People Open Up To Us About Their Difficult “Am I The Jerk?” Situations
21. AITJ For Taking In My Disowned Transgender Nephew Against My Family's Wishes?
“I (32M) have a nephew (18AFAB) and last week he came out as transgender to his family. His parents reacted badly and kicked him out with nothing but the clothes on his back.
They then messaged me and everyone in the family that he was disowned and not to give him any help but they refused to say why. I got a call from one of my nephew’s friend’s phone (it was my nephew on the line) on Sunday last week explaining what happened and asking me to come pick him up.
I have taken him in and I blocked my brother and his wife.
Since then my parents and older siblings have been telling me that I am a horrible person for taking him in and that I am being a jerk for disrespecting my older brother.
I feel like I’m doing the right thing but I feel like I am disrespecting my family’s wishes. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being a reliable, supportive, loving adult for your nephew. You cannot imagine how valuable that is when not only the world but also his own family is telling him he’s wrong for being himself.
You are disrespecting your family’s wishes, and that is the right thing to do. Their wishes are for you to join them in their cruelty. You are choosing to be better than that.” palacesofparagraphs
Another User Comments:
“All it takes for evil to grow is for good people to do nothing.
(to paraphrase) You are “good people” and you did not “do nothing”. Because of you the evil from your family has not grown and has not spread. Because of you, a scared confused young adult knows that there is still love and support in this world.
Don’t ever question yourself when you are showing love and support. It can never ever be the wrong choice. You are NTJ, you are wonderful. His family can go swim in a sewage farm somewhere.” Glint_Bladesong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! First of all, he’s 18.
He can go where he wants to. He decided, out of the family, you were the one safe place left. Don’t take that away from him. You’ll regret it the rest of your life, and, unfortunately, the stats for trans kids kicked out of home with nowhere to go are bleak, to put it mildly.
Your family is the absolute worst. You saw a child in crisis and stepped in when nobody else would. Don’t ever let them convince you otherwise. Screw your brother. How dare he kick out his child.” R4eth
20. AITJ For Not Giving Away My Free Food Bag To A Latecomer Claiming It Was His?
“My partner and I were sat on a bench on our university campus, a couple of bakery workers came up to us and explained they were closing and did we want some of the leftover food for free. If you’re in the UK and familiar with the “too good to go” project then I believe it was a part of that and the bag just hadn’t been claimed (more context below).
Of course, being given free food in this economy felt like we had hit the jackpot, and in the bag were around 3 pastry items and 3/4 sandwiches, we remained sat for 5/10 more minutes before setting back off to our accommodation.
A few minutes later a guy sees us walking across campus carrying our bag of food and runs after us asking if we work at the bakery (I guess since the bag was clearly labeled with the bakery name).
I replied that no we were just students and the bakery had unfortunately just closed 10 minutes previously.
He became standoffish and insinuated that we had taken one of his bags that he reserved, I replied that I was sorry we couldn’t help him but again, we were just students and had nothing to do with the bakery – we had just been given it from a worker.
(Stupidly) I hadn’t actually really processed at this time that we likely had indeed been given one of the bags he reserved since he was too late to pick them up, he proceeded to storm off shouting back at us that we were bad people for not giving it to him, because he was going to feed the homeless with that food.
After hearing this my partner asked me if we should just go after him and give him our bag and I replied no (in the moment I felt pretty hurt at his aggressive nature towards us). It’s been about an hour now and I’ve been plagued by guilt surrounding it, I would never want to take away from a charitable cause and I’ve been really beating myself up over it, I was just hurt in the moment.
AITJ? I’m curious to hear what others may have done in the same situation.
Context: “Too good to go” is a project where members of the public can reserve bags of food from various stores online to stop the food from going to waste. They will pick the items up in the last hour or so of the store closing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He was too late. The store closed and would have had to discard the food, which is exactly what the “too good to go” project is meant to prevent. It is not meant for people who don’t bother to show up before closing and then harass innocent people on the street.
Never enable or encourage people like that. Next time, he’ll show up earlier and get the food – for himself, likely, and possibly others. No worries. You did well.” Avlonnic2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And in Germany, we have this “Too Good To Go” too.
I think it’s pretty common in Europe. But what I know, you reserve the bag on the app, but you pay when you go to the bakery to pick it up. I don’t know if it’s different in the UK, but you don’t pay over the app normally.
Since there is a real possibility that people don’t come and pick it up. Case in point. You got one of those bags. So, even if it was ‘his’ bag, he didn’t pick it up or buy it, and it was the bakery’s right to give it away.
Bad luck in his case. And you can’t verify his story. He may have simply said it because he wanted the bag and wanted to make you feel guilty about it so that you give it to him. Or he saw others with free bags, and wanted one for himself, but was too late and saw his opportunity when you walked by.” xXMimixX2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Think of it this way. If you weren’t there to be given the food, the food would have either gone home with a bakery worker, or, more likely, thrown away (yay, food waste!), because that dude would have still been too late to pick it up.
That would have been his own fault, no one else’s. But either way, he still wouldn’t have gotten the food. The fact that you ended up with the food is neither here nor there. None of this is your fault. If you had given him the food, it would have been a nice thing, but you were by no means obligated to give it to him.
His own screw up resulted in him not getting the food, not you.” joshi38
19. AITJ For Defending My Music Taste Against My Partner's Jokes?
“We’ve been going out since high school, and have a very jokey relationship, poking fun, for the most part, isn’t out of the question, though if one of us says we aren’t comfortable with one of the jokes the other makes an effort not to make it again – for the most part (more context coming).
I have been a bit of an obsessive fan of a music artist since I was 14. I have more than one tattoo inspired by this artist and her aesthetic, I have seen her in concert multiple times, I own more merch than I can say, and have run several different fan accounts devoted to her during this time.
I understand this is unusual, and I try not to bring it up in everyday conversation because I am aware it is unusual. Most people who know me in passing do not know this about me, and only my best friend and my partner know about my fan accounts.
I am not the person who talks about this artist constantly, I am not the person who is annoying in large groups about it, (anymore, there was a learning curve when I was in high school but losing friends is a great motivator to fix yourself).
My partner has on and off made jokes about this since we got together. Admittedly, whenever I bring up that it makes me feel insecure and unsafe expressing myself around him, he stops for a while. But he always starts up again, and it just bothers me.
I can’t fully explain it, but it makes me feel like the things I like are somehow inherently bad, and that he wants me to stop having this interest because he doesn’t see value in it. Now he’s never said that, and I don’t genuinely believe that, but that’s how he makes me feel.
An example: I had been cleaning dishes, and listening to her music when he came into the kitchen and started singing along in the most high-pitched, off-key falsetto voice I had ever heard, before busting up and turning it off and saying something like “I don’t see how you listen to this rubbish.” This was one of the times I told him that he had hurt my feelings, he apologized, explained that he had only meant it as a lighthearted joke and that he didn’t care what kind of music I listened to.
I don’t really get mad over this, it more just hurts my feelings.
Context out of the way, we were out at dinner with his friends and their partners. and I had left to go to the bathroom and came back to him showing them a video on his phone, and the audio was familiar right away.
It was a performance from over a decade ago that was panned pretty universally. They were all laughing and he was making a lot of jokes, until he noticed I had gone quiet, and said to lighten up. I tried to smile, but he wouldn’t drop it, and I said: “I don’t like your music either, but I would never make fun of you for it, you know that?”
It was a quiet meal and ride home, and he is now barely talking to me. Two of the partners there said I made everything awkward, and that I was being unfair because we always made jokes with each other. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Isn’t it interesting how someone says or does something hurtful and once the other person reacts badly, they start going on about how it was just a joke and you’re a bore for not getting it? Jokes are supposed to be funny. You told him several times you are not comfortable with him poking at your favorite artist. Which is understandable.
He promises he won’t do it anymore and he then breaks his promise time and again. He knows how it bothers you and he just doesn’t care. And the fact that you have fan accounts and tattoos inspired by your favorite artist doesn’t justify him disrespecting your wishes.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s not joking. He is belittling you because he doesn’t respect your music or your fandom. He’s making a point to bring others into his “jokes” who don’t know the full story so when you react negatively it will seem to them that you are the one in the wrong, “making things awkward.” You know he played that video so that you would walk in on them all laughing at someone you love (and by extension you), right?
