People Prefer Their Way In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Not Apologizing After Accidentally Offending My Deaf Coworker?
“The other day, I (23F) was chatting with my co-worker (26M). One topic came after another, our conversation got deeper, and then he shared something very personal with me.
He said when he was 20 he had a car accident which left him paraplegic for a couple of months. He was afraid he couldn’t ever walk again and was severely depressed.
This was his first time opening up about this. I was surprised and felt deeply for him, and I wanted to show him my sympathies.
I said “I’m so sorry. It must have been so hard for you, I mean going through something like that, especially when you are already struggling so much. I can’t even imagine what it felt like. It must be horrible. But I’m glad you are recovered now.” I stroked his shoulder and told him I was proud of him.
He thanked me but asked what I meant by “when you are already struggling so much”. I was taken aback by his question. For context he is deaf, so that was what I meant by struggling so much. I told him I didn’t mean anything bad, I just wanted to empathize with him and how hard going through that must have been for him as a hearing-impaired person.
He said he’s not hearing impaired, he’s deaf. It’s not a bad word and I can just say that. He doesn’t view his deafness as something bad, he was born this way and very proud of it. Being deaf didn’t make that accident any harder to go through than it would have been.
In response I just said “Oh okay, I see” I could tell he was waiting for an apology, because he seemed visibly upset, and the conversation just ended there, so I excused myself shortly after. I don’t think I had to apologize for what I said.
I don’t want to sound judgmental, but I feel like he was being way too sensitive. He fixated on such a small thing I said and scolded me for it when all I was doing was trying to comfort him. To be honest, all that I’m so proud to talk about came across as a little performative to me, especially with him having cochlear implants, no shade but it felt hypocritical.
He has been acting cold towards me since that day, and yesterday he finally told me he thinks I behaved inappropriately and was rude towards him, which I find confusing because I felt like he was the one being rude to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I think you were unintentionally rude but still rude. You presumed that he sees being deaf as a struggle. Deaf people have different challenges to hearing people but their day-to-day lives are not a “struggle”. And you didn’t apologize. I think you can repair this with a sincere apology.” MisaOEB
Another User Comments:
“You should have apologized. When he explained that he did not see being deaf as something bad, and was proud of it, that was your cue to apologize. This should have come second nature to you in the situation you describe. Do you have difficulty apologizing to people?
If so, this should be a red flag on your behavior to think about.” anitarielleliphe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I understand that it was unintentional, but offensiveness coming from ignorance or “a good place” is still offensiveness. Why wouldn’t you apologize for your ignorance, if nothing else?
Many deaf people are proud to identify as deaf, and consider it ableist when they are viewed as having an “impairment”. They celebrate their deafness. Your colleague pointed out how you were being offensive, and you just said “oh”? And then go on about how his whole act is performative?
I mean, come on. You must lead a very charmed life to have so little empathy.” wickedpirateer
21. AITJ For Yelling At My Half-Sisters After They Broke My Late Biological Father's Handmade Gift?
“For context, I, a 17-year-old male, have lived with my stepfather, who we will call Ted since I was born.
I didn’t know he wasn’t my biological father until I was 10 when I found my birth certificate. When I asked him about it, he said he didn’t want to make it seem like he didn’t care for me, which I could understand. I’ve been sharing a room with my half-sisters, his biological children since they were born when I was 2.
My mother walked out on us when I was 4. After she left, I took on a lot of responsibilities such as feeding my sisters, changing them, etc. When I turned 14, I got in contact with my biological father, who we will call Adrian. He and his family welcomed me with open arms. When I turned 15, he visited me and we got to know each other.
That entire day we went and did different activities, one of which was glass blowing. Adrian did it in his spare time and was very good at it. He made me a bird and since then I have treasured it. Ted’s kids and I have never gotten along.
They have always misplaced, broken, or stolen my things. Recently we have moved from our apartment and I have finally gotten my room. I placed my glass bird from Adrian on a bookshelf in my room and placed a bunch of bubble wrap around it to keep it a bit safer from breaking.
Today, I came home from work and Ted’s girls tried to keep me from going to my room. Curious as to why, I gently pushed past them and found my bird shattered across the ground. Furious and heartbroken, I stormed towards my sisters and tore into them.
Adrian passed away in 2021 and that bird was the only thing I had from him that he crafted for me. And while sure, I have pictures and books along with other things from him, that bird is the only handmade thing I have from him.
My younger sisters are almost 15 and know better than to touch my stuff. Their father tore into me after I was finished yelling at his daughters and said that I had “no right to yell at them that way and that they were just kids” along with “it was just a stupid glass bird anyway.”
Am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sisters aren’t toddlers, they absolutely should know better than to mess around with other people’s things. Especially fragile things of sentimental value. There’s truly no excuse for their behavior. Your stepfather referring to it as just some “stupid glass bird” is also so unnecessarily mean.
I’m sorry about the bird, maybe you could piece it back together? If you don’t think it’d look quite right, you could try doing it creatively, like kintsugi, or pay someone else with experience to do so.” DwarvenDeer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your whole story hurts.
I’m sorry your memorabilia was broken. You were in your right, and girls at 15 can be responsible for their actions. Think about getting a part-time job, saving up, and after 18, leaving this house. They just don’t deserve you.” Common-Ad-7088
20. AITJ For Quitting My New Job On The First Day Due To Administrative Issues?
“I have worked in childcare for a while and left my last job on good terms before moving.
I found a daycare that had openings and sent them my resume. They were late to the interview but it went well and I was offered the job. I needed a background check, which took a while because of my prior state. I lost my CPR and first aid card so I scheduled a time to do that but informed them.
I’ll admit a lot of things were annoying on my end.
I got my background check and they cleared me to work which I was excited about. On my first (and only) day they were supposed to meet me there but had other plans and were 3 hours late.
I was put to work with children which I was happy to do but there were some glaring issues with the management. The paperwork for my employment hadn’t been turned in, I wasn’t in the system to clock in, my medical requirements for the position were not confirmed, my pay hadn’t been established and I didn’t know what my hours would be.
I started working without having any sort of orientation or meeting before being put into a room with the kids. Staff tried to catch me up on things but they were trying to do their jobs at the same time.
I expected a brief rundown of care for the kids but no. I didn’t know about allergies, behavioral concerns, or disabilities.
Then one of the staff left but legally I wasn’t allowed to be alone with the kids as I didn’t have my CPR certificate. When a child needed to have their diaper changed we had to stop what the kids were doing to be near the other staff.
Management showed up, said maybe 5 words to me, and left. They had an emergency but we were told they would be back. No one knew if I was going to have a full day so I didn’t take lunch. Meaning legally (again) I needed to go because I was past the time I was supposed to be there.
No one knew what was going on with management. They hadn’t heard from or gotten a hold of anyone. The staff and I were all confused about what was going on so I went home.. Didn’t have to clock out because I would have needed to be in the system.
The other staff agreed that I would show up at the same time tomorrow and I left.
I got a text asking me to show up earlier from management, I asked if I was going to meet with them and I was met with a text that they intended to come back but I had left..
That was the final nail in the coffin for me. I wrote a resignation letter trying to be as professional as possible but said there were administrative issues I couldn’t overlook and got a reply that went into excuses on why they weren’t there and about my character being concerning.
It felt horrible.
I know I should have had a lot of this figured out with them before officially starting but I was excited. I thought that I was going to have my first day with them to get everything established. I just need to know if I was in the wrong about how I handled everything on my end.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your enthusiasm might have allowed you to forget to ask some important questions, like starting pay and hours, but the fact that they weren’t there, that you weren’t in the system to clock in/out (will you even get paid for those hours?!)… so many red flags.
And the gall of them being disappointed in YOUR character? That’s rich. I hope you find a better place to work, with professional people, and remember to ask those important questions next time!” Morsac
19. AITJ For Sending My Mom Back Home After Her Hoarding Caused A Roach Infestation?
“My mother had a heart attack and she moved to my apartment so that I could take care of her for a few months.
She’s been very demanding and I noticed that I had roaches that I never had before. I was inspecting the apartment in my mom’s room she has kept all of our soda cans and bottles when we have a recycling dumpster in the apartment.
I work full time and she’s been recovering and not wanting to go back to her home because it’s lonely for her.
