People Try To Open Up In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
18. AITJ For Not Giving My Mom Photos Of Me For Her Scrapbook?
“My (31F) mother (58F) falls in and out of hobbies a lot. Recently she has decided to get into scrapbooking. She realized though that she doesn’t have many “good” pictures of me growing up to put in her scrapbook but plenty of my siblings (37M and 37F).
She asked if I could help her at all with that and I told her unfortunately I couldn’t go back in time, and that if she wanted photos of me she should’ve taken some.
She scolded me and said she was just asking if I “remembered where they were”.
Even if they existed, my parents have moved house multiple times. I’ve never even been to their current house (I’ve been physically disabled since birth) and their current place has stairs and I don’t feel like dealing with that.
But I just know that there aren’t pictures of me.
Even as a kid, I was aware that my family had fewer photos of me than my siblings. My brother and sister each had their photo albums that were filled with photos. So many of them from when they were very little.
Waned a bit when they got older. Many of the photos stopped being in the albums but instead were just in a box. But there were still photos for things all my siblings’ things including birthdays, Boy Scouts, basketball, band practice (and things that start with other letters too).
I remember being 10 or 11 and asking my mom why there was nothing for me and I got shrugged off. Something about just not having the time or energy for it. She does fall in and out of hobbies a lot so I understood but it still hurt little kid me.
As far as I know, my parents have maybe 10 photos of me before the age of 16. Almost all are taken at a distance as part of a larger family photo (so not really photos “of me” in the same way my siblings have photos “of them”).
Those aren’t the only photos of me though.
For a few summers as a kid, my parents would send me to a free “summer camp” for disabled children. When I was 14, one of the volunteers who I had a closer relationship with told me she was moving.
She gave me a simple photo book to remember her by filled with dozens of photos of me and her at that camp. I don’t look at the photos much. It’s often a little hard emotionally to look at them.
But I appreciate that she cared for me enough to gift me them.
My partner (33M) says that what I told my mom is very mean and unfair. That my parents may not have been the best but they still love me and want to include me in their memories.
He knows that those photos exist (he found them when we moved in together and flipped through them) and thinks I should’ve just given them to my mom, or made copies for her, instead of being petty. I don’t want to, though.
Mostly because they’re not her memories of me. They’re my memories with a woman who cared enough to take them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You spoke the truth. You can’t make photos she didn’t take suddenly exist. Your partner needs to accept that you are the one who lived in this situation and had to deal with the emotional aspects of it.
He is allowed to voice his opinion but you get the deciding vote. Does he think that your mother wants photos of OP and someone she doesn’t know together? I would expect she’s hoping that OP can magic up some photos of OP’s childhood with her or the rest of the family and that simply doesn’t exist. OP, please make copies of those photos immediately just for yourself.
All it would take is a burst pipe or a house fire or a million other possibilities and those precious photos would be gone.” latent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You simply told the truth. And you were right – if she wanted more pictures of you she should have taken more.
If she feels guilty because of this simple statement, that is her issue to deal with. And she needs to ask herself why *she* feels that way, not why you commented. As far as the album you do have – that is yours to do with as you wish.
If you don’t want to give it to your mother for her project, that is entirely your choice, for whatever reason you want.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t see how it’s unfair to say that. Maybe a little petty but if she wanted photos she should’ve taken some, especially if it was pointed out while you were a kid.
I know you said you understood but it’s still upsetting you. As for the photos, those aren’t hers that she took so why should she get access to them? Your partner didn’t experience your life, he doesn’t get a say in how you react or how much your parents feel for you.
It’s something people with healthy relationships with their parents say to me all the time “But your dad loves you.” Glad they can think that but kindly butt out.” PatiencePestilence
17. AITJ For Expressing My Discontent About Blended Family Changes In Therapy?
“I’m (16m) currently in family therapy with my dad, his wife, my sister (14) and stepsiblings (10, 9 and 7).
This blended family thing is pretty new still with my dad being remarried for 2 years. My mom died so I only have one home. And I’ll be honest, I was never excited or really into the whole blended family thing.
But I know that’s not my decision.
All three of my stepsiblings have food allergies, two have bad ones. So the way we eat changed a lot. This included places we ate at that were a part of our traditions.
For most of my life, we’d eat at this local noodle bar in town for the end of the school year and whenever we had a school thing (play, graduation, report card, etc) we were not allowed to go there anymore because of the allergies.
Even just with Dad, it’s a no-go. We can’t bring ice cream into the house anymore because my stepsiblings can’t eat it. Only my dad and his wife can prepare food so no more making a sandwich for myself either.
Birthdays have changed. My sister and I can no longer eat at our preferred restaurant of choice because of my stepsiblings and we can’t bring my favorite dish into the house either. So now it’s a place that my stepsiblings love and “is acceptable” for their allergies.
For two years Dad has talked about how glad we are to make all these changes and how family is worth it.
About four months ago his wife noticed my sister and I weren’t engaged with “the family” in the way she thought we’d be.
We didn’t want to talk to her. She also noticed my sister had cut me and her out of some photos of all of us and used just me and her for her room’s art wall. So she and Dad decided we needed some family therapy.
Since we started about two months ago officially there has been a lot of what’s the problem, why are we there, explain the problem. And my dad has also talked about all the good from a blended family and changes were mentioned and he talks about how happy we all are to make them.
Well, last week I got so sick of it and the therapist asked me if I was truly okay with them. And I went off. I said no I’m not. That I hate the changes. That’s unfair. That I never said I wanted my stepsiblings to celebrate my birthday more than I wanted my favorite foods.
These things were decided for me. I said I never would have made that decision because celebrating with them isn’t important to me. I’d rather have a good time with the people I love and enjoy food that I love instead.
And that I hate not being able to make a sandwich or buy snacks after school. I went off for the whole session between a rant and answering questions the therapist put to me.
My dad is so mad at me for doing it and his wife was really upset because her kids heard it.
But she was also upset because she accepted on some level I didn’t want this ever. She’s also kinda mad that I took up a whole session with my rant.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Ugh. Entitled parents. Kiddo, you’re here, asking if you were wrong to use the therapy you were shoved into.
No, sweetheart, you’re not wrong for that, nor for any of your feelings around your stepfamily. It was not your choice for them to join your family, and had your father not pushed this, you likely would not have been as against this.
It’s not your fault you weren’t considered in this life-changing choice. I do not believe you can tell your dad not to date, marry, or whatever. But your dad, likewise, cannot demand that you be okay with choices made without you.
NTJ. And your dad needs to back off unless he wants to lose you and your sister.” Remarkable-Ground-66
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Well, the therapist did what your dad never did, asked you whether you were ok with these changes.
Your dad just pushed his Brady Bunch family blended family nonsense and never asked you once how you felt about it, he instead decided how you and your sister were to feel. That’s not how it works. He must understand now that he has blown it and that is why he is mad that you refuse his fantasy.
What is needed next is for the therapist to explore your father and his new wife’s unreasonable burden they are putting on you and your sister. First, you have to identify the problem before you can fix it, you have identified the problem.
You did nothing wrong here, they did. That is painfully obvious. Now it is up to your dad to fix it.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not one bit. You’ve been through a lot, and blending a family is tough.
Put losing your mom and severe food allergies and it’s even harder. It’s completely understandable to feel the way you do. I think family therapy is the right thing to do if everyone engages, which it sounds like you are.
Maybe you can ask your dad to get you some individual therapy? He’s right that family makes sacrifices, but it sounds like he only expected you and your sister to make them so far. Again you’re NTJ. I hope the family therapy starts to help the situation” Odinallf_ther.
16. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Despite My Mom's Doubts?
“I (18F) am a full-time college student, have a 7-month-old girl, and work part-time to support me and her. Baby’s dad (B) and I are still together, but we’re stuck in places we can’t handle being in anymore.
He can afford enough for us to move out, but no one has accepted us. So we stay at our own houses.
For context, in my house, I stay with my mom, stepdad, grandmother, and 3 siblings (16y-7y). My baby and I are in one room.
Everyone else is crammed.
My mom allowed my GMA to move in with us last winter. Not long after, my GMA’s car broke down and was totaled. Now, she and I share a car which is a horrible situation, especially with me having school, work, and stuff for the baby (appts, etc).
