make the cake, comes out great. I tell this person it’s ready and to stop by whenever to get the cake. Great everything is well they pick up the cake say it looks good and move on.
The next day I get a message asking me if I could make another one of these cakes but from some random number. I ask who this is and they say THEY BOUGHT my cake yesterday and wanted to buy another. Turns out this person has been coming over taking the stuff I made and selling it as if I gave them permission and was their personal baker and chef.
Selling soups and things I made as premade meals.
So instead of getting angry I called this family member and gave them a price quote for the cost of ingredients. It was a lot as I had to buy some of them from a local specialty shop.
I said if they didn’t pay and quit doing this they no longer could eat anything I make and I would be calling everyone they had sold to and tell them this person lied. They flipped out, told everyone lies about what really happened, and said they would report me for selling without meeting state requirements.
(we have strict state laws on selling out of your home) So I called all these people and told them what happened and sadly that they wouldn’t be getting any more things. Well, now this family member is short on money for bills because they planned to get money from what I was making and overspent.
AITJ for calling the people who bought from her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you baked and cooked some really nice things and they sold them at a profit without your knowledge. While calling those people sounds like more work than it’s worth to me, you’re well within your right.
This was a jerk move on your family member’s part – like who does that?” PuertoRicoRules
Another User Comments:
“NTJ absolutely – not only are you not the jerk, but you also went above and beyond in making things right with strangers who weren’t even your customers (curious though – how did you get all their contact info?) and letting them know that your relative could not be trusted. “They flipped out, told everyone lies about what really happened, and said they would report me for selling without meeting state requirements.
(we have strict state laws on selling out of your home).” I genuinely hope she does this. In fact, you should, because she was the one illegally selling and lying about the presence of allergens to boot. If she keeps this up she can seriously hurt somebody.” feioo
Another User Comments:
“Wait, wait, wait let me get this straight. This person took your items, sold them, and now is trying to blackmail you that they will report you to the state for selling baked goods that you did not sell? NTJ! Also, great job on informing THEIR customers that they will not get any more items. I think you should also inform family members so that they don’t inadvertently pick up and let this person have items from you.” TheeGreenArtist
19. AITJ For Blaming My Husband For Our Son's Paint Mess?
“I left my 3-year-old son with my husband, who was working in his office at the time, while I went to a doctor’s appointment.
When I got back, my son was covered in paint and so was the rug he was sitting on.
I asked my husband what happened and he said my son got all of the paint out and made a mess. I asked him what he was doing while our son was doing that, and he said he was on a call.
So, I asked him why he let him out of his office which he couldn’t give me an answer to. My husband was really upset about the rug because it’s one that’s been in his family for generations. I told him it was his own fault for not watching our son closely.
Now he’s upset with me for saying that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Parenting means coming up with makeshift solutions and having to improvise and multitask. If your husband had prior knowledge about needing to watch your son while he had to also work, he should have figured out a safe space for your son.
A playpen, gated off area of his office, or honestly just having your husband shut his office door. This would have kept your son contained (somewhat) while he was distracted. Next time make sure he grabs a thousand more toys and coloring books than he would expect to need and keeps them with your son in his office because kids get bored easily, at least in my experience.
It’s an unfortunate learning experience for your husband, but just be gentle and remind him this happens to literally every parent at some point.” behindscarletteyes
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – Mistakes happen. He was on a call (I’m assuming for work?), so it’s not like he was messing around and just actively trying to not watch his kid.
I don’t think anyone should be upset with anyone over this. Just learn from it. You may be a little bit the jerk though. My daughter snuck a container of Nutella and rubbed it on the walls on my watch once and I didn’t get mad I just told her that Nutella doesn’t go on the walls and it wasn’t very nice.
I had her help me clean it up. It sucked and it ended up taking a bit of paint off, but my husband didn’t come home and tell me it was my fault, either. I told him what happened and we made sure the Nutella was very far away from little hands.
I don’t think rubbing it in was very nice and you should probably apologize.” kokobrii
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yeah, it was his fault, but darn is no one allowed to just be upset without some sort of “I told you so” or “it’s your own fault.” Can you not just let your husband be upset and support him and help him out?
He was working and trying to watch your son, it’s not always an easy thing to balance. It doesn’t seem like he was even blaming you or anyone else, just that he was upset which is valid so why make him feel crappier? He made a mistake but it seems like you were just being unhelpful and unnecessarily mean about it for no reason.
Y’all are supposed to be partners, act like it.” gettingbicurious
18. AITJ For Telling My Dad And Brother To Beg My Husband For Forgiveness?
“I separated from my husband for 7 months and I saw a side of my dad and brother I never thought I would. They treated me terribly and sided with my husband completely. On multiple occasions, they both told me to beg my husband for forgiveness even though we separated because of the way he was treating me.
They made it clear that if we divorced, they would want nothing to do with me.
At the same time, they were doing everything to stay in my husband’s good graces, which made everything hurt twice as much.
My husband and I ended up reconciling and I admittedly cried to him when I told him how bad they treated me.
Now my husband is upset with both of them and has cut ties both professionally and socially.
My dad and brother have asked me to speak to him and mend things between them, as it’s hurting the family business. I’m still upset and I was feeling petty so I told them they should try begging him for forgiveness.
Now they’re both angry at me and my brother said I’m being vindictive.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They sound like the types to DEMAND RESPECT AT ALL COSTS but can’t be bothered to give respect. Your husband cut ties because of their own behavior.
They have no one to blame but themselves. Obviously, they’ll blame you because you’re the easiest target. They’re never gonna look inside themselves and realize that their own actions brought about consequences. Much easier to scapegoat.” Stucky7418
Another User Comments:
“The stupid thing is it sounds like they could have kept things professional with your hubby during the separation and still supported you.
Good for your hubby for doing the work to get you back and for standing up for you! It sounds like he’s made some pretty impressive progress. Good for him, you deserve it. NTJ and honestly if they keep harassing you, tell them it’s between them and your hubby, and them trying to put you in the middle is only going to make it worse.
What’s what going them in this mess in the first place.” Wendilintheweird
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t see a problem with what you said. They literally went bros before partners when they saw what you were going through and apparently didn’t stop to consider that there was the possibility of reconciliation or what would happen when you told your husband of their behavior.
Any sane person who cares about you would have a serious problem with you being treated that way. It would probably enrage any spouse who’s done the work to repair the marriage they’ve damaged to know that their hurting partner was being continually hurt by those who were supposed to be their support system when they fell short of the mark.
Your “dad” and “brother” actively demonstrated that they possess no familial loyalty and were ready to abandon you for a business contact. It would be in poor judgment for your husband to continue to do business with them since they are of questionable character. How could he trust them in business when he can’t trust them to support their own hurting daughter and sister?” PrettyG216
Their fault abd certainly not yours. They can clean up their own mess. Or not
17. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Nieces And Nephews After They Broke My No Chocolate Rule?
“I (37M) am single, childfree, and have two dogs (German Shepherd mixes). They are very well-behaved and super nice, my niblings (aged 2-13) love them.
I have 4 sisters and they have 10 kids total, so I babysit A LOT. I work from home and am pretty much always available to watch the older ones (since I can easily work while they are in my apartment) and when they need care for the little ones, I just move my schedule around a bit.
Yesterday 4 of my niblings were at my place (ages 3, 5, 7, and 8). 7 and 8 are siblings.
I have just one super strict rule at my house: no chocolate. It’s deadly for dogs, I don’t like it anyway and kids can easily go an afternoon without it.
