People Are The Opposite Of Sweet In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner Start A Cranberry Bog Business With My Dad?
“I’ve (26f) been seeing this girl Em (23f) for 2 months. Em recently met my parents for the first time. Even though they didn’t talk much, she seemed to especially like my dad (57M). Em has been enthusiastic when it comes to my dad’s music taste, as it’s similar to hers.
She’s also found a lot of other stories about my dad funny.
The other day, Em and I were talking with some friends about cranberry bogs. I mentioned that my dad had worked in one as a teenager and relayed some of his hijinks there.
Everyone found these stories funny, especially Em. She made a joke about how, considering my dad’s work experience and how much she liked him at their first meeting, the two of them should be business partners and open up a cranberry bog in my backyard.
Em is a lively person and jokes a ton, so I just laughed it off. There’s no reason why to convert my yard into a cranberry bog, so I thought it was a joke.
I was incorrect.
Em kept bringing it up. I just thought it was a bit, we have a few running jokes as a couple/friend group, but after 3 days I started to get worried. Last Wednesday, we were on the phone when she mentioned it again.
I sarcastically told her to shut up, and she got quiet. I was taken aback and said that I was just getting bored of the joke. She got defensive, and said that it wasn’t a joke; agriculture is an expanding market, and specialized products like cranberries are in high demand.
She claimed she heard it from a professor.
I still wasn’t convinced that this wasn’t a bit, but I was getting annoyed. I told her that she couldn’t open a cranberry bog in my yard.
She responded by pointing out that the land near my house is zoned for agriculture, I have a large, flat backyard, and my dad has experience. I said it didn’t matter, and she wasn’t getting my dad involved because a) he’s already employed elsewhere and b) she’s met him once.
She said that I was keeping her away from my family, which would hurt us in the long run. I hung up the phone.
The next day, I texted her in case I had overreacted to some crazy joke.
I was relieved when Em apologized for being pushy. It seemed like it’s all over…until a few hours later when she sent me budgeting spreadsheets, drafts of emails for potential investors, and a message for my dad about being business partners.
We haven’t talked since. The worst part is that when I told my friends, they backed Em up. They said that none of us have had luck with employment, and it seemed like a waste to not use the land, my dad’s background, and Em’s ambition to try something new.
I have absolutely no idea what to do here. Em and all of my friends are intelligent people normally, but there’s no way this business would work on any level. Between the fact I’ve been upset over this (my friends tend to call off a joke if someone is upset), and I don’t think it’s a bit anymore.
So AITJ for not letting my partner set up a cranberry bog with my dad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but dude, RUN. You have been seeing this woman for 2 months only, she has only met your family one time and already she is laying claim to them as though she has known them longer than you.
You are “keeping her from them?” What kind of possessive nonsense is that? And she is already planning to “go into business” with your dad? Never mind the fact that this woman does not know the first thing about agriculture if she assumes that any land zoned for agriculture can be used to grow any crop under the sun without regard to soil consistency, PH levels, and all the other myriad of issues that cause certain crops to only be able to be grown under certain conditions.
Does she honestly believe it is that easy to just turn your backyard into a bog to grow cranberries? Someone has been playing too much FarmVille. This woman is nuts and you need to get yourself, and your family as far away from her as possible.” SayerSong
Another User Comments:
“Backyard Cranberry Bog. What a bizarre idea. Disclaimer: I have zero experience with Cranberry Bogs, other than visiting one once and having a charming little boardwalk tour. You can buy a pound of fresh cranberries in a plastic bag at Thanksgiving and Christmas and they are pretty cheap.
I have only made Cranberry Sauce with them, although I’m sure there are other tasty recipes. Turning your backyard into a Bog would be expensive, laborious, and deeply weird. This is either a really bad joke, or there’s some undiagnosed mania in the mix.
Maybe you could tell Em you’d like to look at other possibilities first, like creating a Rice Paddy where you also raise Swai Fish. NTJ. I am curious to know where you live. It would make the weirdness complete if you happened to live in say, Phoenix, Arizona or Casper, Wyoming.” NoxWild
Another User Comments:
“…is this fake? I hope this is fake, because if it’s not she’s delusional. She met your father once, and based on that meeting and your stories about your dad, she wants to turn YOUR yard into a cranberry bog.
With her BFF, your dad. Who doesn’t know about it and hasn’t bought in. And based on her whim, she’s put together an entire business plan, which had to have taken days. And you’ve only been seeing her for 2 months.
And if you’re not writing a script for a Hallmark movie, she is beyond nuts. NTJ, and bow out of the Hallmark movie before it turns into a Lifetime movie and she drowns you in the cranberry bog.” Nifty1313
21. AITJ For Wearing My Deployed Husband's Clothes To Cope With His Absence?
“I haven’t seen my husband in months and months due to him being on deployment. I often wear some of his shirts or hoodies around the house or to bed whenever I miss him and sometimes it helps.
My mother visits me one evening and thinks I am infantilizing and creepy by wearing them around the house sometimes?
I’m not going to sugarcoat it. The last how many months have been some of the hardest, in recent memory anyway.
And as a result, I wasn’t nice in my response back. She’s perfectly aware of the circumstances and what we’ve been dealing with, so I felt that her comments were more than unnecessary.
I explained to her that I really don’t care what she thinks about what I wear around the house, especially when they’re only my husband’s clothes, and that they make me feel slightly better when he’s gone.
She now isn’t speaking to me until I apologize.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When my husband was deployed I’d keep his shirts in plastic bags just in case the worst happened so I wouldn’t lose his smell.
Your mom doesn’t understand being a military spouse and you should pay no attention to people who want to tell you how to manage the stress. Maybe pay attention to people who’ve been through it, your unit spouses, etc. But ignore anyone else.” RestaurantAcademic52
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband is an over-the-road truck driver & while he’s only gone 2 to 3 weeks at a time. I use his body spray on a long-sleeved button-down shirt & on my blankets to sleep at night.
I know my husband keeps things that smell like me with him. Keep enjoying your husband’s clothes & I hope he’s back with you soon. I also have friends with spouses who serve our country & other trucker spouses who all do the same thing.
So if she is going to get mad at you, then she needs to get mad at everyone. Thank you & your husband for his service.” CrazyReckly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ my best friend is in the military and when he left on deployment last year, I was constantly wearing all the shirts and hoodies he gave me basically wore them the entirety of his deployment unless I was at work and I’m not even seeing him.
I still wear his clothes that he gave me now even though he won’t be deployed again because to me, it’s still a comfort thing since he’s stationed across the country. For you don’t understand won’t ever.
I hope this next little while until he gets home goes by quickly and smoothly and he and his buddies get home safe. God Bless you and your family.” MiaLaF
20. AITJ For Warning Potential Tenants About My Slumlord Landlord?
“I (28F) am in a slumlord situation and my lease is up in June.
My landlord has refused to fix many things wrong with this apartment. There is a roach infestation, bad wiring, windows that don’t shut (Or open), leaks in the roof, no heat for the winter, and no air conditioning for the summer.
We live in Alabama. I have a partner (35M) and two young children (both 7F).
Today I noticed that the landlord has an open house for the apartment above mine. All day, there have been possible neighbors coming to see the open units.
My dog barks LOUD and REPEATEDLY when he hears someone pull up into our parking space and when he hears people talking outside. He started barking as someone had pulled into our parking space (I can tell the difference between his barks) and I went to open the door, thinking it was my partner.
It wasn’t. It was a young woman looking at the apartment upstairs. She asked me candidly “How do you like living here?” so I told her the truth. She was horrified and left right away. This has happened about three times total, and I’ve told the truth each time I’ve been asked.
I just talked on the phone with my partner who is at work and he said it was a jerk move of me to “mess with the owner’s money” by warning possible future tenants. So I’m here to ask this.
AITJ for telling them the truth? Or should I have just grinned and said “it’s fine” and let them find out like we did?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner wants you to help sucker more people in to suffer like you do?
Why? Misery loves company? Someone will eventually move in, sure, but you don’t have to aid the situation. Just a thought: when you next hear the landlord upstairs showing the place, you could knock and ask if they’ve had time to address the roach infestation yet…” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your landlord is a huge jerk. I do want to give him the benefit of the doubt and hope that he just can’t fix it right now or there is another situation that makes him neglect you though.
But you don’t want someone in your situation so you tell them. And if all that what you said is true, they can see it for themselves when they go to the unit.” Silly-Ad8446
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you were honest and I applaud you for it, you saved people from a bad tenancy situation. Have you gone to code enforcement in your area? Now is a perfect time for you to report because he’s had so many people coming by the building they may have seen something and reported it.
