People Want To Start A New Chapter In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Not Enforcing My Ex's Punishments For Our Son At My House?
“My son (10) recently traveled with his dad, dad’s partner, and her son (12) back to our home state to visit his grandparents. Shortly after they arrived, the boys were unsupervised in the basement and ended up breaking a super expensive flat-screen TV. The way my ex tells it, they both had a hand in it.
The way my son tells it, he had nothing to do with it and it was ultimately an accident. Either way, the boys are in trouble.
His dad contacted me and asked how much money our son had at my house. I honestly have no idea because his money is his money.
He earns it by doing chores and saving birthday money, etc. Apparently, they are making the boys pay the same amount of money and then work off the difference by doing extra chores. I’m okay with this line of punishment thus far.
Now, here is where I have reservations.
Her son is paying $50 and my son has $25 at his dad’s house. So I’m okay with my son also pitching in $25 of his money from our house to make it even. Fine. Okay. Whatever. His dad though, now expects me to keep track of the chores he does here as well as add on any extras and they will determine the value of said chores.
They also have taken away electronic privileges at their house and expect me to do the same. While I do believe my son should have consequences, I do not feel I should also be responsible for administering said consequences since it did not occur while under my care.
He’s broken windows while at my house and other stupid 10-year-old antics, and I’ve never reached out to his dad to carry over punishments at their house. Also, my son’s main motivation for doing chores here at home is hearing us say, “thanks for the help,” and “that job was tough and you made it a lot easier.” I don’t want to ruin that.”
Another User Comments:
“”Shortly after they arrived, the boys were unsupervised in the basement and ended up breaking a super expensive flat-screen TV. The way my ex tells it, they both had a hand in it.” INFO: How does your ex know they both had a hand in it when they were unsupervised?
The reason I ask that is because there’s a big difference between intentional destruction and accidental. There’s nothing wrong with getting them to make up for what happened but if it was genuinely an accident then to me, it’s an ESH. Trying to make a 10-year-old and a 12-year-old somehow try and financially recuperate a broken television is quite unreasonable.
They don’t have proper earning power at that age.” Mr_Ham_Man80
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. Let’s say the owner of the TV wanted to sue for a replacement TV in court. They would lose. Not because it was accidental, but because they are kids who should be supervised- and it is the responsibility of the adult that is supposed to be supervising them.
Their dad would be responsible for paying for the TV for failure to supervise or whoever was left in charge of the boys… if it was the grandparents supposed to be watching – they wouldn’t get a replacement at all. I wouldn’t send any money at all.
I would not make him pay that way, especially if he says he didn’t do it… how is that fair? They are 10 so they know better than to roughhouse, but also they are 10 and that’s what unsupervised 10-year-olds do!! This is on the dad more than anyone.
I don’t think it’s fair to punish a kid for another’s actions either. That teaches don’t get caught or lie. That’s also not a good lesson. If you think he wasn’t responsible you need to stick up for your son. Don’t force a punishment on him, because he was there.
You really need to think about this more. You are his mom, and you need to make sure what happens is fair and right. Don’t just go along because dad says so, do what’s right.” has2give
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My ex and I have a rule that consequences are only at the house where they occurred/were given.
So if my kid messed up at Dad’s and got grounded from electronics for a week, it would be 3.5 weekends at Dad’s. I could choose to enact my own consequences (but never have so far, we might have a chat, but that’s it) but the consequences were given by Dad and enforced by Dad.
The only thing that had overlap was homework. If he didn’t finish what he needed to during the week, he’d finish it at Dad’s on the weekend, but that’s it. Dad also had different rules. He could play COD and GTA younger than I thought was appropriate – but I don’t get a vote about what happens at Dad’s, and he doesn’t get a vote about what happens at mine.
We talked for sure about our differences, but ultimately Dad makes his rules. I make mine. We did meet in the middle about a number of things after talking it through. (Example – I was not a fan of my kid playing GTA at 8, but after talking it through, Dad agreed to not have my then 8yo on GTA online, and I agreed to let him play story mode.
