People Worry Over Their Past In These 'Am The Jerk?' Stories
18. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Mom Adopt My Late Father's Illegitimate Child?
“My parent’s marriage ended 5 years ago when my mom found out my dad was betraying her and got the other woman pregnant.
Dad didn’t want his betrayal to end the marriage and he offered not to be in the baby’s life if Mom would stay or he offered to find a way for them to raise the baby together. Dad tried to rope my siblings (17m and 15f) and me (18f) into his little mess and was disappointed when we all said no. I stopped seeing Dad after that because I told the courts I wanted my mom to have custody, my siblings saw Dad for a couple of years before they could declare a lack of interest in going and the courts listened. At that time Dad had moved in with the affair partner but tried to use my siblings to get Mom and him back together.
They didn’t want that to happen and mom was furious at him for using the kids. His youngest daughter was born around that time. I never met her but my siblings did, though they never formed a relationship with her.
Dad’s affair partner left and hasn’t been a part of his daughter’s life since.
Dad passed away 14 weeks ago. His daughter went to live with my paternal grandparents who we don’t see because they were angry at mom for the divorce and they felt we were too hard on dad, who didn’t just betray but tried to use his kids to keep his marriage together.
Like a week after my dad’s death my paternal grandparents reached out to Mom and asked her to raise Dad’s daughter as her own. My mom said no and that should have been the end but it wasn’t and it is bordering on harassment now but it isn’t there yet according to the officer and lawyer mom spoke to.
My paternal grandparents went on a character assassination of mom and told her that if she didn’t take their granddaughter this poor little girl would grow up with no parents and no siblings because we have no intention of being there for her. They told mom their granddaughter should be part of our (mine and siblings) family and life and we should be part of hers.
Mom said that she wasn’t going to force us and she told them it did not mean she would raise her late ex-husband’s child from his affair. They called my mom selfish, heartless, evil, spawn of the devil, and all kinds of insults, which have been going on for weeks.
My mom has blocked them but they always find another way to contact her.
I reached the end of my rope when they started publicly talking about my mom letting her children’s half-siblings go into foster care and how heartless she was because she told everyone we wanted her with us.
I confronted them and told them to back right off and stop trying to make mom responsible for their betraying son’s kid. I said he was a terrible person and mom did not have to do a thing for his child and they had zero right to harass her to take responsibility.
They were offended and angry and told me I had no right to disrespect them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I feel so sad for your half-sister. I know you were impacted horribly by your father’s selfishness but I can’t imagine the damage his actions are also causing this little girl.
The grandparents need to step up. They also damage her by highlighting that no one wants her.” Dear_Parsnip_6802
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They were overdue for being told to back off. The question was asked. From that point on they should have left it alone and put their energy into finding the kid’s *actual* mother and getting *her* to take responsibility for their betraying son’s child.” Outrageous-Ad-9635
17. AITJ For Quitting My Overbearing Dad's Company and Choosing to Be a Stay-at-Home Dad?
“I (M26) left my dad’s company.
Three years after high school, my dad hired me into his company because to needed to replace the last guy that left. He didn’t want to hire me, but he was desperate to have someone pick up the slack.
I quit my job at the packaging plant and did my work well enough that he kept me on. HR offered me a full-time position with the added caveat that I had to also continue to be enrolled in college (Dad’s idea). I took the deal because the salary was just good enough to pay for my classes and rent.
It was weird working with my dad. It was fun at times and we got closer, but also more distant. It didn’t matter if it was during or after work hours, I was always his employee. If I ever got into any argument or disagreement with him, no matter how small, he’d threaten to fire me.
Taking vacations and sick days was next to impossible. If I ever called in sick or used a vacation, he would send my mother over to my house to check on me. I had to take my key back from her because she would like to walk in and check if I was sick.
Or she’d call and “warn” me that my dad was upset I took a vacation and my job wasn’t secure anymore.
My job revolved around providing overwatch to assignments in progress regardless of work hours and time zones. So if I got off at 7 pm, and one of my assignments is kicking off at 11 pm, I would have to stay up to provide instructions/answers/overwatch until the job is complete.
There are quite literally only four employees (including myself) to handle these jobs.
Being in college was no excuse. If I had an exam or test after work hours, my dad would threaten to use my vacation time. Work assignments started affecting my sleep, forcing me to go multiple days in a row with only 2 hours under my belt and still expected to come into the office.
I couldn’t pass my work to my coworkers because they had the same issues as me. When the company got popular, more work was added on. It was a nightmare because they refused to hire more employees.
When the time came to sign up for classes again, I simply didn’t.
I couldn’t do this and school. Before I could talk to my dad about my decision, my brother (who my dad sent to my college) informed him that I hadn’t signed up for classes. Got a very angry text that I had three weeks to leave, so I gave my two weeks to my truly amazing manager and left.
Fiancé has been covering my side of the bills and she’s informed me that she got a pretty big raise to do so comfortably. As soon as we’re officially married, we’re going to try for kids and I’m going to be the stay-at-home dad.
My parents are disappointed in me. I’m told constantly that I could have had everything and that I’m giving my fiancé too much power. Mom tells me he’s hurt I went behind his back and left the company. Said I should have talked to him before deciding to drop out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That wasn’t/isn’t a healthy family relationship and they were taking advantage of you to further the company. Who works their child to the bone and makes a job the top priority over their schooling plus making you choose work over school?
Sending mom to check on whether you are sick, that’s ridiculous. If a boss at any other company had done that, they’d be in trouble with their HR. No idea what country you might be in, but some of those actions sound questionable legally. Regardless, it sounds like you made the absolute right choice.
My response to my parents to what they said there at the end would probably be “And you let me down by treating me like crap, treating me like an expendable employee instead of your son, and your constant threats to fire me even for non-work related matters was ridiculous.
Let me know when/if you grow up and decide to have an actual family relationship and I’ll consider it after you apologize for treating me like trash. Have the life you deserve.” DHCruiser
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t blame you in the least if you were to have no contact with your family.
You might have been okay with working for your dad at first, but it seems that the whole situation turned into a toxic nightmare, with your mom checking in on you to make sure you were sick, your brother telling him that you didn’t sign up for classes, and your dad seemingly being the cherry on top of the whole mess with that angry text.” Jaded-Permission-324
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, you learned the dynamic of a parent using financial power to manipulate you. Any time a parent “gives” you money for something, they expect to have control. This can be for school, buying a car, financing a wedding, etc. As soon as the money changes hands, the parent will feel they have a say in things because of their money.
Never take financial aid from a parent if you can help it, or it ends up like this. For what it’s worth, you did absolutely nothing wrong and your dad’s company is a crap place to work. Your dad made it even worse for you.
You’re better off keeping personal and business lives separate. And don’t let him have a say in what you do in your relationship. It’s none of his business.” chocolate_chip_kirsy
16. AITJ For Not Stopping My MIL From Buying Overpriced Prizes At A Fair?
“I went to a local funfair with my kids & mother in law (MIL).
We decided to walk around looking at all the rides before deciding what to go on.
MIL had forgotten her wallet so it would be me buying any rides. (This let me relax about the sometimes tricky dynamic of who is paying for what.)
As we walked past a prize stall (pay funds to win a prize), MIL commented in shock at the high price & I agreed.
At the next ride, my husband joined us. He & I were chatting when we noticed that MIL had gone back to the previous prize stall with the kids.
He asked urgently what I had agreed with her about that stall, & I (slightly confused at his urgency) remembered we had both thought it overpriced.
I knew she didn’t have funds on her so I assumed they had just gone back to look.
We have disagreed with MIL many times about her excessive (in our view) gifts for the kids. Each visit she buys toys which soon get discarded, or more sweets & snacks than the kids can eat.
This is important to us because (a) we want to teach the kids moderation & value rather than excessive disposable expenditure, (b) we are worried about the environment & the excess of toys contributes to landfill, (c) while she has the right to use her funds, the amount spent on this stuff feels wasteful when it could be used for more lasting things for the kids.
Back to the fun fair.
My husband insisted I tell him what I had “agreed” with MIL. We hadn’t agreed on anything, I told him. We agreed it was priced too high?
I then noticed she had taken out her phone to pay using her contactless payment.
