People Permit Us To Comment On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
34. AITJ For Telling My Grandpa About My Mom's Addiction?
“For a long time growing up, I always felt like my mom was my best friend. She was always incredibly fun but was never actually there for the hard mom stuff so I always felt like I raised me and my brother while our mom was there to do the fun stuff occasionally.
My mom and I’s relationship got really rocky when I turned 18 and graduated from school. I was leaving for college and I noticed she was almost never home.
At the time my brother was 11 so this was really concerning when I would come back from 12 hours shifts and we would have no idea where she was.
When I confronted my mom about her absence she told me to mind my business, and when I started spending more time out of the house with friends and not looking after my brother she kicked me out for ‘not contributing.’ We stopped talking and I left for school.
I kept in contact with my grandfather and aunt and my mom made no attempt to be a part of my life after that.
About 2 years after that my brother contacted me and told me that our mom had disappeared and left him alone for 2 weeks with just some dollar ramen and 6-month frozen soup.
I picked him up and he lived with me while I was in college. I left a note for my mom, but she never called once to try and get him back.
This past year my grandfather’s health started to deteriorate.
Surprisingly, my mother took to helping take care of him along with my aunt. She also worked on reconnecting with me and my brother. Although we were all still upset over her actions we slowly forgave her under the circumstances.
I had also been helping my grandfather and he confided in me about his will and how he and my late grandmother planned to allocate the funds. He said a while ago they had decided to split it 50/50 between my mom and aunt.
He said that at one point he had considered kicking my mom off for her not being there after my grandmother passed, but said he was happy she was back and in our lives again.
Well at one point during a time when both I and my mom were over at my grandfather’s place, she asked me to get something out of her car.
I was looking through the glove box when I found a pill bottle that had illegal substances inside. I confronted my mom alone and she swore she would stop and that it wasn’t serious. I agreed not to tell my grandfather as long as she promised to stop or get some help.
She promised she would, but then 2 weeks later I found her smoking literally right outside my grandfather’s house hiding under his porch.
I immediately went inside and told my grandfather everything. He thanked me for telling him and we didn’t talk about it again.
Even my mom didn’t know I had told him until my grandfather passed and the lawyer read through the will. My grandfather left $5,000 for my mom and wrote in his will that he had left the rest of her portion (which was a whole lot more than 5 grand) to me for ‘doing her job for her for all these years’.
My mom is livid and has threatened to sue. My aunt is behind me a hundred % of the way.”
33. AITJ For Telling My Spoiled Half-Sister That My Mom Doesn't Owe Her Anything?
“My (33f) half-sister (32f) and I share a father, with different mothers.
Our dad was married to my mom and expecting me when he got her mom pregnant. Mom found out and kicked him to the curb and things were always incredibly awkward. My mom chose to stay single. Dad and my half-sister’s mom got married.
For a long, long time my half-sister and I fought like cats and dogs. She was always up my butt about how her mom was so awesome and that I should choose her over my mom. That my mom was the reason we weren’t a real family.
I resented her for saying that when her mom was the other woman between my parents. I also resented her because my dad expected me to be way more mature than her despite our barely 1-year age gap. So we weren’t great to each other.
Over time the resentment for me shifted from what our dad and her mom did and more about how she would act like my mom had no right to be in my life.
She never really grew out of seeing my mom as someone who shouldn’t have been there.
We both married young and both struggled to have children. Last year mom gave me some funds to go after more intensive fertility treatments and it worked and I’m expecting a child with my husband. My half-sister has still been unsuccessful and we got into a fight recently where she said my mom should be giving her money too, since we’re sisters and she’s never tried to welcome her into the family.
I was enraged hearing that. For years she has made it seem like my mom should just go away and leave me to be raised by her mom and then she says mom should have given her money. I told her she was an entitled brat if she thought that because my mom owed her nothing after the way she has spoken about her for most of her life.
I told her to go ask her mommy for money since she’s so great and leave mine alone. She started to argue and I told her her mom should do it since she’s just the best ever and if she wants a grandchild, this is her chance.
She got so upset. Our dad couldn’t believe I was so unsupportive of her.
AITJ?”
32. AITJ For Reporting My Son For Reckless Driving And His Friend For "Stealing" My Car?
“About an hour ago I was on my motorcycle headed home from the bar about 20-25 minutes from my home. My wife is in the back. Don’t worry. I was sober as our main reason for going out was dinner.
Sure the wife had a couple of margaritas but whatevs. Early this year my 16-year-old son moved in with me, leaving his mother’s house due to an issue where she refused to let him bring his car home because it was ‘too nice.’ The car is a fully restored 1993 Mazda Rx7 with a 20b port big turbo 3 rotor for any gearheads.
I mention my son’s car as I also have a small collection of my own. The one that is important to this story is my 1996 Nissan Silvia (Kouki) which has a fully built SR20det in it and makes around 650 horsepower, my son’s car makes between 550-600 for reference.
Both of these cars are rear-wheel drive and tuned to (drift.) These cars are worth as much as a new top-end BMW as well as dangerous if you are not a trained driver.
Now back to the story. I was on my way home on the bike with the Mrs. and I happened to see my son’s car on the 4-lane (2 lanes each direction with median) highway.
I saw it as it blew by us going what I would guess is about 110-115 mph. Already furious at my son less than 10 seconds later I saw another flash of light and metal fly past me. I immediately recognized the car as my S14.
I took the very next exit and proceeded to call my son three times and he did not answer. My wife and I decided to call the police and report the S14 stolen along with another car traveling at a high rate of speed with it.
Well, the police only managed to catch my son’s friend who was driving my car. He was arrested and hauled into juvie for the remainder of the weekend and I’m not sure if I am going to press charges. My son managed to make it home, however, I have taken his keys and told him he will get them back on his birthday early next year if he can learn how to act.
As for the kid driving my car, his mother called me far too many names to even remember and blamed ME for her son stealing my car. The keys to my cars are kept in a lock box in the foyer of my home and I did not let him in.
AITJ for reporting my son for reckless driving, along with his friend who happened to steal my car? Am I handling this situation appropriately?
My wife thinks I went too far by reporting the car stolen, however, I did this because I was afraid he would hurt or even kill himself with the car.
He doesn’t even have a license and it’s a purpose-built track car made to drive sideways.”
31. AITJ For Disregarding My Neighbors' Sentiments About My Raised Garden?
“My wife and I recently bought a new house in a nice quiet neighborhood. Bigger house bigger yard for our dogs and helping us get ready to grow our family as we’re trying to adopt.
One drawback is that this neighborhood has a half-defunct HOA. No dues are collected but everyone basically lives by the established rules.
One thing we miss about our old house is that we had a privacy fence and a small garden to grow some veggies and herbs.
Most of the houses in our current neighborhood do not have fences of any kind so we’re 100% exposed, we can live with that. We decided this spring that we wanted a garden again so we play by the rules and talk to the acting HOA president and our immediate neighbors to allow us to put in a rather sizable garden (12’L x 8’W horseshoe shape with a 6′ tall deer fence around it).
The HOA prez is cool with it, and both immediate neighbors say they’re cool with it. Full build takes 4-5 days since the weather didn’t cooperate, but along the way side neighbor we’ll call Karen comes over to compliment us on the raised bed and how nice it looks.
Says she wishes she and her hubby can get one too. She does this 2-3 times during the build.
Fast forward to today… the build is finished and planning to order 4 yards of dirt delivered to fill in so we can start planting.
Karen knocks on our door and asks to talk. Tells us that she has an issue with the garden and says it’s an eyesore. Wishes she knew where we were going to put it (even though we discussed it and gave her the dimensions and I swear I showed her a pic of the thing from the website, maybe I did maybe I thought it did, but in any case, I clearly explained the intent which she said she was cool with and wished us luck originally).
Karen said she spoke with our mutual rear neighbor, ‘Larry’ who told her he doesn’t like it so she is now asking us to move or take down the raised bed on behalf of her house and Larry’s. Mind you Larry hasn’t said anything since he gave approval for the raised bed and the location.
Both neighbors have come and gone multiple times waving and greeting me while I’m out working. No one complained along the way.
Now my wife and I are bent out of shape at the request to move this sizable raised bed after spending nearly a week putting it together, having to tear up our lawn to level the ground, AND getting compliments from Karen on how it looks.
Would I be the jerk if I told them to pound sand since I already received the required approvals and they’re just now realizing they don’t like what I tried to explain and share pictures of well in advance of the build?”
30. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out Of My House For Disrespecting My Fiancée?
“4 years ago my sister hired my fiancée Jen (28f) to be a babysitter for my 2 nephews. We met a couple of times when I (27m) came over, then when we all went on a family cruise my sister invited her to come.
They paid for her room and everything. So their deal was Jen would tag along with us during the day to help with my nephews then in the evening she was free to do whatever.
A couple of nights we hung out in one of the bars or went to see a show just the two of us because my family would also go do their own thing.
We spent the night together once during the cruise. And that resulted in us becoming parents. Obviously, my sister wasn’t happy because once Jen was later into her pregnancy she had to stop working.
I helped to take care of her and our son until she finished her last semester of college to get her master’s.
My sister blames me for having to find a new sitter because she expected Jen to work for them at least until the oldest was 12 but that would be another 2 years from now. Jen even told her she was never gonna stay with them that long.
Her getting pregnant just meant she had to stop working for them a year earlier than originally planned.
You’d think after 3 years they wouldn’t still be all bitter about it but they are. Sometimes they even ask her to help with the kids but obviously, she says no because we have work and a super energetic 3-year-old to run after.
I proposed to Jen earlier this month. She said yes. And when we had everybody over to announce our getting married, 1st thing she said is she hopes we don’t expect a gift from them because we still owe them for that cruise.
Not even a congrats or anything.
And what they said is nonsense because Jen did the job she was supposed to during the day on the cruise and she had the freedom to do whatever she wanted after hours.
My mom and I told her to stop it already.
Later when we were all talking about the wedding we mentioned it not being child-free – as in kids will be there – my BIL asked if they could bring a sitter to watch the kids there and my sister right away says ‘But don’t sleep with this one’ in front of my 3-year-old and our whole family.
Jen looked really uncomfortable. She took my son to the living room so I could tell my sister to shut up about something that happened years ago already.
If she still wants to be hung up on it like a brat giving attitude and not showing more respect for my fiancée then get out of my house.
She looked really red and like she wanted to say more but they got up to leave. Ever since she won’t stop claiming I’m a jerk because she’s allowed to be mad all she wants. It didn’t give me a ‘right’ to throw her out like trash according to her.
I’m trying not to let it get to me but also just curious if I was one here.”
29. AITJ For Calling My Husband's Cousin's Significant Other A Jerk After I Lost Weight?
“My husband, his cousin, and I used to be really close before he got with his significant other. She was 18 at the time. When we first met she would go on and on about how fat she was at 107 pounds.
I was 212 pounds at the time but I never said anything. I had previously suffered from anorexia as a young teenager which she wouldn’t have known about but she would make comments about my body that made me very uncomfortable like ‘You should go to the back of the picture because you are too big to be in front’ or ‘I would never want to be as big as you’.
I just stopped hanging out with them because it made me feel uncomfortable. My husband took my side but his cousin just said that she is acting weird and that’s how she is. I do think it’s because she was young and I won’t hold that against her.
But, I did lose 100 pounds and today I am 112 pounds. It took me over a year and getting my PCOS managed. I look like a completely different person and I feel a lot more confident too. My husband and I went to a family reunion.
I saw my husband’s cousin and his SO, and she was pretty flippant at me. She asked if I had surgery to lose weight and I told her no that I did it through diet and exercise as well as getting my PCOS in check.
She laughed and said ‘Normally people do it by sticking a finger down their throat. That’s how I thought you did it.’
I told her that I might not have always been skinny like her but at least I didn’t have a jerk personality.
Now my husband’s cousin’s side of the family is all mad at me for calling her a jerk. I feel like she was acting like a jerk though for insinuating that I lost my weight through bulimia. I am four years older than her so I should probably be the mature one and let it roll off my back.
So AITJ for calling my husband’s cousin’s SO a jerk after losing 100 lbs?”
28. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My Partner's Manipulative Sister?
“I (24M) have been with my partner (22F) for around 3 years.
We’ve lived together for most of it. I’m not the biggest fan of her family, but up until this point, I didn’t mind spending time with them as it makes my partner happy.
So we had a sit-down meal with her family and we were all just chatting after we had finished dinner.
My partner’s sister (17F), we’ll call her Grace, went into the fridge and asked my partner if she could have the last chocolate pudding my partner bought. My partner said no as she fancied it. Grace kept asking and my partner kept saying no, each time she asked it would progressively get louder and louder.
I didn’t say anything at this point as I thought it was a typical sibling argument (it seemed very petty to me). Grace is shouting and whining at this point, honestly reminded me of how a toddler might behave. Their dad has been silent this entire time, and their mum said to give her the pudding as it’s a nice thing to do.
My partner said no and didn’t understand why her answer wasn’t being respected. Grace then brings up when she looked after my partner when she was ill and that because she was nice then, she should be nice now.
My partner is distressed as Grace is screaming about it.
My partner asks what I think. I said to Grace that she undermined her kind act by using it as leverage to get what she wants. Grace says but karma works that if you do nice things, nice things will happen to you.
Her mum nods in agreement. I sat there a bit bewildered. So after being sick of hearing a teenager screaming over a chocolate pudding, I said ‘That isn’t karma you’re just being emotionally manipulative to get what you want. People that believe in karma don’t demand nice things happen to them’.
(As a bit of side context, I’m a philosophy graduate and whenever I hear karma misinterpreted it irks me a bit, as it’s a beautiful piece of Indian philosophy and the West has kinda crapped all over it).
Grace loses her mind at me, screams I’m a jerk, and wishes my partner never met me.
Then rushes out of the room. Her parents have said nothing, they both just say nothing. I sat there waiting for them to discipline their child but nothing is said, so I just politely make my excuses and leave for my partner’s room.
My partner comes up and hugs me. My partner opened up to me that she often feels that she is held to a different standard as she’s the eldest. Her parents 100% blame me for the situation and are furious that I got involved. They expected me to apologize, but I did not.
I’m not really angry at Grace, she’s still young and I actually blame her parents for not disciplining her at all. It might be easy to blame the outsider, but the only person that will suffer in the future is Grace when she realizes that only family could put up with that.
So AITJ for getting involved when asked or was I just doing what partners do, which is defend them when they’re distressed?”
27. AITJ For Not Wanting My Stepsister To Join My Trip To Rome With Mom?
“Mom married my step-dad when I was 10 (I’m 18 now) and he had a daughter the same age as me from a previous relationship. My dad passed away when I was 13 and her mom left her when she was 8. She loves my mom as her own but I don’t see her dad as my father.
Now, my mom promised me since I was 14 that before I went away for college she and I would go to Rome together and have a 2-week long vacation. She met my dad there (he was Italian) and she wanted me to see some of the precious places they visited together along with his home place and some parts of his childhood.
We also want to spread Dad’s ashes in the very place he and my mom found out she was pregnant with me (Dad’s childhood home backyard which is owned by Dad’s brother). This is more than a ‘fun vacation’ for me.
It is a significant part of my grieving process and how I finally make my peace with my dad’s death. My mom and dad divorced on good terms and he never went out with anyone after or had any other kids, aside from my uncle we’re the only family he had left. He refused to go back to Italy so he could still be around me.
My stepsister wants to tag along, saying that mom shouldn’t be away that long before she also leaves for college, that it’s not fair I get a 2-week trip alone with her and she gets nothing, and that this could be a ‘girls’ trip’, but I refuse to do it.
I simply don’t want her there. This is an important moment in my life and to be honest, I don’t want to share it with her because she always wants to monopolize Mom and she’ll ruin the whole experience.
I expressed my feelings to my mom (how I want to do this with her only, that it’s important for me and it’s a big goodbye that I don’t want my stepsister to spoil because she’ll want to do other things) and she understood.
She talked to my stepsister and informed her that she won’t be able to come to this trip, but that they two can do something after she comes back (my stepdad is able to afford a big trip for the two of them, so that’s not an issue), but my stepsister is insisting it’s not fair I get to travel with mom first.
My stepdad came to my room yesterday to talk. He said I’m hurting my stepsister’s feelings and that he understands why this is important to me, but that life is for the living and ‘they’re still here’. He says that what I plan on doing won’t take the two weeks and I’m acting bratty by leaving my stepsister out.
He offered to duplicate our vacation budget if I agree to let her come, but I said NO and he said he was so disappointed, and even if my mom doesn’t say it, she is too. AITJ?”
26. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister's Insensitive Jokes During A Family Gathering?