Thus leaving it for a small protection bubble for you reporting the housing issues now.” boiledpenny
19. AITJ For Not Letting My Younger, Less Athletic Daughter Join Our Intense Backpacking Trip?
“I (50m) am a pretty avid outdoors person, from backpacking, fishing, mountaineering, etc. When I was younger my friends and I went on hundreds of trips, some of which were incredibly technical or demanding, and I have a lot of experience in the outdoors.
I have tried to pass this on to my children (18m and 14f) by taking them on trips with me from a young age.
My friends and I are obviously not able to do as much as we used to but still try to go on one big trip about every few years or so, and this year’s trip is coming up.
We will be backpacking a considerable distance in Europe and is something we are very excited about. We have been training for it for several months now. I am planning to bring my son with me and one of my friends is also bringing his son who is the same age as mine, and they are both good friends as well.
My daughter is not happy that my son is coming and wants to come as well, but frankly, this is not possible. My son is very athletic and is in great shape, but my daughter is much younger and weaker, meaning she doesn’t have the physical ability to complete the trip at our pace.
She has trouble even on much shorter trips whereas my son is much stronger than me and my friends at this point.
My daughter is fuming about this and called me sexist, and my wife is telling me to just bring her to avoid any more drama in the house.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not everyone is athletic, just do something else with your daughter, maybe camping or something slower-paced. So much better than the resentment you and your group will feel when your daughter slows you down and ruins the trip for everyone.
It’s irritating that people think you should just bring her along without considering what the trip is actually for. Seriously OP, don’t cave and ruin the trip for yourself, we all know the older you get the harder it will be for you, don’t waste an opportunity.” jezebeltash
Another User Comments:
“Unpopular opinion apparently, but NTJ. From the comments, you have gauged her ability and found that she can’t keep up. You do a big trip every few years, this isn’t a casual thing you can accommodate her for as it’s not practical to double up packs just so she can go without a pack.
Your son has joined you in the training, you do other trips where she can join, and I encourage you to bring her on a trip when she’s a strong young woman (not a 14-year-old), but I feel it would be sexist if you compromised the expectation of strength and stamina just because she’s a girl.
Maybe to explain it to your wife, bring her on a day hike with a pack, and see how it goes.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like specific physical requirements are needed and if your daughter isn’t capable yet then it’s best for her not to go.
When she turns 18 and if she is physically capable of doing that trip then do it with her then. Let her know this, but also let her know the potential for her to do this is there.
She just isn’t ready yet and when she is you two will go. There isn’t anything necessarily wrong with what you’re doing. What would be wrong would be you making her feel like she’s weak and worthless because she can’t keep up and she never will.
It would also be wrong for you to take your daughter on a trip you knew she wasn’t ready for. She could get hurt and it would be your fault. On a separate note, I feel like this should have been something you and your wife planned for.
You take your son on a trip and your wife takes your daughter somewhere. Lastly. At 14 your daughter is probably in eighth grade? Eighth-grade girls are the worst people on the planet.” noggysoodles
You need to explain it that way to wife rather than she's not strong enough. Also not to be crude but say she gets her period and it's bad etc that's going to really upset the applecart.. no 14yr old wants to have to walk round cramping bleeding and in pain with a bunch of 50yr old men n 2 teens trust me.. no iPad etc during the day etc. sounds like daughter heard Europe n thought h**l yeah. Err nope rugged Europe mountains etc ain't for the faint of heart
18. AITJ For Kicking Out My MIL's Uninvited Friend At My Bridal Shower?
“MIL and I have a very strained relationship.
She thinks everything revolves around her and doesn’t do well when she can’t be the princess. She has been a nightmare since we got engaged, so I’m laying down the boundaries hard.
MIL tried inviting people to my shower.
My answer was no, so she badmouthed me to the whole family about how uncomfortable she is going to be not knowing anyone there. I still said no. I’m a private person and didn’t want some stranger.
Well, the day of the shower MIL showed up with a friend. MIL told me it was fine, because they would “share a chair” and MIL just wouldn’t eat (liar she had already eaten something the minute she walked in) I said that her friend needed to go.
MIL doubled down and said I was being rude to her friend, and look they are sharing a chair, so she isn’t taking up any space.
MIL’s friend then made a joke about how if her son dated a girl like me, he would be out of the will.
I said she had 3 minutes to go or she would be removed. She left and MIL stayed behind for about 10 minutes, weepy, and saying I’m an awful DIL, her son is an awful son, blah blah blah.
Then she left and I didn’t think anything of it, but FIL sent me a furious message about how I was being inhumane and it is so uncomfortable to go to a party and not know anyone.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Regardless of your past history, it IS awkward to go to a party where the only person you know hates your guts. I don’t really understand why you wouldn’t allow her one friend from the start.
It was pretty ballsy of her to bring someone anyway after you’d said no, but it was incredibly rude of you to demand the friend leave your party once she was already there. I truly can’t imagine the audacity it takes to essentially forcibly remove one person from a bridal shower.
It would have been easier to just let the woman sit there and keep your MIL company, and you could have avoided a whole scene that escalated to the rest of the family. How exactly are you planning on dealing with your MIL for the next few decades like this?” fizzbangwhiz
Another User Comments:
“This is hilarious, I literally just read an AITJ about a spineless son who kept allowing his wife to isolate his mother and make her feel uncomfortable at events dominated by the wife’s friends and family and couldn’t even allow the mother one friend so she wasn’t alone.
Everyone there thought that the wife was the jerk. I’m going to go with YTJ for being such bloody children, Jesus Christ why don’t you just try to compromise with each other? Wanting to invite a friend to a shower dominated by YOUR friends and YOUR family isn’t crazy unreasonable, what do you want her to sit alone instead?
I’m not saying she doesn’t sound like a pain, but you sound like the type to enjoy the friction with her and refuse to compromise simply for the status of “being in the right”. Grow up, you’re about to become a part of their family and you seem more focused on arguing with each other than celebrating.
Gross.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Really, what is the big deal about having 1 extra person at the shower? Why shouldn’t you want your future MIL to be comfortable? This is the woman that gave birth and raised the man that you are marrying!
You should be honoring and respectful to her. While, typically the groom-to-be doesn’t attend a bridal shower, unless his family is giving a different shower, a shower is for both families to celebrate the upcoming marriage and the bride.
The groom’s family and family friends (including his parents’ friends) should be invited to the shower since presumably they’ll be at the wedding. It’s not the bachelorette party which is all about the bride! Why is OP deciding who attends the shower?
Isn’t this the MOH and/or bridesmaid’s job? Is OP throwing her own shower? If so, tacky! OP seems like the control freak wanting to dictate to her future MIL how things have to be, and showing her MIL who’s boss.
This is not the way you should go with your relationship with your future MIL! You’re just starting an antagonistic relationship from the get-go for no good reason. Of course your future FIL should support his wife.
You can’t tell me OP wouldn’t demand that her fiance, her future husband, should always support her…same exact thing. You are going to be dealing with your in-laws for the rest of their lives/your family life…birthdays, christenings/baptisms, school events, holidays, family weddings, etc. Try to be less antagonistic and stringent in your interactions, and your life will be a lot more happy and peaceful!” drm66
But how does your fiance feel about all this? Is he glad you are standing up to his parents, or caught between two women determined to have their own way? You might want to address that now - if his mother has always been a pushy b***h then he might be glad now that you can see her off when necessary, but he might later want to do stuff without you taking charge... (people with overbearing parents often pick overbearing partners.)
17. AITJ For Giving My Sister And Her Kids Two Months To Move Out?
“I (26F) live in a 2-bedroom apartment with my fiance (33M) and at the beginning of last year my sister (35F) and her kids were staying in a hotel so I invited them to stay with me for a bit until they got on their feet.
I work from home and gave up my home office so they could have their own space, which I didn’t mind at the time because I didn’t expect them to be here for very long.
Fast forward about a year now, and they are still here.
My sister started seeing a guy around the end of last year, so most of the time, she leaves the kids here with us any time they’re not in school, even though she never asked if we were willing to babysit, she just leaves them here.
The kids argue quite a bit when she isn’t here to break it up, which isn’t ideal when I’m trying to work in the next room over. The kids also don’t clean up after themselves, so my fiance and I are left to do it, and it can be extremely draining to clean up after two kids every day.