At B’s house, it’s almost the same layout, so that’s a no-go too.
I could move in with my Dad, who’s close to both my work and job, however, I wouldn’t have a car so that isn’t possible.
I can’t afford another one.
Of course, I appreciate the fact that my mom has given me everything I have and hasn’t kicked me out. But that feels like that’s all she cares about. She promised to help me pay for my college but hasn’t put a single cent towards it yet.
I’m only upset because she promised to do that. She also stated she’d help buy food diapers etc for my daughter if I needed them, but she only nags me about when I can’t afford more.
She also has access to my bank account because she withdraws money to pay my bills.
But she also uses my money when she doesn’t have enough for something, and takes it without informing me. She took $50 recently without my knowledge and I freaked (she returned it eventually).
Now my and mom have had a LOT of issues in the past and I’ve been in counseling for 8 years because of them, some of which I’ll never forgive her for.
It’s been hard to keep my room the cleanest when I’m so busy between school, work, and my daughter. I can’t afford to stay up all night cleaning/doing hw because I drive 40 minutes to college and can’t risk dozing off on the road.
My room isn’t in horrible shape but I admit it shouldn’t look like it does; there are clothes on the floor everywhere, my laundry baskets stay full with clean clothes until it’s empty, there are water bottles everywhere, some occasional trash like crumpled paper, plastic, etc. Sometimes I leave my daughter’s bottles lying around for a few days but I make sure to get them cleaned as soon as I can.
When I’ve talked to her about moving out next spring, she says she’d “love” for me to get out and do what I want, but she knows I’d come crawling back once I see how hard the world “really is” and that I wouldn’t be able to afford anything.
She compares my life to how hers was when she was my age. She was kicked out as soon as she was 18 and had to apartment-hop. She went to college about 3 times while raising 4 kids. My life will never be hard because it’s not what she went through.
Both me and B are exhausted, between both of us working to make sure we have what we need for our baby. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t call you the jerk, but I do think you need to be a little bit more realistic about your circumstances, here.
At the end of the day, YOU are the one who chose to have a child while underage, and you don’t have much of a leg to stand on in terms of expecting help from anyone outside of yourself and the father of your child.
Going to school full time and trying to responsibly raise a child is difficult with or without tuition help, and if your living situation is as difficult as you state, it would make more sense to try to work fuller hours and try to get assistance.
A degree can be pursued anytime. You can’t undo the choices you made or the child you chose to have, so it’s time to step up and do what’s best for THEM.” swishy strawberry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Do you not have public transportation?
The logical answer is to move in with your dad. It’s closer to both your work and school so you can either walk or take public transportation. That way you can spend the extra time cleaning up after yourself without worrying about falling asleep at the wheel.
It’s not healthy for a baby to live in a mess like that. You can also have your baby’s pediatrician changed to someone closer to dad’s house. Maybe mom planned on paying for college but then life happened. GMA moved in and you got pregnant.
It sounds like mom is having a hard time making ends meet or living beyond her means since she’s been dipping into your savings. As long as Dad is willing to have you, moving in with him sounds like a good idea even if you don’t have a car.” Friendly_Repeat6283
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but a few things here. Are you helping with the bills where you live now? Is it your mom’s car you’re sharing? Is your child’s father contributing? The fact that your mom has access to your $$ is wild to me.
I’d personally move in with your dad. If he has a car maybe he can help you with transportation in exchange for $$ for gas and his time if he’s the one that would take you to work and school.
I’d also look into Uber rates. It might be worth it if you’re closer and won’t have the other stress. I’d say keep things neat and clean though. It doesn’t take that long to clean up.
Better to do it a little each day than to let it pile up. I hope you find a solution because that mess sounds super stressful with everything you have on your plate.” ProtestedTooMuch
15. AITJ For Complaining About My Roommate's Unbearable Odor?
“There are 4 of us that live in this house. I and 2 other roomies were heading to my room to bring my printer to my room.
The dude across the hall from me has had an odor issue since I moved in. Even my landlord apologized for the smell. That was almost a year ago. I’ve tried to be kind in mentioning the smell in the past but he doesn’t seem to do anything about it.
I’ve cleaned the bathroom and kept it up, as that room is closer to the common areas of the house. When I first cleaned our bathroom, the stinky roommate threw a fit and slammed things in the bathroom. I gave it a little while, then went back into the bathroom to straighten it up.
I didn’t make any comments at this point. I wanted to see if it was just adjusting to sharing a bathroom.
Things in regards to the bathroom settled down after that, but there was still a smell in the hallway.
I like to have friends over to hang out. On many occasions, my friends have pulled me aside to ask about the smell. My best friend has even mentioned it was weird, the smell is in the hallway outside my room but stops at my door.
As we walked back to the living room to rejoin the group, I explained I thought it was the roomie across the hall from me as it was similar to the smell that had been in the bathroom when I first moved in.
Over the past year, the smell has slowly gotten worse. Certain things lead me to believe there may be hygiene issues, such as he stopped using toilet paper in the bathroom. Instead, he’s used napkins, paper towels, and notebook paper.
All of which he’s been flushing. When I found out, I informed my landlord in case we had a plumbing issue arise. The landlord said to let him know and he’d get it taken care of and talk to the stinky roommate.
Within the past month, the smell has expanded from the little hallway, between our rooms, into the common areas, and even across the house, to the 4th roomie’s room. Given that I had addressed the issue of the smell a few times over the past year, my other 2 roommates decided to reach out to the landlord on the matter, as it just seemed to get worse.
Before we could message our landlord, the hallway smell changed from a moldy, urine-type smell to smelling like someone had dumped cologne or perfume in the hallway. It was not an improvement.
We immediately messaged the landlord and were informed he smelled it when he was there 2 days ago to pick up rent, and that he told his stinky roommate to address the smell.
Informed him of the cologne smell. He stated he would address it again. This brings us to the question, AITJ. As we were heading to my room, I apologized for the smell. My 2 roommates told me not to apologize and as we were walking into my room, both of them triggered my Alexa saying “Alexa, please help with the smell”.
One quietly, and one louder and laughing. At this point, stinky roomie must have overheard as he stormed out of his room and left the house.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have attempted to speak about the issue properly, apparently, only as a joking comment by your roommates and not as an ill-timed insult to your smelly roommate.
For the sake of well-frayed nerves, however, it might be beneficial to have a direct yet respectful talk with him regarding the issue. But, ideally, there should also be the landlord presiding over the meeting to help guide the discussion.” Barbie_lennox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This dude has some serious mental problems that I’m not sure a simple discussion is going to help. Your landlord needs to kick this guy out. It sounds like he’s possibly urinating in improper locations in the house, and I’d bet he’s collecting those paper products he’s using instead of toilet paper and flushing them.
I know it’s not easy to just find a new place to live, but if your landlord doesn’t do the right thing, it’s likely necessary for your health and safety.” thesailormouth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m curious if the stinky roommate has an issue with his sense of smell.
I was in the Navy and while stationed on a ship my shipmates asked if I could talk to someone who bunked near them because the stench was making them gag. It turns out the person had zero sense of smell.
She had been taking her uniforms that she sweated in all day and putting them back in the drawers that are under her bunk. We talked and I explained she should throw her uniform into the laundry every day. After cleaning all her used uniforms and a good clean out of the drawers the problem was solved. She was completely unaware her wanting to wear uniforms was a problem.” minimalist_coach
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend Move In With Me After A Breakup?
“I’m (21f) live with my parents in a larger house with a lot of family (my grandparents and aunt also live with us, we are all believers that family can and should live together for ease) and I am currently in college and taking classes.
I also work a part-time job, and have a great relationship with my family (sorry if this isn’t important haha) I choose not to live in dorms because of a very traumatic experience involving my old roommates, my family, and friends are aware of this, and how I feel safest having my own space because of it (which we have the means to provide for everyone in the house) and it isn’t something I particularly wish to talk about but it’s made me very paranoid and anxious to have to share personal space with people, especially men (I feel bad about this, I plan to go to therapy to be able to better deal with this new fear and paranoia)
Recently, my close friend from high school (22m) broke up with his partner who he was living with and was kicked out, beforehand he would visit our house on and off to hang out, and had a friendly relationship with my parents and family.
