People Are Up To No Good In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
27. AITJ For Going To A Concert Without Including Our Friend?
“I (35F) live in the same town as my best friend from high school. We both work crazy hours and have older parents, with medical issues, so we rarely see each other despite living so close.
When we do make plans, we try to include our friend, V, who lives more than an hour away, as often as we can because we all get along so well and have similar interests. She’s a single mom to amazing kids with special needs, but finding child care is difficult for her; we love her and her kids, and try to include them in as many things as possible, but unless we plan, sometimes even months in advance, it’s a challenge.
She also tended to make us feel guilty about doing things together without her. We often worry about upsetting her if we do something as simple as going to dinner without her, and makes us feel like if she’s not included, we shouldn’t be doing things together.
My best friend and I don’t have kids but have other responsibilities, and she’ll often say that we don’t understand what she’s going through or dealing with because we chose not to have kids, but we’ve been her support system since before her kids were born.
She and I have been close since college, and I know about all of the issues she’s faced. I’ve often rearranged schedules and responsibilities to be there for her, and my parents have watched her kids so she could have a night away, despite her kid’s behavior issues.
Recently my best friend had the opportunity to get tickets for a concert at a local venue. It was last last-minute decision to purchase them, and she asked me if I’d like to go. We didn’t ask V because we knew she wouldn’t be able to find anyone to watch her kids on short notice, and it was the last day of school, and knew they’d be on an emotional rollercoaster, which wouldn’t be a great night for her to leave them either.
We went to the concert and had a great time, but following the concert, discovered that she had blocked us on all social media, but didn’t delete her accounts, as we asked other mutual friends.
Are we in the wrong for not including her in this concert experience?”
Another User Comments:
“Even if she lived in town, and didn’t have kids, you and your best friend are allowed to spend time just the two of you, just as you or your best friend could spend one time with Vanessa without having to explain yourself to the third friend.
As long as no one is actively EXCLUDING the third every time you hang out? That’s just how friendships between more than 2 people work. If I had to guess, she is probably overwhelmed with being a single mother, and likely feeling a little lonely and or isolated, which is absolutely a reasonable feeling.
If she’d communicated to you guys she was feeling that way and asked if you 3 could plan a night out shortly, without a doubt I’d say No jerks here. But to say absolutely nothing and just go straight to blocking you? Jesus Christ. NTJ OP.” Own-Plastic-44
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Y’all are not required to only hang out as a trio because she decided to have kids. That’s very selfish of her. If she blocked y’all without even a conversation, respect her decision to not be friends anymore, and don’t let her try to rekindle the friendship later.
She sucks.” busy_midnight113
26. AITJ For Not Attending My Father-In-Law's Birthday Party Due To Financial Reasons?
“My wife and I have been together since high school… we are now 30.
My in-laws are some of the most controlling, judgmental, and manipulative two people I have ever met, so needless to say I don’t have a great relationship with them. I am always very cordial and go to every family vacation and event (for my wife), but I honestly dread being around them.
For example, my wife and I live in Illinois, but my immediate family and my in-laws both live in the same area (where we are originally from). Whenever we go home, my in-laws will comment about how I’m spending way more time with my family than I do seeing them.
For example, I’ll go over for dinner and then they’ll make comments to my wife about me “running out the door” to see my family, rather than staying over. Most in-laws would seemingly understand that I don’t get to see my family often, so when I’m home they are the priority.
Not my in-laws. They have even commented that next time I come home they are going to track how much time I spend with my family and seeing them.
Fast forward… My father-in-law’s 60th birthday party is coming up, so my wife and I decided that we were going to fly her in for the party.
Rather than my in-laws being excited that she is flying in for the party, they are upset that I am not also flying in.
My rationale for not going is that between the extra plane ticket and finding someone to watch our dog, that would be an extra $600 at a minimum (and we are expecting our first child in September, thus are in money-saving mode).
My mother-in-law recently texted my wife a long message about how hurt she is that I couldn’t find it in my heart to attend my FIL’s birthday party and that she has noticed for a long time that I do not give any effort to their family.
AITJ for not also flying in for the party and for not giving enough effort to form a better relationship? How should I best respond to my MIL?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a matter that your wife needs to step up and handle.
These are her parents. She should not be tolerating this treatment of you from her family. If you think this is bad, wait until there is a grandchild – your in-laws will be all over you for taking your child to visit with your family.
Your wife needs to set some boundaries with them now. Any chance you (including your wife and future child) could stay with your parents instead of bunking with your inlaws when you visit? Might be worth it.” Own_Lack_4526
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – My MIL recently complained we don’t spend enough time with her.
We share a duplex. We don’t want to be around her because nothing we do is ever good enough. She keeps score of everything. She requests we buy things for her and keeps a tally to the penny of what we owe her for what she bought for us.
The constant criticism, the never being good enough, etc makes us just stay away. I’m sorry someone else is dealing with this same BS.” Curious_Raise8771
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How insecure and controlling are they to threaten to TRACK YOUR TIME while you spend time with your family?
It sounds like they get plenty of time with their daughter that’s what should matter. You don’t just stop having a family of your own once you marry into someone else’s family. It’s so weird that step-parents and in-laws seem to think you just stop having other family once they enter into the picture.” duckoffthanks
25. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Unfriendly Best Friend In Our Shared Living Space?
“My (26F) partner’s (22F) best friend doesn’t like me. We will call the friend P. They’ve been friends for years with a break in between (due to disagreements). When I started seeing my partner, she wasn’t friends with P. A few months into our relationship, she rekindled her friendship with P.
Our relationship was rocky initially with heated arguments and constant disagreements. We’ve since worked hard on our communication and relationship, making significant improvements. We’re now happy and plan to move in together at the end of the summer.
Despite our progress, P still holds a grudge against me.
Initially, she preferred hanging out with my partner alone, which I understood. I made efforts to get to know P better, including one-on-one conversations and texting her pictures of my partner’s cat to make things more personable. She didn’t reciprocate; conversations were cut short, and texts went unanswered. I accepted this because of my partner’s value in their friendship.
The situation worsened when P invited my partner to a party but enforced a “no plus one policy.” This hurt because I had been trying to befriend her. My partner chose not to attend and confronted her. We later discovered that P lied about the policy, simply not wanting me there.
My partner then distanced herself from P, which I appreciated.
Now, my partner wants to rekindle her friendship with P. I expressed my feelings of disrespect from past events, but my partner insisted I “figure it out” because she values their friendship. She also expects me to be okay with P visiting when we live together, which upsets me.
This led to a fight where I accused my partner of not respecting my feelings, and she accused me of being controlling.
P is willing to apologize and have a conversation with me, but I still want nothing to do with her. My partner thinks I’m wrong for making her choose between us, but I feel I’m standing up for myself.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your partner is being played. The friend is ‘coming in peace” because she wants to resume her friendship and is weaseling her way back. The friend, who sounds jealous, will resume her treachery towards you when the pressure is off. The only real issue is what you are going to do.
Move out now or move out later.” Scenarios
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has proved she is no friend to you. You owe her nothing but neither can you control who your partner is friends with and P does not come into your space or have contact with her.
Your partner is disrespectful to expect you to go along with this and prioritize P and her feelings over yours. When people show you who they are believe them. Counseling to try to fix it or leave. This is not good for you. ” TimelyApplication723
24. AITJ For Posting Bathroom Etiquette Rules To Stop Cousins From Trashing Used Toilet Paper?
“I (21M) have cousins of my step-siblings staying with us for a month. All 4 are boys and all range from 11-24. My only problem was that they put their used toilet paper in the trash can in the bathroom.
For context, they are not originally from the US, but they grew up here. I don’t mind having to share a bathroom with people, but it stinks up in the trash can next to the toilet, and it’s not very sanitary. Since I grew up in an area of France where bidets were common, I have a bidet in the bathroom in the US, so I’m all about hygiene when it comes to that.
I change the trash as well, and it’s not a good sight or smell when I’m changing the trash. I asked my stepbrother ‘Fernando’ (21M) whom I share in the bathroom, to talk to his cousins about it. Fernando told me that it’s common in Mexico and that it’s a hard habit to break, but he’ll give it a shot.
Well fast forward 3 days, and it’s still happening. It’s still in the trash can.
Well if they need help remembering, I am more than happy to help. Instead of directly addressing them and having them on blast and embarrassing them. I printed a list of bathroom etiquette rules and taped it to the wall in front of the toilet so that they’d remember.
It involved normal things, like keeping the toilet seat down, cleaning up after yourself, not putting toilet paper in the trash can, yada yada yada, without addressing them and embarrassing them. Well, Fernando saw it in the bathroom, and he said it’s ridiculous, and I’m being a jerk.