I asked her why the heck does she have all these cans in her room. I told her we have in-building recycling and I have separate trash for them and it looked like she was saving all bottles and cans from everything from the trash and hid them in her room.
She told me she was saving them to help me with bills and I could take them to the recycling center. Like my brother used to do.
Now my brother who used to do that was a substance user and my mom enabled him until the day he died. I told my mom this.
I said my brother wasn’t doing it to be kind and to help when he didn’t have enough money, he did it to shoot it up. I told my mom it wasn’t helping and I was not driving for 30 minutes to get $20 for bags of trash that should have been tossed out for sanitary reasons and now my mom has roaches in her room and I’m going to have to tell the apartment complex so they can come to spray.
I told my mom it was time for her to go back to her home since she thought it was ok to trash my apartment and now I have roaches. It was gross they would just fall from the bags as I was taking them down to the garbage shoot and my mom was hiding 7 bags of stinky bottles and cans in her room.
I called my sister to let her know I was dropping Mom off this weekend back at Mom’s house and to stop by. My mom took the phone crying about how I was treating her after a major heart attack and it was just a few roaches.
I yelled over my mom’s shoulder that the appropriate number of roaches in the home to have is zero.”
Another User Comments:
“You are coarse but you are NTJ. I have a million questions for you because it does not sound like your mother was getting a lot of ‘care’ if she was able to amass several bags full of dirty soda bottles in her room before you noticed. However, you do not have an obligation to provide post-surgery rehab accommodations to your mother.
I’m guessing that she is in a very bad financial situation if she couldn’t go to a normal rehab facility and her way to give you money was in the form of soda cans. You should probably work with your siblings to try to make some choices about how to handle your mother’s care.” EmceeSuzy
Another User Comments:
“Your mom is not handling this well. With the reminiscing about your deceased brother, refusing to go home because it’s “lonely” and beginning hoarding behaviors, it seems like she’s falling into a deep depression. If she’s causing a sanitation problem, you have every right to kick her out, but you should also be looking for professional help for her.
Kicking her to the curb entirely is probably unfair in this situation. NTJ” lyrical_llama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not good to have roaches if you’re recovering from health issues. Not only that, but she needs to be out so the apartment building can clean up after the mess SHE made.
But beyond that, she disrespects your house and is rude to you when you’re helping her. She doesn’t appreciate the help, so then she can go home.” DixOut-4-Harambe
18. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Sister's Stepchildren's College Education?
“I (44m) have been very fortunate in my life and have enough wealth that I was able to save a very nice amount for my son (19m) to pursue the future he wants while also helping two friends pay for their daughter to go to college after some personal and financial issues arose.
This is common knowledge in my family. Which is why my sister and BIL are now angry with me.
My sister and BIL have been married for 6 years and BIL has two children (17f, and 16m) with his ex. The children’s mother abandoned them during the divorce and my BIL has raised them since.
My sister and BIL are not as financially secure as me and there’s not a lot of funds for my sister’s stepchildren to attend college. They brought this topic up during a Sunday dinner with our whole family, minus my sister’s stepchildren, together. And for those who’ll ask why my sister’s stepchildren were not there, it’s because they have never liked or accepted my sister or us, and now that they are more independent teens they refuse to “play pretend” to quote them.
Even before they reached this stage, they fought my BIL every time they were made to attend anything with us.
Throughout dinner my sister and BIL brought up college, my sister’s stepchildren, how they were sad they could not afford the best for the kids and the oldest in particular wasn’t going to be able to afford her dream college.
When dinner ended and we were all leaving they approached me and called me greedy for not stepping in to pay for the stepchildren’s college when I had paid for another child some years ago and my son chose to go into a trade instead of college.
I told them those were different circumstances. They said the stepchildren are family while the girl I helped several years ago was not. I said she was not family in the traditional sense but she did consider me an uncle and we had a close relationship.
While my sister’s stepchildren did not consider me as any kind of family and had made their stances clear for the last six years.
My sister and BIL told me I’m the person who doesn’t consider them family because I would love them regardless of how they feel if I did and they said it showed what a truly greedy and selfish person I am.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister and BIL need a reality check. Lots of young adults don’t get to attend their ‘dream college’ due to finances. The bets are, that the dream college is some overpriced private university. The kids need to pursue educations that they can afford and/or take loans to achieve.
We’ve all done it. Maybe as they get older they’ll realize that relationships are key to their success and that perhaps they should work on that?” lenajlch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What is up with your sister? You say the kids never liked you, their stepmother, and your whole family, but she’s siding with her husband?
The only tie they have to be your family is your sister’s stepchildren. Your money, you do whatever you want with it.” User
17. AITJ For Leaving After My Friend Failed To Pick Me Up Post-Surgery?
“Currently unable to drive because of leg surgery, my friend had a birthday party clubbing and the venue was full of stairs. I was three days post-op on the day of, and she was upset I skipped, so I said we’d do a pamper night instead, facemasks, and manicures.
I’d bring her favorite foods etc.
Fast forward to 1 1/2 week post-op I got public transport, I have a cane and a brace, etc so it was bearable but a three-hour trip (an hour was waiting, schedules didn’t line up) she insisted on picking me up as the station’s a five min drive from hers, I kept her up to date of my arrival time as I traveled (passing x, will be at yours in x mins) so she knew when I’d be there.
I arrive and walk across the bridge to the carpark, but she’s not there, text her, no answer, 15 mins pass I get ‘loading up the car to grab groceries, I’ll come to get you after’ replied I’ll rather she grabbed me first, I could sit in the car while she went for groceries, she’d have to drive past to go there anyway.
She said she’d be quick I said hey I’d prefer you come grab me first, there’s no shade or seats. She has one of those big jeeps so no space issue, (and the prior surgery I had she left me in the car to run errands all the time so not a leaving me in the car issue either) plus I had food for us, and walking uphill up the bridge to go back into the station to sit would be a no-go with my stitches.
No reply for 10 minutes, I was struggling, the icepacks keeping the food I brought cold were completely melted because there was no shade to stand in, and food was starting to get iffy. I try and get an Uber for the 5-minute drive, but it gets picked up and dropped repeatedly for 20 minutes before I text her again.
She replies be there in ten mins, I say cool see you then. 20 mins pass, and I’m mad I text her and say if she’s not here in the next 10 I’m going home.
No response 15 minutes pass, and I’m done. Time to tackle the bridge and leave, that and 20 mins sitting waiting for the train, no text, on the train 10-15 mins and get ‘here, where are you?’ I’m peeved, I type and delete a dozen things, and she says texts ‘all that and you’re making me wait’
I replied ‘Read my last message, I’m on the train talk to you when I get home’ She said ‘Don’t bother’
Texted her when I got home, no reply. Woke up to messages from our friends about how selfish it was, that I skipped her party, that I left without telling her and she was worried, that I should have just gotten an Uber or walked if I was that impatient etc. etc. no text from her.
I felt justified at the time, but the last three days all I’ve gotten is people telling me I should have waited, I was already there so what was the point of going back, and giving her a ten-minute time limit/ultimatum and leaving was rude/it was entitled to expect to be picked up because she’s not my chauffeur.
So now I’m feeling awful about it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one should fault you for missing a birthday party when you just had a major medical surgery a few days prior. You are almost a couple of weeks post-op but still recovering and not fully mobile.
You waited outside for your friend for 1.5 hours after your arrival …in the sun and heat with the food you brought to treat your friend. Your friend is 100% the jerk. She is disrespectful to you about your time and unempathetic about your medical situation. I don’t think your friend group knows all the details.
If they did and still agree with her, then you need to drop them for better friends. Honestly, having been through a difficult surgery, I’d rather not have friends than deal with immature and uncaring friends like yours.” AV01000001
Another User Comments:
“Huge NTJ.
I’m so flustered and angry just reading that. For reference, normal behavior here would have been to meet you off the train (or as close to you as possible) and help you. If she had errands to do she should have done them after she got you if she couldn’t do them before.
Never speak to her again and I don’t say that lightly. How people treat disabled (temporarily or otherwise) and vulnerable people says everything about them. So sorry that happened. What horrible people.” totallycalledla-a
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s selfish, self-absorbed, and has not an ounce of empathy.
