People Need To Read The Room In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Ex-Wife's Child Support Debt?
“I got divorced around 15 years ago. I got custody of the kids as their dad.
Ex was not a good mother let’s leave it at that. The third time she took me back to court for custody (trying to get them back) I told her that if she went through with the case that was full of flagrant lies I would be asking for support and anything else I could have.
At that point, I was already 25k into the divorce and custody for the lawyer. Well, I won full custody and asked for whatever child support I was entitled to. Since then she has basically been nonexistent as a parent.
It honestly has been the hardest thing my kids went through and they all still have some level of issues from it.
Well, here we are 15 years later. She has never voluntarily paid a dime to the kids.
One time they seized a tax return and gave me I think around 6k. At this point, she is 77,000 past due. Well, they finally found her and must have started garnishing her wages. She texts me asking to just forgive the debt so that she can afford to pay for her 5 kids she has now.
I have never actively sought the money. I haven’t even talked to the CS people in probably 4 years. I honestly don’t care. I don’t need the money. I make a good living and my family is cared for.
I told her to get a hearing and that I would not ask for anything only for the judge to do what they thought was right. If the judge forgives it all no sweat. If the judge says she owes it all, no sweat.
The ex is getting all up in arms about why I should forgive it. I don’t feel like I should. I honestly just want her to pay for something from the last decade and a half of her abandonment.
AITJ for not forgiving the debt. The two oldest are grown and out of the house. The third will be 18 in a few months.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Guess she doesn’t realize that you’re also going to get part of her Social Security checks if she still owes at that point in time.
Literally thousands of stories about this, except OP and the deadbeat are twenty years older and the deadbeat is now old and sad about not having enough to retire on, begging for OP to waive the past due.
And it’s always OP asking if they should be kind since it’s water under the bridge… it’s not and they shouldn’t. OP sacrifices for decades while the deadbeat continues to have kids they can’t support.
When it finally starts getting paid, OP fully deserves that extra money in retirement. Pay for your kids. I have zero sympathy for deadbeats, male or female.” MikeMiller8888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but to be honest, unless you have enough money to put all your kids through college, I would ask for that money and give it to your kids.
They didn’t get a mother. It’s the least she could do after she bailed on you and your kids just to pump out 5 more with someone else.” mzpljc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She made her bed, time for her to lie in it.
It’s not about the money, it’s about her running away from her responsibilities for your kids. Maybe you don’t need the cash, but use it to set up some accounts for your kids, pay their college tuition, pay their rent, and pay their therapy bills from their abandonment issues due to their mother’s behavior.
She was never there for them, but this way they get something from her and she can’t try to put you on a guilt trip for taking it. Child support is for the kids….let the kids have it.” KtP_911
21. AITJ For Publicly Confronting My Mom's Friend About Her Weight Loss Surgery After Her Fatphobic Comments?
“My (30) mom’s (50) best friend (50) was overweight. My mom is average weight and I’ve always been overweight, which was cool because her friend and I could share clothes (which is important later on) and it was never an issue.
She started going on “vacations” out of the country, for about three months (like would go for a week, come home, claim she was sick and couldn’t see anyone, and then a week later go back out of the country).
It was obvious that she had gone to have some kind of weight loss surgery. This was confirmed by my mom who told me to keep it quiet because her best friend didn’t want people to know and wanted them to think she just had been eating better and done it the “healthy way”.
Whatever, it’s her business and didn’t affect me.. until it did.
Once she lost all the weight she gave me pretty much her whole “before wardrobe.” Sweet! Free clothes. The thing is, ever since she’s done that, when we go out together (to bestie’s restaurant that our mutual friends hang out at), she feels the need to comment (loudly) that I’m wearing her fat clothes, and that she could help me slim down when I was ready to “get fit”.
Or will comment about how I fill out her clothes a little more than she did. So AITJ for getting fed up with the sly/snide fatphobic comments, and calling her out about weight loss surgery in front of all our friends?”
Another User Comments:
“Have you considered talking to her about it alone first? She’s being a jerk out of insecurity, I could just about guarantee it. You calling her out publicly is just likely to make more trouble and possibly get more people in her side because they think you’re “jealous” or something.
You could also try asking your mother to say something because it really hurts you that she’s suddenly treating you so badly just because she’s slimmed down. I think NTJ currently, but if you do this publicly it becomes more of an everyone sucks here situation.
I absolutely get you feeling bad about it though.” FeastForTheWorms
Another User Comments:
“Where is your mother in all of this?? I broke up with my partner because he made one comment about my 16-year-old daughter, I cannot imagine still considering someone a bff if they made remarks like your mom’s bff has about you!!
NTJ she body-shamed you publicly, you have every right to address it publicly. And then I’d address with your mother why she allowed this. Good luck OP!” MissionRevolution306
Another User Comments:
“Something similar happened to me once.
My ex-brother-in-law had a lovely partner who was also a plus-size girl like me at the time. Being fat was not in any way how we bonded or something we made our identity, but sure we talked about aspects of it, things we’d like to change, even how losing weight was really hard, but overall I thought we both seemed happy in our skin.
I didn’t see her around for a few months and so I asked BIL a few times where she was. He revealed she’d had gastric bypass surgery and was waiting to lose a bunch of weight so she could “reveal” her new self.
Also, she wasn’t intending to tell anyone about the surgery, which is fine. It’s her body, she has a right to privacy. This absolutely didn’t bother me one bit, I support everyone’s right to feel good in their body at any size.
I was really happy for her and looked forward to seeing her again.
So the day finally rolls around and she shows up to a family BBQ. It was weird from the start because she walked into the house and yard like it was a catwalk, not saying anything, not greeting anyone, and wearing a nice new outfit, so obviously, she really wanted her weight loss noticed. I finally spoke up to break the awkwardness and said “How have you been, it’s been so long since I saw you, wow, you look great, glowing, happy!” Without specifically commenting on her body because hey, not everyone wants to be put on the spot like that.
She made a comment about how she’d “worked really hard” for it, etc, but I didn’t feel any need to scrutinize that.
Well after 3+ hours of listening to her carry on about “It just takes dedication!” And “I just ate healthy and exercised like crazy!” None of which I knew was true, but I wasn’t going to say otherwise of course.
It wasn’t until she started targeting me, saying “You could do it too, you just need to apply yourself!” And repeatedly offering to give me her “fat girl” clothes, and after several attempts by me to divert the conversation I finally snapped and said “You know what, that’s a great idea.
Why don’t you give me the number of your surgeon so I can get started on “dedicating” myself to this healthy new lifestyle and the miracles it produces right away!” Her face was stunned. She was embarrassed as heck but I’m not the least bit sorry to this day.
I’m happy for anyone who takes steps to make themselves feel good but don’t insult me with lies and nonsense and think I’m not going to call you out on it.” Rarefindofthemind
20. AITJ For Telling My Niece The World Doesn't Revolve Around Her?
“My niece is almost 7 years old.
Every time someone has a birthday that isn’t hers, she has a full meltdown. Screaming and crying, and saying she doesn’t want it to be their birthday, she wants it to be hers. Today, I was over it, because she has ruined so many birthdays behaving this way.
It’s not just birthdays, if someone gets a toy she wants, she loses it and freaks out and demands that she get that present too.
I stood up to her today because frankly, I’m tired of it. I asked her if she thinks no one else but her should have a birthday, and she said yes.
She wants everything to herself, and I was honest and told her it was selfish. She then blew up and told me she wished I wasn’t in her life anymore. Fine, she’s angry, but then she tells me that she’d be fine never seeing me or my daughter again.
I wasn’t very nice and told her that would be fine by me.
My sister thinks I was being too hard on her daughter, but I think somebody needed to say something to her. I remember being her age, and I always celebrated my sister and my siblings on their birthdays.
She needed to hear me tell her that the world doesn’t revolve around her and that other people deserve to have a birthday. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s the old indoctrination line: give me a child till he is seven and he is mine for the rest of his life.
So you got there just in time, really. Someone (glares meaningfully at your sister) should have told her this already. From your post, you may have told her something hard in an unvarnished way, but you didn’t chase after her yelling or anything so… no, you’re not the jerk.
(Glares meaningfully at your sister.)” TheTrueAHWasInsideUs
Another User Comments:
“I mean, the girl either has a behavior disorder, or something is amiss in her life. Maybe she’s not getting the love and attention that she needs, so she’s upset when she sees other children getting it, or her parents have spoiled her rotten, or she might be suffering some abuse from somewhere.