He said that he didn’t complain when I insisted on installing a bidet in our bathroom, so I shouldn’t complain when other people do other things. The cousins didn’t seem to have too much of a problem with the etiquette rules to my face, but let Fernando tell it, they were all saying I was overreacting and acting a jerk.
They stopped putting their used toilet paper in the trash can, but they’re acting weird around me now. I’m leaving in 3 days for France for 2 weeks anyway, so I couldn’t care less.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Guests should abide by their hosts’ rules, as long as they’re not dangerous or illegal. Asking your kids to flush their toilet paper in a country with plumbing capable of processing it is not too crazy.
Also installing a bidet is more hygienic than relying on toilet paper. The comparison he’s making doesn’t hold water. Why would anyone complain about making conditions more sanitary?” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“My Mexican MIL does this. I genuinely don’t care if it’s a “habit.” When someone tells you at least a dozen times back to back to not put your wet diarrhea-soaked toilet paper in a trash can, you stop.
You just stop. And if you remember a little late, you pick it up and put it in the toilet. And if you don’t remember at all, *you* change the trash can and clean it out (with Lysol!!!) she has never stopped. I don’t let her come over anymore.
NTJ” throwaita_busy3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- but just so you know, and others in the comments, not flushing TP is NOT solely some 3rd world foreign country thing. It is also a thing in rural parts of the US with aged septic tanks… I have even seen some people in the US without even that.
(Yeah some people still use latrines in the freaking US.)” Repubs_Are_Evil
23. AITJ For Not Flagging Down A Taxi For My MIL And SIL During Our Cruise?
“I’m on a cruise with my father, wife, daughter, mother-in-law, and sister-in-law.
I’ve previously been on a cruise with them and we’ve almost missed boarding at a port because my MIL and SIL believed that my thought process of being on the ship (or near the port) at least 30 minutes before the last all aboard call was unreasonable.
Today, we were in a port in Spain (with our passports onboard the ship), and we were cutting it close on time. As I mentioned to the group that we needed to head out, my SIL commented that we had more than enough time to keep walking around the city.
Note, that this was 45 mins before the last all-aboard call, Ubers don’t work very well in the city, and we weren’t sure where to find a taxi.
Ultimately, we ended up leaving as I kept insisting we had to go. I scrambled to find a taxi on Main Street while my SIL insisted we should use Uber instead as it would fit us all (the driver kept being changed and no one was coming).
I stopped at a hotel and asked for a Main Street where we could find a taxi. I told the group where to go, and I was able to flag a taxi down while the rest of the group just waited instead of helping. Note, taxis only sit 4 here and I told them we’d need separate ones.
I finally found one that fit 4, and I went in with my daughter, wife, and father.
My MIL and SIL caught one shortly after.
They are annoyed that I didn’t flag one for them down first. In an instance where we weren’t a 20-minute drive away from the port with the last call being in 30 minutes, I would’ve.
But given the tight timing and their dismissing my concerns, I didn’t want to potentially miss the ship and pay for that mistake financially.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. BUT….. MIL and SIL are adults and can make their own decisions (and pay any consequences that come with them).
From now on, make it known when you think it’s time to head back to the ship. If they choose to stay behind and end up missing the boat, that’s on them. Nothing is preventing you, your wife, and your father from catching a cab back to the ship without them.
If your wife doesn’t feel right about going back to the boat without them, she can be the one to push them to return with the rest of the group.” OGBrewSwayne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t mess around with being on board a cruise ship well before the last boarding time.
The boat will leave you behind. If you are on a ship-booked tour AND they are bringing you directly to the ship (ie. not leaving you close to the ship for “time on your own”) then there’s no danger since they will wait if the tour is delayed. Other than that there’s no way I would ever not be on board at least an hour before the last call.
Your relatives are being reckless and I would not have any hesitation in leaving them to their own devices in the same situation. If you aren’t literally beside the ship and need transportation to get back, you need to do that long before you **need** to.
All sorts of things can go wrong in trying to get a taxi or Uber so cutting it as close as your relatives seem to like to is just crazy.” me_not_at_work
Another User Comments:
“I would say NTJ, but out of curiosity, who paid for the trip?
As a rule of thumb, never leave your valuables and passports onboard a ship or in a hotel. If you DO miss your cut-off time, you’re in big trouble. Some thieves have no qualms about helping themselves to your stuff. Don’t assume the staff will stop them or give you adequate and timely help.
I’ve seen some terrible staff who didn’t know what they were doing. I think you need to divide into two groups. If your MIL and SIL end up stranded, that’s their problem. While they may start blaming other people (probably you) for it, that’s their fault and they’ll learn not to be late next time.” [deleted]
22. AITJ For Not Spending All My Time With My Dad?
“My siblings and I are 16-21 years old, but my father doesn’t get that we are growing up.
In the last week, we’ve gotten into 2 unnecessary fights and I don’t know how to get to this point anymore.
On Sunday, my dad was livid by the fact that my older brother and I couldn’t stay at his house all day and my other brother did not come.
He was calling us disrespectful, how we don’t love him, how much he hates us, and how we never even care about him, etc.
My brother had to go back to college that day, and I was working a 1-8 pm shift at work. My other brother was at the lake with his friend, where he told my dad that a month ago, multiple times.
We literally couldn’t stay longer because we had stuff to do that didn’t involve him.
On Wednesday, my dad got mad at me for not spending more time with him. I got to his house Wednesday at 10 pm because I had a club meeting.. for a club I’ve been a part of for over 6 months.
I told him I was gonna take a shower, and after I showered I just went straight to bed. I was tired and I had swim practice in the morning.
On Thursday, I got up in the morning, sat at the table for a bit then told my dad I was gonna get gas and while I was at the store, I got some needed hygiene products (deodorant and sunscreen).
I was gone for less than an hour and my dad was livid again at me for not spending time with him. I was wasting my time doing other stuff and not with him, especially when I had to go to work at 12-8 pm.
Maybe I’m in the wrong and I’m in denial, but I legitimately don’t know what to do anymore. I have my own life now that doesn’t involve him 100% of the time.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a life and responsibilities that don’t involve your dad.
This is normal, and expected development for teens and young adults. I’m getting the sense that you’re not spending much free time with your dad because he’s difficult to be around. You used “NPD manipulation” to describe his behavior, which is pretty telling.
When you do spend free time with him, he uses that as an opportunity to complain that you don’t spend enough time with him. That sounds exhausting. I also wouldn’t want to spend time with someone who calls me disrespectful and says they hate me, personally.
Don’t change your schedule just to accommodate him.” SalsaNoodles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As for what to do now, start by having an adult conversation about it. Like a sit down about you becoming an adult and having obligations and independence. If he goes on a narc rant, then shut it down (leave or hang up) saying you’re not willing to be berated like that and you two can try talking again when he’s ready to have a calm, adult conversation about it.
Rinse and repeat” Alternative-Job-288
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Understandably, you have your own life and responsibilities. Your dad’s expectations seem unreasonable and it’s not fair for him to guilt trip you or your siblings for not being able to spend every moment with him. He needs to understand that you’re growing up and becoming more independent, and that’s a natural part of life.
You’re not obligated to prioritize him over everything else in your life.” babeMichelle
21. AITJ For Planning To Leave My Husband After He Ignores My Serious Health Issues?
“I (40f) have had minor but manageable heart issues for over 30 years and in light of a recent unexpected family death due to heart disease, started undergoing testing earlier this year.
Results have come in and I have a congenital defect and damage associated with leaving it untreated for so long. Sudden cardiac death is a potential threat, but otherwise, I am dealing with daily and sometimes debilitating chest pain, palpitations, lightheadedness, etc.
My husband(60m) of 15 years took me to one test early on, went unresponsive when I tried to discuss matters, and told me “I don’t know what to say about any of this” or “Let’s talk about it once we know for sure what it is.” Well, I got the results and treatment plan which involved surgical intervention 3 weeks ago.
Everyone in my life who’s aware of the issue has reached out since my specialist appointment to get an update. He hasn’t brought it up, even though I’d reminded him of the appointment twice in the three days before it. He has asked me once how I was feeling in the past month, and only in the context of whether or not I was well enough to engage in intimacy.
I even brought up before my specialist appointment how scary and lonely I was feeling, as he wouldn’t discuss any of this with me and hasn’t ‘let’ me discuss any of this with his family or children(whom I’ve helped raise) to not worry anyone before necessary, and my own family live hours away so I’m not feeling supported here at all.
I’m questioning the entire relationship and coming to the conclusion that maybe I am a placeholder wife, meant only to fulfill his needs in his ex-wife’s absence. Would I be a jerk if I kept the details of my diagnosis and treatment plan to myself while I plan my departure from the relationship?
