People Convince Us They're Not The Bad Guys In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Saying That "The Hotel Is Closed"?
“For 13 years, we’ve had a spare room and my parents have always been able to stay overnight when they want to visit.
They jokingly always said ‘is the hotel open’ to ask/say they’d stay the night. After 9 years of trying for a baby, we finally have one on the way. We announced and I said, ‘the hotel is closed.’ The spare room is being turned into a nursery.
My parents said they would turn up with a blow-up mattress to keep staying the night when they want.
I said it wasn’t going to work as we have no room for one unless we maybe sell lounge furniture. My parents have now said I’m rude, insulting, and selfish and I’m apparently saying they are not welcome. They’ve also said it’s my fault their grandchild won’t see them very often as they can’t afford the trip to only stay a day at a time.
(It’s a 2-hr car drive between us and we’ve made day trips to them and them to us often before with no hassles). My in-laws have no problems traveling 5hours by plane to rent a real hotel, there’s one across the road from our house. So I hadn’t expected this to be an issue with my own parents.
AITJ and should be apologizing for saying the ‘hotel is closed’ and finding a way to get a mattress down for them to stay after the baby arrives?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The needs of your family are changing and you no longer have the space to host overnight guests. It’s nice that you gave your parents a heads-up so that they can take that into account when planning further visits. If they chose to let it impact their ability to have a relationship with their grandchild, that is their choice.” photosbeersandteach
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the free ride is over for granny & gramps. Maybe you should have not said it to them in the same way they’ve always ‘rented a free room’ from you but it’s not that serious for that dramatic type of response from them either.
I’d have a conversation with both of them (video chat is best) where you say you were only joking in the same way they always have but that when the new baby arrives you’d like your time and space to adjust to those changes.
It will be too chaotic with an air bed in the living room along with toys, baby bouncers, and a playpen. Say ‘I’ve enjoyed you staying here for 13 years but all good things come to an end. You’ll be minutes away from us and that’ll give our new family some privacy along with dad & you as well.’ Suggest an Air B&B or the hotel.
Don’t take no for an answer and don’t cave to the pity party…
If mom starts that just say you have to go but that you hope to see them soon. If she pushes further, let her know it’s not up for debate. You love them but you need this to be comfortable and she has to respect that.
Good luck!” TisThee_Reason
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Don’t let them stay over. What people who are at least in their 50s are going to want to sleep on an air mattress?! A 2h car ride is NOT so long that they would need to stay the night or so costly that they could guilt you into paying for a hotel for them.
2 there and back is totally doable by car on a free day. If they want to stay, they can pay for a hotel.
There simply is no space for them to stay over and with a young child in the home, you don’t want anybody sleeping in shared spaces when you’ll be up several times a night trying to feed/console a crying baby.” Wonderful_Ad968
22. AITJ Being Angry At My Mom For Letting My Wife Sleep On The Floor?
“My partner, ‘Rose,’ and I have been together for 4 years and she is 5 months pregnant with our first child. My mum seemed to really like Rose (or at the very least tolerated her) – but after we announced that we were expecting, something definitely switched in her.
She has become extremely rude and disrespectful towards my partner.
She makes passive-aggressive comments at every chance she gets. I’ve had to take a step back from my mother until she fixes her behavior.
Rose had gone to visit her family who lives far out of town. It was a very last-minute trip, and she drove herself to the destination and back. Unfortunately, at around 6 pm, her car broke down and she was forced to pull over.
Fortunately, my brother, ‘Chris,’ who’s great with cars and lives about an hour and ½ from where Rose was stranded, was willing to pick her up and sorted everything out. I was out of the country, so I’m grateful that my brother sorted everything out for her.
Chris moved back in with my mum about a year ago.
Obviously, the situation wasn’t the best, especially considering the tension between Rose and my mom that exists for no particular reason, but I hoped my mum could put her pettiness aside for at least a night.
It was too late for Chris to drive Rose back home, so my brother told her that he would drive her back tomorrow morning.
An arrangement that my mum seems to not like, but one that she managed to keep her mouth shut about (my partner tells me)
Rose helps prepare dinner, wash up, and actually engage in a decent conversation with my mum for the first time in ages. However, they mostly avoid each other. Chris goes to bed earlier, leaving my mum and Rose.
My mum lives in a two-bedroom apartment and since both bedrooms were taken. Rose assumed that she would be sleeping on the couch.
She apparently assumed wrong.
My mum gives Rose the thinnest blanket ever and basically screams at her, telling her that she has to sleep on the floor to not ‘ruin her couch.’ She tells Rose to ‘make do,’ with the pillows on the couch and the blanket that provides zero warmth.
Rose thought about protesting but ultimately decided against it. According to Rose, my mum kept opening her door to check if she was sleeping on the couch, so she couldn’t even try to sleep on the couch.
At 5 am, Chris found Rose on the couch and let her sleep on his bed. He ended up telling me, but told me to not make a ‘big fuss out of it.’
I did the exact opposite.
I called my mum, very angry, and told her that she was disrespecting her so badly. She tried to defend herself by saying, ‘that she didn’t harm the baby,’ and ‘it’s okay for pregnant women to sleep on the floor,’ but I refused to hear any of it. Chris agrees with me but told me that I shouldn’t make it a fight.
I feel like I’m losing my mind. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m so glad you took up for your partner, I see too many times where someone makes an excuse for their family’s bad behavior. Your mom obviously thinks your gf either got pregnant on purpose to ‘trap’ you or she has a very old-fashioned idea that a girl getting pregnant before marriage is ‘loose.’ Either way, making a pregnant woman sleep on a floor when a couch is it is inexcusable.
Your brother obviously also assumed she would be sleeping on the couch or he would’ve given up his bed for the whole night, but he’s also saying just ignore the problem. Your mom should be ashamed but you need to speak with her about this attitude change and let her know if it doesn’t stop, you can’t continue to subject Rose to her hostility.
NTJ.” kristent225
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You stood by your partner and that probably means so much to her. Avoiding issues for the sake of peace cannot resolve anything and if you do as your brother suggests, your mother will treat Rose like this for the rest of your life. That’s not fair to either of you. Set boundaries now and let your mother figure out if she wants to continue having a relationship with her son and future grandchildren.” herozerocapitalZ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is the mother of your child and your mother has completely disrespected her. I would think twice if you want your mother in your child’s life. Once the baby is here she will be singing a different tune and demand to be in this child’s life. You both need to remember her being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right.
She needs to change her attitude fast or you need to consider cutting her out of your life. If she can’t respect the baby’s mother; she has no right to the baby.” Long-Arm1901
21. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Stepping On Boundaries?
“Me (F23) and my partner (m24) live in the attic at my mother’s (57) house. We agreed we could live in the attic until we find a place of our own, which is really hard with current prices. We agreed the attic was ours; my mother wasn’t allowed to just walk in. She agreed to this. We buy all of our own groceries; we only split cooking duties/grocery shopping and we pay her for gas/water/electrical. My mother and I have a ‘we tolerate each other’s existence’ relationship.
Also, I have autism, so privacy and having my own space/stuff is very important to me. My mother knows this because we’ve discussed boundaries/diagnoses before. She violates my boundaries on a weekly basis.
So onto what happened. My mother had two chocolate bars. She told me I could have one. A little while later, I went downstairs, got the chocolate bar, ate a few pieces, and put the rest away in our candy drawer.
The next day, my partner and I wanted chocolate but we couldn’t find the bar. We looked everywhere and got really confused because we still couldn’t find it. I went to check the fridge downstairs because maybe I left it there and forgot. My mother saw me looking and asked me what I was looking for. I said the chocolate bar.
She said she took it because it was hers and I shouldn’t take her food. I asked her where she took it from. She said from the food drawer. I asked her ‘so you not only went to the attic when we discussed you wouldn’t do that without asking, but you also looked in our drawer to find it, and then took it, after you told me I could have it?’ She told me she ‘forgot’ she said I could have it and it wasn’t a big deal. I told her she shouldn’t look through our stuff when we discussed clear boundaries.
She got mad at me, about how she’s ‘allowed to make a mistake’, I should be ‘grateful for everything she does’ and I’m ‘overreacting’. I told her no, you can’t make this mistake, because this isn’t the first (or second, or fifth) time this happened and I’m getting sick of it. Eventually, I just walked away because at this point, she started calling me selfish and too black and white, hinting at my diagnosis.
So the next day I texted her, saying I was mad and disappointed she invaded our privacy again. I asked her not to do it again because it was disrespectful and unnecessary.
She sent me a voice memo, telling me I should be grateful she barely ever goes to the attic and she allows me to live here, I should be grateful she ‘even asks for permission when she doesn’t need to’ (while this is something we discussed, and she agreed to, before renovating the attic).