Who knows. Also, although a lot of kids at that age have learned how to behave better, they can still have trouble understanding why the spotlight isn’t always on them. Maybe she’s just delayed a little bit? Anyway, I don’t think you’re wrong to have spoken to her, but I kind of feel like there was a nicer way to do it.
And in the end, this is something her parents need to address. They’re the ones that really need a talking to. I’ll say NTJ, but I really think you might have been a little hard on her for her age.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Strong opinion here, I cannot stand parents who allow their children to behave like this. I babysat for a family of three girls when I was in Highschool and we went on a trip to the beach together, during the weeklong trip the middle daughter turned 8 years old.
The other daughters were 11 and 5, we threw a small party for the birthday girl and the parents gave all three of the girls a present. Just one Barbie for each of them and I was honestly confused, they just wanted to avoid the trouble on vacation but I feel it just undermines the celebration of life and the significance of the day.
The youngest daughter was upset she didn’t get the Barbie with the purple dress, yadda yadda, so their “solution” wasn’t even successful. Parents need to correct their children and quit enabling behavior like this.” kicksbuttseatsnuts
19. AITJ For Taking My Stepson To Events Without My Biological Son?
“I 38M have a son and a stepson who are both similarly aged, my son Mark 15M, and stepson Luke 14M. Mark was definitely a momma’s boy, and unfortunately, his mum/my wife died when he was 8. It’s been a huge struggle raising him, especially since he has completely different interests to me which is completely fine, but makes things difficult.
Someone who has been a great figure in his life is my sister/his aunt May, as she is really into the same interests as Mark and they have a great time whenever she babysits.
A few years ago I met my partner Laura 37F, who was a single mum since Luke’s dad was never in the picture.
Luke and I actually really hit it off since Laura introduced me to him. He never really had any male role models, since Laura only had sisters, and her dad died when she was a teenager. He’s also into a lot of the same stuff I’m into which is where the conflict started to arise.
I’ve tried a couple of times to take Mark to football matches, but he just doesn’t have any interest in it, so May looked after Mark when I’d go to football games a couple of times a year.
However Luke was incredibly excited to go to games with me, as he’s never been before but is a big fan.
Recently, May spoke to me in private and said that Mark was incredibly jealous of Luke spending time with me alone, and asked that I not go to a Formula 1 event with him next weekend (I asked Mark if he wanted to go, but had no interest in it).
They both are really good friends, but Mark felt like I loved Luke more than him which admittedly broke my heart. Even though he doesn’t go to football with me, I still make sure to take him to things that he’d enjoy such as West End shows, and concerts of his favorite singers.
I said to May that although I understand and will try to speak to Mark, it would be incredibly unfair to Luke to stop taking him out and to not take him out next week when he’s been excited about it for so long.
May said that I needed to put my own son first and that I was damaging my relationship with him.
Those words have kind of cut deep and I was wondering AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And I can’t believe all the people who are giving you a pass.
You are over the moon to have a stepson who shares your interests. There is also an air of toxic masculinity running through your whole post with an emphasis on sports and race car driving. “It would be incredibly unfair to Luke to stop taking him out.” No one suggests you have to stop doing things with Luke; it’s not a binary situation.
What you need to do is give your own son the kind of attention he needs rather than indulge your own desire for a mini-me. Why does Mark have to do all the work here? It’s not enough for you to leave it all up to Mark to come up with things to do, it’s your job as his father to actively pursue activities he would like.
Denigrating his interests is not the way to fix this. You don’t have to do things you don’t like, what you are supposed to be doing is working on developing some common interest. Mark is 15 and you seem to have just written him off because you now have the son you always wanted. Dude, that is absolutely jerk behavior and you need to set a corrective course.” kol_al
Another User Comments:
“OP’s future posts will be like.. “WIBTJ for having my stepson as the best man at my wedding because I don’t have anything in common with my bio son?” “WIBTJ for asking my son to share his inheritance and college fund with my stepson?” “WIBTJ for gifting my stepson a car but I’m only giving an Amazon gift card to my son?” “WIBTJ for kicking my son out and giving his room to my stepson?” “WIBTJ for demanding my son invite me and his stepbrother to his wedding?” “WIBTJ for prioritizing my stepson’s children and taking them on vacation instead of attending my son’s birthday?” “WIBTJ for asking my son to pay my medical bills even though we haven’t seen each other for years?” “WIBTJ for asking my son to forgive me for not prioritizing him since we don’t share any common interest?” YTJ.” Think_Storm_8909
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You’ve presented a whole lot about all the ways that Mark doesn’t share your interests and why it’s easier to spend time with Luke, but what are you doing to engage with Mark?
You can lament that he doesn’t like the stuff you like, or you can get to know him and encourage him in the things he does like. Hanging out with Luke isn’t bad on its own, but distancing yourself from your son because he doesn’t like the same things is poor parenting.
You can make all the excuses and justifications you want, but if you can’t be bothered to take the time to meet him where he is and show interest in him and the things he enjoys, then YTJ.” _SSHHHHH
18. AITJ For Calling Out My Brother's Excuse For Two-Timing?
“I (26f) have a brother (30m) “Stu”. Stu has been married to “Katey” for 6 years before he was unfaithful to her with “Candice”.
Honestly, I loved Katey, even though she was rather quiet and introverted, she was always interesting to talk to, and helpful and I loved how serious she was about her hobbies.
Like she wouldn’t let anything stop her from doing what she loves and she would work hard for it. So once we found out that Stu had been unfaithful to her with another woman, we were shocked, since Stu said he would never do that to her.
Stu has separated from Katey and started a relationship with Candice. I’m not a big fan of her as she is not nearly as helpful or nice as Katey, always gives unsolicited advice, and generally behaves and speaks as if she is more important than everyone else in the room.
However, Stu seems to be totally in love with her.
Recently, I have told Stu that I don’t feel comfortable inviting Candice to my and my partner’s house due to her behavior and how their relationship started. Stu didn’t like that and started an argument with me, during this argument I mentioned how much better Katey was and that he was a fool for losing her and Stu said that his Asperger’s syndrome made him be unfaithful to Katey and she should have understood and forgiven him, but she didn’t.
I called him dumb for blaming his condition on being unfaithful and said if my partner told me the same thing as he told Katey, I would have left as well.
Now my brother got offended and called me an “insensitive jerk”.
The family is split, my parents believe I should apologize to him, while some of my siblings said I did the right thing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Let me get the NTJ out of the way before I ask, exactly how he is claiming his Asperger’s made him be unfaithful?
Like what is the justification? Signed, another person with Asperger’s who has never heard this nonsense before.” ThrillkillKarl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I can’t follow the whole bit about which woman you like and not, but it doesn’t matter.
You don’t have to like or not like either of them. Tell Stu that Aspergers is no longer its own Dx, (per DSM-whatever # it’s up to). He is simply on the spectrum, he needs to stop behaving badly and using his Dx as an excuse, and needs to get treatment to participate in the family.” Neenknits
Another User Comments:
“People with autism love rules. Like the rules of a board game, we are going to follow them to a T. And probably get annoyed as heck if someone is unfaithful or tries to change a rule.
One of the most well-known “rules” of a relationship is do not be unfaithful. If anything a person who is autistic (holla!) is not going to be unfaithful because we know that is really bad. Don’t do it.
Tell him he has royally ticked off a bunch of people with Asperger’s (now just known as autistic).” Corduroycat1
17. AITJ For Temporarily Leaving My Friend Group Without Confronting The Bully First?
“I (45/m) have been a part of a circle of friends, for ~13 years. Usually, it’s great. My wife is friends with the guys’ wives.
We’re a tribe.
One of the group (let’s call him Abel) has a chip on his shoulder and loses his temper explosively whenever he suffers even a minor setback. In recent months, he’s been all over my case.
Lately, Abel has not let up on me at all. If a joke is made about one of the group, it’s usually on me. If we’re playing a co-op game and I score better than him, he swears harshly and says he’s going to quit because he’s not needed. He calls out every one of my mistakes, loudly, and harps on it.
(He also curses himself out for making mistakes, which is foreign to me. Occasional failure is inevitable.) I don’t retaliate because I don’t think there’s any % in it; I want to relax with friends and let my guard down.