Not only does he not respect you and your hobby, he’s being really mean to you about it. On purpose.” ParsimoniousSalad
18. AITJ For Leaving After My Graduation Was Overlooked?
“Since childhood, my sister (29f) and I (26f) have been in this hidden competition encouraged by our parents. Whatever she accomplished, I had to be better at, or at least equally good at, to be taken seriously at home.
It wasn’t easy, as my sister is three years older and naturally achieved certain things and life events earlier, which were celebrated abundantly. My achievements were celebrated less.
We both have master’s degrees, and I just completed mine three days ago, graduating with honors. Two days ago, my sister got engaged, and although my parents congratulated me, her engagement was discussed and celebrated more.
When she arrived on the day she got the ring, and all the attention was on her, I left to go home. Later, they told me I didn’t wish her happiness.
To give more context, we’ve known since January that my sister would get married because she and her fiancé agreed on it, but she didn’t have the ring until the day after my graduation, which made her engagement official.
I am sad because graduating with honors took my free time, nerves, and determination, and it has been swept under the rug. I know no one can take my degree away from me, but it hurts a lot, and I feel like crying. I just needed to get it off my chest a little.
Don’t get me wrong, my sister and I love each other, and I’m happy for her. I just don’t understand why whenever I do anything, I end up being the less favored daughter.
So, am I a jerk for leaving?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry if this sounds blunt, but from what you wrote I read between the lines that your immediate family seems to be a somewhat toxic environment.
And that includes your sister for the following reason: She knew for almost half a year that she will get married. She also knew when your graduation date will be. And yet she chose to reveal her “official” engagement incl. the ring RIGHT AFTER one of the most important moments of your life that you had worked extremely hard for.
That is NOT a coincidence. People who truly care for each other do not do something like this. My advice is that you might need a little space from the others. You have achieved a great deal. You even graduated with honors. You are somebody.
It is time to emancipate yourself.” LedZeppelin1986
Another User Comments:
“Your sister is the golden child, and you feel like the glass child. It sounds like your sister must have the spotlight on her. She is older and used to getting all the attention. If she had empathy or compassion for you, she would have delayed the announcement and showing off the ring but she timed it to be immediately after your graduation.
NTJ, but I think you and your sister and maybe you and your parents need some distance. I don’t think it would be healthy for you to be a part of the wedding party either. She would expect that in return when you get married and she would likely take over the planning or dismiss, or belittle the choices you make for that event.” Aggravating-Pain9249
Another User Comments:
“I didn’t have a graduation party after I graduated law school and only celebrated passing the bar exam with friends. I essentially gave up on wanting those things for myself in my family as my events always had other things take the spotlight kinda like your sister OP.
It got to the point that I just was disappointed in my family for doing this to me when they didn’t do it to my sisters or my niece and nephew on their special days. I still celebrate my events with my close friends but avoid family events to celebrate my accomplishments.
When people show you where you stand in the pecking order and it is always putting you below someone else, you shouldn’t feel bad for doing something for yourself and stepping away from the dynamic that is causing you discomfort.” TheDarkHelmet1985
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Stepmother At My Graduation?
“I (19F) recently in these past years finally got into contact with my biological father. Having to be around him was distressing to my mother, so she wanted nothing to do with my relationship with my father.
The first time I ever met him I was 14/15. That is when I met him and my stepmother, let’s call her M. My father and I are both bad at social interaction, so it was mostly my aunt and M getting us to talk to each other, which turned out great.
M did not want to believe I was his child at first and demanded a test, we did this test at the first meeting. When the results came back, M was practically inconsolable because she couldn’t believe I could be his child. She thought my mom and I were only after child support, which is definitely hurtful.
She tried to be nice but ultimately failed, consistently making me uncomfortable by offering to take me away from my mother and force me into new territory which I didn’t like. She lied to me and my mother a lot.
She would make a lot more comments and push harder which eventually led me to stop contacting her altogether.
Unfriending and blocking her from all my social media because I was a stressed child who didn’t have time for her nonsense. I did not talk to her or my father for a long time.
Fast forward to present year. In recent times as I have aged and matured, I have gotten more comfortable with being able to engage with my father.
I have been able to meet with him and his side of the family, and they have accepted me like I was always there.
I have made plans for six of them including my dad to join me and my mom’s side of the family for my graduation, as it would mean a whole lot to me and them for them to be there for one of the biggest moments in my life.
We have also planned on going out as a family the next day. M has caught wind of this and has since been texting me nonstop asking my forgiveness and telling my father that she wants to be there as well. I have texted both of them that I have no interest in having any kind of relationship with her or wanting her at any of my events.
I am still having some doubts. I truly do not like her and don’t wish to have a relationship with her, and simply don’t want to be around her, but some nagging voice at the back of my head is telling me I’m being unreasonable and too mean, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No you are NTJ, you tried connecting with her before but it didn’t work, don’t ruin your graduation day just because of her, do what you want to do on that day that will make you happy, that is your day and if you’re not comfortable seeing her on that day then it’s your choice and it’s not a bad one.
You just wanted to be happy on that day, and having someone you don’t like will just ruin it.” danielachare
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think that you’re the jerk, but you have to expect your dad not to come, because excluding a spouse from an event like this is considered an insult, and it generally has to be both or neither.
There’s a lot to unpack here. You’re not actually saying it, but considering her reaction to learning of your existence I admit I’m thinking that you’re an affair child. The only other reason I can think of for her to have such a visceral reaction would be if she’s deeply scarred by infertility.
She has two choices – to leave him or embrace you. She doesn’t get Option 3 – staying with him but treating you like dirt. They need marital therapy to work through whatever’s going on, whatever the whole story is. Sounds like your mom could also use at least a few sessions to come to grips with that your dad is back and in her life permanently now that you both want a relationship.” Pale_Cranberry1502
16. AITJ For Hiding Leftover Food From My Sister In My Mini Fridge?
“To keep this simple my sister (22) and I (25) live together. My sister doesn’t have kids but I adopted my little cousin (9). She works the night shift and comes home after we’re both asleep.
The issue is that my sister is greedy with food, especially fast food.
One time we ordered fast food we got a bucket of chicken. 8 pieces and 2 sides. My cousin and I ate 3 pieces total and maybe half the sides. The next morning there was only half a piece of chicken left and no sides. My sister does this every time we get fast food.
I didn’t want to start a fight so recently I’ve been leaving half the food in the fridge for her and have put whatever my cousin and I don’t eat of the other half in my mini fridge in my room. I thought this was fair since she paid for half the food and I the other half (I text her the price and she Venmos me when she gets home).
Well, she went into my mini fridge (she wanted one of my coffees) and saw the food. This obviously started an argument. There were things said on both sides and now she’s staying with our parents for the time being. I feel guilty for not just talking to her but she’s always been guarded about her weight and I knew that’s how she would have taken it.
Our parents have told me off and said I had no right to hide food. Now I’m wondering if I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely YTJ, for a number of reasons:
- for assuming that your sister should have the same calorie intake as a 9-year-old
- for assuming your sister should have the same caloric intake as YOU. People are different.
- for restricting her food access like she’s a child
- most of the examples you gave were actually evenly split making it fairly obvious you’re just splitting hairs because you hate that your sister is overweight.
- for not talking to your sister. You treat her like a child but you can’t act grown. The end result of this is obviously that you and your sister will no longer have a relationship, and I wouldn’t be shocked if that’s what you wanted to happen.” bloonfroot
Another User Comments:
“I’m confused. You said she should eat half if she pays for half, I agree. You bought an 8-piece chicken and some sides. You and your cousin ate 3 pieces and half the sides. The next day there is 1 piece left and no sides.
So she ate 4 pieces and half the sides, and you get 4 pieces and half the sides. So what’s the problem?” Korachof
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She paid half, she ate half. Half the sides, half the meat. “One time we ordered fast food we got a bucket of chicken.
8 pieces and 2 sides. My cousin and I ate 3 pieces total and maybe half the sides. The next morning there was only half a piece of chicken left and no sides.” What I read here is that you did not order nearly enough of that fast food for two adults and one child.