Am I a jerk if I spring it on him? I just don’t feel like I have the energy to manage my health on my own AND deal with his emotions over a potential break up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Looks like your husband is blindsided by the fact that you might not be there for him in 20 years, as he thought you’d be.
So he’s in denial. And it sure sounds like he plans for you to be his caretaker when he gets old. I know Reddit gets weird about age gaps, but 20 years? Wow.” Ingwall-Koldun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But, taking into account your ages and the fact he only checked in on your health in regards to having intimacy, it sounds like he was hoping to have a caretaker wifey and somebody to fulfill his needs only, he never wanted to reciprocate.
It depends on how soon you can manage your separation. He may well beat you to it if you intend on waiting some time (to hold up finances, for example). If it’s going to be quick then you can share it but if you have to wait longer than a few weeks to start the process you might be better off keeping it to yourself.
Could you visit family/ friends for a little while, bring them up to speed, and get help moving forward faster? From this post, I doubt you will get much help from your husband and the added issue of dealing with his reaction may make things harder for you.
But do reach out to family, explain the situation, and get yourself set up to leave asap. And I would bring up your health to his family: sounds like he wants to keep it from them so when he jumps in to divorce you first they won’t realise it’s because he’s not caring and kind enough to the care of you in your time of need. Good luck OP.
Time to put yourself first.” International-Fee255
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I would do just that. If he is as unconcerned as you describe and considers your diagnosis troublesome to him then he deserves nothing but a notice of divorce. In sickness and in health are in vows for a reason and if someone can’t stick by their spouse when health issues arise they deserve to be alone for the entirety of their remaining days.
Because I can guarantee you, that if he were in your shoes he’d demand you prostrate yourself with worry and to be by his side through the whole ordeal. I pray your health turns around successfully and that soon you are surrounded by those who wholly and truly love you.
20. AITJ For Confronting My Best Friend's Partner Over Our Friendship?
“I (18f) have a guy best friend (18m) we have been best friends since we were 12 and around three months ago he got a partner. Me and I have gone through a lot of trauma together and he saved my life when we got into a very traumatic bus accident at 15.
After the incident we both needed someone and we helped each other. But back to the story. In the past, we both had been in relationships and we never had a problem with being friends but when he got his partner let’s call her Lucy right off the bat was rude to me.
It started when she would just do things like give me the side eye or scoot away from me. But over the past couple of weeks, she has been saying things and starting rumors that I sleep with everyone I see and she has treated me like garbage.
At first, it was okay because I get some girls don’t like boys with partners so I tried to back off. But after I hadn’t talked to him in about three days, he showed up at my house at 10 PM, and when we got inside he started crying because she told him that if we didn’t stop being friends they would break up and I know how much he loves her so I tried to stay calm but after him just crying for like 20 minutes straight.
I had to do something. So the next day I went up to her and blew up at her for making him cry and she didn’t get a say because she didn’t know what we went through she was screaming too but in the end, I walked out with my friend.
It’s been about a week since this happened and I’ve been getting a lot of texts and people coming up and saying that I was in the wrong and that I should stop being friends with him. So I just need another opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – first of all, you’re all very young. But your friendship is strong and you’ve bonded over serious things. That kind of friendship usually lasts a lifetime. My 29-year-old son is still really good friends with his best friend from seventh grade on.
I don’t think anything will break their friendship up even though they rarely see each other due to living in different places. They still make time for game nights on the computer and talk on the phone. Those friendships are rare and special. You probably shouldn’t have blown up at her, but your heart was in the right place.
I hope your friend is doing better.” C_Visit_927
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but honestly a lot of this sounds like your friend’s responsibility. I hate using the phrase “man up” cause that’s a little toxic, but he’s gotta be an adult and talk it through with his girl.
If he can’t handle that then I would start to second guess how good a friend he is because why would he want to be in a relationship with someone who treats his friends that poorly? You can’t fight his battles though” Fair-Message5448
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- I’ve been in a situation similar to this. She started a whole rumor in school how I was pining for him but she forgot that I was the one that introduced them together and encouraged them to be together. Me and I had been friends since primary school (I went to a private school so most of my friends were ones I had known since we were 7 years old).
I mean, as long as it’s not a situation where you’re actively trying to get your friend’s attention or is trying to compete with his partner then I see no problem.” Tight_Shower2784
19. AITJ For Wanting Space From My Partner's Clingy Brother With Autism?
“My partner and I have been in a relationship for a little over a year.
He did tell me he was extremely close with his family but I did not assume this much so.
He has a 15-year-old brother, so I know has learning disabilities and autism but not severe. But learning wise maybe 6th grade level. You can’t tell anything is off until you’re around him a bit.
The problem is he is over at our house every weekend, this wouldn’t be a problem but he is incredibly clingy to the point it gives me anxiety. Everywhere I go he is right there, if I just want to run a quick errand he begs to come.
I’m making a cake he’s watching me. I went to check the mail and when I turned around he was behind me.
If I don’t respond right away to text he will nonstop text me.
I feel bad because he’s extremely nice and thoughtful.
For example, I casually mentioned I wished I had regular water instead of sparkling, and when he and my partner came from the store he gave me regular water, remembering from the morning.
I have mentioned gently about needing space and him following me and he seemed hurt and stopped for a while but I don’t think he can help it.
I also feel bad because his mom said he was talking about how much he likes me and how much fun we have.
Summer is coming up and I’m getting so anxious because he is pretty much planning to spend the whole summer with us.
I told my partner I didn’t think I could do it and he got upset. Saying that his brother doesn’t do anything but sit with us and that I wasn’t sympathetic to his autism. That he doesn’t understand social cues. He said I’m a jerk for not understanding.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- The boy is 15, not 5. He presumably has spent the rest of his life not following people around and/or being told it’s not okay (e.g. if he did it to someone at school). End of the day it’s creepy and it doesn’t get less creepy because the lad happens to have autism.
He may not be getting the ‘I’m not comfortable’ cue, but he knows fine well it’s not a thing people do. Either he has a crush on you, which needs nipping in the bud now, or his parents have not parented him and are using this obsession with you as an excuse to get someone else to look after him.
Either way, it is an obsession and he needs to be told it’s not okay.” Ebechops
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s on your partner and his mum to manage his brother, his expectations, and how often he is over. You have been nothing but accommodating and it’s a good thing that you see how sweet his brother is.
But that doesn’t take away from the fact that he is clingy and constantly in your space. Besides, if he’s always there every weekend, when do you and your partner have time for yourselves? Even if he wasn’t autistic or had learning disabilities, having a 15-year-old over every weekend is going to be difficult.” fotw8
18. AITJ For Considering Giving Away My Sister's Concert Ticket If She Doesn't Get Me A Birthday Gift?
“I’m 18(female) and my sister 26(female) got into an argument because I didn’t want to hang out. My birthday is in 3 days. Last year a week before my 18th birthday we got into an argument and she didn’t get me a present for my birthday.
Her birthday is in May. I got her a $300 Pandora bracelet with 2 charms. One was a sister charm and the reason for me buying the bracelet. I’m not mad that she didn’t return the $300 in the present, but I didn’t get one. She starts an argument with me every year before my birthday and then proceeds to ignore my birthday.
For her birthday this year, she wants to go to a concert. Which I bought the tickets to. I couldn’t afford the tickets when she wanted them so I had to get a credit card that I now have to pay off. The tickets together were $350.
Now don’t get me wrong I don’t care about the price but after spending that much on something she wants that I don’t care for I believe I should get some kind of birthday present even if it is just a gift card or something.
Would I be the jerk if I gave her ticket to someone else if I didn’t get a birthday gift?
A little more context for everyone. My older sister got a sibling tattoo and paid for hers and my older brothers. She had PROMISED me that she would pay for my sibling’s tattoo for my 18th birthday.
The fight we had gotten in had ended up being about me asking her if she knew a spot to get the tattoo and I’d make the appointment. She got mad and called me selfish for even asking and ended up not doing it or getting me a present with the excuse that I was being selfish for asking and “rushing her” Again I was planning on buying the tickets later and told her I could not afford it I work retail at $12.50 an hour and have to pay rent.
And she had told me to open the credit card for the tickets and buy them then. Also this year she told me if I bought the concert tickets she’d buy me whatever outfit I wanted for the concert. We have gone shopping and I’ve shown her those options to my knowledge she hasn’t bought anything yet.
Another little update last night my sister invited my best friend over to her place (didn’t invite me) and proceeded to tell my best friend that I was acting like a mean person and being selfish for not coming over and hanging out with her (the thing that started this whole fight) when I had expressed that I was too tired to hang out that night.”