Dad thought I was overprotective, I thought he was nuts – but we met in the middle). So I wouldn’t send over his $25 from your house either. That’s his money at your place. Dad can have him do extra chores to make up the difference, and it will take longer bc he isn’t there all the time – but it’s dad’s consequence and dad needs to put in the legwork to make it happen.” kai7yak
21. AITJ For Leaving The Room After My Husband Didn't Get Food For Our Sick Daughter And Me?
“My (45) husband (47) and I have been married for 15 years.
He comes from what I consider a pretty dysfunctional family. Example: oldest brother hasn’t spoken to their mother for almost 30 years and no one talks about it. There are plenty of other examples as well, like the fact that none of the 6 kids live anywhere near Mom and see her maybe once a year.
One of his brothers is staying with us for a few months. Neither of them cook (or clean, do laundry, etc). I have been super sick the last week so they have had to fend for themselves. Every day they have gone out to get food that neither our young daughter nor myself wanted. The first time it happened he told me I was embarrassing him when I asked why he would get something he knows we don’t eat.
This is a man who never gets embarrassed. Food in his teeth? Obvious flatulence? Mysterious stains on his clothes? Nope. But I have the magical ability to embarrass and disrespect him in front of his family on a fairly continuous basis. And I have pretty good social skills as I’ve been an ER RN for 20 years.
I know how to talk to people.
Finally tonight they decided to go to a local restaurant that everyone likes. Much excitement and anticipation. They get back and tell me that the restaurant was out of what my kid and I had ordered. But he and his brother got what they wanted. And then just came back.
No phone call, no alternative plan, nothing. He did tell me I could order food for myself from somewhere else if I wanted. But only delivery as he had already gone out once.
I told him I couldn’t deal with this level of selfishness and left the room.
Once again, he told me how embarrassing I am and why do I “feel the need to disrespect him in front of his brother”.
Am I really such a terrible wife and awful communicator? Am I making too much out of this? In my mind not getting your sick wife and small child food is way more disrespectful than anything I could have said.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t usually advocate leaving partners or husbands like so many seem to. However, I am concerned that your husband seems to think it’s okay to treat you like this and ignore feeding his own child let alone you but is happily feeding his brother.
And that’s not even addressing his demeaning comments towards you at all. Which completely and totally makes him the jerk and you NTJ but I suggest when you are better having a chat with him addressing his complete lack of disrespect towards you and your child, and where your relationship is heading when he can’t be bothered to do the basic stuff to help you out.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Why are you allowing yourself to be treated like this? Do you think so little of yourself and your daughter? Do you want your daughter to think this is the treatment she should accept from men when she’s grown? For goodness’ sake if you won’t leave him for your own sanity do it for hers.
You would be the jerk to yourself and your daughter if you let this nonsense continue.” Suitable-Cod-1381
Another User Comments:
“INFO: does your husband have a job? Because it seems pretty typical for really smart, successful women, especially nurses, to end up taking care of dysfunctional men.
Think about what you are teaching your daughter. NTJ for being justifiably upset at being treated like a dog. You would be the jerk if you raise your daughter to think this is ok.” ParticularReview4129
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Mom's Husband $5000 From My Accident Settlement?
“Back in August, I (20F) was in an accident and just received a settlement for $8000. I used up $3000 to pay off my bills (credit card and college).
I still live at home as the rent in my city has skyrocketed and I am still going to college.
Today my mom told me to give $5000 of my settlement to her husband to fix up his machine for his job since they helped me when I didn’t have a car for a few months, which I’m grateful for, but I think $5000 is a stretch since I’ve been practically living paycheck to paycheck paying off my bills.
I told her I’d help out with 1 or 2 thousand but not the whole 5 thousand, but she’s not budging.
For clarification, I come from a Hispanic family which, as other Hispanics may understand, it’s very much a “blood is thicker than water” mentality. I’d like to help my family with what they need but I can’t bring myself to give them all my money.
AITJ for not wanting to give up $5000?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you give them this money, you will never get it back. Figure out what expenses you have coming up (fall tuition, car maintenance, clothing costs, etc…) and spend as much of this money on your upcoming expenses as you can early.
This will use your money toward your necessities while decreasing the amount of cash you have just sitting around. Keep at least $2000 in your savings account (that no one else can access) in case of emergency. Only consider giving your family the money you have left after paying fall tuition, buying new clothes, buying/repairing electronics, and setting aside emergency savings.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents CHOSE to help you and that was presumably without any strings attached. There is nothing wrong with helping your folks out when you can but this would be at your own expense AND it’s their job to help you out because you didn’t decide to be born.
