People Let Out All Their Emotions In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Banning Booze At My Own Birthday Barbecue?
“I, a 27-year-old female, had a problem with drinking when I was a young adult. It got quite bad, and I ended up realizing I needed to be sober or else I would go down a bad path.
I started attending AA and through that group, I made some of my closest friends. It also helps that we are all sober and plan on staying that way so we can do fun activities without worrying about booze being around.
Whenever I’m with family or friends who do consume booze, I don’t make them stop drinking as they can do what they want.
My only rule is no booze in my place.
I’m throwing a birthday barbecue and invited my friends and family. As a good chunk of my friends are all recovering from drinking issues and I don’t like booze around my place, I have said it’s a booze-free barbecue and I’ll be providing booze-free drinks.
I’ve even bought a booze-free cocktail book to attempt some extra cute drinks for people.
My family has all said it will be boring without booze and that I’m fine when we go out and they drink. I tried to explain that a glass of wine with a steak is different from multiple beers at a barbecue, but they ignored that.
I ended up sending them a message that basically said “if you bring booze you won’t be allowed to attend my birthday.”
They haven’t taken it well and think I’m being a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Absolutely NTJ. If people can’t handle attending a BBQ birthday for a few hours without booze, or think they could only be bored at a party without booze, they probably need to question their own drinking habits.
Or already are and can’t fathom the idea of going without it that long. Enjoy your party with people who are like-minded and don’t worry about those who don’t respect your boundaries.” tictactoss
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. If someone cannot manage to enjoy themselves without stimulants then the problem is very much them, not you.
Can’t attend without booze? That’s the start of an addiction. As you yourself well know from experience. Enjoy your booze-free party, stand your ground, and tell them not to attend if they cannot respect your wishes BUT be prepared for some to turn up with booze anyway.
They are going to need to prove to you that it’s fine to bring booze. Because if they can’t, they risk the fantasy they have built up around them, that they don’t have a problem with drinking, collapsing. They will need to “prove” it to you, so they can keep convincing themselves.” Glint_Bladesong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband and I are drinkers. We love fancy cocktails and craft beer. It has never been an issue in our lives but one of our oldest and best friends almost lost his life to being a heavy drinker. He is 2 years sober now and guess what we don’t do when we are around him and his family.
Your friends, family, and loved ones should be supportive of your sobriety and not a roadblock for you living your life without booze.” WTAF306
21. AITJ For Doubting My Daughter's Fiancé After Discovering His Financial Lies?
“My daughter is planning a wedding with a man she’s been seeing for 5 years.
She met him at 20, and he’s 8 years older. We were apprehensive at first because of the age difference, but he was respectful, attractive, smart, solidly employed, and treated our daughter well – so we got over our apprehension.
Over the years, this man (let’s call him John) has been a bit of a big spender – we are not.
We’re a solidly middle-class couple and are financially conservative. Over the years, John has consistently assured us that he’s financially OK – even savvy. He told us he is an avid FIRE (Financial Independence, Retire Early) movement enthusiast. He let us know about a big 150,000 win on GameStop.
He let us know about a 500,000 inheritance – and then another 500,000 windfall from a business sale. He shared his crypto knowledge and wins. He told us about the sale of a property he bought at the bottom of the market that he was selling at a handsome profit because he didn’t like being a landlord.
Meanwhile, he slowly became part of the family. Coming to holidays and eventually vacations. My daughter mentioned some red flags, (heavy smoker/time-consuming online gamer/obsessive day trading), but after a few break-ups – he’d always course correct.
We’re a few months away from the wedding when he told my daughter that they’d have to wait 5 years to buy a house.
This made no sense. My daughter has saved enough for a down on her own! He wants children within 2 years – so why wouldn’t he want to find a home before then? I pressed her to see the finances before they marry – and sure enough, he was lying.
Yes, his retirement is fully funded – but his savings are nowhere near where they should be based on all his stories and his age/income.
He broke down crying, with story after story of where it all went wrong. He rode GameStop back down to nothing, he broke even on the house, he lost the inheritance to bills of a relative, the business sale only netted 1/3 of what he expected, he’s been living above his means (but it’s partially my daughter’s fault because she enjoyed those dates – right?).
Ugh. As conservative spenders, we were perplexed by the Mercedes, the Peloton, the latest gadgets (gaming systems/$1500 scooter, etc.), and the spacious 2-bedroom apartment (without a roommate to offset costs). But our daughter would assure us that his plan was to retire at 40, and all his windfalls and smart investing allowed for all the extras.
Now that we know the truth, we’re sickened. He blatantly lied – for years – to my husband and me. We wouldn’t have cared if he was a regular guy financially, but feel that he created this facade so we wouldn’t be concerned about his aggressive spending.
We feel betrayed, and we feel he’s a horrible con that can’t be trusted, and that he most likely has a gambling problem. My daughter wants to move forward with the wedding, and we feel it will be the biggest mistake of her life.
She feels we’re overreacting. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“She has no qualms about her future husband lying to her about something as big as finances for years? She doesn’t care that he can’t retire at 40 or that the life they’ve been talking about is now impossible?
I understand love, but come on. You need to encourage her to take some time before she makes any big decisions, like getting married or calling off the wedding. I understand your frustration – I’d be furious. But please try to focus on creating space for her to safely land so she sees that going through with this isn’t her only option.
I’m so sorry. NTJ.” MyTh0ughtsExactly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But she needs a prenup and to keep their finances separate. Separate accounts. If she buys a house, just her name on it because he probably has more debt than you are aware of.
You can have him also print out his credit score to show you. The three credit bureaus give out free annual reports so you can see how his credit score is and what else he may not have revealed to your daughter. Sounds like she’s heads over heels, and as long as she’s aware of what she’s marrying, it’s her choice, but she should talk with a financial expert to be realistic on what to do to protect herself financially and what obligations she’ll have once she’s married.” Sea-Tea-4130
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to approach your daughter with love and make her understand, maybe get her friends involved or anyone who you know can talk some sense into her, the man is flat-out lying to her about something so huge and there is even a possibility that he groomed her and that’s why she’s so adamant on marrying him.
If all else fails and she still ends up marrying him for the sake of your daughter attend the wedding so you don’t lose touch with her and that she isn’t isolated but you guys are not wrong for being frustrated.” ThrowRA1imsotired
20. AITJ For Wanting My Parents To Support Me Through My Divorce?
“I am currently going through a divorce with my husband of 17 years. We’d been together for 22 years, so my parents have obviously formed an attachment. It was a very unhappy marriage for me – he was emotionally and physically unavailable through 21 of the 22 years we were together.
We have one child, a daughter, and he’s always gotten credit for being a great dad, and I barely get acknowledged as a mom. It was always hurtful and weird to me. It doesn’t help that he’s one of those guys who is generous and kind and helpful to everyone else, so his halo seems so shiny in public.
My parents have been aware of my unhappiness over the years – maybe not the personal part (no physical touch…ever), but they know the loneliness I’ve dealt with. I was hoping for their support when I told them back in February that the relationship was winding down and not to expect him to be coming around with me much anymore, but my parents absolutely lost their minds.
I became public enemy number 1, and they both stopped speaking to me.
They’ve been checking in on my soon-to-be ex, but not me. They refuse to speak to me about it, and if they DO say anything, it’s to say how hurt THEY are, and how HE will always be THEIR family.
So I guess I want to know – AITJ for wishing they’d offer me a little support right now, instead of thinking of how they feel? It’s been a very lonely journey for me as I try to navigate what this next half of my life is going to look like.
My parents are elderly – 78 and 83 – and to think that this is how things may be until they pass just sucks.”
Another User Comments:
“Oh, this sounds hard! My heart goes out to you. Of course you’re not wrong to want your family’s empathy and support.
You have good reasons for doing what you’re doing, and it sounds like you’ve been through a lot. Sometimes when people get to your parents’ age their cognitive flexibility isn’t really great. It may be hard for them to process this change, and it sounds like they’re acting out at you for catalyzing “their loss.” So while you deserve support, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll be able to provide it.
If I were in this situation I might try to explain my perspective one more time, either in a written or spoken format depending on what you think might sink in better, and then I’d just accept whatever happened after that. If they continue making it entirely about them and him, I’d avoid the subject with them from then on.