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re NTJ, it sounds like your sister is super selfish and also a drama queen, she enjoys starting problems over stuff that doesn’t matter, also conveniently before your birthday so she didn’t have to buy you anything, I can’t stand people like that, she seems entitled and selfish so honestly you should give her ticket away.” LevelFox-1092
Another User Comments:
“Why are you spending so much money that you don’t have? £300+ for a bracelet is wild, never mind $350 for concert tickets on top of that. Your sister isn’t being very nice, but I would personally recommend not spending so much on her because you’re setting yourself up to get upset knowing she won’t buy presents and you’ve spent that much.
NTJ but you are being a bit of a jerk to yourself for spending money you don’t have on someone who doesn’t seem very appreciative” zoobatron__
Another User Comments:
“YTJ in the sense that you’re only purchasing(indulgent if I might add) gifts so that you get gifts in return.
I’m assuming you’re choosing expensive gifts so that in the event of her getting you a gift she feels obligated to consider what you’ve done previously and match or exceed it. While that may be the polite way to gift exchange, you can’t be upset that she’s not doing for you what you’ve done for her.
You should be doing it because she’s your sister, you love and care for her, want her to be happy, etc. If you expect the same(Which isn’t crazy) and she’s disappointing you or you feel she’s doing something on purpose, you should try to verbalize that.
But don’t keep buying gifts so that you can dangle them in her face later. That’s unhealthy and manipulative and seems to almost be what she’s doing to you.” Rulyci
17. AITJ For Stopping Payment Of My Grandparents' Rent After Their Disrespect Towards My Mother?
“So I’m 22f and my grandparents are 75f and 78m. I am quite a wealthy person so I had offered to pay for their rent. (My grandparents are on my dad’s side)
In December 2022 my dad passed so obviously my whole family was devastated especially my grandparents.
Cut to February 2023, my mum found out that he had been unfaithful to her so this made her next decision to help move on a little easier. This choice was to put herself out on the social scene in July and she had found someone.
Long story short my grandparents weren’t fond of this and said that my mum had moved on too fast.
Well, the relationship ended up being quite bad and they broke up in November. However, my grandparents whenever they would come around, would make sly remarks and say that no wonder why my dad had been unfaithful to her.
So my mum had cut contact but I didn’t since they were the closest thing I had to my dad. And our relationship was ok but I was still aware of how they can be.
Cut to the beginning of this year my mum had asked me to ask them if she could have some clothes or items of my dad’s from when they started socializing (which was 14) just to help her and they said no. So I brought up the fact that it would help my mum with closure and we kept on having a back and forth until I brought up the possibility of me stopping paying for their rent so they stopped and gave in.
Over time we kept on having these back-and-forth moments and it got to the point where I realised that they were kind of just using me so I said that if they continued with this childish behavior I’d stop paying their rent. But they didn’t so I have stopped paying and now some people are on my side and others are saying that I’m childish and should make an exception
So AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You were never required to pay their rent, it was a gesture of goodwill. You gave them a clear warning about a boundary you had and they crossed it. If others have an issue with it, then they can help your grandparents pay their rent.” ClairbleFun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Weird of them to be so cruel to your mom just because it’s their son. He was unfaithful and she wanted to move on. Making comments about is just low and I would’ve kicked them in the shins. They seem like they’re just sour pusses and are dealing with their grief in the wrong ways.
But that doesn’t mean you guys need to be their punching bags. I agree it does sound like at this point they’re using you plus if you’ve been paying their rent they should have money saved. You’re NTJ and don’t let them use you or manipulate you into helping them because their son died. That was your dad and the love of your mother’s life for a LONG time and they show no signs of compassion for that.
So why show them any?” tillxeath0501
16. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom Over My GPA Concerns?
“I have worked my rear off my entire schooling to keep my 4.0 GPA. This semester (junior year) was a bit tougher and I will admit I should have tried harder on the midterms, but essentially maintaining my GPA comes down to my final exam grades in 3 classes.
My mom has always been “hands-off” and never really asked me about my grades, it has been my initiative. She always says she doesn’t care where I go to college, do my own thing, etc. Now all of a sudden as the school year is almost ending and I still have ONE B… she is saying I will not get into ANY colleges, I will have to go to some podunk school and I squandered my whole life’s work because I was lazy.
This has been going on for about 3 weeks and every few days she asks me when my B is going back up to an A. I told her to just wait for the report card. This keeps happening and my answer doesn’t change, I just need to wait for my final exam grade.
Finally today she said “But it says here your GPA is still 4.0” and I snapped, called her an idiot, and said she doesn’t understand anything about the system and should just shut up. I know it was rude and I shouldn’t talk like that. It’s just that your GPA only changes after the report card is out!!!
It’s like she can’t comprehend that! Also, I am upset that she was always talking about how she’s so hands off and lets me do my thing, now when my grades are less than perfect, the whole atmosphere at home has changed 180″
Another User Comments:
“Either your mom is beyond crazy or you’ve left out something. Either way, there’s a large part of the story that you either don’t know, don’t realize, or aren’t sharing. If you aren’t hiding something, realize that there’s more going on. Parents don’t act frustrated because that’s their goal, there’s something more. And, having a 4.0 GPA does mean perfect grades for everyone older than … 25?
Maybe 30? Doesn’t matter how many exclamation marks you use, 4.0 being imperfect is a new phenomenon. Sounds like most of the pressure you’re feeling is from you, not from Mom. Time for you to breathe, relax, and communicate instead of just getting angry that your mom doesn’t know what you do (that’s why communication helps).” rlrlrlrlrlr
15. AITJ For Wanting To Correct My Husband's Group Chat Etiquette?
“I have recently made some friends at work, and to facilitate group outings, we often make a group chat. Though on occasion there is some minor tomfoolery, mostly it stays relevant to the outing, e.g. discussing dates, times, venues, and transport.
My husband does not seem to understand the social rules of a group chat at all – and will send messages irrelevant to the chat that have no bearing on any member other than himself. Think 2007 social media posts – for example, today on a group chat about a stargazing outing, he sent a ramble-y message asking if anyone else likes YUNGBLUD and how he likes their song in Kaiju No. 8.
No one has reacted or responded to it at all. No one mentioned YUNGBLUD or Kaiju No. 8 at any point in this chat previously. I have no idea why he does it.
It’s so bad. Like so, so bad – it’s painful to watch, and I worry about the inconvenience for other members, and that I WIBTJ if I don’t explain the social rules to him.
I don’t want this to colour their opinion of him, as he’s not like this in person at all! I used to sympathy-react with the messages, but I’ve tried moving to not responding and instead trying to pull the focus back to the purpose of the chat.
It’s not working.
But I also worry that I WIBTJ if I do tell him, as ultimately, this behaviour isn’t hurting anyone, and it would crush his self-confidence (which is already low!). If it was the other way round, I would probably want to know, but it would be a bit soul-destroying and I wouldn’t want to engage in any group chat for a long time.
I can’t think of a way to relay this information without it being hurtful to receive.
In case it’s relevant, my husband is in his mid-thirties. He also really likes the Kaiju No. 8 credit song.”
Another User Comments:
“Explain that the purpose of the gc is to exchange information related to the logistics of get togethers.
The conversation he’s trying to initiate would be better if done in an in person setting -for example, at the actual get together. Stuff can easily be misunderstood and get lost in translation via text messages especially if you’re dealing with people who don’t know him well.
No jerks here” Listen_2learn
Another User Comments:
“Word it right. Maybe say it confuses people, or that maybe a separate group chat for different conversations would fix this. It may be he likes having this group of friends and is using the group chat to try and talk about things they could maybe enjoy together, it’s not what it’s for so maybe making a separate one for this kind of thing is a solution.
Don’t chastise him for it but explain, gently and without criticism, that the chat’s purely for arranging activities and maybe you guys can set up another for casual conversation. If you call him out and or chastise him you would be the jerk but if you explain the right way, it should be okay” Eriks-Rose
Another User Comments:
“You’re missing something. As long as he keeps doing this, he’s not doing any harm, but he looks like an idiot. It is your job as his spouse to let him know that fact; it isn’t necessarily your job to fix it, but if he doesn’t know, you’re the one who needs to tell him.
As suggested, that can be done gently, and it appears that it should, as you say he is low in self-confidence. But not doing so would leave you as the jerk. My wife sometimes has to tell me that sort of thing, as I am not as aware of others’ sensibilities as she is.” TheOracleofGunter
14. AITJ For Not Caring That My Mom Grounded Me Over Unfair College Grades?
“I (19F) live with my mom (51F). A little backstory. I just started my summer semester for community college and I am taking a communications class among other classes.