There were only 2 sides between three people and an average of 2.6 chicken pieces and you apparently expected it to last two meals. That is absurd. At a minimum, everyone should have their own side. The obvious solution is to start buying the amount of food people in question actually need. Also, ask your parents to pay for your cousin.
He is going to be a teenager quickly, if you have an issue now, wait till he needs 3000 calories daily. “She’s always been guarded about her weight and I knew that’s how she would have taken it.” Are you trying to put her on a diet or are you trying to deal with money issues?
Those are two separate things.” unsafeideas
15. AITJ For Being Upset My Partner Keeps Inviting His Friend On Our Trips?
“My partner planned a trip to Italy with me and it was supposed to be our trip, we planned it for months and I was really excited because I’ve always wanted to go.
I got a special travel credit card specifically for the trip. Then he uninvited me randomly and said he wants a “solo” trip. The next thing I know he invited his friend Adam and it turned into a guy’s trip. He told me he doesn’t want me to go because it’s a “guys thing”, and then Adam invited Leo and Leo invited a girl.
So it wasn’t even a “guys thing” anymore. Even though it was originally supposed to be a trip for us. Then he re-invited me a month before he left because he randomly had a change of heart.
Then right before he left on his trip my mom had a health issue and was in critical condition so I didn’t go and he didn’t really talk to me at all because he was busy with traveling and it was hectic.
I didn’t expect him to cancel his trip because of my mom but I was really upset he wasn’t there for me, I don’t want to sound entitled to his attention because I understand he’s on vacation but he’s my partner I feel like he is the one person who is supposed to be my rock and support me when I’m going through a hard time and he would only text me like twice a day and it was to say he got back to his hotel and is going to sleep.
He wouldn’t even read the vent messages I sent about my mom, she was in a coma when he left and she woke up during his trip but was in severe condition and he claimed he “didn’t know” even though I told him, he just didn’t read it.
So when he got back from his trip 2 months later he told me he would take me to Bali to make it up to me and it would be “our” trip. I just found out he invited Adam. So I’m annoyed because he made it sound like Bali was his way of making it up to me and make me feel special and better about the situation of him ignoring me while my mom literally almost died, and I’m annoyed because Italy was supposed to be our trip and I planned ahead for it just to be uninvited and then replaced by Adam.
I don’t know if I’m being entitled because he’s paying for everything but I just feel like if he says it’s “our” trip, as in a relationship trip then it should be a trip for us and not him and his friends.
He thinks I’m choosing to relate Italy to this situation but it’s not actually related, he thinks I just want a reason to be mad. Am I being entitled/AITJ? I get it’s his money and he’s paying but I’m a good partner to him and he made it seem like Bali was his way to make it up to me for not being there for me.
We have been together for 5 years, he met Adam for the first time in Italy. They were just Internet friends.
For clarity: I know he is wrong for uninviting me to Italy and ignoring me during the trip, I want to know if I’m the jerk/entitled for being mad that he is inviting Adam again on another trip.
He says I am being entitled and I can see that but to me, it’s deeper than inviting someone on the trip, it’s about it being OUR trip and is supposed to “make it up” to me. And it would not have just been me, my partner, and Adam in Bali, Adam would have brought a girl as well.
They are not in love with each other, Adam is just a guy who likes to party and have fun like my partner. They are similar.”
Another User Comments:
“Sometimes I miss the days of “He’s just not that into you”. Between you and Adam, he picks Adam every time.
Between having fun or being there for you during an incredibly tough time, he picked himself. Wake up. He is not in love with you. You are a placeholder. A spot filler. You are not even a person he considers worthy of basic human compassion.
He will never be worthy of you. He will never be a loving, supporting partner. He will break your heart time and time again til you think there’s something wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with you and a Bible-sized list of things wrong with him.
So ask yourself if this is how you want your life to be going forward. Is this the kind of life you want for yourself? NTJ.” DubiousPeoplePleaser
Another User Comments:
“This is going to be super harsh and I’m sorry in advance. But wow, I could barely finish reading this, it was so pathetic.
He uninvites you from a trip that you were already planning and you just accepted that? He left for TWO MONTHS while your mom was in a coma and effectively ghosted you that whole time, and you’re apologizing for making him “feel bad” about that?
Then he once again invites his friend on a supposed couple trip and you’re asking if you have permission to be upset about that? I’m going to hit you with the tough love that I’m surprised no one in your life has given you yet: YTJ to yourself for doing all of the above.
YTJ to yourself if you keep swallowing this man’s nonsense. YTJ to yourself if you keep your standards so pathetically low that your life partner can treat you like crap and abandon you and you come here making excuses for him. Leave him.” Commercial_Camera257
14. AITJ For Uninviting My Troublesome Aunt And Uncle From My Wedding?
“My aunt and uncle have a history of harassment and crazy behavior and are known for airing out drama at family functions.
I am getting married in a couple of weeks. I originally did not want them to be there due to past events turning sour because of them.
There are also people who would not go if those two went, so I didn’t want them there. That being said my family convinced me it would be fine.
Last week they asked my grandparents to pay their rent for the month (they wasted their money on substances), but my grandparents told them no. My aunt and uncle started claiming my family has never supported them since the day they got married (not true, my grandparents have paid their rent in the past).
They argued with my grandparents for hours, then started arguing with my mom calling her a horrible person and an even worse mom.
After this argument, my aunt made a nasty post on her social media that said some really mean things about me, my grandparents, my mom, and my fiancé.
Basically saying that my fiancée and I are too spoiled and don’t deserve any support from our families since they never did. So that was that! My family (minus my grandma) officially did not want to invite them to my wedding.
I told my uncle that what my aunt posted wasn’t cool and that my fiancée and I shouldn’t have been mentioned at all cause we weren’t a part of the original argument in the first place.
He tried to gaslight me into believing the post had nothing to do with us, but it was clear enough to make my fiancé cry and that just isn’t okay to me.
We all cut off contact, but my aunt started using a burner number to text my mom.
She started threatening her and saying that she was going to show up to the wedding anyway and throw tomato sauce on my fiancée’s dress. The threats were extreme enough and reoccurring (literal weeks of harassment) that I suggested my mom get a restraining order and she is now considering it.
My grandmother; however, thinks I am being cruel and unfair. That the only reason they are acting like this is because I uninvited them. She says that she is going to tell them the location of the wedding so that way they can prove that they can be civil.
Even though in the past they have proven otherwise, and they have been threatening her too.
So, I feel like it’s cut and dry, but maybe I’m just being a ‘Groom-Zilla.’ AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get the restraining order and tell Granny that she will be uninvited as well if she tells them the location.
Enough is enough. Also, check into getting security for the event. Don’t let your family’s drama stress your bride. Put in a group chat or wherever and let them know that you are done dealing with this. These actions of your aunt and uncle had these circumstances.
You will not tolerate or hesitate anything that will hurt, stress, or make your bride unhappy on your wedding day. Security will be there and you will not hesitate to kick people out if they cause a disturbance. If they don’t like what you’re doing or telling them then they don’t have to come or you can uninvite them.” Effective_Brief8295
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Contact police dept. and ask if they have recommendations for security. Oftentimes police officers are allowed to “moonlight” as security. I’d also have a lawyer send a cease and desist letter to aunt and uncle and grandma too, stating they are on notice, there will be security (and if it is police I’d mention that as well) and tell them aunt and uncle are on the list to be barred. Tell Grandma that if she tells them when and where the wedding is then she’s going to be turned away.
I’d also put in letter that there will be security cameras as well, and if they do anything you will press charges and sue the ever-loving pants off them. I’m betting the mention of police will be enough to keep them away. For Grandma…could you maybe not tell her where it is and get family to agree to either not tell her or tell her different days/places/times?
Then your mom or dad go get her the day of and drive her there and they keep her from calling aunt and uncle.” disney_nerd_mom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are getting married in a couple of weeks, then surely your aunt and uncle have already received invitations and know exactly when and where you are getting married. That makes Grandma’s threat just a lot of hot air and emotional blackmail.