My sister hasn’t really made any attempt to try and find a place to move to, although I know it’s nearly impossible to find a place to rent on one income. We are just fed up with everything and want our home back, so AITJ for telling my sister and her kids they have roughly two months to find another place to live?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I anticipate she will act shocked that you’re asking her to leave. But she has clearly overstayed her welcome. Especially if she and her kids aren’t cleaning up after themselves and she is pushing child-watching responsibility onto you.
If I were you I wouldn’t even bring up that info about why you want her out, just say “hey it’s been over a year, at this point I really want my office back and some more peace and quiet in my house, you need to start looking for a place to go within the next 2 months.”” commenter23450
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You gave your sister a YEAR of living with you and all she did was take advantage of you and the situation. You do have to stop enabling her poor behavior though.
Tell her that she has two months to find her own place and in the meantime, no more free babysitting and she has to clean up after her own kids. Make the part about no free childcare VERY clear, since summer vacation will start before her two months are up.
You may want to preemptively look into housing laws in your state to make sure she does not have any legal rights to stay in your apartment or if you will have to formally evict her. If you can afford it – I would suggest offering her money to help with a deposit on a new place.
Do NOT offer to co-sign her lease under any circumstances. And make sure it is going to a deposit for an apartment, not just nights at a hotel. But giving her some cash to get her out of your place and into her own seems like it would be worth it.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – a year is plenty of time to get it together. More than enough time if she was trying. Why would she try? She is getting a free place to stay and doesn’t have to take care of her kids.
She is out enjoying the single life. You have volunteered yourself for this. Only you can change this. I would give her 60 days and let her know no more babysitting. Do not watch her kids for her.
If she runs off and leaves them- text her she has 15 minutes to get home or you are calling the police. She has no reason to change. Life is super easy and great for her. If she has all that free time to see someone – she can get her own place.” crazycatlady45325
16. AITJ For Laughing At A Woman Who Complained About Hair Falling On Her Face At The Salon?
“I go to the same hair salon my wife does. Several hairdressers, good service. I was getting a haircut when this woman comes in and they sit her in the chair next to mine. She asks for a pixie cut.
As the hairdresser works, she pulls the hair over the woman’s face at an angle, and some hair falls onto the woman’s face as it’s being cut. The woman goes “stop right now!”
She then tells the hairdresser that she’s not paying for a service where they let hair fall into her face, because what if it gets into her eyes and she goes blind!
So, I couldn’t help it, I just burst out laughing because man, just imagine you need protective goggles to a hair salon now lol
Naturally, the woman called me a jerk, but so did my wife when I told her that I laughed. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because what!? “She’s not paying for a service where they let hair fall into her face.” Sounds to me like the lady was trying to pull a con for a free haircut. Every haircut I’ve ever had had had the hair falling over my face at some point just so the hairdresser can actually access where she needs to.” Aenthralled
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the woman was making a scene, as long as you didn’t carry on about it you’re fine. The whole situation is kind of ridiculous tbh, so I probably would have laughed a little too.
Also just out of curiosity did the woman leave with half-cut hair, or did she finish getting it cut? Because if she left with half-cut hair I would blame you less for the laugh (not that I blamed you to begin with).” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is stupid and required a laugh. Sometimes people need to know they are being ridiculous. It isn’t like you called her a stupid C U Next Tuesday. I am tired of us catering to stupidity because “feelings.” At some point someone needs to point out, you are being really dumb AND she wasn’t being nice to the stylist.” JenB7
15. AITJ For Throwing A Party-Themed Funeral For My Late Brother?
“I’m 31M, my brother Tony was 30M and he passed away last Sunday. He was very ill and I had been taking care of him for the past 3 years.
We went to foster care as toddlers because our parents were involved in illegal substances and our aunts and uncles couldn’t keep us in their homes. We reconnected with our biological family when we were in our early 20s.
We were never adopted but were fostered by the most amazing lady, our mama Rosa, who fostered us from ages 12/13 till we turned 18. We both lived in her home even after that. She is the closest thing to a mother I have.
Our biological parents are now clean and we have an alright relationship.
My brother wanted his funeral to basically be a surprise party. And I threw it. Mama Rosa helped me so much and we spent most of the day (yesterday) crying, but threw the party anyway.
When people (mostly friends) came to the funeral, they got a party hat and a drink, and a short letter from Tony explaining why it’s a party.
His friends, knowing him, took it pretty well, laughed it out, cried it out with me and Mama Rosa, and honored his memory.
When our biological parents and a few aunts came, they lost their cool when they saw what was going on. My biological dad called me a disgrace and my biological mom said I should never have disrespected their son like that.
I explained why it is a party in the first place, and they just said they are disappointed and should have known not to expect better from me.
After they called me some names, I told them to just leave.
They left.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Have to admit the funeral you had made me smile, you gave your brother exactly what he wanted and everyone who knew him knew it was a representation of who he was.
In years to come when you talk about your brother and his send-off, you’ll do it with a smile as you remember. Anyone who was offended by it just shows that they didn’t know him, don’t waste your time worrying about them.” CrunchyCookies51
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what you did was thoughtful, lovely, and just what he wanted. I think your biological parents are probably ashamed and embarrassed of themselves. And because of past experience can’t look at a party without being reminded of past horrible choices.
That’s on them for taking things too far in their old lives. The only disgrace here is your parents. They literally didn’t know their own son enough to realize how this party honored him.” andronicuspark
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You followed your brother’s wishes to a tee. Maybe a video recording of Tony shouting surprise with a big smile might’ve eased tensions, but that’s something I’ll keep in mind for my own inevitable demise.
I’m sorry for your loss. Your brother sounded like a delight. And I’m sorry your biological family does not share his sense of joy.” always_amiss
Tell them HE told you exactly what he wanted for his send off and that’s exactly what you gave him as doing anything other would have been disrespectful to him and his memory..
Sounds like they have gone from being total screw ups to holier than tho they know best blah blah. As for the comment about should have known not to expect any better from you. Well that was projecting on their part.. they realise that their actions led to you and Tony ending up in the system cos of their love of partying and substances
14. AITJ For Telling My Younger Brother I Can't Be His Parent?
“I (24m) grew up in a less than ideal household, my mom and dad constantly fought and when I was 10, they got divorced and my mom remarried someone else when I was 15 and had my younger brother (9m) in 2013 and I love him till the end of time.
However my mom and my step-father didn’t really get along either, and they constantly started fighting, and my younger brother always ran to me when he was scared of them. I saw this as normal brother-to-brother behavior until last week.
Last week, my parents came for my acceptance into college party, however 1 hour into the party, my mom and stepdad started to argue again over something unknown to me, and my younger brother ran to me and asked me if I could take him to my room.
I agreed, and we both walked in. He said that he wants to live with me because all our parents do is argue and it scares him.
I told him that I only had one bedroom in my small house, and told him I made it out 18 years before I left the house, and if he believes in himself, he’ll be fine.
He started to cry and he told me he couldn’t make it 18 years, it would be another 9 years for him at the house. I tried to calm him down, but he started to cry uncontrollably and told me I wasn’t being a good big brother.
I got angry and yelled “I’M NOT YOUR DAD” and then he looked at me oddly before running out of the room. I obviously felt guilty but I think it was partially justified, I can’t afford another person in my place.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’ve been the one stable adult in his life and now you essentially slapped him down (figuratively) and told him you don’t actually care about him and he was on his own.
I get that you can’t afford to support him, and you have to focus on college, but you could have said these things while also assuring him that you would be just a phone call away and you knew he was strong enough to handle it, etc. Be emotionally supportive, you know.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“YTJ (kinda). Your mom and stepdad are the real jerks for being terrible parents. He doesn’t have anyone else to turn to and 9-year-olds don’t exactly have any grasp on the value of money and what it means to take in another person, taking care of them socially and financially.
So of course you have every right to say no, but you didn’t have to yell at him and you didn’t have to remind him he has no real father figure. He’s going to miss you more than you know.
Sad situation all around.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I am split. I see this kinda post on other AITJ threads where the oldest is told he is being subject to parentification and that he is NTJ when he rejects the role.
Even if it’s just being asked to watch the kid for 2 days a week. However, in this thread, people are throwing OP under the bus for not letting the kid have a safe space. While I understand what the comment op said to his brother was harsh it seemed that the brother was not listening to OP’s objections.
Granted this is a weird convo for a 9 yo to me if OP didn’t break it off then brother may have done something stupid like run away to get to OP. Also to be fair if something isn’t done then the brother might do something worse.
Not sure how I should look at this?” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Baby Cousin After Setting Boundaries?
“My (16 f) grandma who is in her late 70s and I have had a good relationship over the years however, things started getting complicated when my baby cousin was born. Ever since he was born my grandma has been comparing me to my 2 other siblings (14 f) and (22 f).