According to her, I have no idea about everything she has to endure with us living here, how she has no privacy of her own.
This story is NOT about the chocolate bar, it’s about the principle. AITJ for standing up for my boundaries, being mad, and telling her this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She’s so over the line that she doesn’t even see the line anymore.
Even if this was the first time, going through your stuff isn’t a mistake. You don’t accidentally go through someone’s drawers in their own bedroom.
You need to leave your mother’s attic as soon as possible. Like yesterday. It doesn’t matter how expensive the rent is or how small the space is. Your mental health costs a lot as well.
Leave that place.
If it’s really really impossible to do, change the locks in the attic, and don’t give her the keys.” ExcellentPatience298
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This wasn’t just a mistake, she made several decisions that led to taking the chocolate bar. She decided to go upstairs where she agreed she wouldn’t. She went to a drawer and opened it.
Took the thing she wanted out, and left with it, then ate it. Those aren’t mistakes. If it was a drawer in the main kitchen, then that’s one thing. But no, it was in your space. She doesn’t get to pick and choose what things are acceptable and not when it comes to your boundaries on a day-to-day basis. Are you sure she’s not just going through your stuff on a daily basis?
I hope you stay safe and can get out of there as soon as possible.” cutepUppy1205
Another User Comments:
“Yikes. Your mother is awful. As soon as you and your partner are able to find a new place, move. It’s clear that your mother has no respect for your privacy.
Furthermore, she is engaging in gaslighting against you. Once you and your partner are moved out, it is unlikely her behavior will improve.
If you do want to maintain contact, you could put her on an info diet or grey rock her.
You’re absolutely NTJ.” TheBrassDancer
20. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Cook Another Pasta?
“I came home very tired from work, and hungry too, fortunately, I found my partner making me dinner. It was pasta (and meatballs) with a salad on the side. I thanked him for that so much actually, however, as I started eating, I accidentally dropped my pasta.
We cleaned it but it was the last of it and I was really hungry, I thought he was gonna say ‘oh it’s okay, wait for me I’m gonna make you another’ but like…15 minutes later and he still didn’t say anything which kind of made me mad to be honest, I asked him to make me another since he came home before me with 2 hours and he was already fed, he refused and said that he’s not gonna make anything and he’s gonna go to bed.
I told him that he should have made more pasta then and he said that I shouldn’t have dropped it, okay, but at least make me another. I’m hungry. He got mad at me and left the room after I told him that he was acting a bit like a jerk. My friends are saying that I’m a jerk but like if he loves me and had all the time, shouldn’t he have made another?
It’s a gesture of love and I don’t think I was very unreasonable. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
It’s not his fault you dropped your food and didn’t communicate with him nor ask him if he could make some more. Instead, you want him to be able to read your mind and know what you want without you having to say so.
That is a toxic trait you have, and nobody will stick around with someone like that. You can even be the bigger jerk by using ‘it’s a gesture of love, if you love me, you should just make more.’ You are acting like the jerk and a red flag for him.” Dry_Dragonfruit_4191
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Omg, how entitled are you?
You didn’t even ask for him to make you another one at first. You expected he would and waited for 15 minutes. Then you complained to the butler that he was taking too long.
Your husband made you dinner. It wasn’t enough for two people (which is what it would take when you say ‘you should’ve made more’), it was for one.
He did have time before you came and he did his part. After you ruined your dinner he didn’t have extra time to cook another one. How much sooner than you he got home no longer matters at this point.
Had you not liked the food would you also try to force yourself to cook something else? Go to a restaurant or hire a chef if this is how you want to be treated.” ExcellentPatience298
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
He made a gesture of love. There was food already made for you when you came home.
Did you really expect him to plan ahead for you to drop the food? The fact that you waited 15 minutes assuming he would just drop whatever he was doing to make your food tells me that there might have been a little more entitlement in your request he make you more than you’re letting on.
He did something nice for you, and now you’ve made him regret it. Not a very smart thing to do if you want him to keep doing nice things for you.” DemmyDemon
19. AITJ For Creating A Petty Email Address?
“I (28F) have had nothing but problems with my landlord.
For a bit of background, he never understood tenancy law, disrespected my rights, and refused reasonable accommodations (I’m disabled). When I first lost my job and started struggling with my health, I explained I may need someone to advocate for me at times, as I struggle cognitively. He instead, threatened to evict me for being ‘difficult.’ I’ve always been polite and respectful, as I’ve always lived in rental properties and know it’s the game we have to play.
The last time I saw him in person, he backed me into a corner in the kitchen when I said I intended to go to the hospital after a prolonged gas leak that went unfixed in our flat. I’m a survivor so this made me feel so unsafe in my own home, and I had a whole new bout of PTSD to deal with.
Luckily, I met my partner – now fiance – soon after that incident, who then nursed me through sickness. After that, we realized we were done with city living, and recently got offered a flat we wanted. It’s a few hours away and we’re so excited. Which leads to this incident.
My landlord has never, ever spelled my name correctly – if my name was Katy, he’d spell it, Katie.
Every. Single. Time. No amount of correcting it made a difference, and I’ve been here just shy of a decade. I signed every message to him with my name but nope, his inferior energy shows every time.
He was less than pleased when I put in my notice and has become even more unpleasant somehow. The demands are flying in left, right, and center, some reasonable, some not.
The latest he wanted was an email he can send everything to. Now, him having a method of contact with me was anxiety-inducing. It’s bad enough when I get a text from him. My partner suggested a burner email so I can ditch it once we leave. Which led to a final bit of malicious compliance from me. The new email?
Katy-with-a-y@yahoo.
I’m still waiting for a reply and I’m not expecting it to go down well. But if nothing else, it means he will have to spell my name correctly. And if he sticks to his lies then you know, one less email of crap to deal with. My mum thinks I should’ve let sleeping dogs lie, but my fiance and friends find it hilarious.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is so not a malicious email address. quite frankly I expected something way worse. You should have reported him over the gas leak. If there is a way to rate the place online after you move out. Give an honest review. Also when you do the walk-through, before you give over the keys, have a witness and film the entirety of the walkthrough so he can’t say stuff later.
Good luck in your new home. I wish you the best.” MsSeraphim
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Sounds like your landlord had nothing but trouble with you – you seem to be a trashy tenant and a hostile jerk.
Of course, he needs a method to contact you – do you expect him to go through the courts to send them after you for every little thing?
Grow up.” Initial_Number_4747
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, better to do this than say screw you, I mean seriously you lived in your residence for 10 years, and not once has this idiot gotten your name right? Yeah, I’d be super petty too cause there are plenty of ways to spell my name, one r, two r’s, one t, two t’s, and so on but my name is spelled with two r’s and two t’s thus whenever I see anything that says First name Surname and my first name is spelled incorrectly I get a little annoyed. Not gonna lie.” Informal_Passion7975
18. AITJ For Cooking Bacon And Eggs?
“I (27M) just want to understand if I’m actually being unreasonable here. My other neighbor Jackie (65F) thinks I’m being a jerk, however, my partner (27F) is siding with me.
Our new neighbors are in their 40s (I do not know their exact age, and I only know the name of one of them, Stephen).
Our row of houses is detached, and the way they have been configured means that the outside extraction vent for our cooker hood is positioned so it faces our neighbor’s side of their house and I suppose if the wind hits right, into their back garden.
So when we cook, those cooking ‘fumes’ may sometimes blow into their garden (same with us with the neighbors on the other side).
On Saturday, I was cooking eggs, sausage, and bacon for our breakfast. Pretty much as soon as I had finished cooking and we sat down to eat, we had a knock at our front door, it was our new neighbor Stephen.
He was polite enough and asked if we would not cook at this time of the day. (it was just after 11 am), as they normally like to sit outside, he said it might not have been as bad if we were not cooking bacon, which he requested we do not cook at ANY time, due to the fumes sometimes reaching inside their house if they have their side window open.
I said it would be difficult for us to cook at any other time as we both have varying work hours, so basically, we cook to eat together whenever we can. I also asked why he doesn’t want us to cook bacon. He told us his wife does not like it, and that the smell upsets her and makes her nauseated.
This is where I may be the jerk – I told him straight that we would continue to cook anything we want and at any time, I said I understand some foods are not to everyone’s preference but it’s not our fault that the smell drifts over sometimes, and they could just close the window when it’s being cooked? I also explained that sometimes we get cooking smells from the other side and either ignore it or close a window if we don’t want it coming into the house.
He said I was being unreasonable and that neighbors should look out for each other and make compromises, I agreed but not when it comes to cooking food in your own home. He then likened it to blasting music saying that it can be an offense to disrupt your neighbor’s enjoyment of their house.