I suggest you send an email to all of them and tell them that they are no longer welcome to attend your wedding and that there will be security in place to prevent their entry. Then block them on all means they have to contact you.
Do not say anything more – don’t give them any reasons, they will just use those as points to argue. Then ensure you have security in place. Please don’t ask friends or family to act as security – that just puts unwelcome pressure on them and they can also be manipulated. Hired security will not care about sob stories, manipulation, etc. You are not a Groom-Zilla.
You are protecting your family and in particular, the person you are about to marry.” Purple_Paper_Bag
13. AITJ For Ignoring My Coworker Who Interrupted My Jog To Ask Work Questions?
“Bit of a ridiculous situation. I have a coworker who is quite bothersome and tactless, but we are working on a project together so I have to make peace with her.
She irritates me, for instance, she occasionally walks up to me on my lunch break, as I am eating with other colleagues, interrupts my conversation, and starts demanding answers to work-related questions on a project we’re working on. Even though this behavior annoys me and I try to avoid her, I always make an effort to politely set boundaries, such as “I will take a look at this after lunch.
Thank you.”
She also happens to live just one street down from me, though I’ve never really run into her until this Sunday. Sunday morning, I was doing my regular Sunday long run when I heard someone shouting my name through my headphones. I stopped and turned around to see my coworker hobbling up to me, shouting a question about an Excel spreadsheet I made.
I was very annoyed at this point and said “Coworker, it’s Sunday, please leave me alone until tomorrow.” Put my headphones back in and kept running. I heard her shout “Hey!” as I jogged away.
Yesterday, she walked up to me to demand an apology.
I apologized for my short tone with her and for being rude, but I said it’s not reasonable for her to expect me to interrupt my jog on my day off to answer her queries. Later that day my manager called in to ask what happened because apparently, Coworker snitched. I explained it, and my manager said I should make an effort to be a team player.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you should not have to be dealing with work on your downtime unless it’s URGENT – and that does not mean just urgent to your co-worker. Actually stopping you, in public, when you were jogging is really crossing a line.
Your manager is not being reasonable either, people have a life outside work. Time to check your contract and workplace policies on expectations of ‘overtime’?” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you have an HR, document with HR at this point. Coworker is encroaching on your unpaid time with work issues.
Lunches and after work are you times. Use keywords designed to get attention “coworker is disrupting your work-life balance and now putting pressure on you via manager to use your personal time to help her when you are unprepared to do so. She is creating a hostile work environment that’s bleeding into your personal time.” Make it very clear you need to disconnect from work off-work hours.
Use your manager’s exact phrasing in the email because if something like “not a team player” shows up in an evaluation, you can use it as an example of retaliation. The HR move is necessary because you need to document to avoid retaliation, and your coworker has decided to use management against you for something that is honestly unreasonable.” whichwitch9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Find a new job. Being a team player applies in the office but not on break or at lunchtime. Your manager is out of line for expecting you to respond to your coworker’s question on a Sunday when she’s interrupting your exercise.
Talk to HR and ask that people be reminded that when people are on break or at lunch they’re using personal time so it’s inappropriate to interrupt with work questions. Also that it’s inappropriate to interrupt people when outside of work and ask work questions; this is a terrible lack of boundaries.” Clean_Factor9673
12. AITJ For Confronting My Roommate About His Partner Practically Living With Us Without My Consent?
“I (28M) moved into an apartment with my friend (28M) almost 2 months ago. He moved in about a month ago because he took his time buying a bed and a closet for his room. When he moved in I went on vacation for 2 weeks, and when I came back he was at the house with his significant other.
So far so good, obviously he should feel at home and comfortable bringing his significant other over, which is something he told me he wanted to do before we moved in and I said of course because it’s his house as well.
Not long after I came back he had to take a week-long overseas work trip, and his significant other flew with him.
When he went away, he texted me “enjoy the empty house, Amanda will be coming back on the 20th” (when he returns on the 22nd).
I thought to myself ok that’s a bit odd but it’s just 2 days, let’s see. She came back and the next morning I went to work only to come back and be greeted with loads of dishes in the sink, on the countertop, food outside, trash in random places, and lights turned on for no reason and she wasn’t home.
I planned to talk to him once he got back. He got back and she remained here, even when he was at work. She slept here, washed her laundry here, showered, everything. She’s basically living here.
She took control of a shelf in the bath with all of her lotions, and her disgusting hairbrush just sits there in the shower.
On Sunday he told me he’s planning to duplicate a key for her and asked if I would like one as well.
I confronted him and told him this wasn’t our agreement, she is basically living here and this isn’t her house, it’s yours but it’s also mine.
I understand their need to be together but he’s not living alone and cannot decide on such an arrangement without asking me. He said she lives 1-1.5 hours away by car and when she’s on break between semesters she’s at his place (his place being his parents’ place, he was living with them before we moved in together), and she has a job at a local restaurant.
I told him it’s not my responsibility to cater to the fact she lives far and wants to be with you during her breaks, and that this is not a hotel. I told him that there’s a difference between “I want her to come over” and “I want her to full-on live here from time to time”.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nope, nope, and nope. Just because she is working nearby doesn’t allow him to make a unilateral decision to move her in, especially without consulting you. Your agreement is to live with him, not the two of them. She shouldn’t even be in the apartment if he isn’t there.
She’s already a disrespectful and grotty guest, and that won’t improve if she moves in. Don’t let him give her a key either – keys are for residents only. Did he mention if she would pay rent and bills, or is he expecting that the two of you will cover her costs and clean up after her as well?
What was his reaction when you confronted him about this? If you are on the lease for the apartment, check the conditions for rules about guests. Also, why don’t you have a key?” Pure-Philosopher-175
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Absolutely not. No, he does not get to essentially move his significant other in without discussing it with you.
Having his significant other over sometimes and having her basically living there are wildly different things, especially when she’s being inconsiderate of the space. She should not be making messes and not cleaning them up, she should not be just claiming spaces as hers without asking.
I don’t think the two of them should have even assumed it’d be fine for her to stay there when he wasn’t there (literally out of town). I get it, when you’re in a relationship bubble, it all seems okay. But when you’re living with other people you owe it to make sure they are comfortable with the things happening.
One of the perks of a roommate having a significant other is that sometimes they go over there and you get the place to yourself.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. Been there and done that twice. 2nd time had their partner get on the lease so 1 of the 2 of them would be liable for her share of the rent plus on the hook for any damages done to the apartment.
Actually didn’t have issues 2nd time it happened. He was a cool dude and understood that if he has keys to the apartment then he needs to be officially on the paperwork.” WinEquivalent4069
11. AITJ For Being Mad At My Parents For Letting My Sister Skip A Grade But Not Me?
“I (14F) have a sister who is also (14F). I have a June birthday, so I’m one of the younger ones in the grade. My sister, Eliza, has a September birthday in the same year. (We aren’t biologically sisters, I’m technically her cousin genetically.) So while I’m one of the younger ones in my grade, Eliza is one of the eldest in hers.
She’s a grade lower due to the age cutoff.
We go to a small private school with only one class per grade (about 20-30 kids). The school recently recommended that she be skipped a grade because she’s advanced. My parents jumped at the opportunity because they’ve been trying to convince the school to let her in my grade forever.
I got really upset because a few years ago the school offered me the same opportunity. However, my parents denied it because I was “too young”, but since Eliza has a later birthday my parents see no problem with moving her up a grade.
This made me incredibly mad, and I yelled at them for being hypocritical about who could skip a grade just because of birthdays, I said it was stupid to base our academic abilities on our ages.
I said that they were holding me back but allowing Eliza to move up just because she was older. My parents told me I was being immature over the situation and that I needed to get over it because it wasn’t fair to keep Eliza a grade below me.
I was even more livid when they said that because I meet the qualifications just as much as she does to move up. I could be an incoming junior, but they denied me the opportunity because I’m younger for the grade. However, they want to let Eliza move up to sophomore year, just because she has a birthday right after the cutoff date.
I’ve been giving them the silent treatment for the past few days and now I’m wondering AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m not going to get into Eliza’s behavior except to say your parents should nip that teasing in the bud. As for your grade-jumping dilemma… Sorry but I agree with them.