Specifically my older sister, she focuses especially on my hair and weight.
I have always been a small person weighing about 90 pounds. I’m not being starved, I just have a very high metabolism, my hair is constantly greasy and messy.
My sister is picture perfect if you were to open the front page of a magazine that’s what she looks like. I have always been insecure about these things and my grandma knows it and always makes comments like “be more like her” or “why are you so different”.
I know I might just be being dramatic but these things hurt me.
On top of that, she makes fun of my grades. I’m dyslexic and autistic (which is why the wording in this story is weird and why I have spent about an hour writing this out) and she knows that there have been many times when she made fun of my English and math grades even though I struggle in those subjects.
Plus she has always been controlling which is important for this story specifically. There have been many times where she has guilt-tripped me into doing things for her. She fake cries and everything. I’ve tried to set many boundaries but she just ignores them which plays into her manipulation.
Anyway, about a month before this story takes place, I had set a boundary that I would not babysit kids under the age of 5. No, I did not set it specifically for my cousin. I actually set it for my mom’s friends since I’m usually watching their kid.
I explained that it mentally drains me and I can’t babysit the younger kids. They were all completely understanding and kind, my mom was made aware and was kind about it as well.
Fast forward a month later my younger sister and I are in our room minding our own business when my grandma walked in.
She just announced that we will be babysitting our baby cousin. My little sister and I immediately became confused. She then explained WITHOUT our permission that we would be babysitting our baby cousin. My sister and I immediately refused as we said we are not going to be doing it since we both had plans and weren’t given a heads up beforehand.
She then started crying because she had to go to a wedding and couldn’t do it and she said and I quote “I can’t miss the wedding your stupid friends can wait.” I stayed calm and reminded her of my boundaries and since he is a 1-year-old, I will always not be babysitting him.
She said she thought that rule didn’t apply to family, I told her it does and I’m not doing it. My sister refused too, she ended up having to miss the wedding to watch my baby cousin.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! It was very prudent to make a no-under-5 rule – that’s totally normal for even professional caretakers. Your grandmother is a full adult. You and your little sister are still very young.
It is her responsibility to keep her own plans. She should also teach you that keeping commitments is important. If I was your aunt, I don’t think I would even want you to watch my 1-year-old child knowing you didn’t feel confident taking care of him!!
Definitely not in the wrong here, even if you hadn’t had previous plans.” katmindae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it sounds like you aren’t setting a boundary if she has a choice in the matter. It sounds like you are setting a rule.
The difference being a boundary is what you will do if she doesn’t stop her behavior, a rule just states what behavior you want to change and you have no way to enforce consequences for that. For example, a boundary would be to tell her if she compares you to your sister you will end the conversation and leave the room.
Discuss these things with your mom and get her to back up your behavior in enforcing a boundary too. A little piece of advice on the greasy hair stop using shampoo except once a month and have someone help you really work it through your hair followed by a deep conditioner.
Change to a co-wash for daily/weekly use. Unless you’re using a product in your hair like styling gels daily, that should be enough.” newbiesub36
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You set a reasonable boundary. Grandma certainly knew about the wedding and should have made arrangements or turned down accepting the little one at that time.
Your comments about high metabolism and greasy hair caught my attention. You might want to get your thyroid levels checked. It’s a blood test. Definitely consider if you also have fatigue or anxiety at times. This is not to scare you at all.
It’s just that thyroid issues can easily get overlooked until symptoms become bad. I have some family members with thyroid issues. One of the teens is doing very well now after having problems for several years.
Luckily one of their doctors paid attention to the family history despite their young age.” Meshmaker
12. AITJ For Telling My Wife It's Weird To Take A Photo Of Our Sleeping Kids?
“My (42m) wife (40f) and I have 3 kids (17m, 15f, 7m). Our youngest recently broke his arm pretty badly and because it is spring break for them we were at a hotel, so they were all in the car together as we were returning from the hospital and it was pretty late when they were coming back, I would say around 11 o’clock.
Our youngest had fallen asleep on our daughter while she had her arm around him and she was also asleep. Our oldest had earphones in and was facing the other way (toward the window), and I think he was asleep.
I was driving and my wife took a picture, I found it odd because they were all asleep and my son had a broken arm in the photo so these are memories that need not be remembered and the idea of having a picture of them sleeping was just weird.
I told her this and she said that they looked “cute” together. I said no it’s just odd, and told her that if she showed them they would definitely be weirded out. She said that if we showed them the picture when they were older they would definitely appreciate it.
I told her to delete it and she wouldn’t and got mad at me for making such a big “fuss” out of it.
I’m starting to think she’s right and maybe I did overreact over an innocent photo, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yep, YTJ. Sorry man, I love those pics I have of my kids, zonked out in the backseat after a long day on vacation. Never know what hits a person a certain way, and if that’s the memory that touched your wife’s heart, let her take the pic.
Not really sure what compelled you to say anything at all, tbh.” dipasqu
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s called a slice-of-life photo. And let me tell you they are the most precious. My mother is very ill, my uncle recently brought the old family slides.
I loved seeing the family cat I heard so many stories about. There was a picture of Mum with a bandage on her head and I got told a story about her taking a dare on this old peanut sheller.
Apologize to your wife.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t look at your peaceful sleeping children and feel something? Like a warmth in your chest? I’m not even a parent and I know that that feeling you -should- get in that moment is what it’s all about.
You’re weird for thinking your wife was weird for taking that picture. In fact, I’ll take this opportunity to let you know that if you don’t already do this, you need to start taking candid pictures of your family in their natural habitat.
THOSE are the moments you should want to remember.” Reddit User
11. AITJ For Reporting My Boss To HR For Drinking On The Job?
“This is not the first time I’ve seen him drink at work, but it was the first time I smelled him. Earlier this week we went for lunch together with a third coworker and he drank a beer.
Yesterday he came back from a two-and-a-half-hour lunch with the same colleague and suggested we bump our performance conversation meeting to the next day. The meeting had been scheduled two weeks ago, so I told him I wanted to get it over with and he reluctantly agreed.
Within 30 seconds the entire room reeked of booze, his feedback made no sense and when asked for specific examples of my incorrect behavior he couldn’t think of a single one. It was a total waste of my time, and horribly demoralizing, especially considering I’ve been at the company for two and a half years and am looking for feedback so I can see some darn upward mobility.
Last year I told his direct supervisor he was clearly having issues with booze and I was concerned for him, and last month I gave his boss’s boss the same message.
Since then it’s only gotten worse.
My aunt is a recovering heavy drinker and her behavior when she’s drinking has driven a wedge between our entire family, so suffice it to say there’s trauma there.
It’s in our employee code of conduct that we are not to drink booze during working hours, and after I described the performance meeting our HR rep said they would be conducting an investigation.
I’m terrified of being seen as a whistleblower or a rat, but I really believe that I exhausted every other method of recourse I had available, and I deserve a boss who will give me the respect of a sober review – AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only has your boss been breaking the company’s employee code of conduct, but also his actions have been jeopardizing your career. Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was doing purposefully to screw your performance review.
His drinking behavior is impairing his mind in making right decisions. What if he goes to a client meeting like this? It will be detrimental to the company. Don’t worry. This was necessary. Whether he gets suspended or fired, it’s because of his own mistake.
Not because of your whistle-blowing.” Straight-Example9126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your responsibility to speak up. Think about it. If you don’t, who will? Will you just continue on working, thinking someone else will say something first and you’ll support their claim?
Or will you take the initiative and speak up first? Will it make you some enemies? Yes. However, no one got anywhere in life without making a few enemies. You will also be taking the first step in your boss’s recovery.
He is clearly in need of help but is turning to booze for it. This is not conducive to society, especially when you are a superior and supposed to be a leading example. If the boss goes downhill after this job, remember that is not your fault.
He has the choice now to accept help or choose to think he’s doing nothing wrong. But that choice is on him, not you. Report him to HR, and try to physically write down dates and times in the last month where you can remember any changes in behavior.” Lozzie-Danish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Had a co-worker going through some terrible issues and had turned to booze to help get her through. The problem was, she was drinking on company time because the area where her office was located reeked of booze.
And walking past her? You could get a contact high the fumes were so strong. So yes, this definitely needed to be reported to HR.” Repulsive-Nerve5127
10. AITJ For Telling Off A Parent For Consistently Picking Up Their Child Late?
“I just got into an argument with one of the parents of the school I’m working at and wanted to know if I was the jerk in the situation.