Last week was my first week and this Monday I was notified that I was given three zeros on three quizzes. The thing is when I took these quizzes, they were automatically graded as good grades ranging from 95 to 75. Well, I’ve been trying to get in contact with this teacher for the last week, have emailed her every day because this is unacceptable and she has not responded and finally decided to contact the department head to see if we can get this resolved. My mom knows about the whole situation and at the end of this week (today) she decided to ground me, she told me my grades were unacceptable and that she was worried about me.
Mind you I have been doing everything right and these grades that were already graded and then turned into zeros and I’m trying to figure out why. Online teachers are supposed to give students written feedback about zeros for online students. And I have evidence that they were graded as good grades and then they were turned into zeros for whatever reason.
Well, when she grounded me this morning. I was heading out to work and I was honestly OK with being grounded. It wasn’t a big deal to me. So she’s talking to me about being grounded before I have to leave and she says “Don’t let this ruin your day”.
And I told her I didn’t mind being grounded and I didn’t care, it wasn’t bothering me. Then she got mad and just got silent with me, so I told her I loved her and now I am sitting in my car outside of work.
I just wanna know if I’m a jerk or not and if I am, that’s OK. I will note my mom does not pay for my college.”
Another User Comments:
“Ok, so my 2 cents. 27m in case it matters. You’re over 18 she can’t ground you lmao you’re an adult legally and work to make your own decisions etc. You didn’t do anything wrong maybe she doesn’t understand the issue?
But even then your grades are not her concern she doesn’t pay for your college and again you’re a legal adult doing your own thing the fact you’re even in school is your business. I think you’re correct and she should apologize for even trying to ground an adult lmao.” SomeBag5623
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Awwwwwwww. Yes, you were a tad bit disrespectful; she was just trying to highlight the urgency of the issue but you seem to be on top of it. She’s probably ok and maybe, like me, shed a little tear about this step of maturing.
What gives with the teacher though? That’s nonsense. Stay on top of that! Document document document!” pottersquash
13. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend Practice Driving With My Car?
“My friend is learning how to drive and is taking lessons from a company. His package includes 20 hours of in-class lessons and 10 hours of in-car lessons. The thing is 10 hours is nowhere near enough time to be able to pass the driver’s test, most people get the 20-hour package + a few hours of mock test to pass the first try.
My friend told me he didn’t want to pay the extra $500 to get the 20-hour package and asked if he could borrow my car to practice. I said no. First of all, in my province, a G1 (learning permit) driver isn’t allowed to drive with a G2 (2nd level) licensed driver.
Plus my license is only a year old, even if I had a G, I need either 2 or 4 years of experience. Second of all, the way he talks and acts. I don’t trust him with my vehicle which is very expensive to me, not to mention risking a higher insurance premium if he crashes.
He always criticizes my driving. Not for breaking road rules or not being courteous. But for refusing to break road rules and refusing to be aggressive. Whenever I drive he always says “Bro drive faster” or “Why’d you let him in, now it’s going to take longer”.
Or my favorite “Bro just do a U-turn” whenever I miss the exit ON A DIVIDED 400 series HIGHWAY (like US interstates). I don’t trust him with my vehicle at all and have a strong feeling he’ll crash if he drives the way he expects me to drive.
I explained to him that I couldn’t by law let him drive my car with him and I couldn’t afford to risk an accident plus fines. I didn’t bring up anything about me thinking he’d be a bad driver, just told him “Sorry man, it’s against the law and I really can’t risk a crash.
Nothing personal, I would let you practice if I had a full G with experience. My insurance is high enough as a young male driver, can’t risk getting in an accident plus fines.” He didn’t take it the right way and responded with “Wow, you’re such a cheap jerk.
If it were anyone else, they would have said yes if they had a car.” AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not obligated to let your friend use your car for any reason you want. As it is, you especially are not obliged to do so because your friend is too cheap to pay for what he needs for his license.
And you are extremely wise to not break the law for him.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’d also make sure to not leave your keys around. He strikes me as the type to “borrow” anyway if the opportunity appears. My 1/2 brother did this with my motorcycle years ago.
He didn’t have permission, very limited experience on a 50cc dirt bike, none on a 750cc street bike, and no license. He took my keys when I was in the shower, and crashed the bike in front of a cop no less. I had to press charges to avoid a massive hit to my insurance.
Our father tried to talk me out of it, just eat the costs because of FaMiLy.” Alarming_Physics4188
12. AITJ For Refusing To Give More Money To A Relative Who Embezzled From Us?
“We recently learned a family member had been embezzling from us for 17 years. We are currently selling the estate we share with this relative and they are claiming their late relation we inherited our half of the property from owed them money. Ironically it’s about the same amount they embezzled from us.
In addition, we also had given them money to get by before finding out about the embezzlement, and also are paying more than our share of the bills on the property. It’s been over a year and the amount we’ve paid for her to remain on the property until it sells is quite significant.
For all these reasons I feel we’ve been incredibly fair and am refusing to give more than legally required. We’ve already agreed to split the proceeds in half and now she’s coming back demanding more money and playing on the emotions of my spouse. He’s worried if we do not give her additional money now he will feel responsible when she inevitably runs out of cash in a few years.
She’s incredibly bad with finances and it’s a certainty her money will be gone quickly.
This person also has spread false rumors about us with the rest of the family. She has also knowingly stolen valuable items from the property that legally belong to my spouse and lied about their whereabouts.
One suggestion I made is to provide her with a portion of the amount she is requesting from us in exchange for a letter admitting to the fraud she committed in an apology letter we can use to clear our names with the rest of the family or choose to make public at our discretion.
In addition a return of the goods (at least in part) as well as a record of where she sold items so if anything is still unsold we can attempt to buy back.
Or we can just tell them to pound sand and let it go (which is what we’ve done so far).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I didn’t have to read beyond “not giving money to a relative”. You owe them nothing. Her being bad with finances is not any of your concern. Moreover, given that this person has embezzled money from you, why are you still even entertaining the idea of giving them more?
Why throw good money after bad? Why are they even still in your life?” NotCreativeAtAll16
Another User Comments:
“Take it to the courts! If you make any other arrangements she will have gotten away with ripping you off and tarnishing you to the family! Dang, you need to make the truth come out, that is the only way you can be cleared. Who cares what happens to her?
She was dishonest, ripped off, stole, and lied. What more does she need to take from you? When you “let it go” you send the message that the behavior is acceptable and are giving silent permission to continue the bad behavior. It is not your responsibility to manage her money and if she ends up homeless because she made these decisions, then she is getting what she deserves.” ConfusedAt63
Another User Comments:
“Why would you acquiesce to a liar and a thief? If you have evidence, pursue charges and take what is owed out of the proceeds of the sale. If she wastes it away when she gets it, her prerogative, she’s an adult and can do what she wants, including dealing with the consequences of her actions.
Tell your spouse to grow a spine and stop worrying about how she will care or what others will think. As long as you know the truth and aren’t acting maliciously, then ignore the naysayers. NTJ, but you will be if you keep negotiating with this troublemaker.” Winter_Raisin_591
11. AITJ For Disliking The Painting My Grandmother Made For Me?
“For some background, I 26F have a family of super creative people, everyone on my mom’s side has a preferred medium of art. Some sculpt, home makes elaborate candles, and some are decorated. I love charcoal and detailed pencil work with a few accent colors and more light/shadow play.
My maternal grandparents are both artists specifically painters. And very good ones. Every person in my family has a house filled with original paintings from them. I should mention that we don’t have a bad relationship, it’s dry and I can go months without speaking to her but it’s not bad either.
The problem started a few years back when my grandpa was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and my grandma got a small existential crisis. She reaches out to all her grandkids and asks what art we like and sets out to dedicate each of us to a painting.
But I hate mine. it’s almost the opposite of what I wanted. I can see how she got there from what I said, and don’t get me wrong it’s not bad by any means it’s just not for me and the thought of putting it on my wall is upsetting and has honestly been a burden that keeps me up at night.
For a while, I got away with it because I didn’t have my place but now 3 years later I bought a house and have no idea what to do. My husband also hates it and doesn’t want me to fake it so he’s against me even bringing it to the house, but this is art that my elderly grandma poured love into for weeks.
I just happen to hate the colors, and the combination and don’t much care for the composition. There’s also a part of me that has realized that this is how she sees me and while I’m glad she sees me as bold and lively.
I don’t want neon abstracts in my living room. I’m almost hurt that of all of the gorgeous paintings I got stuck with the one that looks like it’s pulled out of a wild 80s carpet print…. WIBTJ if I just told my mom that I hate it and don’t know what to do with it???”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Art from loved ones is special, in all its forms. You might tell your mom but word would reach your grandmother at some point and it would hurt her. You don’t have to love it but it was given to you in love and with good intentions.