Husband said he didn’t want her buying it, & I said he should go tell her. He insisted he didn’t want to do that before finding out what I had agreed with her.
I told him if he could see what was happening he should go & stop her.
By now it was finished & I said look it’s done now, it’s her funds to spend & if she wants to have fun with the kids by spending £15 on a prize stall that’s up to her, & that I hadn’t “agreed” anything with her as I believed she had forgotten her wallet.
After we got home he picked a huge fight with me, telling me he was really distressed by the landfill of the prizes (the toys are already falling apart), & the repeated messages this kind of spending sends to the kids about the value of things.
His main complaint at me is that when we first saw the stall before he joined us, he insists I should have told MIL not to buy it for the kids, & the facts that (a) I believed she had no means of paying & (b) had commented on how overpriced it was were not relevant, I still should explicitly have said that we didn’t want her to buy anything.
I think this is unreasonable & would have made things really awkward at what was supposed to be a fun outing.
He says it’s my fault that MIL spent her funds on poor quality prizes which will be landfill by next week.
Was it my fault?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband should be the one speaking with his mother about things like that. It’s strange that he expected you to anticipate what his mother would do. It’s also strange that he thinks the message would be better received from you than from her own son.” UteLawyer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tbh your husband sounds a bit insane. I don’t think it’s healthy to think of things immediately as “landfill”. Fix up the toys and donate them to someone in need, do you just throw things out as soon as you don’t need them? You guys were at a fair, it’s completely reasonable to let kids play for toys at stalls at a fair.
For fun! His way of blaming you rather than his mother, putting the responsibility on your shoulders is all jerk behaviour as well” GrassyTreesAndLakes
15. AITJ For Cutting Off My Aunt Who Has Always Disliked My Mom?
“My (F17) aunt (F36) had always disliked my mom(F38) ever since my dad has gotten with her.
Before I was born, my mom and my aunt had always been at each other’s throats. The only reason they kept it somewhat civil is because my dad was the bridge between the two. My mom has always been patient, but my aunt has always been the one to make my mom lose that patience.
Back in 2019, my dad passed away from a heart attack, and my mom thought it was finally time to make amends with my aunt since that was always my dad’s wish. My mom called my aunt to tell her the news and she drove 2 hours, along with my grandma to see my dad one last time.
Since it took her long, my mom decided to take him off of life support, to stop the suffering. My aunt made a fit, saying that she shouldn’t have made that decision, since my mother wasn’t his wife.
A few words were exchanged between those two and my grandma had to break it up.
My mom was 5 months pregnant at that time, so the stress was getting to her, so she decided to let that go. One evening my aunt asked my mom who was still pregnant to drive 2 hours so she could see me. My mom agreed and all was well until my mom gave birth.
My sisters came out lighter than light and their skin barely had any melanin in it. Little back story, my mom and my dad have been trying hard to have kids but haven’t been successful for many years. They finally decided to get a donor.
That’s what my Grandma and my aunt don’t know. My aunt made a huge fit and my mom let her because she gets where she’s coming from. The reason my mom won’t tell them is because she’s afraid they won’t believe her and bash her on the internet for being an “unfaithful jerk” as my aunt is calling her now.
Fast forward to a week ago, my grandma was supposed to come over to see us as she hasn’t for the longest time. She called us and said she’d had to cancel due to doctor appointments, which we got since she’s a cancer survivor.
But one day my grandma called us saying that my aunt doesn’t care for her and that my mom is the only one that does, mind you my mom is not my grandma’s daughter, my aunt is. Then she tells how my aunt forced her not to come and told her to cut every one of us off.
Mind you, we all haven’t talked or even been in each other’s sight since 2021.
My aunt tries to contact me here and there, and since she’s my dad’s sister, I try so hard to satisfy her with responses, but what she has caused my mom mental pain, and my grandma mental as well, I told her that I won’t talk to her anymore because she’s a messed up person, and deserves nothing but karma.
She has ruined my relationship with my cousin & grandma. She had ruined my mom’s mentality, and she had ruined herself even seeing me ever again. There is so much more, but since I was so young, I can’t remember it all.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As much as your dad would have wanted peace, you can’t make amends with a person who won’t stop despising you and being an all-around stubborn jerk. Time to let go and block her from your life.” DestronCommander
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t keep anyone in your life who makes you feel bad more often than they make you feel good, family or not.” Neo_Demiurge
14. AITJ For Not Answering My Husband's Texts While I Was Driving And Caring For Our Children?
“I (36F) have been married to my husband (34M) for 6.5 years. I have three kids from a previous marriage, ages 15, 12 and 9.
We have three kids together 2.5, 14 months, and 2 months.
My oldest does club sports. Usually, practice is close, but today it was an hour away. I got her a ride with her friend 20 minutes away. She spent the night with this friend 2 weeks ago. My husband and I both dropped her off.
She messaged me her ETA around 8 pm. I left the two toddlers with my husband and took the baby. The toddlers have been on BS. They are screaming at each other, I’m tired and I need a break, I am their main caretaker. Before I left I looked pretty exasperated because my husband gave me a kiss bye and said “When you get home take a shower everything will be okay!
Just relax.”
I spend the next 20 minutes driving in silence. When I get about 3 minutes away I text my daughter and ask her where she is and she said 5 minutes away. Then the baby screams because he’s hungry. I pull into the driveway, and ask how far she is, she says 2 minutes at exactly 8:25 pm, and I put my phone on the dash, get out climb in the back, and feed the baby.
My husband sends me a message at 8:26 pm and two at 8:28 pm. I have an iPhone and an Apple Watch. I did not hear my phone or watch go off or feel my watch buzz. I think I didn’t lock my phone before putting it on the dash, but I honestly just didn’t see any messages.
She got there, I got out of the backseat and she got in and we left. I spent the drive talking to her and riding in silence. I didn’t pick up my phone once.
I got home at 8:50 pm. I pull in, go to great my husband and he’s like “Leave me alone.” I ask why.
“Why don’t you go look at your phone I’ve been trying to reach you.” And he’s just immediately on me accusing me of being unfaithful. Any way he can twist it to being unfaithful he has.
We have a GPS tracker that shows I was gone 44 minutes and the car was only idling 5 minutes.
I was like well that track I had to wait for her. But to him, it’s “always something I’m making up”
I’m exhausted. He crossed the line tonight and I’m sleeping in the living room because of what he did. He’s insistent I’m disrespectful and I should make sure I answer him because he’s my husband and I shouldn’t have ever set my phone down because I’m “ALWAYS” on my phone, although 60% of my phone usage is my toddler.
When I mentioned there are times he doesn’t answer right away he said it’s because. He’s busy with the kids. And I said well I was driving and with the kids. Just paying attention to her. And his response was “She’s your daughter, she lies for you all the time.” She never has because she’s never needed to.
IDK, I need to know if I’m the jerk because I just didn’t want to mess with my phone. I didn’t get his message and ignored it… I just didn’t see it. If it were you and your spouse didn’t answer till she got home 20 minutes later would you think she was being unfaithful?”
Another User Comments:
“If I knew a woman had 6 children including 3 under 3 and gave birth 8 weeks ago, being unfaithful is the absolute last thing I would presume if she was out of contact for 50 minutes with the baby in tow. I would presume she was busy with the baby or catching a desperately needed nap.
He is out of order. You are not at his beck and call, especially if he does the same. His comment about your daughter is also out of line. NTJ.” thisisgettingdaft
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But there are a lot of red flags here that you are not seeing.
What it seems like is a classic case of an abusive relationship – but he is ensuring you are so mentally frazzled, physically tired, and tied down with kids that you will never leave the situation. Here is how it works:
1. isolation
2. emotional and verbal mistreatment/constant gaslighting
3. unrealistic demands
4. the partner starts being unfaithful
5. in some cases physical mistreatment or worse.
It looks like he has been isolating you from everyone by making sure you have responsibilities in the house, constantly. Keeping you pregnant and running around after kids is one way this happens.
Not to say that every woman who has a large family has issues, but think about it. You have had 3 children back-to-back-to-back and he has probably hinted he wants even more kids. If you don’t have time to think you don’t have time to be unfaithful or to bother with looking at what he is doing.