Do you want to salvage a relationship with someone like that? Explain the situation to the other friends. An hour and a half waiting in the sun (with food) isn’t acceptable when you are healthy, let alone so soon after surgery. ” Flimsy-Car-7926
16. AITJ For Learning Spanish Secretly Instead Of My Wife's Native Japanese?
“As a child, I studied Spanish in school but suffered from a combination of my disability and learned helplessness. Needless to say, I never really learned Spanish.
Fast forward 15 years, and I’ve been happily married for four years. My wife is Japanese, so naturally I tried to learn Japanese to share a bit of her language and culture with her. I’ve tried off and on to learn Japanese for around two years, but I always fell off the wagon after a month or two and never made much progress.
A year ago I decided to learn Spanish on a whim. I knew it would be easier than Japanese, and I secretly hoped that I would be able to learn it since my struggles with English as a child had made my monolingualism a source of insecurity.
I didn’t tell my wife when I started for two reasons. First, I expected to fail like I had failed many times before with Japanese and didn’t want to make learning Spanish into a “thing” only to abandon it shortly after. Second, I thought that my wife would be disappointed or even offended that I was investing my time into learning Spanish instead of Japanese.
To my surprise, I stuck to learning Spanish and made progress, and before I knew it I was 6 months into studying it and could understand intermediate-level Spanish. I thought about telling my wife then but wasn’t sure how to break the news. Another 6 months later and while my Spanish is far from perfect, I’m around a B2 level and can converse, watch TV, and read comfortably in Spanish.
I finally broke the news to my wife and she was upset. According to her, she’s less upset about me learning Spanish instead of Japanese, and more upset about me never mentioning that I’ve been learning it over the past year. From her perspective, I lied to her for an entire year.
This is sort of true, but on the other hand, if I had spent the last year mastering Tetris without telling her I don’t think she would feel the same way. For that reason, I feel like deep down she’s really upset that I learned Spanish instead of Japanese, even though the two languages are vastly different in terms of difficulty for a native English speaker.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I think YTJ. Your reasons for not telling her were valid in the short term, but not for a whole year. It’s concerning behavior when someone goes out of their way to hide even harmless things from their spouse for such a long period.
If you could hide this from your wife for a year, you could hide almost anything. It’s not a good look. For the people spamming “he didn’t LIE, he just never TOLD HER!” Don’t get married, heck, if you think this, you are nowhere near mature enough to be in a relationship.
OP does admit in another comment chain that he had let his wife think he had taken on extra hours or that he was going to the gym while taking lessons. That is what one would call lying.” applebum8807
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. You had an emotional affair with the Duolingo owl.
According to your comments, you spent an additional 1-2 hours in the office every day learning Spanish and concealed it from her for months. That is enough reason to feel hurt. At the very least, you could have told her “I have a new hobby project I’m working on at the office after hours, so just let me know if you want me to come home on time.” I also disagree with the people who say choosing another language is a neutral option when your wife speaks Japanese.
If there’s no pressing need to learn Spanish for work or migration, prioritizing Spanish does mean you chose hobby value over deepening ties with her and her family by showing a commitment to their language and culture. That’s fine, but you shouldn’t expect her to be excited about it.” Illustrious-Fox-1
Another User Comments:
“I’ve always had this concept of a secret garden in my relationships. I don’t need or am entitled to know everything about my partner. I am taking the person as is. Unless something in their past is relevant it doesn’t need to be revealed unless they want to.
I adhere to the similitude with playing Tetris here. I see nothing wrong in learning a foreign language. It’s not relevant to her at all in any way. She didn’t even realize it. She didn’t suffer from it. What does she have to complain about?” andr386
15. AITJ For Not Supporting My Sister's Relationship With A Man 40 Years Older?
“My (18) older sister (20) has always been a bit naive in my opinion. She’s not stupid by any means but she’d often fall for scams and struggle to grasp simple concepts, I believe it’s because we grew up in a rather isolated environment.
Due to work, my sister has been living away from home for a while and has recently ended her relationship with her partner (19) of 2+ years. This didn’t surprise anyone since she had been saying that she wasn’t in love with him that much anymore. But that wasn’t the reason she ended things with him.
Instead, she told me that she’d fallen in love with someone at her workplace. She hesitated, but eventually revealed he was almost 60 years old. I didn’t take it well. As I already mentioned, she can be naive, and I was certain she was being taken advantage of.
I told her my opinion, that I thought it was weird, and she got really upset with me. She accused me of being unsupportive and trying to sabotage her relationship, that she has more experience than me anyway, that it’s just seen as weird by society whilst it’s not, that she knows what she’s doing, and other stuff I don’t remember.
This conversation happened more than a month ago and I didn’t see her often after that. I tried to forget about it, but yesterday she brought her partner home. I was at work so I didn’t have to talk to him, but at some point, I did meet him, I tried to act normal but to me, it’s just way too weird.
I couldn’t look him in the eyes and I avoided them both because this whole situation makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Today they left, and my mom asked me, rhetorically, why everyone judges my sister’s partner ‘just because he’s old’. I told her that it’s unusual, that an almost 60 yo has hardly anything in common with a 20 yo, which resulted in a discussion.
My mom told me that she’s also with someone who is almost 60, but I said it’s not the same since they are much closer in age, and it’s generally a red flag if someone seeks a relationship with a person who has 40 years less of life experience.
My mother told me I was discriminating against my sister’s partner and I shouldn’t judge, also it was none of my business, so I told her I wanted nothing to do with this situation, I was entitled to my opinion and I thought it’s weird that she doesn’t see what’s wrong, which upset her.
I asked her if she think the same if my sister was 15, and she said ‘yes, because she can do what she wants’. This whole situation makes me uncomfortable but I just feel it’s wrong, even if my sister’s partner has no ill intentions. I generally don’t care much about age difference but in my opinion, 40 years is a lot and I’m also worried that my sister didn’t think this quite through.
But on the other hand, she is an adult and I feel bad that this situation will probably affect our usually good relationship in the future.
So AITJ for not being supportive of my sister’s relationship?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A 40-year age gap is a big deal and whilst some people can have very happy, healthy relationships with big gaps it’s only natural to be concerned especially taking into account that your sister is naive.
This is a tricky situation because she is an adult and there is nothing you can do to stop this relationship, If it fails she will have to learn from her mistakes, which will be really frustrating for you I’m sure. I would be uncomfortable too.
The only time you could intervene with this is if you think that your sister may have a learning disability and her welfare could be harmed but from what you’ve said it doesn’t seem that severe and more a case of her just not being very socially aware.
But yeah, a 60-year-old man with a 20-year-old naive, socially unaware girl is weird.” PinkBlossomDayDream
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your sister can ‘do what she wants because she’s grown’, then you can not agree or support it because you’re grown too. I also find it concerning.
You expressed your concern to her & your family, they don’t want to hear it, so I’d just sit back & watch now. You don’t have another choice anyway.” DrJones1993
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother To Use My Shower?
“I (16F) live with my only brother (13M) and our parents. My brother has never been the cleanest person, and while his bedroom is very neat and organized, he constantly leaves his trash and toys throughout our family’s kitchen and living room.
There are almost always Legos covering the floor and furniture, despite having a whole Lego studio set up in our basement for him. The mess is extremely aggravating to me as I already have pretty bad anxiety. It is annoying because I am the only person who it bothers so I am the only person left to pick it up.
Last week, my brother announced to me that he was going to start showering in my shower. For context, we have two showers in our house, one in my parent’s bedroom bathroom and one in the only other bathroom, which I currently have been the only one using for the past year.
The whole family used to only use the shower in our parent’s bathroom because it is much bigger and nicer, however last year I cleaned up the other shower and bought shelves for it, for me to start using it as my shower. While it sounds stupid, this is the only place I have to myself (besides my room), that is not covered with my brother’s junk, I take care of it and clean it every week.
Also, I have a decent-sized collection of body washes, that I have bought with my own money from my job. When I heard that he wanted to start using this space, I felt a little upset, as this shower is pretty important to me (yes I know it sounds stupid).
My parents sided with me after telling them, as they said that he can keep using the shower in their bathroom that he has been for the past 5 or 6 years. Now he hasn’t showered for the past few days and I am starting to feel bad.