So here’s some backstory on this situation before I tell you about today. So this parent is always late picking up their kindergartner. It’s either “I was too busy” or “I forgot”. It’s usually not a big deal, either me or one of the other custodians puts on SpongeBob in the staff breakroom and gets the kid something to eat and drink, and then we’ll go back to work, checking in on them every 15mins or so until their parent comes and gets them.
This has been going on all school year and honestly, it’s not usually a bother to us because she’s usually only 30 minutes late.
But today this parent was late for over 4 hours and the child was crying for most of the final hour because they didn’t understand why their parents were always late (Yes I know there are school buses but this kid’s parents refuse to let them ride the buses).
Honestly, it tore at the hearts of all of us today. When this child’s parent finally arrived she had an attitude and told the child to straighten up and stop crying otherwise they would be grounded the whole weekend.
That did not sit right with me because the child was crying because of their parents’ actions. So I told this parent off about how bad of a parent they are and told them that if they are ever this late again I will not hesitate to call child services (we are supposed to do this anyway but we haven’t because it’s not really a bother to us).
So was I the jerk for telling off this parent??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You really should have called CPS a long time ago because you could have put yourself and the other custodians in a bad spot.
You need to think that if something bad had happened to that kid while you are watching them, y’all are going to be in tons of trouble by the district for not following policy and could lose your jobs but what if this parent actually tries to mean and nasty and calls the police and says God only knows what..then you are facing criminal charges.
You aren’t doing her any favors, you just showed her that she can leave them there as long as she wants with her free babysitting. Always watch your own back cause she won’t do the same for you!!
At the school my son goes to, any kid left over 15 minutes is documented and after 3 late pickups, CPS is coming for them even if the parent shows up right after. So for yours and the others that are watching the kids with you sake, don’t do this anymore.
Report the parent to the principal before you get in trouble and let them deal with it!!” Puzzleheaded-You7578
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you’re supposed to uphold mandatory reporting for parents that are consistently late, especially that late because that’s a sign of abandonment.
No one waits four hours to collect their child, no school/child care, doesn’t call the police for a child still waiting there, and still lets it go on. Staff want to go home. You better believe I’m calling a parent 30 minutes after we close asking where they are, and I’m reporting it to my boss because they’ve not picked their kid up.
Also, parents have to pay more here where we live if they are late to pick their children up. It’s like $35 every 10 minutes they’re late, or something insane. Your story makes absolutely no sense as someone who has worked in both mainstream schools and disabled childcare settings in America and Australia, and I find it extremely hard to believe that this is real. If it is, you should be fired and your school should be reported to your Department of Education and be cited. You need to report it and uphold safety and childcare standards.
So YTJ in that regard. But definitely put the parent in their place because they’re not doing the right thing.” ghostiepenguin
Another User Comments:
“I ended up adopting my husband’s niece because her mom forgot to pick her up at the bus stop.
A neighbor saw her standing out in the cold, alone, for an hour before she invited her in. At the time my niece was 7. She knew enough to try to protect her mom and asked the neighbor if she would just let her spend the night, instead of calling the cops.
The neighbor explained that this would be kidnapping. Turns out that her mother wasn’t even living across the street anymore. She had moved out and left her daughter there with a disabled woman who was at the hospital that day and had told the mom that she needed to pick her daughter up that day but the mom (SIL) was too high to remember.
Horrible environment for a kid to be in. Call CPS. You are a mandated reporter. You are breaking the law.” Wonderful_Manager_31
9. AITJ For Finding It Odd That My Date Sleeps In The Same Bed With Her Autistic Brother?
“I (28m) started seeing this girl (27f) recently and we went on a few dates, and it was going pretty well. She has an autistic 25 y/o brother than her who lives with her. She said that he’s a functioning adult who does his best to pull his weight and he does work (albeit not as consistently as she does).
Anyway, tonight I suggested going back to her place after the date and she said her brother was home and I said we could be quiet and then she said that they share a room. I kinda stopped for a moment and asked about it and she said that they sleep in the same bed practically every night because, in addition to autism, he has PTSD and bipolar disorder so he has trouble falling asleep and being by himself at night.
This kinda caught me off guard and I told her that was kind of odd and she got very defensive and immediately asked why, and I said that doesn’t sound like a typical brother/sister relationship and it sounds like he needs some professional help if he needs his sister in order to fall asleep every night, and she just got furious.
She started saying I had no idea what I was talking about and I had no right to say anything of the sort. We spent the rest of the ride to her place in silence, and when we got there she got out of the car with just a quick “night” before shutting the door.
Was I wrong to say that? I don’t think what I said is unfounded but she seemed extremely offended by it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this might be an unpopular opinion. But how can she expect to have a serious relationship like this?
I mean if she ever moves in with a guy is he supposed to sleep in another room so her brother can share the bed with her? This is way past the time they should be doing something about it.
Sometimes people get upset because they don’t like hearing the truth. But if you’re going to enter into a relationship with someone honestly they are allowed to voice their concern because it affects them as well.” randallbabbage
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, it is weird, but living with a brother with so many issues must be very hard. She found a way to make life easier for herself and her brother by sleeping in the same bed. Her furious reaction is just due to her exhaustion.
I would think of it as burnout. She’s already got so much on her plate and by asking her to stop sharing a bed with her brother you’re basically making her life even more difficult. Instead, ask her how she wants your relationship to progress.
Be kind and calm, curious rather than accusing. How does she imagine the future? Does she want to live with her brother even when she’s married?” bluemercutio
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I’m very fond of the saying “if you know one autistic person, you know ONE autistic person.” Autism is so different person by person; my brother is very high functioning and calls it a “platter” as opposed to a “spectrum”.
It would be weird for me to share a bed with my brother, but that’s us. It sounds like you know very little about her brother, so you really have no idea what his abilities are.
Is it unusual? Yes. Is it necessary? Maybe. It’s definitely something that she needs to deal with, and most likely unhealthy long-term. But those are her issues to deal with. You’re not wrong for being weirded out, especially if you have little understanding of autism, bipolar, and PTSD.
You’re not wrong that he likely needs some professional intervention if he’s going to be a successful adult, but I also understand her defensiveness. If you really like this girl and want to continue seeing her, I would start with an apology.
Tell her that you were caught off guard, and didn’t mean to imply that there was something inherently wrong with this arrangement. You simply didn’t know how to react to a piece of information that you find odd.
But I would also ask her how long she expects this to continue. Her answers will probably tell you if you should continue to pursue this or not. And if you choose not to, simply asking that question will probably be of great help to her.” av227
8. AITJ For Demoting My Pregnant Sister From Maid Of Honor And Not Changing Seating Arrangements For Her?
“My sister is pregnant and she was supposed to be my maid of honor. Upon finding out about her pregnancy I just gave the role to someone else and had her as a bridesmaid so she wouldn’t have the excuse of not getting things done because of her pregnancy.
As a bridesmaid, I could cut her some slack. Because of her pregnancy, we had ordered a bigger size dress for her.
The dress arrived but it didn’t fit her after all. We checked to see if we could do some alterations but it wasn’t possible.
I told her that since that’s the case it’s better to just skip being a bridesmaid altogether so we won’t have to worry about it too on top of everything else. She got upset and asked me why not find another dress of the same color that’s just more flowy around the belly.
I told her I didn’t want my bridesmaids to wear different dresses and I hope she understands. She eventually sucked it up but I can tell she’s upset about it. I just can’t do anything about it right now since I have a million other things to worry about.
Now there have been complaints about the seating arrangements. I have a rule of family with family, friends with friends, coworkers with coworkers.
I sat my sister and her fiancé with our brother. The thing is my sister and her fiancé have a terrible relationship with my brother because my brother has acted horribly in the past towards both of them, especially my sister.
They barely speak and even when they do it usually escalates in a fight. My sister asked if she could sit anywhere else but there because our brother is going to stress her out and she doesn’t want to risk getting stressed out with the baby and all that.
I told her I’m sorry but that’s not possible, they’re supposed to be seated together because they’re siblings after all and just like my fiancé’s siblings will sit together so will she with my brother.
She said I’m so stuck up on rules and that I would rather risk her getting stressed out during her late months of pregnancy because of our horrible brother instead of changing some arrangements so she can feel safe.
I tell her I’m sorry but I’m not changing it. She’s welcome to skip the wedding if she has such issues with my rules.
She has been very upset with me and hasn’t spoken to me for some days.
But to my surprise, our parents sided with her and told me that since I know what my brother has done and said to her in the part I’m really insensitive to sit them together and expect my sister to be fine with it because I am inflexible with some seats.