His parents aren’t great, I don’t like them but he would still have a place to go/they never kicked him out. They are bigoted and don’t support his bisexuality so I can understand why he moved out in the first place, but they were never physically abusive (as far as I’m aware) the problem started when he decided, without ever even consulting me of my family, that he was going to try and live with us.
He was fully expecting to move into my room, and sleep on my couch and just. live here
I love him as my friend, but he has made strange jokes in the past about wanting to “marry into the family” and how my parents “loved him as a son already” which I never thought too much about and knew he was well aware of my identity as a lesbian, but I can’t help but feel like this is something unacceptable to try and do out of nowhere, especially with my experience and how unsafe this would make me feel.
When I asked if he was joking and told him no, he got furious and dared to go ask my parents if he could sleep on my couch, to which they said no and that they don’t let anyone live here besides family and pointed out how I was distressed already.
After this whole exchange, he got back in his car and told me I was a bad friend and that he was going to have to go live with his parents who hated him, I feel bad about the situation but also feel like I haven’t done anything wrong and just kept up a strict boundary I’ve always had?
I know my paranoia lately is irrational and again I am seeking help because of it, but the idea of having to share that space every day without privacy and resulting in horrible intrusive thoughts and fear plaguing me makes me feel worse than hurting my friend’s feelings.
Is that bad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No, you are not the bad one and your parents agree with you. They didn’t let him stay. I hate friends who impose instead of asking if you would be OK with it. Even if you love on your own, it is your personal space and you can decide whatever is right for you.
Don’t feel bad about your decision. His guilt-tripping you makes him the bad one. I am glad you stood up for yourself and not be manipulated into acquiescing. He is not a friend.” Equal_Factor_6449
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and even if you didn’t have trauma around sharing your space his behavior would be worrisome.
I wouldn’t be at all comfortable sleeping around someone who’s been making backhanded comments about being married to me. I wouldn’t know what they were planning and wouldn’t be able to let my guard down. So it’s not you, he’s the one who’s being creepy and manipulative” RivSilver.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Let me devil advocate for a minute. To be clear, you are not a bad guy or a bad person for not letting your friend move in, no matter their circumstances. Your friend is likely scared/apprehensive about moving back to their parents, and likely viewed you as a better option.
They latched onto you in the hopes you would act as their savior. None of this is your fault, responsibility, or anything you have to deal with if you choose not to. I’m saying this in the case that a friend comes back with a sob story/explanation of their bad behavior.
Looking at things from their perspective helps to broaden your view of the issue. That does not mean their behavior was appropriate. You live at home with numerous other people. You don’t want to share your space after a bad experience.
You aren’t open to having a roommate and sharing your room, which I suspect may be your safe space. You never have to feel bad for that and I love that your parents backed you up immediately. Your friend overreacted big time and they owe you an apology for their wild assumption, egregious response (including going so far as to ask your parents after you said no), and bad behavior.
Your friend should be the one who feels bad for making a fool of themselves. I wouldn’t want to live with a grown adult who throws tantrums like that regardless of how well I know them.” EJ_1004
13. AITJ For Calling Out My Stepsister's Tantrum At A Restaurant?
“My dad(52M) met my now stepmom, Janet(47F) when I(17F) was 10.
She also brought in my two younger stepsiblings, Mike(13M), and Lindsey(17F). If I’m being honest, I like Janet and Mike. The only person who I never took a liking to was Lindsey, mainly because she’s a brat and it’s gotten to the point where I don’t like being seen with her at all, especially in public.
She will start throwing actual childlike tantrums and will start pouting and being extremely rude to my parents if:
– We don’t go to a restaurant she wants to go to when the rest of us agree on another place.
– We want to see a movie that she hates, even if it JUST came out.
– We use the bathroom (there are two, she just prefers the SLIGHTLY bigger one) when she needs it, even though we ask her if she needs to go beforehand.
My parents say to just let her ride it out and ignore it, but it’s so EMBARRASSING to be seen with this 17-year-old girl who is crying and yelling just because we can’t afford to go to Starbucks, or whatever it is she wants in that current moment.
The situation:
We went to Applebee’s the other day because my parents took us to a local fair and they didn’t want to spend a bunch of money on fair food (and anyone who has ever been to a fair knows how ridiculously expensive it is).
We were already teetering on the edge of a meltdown with her, because of course she didn’t want to go to Applebee’s, but Janet calmed her down and told her she could get whatever she wanted, within reason.
So, we sit down, everything is going well and then the waitress comes over and obviously, asks what we want.
I asked for a cheeseburger with fries, because it was on the cheaper side, but Lindsey wanted this BIG steak and a bunch of sides. Janet tells her to get one side and a smaller steak, and I guess that sent her over the edge.
She started being so incredibly rude to Janet, saying how her dad would let her have it, that she was told she could have whatever she wanted by Janet, even though Janet said to keep it cheaper. Lindsey just kept talking about how she WANTS a bigger steak, she WANTS more sides, all the while this poor waitress is standing there looking nervous.
So, I cut her off and said, “You’re lucky you’re getting anything at this point because you’re acting like a giant ungrateful brat and it’s so freaking embarrassing.”
She just stopped and went quiet, and the first five minutes after were a little awkward, but the rest of the dinner was fine.
When we got home, Lindsey just went straight to her room and slammed the door (as usual when she doesn’t get her way) but my dad stopped me before I went to my room and told me that while he saw where I was coming from, it was a bit of a jerk move to embarrass her like that in front of the other customers and the waitress.
So, was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She already put on a show for the waitress and other customers, I bet that waitress told her friends in the kitchen how you put the brat in her place. Doesn’t it embarrass your father when she acts that way?
Does he not think they should be addressing her tantrums?” Square-Minimum-6042
Another User Comments:
“Uh, how about the fact that SHE was embarrassing your entire family? It’s unfair that you guys have to put up with her embarrassing behavior.
Could you possibly skip out on things like this when there is a possibility she’ll throw a temper tantrum? You said you like Mike so he’s turned out ok. I wonder what went wrong with her. NTJ” bookishmama_76
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was already embarrassing herself. You just pointed it out. Let her pout. Keep pointing it out Point it out to your parents. Do it every time. They should already have nipped the behavior in the bud but they’re tolerating it and they’re not doing her any favors.” Tonka141
12. AITJ For Deciding To Move To The US Under Pressure From My Wife's Parents?
“I (33M) am currently planning to move to the US with my wife ‘Kat’ (30F) and baby from the UK.
Kat is from the US, and her parents still live there. We are planning to move to her hometown to be closer to them.
Kat’s mom has always been very involved in Kat’s life but not in a helpful way. For example, she insisted that we have a child-free wedding, although Kat’s best friend (one of the bridesmaids) had a very young baby.
Kat didn’t want to argue with her mom about anything else (there had already been a lot of disagreement over stuff like venue), her family did pay for a lot of the wedding, and Kat didn’t want me to argue with her mom either so we ended up agreeing.
However, it caused her friend significant trouble.
We decided that Kat would move to the UK after our wedding in 2022 because it was where we met (at university) and spent 7 years together, Kat and I both love the area we live in, and our work is well-remunerated here.
My family are here but are a few hours away from where we live, and we’ve got a big group of friends including my three best friends I grew up with who we see regularly and enjoy hanging out with.
Her family doesn’t like the UK. They make comments like how small the houses are and how far away she is from them etc. It puts a lot of pressure on Kat and therefore me – for example, we ended up upgrading our car to make their last visit better (so we could take them on road trips).
We rent a place near my work but her parents wanted her to live somewhere nice so we ended up going for somewhere on the top end of our budget. Unfortunately, Kat lost her job shortly after we married and hasn’t worked for almost 2 years.
Since she stopped working her parents cover her rent but finances are tight.
I always wanted kids so when our baby was born I wanted to work fewer hours to look after her but haven’t been able to. Kat finds childcare quite stressful so I tend to do a lot of it.
I love looking after her but it is making me tired and I haven’t seen my friends or family much and feel like I have no energy for my usual activities. I’ve gained some weight, don’t sleep well, etc.