When the group confabs on what to do, I used to throw my 2¢ in, even though my choice of activity was usually shot down. Eventually, I stopped suggesting anything. Now I’m considered a contrarian hipster. (None of my other friend groups treat me like this.)
Last week, during a roulette watch party, my pick was drawn. I picked one of my fave films, which is subtitled. Because the subtitles weren’t burned in the transfer, we had technical issues that slowed things down.
I said we could watch something else and save it for another time, but they weren’t having it.
The hours of nonsense slung at me during the entire film duration became unreal. Usually, I take jabs at my expense just fine, but I was worn down after months and I couldn’t believe my friends would voluntarily spend their night picking on me for my choice and mocking me when I was already embarrassed. Abel led the charge and really unloaded on me.
I was upset and humiliated in a way I haven’t felt in many years. I’m a grown adult. But I couldn’t sleep a wink.
The next day, I left a message on our group server telling everyone that I was going to take a break from the group for 6 weeks (since our “hub friend” will be out of state) and that we could talk after.
Then I disinvited myself from all our shared events and left the server.
To me, this was the right thing to do because I don’t expect people to change their behavior just because I had my feelings hurt.
For me, better to cool off and regain my poise so I could go into that conversation clean. I also handled it this way because I think it’s pathetic for adults to hang around people who don’t value their company.
When I told my wife about it, she was sympathetic, but the 1st thing she asked was if I had talked to Abel 1-on-1 about how he was treating me. I admitted that I had not initiated that convo because I wouldn’t know what to say.
She said I could have handled it better and that just leaving was not necessarily the mature thing to do.
AITJ for cutting and running on the group temporarily without having that conversation first?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’re establishing boundaries and have explained that. Anyone with a pulse would know what Abel is doing, so either they care enough to call him out and deal with it, or they don’t and expect you to just deal with the way they think they can treat you.
Regardless, NTJ. Spend time with people who appreciate you and ask your wife to support you through this, without more of the chirping that you have been dealing with.” wizenedwitch
Another User Comments:
“You can cut ties with whoever you want and whenever you want.
Frankly, after reading how he’s been behaving, I don’t think a sit-down chat would have got you anywhere with him and would only have led to more abuse and more upset on your part. Don’t get involved in conversations about your decision.
Keep this as low-key and drama-free as possible. Trust in your decision. Trust in yourself. If anyone tries to talk to you about it then say it’s private and not for discussion. You’ve done a good thing.
Now is your time for peace and reflection. Do not allow ANYONE to interfere with your process. Well done. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There seems to always be that one person in the group that nobody likes because he talks over everybody, makes cruel jokes, and is generally unlikable but he keeps getting invited. I bet you find your break rather revealing.
Your stress level will go way down. You will be much happier. And when you walk in after 6 weeks away you will be wondering why you are there and it’s not worth it anymore. You’re 45 and that high school nonsense should’ve been laid to rest long ago.
It’s one of the reasons my husband gave up gaming some years ago. The drama was just ridiculous.” embracedthegrey
16. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Contact Me After My Surgery?
“I got a mastectomy and stayed in the hospital to recover for a while. My husband was of course aware that I was having the surgery well in advance. He didn’t drive me to the hospital because he was busy so I took an Uber.
However, I asked him to text me something supportive so I could read it after the surgery and he hasn’t been in contact at all. He reads my texts but just responds “sorry, busy at work.” It’s like he doesn’t have any interest in how the surgery went.
It’s been 3 days and he doesn’t seem to care if and when I come home.
I am just wondering if I might be too biased and not understanding enough. He works at a phone store for context.
For the record, if he just texted “I love you” after work, I would have felt supported.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you seriously need to consider if he is a good husband because right now he is absolutely not being. He works in a phone shop and can’t find two minutes in a day to check in with his wife who’s just had major surgery?
Surely with his job he’s aware using a phone takes seconds right? That shows he isn’t worried about you at all as he should be, you deserve a better life partner. Most importantly, I hope you feel better soon, be strong and focus on getting well for yourself.” Neko-Cat
Another User Comments:
“Phone store like T-Mobile, or a landline type phone store for homes or businesses? I think he’s “busy” with a female co-worker. By the way, are you “allowed” to take an Uber home from your surgery hospital stay?
If not, I’d be finding someone else to help you and leave your husband permanently. Regardless of his past “loving” behavior, this one is beyond him being a jerk. He just doesn’t care about you at all. Divorce him and find someone else that will be there for you when you need it, he sure as heck won’t.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“When a partner has serious medical complications men statistically leave their partner at alarming rates. Men who vow to support their partners through sickness and health decide they don’t want to put in the energy or effort to care for their sick partners.
This “man” has shown you where he lies in that statistic and I think we all know where it is. He will not support you now or in the future. What about when you both are older and in declining health?
Who will you have to support each other then, him? Unlikely. In 3 days that you’ve been in the hospital you got a single message saying “I love you” but does that sound like the support of someone who claims to love you?
Clearly, NTJ and I sincerely hope you take a fresh look at the type of partnership you have because you deserve someone who will support you through thick and thin and not cut and run when it gets difficult.” littletink91
15. AITJ For Not Helping A Customer With A Service I Don't Provide?
“I work for a company that has a lot of stores across the UK, some of which are high street stores and some are located within supermarkets while not actually having anything to do with the supermarket itself.
The store I work in is located in a Tesco store.
I’m minding my own business, serving a shop full of customers when the phone rings, I answer with “good afternoon, -SHOP NAME- -my name- speaking, how can I help?” This woman proceeds to YELL at me about how she took out a phone contract with “us” and isn’t receiving the service she wanted. Now, I don’t sell phone Contracts, Tesco Mobile, however, does.
Note that I am in no way affiliated with Tesco or Tesco Mobile in any way despite my shop being located inside Tesco.
I calmly explained this to the lady and she proceeded to tell me that the least I could do is find the phone number she needs and that I should just ask the customer service point for it.
I explained once again that the companies are not linked and that I am single-handedly running my own store which has customers waiting for the services that I actually do provide and she got even more irate and said “I thought you would have gone above and beyond but clearly not” and hung up.
So am I the jerk for not leaving my store and customers to go above and beyond for a company I don’t work for?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I must be a BIG jerk. Because I’m amazed at the number of posts I read where the poster is obviously and clearly NOT a jerk.
How do so many of you think that because some unreasonable person makes unreasonable demands and y’all politely explain that it won’t happen, y’all think you’re the jerk for them being unreasonably upset.” Standard-Reception90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
But you might want to write the information down and keep it handy. Should this happen again, it would be faster to just give someone the name and a number than to argue about it. Is it your responsibility?
Heck no. Would it make your life easier in the long run? Yepper.” EnoughAlready710
Another User Comments:
“Yes, clearly you’re the bad guy. You should have helped her with whatever she needed over the phone, then you should have offered to come to her house and mow the lawn and clean her house after working all day.
*massive amount of sarcasm* Nope, she is 1,000% in the wrong. It would be one thing if she called your shop by mistake thinking that your shop was affiliated with Tesco Mobile and you could help her, but that clearly is not the case.
And she reached Godzilla-sized levels of jerk behavior for yelling at you and expecting you to do somersaults to help her. What a nasty lady. “If you run into a jerk in the morning, you ran into a jerk.
If you run into jerks all day, you’re the jerk.” That quote sums her up perfectly, IMHO. She clearly thought that you were the jerk, but I know better. NTJ.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Threatening To Cut Off My Mother If She Marries Again?
“I (f22) and my mother (40) were talking recently. She’s had 2 marriages. She recently started talking to this guy and within one month of NOT being exclusive, not introducing or anything, they are already talking about marriage. My entire family has barely talked to her after the last one.
The last one was a random Indian guy no one had ever met who mistreated me and landed me in foster care. She refused to leave him. 13 years later, he got citizenship and left her. Our entire family told her what he wanted and she didn’t care.
He never respected us at all and didn’t respect her either. My mother didn’t care.
After her recent divorce from him, I finally got married to my husband! My family showed up to MY wedding and paid for everything.
Ever since then, my mother’s been jealous. She’s also been having an identity crisis and has been trying to be a race that she isn’t. We’re Middle Eastern and lately, she’s been pretending to be Indian.
Fake accent and all. We’ve told her to stop since our family gets racism on the daily as it is.