My fiancé also said I should be more flexible and that it’s ridiculous to suggest my sister skip the wedding over seats that can easily change and that I’m excluding her for something as insignificant as seating arrangements.
They’ve called me the jerk for being so inflexible with her regarding everything including not compromising with another bridesmaid dress for her.”
Another User Comments:
“Oh yeah, YTJ. You’re telling your own sister not to be in your wedding just because you want matching dresses?!
Also, this: “I sat my sister and her fiancé with our brother. The thing is my sister and her fiancé have a terrible relationship with my brother because my brother has acted horribly in the past towards both of them, especially my sister.
They barely speak and even when they do it usually escalates in a fight.” You’re sitting people together, who you KNOW usually escalate into fighting, next to each other, because…..random rules I made up?! Do you WANT your wedding ruined by your family fighting?!
You’re so into this rule-following that you can’t see the forest for the trees. Your sister is your sister. WHY are “matching dresses” MORE IMPORTANT than having your sister in your wedding? Do you realize that you’re telling your sister you care more about matching dresses than her participation in the “happiest day of your life?” That you care more about your silly seating rules than her health and happiness on that day?!
NO. YTJ. Let your sister pick a different dress and, for EVERYONE’S sanity, seat those people apart.” RainbowScissors
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. What you will find out down the road is that all these silly details don’t matter at all.
The bridesmaid dress, the dumb seating chart. You have this picture in your mind of a “perfect day”. I assure you that your selfish and inflexible attitude is going to leave you disappointed on your wedding day.
Tell your sister to find a dress that is similar but fits. Don’t make her sit next to the horrible brother. I don’t blame her for being upset. It’s your sister. Not your aunt’s neighbor’s cousin’s friend.
Sheesh.” Dangcheetah
Another User Comments:
“Alright Bridezilla, calm down. Is this a wedding or a military operation? Your poor sister. My sister-in-law was pregnant at my wedding; as maid of honor, she had a different dress to the bridesmaids anyway and wore a beautiful maternity dress.
She looked gorgeous. She was still able to help me when I needed it but bridesmaids & maid of honor aren’t servants! So you ditched your sister as maid of honor, refused to let her wear a maternity bridesmaid dress, and made her sit with someone she hates?
Jesus. How entitled are you? Of course YTJ.” mrs_spanner
Get her a maternity dress stop being a b***h.. seal her seat unless you want your vile brother to ruin your wedding and maje it memorable for all the wrong reasons.. ie he starts his crap upsets heavily pregnant sister and her partner lays him out as he would rightly deserve m. If parents, sister AND fiance are saying your wrong then guess what buttercup YOU ARE IN THE WRONG. Talk about bridezilla you take the biscuit if your willing to risk your niblings health n safety over a seething plan
7. AITJ For Refusing To Participate In The Birthday Saddle Tradition At Texas Roadhouse?
“It’s my birthday today and we went out to eat.
I got to choose where we went and Texas Roadhouse is my favorite place. However, I don’t like the birthday tradition of having patrons get on a saddle and swinging a napkin around like a lasso.
It embarrasses me and makes me uncomfortable. I’m also wearing a dress tonight which would have only made it more uncomfortable.
My nana, god bless her, tells the waiter that it’s my birthday. I felt my soul leave my body and I literally begged, hands clasped at my chest, for him to not make me do it.
He promised I wouldn’t have to and then my nana got mad at me for being a spoiled sport.
She sat with her lips pursed firmly staring into her wine glass until they brought us more bread and then glared at me.
I didn’t have to do the birthday saddle and I’m happy, but my nana is still chewing with anger.
AITJ for not doing the birthday saddle?”
Another User Comments:
“10000% NTJ. I went to Texas Roadhouse when I was 14 or 15 for my bday and I told my parents I didn’t want to ride the saddle (I am terrible with confrontation and I’m still working on getting in control of my emotions.
It’s terrible tbh) my mom completely disregarded me saying I didn’t want to go on the saddle. So what did I do? Rather than doing the normal thing of sitting on the saddle for “less” embarrassment (I hate all attention on me and felt super embarrassed to sit on it regardless of anything) I, at 14-15 years old, crawled under the table crying cause I didn’t want to sit on the saddle.
I love Texas Roadhouse but I will rarely ever tell anywhere I’m going for my bday that it’s my bday. I hate the songs, I hate how all the attention is on me. I just want to be left alone in peace on my bday lol.
You’re not the jerk. If you don’t want to do something, you shouldn’t have to do it. Nana can get over it.” SunflowerCow23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not American, and I’ve never heard of this…tradition?
But I don’t blame you for refusing, I would too. (That you had to beg not to do it is a little concerning, but idk maybe it’s just Texas culture?) Imo your nana is the one being a spoiled sport for getting upset over such a trivial thing.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Some people just don’t feel comfortable with birthday celebrations in restaurants. Whether it’s a face full of whipped cream or just simply being sung a song, sometimes people just don’t want that.
We have Texas Roadhouse around where I live but I’ve never heard of this saddle tradition. I would be so embarrassed! My sister blabbed to the waitress we were out celebrating my mom’s and my birthdays at one this past year and they just sang to us.
I couldn’t imagine doing the saddle thing.” CaptainMoonjay
6. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter's Absent Biological Father Back Into Her Life?
“I’m (23f) the mother of a beautiful 8-year-old girl. If you want to do the math, I was 16 when I had her.
When I told my ex (let’s call him Jake) that I was pregnant, he broke up with me and told me that he didn’t want to be part of the baby’s life. I told him that he made his choice and don’t come back when you want to play daddy.
I raised her as a single teen mom. Sure it was hard but she was worth it.
Recently I got engaged and my fiance has been wonderful with my daughter. He goes to football games to watch her cheer, any plays or concerts.
He’s in the front row with the biggest smile. My fiance asked me to adopt her as his own. I don’t think I said yes fast enough and we prepared to ask my daughter to be adopted by him.
Jake is back in town and asked me to see my daughter. He went on about how he made a mistake by leaving and now his chance to be a dad is nothing because he’s infertile after an accident.
I told Jake that he made his bed and he should sleep in it.
He contacted my family and friends to get in touch with my daughter. Now my family is telling me that he should see her and how people change.
I told them off and they said that they won’t be at my daughter’s birthday party unless Jake can see her.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Please please op see this! Hurry hurry to court to make the adoption final I’m going through this with my 6-year-old and they are letting him push him way into her life just because they’re related. My husband has raised her since she was 1.
Now bio dad wants to play daddy and the court denied our adoption and now wants to introduce her to him as a stranger who’s gonna tell her he’s her daddy at 6 years old. We appealed to the appellate court but please op hurry.
Time is of the essence. Courts always want to give bio dad rights, even if he didn’t earn them. Bio dad has 4 kids, and isn’t involved with any except his most recent. Has domestic abuse issues and they’re saying my daughter “deserves to know her father” She has one!
Why doesn’t he go fight for his 2 other kids?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Daughter is 8 — Dad has been MIA — Dad now wants to be involved. New Dad, Family issues, anger over abandonment, who signed what, etc. — aside because it isn’t about any of you.
Your daughter has the right to know her biological father — with clear boundaries. I’m not saying set up a visitation schedule and act like he was always there — but she deserves the chance to know her family (he deserves no chance to be clear).
She may have Grandparents, siblings, Aunts, and Uncles, etc. that really want to be part of her life. It would be a shame for her to miss out because bio Dad was an idiot. I also get that you don’t want to disrupt your new family and share time with a deadbeat because he doesn’t deserve it.
You are clearly NTJ.” TheSparkleBunny
Another User Comments:
“Kind of. I understand your feeling but he was also a 17-year-old kid. You should never use a kid as a pawn or because you are mad at the other parent.
You should never speak badly of the other parent in the presence of a child, as the child gets older, they can figure out which parent is a jerk. Let’s say for example and God forbid, your child needs a kidney transplant and he is the only match, would you expect him to donate a kidney after he tried to be in your child’s life and you refused?
I have seen mothers do this and when the child becomes an adult and learns the father’s side, they end up hating and not speaking to the mother. You may think you are doing the right thing but if the ex is an idiot, you have to allow the child to figure that out.” edge031
5. AITJ For Not Forcing My Sons To Include My Ex's Child In Their Playtime?
“I’m Delilah and I am a single mom to my 13-year-old Lucas and my 4-year-old toddler Alfie. I am a teacher at a high school and I teach my son’s class.