(“Sorry, Mom, like I told you I’m not willing to talk about that, so I’m hanging up now.”) Sorry you’re going through this! I hope you find support somewhere unexpected. And I’m sending you an internet hug if you want one.
NTJ.” Cavolatan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “It was a very unhappy marriage for me – he was emotionally and physically unavailable through 21 of the 22 years we were together.” Your entire post speaks to a life of loneliness. “It doesn’t help that he’s one of those guys who is generous and kind and helpful to everyone else, so his halo seems so shiny in public.” No. It totally doesn’t.
Even your parents appear to have been taken in. “They know the loneliness I’ve dealt with.” They can still be civil to your husband but they should support you & be there for you. Get support from other family if you can. “To think that this is how things may be until they pass just sucks.” For them too if they cut you out.
I hope they wise up. And that your future holds happier things.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nothing wrong at all for wanting and expecting support from your parents during a difficult time for you, and you’d think they’d be on your side after hearing how unsatisfying your marriage is for you.
Your happiness should be most important. That said, not all of us get that kind of parent, and you may need to accept that this is the hill your parents choose to die on. You are doing the right thing, however, in doing what is best for you and divorcing your sorry excuse for a husband or partner in life.
You deserve SO much better.” fallingintopolkadots
19. AITJ For Not Refunding My Ex's Non-Refundable Airfare After She Cancelled Our Trip?
“Booked a holiday with my then partner. I organized it all, and she paid her half of the airfare.
Terms and conditions clearly stated it was a bargain fare and not changeable or refundable.
She ended our relationship and cancelled the trip.
Fortunately, I was able to at least get a credit with the airline for the airfare amount, with an expiry date. It’s unlikely I will use the credit as I have no travel planned.
She’s now demanding I give her a refund in cash for her amount, even though I clearly explained it was not refundable. I explained to her that there is a credit sitting there for her, and the airline will not transfer that credit to her however should she have some travel planned the credit is there for her to use.
She’s saying this is “punitive behaviour and really disappointing. Ask anyone, and they would agree that a respectful man would just give the money back. This is a low blow. You are being controlling.”
I told her to contact the airline if she’s not happy.
I might be the jerk for not reaching into my pocket to cover her loss, even though she knew the terms, and she’s the one who cancelled the trip?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if she wants to throw cringy words around, you can too.
Say that her demanding that you pay out of pocket for a financial loss she caused is ‘financially abusive,’ rewriting history, gaslighting, and classic DARVO to make her seem like the victim instead of you. They hardly apply in such a minor case, but hey… throwing stones… glass houses…” Impressive_Yogurt_38
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I had a friend like this. We booked a trip together, he blew up the friendship. Demanded his part of the money. I gave him the tickets instead as he had his own flight ticket and hotel room in the booking.
He was free to go and try to get it cancelled. Or take the trip solo. For all I cared. Had to block him eventually as he wouldn’t stop pestering me, even threatening legal action. Never heard from his lawyer though…” Cap0bvi0us
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The non-refundable terms were clear upfront and she agreed to them when booking. The cancellation was her decision, not yours. You did the best you could by securing a voucher for the airfare amount, which preserves the value of her contribution. While a breakup is surely disappointing, it’s not grounds for a refund on a non-refundable fare.
Her accusations of trying to punish her are unfounded. You offered a reasonable solution with the voucher, and that’s all that can be done under the circumstances.” sweeetmichelle
18. AITJ For Insisting My Husband Bag His Luggage After A Bedbug Incident?
“My (39F) husband (44M) and I have been married for 16 years, together for 20. We have two kids, an 11M and 7F. My son has severe ADHD and gives us a run for our money. My husband travels for work a lot, every few weeks he is gone for anywhere from 1 to 5 or more weeks.
Sometimes this travel falls back to back. It’s part of his job, it’s hard but it is what it is.
I am often basically a single mom, I also work and work in the evenings. I don’t get home until 10/11p and then am always up at 6:30a with the kids.
We make do with babysitters. We have no family nearby but my mom will come in for a week at a time when my husband has a lot of travel to help out. Bless her. We live in NYC.
This last travel my husband, unfortunately, had a pretty bad experience with bedbugs in his hotel room.
Honestly, I’m shocked it’s never happened before. He was completely eaten. The hotel moved his room and dry-cleaned his luggage and clothing. I am terrified of bedbugs. It is a horror. I feel so bad this happened to my husband. I did a lot of research and everything I read said to bag his stuff when he gets back, let it sit for a month, then retreat.
Cross-contamination between rooms is common in hotels. I told him when he got home I wanted him to bag everything just in case.
He had to take a red-eye home this past week, he was tired and cranky. I happened to be outside in the front gardening when he got in and before he went inside with his luggage I insisted he bag it all.
And he got mad. He argued with me that it was unnecessary and he was tired and he didn’t want to do it. I still insisted. He threw his hands up, started slamming his stuff, and being an absolute jerk. Slammed his luggage into some garbage bags, threw them down in our front foyer, and muttered under his breath “great I’m home.
Time to shut up and do what I’m told.”
I absolutely lost it. I run myself ragged taking care of our family and our home, often doing it all when he’s gone. If we ever got a bedbug infestation it would be a nightmare.
Especially if he was out of town again and I had to deal with it solo. I screamed. I threw a piece of watermelon at the wall. I told him to leave and not talk to me again, then I had to go to work.
I have not talked to him since, I’m sleeping in another room.
I have to run a tight ship to get everything done, to get my kids everywhere they need to be. And my kids are kids, they can be tough. When my husband gets home I need a partner to help me and to keep our family safe, not a petulant teenager.
I really don’t want to talk to him until he apologizes which he has not. I refuse to be the first to extend the olive branch, I always am but I’m too mad this time.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But the way you both spoke to each other is bad.
You work in the evenings & you left to go to work, is it safe to assume your kids got to see their parents’ joyous reunion? I’ve had bedbugs. It’s traumatizing. People have legit breakdowns from the experience. Your husband’s lucky he’s not married to me.
I would have made him strip in the garage. Bedbugs are very hard to kill. They can survive several months without feeding and require either multiple visits from the exterminator or extremely high temperatures to kill them. They spread easily. They lay multiple eggs for several days.
My skin’s crawling thinking about it.” Acrobatic-Ad-3335
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but he needed to have a plan. He needed to strip at the door. Bag his clothes and luggage and immediately shower off. I throw all my stuff in the dryer for like 40 mins even if it’s clean and I blow dry my luggage every time I travel.
My husband thinks I’m crazy but I do it anyway. Bed bugs can take MONTHS to get rid of, and that means you’d have to buy all new mattresses and furniture. He reacted poorly. He didn’t feel welcome so his feelings were hurt.
You kind of went IN right away but your concerns were 100 percent valid. No jerks here, extend the olive branch and give him grace on this one. And hopefully, he’ll recognize all you do and how hard an infestation would be on your family.” Impossible-Tutor-799
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You’re absolutely right to be furious and take a stand on this issue. Your husband’s behavior is unacceptable and his refusal to listen to your concerns about bedbugs is irresponsible. As the primary caregiver for your family, you have every right to expect him to prioritize their safety and well-being.
It’s not just about being tired or cranky; it’s about showing respect for your boundaries and taking responsibility for his actions. By throwing a tantrum and refusing to listen to you, he’s demonstrating that he’s more concerned with asserting his own authority than with being a supportive partner and parent.
You’re right to take a break and prioritize your own emotional well-being. You deserve better from your husband, and it’s time for him to recognize the importance of working together as a team to keep their family safe and happy.” Few-Personality1334
17. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Forgive My Recovering Brother Who Stole From Us?
“My (35F) brother (33M) struggled with addiction from his late teens and I was directly impacted by his actions when I took him in at some point, and eventually discovered he stole from me and even from my husband (in his case, it was some of his own family heirlooms that also had huge sentimental value).
It was hard, but that’s hopefully in the past now. I am very proud to say that my brother was able to get the help he needed and he’s been clean for over a year. This weekend he came over to make amends to my husband and me (we sadly had to cut him out at some point).
He apologized profusely and told us he wishes he could one day pay back all he stole from us, but doesn’t have the means right now.
I told him we understand and we can come up with a payment plan in the future or find other ways he can make it up to us.
But after my brother left, my husband was very upset with me because I spoke for him when I said “we understood.” He says he isn’t ready to forgive him, and I shouldn’t have implied to my brother that he was on the same page as me.