Maybe you can find a place for it where it’s not seen by you right away but it’s still up on the wall or go with it clashes with your decoration and it would put the art in a bad presentation. Creating something is a fragile thing and one bad word can destroy such fragile things.” toffifeeandcoffee
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, you shouldn’t tell it to your grandma (or at least, not in these terms) but your mom can probably handle it. You mean no disrespect to the grandma and you should be able to convey that. You don’t owe it to anyone to hang the painting in your house.
(I would consider having a place for it and hanging it briefly for some family gatherings, though I don’t know if it’s worth it.)” Irhien
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk if you simply disrespect your grandma’s art and say you hate it.
If your family are all creatives, what would the vibe be to reworking the painting? What if you incorporated it iintoyour art? Take some photocopies of it, tear up the photocopies, and play around with how it could be some accent elements in amongst your charcoal work.
(This is something I’ve done with my art, as someone more comfortable with detailed sketching – a way to play around with it, without destroying the original) Explore the grief your grandma was feeling when she made it and your own emotions about your grandpa’s Alzheimer’s.
Make a piece about your anger at the neon carpet, charcoal over the photocopies to add accents to it and redefine it. As someone who has worked with seniors, I also want to say having a life partner go into Alzheimer’s is massive – that wasn’t a small existential crisis.
Have you talked to your grandma about what that journey was like for her? That might shift how both you and her see the neon carpet. And maybe her perspective has shifted and she might like to redefine the piece she did for you” DuckWithAnEye
10. AITJ For Leaving My Friends At The Wrong Pizza Parlor Due To Their Mistakes?
“I (17F) attended Tracy’s (17F) birthday party with friends, including Ariana (17F) and Baileigh (16F). Tracy was to drive some of us to a pizza parlor in Westham, while Ariana ordered an Uber for the rest. Due to a mistake, Ariana selected a location in Eastham instead.
At the party, everyone, except Ariana who claimed she wasn’t drinking, indulged in some underage drinking. During this time, Ariana confessed her romantic feelings for me to Baileigh without naming me but with clear hints. I had a complicated past with a boy named James (17M), who spread rumors about me, tarnishing my reputation.
Ariana said it would be embarrassing to be in a relationship with me because of these rumors.
Tracy drove Hannah, James, and Aria to the correct pizza parlor, while I, Baileigh, and Ariana ended up at the wrong one. Despite her earlier claims, Ariana had secretly been drinking and left her purse in the Uber, which had her house keys.
The Uber driver agreed to return it but would take three hours. Ariana insisted we wait instead of going to her house directly.
When we realized the mistake, I asked Tracy to pick us up, but she only responded if we would pay for gas.
We waited for an hour in the rain outside the closed parlor. Baileigh suggested I use my connections to get us a ride home, so I contacted my friend Thomas (17M), who agreed to help. Thomas arrived before the Uber returned with Ariana’s purse. Despite my urging, Ariana wanted to wait for the Uber.
Baileigh reassured me it was okay to leave, giving me her house keys and I gave her my jacket for warmth.
The next day, I learned that Baileigh accused me of “selling myself out” to Thomas to get a ride, which was untrue. I was subsequently labeled with numerous derogatory terms. Baileigh called me selfish for not understanding her unspoken expectations.
Am I the jerk for leaving my friends in the rain at a closed pizza parlor at midnight?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Jesus, if these are your friends, I would hate to see your enemies. Ariana was completely to blame for the entire situation. * She booked the wrong location.
Getting you stuck at the wrong location. * She left behind her purse and keys. Making you wait for the Uber Driver to come back. * She insisted on waiting at the pizza place even when your ride came to help.” Impossible_Rain_4727
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
The gossip about reputations is bad. The selling oneself statement is bad. Ariana’s embarrassment is not your problem. Friends shouldn’t leave a heavy drinker alone in a parking lot in the middle of the night. Hopefully, it’ll all blow over soon.” LTK622
9. AITJ For Losing My Temper After My Brother Tried To Slam My Hand In A Drawer?
“It’s my mom and dad’s wedding anniversary, so me(17) mom and dad, my younger Bro(16) my older bro(28), and his partner(29 I think) were having dinner (at our parent’s home).
Lil bro and I were helping clean up to be nice. I asked my lil bro if he could please move out of the way of the dishwasher for a sec (he was putting dishes in it) so I could put my extra dishes in.
He told me “no” and to “cope and seethe.” I rolled my eyes and carried on, like 2 minutes later I asked my mom if there was anything else I could do to help and she said I could put the shredded cheese into a baggie.
Now beside the dishwasher, there are drawers where we keep stuff like small bags, since my lil brother was still in the way and he had told me to “cope and seethe” after I asked him to move 2 minutes ago I didn’t bother asking this time, and he tried to slam my hand in the drawer.
I screamed and I blew a fuse because my brother had just tried to slam my hand in the drawer, and for some reason, everyone got mad at me for freaking out even though my little brother just tried to slam my hand in the drawer.
Meanwhile, he was claiming I should have just asked him to move out of the way, (bruh I asked you two minutes ago and you told me to “cope and seethe”). My mom just said “I hear you and I believe you but you need to stop escalating, I’m still eating and it’s my anniversary.” I screamed at everyone (Except my big bro’s partner because she’s really nice and she tries to stay neutral in these situations).
In short, I stormed off and like 5 minutes later my mom told me, in short, I was the problem because I escalated the situation and that it wasn’t fair to her because I “ruined” the dinner after I pointed out how it wasn’t fair that I was punished for freaking out because my brother tried to hurt me.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You are older than him so you didn’t have to engage in his silliness. You should have saved all the drama by doing your chores at a later time when he hasn’t engaged himself in his while in the kitchen.
You remove yourself from drama not create your own which is what you did.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here It sounds like tensions were already running high, and, unfortunately, the situation escalated to the point where it affected your mom’s anniversary dinner. While your brother’s behavior was certainly inappropriate, reacting by screaming and escalating the situation further likely didn’t help resolve things.
Your mom’s request to de-escalate was reasonable given the circumstances.” romyindyvk
Another User Comments:
“Soft NTJ Your brother was being unhelpful and even tried to hurt you. He’s the source of the problem. He’s a jerk. Your mother telling you you ruined her evening, instead of telling off your brother, well, a bit drama queen, isn’t she?
You screaming, I don’t know, if you were hurt, it can happen. You, not an adult yet, might have better handled the situation but if you have a contentious relationship with your brother, tempers can flare. Next time, let everyone finish eating before leaving the table and when your brother behaves immaturely, just walk away, even if it means that you stop helping or some such.” hadMcDofordinner
8. AITJ For Confronting My Mom About Not Inviting Me To Family Events?
“So, this has happened several times where I don’t get invited to important family events. My much-loved uncle came and traveled across the country to visit my family of origin. When I heard (a few months earlier) that he might be coming I asked when, as in, what date was he coming.
My Mom would not answer, so I asked my older sibling to please give me a heads up when he was coming. I asked the sibling because my mom has often forgotten to invite me when these events happen. I’ve missed out on many family events because I’ve been ‘forgotten’ by my mom.
Just for example, I was forgotten about last year when my niece got married. My brother, the niece’s dad said he invited me but I never received an invitation. The day before the wedding, my niece called me, upset that I had not RSVPed her wedding, and wondered if I was coming.
I told her I had no idea. My brother said he sent the invite but I know he lied because everyone else got a ‘save the day’ card and then an invite. I received neither.
Back to the original story: My mom and brother planned a big dinner for my uncle and invited my other siblings and some nieces and nephews but did not invite me or any of my children.
A couple of days before my uncle arrived for his visit I found out he was coming. I called my mom and I was quite upset and asked her why I was not invited. She said she thought I would be too busy and didn’t think I would come.
I was so hurt, so angry! I told her I was coming to see him, and invited myself to dinner.
Awkwardly I went to the dinner and saw my uncle, who I care about a lot. My mom has not apologized, nor is she even speaking to me.
In the past, she would expect me to apologize for being upset. I’m not going to apologize. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Things like this are why I don’t interact with my family that much. There are some relatives that I could go the rest of my life without having to see them again.
Simply because they treat me like crap.” Old_Inevitable8553
Another User Comments:
“Make up a nice little card with your picture, name, address, phone, and email, and send one to each member of your family (other than your mother/brother) to whom you want to get updates/invites.
Add a little note saying something like be sure to let me know what’s going on with the family. NTJ But get the rest of your family to stop treating you like you live at home with your mother (I assume you don’t), they should be contacting you directly.” hadMcDofordinner
7. AITJ For Yelling At My Autistic Brother For Giving Me A Toilet Cleaning Toothbrush?
“So for Memorial Day weekend, I had planned to visit my brothers’ and stay the entire weekend. I checked the bags and the trunk two times over, I’d thought I’d packed everything.