At this point, I said there’s nothing I can do to help, he will need to close the windows if any cooking smells offended them.
I got a handwritten letter this morning explaining they were going to contact the council to complain about our cooking smells, and that’s when I told the neighbor on the other side (Jackie) about it, however, she agreed with them, saying we should stop cooking those foods and be more considerate. This is why I’m left unsure as to if I’m the jerk.
So help me out guys and gals, am I being unreasonable here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re free to cook and eat what you want when you want – and your neighbors and neighborhood council do not get to dictate your diet. I’m not a fan of curries and certainly don’t delight in the smell of Indian food wafting through my apartment building, but I’m not going to tell my neighbors not to eat and prepare food that makes them happy (and also, my neighbors are really nice, but I’m sure they don’t like my seared ribeye steaks, either).
Your neighbor’s request is unreasonable. And bacon is not akin to noise pollution. I’d challenge them to find a smell ordinance (unless you had a pile of dead, rotting animals and human waste in your yard) to justify their bizarre claim.” geedunkgeek
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your neighbor is what economists call the least cost avoider of a negative externality.
A negative externality is a cost suffered by a third party as a consequence of actions you take. The least cost avoider is the party that can prevent the externality while suffering the least cost.
When you cook bacon and eggs, you produce a negative externality: the smell that wafts over to your neighbors. You derive pleasure from the bacon and eggs, but it nauseates your neighbor.
You impose a cost on your neighbor every time you cook bacon and eggs. That’s the negative externality.
There are basically two ways to avoid the cost. You can stop cooking bacon and eggs, which imposes a large cost on you because it permanently deprives you of the ability to enjoy the food you like. Your neighbor can close the window for the few minutes it takes to cook bacon, which is a comparatively low cost. Although closing the window deprives your neighbors of fresh air, it only does so for a few minutes.
The cost to your neighbor of closing the window is lower than the cost to you of never cooking bacon again. As a result, your neighbor is the least cost avoider and should close the window if they don’t like the smell of bacon.” Adventurous-Tone-226
Another User Comments
“Absolutely NTJ!
That’s basically them trying to control your dietary choices because they are making different dietary choices.
Also, you handled that much better than I would have because the response he would have gotten would be ‘that sounds like a you-problem’ and in response to compromises… something like ‘those aren’t usually one-sided, so why should I let you control what I do in my own house and on my property while you enjoy your – what was your side of it – ah right, you would not have consequences.
You might be entitled to your opinion and saying this, but that doesn’t mean anything to me, nor my entitlement to the same rights.’
To make it short, my petty debating self would take charge without control bcs, not their property = not their choices. If someone wants to be considerate of their neighbors (or the other way around) then they should not be demanding those to change their way of life, that’s just controlling.
Vegan? Great, just keep it to yourself and don’t force that on other people. Light a scented candle or something to get rid of the smell if you don’t like it but don’t tell other people how to live their life just bcs you’re mildly inconvenienced.
The lengths my petty self would go to, like hosting BBQs for the family in my yard, and inviting other neighbors to small get-togethers.
Making some good meat (including such that takes a looooong time to prepare, but to avoid massive expenses bring what you want to eat/bring your own meat/veggies/what you want to put on the grill…) but always making sure there’s no chance of getting a noise complaint.” VallyArtMusic24
17. AITJ For Giving My Son A Huge Amount Without Notifying My Wife?
“So I and my wife have shared finances, all our funds go into the same accounts, we have separate cards but everything comes out of that same account.
My daughter is 15 and her prom is coming soon, she showed my wife two sets of pictures of two different dress styles. She either wants a flowy blue dress or this shorter almost fantasy-like dress. However, my wife keeps on sending her pictures of dresses in charity shops that look nothing like the dresses she showed her. My daughter doesn’t mind getting a dress second hand but the dresses are just not what she wanted.
Yesterday, my son had a parcel delivered. He took it up to his room to open it then brought a box back downstairs and called his sister down. She came down and I popped my head into the room to see what was going on. She opened the box and it was the exact dress from one of her reference pictures, the one she liked the most. She gave him a massive hug and thanked him and went to try it on immediately.
I thought it was so sweet and I know my daughter has been getting frustrated with my wife about the dress. But I knew that the dress was expensive, about £150 plus delivery. And I knew where my son got the money, he works part-time and has been saving recently because he and his friends are planning to go somewhere just them over the summer.
I asked him about it and I had guessed right, my son had used his holiday savings to get his sister the dress.
It was all so sweet so I decided I was gonna pay my son back the amount he spent. I wrote him a cheque for £200, which would cover the dress, delivery and give him a little extra.
I don’t have a checkbook so I had to borrow my MIL’s. I told my wife I was going to reimburse our son and she said that’s fine but I don’t think she knew how much the dress was.
I wrote the check, took him out to the pub, we each had a drink, played some pool, and then I gave it to him.
He hugged me and thanked me, tearing up a little. He was worried about earning enough to book the hotel with his friends but really wanted his sister to have her dream dress.
This morning before work, my son cashed the check. My wife saw the amount on her phone and she freaked out, at first she was accusing our son of stealing one of our cards (which he never has), I told her no, that I had given him the money for the dress.
She screamed that she wouldn’t have agreed if she knew how much it was and that I shouldn’t have made such a big financial decision without her.
I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong because it’s not like we can’t afford it and I knew how hard my son works with balancing work and school. But my wife does have a point that it was still a substantial amount without asking her and it’s her as well, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve raised a wonderful son who would make such a sweet gesture and buy his sister her dream dress. He obviously saw how important it was to her, so why doesn’t her mom? I don’t understand the insistence on a secondhand dress if one can’t be found in the style she wants AND your family budget can easily afford to purchase it new.
These are special memories for teens and it’s well worth the cost. You told your wife you planned to repay him for the dress and she agreed, and I would think she had some idea of the dress cost since she was the one helping your daughter plan and insisting on another dress. You did the right thing stepping up for both kids and I don’t understand your wife, but she needs to realign her priorities on this issue.” NayNay_Cee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m assuming both of you earn well and even though the dress is expensive it’s not really making a big dent in your financial situation
Honesty, the wife should be looking more at the relationship and love your kids have. That’s totally worth the money.
The dress was bought by her brother with his hard-earned funds.
You just reimbursed it.
If you had told your wife and she had rejected the idea then imagine how many things would have gone wrong.
Son would think mom punished him and will think twice before next time onwards.
The daughter will be extremely sad knowing that her brother couldn’t go on a trip because he spent the funds on her dress.
You will always feel guilty.
Your actions kind of made 3 people happy and 1 person mad. You are a great father and you have great kids. Well, just to make her happy you can put that amount from your side into your wife’s account. In that way, you spent your cash and your wife can’t get mad at you.” adityarj_pazuzu
Another User Comments:
“I see why you might think you’re the jerk, but I really don’t think you are. Yes, you took a large sum from a shared account without clarifying the amount (which I admit sounds a little sneaky but I get it). However, your wife was being stubborn with your daughter. Instead of taking her to look for a second-hand dress together, she kept suggesting dresses that were nothing like she wanted. It’s sad that your son had to step in and get his sister the dress.
Sounds like you raised a good kid there. I think giving that back to him knowing he had plans for it is the right thing for a parent to do. He was selflessly trying to help his sister and you were a good father reimbursing him.
Absolutely, for sure, NTJ.” green_hobblin
16. AITJ For Asking My Dad To Stop Ordering Me Around?
“I’m (20F) still in college, and about to go back to work since the semester is ending.
Before we start, my dad and mom are in their early 50s. They’re both in good health and they both work from home. I cannot move out at the moment because I am not financially stable. This has been going on for a long time now, but a recent incident has started to annoy me.
So I have a pretty big family, there are my parents, me and my three sisters (1 older, 2 younger), 3 dogs, and my lizard.
For most of my life, my father has asked my siblings and me to do a few things around the house, basic chores which I’m fine with. Everyone has to do chores. But there are a select few that I would rather not do, one being when he asks us to pick at his feet. He doesn’t take care of them, they always smell and I always say no despite him complaining or trying to bribe me to do it for money.
Ew, yuck, God no.
Just recently, there was something that happened around 3 am. I was just woken up by my dog scratching at my door (I don’t let him in because he likes to destroy my things). That’s when I hear my father get up from his room. He makes this weird groaning sound that I can recognize in a matter of seconds before going silent.
The next thing I hear is him waking up my mother who is dead asleep to take the dogs out to pee. He then proceeds to go back to bed while my mom gets up. Later on, I was talking to my mother about what had happened and she just rants how mad she was that her husband woke her up to do something when he was already awake and could do it himself.
I voiced my complaints about this to my father a few times before this but he just blows me off and says ‘Everyone has to take care of the dogs.’