No one is going to question the situation because you have three very young children to look after.
Then by sewing the seeds of mistrust with you always being at fault, he is making it to where you would not WANT to be around anyone else so you do not get accused of being unfaithful when you did nothing wrong.
No excuse or reason is ever going to be good enough because he thinks so little of you. Think about that. If he is constantly accusing you of being unfaithful, what does that say about the way he thinks of you? If you have never given him a reason to be suspicious then why is his reasoning “you must be being unfaithful?
Do you see how bad that is?
Unrealistic demands – you are driving in a car with your newborn and trying to go pick up your daughter. His first reaction to you not immediately texting him back is that you pulled over, well no, you were only parked for 5 minutes, so you, while driving down the highway, were sleeping with another person, baby in the back seat.
Expecting instantaneous texts when you are driving is dangerous. Telling him you were with your daughter and driving back, but he accuses you of sleeping with someone in the car on the way there and back is irrational behavior/thought patterns.
Quite often in situations like these, where the partner is screaming about how everything you do is in some way you being unfaithful to them, it comes down to projection.
They are being unfaithful, or getting ready to be unfaithful and start seeing their behavior in your actions. You don’t answer a text because you are driving, they didn’t answer a text because they were flirting or doing something else. They begin to blur the line between their unfaithful reality and home reality.
Honestly, the thought process becomes “If I am doing it, they are probably doing it too” – so they start accusing you of malicious intent in your everyday, normal, behaviors/actions.
Hopefully, it has not escalated to anything worse than the conversations so far, but in many instances, these types of situations lead to physical mistreatment or a sad story in the news.
If you are at risk, or currently in a violent relationship, please seek help from a local domestic violence shelter. There are resources, for free, that are available to help you if needed, the kids too. (that goes for anyone reading this)” Ayste
Another User Comments:
“Girl, you are NTJ at ALL. Your husband sounds insecure, immature, and draining to be around. The fact that he doesn’t even try to reason with you and blames you for not replying to text messages within 30 minutes is insane. He’s also a hypocrite for doing the same and making excuses for it.
I’m sorry you have to go through this. You deserve better and so do your kids. I hope you’re okay.” Cynnami
13. AITJ For Being Upset My Partner Invited His Friend To Stay Without My Consent?
“My (20F) partner (20M) promised his friend (22M) he could stay with us for a week without asking me.
For background, I met my partner at a pizza shop where me, him, and his friend all worked together.
I know this friend well, but he is my partner’s friend, not mine. My partner and I have been together for almost 3 years. I work full-time and pay all of the bills. The house is mine that I inherited from a family member. My partner started living with me over 2 years ago.
He recently was out of work and now only works 2-3 days a week at a movie theater making not great money.
His friend was living with his partner and was not talking to my partner often at all. Once the friend and his partner started having problems and the partner told him he needed to find somewhere else to stay, the friend started coming to my house every day to hang out with my partner.
The friend also has no job currently and he has both a mother and a brother in the city that he could stay with. My partner asked me about a week ago if the friend could stay with us, and he knew I did not want it to happen.
I said if he had nowhere else to go, he could stay a week tops. But this was a last resort as I am not comfortable with another person staying. I don’t have room for him and I have four animals to care for and tend to.
Last night, I got home from work and the friend was once again at my house. My partner and I were already not on the best terms for other reasons. (I had a medical procedure 4 days ago, so my hormones are all over the place) I simply wanted to relax.
The friend starts crying saying he found his now ex-partner on a social media platform (they were not together at this time.) I listened to him rant when my partner stood up in front of him and said “I already promised him he could stay here a week like we talked about” and put me completely on the spot.
I am an anxious person and easy to take advantage of. It was hard for me to say no in that moment. I was so upset about him putting me on the spot with no warning that I felt myself start to cry, so I left and went to the bathroom.
Long story short, my partner followed me and we started arguing. He called me selfish and said I was a bad person, and all he offered the friend was a couch to sleep on. He and his friend slept on the couch, and I was not speaking to my partner.
He has not apologized and doesn’t seem sorry in the slightest.
It was so disrespectful to me that it’s hard to look at him the same. He knows I am going through a hard time and am extremely stressed, he also knows how uncomfortable I am with the friend staying with us.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner bullied/guilted you into reluctantly saying his friend could stay with you got up to a week **if** he had nowhere else to go, then took that as carte blanche to spring a visit in you with zero notice, at a very stressful time for you (I assume your partner knows you had the medical procedure?).
He’s an inconsiderate mooch and you really should be thinking about kicking out not just his friend, but your partner (who contributes *nothing* to your household yet feels entitled to tell you you’re a bad person for wanting to have a say in who stays at the house that YOU own and pay for).” Any_Ad4410
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would end the relationship. It’s your house and he doesn’t even contribute. He doesn’t get a say and given the timing, putting you in the spot was mean. This friend could go somewhere else. Are you sure you want to be in this relationship?
Your partner kind of sucks. He’s also manipulative and not much of a partner to you. What if you’d had a child with him? You’d be working to support the three of you. Do you think he’d step up to get a full-time job?
What if you need to do repairs? It’s all on you.” vt2022cam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your partner is for putting such a stressful situation on you right after getting an extremely invasive and stressful procedure done (I had one too). It’s your house put your foot down you can do it!!!
I have a strong feeling if you let the friend stay he’ll become a squatter. Also, it’s very telling he’s using your partner if he only started to come round again when HE was having issues. Stick to your gut feeling. Also seems like your partner is leaching off you.
You’re young you’ll find someone way better. Wishing you all the best” Longjumping-Oil-9088
12. AITJ For Laughing When My Mom Fell and Reacting Dramatically In Public?
“Today I (F33) had tons going on. We had an opening ceremony for rec softball, 1 game at another field in town, a cheer showcase in the next town over, and then we rushed back to another softball game.
It was busy and tiring but we had been looking forward to today for weeks. My kids are 13, almost 12, 9 and 6. We had a great afternoon, even with the busy chaos.
My parents came to town from an hour away because they had the day off and typically couldn’t come for stuff during the week.
My mom (not quite 50) has past family trauma and untreated anxiety. She can be hard to deal with. She’s never happy, always complaining and I feel like I’m on eggshells when she’s around. We were leaving the cheer event quickly to get back to a game.
There was a spot in the entry of this school with 2 carpeted stairs going down to a landing. In our rush, my mom (2 steps in front of me) stepped wrong I guess, and rolled in very slow motion down the steps and onto the landing.
I was holding my little girl’s hand and it took me a second to process what happened. Once she landed she rolled over one more time and I thought in that split second she was trying to be funny I did a quick giggle and went down these steps to her.
She flipped out in front of a crowd and started crying and yelled at me that I giggled and didn’t rush to her super concerned in those few seconds. She was NOT hurt. She flipped out and stormed out of the building fast with my family behind her.
I could see her talking negatively to my dad the whole walk to the car. We get to the field and she’s very clearly still fuming as I’m trying to make small talk with my little girl to lighten the mood for her.
She could sense it was tense.
I asked my mom if she was ok and asked if she was sore. She again flipped out and started screaming at me in front of so many people watching games. They turned around and were watching which of course embarrassed me.
I insisted I was sorry that a little giggle was my first split-second reaction. I do that when I’m uncomfortable etc. Again, this was done in front of my little kids. She stormed off again and made a spectacle. We had such a great night until then and I’m sad that put a damper on things.
My little girls were stressed and worried. She eventually left and came back shortly after in dramatic fashion and just stood around crying with her arms folded for most of the game. She has a lot of untreated anxiety, which I do have sympathy for.
But I’m also not going to beg for her forgiveness. I’m appalled at how she acted and sick of this cycle of negativity. There’s a lot of history here.
I have so many feelings and can’t sleep. We are supposed to go to dinner at her house on Saturday, but I don’t want to anymore.
I need some space.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ In another circumstance I would have said no jerks here, but you are FAR LESS of a jerk (if at all) than your mother here. I think it’s a general rule to live by that if someone gets hurt, try to find out if they are okay before you find the humor in a situation.