The 7 and 8yro obviously brought chocolate with them and shared with 3 and 5yro.
I was in the kitchen making them drinks, they were in the living room. My dogs were sleeping on the balcony.
I came into the living room and there were obviously chocolate crumbs everywhere. I asked who had the chocolate and 7 and 8yro admitted that mom gave it to them and they always have some with them, but usually eat it in secret.
When my sister came to pick them up a few hours later, I told her what happened and she said that her kids are big enough not to make a chocolate mess. I told her I’m never babysitting for her again.
She is furious and says I overreacted. Another sister of mine agrees with her.
My mother thinks I am wrong for putting my dogs before the children.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. It’s weird that she secretly undermined you when you’re doing her a solid. It’s an easy rule to follow. She could send them with literally any other snack (besides maybe grapes or raisins) and you’d be cool about it.
They should have a consequence. You may be able to watch them again but let her flounder for a few weeks and think about her behavior.” dirtyfrank12292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also speaking as a vet tech, a few chocolate crumbs aren’t likely to harm your dogs (as GSDs are relatively large).
Not excusing her behavior in any way!!! She is 100% wrong for breaking your rules, disrespecting you, and trying to hide it. Just trying to give you a little peace of mind. I would highly recommend banning any form of grapes (including raisins) from your house too.
These are SUPER deadly (like, 1-2 grapes can kill a good sized dog level of deadly) to dogs and I refuse to let them anywhere near my boys.” sppwalker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had one clear boundary. While 7+8 might even be old enough… 3+5 could have given chocolate to the dog at any time.
Everybody saying you are having priority issues: Your sister put chocolate above your trust. Ask your mom if that is the priority she raised you guys on and you just missed it. And you are not overreacting, you are just reacting. The boundary was clearly communicated and established. Sister promised to adhere.
Sister went behind your back for ages and technically also made her own kids join in the deceit. Sister destroyed the foundation of trust required to host and babysit those kids. You react by no longer providing the service she took advantage of. Also… either she does not understand how dangerous chocolate can be for dogs or she lumps in “potentially killing your pet” under chocolate mess.” GrassTerrible5262
16. AITJ For Wanting To Report My Neighbors' Thrift Store For Causing Parking Issues?
“My neighbors are running a thrift store out of their garage/in their driveway/on their lawn. They bought their home recently (probably within the last 12 months, maybe 18 months), evicted the nice older lady who lived there, and immediately set up shop.
This would not be an issue at all except for the fact that this is a very popular store and we live on a narrow, one-lane horseshoe-shaped road. The customers are parking in no-parking zones which effectively block residents into their driveway. It was so busy this weekend that I had to circle multiple times just to get down my street to my place.
Sometimes their customers park in our driveway. They have their own 6-car driveway but they fill it with clothing racks and bins. Today the high winds knocked over a heavy metal clothing rack and it flew into our driveway. It would have seriously damaged my roommates’ cars if they were there.
As of this weekend, customers were getting changed in their front yard to try on garments. They don’t have dressing rooms, obviously.
All four of us are fed up with this but we all feel like jerks when we talk about what to do about it.
Obviously, this is their livelihood. Really the only option would be to call the cops about the no parking zones or potentially report the neighbors to the city council because they seem to be breaking zoning laws. Calling the cops feels like overkill but the city council probably wouldn’t do much.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Check into your zoning laws for your area. Your neighbor may have the right to run a home-based business there. If they do, not much you can do about the business. As for the parking issue, your neighbor does not have the right to permit customers to use the ‘No Parking’ zones or deprive you of the use of your own driveways.
Talk to your neighbor. Ask them to figure this out. Your option(s) include calling the police, putting up ‘Tow Away’ zones for your respective property (and having vehicles actually towed)!” Ecstatic_Being8277
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I work in local government, and there’s no way a planning commission would have approved this.
Contact via email (or even better if you can also go in person to a meeting) your planning commission and reach out to code enforcement with your complaint. Call in parking issues to the non-emergency number for your police. Reach out to someone on your city’s planning staff (land use planning is the department you want, preferably a director), and I’m sure they’d be more than happy to send you in the right direction.
If you need to email your district’s alderperson/council person. Their job is to handle issues like this in their districts.” msbelle13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, there are reasons that people have to have proper zoning to open a business. And there are also parking requirements for a business.
There has recently been a conviction of abduction for a person blocking a driveway. and not letting a civil servant drive out of the driveway. Using vehicles to intentionally prevent people from being able to move could be a serious crime. Now as far as the situation with what is happening with people from accessing their own driveway, to leave or enter, may not be the same level of criminality, however, you could have the vehicle impounded and towed for illegal parking and blocking your driveway, and those drivers would have to pay for the towing and impound fees, and whatever tickets your community would place on the vehicle.
Unless the neighbor does something about their customers having bad manners, you are NTJ, call whatever authorities you need to call to get this situation rectified. I think though sometimes being a good neighbor is ignoring what people are doing on their property. When it spills out and affects you, like with the parking, they are being a bad neighbor, and everything else is pretty much irrelevant.” Lambchop1975
15. AITJ For Telling My Partner She's Not A Real Doctor Yet?
“My partner is in school to become a psychiatrist, I think it’s great and I’m 100% supporting this choice. I’m also in uni and I share with four roommates. This event concerns my youngest roommate (19M), who has a compulsive disorder. This means he will sometimes say things, do actions, or make noise that he has little control over.
It’s never a big thing, he just does them and moves on, he has never once claimed to have Tourette syndrome and has even corrected people when they say he does.
Anyway, my partner came over just to hang out, and partway through the evening, she started giving my roommate dirty looks.
Honestly, I thought it was in a joking way because he beat us at a game, but when he went outside she turned to me and said “he’s faking those tics, I can tell. People with Tourette’s don’t act like that”. I told her that he doesn’t have Tourettes but a compulsive disorder instead.
She then started going off about how he’s clearly faking it.
I told her that it’s not her place to say if he is, since she’s not his doctor nor is she an actual doctor yet, since she’s still a student. She started screaming at me, telling me I was diminishing her career, getting up and storming out, she ran into my roommate on the way out and screamed at him as well, calling him a jerk and a faker.
I didn’t think what I said was wrong but I did not expect her to explode like that, and she doesn’t act like that too often, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Jesus, seriously? NTJ. A surprisingly (or maybe not) large number of people go into studying psych because they themselves are a bit unhinged. It’s a running joke in the profession.
Not saying your partner is unhinged, but she sure acted that way here. Anyone who would casually and without expertise declare someone is faking a tic, let alone start a screaming match about it absolutely should not be a psychiatrist (though unfortunately, many judgemental jerks do end up in the field).
So I hope your partner changes a lot before she finishes her studies.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“Good. She is out of your place, now get her out of your life. She is a piece of crap. You are “dismissive of her career” while she invalidates someone else’s trouble.
Her career didn’t even start and she is already a bad psychiatrist. Even if he was faking it, no good psychiatrist would invalidate what he is going through. She is not a professional, and she is clearly not good at her studies. I don’t care if she is stressed or whatever reason she will find, she needs to apologize to you and your roommate and find another career to study.
Is your roommate ok?” Organic_Toe3998
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She isn’t his doctor–true. She isn’t a doctor at all–also true. She’s a student–true, true. You’re diminishing her career–patently false because she isn’t working in the field and has not gathered sufficient information to determine anything.
She has not gathered a personal history, or a medical history, or done anything to rule out other causes (potentially including bloodwork or an MRI scan). People can have compulsions that are NOT Tourettes, and some “tics” can be triggered by other medical conditions or medications.