Your mom birthed you and now has a spouse that is contributing to that continued care in some way (because a parent’s job is never really done, right?). Parents shouldn’t treat kids like investments where they are only going to do you favors as long as they get something in return.
You are your own person with your own difficulties and needs so don’t worry about giving anyone $5k.” maaya_the_bee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First off, even though you are an adult, if you’re in college you’re most likely still a dependent meaning on some level it’s still their job to take care of you.
Even if not, paying them back for the extra help is reasonable but them demanding basically all the money you have left knowing it’s more than what they gave is weird. You were the one in an accident. In the future, do not tell them how much you get from anything.
They’re only asking because they know you have it and want it themselves.” PhuckWitM3
19. AITJ For Not Attending My Sister-In-Law's Baby Shower Due To Work Commitments?
“I (35f) am getting married this summer to my (35m) fiance. His brother (33m) Mark and his wife (30f) Brittany were married last year. They have now recently announced their pregnancy.
My fiance and I were in the wedding party and planned a close fam/friend engagement dinner for them, we planned another summer engagement party with 75 guests for them, planned pretty great bachelor/bachelorette parties (albeit scaled down), and attempted to plan a shower for Brittany but she didn’t want it because she couldn’t have the shower of her dreams with the restrictions at the time.
We also had a stag and doe, and 50/50 party for them both of which were successful and they raised over $12,000. For pregnancy, we hosted a large gender reveal party (their request) which had over 100 guests in attendance.
My fiance and I are also quietly trying to plan our own wedding.
We aren’t naive and we know our wedding is more important to us than it is to anyone else. We didn’t have nor expect any engagement parties and we didn’t have a stag and doe because most of our wedding party couldn’t make it work.
I am having a bridal shower (MOH planned). I didn’t expect one and I have asked that it remain small with close friends and family. Brittany continuously asked to change the dates to accommodate her schedule. They did. Now with my shower being a couple of weeks away, Brittany informed my MIL that she’s not coming because she booked a trip with her work friends.
A few people insist that Brittany is a little bitter about her scaled-down wedding and is taking it out on me. I get it, 2020 sucked and ruined a lot of plans but I really wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.
When I asked Brittany, she said she didn’t realize the dates were the same but then my sister confirmed with screenshots that Brittany asked for this date.
My MIL is now planning Brittany’s baby shower but has also planned it for a weekend I work and I can’t get any more time off this year. Brittany wants me to call in sick anyway, but I don’t want to. I feel like we have gone the extra mile for her with no reciprocation.
I don’t think it’s fair. AITJ for not going?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is absurd. That’s way too many wedding parties. I feel for anyone with a scaled-down wedding party due to the restrictions but she had a party with 75 guests. Good lord, she could have had a pretty darn close to normal wedding with 75 guests.” superfastmomma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She considered a trip with her friends more important when she chose the date of the event. Work actually is more important. You could get in trouble with your work if they find out you called in sick to go to a party.
That’s a legitimate reason to say no.” HearingStunning
Another User Comments:
“So NTJ! Sweet evil Jeebus, how many pre-wedding events does one person need? The woman got a tonne of parties, a tonne of attention, and plenty of money so it sounds as if the guests practically paid for the wedding!
Twelve grand???? Holy cow! She’s a spoilt brat playing petty games because she’s being a greedy monster! The only winning move is not to play, you and your future husband have the wedding you want, on the days you want, and don’t jeopardize your employment for someone who would never do the same for you.
She’s had her time in the spotlight and clearly she doesn’t want to share. I wish you an enjoyable wedding and a happy marriage!” Lulubelle__007
18. AITJ For Expecting Free Legal Advice From A Friend After Helping Him With Tech Issues?
“I work in IT/Graphical design and people ask me for tech help constantly. Like I’m everyone’s go-to guy if their computer is broken or they need to upgrade or their internet isn’t working or you name it.
I always help because I tend to try to live by this standard that “if I have the ability to help someone and choose not to then I’m morally in the wrong”.