I snapped finally. I told her “if you get married, no one will come. I’m tired of you not getting the mental help you need and you’ve not been single once in your entire life.
I’m tired of being around random men and tired of being forced into someone else’s beliefs that aren’t mine. We will cut you off if you don’t stop”. She called me a stupid jerk and ran off to the guy’s car.
So my question is, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “I’m tired of you not getting the mental help you need.” I know it can be frustrating to be on the sidelines on mental health. It’s okay to have these feelings, but the way you went about it is definitely not going to prompt her to seek treatment.
Choosing to seek treatment and then doing so for mental health is not as simple and straightforward as getting a broken bone fixed.” 4682458
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So you don’t mention which Middle Eastern country, but your mother may have been brought up to believe that women have certain roles and therefore that she should be identified by being with a man, sometimes which means any man no matter how awful.
Does your mother have her own source of income or is this also part of it? I’m not making excuses for her, it definitely sounds like she has a lot to work through and I sympathize with your position, but it may have a lot to do with how she herself was raised as well.” Senti2com1
Another User Comments:
“Hey, you are NTJ and you don’t need to engage. You told her to get help. It’s not your job to ensure she does. She is your mom and until age 18 was responsible for your well-being.
Instead, you ended up in foster care due to her actions and her spouse’s actions. You owe her nothing. For your own mental health, consider going no contact and no longer engaging.” Reddit User
13. AITJ For Ignoring My Mom After She Banned All My Favorite Media For Religious Reasons?
“I (f16) am an atheist. My mom (f42) is a very conservative apostolic Christian.
I haven’t told her I’m an atheist because it would make things worse than they already are.
In our church, we have Zoom calls on Fridays for discussions and we talk about random things. Two weeks ago on Friday, a woman came on our Zoom call and basically said things that are either “outlandish fiction”, contain homosexuality, or religion that isn’t Christianity such as Buddhism or Islam are sinful and we shouldn’t take part in any media that is such, like books, movies, TV etc…
My mom hearing this of course followed it and though I was upset I didn’t care because I could just watch it on my laptop and delete the history. 3 days ago my mom came into my room (that I have a lock on) and trashed one of my books after she read through it because one of the characters was “gay”, I didn’t even get a chance to read the book.
I didn’t even notice until she mentioned it today while we were eating dinner.
She also threw away my entire 6 year’s $1000 manga collection because “that stuff doesn’t happen in real life.”
On top of all this, she has banned the “How to Train Your Dragon” movie (which is my favorite movie) because Vikings worship Odin instead of “Jesus”.
She has banned all anime except for slice-of-life anime. She banned all Marvel and d.c movies too. I made plans to go to the movies with my friend and watch the new Thor movie and I had to cancel because I couldn’t find a way to watch it without my mom knowing because she kept pressing me about what movie I was watching.
I’m not allowed to watch Disney or Nickelodeon either. So with all this, I’ve been ignoring her because it feels like one by one she’s taking away happy aspects of my life because it’s a “sin” and my sister said that she has good intentions.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I am so sorry, this sucks. When folks go that hardcore into religion it’s like they disappear into it. And there is probably very little reasoning with her. So, you have two jobs for the next couple of years: stay off her radar and figure out a post-high school plan that gets you OUT from underneath her.
Because you don’t need to end up in some hard-core wilderness camp in Utah. And if she is going this nuts over manga – I would be concerned about what is next. So, what are your options?
Can you throw yourself into extra-curricular or get a part-time job? Can you take a summer class at a community college and knock some credits out? Do you have a friend’s place where you can stash a box of stuff you love and it will be safe there?
Or a sane relative? The more you are out of the house, the more you are off her radar, the easier it will be. And you still have plenty of time to crank out the grades for some decent college options or look into job training if college isn’t your thing.
Good luck.” ChakraMama318
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry that your mother is so narrow-minded. You could talk to a guidance counselor at school. They may be able to help you find counseling to discuss your frustrations at home and deal with your shrinking number of outlets to entertain yourself at home.
I understand that you are an atheist, but I’m still going to make a recommendation that may initially sound bizarre. Read the bible. I’m not trying to convince you that everything in there is the truth. I will try to convince you that, in general, there are some good rules in there for how we should all try to behave.
Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not steal. Pretty decent starting rules for encouraging people to work together in society 2000+ years ago. Nowadays, some of us choose to focus on the “love your neighbor” parts. Some chose to focus more on the “fire and brimstone” parts.
Anyone who’s honest has to admit there’s a lot of conflicting info in there. That’s what I suggest you focus on. Do some research. “An eye for an eye” seems to proclaim the opposite of “turn the other cheek.” You’ve got to live in Mom’s house for a few more years.
I’m not suggesting trying to start a fight with her. I’m suggesting doing your homework. If she says you can’t read a certain book because it includes a gay character, know some facts about what the Bible actually says on the matter, in context.
Have a comeback for each of her attacks.” JazzyKnowsBest13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I can understand both outlooks in this story. I was an atheist for 12 years until I realized it didn’t make me happy and I rejoined Christianity about a year ago.
Your mother wants what’s best for you but I admit she’s taking it too far. You’re not Christian you’re Atheist so you do what you think is best for you. If it makes you happy good, if it doesn’t then you’ll learn more about what your interests are.
The point is these are things and experiences you need to further develop as your own person. Sit her down and talk about it. I had similar experiences with my mother and family. Having a heart-to-heart may not change anything immediately but it can help soften people’s outlooks.” Sillysadazz
12. AITJ For Speaking To My Adopted Child In My Native Language?
“My husband and I are both multi-linguals.
I speak Kichwa, Spanish (my native tongues), and also English and French. My husband speaks French and Catalan (his native tongues) and also English and Spanish. So basically we speak 3 similar languages. Anyway, my husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage “John” 7m and Mary “6m”.
Anyway, fast forward and we’ve adopted a baby boy. Now for more context: my husband speaks to me in French and I respond back to him in Spanish and vice versa. (It’s the fastest way to communicate tbh.) With the kids (my step kids but I call them the kids) I speak to them in French or Spanish (mostly French because that’s their best language) and my husband speaks to them in French or Catalan (mostly Catalan).
I assumed that with the baby he would be mostly speaking to it in French since I would say that’s the “common language” of the house. He starts speaking to the child in Catalan and French and I decide I want my child to speak Spanish and Kichwa (the only languages most of my family speaks).
So I started speaking to him in those languages.
My husband gets mad at me and says I shouldn’t speak to the child in a language others can’t understand. He said that I will make our other 2 kids feel left out.
I told him that that is nonsense and I want our baby to learn my native tongue. He says that I’m trying to sever his and the other kids’ relationship with the baby. I asked him how is this any different from him and the other kids conversing in Catalan when I’m around?
He says that it’s different because 1. They were used to speaking it in the house because of their mother. 2. It was already one of their first languages. 3. I can understand almost everything they are saying. After that, I tell him that I will continue talking to the baby in my language.
He calls me a jerk and says I’m tearing the family apart. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, there is no reason why your other children shouldn’t learn Kichwa as well. If they don’t want to, that’s their choice.
But as long as you’re willing to teach them and make that offer…NTJ. You have every right to want your child to be able to converse freely with your family. Since you mentioned French was the “main language” in your home, maybe you should consider teaching the new baby that as well.
Otherwise, it’s the baby that will feel left out.” VixenNoire
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting your baby to speak as many languages as possible. Seems like there’s an easy fix though for the other kids feeling left out – offer to start teaching them your native tongue as well (also your husband if he’s not going to be too stubborn about it).
Even if they can’t just pick it right up and understand everything hopefully it should keep them from feeling left out. And offer to translate what they hear you speak to the baby in the meantime. Would probably help the baby too to hear what’s said reinforced in another language (I would think, not a language expert).” Stormfeathery
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Having the ability to speak different languages – even though they are not the same languages each child chooses – will not affect their relationship or communication. On the contrary, it will likely enrich their experiences, curiosity, and skills.
I have been exposed to four different languages since I was a child while my older brother and older sister to only three and it hasn’t severed our relationship.” 11arwen
11. AITJ For Telling My Partner's Dad Why His Kids Don't Visit Him?
“I (20 f) have been with my current partner for almost 6 years now. He’s a great guy but he really hates trying to stand up for himself. His father (50m) doesn’t like to accept that he’s rude but disguises it as “being honest”.