There is more to consider than the capability to do the work. There would be a 2-year gap between you and many of the other children, developmentally that’s huge and should be taken into consideration. Eliza is only going to have a 1-year gap between her and the oldest person in the grade, that’s far more manageable.
I know it doesn’t seem like it at 14 but trust me 16 year olds aren’t even remotely similar to you anymore. A gap of 2 years as a teen is huge and the need to ensure you are intellectually stimulated needs to be measured against the risks posed to your social development.
The way you described your behavior in your post leads me to believe your maturity is normal for your age but not advanced enough to have your peers be learning to drive while you still can’t go to an M15 movie.” throwAWweddingwoe
Another User Comments:
“Hear me out, OP. You are the perfect candidate for “living well is the best revenge.” It’s obvious you will always be treated like a second-class citizen no matter what you say so say nothing. Tell them nothing about your revenge to live well.
Just grey rock your entire family while you are still relying on them. Extract as much as you can from them for as long as you can (housing, car, phone, insurance, tuition, etc). Do exceptionally well in your studies to get as many scholarships and grants as possible.
If you work, squirrel away all your money somewhere that your parents can’t see or touch. One day you will be well prepared to leave the nest and never look back. You will have suffered and sacrificed and worked hard for everything you have so you will know for certain you will never have to ask them for anything ever again including love, acknowledgement, and acceptance.
That’s when you will feel above all of this and you will even feel that you are above your parents. It will be worth it. This only works if you never mention this to anyone. You just do it in silence.” shikakaaaaaaa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so sorry – my parents did something similar to me and my brother, their favorite. They told me they wouldn’t let ME skip due to the social issues and being a younger high school student They gladly let HIM skip since he’d been held back twice in other school systems so this caught him up I’m low contact with my parents still 30 years later – that was just one of the many reasons why.
However, I went on to college and grad school and have a great life with my kids. My brother still lives with my parents. Your parents need to stop playing favorites which is easier said than done. I’m sorry this is happening – if they don’t stop they’re creating a solid path for you to not be close to them and in the end they are burning this bridge on their own.” PsychologicalArt2892
10. AITJ For Not Including My Step-Sister In Our Mom's Birthday Gift On A Family Cruise?
“Recently our mom celebrated a really big milestone birthday. Over a year before her big day, she invited all of us on a cruise to celebrate. We are her four bio kids (47F, 45F, 42F, and 33M), our half-brother, our partners and kiddos, our stepdad who essentially raised us, and our step-sister.
Our mom and stepdad have been married for 35 years. He has a daughter (51F) from his first marriage which ended 14 years before our mom married him.
Our step-sister was always really difficult, she was an only child and in our perception was spoiled and acted entitled. She rarely visited and when she did, maybe 3-4 times a year, she was demanding and petulant.
She was in her 20s and we were middle school age and younger.
There was a falling out for a few years in her late 20s between our stepdad and his daughter – they didn’t speak at all. The rest of us got on with our lives – college, marriage, etc. After a few years, our mom tried to be “the peacemaker” and bring them together.
She arranged for them to visit her where she lived, 3 hours away, and made sure there were acknowledgments of birthdays and holidays, made arrangements for her to attend family milestones like weddings, etc.
Our step-sister moved out of state (she lives with her mom and stepdad.) Our mom arranged for mini trips to visit with her.
She has a minor disability and doesn’t work. During this time our step sister never showed any gratitude or appreciation for what our mom was trying to do. She rarely wanted to be included in family gatherings (but would complain if she wasn’t invited).
Fast forward to the family cruise (which my mom was paying for.) We, her bio kids, wanted to do something really special. We all chipped in for a very generous gift card to a spa/retreat. She has always been there for us and has been generous in helping when needed. She really deserved something special.
The first night of the cruise we presented her with individual cards and our gift. Later that evening our stepsister railed on our brother (her half-brother) for not including her. She ranted that she was so embarrassed and humiliated because she wasn’t included (she didn’t even bring a birthday card).
In all honesty, we hadn’t even considered her because she was rarely interested in participating in any of our “family” events and besides this was our mom.
So, AITJ because we didn’t ask if she wanted to be included? (She showed up empty-handed, not even a cheap birthday card.) As a side note-she has never acknowledged any of us – birthdays, etc. Once in a while she will “like” one of our posts on social media but has never reached out otherwise.
Essentially she really doesn’t give a flying leap about any of us – not even her dad. We really believe she maintains the minimal amount of communication with him to stay in his will.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pretty entitled to get invited to a birthday cruise and come without any gift at all.
She could have reached out to you and asked if there’s a group gift or she could have bought something on her own. However, it’s not your job to ensure she doesn’t come empty-handed. Maybe you can try to leave her behind on an island!
Just kidding. But it must be annoying to share a table with her all the time.” Playful_Robot_5599
Another User Comments:
“Your stepsister is a grown woman who couldn’t be bothered to bring a birthday card for a milestone birthday cruise that she got to go on for FREE!
The nerve of her for lashing out. It’s not your job to remind her of simple etiquette. Did she think you all would show up empty-handed? Look, you could have contacted her to make sure all the bases were covered in doing something nice for your mom but since she’s never made the effort, I can see why you didn’t.
And in the end – as a middle-aged woman who’s seen enough sunsets to have developed manners, there’s no reason why she couldn’t have reached out to one of you to ask what the gift plans were. NTJ but she sure as heck is a big jerk.” Same-Secretary7005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get why you didn’t ask if she wanted to be included. In all the long years of your family’s relationship with this woman, she has chosen over and over again to keep her distance and made trying to include her a no-win situation.
So, by the time this milestone bday came around you all had thoroughly learned your lesson. Once again, she made herself the victim and I get being completely fed up with this dance. None of you are in the wrong for being done with her as much as you’re able to and just being civil for your stepdad and mom’s sake.” Global_Look2821
9. AITJ For Not Inviting My Bully To My Wedding?
“My (27f) fiancé (29m) and I are getting married in August. It is a tiny ceremony with only my parents and his two closest friends in attendance.
We are then holding a party a couple of days later, where the wider family is invited to come and celebrate with us at a local venue.
We have struggled a bit with the guestlist – his mother isn’t invited, and various other people who we either don’t like or don’t really speak to.
It’s not exactly an exclusive event, but we have prioritized the people we care about most. It’s not a huge venue, so we can’t invite everyone.
The issue is that my eldest cousin’s partner bullied me when we were teenagers. We were best friends since nursery, but when we started secondary school, she (for no reason I am aware of) told me she didn’t want to be seen with me anymore.
I don’t want to go into detail about it, but her bullying caused me to have an eating disorder so severe I was taken to the hospital and received treatment. She made horrible comments about my body and got other people to join in as well.
This went on for years. After we left secondary school, it stopped.
I have seen her a few times since – I have not made conversation, but given her a polite nod and left it at that. She hasn’t tried to talk to me and she has not apologized. I know it may be silly to hold onto something that happened so long ago but I still receive therapy today for the issues caused by the bullying I experienced.
I have not invited her to the party, as I don’t want anyone there who has said those kinds of things about me and done the things that she has done. My cousin has unfortunately said this means he will not be coming. This also means that my aunt is very upset and feels we are being unreasonable and she is also threatening to not come unless we extend the invitation to her as well.
My family does not know everything she has done – they think it is just “silly teenager bickering”, but it was so much more than that to me.
I am feeling really conflicted about it as I do want my cousin there, he is one of my favorite family members and does mean a lot to me.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I suck it up for one day and let her come? I know it may be silly, but I just don’t know what to do. My dad thinks if I don’t want her I shouldn’t have her there, as it should be about me and my (soon-to-be) husband.
My mum wants me to keep the peace and keep the family together on what she feels is a very important day. I just don’t know what to do. My fiancé says it is entirely my decision as the experience is mine and therefore it could only be my decision.
Am I being a jerk by not inviting her? Should I cave and let her come to keep everyone happy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I guarantee you would regret her being there more than you’ll regret your cousin (and even your aunt) not being there because they support someone who was so horrible to you.