I know you said you laugh when you’re nervous, which is normal and something that I do as well, but it can come off as insensitive if the victim ends up genuinely being injured. You weren’t being malicious and it is more of an accidental jerk moment.
All you would need to do is apologize for giggling, even if it was accidental/a nervous tick. As for your mother… oh boy. Massively inappropriate reaction. Were her feelings valid? Yes, I would also be upset if I fell down some stairs and didn’t feel like the people I was with genuinely cared to see if I was okay.
But for her to blow up like that not only in public but in front of your children? Not okay. Yes, she very clearly has some mental health issues, but it’s no excuse for her to be behaving this way. Likely best course of action would be to take some space and then sit down and talk to her about it when you’re ready.
If there’s any possibility (which it sounds like there isn’t) you should try to convince her to seek help/medication/therapy.” HTSlippy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and she owes you and your kids an apology. Screaming at you, in public, in front of your kids, is just not OK.
I don’t care if she has untreated anxiety. She was wrong. I suggest you send her a text “Mom, your behavior at the school and the softball field was unacceptable. I don’t care how much your feelings were hurt by my first reaction to your fall, you had no right to scream at me in public, especially in front of my children.
Until you can give me a sincere apology, which includes a vow to never repeat that behavior, we are all going to take a break from seeing you. We will not be coming to dinner on Saturday.” TossingPasta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Anyone falling over or down stairs would feel worse being giggled at, nervous giggles in the moment too.
Even rolling the ankle leaves it bruised and sore. Shock at the action tends to make the person’s reactions harder. Perhaps after checking in she was alright, you could’ve gotten her a coffee to help calm her down and deal with the shock of falling over in public.
There’s no doubt about it you have a drama Llama as a mother. Which means she’s going to milk any situation for what’s it worth. The best way of dealing with the drama of Llama’s mother is to set boundaries. As soon as she started screaming, that’s the moment to cut her off and tell her now in front of young children isn’t the time for high dramatics.
If she can’t calm down and accept your apology for that first giggle before you checked in with her, then it’s best she go home and put her ankle up and on ice. If she refused to follow that direction, then you needed to speak with your dad.
Let him know the night is not going to work out and they should go home before serious words and consequences are thrown down. Most mothers who act out in that fashion are projecting their fears of becoming irrelevant to their growing adult families, who now have their kids.
For a long time, your mother was central to your world, then you came of age and the center of gravity shifted on her. Perhaps a better way of including her in your family is to give her a weekly call and catch up. Or send her pictures of your family’s activities.
Or even take a min picture a day and combine them, they form an interesting story in a quick time.” Longjumping_Win4291
11. AITJ For Threatening To Kick Out My Lazy Brother?
“My mother sadly passed away 3 months before this post, and was in hospice care for some time before.
Since her admittance to hospice, I (25+M) have been the head earner in our house, supporting my father (70+M) and brother (20M college student).
Even before our mother’s passing, my brother would laze around, typical late-teen/young adult stuff like lying in bed and gaming past midnight. It could take him a week to do a load of laundry, including 3 days of nagging beforehand, and even after doing it, he just dumps all the fresh-cleaned clothes on his bedroom floor, which looks like a pigsty and can’t even be seen for the piles of clothes and rubbish.
I hold the opinion that he is old enough to make his own decisions and should be responsible for his actions in and out of the house, so I leave it up to him how he keeps his room, but the truth of the matter is he has been spoiled rotten and has rarely had to lift a finger, so I have been having a hard time getting him to take initiative and use his eyes and mind around the public areas of the house (laundry, dishes, even throwing out empty food packets that he has emptied).
I’ve tried both hard and soft methods to get him to use initiative, but neither has worked for various reasons.
Recently, I took a short trip abroad to clear my head, leaving father and brother with instructions, plenty of food, and essentials, knowing all that they would need was more food, which would be cheap enough to get.
I got home late, and when I got up the next morning, it was to find the house in a mess. Empty food packets, hardly any food at all, really, trash full, no liner in the general waste bin, and mold in the green compost waste.
Empty saucepans were piled up on the stove and crumbs were everywhere. What was more, I soon found one of our laundry drying racks was broken at the base and would not stand up. Both denied knowing how it happened, but I know my father is always honest with me, so I suspect my brother, because I knew it had been alright when I left.
Now, grief I understand, but even in my grief I have been balancing a new job with running the house (buying food, cooking, cleaning, etc.), and I need my brother to start taking even a little responsibility because I can’t do everything in the house and work full-time, and my father is a bit too old to be doing so, though he helps in his ways, but brother doesn’t seem to understand.
With that in mind, shortly after the drying rack debacle and in a slight temper, I gave my brother an ultimatum; one month to start pulling his weight or he finds another roof, as I am tired of dealing with his mess and I’d rather he made a place of his own a pigsty.
Again, though, he is a college student living off grants and hardly pays rent.
AITJ for threatening to kick him out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, I’m so sorry about your mother. Your brother needs to understand that there is a new sheriff in town.
You are now the primary breadwinner in the house, which means that you are in a position of authority – where there is support there is control. Your parents did your brother no favors by spoiling him, and you should not have to be his servant, especially if you are taking care of your elderly father.
So you were completely justified.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Here’s an idea: YOU move out. Your brother is a mooch and a slob. Your father should be responsible for ALL his bills, and so should your brother. Why do you, as a son and brother, need to support them?
Why do you think that’s YOUR responsibility? In my world, people pay their way once they are adults. And they have to pick up after themselves.” ElmLane62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Grief is real and hard but his slovenly behavior seems to pre-date your mother’s death.
Your dad needed to step up and not let him be such a slob, though I’m guessing your dad may have been just as much of a slob with him while you were gone. That said, he’s just lazy so he’s welcome to go pay rent and be lazy and gross at his place, not yours.” Hot_Box_4574
10. AITJ For Continually Reporting My Neighbor's Barking Dogs to Management?
“I live in an apartment building in NYC. It’s an older concrete building with no insulation so you can hear a lot, but generally, it’s not too bad and I’ve been fortunate enough to have some great neighbors… except one. My neighbor got two new dogs about 1.5 years ago–a German shepherd and a beagle.
They bark a lot–mostly the beagle. I took the time to track it for a few days and every time there was some barking, I marked down the minute–whether it was one bark or multiple. Most days, I have 40+ minutes marked down throughout the day.
To make it worse, we also share a balcony with a plastic divider in between. It’s off of our living room with a few windows that I keep open when the weather is warm and nice. For whatever reason, she is in the habit of leaving the balcony door open at various points throughout the day, year round and the dogs can come and go as they please.
They (again, mostly the beagle) will bark at sirens, other dogs, me if I’m on the balcony, random things. Eventually, she may come to stop it and close the door, but 30 minutes, an hour, or sometime later it will be opened again.
I spoke to her about this last spring because with my windows being open more, the barking was especially loud and annoying.
I emphasized that we share a balcony and her dogs are barking 10 feet from my open window. She gave me a bunch of excuses, literally said the ol’ “well dogs bark” line, and told me she would do some things to try to make it better.
It was a little better for about 2 months, but it eventually went back to the usual. I decided to just deal with it and get through the summer and just give it time.
This spring, nothing had changed and I found myself in the same situation.
On top of that, she also started leaving the apartment with the balcony door open. After one Friday night when she was out and the dogs were going nuts for about 45 minutes, I contacted management. Since then, the situation has improved in that she hasn’t left the apartment with the door open anymore and she’s been a bit better about closing the door after they bark.
However, she still often leaves it open and there will still be some barking. This past weekend, there was barking at 10 different times throughout the day. The door would be opened, and at some point, the dog would bark, the door would be closed, rinse, and repeat.
I told this to management as well and they said the owner told them the issue was resolved and I must have been hearing someone else’s dog (definitely not the case, I’ve heard her dogs bark every day for 1.5 years. I know what they sound like).
So, AITJ for still complaining to management or should I just let it go since it is technically better than before? Again, this is ON TOP of all the barking I hear from inside the apartment (which I’ve resigned to just having to live with unfortunately) but the barking on the balcony is just so loud and disruptive.
What would you do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for reporting the neighbor. If someone gets a dog that barks a lot, they need to be ready to train it to behave if they live with close neighbors. I don’t know what I’d do, but I like your idea of keeping track.