I told my husband that I was expecting him to have my back here and focus on helping his healing process, which is more important than some material items. He is still upset.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – “I told my husband that I was expecting him to have my back here and focus on helping his healing process, which is more important than some material items. He is still upset.” They weren’t your family’s heirlooms that were stolen.
This is very problematic. You also don’t get to speak for your husband at all in regard to making amends. You’re biased by the fact that he’s YOUR brother. Not your husband’s. Your husband does not have to have your back on this at all.
You overstepped and disrespected your husband in the process. Your brother has only been sober for a year. That’s not long in the grand scheme of things. Your brother needs to lead by actions and not words. Until then, your husband has every right to be upset at both you and your brother.
This isn’t something that you can just sweep under the rug and forget about. The healing is going to take time.” slap-a-frap
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you don’t get to dictate how your husband feels about such a bad thing that was done to him.
Addiction doesn’t give you a blank check to be a jerk. You can’t turn around and say, “oh, sorry, I was intoxicated” and expect everything to be alright. Part of the recovery process is making amends. But every addict is told the same thing – nobody is under any obligation whatsoever to accept that apology.
Your husband is choosing not to accept it. That’s his right. Respect him.” LargeBelligerentDog
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “He stole from me and even from my husband (in his case, it was some of his own family heirlooms that also had huge sentimental value).” I’m sorry, but are you being serious?
Wow, how dare you gaslight and disrespect your husband like that? It may be inconvenient for you to acknowledge the HUGE sentimental value your husband had for the “material” things your brother stole from him, but that ain’t reality. Your expectations are based on a lie and you know it.
Deal with the reality of what your brother did to your husband, have his back, and maybe then he’ll forgive you.” Even_Budget2078
16. AITJ For Refusing To Breed My Dog With My Friend's Dogs?
“So, I have an American Eskimo dog, Lucky. She’s very loyal and intensely protective, despite having been bought as a pet. She likes to run around the compound and barks a lot. It’s not really a problem because I don’t live in an apartment and my neighbors are way outside my compound.
For the last 2 years, I have refused to breed my dog with the local types because, to be honest, they are very low-pedigree dogs (lazy, unhealthy, bad form). Also, I have never wanted more than 2 dogs at a time.
So in comes Dan, who considers himself my friend but only wants to hang out with me when consuming excessive amounts of booze.
Dan likes dogs and has several local types.
I have repeatedly said no over the last 3 months. Today he tried, and I said no, and don’t ask again, and he called me a jerk and said my dog isn’t ‘special anyway.’
AITJ for refusing this request?”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t breed, like at all. Way too many dogs that need a home to just breed for the kick of it. With that said, NTJ. I had people and friends come out of the woodwork when I got my pup too talking about breeding her with WAY bigger dogs than her (smallest of all my friends) and even when I told them that even if I wanted to breed her it would certainly not be with a bigger dog because imagine my little tiny dog trying to squeeze out a poodle.
Got her sterilized, but people on the street still ask me.” Happyweekend69
Another User Comments:
“Don’t breed your dog. My wife works in vet med, and at least once a month a dog has to be euthanized due to completely avoidable complications during pregnancy and/or birth.
And at least once a week someone comes in with a dog with horrendous genetic conditions and the owner is all like “But I wanna breed her.” The overpopulation of dog problem hasn’t gone away in the decades of spay/neutering. Why? Because we allow anyone and everyone to breed dogs for profit, without so much as a medical background on the dogs involved or an education.
And 90% of these people think they’re qualified but aren’t. Just by not enabling this, you’re NTJ.” wes0103
Another User Comments:
“NTJ of course and you know it. They are not proven in any field, not health tested, not of breeding quality, and you are in no way equipped to be breeding dogs that you have an inherent responsibility for for 15 years.
He’s a dog-breeding idiot and you know it.” gooberfaced
15. AITJ For Being Upset Over My Roommates Repeatedly Damaging My Sentimental Plant?
“Growing up my now deceased grandparents had a very beautiful garden with this huge luscious geranium plant. After their deaths the house was sold and the garden destroyed, but I took cuttings from that geranium and grew them in a pot for the purpose of planting in my own home one day.
Almost a decade later we finally had our own place and the now healthy plant was put in the backyard by the door so it could be easily seen as a tribute to them.
Six years after that it was such a lush beautiful plant I was proud of that was a highly sentimental tribute to my grandparents’ memories.
But then one day I go into the backyard to discover they had taken a weed wacker to the plant all the way to its base. Geraniums are hearty plants, but the amount that was chopped all at once in the wrong season and with the wrong tools made its recovery uncertain.
I was devastated by this but gave them the benefit of the doubt that they just didn’t understand its significance to me. I explained it to them and we agreed they would not touch the plant again in the unlikely event it grew back and would instead come ask me to trim it back properly if they felt it was getting into walkways or something.
Several months later it started growing back again and I was so happy and hopeful about it. But this morning I walked outside to once again see it had been hacked at with a weed wacker. I admittedly reacted emotionally to the continued damage to the memorial and sent a message reminding them not to touch it again.
They responded by saying I was being ungrateful for the effort they put into doing the yard work and insinuated I was at fault for not doing it myself. But they never voiced any concerns about the way it was growing in like we agreed and even if he had I would have told him it was too soon to do any more extensive trims when it was still recovering from the first time.
I feel betrayed and disrespected by this and they are saying I’m being unreasonable and making a big deal over something that is “just a plant” despite me telling them repeatedly it’s so much more than that and is a precious irreplaceable memorial that they keep destroying.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they’re doing this on purpose to spite and hurt you. Nobody seriously takes a weed wacker all the way to the base of a plant unless they’re trying to kill it, or they have literal brain damage. Don’t let him play dumb.
Even if they feel you should help with the yard work more, there are hundreds of steps to take before going full psycho “Kill their precious plant from their dead grandparents.”” ElvenOmega
Another User Comments:
“My husband was adamant that my pink dogwood tree was dead when it was just dormant.
He was inches from taking a chainsaw to it when I politely informed him I would bury him with any part of that tree he cut off. He was so positive I was wrong but valued his life so he left until he could later say “I told you so”.
Now every year I say, “Look at the gorgeous blooms on my dead tree!” Every. Year.” AlwaysAboutMe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you already communicated they wouldn’t touch it again and they agreed to that they can’t just backtrack because they’re mad about something unrelated. Being roommates is about communication.
They fully could’ve shot you a text before destroying it, like they pretty much agreed to do.” beppboop
14. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Estranged Father's Funeral?
“I (20M) have not always been close to my family growing up. My father has always been strict as he grew up in a very religious and structured household.
My sister and I never were close as she spent most of her time ignoring me and acting like I never existed. My mother was closer to my sister and showed favoritism to her. I came out as gay when I turned 17 and came home from school to find all my stuff outside.
My friend came to pick me up and I stayed with him and a few friends. My grandmother (mother’s side) took me when I turned 18 and she wasn’t fully supportive of me being gay, but she loved me.
My grandmother wanted to move down south and I went with her.
I finished high school and then went off to college. I dropped all contact with my father, mother, and sister. My grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer this year and I’ve been taking care of her. It took me by surprise when my sister reached out to me letting me know that my father had passed away and she phrased it to basically say that it would look bad if I didn’t go.
My grandmother offered to pay for my ticket if I wanted to go. Honestly, I have been thinking about not going as they wanted nothing to do with me my whole life. I sent a long message back to my sister telling her that I wouldn’t be going to the funeral. My sister told my mother and she sent me a long message on social media calling me a major jerk and some names that did hurt.
My mother then tried to reach out to my grandmother to convince me to attend. I answered one of the phone calls and simply told her that I wouldn’t be attending. Some family members have been reaching out to me to put behind everything and attend his funeral.
I just want to know if I am the jerk for not attending my father’s funeral?”
Another User Comments:
“No, NTJ. They want you to attend only for appearance’s sake because they don’t want other people to question why you aren’t there. This is about them not wanting people to judge them.
You would be set decoration, nothing more. Your family abandoned you and you owe these people nothing. The death of your father is not a reason to mourn, he was not a good person. Nothing valuable has been lost in his passing.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your loving family threw you out of the house when you were underage without a care in the world what might happen to you. The only way you might want to go to one of their funerals might be if you went just to disrespect the grave.