After our daughter was born, Kat’s parents have been much more vocal about how they dislike the UK and wish we would move to the US. They’ve said they can help with childcare, finances, and Kat’s job.
Kat has started saying that she’s missing her family and how easy things would be there etc. I don’t personally want to live in the US but with all the pressure I decided that we should move.
When I told my friends and family I wanted to move they were shocked (because I always said I didn’t want to) and are upset because pretty much my entire support network can’t afford to visit us there.
(Kat’s are very wealthy and can and have been visiting us at least twice a year) so they’re saying it feels like we’re leaving them completely and I’ll be at the mercy of Kat’s family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your and Kat’s decision. Her parents could be saying whatever they want to get Kat and their grandchild home. They could also be holding housing and money over you all and using it to keep you two reliant on them and stuck.
This is a huge decision and I hope that decision was made with clear heads and an actual desire to move. If you don’t want to and you and Kat had no plans to move to the US, maybe this isn’t the right move.
If finances were great and you could afford to live comfortably, wouldn’t you be staying in the UK? Why not move somewhere cheaper? Why are her parents dictating your marriage and choices that only you two should make?” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“Her parents are already controlling a lot of your lives. What do you think will happen when you move to them, with no friends or family to support you? I’ve been stateside for 10 months. We discussed and decided together that I would move to the US over her moving to the UK.
Decided together, and I wasn’t pressured into it. I believe that your wife being jobless and that her parents are paying her way means her parents would have to sponsor you. Before you decide you need to look into all the processes to legally live in the country.
It’s not as simple as just marrying a US citizen.” dmeRAPID88
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk. Kat – for allowing the idea of moving to the US even though neither of you want to be there. Kat’s parents – wealthy control freaks who still see Kat as a child OP – for not standing up for your own beliefs and desires.
You should be shielding Kat from negative external pressures, not catering to them OP friends – for lumping on more drama and stress to a hugely difficult situation” goddessariadne407
11. AITJ For Calling Out My Wife For Inserting Herself Into My Brother's Marriage?
“My brother had planned to attend a live concert with his wife for quite some time. If I recall correctly, he bought the tickets a year in advance. Throughout the whole week before the concert, he would keep telling me how much fun they had at the previous concert they attended and how he was looking forward to the next one.
On the day of the concert, my wife and I were visiting my parents when my brother and wife arrived to drop their kids off at my parent’s house. My wife and my sister-in-law started to talk about the concert and how fun it was going to be when my wife asked if we could tag along.
I immediately told my wife that I couldn’t go due to some work-related tasks, but she insisted and said she could go by herself, which I was ok with.
So they looked for the available tickets and there were none in their section.
So she started to ask if any VIP tickets were available, which there were. At that point, my sister-in-law started to berate my brother because he didn’t buy VIP tickets for them. Because of this my brother got upset and said he could try to sell their tickets and purchase a VIP ticket so that she could go with my wife; however, the tickets he purchased were not transferable.
After my brother and sister-in-law argued my brother said that he didn’t want to go anymore and that my wife could take his place.
At that point, I privately told my wife not to go because she would be inserting herself into their relationship.
But she ignored my suggestion, bought my brother’s ticket, and went to the concert with my sister-in-law. When she arrived back home, I called her out for inserting herself into my brother’s marriage but she insisted she had done nothing wrong, and before we knew it we were arguing about this matter.
Soon after my wife called my sister-in-law and they concluded they had done nothing wrong as my brother didn’t want to go after they had argued.
A few days later, I spoke with my brother and he said he had a bunch of problems with his wife before the concert, but that the events that occurred during the concert made everything worse (i.e. his wife preferred to attend the concert with her cousin and not him).
The next day I relayed this information to my wife, I explained that she did nothing wrong until she accepted the ticket and took my brother’s spot. I explained that none of the issues my brother and sister-in-law were going through were her fault, but she made a mistake by attending the concert.
She again insists she did nothing wrong, she claims that my brother offered her the ticket and she simply bought it from him. Additionally, she claims she helped my brother out since he would have lost the money for 1, possibly 2, tickets.
Lastly, she thinks that I’m the jerk for calling her out and creating a huge problem out of nothing.
So am I the jerk? Or am I taking this the wrong way because my brother is affected?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but your wife and her cousin are. That was awkward and your wife should never have invited herself. You are close to your brother and she should respect your opinion on this. It almost seems like she and her cousin wanted it to turn out this way all along, but in any case, your wife is very much in the wrong here.” Auntie-Mam69
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, your brother’s marriage is dead. He married a person who would blow up at him in front of everyone over ticket seats. And you married someone who wants to third-wheel a couple. That’s just wrong.
Your wife and her cousin are both the issue and you and your brother might be better off just getting rid. You can’t help her see she’s in the wrong so she will continue to do this sort of stuff.” goddessspite
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk, your wife is. I guess she is old enough to understand not to invite herself to tag along with a couple who have a date planned. On the other hand, it seems that it was all premeditated. Your brother and sister-in-law were having some issues before this and then all of a sudden your wife invited herself without giving any indication about if she was interested in going before.
Whose idea was it to visit your parents at the same time when your brother was supposed to drop off the kids?” lonewolf369963
10. AITJ For Not Allowing My Son To Get A Pet Tarantula Due To My Arachnophobia?
“Just wanted a 3rd opinion on my situation despite it not being something that is ruining my relationships or anything like that, because I do feel a little bad.
So my (39M) son (13M) has been looking into pet tarantulas recently. He has always been interested in exotic pets and is now wanting to keep a tarantula. He has had other pet bugs before, like roly polies and stick bugs, but I am given to understand that tarantulas can live for many years which is part of the reason why he’s obsessed with them.
The issue I have with this is that I am severely arachnophobic. Other bugs I’m not a fan of either but I can tolerate if he keeps them in his room. Meanwhile, just seeing a tiny spider in a room makes me paranoid and not want to stay there.
Or even a picture will creep me out (jumping spiders are sometimes OK in pictures but still creepy in real life). I am aware that this is an irrational fear. Also before anybody asks, I never kill spiders, I let my wife (39F) or my sons put them outside.
I just don’t think I would be comfortable in the house knowing that such a creature is living with me. For example, what if it escapes? My son has said that tarantulas never have to come out of their cage or be touched, but even if the chances are extremely low they are still there.
But this phobia is my only reason for refusing him. He is a very responsible kid and he would 100% be able to take care of it, I am given to understand they only need to be watered and fed and he has demonstrated the ability to be responsible for a pet before.
We discussed jumping spiders which are a bit more tolerable to me but those have short lives like most bugs so he’s not interested. I told him I was sorry but I would have to veto the idea of getting one.
My wife and my younger son (11M) are on his side (his brother is more just supporting him/also thinks spiders are cool rather than being as invested as he is) but my wife suggested a policy for everybody in the household has to agree with a pet which I 100% agree with, it is not fair to the animal even if it’s just a bug I think it’s better to err on the side of caution and thinking of it as an animal.
He said he wanted one because he “wanted a friend who could be with him for a long time”, which resonated with me, I was introverted as a kid too, and felt less lonely through my weird hobbies, of course, he deserves as much too.
He’s not heartbroken or anything but he still keeps talking about it all the time and trying to change my mind in various ways. Given what he has shown me of the care of them, they are relatively easy to take care of too.
I have no “real” reason to reject this request other than my phobia. My wife mentioned this the other day and said she agreed with my choice but felt bad for him. I do too. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it has nothing to do with your phobia. Being a kid is when we learn about all the different types of relationships. Right now, you are feeling empathy for your son’s challenges as an introvert – something you likely understand from your own childhood experiences.
He has the opportunity in this moment to cultivate his sense of empathy by taking the perspective of a person he loves who is scared and would be hugely uncomfortable if he got his wish. He is also learning that in a house, or any social system, other people will be influenced by his choices as he will be by theirs.
There are lots of ways you can support and encourage your son amid his social struggles which don’t require you to be uncomfortable in your own home and he will have many years to collect as many exotic pets as he wants when he is an adult in his own home.