The fact that she doesn’t know that means she isn’t ready to be a professional of any caliber. Your poor roommate.” ADHDLifer
14. AITJ For Leaving My Friend Alone On A Hiking Trip After His Verbal Abuse?
“I (29F) hiked one of the long-distance trails a few years ago and decided to do it again this year. As I was preparing, my best friend (32M) said he wanted to do it too. He is a heavy drinker, and we both thought it would be good for him to be away from booze and have some serious sober stretches after 7 years of deepening addiction.
We had several fights along the way when he would get inebriated and verbally abusive in town. Often I would leave for a few days, we would make up, and continue.
Last week it happened again. He spent the entire night absolutely tearing apart every facet of my life, but his main focus was my weight/eating habits.
I have lost over 100 lbs in the last year, and was continuing my weight loss on the trail, but am still morbidly obese. I wasn’t going overboard and eating like crazy, but I would grab a bag of chips each time we were in town for the next stretch of trail, etc.
After waking up several times to his tirade I told him he had no room to talk since he couldn’t stop his crippling addiction and that he needed to stop talking. The next morning when I tried to confront him about what he said he got defensive and instead of apologizing doubled down.
This is his typical MO.
I made him get a different hotel room, and two days later I left the state and went back home. He’s upset that I left him halfway across the country with nothing but his stuff and his cards and license, but I think his treatment of me warranted the final ending of our friendship.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – These sorts of things are my favorite kind of justice and the equation always goes like this.
A: “Please stop doing what you’re doing, it’s upsetting me.”
B: Continues doing it.
A: If you don’t stop I’m going to “…..”
B: Still doesn’t stop.
A: Does what they say.
B: Proceeds to get angry at A for doing what they said they would do if B didn’t stop.
You did the right thing, you do not deserve a “friend” like that. Keep up the great work on your weight loss journey!
100 lbs is already incredibly impressive. You’re awesome!” bweihs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I just need to premise everything I’m about to say with the fact that I was married to a heavy drinker jerk for 5 years. I understand what it is like to live with and love a heavy drinker.
He’s never going to change. And if he does it won’t be with you in his life. He uses you as a punching bag, and honestly, once you remove that he’ll either find someone else to berate, drink himself to death, or seek treatment. But you don’t need to be around to see this.
You never ever ever have to put up with abuse. And that’s what this is. He’s abusive. He cannot be trusted. His addiction makes him completely unreliable, selfish, and unrepentant. My advice is to never talk to him again. End the friendship forever. It’s not worth it.
And sure, some people are gonna comment that addicts get clean and deserve a second chance, but the harm they’ve done to relationships doesn’t just magically disappear, and that doesn’t mean they deserve a second chance from *you*. I feel terribly for addicts. Their lives suck.
But I also know that I’m not interested in having deep relationships with people who suffer from or are recovering from addiction. It triggers my trauma, and I just can’t get past it. We all need to look out for our own best interests. Dropping this guy is in your best interest.” CaptSpacePants
Another User Comments:
“It honestly sounds like a terrible idea to try and combine vacation/group travel with rehab. Being out roughing it with just you isn’t going to magically cure his addiction and it just means that you’re stuck with him for a LONG time as he spirals.
It honestly sounds like pretty questionable judgment to attempt to sober up out in the woods on a four-month trip with no support system or professional help.” Errvalunia
13. AITJ For Supporting My Mom's Comment About My MIL's Upbringing At My Son's Birthday Party?
“Yesterday we had a first birthday party for my son. MIL stopped by and it was her first time meeting him. Personally, I’m not mad. We don’t get along and it is just easier this way, but my family was shocked to discover she lives about 30 minutes away.
They just assumed she must be out of state.
Someone asked MIL if she felt sad about not knowing him and she said no, she just wasn’t interested and is busy. My mom looked at her and said “wow you weren’t raised right” which I get is rude, but it is factually true.
That isn’t even a dig at MIL, but at her parents, whom she doesn’t even speak to.
MIL got mad, called my mom puritanical, and asked if I was going to say anything. I said it is what it is, and I know for a fact that she was not raised well and was heavily neglected. MIL said it doesn’t matter and as the hostess, I should have yelled at my mom.
She ended up leaving the party early and my husband is mad at me.”
Another User Comments:
“I may turn out to be out of line on this, but I’m going to say ESH. It sounds as if everybody has been either rude or tactless.
What your mother said was confrontational enough that even if you secretly agreed, and even if it’s true that your MIL was neglected, I think you could have found another way of framing it. For one thing, if your MIL was neglected and badly treated as a child, that’s pretty personal information to bring up in public.
Obviously, I imagine this was all in the heat of the moment, and I understand that we aren’t necessarily our best selves in situations that feel conflictual, but still.” wanderleywagon5678
Another User Comments:
“Your mom is the jerk here. She had no right to say what she said.
Your MIL is not obligated to like your kid. She wasn’t rude or nasty, just said she was busy. Frankly, no one should have asked her if she was sad about not visiting earlier. It’s not their business. Your mother was nasty – she should not have been judgmental. Again, not your mom’s business.
The thing your mil did wrong was answering the invasive question. You should have talked to your mom after and told her not to say such things. YTJ for not saying anything.” Oscarorangecat
Another User Comments:
“Hard YTJ and your mom too. You do not casually bring up not having a close relationship with a child while casually throwing their trauma in their face, then get to somehow be on a high horse about it.
She showed up, and this is the way she was treated. You are an awful hostess and should be ashamed of yourself. Obviously, you weren’t raised right either to be so selfish and cruel, but hey that’s on your mother, right? You are the reason your son doesn’t have a relationship with his grandmother even though she only lives 30 minutes away.
No one would want to be around someone who says things like that to them. How do you think this all makes your husband feel too? Did you even consider that? Do you even care?” netnet1014
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Wedding Venue Refund With My Mom?
“My husband (30) and I (F28) just got married in Florida in mid-May.
For Christmas, my mom and stepdad very kindly gifted us $5k to help pay for our wedding. (Our venue had a $5k minimum and we figured we’d go over that a bit, but were very grateful to them for offering this).
The venue/planners were basically a mess, not even starting to plan with us until two months before, not answering emails/calls for days or even weeks at a time.
The whole process was very stressful. The day of, there were many huge mistakes, one of which ruined a very important moment in our ceremony. We were extremely upset about everything that happened so I reached out to the highest person in charge that I could find afterward and told her our entire experience afterward.
She was very embarrassed and upset that our wedding went that badly and offered to refund us $3k, which we accepted.
Because our parents gifted us that money for the wedding, they had offered to pay part of it directly from their card. The venue wants to refund it to their card, and my mom had offered to write us a check previously when they refunded the expected ~$300 left from our deposit.
So I called her after getting off the phone with this woman and told her that she’d need to write us a bigger check because they were refunding us. I was shocked when she said that she thinks they should get to keep some of this money, too.
I was upset and told her that we spent probably $10k on everything else (vendors, clothes, hair and makeup, flights, hotel, etc.) after the $5k venue fee and that this money was being refunded to us because the venue ruined our wedding. She didn’t seem to get that this money was to make up for the fact that the venue left us so upset on our wedding day that we waited years for.
They obviously can’t go back in time and change our wedding, so this is what we get instead. She argued that “they chipped in a lot of money” but I don’t think it’s fair to give money as a gift (that we never asked for, by the way) and then expect a refund on it when we get some back for all the stress and disappointment that this place put us through.