But something slipped my memory- my toothbrush.
When I was unpacking my bags in the guest room along with my partner, I was going through my bathroom bag. I kept digging and digging and lo and behold, there was no toothbrush.
I called my brother and asked if he had a spare toothbrush.
“Of course I do”.
So he delivered me this average-looking toothbrush, I guess the handle looked a little worn down so idk maybe I should’ve been a little more perceptive. But yk, my lack of perception is what got me here in the first place.
I brushed my teeth but the toothpaste gave this really strong aftertaste that seemed quite abnormal.
I hollered at him “Dude your toothpaste tastes terrible”
He started laughing like a cartoon character and it weirded out my partner, (she didn’t know he was autistic at the moment).
So idk I just start yelling at him because like wtf kind of response is that?
His smart jerk starts to explain his little plan-
He started recounting this high school basketball game. It was raining apparently. And I forgot to pick him up. He is 25 years old.
This was probably 9 years ago.
He said, “so yeah that toothbrush I gave you, yeah we use it to clean the toilets.”
Ok so at this point, I just assumed the two were connected and I started ranting at him, telling him that he is stupid for doing this.
I found it pretty terrible that he gave me that toothbrush just because of some stuff that I forgot to do 9 years ago. My partner is still mad at me for yelling at him after she found out he was autistic. I still apologized to him later.
Is my partner right to be mad at me? Did I do something wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner has 0 reason to be mad at you. You didn’t do anything wrong. Being autistic doesn’t give him the right to be a jerk. He’s been holding on to this for 9 years.
And what you did most certainly doesn’t warrant him giving you a disgusting, toilet-cleaning toothbrush. Anyone would’ve rightly yelled at the person who did this to them, autistic or not it was wrong.” NOTTHATKAREN1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for you doing that as his behavior wasn’t ok.
But with autism, random things will get connected and for you, it might not make sense but for him, it does make complete sense to do that to you 9 years later. Most people don’t know how autism works and many people with autism will get discriminated against or even harassed in a daily setting.” HikeTheSky
6. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Interrupting My Free Time?
“My mom is my neighbor and she comes to visit every day.
I have zero problems with this and I love having her around, but the problem is, once she walks through the door, she does not stop talking to me no matter what I’m doing at the moment, she’ll just walk in and start talking to me.
I can be watching a movie and she’ll walk in, sit next to me, and start talking to me about something random without any consideration that she’s interrupting my free time.
I have talked to her about this so many times. I said I love talking to her, but if I’m doing something, wait until I’m done or at least ask if I can drop it for a few minutes.
She will listen for a few days, and then go on as usual.
She walked into my house the other day while I was eating, and immediately started talking about some unimportant nonsense. She was telling me about some random gossip about people I don’t even know, and I kept telling her mom I don’t care, I don’t know these people, and I’m eating, can we talk about this later?
She wouldn’t shut up. Then she started telling me that she was at a furniture store the other day and that I should buy a bigger wardrobe because my clothes can’t fit into the one I currently have. I assured her that my clothes fit just fine, and she said “So why am I seeing a full load of laundry in the bathroom every day?” I was fed up at this point.
All I wanted was a peaceful dinner. I asked her if she came here to nag about my laundry, and she said no. So I said, “Well ever since you walked through the door, you won’t shut up for one minute and let me eat in peace.” She got silent and immediately left.
This was a few days ago and she hasn’t been back when she normally comes over every day. I haven’t talked to her, but my dad called and told me I was rude to my mother and should apologize. I’m honestly just enjoying the silence.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Apologize. And then change the locks on your door and then use the locks. Once the lock is engaged, you don’t have to open the door if you don’t feel like it, even if you are at home. And for god’s sake, don’t give your parents a spare key.
You are entitled to some privacy in your own home! Your mom shouldn’t waltz into your home and start harassing you about your housekeeping like she might have been able to walk into your bedroom at her house when you were a child in her care.
Your mom doesn’t see you as a separate and independent adult. You will have to assist her in the rethinking of your relationship. Retraining her may take years, you might as well get started. NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Enjoy the silence. Your mom wants an apology so she can pretend that your being honest was ruder than her talking nonstop.
Then she could go back to her usual routine. My MIL is like this. She wants to come over and see her grandkids, but she won’t let them get a word in. She can ask them a question and they’ll start to answer and she will interrupt AND change the subject.
She also likes to tell us what we need to buy and how she would have our house arranged if it was hers.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you were a bit rude, but it also sounds like you are at your limit.
Start locking your door and if you have a chain for the door, start using it. A cheaper solution is a door wedge that goes under the front door. You can get a pack of three from Amazon for like $10. I’d apologize, but also calmly explain that you’d prefer a call first before popping over in case you are in the middle of something.
Set a boundary of how many times a week, specific days, times, or whatever works for you.” LowBalance4404
5. AITJ For Asking My Late Mum's Friend For A Sentimental Necklace?
“To make a long story short, my mum passed away over a year ago. I was expecting to inherit a necklace with a lot of sentimental value, but it was given to a close friend of my mum’s. The necklace isn’t worth much monetarily, but it means a lot to me.
The relationship with my mom was not easy, but that necklace reminds me of happy times with her. We had talked many times about me having it, and she had even spoken to a jeweler about getting a copy of the necklace made many years ago because I loved it so much.
Before my mum passed, a friend of hers visited to say her last goodbyes. My mum invited her to choose some items to take home, and she picked the necklace along with other things. The problem is that the necklace had been promised to me before.
I understand this was forgotten and it is understandable given her ill health. I didn’t speak up then because I wanted to honor my mum’s wishes and it didn’t feel right to make a fuss over a necklace.
I’ve stayed in touch with my mum’s friend and asked if she would be willing to leave the necklace to me if she ever passed. I explained the situation and apologized, and she said that the other things my mum had given her were more valuable, and she’d happily send me the necklace.
I felt guilty about asking, so I didn’t follow up, but I recently told her that I would like to take her up on the offer. She has read my message but hasn’t responded. It’s been several weeks now, and I’m worried that I may have upset her.
I’m torn about this situation. On the one hand, I feel like I shouldn’t be so concerned about material possessions, but on the other hand, the necklace holds a lot of sentimental value for me.
So am I the jerk for asking for this necklace?
I believe the answer is probably yes, but I would like to hear other people’s thoughts. I’m unsure whether to message my mum’s friend again or just leave it. I find myself thinking about the necklace a lot.
Ultimately, I know this is just grief, and I miss my mum a lot.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m very sorry for your loss. You only get one more try to ask before you become the jerk. I’d suggest you call her or set up a specific day and time to have an actual conversation, not email, not text, etc. She does owe you a response, but it may not be the one you’re hoping for.
Please remember that from her POV, it was freely given to her – offered even – and this is a surprise. Whatever happens, try to keep it positive. You miss your mom, they were close, and you may learn more about your mom from her, sentimental value is important but ultimately nothing can take away from your relationship with your mom, necklace or not.” dresses_212_10028
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you only get to ask once more before you become the jerk. You may want to consider sending a handwritten letter restating why the necklace is sentimental (if she was explicit that she would give it to you, thank her for agreeing to send it).
That way she will have a physical reminder of the ask sitting on a table until she follows through (and your mailing address from the envelope).” BulgingKegelMuscles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ unless you continue. You should’ve said something before she took it. You’ve asked for it and now you just need to wait.
I’m sorry for your loss and for the difficult relationship. My mother and I also had a difficult relationship for the last few years before she passed and she died a year and a half ago. Sometimes I think that makes it a lot harder.” C_Visit_927
4. AITJ For Responding Indifferently To Relatives Body Shaming Me At A Wedding?
“I [female 17] was body shamed by my relatives during a cousin’s wedding.
For context I’m 5’4 and weigh 66 kg, I’m well aware that I’m overweight and I’m trying my best to be healthy and lose weight. I’m an Indian so weddings are a pretty big deal, this wedding had more than 1500 guests. I’m very close with my cousin and we used to be next-door neighbors for over 14 years so we were kind of VIP guests during the wedding.
The relatives were kind of just hanging around us kids then after 10 minutes or so they just started talking over us and kept asking everyone one what they were up to these days.
Their focus went on me after some time and they started asking about my studies and hostel life and such.
To be honest I wasn’t comfortable talking with people who I didn’t even know asking all of these but my parents told me that if anyone asks you about your academics just tell them honestly even if they feel like you’re bragging. I’m a very nerdy girl so I have great marks enough to secure 10 GPAs in my 12th boards.