My partner had recently changed his college major from electrical engineering to computer engineering and he’s doing fantastic, has great grades, etc. Needless to say, his dad was not happy, he exploded telling my partner he needs to get something that was going to help him “get a real job.” And he was just putting my partner down, telling him he’s never going to amount to anything, etc. I tried to interject and got told to “know a woman’s place and shut up.” My partner got so mad he tried to take a drive and he was so upset and cried the whole time.
When we went back I tried to “apologize” to his dad and asked him to have an open mind. He immediately began yelling insults saying “this is my house, I’ll say whatever I want you jerk, etc.” I began to cry, told him how great his son is, and finally got so mad with the insults and everything else that I said “No wonder your kids don’t flipping come and see you.” He shut down when I said that.
He’s stopped talking to us for a few days. His wife has been saying it behind his back for years, but she told me I was wrong for telling him that, especially since my partner and I are not married and I’m “technically not a part of the family.” My partner thanked me for standing up for him, but his parents are really upset with us.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My father was VERY similar to your partner’s dad and I can tell you from experience that no amount of yelling, cajoling, reasoning, etc. is going to get them to change their minds or behavior.
That makes HIM a jerk. To be perfectly honest though, I’d avoid confronting the father in the future and wasting time/effort.” notlucyintheskye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, as long as your SO is happy, that’s what matters.
As much as family is obviously important, I can’t imagine that your SO was too happy about the fact that his dad not only went out of his way to insult you but that his own mother is acting like that was okay just because you’re “not a part of the family.” That is beyond messed up.
I hope at some point in time they relax a bit and stop being so rude.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I think you did your partner’s father and his family a favor. I know exactly what you’re saying but for him to belittle his son like that is totally unacceptable.
He deserved everything you said to him and possibly you will make him a better man. He doesn’t know what to say to you right now but I’m older you did the right thing even if it came at that time.” Crystal433
10. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Accept Grandma's Dementia-Induced Misnaming?
“I (25F) have a sister Emma (23F).
When Emma was a kid her birth name was Prudence. She was teased and bullied a ton for the name and hates it with a passion. So when she turned 18 she got her name changed to Emma.
This didn’t go over well with the family, especially Grandma.
Emma was named after my grandma’s sister who passed away when she was young. Grandma thought it was awful for her to change her name and if she didn’t like it then go by her middle name and not legally change it.
It took about a year until Grandma would call her Emma. It strained their relationship a lot.
Grandma has gotten dementia, so her memory isn’t good now. She is back to calling my sister Prudence most days and Emma hates it.
Today when we were helping around, Grandma called her Prudence again. Emma lost it and started yelling at her. I got her away and told Emma to basically grow up and deal with it. Emma left after calling me a jerk, so am I?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you are not a jerk. Unfortunately, from your post, your granny is suffering from some form of senile dementia. Calling your sister by her birth name is what happens when your granny forgets who she is and who she’s talking to.
Yelling at Granny will not help her remember. Somebody, whom your sister will listen to, needs to talk to her & set her straight on granny’s issues, and how this is the way it’s going to be. And she needs to deal with it.
Because your granny is disappearing right before your eyes. It sucks, BIG TIME. But it is not your granny’s fault. NTJ. And keep protecting your granny.” lapsteelguitar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needs to research dementia to understand that it strips the newest memories first. My grandfather lost the names of his grandkids before his kids.
He thought he could drive on the freeway though he hadn’t in 10 years, and got into an accident. He started looking for the stairs to go to bed, but hadn’t lived in a 2-story house since he was a teenager.
It is an insidious disease. Emma needs to open her heart and realize this isn’t about her, and that it will continue to happen. And if she can’t then, maybe Emma needs to stay away. Be a little gentle, maybe she knows this already, and part of her anger is fear of losing her grandma.
This could be the denial stage of what she doesn’t want to see coming over the horizon. Or maybe she is just selfish and clueless. Either way, I am sorry for both aspects of the situation.” Parasamgate
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Obviously, grandma can’t help her dementia, she’s not a jerk for that. But it sounds like she and Emma didn’t have the best relationship prior to her getting sick. Seems she cared more about a name than her actual granddaughter.
As someone who has literally never been called the correct name by her own family, I can understand Emma’s frustration. (I ended up going no contact with my family for that and other reasons, over 30 years passed with them using the wrong name) I also have lost family members to Alzheimer’s and I’m sorry to be blunt here, but getting sick with a disease that makes you forget things does not absolve you of your past misdeeds/mistakes.
It’s hard to know what kind of person the grandmother actually was/is from this short post, so I guess I’m just speaking from my own experience. You don’t necessarily owe anyone anything just because they’re sick or dying.
It sounds like Emma had a lot of pent-up anger and maybe it would be better if she didn’t spend much time around grandma for now. She shouldn’t have yelled, but you shouldn’t have been so dismissive of her feelings either.” imaginaryblues
9. AITJ For Being Upset That My Fiancé Hid His Mother's Cancer Diagnosis From Me?
“I have been engaged for the past 8 months and have a wedding scheduled later this year.
My fiancé and I are really excited. His family is a big joint family and really close. His mother has not been keeping well during the last month and everyone was really sad and stressed, naturally. Something wasn’t adding up since everyone mentioned she refuses to visit a doctor so after asking one too many questions, my fiancé confessed that she actually has been going to one for the last two years and has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.
2 years ago, she decided to refuse to take further medicines or chemo because of the side effects, pain, and lack of improvement and has basically decided to just live as long as she is able (I still don’t know all the details and don’t want to be insensitive to the family by asking).
The family didn’t want to tell me or my family in fear I would call off the wedding. We have been engaged for 8 months.
My belief that my fiancé will be honest with me has been shaken and the promises we made while getting engaged seem a lie.
We promised to be there for each other’s families and put our lives on hold if necessary if either of our parents fell sick. While I was making this promise for a distant future, he was making it with direct relation to supporting his family financially and otherwise.
He knew this and lied to me while we promised to be honest with each other.
I was shocked by it and also hurt that it was kept from me. I want to say yeah I don’t care about all this but somehow can’t shake it off.
On a minor note, my future plans of working abroad will change as I would want to be there to support them if and/or when she passes on. I feel like a jerk. I will not leave him but I still haven’t grasped the situation and can’t help but feel selfish for making it about how it affects my life.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Info. Was he hiding a plan to use your finances to pay for her or something? What is the end goal of hiding this? Why would it be so important to the entire extended family to trap you in a marriage FIRST before revealing this info?
Does the family expect you to pay for her medical bills? Did they have some grand plan of guilting you into being a caretaker? Nefarious intention is the only reason I can see to hide this information and nefarious intention is the only reason I could see them being afraid you will call it off.
Once your money is a joint marital asset legally your husband could take it without your permission to pay for his mother. Was this their plan all along? To have you financially support her after marriage?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“In some cultures, people don’t share about cancer freely. It stems from various reasons like 1. people treating cancer patients very differently. 2. Being not comfortable talking about death. 3. Worries around if a family member has cancer, does it mean it’s genetic – as in will the bride or groom have an increased risk of cancer.
(I know it sucks, but I know for a fact these things are considered in some cultures) Some of these things have so many cultural nuances that people in other cultures cannot grasp ergo pass a judgment. If honesty and trust are important to you (it would be to me), then definitely have a discussion with your fiancé as to why he didn’t tell you these things.
NTJ, if your gut tells you to break up. Make sure it’s for the right reasons and not just cold feet.” dracospunch
Another User Comments:
“This may be totally unfair for him to hide it… but given how aggressive some people become around/about medical decisions that have nothing to do with them… Could mom/family have asked him to keep it from you because the decision to NOT treat has been made already- and they’re worried you would try to convince a dying woman your view/desires to treat/care for her outweighs her desire to live as though she isn’t sick right up until she dies?
I don’t think we can judge based on what you’ve written. No one likes to be lied to through intent or omission- but other people’s medical decisions aren’t up for me to divulge.” GondolaQueen
8. AITJ For Asking A Boy With Autism To Lower His Music On Public Transport?
“I take the tram to school every day and when returning this boy always plays music on the loudest possible volume and sings along.
At first, I didn’t mind but it’s gotten very annoying over time.
I am also autistic and have bad sensory issues, especially with sound and he’s not doing it any good, so I asked him if he could turn it down or at least wear headphones.