We were satisfied with the refund being offered as it would help make up for the rest of the money that we spent on everything else, but my mom seems to keep thinking that they paid for absolutely everything when, as I said, we spent probably $10k after what they gave us.
I told her that while we are grateful for the gift that they gave us, it doesn’t feel fair that they get money that was offered to us to make up for everything that went wrong and told her that I would change the card on file.
She was extremely angry and hung up on me. Please tell me, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Frankly, I’m confused about why people think it’s your mom’s money to get back. Just because the venue is the one offering the refund doesn’t mean that you didn’t spend thousands on the entire day.
So if the entire ceremony was ruined you lost all your money not just the money that was gifted to you. Plus the money was gifted to you at Christmas.” Wyliecoyote22
Another User Comments:
“They are going to refund it to the card upon which it was charged, so Idk what charging the card on file is going to do.
As a soon-to-be mother of the bride I wouldn’t personally ask for it back, but by the same token your approach in wanting to thwart getting it refunded on her card is terribly rude. I don’t know their financial situation, but if they are going to be paying the card off over time they’re going to be paying interest on that cash refund which you should have offered to cover at the very least. (If they were going to pay it all off immediately then that point is moot.) YTJ for the way you went about it.” Old_Sheepherder_630
Another User Comments:
“I hesitate to even give my answer because you seem to be rejecting every answer that you do not agree with (which is against the rules). Everyone’s a jerk here–have you asked your mother why she wants it back if she has already paid off the balance?
Honestly, your comments are all over the place. If neither of you really NEEDS the money, it seems to be very odd that you would make such a big deal out of it. If nothing had gone wrong you would not have ever seen this money again, but now that it is on the table you are going to make another issue out of the money you are getting back to compensate you for things that went wrong during your wedding?
If you want to do what is right to keep your relationship with your mom in a good place, then I suggest offering her 33% of the refund. If $1,000 is so important to you that you risk never receiving help from your mother and sf again, then do what you must. I wouldn’t ask for it back, and I just helped my daughter pay for her wedding, but your mother feels differently.
Also, I do not think your stepdad “defended” you, it sounds more like he did not think this was a big enough deal to create all of this drama over. Perhaps you should take his cue.” kimariesingsMD
11. AITJ For Being Offended By My Partner's Friend's Threatening Jokes?
“Recently my partner introduced me to an acquaintance and the first thing they said was “if you break my friend’s heart I’ll kick your butt.”
I hate jokes like that and was taken aback so I didn’t reply, so they said “seriously, don’t hurt them, I will kick your behind”. I looked at my partner uncomfortably and said “okay well I fight back,” hoping it would change the conversation.
Friend went for a third round instead so I said we needed to leave and told my partner I was uncomfortable. They said they were too and that jokes like that feel very “daddy with a shotgun” but that they didn’t know what else to tell me.
I said I’d have shut my friend down. I let them know I’d be uncomfortable around this person if we crossed paths again. I told them the first joke was forgivable but to keep going when I was clearly not on board went from an awkward icebreaker to feeling aggressive.
My partner took a week to think it over and reached out to the friend.
They mentioned joking about violence to someone you just met is uncomfortable and unwelcoming, that we’d both felt awkward, and that while it was probably in good fun it can’t happen again.
They also took time to give multiple compliments to their friend and make it a point to say they weren’t mad – basically nullifying their support of me, but I’m told this is diplomatic.
The friend replied they’d been “very welcoming and loving” and that I needed to “work on my insecurities”, but that they would be civil.
They said protective jokes are their culture and they’re sorry my partner “had to apologize on my behalf because I took things out of context”.
My partner replied with a paragraph of compliments, saying I wasn’t insecure I just think about social dynamics deeply.
They gushed how their friend is a good-hearted person and so am I and they hope we can be friends. The friend said “glad we worked it out.”
I’m really uncomfortable. The friend didn’t consider my feelings or care about their impression on me, called me insecure, and assumed I put my partner up to contact them.
I’m feeling betrayed that my partner spent more effort assuring their friend everything was cool than having my back. I’m told I should give the friend the benefit of the doubt and not be so “militant” about insisting this is out of line.
I’m told the friend is “very kind-hearted” and didn’t mean harm and that my feelings don’t make sense because they know their friend isn’t mean.
I might be the jerk here for not letting it go since it’s not even a close friend, and for not being appreciative of the attempt made to address them already.
Also when I heard I was called insecure and taking it out of context I did call them a name to my partner and said I felt like they were a bad friend to double down instead of apologizing. My partner said that’s not okay and they don’t understand why I’m upset, and that I’m overanalyzing it.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m of two minds here. Many of my relatives come from a background where this sort of ‘teasing,’ as they’d put it, is a form of endearment and shows both caring about their friend and comfort with you as a new person.
If they weren’t comfortable, they wouldn’t trust you to not take it as teasing. On the other hand, I’ve been through some pretty serious trauma, and am not comfortable with any sort of threat, joking or not. I think it comes down to open communication.
When I’m not comfortable, I do my best to speak up at that time, or at the earliest moment I am able to. What I would have done in this situation is, rather than have your partner be the messenger, talk to the friend yourself either that night or the next day.
I’d establish that you appreciate the love and protectiveness they feel for your partner, but that you felt more threatened than embraced, and you know that wasn’t their intention. I might also ask if there was a history that you should be mindful of, given their strong second dose of the warning, but that depends on the conversation.
As far as repairing things goes? I might give it a little while, then apologize for not coming to them directly. Just because you were taught that joking violence is culturally appropriate when you were young does not mean that it is socially appropriate today.
NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think you already know where this is going, but you don’t quite want to admit it to yourself, yet. Your partner does not respect you. Whatever else happened, that much has been made abundantly clear given the way they threw you under the bus as they schmoozed up to the acquaintance.
I see no need to continue this relationship. Your partner wants to “continue the discussion” because they want to harangue you some more and somehow make you come around to their way of thinking. Why put up with that? Honestly, I am not a fan of people breaking up via text or voicemail, but in this situation, it’s justified. Be done with this nonsense once and for all.
Good luck to you, OP!” SiroccoDream
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I would’ve assumed it was a bad joke/ice breaker that flopped, and the person was really lacking in social skills as they kept re-trying the same tired old joke and missing all your social cues.
The double-down is not surprising: people often do that when caught by surprise criticism – they go to a defensive-anger position because they are embarrassed and don’t want to admit they screwed up, they try to rewrite the story so that they weren’t the bad guy because that’s too painful.
Your partner made it worse with the ‘kind assurances’ because that gave the impression that you were the only one offended, not your partner. Honestly, I would let this go, it isn’t worth the drama that it has become; at this point, that’s the only graceful option left. You KNOW you are in the right, but if you keep pushing it, no one else will stay on your side because you risk becoming the aggressive villain in the story.” TrainingDearest
10. AITJ For Wanting My Ex To Spend One-On-One Time With Our Son?
“I (30f) and my ex, who we will call “J” (31m) have a child together, L (2.5m). Our relationship ended before L was born, and J has been…unpleasant since even before we found out I was pregnant. He has never been alone with L, as of yet.
J has been seeing this woman H (38f) since just before L’s first birthday. Since the original introduction she has been at almost every visitation, on every video call, she writes all L’s birthday and Christmas cards, and I’m 98% certain she writes the Official Correspondence between J, the Courts, and myself on his behalf.
She has no children herself, but likes to give me parenting advice. I don’t like her, lol, but L does, so I can keep my mouth shut and play nice for him.
