Brian007
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NTJ, however, you probably didn't realize that it is an unspoken taboo to discuss expenses at a work function. It not about where you got the dress, it the fact that you brought up the cost. Your partner probably doesn't even know how to explain the fopa, because, for him it's ingrained to not discuss personal expenses with work colleagues. A better choice would be to emphasize that you customized it your self... perhaps leaving out where the dress came from and maybe exaggerate on how much you enjoy tayloring your own clothing. I kind of understand 'the image' thing at work... your partner doesn't want it to sound like he doesn't take good care of you. It difficult to tell without hearing the exact words of your 'small talk' conversation, so if you inadvertently made it sound as though you have to shop at Goodwill, rather then choosing to shop there, I can understand him becoming upset. Next time your making small talk at a work-related situation be sure to throw in a bit more context as to how difficult it is to find something that fits your shape and style, leave out everything about cost - unless you want to say something like "It would probably cost $100 to have this custom tailored, but I wouldn't know because I enjoy doing it myself." Honestly it's not your fault for not knowing that in work-related functions it is taboo to talk about the cost of any item, but it's your partner's fault for not being able to explain the fopa you did.
YTJ... what fairytale land do you come from? Sure, it would have been nice if he had offered, but where do you get off expecting him to make more? He already had dinner waiting for you... Pause, maybe it was rude that he ate without you, but that's a totally different issue that you didn't address, so we're not going there yet, even if that's why you were expecting him to make more. You said he already ate, but didn't address if you were upset by that, so I'll assume that's normal behavior for him to eat without you, thereby making the gesture of making your dinner something you should be thanking him for. Why should he repeat his kind gesture if your going to treat him like that?
Now, again, he made YOU dinner, if you don't eat dinner together, then why is he making you dinner at all? Eating dinner together is what couples do, I feel like there's a bigger issue at hand as you sound more like friends with benefits if you're not eating dinner together. I say this because you said he was making dinner, then you spilled your dinner, but it wasn't cleaned up until after he was fed? Maybe I'm just not understanding why you just let time pass without saying anything, at all, about anything, there was no conversation for 15 min. Did you just sit there like a fool watching him eating expecting him to read your thoughts? Why didn't you split his plate if you were so freaking hungry? Why was he fed and you not when your plate was spilled? And lastly if I were that hungry I wouldn't be waiting on anyone to make me food, so if I were him I'd assume that you weren't even hungry if you weren't even mentioning that you wanted food for a full 15 minutes after spilling your plate. He did NOTHING WRONG, go apologize and stock up on some snacks, you don't think clearly when you're hangry.
Totally NTJ. HOWEVER, you can't allow yourself to be so upset by this. It sounds like you're just going to have to 'get used to' the 't*t for tat' because she's not 'in the wrong' in her mind and never will be. Keep saving up and looking forward to moving out. You have every right to be upset and set boundaries, but you honestly can't expect her to accept those boundaries in her home... it's just the way it is. Sorry about the situation you're in, but you're asking to much to expect her to follow your rules in her place. You have to take care not to let it fester... get mad, but get over it, too. Holding a grudge is just toxic for YOU, it does NOTHING to your mom to stay mad, she's just flexing her power and probably doesn't think twice before doing it again. This is why, even though your 100% in the right, you just have to let it go, for your own mental health.
AITJ For Saying That "The Hotel Is Closed"?
2 years ago
This one falls in middle ground if you ask me... you're NTJ for telling them they can't use the spare room, but I think you need to try the inflatable mattress idea out first before you say they can't stay... you may find your parents more useful helping with a newborn then your currently anticipating, after all they do have experience with caring for a newborn. This story needs more context, do they leave a mess when they visit (in the past)? You say there's no room, but they literally just need space for the mattress 6-8 hours... heck they might decide after trying to sleep on the living room floor and have to set up and move everything they'd rather stay at a hotel or drive home. I think that you need to give them the opportunity to fail to prove your point, or maybe discover it's worth their hassle. It's important to make sure they understand that you don't have the ability to accommodate, but they're welcome to give it a try as long as they're going out of YOUR way to accommodate themselves to your new living situation.
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