Well, the other day I needed some legal advice. So I reached out to a buddy of mine (who I’ve helped with computer stuff by the way) if he would be willing to give me essentially a consultation.
He directed me to his website where I am hit with the “1-hour consultation is $300” so I was like “hey I can’t really afford these kinds of lawyer fees and was kind of hoping you could just help me as a friend”.
Well, he laughed and got a little rude with me saying the old “don’t ask people to do what they do for a living for free” but I never really understood that mindset because I help people all the time for free and would feel bad for accepting payment from my friends when they need help.
I was kind of taken aback and responded that I never charge him for any of the help I give him within my profession but he said “That’s different because it’s just computer stuff” which felt like I’m being looked down on. We kind of got into it a little bit where I said yeah but you take your stuff to me because you think taking it to the store is a ripoff when my rate is actually a lot higher than a place like Best Buy.
We didn’t really make up and probably aren’t talking much anymore lol.
So yeah, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I frequently call on my friends to bounce ideas off of them, and your friend could at least have listened to what you had to say and then pointed you in the right direction.
“That’s not my area of expertise, but I think you need a lawyer specializing in XYZ field. Let me dig in my rolodex to give you a name” would be perfectly acceptable. I’d also use the very same line if he EVER comes to you with a computer problem again.
“$100/hr, 2 hr minimum. Please ensure data is backed up as we make no guarantees.”” Fanculo_Cazzo
Another User Comments:
“”Don’t ask people to do what they do for a living for free.” He’s a hypocrite, seeing as how you’ve helped him multiple times in the past with his tech issues.
“That’s different because it’s just computer stuff.” He does not value your expertise, time, and effort. You helping out others shows that you’re a good person; continue being who you are, but understand that there is a line to be drawn when people wish to take advantage of your kindness, as in this case.
If I were you, I would not make an effort to reach out to mend this friendship, because he’s shown you who he is, and not worth the time and effort. On the flip side, I would definitely pay a friend for his/her expertise in a given area, however, there is an unwritten expectation that ‘if you scratch my back, I will scratch yours.'” Grouchy-Sky-549
Another User Comments:
“Retaining a lawyer is a bit different because of ethics and malpractice issues, but he certainly could do it pro bono as a favor to you if you have done a bunch of favors for him. But if you’ve made him aware of the general situation, he also might be thinking it’s going to be longer and more convoluted to actually accomplish anything than a simple consultation.
I think there’s a balance – I would be happy to help a friend’s kid out with a homework problem occasionally as a favor, but I’m not providing regular tutoring for free. Maybe you need to consider your boundaries on how much you are willing to do for free – or take a hard look at the size of the circle of people you are willing to help.” human060989
17. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Set Boundaries With His Overbearing Mother?
“M (29F) husband (29M) and I have been married for a little over 2 years. My mother-in-law seemed to be nice at the start but after a few months started totally losing it on me, my marriage, and my family. She has said numerous times that if I do not do anything for her (clean her house and cook her food) then my marriage will not last. Keep in mind that I cook for them at least once a week and she can never say that she has asked for something and I didn’t do it.
Despite that, she had told my husband that he should divorce me and get a younger girl that would “listen”. She continuously says that since I am married to her son I need to forget about my family and she comes first.
Whenever we are invited to my family for a meal it is a problem because we should only be spending time with her and her family.
Even going on a holiday without her is a problem and going out of town for the afternoon is also an issue if we don’t stop by her and see her. This is just the tip of the iceberg and my husband sees nothing wrong with her behavior.
AITJ for getting upset with him and telling him to put some boundaries in place. In no way am I saying that he shouldn’t have a relationship with them and we shouldn’t spend time with them but why is being a couple and spending time with my family a problem.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ been there, done that. My first husband’s mother was exactly like this. We were expected at his family’s house for every holiday. I put my foot down and said no way, my family is important too. I would split the holidays half a day at my family and half at his.
Once we (husband me and kids) went on a one-week vacation and his mom called halfway through and said we had to come back because there was a family emergency. Drive 12 hours home to find out it was a lie, she was upset we were too far away.
I told him the next day that if he didn’t tell her to back off, I was done and I’d leave with the kids. And that’s why we are divorced.” coolmommabear
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ and this behavior needs to be addressed directly and stopped NOW or you will end up divorced. Your HUSBAND, not you, needs to set strict boundaries with his mom and stick to them.