The problem is, she is always there. L refers to them as “DadHername” as one being, and neither J nor L knows how to interact with each other without her there.
A few months ago, H threw J out and they “were on a break”, which meant that she didn’t come to the visits, or appear on the phone calls. L was absolutely heartbroken that she wasn’t there, but he and J started getting into a kind of relationship groove?
Since she’s come back, it’s gone right back to how it was before, J is constantly complaining that he has no relationship with his son, so WIBTJ if I suggested he spend some 1:1 time with L, and H stay home sometimes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
But considering the relationship between you three, I doubt this request will be received well and would hesitate to make it for that reason. If I were you I wouldn’t even try to mention it to your ex. He sounds like a jerk. However, you may have an opening the next time H (38f) tries to give you parenting advice.
Since she’s opening the can of worms, that would be your opening to ask her about her commitment to your son, considering her recent no-shows. You could describe to her the relationship you saw developing between your ex and his son when she was not present and suggest that she take a step back sometimes so that the relationship can develop further.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be the jerk, but I doubt the suggestion will be taken well LOL. You could consider framing it less as “what if you didn’t bring H with you” (because I see that turning into “why do you have a problem with my partner”) but more as, “what if you and J had some one-on-one father-son time?
L likes (insert subject here; for example airplanes) so what if you two went to (insert place here; for example aircraft museum)?” Unless you’re only allowed to visit in certain places, not really sure how that works. It’s a valid suggestion but also I feel like if your ex wanted to make the effort to connect with your son better… he would and you can’t really force it.” OkCranberry1107
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you should write to the courts that she controls everything to do with your son on his dad’s side. That you’re sure she writes all the court documents and that she insists on being at every visitation. She insists on telling you how to parent.
That due to that and the fact she takes over at every visitation and is the only one to interact with your son your son doesn’t have a relationship with his dad. As was clear when they temporarily split up that on those visitations his dad does not know how to interact with L.
Ask the courts to step in and stop H from attending the visitations so your son can bond with his dad and then learn to interact together. I can’t see why any court would object to this as she isn’t the important one here and the visitations are for J and L, not her.” Sweet-Interview5620
9. AITJ For Not Tipping After Being Wrongly Charged For Unlimited Mimosas?
“I went out to brunch with my friends and got the unlimited mimosas, which is a pretty good deal, and an omelet. My friends all ordered a single drink or just orange juice. My one friend, who we’ll call Brenda, is nursing right now so not drinking.
She’d never been to this place before and wanted to know if their mimosas were good, so I let her try one of mine since a little sip wouldn’t hurt anything.
When we got the bill, I’d been charged individually for each of my drinks.
I asked the waitress to correct the bill, politely reminding her I’d ordered the unlimited mimosas. She refused to correct it because I’d been “sharing” with my friend. I told her she only tried one sip to see if she liked them. The waitress said they had a policy against sharing.
I said I had a policy against paying for things different than what I ordered and told her to go fix the bill. She came back with the manager. He listened to me and then comped my meal. I insisted on paying for my food, but I didn’t tip the waitress.
My friend group is split. They all think the waitress was ridiculous and taking out her bad mood, but half also think I went overboard by not tipping. One friend said I should have just paid full price for the drinks and then not tipped and left a terrible review, which we all agree wouldn’t make any sense, but are we blind?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m sure you understand that people sharing drinks under an “unlimited” type promotion is a problem for restaurants, but the waitress absolutely should have said something the moment she saw it. At which time you could have apologized, explained your friend is nursing and just wanted a sip to try it, and that you guys will not share again.
Had the waitress been more polite…maybe had she just said “I’m sorry, I’ll need to get the manager and have you discuss this with them, I’m just following the policy I’ve been told to follow.” Then you should have still tipped. But she was rude about it and handled the situation incorrectly multiple times.
And the manager assuredly knew that, which is why they comped your meal.” chrystalight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ a tip is based on service, if the service is crap or the server is rude, why would you tip them. I had a similar problem where my order was wrong, I said I ordered this with no cheese no tomato.
First came out with cheese I told the server this is not supposed to have cheese or tomato, and she said ok. She came back and it now had tomato…I said excuse me it’s still wrong this has tomato…she rolled her eyes and said you never said no tomato, I said yes I did as I’m allergic.
I asked the people I was with and they said yea she said no tomato no cheese. Brings it out the 3rd time and tossed it down and said here is this better? Real condescending, I said thank you. She then kept rolling her eyes and acting like we were a hassle for her.
We didn’t tip. However, the other server who was working and did refill our drinks even though we were not his table we gave $20 to and told him we appreciated him.” Bubbly-Kitty-2425
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, mostly because the waitress wasn’t following waiting etiquette.
If you buy something at a restaurant at a certain price and there are conditions to voiding said price and being charged more, it is proper manners/waiting etiquette to inform the patron. The waitress did not inform you that sharing would void the bottomless deal. I’m assuming the one you shared a sip of wasn’t the last one you drank, which means she saw you share, came over to get you another one, and STILL did not inform you of the policy.
That is a faux pas on her side. And it’s probably why the restaurant gave in so fast, if you aren’t aware of a policy, then there’s no way you can follow it, so they were quick to rectify their waitress’s mistake. I would explain it to your friends this way: Basically the waitress took away your ability to make an informed decision.
You wouldn’t have shared if you had known that it was against policy, correct? But she did not inform you until it was time to pay. She acted above you, possibly in a malicious way, but possibly not. You will never know. All you can control is how you react to that.
And I think it’s fair to challenge a policy you weren’t aware of.” PunkinPumkin
8. AITJ For Starting My Own Business Instead Of Joining My Sister's?
“I recently went to my oldest sister (38F) for help with job interviews and resume, as my work experience is little. While I (25F) was there, she told me about what notary and signing agents are and that she was currently getting her license and starting her own business with it, and would need employees.
Basically, I could work for her.
Now, while at first, I was excited and willing to do it, I also remembered that my sister is on probation for stealing over 100k from her previous job. She’s also the type that acts funny when money is in the equation.
I also feel like, she still sees me as a child, given the age difference. I know that the past is in the past and she’s my sister, but my intuition is telling me this isn’t a good idea, although I’d love to enter that business.
She is trying to do better in life, but something feels off.
I’ve been thinking about starting my own notary business and just working by myself. But I feel bad and like a jerk because that’s something she’s also trying to do as well.
Am I the jerk for starting my own business instead?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1) In many places, stealing 100k is enough to keep you from becoming a notary, as your willingness to follow rules and regulations is suspect (at best). 2) Becoming a notary is not something you can wave a magic wand and do successfully.
I highly recommend that you work for SOMEONE else for 1-2 years to build your reputation and understanding of the market. Look at other services you may want to offer as “law adjacent” without stepping on any legal toes. Be ready for a fight if that person you are working for is not your sister.
Have your reasons down. Expect anger and resentment if her business fails.” Internal_Set_6564
Another User Comments:
“Seriously don’t do it set up your own building. Your sister is now not loyal or honest she’s proven that in her past. What if she does the same thing again?
You would be intertwined with the business. The safest thing for yourself is to go out on your own. You wouldn’t be the jerk if you set your own business up you’re just making sure you cover your backside. I would never work or go into business with someone’s background like your sister’s.” truthlady8678
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to start your own business, but you might also want to look into working at someplace that needs a notary. You could then have a steady paycheck and start doing weekend/Evening Notary services on the side. Weekend/Evening notaries usually get to charge more for being available outside of business hours.