“I (26m) am currently fighting with my sister ‘Julia’ (29f). I recently got engaged to my wonderful fiancée ‘Sara’ (24f). Julia doesn’t like Sara and never really has.
Apparently, she isn’t good enough for me which is absolutely ridiculous because Sara is such an incredible person. She’s super genuine, funny, kind, smart, selfless (though it wouldn’t hurt her to be selfish sometimes), and beautiful.
My aunt was having a party yesterday.
I was there with Sara. Julia was also there. We were talking in a small group with a few other family members. The topic changed to my and Sara’s engagement with some people congratulating us. Julia then starts making ‘jokes’.
Needed background I guess: I’m from a well-off family. I mean we aren’t Bill Gates or anything but we can definitely all live comfortably. Sara is not. She grew up in a low-income background. She had to earn scholarships to pay for school and qualified for financial aid.
She also worked through high school and college.
Julia started making jokes about the ring I got for Sara. I definitely had the money to get a really big diamond, however, Sara would’ve hated something like that so I got something smaller.
Julia was making jokes that ‘it’s a good thing I got her a ring like that so she knows not to expect much’. She also made a joke about Sara being a ‘gold digger’. This literally could not be further from the truth.
In fact, one of my biggest arguments with Sara is the fact that she refuses to let me pay for stuff. She wants to pay for everything herself. She always wants to split the bill or just pay for the whole thing herself (not happening).
She insists on paying me back if I even get her a 2 dollar soda. When we moved in together she insisted everything be split 50-50 even though I offered to pay for more of it since I have more money.
I just want to spoil her and she won’t let me.
Julia kept making jokes along these lines even though Sara looked uncomfortable and I politely asked her to stop three times. Also for the record, the jokes weren’t landing.
None of my family was laughing. She cracked another joke about how I should call off the engagement now before I owe Sara half of everything and I yelled at her. I told her to stop being immature and making dumb jokes and to accept the fact that I’m marrying Sara with or without her approval. I said that I understand that it might be hard for her to wrap her head around the fact that there are good people in the world since she’s been nothing but a judgmental jerk her entire life but they do in fact exist and Sara is one of them.
I then grabbed Sara and left because I was done dealing with her.
Now she’s calling me a jerk for yelling at her and embarrassing her in front of our whole family. She also said that people were really awkward around her after I left and they acted like they didn’t want her there.
I don’t think I’m a jerk for calling her out but she insists I am. AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Waking Up My Brother To Change His Baby's Diaper?
“I (31F) have a brother (29M) and he has a 14-month-old boy. My brother and his family live in a different country than myself and our parents.
He and my nephew came to visit us in Spain for the week. For context I do not have children, nor do I want them. I have never changed a nappy and when I found out I was going to be an auntie I said ‘Hope you never expect me to change a nappy as that’s not going to happen.’
My brother was sitting on the sofa and had fallen asleep. While my nephew was running around I followed him making sure he didn’t hurt himself as my mum’s house is not exactly toddler friendly. While on the balcony I noticed him start to smell, so I checked his nappy and saw he’d pooped.
I brought him back inside and said ‘Blank your child needs his nappy changing’. Well, he woke up and started screaming and swearing at me because I woke him up and just change him myself. I said no I don’t do nappies and it’s his child.
My mum who was helping my dad bandage up his hand (he recently had an operation on his hand) spoke up and said she will change him when she was finished.
My brother started to go back to sleep and my nephew was playing with my dog.
5 minutes later my mum grabs the baby and takes him to get changed. My brother woke up again and starts saying I was out of order and a jerk for not changing him, I reminded him I’ve never changed a nappy nor do I want to it’s my boundary, and it’s why I’m never alone with him.
He is used to my auntie back in the UK who is very hands-on and helpful, so he can sit back and do nothing. Whereas with me, my mum and dad he’s forced to take care of the baby.
My mum helps a bit more but still not as much as my auntie helps him. And apparently, I’m a jerk for waking him and not changing his nappy.
My dad and my mum are on my side, but he hasn’t spoken to me since and even refused to come out for dinner last night AITJ?”
24. AITJ For Ruining My Dad's Image Of A Perfect Family?
“I (16m) have been in family therapy with my dad, his wife, her daughter (12f), and my half-siblings (5f) (6m). My dad married his wife when I was 9 and 15 months after my mom died. They met at a support group for people who had lost someone.
Dad lost mom, and his wife had lost both her parents close together, who were the people who helped her raise her daughter since the bio dad wasn’t in the picture.
Pretty quickly her daughter started calling my dad ‘dad’.
My dad’s wife told me repeatedly in the first year that I could call her mom, she’d like it if I did, she’d love for me to call her daughter my sister instead of saying stepsister. She told me my mom would want me to have another mom.
That she’d want that for her daughter. So how about we drop the steps, we love each other like mom and son because that’s what we are now legally. I said no. My dad told me I should give it a chance.
That a momma’s boy would do so much better with another mom.
It became pretty clear to them over the years that I was not into that idea. I used the half for my half-siblings once they were born, I never dropped the step, and I never called his wife mom.
Not even slipping up in a conversation or with other people. This all bothered them so 17 months ago they decided we should all go to family therapy and help smooth out all the creases, which to them is the step and half- titles.
The therapist and I have talked a lot over the months just the two of us. She’s pretty cool and she knows what they want isn’t going to happen. My dad and his wife started saying they wanted help for us to be the perfect family and the therapist will always use the language ‘Let’s find your family’s version of perfect, whatever that may be’.
Which I think makes sense. Because I know for me this will never be my perfect family. I also know they are never going to get the image they have in their heads.
3 weeks ago we had a session with a fill-in therapist because our usual one was sick.
It came up during therapy that my stepsister felt really bad that I said stepsister after someone said I should take a photo with my sister. She also said she hates that I don’t love her and she really felt it that day.
Then her mom starts going on about the perfect family thing, the therapist was not in control and had no idea what he was doing, and I started getting mad because my dad and his wife were just repeating the whole perfect family thing over and over again.
I ended up saying we will never be the perfect family and that I will never see them as my perfect family, that I wouldn’t even choose for them to be my family.
It became a huge fight and I got grounded for two weeks for saying it.
My dad told me he is tired of me not trying to make this family work and he told me I was out of line for saying what I did.
AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Evicting My Daughter?
“My daughter is 20. She’s one of four. She doesn’t work or go to school.
We’ve had countless discussions about this with her. My husband and I pay all her bills. College is not a necessity in our household, so if you’re not going to attend school then work it is, only she hasn’t held a job for longer than three months.
Her complaint is that she never makes enough money to enjoy herself. I told her welcome to the real world kid. The last job she held was over two years ago. My husband feels I’m expecting too much of her and to let her be and find her way.
She has gotten multiple traffic violations, running a red light, not coming to a complete stop at a stop sign, not wearing her seat belt, speeding in a school zone while children are present, etc. (Over 2.5k in tickets) Tickets we weren’t aware of.
Just so happens that she went through a roadblock and there was a warrant for her arrest for unpaid tickets and driving on a suspended license (which happened due to her unpaid tickets). I wanted to let her sit there but my husband went and bailed her out.
We had to pay a little over seven hundred dollars for bail and to get her car out of the impound and that’s not including reinstatement fees.
Upset about it I had our eldest son take her battery out of her car, which sent her crying to my husband because he’s usually the one who lets her get away with everything without holding her accountable.
He tried talking me into giving her the vehicle back, but I refused. A car is a privilege. I gave the car to our seventeen-year-old, which has caused a hail spin of arguments with my daughter. I gave her a choice.
Go to school or get a job, but a car is out of the equation right now. Until she shows effort I would no longer pay for her phone bill, no more getting her hair, nails, and feet done. No shopping money.
I even cut off her emergency debit card down to fifty bucks a month. She had sixty days to make up her mind about school or obtain a job. That’s it.
Sixty days have come and gone, and she’s been sulking around the house and crying to her father with every excuse in the book.
She doesn’t feel like college is for her. Understandable. She has these high expectations that she’s supposed to be making a lot of money out of high school. She doesn’t want to work a fast-food job. I explained to her that most teenagers and young adults start off with fast food jobs but there are other options; most work their way up to a career of their choice.
I did. Her father did. Her siblings did/do.
Father has been pleading her case. I told him that she will never stand on her own if she doesn’t know responsibility. I took the legal steps to have her evicted. She was served like two or three days ago and it has caused an uproar in our house.
My husband states I’ve gone too far. My daughter is in disbelief and can’t believe I would put her out (I won’t but she doesn’t know that). AITJ?”
22. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My "Sister's" College?
“I was switched at birth. My parents (at the time) found out when I was 8 and immediately began looking for their biological daughter. They found her quite easily all things considered because we lived in a very small town and everyone there knew everyone.
It turns out one of our neighbor’s sisters had been pregnant at the same time as my parents and staying with her so she had her baby at the closest hospital which is where my parents had me and we got switched. She called up her sister when word got out and turns out that she was my aunt and her sister was my bio mom.
I met my bio parents when I was 8 and I liked them immediately. Obviously, I just thought they were cool aunt and uncle until they sat me and their daughter ‘Masie’ down and told us what happened. They didn’t want to go the legal route and they had become attached to the kid they took home even if they weren’t biologically theirs.
I and Masie started spending winters/summers with our bio parents because they lived in different states.
When we turned 10, my parents suddenly asked if I wanted to live with my bio parents permanently. I kinda shrugged but when they asked a second time I said yes because I was a stupid kid and my bio parents were very wealthy so their house was always cooler than my parents.
So I went to live with my mama and pops and Masie went to live with mom and dad. I don’t know what the legal process was but that’s all I remember/have been told. I never saw Masie again although I had tried to follow her on social media but when I messaged her she blocked me.
My parents died last year and I took a gap year before college to grieve etc. I got a message from Masie asking to meet. I said yes and we got lunch. I told her about my parents and she said she was sorry for me.
She said she already knew and has been grieving too. Then she asked if I would do her a favor. She had gotten into a really good school and had also taken a gap year to save funds but the school was too expensive so she wanted me to pay it for her.
I asked her why she never visited after the switch and she said because of her parents. They got very strict after the switch and banned her from contacting me or my parents.
Now I’ll be honest, this made me angry but I didn’t really feel sorry for her.
There were times when I wasn’t allowed to talk to boys but I still found a way. If she had told me I would have kept her secret and we would have still been able to talk secretly. I told her she must not have wanted to talk to us anyway because she didn’t even try.
Not even when she turned 18. So no I wouldn’t be paying for her college. AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move My Car For His Guest?
“My partner and I live together. Our rented property has a driveway big enough for two cars, his and mine. The street parking is restricted with double yellows (I don’t know if there are double yellows outside the UK but it’s a road marking that means ‘no parking here’) and I have actually been fined the one and only time I parked on the street when I had guests and let them use the driveway.
So the council is very strict with parking on that road. There’s no other free parking nearby but there is a car park about a mile walk away, but you have to pay and can’t be there for longer than 6 hours.
My partner spontaneously had a friend come to visit for a few days, who lives out of town and hasn’t seen him for a while. Turns out he had it planned for ages but didn’t think to mention it.
A little warning would’ve been nice but that’s done now.
The friend arrives and my partner says ‘Can you go and move your car so (friend) can park on the driveway?’ I asked him where he expected me to move it and he said that my parents live close (5 miles away, so yeah not too far) and I can park it there.
I expressed to him my disappointment that not only did he assume that I was okay with moving my car and now requiring a lift back home, and regular lifts to my parents’ house to pick up my car to get to work (I travel for work so need my own car), but that it’s automatically my car that needs to be moved. I said, ‘He’s your friend.
You should go and find somewhere to park your car. You can’t just assume I was okay with this arrangement’. He works from home mostly so doesn’t require his car as much as I do, also his parents live in the next town over, why couldn’t he just drop off his car there since he rarely uses it?
In fact, the friend could also go and seek out somewhere to park, but I understand that one of us moving our cars is polite. He suggested I go stay with my parents whilst the friend is here so I don’t need back-and-forth lifts dropping my car off with them.
I responded that it was rude of him to essentially kick me out of my home, where we pay the rent equally, just because he has a friend staying and didn’t think to tell me.
He thinks I’m being dramatic, but to me, it’s the principle that I’m always the one expected to move my car when he has guests and that he didn’t discuss it with me prior to inviting the friend over.
I was upset that he felt so okay with me inconveniencing myself this way when it was his guest, his responsibility. I might have even agreed if he’d just spoken to me about it beforehand.
I know this all seems very minor, but it’s really got on my nerves.
This is my home and didn’t like how I was the one expected to go and move my car, or even stay elsewhere. AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Putting Locks On The Snake's Enclosure?
“The snake is not mine, it belongs to my friend, I’m currently looking after him while my friend is away for a semi-long period of time (working on a cargo ship).
The snake is a ball python and has a very very shy and anxious personality. He’s fine being picked up and held by anyone, but only for a short while – me and my friend (and a few other people), can hold him for longer periods of time because the snake knows and (I assume) trusts us.
If people he doesn’t know hold him for a while, true to the name, he’ll curl up into a little ball and get very stressed. Also, generally, snakes should only be handled a couple of times a week anyway.
I’ve found out that my housemate has been going into my room and handling the snake while I’m not at home (he’s not working atm), he’s done this about 4x now, despite me asking him to stop, and did it 3 days in a row after I asked him not to the first time, I found out because he had bragged about his snake-handling skills to a friend of mine, who let me know what had gone on.
My housemate also had pictures of him holding the snake, and my friend checked the dates the pictures were taken while on his phone. Because of this, the snake is now very stressed and I can’t get it to eat.
I had enough and bought some locks for the vivarium, I let my friend know everything that is going on. I can’t put a lock on my door, as my housemate owns the house and doesn’t want me to put one on, so this is the next best thing.
He’s telling me that I shouldn’t have the snake if it can’t deal with being handled and that having the snake in my room is too enticing because he’s getting bored from not working. I told him if he was bored, then maybe he should get a job instead of endangering himself and the snake, as the snake is very docile but still a wild animal, so could still bite if put under pressure.
AITJ not only for the locks but for what I said as well? He’s very upset with me as he says he’s very depressed from not working (but puts no effort into looking for a job), and that me pointing it out was incredibly rude.”
19. AITJ For Arguing With My Sister On Her Wedding Day?
“My (29f) sister ‘Jane’ (26f) got married on Saturday. Jane has been a bit of a bridezilla during this whole thing and I was one of her bridesmaids so had to listen to a lot of it. I gave her the benefit of the doubt in most cases because wedding planning is stressful as I know firsthand.
My son (4m) was at the wedding. He has autism and is prone to meltdowns so bringing him to situations like this is always nerve-wracking, particularly as they are very disruptive to his routine.
He was quiet for the first part of the ceremony but then started getting upset, so my husband took him outside for a while.
Then when the meals came, I found out my sister had changed our pre-agreed food order (safe foods that he’ll eat) to instead match what the other kids were having without telling me. They weren’t having anything exotic but my son has very specific sensory issues around food and I would’ve brought his food myself if she had told me she was changing it.
So I try to feed him this meal and he’s having absolutely none of it. He starts having a meltdown and even being taken outside won’t soothe him. And of course, he’s hungry so that’s riling him up too.
After a while, I brought him back inside and my sister took me to one side and said she could hear him screaming even from inside and it made people uncomfortable. She said I should take him home because the reception party would be too much for him, and that when our brother gets married next year I shouldn’t bring him if he causes this much trouble.
I just saw red and shouted at her, saying he would’ve been fine if he could’ve had his meal and she didn’t need to change it without telling me when she knows how strict he is with routine.
And that his autism wasn’t the problem here, she was.
She stormed off and I did end up taking my son home. We haven’t spoken yet this week as she’s on her honeymoon but my parents have said she’s furious.
AITJ?
Edit: She changed the meal so the kids’ plates would all match aesthetically. We brought safe snacks with us but not enough for a whole meal. I didn’t leave him at home because he was happy at my nephew’s birthday party in Jan when I thought he wouldn’t be, so I’m trying to balance when to give him opportunities and when to shield him.”
18. AITJ For Speaking In Spanish?
“I’m (22M) born and raised in Mexico. My family (parents, sister, and I) live there and we came to Texas to visit my dad’s family, his brother, wife, and 3 children (26M, 18M, 15F), his last two kids were born and raised in the USA.
We usually come here every year to visit my aunt. My dad and my uncle spent like 10-12 years not talking because of some family drama. Now that they’ve made up, my dad wanted him to visit and bring some stuff from our town.
My uncle was over the moon and began to speak in Spanish as soon as he saw us. My sister and I are fluent in English mostly because my parents are not and every time we come here, we translate everything for them.
Tho, sorry if I make any mistake since I’m self-taught. He said he gets to speak Spanish at his job with some other guys, but they’re from south Mexico while we’re from the North, and that they say some words/stuff differently than us and that for him, it was refreshing hearing us.