It may take a while, but she’ll eventually learn that if she doesn’t respect his wife and his marriage, she doesn’t get to have a relationship with him. If he is unwilling to do that for you and your relationship, then unfortunately you need to move on.
I promise you don’t want to deal with this unnecessary stress for the next 30+ years and it will get worse if you guys decide to have kids.” jeansareformalwear
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop cooking for her, stop doing stuff for her. If you want to stay in this marriage with someone who doesn’t enforce boundaries with his mother, you are in for a world of trouble.
But at the very least, enforce your OWN boundaries. Your husband can and clearly will do what he wants. You need to do the same. If you don’t put your foot down now, it will only get unbelievably worse when kids come along.” ImaginaryAnts
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother's Cat At My Parents' House Due To My Allergy?
“I have been allergic to animal hair since I can remember. At some point, my brother who still lived with my parents at the time, decided to get a cat (despite my known allergy). Eventually, my brother moved in with his partner but left the cat with my parents since he was used to the big house and garden.
When I moved back in with them for a while I had suffered severe allergic symptoms, including trouble breathing. My meds did not help. So I asked my parents to move the cat to my brother’s apartment. The cat has been happily living there ever since.
It took a long time for me being symptom-free in my parents’ house though due to the specifics of cat hair (spreads within the house even if the cat doesn’t go everywhere, sticks to all surfaces, and is impossible to clean, meaning the allergens stay present for years (up to 5 according to studies)).
I now live in my own apartment, but since I live relatively close (50 minutes by car) I still visit my parents every couple of weeks, often also staying the night. My brother does not visit as he and my father had a falling out.
My brother and his partner usually ask a friend to take in the cat when they go on vacation, but this time their friend cannot take him.
So the partner asked me if it was ok for me if they dropped the cat at my parents’ house while they are on vacation. She said that it should be ok in her opinion since I am not visiting that often anyway and that he could just stay on the ground floor.
I appreciate her asking me. Still, I told her no because it means I won’t be able to visit my parents anymore without risking my health. I also know that they can bring the cat to a pet hotel or to the partner’s parents (they live a few hours away), so they do have alternatives.
She got mad and said it is not fair that my mum cannot choose to have the cat over, so basically thinks I am blackmailing her and that I am being totally unreasonable.
This is of course exaggerated as my parents make their own decisions.
I have, however, made clear to them that I am not going to be able to visit them in the house for quite a while if they decide to take in the cat as I am not willing to risk an asthma attack, if I can avoid it.
We are close and I know they want me to visit and prefer it over visiting me (large city, they don’t feel comfortable).
I feel terrible after the conversation with my brother’s partner. I don’t want to make things complicated and definitely don’t want to blackmail anyone, but I can’t shake the feeling that’s what I am doing.
At the same time, I don’t see an alternative to clearly communicating the consequences to everyone because I will not have a choice (at least none that is healthy for me) if they go through with it. I am not sure who is the one asking too much in this scenario.
So, AITJ for telling my brother’s partner that I am not ok with them bringing their cat to my parents’ house because I still want to be able to visit them in my childhood home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t understand why your parents didn’t keep their home pet-free since they would presumably know you’ve had a serious lifelong allergy to cats.
I also don’t understand why your brother would introduce a cat to your parents’ house for the same reason. Or why this issue persists even after you began having severe reactions to your brother’s cat (a big neon reminder of your allergy, in case it slipped your family’s minds).
Your health should be more important than having convenient, free pet care. Shame on your brother’s partner for her rant—and, too, shame on your parents and brother for allowing this to become a you-and-brother’s-partner discussion. If you were my sibling or child, there would be no option of discussion.
No cat. Bold font. Underline. Period.” Fresh_Process6822
Another User Comments:
“Maybe soft YTJ. You can express your preferences, but ultimately it’s up to your parents. They are more responsible for your health/well-being than your brother and partner are. Your parents know how allergic you are and how often you may want to visit.
Maybe they either don’t really appreciate it or do still want to help out your brother and like having the cat sometimes. You can enforce a no-cat rule on places you occasionally visit. Talk to your mom, but let her make her own decision. Sorry you’re so allergic…to still be affected by dander years after a cat has visited seems a VERY extreme reaction.