However, I just want one space to myself, since he gets to trash our entire house with his large Lego collection and toys. I simply don’t have time to have more to clean up since I play two sports, go to school, and work, and he doesn’t ever feel obligated to clean despite not doing anything besides going to school, playing with Legos, and watching TV.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You live in a 2 bathroom house with 3 other people. Why should they all have to share a bathroom so you can have one to yourself? Especially since it’s *your parent’s bathroom.* You know, the people who pay for the bathrooms (and the rest of the house)?
Why should they have to share so you can have a bathroom for yourself? You also complain about not having a space that is just yours – but you have more space than anyone else in the house. You have a bedroom and bathroom all to yourself, which is more than even your parents have.
They have a 13-year-old going through their bedroom to use their bathroom all the time.” Swirlyflurry
Another User Comments:
“Ugh. That’s a similar situation to me. I had moved back in with my parents after a breakup and completely redid what was my brother’s bathroom.
(It was disgusting, covered in pee and dirt) and the shower was unusable. We all showered in the master shower. My older brother also moved home and was using my parent’s shower for a bit but then he started using my bathroom that I worked so hard to be a space where I could get clean and get ready.
He did inappropriate things in the shower, peed on the floor, and left his things/toothpaste everywhere. I was so grossed out I switched showers but I am so ANGRY that I spent all the time and money to make it nice. NTJ. You deserve that space since you made it your own and your parents agree.
It’s their house and they have the power to decide so ignore everyone here that’s saying “It’s a communal space.” Your parents said it’s not. Also, your brother is being very manipulative at a young age. Please don’t give in.
You’ll just teach him that’s okay. GL OP!” bloodfartz_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some ppl don’t get it. But if your parents weren’t the ones regularly cleaning their bathroom, then I’m sure you can imagine how gross it’d be if it was his sole responsibility to clean it.
However, they’re his parents, and if they want to clean up after him- fine. That’s their issue. Their kid. But if he used your bathroom and you were the one having to clean up after him? That’s messed up. It shouldn’t be your responsibility to clean up after him.
He’s not 3. He’s 13. He is perfectly capable of doing it. He just doesn’t want to. This is a trait that should NOT be nurtured. Even at 13, I would’ve never imagined saying something so manipulative to my sibling, in regards to the fact that he’s trying to blame his lack of showers on you.
Honestly, seems like they’re somewhat enabling it by not caring whether he picks up after himself or not. It is VERY, VERY weird that he can keep his personal space tidy but has zero respect for shared spaces. He can clean, and it is an active choice not to do so when he knows he can get away with having someone else pick up after him.
No wonder you don’t want to share a bathroom with him. Again, NTJ. In a sense, you’re contributing to him being enabled as well. Stay in your room as often as you can. You said you’re already busy with school, work, and extracurriculars, so I doubt you have much free time at home anyway.
He cannot have this idea reinforced that it doesn’t matter if he makes a mess around the house, because someone else will be there to pick it up for him. Maybe once you stop doing it and it gets bad enough, your parents will realize that it’s a bigger issue than they thought.
This is the kind of person that will grow up to get married and have their wives be their live-in maids…” nathatesithere
13. AITJ For Only Wanting To Pay Half Of The Airbnb Fee Due To Best Man's Poor Planning?
“I am a groomsman in a friend’s wedding.
I live about 6 hours away from where we are having the groom’s bachelor party and my wife and I had to work it into our schedule and budget because of this as well as money being very tight(she’s doing a residency and I am between jobs due to a layoff).
Unfortunately, the best man is terrible at planning. We were originally slated to have the bachelor party from the 31st of August to the morning of September 2nd. The total cost was going to be $160 per person just for the AirBnB plus some other out-of-pocket events and expenses.
I just got a text from the best man saying he has now booked the AirBnB for the 30th of August to the 1st of September; the dates have been moved up by one day. Seeing as how the 30th is Friday, I will not be able to make it to the first half of the party because my wife works on Fridays, we only have one car, and we had planned the whole weekend so that she would stay home and I would drive 6 hours away to this party which would put me there at about 3 am-4 am on Saturday.
I’m pretty upset, to say the least. I have been trying to get information from the best man but it’s like pulling teeth and he would just not respond to texts or calls for days. Then he just suddenly jumps back onto the text chain and a little over a week out telling us the dates changed. Now because of his miscommunication, I need to pay full price for something I only get to experience half of.
I would rather use that other half of the money and buy something for the couple as a wedding gift instead of the best man pocketing the money for his neglectfulness. There are others in the group who have been affected by this and won’t be able to make it as well.
Worst of all, I hate that I won’t be able to spend nearly as much time with my friend at his bachelor party.
At the end of it though, would I be the jerk for only wanting to pay half of the AirBnB fee?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You may want to check with the others who can’t make it to see if you can work out something. If you can rework the party to still be 31st to 2nd, see if everyone (besides the best man) is willing to do that.
Then you can let the groom know “Hey, most of us won’t be able to make your party with the changed dates. Does sticking to the original dates work for you?” If he is fine with it, work out the party and let the best man eat the entire AirBnB.” HMS_Slartibartfast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to raise the issue with this. “There are others in the group who have been affected by this and won’t be able to make it as well” With others dropping out, do you think the best man will eat their share of their AirBnB?
He’s probably about to ask you for more $ since the denominator for the fee split is lower. Depending on the increase in per-person cost, this party might be canceled anyway.” ThrowFarAway9988
12. AITJ For Not Allowing My Friend To Move In Despite Initial Offer?
“I (22f) just moved into my parents’ home over the summer. They moved to our beach house and are “renting” (we pay utilities) the house out to me, my sister, and her friend.
We’ve had these plans for a year now and just got settled in. The house has 4 bedrooms and I was told I would get the bottom two to myself. Around last winter my friend (22f) who graduated last semester and lives about 6 hours away mentioned wanting to stay here so I said she could potentially live with us in the spare room.
I didn’t hear much more about this until she moved back home and shared that she was looking for jobs here. She wasn’t hearing back from many and wasn’t keeping me updated. It had become so long that I assumed it wasn’t happening. My parents moved out about 2 months ago and kept many of their belongings in the spare room are prefer to keep them there as it is their house and they are essentially still paying for it and plan on returning.
Out of the blue, my friend says she’s coming to stay with me for a job interview here. While here she mentioned moving in multiple times, and I didn’t have the heart to tell her that option no longer existed based on my parents’ stuff, as well as no room for parking and my sister not being her biggest fan which I was not aware of when I offered the room.
She was also very rude to me during this stay making snarky remarks about the food I ate or the speed I ate at, which kind of raised a red flag about her living with us. I ended up sending a text about this today since she does not have a job here yet and has no official date to move in.
She became very defensive saying I should kick out my sister’s friend and she would park in her partner’s driveway who lives a few streets over. It’s just unrealistic and I don’t know how to go about the situation. I feel like I’m being very pressured by multiple people to let her move in.
I know it’s a jerk move but it’s my/my parents’ house at the end of the day but AITJ for not letting her force herself into living in my house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t want to live with that person and she is already showing very red flags – not only in how she treats you even when she was just a guest, but how she thought you even could throw out your sister’s friend to take her in – super narcissistic main character behavior.” stealing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I will say that you should’ve told her as soon as you figured it out though. “Didn’t have the heart to tell her the option no longer existed” – well the only thing you accomplish here is that she will have less time to find another place to live, so that’s not helping your friend at all.
From your post, I’m guessing you’re scared of conflict and from her response, I’m guessing she probably makes conflict quite often when she doesn’t get her way, so I do get why you probably wanted to avoid having to tell her – but you still should’ve.
You need to learn to stand up for yourself and set boundaries, and one part of that is doing it on your initiative, and not avoiding it and hoping the problem will go away” piqueboo369
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s no room, they don’t fit with any of the current tenants, she’s a poor communicator and it sounds like staying with her partner is an option.
Her inability to hear your No and mobilize a mob to pressure you is more proof you need to stand your ground.” cassowary32
11. AITJ For Teasing My Co-Worker About Needing His Dad's Help?
“I don’t want to state names or ages, but I have been seeing someone I work with on and off for the past 9 months- I will just refer to them as Ian.
At work the other day, Ian and some of our other coworkers were chatting and kind of teasing each other, and I honestly can’t say exactly what we were talking about (don’t recall) but Ian said to me “You have never had a hard day’s work in your life” which I quipped back “at least I don’t call my dad to hang my artwork for me”.