Now just isn’t the season for a tarantula and dealing with this relatively small disappointment will teach him something valuable about how to contend with situations where he doesn’t get what he wants- there are plenty of those in adulthood as well.” MiddleHuckleberry445
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you have a phobia, you have a phobia. It stinks for your son but you simply don’t bring something into the house that terrifies another member of the house. In my house, for example, three out of four of us want a dog.
The fourth would be miserable with one. We’re not getting a dog.” GopherDog22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a right to live in your house free of fear even if your fear is irrational. They don’t live as long as some tarantulas, but if you are okay with non-spider bugs, has he looked at all centipedes?
Some of the big scrolls can live 10+ years.” qtntelxen
9. AITJ For Not Rescheduling My Wedding For My Pregnant Sister?
“I (25F) have a sister, Ella (28F)
Ella and I have always been close growing up, despite her being 3 years older. We’ve always been best friends, I was her MOH and she’s mine.
Ella is currently 5 months pregnant. She had a rough first trimester, throwing up 3-4 times a day, and always tired. Some days, she couldn’t get out of bed, literally. She had also found out early when she was a month into it because her symptoms were so bad.
She and I live close to each other, and since her husband travels a lot for work, I have stayed with her a lot since I work remotely.
My fiancé and I had originally set the date for July. However, seeing how sick she was, I, along with my entire family, were getting worried, and so after my fiancé and I discussed it, we decided to reschedule the wedding until after she had passed her first trimester (per her doctor, she was supposed to get better.)
I need to add that no one asked this of us, but I felt it was needed.
And thank god, she did get better. She’s eating normally, going out and back to herself.
Seeing this, my fiancé and I talked about our wedding again.
I had always wanted a summer wedding on the beach, but I didn’t want to wait a full year, and seeing winter wedding pictures was slowly growing on me. And so, we decided on a December wedding.
The invitations were finalized last week with the date and were all sent a couple of days ago (yes, it’s early but my man and I all have big families/big groups of friends and colleagues, we need the RSVPS early) Yesterday, I got an angry phone call from my sister asking how can I do something like this to her.
I was honestly confused and told her as much, and she went on to rant about how inconsiderate I was to not wait until my nephew is born, that her being MOH and 8 months pregnant is going to be hard, and that she has already been through a tough time.
I calmly explained to her that while yes, she is MOH, I don’t expect her to go above and beyond. My best friend and she had already planned a girl’s night back when my wedding was in July, so we’re just going with that again (everything is already bought and my best friend will set it up)
I told her that my man and I have also re-booked everything ourselves (flowers, venue, and catering are going to be done by our friends who have their shops and companies) and that I’ll pay to have her dress resized to accommodate her bump.
I’m even taking care of hair and makeup for all my wedding parties, a sort of pamper session where we’ll all get ready together and take pictures.
All she’s required to do is show up.
She’s having none of it and is demanding we reschedule it again until next summer.
I put my foot down and gave her a flat-out no.
My parents called me and asked me to reconsider, saying that I know she’s emotional and hormonal, I told them that’s not an excuse for her to act like a jerk.
Any opinions/advice are much appreciated.”
Another User Comments:
“I would’ve turned it around and asked her ‘How dare you get pregnant in the first place because you knew I had a wedding planned in July’ /s. NTJ, you should not put your life on hold for her pregnancy.
Congrats on the upcoming marital bliss. Maybe she’ll come around in a few weeks, or maybe she is not as close to you as you thought.” thepatriot74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’ve already rescheduled it once. While it wasn’t requested at the time, no one has any right to say you’re being inconsiderate after you previously thought to do it on your own without prompting.
You’ve already booked it the first time & rebooked the new date. Even if you’re using your friends, anytime you change dates affects them too. It might even make the difference between what other orders they have accepted and their income.
So this impacts your friends professionally & personally. All of the other guests are affected by changes too. People may need to ask off work, potentially plan babysitters and travel, and still manage their normal holidays and hours allowed off work.
You’re making the new date as easy on her as possible. Again you have gone out of your way to be considerate. There’s no guarantee how your sister will feel or be able to manage a 6-month-old and her MOH duties.
At this point, she needs to choose whether or not to attend the new date as MOH, step down & attend as a regular guest, or not attend if she’s unwell at the time. Don’t move the new date. Your marriage is about you and your husband, not your sister.
The wedding shouldn’t revolve completely around her either. You’ve been thoughtful and deliberate both times already. You’ve done enough.” Here_IGuess
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ for not considering that the date means your MOH may not be able to attend (for many reasons, early labor notwithstanding) and if she does attend, might find it difficult to stand during the ceremony/will be uncomfortable for the entire event.
I understand why your sister is upset – her position as MOH and her ability to even attend the wedding have been compromised. She is currently in a precarious position about your wedding which is causing her stress. If she wasn’t MOH I would say you were not the jerk.
However, in that case, you would still have to accept that any number of things could happen to make her unable to attend the wedding, and you would have to stand by the fact that your sister’s presence at your wedding isn’t super important to you.
I know that a lot of people are arguing that it’s your wedding and you shouldn’t have to accommodate it for other people. And, sure, most of the reasonable time. But you’re super close to your sister, you asked her to be your MOH, and you were hers… I just think that, for immediate family or the people most important to you, whether or not they can attend comfortably matters.
Also, your sister shouldn’t be demanding you to change the date, that does put her into soft jerk territory, too. But her hurt and upset are valid responses to your decision. She’s hormonal and has been through a tough time, I would give her a little bit of grace in regards to her reaction.
You are important to her. She wants to be with you on your day. I don’t think your sister’s response is enough to push this into an E SH. Since you already rescheduled the wedding so she could be involved, wouldn’t it have made sense to schedule it to a time when she could comfortably attend?” SpiritualWestern3360
8. AITJ For Not Buying My Sisters Expensive Gifts Anymore?
“I am the eldest of 5 siblings (4 sisters and 1 brother) and there is a 10-17 year age gap between my dad’s children with his now ex-wife (3 girls) and myself. Since the day my dad’s kids were born, I have always gotten them gifts (birthdays, Easter, Christmas, and graduations) but my sisters have never gotten me anything which is fine because they were all children.
I was getting babysitting money from watching my mom’s and dad’s kids during the week and weekends so I understood they were not given an allowance to buy it with and my dad would never think to give them money to get me a gift from them.
I never cared that they didn’t get me anything, but I did care that they didn’t appreciate the gifts I gave them. They always wanted expensive things and my budget was 25-60 per sibling and maybe 80 tops for my parents.
My sisters would expect gifts that were 150+ and didn’t care about anything less, they only want brand names.
My partner mentioned this week (since it’s my sister’s birthday) that we should get her a purse from the Coach outlet store since they are only $200.
I told him no I’m not comfortable spending that much on one sister (I would have to get them all the same value from now on). I also told him that lately, I don’t think they deserve any gifts from me anyway.
He thinks that they will appreciate the more expensive things and then might finally reciprocate with me.
The main incident that has stopped me from getting them gifts was 2 years ago. I haven’t been home for Christmas since and probably won’t be going again this year.
2 years ago I went home for Christmas to find my ex-stepmom had been invited as well even though she and my dad are divorced. We did all the gifts and in the end, my dad’s ex-wife decided to ask my sister why she didn’t get me anything in front of the whole family.
She went on about how my sister got everyone else something but not me. And my sister just said “Well I didn’t care to get her anything” and they both laughed like it was the funniest thing they had ever heard.
I laughed too in the moment so they wouldn’t know I was hurt but I went home feeling like I never wanted to see them again.
My sister had recently gotten a job since she was 18 at the time so she had the money but she just didn’t care and that hurt but it also hurt that she thought it was okay to laugh and humiliate me.
My stepmom always disliked me and while she was married to my dad she would tell me on Christmas that my gifts would suck because she only bought gifts for my sisters and my dad was bad at getting gifts.
She would try to make an example out of me that my dad was a neglectful parent because he wasn’t helping her with her kids and would set me up to fail to prove to him he was a bad dad.
I don’t think they deserve me or my time let alone getting expensive gifts. I don’t visit often anymore, just once a year.
Am I just a bitter jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have a similar situation to you.
My siblings on my mom’s side are 6 and 8 years younger than me, and I’ve always been the one to reach out and give them gifts on birthdays and Christmas, while barely receiving a ‘happy birthday’ message from them on mine.