This is your day and your party. You do not have to invite anyone who would dampen that. Look, your fiance apparently doesn’t want his mother there and you’re supportive of that choice! Completely NTJ. Enjoy your party!” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
If someone shouldn’t be surprised not to be invited to the wedding it should be the girl who bullied the bride. If she had any shred of decency left, she should tell your cousin to go without her. If your cousin and your aunt care so little about you it’s just right if they stay away.
I don’t know if you want to do this, but maybe have them know that what she did was a lot more than “silly teenagers bickering”. Let them decide for themselves if they are decent people. If not, you shouldn’t miss them.” Reasonable-Pear9122
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Congrats on your special day! This is absolutely about you and what you want for YOUR day. I love your dad and fiancé supporting you with this decision. If this woman had made an attempt to apologize and repair the damage she did to you, even then I would say you are justified to not invite her.
Does your cousin know how she treated you? I’m not saying you need to end his relationship, because that could go poorly, but if he is close with you, you might be able to find a way to communicate why you don’t want her there.
It’s not like you’re saying she will never be welcome at any family event. You just want your most cherished loved ones there on your big day. Not someone who gave you an eating disorder and never apologized or made an effort.” gwendalf_lurks
8. AITJ For Being Upset That My Dad Won't Fund My Salon Like He Did My Sister's Preschool?
“5 years ago, my sister (25 at the time) decided she wanted to open a preschool. My dad was completely on board, helped her pick out a piece of land, bought the land, got her set up with a modular building company, paid for the building, donated supplies, and paid for everything for the first year.
Every year his company donates thousands of dollars to her school. They provide backpacks, lunchboxes, and water bottles to each of her students every year, they donate food on special occasions, they fund graduation every year, and they provide teacher gifts for Christmas and end of the year.
She talked about wanting to expand and his company donated a whole building and new playground.
I (27f) want to open a salon. I asked my dad to help me open it like he did with my sister’s school. He recommended I spend a few more years working then he’ll consider it.
I reminded him that he helped my sister when she was 2 years younger than me but he said it’s different because she started babysitting at 11, working at a swim school at 13, started working with preschoolers at summer camps by 15, and got a job as a preschool teacher fresh out of high school.
He also said she had a good understanding of how the business would work and had great ideas for location and specialization to attract parents.
I told him I do have good ideas but he’s just not willing to listen and invest half of what he did on my sister in my business.
He said the only way he’ll reconsider is if I get at least an associate’s in business, get a job in my field and keep it for 3+ years, and save at least half of the start-up costs. All of this has to happen within 4 years.
We got into an argument and I called him a jerk for supporting my sister and spending tens or hundreds of thousands on her business but either refusing or making me jump through hoops for me to get half of what she got. He says I’m being ungrateful and unrealistic and can’t expect something just because my sister has it.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your father gave your sister the money because he had years of evidence that she had the experience, education, and staying power to be successful with the investment. He’s simply asking you for similar evidence to reassure him that you have the skills and knowledge to also be successful in your chosen endeavor.
He’s actually treating you both pretty equally and honestly, any inequality is in your favor because she provided more than 7 years of evidence while he’s asking you for just 3. That you immediately threw a fit and called him names just proves to him and everyone else that you aren’t even close to mature enough to open and run a business.” ProfPlumDidIt
Another User Comments:
“Did your sister present a plan with complete and realistic financials? Does your plan have detailed financials showing realistic projections for the first three, six, nine, and twelve months, and then for every 12 months for ten years? If so, are the numbers broken down so they can be double and triple-checked by third parties for confirmation?
Did you complete a feasibility study with a detailed market analysis, including competition, potential partners, and demographic information? Is there a second or third-generation space available, or will the salon be a brand-new, first-generation build? A preschool and a salon are vastly different business models, pulling revenue and facing risks from far different sources, and the beauty industry is incredibly competitive.” KRGDavid
Another User Comments:
“Have you ever worked in a salon? Do you have a business plan, is it all squared away? To be honest, there must be some information missing because the impression we get from reading is you sound like you’re in a competition with your sister.
It also makes me think of people who open a restaurant because their family tells them their Sunday roast is good, and are all surprised when they go bankrupt 6 months later.” No-Explanation-6431
7. AITJ For Detailing My Husband's Car As A Surprise?
“My husband has a car and it is his baby.
He details it every so often and only takes it out on special occasions like anniversaries and such. Our anniversary is coming up and he had been away for work for a while so I thought it would be nice if I detailed his car as a surprise.
I did my research and pulled out all the stops doing everything I’ve seen my husband do while working on the car. I blew out all the hard-to-reach spots, I vacuumed, treated the leather, waxed, and polished the outside. When I was done the car was looking like new and I thought just how my husband would want it.
When he got home and saw the car he freaked out. I basically got interrogated. What kind of wax did I use? What did you put on the leather? He also complained that it smelt different, more fruity and feminine. I burst into tears and we didn’t end up celebrating our anniversary at all.
I know my husband is very particular about his car so I was so careful but still feel like I didn’t deserve that reaction.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you know how particular he is, you should have never touched it, especially when he wasn’t there.
It would be one thing if you offered to help him and learn what he actually used, but your “research” could lead you to products or techniques he would never use.” keesouth
Another User Comments:
“Look, NTJ for trying to do something nice but from your description?
The detailing is a hobby for him so keep in mind in the future that you doing this is taking away his hobby. I know a few people who detail their cars as a job and it’s relaxing and a way to unwind for them.
They have everything down to a fine art the way they want it done and wouldn’t let anyone else (even a professional) near their car. It’s ignoring those facts that make this a YTJ.” lynfaix
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ…my husband knows cars.
I would never do something to his car without his permission. They do use certain brands for certain things. And only they know what they use because I would not be paying attention. While I think it was a nice gesture on your part, you do not touch a vehicle enthusiast’s car.” Worth-Season3645
6. AITJ For Telling My Mom's Husband To Stop Blaming Me For Her Past Actions?
“My mom has a messy history and gave me a very messy history as a result.
Background on my mom: She was married for over 11 years. They had trouble having kids.
Turned out the husband had a very low sperm count (I think that’s the right terminology). They tried IVF and other fertility help but my mom couldn’t get pregnant. They were depressed. Her husband didn’t want to use donor sperm to have a kid. He didn’t want to raise a child not genetically his.
So my mom decided she would find a “donor” behind his back, aka she was unfaithful to him, with guys that apparently looked enough like him so she could pass the kid off as his. She confided in her sister, my aunt. It was three guys, one night stands with each, all of them had the same physical characteristics as the husband.
He was overjoyed when she got pregnant and then my aunt told him the truth. He’d had doubts but felt bad about accusing her of being unfaithful but hearing it was enough for him to say he wanted no part of this. They did a DNA test anyway because there was a chance I was his but I wasn’t and he divorced my mom and did not take any kind of role in my life.
My mom never got over her ex. She has loved him all this time and I’m 17 now. I have met her ex. She set up these circumstances for him to see us in the hopes he would fall in love with me. But he never wanted any part of it and then he got married again and actually had a bio kid (apparently confirmed with DNA).
Then when I was 11 my mom got remarried. She doesn’t love her husband, I’m not even sure she really likes him. She’s trying to get over her ex. Her husband knows this. He also knows she was unfaithful to have me. And he hates it and I get the brunt of it.
He’s always such a jerk to me. He acts like I wanted to meet Mom’s ex and be paraded in front of him like some sort of doll. He gets annoyed when I ask my mom for any info on the guys she was with (I would like to know who my bio father is).
He gets annoyed that Mom put her ex on my birth certificate. He hates that I have the ex’s last name. He brings these things up so much. As well as telling me I should be nicer to Mom because when she mentions her ex I tell her she should get past it.
Mom’s husband was in such a bad mood Friday because my mom found out her ex and his wife and kid moved away. He told me that I should change my name and birth certificate now and stop holding onto some random guy’s info. I told him I’m 17, and that’s not something I can change yet, it’s up to his wife.
He told me I’m always so difficult and always rubbing his face in it. He told me I could try being more understanding. I told him he could try growing up and not being such a jerk to me when I don’t have control over what my mom does or has done in the past. He told me I have no right to speak to him, an adult, like that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Maybe you said it in a rude manner, but your message is valid. He should stop hounding you for things you didn’t choose. Sounds like he is taking out some of his resentment towards your mother on you. Your mom needs a therapist. None of these things are normal, and I am sorry you were subjected to this life scenario.