But that might get you arrested, so maybe don’t do that. You can be civil if actually confronted but quickly hang up and block any further calls and send any letters “return to sender” (or straight to the trash). You are under absolutely no obligation to return “home”.
A cynical part of me wonders if Sis and Mom want you to help support Mom now her husband has died. Hmmm? NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Here’s the thing. Even if your father was your greatest supporter and best friend and you loved him more than life.
And you still didn’t want to go to a funeral. You still wouldn’t be a jerk. Funerals are entirely voluntary. The dead don’t care if you attend or not. And in this case, the living only want you to attend so they can pretend to be all happy families and avoid having to admit that you aren’t there because they threw you out for being gay.
It’s nothing but a front that they want to portray to make themselves look good. To heck with them. I’d be tempted to attend just to knock that facade down by telling everyone who spoke to me why I haven’t been around in years. If you don’t want to go.
Don’t go. You don’t need these people.” Jamestodd106
13. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Family Over A Scheduling Conflict On Father's Day?
“My partner (33F) and I (40M) were planning my son’s first birthday, which happens to fall on the Monday after Father’s Day. At a recent family gathering, we asked for scheduling feedback.
The family was ambivalent. There was a lot of ‘oh we’ll make whatever work’ and ‘well, if we’re going to get together anyway, we might as well just have the bday party that day’. So we planned the bday for this coming Father’s Day at 1 pm.
Great!
Not so fast.
A couple of weeks later (today), and there is a message in the family group chat from my sister stating that ‘We are planning a Father’s Day brunch at our place at 1030 am’ and asking for RSVPs. After staring at this message in disbelief for a good minute, I state that as we discussed, we will be hosting the baby’s bday that afternoon, and we won’t be able to do both.
My partner and I are baffled. Input was sought to avoid this exact scenario; we literally cannot attend their family event because we’ll be setting up our family event at another location.
I wrote to explain that we did the early recon and planning with them so that we could avoid scheduling issues.
I tried to highlight that we couldn’t attend this if we wanted to, and the whole thing was rather confusing and hurtful. I threw an afterthought message of ‘But anyway, what’s done is done and there’s no fix at this point. If you’re coming to the birthday party, I guess we’ll just see you there.’
Sister says she did not intend to offend or disrespect, but that she always does a Father’s Day event, and her kids would be upset if they did not. This is only true in her own household. She does not host our family FD celebration annually.
She says she is sorry if offense was taken & that ‘I think we misunderstood each other because I never intended that we weren’t celebrating Father’s Day, just that we could do both.’
I took issue with that and responded that she misunderstood or didn’t communicate because I specifically sought clearance to plan for this day, and if there was already a plan it should’ve been communicated then so we could reschedule.
I finished this message asking for accountability.
At this point, my brother says he and his wife are also planning it, and ‘sorry if you’re offended but NOT sorry that we are planning said brunch’. Sister then says she’s fine with her accountability, and again, sorry if I’m upset.
She says ‘I did not understand that you meant the rest of my day wasn’t free to myself’.
Partner says it is just a confusing surprise ‘not to be involved in any of the planning’ when we tried to preemptively avoid this problem.
Sister here says that she doesn’t see the problem with doing both, so ‘I’m a little confused about the drama.
No disrespect was intended.’
At this point, I kinda blew up & finished with: ‘Ignorant. Obtuse. Insensitive. Call it what you will.’
My brother and sister left the group chat, and I feel like years of growth and connection just got torpedoed.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “I think we misunderstood each other because I never intended that we weren’t celebrating Father’s Day, just that we could do both.” So sister explains in a nice & reasonable way. “At this point, I kinda blew up & finished with: ‘Ignorant. Obtuse. Insensitive.
Call it what you will.” You do realize that those words describe you in this instance? “My brother and sister left the group chat, and I feel like years of growth and connection just got torpedoed.” It’ll be totally your fault if it is.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First, the account you give of how you announced the date of your child’s birthday party does, IMHO, leave much to interpretation. I can easily see how people thought the agreement was, “We’re going to all be hanging out for Father’s Day anyway, so let’s get a cake for the baby.” You took it to mean, “The day is cleared for baby’s party.” (Which is an odd interpretation, IMHO) So I think throwing around insults like “Ignorant.
Obtuse. Insensitive” when your sister was trying to apologize for her part in the confusion is just over the top. Second, no one other than the parents and perhaps grandparents gives a hoot about a baby’s birthday party. NOT EVEN THE BABY HIMSELF. He’s not going to care.
He’s not going to remember it. Why choose this hill to die on?” Active-Anteater1884
Another User Comments:
“YTJ your behaviour was aggressive and excessive. Did you clearly and specifically say when asking “My partner and I can only do one event on Father’s Day so we expect the family to also only have one event.
We expect that we will have one combined activity for the birthday and Father’s day that we do together, and no one does their own things by themselves”? It doesn’t sound like you did.” similar_name4489
12. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Sister About Her Husband's Complaints?
“My brother (20M) and I (25F) live with our mom, while my sister (40F) lives with her spouse and their son (14M). My brother, sister, and I, all work for the same company, so she gives us a ride to work every morning. (We live 5 minutes away from our job and our home is on the same route my sister takes to get to work.)
Additionally, my sister gives us a ride back. My sister and I come out at 4:30 pm and my brother comes out at 5:30 pm. So, how it works is that my sister and I leave together, go to my house, and walk my dogs together/catch up on how the day has been until my brother comes out.
Once it’s 5:30, she leaves to get my brother, drops him off, and heads home. My mom also sends her food she cooks for her family, since my sister ends up arriving home around 6:00 pm. Things have been this way for about 2 months now.
Last night, my sister’s husband sent a lengthy text, of which the main points were:
1. Stop sending food, since my sister is the one that needs to cook for them.
2. My brother and I should get our own car and drive ourselves to and from work. (My mom has a pickup truck, but I’m personally not comfortable driving it and cannot afford my own vehicle at this time.
I Uber if my sister or mom aren’t able to help with transportation.)
3. It is not my sister’s responsibility to help walk our dogs.
4. We are making their household non-functional.
My mom is telling me not to tell my sister about this to avoid an argument between her and her husband, but I feel like my sister is going to be hurt/wonder what she did wrong if we suddenly start going to work separately from her, no longer have our walks in the afternoons, and stop sharing food with her.
WIBTJ for giving her context?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your BIL or sister is feeling this way, a conversation needs to happen. Well, at this point, a conversation about your situation needs to happen anyway. He might just be concerned about her being overworked, but his comment about her needing to cook feels pretty off and kinda controlling.
Either way, she deserves to know what her husband is telling her siblings about her, and you all need to have a conversation about your work and transportation situation.” ExRiverFish4557
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, forward the text from BIL to your sister. FWIW, your sister is being overly generous with you and your family, and I can understand how it is causing friction in your sister’s relationship.
Sister and BIL need to work things out, you and your brother really need to become more autonomous and stop relying on your sister. You are both adults and it’s about time you start acting that way.” SusanfromMA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister should really know that he’s making these demands of you guys.
I can understand his frustrations but it needs to be put in the open between the two of them to communicate about. He doesn’t get to circumvent her decision-making process by going to you guys. Maybe she’s expressed frustrations to him, though? I think overall the two of them, and y’all and your sister, need to talk about the arrangement and whether it’s working for everyone.” freerange_chicken
11. AITJ For Refusing To Watch My Cousin's Kids While Living Rent-Free In Her Home?
“I have a job coming up in a different state, and I wanted to visit my family before I went, since it’s far away.
So temporarily, my cousin said she would let me stay with her rent-free.
I’ve been living on the couch for a month, and probably will for another month since my offer was pushed back. I had to pawn off a lot of my stuff since there was no room for it, which I’ve mostly accepted since it was short notice.
I do wish I had at least my own space.
She’s also been paying for my food, since I wasn’t expecting it to be this long, and didn’t save up enough before moving, so I didn’t want to complain. I haven’t been doing chores much either, since her kids are messy, and I don’t want to clean up after them constantly.
Initially, I didn’t mind watching her kids or letting her use my car. But it feels like she’s taking advantage of me now. I’ve even told her I don’t want to watch her kids all the time. She’s started treating my car as her own, and will even leave it somewhere if her partner picks her up, leaving me stranded. She will also plan on me watching her kids when she leaves, without asking me.