One day I woke up and realized that my sister was 25 and my brother was 23 and neither of them had made any move to have a relationship with me, it’s always me reaching. So I stopped, and frankly haven’t heard from either of them in 2 years.
It’s not your responsibility to give gifts to family who not only don’t reciprocate but don’t appreciate it. Your partner likely just doesn’t understand the dynamic, I wouldn’t factor in his opinion much on this topic.” Spoonthievery
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please stop. Let them be mad. It’s not right for them to just take and take. Write them a card. Your family members are selfish jerks. Save every penny you would’ve spent on gifts for them and buy something for yourself.
Your partner is also wrong and I’m angry that he would even suggest that. Your siblings and stepmother don’t deserve another dime for you. I’m sorry your family is filled with jerks” CrazyCranberry3333.
Another User Comments:
“You might be thinking that you are doing some silly revenge and being petty BUT YOU ARE NOT DARLING.
Life at some point is about giving and receiving, and if these people are not giving you the basics of emotional comfort why would you be obligated to give than some expensive gift or anything at all? I know that is sad to have cut ties and match the energy that they are giving you, but you have to think about yourself, your money, and your mental health.
Some people could suggest that you try to talk with them, but you know what… Only you know how much you suffered and are suffering because of the stuff that they’ve done to you. Be strong and don’t let anyone, especially your family, play with your mental health.” Legitimate_Pop_1997
7. AITJ For Not Doing Chores Without Being Asked While Paying For My Own Expenses At Home?
“I (19F) live at home with my dad and stepmom and their child(10M).
I used to live half and half mostly with my mom because of situations with my stepmom until my mom moved. To start, I work full time at the hospital and have a part-time job I work weekends at. I like to work and keep myself busy and because of past incidents, I like to be away from home as much as possible.
When I am home though, I always clean up after myself, they never have to pick up after me and they don’t pay for anything for me and have made it clear that I have a full-time job and can pay myself, which I have no problem with.
When they ask for help around the house (keep in mind I’m barely home and I’m very busy) I can’t always complete these tasks right away but I do get them done.
Recently we’ve all been getting into arguments about how I don’t just do stuff without them asking such as vacuuming or cleaning the bathrooms etc. I’ve told them multiple times I have no issues doing these things, they just have to ask and I’ll get to it as soon as I can because I’m not aware of what needs to be done around the house.
My brother has absolutely no chores around the house and runs around playing video games all the time. (Meanwhile, when I was 10 I was doing all the same chores I do now). Also recently every time I don’t do something they want they threaten me with paying rent when they’ve clearly said to me “We would never make you pay rent” Now my stepmother has reached out to me (rudely) expressing how we need a family meeting to communicate (which I agree) but then she goes and messages me “Come prepared for the conversation, please.
Google adult working children moving back home and jot down any questions you have for us please.” Once I googled it, it says; “Start by setting a realistic expiration date on their time at home based on their job situation.
Next, make it clear that you’re not their cook, laundress, or maid. Finally, ask them to pay rent regardless of whether you need the money or not.”
I found that very rude because they indeed do NOT get me groceries, they do NOT feed me nor make me dinners or anything, nor do they do my laundry or anything….
I have no curfew because “I own my car and come and go as I please” Therefore it looks like they just want me to pay rent. Also, I do plan on going back to school next September and am working so much to pay for that.
So if they are just going to tell me to start paying rent when I already pay for everything I’ll have no choice then to move out with either my grandparents or maybe my mother but that just makes things very difficult for work.
But at least I’ll be living rent-free!
So am I just the jerk who’s being stubborn, Is it fair for me to just say I’ll leave the house? Let me know if there are things I can clear up!
Our meeting is tomorrow and I’m trying to come prepared”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because they want you to continue to contribute to the upkeep of the house, and I suggest you come prepared with your schedule, and a list of chores that you are able and willing to do, and agree to do them on a set schedule without needing to be asked each time.
You could also come prepared with a list of the chores you were able to do at age 10 and ask that your sibling also be assigned chores that they must do without being asked. Being able to live rent-free is a blessing, and I don’t think they are trying to take that away, they just want you to take on some actual adult responsibility for things instead of them having to ask you and ride your butt about doing things as if you’re still a kid.
Google Emotional Labor and Weaponized Incompetence.” User
6. AITJ For Criticizing My Friend's Social Skills?
“Me and my friend (let’s say Randall) are working adults in our early twenties. Recently, I went to visit him for a week and I stayed at his place. He is kind of socially awkward.
(I am at times too).
I used to point out specific things that I thought he was lacking like looking down all the time while walking and talking. Initially, he was always walking a couple of steps behind me even I tried to slow down and match his pace.
When I asked him about it (and other things) he used to be defensive and said he was never looking down or that it was awkward/gay to walk next to a person. On the later day, he corrected the walking together thing.
I also have a dry sense of humor and he later told me he took those as insults. Like I used to exaggerate when he said something like “What are you five”. I saw him being startled when I first said something like that and then he would smile but I thought he understood that I didn’t mean it.
In the later days, he used to ask the same things like “What are you a kid” which also solidified my assumption that he got them as jokes and wasn’t offended.
One day I was telling him that the way he says “thank you” might come off as rude and he was being defensive again.
( I realize that I could be wrong and maybe I over-read people’s tone and stuff) I thought he could benefit from being aware of how it might be interpreted. When he was being defensive I got annoyed and said he has poor social skills.
He got really mad that I said he has “poor social skills”. He was trying to say something to get back at me. This got into a big one-sided fight where he kept trying to say something about me to make me feel what I made him feel.
I mostly tried to reason with him and said he was lashing out and I wasn’t trying to offend him and I was genuinely trying to point out things that I thought he could improve. Later when he was relatively calm, told me that he got insulted by things I was saying to him all over the week (which I thought we had an understanding as jokes).
He also mentioned I was patronizing, and condescending and I don’t know how to give criticisms without being a jerk about it.
I think this most likely ended our friendship.
The comments he made questioned my behavior. I realize that he can’t be the jerk but I was wondering if I was being a jerk.
I think the answer is mostly yes, but I was curious about other people’s thoughts on this.
I genuinely thought I was helping him out and I always wished I had more people like that who were more candid and direct with like that so I could learn the social skills I lack.
Previously, someone has pointed out to me that I tend to act like I am close with someone when I am not close with them. Is this just a matter of, that we weren’t close enough?
It’s just that he is a good guy and has been a good friend.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, the guy was looking for a friend, not a lifestyle coach. Some people just aren’t going to want their social skills critiqued by anyone and would rather make friends with people who don’t care, especially about little things like eye contact or walking behind others.
Others need to establish a lot of trust with the other person and the time, place, and delivery of the critiques will need to be handled carefully to be taken in good faith.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ While your intentions may have been to help your friend improve his social skills, your approach seems to have been quite condescending and insensitive.
You may have thought that being direct and candid would be helpful, but it seems that you didn’t take your friend’s feelings into account. It’s essential to recognize that people have different communication styles and ways of perceiving things. What might be seen as a joke to you could be taken as an insult by someone else.
In this case, your friend initially tried to communicate his discomfort by saying he took your comments as insults. However, you disregarded this and continued to make similar comments. Additionally, when you told him he had poor social skills, it likely came across as an attack on his character rather than constructive criticism” SensousGrace
Another User Comments:
“A very important social skill for you to learn is that giving unwanted advice is insulting and condescending and people don’t appreciate it. Stop nitpicking and “correcting” your friend. Your friend just wants a friend. He’s not looking for a social skills coach or someone to train him, and even if he was, you wouldn’t be his choice because you clearly have poor social skills as well.
If you would like to try and stay his friend, apologize profusely and let him know you won’t be critiquing him or trying to give him advice unless he asks for it. And then just hang out with him.” NArcadia11
5. AITJ For Defending My Partner Against Her Friend's Partner's Body Shaming Comments?
“So this is going to be a bit long, but details are important. This story includes me(30M), my partner (26F), her friend (30F) who we will name Leah and her friend’s partner(32M) who we will name Adam.