Maybe record it too – audio and video? Then when you complain again there is evidence of whose dog it is and how loud and disruptive it can be. You could also check with animal control in your area for ideas/advice.” Outrageous_Lab375
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For thousands of years, humans have used bothersome noise as a device to torture their enemies. It can get to a point where the noise becomes a legal form of assault and battery. It’s awful what irresponsible dog-owning neighbors are allowed to get away with.
Do everything in your power to fix your situation, you do not deserve to suffer that disturbance.” Good-You44
9. AITJ For Wanting to Move Out After Marriage Despite My Mom's Expectations?
“Mom is mad because a day ago, I told her when I and my fiancé got married, we were thinking about our life afterward and what’s next in our future together, and since she said we could decide if we want to live on our own after the lease is up (November 30th, 2024)
She got quiet and said well you guys are a couple so do what you want for yourselves but in a snarky tone. My heart sank because I didn’t expect her to take so much offense to it. And then she said maybe I need to start thinking about my future too.
I think I’m gonna move to Georgia and there are more job opportunities. And she said it in a biting tone.
She was like I’m almost 50 years old. I will be 50 at the end of this year. I’m tired of constantly starting over and I guess I’m going to do me.
Then she became visibly angry and said I guess I sold my house and stuff for no reason. And she said we were basically using her to get what we have and then tossing her away. I tried to reassure her that we weren’t trying to offend her we just were deciding our next steps after marriage.
She also thought that we were going to be living together for a few years so that when I had kids, she could be in the house with us and help out.
My mom is upset and posting about betrayal and being used on her social media and using the knife “someone” used to stab her in the back to cut them off.
As well as finding a post she posted about me a year ago to repost it and say how true it still is.
She also posted about people building a foundation off of her and then that person finishing the structure with someone else leaving her alone.
With another one (all in one day)
She is saying this because she often offers to help me out with financial stuff since I’m on SSI, she said she’d help with things such as the wedding since my fiancé is covering a giant bulk of it.
She offered to help so that we could get married when we wanted to, which was sweet of her and we were so grateful.
Unfortunately, she often uses her purchases to hold over me whenever I do something she dislikes so she can say that I’m using her when she offered it to me I didn’t ask her for it.
And she often gets frustrated because I am too stubborn to ask when I need help.
I don’t know what to do I’ve been crying several times a day for the past 2 days. My fiancé has been supportive and helping cheer me up but my heart is still so broken and I don’t want to lose her.
But the circumstances surrounding this, I haven’t even put all of it in this post because it’s already so long. It might have to even be a two-parter. But please tell me am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have a right to live a life you want with your spouse and future family that doesn’t include your mother in your home.
On the other hand, she probably is tired. Tired of moving. Knows that to have a relationship with her grandkids she’s gonna have to move again, and she’s lashing out. Maybe you can have some grace for her selfish words and demonizing of you online.
For her turning her generosity into investments with expected transactional returns. That is IF she gets over it. Balls in her court. Tell her how you feel and at the end of the day, that’s all we can do. The rest is on them.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She told you you can decide to move after the lease is up, are you 10, geez. Your mom is a grown @ss woman. She can take care of herself, not your problem she has no hobbies or friends to hang with.
Your husband/new family comes first. Why are you getting married when you can’t even make a grown-up decision….grow up!” Potential_Beat6619
8. AITJ For Cutting Off Financial Support To My Entitled Brother?
“I am 26(f) and my brother is 22.
We both grew up in a conservative family where a man was always given more importance than a woman.
When my parents had my brother they stopped buying me gifts or taking me out to my favorite places on my birthdays. They allowed him to pursue his hobbies whatever he wanted on the other hand I was groomed to be a servant to my future husband they didn’t let me do anything of my interest always making me cook food or making me clean the house and stuff.
They also didn’t allow me to hang out with my friends and tried to keep me locked in the house 24/7. My brother also started acting like he was superior to me and always ordered me to do stuff like clean his room and I would get scolded if I didn’t comply.
Well, I had enough and ran away from home at 17 to live with my significant other. His parents showed me what true parental love was, they helped me finish my education and gave me a part-time job as they had a business that paid well.
At no point did they contact me to find out how or where I was.
Once I graduated uni, I joined their business full time so did my significant other. The paycheck was huge and since they had brains they also helped me invest a chunk of it to let it grow.
I got married to my significant other when we were 21 and at the same time his parents retired from the business and he and I took over.
We bought a new home and moved in. I had my daughter at 23 we spent the last 3-4 years growing the business so it’s now at a point where we can take as many vacations as we want in a year and we are extremely well off.
5 months ago, my brother contacted me via social media and asked if I wanted to reconnect I agreed hesitantly. Well, what happened when we met was he told me he has a 5-year-old boy and is struggling with debt and bills and asked for help, I felt bad so I started helping him by paying for his groceries and even covering 40% of his rent.
Last month we went on a vacation to Spain we uploaded pics from our trip, he saw them and when we came back basically tried to ambush me in front of my house saying I could’ve helped him more but instead here I was taking a vacation without breaking a sweat, my husband bombarded him with insults and said we won’t be giving him a cent from now on, he left.
Three days ago, he sent me a long and emotional message about how he is struggling to feed his family and how it’s unfair I have so much and he has so little. I haven’t replied to it yet.
This is where I think I could be the jerk: I agreed to help him financially 5 months ago and I did so he got used to it but when he saw us enjoying ourselves with our family he must’ve felt jealous or something and even more when my husband said we won’t help him anymore.
So AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – too many women raised like you and then their brothers squander their resources and both the brother and parents expect the sisters to pay. DO NOT give him a cent. You have worked hard with your partner and deserve to spend your resources how you see fit.
He made his decisions and needs to better himself. Guarantee at 40 he will still be blaming everyone for why his life has gone wrong and take zero accountability. I would not reply to his message and continue living your life. I know you’re thinking of the nephew and all that but some of my friends are in debt from being financially well off because these family members want to drag you down and not see you prosper.
The moment you turn your back watch him cuss you out. He will fade from being nice quickly. He just needs the $$.” FlyByNight1899
Another User Comments:
“He is not jealous – he feels entitled to your resources and what he did is extremely stupid – he bit the hand that fed him and your husband is 100% right – if you don’t appreciate 40% rent covering and more resources for groceries then you don’t deserve a cent.
You had zero reason to help your brother at all and you still did, your husband had no obligations to help your brother and he did, your brother is just too dumb to understand that you do not have to sacrifice your life for his bad life choices and should’ve taken all the help that you were willing to provide, now he will get a shiny brand new prize – kick in the butt and no more resources from you.
NTJ.” forgeris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so glad your husband was there when your brother confronted you. Follow your husband’s lead. Do not resume contact with your brother. You should be asking yourself how it came to happen that the “golden boy” is in such dire straits and your parents are not helping him.
There is much more to this than you know. You and your husband and child should continue working together, enjoying life, and being there for one another. Your husband’s family did a wonderful thing for you, taking you in, helping with your education, and sharing their love with you.
Don’t diminish all that by getting involved with your brother.” HappyGardener52
7. AITJ For Being Angry At My Brother For Revealing My Adoption Status?
“I live in a country where being adopted is taboo and is looked at in a very negative light. The fact that nobody in our biological families wanted is said to show something is wrong with us.
It’s seen as this ultimate sin and there are a few “nicknames” used for those of us who are adopted and none of them are kind. It dates back generations and while maybe some parts of this are improving, it’s not felt right now. It’s ingrained in the people around me.
It’s something discussed in certain ways in our schools and taught as a very big negative. So adoption is very secretive in my country. Most people don’t tell anyone about being adopted. You can have a very hard time living here if you are known as an adoptee and some people even lose or get chased out of their jobs.
My parents adopted me when my brother was 7. I’m 17f now. My brother is their biological son. So he has always known. He also is very aware of the stigma and I remember him bringing up things he heard when he still lived at home with our parents and me.
He’d ask lots of questions too. We have always been very quiet about the fact I’m adopted and I look enough like my family that nobody assumes. It also helps that nobody really knew until the very end that my mama was pregnant with my brother because she wasn’t showing.