If you have a chance, when you’re 18, try to move out, be it for college or living with roommates. All of this is so damaging. You didn’t deserve it. NTJ.” LiquidApril
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and Mom were a package deal and her new hubby should have accepted that before he started seeing her.
I would not have advised any guy to see your mom, for many reasons. However, any random adult guy has free will and can make that mistake, if he chooses. What a guy can’t do is get seriously involved with a woman and then expect her to change.
All this drama results from the fact that her new hubby can’t accept your mom’s past, and therefore can’t accept you or your mom for exactly the people you are. So he either should have never seen your mom, or he should change his attitude, as what he’s upset about is his own feelings.
That’s not a valid reason to crap on other people if the life you chose for yourself is not the life you wanted.” Southern_Boat9193
Another User Comments:
“First of all, I am truly sorry that you are in the middle of a situation that you didn’t start, your mother did and all 3 of you need therapy.
Is there any way you could talk to one, even a school counselor? I know it’s hard but you have 1 year before you can legally do anything, ie move out, change your name, or do whatever you want so at least that is something to look forward to.
My mom got remarried when I was 12 and my stepdad was a horrid little man. I was unwise and got pregnant at 17 and married at 18 to get out of my house but I don’t recommend it. I went low contact with help from my husband’s family and they became my parents and loved me like my mom never did.
What about any friends’ parents that you feel comfortable with? Maybe talk to them. When my kids were in high school, I took in a couple of their friends who were going through rough times, of course I arranged it with their parents first, but it helped both the parents and the kids to gain perspective on their own lives.
I wish you nothing but success and I hope things work out for you!” CaseyDanoClark
5. AITJ For Being Affectionate With My Wife In Our Home, Making My Mom Uncomfortable?
“My mom is an unusual person. She’s stoic, awkward around most people, and barely interacts with people she doesn’t find interesting. She wasn’t an affectionate parent. She finds a lot of things embarrassing and uncomfortable.
On the other hand, for people she does like, she’s childish and immature.
She needs to be babysat by every man she goes out with.
My wife is the exact opposite of my mom. She’s warm, kind, affectionate, intelligent and mature.
My mom and her fiancé came to our house for a visit. They were supposed to stay for two weeks.
My mom pulled me aside and told me to stop making her uncomfortable.
Basically, my wife and I are affectionate people and we’re often overlapping limbs, hugging, talking to each other, and sharing food. My wife says I’m touch deprived which is why I’m clingy.
It’s all PG.
My mom said it made her embarrassed and uncomfortable and I should stop. She also expressed uncomfortableness at my wife’s presence in the house.
We got into an argument and she called me a hypocrite for policing her behavior in the past but not changing mine.
I don’t see why I should police my perfectly PG behavior in my own house or my wife’s? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s uncomfortable with your wife’s presence in the house you share with your wife? Wow. That says it all.
Seems like your mother is one of those mothers who has mother/son issues. It is really deeper than the two of you are affectionate. Mom needs to understand you have transitioned to adulthood and let go. This is her issue, not yours. Some distance is in order.” LouisV25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ look I get where you are coming from. While my mom isn’t nearly that bad she does messed up things but at the end of the day, she is my mom. That’s honestly why it hurts more. But from your comments, it looks like your relationship with your mom is more of a negative influence on your life than a positive.
You should really consider no or low contact. I think it’s concerning that you haven’t mentioned your wife’s thoughts in all this. It’s one thing for your mother to ask for certain behaviors to be toned down. Your mother has essentially asked you to remove your wife from HER OWN HOUSE because she is uncomfortable.
This is insanely disrespectful. You honestly should have made her leave. Allowing your mother to disrespect your wife to that extent may damage your relationship if it is a reoccurring issue.” exhauta
Another User Comments:
“It almost sounds like this is a made-up post. You’re right, your wife is an angel if she puts up with being disrespected in her own home by your mother and you not standing up to your mother like an adult man.
You are allowing your mother to manipulate you, and treat your wife as if she is an interloper in her own marriage. At some point, you’re going to need to tell her that this is you and your wife’s home and that if she wants to stay with the two of you, she will have to be more respectful, and let the chips fall where they may.
You don’t have to tell her to stay at a hotel, but you do need to man up and tell her what your expectations are if she’d like you to stay with you, out of love and respect for your wife.” AlbatrossSea3713
4. AITJ For Separating My Finances From My Husband Who Constantly Loans Our Money To His Family?
“My husband and I have been together for over nine years and separating our finances never occurred to me until this past year.
I’m the saver and he’s the spender. In the beginning it didn’t bother me because we had two incomes and weren’t rich but lived comfortably.
His family has always “borrowed” money from us but rarely ever paid that money back. I personally don’t lend money not even to family but I do not stop him from lending to his.
A few years ago my husband was in a bad car wreck and can no longer work so I became the sole breadwinner. He now gets disability but that was a four-year process. In that time we dwindled our savings to nothing and came close to losing everything.
Our debt mounted and there was nothing I could do.
When he received his back pay I only asked him to pay off his vehicle, a loan in which I’ve paid over 50 grand on in the last few years and put some in savings.
He did neither.
Instead, he spent the money. Loaning over 10 grand to his family and paying nothing towards the debt we created.
During this time I was able to save some money from my paycheck but not much and had plans to pay some debts off once I had enough saved. He knew I was saving to do this.
About a month ago I noticed over 700 missing out of our savings and I asked him what happened!?! He replied with I loaned it to my parents. I asked when he was going to receive it back because that money was already spent and I needed it.
He said I don’t know when they can afford to.
I blew up and lost my cool. He didn’t ask me, we didn’t speak about it. He did it behind my back because he knew it would make me mad and I would say no if he asked. We had a huge fight.
I figured after that fight he would stop. But no…
Yesterday I checked my account and another thousand dollars was gone. Gone where you ask? He gave it to his parents. I’m so mad I see red.
I flat out told him that as of today I’m done with his parents.
I’ll pay half the household bills and buy our food and that’s it. If he wants to lend all his disability to them fine but I’m not gonna go work my butt off 60 hours a week so he can keep giving our money away.
So AITJ for going to the bank and withdrawing all the money I put there and opening a new account he doesn’t have access to?
He seems to think I am and says that I should want to make his parents happy. I would like to see them happy I just don’t want to pay for that happiness.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should have done that way sooner if he is like that with money.
It seems like he has no sense of how to handle money and no idea of what happens if you are in debt. Sounds like he has this from his parents/family – as they also always borrow money and never pay it back. Separate your finances and also review your relationship, if your husband thinks so little about you that he put his family way above you.” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if he’s at the point where he’s comfortable taking money, then he is comfortable racking up credit cards and tanking your life together. Check your local laws and see if marital debt is shared. As for the way forward your marriage will only survive if he puts your finances first. Right now he is perfectly content letting you starve if it means he can fulfill his parents’ request. Two things need to happen.
Marriage counseling and a meeting with a financial advisor. He may also need individual therapy to cut the financial cord. You also need to take a good hard look at yourself. What are you willing to put up with? What is your breaking point? Do you keep hitting your breaking point and still stay?” DubiousPeoplePleaser
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but op, is the account you made in the same bank or a different one? You shouldn’t have the account in the same bank because there have been instances of spouses who are being financially abused (which I would say you are) creating a new account, separate from their spouse, at the same bank they have their shared account in and the abuser gaining access to the account.
If it’s not at a different bank than his account, create a new account at a different bank and cancel all pre-existing credit cards in your name and any that you share with him.” No-Understanding9745
3. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Compensate Me For Babysitting Her Kids Frequently?
“I (23F) live an hour away from my family. My sister, Sarah (29F), is a single mom with two kids (4 and 7). She’s been asking me to babysit a lot recently, and it’s gotten to the point where she expects me to drop everything and come over multiple times a week, often with little to no notice.
Last week, she asked me to babysit on a Friday evening, but I already had plans with friends that had been made weeks in advance. When I told her I couldn’t, she blew up at me, calling me selfish and saying that since I don’t have kids, I should have no problem helping her out.