This caused him to lash out, he explained that he’s autistic and hates the feeling of headphones. Okay, I get that! Sensory issues are a pain. So I kindly asked him to turn it down or not play it at all because I am also autistic and my sensory issues get triggered due to the loud noise (mainly his off-key singing along).
I know I’m on public transport and technically people can do what they want yes. But here it’s generally very looked down upon to be noisy on public transport. No one likes loud people.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Our public transport has a rule that a headset or earphones must be used to play music, I’m surprised yours doesn’t. Regardless, many people are rude and use some issue to continue that rudeness. I can promise you though, even if he wore a headset, you’d still hear him singing.
You might want to invest in some noise canceling headphones just for public transport but NTJ.” kristent225
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. He’s in a public place, it’s not acceptable at all to play loud music there, especially in public transport, where people are kinda “locked” with you.
People want to chill there, going from work or school, not to listen to some autistic (or whoever else) kid singing and playing music. I’m not even autistic (I think) but feel you af. I’ve experienced people singing on the bus and it’s just annoying.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am autistic and have many sensory issues. Public transport is the worst and this sort of thing can send me over the edge. I would think and hope this boy gets that! I find it incredibly offensive to bother people with excessive unnecessary noise/behavior.
I go to (too) great lengths to not bother people with mine. Kudos and an award for you for standing up for yourself and others! The few times I dared say something (like loudly talking/laughing in a small sauna) they acted like I was the offensive one lol.” Ashamed-Relation2547
7. AITJ For Standing Up To My Unemployed Dad Over Groceries After He Yelled At Me?
“My dad (50) is broken. He doesn’t have a job or any source of income, so the only person taking care of him is me (M/21).
I’ve been stuck between taking care of him because it’s the right thing to do, and standing up for myself when he goes too far. We haven’t gotten along in some time. Growing up it was very hard because one moment he’d be happy as a clam the next he could be very angry.
I could go into more detail but that would take at least a week, but that’s not the point.
He sends me with our food stamps to go to the store. I made 1 trip earlier that week after work to grab the essentials, and I could tell he wasn’t particularly pleased but he didn’t really make it an issue.
2 days ago, I made my second trip, after an 8-hour shift at work and a plasma donation after to grab the rest, but one thing that they didn’t have was sunflower kernels. I asked for help to make sure I wasn’t crazy and they were nowhere to be found.
I didn’t really think it was a big deal so I grabbed the rest of the items as quickly as I could before they closed.
When I get home I don’t hear a hello or a thank you or anything of the sort for my efforts, all I hear is him complaining about how all he has are sunflower seeds but no sunflower kernels.
I explain my situation to him but he starts to raise his voice when he talks about how I don’t look and when I go to the store I just grab whatever and is basically accusing me of fraud.
I have severe anxiety and any kind of confrontation can be very hard for me to deal with. When he started yelling at me, seemingly over nothing, he triggered me, and when I was finally able to get a word in I told him “ok then the next time we need groceries go get them your goddarned self!” He went to his room and I just saw him for the first time since then.
Any time he’s had anything to say to me he’s been ranting on his phone about how I’m “abusive” etc. and telling me to go away and how he is going to move out, despite having nowhere else to go.
Am I the jerk? Even if I’m not, I definitely feel like crap.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your father are both under tremendous stress and that can sometimes make us act irrationally. Give yourself some slack.
“Growing up it was very hard because one moment he’d be happy as a clam the next he could be very angry.” I think your father should go to see a psychiatrist to be evaluated. It sounds like he has depression, but he might also have bipolar disorder.
There are many medicines that could be helpful to treat his symptoms. If he’s on food stamps, then he’d probably also qualify for Medicaid. See if you can encourage him to get help. If he won’t, then maybe you could see a counselor for yourself.
Because you are a caretaker and you are emotionally drained from the stress.” frombildgewater
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look into getting your dad a social worker. He may qualify for some sort of local services, or you could as his “caretaker”.
Google “disability advocacy your-area-name” and see what comes up. If he doesn’t qualify, the social worker will be able to help you with understanding how to get your dad on disability. Assuming he qualifies. If not, good to know that too.
If he qualifies for disability, he can eventually get a disability payment and could have access to special housing. If he doesn’t, then he needs to figure out how he wants to support himself, because there’s no reason he can’t.
Mental illness is something that counts for disability as well. Either way, there’s a saying from the platform. “Don’t set yourself on fire, to keep someone else warm”. My interpretation: you’ll burn yourself out, and they will be no better off.
The situation with your dad sucks for your mental health, it can’t go on forever. If you can hook him up with the services he needs, he may not need your support anymore.” AuntyErrma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Make an exit plan so you can start YOUR life. I know you think he can’t make it on his own has no place to go etc. but you will likely be surprised. A great many like this have an uncanny way of landing on their feet.
He’s lived to be 50. Honestly, if you don’t get out I doubt you will make it to that age. That might sound melodramatic but this kind of abuse will wear on you mentally and physically. He may live to 100 while you are gone before 40.
Happened to my own brother that way, “helpless” parent gonna be 70+, brother dead before 35.” vac_roc
6. AITJ For Telling My Wealthy Sister Her Financial Advice Is Unrealistic?
“I’ve got an older sister, T, who makes a significantly higher salary than me. She’s got a house, a fully paid-off car, the whole American dream deal. I’ve got a stable job, but not one that is particularly high-earning.
Last weekend, my car broke down. On a call, I was complaining to my sister about how jacked-up car prices are, and how I’ll need to take out a car loan.
She launched into a rant against car loans, and how it is always better to wait and buy a car outright.
When I told her I need a car now because mine fully broke down, she told me I should just take the bus until I have the money saved up.
When I told her that wasn’t realistic, she said “see things like this are why I was able to buy a house and you can’t.”
I replied “No, the reason you can afford to buy a house is because you make 4 times as much as I do. Honestly, your perspective on a normal person’s finances is freaking useless.”
She got really mad at me about that, because she considers herself to be a “normal” person, and I pointed out that she’s anything but normal, she’s been part of the upper class for the better part of 10 years now, and her perspective on money is 100% biased. She pretty quickly hung up the phone, and I haven’t heard from her since.
AITJ? I may have gone too far in saying she isn’t a normal person or that her perspective is useless, but honestly, it’s true. She never ridden public transit, and hasn’t struggled for money since her undergrad a decade ago.
Her telling me to take the bus felt like her saying “oh that’s what poor people do, so go do that,” and it feels condescending.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Privilege can obscure the image of what “normal” actually is.
I’m sure your sister worked hard for everything they got but because of their current position, they really can’t tell you realistically what will work for you. Things that will save you money in the long run aren’t necessarily feasible when you are poor and need something right this second.
Public transportation is god-awful in so many places. We do what must be done but buses are often slow and don’t get you where you need to be unless you are lucky and live somewhere that is commonplace.” maaya_the_bee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This reminds me of a lady I used to work with. She was nearing 60. Her husband held a VIP position in engineering with an international company and traveled to Europe nearly monthly. She had 2 children and paid for undergrad and graduate college for both, in cash.
She called her home, which she bought in the 90s for $250k, a starter home. We worked with a lot of college students or recent graduates. They were calling to pay $650 to attend our training sessions and/or buy our professional instruments for $1800 (medical field).
She could never understand how anyone would willing to use a credit card, to her they were a massive waste of money. Or how a student did not have enough money to just outright pay for the training plus instruments.
I mean like really? How many students/recent grads have nearly $2500 sitting in their pockets? People who make a good wage, tend to forget what reality is like for most people.” JadedSlayer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I adore my sister but she is 18 years older than me and went to college in 1996, the year I was born.
She worked as a part-time cocktail waitress at a strip club to pay her way through all four of her college degrees (not including scholarships because she’s annoyingly great at school). She recently built a private pool and hot tub in the backyard of her very suburban single-family home.
I was lucky enough to buy a townhouse in the city when I was 19 (about 6.5 years ago) and she had the AUDACITY to ask me why I wasn’t getting a “real house”. Like… “Because you’re the VP of a company with a husband who works very high up in construction and I can’t afford the college to get out of my barely-above-minimum-wage retail job?”” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Making A Joke About My Brother's Wife Who Bullied Me In School?