Don’t generally have to have an office to work out of in the beginning and it would help you build a clientele. (Touch base with the local real estate agents, their clients often have odd documents that need to be notarized that they don’t want to take off work to do.)” EnoughAlready710
7. AITJ For Refusing To Stop Wearing My Old Wedding Ring?
“I (41F) am married to ‘Dan’ (43M) and have been for 4 years, but we’ve been together for 8.
I had a previous marriage that I jumped into very quickly when I left high school, I was naive and in love but over time he ended up an addict and abusive. I had his son ‘Tommy’ (15M). My husband passed away due to a stroke when we were in our late twenties.
After this I was pretty lost, he was the only guy I had ever been with at that point, and because I had gotten married so early I didn’t know what to do by myself.
This led to me jumping into another relationship (stupid I know), we were together for a year and got engaged but broke it off because we both realized that we were only together through our grief.
I’m not really in touch with him anymore, but we left on good terms.
Onto the actual point. I wear my old wedding on my right hand, and I wear my engagement ring around my neck. This was, and is, because I see these as vital points of symbolism and past love in my life, how I’ve grown and changed over the years.
Dan knew of this when we got together.
Recently, he’s shown issue with it, arguing that I wasn’t over them because I still had the rings. In compensation for this, I’ve stopped wearing the engagement ring and have it put away. Dan isn’t satisfied with this, saying that me wearing my old wedding ring means that I’m not done grieving, and it’s a constant reminder to him that he was second choice.
This isn’t the case, and I’m certainly not still grieving. The thing about being with an addict is that you grieve their death long before they are actually dead. The only reason I wear it is because it’s important to me as a marker of my life and growth, also keeping in mind that my old husband is the father of Tommy.
He’s been giving me a semi-cold shoulder since and keeps bringing it up. I keep refusing but I don’t know if I would be considered the jerk here because it’s just a ring.
Here comes the big question, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, why don’t you wear the wedding ring around your neck now?
Or put it somewhere safe? You don’t need to wear it for the world to see for it to be a reminder. It’s for you, not everyone else. Your current wedding ring is for the world to see for your commitment to your current husband.
I can see why he would have an issue with this regardless of which hand you wear it. However, giving you the cold shoulder when he already knew all this is stupid. And it doesn’t make sense that he’s only just bringing all this up.
It should have been brought up before you got married. It’s just a ring these days (significant still of course, but not in the same way as your actual current wedding ring). And he should understand why you keep it and wear it.” AxeKaila
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think you should try to talk to him about why this suddenly seems like such a huge issue to him after 8 years. If this bothered him he should have brought it up long before you were married; if it’s a specific thing or event that’s made this bother him recently when it didn’t bother him before that then the thing or event that actually bothers him is what should be addressed. But I wouldn’t take off the ring if you don’t want to.
He knew going into the relationship that you wear the ring, if he couldn’t cope with that he should not have entered the relationship.” MargaretHaleThornton
Another User Comments:
“INFO: What do you think you would have done if your first husband hadn’t died? Where I find this differs from other “still wearing the ring from my late husband” stories is that your late husband was an abusive addict.
It wasn’t a good relationship when he died. It seems strange for your current husband to think he’s forever second choice to that relationship, but also that you’re making remembering him in this way your hill to die on. Are there other ways you could remember these relationships that don’t involve carrying the symbols of commitment everywhere?
Because yes these are important commemorations for you, but because you’ve been wearing both, and now the ring from Dan, you’re looking like a living charm bracelet, with your current wedding ring just the latest in the charms you’ve collected. It’s not unreasonable for your current, and hopefully last, husband to want to feel like he’s more special than an abusive addict and a grief-rebound relationship.
And yet you’ve been wearing the significant symbols from those relationships not all that differently from your current one.” calling_water
6. AITJ For Calling My Brother A Crappy Son After He Cancelled His Visit To Our Recovering Mom?
“I (27F) have an older brother (31M) who lives in California while I live in Virginia near my mom.
My mom just had back surgery and is struggling with her recovery. I’ve been her nurse the whole time and took off many weeks for work to take care of her. I also made sure I made her birthday and Mother’s Day (they’re very near each other) special for her.
My brother has not contacted her other than one phone call a week after her surgery and after I’ve texted him saying that it would mean the world to our mom if he would just call.
Memorial Day is coming up and my mom is slowly but surely starting to walk on her own.
Her goal is to be able to walk so when my brother comes to visit, we would be able to do activities and have a good time. He told us yesterday, ten days before he was supposed to come visit, that his friends were visiting his city and he’s deciding to stay behind.
My mom cried. She tries to be understanding with him not contacting her, not sending flowers or a card for her birthday or Mother’s Day, but this was what broke her. She worked so hard during physical therapy and all of the people who work with her know that Memorial Day was “the big weekend” for her to get moving without a cane.
I called my brother and asked him to reconsider. I mentioned our mom’s goal and what she was hoping for and he said “I have a life, too”. Now…that made me angry. For two months now, I’ve had no life and neither did my mom.
I told him thank goodness that our mom has a good daughter because she has a lousy son. He’s giving me the silent treatment and told my mom that I outright called him horrible. My mom agreed with me. This has caused such an issue and now my mom is more upset because he won’t even pick up her phone calls.
I feel like I made everything worse. My mom isn’t talking to me and my brother won’t text me back. So…AITJ for calling my brother a lousy son?”
Another User Comments:
“Reluctantly, no jerks here. Your brother is right, he has his own life and he’s entitled to live it as he sees fit.
Lousy or not, it’s his choice, and if he’d rather hang with his friends, that’s his decision. He didn’t know about your mom’s goal, and keeping him from that was y’all’s decision, but you have to see that it also swayed him in another way.
In the future, don’t keep important milestones from him to avoid instances like this. Lesson learned.” HolyUnicornBatman
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, Your mother is the one that needs to take this up with him. Also, it was your choice to take care of your mother.
You cannot begrudge him the fact that he has free time. Your decision to care for her is commendable, but caring for her to the point you have no time for yourself and you are burning yourself out is not healthy. Also, kids do not often go so low on contact with their parents without something bad in the past happening.
Maybe your brother has good reasons not to talk to your mother.” LittelFoxicorn
Another User Comments:
“I was torn, but I think YTJ. You do not get to choose how your brother has a relationship with other people in the world. Just because his mother raised him does not obligate him to be in her life, or to take time off work to care for her post-surgery.
Sure, it would be nice if he wanted to see her more, call her more, and assist in her recovery more. That does not obligate him to be in her life to that extent. You choosing to involve yourself to that extent doesn’t mean he has to as well.
It’s great that you two have that relationship and you are willing to keep investing in it. Do you feel like your mother acknowledges and appreciates the effort you put in? Are you taking enough time for yourself? I feel frustrated over you helping so much or unequally.
I think it would have been fine if you asked to arrange a different activity on a different day that did work for him or even mentioned how hurt your mother was, but attacking him for not visiting is not going to make him want to visit more nor justified.” wetastelikejesus
5. AITJ For Not Giving My Nanny Unused Vacation Days?
“Last Christmas my nanny wanted to take a 5-week vacation. Our contract stipulates she gets 2 weeks of vacation per year (not rolling over if unused) and 1 week of sick leave (which does roll over if unused).
We agreed that since her vacation was starting at the end of the year, we would apply her full two years’ vacation days plus sick days to cover the entire vacation, being clear that technically that’s not what we agreed to in her contract. She agreed.
For various reasons, she didn’t take that trip and she chose to work instead. She ended up using none of her vacation.