My son’s class has my ex’s affair child which I don’t let bother me or disrupt my teaching or my Lucas’s learning. The other day I couldn’t find a daycare open or a babysitter so I emailed my boss to let him know that I would be bringing Alfie and he told me it was alright.
So the next day I brought Alfie and the whole class was gushing over him, including my ex’s child. Lucas and Alfie have a close bond so the whole time they were playing. My ex’s child was staring at them but I honestly didn’t know why, she never wanted anything to do with me or my kids before so I brushed it off.
At the end of the day, I saw my ex coming towards me, looking very angry. He started to blow up on me saying that I was messed up for not telling my sons to include her.
Lucas heard the commotion and hid Alfie to then see what the commotion was about. When my ex saw him he looked more furious, he yelled at him to stop being so selfish and trying to force him to bring out Alfie.
I snapped. I told him that I had been nice to his daughter because I’m not petty, but if them playing in front of her is such a big deal then tough, they have been raised together so they would have a stronger bond than someone who lives further away.
He called me a jerk and left. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t owe him anything. However, let your boss know about the situation asap. He might try to come up with some nonsense and try to get you in trouble when in reality you were dealing with an ex and not just a parent.
You don’t deserve to be harassed in or outside of work. His kid should honestly just be in another class to avoid contact.” Lostintheworl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only relationship you share with her is Teacher-Student, you can’t force kids to play with each other and you’re not a mind reader so you couldn’t have known she might’ve wanted to play with them too.
Ex is the jerk, shouting at his kids and you at your place of work? The man needs to get over himself and start acting like an actual responsible parent and mature adult.” Miserable-Fee-2641
Another User Comments:
“You are not the worst actor in this immediate encounter, but this is a messed up situation. If you and your ex don’t get along, it’s a massive conflict of interest to have his child in your class, particularly with the existing unusual arrangement of having your own child (with behavior issues, so presumably needing extra attention) in the same class.
How can you possibly guarantee fair treatment of all of the kids? If ex’s child was any other student, being left out of play, would you really have just ignored it? Can you really say that your treatment of these kids, both students in your class, wouldn’t have been different if one of them hadn’t been your ex’s child, and the other your own?
And if you think the answer to this is that you would have treated them exactly the same, why did only two out of three children in this story get a name? Everyone’s a jerk.” Dioptre_8
4. AITJ For Refusing To Meet My Absentee Father After 20 Years?
“I’m (25F) from the USA and that’s slightly relevant to this story.
A few days ago, I found out my “dad” (early 50?) was coming back to our state to see all his kids (myself, “Dean” (28M), and “Kayla” (30F)). Keep in mind, he left to avoid paying child support for any of us about 6 years after I was born.
I have never had a relationship with the man. He’s a donor as far as I’m concerned. Not one happy birthday message or call to see how I was doing when he left. He left my mom to raise me by herself with absolutely no financial support from him.
I want nothing to do with him, and my mom 100% supports that decision.
Fast forward to now and he’s apparently in town, which I’m dreading. He wants to see all of his kids, including me. I don’t want to go see him and when he tried contacting my mom about it (I have him blocked on social media), she told him exactly that.
He was apparently “hurt” but I don’t care and my mom is happy that I’m sticking to my boundaries. Who thinks it’s cool to show up out of the blue like that after nearly 20 years of nothing?
Just to avoid child support? I don’t owe him anything.
Now my half-siblings found out and they’re mad at me for “holding a grudge.” They’re calling me a jerk for not “forgiving” him. I told them I didn’t even know they existed until recently, so they don’t have a right to judge me for how I feel about this guy.
“Kayla” then called me a mean person and left it at that. “Dean” gets it, but still thinks I’m being a jerk to our “dad.”
So AITJ? Everyone else around me seems to think I’m not…”
Another User Comments:
“No, you are not a jerk. The dude shirks every fatherly responsibility he had, then shows up at the end expecting a hug? Sorry but no. I’d personally tell him (and CC the others) that if he wants to be your father the first thing he has to do is make the past right.
He skipped town to avoid paying child support, so your mom had to work hard to give you a decent life, and that means as far as you’re concerned there’s red in the ledger. When he pays every penny of back child support that he owes, THEN you will consider treating him like a father.
Without that, as far as you’re concerned, he’s a sperm donor with low ethics.” SirEDCaLot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Each abandoned kid gets to decide whether they want to meet up with Biodad. If Kayla and Dean want to see him, that’s their prerogative.
If you don’t, that’s your prerogative. After physically and financially abandoning you, he isn’t entitled to anything. Note that everyone’s opinion correlates with how old they were when he left. Kayla may have good memories of him from her childhood in a way that you don’t.” SedatedVole
Another User Comments:
“I think you should stick to your guns. Your dad spent 20 years avoiding his responsibilities and now he wants to play daddy. The last time I saw my dad I was probably about two or three years old.
I remember we were at the park playing catch baseball. I was afraid of the ball. I told my dad I didn’t wanna play catch anymore because I was afraid of getting hurt. My dad was a huge baseball fan and his wish for me was to play baseball.
I did not see him again until I was about 10 years old. My mom kept bringing them up and talking bad about him. I told her I wanted to go see him. My stepdad told my mother to let me go see him.
I did I was at my grandmother’s for at least a week. I think I saw him twice in that whole time. I went back home and never asked to see him again. The next time he came into my life was when I was 17.
I was in an accident at school that almost killed me. I was in a coma for several days and had a severe head injury. He came out to see me there for a couple of days and he left. NTJ stick to your guns you owe him nothing.” harleyevo
While I respect your decision to meet up with our biological father as is your right .. I have no wish to as is my right I had no idea who you both were until recently and as such you have no rights to try tell me what to do nor how to feel, while I may wish to get to know the pair of you I have no wish to meet him.. I would appreciate it if you both respect my wishes
Thank you for understanding
OP
While they may wish to meet him and maybe ask him the questions you all want answers to you don’t. Your sperm donor may well feel hurt at your decision his actions caused this so why should you go okay nice now that he knows he isn’t on the hook for child support anymore.. unless the guy has spent the last 18yrs in a coma he has no valid excuse for running out on 3kids just so he didn’t have to pay for them
3. AITJ For Refusing To Let My In-Laws See Their Granddaughter After They Wished Ill On My Pregnancy?
“I had my daughter 2 months ago. Almost no one saw her, because we were 1 and 1/2 months without contact with everyone and then my husband got sick, so basically only my mother saw my daughter who was on leave with me.
I had a big argument with my in-laws over overbearing issues with my husband (they were annoyed when I cut off their relationship – it was messing up my relationship) and after a fight over my birth option (I had humanized and home birth) which they both found extremely inconceivable and dangerous for their granddaughter (everything was ok to have a birth) and they were even angrier when I didn’t want anyone but my mother, my husband, birth attendant, and doctor.
They said a lot of horrible things and banned me from going to their house, so consequently they can’t step into my house. And when they say heavy things, I’m really not exaggerating, they said things you should never say to someone pregnant.
My husband kept in touch with his parents, but he never forced the issue and got on my side.
Well, these two weeks finally allowed visitors, my parents, my husband’s sisters, and my brothers. And when my husband mentioned the parents coming, I denied it and reinforced that they don’t set foot in the house, regardless if it’s their granddaughter or not.
On Wednesday, my husband said he would take our daughter to his parents’ house and I said no. I don’t want them to have contact with their granddaughter, they wished bad things upon her. And if they want to make contact, it will be on my terms and with a huge apology.
My husband started saying that he is also the father of our daughter and his parents can see our daughter and if my parents can see her, so can his.
I recalled that no one who visited these weeks wished badly on my pregnancy and the birth of our daughter.
And that he is indeed the father of our daughter, but if he doesn’t support me in a situation that I think is favorable to my opinion, then I stand firm in saying that she won’t.
My husband is annoyed with me and is sleeping on the couch.
By the way, my daughter is fully breastfed so I would have to pump to make a bottle anyway.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the fact that they wanted to control how you had your baby. Got upset that they couldn’t be there as you pushed another human out of your body, like what the heck?
I never understood how anyone can expect to see this unless the woman is alright with it. Tell your husband that your mom and dad want to see him jerk his meat until he finishes all while looking at his junk or in his eyes.
See how comfortable he is with that, maybe he will start to understand just how intrusive it is for a woman. Then they wish you and your child harm, like really? Then after all of that, they told you that you couldn’t go step foot inside their house?
Tell your husband either he supports the choices you two make together, or he doesn’t. That they can see her as soon as you are allowed to bring her over there. Tell him you have been waiting for an invitation to bring your daughter over, but you come as a package deal until she is done breastfeeding.