Yesterday, she said she was taking her kids somewhere, so I thought I could finally have some time to myself, but surprise, I had to watch her youngest because she’s “too young to go.” I normally go to the gym, but now it always feels like I’m too busy with her kids to do anything I want to do, and when I force the issue, it’s mainly just to visit people I’ve been putting off visiting because of her, and I don’t feel like I have any time to myself.
I understand it’s like that for parents, but I’m not a parent. They aren’t my kids.
So I told her this and said I can’t keep watching her kids anymore. It’s too much for me, and they aren’t my responsibility.
She got mad at me and told me if I hate it so much, that I should move out.
That she’s doing me a favor, and she hasn’t made me pay rent and buys my food for me.
I agreed on that, but noticed that watching her kids is basically a full-time job at this point, with permanent overtime. My SIL says that I should help her for her letting me stay and that I should also be helping with the chores, because being a parent is exhausting.
Her husband (my brother) seems to understand my frustration but wants to stay out of it, which I understand.
AITJ for refusing to watch her kids anymore?
I don’t mind watching her kids sometimes or even letting her use my car. What I do mind is doing it 24/7.
My point about the gym is that I go to the gym for 30 minutes to an hour a few times a week, and I don’t even have time to do that. I’ve also let her stay at my place before, before she had kids, and didn’t ask anything from her.
I want everyone to realize that it is 12 hours of babysitting almost every day. 24/7 is exaggerating. 12 hours daily, without notice usually.”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds to be like no boundaries or expectations were set with you moving in. I will say this, 1- do not let her take your car again – report it stolen if she does – hide your keys even.
If she is not insured and something happens, it can cause you grief and not her – just went through this in my own family. 2- Have a sit-down talk with her about her being a parent and that she needs to ask if you can watch the kids, and that it’s not an expectation of your time.
3- Figure out a way to help her, depending on how old her kids are, you can help direct and teach them to clean better than their own mother has. 4- Everyone’s a jerk – a lack of communication from both sides. Can you not move out sooner?” Lunar-Eclipse0204
Another User Comments:
“OP, don’t worry about these comments saying YTJ…just skip them and stop trying to explain yourself to them…we are all just strangers on the internet and our opinions are not going to change your situation. That being said, I think you should move out from your cousin’s place immediately…sleeping in the car is always an option and it would be nice somewhere in the future to look back with your cushy job that you once had to sleep in your car and shower at the gym.
Treat it as one of life’s experiences and you will also be doing it only for less than a month, and you are not even sleeping in a real bed at the moment anyway. The couch is not that far away from a car. Visit all your relatives and have dinner at their houses.
When your family sees that you’d rather now sleep in your car than be an unpaid live-in babysitter, they will have divided opinions on it but honestly, who cares…just wait and bear knowing all these will be over in a short while.” killer_comeback
Another User Comments:
“Where the heck is your cousin if you are babysitting 12 hours every day of the week until 10 pm? Does she only sleep there? Does she have a job? Who gets the kids from school? Does she not spend any time with her children at all?
If I were you, I would be concerned about your cousin neglecting her children and discussing that with your family and asking for advice about how to help those poor kids. Your post is selfish. You only care about how her behavior is affecting you.
You complain about not having your own room and being taken advantage of when not only do you not contribute to any of the chores (cleaning up after yourself isn’t household chores) or expenses, but you’re also staying an extra month than what was agreed on.
How do you have money for gas but not for food? For goodness sake tell your cousin you are worried about her, talk to your family about how neglected these children are, and that your cousin obviously needs some kind of support if she is spending every waking hour of the week out of the house and away from her children.
Y’all are messed up. ESH. Those poor kids.” Low-Locksmith-2359
10. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Stepmother A Monthly Allowance From My Inheritance?
“My stepmother, let’s call her Amy (now 59), was married to my father for over 20 years.
She was quite a bit younger than my dad, but (plot twist) was the main breadwinner in the relationship. My dad had a drinking problem, had other mental health issues, and in his latter years had dementia, too, so didn’t work for most of their marriage.
While she did take care of him financially, she did not take care of him in other ways – she was very dismissive of my and my older brother’s efforts to get him help for his drinking problem, and in fact moved back to her home country towards the end there when he was behaving oddly and showing signs of dementia, essentially abandoning him.
Because of all this, she and my brother no longer speak at all.
By the time he passed away two years ago, he had joined her in her home country, and together neither of them worked. By this point, they had spent all the money that he had saved up early in his career when he was a high earner, as well as most of what she made in her high six-figure job.
They were just sloppy with money, did not know how to budget, and blew a ton on dinners out, fancy hotels when traveling, and of course insane amounts of drinks due to his disease. They did pay for my and my brother’s college tuition and housing expenses early on in their marriage, though that was stipulated as part of my parents’ divorce settlement.
All this to say, in the last few years of his life, it became clear that they had spent all their money, and their retirement plan was basically to wait until my grandfather died, and then live off of my dad’s share of that inheritance – about 350k.
Unfortunately for her, my dad passed a few months before his father, so she received nothing. Also, because he barely worked in the twenty years that he was married to her, and she is not an American citizen, my mom (who was also married to my dad for 20 years) is receiving more of his social security benefits than she is.
She now finds herself destitute somehow and is apparently at risk of losing her mother’s home in her home country which she inherited when she passed. She already lost the home she shared with my dad in the US, along with all of their possessions.
My brother and I never received anything when our dad passed – we were never expecting money, but family photos, his monogrammed cufflinks, and other mementos would have been nice. All that is gone now, I assume repossessed and auctioned off without our knowledge.
When my grandfather died, my brother and I split the inheritance that my dad would have received. Amy is now asking that we give her a monthly allowance to keep her afloat because she is too grief-stricken to work though it has been a few years.
I refuse to do this and am no longer speaking with her either. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, I am really grief-stricken too. My dad died in a faraway place and it had been a while since I saw him. I need to support myself too.
The money I received was from my grandfather. If he wanted you to have it, I think he would have given it to you. I am saving for my future child’s education. No. There are 4 different responses to choose from. You owe her nothing. She only took your dad back to her country to receive his inheritance.
She didn’t do anything to help him stay healthy. Now she wants you to give her what she held onto your dad for? Nope, that is yours! NTJ.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your grandfather’s inheritance was for you and you’re not her provider.
Any support it seems like they provided was because of preexisting agreements such as the divorce settlement. What you choose to do with that inheritance is up to you, and if you decide to give her money then I’d just say expect the requests to never end.” LordofDD93
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Amy is an adult and is capable of earning six figures. She can earn her own way in life. Losing the house could easily have been due to your dad and Amy borrowing against their equity to spend lavishly in anticipation of getting Grampa’s inheritance money.
In that case, losing the house was the consequence of their poor choices. Also, Amy wouldn’t qualify for a Social Security Survivors Benefit until she turns 60, and it would be a reduced amount since that wouldn’t be her full retirement age.” teresajs
9. AITJ For Yelling At My Partner About His Parents Kicking Him Out?
“I (22M) first met my partner “Kyle”(23M) back in middle school.
In 8th grade his parents kicked him out after they caught him “experimenting” with a basketball teammate. He was on the streets “surviving” till he was 16 and an aunt found him. We reconnected in college freshman year. I love him so much but even though we’ve been together almost 3 years now he still has all these crazy rules.
I come from wealth but I can’t ever just take care of him. We can only go to restaurants or places he can afford. He has to be able to pay his own way. I can’t buy him expensive stuff or just take him on an extravagant trip.
My dad recently opened up a business in another state and he wants me to work there and I’d be making plenty of income and I’d get a nice apartment. I’ve been wanting Kyle to move in with me so last week I asked if he would come with me.
I tried not to pressure him so I let him think on it after he gave me this weird look.
Thursday I asked about it again and he gets all serious and tells me he can’t. Asking what he would even do there or how would he help pay rent.
I assured him I could take care of everything while he found something. I’d be making enough for the both of us. He got mad and said he has to be able to pay his own way and he didn’t need anyone to take care of him.
I told him I wanted to because I loved him. He gets even madder and yells at me that he’s heard that from plenty of rich jerks on the street.
He tells me I don’t understand because my family has money and is supportive. That made me mad and I yelled at him that he had no right to compare me to those guys and that it wasn’t my fault his parents didn’t want him.