That sucks.” tinny36
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This seems like one of those times when someone asks you if you’re okay with something and then gets mad at your response. Like to me it seems like she knew you would get sick/not want it there and is now just trying to guilt you and make you out to be the bad guy.
I also really fail to see how this is blackmailing or an ultimatum. This has nothing to do with your opinions of the cat, your brother, or partner but taking care of your physical health and making sure you stay healthy. I find it to be less of an ultimatum and more just explaining to your parents what logically would happen.
“Last time I was there after the cat I got bad symptoms and couldn’t breathe. If the cat stays there again I will not be able to visit again for a while because I can afford to risk my physical health.” To me, this is honestly just another able-bodied individual acting inconvenienced when a disabled person expresses their needs/accommodations.
You are not wrong for wanting this to be an accessible place for you. I also feel like you have acknowledged that this is ultimately your parents’ choice, so people need to stop making that comment. It also feels kinda weird to me that your brother and his partner don’t visit due to a falling out, yet are still expecting your parents to provide free animal care for them?” xoxo010splat
15. AITJ For Throwing A Gender Reveal Party For My Trans Son Before My Sister's Baby Shower?
“I’m a 47-year-old single dad of a 19-year-old young man, who was born as a female. We lost his mom to illness. He came out to us as trans 3 years ago and completed his transition just a few weeks ago.
My sister is pregnant with her 5th child and is doing a baby shower/”gender reveal” next weekend.
The whole family is invited. Her baby is due at the end of July.
I am throwing my son a gender reveal party this Thursday. He always wanted one (ever since he came out) and now that he is officially a man, we are finally throwing one.
The whole family is invited, though some won’t come because they don’t approve.
We sent out the invitations 2 months ago. My sister told me she’ll see about coming (because she is heavily pregnant) and I put her down for a maybe. Yesterday she called me fuming, said that a lot of the family members are actually coming to my son’s party and since this is the first family thing since 2020, this will be the first big party, and then her baby shower will just be an afterthought.
I told her I’m not moving my son’s party because everyone will still attend her baby shower on the weekend. She said I am faking a gender reveal party and I told her that’s ridiculous. She said it won’t even be a proper gender reveal because he’s not a baby, then I just said that she can either come or not, her choice, but I’m not moving the date.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your son’s gender reveal party is almost more important than hers since she technically has no idea what gender her child is going to identify as. He’s celebrating his true self which is beautiful. I was coming here expecting to see another “gender reveal” scandal, but this is actually quite nice.
Also, it’s not like you put it on the same day. Happy gender reveal day to your son when the time comes, your sister needs to chill.” stitchgalohana
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a wonderful thing to do for your son! From your comments, I see your son’s party was planned first & your sister set the date for her baby shower after the fact.
You are clearly not the jerk here, your sister is just being unreasonable (& likely hormonal). Along those lines, it sounds like your sister was supportive of your son’s party when you sent the invites out & said she’d try to make it, so I’d try to cut her a little slack as she is probably overly emotional & hormonal at this stage of her pregnancy.” SunnyBunnyHopHop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is being a jerk. They are two separate events for two separate reasons, people can go to two events in the same week! And can I just say I love how supportive you are of your son!! So many posts on here are from sons and daughters whose parents don’t support them whatsoever!
It should be so natural but sadly isn’t that a parent supports their children no matter what. My child is non-binary so this post really hits close to home. Thank you from me and my child!! Happy Gender Reveal to your son!!” Global_Monk_5778
14. AITJ For Insisting My Sister Can Bring Her Newborn To Our Wedding?
“My fiancee (F) and I (M) (both late 20s) are getting married in September. We are now talking about guest lists, food, decorations etc etc. We decided to have a small wedding and just invite our immediate family and closest friends.
My sister is pregnant and is due in a few weeks.
She has been trying for a baby for years and I am so happy for her. She RSVPed and said she will come with her husband and baby (every family member can bring their SO and kids so nothing unusual).
I told my fiancee that they will all be coming and she got upset, saying she doesn’t want a baby at her wedding.
She said the baby will cry and ruin the wedding, plus everyone will be focused on my sister and her new baby (we all live in different states so the wedding will be the first time most of the family will see the baby as my sister and her husband are taking the summer to themselves to be alone with their baby).