But it’s not just the dogs, it’s when he’s too lazy to make himself food, he’ll ask me or my sisters to do it for him. Or clean up a mess he took part in, or take care of his laundry.
My father and I have gotten into many arguments in the past for crap like this because I’m tired of being expected to do things for him when he’s too lazy to do it himself. He gets really mad when I bring this up and further arguing ensues.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems like your dad is the ‘king of his castle’ type.
It might help to start a chart or list in your house that makes sure things are distributed evenly, or at least a chance to SHOW him that he is not doing his part like everyone else. But, overall, your best bet might be to start looking for your own place.
If you are getting out of school and going back to work, consider getting multiple jobs that can keep you out of the house and make you some extra money.” aj_alva
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Basic chores are fine, but waiting on his hand and ‘foot’ is too far. He’s totally being lazy and taking advantage and he knows it. Chores benefit the entire household, but making someone a meal that’s just for them – or another task that only benefits them – is not a chore! That’s a ‘favor’ and he shouldn’t be equating that with chores.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You all do your part. And seems your father doesn’t do his share or his work. He is in for a rude awakening once he can’t put his tasks on others. You help out and do your part. That’s more than most can ask for.” JacobNewblood
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Celebrate My Birthday With My Two Friends?
“My two friends (Ava and Bri) and I always do something together for our birthdays.
This year, I don’t want to do anything for my birthday next month, I feel myself growing apart from them after a bunch of things have happened and I don’t really want to be friends anymore. At the very least, I need a break.
Ava is rude and witchy and no one calls her out on it. She always complains and is passive-aggressive.
Every time I hang out with her, I always feel horrible about myself. The final straw was when I said no to taking care of her new dog while she went on vacation (I already have a dog and the dogs had never met) and the next time I saw her, she made me feel guilty about saying no because apparently, it didn’t go well for the dog at her mom’s house.
I should have told her to f off right then and there but I didn’t, and that is part of my problem, not standing up for myself.
Bri is in an extremely dependent relationship and doesn’t talk to any of us when she is ‘on’ with her SO. When they are broken up, she comes to us crying all about it and once they get back together we don’t hear from her.
She is extremely draining and I can’t deal with her problems anymore.
Bri always says how much she loves Ava’s straightforwardness and honesty. So when Bri wouldn’t leave me alone asking why I didn’t want to hang out this year for my birthday, I came out with the honesty she wanted so badly and said ‘I don’t want to deal with any nonsense drama on my birthday’ and went on to explain how I felt the last time we hung out.
Now both Bri and Ava are offended and mad at me. AITJ? I know I need to work on being more confrontational at the time an issue arises.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I think it’s really mature of you to recognize bad influences and negativity and not wanting to be around people like that.
It’s your birthday!
Do what you want and hang out with the people you want to. When birthdays are coming up, it usually prompts people to take stock of their lives, where they are and who they spend your time with, and what they want to do over the next year. Some people do this on New Year’s and some on their birthdays.
Not to be clichéd but really YOLO! Time is one of those things that we can’t get back. Spend it how you want to and with whom you want to. So what if they are offended and mad, you don’t want to be friends with them anyway…” Panda_monium_927
Another User Comments:
“The only reason YTJ is that you keep ‘friends’ that you don’t really like.
You’re putting a lot of energy into faking friendships with these people whom in reality you apparently can’t stand. It’s okay to recognize that you and someone you’ve considered a friend really don’t have much in common anymore. It’s acceptable to let friendships drift and end when they no longer enhance your life. Good luck.” DplusLplusKplusM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you can choose who you want to be friends with.
Tell Ava and Bri that you don’t want to be friends with them anymore and make it clear. If you want you can explain to them why you don’t want to be friends anymore but chances are they will be very defensive.” rock_lee_8575
14. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Wash His Hands After Wiping The Dog's Butt?
“We just got a dog recently (1 week ago) – after every walk, we wipe our dog’s feet (we live in manhattan NYC, so the streets have lots of other dog poop, dog pee, and other unknown things). This is something we are both fine with doing and have agreed it’s safer for the dog. We also noticed that sometimes p******p gets onto her longish fur).
So we wipe around her butt area too. We take turns in walking the dog.
After my partner (34m) walked and wiped the dog this morning – I asked him if he can wash his hands in the bathroom sink. (I’ve noticed him washing his hands in the kitchen sink before but hadn’t mentioned it before). When I asked, he gave out a huge sigh and was like… ‘is that necessary?’ Our kitchen sink was full of dishes (though it wouldn’t have mattered even if it was empty), also our bathroom sink is 5 steps away (we live in NYC, so tiny apt).
He begrudgingly did it – but was saying that it doesn’t matter if it’s the kitchen or bathroom sink. I told him that it does matter to me and that I am uncomfortable with it. Especially because he just picked up her poop (with a poop bag), and just wiped her paws/butt area. He says it doesn’t matter because the dishwasher will wash away anything.
And if I’m not okay with that, then I can get sick from just going outside or brushing my teeth in the bathroom since there are ‘particles’ (I think he meant poop particles?) in the air. He says that my ‘logic’ doesn’t make sense to him and that he should be able to wash his hands where he wants to.
He says the kitchen sink is closer (by 5 steps) so he should just be able to wash it there. I said, even if my logic doesn’t make sense and it makes no difference to him, it should matter that the fact it makes me uncomfortable, but I think that doesn’t really matter to him.
I asked if he would wash his hands after going #2 himself in the bathroom and then washing them in the kitchen sink, and he said yes.
He says I’m being ‘overly cautious’ and that it’s being ‘germophobic’. I asked him what other examples of me being overly cautious/germophobe (because I don’t believe I am or OCD about it) – he says there are some, but he can’t remember at the moment and will get back to me when he sees it or remembers. He says I’m being ridiculous and my being ‘overly cautious’ is affecting our lives in a negative way.
Now I’m not sure – am I being overly cautious and ridiculous about this? I agree this argument is trivial and ridiculous but we did argue about it… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yes, you are overreacting. The surfactants in the soap bind to dirt and carry them away. I could see you being upset if he was washing a literal turd and leaving chunks of it in the sink, but it sounds like he doesn’t even have any visible matter on his hands.
It is fine for him to wash in the kitchen sink. There are probably foodborne pathogens growing in the dirty dishes in the sink that are worse than what he’s washing away, and you’re going to wash the dishes anyway.
If you want to know something you SHOULD be concerned about, I bet you don’t put the toilet lid down before flushing.
If not, your toothbrush is covered with a fine mist of poop particles. Not kidding.” Swedish-Butt-Whistle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your fears are not completely invalid, though maybe a little overblown, but it’s a small compromise for him to make. You may want to educate yourself on how germs and soap work though if that’s a hill you want to die on.
In all fairness to your fears, there’s a reason restaurant kitchens separate hand-washing sinks from other sinks in the kitchen.” Bmblbee76
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is absurd. If you can’t handle poop and pee, don’t get a dog. They’re amazing creatures but far from sanitary. They LOVE to roll in dead things or other gross matter, what happens then?
Will you even allow the dog to be washed in your tub? And your partner is right. If you’re not sealing up your toothbrush in a bag or drawer, there are more poop particles on that every day than on his hands after bagging poo. And that goes in your mouth.” Altruistic_Sun_8085
13. AITJ For Lying About My Date Of Birth?
“I (19F) am currently finishing my education as I’ve been studying to become a baker and will be working this summer so that I can start to study next year and become a teacher (I realized baking was fun but not what I wanted).
Here’s some context: I am born on April 1 or rather how everyone else says April Fool’s day. Ever since I was little people have been bullying, teasing, and overall harassing me about my birthday and calling mean names or just not believing me. ‘Okay when’s your ACTUAL birthday?’, ‘So… are you a joke?’, ‘Tell us something funny then’, ‘No, that’s not your birthday’ or ‘Funny, it’s not April fools yet… wait and joke about it then’ are just a few of the things I’d hear from classmates and even teachers.
I never told anyone on my actual birthday (made that mistake once, never again) so it’s always been difficult to tell people about it.
Don’t get me wrong I love my birthday, my parents are lovely and my family is looking out for me never pranking or joking and always treating it like any other birthday. Now I only ever tell close friends and those I trust about my birthday.
This is because I am very sensitive and I do not like pranks. Harmful small things are fine but not on my birthday. If others like that, that’s for them to enjoy but personally it’s not for me. I’ve been through some rather mean and rough pranks and I never wanna experience that again.
Recently when I was talking to my close childhood friend about how I was scared of going to school because it’s a school day.