Back story 1. I did grow up in an upper-middle-class family, however, I have worked hard in my life and Ian knows that. At one point I was working three jobs and going to grad school full-time. I also am someone who if I can do it myself, anything from fixing a toilet, landscaping, or wiring in new electrical sockets, I will do it.
This all being said, my upbringing has been something Ian has constantly mentioned negatively. Ian’s family has struggled financially and this is likely the reason for this.
2. When talking about living together with Ian and discussing something new hanging on their wall, Ian stated that they would never do something like that themselves when their dad could just do it for them.
Ian’s dad had just hung a new painting up in their place. This is something they have mentioned a few times regarding updates or changes around the home, and have seemed very confident about thIn.
To the current situation- the conversation from my understanding was to be playful.
Just teasing back and forth. However, I could tell Ian was upset with what happened and I called them after work to apologize. Ian was furious and said I disrespected them and it was over. I greatly apologized and expressed I didn’t mean it to be disrespectful I thought we were teasing and even mentioned the comment Ian made before my comment- to which they responded “I don’t owe you anything”.
The conversation was not great Ian was very cold and I tried to discuss the situation but Ian didn’t want to have it and ended up telling me they were hanging up and blocking me.
Now I’m sitting here feeling horrible not just about the end of the relationship, but questioning if what I said was truly disrespectful given the context.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You should have been more upset when EVEN as a joke he said that you never worked a day in your life. If he called his dad to help him hang artwork, 1) it’s true, so why be angry and 2) if it’s a largish, heavy, expensive piece, one would be an idiot not to ask for help and have it hung badly, or fall and break.
Because he was careful and you kind of joked about it, but what he said is insulting if it’s not true.” Uncorked53
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – seeing a coworker is not advisable, and this right here is why. Ian said a mean thing to you, you said something mean back.
Now work is gonna be super awkward! That said, unless there was some provocation for them to say that to you, they are clearly a fragile baby who can’t take what they dish out, and FAFO pretty hard. If you’d said in response, “Hey, that’s a pretty messed up thing to say to someone,” would their reaction have been the same?
More defensive? More contrite? I don’t know, I think people need to practice being more genuinely kind. “Just joking around” usually comes off to me as an excuse to be hurtful with no consequences.” demanded
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here- you both said hurtful things.
Also, although I can and have hung a painting by myself, it’s much easier with two people so one can hold it while the other stands back to see if it is level and hung in the right spot. It’s ok to get help from parents for little things, even things you can do on your own.” TinyLittleHamster
10. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Stop Judging My Parenting Of My Autistic Daughter?
“My sister (35f) is single and childless currently. However, she plans to have a child via donor at 40. I (31f) am a mom of three and my middle child (Ava) is on the spectrum. Ava has sensory difficulties surrounding clothes and food. She was always considered a “fussy” baby.
Early signs were there from when she was still a newborn and hated most of her clothes. She was also a child who did not take to eating solids. And she would struggle when being around too many people or meeting new people. We were told she was showing early signs of autism and she was eventually diagnosed. She’s in a few different therapies at present and some of that is to help her with her sensory struggles.
My sister is so judgemental about Ava and how my husband and I parent her. She accuses us of coddling Ava, and of making her spoiled. She gets upset when we won’t make Ava wear something she bought for Ava (that we already asked her not to) or when Ava gets different food from the rest of us, including her brothers.
She has told us we need to sit Ava down and tell her she needs to eat better and she won’t be getting different food from everyone. I told her that would be cruel and she said she’d learn to eat that way. I reminded her of the times Ava has been on many supplements and needed medical attention because of how little she eats and that I refuse to make her go backward.
I also told her she knows what fabrics and types of clothes Ava can’t handle wearing.
I mostly avoid my sister but sometimes it’s unavoidable. At my niece’s birthday party on Saturday, my sister was telling my husband that we shouldn’t let Ava eat anything at the party because it was all junk and she eats trash already.
She told him we should bring her veggies to snack on and make her eat those instead. He told her no. She told me we’re making her a picky eater and how she would never and she would only expose Aava to healthy foods and choices until she eats it.
I told her to shut up and stop giving me parenting advice when she’s clueless about autism and kids. My sister told me I should stop being so rude to her face when she’s trying to help.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“As someone who is on the spectrum (only by a little tho) NTJ she’s trying to parent your kids when she has no knowledge of kids and or autism.
If it is all possible you should probably keep Ava away from your sister. As harsh as it sounds, I wouldn’t wanna risk you turning your back and your sister trying to force Ava to eat something she doesn’t like. Even if she seems like not that type of person to do that but the way she’s acting keep an eye on your sister with your child.” Born_Rent_2978
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- I’m not sure if Ava has ARFID (it seems like from your description that she might do) but people don’t seem to realize that with autism it’s not just picky eating it’s a sensory issue that can cause people to feel physical pain and be sick.
It’s great that your sister wants to make healthy choices available however to make ONLY healthy foods available is just going to lead to her starving your child. Having healthy options available could potentially help Ava feel comfortable to try new foods to see if she likes them but by trying to force it on her it’s more likely she will just withdraw or regress her eating habits Op u seem like a good parent!” Potential-Dog-7919
Another User Comments:
“I hope your sister won’t have a child on the spectrum. She would destroy them with the way she already talks about Ava. I have AFRID and autism and I’m so glad my mom didn’t force me to eat the food I hate (mainly mushrooms and fish).
My dad tried that with mushrooms once and I puked all over the table/his food while ugly crying. I was 7 at the time and it’s still one of my worst childhood memories. Ava will learn what she can and can’t eat over the years.
I love uncooked veggies and will often eat carrots as a snack nowadays. But I also have phases of liking a certain dish. Currently, I eat rice and chicken every day because it’s awesome. Last month it was omelettes. Glad that you are doing so much to help Ava” flyingdemoncat
9. AITJ For Ignoring My Best Friend Who Skipped My Wedding?
“I recently connected with this lady and later became her best friend. For the back story, my friend lives in a different city and we occasionally see each other. She has been going through a relationship issue for the past few years mainly because her man is toxic.
I was always available for her and would be her shoulder to cry on whenever she needed me. At first, I realized this was odd and would offer advice to break up with this man but she never listened and would come back to tell me they reconciled.
On my honeymoon trip, after I had my wedding, my best friend called me to complain about her relationship and how heartbroken she was. I left my husband at home and traveled three hours to see her and made sure she was alright. I spent two days at her place.
Back recently, when I was preparing to have my church wedding, I sent her an invitation and was looking forward to having her at my intimate wedding (40 guests). Fast forward to the day of the wedding, my best friend sent me a text message to congratulate me and that was it.
She didn’t show up at my wedding at all. I was very sad as I wanted to be surprised by her and honestly would have done the same for her. Anyway, I made this slide and posted my beautiful pictures on social media and my stories.
I was very disheartened when I realized that she never liked any of my wedding pictures even though she was very active and would send me messages all day every day on all the social media platforms.
So I questioned her why she never showed any interest in the important events in my life and she blamed it on the emotional stress she is always going through with her man.
I made her understand that I would not be a party to her relationship anymore and would not let that affect our relationship. If she genuinely wants this friendship to work, she should be invested as much as I am. And I told her to contact me when she is in a good headspace to have a friendship with me.
Since then, I hardly contact her or share anything with her anymore. So am I the jerk for ignoring her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your efforts in the friendship are not being matched. She only wants to be your friend when it’s to her benefit but that’s not how friendships work.
I’d stop trying to maintain a relationship with her. Focus on friends that care about you” Stranger0nReddit.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You just are not compatible. You kind of became her therapist. It may not have been intentional on her part to start with, but it sounds like that is what the relationship evolved to.
When you are the only one giving, it is time to walk away. You did the right thing.” OhmsWay-71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she is just using you and probably not interested in your life at all. This is toxic. If a friend only uses you to complain and get her negativity out, but never “shows” up for your positive things, get rid of them.
It’s a waste of time and will drag you down eventually. Others might say that she can’t be there for you, because your positive events make her even more conscious of her mess, but that’s her problem. Had the same kind of “friendship” with someone I was talking to daily for years.