I reminded her that we agreed not to have a child-free wedding because she wanted her seven nephews and nieces there (aged 8-15). My brother’s sons will also come (6 and 9).
She said that I have to tell my sister not to bring the baby. I said I’m not doing it and she said that she wants CHILDREN there, not babies, because the other kids are old enough to know how to behave.
I said she’s being ridiculous and I am not doing that to my sister. She says we must have misunderstood each other and should fix this now by just clarifying why we don’t want babies at our wedding.
AITJ for telling her I won’t change the invitations?”
Another User Comments:
“I honestly don’t believe either of you is the jerk, looking at the situation I can see both sides. Newborn babies cry and a lot of the time it’s uncontrollable. If the baby starts crying during your vows, that’s a pretty iconic moment in your relationship where you want everything to be perfect including no screaming babies.
However, if you would like the baby there then there are always ways around it but you need to compromise. I hate to say it but one way would be to put her in the back, that way if the baby cries she can have easy access to walk away and take care of the baby.
The whole family meeting the baby thing, a simple meeting before the wedding I’d find to be completely acceptable. It’s yours and her big day, she wants those memories to last a lifetime and wants to be the main center of attention which is completely understandable.
The best possible way to resolve this situation is to compromise with each other.” throwaway1551155115
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I understand both your points and I feel like you also recognize each other’s points. Is there a compromise possible? Maybe by taking into account either/or these two points: 1) Is it possible to have a little pre-family party the day before where your family can see the baby and be super happy with it and it won’t be on your big day?
2) I understand not wanting to have the baby cry during the actual ceremony, so maybe there is an option to have a nanny/older nephew/niece (that is too young to care about boring ceremonies anyway) look after the baby in another room for that hour?
Or maybe her father if your sister (understandably) doesn’t want to miss the big moment. But just suggestions, I just think you should talk with your fiancee and find a middle ground you are both HAPPY with. (not just being able to accept, it is supposed to be a happy event.)” Naive-Mechanic4683
Another User Comments:
“Hmm. I’m going to say no jerks here. I get where you’re coming from, but she makes good points – the baby will distract from the festivities that are supposed to be about you and her. I think she’s making a fuss, but then again so are you, and I sympathize with both of you.
Perhaps you could arrange a pre-wedding event the day before with the whole family, but invite just your sister and brother-in-law to the wedding ceremony. Or arrange for childcare for the baby during the ceremony so it won’t be within earshot if it fusses, but have it with its parents during the reception.” Motor_Crow4482
13. AITJ For Not Telling My Partner I Dye My Hair?
“I (F27) hate my natural hair color (dirty blonde). My parents told me I could not dye it until I was 18 and that’s how it went – on my 18th birthday when normal kids in my country are buying their first legal beers and smokes, I bought myself a hair dye.
I am taking great care to never show even any roots and I haven’t seen my natural hair color in the last 9 years.
Since 2018 I have been ginger. Given my complexion, it looks quite natural however when asked I never deny dyeing my hair.
Two years ago I started seeing “Remy”.
We aren’t living together yet so he isn’t aware of my daily routines as well as I am not aware of his. He never asked either if I dye my hair or what’s my natural color and I never told him because why would I if it hadn’t come up in conversation?
Last week we were visiting my parents and my mum decided to show Remy my childhood photos. Awkward but not a big deal. He mentioned during a conversation how interesting it is that my hair darkened through the years from blonde to ginger and asked if it is typical in the family.
And both my mum and I were like “hey, dude, I am using hair dye, you didn’t know”? He said he got it and the rest of the visit was somewhat awkward but honestly, I wasn’t thinking much about that.
When we were coming back from my parents, Remy got sort of angry and told me that I shouldn’t lie about something in my appearance, that he felt deceived, and that he hoped for our babies (we never even talked about having babies) to have pretty ginger hair like their mother.
I told him I wasn’t hiding it on purpose but it made him even more upset and he told me that as his partner I should be honest with him about my real appearance.
He has barely talked to me since then and once asked me if I had something more to hide.