I know it’s silly but I always get scared thinking they will comment or pull a stunt or something. Either way, when I talked to my friend, a classmate heard me and became visibly upset. ‘What?! Your birthday is April Fools?’ And it escalated from there. Whenever someone ever asked I’d always say no, tell them it’s March the 30 instead but this classmate now knew I lied and was very upset calling me an jerk simply for not trusting them.
So I wanna know.
AITJ for lying about my birthdate?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You don’t owe it to people. In fact, a birthday is pretty much a social construct, and you can have it whenever you want. I know people who call the day they survived an accident their birthday and it’s the date they share with people. When my grandma was a young adult, her documents were lost in a fire (the register in her town burned down) so she basically picked herself a birthday date in summer because she fancied that.
Nothing wrong with coming up with whatever date you want as long as it’s not malicious.” tatasz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t owe strangers, even classmates your personal information. The fact that that person had such an overreaction for something that has nothing to do with them is not your problem, and you neither need to justify nor explain to anyone.” Natural_Sweet_Tea
12. AITJ For Leaving A Mess At Work?
“I work in a deli in a retail store which as anyone knows has its own nightmares from extreme understaffing issues and high stress from the food industry. I work usually from 12:30 pm to 9 pm or 10 pm depending on the day. Morning shifts come in promptly at 6 am the following day. We are located on the beach and have been getting non-stop slammed from beachgoers and tourists.
I got called in today to help the morning shift which usually has 6 people but only had 2 staffed for production. Every day, we are expected to follow the white glove standard. When I came in, it was 11 am. I had just woken up from being there 1 pm til 2 am the previous day on a Saturday. When I got there my ‘to-do’ was already written out for me.
This was the original list along with what was completed and added by various people and managers:
40 lbs redskins potato salad (completed)
40 lbs baked potato salad (completed)
40 lbs orange treat salad (completed)
2 boxes of freshly fried chips
2 boxes of rotisserie chickens cooked and picked (completed)
Salad bar reset and deep cleaned with 3 fresh soups (completed)
Seven layer dip (completed) Close hot bar (completed)
Closed made fresh salads (completed)
Dishes (left two pans and a dirty sink but did dishes the entire shift myself)
Clean slicers (I didn’t slice meats all day nor was even near the slicer area asked a coworker to do it who was slicing meats and they did not)
…and lots more.
This happens continuously in my department and I am always told to do these things, but as a team ,when I ask for help, I always get declined. When I left today, I was there for a total of 16 hours.
I could barely drive home, and when I got home, I woke up in my front yard from my neighbors. I’m already on the phone at this point telling management I’m going to be coming in late and sorry for the mess. This is at 6 am the day I left there previously at 2 am. I explained the mess and my neighbors took the phone and told them I was in the front yard sleeping.
I’m the younger employee in my department at 26 (F) while the people I was working with that night were 50 (F) 46 (F) and 62 (F).
UPDATED: went in late today and the new manager told me to just go home. I’m off for the next two days to collect myself, I guess, but at this point, I don’t think I can keep this up anymore with this department.
I will be looking for other employment opportunities in my area plus savings to move to the old state I originated from. I can’t afford to live here anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Maybe start documenting/logging your work somehow, especially when it gets to be too much or beyond your original job description. They could try to fire you over this and you might need the evidence, and even if they don’t – you can bring it up yourself and make it clear that things need to change.
In any case, maybe try looking for a new job?” dont_forget_to_fly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can try and be superhuman and they will tell you that because the last time you were superhuman, you should always be and they don’t need to hire more people. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.” SellQuick
11. AITJ For Wanting Another Dog?
“I (16f) recently lost my best friend Daisy. She was an American pit with some bulldog in her and was the friendliest thing ever. I met her when I was having a really hard time and she helped me through a lot. She recently died of cancer 3 months back and it’s been super hard for me. I miss her so much and it doesn’t help that everyone else in my family has a pet that’s still here.
They don’t understand how this feels and tell me that I’ll be fine and they are family pets, but that connection isn’t there with the others than what it was like with Daisy. (For context, after Daisy we have 2 dogs, 1 cat, and a couple of fish.)
I recently started to want another pet because I miss that connection, but every time I bring it up, I’m yelled at and told I’m selfish because the family doesn’t want to take care of another pet (I took care of Daisy), and they throw it in my face that I’m trying to replace her even though I don’t think I am.
So am I the jerk for wanting another pet?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting another pet. That said, considering your age, I’m guessing you’re still in school so there is at least part of the day when a pet would be under the care of another family member. And do you pay for food and medical bills for pets?
because if not, then that’s all the more reason your parents would certainly be the deciding factor on whether you can get another pet. I think their reaction to your asking was unnecessarily rude, but at the end of the day, if it’s their house, they can say no. Maybe consider pet sitting or volunteering at an animal rescue until you can get another pet of your own.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but consider that soon (with your age) you’ll need to be able to move out, work, etc… managing a dog is a big thing while you’re trying to get your footing. It also sounds like your family may still be processing it too.
I can’t assume what your future goals are – but consider that this dog will most likely live through the next 15 years (give or take depending on the dog).
I’m sorry for your loss. as someone who worked three jobs while going to college and trying to make sure we were both taken care of, I love my dog but it was so hard to make sure he was happy and I needed a lot of help from roommates and family at times.
Overall, best wishes – but consider what you want before pursuing an animal who you are committing to for the rest of their life.” charryberry998
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you’ll likely be out of the house in a few years, whether it’s college or something else. Your parents probably don’t want to take care of another pet if you can’t take it along if you move. Just something to consider but it may be best to wait until you know where you’ll live for the next several years before committing to a dog.” SportsFan242
10. AITJ For Not Letting Someone Borrow My Phone?
“I (F17) ride the bus to school and on the bus, there is this girl.
Let’s call her Z. She is 15. But every day since October, Z asks for my phone every day 2 times a day. At first, I would give it to her, but now I’m starting to get annoyed. If I don’t give it to her, she acts like a 2-year-old throwing a fit and won’t stop until I give it to her.
One day, I was talking to a friend that I haven’t seen in a while and Z asked for my phone. I told her no, so she went to the back of the bus and started screaming and said ‘Why won’t you jerks leave me alone?’ and started crying all because I told her no.
2 days later she asked for it again and I told her no because I got in trouble with my parents (I didn’t but she doesn’t need to know that) and she said ‘I’ll delete my stuff’ and I still told her no. Again, she started throwing a fit.
After we got off the bus, she saw me in the halls of our school and called me a jerk again. Also, Z doesn’t ask anyone else for their phone, she only asks me. And Z is the type of person to say stuff to get attention. The stuff she says is stuff like I’m so heartbroken, I’m so ugly, I’m so lonely, I’m running away, and I’m gonna stop eating.
Also, Z has a different partner every 2 weeks. But I don’t know what’s going on at her home but she’s starting to get annoying so AITJ?
Some of you may be wondering why doesn’t she have a phone. She got hers taken away and can’t have it back until she’s 18 or older.
UPDATE: I talked to a person at my school and they are already working with her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it sounds like she’s just playing on your phone. I would ask to use my friends’ phones to call my parents and then return it to them immediately, they were okay with that because it was something important for me (I had to know if my mom was getting home early or not so I could either pick up my siblings or just head home) but if she’s JUST playing games and throwing fits because of it, she can grow up (not sure how her having a new partner every 2 weeks has anything to this story, other than her possibly chatting with them?)” KandyShopp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your phone. You can say no for any reason you want. It can be one thing if someone asks to borrow your phone (or anything of yours) occasionally, but when it becomes a regular occurrence, it then can be really annoying, especially when the person borrowing it becomes entitled.
Also, it isn’t your responsibility that Z lost her phone rights.
Whether it was fair or not: you are completely uninvolved in the situation. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Also, ignore what Z is saying. This is typical emotional manipulation tactics.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if she’s not allowed to have her phone back til 18, it sounds like she was doing shady things on it. You do not want her doing that stuff on your phone and maybe getting blamed for it.
Do not let her touch your phone again.” Vickimae44
9. AITJ For Not Paying In My Brother's Behalf?
“My older sister (22), me (19), and my younger brother (16) have been planning our Mother’s Day gift since last Christmas.
It was supposed to be her Christmas present, but then all of us got sick and couldn’t go anywhere or get the gift like we wanted to. The gift being a recreation of a picture the 3 of us took many years ago at Disney’s MK with facepaint on. I spoke to the old manager of the facepaint station to get a price point for each of the face paints, and it’d be like $75 for all of us.
So, I decided that since I can kinda paint myself, we’d just go in on a $12 face paint kit and I would paint everyone’s face. I told my siblings that they’d just have to pay $4, and split it 3 ways, not a big deal. My brother then says he has no job so he doesn’t have any money, I proposed he could ask my sister and me to split his part between us, ask our dad for the money, or mow lawns for in our dad’s neighborhood.