My cousins (the younger two) are ‘no sabo’ kids and often use the language to make fun of it and not to communicate. My uncle corrects them a lot and reiterates how he has already explained why the conjugation is wrong, but they only laugh.
I think my uncle felt bad and only spoke in English with my sister and me after that. They had to******* up with their parents speaking Spanish with mine tho since mine aren’t bilingual.
I have a job in Mexico, and I got a call asking some basic questions since it was work-related stuff and there was no real reason for me to speak in English.
I just answered in Spanish, and my cousins freaked out because I was speaking really fast and explaining some technical things. After I hung up they asked me to only speak in English because ‘We DoN’T uNdErStAnD yOu’. I just gave in because it was just a visit and unless my uncle and cousins spoke to me in Spanish.
I had no real reason to do it anymore, but I kept receiving calls to the point I had to turn off my phone to enjoy the visit.
My cousins were mad and at dinner they called me rude for speaking in Spanish since they asked me not to.
To be fair, it made me mad and I said that if they don’t want to feel vulnerable while being exposed to other languages, maybe they should try learning more. They pulled the ‘how many languages do you speak’ and when I said 3 they called me a jerk for being rude and embarrassing them.
I think it’s stupid, but maybe I should ask, AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Reporting My Boss To HR About The Nickname He Gave Me?
“I (31 female) recently started a new job. (Well, a few months ago). It’s a 5-guy office, plus the boss. The boss is one of those guys who thinks he has a natural charm that ladies would instantly fall for, but he looks like a thumb, and has a lot of dumb confidence for making inappropriate comments, even when talking to me about work issues.
I keep him at arm’s length, and I’m very professional with my workmates.
Some days ago I was chasing after some workmate because they were procrastinating on sending me a document. I went to him to make him send it, and he said ‘Ok’.
Took his phone, opened the Messages app, and sent me the file, but looking at it, I noticed that he saved my number as ‘Jessica Rabbit’.
I asked him about it, confused, and he looked at me, shocked, eyes wide open.
Just said ‘I’m sorry’. I didn’t let him go, and interrogated him until he confessed that the boss always calls me ‘Jessica Rabbit’.
To be clear, I’m naturally a redhead, got it from mom, and dye my hair red when it gets darker, but I don’t look like ‘Jessica Rabbit’.
I’m flat as a table, yes, I had trust issues about it and worked very hard to like my body. I despise the thought of being compared to a ‘hot’ cartoon character.
I talked to my boss when he came into the office and asked about the nickname.
He just said ‘Because you both are hot redheads’. I told him to stop it because I don’t feel safe, he just said ‘Why are you so angry? It’s a compliment’. I said it’s not and stormed out.
I went to HR to do a formal complaint, the HR lady said that she’ll process the complaint, but that it was worthless, because ‘Boss is just like that’.
I told her that I don’t like my boss’ attitude, and need a warrant to stop.
Since then, my boss stopped talking to me, and my workmates say that I’m way too dramatic, and don’t know how to take a compliment.
They also complained they don’t feel safe around me because they don’t know if I will twist their words somehow.
Am I the jerk here?
EDIT: To be clear, I did not snoop on the phone. I was standing, and my coworker was sitting in his chair, so I had a clear view of his phone, and then I saw that he saved my number as ‘Jessica Rabbit.'”
16. AITJ For Missing The Flavoring Packet?
“I had been at a friend’s house the majority of the day, but I come home to my 13-year-old sister stating she was hungry.
We have had arguments in the past over her telling me to make her food, and me telling her she is old enough to make her own.
Today she complained about how she had not eaten all day and that she was hungry.
I promptly told her to make her own food, to which she stormed up to her room. Later on, our mother texts me saying to make mac n cheese for what I thought was my three-year-old sister. When I was making it though, my other sister came down asking if it was done yet.
She had tricked me into making her food after I declined earlier.
I shrugged it off as I had already started it anyways. After serving her a bowl, though, she tried it and leaned over the trashcan and gagged it out.
She said ‘I am not eating that’ and walked away.
While that hurt, I tasted it too and it was in fact bland, but not enough to make me gag. She grabbed the flavoring packet that I had forgotten to put in and called me stupid as I embarrassingly started to pour the packet in.
When it was properly finished, I tried it and it tasted exactly how it should. But when I gave it to her, she accused me of adding other spices to make it taste bad, and she had a disgusted look on her face.
I told her ‘If you don’t like it then I’ll eat it, but I’m not making you more food.’ She then stomped upstairs and told me that I could have it.
I can’t help but think she’s being overdramatic and stubborn, but am I the jerk?
EDIT: it was a white cheddar mac n cheese, so it would appear white with or without, that’s how I missed the packet.”
15. AITJ For Not Giving My Wife Half Of The Amount I'm Investing For My Daughter?
“My (56M) daughter ‘Shelby’ (14F) washes her hands a lot. I recently thought that a good way to reduce her water usage would be to incentivize it.
For context, our friends and family spend about $70 on water per month and we spend about $180. I told Shelby that the water she uses is often wasted as she just blasts the taps at full and doesn’t even have her hands under them, she just scrubs her hands next to them and leaves the tap running.
I told Shelby I’d rather spend the money on other things like food, gifts, etc. A few days later I told Shelby that any amount she saves by using less water, I will spend on her. That was about a year and a half ago.
Since then, we’ve saved a total of almost $1500. About a third of this has been given to Shelby as spending money and the rest was invested.
The invested fund has gone up A LOT and I was proud so I mentioned it to Shelby over breakfast. My wife butted in and asked if she could have half for spending money.
I told her no because it is intended for Shelby to use for College/her future. My wife Tara (44F) got incredibly angry saying she’s part of the family and deserves my investments. She said it’s not fair that Shelby gets money that should be shared. I told her she doesn’t pay the bills so I can do what I want with any savings.
Tara then changed to a different argument saying I was messing with Shelby’s therapy by trying to change her rituals. (I’ve spoken to Shelby’s therapist and she said incentivizing Shelby to wash her hands less will aid her treatment – OCD)
I told Tara she didn’t care about Shelby’s treatment and was just after the money. She got angry saying I accused her of being a gold digger (I never said this – she has her own job and we get paid similar amounts anyway).
She is angry at me and Shelby is worried that she has caused an argument. AITJ?
EDIT INFO – I did tell Tara when I first thought of it but she’s not been interested when I tell her how the investment has grown.
We both make similar income and we go out frequently. Also, we split chores and I pay utilities, and she pays the food bill.”
14. AITJ For Telling My Significant Other's Parents My Dad's Wife Is My Stepmom, Not My Mom?
“My mom died when I was 5 and my stepmom has been in my life since I was 6.
I’m now 16 and I still don’t see her as ‘my mom’ and I don’t love her as ‘my mom’ or even my parent really. They (her and my dad) always put it that she was my mommy on earth while I also have a mommy in heaven (little kid version of the talk at least).
But I never considered her mommy. So I would always explain to friends that she wasn’t my mom, I would bring it up in school because most people, including teachers, defaulted to calling her my mom.
What happened was… I have a significant other.
My dad and stepmom wanted to meet his family, and my SO’s parents said they had heard a lot about ‘OP’s dad and stepmom’. At that point my dad said my stepmom was my mom, and my SO’s parents were like, oh we know you guys say that but OP told us she’s her stepmom.
This really upset my stepmom. My dad sat me down and asked why I tell people she was my stepmom. I said because that’s what she is. That he has always known I didn’t call her mom and didn’t like that they did.
He told me I have two moms. That it would be different if I had a mom who could actively be here with me, but she wasn’t, and that meant my stepmom had filled the role for the entirety of the last decade and to know that I won’t acknowledge her for that is not a kind thing to do.
He then went on to point out all the people who let their stepparents be just mom or dad when their parent died while they were young because they understood having more than one mom or dad. I told him that was them but for me, I never felt that way about her.
I told him she isn’t the person I will turn to when I need help or the person I would choose to be with if he died. He told me after all these years, my feeling that way is just spiteful.
My stepmom told me afterward it was a huge slap in the face to have it brought up the whole time, while she was there being the best mom she could be to me.
Things are still VERY tense.
AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Insisting On Going To My Stepdaughter's Wedding Even Though She Doesn't Want Me There?
“I have a 26-year-old stepdaughter, who we will call ‘Kate’. She never liked having a blended family, which I can sympathize with.