So my parents just said the pregnancy had been risky and they kept it quiet so as not to shame the family if they lost me (pregnancy loss is also stigmatized but not as much).
My brother has been married for a year. He and his wife were visiting us with her parents for dinner.
Her parents were very rude throughout the first hour of the visit and once we were eating they started spewing nasty things about me being an adoptee. It was a very big shock and my parents were outraged and told them to leave. But they were refusing until they said things.
My brother was looking at me and I asked him how they knew and he admitted he told his wife and he knew she’d tell them because she tells her parents everything. His wife’s parents were disgusted I was talking to him and eventually my parents had to force them to leave.
My brother’s wife said nothing and my brother was apologizing to me and I asked how he could do that to me. He said he needed to tell his wife even if it came a year into the marriage. I told him he risked my reputation but not his own with that honesty and he started getting upset I was already upset and he told me it would blow over, right as his wife’s parents yelled out that they would make sure people knew about me.
That made me lose it and I told my brother I hated him and I didn’t want to see him. He yelled out before I left the room that I wasn’t being fair and to put myself in his shoes.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but take sweet comfort in knowing your brother married a piece of trash and his wife and her horrible parents will likely make him miserable for the rest of his life with their spitefulness and intolerance.
While you, OP, get to move forward and surround yourself with people who will love and respect you, no matter what. Also recommend you move away from a country that hates adoptees ASAP. What kind of stupid, ignorant stuff is that?!” greeneyedkilla
Another User Comments:
“NTJ While it’s hard for many of us to understand the situation where being adopted is such an issue, it’s clear that this problem exists in places such as parts of India and Africa. But the basic immediate problem is that your brother knew all of this perfectly well. He also knew his wife would tell her parents. He also must have at least suspected her parent’s reaction.
Perhaps he’s always had a problem with you as an adoptee. I suspect he did this deliberately to make trouble for you.” pukui7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Adoption is nothing to be ashamed of and I’m not sure why in a modern world it’s still being treated as such.
Not everyone wants to be a parent, and not everyone is fit to be a parent, unfortunately, some children’s parents die under tragic circumstances and there is no other family left to take them in; are we as a society supposed to lock those children in an asylum until they die?
Jeez. Here in the States adoption as we know it only became a thing in the 30s, 40s, and 50s because of an awful woman named Georgia Tann. There are people here who view adoptees in the same light as your brother’s in-laws. They are just as wrong.
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share Extra Pay From My Job With The Friend Who Got Me The Job?
“I (29F) have lived abroad from 2020- Jul 2023, during this time I got a little distant from some of my friends who were living in my home country, including my friend A.
Last year, when I got back I reached out to most of my friends, A (32F) included, to catch up.
The first time we met, apart from talking about the things that have happened in our lives, A invited me to do a job for a company she’s been working for. They record some courses, which later can be accessed by the people who pay for the platform.
I got super excited.
At first, we had agreed on 3 separate courses, she helped me calculate a fair price to charge, since it’s something I’ve never done before, and told me how all the material should be done.
We talked about recording after some big event that was going to happen in her company and she was responsible for.
The day after the big event we met for drinks and she told me she was super upset at her boss. Despite all the effort she had put into the event, they never acknowledged it. Then, she proceeded to make me a proposal: she’d try to get her boss to increase the price they’d pay for my work, and we’d split the extra funds.
I say it’s okay since these funds was extra and she was the one to get me the job anyway.
At the end of Jan, we finally recorded the first course. They did pay me more than the price we had originally agreed, and A asked me for the whole extra amount.
I didn’t see a problem, since I wouldn’t even have the gig anyway, and had already agreed to the previous amount.
After I finished this first course, her boss loved my job and wanted me to record, not only the 3 courses we had originally decided on but 7-8.
I got super happy and immediately started working on the material for the second course.
When I finished it and started recording, my friend texted me again asking for her share on the second course. This is a close friend of mine, we’ve been spending a lot of time together and I didn’t want to damage my friendship over funds.
So I just transferred the funds again.
I’ve already finished the material for the third course, we went out last weekend and A said she was going to talk to her boss to give me a raise on the next course. I got super excited. Today she texted me saying that she talked about the raise with her boss and they’re gonna do it, but then she expects half of it to be transferred to her.
AITJ for not wanting to transfer her any extra funds? I mean I appreciate her vouching for me and all, but it’s very frustrating to just give out funds when they’ll start paying the other people recording courses the same amount (paying more because of my job that was well done) but they don’t have to give back any amount since she’ll just ask me, because we’re friends and she got me the job.
Am I overreacting? Should I just give her the funds she’s asking? Or how can I tell her I don’t think this is fair without changing our friendship?
Any advice is appreciated.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This person is acting extremely unethically and I expect that most employers would fire her if this behavior came to light.
She “negotiated” on your behalf to have her employer pay you more, but she’s receiving all the financial benefit of the raises you’re getting? Your “friend” is also the one who helped you “calculate a fair price to charge”, then negotiated a higher rate after that?
How much do you want to bet she knew the budget for this work, talked you into asking for less, then told her boss that you’d take the top end of the budget, knowing that she’d get the difference? She is playing both sides of this negotiation for her benefit.
You should stop paying her this instant, negotiate your rates directly with whoever is paying you and evaluating your work, and, honestly, seriously reevaluate this friendship.” Iamthewalrus
Another User Comments:
“It’s called a kickback. It’s frowned upon. Sometimes, it’s illegal. You generously agreed to share the extra… for 2-3 recordings.
You honored your agreement. That ended at three. Anything after that is based on your hard work. Are you supposed to keep paying her forever? Your “friend” is unethical. Distance yourself from someone who wants to continue taking advantage of you. A true friend doesn’t charge you a kickback, for goodness sake.
NTJ. But you will be… if you give her any more funds. You might lose the job. Be prepared for that. It’s called “principles”. Do you want a job that requires you to pay your friend kickbacks? She isn’t your friend.” Desperate-Film599
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Half-Sister's Wedding?
“So my half-sister is 20-something.
I think she’s 26/27 but I don’t know. We’re not close enough for me to remember her exact age even though we lived in the same house when I was younger. I’m 16.
My half-sister lost her dad when she was 5 or 6 years old and then mom met my dad they got married and had me and my two younger siblings who are 13 and 12.
I was still in elementary school when my sister moved out and she had nothing more to do with me. She’d visit to see Mom but she didn’t care about the rest of us and would be civil. As you could see she was forcing herself to say anything to us and not roll her eyes or look disgusted that we were there.
I remember being 9 and hearing her and mom fight outside the house one day with half sister telling mom to stop acting like my dad was part of her family, that mom married him but he was just her husband and she was not going to treat him like he was her parent and my mom argued that dad had done nothing wrong and didn’t deserve outright rejection of even a friendly relationship.
Half-sister told mom the only person in the house she cared about was her and that my dad could give her a kidney and she would still say he’s “just mom husband” and she wouldn’t care if we (dad, me, siblings) dropped dead because we meant nothing to her, not even a little.
Half sister is getting married now and I’m so over all the talk and fighting about it. The fight came from my half-sister saying dad wasn’t going to have any kind of role in her wedding and neither were my siblings or me. She said we were tolerated guests and nothing else.
Dad had hoped he would get a dance with her at least. Mom wanted that for him as well because she feels like my dad has done a lot for half sister over the years and has always done his best to be a good member of her family.
Half sister said we’re only invited because of Mom and that’s all there is to it.
My parents talked about it a lot and they were talking about whether mom should go alone but they didn’t wanna upset us by making us miss our “big sister” getting married. I jumped in unannounced and said I didn’t care about her wedding and didn’t wanna go.
My mom looked so devastated to hear that. My dad spoke to me after and said I could have handled it a lot better because all four of us are mom’s kids and she never wanted our relationship with half-sister to be so bad.
Afterward, mom talked to my grandparents/her parents and they asked me why I had to be so cruel and didn’t realize giving up meant there was no hope for a good relationship with half sister in the future and how unfair that is to Mom.
Mom was horrified they said that to me. But between my grandparents and dad, I’m asking if I was wrong to say it like I did.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting a relationship with your half-sister, especially if you haven’t forged one yet.