My children refused to take a bottle when breastfeeding unless for some reason you have already started giving her bottles.” PeaDramatic1541
Another User Comments:
“OP, you mentioned in paragraph 3 that your husband got on your side of this issue & then in para.
4 he started to taper off your side (by mentioning his parents seeing the baby). After you already declared a NC was in force. Do you believe he’ll continue to keep his word on that? Do you think he’ll pick a side & stick with it?
Do you think that he’ll always support you, no matter what? He already told you that his parents should get to see the baby because yours got to. He boldly told you that he was going to take the baby over there today.
Now. Actually, he sounds a little desperate, and a tad forceful to me. He’s tapered off even more. In my opinion, you & your hubby need an intense discussion on how this state of affairs is going to be played out.
You both have to agree on everything by 100%. And if you can’t agree then you keep on talking. No running off or leaving the room. You’ve got to trust each other, and back each other up 100%. You can’t be angry & you must believe in yourselves.
Act upon your convictions. The integrity of your marriage & your love depends on it. What his parents said to you was despicable, disgusting & deplorable. I absolutely don’t blame you for the actions you’re enforcing. Your husband needs to grow a pair for not putting his parents through the wringer & demanding an apology.
He should get on his knees & apologize to you. His parents’ vile words should not have been spoken or tolerated by your husband. NTJ.” charlotta98
Another User Comments:
“Maybe everyone sucks here in general but definitely YTJ for thinking this baby only belongs to you.
Perception is often skewed in family disputes and frankly, OP comes across as extra and an unreliable narrator. Anyone who would think she had any right to ban a father’s access to the baby (in this case, to introduce the baby to his parents) is clearly not stable.
And we’re talking current husband in a “normal” marriage, not some jerk ex or deadbeat. Cutting off toxic in-laws has to be a joint decision, and he clearly does not agree it’s justified. You can’t just cut them off for him.
His opinion matters and his rights to the baby matter. One person can’t make it into marital law because she felt the in-laws were mean to her. Yes, we want spouses to rally around their partners and protect them when their own side is toxic, but sometimes, the toxicity isn’t just one-sided and sometimes, it’s not there at all.
Honestly, having dealt frequently with family court matters as part of my line of work, this letter would get OP a psych evaluation stat because it reeks of persecution complex, immaturity, and anti-social behavior. And that is the last thing you would want going into the custody portion of a divorce hearing, which will be forthcoming, I suspect.
And don’t think “But I’m breastfeeding!” will stop them from giving full custody to your ex-husband, either.” OkHistory3944
2. AITJ For Criticizing My Partner's Sister's Spending Habits At Her Promotion Celebration?
“My partner’s sister recently got a promotion with a $2/hr raise. She invited us + her brother and her parents for dinner at her house to celebrate. While we were eating, my partner’s dad asked her sister, I’ll call her Sally if she “did anything nice for herself” to celebrate.
I thought that was a weird question since wasn’t that the point of the dinner?
Sally got up from the table (a bit rude for a host) and went and got some comics, graphic novels, video games, and cards to show us.
She spent at least two weeks’ worth of her new raise and probably a lot more. I asked Sally if she planned on doing anything practical with her raise. She said she was going to overpay her mortgage by $100/mo.
I acknowledged that was good, but I pointed out that blowing the other $220/mo wasn’t a very sound financial decision.
Sally got angry at me and said I had a lot of nerve to criticize her choices while a guest in her home and eating food she made.
I didn’t think that was very nice and pointed out that her lashing out and being defensive showed she knew she’d made a bad decision and now was just being immature. My partner demanded we leave, which I agreed with.
On the way home she blew up at me and said I embarrassed her in front of her entire family. She demanded I text her sister an apology. I don’t want to apologize because I only called her immature after she lashed out at me.
But AITJ? Should I have just kept quiet since I was in her house?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and you sound insufferably exhausting and judgemental. Your FIL asked a reasonably engaging question to his daughter and instead of minding your own business you overanalyzed it and twisted it into something that needed to have a structured point or it shouldn’t have been asked at all according to you.
Your SIL was hosting a small dinner with her family to celebrate and you made it seem like she was hosting some lavish dinner party that she rudely walked away from. It’s not your money, and her spending doesn’t affect you or your future in any shape or form so you do not get to comment and you don’t get an opinion.
Sally lashed out because you were rude to her in your own home and this is likely not the first time you’ve done this sort of thing. You automatically thought your partner was siding with you rather than “oh my god he is humiliating I need to get him out of here what was I thinking?” You owe every single person at that dinner an apology for your overall attitude and you’re the one that instigated that reaction.
And you caused her to lash out by not minding your own business while you were a guest in her home. When someone invites you into their home they’re not opening the door for you to judge them on all their life choices and they’re not inviting you to critique them.
You doing so just proves just how bad of a guest you are.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Ok, here we go. I agree completely with your opinion, BUT, you really should have kept it to yourself. She didn’t ask, so you shouldn’t tell.
It’s normal to go overboard when celebrating an accomplishment. If she continues to blow money, it won’t be your problem at all. If you want to make peace, you could show up with a gift card, and a smile, and apologize to her for hurting and humiliating her.
I’m kinda surprised her parents didn’t jump down your throat, cause if someone ruined my kid’s happy celebration, I’d go gorilla on them. You wouldn’t want her to ever do this to you, right? I hope you can repair this.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Couldn’t you have just nodded, ooh and awed and kept your mouth shut? If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Was your comment necessary? Did it do anything beneficial to the conversation, or did it make someone else upset?
Just because you felt she was blowing her money (HER MONEY) doesn’t mean she has to hear about it. Sheesh, doesn’t your mouth have a filter? Think next time “How will this comment make the other person feel?” If it’ll make them upset, hold your tongue.
That comment was uncalled for and no one wants to hear from others that they blew their money on “junk” when it’s something they like and find value in. Don’t be THAT guy. Le sigh…” AliciaBrownSugar
1. AITJ For Refusing To Let My MIL Pay For Our Will Writing Session?
“To put it lightly, my MIL has said in the past that she thinks people take advantage of her/use her for money.
We have mostly smoothed over the relationship since then, but I would never allow her to do something extravagant for us because of what she said.
This will writing session with a lawyer is the first “big” gift she’s (attempted) to buy for us($500ish), and I have repeatedly told my husband “no.”
Now, I need to address that this conversation has only happened between husband and MIL. She has never directly asked me if I want this. I recognize there’s an issue there.
I thought we had nipped it in the bud back in January when we politely declined, but apparently, she tried to arrange for us to do it by Zoom this morning while she plays with our son (whose birth kicked off this whole thing).
I told my husband I still felt that we shouldn’t accept this gift from her and that I’m now feeling weird about the fact that she keeps pushing the matter. And that I didn’t like that she went to him and he agreed to it after we had already talked about it.
My husband is really distraught over being caught in the middle. He just told her she’s still welcome to come over but we are not ready to do this and need to be allowed to do it by ourselves and she chewed him out and said we’ve had months (we JUST bought a house 2 months ago) and she hasn’t heard a reasonable excuse for why we haven’t done it yet.
Also, we have not asked the people we would want to keep our son if they would yet.
Am I the jerk?
Also if you’re a parent, when did you have a will drawn?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand at all. Are you afraid she will hold the price of the gift over your head, or is it the gift itself? Has she accused you in the past of trying to get her money?
Or are you afraid of contemplating your own mort If it is the first, I don’t think you are a jerk, but it sounds like there is more to the story. If it is the second, I do think you are being irresponsible given that this is a very thoughtful gift, especially for new parents who are often overwhelmed with diapers, feedings, and sleep.” YeeHawMiMaw
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You never have to accept a gift, especially if you think it’s going to be trouble. That said, you need a will. Today. You need to have a plan in place for your son’s care should something happen to you and your husband.
If I had problematic relatives, I would write a will asap to designate the executor of my estate & the guardian of my child(ren). Would you like to take a chance that MIL ends up raising your child(ren) because she is a close biological relative?
Or that she gets appointed executor & is in charge of wrapping up your financial affairs? If you don’t want to risk that, hire a lawyer & get your will taken care of.” YMMV-But
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. You needed to get a will as soon as you knew you were pregnant. Childbirth is extremely dangerous and you should have had this sorted in advance. You and your husband are 1 bad day away from your child being an orphan.
Do you even have life insurance in place yet so that they could still complete their education and have some sort of start in life if you’re not there? It sounds like you are being completely irresponsible, your MIL has given up on you and is now trying to ensure your child’s safe future having given up on you doing so.” Mortisrat
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