The final straw was when she came over to help me right before I gave birth, but was badmouthing me to another shared friend at the same time! Each time she talked (for hours) it was just about her. Finally, she admitted (after a fight over something trivial) that she didn’t take her medications (mental health), because she felt she didn’t need it (obviously wrong?!).
I lost it silently and had a panic attack in my bathtub. After that, she decided it was better for her to leave early (she didn’t even consider me then and hasn’t apologized still), because she didn’t feel well. We had been in low contact for years because I didn’t contact her on my own.
I tried to reconnect last year, but the same pattern is there again. Get out of that friendship now. Don’t make the same mistake that I did. We are not their therapists.” Gloomy-Campaign-3277
8. AITJ For Refusing To Co-Sign My Irresponsible Brother's Auto Loan?
“I (38 F) have a (45 M) brother named Jack who asked me to co-sign an auto loan.
Some background: Jack is terrible with finances, he’s currently on his 3rd marriage and has two kids: (M-10 from 1st Wife) and (F-7 from 2nd Wife) Jack has always been kind of lost per se, and he has always quit anything too hard for him our entire life: Boy Scouts, Sports, College, Marriages, and Jobs.
His ability to get and keep a job is difficult for him because of his attitude and he always thinks he’s the smartest guy there. Despite all this, I do love him dearly. Back in February, he told me and our parents that he was laid off from his oil field job, but we all know that is utter nonsense and he quit.
His wife has a good job but it’s not enough to keep them afloat forever, he is currently working, but it’s not a great income and of course, he has back child support on child #1 to get caught up on.
He called me not long ago and let me know that his older truck is having a lot of problems and it’s becoming costly to keep fixing it and he and his wife plan on getting rid of it and getting something gently preowned. They do have another working vehicle.
He asked me if needed, if I’d co-sign for the loan. I told him, I wasn’t comfortable doing that because it’ll impact my credit and probably end up being my problem eventually. He got upset and said he needed my help and he promised he’d make the payments and it’d be ok.
I told him no again and he got all upset and we ended the conversation.
I’m torn here. I’m married and we are child-free by choice, I’ve always been career driven and I’m very established in my field and I just finished my PhD.
Since I was young I’ve worked very hard to build my credit and keep it clean, we have no debt at this time nor want any. I know it’s a matter of time before we’d end up having to make the payments which would probably be huge since his credit is so bad and probably nothing for a down payment.
I’ve done a lot for him and his kids to ensure they don’t go without, I’m not asking for a parade or anything in my honor, but I feel like I have to draw the line somewhere.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I try not to talk in absolutes, but this time I’m going to. Never. Ever. EVER co-sign a loan for someone. It can mess you up in 300 different ways. Truly, if there were someone I wanted to help out and was asked to co-sign for a loan, I’d refuse, I’d instead take the loan out myself, and ask the other person to pay me back as he or she would a bank.
Why would I do this? Because every month, I would know exactly what payments have come in, and which have not. Also, the car, house, whatever, would be deeded in my name, so if the debtor didn’t keep up with payments, I could sell with a minimum of fuss.
This insight and this capability to sell gets muddled when someone else’s (the debtor’s) name is on a loan or deed. Of course, I’d sign over everything once the loan was paid off. NTJ.” Active-Anteater1884
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I once asked my sister if she would co-sign on a car for me to give me the option to finance instead of paying upfront because they didn’t consider my educational grant as income.
I had been hoping to get air conditioning installed (older stick shift so no bells and whistles) but I couldn’t afford it at the time of purchase. My sis said she needed to think about but I could tell she was uncomfortable, so I slept on it and decided against the A/C so my sister didn’t need to help out.
And that had nothing to do with a history of being bad with money. It’s just your money and you decide what you want to do with it. So even if there wasn’t the concern of the debt landing on you, I would say NTJ.
In your specific case, you are NTJ!” RightLocal1356
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I work for a credit repair company, and at least three times a week, I see credit reports where that person was generous enough to become a cosigner, and then the person they cosigned for stopped making the payment within the first year of the car loan.
In many cases, it’s easier to remove a foreclosure or bankruptcy than an auto charge-off/repo. Also, interest rates are still pretty high right now, so you were smart to say no.” Srvntgrrl_789
7. AITJ For Skipping Family Dinner To Attend My Best Friend's Farewell Party?
“I am 22 and my best friend got accepted into an exchange program to go study overseas (USA) for half a year. She’s planning to leave next Thursday (August 22), so she can have time to settle down and get ready before starting classes at the end of August.
Because of work, I haven’t been able to see her that much because our schedules never match, except for Tuesday (August 20), when she’s planning a little party with all of our close friends and we’re gonna have a sleepover to spend her last night together (her flight is in the middle of Wednesday night).
We are very close and ever since I moved away from home for my studies 3 years ago, we have been extremely complimentary and she has become one of the most important people in my life, so I can’t imagine not seeing her before she leaves.
My problem is, my family is always hosting a big dinner at the end of August, and everybody is expected to attend, except for very particular reasons. Since I live far away from my family, it requires me to stay there for at least two days, because I want to spend time with everyone while I can and to make the trip profitable and worth it (because it’s kind of expensive).
And you guessed it, the dinner this year is planned for August 20th…
To me, at first, the choice was easy because I can see my close family quite regularly (I will miss out on my aunts and some cousins if I don’t come but we can still catch up later), and I announced to everyone that I wasn’t coming while explaining why.
And reactions weren’t understanding, almost everybody assumed that I didn’t care about my family since I wanted to choose “a simple friend” over them, and many of them reacted by saying that I was just looking for an excuse or disrespecting my grandmother (who was very disappointed to hear that I wasn’t coming).
Only my mom understood and said that I should go to my friend’s party because she knows how close we are but now I feel really bad and guilty knowing that everyone in my family thinks I’m selfish and is trying to make me feel bad.
On the other side, I know that my friend would be extremely sad if I didn’t come to her party and I got her.
Would I still be the jerk for not coming to the family dinner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family does this as an annual thing.
It’s not a rare or once-in-a-lifetime event. Your close friend is leaving for half of that and you won’t be able to see her again for a while. Your mom sounds awesome and supportive, so listen when she tells you to put yourself first on this.
Your extended family can keep their guilt trips and opinions to themselves and next year you will have more stuff to talk to them about.” EldritchStarCaster
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Drive My Co-Worker To Expensive Outings?
“I (26F) and a PhD student. The lab I’m in has three other PhD students: Tiffany (early 30sF), Mark (mid 20sM), and Helen (mid 20sF).
I’m the only one who’s local, and the others are from other countries.
Our mentor wants us to do things out of the lab to bond, but it’s been… difficult. A not insignificant part of this is that Helen keeps suggesting expensive things.
For example: the first thing she suggested was going out to eat at a restaurant and pressured us to get an upgrade making the total $35 each before the tip. I’m used to going places where two or even three can eat for that price.
And I wasn’t the only one not happy with the cost, since the other two also voiced it.
She also wanted to go to a water park about an hour away with a $60 ticket price and $30 for parking. I suggested going to the beach instead (we’re on a lake and there’s a fair amount of free beaches through the national park system) but she insisted on the park.
Luckily I was able to get us out of that thanks to the weather forecast.
But the main problem I’m having with this is that she doesn’t drive. Doesn’t have a car and doesn’t know how. And every suggestion she’s made feels like they’re places she wants to go but doesn’t have a ride to.
She suggested we go out for Mark and Tiffany’s birthdays, but she decided on the place and assumed we were going there until I pointed out that the people whose birthdays we were celebrating should get to pick. She also wanted to go in the middle of the workday, which would make our lunch break at least 2 hours long.
I pointed this out, and she kept saying we should do it anyway until I told her flat out I wasn’t comfortable doing that. This is ignoring the fact that she wanted to do this when we would all be busy preparing to submit an abstract for a conference.
She also invited herself (and Mark and I) over to Tiffany’s when she heard she was moving. Then again insisted someone would have to give her a ride. I checked with Tiffany on the side and she was ok with us coming over, fully planning to try and find an excuse to cancel the whole thing if she said no.
Every time we talk about going somewhere the first thing she brings up is her need for a ride.
It would be more understandable if there was no other option. But the city we’re in has a pretty good transit system which students get free access to.