She has half-siblings but doesn’t really acknowledge them and if someone asks her, she will usually say she is an only child. We tried our best, but she was just not cut out for having two blended families. She hated going back and forth, she doesn’t like people in general, and hated having extra people in her life, and it really came to a head when she graduated high school.
She didn’t want to go out and celebrate after and finally snapped at us that for her, going out to celebrate always means bringing along a bunch of people she doesn’t actually like, and she just wants to be left alone.
She moved out as soon as she could and has always been very independent. She is cordial when we see her, but to be honest she just doesn’t like any of us that much. Her parents do try to connect with her, but she just isn’t interested. She is getting married over the summer and my MIL (gossipy and no boundaries) recently came to us and said that she overheard Kate talking about how she fantasizes about not inviting her parents because she knows if she invites them she has to invite her stepfather and me, and she just hates feeling like ‘playing pretend’.
She said she would never actually do it, but she fantasizes about it all the time.
Obviously, I was hurt, but I think Kate is entitled to her private feelings. The issue is her mother’s husband said he was going to just let her have this one thing and not go.
Everyone immediately praised him for being such a great guy and then began pressuring me to just not go. Well, I’m not comfortable with that. I don’t resent her for having feelings, everyone is entitled to their fantasies, but at the end of the day etiquette and social obligation are a thing.
To me, it is about respect. You cannot just expect one-half of a married couple to come alone. I nicely explained that and said really we shouldn’t even be having this conversation because MIL shouldn’t be eavesdropping and gossiping. My husband agreed to back me but seemed uncomfortable, and everyone else is telling me how awful I am and that just staying home would be such a nice wedding gift for her.”
12. AITJ For Getting My Wife's Cousin And Her Kid Removed From My Wedding Reception?
“My wife (33F) and I (35M) recently got married. We decided on a child-free wedding because we wanted people to be able to relax, have a good time, and not have to worry about screaming babies.
My MIL when asked about this, told every one of her relatives that they, of course, were an exception and we would be delighted to welcome their children. By the time we learned of this, flights and hotels had already been booked and MIL threw up her hands and said, ‘Well what was I supposed to tell people to do with their children!?’ After offering some suggestions about what they could do, some further suggestions as to where she could stick what, and using a few words a lot harsher than a jerk.
My FIL stepped in, apologized, and we came to an agreement.
We would allow the children to attend, and MIL and FIL would pay for all additional headcount. Everyone would be told that they were responsible for keeping their children under control and if they didn’t, they would be removed. This meant babies were to be brought into the cry room at the church if crying, children were not to run around the reception, and no part of the ceremony was to be interrupted. I had the absolute right to have someone removed if their children were not under control.
MIL took this to mean that if someone’s kids were acting up, she’d have time to address it and fix things.
I will admit, people were good for the most part. We had a few babies crying in the church.
A few kids were loud, but their parents kept them under control and quieted them.
Then came our first dance. We were about a minute into the song when I heard people start laughing and whooping. I looked over to see a child had run onto the dance floor and started dancing with her arms in the air.
I recognized her as the 2-year-old daughter of my wife’s cousin. I looked around for her mother and found her laughing and filming her daughter on her cell phone.
We finished our dance, and I walked over to the venue staff and instructed them to remove her and her daughter from the reception.
Two minutes later, my MIL came flying over screaming that she didn’t do anything wrong and I couldn’t remove her. I replied that she had broken the rules, this is why I didn’t want children there, and she had to go.
My wife agrees with me but feels bad that her cousin traveled from Louisiana and had to leave the reception. She also hates that her mother is not speaking to us anymore. Her mom says that I am cruel, evil, and hate children.
FIL agrees that the rules were broken and I had the right to kick them out but thinks a warning would have been appropriate. I contend that we only get one first dance and knowing what would happen, rather than try to control the situation, her cousin decided to laugh and film her daughter ruining our first dance.
Had she gotten her daughter off the dance floor immediately after it happened, I would not have done anything.”
11. AITJ For Locking My Partner Out Of The Apartment After What I Heard Him Say?
“Earlier today I (F24) was at the park with my partner (M27) and his friend (M25).
We were just walking around and having a normal conversation when the topic shifted to exes. My exes are a sore spot for me (they were abusive and liars) so I was just listening for the most part. The conversation took a turn to sleeping with exes so I told them I’d sit on a bench for a while and wait for them to come around since the path in the park is a loop.
My partner asked me if everything was okay and I told him that I wasn’t really comfortable being a part of that conversation and frankly I didn’t want to hear what he had to say about his intimacy with his ex so I said I’d wait so he didn’t have to stop the conversation.
I’ve always been very straightforward about not wanting to know certain things because I have BPD and will fixate on it until it becomes a bigger issue, so I prefer not to know.
They walk about 20 feet and turn back, the closer they get I can hear that they’re still on the same subject.
I’m scrambling for my headphones but before I can I hear him say ‘I miss sleeping with my ex. I could really toss her around’. Keep in mind I’m 6’1 and my partner is 6’8. He knows that I’m not the most secure about my size and body.
Before his butt could hit the seat I got up and made a beeline for my apartment which is across the street from the park. I got to the main doors of my building, buzzed in, let the door close behind me, and went up to my apartment.
He started calling a bunch but I didn’t answer. Then he sent a text saying ‘What?! Why would you lock us out?!’ I sent a text to his friend apologizing for the sudden exit but didn’t reply to him.
So, AITJ?”
10. AITJ For Serving Rabbit?
“My friends and I (mid-30s) like to have themed dinner parties. For example, we’ve had Spanish tapas potlucks; bought ‘miracle fruit’ (the stuff that makes sour foods taste sweet), and tried a bunch of things to see what they tasted like with the sour-made sweet; a friend did a Star Trek menu with plomeek soup (squash and beetroot soup), gagh (sesame noodles), jambalaya, romulan ale, and cellular peptide cake (peppermint cake); another friend did a The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe menu with toast a la Tumnus, fried fish and boiled potatoes, and Turkish Delight.
Stuff like that.
I recently decided to host a Lord of the Rings meal, and emailed the invitation and menu to my friends: lembas (crispy flatbread with homemade jams and mustards), meat pies, vegetarian savory pies (potato and mushroom), rabbit stew, ent-draught (light spring vegetable soup), salad of foraged greens, berry tarts, beer, sweet cider, and milk, served buffet style.
I invited about a dozen adults and their kids (some friends of mine, some friends-of-friends or partners-of-friends), about twenty people total.
Everything was going very well until one of the guests asked what the meat was in the rabbit stew.
I thought she was joking at first, but she was completely serious, so I said, ‘Well, it’s rabbit.’ (I live in an area where the lack of natural predators means that we have an overabundance of deer, rabbits, game birds, etc., such that hunting them is encouraged because otherwise, they tend to starve in the winter for lack of sufficient food and/or die of diseases due to overpopulation.
I have a hunter friend who trades me meat from these animals for the jams/jellies I make.)
She freaked out, and her daughter started crying and then told the other children that they were eating bunnies. Apparently, they thought that by ‘rabbit stew’ I meant something like what I meant by ‘lembas’ – I was using a fantasy term for something more ‘normal.’ And I guess I can sort of see it because while they’re different, cooked rabbit isn’t THAT different than dark meat poultry in a stew.
I apologized for the miscommunication and for upsetting her and her daughter, but she was still livid and said that I was the jerk for serving rabbit under any circumstances. I again apologized for not being clearer that I really did indeed mean rabbits in the rabbit stew, but I wouldn’t apologize for serving rabbit, especially as it was (in my opinion) more sustainably and humanely obtained than if I’d bought a twelve-pack of chicken thighs.
She and a few other people think I’m the jerk, obviously (mostly people whose kids were upset by the ‘she cooked a bunny’ thing, though until it was framed to them that way, they seemed fine). Others think that I’m not exactly a jerk, but that I should have spelled out better in the invite/menu that the rabbit stew was really rabbit, and/or for not just apologizing for serving rabbit in the first place.
So, AITJ for serving rabbit?”
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Name My Kid After My Husband's Grandpa?
“My (35F) husband (37M) and I are pregnant with our first child. We are overjoyed, as we have struggled with perceived infertility and miscarriages for the last decade. We want the gender to be a surprise, but may have to find out to settle this; I’m currently at the tail end of my second trimester.
Now, my husband absolutely ‘idolized’ his grandpa, who, unfortunately, passed away last week. My husband is devastated, especially about the notion that his children will never meet their great-grandpa who their father adored so much. As such, my husband has suggested that we name the baby after Grandpa; Theodore if it’s a boy, and Theodora if it’s a girl.