I suggested she hire a babysitter, but she insisted she can’t afford it and that family should be there for each other.
After this argument, I decided to set some boundaries. I told her I would only babysit if she compensated me for my time, given how frequently she’s been asking.
She went ballistic, accusing me of being a heartless sister who cares more about money than family. Our parents got involved and, despite knowing how much I’ve already helped, sided with her, saying I should support her unconditionally because she’s struggling.
I understand Sarah is going through a tough time, and I genuinely want to help, but babysitting multiple times a week for free is exhausting and disruptive to my life.
AITJ for asking for compensation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You know Sarah is the one who decided to have 2 kids. She can take care of her own darn children herself. Or you know… Hire a babysitter. Oh wait that would require payment, and not looking for someone to be a free babysitter.
Your oh-so-loving doting parents could also babysit for their precious angel daughter. But LOL I doubt it. People loooove to preach and scold about selfishness when they won’t extend the olive branch themselves. You’re not their mother, and Sarah can find someone else if her away time is oh so precious to her.
Go out and have fun with your friends!” sunlightofourpast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Multiple times a week and for free!? And last minute too!? You’ve been more than generous already. If you’re done, just tell your sister that and your parents too. But if you’re not completely burnt out then maybe: I suggest you make a deal with your sister.
Tell her you’ll help her out/times a week, say two. Set how many hours each time. Tell her that’s it. If she needs more babysitters for other days/times your parents can step up since your sister needs “unconditional support” because ”she’s struggling”. Set your per-hour rate too of course.
If you feel like it, you could still give her free babysitting one of the days, but I’d be careful doing that. She’s already shown she’ll take advantage if given the opportunity, so tread carefully. And hold your boundaries. Good luck.” Global_Look2821
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, not sure even money would convince me to babysit for someone who made such nasty accusations at me when I wouldn’t cancel my own plans to babysit for her. Why should her plans take precedence over yours? She’s not satisfied with you babysitting for her multiple times per week, she also expects you to give up your own social life so hers can take precedence?
I don’t think so. Your parents are equally disloyal to you, telling you to let her walk all over you like that when they are not the ones doing the babysitting. It’s as if they think her life is more important than yours.” Reasonable-Sale8611
2. AITJ For Wearing Shorts And A T-Shirt To Our Daughter's Kindergarten Graduation?
“I (38) was about to leave to drop our daughter (6, call her Betsy) off at school, her kindergarten graduation (it’s really a promotion ceremony, but they’re calling it a graduation, semantics) was later that morning.
I was going to have to wait at school for about an hour in between drop off and the ceremony because it didn’t make sense to come home. I was wearing shorts and a T-shirt. As I was about to get out the door, my partner (41, we’ll use the name Kelly) said “oh, are you coming back?” I said, “no, I’m staying there, it doesn’t make sense to come back.” Kelly said “That’s what you’re wearing?
I’d rather that you wear a collared shirt. The shorts are ok I guess, but we’re going to be taking pictures and I want you to wear a collared shirt.” I said, “it’s a kindergarten graduation, not a high school one.”
There is no dress code imposed on the event.
Kelly made another snippy comment and I decided to grab a collared quarter zip, so I put that on and came back downstairs to take Betsy to school. As I came back downstairs, Kelly kept hounding me, saying “there are going to be people there in suits and ties, is that really what you were going to wear?” I didn’t really know how to respond so I just said “OK”.
I prefer shorts and a T-shirt because that’s what I’m most comfortable in (Kelly insists I’m autistic, a blend of Sheldon Cooper and Adrian Monk) but I’ve never been evaluated, maybe it’s a texture thing?). I understand there are certain events (high school graduations, weddings, recitals, etc) that require slacks and a nice shirt at a minimum, and I follow suit when needed, I just don’t think a kindergarten graduation meets that threshold.
Kelly is furious with me and has been snapping at me since. This is not the first time that this type of conflict has taken place. We go to couples therapy and this will be a discussion topic next time, but I just want to pulse the community, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think this situation is severe enough to use the word jerk for anyone, but…I think you could have been less casual about an event that meant a lot to your partner. On the note of the texture issue, maybe a solution for the future is for you to find dressier clothing that is softer/more comfortable.
I know Lululemon has very soft dress shirts, I’m sure there are other brands similar. You could also wear an undershirt so the fabric isn’t directly on your skin. Maybe a way to repair the argument is to ask your partner to go shopping with you to find a good compromise outfit.” Prudent_Fold190
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Ignore the dress code – your partner and the mother of your child asked you to wear something nice so you could take cute family photos together. Regardless of what the event was, it’s not a difficult request. I’ve asked partners to dress up for NO particular reason besides wanting us to look nice for a date and they’ve done it with no hesitation.” MmeSkyeSaltfey
Another User Comments:
“When I was a kid, my older cousin’s family would sometimes come to our school events like school plays and concerts and whatnot. And they always dressed in jean shorts and NASCAR tee shirts. Every time, I was embarrassed to take pictures with them.
I couldn’t say anything because not my immediate family, but my family dressed nice (not full-on suits, but collared shirts and dresses/skirts) and theirs just did not care at all so half of the photos we took were never seen again. Maybe there’s not a dress code for things like this, but it took like no effort at all for us to dress nicely for my and my siblings’ special occasions, and that’s like one of those unwritten social rules that’s super easy to go along with.
All that aside, she’s definitely asked you to be conscious of this before, and you’ve ignored her again, so I understand her frustrations on that alone. YTJ.” fridaymourning37
1. AITJ For Rejecting My Mother-In-Law's Heirloom Necklace Gift For My Daughter?
“My (27F) daughter turned three last month and my mother-in-law (72F) was planning to give her an expensive necklace that had been in her family for almost 100 years.
According to her, it belongs to my daughter because it was always given to the first daughter of the first-born son, and honestly, I don’t like the idea that only one of my daughters has something valuable and the other doesn’t (we have a two-month-old daughter too).
So I told my mother-in-law that I appreciated her intention but that I didn’t want to continue with the tradition knowing that in the future it could lead to fights between my daughters, and of course, she was offended.
My husband (49M) said that I should have accepted the gift, and that in the future we could buy a similar necklace for our other daughter, but I told him that it is not the same for me and that I did not want the necklace.
That our 3-year-old daughter would be happier with a 10-dollar doll than with a necklace that is probably worth about 15,000 that by the way she will not be able to wear until she’s at least 18 years old.
Long story short, my husband understood but the rest of his family thinks I was rude to reject a gift with so much sentimental value, but I don’t think that’s the case.
I mean, if they had told me that the necklace was for all the girls I would have accepted it, but they have this stupid rule that it only belongs to the firstborn daughter and that she can’t give it to anyone else. And they put a lot of emphasis on that and that’s what bothers me the most because they act like my oldest daughter is some kind of saint and they rarely pay attention to my youngest daughter.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “The rest of his family thinks I was rude to reject a gift with so much sentimental value, but I don’t think that’s the case.” I agree with them. It’s a family tradition & honoring it would have been the graceful thing to do.
I also suspect that your daughter will be really upset with you when she’s old enough to understand what you did here. “In the future, we could buy a similar necklace for our other daughter.” Your husband’s right if that’s what she wants. Your other daughter may also understand the concept of tradition & not be upset or want to fight with her sister.
Especially if she gets appropriate parental guidance.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I kinda get what you’re saying, but you seem to have an almost, if not completely impossible expectation that everything between your kids is 100% fair or equal, at least monetarily. While maybe your youngest won’t be getting a 15,000 necklace, it’s not like she won’t be receiving anything from the family with some sentimental value.
You’re not being very reasonable here.” applebum8807
Another User Comments:
“It was very rude, plus, it’s not your place to decline. The gift wasn’t to you, it was to your daughter. You should have graciously accepted it and told your MIL that you would put it somewhere safe until your daughter was old enough to responsibly care for it on her own.
What are you going to say if she tries gifting it again when your daughter turns 18? Try to interfere then as well? Or what if she gives it to someone else and your daughter later learns that you intentionally kept her from participating in a long-held family tradition?
YTJ.” PandaMime_421
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