Now she’s looking to take that same vacation and is upset to “learn” that she lost her vacation days last year. We explained that we told her in November that her days would not roll over and she chose to work, but she says it’s not fair and she deserves the time off.
We came up with what we thought was a compromise to apply vacation days last year to all 3 sick days she took, so she could roll those over to this year, but she says that’s not good enough, she deserves all 80 hours, even though she worked and we told her the situation.
It’s not like we don’t want to give her days off, but it’s basically paying her for 7 extra days of her not working just because.
For context, we also just gave her a raise and we give her extra hours sometimes when I need to work more than expected or if my spouse and I go out on date nights or something, so we’re not depriving her in that sense either.
AITJ for not wanting to give her these additional 7 days and trying to stick with our compromise? Is there a better compromise I’m missing?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I don’t know about the labor laws where you are…but often PTO is considered part of the compensation PACKAGE for an employee.
Just like wages, they earn that time, and it is theirs to spend. It is not a “gift”. There are places that do set limits on how much can be rolled over each year, or how much can be accrued before an employee is required to take some time off and use it.
But even there, the employees get to TAKE that time. And those details are negotiated up front, as part of the compensation package, not made up on the fly (which is what you are doing). So you are saying that your nanny hasn’t had a vacation in two years?
And you refuse to honor the PTO she EARNED in that time? Even if labor laws do not apply to you, you are being a jerk by denying this hard-working woman time away from your clutches. Give the lady her time and quit being stingy.
Be grateful if she doesn’t decide to take UNpaid “PTO” and quit to find a better, more fair-minded employer.” MbMinx
Another User Comments:
“Technically this is no jerks here. You want to follow the contract. She asked for an exception that you didn’t have to give and is disappointed. It happens.
The bigger question here is this: is keeping this line in the sand worth it? Because this could go either way. Either you are concerned your nanny will start to take advantage of you being accommodating, which does, unfortunately, happen (I know someone who ended up paying their nanny’s parking tickets from off work so she could keep her license) OR by not bending this one time you are causing conflict it what is otherwise a great arraignment for everyone.
You could potentially lose your nanny if she’s not feeling respected. Figure out if this line is really worth it to you. Do you really need her during that time? Has she asked for anything like this before? Is she usually everything you want in a nanny and goes above and beyond?
You’re not wrong, but you most likely are short-sighted.” EmpressJainaSolo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and it’s disturbing that you honestly seem to think that two weeks a year spent not working, and one week of sick leave a year, is ample PTO. And that you’re ok with stiffing this poor woman after she did you a solid and worked through her planned vacation.
You’re not forced into these policies my dude, you’re employing her privately and you can in fact be flexible. Are you American, by any chance?” Self-Aware
4. AITJ For Naming My Daughter The Same As An Online Acquaintance's Child?
“I have been part of an online community of artists for about 15 years. We are spread all over the world, and while we’ve had occasional meetups in big cities, most of us have not met each other in real life, and since there are about 250 of us, not all of us are close friends or people who talk privately.
Five years ago, a community member I’ll call Dawn had a baby girl that she named Ianthe, which I thought was a beautiful name. Dawn and I are friendly in public posts and are ‘friends’ on some social media platforms, but have never spoken privately about anything except art-related stuff.
Dawn (and Ianthe obviously) live in California, while I live in Upstate NY. Dawn and I are both in our mid-30s (as are most of the people in the online community, 30s-40s).
The problem arose when I got pregnant last year and gave birth to a girl, who I named Ianthe.
It’s a gorgeous name, it’s from Greek mythology (and my husband is Greek), and I really fell in love with it when I heard Dawn’s baby name. I absolutely ‘stole’ the idea from her, but I didn’t think it mattered. I don’t know Dawn. We live across the country from each other.
Our daughters are 5 years apart in age. We will surely never meet in real life or encounter each other. The only place this is ‘weird’ is our online community, but that’s solely online and has nothing to do with our daughters’ lives in the real world.
Dawn has been plainly and openly furious about me stealing her baby’s name for almost six months now, and a handful of her close friends from the group have posted in our off-topic Discord and our off-topic messageboard that what I did was weird or ‘creepy.’ AITJ for this?
At the end of the day, Dawn is a stranger to me in real life. Why would she care? She didn’t invent the name, even if I did hear it from her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Imagine if someone would be upset that a friend of theirs also named their child Michael or Christian.
Ianthe is a rather uncommon name, so I might understand why “Dawn” would be upset – they probably thought about naming their daughter something unique, but names aren’t protected property of anyone. It would only get a little weird or confusing if the two girls would regularly meet and interact or even go to the same school.
But even then, that’s just a name and absolutely not jerk-ish behavior.” Serylt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just relax and live your life. This reflects much more on her character… she had the opportunity to be happy that she could INSPIRE you with that name and you could’ve shared a nice moment of camaraderie and belonging, but she decided to consider you STOLE the name.
Her daughter is still named Ianthe, is she not? This is not a highlander situation where there can be only one. You don’t need to move heaven and earth to appease the people criticizing you for this… if needed make a post lining out your reasoning, giving credit to Dawn for inspiration and those who can’t move on from this, that’s their anger to keep in themselves for no reason and therefore, not your concern.
Power to you!” mon-keigh
Another User Comments:
“In my hometown, there are two sets of twins younger than my twin and me, who have the same names as us. We don’t have names that have ever been very popular, but not overly obscure either.
One set was born at the same time as my cousin, and when my mom brought us to visit, their mom heard our name and decided to name hers the same. The second set was born to someone in our neighborhood, and they had heard our names and used them.
You know how much my mom, my sibling, and I care about it? Not at all. My sister had a much more obscure name, and when our dad’s cousin’s daughter was named the same, she had our last name as her middle name, from her mom.
We are literally three people left who have it as our last name, and the daughters of my dad’s uncle, and their children, are the only ones who have it as their middle name. That’s how obscure my sister’s full name was.
Do we care that our third cousin has the same name as my late sister? No, we don’t.” KeyFly3
3. AITJ For Reporting My Autistic Classmate's Creepy Behavior To Professors?
“I (f21) have a classmate Louis (m22) who is a bit of a creep.
Since freshman year Louis has messaged and stalked me and nearly every girl in our major’s year. He’s autistic so we all tried to be nice but he’s taken that to mean we were interested in him.
He’s confessed to being addicted to inappropriate content and has gone on incel rants about being undesirable. Last week, Louis interrupted a conversation I was having to compare women to praying mantises (because they eat the males) and how he’s frustrated with never finding love.
Afterward, he was outwardly rude to me in class and even flipped me off when I complained that there weren’t many Asian guys at our school.
Louis DM’d me this past weekend to admit he’s wanted my attention for quite some time and had tried to manipulate a relationship but that he’s hurt I keep calling him whitewashed and demanded I stop talking about him.
When I asked what he meant, he said I always said there weren’t a lot of Asian guys at our school and I was talking about him. I told Louis that’s not what that phrase meant and to never talk to me again and he started profusely apologizing and texting other people to force me to talk to him.
Everyone has witnessed Louis’s creepiness towards me since he hovers over me during classes and follows me on campus a lot. Because of how bold he has gotten I was advised to contact my professors who I share with him. They all have responded back wanting to go to administration immediately but I worry.
Louis’s autistic and maybe doesn’t understand what he’s done wrong no matter how many times I explain. He hasn’t done anything physical to me yet. Everyone who has witnessed his behavior agrees I should be concerned.