Either way, we will either call them Teddy, or Theo/Thea respectively. It’s not that I mind the name, the issue is that our last name is Bounde; pronounced bun-dee.
I asked my husband, do you really see no issue in naming our kid Teddy Bounde?
You don’t think that would raise any questions? He says no, he’s just honoring his grandpa; I told him he needs to think about how we will be perceived, how our child will be treated, and the implications that name inherently carries.
I literally had to spell out WHY that would be a horrible idea, and he still thinks I just hate his grandpa.
I told him no, Grandpa was named in 1930 when the name Teddy Bounde wouldn’t have been a problem.
However, since certain events in the 70s & 80s, there’s no feasible way we can give this name to our kid and not cause issues. He kept pushing and pushing until I blew up and told him to stop with the idiotic suggestion, and that’s what it is; idiotic at best, sociopathic at worst. He got extremely upset and told his family and my parents, who are divided.
His family is obviously on his side and wants to honor Grandpa by naming the baby after him. My parents are torn but on my side, as they understand the social pariah we would make our child by giving them such a similar name to the person who did such abhorrent and downright evil things to so many women.
I mean, personally, I don’t think anyone is just going to assume that we are honoring a passed loved one; they’re just going to think of Ted Bundy.
AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Being Picky With My Baby Shower Registry?
“I (26F) am 7 months pregnant with my first child. I had my baby shower on Saturday that ended with my MIL in tears and my sisters all taking their gifts back.
To start I did my nursery how I wanted, we didn’t care, boy or girl, so we did it as a travel theme since my husband and I travel a lot for fun, and that’s something we want to do with the little one.
(Think big hand-painted world map we can paint in as we visit states and countries). We have everything set up for the nursery. Also to note our clothing is the same way, with easy-to-clean colors and fabrics or clothing types of no distinct gender in case we have another baby down the line.
Now to the story. My mother is hosting the baby shower and knows we don’t need anything (or want anything), so our registry is literally just diapers, gift cards for formula, or if you wanted you can donate to a college fund for kids wanting to study abroad (it’s how my husband and I met).
Now we were all having fun until it was time to open gifts, the first few were diapers, cards with gift cards, or a printout with the donation.
Until I got to my MIL and sisters’ gifts, who were all giggling in the corner.
I opened the first gift and it said, Mommy made a bombshell, in a bright pastel pink shirt. I was very confused and my mother and husband were mad. It started a slew of presents of pink clothing, and baby items I didn’t need, all with the tags ripped off and boxes clearly damaged.
My husband basically interrogated my sisters until they tattled. One of my sisters looked at the screen at my last appointment and found out it was a girl. They thought it would be a surprise gender reveal to me (by the way, they also posted it on social media.) They said that their niece was the family’s baby so they get a say in what they wear.
My mother was calm until my MIL spoke up, she said that she orchestrated everything. My mother did what mothers do and told her off on how selfish that was when we didn’t want to know. To which my MIL started crying.
My husband kicked my MIL out faster than you can imagine, and my sisters left with all their gifts.
My MIL’s friends are all commenting on the video saying I overreacted and it was just a fun trick and how I shouldn’t have been so picky on my registry or just let them know the gender.
Since I’m pregnant and my emotions can’t be trusted I want to know, AITJ?
Edit for clarity: the ob-gyn is a small family practice, their policy is only one other person with mom doesn’t matter who.”
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Have Guests Over The Week I Give Birth?
“My partner (33M) and I (32F) are parents to a toddler (2F) and have a second baby due at the end of May. My partner came in yesterday evening and told me that his friend from abroad was coming over for a wedding in Ireland (we live in England), and was going to be coming to visit us for a few days after the baby was born.
I asked where he would be staying and he said that he had told him he could stay on our couch. I got upset about this and said that it was a week I was due to give birth and that I felt it was a very important time for our family to bond.
I also mentioned that I don’t know how I’ll be after the birth. This has been a difficult pregnancy and I might need extra support with our very energetic toddler while I get adjusted, and that’s just if the birth is straightforward.
He responded that he hadn’t seen his friend in seven years and it would be ignorant of him not to make an effort to see him, so he was going to put him up in a hotel and they’d go out for the few days he’s here instead.
He said my mum lives just down the road so if I need support I should ask her while he goes out, but our children are our responsibility, not hers, and he hasn’t asked my mum to see if she’d be ok with that.
He hasn’t even asked me if I’m ok with it all, he’s just told me his plans and I’m really hurt by all of this. I feel like he’s prioritizing a good time over my well-being when I really will need him most.
I should add that he doesn’t go out a lot, but it’s just the timing of it all. I’ve tried to explain this to him but he doesn’t want to hear it and says that I’m trying to keep him away from his friends and family in Ireland.
I’m not. I told him I’d pay for him to go to the stag party for the wedding his friend is going to the month before the baby is due, to encourage him to go spend time with friends – he said he didn’t really want to go.
I suggested he go spend his birthday with his family and friends last month but he didn’t want to do that either. When I asked him for the time he is referring to he says that I’m keeping him from his niece’s confirmation, but it was three days before our baby is due and it was his sister-in-law that told him he shouldn’t risk it.
I really do want him to see his friend because I don’t know when he will be over here again (he lives in Australia) but I also feel that it isn’t ok for him to make plans that involve me, without me, with zero consideration for my health and well-being or consideration for our children.
I dunno, I feel like this shouldn’t be a battle that I have to fight but I don’t know if I’m being selfish and overreacting.”
6. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom And Ex For Interrupting My Date?
“My mum and I do not have a good relationship. We used to be close, but she always wanted me to be ‘perfect.’ She liked to control every aspect of my life, especially my love life.
She introduced me to my ex, ‘Kim,’ and pushed us together. Kim and I went out for a few years and had a child together. (which I now have primary custody over). Though my mum wanted our relationship to be perfect, it was far from it.
The years I spent with Kim were the worst years of my life, and I’m much happier without her.
My mum thought Kim was the perfect girl for me. She was so upset when we broke up and grew angrier when I got together with my wife, ‘Rosa.’ Rosa is an amazing woman, but my mum refuses to get to know her because she’s not Kim.
I did not invite my mum to my wedding and I do not speak to her often.
About a week and a half ago, Rosa and I went to dinner at this fancy restaurant. The dinner was supposed to be a nice evening away from everything.
In the middle of our date, my mum and Kim come up to us. It was awkward but I assumed that they would say hello and then leave.
My mum and Kim started to chat with Rosa. It was simple questions at first like, ‘How is work?’ or ‘How is your family?’ But even with those questions, I could tell that they weren’t really listening.
Their questions turned into passive-aggressive comments. My mum was saying, ‘You look so pretty, dressed like you are single.’ (She’s not dressed ‘appropriately’ for a married woman.) or ‘It must have taken you hours to look half decent.’ I thought it was mean for no reason.
Rosa wasn’t offended but rather taken aback by how they were acting. She was, rather politely, asking them to leave us alone but they were not understanding.
My mum told Rosa that she couldn’t leave us alone because ‘as a woman,’ she knew that Rosa needed protection, seeing as she was dressed inappropriately.
Kim laughed and agreed with my mum.
I was frustrated. They had interrupted us, only to be rude and insult my wife. In frustration, I told them to get out of my face and to never contact me ever again.
They left, cursing me out under their breath.
We had tried to enjoy the rest of our night, but my mum and Kim dampened our celebrations. My mum and Kim are still mad at me and want me to apologize.
Rosa does not want me to do anything I don’t want to but thinks that this may affect Kim and I’s co-parenting situation.”
5. AITJ For How I Described Someone's Engagement Ring?
“I (24F) was invited to a dinner party by my friend, ‘Ashley’ (25F) to get some drinks with some of our mutual friends.
It was a while since I’d seen some of these people, and there were a lot of girls I’d only seen once before. I was pretty quiet since I wasn’t familiar with everyone (there were 8 of us total, 2 were my mutual friends and 4 were acquaintances).
One of Ashley’s friends notices that ‘Sarah’ is wearing an engagement ring. Sarah is really happy and starts gushing about her engagement. All of the others get really loud and asked her a lot of questions about the ring, her fiancé, her wedding plans, and give their congratulations, which I do too.
They end up spending the next 20 minutes at least talking about her plans. I don’t know her, so all I can do is sit around and listen, which is no problem.
At one point, Ashley asked to see the ring since we were at a long table, and Sarah was on the other end.