Yes, perhaps you could have worded it better and been less direct with it. I can see why your mom may have taken it hard, and you could have been gentler with breaking it to her. But you are a teenager and still working your way through such complex social situations, so I’m not too harsh in my judgment on that front.
Work on making sure your relationship with mom is okay though.” Fearless_Spring5611
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ “My mom looked so devastated to hear that.” Your poor mom isn’t good at reading the room. Or the writing on the wall. “Grandparents/her parents and they asked me why I had to be so cruel and didn’t I realize giving up meant there is no hope for a good relationship with my half-sister” They need to butt out.
And wake up to the fact that you and your younger siblings will never have a relationship with your half-sister. “She said we were tolerated guests and nothing else No one likes to attend an event where they are not welcome. *tolerated guests* = *I felt obligated to allow you to come.* There is nothing wrong with declining that invitation to be tolerated.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here except maybe your parents. Your sister has very valid feelings. It sounds like your parents have been trying to force your Dad into a fatherly role in her life. It doesn’t sound like they acknowledged her feelings about her father.
They have made it hard for her to find her place in your family, and because of that, she’s pushed all of you away. It’s not your fault that you don’t have a relationship with her or that you don’t care about her wedding. Your parents did a horrible job when trying to blend the two families.” keesouth
4. AITJ For Refusing to Buy a Second Bridesmaid Dress After Discovering an Allergy to the First One?
“My brother is getting married very soon to his fiance. My brother asked me to be one of his fiance’s bridesmaids and that she’d like it too so I agreed. Her idea of our dress code is that she’ll personally design a dress that seems fitting for each bridesmaid (fits according to her) it is not a “dress code” per se because everyone will have different colors.
The “code” here is that everything is according to the bride and her perception of her bridesmaids.
The idea was interesting, but not something I’ve personally seen. My surprise came when she asked us to pay for those dresses and renting wasn’t an option.
Like I have to buy a dress that I might not like and will be stuck with it permanently. Okay, I was like I gotta trust her intuition and paid. Fitting day came, to her credit the dress was decent. Not what I would go for but still good and doesn’t hurt having it in my wardrobe.
The problem was that after wearing it for some minutes I started feeling itchy and when I took it off my chest had a huge rash. I’m allergic to the lining fabric and I didn’t know.
I called to inform her that and she said we could have the lady change the lining.
Unfortunately, because the dress is already made we cannot alter it but she could make another dress in the same design just change the inner lining and make it a bit loose. Here’s the thing, I know that the lady is not going to create another dress for free, especially since the allergy wasn’t disclosed to her, so it’s not her fault.
So when my SIL asked for the funds for the new dress I told her I couldn’t buy a new dress again. So I asked if I could withdraw from the bridesmaids and wear a dress that I already owned to not ruin the plan they have.
But she told me she had already written my name as a bridesmaid on the card invitation and couldn’t change that so I had to be a bridesmaid. So I was like then can I wear a dress of my own and be a bridesmaid since bridesmaids don’t have the same theme, the only common thing is that the bride designed the dress.
I told her she could choose any dress from my collection. However, she told me that it ruined her plans.
Here’s the thing. The first dress had a problem that’s not necessarily anyone’s fault but I still paid for it and never asked for compensation even though I’ll be stuck with it and can’t wear it (I thought of gifting it honestly).
I sucked that fact up and didn’t complain but I’m not willing to lose even more funds. My SIL said I’m blaming my allergy but I’m not all I’m saying is I’ve already lost funds trying to accommodate her plans, the failure is not her fault.
I’m trying to compromise with her but she’s so onto the fact that I have to be a bridesmaid with a dress of her design.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But I would see if you could find a slip to wear underneath to see if that would cheaply help with the reaction.
Usually, I’ll wear these to make dresses flow better on my body. Some slips are knee length, some floor length, and some cover your whole torso and go down some length. There’s a lot of different options!” Lizz196
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m not sure where you live, but in my experience (I’m in the US) a bridesmaid would be expected to pay for her dress, so it’s reasonable to me that the bride would expect you to do this.
However, once the dress didn’t work, you made attempts to find a middle ground, and the bride has attempted to convert a printed invitation into something resembling a contract, which it is not. At this point, it might be reasonable for you and the bride to split the cost of the replacement dress.
It would suck for you to be out some more funds, but discovering an allergy isn’t anyone’s fault. Info: Have you discussed this with your brother at all? What does he think? Also, about the allergy – it seems that it is triggered by the lining contacting your skin.
Have you tried laundry cleaning the dress to see if that removes whatever chemical in the lining is causing the reaction? Have you tried wearing a slip or other kind of undergarment? Just trying to think of some possible alternatives to a second dress.” ivypurl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Just say no to paying for 2 dresses. It does not sound like your sil particularly cares about you being there enough to be flexible due to an allergy so just bow out. Your name being on the invitation is not your problem.
I am pretty surprised the seamstress cannot remove the lining and has to completely remake a dress. I bet that is not true. Maybe consult a different seamstress.” Bluemonogi
3. AITJ For Threatening To Ignore My Partner's Kids If He Continues To Ignore Mine?
“I 39 F and my partner 37 M have been together for 2 years. Together we have 6 children, 4 from his previous marriage 16 M, 14 F, 9 M, 6M, and 2 from my previous marriage 20 M and 17 M.
His children do not live with us and only visit occasionally. My oldest son doesn’t live at home but visits regularly. I share custody 50/50 with my youngest son so he is at our house every other week.
For reference when his children visit for holidays and long weekends, I am always planning fun things to do.
After the first Easter they spent with us and I realized he had no intention of filling Easter baskets or hiding eggs for his little boys, I went all out for them. I make sure all holidays are covered including filling Easter baskets, stockings, and Santa gifts.
I take his younger children to work with me when they are with us. I always make sure I do the same thing for all the kids as I don’t want any of them to think that I love any of them less.
We have very different views on parenting and this is where our problems start.
He is very hard on his older children, while his younger two could be causing chaos in the house and he would just laugh and say they are just being little boys. His older two children see this and will often comment on how lenient he is with them.
I am not as strict with my boys and prefer to sit down and discuss an issue with them and then demand they do things my way, and this is where our problems start. He will avoid conversations or interactions with my boys at all costs.
When they are over he ignores them and pretends they aren’t there. When I ask why, he states that they don’t do things when asked, and have no accountability to the level he expects from his older children. I ask why that’s justification for not trying to communicate with them and he just gets mad and starts pointing the finger at me for not being harder on them and they are too old for him to have any kind of a relationship with.
This has been a revolving argument since he moved in two years ago.
Fast forward to last night, we started arguing over it again so I asked him how he would feel if I ignored his kids every time they came to visit. He said he would not be okay with that but that was different as his kids weren’t grown young men.
I pointed out that his older two were older and I still had a relationship with them. He ignored my comment and went on trying to justify why it was ok for him to not have a conversation with my children but it would be petty of me if I didn’t try and have one with his children.
At that point, I lost it and this is where I may be the jerk. I told him if he couldn’t attempt to have a courtesy conversation with my kids that I would not be involved with him anymore. He got angry and left, when he returned he went straight to the guest room and hasn’t spoken to me since, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it is important for YOU to have a loving family but it is not important for him. Especially it is important for children and they deserve the right to have a happy and inclusive family. He is a jerk for ignoring your children.
I’m sure the kids know and can feel it. Ask yourself – are you sure you want to be with someone like that? Someone who will ignore your children and doesn’t even seem to properly parent their children. I would think this is something you can handle forever.
I’d sit him and have a proper conversation and if he won’t change or seek therapy – LEAVE.” FinancialChoice831
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. He sounds like a pretty poor parent and partner. I get that your kids are older, but like you pointed out, it’s the same as if you don’t talk to his kids cos they’re older.
It’s unfair. He’s just making up a BS reason to not interact with your kids. This, to me, would be a huge red flag. If I was in a relationship right now, and they refused to communicate with my 17yo, I would be reevaluating the relationship and possibly calling it quits.
I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t respect my child.” JaneDoe_83
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here Regardless of your situation with him, to then take that out on his kids is misdirecting your anger. I somewhat get his point since these kids are grown.