And Lyft/Uber rides are also easy to find in the area at a reasonable price.
So WIBTJ if I pointed out she could use those? She doesn’t ever ask, just says that someone will need to give her a ride and assumes we will.
I understand she might just be trying to make a friend group, but I feel like she isn’t considering us in what she wants to do, just herself.
This goes beyond just the ride thing, but I feel between one or the other it’s the easier battle to pick because the three of us have voiced it to her before but she doesn’t seem to get it.
And maybe if she had to pay for her ride it might affect the cost of the things she wants to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for saying you won’t give Helen rides anymore and sticking to that. You aren’t her chauffeur. It doesn’t sound like you like her much–and that’s fine!
She’s a colleague, not a friend. As for other things, you’ve suggested some alternatives, and if the others agree, then you don’t need Helen to agree (she isn’t your ride). Just because “[y]our mentor wants [you] to do things out of the lab to bond” doesn’t mean that you have to go to anything you don’t want to, or that everyone must be included every time.
Decide what you will and won’t do, and say it.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is an easy one.”Sorry, Helen, I can’t drive you. You’ll have to take an Uber. Why? Because I have other things to do. I’ll meet you there.
No. You can’t come with me. What things? Personal ones.” “No, that idea won’t work for me.” “No” is acceptable. She’s playing on your reluctance to appear rude. “No” is not rude. “No” is standing up for yourself.” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m assuming that she is buying her meals etc. at these places that you are going to.
Therefore, she has money, and she should certainly be able to afford her transportation. I also recommend that you and the others set up a choosing system of some sort, such as taking turns picking the next activity in a designated order, and no one is allowed to go out of order for any reason.
If everyone else agrees, she will be forced to go along with it, meaning that she will have less room to pressure you all into doing what she wants.” BazilFaye
5. AITJ For Feeling Uncomfortable About My Partner Getting Rides From A Stranger?
“My partner (21) F and I (20) M discussed how I am a little cautious about a 50-year-old man. For context, my partner got a camp counselor job over the summer while she was on break from school and as of this moment she does not have a car.
One of the managers of the camp, who she has never met in her life, has offered to take her to work and take her home every day while she doesn’t have a car. I live two hours away in the town we both go to university and also have a full-time summer job during the summer as well if I did not I would help her get to work and back home, and her parents were more than willing to let me live with them during the summer but since I have a fulltime job two hours away.
What bugs me is this man, again, she has never even met, is excited to take her back and forth, he does not work daily, from what I have been told, only two to three days weekly or sometimes does not even work at all.
I said there was no problem with this however I am just cautious, but my partner, unfortunately, does not always understand social cues and is not always the best at keeping information to herself during social events and/or gatherings. For example, she has said out loud during a holiday event something we do in our bedroom activities, she had only meant to say it to one friend but she doesn’t always know her voice volume or when and when not to say things like that.
Had she told her friend in private NOT around 25 to 30 different people it wouldn’t have been weird, but she and I got weird looks from people the rest of that night.
Sorry for getting off track, what I am getting at here is since she does not know this man at all and he seems oddly excited and more than willing to take her to and from work just sounds an alarm in my head, and since she and I have open communication, of course, I told her about this.
I never said she could not get rides from him I just feel odd about the situation. She said while I am not controlling, she told me that I am overreacting and there’s no need to be a jerk towards this guy who seems very friendly and nice.
I ran all this by her mom (she and I are very close) and she understands where I am coming from and feels odd about it too, I feel justified with how I feel but, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A bit because you are making a lot of assumptions but caution is always good when meeting someone new and accepting rides.
You don’t believe your partner can handle herself and you may be right. Suggest that she casually mention that you have location abilities and that her family is aware she’s accepting a ride from a stranger. If he has no ill intentions, he will not have any problem with that.” trishsf
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your concerns are legitimate. I would also be very concerned in your place. But she is going to do what she is going to do. She is not the jerk either. In your position, I would gift her some pepper spray and a small knife.
Doesn’t have to be more than a couple of inches. My friend used to call it a “pigsticker.” Make sure you know her route to and from work and the manager’s name. If she is willing have her text you or her mom when she leaves for work with him and when she leaves to go home with him.” FightingFoo4you
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, it’s just carpooling to work. I’m glad you don’t have to drive 2 hours to take her to work, and you should be thankful that her coworker has offered to help. Save on petrol. Being 50 and excited about making a friend doesn’t automatically make you a creep.
Your partner will have to use her best judgment because there are creeps out there of any age. But also wholesome nice people out there of any age.” fried_alien_
4. AITJ For Being Blamed For Family's Stomachache After They Drank My Experimental Faucet Water?
“Recently, I’ve been putting faucet water in big bottles in the freezer, because I was planning on experimenting with ice in the shape of a bottle. They were taking too long so I kind of forgot about them, but today it popped into my head.
When I opened the freezer, to my surprise, it was empty.
So I refilled it in the kitchen, and then a family member saw me refill it and asked where it came from. I told them it was from the faucet. Then they told me that everyone else had been drinking from the bottle.
I asked why they drank it without knowing where it came from or who owned it, but he deflected and said it was fine.
Then hours later they called me and said that they now have a stomachache, and blamed me for putting the faucet water in the freezer.
Then they said to dispose of it because I was misleading them into thinking that it was clean and that I might give my other family members a stomachache.
I got pretty heated at that moment because I was in a bad mood and told them that it was their fault for even drinking it without knowing what its content or origin was.
I asked them why didn’t they ask anyone who it was from or what was inside of it. I asked them why they just drank it without even asking first, and when they suddenly got a stomach ache, the first thing they thought of was blaming me for their fault.
I asked them if it was okay if it was food and they got a stomachache from eating something that was not yours.
They answered back and said that it didn’t matter and that I should take responsibility because it was already done. And because the water was in the freezer, it would make sense that if anyone saw that, they would drink it regardless because “it was water”?
When they said that, I just got angry and said it was their fault for not even asking permission. Talking about morals like it’s okay to blame me for your own doing? Stealing something and then getting angry when what you stole bites you back?
I just hung up but they are still messaging me. Am I at fault for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You said you live in the USA. In most places here, tap water is perfectly safe to drink. Your relative is wrong about the illness being caused by the tap water” DreamingofRlyeh.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That they only claimed to have become ill after finding out it was tap water is suspicious. Bottled water is just bottled tap water. One weird water fact that took me years to discover, I have a bladder disease, IC, and I do have terrible reactions to some water.
It depends on the water purification method. My municipality changed the water purification a few years ago and drinking tap now feels like battery acid.” tulipvonsquirrel
3. AITJ For Not Outing My Friend Who Repeatedly Has Affairs On His Partner?
“I (25F) have been friends with Elliot (25M) for around 3 years.
We get along great, he is funny and easygoing. Almost 2 years ago Elliot started seeing Sarah. I met Sarah only 3-4 times and immediately saw she was a very sweet and nice girl.
However, only a few months after they started seeing each other, Elliot told me he was unfaithful to her.
Of course, I did not condone such behavior and scolded him, he seemed genuinely sorry. But over the whole course of their relationship, every time I saw Elliot every few months, he had more stories about him being unfaithful with multiple girls. Sometimes he seemed genuinely sorry, sometimes he was laughing about it.
We had multiple conversations where I told Elliot he was wrong, he was the jerk, and he said he knew and would try to stop. But he kept going. He is even in therapy for it but won’t stop and won’t end things with Sarah.
He even admitted it to Sarah a few times, she caught him a few times, but he would always promise to stop being unfaithful and she always decided to stay with him. I am really against it and told Elliot that she should leave him, but I’m still friends with him.
I am not close to Sarah and live in another country, so the few times I am home I only see Elliot.
Onto what happened. We went abroad last month with a few friends to celebrate my birthday. Elliot was there a day earlier, when the rest arrived he announced he met a girl at a club and spent the day and night with her.
He then proceeded to spend the whole trip with this girl. We barely saw him the whole trip and when we did he brought her and acted like they were in a relationship. He asked us not to mention Sarah to her. We complied, but it has been tormenting me a lot.
The worst is that he previously told Sarah it was my birthday trip, and she said she was reassured he wouldn’t be unfaithful to her because I would be there and she trusted me. This broke my heart. I am also mad he missed out on most of my birthday trip.