AITJ for talking to my professors about what I think Louis might do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Harassment isn’t a symptom of autism. People with autism may have trouble picking up on subtle non-verbal social cues, but they can understand what “Leave me alone” means. His choice to not do so after clearly being told to leave you alone is not because he’s neurodivergent, it’s because he’s a creep.
While some people with autism can also have cognitive disabilities that might impact their ability to understand directions, the fact that he is allowed to attend higher education independently would strongly suggest he does not fall in that category. Be safe, do not back down from asking the school to protect you from this person who is harassing you.
If the school does not correct the situation, file a police report. He is just as dangerous as any other stalker who exhibits behavior like this.” Mayalestrange
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your job to teach him how to understand boundaries. It’s your job to enforce them as best you can so you feel comfortable – in this case, that includes talking to the administration.
Always speak up against people who make others uncomfortable- just because someone struggles with one thing doesn’t mean it’s okay for them to cause mental/ emotional/ physical harm to others. He needs more professional help from people who are capable of teaching him how to handle these situations.
If anything you pushed him towards that direction, so kudos in a way.” Thirsty-Boiii
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – And don’t give him so much of a break. He’s autistic, sure, but he’s still a person. If he’s going to college unsupervised he’s independent enough to make his own decisions.
It’s unfortunate but things like that need to be held accountable, getting the administration involved is a good idea; he doesn’t care about your boundaries, and openly admitted to trying to manipulate you into a relationship. Stay safe, and keep your boundaries clearly worded (because of autism) but stick by them.
Don’t go easy on him. Say exactly what he’s been doing wrong if he keeps pressing you. He can handle it, he’s an adult.” Odd-Metal-3966
2. AITJ For Taking Hot Water From My Own Kettle At Work?
“Since coming back to the office, I have left my kettle in the break room cabinet for tea. There are about 40 people on my floor but nearly all drink coffee. I hate coffee. All the coffee machines in the break room are owned by the agency.
My kettle is mine and has my name at the bottom. I am not technically supposed to leave it in there, which might be part of why I am the jerk.
Anyway, one morning last week, I went to get myself some water for tea.
My kettle was on and seemed to have recently clicked off after coming to a boil. The water was still hot but no one was around. I took my time washing my mug, putting my lunch away, microwaved my breakfast, and stood there for a minute.
I was in there for about five minutes and no one came in so I decided that since that person left, I could take the water and refill the kettle. By the time whoever it was that used my kettle got back, it would be boiled again.
Unfortunately, the culprit came in as I was refilling the kettle and was with a friend. She said loudly as I left “she really just took my hot water, what the heck.”
I have since removed my kettle and only bring it in when I am using it as is policy.
I didn’t say anything to her about using my kettle but she spares no glares when she sees me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ok but even if it WASN’T your kettle, how long would a person wait to get their own tea? Also, they can easily make more hot water.
Truly they should have said something TO YOU instead of passive-aggressively while walking away. You didn’t want the stress anymore, so you took your kettle.” trxsxrms09
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if it was the company’s kettle (which it isn’t), you refilled it after taking the hot water.
What were you supposed to do? Fill a random cup with the hot water, put that aside, and then fill the kettle with water for you? She’s ridiculous.” According_Version_67
Another User Comments:
“If you are anywhere but the USA you will probably find this horrifically offensive, since you say everyone drinks coffee at the office but I am going to assume not the UK… Most break rooms have a microwave that The OTHER person could have heated a mug of water up in 1:30.
NTJ.” Lovebeingadad54321
1. AITJ For Telling My Roommate's Partner To Stop Playing His Games On Our TV?
“I (32M) live with ‘Colin’ (31M), we split rent on a place in central London (which is seriously expensive btw). My partner of 3 years ‘Lola’ (30F) stays with us often, and Colin’s partner of 8 months ‘Jude’ (23NB, he/they) has been staying over more as well.
Jude never stays long though as he’s autistic (so is Colin) and prefers to be in his own home.
Jude doesn’t have a TV at home but they have a Nintendo Switch OLED, and Colin showed them how to connect that to the TV.
When Jude is here he asks to game on the TV. Often Colin has to work and Jude will only leave later in the day, and then he likes to game on the TV first.
I’d be fine with this if he played anything but the games he plays.
I play stuff like COD, FIFA, and GTA. All Jude plays is Animal Crossing, Mario games, and Kirby. It becomes infuriating to hear and see because the visuals are bright and childlike and the music annoys me. He’s been playing Kirby the most and acts like he’s playing COD or something, he gets really into it.
Not screaming, but reacting with noises and movements that are hard to ignore.
I told Colin I find it annoying, and he told me to just ignore it, like he ignores Lola watching shows he doesn’t like. Lola does watch TV a lot at our place, but I think that’s way different because she doesn’t intensely react to everything that happens on the TV.
Colin’s solution was to buy Jude a controller to play with and connect headphones to. So now the sound is gone, but the visuals remain annoying and Jude still reacts intensely when he plays any battle.
I had enough of it this week and when Jude started up their Kirby game yet again, I told them to do that at home.
They said that Colin said it’s OK, and that they don’t have a TV at home so they like playing on the big screen. I said that’s frankly not my problem. Maybe Colin wants to contribute to that fund. But I’m fed up with having to deal with it.
It’s my home and while I WFH the last thing I want is to see those games every time I have a morning break.
Jude was upset but said sorry, picked everything up, and left, even though I never said they had to leave entirely.
Colin came home angry and told me it’s not fair of me to treat Jude like that. I countered that I seriously LIVE here, and Jude doesn’t. Colin said that if it bothered me so much that people play different games than me I should just move out but we both know very well that I can’t afford that in central London.
Lola got involved because Colin told her to go watch TV in my room from now on since I’m ‘’acting up’’, which is beyond childish of him and doesn’t work because I WFH from there. Lola got annoyed with me saying Jude is not harming anyone and there’s no need for me to have been ‘harsh’ to them.
I feel like I’m the only one seeing the issue here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Because if he was doing all the same things (noises/movements) except with a game you approved of you wouldn’t care. This is so strange, I think you need to do some introspection and figure out why you care so much about the type of games he’s playing, because this is a you problem.
You’re 32 years old, be secure enough in your manhood that someone playing a game that isn’t dudebro enough for you doesn’t emotionally affect you this way.” Youcannotbeforreal2
Another User Comments:
“I don’t get this. You point blank said, “Jude never stays long (because he’s autistic) and prefers to be in his own home.” So – Jude doesn’t stay long but this is still such a huge problem that you have to pitch a fit?
“I seriously LIVE here, Jude doesn’t”. Yes, you were totally out of line. You sound like you’d be miserable to live with. I’m not even getting into your choosing to ignore the fact that your roommate and his SO are autistic, and factor that even slightly into how you relate to them.
YTJ – you’re the only one seeing the issue because you’re the one who made the issue in the first place. If you need to control the WAY someone plays video games – for goodness sake, mate, you need your own flat. Wouldn’t be surprised if your partner takes a walk soon.” spiralsideways
Another User Comments:
“YTJ majorly. Why are you such a jerk? How does someone like you even have a partner? You have a terrible attitude. Why the heck does it matter what games he likes? If you don’t like them then don’t play them or watch them.
You are what people refer to as a nightmare roommate. Your partner does the same thing. Yes, it is the same thing. And yet Colin knows how to behave himself about it. Why can’t you? You’re so disrespectful and childish. I’m embarrassed for you.” Jolly-Asparagus-8360
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Reminds me of old gal fussing at young woman wearing a bikini at the beach dating she and hubby were offended. Girl then asks if hubby was so offended why did he sneak over and ask her for her phone number