He just gets this ice-cold stare in his eyes and starts crying. I tried to apologize but he just stormed away and went home to his aunt’s. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“”Hey I know we’ve only just planned to move in but could you pretty please quit your job and move across the country so I can work for my dad?” Has always been quite an alarming flag no matter who’s involved. YTJ.
This has nothing to do with the fact his parents kicked him out. It’s that you don’t respect his boundaries or his need for independence. Instead, you demand and resent them. That you’d weaponize his history just to win an argument is the icing on the cake.” StripedBadger
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for that comment, you know that. Who knows what happened to him while he was a teenager on the street? You can bet nothing good. What he really needs is counseling, which it appears he can’t afford. Right now, your relationship isn’t going to work.
But if he can trust you (and that will be harder after what you said), you might be able to convince him, as a friend, that some people will genuinely want to help him, and the way he sees the world can make his life more challenging.” Cjack66
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re young but you will have to learn at some point, when you’re in a healthy relationship, you have to show a certain level of respect and regard even in an argument. There are just certain “low blows” that you should never take purely out of love and respect for your partner.
This was definitely a low blow. You owe him the biggest apology and hopefully, you can learn from this.” Intelligent_Mix_121
8. AITJ For Kicking Out My MIL After She Fed My Baby Formula Against My Wishes?
“I (28F) have a newborn baby and, like many new mothers, I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress and exhaustion.
My MIL (55) is known to be very controlling and has been constantly comparing me to my SIL since I got pregnant. Despite her comments, I’ve been trying to keep the peace and put up with it.
My newborn hasn’t been sleeping much, and I’ve been only breastfeeding.
One day, I was completely exhausted and decided to take a nap, leaving my newborn with my MIL for a few hours. When I woke up, I found my MIL asleep. I checked the fridge and noticed all the breast milk I had pumped was still there.
I asked her about it, and she told me she thought my breast milk was causing the baby’s sleeplessness because of my stress, so she decided to give her formula instead. I was furious. I’ve been very clear about wanting to exclusively breastfeed, and she knows this.
She disregarded my wishes and made a significant decision about my baby’s feeding without talking to me. In my anger, I kicked her out of the house. My husband has been supportive of this and has accepted this.
My SIL recently texted me, saying that I could be depriving my baby of a relationship with her grandmother and that my MIL was just trying to help.
This is the only reason I feel like I might be the jerk. I don’t want my feelings to prevent my daughter from having a relationship with her grandmother. And I feel like the jerk for putting my husband in between this whole thing.”
Another User Comments:
“Nope! That’s a one-and-done situation. It’s great your husband sees it that way too. Having a similar MIL (who absolutely would have done this if she’d had the chance), what I’d do is, she’s cut off until she shows some actual understanding and appreciation for how wrong she was, takes ownership, and commits to staying in her lane in the future (with the understanding that she can’t so much as blink weird going forward or she’ll be done for) and even then, she needs to re-earn your trust and will not be left alone with your child for even a minute until she does so.
But again, having the same kind of MIL…. That’s probably unlikely. In which case, good on you both for refusing to put up with that nonsense. It’s not you preventing her from having a relationship with your daughter, it’s MIL’s own doing if she decides she’d rather feel right and only wants a relationship if she gets to do whatever she wants.” Fun-Apricot-804
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – my MIL did the same thing to me; I was exclusively breastfeeding and my husband convinced me against my instincts to let his mom watch our baby. When I returned to work I found formula buckets in my house one day that we hadn’t purchased and she had been dumping my milk down the sink and feeding my baby formula on the sly.
I was devastated but what was worse is since the damage had been done I just gave up. I have NEVER forgiven her for this betrayal and it impacted our relationship until she passed. I also have unresolved sadness about my experience and how a family member betrayed my wishes.
Good for you for standing up to her. As for the relationship part with your baby; if she violates this wish of yours in my experience she will feel empowered to ignore every parenting wish you have going forward. So force the respect you deserve.” Otherwise_Pomelo8447
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She disregarded your views on this. What else will she disregard? The necessity of a car seat? Any allergies your kid may have? Their bodily autonomy? There are so many horror stories of family members putting kids in danger because their desires trumped everything else.
Access to grandkids is not a right, it’s a privilege. One you earn by respecting the parents’ decisions, assuming they’re reasonable. No respect? No access.” FantasticCabinet2623
7. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Homeless Father-In-Law For Stealing My Change?
“My father-in-law is homeless and has been living with me and my wife for the past three weeks. I inspect cars for a company and find change all the time and take it and have been saving it in my huge plastic soda bottle piggy bank I got as a kid.
I leave it in the garage and empty a bag that I put the change I find in at work when it fills up, which is every week or so.
Last night I went to empty my bag of change and noticed how empty it was and asked my wife if she had taken any of the change or told her dad if he could have any of it and she said no. Mind you, I had to drive an hour to put gas in his truck to get him here because he ran out of gas coming from 2.5 hours away.
Three days in had to spend another $330 to get his truck out of impound and a new alternator, and gas on multiple occasions with no hesitation to help him get to job interviews and to the soup kitchen to get food (which I told him he didn’t have to do that and he insisted on doing it).
I confronted him this afternoon about it and he admitted to it right away but on the principle that he stole from me (especially while I’m going out of my way to help him), I want him gone which my wife agrees. The sad thing is, I would have told him to have the whole thing if he had just asked for it.
AITJ?!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It amazes me how some people don’t understand how you come about the change. Dealerships have people go through and detail trade-ins and, unless it’s something obviously sentimental or valuable, they don’t go chasing down the customer to return items. This goes for change, sunglasses, small toys, etc. It’s the principle of your FIL not respecting that you had already helped him out, were still helping him, and he turned around and took something without permission.
As you said, if he had asked you would have let him have the whole amount that was in the piggy bank, but he didn’t.” ahopskip_andajump
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And holy cow. The amount of people deriding OP for taking change that people intentionally left behind is crazy.
I used to clean an Airbnb and found money all the time. Not much, just like OP. It’s not stolen!!!!!! Sometimes people don’t want to deal with change. They leave it behind, knowing that someone will take it. Y’all are idiots.” CheshireCat6886
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – if you kick him out. It’s valid to have some messed up feelings. But you found the change. You didn’t earn the change. He owned up to it right away because he knew he needed to. He is homeless and clearly has not much going for him.
You decided you were going to help. Teaching boundaries and reminding him he doesn’t need to scour for change anymore is helping. Kicking him out onto the street is not a fair consequence.” halfbakedr
6. AITJ For Withholding A Promised PS5 Because My Daughter Bullied Classmates?
“In my country, every few months we have to go to school to meet our kids’ teachers and talk about their grades.
This was the first time I was going to meet my daughter’s (12) teachers because the other times her mom (my ex) was the one doing it.
I talked to all her teachers and they all said the same things. My daughter is amazing and extremely smart and never gets anything other than a perfect 100.
One of the teachers even said that she has never had a student as smart as my daughter. Imagine how proud I was. So I told my daughter “You know what? You are getting that PS5 you always wanted” and she was so happy.
This was until the headmaster asked to talk to me and informed me that my daughter got a 72 in “behavior” because she has been bullying her classmates in her free time.
I was so mad that I told my daughter to forget about the PS5. I made her write a 1000-word essay on why she shouldn’t bully kids then I grounded her for 2 weeks with no allowance.
Since then she has been kind of sulking and won’t talk to me about her day anymore.
My wife thinks I overreacted because my daughter is going through a lot since her mom basically left her here to get married and won’t even call her anymore. She thinks I should buy the PS5 because my daughter still did very well and got perfect grades.
I’m not sure if she deserves it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But have you set expectations for what she needs to do to earn the PS5. No child is perfect, (or adult) and I would personally say she still earned some form of reward for all the good she has done.
You have punished her by grounding her and making her write an essay, at that point I would have given her the PS5 but her keeping it is conditional on ongoing good academic and behavior scores.” I_am_legend-ary
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I’ll give you my two cents!
You’re right for punishing the bullying, but that’s not the end of it. Your daughter is a straight-A student who suddenly started bullying her classmates?!? Did you ask the principal when did it start? Could it be that she’s lashing out about her mom leaving?!?
Your wife is right that she’s dealing with a lot. The bullying definitely has to stop but you also need to help her by giving her the tools to deal with her feelings. Otherwise, she’ll just find another way to act out. Maybe make a deal with her about getting her behavior better and then give her the PS5.