Suddenly the topic came up that I was a little too overweight and my face looked too big. I have hyperthyroidism and PCOS so working out is very difficult for me. It’s too serious like I’ve been having nonstop periods for the last 3 years not a single day they have reached out to ask about my health.
I’ve been living on blood transfusion for 3 years and my hemoglobin is always on a constant 6. So I don’t think it’s justified for them to question my weight and make me feel like I’m ugly even though I’m trying my best. When I stopped answering them about my weight and stuff they said I was rude and disrespecting them.
They demanded an apology from my parents and my father went off on them. Since then some of my relatives keep reminding me to respect elders and apologize to them.
So AITJ for replying indifferently to my relatives who were body-shaming me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But in all honesty, 66kg is NOT overweight for your height. Please don’t spend these years of low weight thinking you are fat. You are going to look back when you are older thinking, wow I looked good. Please feel good about yourself now.
Also, disregard anyone who ever comments on your weight who is not a doctor.” Prudent_Fold190
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Also you are not overweight. You might have a couple extra kilos but your body is constantly in a mode of survival with all that you are going through and the important is to first be healthy or have a normal balanced life and after to lose weight.
Relatives will always have something to say, and you shouldn’t feel the need to respect them for their disrespectful comments. Respect is not given when you are being a nasty person to others for no reason. If they cared about your health, they would ask about your health and not tell you about your weight.” Charming_Miss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry, you’re going through this. Your parents should be standing up for you. I hope you can get some treatment. also 145 pounds at 5’4” isn’t that bad really so these relatives are being the jerks. I went through some difficulties in my 40s with heavy menstruation, it was awful until I got a hysterectomy.
Which made life way more awesome with no more heavy bleeding. Don’t know what doctors can do for you besides taking everything out (which you probably don’t want to do at your age) but maybe some medications or supplements can help.” NotOnApprovedList
3. AITJ For Kicking Out Customers After Closing Time?
“I work in a fast food restaurant. A family came in 5 minutes before we closed which I didn’t have any problem with. My coworkers and I were happy to serve them. One of my coworkers told them upon ordering that we’re closing at a specific time (which is in 5 minutes).
To be honest, I don’t know what was their response. Anyway, as we were making their order, I saw them sit down and it seemed like they were going to stay for a long time. It seemed like they were making themselves comfortable which again I don’t have a problem but the fact that we’re closing in a few minutes, I feel like I need to approach them and remind them just in case they forgot the time or whatsoever.
Upon approaching them, I reminded them politely that we were closing in 3 minutes. The wife quickly told me “Yes we know” and I said okay and I still smiled at them.
The moment we were closed, they just started eating. I had to approach them again because it seemed like they had no idea that we were already closed. I don’t want to be rude to be honest but I needed to approach them again to let them know.
I reminded them politely and specifically said “I’m sorry to interrupt you guys but, we’re closed”. The moment I said that, the wife yelled at me and said I was rude for asking them to leave even if they were still eating. She said it’s not so nice and that’s bad customer service.
I don’t know how to feel and think. I feel bad for asking them to leave but at the same time, I’m just doing my job. We also have tasks to do after we close. We also just wanted to go home on time since it had been a long day for us, most of us had long shifts that day.
So, am I the jerk for asking them to leave?”
Another User Comments:
“The manager or shift lead (whoever was in charge) should have told them that at 5 minutes to closing, you were to-go only. You can’t let people sit down like that, that close to closing.
If you’re that person, then that was your mistake, and it contributed to the problem. If you’re not, then NTJ.” KaliTheBlaze
2. AITJ For Choosing A Planned Trip Over A Post-Funeral Family Gathering?
“I 17M live in Arizona and sadly my step-grandfather passed about a week ago.
I was supposed to go to the funeral but I fell ill so I couldn’t go. It’s a weird situation because my dad lives in Texas, and so does his wife and her dad did as well so that’s where the funeral was.
But for months I have been planning this trip with my friends to Wisconsin for about a week, and I have to get there with the rest of my friends because it’s a 4-hour drive from the airport. So anyway we are going to leave tomorrow, something which has been planned for months when I get a call from my dad saying that he wants me to go to Texas this weekend (the funeral already happened and I missed it so he just wants me to see everyone there).
I told him that I couldn’t and I was extremely sorry that he passed but I’ve had this planned and he knows that I had, so I can’t change plans that fast, especially as I already have invested so much time and money into this.
I do feel bad for missing his funeral but I was ill and I did tell my dad that I would go to Texas after my trip, but he wants me to go while everyone is there so that’s not acceptable.
Currently, I’m still going on my trip tomorrow and I’m still up to go to Texas after it.
I understand that the death was horrible but another thing was that he wants me to see everyone who is leaving Texas, but honestly, I don’t know anyone who would be there that doesn’t live in that city in Texas. I know this is probably a confusing situation so I can clarify what people don’t understand but am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You already missed the funeral for a legitimate reason. You have a separate trip planned which fortunately wasn’t at the same time as the funeral it sounds like, but afterwards. People act funny after funerals (for obvious grief-stricken reasons) and it’s such a sensitive thing based on culture (meaning even regional cultures in the US have their own thing).
I think the responsible thing to do to smooth things over would be to call your dad and tell him you’re coming after your trip, then call your stepmom with heartfelt condolences. Go to CVS tonight and write a nice handwritten note on a card that you send by mail to her.
It will show you are not being flippant about this. My perspective: I just had a very awful death in my family but we (Californians via the Midwest on that side of the family) are not as rigid when it comes to funerals. As long as people make an actual effort to show condolences, it isn’t an enormous deal to not attend a funeral if there are extenuating circumstances.” deservingporcupine_
Another User Comments:
“So illness prevented you from attending the funeral… that’s acceptable. You’ve already decided your trip to Wisconsin is a must above all, and after that won’t try and get a refund or a day late to attend whatever to be with family.
I’m leaning towards YTJ because nowadays it’s easy to switch dates. Done it 3 times this year with no problems.” Lawlesseyes
1. AITJ For Yelling At My Stepdad After He Offered To Adopt Me?
“I (16f) live with my mom, stepdad, and my 3-year-old brother. My dad passed away when I was 14.
My dad was the best in the world, and I miss him every day. He was kind, patient, gentle, and loving, and just like me, he loved sports.
Whenever he could, he would take me to basketball, baseball, and hockey games. We would then spend hours analyzing the game afterward, and these discussions with him helped me realize that when I grow up, I want to be a sportscaster. I remember that when I first told him this, the first thing he said was “Which network do you want to work on and which sport do you want to cover?” He always supported me in whatever I wanted to do and told me anything was possible as long as I worked hard.
My stepdad is a great guy. He’s kind, respectful, and a good person. However, yesterday he offered to adopt me and my brother, saying that he’s our dad now. I politely declined, telling him that while I love him, I also love my dad, and I’m not ready for such a big step.
He then tried to argue that my brother thinks of him as “dad” and it’s unfair to deny the opportunity to my brother. I told him that we should let my brother decide when he’s older, seeing as I show him pictures of our dad often and tell my brother stories about him.
To further prove my point, I took my stepdad to where my brother was. I showed my brother two pictures, one of our dad and one of our stepdad, and asked him to point to our dad. He chose the correct picture and said “That’s daddy”.
That made my stepdad mad, and he insisted that my brother had no idea what he was talking about. This pushed me over the edge, and I yelled at him, “You’re NOT my dad, and you never will be! My dad is dead, and he’s never coming back!”
Am I the jerk for yelling at my stepfather? He’s usually kind and understanding about my whole situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Normally I’d say that was a very strong response that perhaps could have been worded better, but I think you were kind of pushed to it.
I think your stepdad kind of had his heart set on this, and it hurt his feelings that you didn’t agree. Since your stepdad is normally kind and understanding, I’d have a calm conversation with him about this. You can explain that, while you appreciate all that he has done for you, this is something very important to you and that you hope he can understand your perspective.” Own_Lack_4526
Another User Comments:
“No one is the jerk. You love your dad and you should remember him. Your stepdad loves you and I guess he may have thought that was a way of showing it. ( Still, it seems a bit early for something like that.) You’re all just fuddling through this and learning your way.
Have your mom and stepdad considered putting you in counseling or therapy? I think at your age and going through such a devastating loss It might be helpful. I’m so sorry for your loss. I was in my 30s when I lost my dad and it was so hard.
I cannot imagine how hard it is for you. I’m so glad your little brother has you to tell him stories about your father as he grows up.” C_Visit_927
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your stepdad is trying as hard as he can to be a good father figure and husband to your mom.
I would consider you very lucky, some stepparents make it very obvious they do not like children that is not theirs. Your stepdad knows he is not your real dad. Stop living in the past and tearing your family apart, you need to move on and realize not everything is about you.” [deleted]
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