She passes it along to each girl and everyone looks at it and coos over it. It gets to me, and I take a look at it and I guess I was too quiet or made a face because Ashley takes it from me and says, ‘What’s wrong?
Are you jealous?’ I don’t know how to describe rings, but it was a round diamond with other diamonds on the side of the big one and I swear, I just couldn’t help but see a man’s ‘thing’.
Everything happened pretty fast. As Ashley was asking me if I was jealous, the others asked if I was okay since I was so quiet through dinner.
I tried to recover and said that it was pretty, I wasn’t jealous, and that I was just surprised, but Ashley asked me again what was so surprising about a ring. I got nervous and didn’t know how to not be honest, so I just said that I’d seen something I couldn’t unsee.
She stared at the ring a little bit, and I could see her face change as she realized too but she passed it back and said she didn’t understand me.
Sarah got a little quieter, but the others kept asking more questions and the conversation generally kept going and I thought I was in the clear.
We left and after I got home, Ashley blew up my phone asking how I could be so heartless and that Sarah was texting her that she was so sad and she thought I had ruined her ring. Ashley says she’s embarrassed because of me and because I wasn’t close to Sarah, I should have just shut up and said nothing, which I wanted to do, but they all piled on me!
I said that it was just what I thought and that Sarah shouldn’t be so concerned about what someone she doesn’t even know thinks. She thinks maybe we shouldn’t be friends if I treat her friends like this. I’m a little mad because I also feel like her friends didn’t treat me nicely and should have left me alone when I was uncomfortable or Ashley should have stuck up for me.
So AITJ?”
4. AITJ For Not Congratulating My Sister-In-Law On Her Pregnancy?
“My brother works as a car rental agent and his salary is not livable at all. His wife is a stay-at-home mom for their 4-year-old, so he’s the sole provider and he’s been receiving a fixed sum from both my mom and other sister to keep things afloat.
I also helped a few times when I could.
Some time ago, my sister-in-law told me she wanted another child because she didn’t want their son to be an only child and asked me what I think. I advised her against it and told her to either wait till my brother gets promoted or till she gets a job.
I told her it would be realistically impossible to provide for another child when you’re barely coasting by and that she was still young (27). I also told my brother the same thing.
About three weeks ago, my brother calls me all happy and tells me his wife is pregnant.
I told him great, I wish you good luck and soon hung up. I never called my sister-in-law to congratulate her nor went over to their place for the baby shower (told them I was busy.)
Yesterday, we had dinner at our parents’ house and I inevitably met my sister-in-law.
She told me you know I’m pregnant with an excited tone. I told her, Yeah I know, that’s great I wish you good luck. She then said ‘So? That’s it?’ I asked her what she meant and she said aren’t you happy for us?
I told her my feelings are irrelevant here and their decision is up to them. She told me of course they matter and begged me to please honestly tell her what I think. So I told her I frankly think you’re making a mistake and this innocent child is going to suffer the consequences of your selfishness.
You are not ready to care for another little life when you can’t even pay your bills. How long do you think my mom and sister are gonna support you?
She interrupted me and said oh God, that’s none of your business.
I only asked you out of politeness but you really didn’t hold back at all. I told her you’re the one who told me to be honest. She said that I told you to be honest with me not be a jerk.
She then went off to complain to my brother.
I didn’t want to entangle with them and grabbed my purse and left. Sometime later my mom calls me fuming and tells me I had no right to make any comment whatsoever.
She said I should have congratulated them properly and left it at that. That even if she was the one who asked for my opinion I should’ve known better than to hurt her with those words.
I think my words might have been pretty hurtful and I went too far.
AITJ?”
3. AITJ For Telling My Husband He Should Make An Effort To Build A Relationship With My Son?
“My husband (37) and I (34) have been together for 4 years, married for 2. He has a deceased son from his former relationship, and I have a son from my former marriage.
He and my son (16) get along just fine but they don’t spend a lot of time together. My husband said that school/after-school activities and friends and homework are the reason but, in my opinion, if he really tries to make time to spend with my son then he will find the time.
My husband visits his son’s grave every week. Spends a couple of hours there and keeps his phone off. Last week was his son’s death anniversary, the thing is my son had a football match to attend. I told my husband it’s the perfect opportunity to get quality time with my son, he said he already talked to my son and he said he wanted to go with his friends instead.
I told him he could still go with them but he said that for one he wants my son to have time with his friends, and two he had to visit his son’s grave since it was his anniversary. I figured since we already celebrated it at home then his visit wouldn’t be necessary.
He got offended and said that his visit was a ‘must’, especially on that day.
An argument ensued between us and I ended up telling him he should really make an effort to spend time with his stepson. He said that his son matters too and that unless I’d lost a child I wouldn’t understand.
This made me feel upset because it seemed like he was implying that I don’t love my stepson as my own and was using it against me in the argument. He left and refused to answer my phone calls. My son came home and after I vented to him he told me I was in the wrong and that I shouldn’t be too hard on his stepdad because he clearly has stuff going on.
He said he thinks I’m overreacting and being paranoid for nothing and assured me his stepdad does give him his time and attention but it doesn’t mean they had to spend every moment together.
I don’t know… despite thinking I was hard on him I just feel that he’s not making real efforts to spend more time with my son and my son only said the above probably to get me off his back but I’m not sure.
I need outside opinions on this matter.”
2. AITJ For Thinking My Sister's Partner Was Just Showing Off?
“My sister Jennifer (25f) has a new partner, ‘Dan (25m).
They’ve been together for almost 3 months and about a month ago she brought him around so my wife (29f) and I (29m) could meet him. He seemed okay and we didn’t have any problems then. While they were over I showed them the train horn I bought to install in my wife’s vehicle.
I wish I could have one in mine but I drive a company truck so no dice. I have fun if I have to drive my wife’s vehicle now because of the horn.
Dan said we should reconsider because the horn would be illegal here.
Since he’s in 1st year of law school, my wife and I thought it was a flex. But we ignored it because he seemed okay otherwise. We didn’t know Dan has been a paralegal for over 3 years and works at a law firm that primarily handles traffic and driving cases.
We thought he was just showing off honestly because he’s in law school now.
My wife was stopped by the cops and got a citation for the train horn and they towed her vehicle because, without a legal horn, it was considered unsafe.
My wife has to go to court for the illegal horn and we had to pay for the towing and impound fees plus a mechanic to fix the horn back to a default because I tried and could not. When Jennifer found out she said it was our own fault because Dan told us the horn was illegal. I countered to the 2 of them that he should have been clearer about his credentials at the traffic firm and we would have listened. But we thought he was flexing and talking out of his butt because he’s in law school now.
I blame him for not being clearer. We wouldn’t have had this problem if he’d actually told us.
Jennifer says we need to apologize to Dan for blaming him. I disagree. For the record, my parents agree. I’ve been married to my wife for almost 11 years whereas Jennifer hasn’t even known Dan for 3 months.
We don’t know him well. My wife is family. I certainly don’t think she should apologize nor should I because Dan could have communicated better here and now we’re in a mess. If we’d known Dan was an actual professional we would have taken it seriously.”
1. AITJ For Not Telling My Husband That I Planned A Trip With My Friend On My Wedding Anniversary?
“My husband (42) and I (37) have our 10-year wedding anniversary coming up soon. This has been a long year for both of us as I was diagnosed with cancer and have been dealing with the treatments for the past year and have finally been declared cancer free.
During the treatment my husband has been amazing and has used almost all of his vacation time to make sure that I was being taken care of, of course, this meant that he doesn’t have any time to take a week off for our upcoming 10-year wedding anniversary to go do something fun.
I of course still wanted to celebrate being cancer free so I booked a tropical getaway trip with one of my best friends so I could get away and celebrate.
Due to the scheduling of my friend, the only time that worked best for her was during the same time that my wedding anniversary falls on.
I figured this would be fine since my husband couldn’t take any time off to go anywhere anyway. I told my husband that I was taking the trip after everything had been booked and he ended up getting very upset and saying that taking the trip on our anniversary date and not discussing any of the plans with him prior to booking everything made him feel like he didn’t matter.
Of course this is not true, I still love him but I really wanted to get away and have some time to have fun again.
I told him that once he has some vacation time saved again that he can book us a trip and we could enjoy some tropical time together then.
I really didn’t want him to feel like he wasn’t allowed to do anything fun.
AITJ for planning a trip with my friend on my wedding anniversary date and not informing my husband until after everything was booked?”