It would be good to take her to therapy too.” Cat_of_the_cannalss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But it’s a tricky situation. You offered a reward for good academic behavior. You rescinded the reward for bad social behavior. You punished her for bad social behavior (grounded + essay), in addition to rescinding the reward.
There is no clear morally correct course of action for this. Reading a lot of the comments for your post gives solid ideas on how to proceed. As a video game addict, I pose this question. How “into” games is your daughter? Depending on this answer is how I would go rectifying or trying to find a compromise to this.
If she’s “really” into games, I’d suggest a follow-up visit to the school in 1 month with the headmaster, to see if there has been any improvement or re-occurring bullying. If none, tell her rather than no ps5 at all, it’s delayed until social behavior has been noticed and improved through school?” brad35309
5. AITJ For Not Celebrating My Son's Video Game Achievement?
“I won’t go into my kids and their cousins’ achievements. They are many and impressive. I have supported all of their interests with time and resources.
I made a fair bit of money a long time ago and I basically retired very young.
I tried being a trust fund jerk but I wasn’t cut out for it. I worked hard to get my money and I wasn’t raised wealthy. I was just very lucky during the dotcom boom.
I have three children and three nephews, one niece. I am doing my best not to brag about them.
So I will say this. They took my money and time and used it to make amazing things happen for them.
And I celebrate their achievements. Both scholastic and athletic. I throw parties for them and I give them great presents.
My son is jealous because I do not have parties for his achievements.
He is a great kid and quite smart. He isn’t a natural athlete but neither am I by any stretch of the imagination. He does well in school but I know that I will be paying out of pocket for him to attend whatever school he gets into.
I also host parties for him and his friends. I just don’t celebrate him as much.
He had complained about this. So last week I asked him what achievement he wants to celebrate.
I kid you not his answer was that he had maxed out his fishing stat in Final Fantasy 14.
I know all those words. I even know that game. What I do not get is how a fifteen-year-old kid thinks that is on the same level as getting scouted for a Div 1 athletic scholarship.
I said he could have a party but that I wasn’t sending out invites with that as the reason.
He is upset and my wife thinks I’m being judgmental. Which I am. I am judging him. And wondering where on earth I went wrong.
I’ll answer a couple of questions I know will be asked.
Yes, I love my son very much.
Yes, he is on the spectrum.
No, I don’t think that is worth celebrating.
No, I cannot bring myself to celebrate that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Are you saying that you can’t come up with one achievement of his worth celebrating? And remember, his achievements might not be being scouted for athletics or getting a full ride to an Ivy.
His achievement might be progressing in a subject he has really struggled with, or completing a sport for the season, or even joining a club or sport that is outside of his comfort zone. HIS achievements look different from the rest of the kids because he is on the spectrum.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’m concerned that your kid can’t think of anything else of value he’s done besides playing FFXIV. It also seems like your standards are a bit high and maybe he has given up so he can’t fail you. Is he in therapy already or working with a coach to develop better coping mechanisms than making his game his whole life?
Kids on the spectrum need structure. These games are designed to hold their attention and dilute the same dopamine returns regular day-to-day accomplishments give them.” MyCouchPulzOut_IDont
Another User Comments:
“Uhm… I know you keep saying you’ve tried everything, but you are asking for advice, so have you tried milestone rewards?
Finding something that you and the people who know him believe he’d enjoy if he actually spent time with it (gamers have good hand/eye coordination, so maybe something in that realm) and then telling him he gets x reward for sticking with it for a week, then two weeks, three, a month, etc. Sometimes autistic kids just need a combination of being walked through the process a few times and then shown that they really are capable of doing it themselves to stick with something.
And yeah, they’ll need occasional reminders and plenty of reinforcement, but eventually, it pays off, and they are confidently doing the thing (like practicing a sport, instrument, skill).” AuroraWolfMelody
4. AITJ For Wanting To Restrict Pool Access At Our Family BBQ?
“I (39M) am married to (38F). My wife’s family is huge. Like, big and tight-knit. Most of her family lives a bit north of us, others live in the Midwest, and some live in the TX area.
Very few live too far.
Tomorrow we’re having a BBQ. Most of her family is coming. Overall, no big issues except our pool. I don’t feel comfortable with kids in the pool unless they have a life jacket, and an adult or two are watching.
The last time they came over (Mid-May), my BIL was trying to let his two kids who are both under 5 in the pool with no life jacket or parental supervision, under the explanation “they can swim,” but when I asked for proof to back up the statement, he complied, and in short, those kids cannot swim.
Well, they’re coming over again, and I’m considering locking up the pool this time. Or at least not allowing my BIL or his kids to enter it if the previous situation repeats itself. Like, everybody else is willing to comply, what is your problem?
WIBTJ?
My wife thinks I’m wrong because the pool is the thing the kids (a whole lot of kids) will be most excited about.”
Another User Comments:
“I think your pool urgently needs a sanitization cycle because a skunk/cow/insert fictional animal here died in the pool.
It is therefore not usable for 48 hours because users are likely to get sick. Print off a fake bill and leave it on the table from a company called Swim Healthy, Instant Treatment then spend the evening complaining they aren’t instant at all and their company name is… garbage.
NTJ for not wanting a child to drown in your pool.” Famous_Specialist_44
Another User Comments:
“On one hand, having a cookout with a pool available and not allowing swimming is a big jerk move. On the other letting kids swim without any supervision is an even bigger jerk move, (with deadly consequences).
You and your wife need to get on the same page pronto. All children need to be wearing proper life jackets, swimsuits, whatever and every child in the swimming pool area requires an adult there, to supervise!! If any parent pushes back, “but they’ll be fine” “I’m here to visit, not lifeguard” then their kids don’t swim.” Ok-CANACHK
Another User Comments:
“The problem is basically not if you’re going to let them use the pool or not but if they actually get in the pool. If one of those kids manages to make it in the pool and something happens, you’re gonna be liable anyway – doesn’t matter if you had a lock on it or if you tried every precaution in the world to try to prevent somebody from getting hurt.
The fact that you have a pool period is called ‘distraction’ and if the kid gets in there and gets hurt, it’s still on you. Sucks, but that’s kind of what it is. You may want to hire a lifeguard or just have somebody on hand full-time to watch everybody swimming to make sure nobody gets hurt.” Kialya
3. AITJ For Being Upset After My Brother Cancelled Hosting My Wedding Due To Superstition?
“My fiancé and I decided we wanted to have an intimate wedding ceremony instead of a large wedding. For the venue, we asked my brother and SIL if we could have it in their backyard about a year ago.
They said they would be honored to host. We knew it was a big ask since they had a 2nd newborn on the way, and promised we would be as unobtrusive as possible and take care of everything that needed to be taken care of.
For guest count, we are at 26 people. So as intimate as possible for a backyard wedding. They insisted it would be a wonderful setting and it would mean a lot to them to have it there as well.
We’re pretty close-knit. We come from a household of strong family values and grew up together.
So we’re about 1.5 months out from our wedding day and my brother just informed us that they could no longer host the wedding at their place.
Through happenstance, their nanny/family friend (who’s also a monk) found out we were having our wedding there and told them it would bring less luck to their family.
Apparently, the superstition goes that if you host a sibling’s wedding at your house, you give away your luck to that family. And now that they are new parents to a 6mo and 2-year-old, they don’t want anything to happen to them and want to give them the best chance at life they possibly can.
Nobody knew about this until now. Our family has never really been superstitious. I know my SIL’s family is more conservative and believes in these sorts of things.
I’m pretty tolerant of others’ belief systems. And while I don’t understand it I do respect it.
But we are literally less than 2 months out now from our big day. Fortunately, a venue change isn’t too too difficult, but it definitely throws a curveball into logistics when we’ve had everything already set.
I love my brother and would want the best for his family and the kiddos.
But right now I don’t want anything to do with him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just tell him that you don’t want to bring bad luck to his house and you don’t want him to bring bad luck to your wedding. You are afraid some superstition you are unaware of might follow him into your wedding.
It is just as ridiculous an excuse as he gave you. Just don’t share the new location or the correct time with him or be honest and just tell him that his cancellation of the location was also his cancellation on the invitation.” ConfusedAt63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and completely understandable. If he’d declined to host in the first place because of that superstition, he’d still be a jerk, but you’d have simply chosen another venue. At this late stage, he’d need an extremely good reason to cancel on you.