Not just ‘older’ but to the point of no longer being children. 17 17-year-old has under a year left, which isn’t much time to establish any kind of parental relationship. He’s treating those two kids as adults. At least, as far as his reasoning goes. However, he crosses the line when he ignores them and pretends they aren’t there.
It’s one thing to simply not interact, but if they’re trying to interact with him and he’s ignoring them, that’s a jerk move. If they’re leaving him alone and he’s leaving them alone then I don’t think that’s a jerk on his part. He’s not required to connect with them.
If it’s a condition of your relationship with him, then say so, and break up with him if he doesn’t change. If it’s not a condition of your relationship with him, then leave him alone.” Thortok2000
2. AITJ For Building Tiny Houses on My Inherited Land Despite Neighbors' Complaints?
“We inherited a house and land when my father-in-law passed away. It is a nice house on two acres in the country.
No HOA. No neighborhood, just a neighbor to one side and the back. Everyone else was further away. We decided we would take the opportunity to use the land, put a couple of tiny houses on it for our kids, and set them up. We brought this up multiple times with pretty much everyone who would listen.
We discussed legality, viability, all repercussions, everything. We told everyone our dreams of a homestead of a semi-village where our children lived here on the land with us (albeit in tiny homes) and we had farm animals and gardens and whatever sustainable practices we could muster.
Nobody poo-pooed our plans outright. The back neighbor said we wouldn’t be able to install a septic but they were wrong. The side neighbor said property values might go down but they weren’t planning on selling so it wouldn’t matter. This is a place in rural Arkansas where people have cattle, horses, goats, chickens, ducks, emus, and multiple buildings on their property, including one person about a quarter mile away who has an RV set up for living in.
People have dog runs and broken down vehicles and tractors and barns and all sorts of stuff. The property in front of us has an old industrial-scale chicken factory (can’t be seen from the road).
Today the guy behind us was using an auger and I walked over and joked “Are you digging for gold?” And he went off on me about how he is installing “a shield” because our dog keeps going over there and pooping on his land and he doesn’t appreciate the eyesore of our buildings and how we are bringing property values down.
However, He has no fences to keep other dogs out, and the people behind him have two very large very hyper retrievers who regularly walk all over his land leaving huge piles (and on my land too). So it isn’t uncommon for free-range dogs in this area.
I make it a point to keep our dogs inside as much as possible, on leads, or in the fences we have been able to put up.
I explained that we are trying to help our kids because life is hard nowadays and he mentioned something about “Did you ask anyone (for permission to put up buildings)”.
Then he goes on to say that one of the other guys behind him “has to mow because you won’t”, referring to land that isn’t ours to mow which confused the life out of me. Our land has invasive plants that come almost to the knee but we are allowing them to grow a bit because there are flowers and we are trying to allow the beehive to gather more locally the invasive plants are pretty spare, just a little tall.
I mentioned that we are working on putting up a fence but trying to figure out what would be best. I told him I had hoped that if he had a problem with something he would have said something to us sooner. He said everyone was mad.
Him. The neighbor beside us. His neighbors behind him. People in town. Everyone.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I wouldn’t listen to him speak for other people. You’ve talked with your other neighbors and no one has expressed any upset until now. You don’t need permission from your neighbors to build on your land.
Despite this, you did let everyone know beforehand and no one said anything negative. So that’s on them. I will say that if your neighbor is upset about your dogs, make sure they stay in your yard. He doesn’t care about the other neighbor’s dogs because he’s not upset with them.
He’s upset with you so it’s just best to make sure you keep your dogs safe on your property.” WifeofBath1984
Another User Comments:
“YTJ That’s not something you put on 2 acres of land. That’s something you put on 10 acres, or at *least* 5 acres where it’s not affecting your neighbors.
I’m shocked there are no ordinances against it and neighbors being that close together. Nobody wants to look at or hear that. People typically move out of the country for peace. All the places and things you described that are nearby aren’t next to your neighbors.
And, it’s absolute nonsense that you expect your neighbor to have a fence to keep dogs out. It’s not his responsibility to keep other people’s dogs out of his yard. It’s YOUR responsibility to keep YOUR dogs on YOUR property. So, yeah, YTJ.
You’re trying to make a tiny village/homestead on a too-small piece of land in a place where you have nearby neighbors that it will affect negatively. Do you know how loud goats are? That waist-high grass attracts rodents which also affects your neighbors.
It’s also unnecessary to let grass get that high to attract bees. I attract them with flowering bushes and tamed wildflowers just fine.” Acrobatic_Hippo_9593
Another User Comments:
“Two acres is very little space to do all that you mentioned. That sounds more like a five-acre minimum for all of that, which means your neighbor’s area is pretty close.
Using every bit of your land rather than staying mainly in the center of one dwelling brings you even closer to their property lines. It makes me wonder if you should think more about aesthetics by planting things to cover up the more unsightly parts of your yard and to create more of a barrier than a fence can do on its own.
Learning to propagate plants could help keep the expense down if needed. And it makes me wonder if part of it is that you’re not meeting other expectations, such as attending church.” pip-whip
1. AITJ For Going On Vacation While My Father Was In ICU?
“I (28F) and my father (48M) have never had the best relationship. I have 3 other siblings who have cut contact, while I have thought about it, I have a sibling who just turned 13 and I have stuck around to be there for them. In December of 2023, I started to plan a cross-country vacation for April of 2024.
The Friday before I was supposed to leave (6 days before departure), I got a call on my way to work that my father was in the ICU due to a stroke. I called work let them know I wouldn’t be in and drove the 4 hrs to the hospital. I stayed the night and visited 3 more times over the weekend and before I left. I got continuous updates when I wasn’t there and always called my stepmom and nurses to check in on him when I was not there.
He had several complications throughout his stay; another stroke, 2 blood clots, put on a vent and sedated, etc. I had already spent so much money and knew there was nothing I could do sitting there so I decided to go and made a plan to get back early if things took a turn for the worse while I was gone.
While on my trip I got a text in the group chat that had been started with other family members to give updates on my father to limit the number of calls/texts for updates when something happens, calling me out for being a terrible daughter for going on vacation while he was still in the ICU.
Eventually, I called my stepmom to find out what was going on, she proceeded to yell at me even more for not being at the hospital with my father while he was dying. I then hear my father in the background agreeing with her and telling her that I’m a disappointment.
I had no idea that he was even off the vent and awake until that phone call. I tried to explain my side, but I heard my father say that I am a B*tch and worthless just like my mother.
I calmly asked if I was on speakerphone, and I was.
I then proceeded to explain that I am the only sibling minus the youngest who is still around and that’s because she lives with him. I drove 4 hrs multiple times to be there and was still getting updates on his condition the whole time after years of mental and physical mistreatment when I was younger, he is lucky that I talk to him.
If he wanted to push it, I would take him to court for custody of my little sister and it wouldn’t be hard to do since he lost custody of his other 4 kids before she was ever born and she has told me on multiple occasions that she would rather live with me anyways, before hanging up the phone.
I have been dropped from the group and told that until I apologize, I will not be able to speak/see my little sister. Everyone else has continued to blow up my phone telling me that I’m a horrible person to say any of that while he was still in the ICU and demanding that I say sorry, or they are cutting me off as well.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Go to court immediately and get your little sister out of the house of horrors. As far as keeping any relationship with these two, that ship sailed a long time ago. Follow your other siblings and go NC as well.
Honestly, it isn’t worth your time anymore, but your sister is. Hope you had/have a great vacation, you deserve it.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“Pretty obvious you got no love for the man, why even go up there? I played this game with my father.
Take it from me, don’t bother. Because now he is gonna play the victim/sick/wounded card and have everyone kiss his butt. Your sister has a phone, keep in touch with her and get her out of there if need be. YTJ for being on some nonsense.
Run from crazy” Diligent_Extent_7009
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Not for yelling at people. You’re the jerk because if what you said is true about the mistreatment you and your other siblings suffered, then it would be logical that your youngest did/is as well.
And instead of *actually* caring and getting her out of there, the only thing you do is try to weaponize her against your father and stepmother? But you know, I hope that vacation was fun and relaxing while she stayed in an abusive household.” 003b6f
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