My partner is a pretty fit girl, she has never been overweight, but a year ago she was a bit chubby, and lost 10kgs during the last year eating healthy and lifting weights. (This info is important to the story)
We all had a good relationship between the four of us, I met them through my partner, they were friends of hers way before we got into a relationship.
We got along pretty well so we started hanging out and doing double dates.
In those double dates, Adam started to act weird around my partner, he started making comments about her weight, how she looked sick, that she should eat more, making “this all you gonna eat” comments, etc. My partner decided to ignore him because she didn’t want to make things weird with her friend Leah, so she just brushed the guy off and I decided to ignore him too to avoid drama the first time this started to happen.
Then, this didn’t only happen in person, Adam started to text my girl. He replied to her gym Whatsapp status, telling her that her ribs show and stuff. My partner after receiving so many comments decided to tell him to stop because it was getting uncomfortable.
He told her that if she’s posting pics online she should be able to deal with the comments. She also decided to text Leah about it and told her the situation and she just replied “He’s like that, he can’t keep his thoughts to himself, just block him”.
The dude continued to text my partner despite her telling him comments on her weight make her uncomfortable – so I decided to step in. I texted him telling him that I don’t think that’s a good friend type of behavior, and that he should stop and respect my partner.
He then started to say how he was worried because he thought my partner had body dysmorphia (wtf?). I told him how dare he diagnose her with body dysmorphia just for being thin. He then said he was free to say whatever the “heck” he wanted, literally.
And that if we didn’t like it then we shouldn’t talk to him.
I was very angry at this reply since I tried to respectfully tell him to back off – he didn’t listen, so I told him children were the only ones who verbalized all their thoughts.
Parts of being an adult were to know what to say and when to say it. I told him I had a few thoughts about him and his partner that I never say, because of respect.
Context: they both are overweight.
Adam doesn’t do anything to improve his lifestyle.
But then I DID tell him I thought he was an overweight jerk who didn’t do anything for his life. But you weren’t seeing me stalking him about it or commenting about it.
I then blocked him and my partner did too.
Right after this fight, my partner noticed Leah blocked her. I now feel bad that I may have ruined my partner’s friendship with Leah, but I was annoyed to see this dude disrespect her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Adam’s behavior was completely disrespectful and inappropriate. He crossed a significant boundary by repeatedly making comments about your partner’s weight, even after she explicitly asked him to stop. Your actions were justified in defending your partner and protecting her from further harassment.
While it’s unfortunate that Leah blocked your partner, it’s likely a reflection of her discomfort with Adam’s behavior. If Leah is truly a good friend, she will eventually understand your actions and hopefully reconcile with your partner. I hope you and your partner are doing okay, OP.” Purple_Turnip_452
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, This Adam sounds like a bad guy in general. Like who replies to someone’s gym pics talking down on their appearance? It is your partner’s body, unless there is a genuine health reason, there is no need for someone to talk about her body.
This Adam and his partner could be jealous. If they’re both overweight and your partner has got into good shape they are probably salty about it because they won’t achieve it themselves. I wouldn’t worry about your partner’s friendship, you did the right thing.” Soggy_Effective6726
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Many people in this world like to hold people back. These “friends” couldn’t be happy for your partner losing weight and getting fit, because they are overweight and more comfortable with her being chubby. Have you ever heard of a friend or family member tell someone they’re stupid for going back to school or taking a risk on an opportunity to better their lives?
People who throw out negative comments like this when people try to better their lives are a reflection of them and how they feel about themselves. They believe they won’t achieve (xyz), so you shouldn’t either. Jealousy is an ugly thing.
I think her friend will eventually come back, but she too may have been talking trash with Adam out of jealousy.” Dear_Year_691
4. AITJ For Expressing My Discomfort About My Friend's Rude Roommate?
“I (32F) am currently living away from home while I finish my doctoral program.
I’ve been feeling lonely and homesick, so I made plans to fly back to visit some friends for a week. Due to everyone’s schedules and living situations, only Anna (38F) had a room available for me. The flight was expensive, so I was grateful for a free place to stay.
When we initially made these plans, Anna was living with our friend Caleb (32M). Caleb ended up moving out a few months ago and his friend, John (34M), moved into his old room. Anna and John have become close friends and have been hanging out a lot ever since.
Before anyone says anything, no, their relationship is not romantic at all. Anna is a lesbian and even planned on introducing me to her new partner, Erin (27F) when I visited.
While I’m happy Anna gets along so well with John, I’m not a huge fan of him.
I’ve spent time with him at events over the years, and he always ends up saying something rude or condescending to me.
For example, one time, we went out to play putt-putt. While I love golf–I played competitively in high school and even got a scholarship for it–I’m terrible at putt-putt.
But it’s just a game, and it’s something my friends enjoy, so I was happy to go and spend time with them. What I wasn’t happy about was John mocking me for doing poorly. He said something like, “I can’t believe you got a scholarship for golf because if this is how you play, [school] should have demanded a refund!” He laughed it off, but I could tell he was serious.
I’d never talked to Anna about not liking John before. Since I didn’t see him often and not everyone gets along with everyone, it never felt right to bring it up. But now that they’re spending a lot of time together (to the point I fully expected her to want to include him in ALL of our plans), I decided to talk to her about my concerns.
I told her I didn’t feel comfortable being around John. I didn’t want to outright exclude him, but I did want to come up with things we could do together, just the two of us, so I could have breaks from him.
Anna didn’t take it well. She got defensive and said my examples were just John’s sense of humor and he’s like that with everyone. That was when she told me I was now the third (!) person to say something to her about him.
I tried to explain my feelings and made it clear that I just wanted to be able to get some space from John if (when) his comments crossed a line.
That’s when Anna told me I was no longer welcome to stay at her house if I couldn’t get along with John.
She said it wasn’t fair to him to have someone in their home who didn’t like him and that I needed to be more understanding.
Now I’m wondering if I’m the jerk for bringing up my feelings about John at all.
I never wanted to cause a rift between Anna and me, but it feels like I’ve been cut off because I don’t like her roommate. Should I have just kept my feelings to myself and sucked it up for the sake of my friendship with Anna?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ While I get why she’s defensive since you’re not the first person to say something to her, that doesn’t make her reaction ok. She should have been more open to having a discussion with you about creating a boundary between you and John, especially since she’s nearly 40.
You are being a jerk to yourself though for not calling John out when he says offensive things like that to you. Every time you don’t you’re just letting him and folks around you think it’s ok to treat you like that.
You deserve better! If that means you need to distance yourself from Anna to do it, then that’s the right thing to do. If she doesn’t see that what he’s saying is hurtful, then she’s not your friend anyway.” fannyrosebottom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When someone says something rude and says it was “just a joke,” tell them to explain it to you like you were a kindergartener and tell you exactly what was funny about it. You may have lost Anna as a friend, but if you did, how much of a friend was she?” Zestyclose_Gur_8889
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. John sounds like a pill and I don’t blame you for not liking him or wanting to be around him. But I also don’t blame Anna for not being willing to police the behavior of her roommate for a week in his own home.
He isn’t her responsibility and that wasn’t a fair expectation to have of her. It sounds like it just wasn’t the right accommodation set up for you. Hopefully, you’re able to find something else that works for your trip.” ArchipelagoGirl
3. AITJ For Feeling Unwanted And Confronting My Friend About Her Behavior On Our Vacation?
” I 26F have been friends with my 25F let’s call her Cierra since we were 13.
Cierra & I were inseparable, we were codependent on each other for about 3 years. We both made new friends & started spending time with other people but still talked every day.
She started to pull away after a scenario that does not affect this story at all so I won’t go into detail about it. Due to that scenario, we didn’t speak for 9 months or so. Cierra started to get closer to one of her new friends she had met about a year before that situation had occurred.
Some time passed & I noticed some major changes in our friendship. I didn’t have a problem with Cierra being distant due to major life changes. However, I started to notice she only made posts talking about missing other friends & never me.
I did not at first care until it became consistent that Cierra never posted about me. I felt she was embarrassed of me as a friend. I never brought it up because I thought I was just overthinking. That was until Cierra & I decided to go on a vacation just her & I.