I also said he had $50 just a little while back that he used to pay for PlayStation Plus, so he should be able to figure this out by himself. The only thing he said in response was ‘I got it on my birthday.’ Really? That’s all he got from everything I said?
So I told him exactly that and he said: ‘I mean yeah it’s not like I’m always going to dad’s so I can’t make there.’ So, I got tired of his fake incompetent act, and I said ‘Okay well I’m not going to hold your hand and walk you to the solution, you can figure it out for yourself.’ I already offered to split his half, it’s just $2, I really don’t care, but he won’t even ask for us to cover it.
It’s like he expects us to fix this for him without him having to ask. He does this all the time, even with chores he forgets to do around the house. I’m really getting sick and tired of him playing these games and I’m done babying him and putting the solution right in front of his face while he ignores me.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I also don’t think this is the right place to make your stand, especially since you are planning on a gift that involves all of you recreating something for sentimental reasons. You’ll probably have to******* up this time, but I would sit down and think about more effective places to take that stand – e.g. not helping him finish chores or complete tasks that are his responsibility, not helping him make plans to show up to an event, etc. (just spitballing here).” northstarette
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Some people are very focused on the financial part. And while the situation came from that the issue isn’t about the money. From the sounds of things, it feels like they feel he isn’t putting in an effort, as an older sibling I get how that can be so draining being expected to fix and organize while they don’t.
OP I’d maybe pull your brother aside and try talking to him about how you’re feeling. If you’ve already communicated this though and he refuses to budge then I’d do your backup birthday gift idea.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you keep covering for him, he’s going to keep doing it until the end of time. I speak from a joint gift sibling experience.
You may as well split the record player with your sister if you both want to and listen to your mom talk about how it’s too expensive for a little bit. 16 is old enough to be able to pay you 4 DOLLARS for freakin’ facepaint.” BBBG214
8. AITJ For Getting Annoyed At My Mom For Donating Stuff?
“I am not that kind of a jerk to not want people to donate. I, myself always look through stuff I don’t need/care for anymore if they are in a good condition to donate. But. With the new Ukrainian crisis, a lot of immigrants are coming to Germany again. I am all for taking them to the country and I am happy so many people are willing to take in families or give them their spare apartments.
And as always, we looked through old clothing and games to donate to kids and families in need.
But my mom started to go overboard in my opinion.
She started to give away things our family still used. For example, a couch in my sister’s room. I wouldn’t have a problem with that if she wouldn’t have started to donate things I clearly told her that I wanted to keep or take with me once I am old enough to get my own place.
One of the things I am most annoyed about is a really cool lamp that we used to have in our living room. For a year or two, this lamp was hanging in our attic and I told her that I wanted to have it since no one used it (we got a new one for our living room). The lamp is too big for my bedroom and I asked if it’s okay, to let it chill in the attic as long as I live here.
The lamp was a big part of my childhood and I would’ve loved to take it with me as a memory from it. But she gave it away. Without asking or even telling me. My dad told me later that my mom gave it away. When I asked him why, he told me that it was a little rusty and she said to him that: ‘You wouldn’t get paid for it anyway.’
Now I am kind of annoyed because she gave away a lot of things I wanted to take with me, but the lamp is really one thing that annoys me the most.
I at least hope that the families who got the stuff appreciate it. But am I the jerk for being annoyed?
Edit: I’ve seen someone confused about it.
So I wanted to tell it. I of course asked my parents and siblings if they were okay with me taking the lamp! I did not just exclaim that it was mine.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re entitled to ask to keep the things that are sentimental to you. But at the same time, one can understand why a typical German might feel compelled to go ‘overboard’.
These are trying times where nations are trying to balance defense/humanitarian impulses for Ukraine with the need to salvage their own economies. Your nation is at the tip of the spear on this owing to your dependence on Russian gas. So surely you can understand why your mother feels she has to ‘give until it hurts’ on this. Good luck.” DplusLplusKplusM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These things didn’t only belong to her, they were family items. She should’ve talked to the whole household before donating anything, especially after you told her you wanted certain items after you moved.” waezxo
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
While you may consider their family items. Unless they were given to you. They were your mom’s or your parents’ items.
It is perfectly valid to be upset that she gave them away. As long as they weren’t specifically yours. She may give them away.
Although it’s nice of her to help. Most charities directly helping refugees need the more than used stuff people don’t want anymore. So, that they can buy whatever items are needed directly. Most physical items donated to charity end up in a landfill.” Velocityg4
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
It would’ve been nice for her to tell you but you are trying to lay ‘claim’ on items your parents bought and own for their home.
They aren’t yours just because you called ‘dibs.’
Unless you bought them, furnishings belong to your parents.” Far-Side2489
7. AITJ For Not Liking Dogs?
“I (F43) have an apartment with my mother (67), and my 1-year-old, and a cat. My mother has always had depression and a support animal to help her through it.
Last year, her dog passed away and it’s been tough for her to cope, which I understand. She was adamant about not getting another dog because it was too emotional for her. Fast forward to us recently getting an apartment together that does not accept dogs, but they will if it’s a support animal.
I don’t care for dogs personally, and this was an understanding between us when she agreed to live with us.
Now she is super mad at me because she all of a sudden wants a dog again. The major problem I have with it is, that this is a spur-of-the-moment decision and she just wants to rush in without doing research on the dog and whether or not it’s good with kids or cats or the steps we have to take to get it approved by the apartment manager.
So now she’s angry with me because I’m not excited and I really don’t want a dog. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are being completely reasonable with doing research and not rushing. My local shelter has an issue with labeling Pitbulls as anything else. Has spots? Dalmatian mix. Blue eyes? Husky mix. All black? Lab mix. Meanwhile, they all look like purebred pits.
Now if you are looking for a high-energy breed and have experience with dog training that might be fine; however, for my elderly and somewhat disabled parents not so much. I’ve had to have some serious talks with them about not rushing and waiting for the right dog and together we made a list of breeds that would fit their lifestyle.
It’s not about getting a dog for you, it’s about getting the dog for you.” APotatoPancake
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Taking care of a dog is complicated and affects the entire household. She is not only asking to breach your original agreement when you got the apartment, but she is signing all of you up for an unwanted lifestyle change.
I am a total dog lover and even I would NOT bring a new dog into a house within a 1-year-old: managing a dog and a baby/toddler in the same space is difficult and not fair to the dog or the child. Wait a couple of years until the child is older and then with proper research, revisit the situation.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are being reasonable, especially about the research on the breed of pooch, but also for the emotions and wishes she expressed, and the timeliness in which they snap changed. She may be your mom, but you share domicile as two equal adults, and your feelings count, especially as you have your child’s safety to consider too.” tenaciousofme
6. AITJ For Being Mad About Being Asked To Help Around The House?
“I (26f) live with my mom, her partner, and my daughter (almost 3). I’m a single mom, and my daughter still doesn’t sleep through the night. Every day I cook, clean, play and run things up and down the stairs because those two are literally always in their room. My mom has fibromyalgia (a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory, and mood issues.) which makes it understandable she’s in pain.
One day, she says she is ‘so proud of me and appreciates everything I do’ and the next is ‘I want to have a cleaning day and I need you to help me with that’. Every day I sweep, do dishes, Swiffer, cook lunch, dinner, and snacks bring them snacks and drinks, play with my daughter, all that on maybe 4 hours of sleep every night.
Sometimes she even talks about paying someone to come clean for us. Really? 1, we can’t afford that, and 2, I work hard to make the house look clean. Yea it’s not perfect but I am trying my best considering I’m getting no help. AITJ for feeling upset that she wants me to do more?
Edit – Her partner drives us to the grocery store and my daughter to daycare, he also finally went back to work today after a year and a half.
Edit #2 – It’s actually my house. We are in native housing which is only possible because of me and my child, saw a couple of comments saying it’s her house and I should move out, if I move out she would be forced to move out as well.”
Another User Comments:
“Probably no jerks here because if your mom’s offering to pay a cleaner she’s not specifically asking you to do more cleaning.
It’s just frustrating to live with chronic pain and that surely impacts Mom’s feelings about her home and that she can’t do things the way she wants them done. Also if you’re not paying market-rate rent to live there it’s a huge ask to expect someone with fibromyalgia to cohabit with a child that doesn’t sleep through the night. One suspects your mother is sleep deprived, hurting, and not in her best state of mind right now.
A little more compassion would probably go a long way. Good luck.” DplusLplusKplusM
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
She’s not demanding that you make her house spotless, she’s saying she’s willing to pay someone to come in and deep clean. What she does with her own house and how she keeps it clean is up to her.” QuackLikeMe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it sounds like you do everything, and you feel unappreciated. Perhaps if you have a good relationship with your mum, address the situation with her, explain how you feel, and come to an agreement on how you can alleviate some of the tasks you have to do. My mum is in a similar situation, so I completely sympathize.