“I’m 30F. During years 6-10 (so ages 11-15), I had a few other girls who were particularly nasty. A girl named Emma was one of them, she in no way was the worst or an active participant but she most definitely edged it on and teased quite a bit, it was unbearable.
She left our school in year 10 (so we were 15) but then a year later my brother (35M) told me they were seeing each other and they’ve been together since. She’s never apologised and while she doesn’t act the same way I still don’t actively engage with her, we don’t talk and that’s it.
My brother messaged me to tell me that his eldest daughter was being bullied and I JOKINGLY texted back “Emma should know how to handle this then?” Thinking it’d be a joke between me and him.
Well, he went off on one and told Emma who’s now refusing to let me see their children until I apologize!
Claiming I’m being petty and bullying?
I told them Emma never apologized once for her behavior. To which I got told it was over 10 years ago and to get over it, that Emma is trying to move past those years because she had issues with depression and anxiety at the time…I told my brother that she caused the same for me!
By egging her friends on! And she’s even still friends with those who bullied me!
My brother texted me saying basically as it was over 10 years ago now I shouldn’t rehash it especially because they’re married and she’s the mother of his children…I said all I wanted was an apology, but I did mean it as a harmless joke because I didn’t think she’d be told.
AITJ? Really conflicted on this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Actually “Emma should know how to handle this” is exactly the right response to this. His daughter was getting bullied, her mother who used to be a bully should best know how to deal with it.
She knows why bullies act the way they do. But your brother is the jerk, for marrying the girl who bullied his sister for 4 years. Especially since he started seeing her nearly immediately after. How a brother could start seeing the girl who used to make his sister’s life unbearable is beyond my comprehension.
Also, it’s been ten years. Which means she’s had ten years of time to apologize, and she never once did. Even now when asked, she deflects, makes excuses, and turns it around on you. It means she’s not actually sorry, at all.
The very fact that she literally made it seem like you’re in the wrong for waiting ten years for an apology over 4 years of bullying you shows she’s still a bully. And your brother is letting it happen.
Same as how he cared nothing about your feelings ten years ago when he started seeing her, he cares nothing about your feelings now, while you’re still actively being bullied by her. A brother who goes out with and marries his sister’s bully is a backstabbing jerk.
A brother who continues to let the woman bully his sister is unforgivable.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 1.) “Emma is trying to move past these years”: While I understand that being reminded of phases of depression and anxiety can be hurtful, going off on such a small comment is uncalled for.
If anything Emma should have apologized for her behaviour after your little remark. 2.) Anxiety and depression don’t justify bullying 3.) Why do you have to move past your anxiety and she doesn’t? Sounds like a double standard. 4.) If she truly regretted the bullying she would have at some point apologized to you.
If she had done that and truly regretted it and if there were no lasting effects on your mental health (which I don’t know), I’d recommend letting it slide being compassionate about her depression and whatnot, and avoid comments like this so everybody can move on.
She didn’t apologize so her reaction is hypocritical. 5.) Getting her kids involved truly shows her character.” SnooKiwis1805
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His wife took part in bullying that left a lasting effect on you. As a kid or teenager, that stuff can screw you up mentally and physically.
It sounds like your brother needs a gentle reminder of this. It’s not something that can just be brushed off, especially if, like in your case, there was a group doing it. She was an active participant who ended up being a permanent fixture in your life, which needs a whole other level of perseverance to get through.
And as the oldest with 5 younger siblings, I can’t STAND that he started seeing one of your bullies and eventually married her. I can’t imagine any situation where I meet one of my younger siblings’ bullies and do anything except punch them right in the nose.
A simple apology while she’s “trying to move past those years” isn’t much to ask for. If anything, it’s step one to moving on and should have been something she did years ago. She obviously remembers it, and rather than apologizing she’s turning her guilt into spite and trying to make you the villain here.
If a little joke years later that you meant no harm with can cause this much fuss, then she absolutely knows she’s in the wrong and HAS been, but refuses to accept it. Doesn’t sound much like she’s moving on so much as she’s trying to pretend it never happened. You’re NTJ, but your brother and his wife both are.” StickyZetsu
4. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Contribute More Financially To Our Household?
“I (26F) have been with my partner (28M) for almost 6 years. I bought a house three years ago while working on my master’s degree, and he moved in with me.
Because his name wasn’t on any paperwork, he didn’t pay anything towards escrow, upkeep, taxes, etc, but he paid ~$300 every month for utilities, plus groceries. Even though I was in school, I was also constantly working 2-3 jobs to have an income and had hardly any free time, but I did what I had to do to afford the house, taxes, school, etc.
Last year, after finishing school, I sold that house and moved to a new house, and my partner again moved with me. It is a lovely house – a good deal, low mortgage rate, peaceful. My partner is now working on his degree, and he has argued that since he “supported” me during my degree, I should support him during his degree.
He is equating him paying for utilities and groceries while I was in school to me now paying for utilities, phones, mortgage, taxes, groceries, and upkeep.
He will not pay for anything except his own health insurance and his own leisurely activities.
I have been covering everything else. I can of course afford this home on my own (I wouldn’t have bought it otherwise), but I think my partner should financially contribute to the household in some way even if his name is not on the mortgage/deed. He currently works remotely ~7 hours a week and works on schoolwork remotely ~2 days a week.
He does not want to get a different job because he likes his free time and flexibility, and he does not want to lose that. He waxed poetic about how he would rather sit in the backyard and watch the trees, and then he went on a rant about capitalism, wage slavery, the uncertainty of his potential future employment, etc.
Yesterday, I brought up that our situations were not equal and that he did not entirely support me during my schooling. I did not ask him to do more, just that it wasn’t fair of him to make that comment.
He got very upset and has since spent all of his time moping and not really talking to me, and now I feel awful. I do want him to be happy, and I don’t want to take his freedom from him.
He does not take criticism well, and I don’t want him to think I’m belittling him or don’t appreciate what he already does. So, WIBTJ if I pushed him to get a different job and contribute something?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m in a similar situation and I always say, if my partner was renting somewhere else, he’d be paying rent/the landlord’s mortgage for twice the amount he pays me. So why wouldn’t he pay to live in your house?
I bought my own house a few months before I met my partner, he moved in and he pays half of everything, bills AND ‘rent’ (mortgage payments). I decided that even though it is my house and my name on the deeds, he is living here and that shouldn’t be for free.
Yes if you sell the house he may have contributed to the mortgage for a while, BUT you paid the deposit so it’s fair in my eyes.” dogmum1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He has been taking you for an entitled ride the entire time.
You need to snap him out of it! You are still very young. There is no reason you should be feeling ‘sunk costs’ DO you REALLY want to live like this for the next 30+ years? I know it will hurt and feel horrific, but you really need to set some firm boundaries.
If he is working full time, he is obligated to contribute – well should that is. PLEASE do not put yourself in a spot where you are dealing with this for years to come. In life, you need a partner, not a leech.” BrendaLouBrendaLou
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Adults sharing a home should share responsibilities. If he’s not willing to work out something more fair, he should move out. Freedoms? No. Expecting him to do his fair share isn’t infringing on his rights, it’s expecting him to be a responsible adult.
Imagine this guy with a kid – would you trust him? Everyone likes free time, everyone takes it when we get it, but being an adult means being responsible and he ain’t that. In your shoes I would tell him – you have two choices.
Step up. Move out. Don’t set yourself up for one of those punchlines in jokes about the husband being just another child. These guys are happy to keep letting you let them do exactly what they want whenever and guilt you about it, if you don’t set a firm boundary early it gets harder to do it later.” SociallyAwkardTurtle
3. AITJ For Asking My Firefighter Brother To Leave My Daughter's Birthday Party?
“My (38f) brother (22m) recently started working at the fire department, much to the surprise of the family, as he’s never been a very ambitious or altruistic kind and not even very fit. Ever since he went into training, he’s been talking about it nonstop.
He often shows up late to family events due to exercises etc, usually followed by saying “sorry guys, had FD training”. Since we’re all well-mannered, someone usually picks up the topic sometime during the gathering, asking about his experiences, etc, opening the door for my brother to start a sermon about his work.
It’s annoying beyond belief.
Yesterday, I finally told him to knock it off. It was my daughter’s fifth birthday, brother came an hour late as usual. This time, nobody really asked about what he did exactly, so I was relieved to finally have a day that was not about him.
Until my daughter opened his present.