The first day we were there it was a long day but it was great. I did notice throughout the day that Cierra was on her phone but I just brushed it off. On the second day, it was about the same but Cierra was more on her phone than the day before & I thought it was just the fact that we were doing things that I was a little more into than her.
So again I brushed it off. On the third day the one we were so excited for due to the plans we had set, but again even during some events we were experiencing Cierra wasn’t speaking to me & was on her phone again.
At this point, I felt uncomfortable & felt like she didn’t want me there or would’ve rather be with someone else.
So I reached out to a friend of mine. I had just said I was ready to come home, she answered Why what’s wrong?
I said that I felt like Cierra didn’t want me there. As I sent this message she read it over my shoulder. I didn’t want to bring up my feelings about the scenario until our travels back home because I didn’t want to make things uncomfortable.
We had a conversation about it where I explained that she was on her phone a lot & just made me unwanted. Cierra didn’t speak much on the travels home I just assumed it was exhaustion, so I brushed it off.
I was sending her messages & I was getting no response. I finally reached out & said are you mad at me? Cierra said She wasn’t mad at me but she was upset about what happened on our vacation. I responded with something along the lines of I understand your feelings I made sure I took accountability for not saying something sooner.
Cierra said she was upset that when she confronted me about it “I couldn’t give her an explanation.” I said that I did explain my feelings & if I didn’t clarify enough I would’ve gone into further detail had she asked. I did apologize again.
I never got a response. AITJ? ”
Another User Comments:
“Like you tried to address your feelings and be understanding, but maybe you both needed clearer communication. It’s not entirely on you if she didn’t ask for more details.” Ok-Reward-7193
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the best you could; and so did your friend.” btxglspl
2. AITJ For Expecting A Sketch And Price Discussion For An Art Commission?
“I’m an artist. I’m dyslexic and I have a very difficult time communicating with other women through messages. This is not the first time a “miscommunication” like this has happened (other times were with female tattoo artists). My “godmother’s” son was my babysitter as a child and was one of the first people to get me excited about art.
He was an artist himself and went on to marry another artist (I was at the wedding). The family has been in my life for more than 30 years and they mean a lot to me. His wife does art commissions and I’ve always wanted a piece from her.
After 10 years of thinking about it, I finally had a theme and the courage to ask her. I messaged her on Instagram and asked if she was interested in making a specific piece for me. She said yes and that the prices start at CAD 100.
I said perfect, that my cap is around $250, and gave more details about what I would like such as colors and poses, and that I would send picture references. She said that she was excited and would send over a sketch after I sent my pictures.
I sent over my pictures and maybe I was a little cringe but I also sent her some pictures of her mother-in-law’s art that I had and some of my art.
She sent me back 6 AI-generated images and asked if any spoke to me.
I was surprised at the time, we never discussed using AI, but I thought maybe that was easier for her than sketching 6 ideas and me only picking one. I also thought she would use the AI images to create a sketch of her own.
So I picked 3 that I liked (2 were variations of the same thing) and gave more input on what I would like. The images were also kinda on theme but there are specific elements to the character that I wanted to be recognizable.
I told her what I liked about the three images and what I would change and asked for her to include one recognizable element. She said that she agreed with what I would change and asked what size I wanted. I responded by asking her if larger meant she could add more detail.
She responded saying she was starting sculpting the piece. At first, I agreed but after I slept on it I started to worry. In the morning I messaged her and said the exact measurements of the size I wanted. I apologized and said I thought she was going to send a sketch and asked her if we were going to discuss the price.
She responded by saying that she thought the AI images would be sufficient that she likes to work with more trust and less oversight and that she was no longer interested in the commission….
So honestly I think this is the best outcome at this point.
What if she made something I didn’t want and was like “I said starting at $100, this is $600”… so I’m just going to leave it now. I really don’t want her to tell my “godmother” and her family (especially her son) that I’m the jerk.
But now I’m wondering am I jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“An artist who is charging for their work is a professional. They should have clear parameters and subjects like pricing, size, and feedback are all part of the business. “Trust the process, I work intuitively” is not a sound business plan.
Treat this as a transaction. You can be polite and uncompromising when it comes to exactly what your expectations are. NTJ ” Bunny_Bixler99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would be very upset if I commissioned art from an artist and they sent AI-generated images without having ever mentioned they used AI.
Also, you mentioned your budget was $250 and it feels like she ignored that. That is also a problem with a commission. It is on her as the professional to lay out the terms in a clear way before starting work.
She should be sending out a contract that has details about the drafting process (number of revisions you can request), the final size of the piece, the timeline, and the final cost. Without that, there is no way to have a meeting of the minds and that is crucial in any business transaction.
Even an art commission.” MasterK999
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Friend To Spain After She Bailed On Our Greece Trip?
“I (F35) and my husband (M37) had been planning a trip to Greece which would include 2 of my friends, Tammy (F39) and Fae (F35). Fae’s significant other was also going to join us, so a total of 5 people on the trip.
Last month Fae and her significant other said they couldn’t come on the trip due to financial reasons. I called Tammy to let her know that it might just be the 3 of us going to Greece now. Tammy said she might not be able to go either because if we split everything 3 ways she wouldn’t be able to afford it anymore, plus tickets to Greece were looking expensive.
It looked like the trip wasn’t going to happen anymore.
My husband said if my friends bailed then he was going to invite his friend Colin (M38), his wife Brie (F37), and their 1-year-old son. I said ok. They continued planning the Greece trip with this new group made up of myself, my husband, Colin, Brie, and their baby.
(Note: Colin and Tammy used to be in a relationship and were together for almost 10 years before a messy breakup. Colin settled down with Brie and they got married and had a baby last year).
After some research, Colin and my husband decided that Greece was not a good option anymore given the amount of travel we were trying to fit into a week-long trip, and it was turning out to be more expensive than we thought.
They said we could do Spain instead and I agreed because I didn’t really care where we went as long as it was a trip with friends.
This afternoon I was texting Tammy who asked how the planning was going and I said we weren’t doing Greece anymore and had changed to Spain.
Tammy lost it. She said if we had told her that we were going to Spain she would have come too, she was interested in a guy who had recently moved to Madrid, and she didn’t mind being around her ex Colin and Brie.
She said I changed the location on purpose and then didn’t inform her, betraying her. I reminded her that their Husband and Colin made the decision and I went along with it and had no way of knowing that she would suddenly be on board again.
I also asked her if she wanted to be around her ex significant other and she said she didn’t mind and that they were on good terms.
I apologized and said if she wanted to come she could join but she was upset and said I orchestrated this on purpose and she was ending our friendship.
Her main reason was that I changed the location because of how pricey Greece was getting but I didn’t suggest changing the location when she was still considering going.
I couldn’t get my point of view across that I wasn’t involved in the planning and even if I thought to invite Tammy to Spain once the change was made, I wouldn’t because it didn’t seem appropriate to invite Colin’s ex on our vacation.
Also, Brie isn’t on good terms with Tammy, but she is civil with her.
I hate that our friendship is over due to this. I am a stay-at-home mom with three small children and going through some medical stuff that has me distracted so maybe I’m just being dense.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel like she bailed first. The change to Spain was a decision made after research and it wasn’t even made by you. I think she’s upset she didn’t get the opportunity to ruin her ex’s vacation.
No one in their right mind would want to go on vacation with their ex, his new wife, and their baby. Like seriously no way.” Tough-Combination-37
Another User Comments:
“Wow, this sounds like a real episode of “Friendship Gone Wrong!” It’s tough when plans change, but if Tammy dropped out first, it’s not like you could have predicted her sudden interest in Spain or her ex.
Sounds more like she’s upset about missing out than about the trip itself. Maybe she just needs to vent, but ending a friendship over a vacation switch seems a bit dramatic. Hopefully, she cools down and realizes that life’s too short to lose friends over travel plans.
Plus, a trip with a baby? That sounds like an adventure in itself!” Agreeable-Citron8120
Another User Comments:
“I’d honestly go with No jerks here. Tammy dropped out because if you were three, she couldn’t afford the trip. To me, this implies that if the group becomes bigger, she should be able to join the trip again.
Now, I understand why, considering the history between Colin and Tammy, you didn’t invite her once more, however, I also don’t think that Tammy is a jerk for feeling excluded” Underagreysky.