You are doing fantastic!” cheeseandbeans69x
5. AITJ For Not Asking My Sister If She Wanted To Share?
“My (16F) brother Ryan (17M) and I were playfully arguing while splitting a chocolate bar between the two of us. My stepsister Hanna (16f) walked in and asked us if she could have some chocolate too.
A month or so ago, when my bro and I were sharing chocolate, we asked her if she wanted some, she said yes, and we split it into three. She had made a face, and told us she changed her mind, and didn’t want it anymore. We assumed it was the ‘sharing’ part. (We weren’t biting into the chocolate, we cut it with the knife).
So this time when she asked, Ryan just tossed her a full chocolate bar.
She started yelling at us about how we never asked her what she wants. I then asked her what she wanted, and she said she wanted to share. No problem. Ryan asked her if this was what she was upset about the other day. She said she was upset about the small pieces.
I asked her if she wasn’t upset about small pieces now, but she got annoyed at me, and called me a jerk, and said I should have the common courtesy to ask if a person wants a whole chocolate of their own or if they want to share.
Ryan told Hanna that she can speak for herself when she sees us cutting chocolate, she huffed and left. I asked my mom if I was being a jerk here, but my mom didn’t say anything other than ‘ask her next time.’ I haven’t asked anyone else, because I don’t want them to think I am mannerless, so AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s literally play stupid games, win stupid prizes, which seems to be the usual trope with jerks like stepsister. You don’t say what’s on your mind and expect people to know what you think and want, what kind of moron is she. Also, she’s demanding you and brother to share something with her and she has the audacity to demand how much to have, she’s not just a jerk and moron but also entitled.” denasher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Hanna is very obviously a drama queen and will start drama no matter what. Don’t ask if she wants to share. People aren’t entitled to whatever you (or someone else you’re sharing with) have. She will cause a problem no matter what you do. With people like that, engaging in their drama only makes it worse.
Mostly have to ignore and put her in her place a couple of times or set very clear boundaries.” lightweight65
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s being weird and stupid. She asked for chocolate, you gave her it and it wasn’t big enough: she then asks again, you give her a big piece and she wants it to be smaller? I’d just stop giving her it, to be honest.” Mackymcmcmac
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Too Much On A Gift?
“My brothers (32, 28) wanted us to all go in together on a Mother’s Day gift this year. He suggested a bracelet that would be $50 each. We’re expecting our first child in a few months and are currently buying a house, so don’t have a ton of extra wiggle room in our budget. We just spent $50 (each) on an anniversary gift for our parents a week ago, need to spend $1,000 to fix our car, and we also have to spend $400 (each) on a bachelor party for my oldest brother next month.
I’m also still currently in grad school and living solely off my wife’s salary. I mentioned that was a little steep given all our recent and future expenses, and if we could look at things in the $30 per person range instead.
Both of my brothers then got angry with me, saying that I shouldn’t be buying a house if I can’t afford $50, and started lecturing me on my financial decisions.
It’s not that we can’t afford $50, but we’ve prioritized different things in our life now that we’re starting our own family and need to make sure we have a cushion for future expenses. It turned into a huge fight about how our parents provided so much for us so we needed to show gratitude. I didn’t think I was out of line for hoping to save a little bit of funds and only get a $90 gift instead of a $150 gift, but now I’m wondering if we should’ve just sucked it up and spent the money.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! sounds like your brothers are the jerk in this scenario. you are an adult with responsibilities toward your new family, if they can’t understand that, then they both need to grow up.” MsSeraphim
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it comes down to a $20 difference between what the cost will be. Surely, you can come up with that, she’s your mom and you have the money.
Alternatively in the future, you can take over gift buying and find something in your price range.” whatsmypassword73
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, except the wife. While it isn’t okay for the brothers to pressure you into spending more than you feel like you can handle, it really is a matter of $20. It seems like your brothers are having a frequent say as to where your money goes as of late, and it’s not even your contribution, it’s your wife’s.
I would be worrying less about the extra $20 your mother deserves for a gift, and be more worried about the $400 each on a bachelor party.” ooohSHINEY
Another User Comments:
“Wait wait wait, your spouse is the sole earner while you are in school and yet you are willingly spending 400 on a party for you and the boys, but picking a fight over 20 bucks for your Mom?
‘We’ve prioritized different things since we started a family’, so a party for you is a priority but 20 bucks for someone else is not a priority?
To be clear it’s a priority if it’s for you. I think you have your priorities mixed up.
YTJ.” ResoluteMuse
3. AITJ For Choosing One Of My Sons?
“My husband (68M) & me (65F) have three children, 38M Steve, 37M Ryan, & 35M, Owen.
My husband was a standout athlete & went to college on a scholarship to play football. Steve & Owen were also very athletically gifted & spent a lot of time with their dad playing sports. Ryan was into debate club & drama club. My husband spent most of his time with them & regularly excluded Ryan. When Ryan was 14, he made the comment to me that he probably wouldn’t join any clubs in high school since his dad wouldn’t be proud of him since it wasn’t sports.
My husband overheard & was annoyed by that statement but for three months he spent some one-on-one time with him, but once sports season started that time came to an end.
He did end up joining the speech & debate club. My husband attended a handful of meets. When he made state, he was ecstatic. We invited both families & I told my husband he’d better be there with our two sons.
They showed up but halfway through left to tour the college campus because the tournament was ‘boring’. They ended up missing our son present. Ryan was devastated & he told me that when he graduated, he was moving to college & not coming back. He ended up going to college out west & joined their forensics & debate team & won a national championship.
I attended but his dad chose to take Steve & Owen to a hockey game instead. Ryan ended up in law school & is now a junior partner at a firm. He got married a few years ago & just gave us our first grandchild last year.
Our son allowed us to meet our grandson, but then told us that he doesn’t plan on moving back, ever, or on visiting our hometown any time soon as he doesn’t want any of his kids around my husband & his brothers because of the favoritism.
My husband was livid & told Ryan it was time for him to grow up & stop blaming him for his issues. My husband is now angry because he feels like Ryan is being petty & stubborn & ridiculous. I finally had enough of his whining & told him that I had warned him about his exclusion of Ryan & blatant favoritism for his brothers over him & that I have no sympathy for him now that Ryan has decided to cut him out.
I told him he needs to go to therapy & work this out & his issues there.
I’ve been out west three times since without my husband because he feels Ryan is being ridiculous & he’s still angry at me for supporting Ryan & not defending him when he said he showed favoritism. He used our other sons to try & guilt me into talking to Ryan about being immature & causing a rift, but I said I don’t feel like it’s my job to defend something I warned him about years ago.
They told me I was being overdramatic & now they see where Ryan got it from. I told them they were allowed their opinion, but from then on, I was no longer hosting family holidays & they could fend for themselves. I went out west over Easter & spent it with Ryan & his family. My husband is claiming I’m showing favoritism now and that I’m a jerk.
So, AITJ?
EDIT: I went to almost every game I could with Steve and Owen and I spent individual time with them as well. Ryan’s meets and events were far less than Steve and Owen’s and I was there for them as well. I did not neglect my other sons for Ryan. Even up until a few weeks ago, I was still spending time with my sons and had their significant others over for dinner at least once a week.
EDIT 2: I’m getting asked about my other sons and their relationship with Ryan. Surprisingly, my sons always got along, even in high school, despite the fact that Ryan wasn’t into sports. Ryan, however, was popular, because he was in student government, was a lead in multiple school plays, and people genuinely liked him. His brothers never shunned him and they often played video games together, hung out together, and I never saw any instance of Steve or Owen really saying or doing anything negative toward Ryan (well outside of normal sibling fighting that is).
I even asked Ryan about this after I was shocked at their reaction after I canceled the holiday gathering and he said they were always good to him and in fact, Steve often tried to shield him from my husband’s judgment. I think their reaction after my husband tried to guilt trip them was out of a sense of duty and loyalty to him because they didn’t want to lose their status as the favored sons.
I know both sons have met their nephews and have over the years visited Ryan separately and together. Ryan flew Owen out quite a bit after he finished rehab and he spent a lot of time trying to help him. I’m hopeful that Steve and Owen’s anger is more at the fact that I canceled the holidays and that they’ll wake up and realize Ryan has done nothing wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are a good mom. Ryan is completely justified in being hurt. His interests may have been ‘boring’ to the rest, but they are important to him. By not supporting him, your husband showed that he wasn’t interested in Ryan or caring enough to make an effort. He showed blatant favoritism which is one of the most hurtful things a child can experience.