Being a young girl, she’s pretty impressed by his line of work, i.e. the big red trucks, the action, and all that jazz. He even took her to the fire station and showed her around along with my husband, hyping her up.
So, we were all sitting at the table, talking about normal stuff and my daughter opened the present. The moment the wrap came off, I flipped my lid. It was a pixie book (a line of books that introduces kids to science, jobs, etc in an appropriate way) about the fire department.
She was off the charts and of course, it had to be read then and there. I rolled my eyes so hard that my husband took note and asked what was wrong. I quietly asked him to tell my brother to leave without causing a scene.
My husband refused, so I had to speak up. I calmly but firmly asked him to leave. He was very confused, along with everyone else. After I told him that it was not okay for him to constantly rub his job into everyone’s faces, acting like he’s more interesting than everyone else and steamrolling all of our conversations.
He then told me there must’ve been some misunderstanding, didn’t apologize, and just left. Afterward, the party didn’t really get going again and soon died out. That evening, my husband told me I was being irrational and said I was being unfair to my brother.
He brought up some nasty stuff in an attempt to ‘prove’ his point, which hurt me a lot. I left the bed and slept on the couch, only to wake up to a bunch of my guests asking me what happened and/or telling me I was being a jerk.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Am I missing something? Because all he did was give his niece a birthday gift. You said so yourself she has been interested in his field of work so all he did was give her a gift that he knew she would like.
Which she did like you said so yourself. How is that making it about him? It was a gift for your daughter it was very much about her and her interests. Honestly, it sounds like you are jealous of his career because everything you said does not show any form of bragging just people asking about his job which is normal. To completely flip out every time his job is mentioned sounds very jealous.
That’s something you need to work out on your own since from your post doesn’t sound like he did anything wrong. Unless you left out some details I’m going to say YTJ.” cara1888
Another User Comments:
“Your behavior was irrational and unwarranted. Nowhere did I see an instance where your brother was stealing the limelight from your daughter.
There’s a 16-year age gap between you and your brother. Is there some history to explain your extreme overreaction? Did your brother as a much younger child get more opportunities and material gifts from your parents than you did as a child?
Did your parents spend more quality time with him? Was he babied and favored more? Did your mum and dad subject you to parentification and make you look after your brother constantly? Is there some history to explain your paranoia, hostility, and dislike toward your brother?
YTJ.” FloppyEaredDog
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It sounds like you have some real issues surrounding your relationship with your brother. I’d suggest therapy to explore this, as the facts as they stand in your story point to a massive overreaction on your part.
If it were my brother, I’d be happy for him that he’d found a career he enjoys and finds rewarding. I’d be absolutely made up he’d taken my daughter round the station and got her all excited, and would be happy to read her the present she wanted me to read.
There’s obviously far more going on here. He wasn’t hogging the spotlight, he was engaging with your daughter at her party.” mynamecouldbesam
2. AITJ For Wanting My Neighbors To Fix The Sprinkler They Broke?
“We can all agree HOA is the worst and never have I ever called them or used them against a neighbor but I don’t know what to do. We share a section of grass located between the road and the sidewalk.
The previous neighbor and I shared the cost and removed the grass and replaced it with river rock. The new neighbors moved in about 3 years ago and I’ve never had issues with them, they keep to themselves and I don’t see/talk to them very much.
A few weeks ago I came home to their yard and our shared section was completely torn up (replacing sprinklers). They removed all the river rock and replaced it with sod in the middle of June in central Texas.
They did this without any prior communication even though it is a shared section. They’ve been watering every day so their sod is starting to green up but my section of our shared area is completely dead. When I tried to run the sprinkler it no longer comes above the ground and just puddles water.
I’m already being contacted by the HOA for the dead section.
So I feel like since they removed the rock from my section and replaced it with sod without my consent that they should also repair the sprinkler head.
I had no issues with this sprinkler head before they did this and my other heads function normally. Should I let HOA know the deal to avoid a fine or should I write them a letter asking for them to fix it?
I rarely see them and I don’t have their phone number so I don’t have another way to contact them. I should also mention that the last time I spoke to them they told me they have already bought a new house and are getting ready to put this one on the market so I’m a little concerned they won’t care since it will soon not be their problem.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would contact the neighbors in writing (take a picture of you taping a note to their door and keep a copy of the letter – something to show you contacted them) that you and a former neighbor paid to have river rock installed and that they need to replace the river rock on your portion of that section since you’re now getting fined by the HOA.
Let them know they have one week (or however long is reasonable). Also, let them know in the letter that you will contact the HOA to explain and ask that they waive the fine, but if they do not, you will be passing that fine on to your neighbors.
I then would email or contact the HOA in writing to let them know the entire situation and how you’ve handled it. Ask that they waive the fine since this was not your doing nor did you consent to it.
Ask them what the next steps are if the neighbors do not rectify the situation.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and do both. Communicate in writing with the neighbor to let them know you expect them to make your section functional, and communicate in writing to the HOA that you did not create the “dead lawn” problem and have taken steps to get the responsible party, your neighbor, to resolve it; including a copy of your letter to the neighbor.” CatteNappe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ugh… this is going to take a lot of talking to people. Keep trying to reach the neighbor. Send mail to the home as well as leaving a note and knocking. Talk to the HOA folks and let them know that you understand and share their concerns, what happened, and what steps you are taking to ameliorate the situation.
Also, ask them for help with contacting that neighbor. The fact that they are looking to sell this home concerns me about timing here. You need to discuss this with a lawyer but the best solution might be to pay to fix this how you think is best out of pocket and then put a lien on their home for that amount.
Once someone new purchases the home they have no skin in the game and while you could sue the old owners it will be a lot more difficult. A LOT of things can factor into all this though so it is worth your time to go speak with a lawyer.” ACorania
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Use My Home Gym?
“I decided I don’t like driving all the way to the gym 4 times a week or sharing equipment with other people, so I decided to spend $4500 on building myself a home gym.
My partner (2.5 years) doesn’t live with me.
She has a key for EMERGENCIES. One morning she let herself in to use my gym without even checking if I was okay with it?
Needless to say, I wasn’t okay with this. The whole point was that I didn’t want to share a gym with anyone else.
She’s acting like I’m the jerk for not wanting to share my gym with her. But she has a gym membership and it’s no further away from her place than my house is. There’s no real reason she has to use mine.
AITJ here or is she for using my gym equipment without even checking with me if I’m okay with it?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, dude. “I don’t want her touching my stuff so it’s okay if my partner gets harassed”.
You’ve been together multiple YEARS and it doesn’t sound like you even like her dude. Why is her reasoning for wanting to work out at home less valid than yours? She should have checked yeah but that doesn’t make her a jerk.
You’re just possessive and need to be clear that you don’t see a future with her if you’re really that salty about it and would rather let her get harassed and the fact that you didn’t mention that in the original post is what makes me say you’re a huge jerk.” Ok-Tune416
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – she is absolutely wrong for entering your home without permission and using equipment you spent a lot of money on for your personal use, but I can see why she may have thought you’d be okay with it after 2.5 years together and having a key (even just for emergencies).
She should have asked, but I think you need to look at your reaction and consider why this upset you so much and what it says about your relationship. Letting her use the space means she would be able to work out without being ogled or bothered and can take her time using the equipment.
And she knows it’s clean. You have been together for 2.5 years. She absolutely should have asked, but I’m a little confused that you can’t share that space and equipment with her. If she asked, would you be okay with a standing arrangement where she could come work out there?
Do you trust her in your home?” brilliantlyscattered
Another User Comments:
“ESH – She shouldn’t enter your home without permission and should’ve talked with you about it beforehand. If she did that, she would’ve known that you don’t want her to use it.
It’s your property you bought and installed yourself so you have a right to not want to share. I saw you say in the comments that your SO did give you a reason, that she’s been harassed at her gym.
That’s a good reason for her wanting to work out privately, many women feel unsafe at gyms because of this. The fact that you dismissed it as “Don’t all women get harassed at the gym?” is honestly gross.
She definitely should have talked to you about this beforehand and shouldn’t have gone into your home and used your things without asking, but your tone on this, even after she offered a valid reason for wanting to use the home gym, doesn’t sit right with me.
I think you two just need to have an honest discussion about boundaries and you need to examine if your want to have this home gym all to yourself is worth subjecting your SO to harassment and feeling unsafe.” CrimsonKnight_004