It also made my partner insecure to see my friend being so openly and easily unfaithful and none of us doing much about it which caused tension in my relationship. We told Elliot he is a jerk but that’s it. I didn’t want to ruin the trip over this.
I feel morally conflicted but I don’t want to cause drama and ruin the friendship. So AITJ for not doing anything and not outing him to Sarah?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Elliot is the jerk for constantly being unfaithful in the relationship and not being remorseful, Sarah is the jerk for choosing to stay with the man who is constantly unfaithful, and you’re the jerk for covering for Elliot while actively betraying Sarah’s trust.” HolSmGamer
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk for covering for him. Think of it this way OP, If he openly boasts about being unfaithful to her and lies to her by hoping you’ll cover for him you are indirectly condoning his behaviour. If he’s acting like this with someone he’s in a relationship with what makes you think his moral compass is so good he won’t throw you under the bus for something at some point?
Read the room, he’s sneaky, a liar, and untrustworthy….Not great qualities for a so-called “friend” If you’re smart you’ll end the friendship and tell her she deserves better” ColdstreamCapple.
Another User Comments:
“He must be part of the 10% percent of best-looking men in the world because he’s able to be unfaithful every time he steps out of his place.
He can even be unfaithful to girls and they still voluntarily and consistently want to stay with him. Wow, what a life. I think you should cut ties with him, especially if your partner has an issue. I don’t think there should be much further discussion besides if your partner says he has a problem with you being around and being part of a friend group that accepts unfaithful people.
Can’t blame him.” withHunter
2. AITJ For Confronting My Fiancé's Ex Who Insulted Me At Our Engagement Party?
“I (28F) have been seeing Josh (29M) for 4 years. Back when we met he was seeing another girl, S. He broke up with S after telling her he liked me. We have been together since then. S and Josh remained friends after the breakup, and whenever I saw S she would always find a way to make me feel out of place.
I never understood why she would reject me in such a way since I never was a homewrecker. When S and Josh were together, I always made sure to never make S feel threatened, so I don’t know her reasons. Our relationship has always been pretty solid: we go out regularly and he often spoils me.
We started thinking about getting married a while ago.
After a couple of months, my partner proposed. It was romantic, and I said yes. We were both so happy. Two weeks later, we had our engagement party: everyone was invited, including S. The whole time, S didn’t interact with anyone and just stayed in a corner.
I was a bit worried about her being so quiet. I then decided to go and talk to her, just to try to cheer her up. I came up to her and complimented her dress, but since she didn’t respond, I straight up asked her if something was wrong.
She just looked at me and walked away.
After about ten minutes, the speeches started: after a couple of our friends went up on stage, S went up. When I saw her taking the microphone I already felt a bit suspicious, but I just brushed it off as me being too tense.
Her speech was just incredibly disrespectful and so off-putting: she practically embarrassed and insulted me in front of 30 people. She brought up some of my old behavior from many years ago which almost brought to me and Josh’s break up a couple of years ago.
She then proceeded to say that “no matter how badly I treat him on an everyday basis, he will never find the courage to come back home since he’s just a lovesick puppy to me”.
I was so humiliated the whole time, and I just lost it.
I marched towards her and started yelling and crying at the same time. I told her to stay away from me and my fiancé, that I never deserved her treatment in all these years, and that she’s a pathetic loser who is still stuck on the same person after all this time.
She started yelling back at me, telling me how bad of a partner I was, and how she hoped Josh would see my true colors one day. Everyone around gasped, and before I could say anything else my fiancé ran to me, grabbed my arm, and dragged me away.
The party ended soon after.
My fiancé is now mad at me, telling me that it was just a joke. I don’t think it was, and in that moment I just couldn’t hold back. Most of my friends and family are on S’s side, though.
Should I apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“In my opinion, you’re not the jerk, but your fiancé is. And so is S. I can’t imagine now me ever doing that and I’m 15. (For clarity: I mention my age because the brain doesn’t fully develop until 25, and I genuinely don’t understand how someone at that age could do that) I feel like a developed adult should know better than to wreck a wedding and should know better than to be friends with someone who has ill intent to their partner.
It was wrong of the outburst, but I understand how it got there and honestly, she needs a reality check that they’ve been over. I recommend taking time for yourself and your mental health, work on emotion regulation, and your happiness. I wish you the best, hopefully, my advice helps in some way.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I had to go back to your first line to read how old you guys are because I thought we were reading about 16-year-olds. Everyone is so immature all the way around you could’ve been a dignified and graceful person. When she was done with her hate-filled spew you could have calmly addressed the crowd and said something to the effect of I wanna apologize to all my friends and family who were here to celebrate our engagement.m as we begin a new path to our committed lives together.
We were not aware there were still some unresolved issues with people moving on and again for that we sincerely apologize if anyone felt uncomfortable, But let’s focus on the positive and let the dancing begin!” Adventurous-Click273
1. AITJ For Writing And Publishing A Song About My Toxic Ex?
“I (20F) am a singer/songwriter but I have only published 3 songs in three years and I do not promote my songs so only my friends and family listen to my songs.
I was in a relationship with my now ex-partner (23M) for a couple of months. Those couple of months were terrible and toxic. Filled with gaslighting, dishonesty, and manipulation which I let happen because of my low self-esteem issues at the time. I finally left that relationship about 5 months ago and I’ve been doing much much better.
Writing songs is how I express my feelings so obviously I wrote quite a lot about that relationship. One of the songs sounded good to me and I was proud of it so I decided to publish it. I posted it on my insta too which I never do.
So inevitably, more people listen to it than usual. Those people include friends that I have in common with my ex.
Two days ago, a friend texted me saying that posting a song about my and my ex’s relationship which is disrespectful to him because it painted him in a bad light.
That friend told me that I was hindering his progress. He told me that my ex was trying to change and move on and that my song reminded him too much about our relationship. This is not the only friend that had texted me saying that I was breaching his privacy and that I was purposefully exposing him for his past mistakes.
Today, I received an unknown call and answered. It was my ex at the end of the line which took me by surprise and made me very uncomfortable. He told me that I was spreading lies about him and being
manipulative to our friends. He said that I needed to delete the song or he would sue me.
To be clear, I did talk about the relationship in that song but I was never explicit about it. I never mentioned him by name. In that song, he is referred to as “you” which could be anyone. Unless you are in our close circle you would never know who I was talking about.
I don’t think what I did was wrong. But having so many people call me out is making me have doubts. I have now privated the song but it’s not completely deleted.
I need an outside perspective, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do you know how many singers worldwide have done that in the past century? Good for you being a songwriter and a singer! Did your ex ever respect you when he was dishonest with you? Feeling guilty is the consequence of him doing all the bad things.
He can write a song expressing how sad he is now. If your lyrics only express what’s on your mind, not like specifically go into details with who did what on what day, then you’re 100% NTJ and legally you are allowed to do that. Stay away from the friend who texted you that stuff.
There is a chance that your friend wants to be with your ex. Please hear me out on one more thing. I would not hurt you just because you have low self-esteem. I don’t want to hurt anyone on purpose or for personal pleasure because it’s not nice and I want to be a kind person.
Being nice or a jerk to someone is a personal choice. Your ex did those things to you because he chose to, nothing to do with your low self-esteem. Glad you got out of that toxic relationship.” Apart-Damage6822
Another User Comments:
“Morally speaking, you may have breached your ex’s trust when you revealed private things on social media.
That’s not a nice thing to do, but it doesn’t necessarily make you a jerk. You’re not required to be nice to your ex. I think it’s really interesting that he used an intimidation tactic (an anonymous phone call) to threaten legal action.
That seems odd. But maybe he just got a new number and didn’t tell you. That doesn’t seem odd. I’m no lawyer, so I can’t assess your legal position, though I’d imagine he’d have to demonstrate both that you were lying about him, and that you had harmed him materially (say by falsely claiming he shoplifted your birthday gift, causing him to not be offered a job with the store he stole from).
But that’s legal, not moral, and I’m no lawyer. I think complaining about your ex publicly, on Instagram, isn’t something to be proud of, but it’s not immoral. Lying about your ex is. Trying to harm them after the relationship with lies is too.
If you’re lying about him, YTJ. Otherwise NTJ, and he’s a jerk for threatening you.” BigBayesian