Your husband owes Ryan an apology, and you’re right about everything else. If he can’t see where he went wrong he needs therapy.
Ryan is right to stick to his guns on this until his father has humbled himself and changed. There’s nothing saying he wouldn’t do it to the grandkids and repeat the cycle of hurt.
The only comment I have is that it may or may not be fair to exclude the brothers, depending on how they acted and how they continue to act.
Being the subject of favoritism and just going along with dad is hard to go against when you’re a kid, and hard to break habits of when you’re older. They should apologize for any exclusion they participated in, but I hope that they will seek restitution with their brother. The weight is mostly on dad here.
I also hope you have him read this thread.
If you do, here is a word directly to him: I know you’re likely feeling defensive, wanting to say ‘it wasn’t like that’ or ‘she’s telling it wrong’ or ‘what do a bunch of internet people know’. Skipping important childhood events out of preference rather than necessity communicates to your child that they are not important to you. Period.
You may not think they were important, but that’s not up to you to decide – it’s up to the child what was important to them.
And you messed up. There’s nothing dramatic about being hurt over feeling like your father doesn’t care about you. Face it, you screwed up. And you can either double down and cling to your pride and have a distant relationship with your son and grandkids, or you can accept that you screwed up and own it like a man and apologize and seek to restore the relationship.
Honestly, your wife’s suggestion of therapy is a good one. There’s no shame in it, consider it advanced relationship classes. Or is your son still not worth it to you?” EwokCafe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I don’t understand why op didn’t properly stand up for her son years ago. She let her husband emotionally neglect Ryan. If he doesn’t listen or refuses to change then you take all the kids and divorce him.
Op is lucky that he didn’t cut her off as she slept in the same bed and let her husband harm her children, which did, in turn, affect all of them.
The other two must have felt the pressure to always agree with dad in case he dropped them too. Never mind the guilt and emotional baggage of watching that happening and knowing you are treated better.
She should have protected her children sooner and made it a hill to die on. Instead, she accepted it was easier to shut up and pretend she had no control. When she was the mother with as much control as a husband. Op let it come to this point and in doing enabled a lot of all her kid’s emotional damage.
No matter what she does, Ryan will know she never loved them enough to be a good parent. Waiting for a grandchild appears seems like she thinks the child is a do-over, not because of her own son.
Divorce him and get yourself therapy and spend your life apologizing to your kids and owning your own part in this. You wonder why your other boys are dismissing your view it s because you allowed them to be taught and engrained into their minds by their dad every time he ignored and dismissed you.
They now think the moment a woman doesn’t agree with what they want that their want supersedes her. Way to go in messing them all up just as much as a husband by doing nothing.” Sweet-Interview5620
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The husband is clearly still showing favoritism and refusing to learn from his mistakes. So now he’s losing opportunities with Ryan and his grandkids at his own fault.
Instead of manning up, guys like him seem to have small man issues, he doubled down and called in his favoritism and got the favorite sons to gang up on you which eventually pushed you away towards Ryan who is treating you fairly. Calling this you playing favorites is really a joke and also pathetic since you’re not giving Ryan anything like how he does with the other sons.” denasher
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like your husband was Team Steve & Owen while you were Team Ryan when your sons were growing up. You don’t mention spending time with your other sons or going to games yourself at all. The dad was with them; you were with Ryan.
Your husband may have put that dynamic in play but it’s still going on.
Your kids were pitted against each other which is sad. You should just go ahead and divorce and go live near Ryan while your husband and your other sons continue with their own family unit. Make the unofficial, official.
Everyone sucks here.” psatty
2. AITJ For Expecting A Birthday Gift?
“I have a small group of friends of 4, and for the past 3 years, we give each other birthday gifts. However, my birthday is always a tricky point in time as we would be in an exam season or most of us had gone on a holiday, so I accepted the fact that they wouldn’t be able to get anything for me.
But, this year it’s different. We are all free and set a date to hang out which was a day after my birthday so I honestly thought I’d get something for the first time.
To my surprise, I didn’t. At the end of our day, I was truly mad and disappointed, so I broke off and told them how it’s not fair that we prepare for each other’s birthday and completely ignore mine.
I mentioned that ‘I don’t care what the gift is anything would do I just want to feel like you actually care about the friendship.’ They got mad and accused me of being friends with them just for the gifts which is completely false as I’d been friends with them for 6 years now.
Edited: I’d like to add that we are all around the age of 16/17, so the gifts we give each other are more thoughtful than expensive, and we split the price of the gift equally.
The gifts are necessary items, we once just invited someone to a restaurant.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You speak about how you celebrate everyone’s day except yours. Previously blamed on a busy schedule but this time they had no excuse. This is about them making you feel unimportant on your birthday and not valued. When you called them on it, they made it about the gifts.
They could have ‘celebrated’ you even without gifts but they ignored your day.
How lonely you must have felt. Your feelings matter! Maybe you need new friends? Sorry, this happened to you. Seeing people’s true colors isn’t a reflection of your worth and value. This says everything about who they are. You deserve better!” DragonFireLettuce
Another User Comments:
“Adults sometimes need to be told that other adults expect things of them.
Did you tell them you wanted gifts beforehand? Other than other people getting gifts, what reason would they have to believe that you specifically wanted a birthday present?
Make your expectations clear.
YTJ for ‘confronting’ them. Honest conversations are better.” BuzzardRex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If everyone gets gifts on their birthday you should too and I am glad that you said something.
Do you organize all the other presents? If you do, that could be the reason you didn’t get a present, since everyone would be used to you doing the work and putting in the effort, which is still not right. If not, maybe you need new friends where you will be valued and celebrated.” Various-Bridge-325
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Gifts aren’t obligations. If you’re demanding one or getting butthurt when one doesn’t appear, then you’ve turned something nice into an obligation. Should your friends have done something? Yes. Do you have any right to demand or expect something? Absolutely not.” bluebell_goes_ringy
1. AITJ For Refusing To Drive For My Partner's Parents?
“I (22 M) will go today with my partner (22F) and her parents to her sister’s party, it’s something about the birth of her baby. I get along really well with her sister, and pretty well with her parents.
I made myself clear in front of my partner that I will not drive because I want to drink as well as everybody else. My partner told me that I won’t drink because everybody expects me to drive. I said the maximum I can do is drive them there, drink, leave the car and get a taxi, and I will come the next day to get the car.
We didn’t come to any conclusion because my partner doesn’t want me to drink. Today, I told her parents that I won’t drive them back home, because I want to drink as well. They did a shocked pickup face and proceeded to talk between them and a pair of guests about how I’m going to drive them home. Now I was shocked. So really, what should I do?
I feel like doing what I want, I’m not someone’s dog to be commanded, and hey, what if I didn’t have a car? I wouldn’t have been invited to the party? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You told your partner that you weren’t planning to drive. You offered a compromise, which was to drive to the party, but leave your car there.
Her parents are adults, capable of making their own way home. You could have all shared a taxi together, or someone else could drive them home. It’s rude of your partner and her parents to expect you to drive as you’re not a chauffeur; you’re her partner. You said no, and they should have respected your wishes.” eppydeservedbetter
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your partner sucks for volunteering with you without your consent
You are justified in being upset about what your partner did. It is your responsibility to express that anger in a responsible way and copping this victim attitude and sulking is just immature and frankly stupid. I doubt you hid your emotions from anyone. People will have picked up on your negative vibe and formed a bad impression about you.
Considering you weren’t part of the conversation her parents were having with other people afterward I don’t believe you got an accurate measure of what they were saying.
Had you any smarts about this you would have realized 2 things:
Never a good idea to be wasted around people you don’t know. Drinking leads to bad decision-making and creates bad impressions on people important in your partner’s and her family’s lives.
Temperance would have been the smart play.
You could have made a huge positive impression on her family and set a precedent for the future. ‘Hey, not sure how I could have been misinterpreted by my partner, but I was really clear and thought we had agreed about me not being the designated driver. In the future though, can you check with me directly?
Thanks.’ and had you been even smarter you would have offered to be the designated driver ‘this one time only’ so her parents could party.” YanceyWoodchuck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because this is an unusual request, but on the other hand, this is an unusual situation. How do your partner’s parents go into town shopping, or to do other things?
I personally would do this favor, especially since you get along well with her parents, then again, giving up drinking for one event is zero problems for me.
Have you and your partner discussed any long-term plans? Because it seems clear to me when her parents get old, they are going to move in with whomever she is married to.” jphamlore
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. They shouldn’t be using you as a taxi service, but your absolute determination to definitely under all circumstances drink at a baby’s party is a little red-flaggy as well. This isn’t a frat party; it’s a family event. Could you not enjoy a drink at home afterward?” MollyRolls
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