You must leave him out of your wedding. There may be some other bad luck associated with it, and you would be remiss if you allowed him to run that risk.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For what it’s worth, my MIL used to constantly try to manipulate us/control us by quoting cultural beliefs and the Chinese almanac as reasons why we couldn’t be around my side of the family and needed to be with her.
So I found someone who would read the almanac as a service and paid them to give advice on dates we picked for certain events or things we were planning on doing. Then I confronted my MIL with this information as well as the fact that she had no idea of the majority of things she claimed.” tortsy
2. AITJ For Questioning My Brother-In-Law's Decision To Ask His Estranged Half-Siblings For Financial Help?
“My sister Faye (29f) is married to Jared (30m). As long as we’ve known Jared we knew he had half siblings who had no relationship with him. He was open with us about his father having an affair that he was the result of and the kids from his father’s marriage not liking him.
He also mentioned that when his father passed, because he was still married to their mother (only legally, apparently they no longer lived together and Jared’s parents were in a relationship), he inherited nothing from his father and suing did not help either. Jared was about 13 or something when his father died. His contact with his half-siblings was basically over once his father had passed. But he was aware their mom had given them the money from their father and Jared was upset his half-siblings didn’t offer him anything from it since he was also their father’s son.
Over the years he has brought this up on occasion and has expressed some hurt but also some anger that he was shunned and cut out and treated like he wasn’t also his father’s son by his father’s other children.
I bring all this up because of the conflict between us.
So Jared and Faye had some financial issues and it was a stress. It’s dealt with now. But Jared mentioned two weeks ago that he had tracked down his half-siblings to ask if they would be willing to help him out given he never got anything from their late father and seeing as he is their sibling.
Needless to say, they made it very clear he was not getting a single dollar from them. Which came as no surprise to me when he said it. But he was so shocked and I guess angry about it. He rambled on for a bit and I asked him why he went to them for money when he knew they’d never help him in a million years.
He flew off the handle and told me to stop being such a jerk and I have no idea what it’s like being him. Faye tried to settle him but he said I was being a rude jerk and judging him for being a decent person.
He demanded an apology and ever since then, he’s been demanding apologies from me for being so negative to him.
I’m genuinely confused by his actions but maybe I was the jerk to ask?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he is. Sounds like he is the rude jerk.
Rude for the way he talked to you and a jerk for harassing his half-sibs. Understandably they want nothing to do with their father’s affair child. Not his fault of course but as an adult he should understand their point of view. Their father and his mother ruined the half-sibs’ mom’s marriage and hurt their mom and them.
He is a reminder of all that heartbreak. Half sibs have made it clear they do not want a relationship but the jerk wants it so that is all that matters to him. You pointed this out, he can’t accept it, so he attacked you.
Move on from this jerk.” MainHospital2181
Another User Comments:
“Your comments understandably triggered him. You can see the futility of his actions but he can’t because he’s very stuck being deeply hurt by his situation and is unable to acknowledge that to his half-sibs he will always be nothing more than an unpleasant reminder of their father’s betrayal. So I don’t think your comments are the problem but not apologizing would make you a jerk.
TBH his anger should sit with his father for not getting his house in order before he died…to be legally married to someone but having a second family and not thinking about the financial ramifications is a very large oversight.” dundelady
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, massively. What exactly did you expect to accomplish with your question? That OP would feel so glad you reminded him of how obvious it was he would be treated so poorly? “Thanks OP, it’s great that you are reminding me of how futile it was to hope to be treated with kindness by the people who are my b***d relatives.
It was so foolish to expect to be treated humanely, given the fact that my crime was being born in the wrong place and time! Thank you so much! I feel so validated and heard! I don’t even feel like crying! How didn’t I realize I was bothering those jerks with my urgent needs for survival?
When they were peacefully screwing me over and ignoring my existence for something I can’t control?” You know that wasn’t supportive or helping, yet you just had to kick someone laying on the pit and sprinkling salt on his wounds. That was HUGELY out of line and insensitive.
Go apologize, a heartfelt and sincere apology, and beg to never have something like this happen to you when you are the vulnerable one begging for reassurance.” Exciting_Grocery_223
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Leave My Dog With My Wife's Uncle For A Vacation?
“I (M36) am currently having a disagreement with my wife (F35) about leaving my dog with her uncle while we go on vacation.
This started when my therapist suggested that me sitting home alone all the time (I work from home) wasn’t helping me (PTSD and anxiety from being an ER/PSYCH nurse) and that I should get a dog. I’ve never had a dog before so I figured I’d try it.
My first attempt the puppy had a birth defect and died after a month of having it and I was devastated (no one knew about the defect till the puppy had passed away). My wife convinced me to give it one more go and that led to me getting Sadie, my Newfoundland puppy.
This dog has been life-changing. Better than any antidepressant I’ve ever had. My b***d pressure is down, I lost weight, and I don’t have nightmares anymore since she wakes me up if I have one. I train her, I walk her twice a day, we go to group classes for dog training once a week, I brush her, and I take her out to the park.
She’s amazing and she’s the sweetest animal I’ve ever seen. I can go out in public with her without feeling like I’m about to be attacked by something. My therapist suggested training her as a service dog since I qualify for one if she was this helpful so I’m doing that but she isn’t fully trained yet as she’s only a year and a half old.
Well, I was going to go on vacation, and my sister was going to watch the dog for me since my wife wanted some time just the two of us without the dog. I was okay with this when she was going to be at our house with my sister, but my sister’s husband got transferred to another state and now they can’t watch her.
My wife suggested I leave her with her uncle who has a Newfoundland and a fenced-in yard.
I can’t do it, the amount of anxiety I have over something happening to her is insane. She’s the perfect dog right now, I’m terrified something is going to happen and I’m going to lose her and then have to go back to what life was like before I got her.
I was miserable, no amount of meds helped me, no amount of exercise or eating right made any difference. It was soul-crushing and now that I’m better I would do anything to never feel like that again. I know it sounds insane but I had totally given up on ever feeling like a normal person again and then I got Sadie and suddenly I felt like I was me again.
I can’t even begin to tell you how much of a difference having Sadie has made in my life.
My wife insists everything would be fine and that I’m being a crazy person for not wanting to leave the dog alone to go on a vacation but she understands and says she won’t force the issue if I really have a problem with it but I feel like a serious jerk for picking a dog over a vacation with my wife.
I told her to give me some more time and let me finish her service dog training but she wants me to go on this vacation just the two of us and I’m just horribly uncomfortable leaving her with some stranger I’ve never even met in a place I’ve never even been.
So WIBTJ for refusing to go?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This question seems more appropriate for your therapist than AITJ. I don’t think it’s wrong to be attached to your dog, nor to be leery of leaving the dog with someone you don’t know, but IMO you should also acknowledge that you have some degree of separation anxiety going on here, and you don’t want to let it become a situation where you can’t ever go on a trip and leave Sadie behind.
If it were me, I might pass on this particular vacation, but work on graduated ways of “feeling safe while putting Sadie in someone else’s hands.” Like, start finding dog sitters you trust. Let them take the dog for a walk once a week, work up to boarding the dog with them some weekends this summer, etc., until you’re comfortable going on little vacations again.
Glad you found a dog who meets your needs so well.” Cavolatan
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. I know a lot of people won’t like me saying this but I think that someone has to. As much as Sadie has helped improve your life, she isn’t your partner.
Your wife is. She is the one who has stood by you through this marriage, for good and bad. To me, that means she deserves a lot more consideration than you’re giving her. She’s certainly more important than a dog can be, regardless of how special Sadie is to you.
Now don’t get me wrong. I have pets of my own and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. As there are times when I feel those little hairballs have helped save my sanity with the nonsense that I have dealt with over the years.
Just as Sadie has done for you. But I would never put them above my husband. Who is the one that I chose to spend my life with. Not the animals.” Old_Inevitable8553
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You haven’t even bothered to mention how your wife is feeling about anything.
It’s probably been miserable living with you and this might be a breaking point. It sounds like she’s been just as much of a prisoner to your anxiety as you have and being denied this vacation might be the last straw. And it’s plain weird to suggest her uncle is some stranger.
The fact that you claim to be willing to board her with some random kennel but not her uncle shows you are just throwing up obstacles. Once the dog is trained there will be another reason you can’t leave the basement. Let your wife live her life.” runtheroad