I didn’t want to lie to him and honestly, I wasn’t even aware that I was doing so. Would he ever ask about my natural hair, I would tell him the truth. Should I apologize? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He didn’t ask, and it’s not a normal disclosure thing, so you didn’t lie.
He assumed. And then cared enough to pout about it, but still not enough to ask at any point. Yes, some folk care about red hair because they like the aesthetic, but that’s just as good well-dyed, or natural so they don’t care. If you care more than that, it’s not a preference, it’s an obsession, and he certainly should have disclosed that at some point before you share the super interesting details of your beauty regime!
If he’s normal, he’s just embarrassed he made a dumb statement to your mother (hair can turn blonde to red in a baby, unlikely in a fully formed child). That he’ll get over. If he’s one of those weird “I must breed the gingers back from the brink of extinction!” obsessive cringelords, then there’s no hope anyway.” GojuSuzi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But Remy’s got some issues. Honestly, there’s no need to be ashamed of your natural color, but it sounds like you’ve found a color you love that looks great on you so well done! People dye their hair all the time, you weren’t being sneaky about it.
You do not owe him an apology. Should you end up staying with Remy and one day have kids – they can dye their hair ginger when they turn 18 too.” CarrieCat62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s hair dye, it’s not like you’re hiding a major part of yourself (previous marriage, etc.), and like you said if he had asked you’d have told him.
Also, unless he himself is ginger, his logic on ginger genetics makes no sense. One ginger parent doesn’t guarantee any ginger children or even grandchildren. My grandma (ginger) has 0 ginger children/grandchildren, but her brother (not quite ginger but with some copper hairs dispersed) has 1 ginger grandchild.” Brilliant_Victory_77
12. AITJ For Not Slowing Down My Mail Route To Help My Co-Workers?
“I am a new carrier. City Carrier Assistant. We do the routes when the regulars are off, or someone calls in sick, etc. I love my job, it’s great. But lately, things have been changing.
I was hired with a girl who just could not get a route done, no matter how light the mail was. So every CCA had to go back out and help her. It was ‘expected’ that because we were hired at the same time, I would help her the most. After a month and a half (one month being on the same route) she..
still isn’t finishing in time.
I meanwhile have lived here for a while now, and have a good sense of direction. I’m tall, I walk fast. I get my routes done well below even what the regulars do. I’m not trying to be fast, it’s just my pace.
I’ll find tricks to make a route go faster.
The “loudest” CCA (I say loudest because she proclaims herself to be) would call in and check how I was doing, etc. Doing fine, thank you! How are you, etc? I have never once asked any of them for help.
I get it done myself. There have been days past 5 pm, but they’ve never had to come take mail off of me once.
However, regulars and older CCAs will either take their time or have a prescribed way of doing a route, which is fine, that’s their way.
A regular said she designed her route confusingly because it made it exactly 8 hours. Okay.
So if I get back at say, 2:30, I will go ask my supervisor and postmaster, is there anything you want me to do? They may say check in with X or Y, and I do, and if they need help, I will.
However, if they say no, I go home.
The loud CCA called me out on it one day, asking what time I went home the previous day. I said 6:30 because I was helping the new girl. Again. She was on the last part of her route, and I took all her packages from her.
The loud one said “Oh, great, so you were home when we went back out to help her. This is like the fourth time it’s happened. You’re a great carrier but you suck as a team player.” And one regular stuck up for me. Which was nice.
In small towns, the USPS does Amazon deliveries on Sundays. RCA/CCAs do the Sunday stuff. Sometimes, management will see that the city is covered and get me to do rural packages because rural is lacking. Okay, it’s their prerogative to put me on rural on a Sunday.
Today, it was just 3 CCAs and 10 routes. With one route being a backlog of yesterday’s packages, and today’s.
Two CCAs didn’t speak more than 3 words to me, and despite having signed up for 2 routes, and expecting to split the overloaded one, I return to find that they’d all left me that route to do by myself.
All of it. They knew what they were doing. It was the first time I wanted to sit on the curb and just cry at being overwhelmed.
I just go in and do my job. I report to management who tells me I’m doing great.
The regulars think I’m doing great. My CCA co-workers can’t stand me. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are doing your job and are not required to help the other CCAs, just like they are not required to help you. They are just jealous and that is not your fault, you are making them look bad, which is also not your fault.
What do they want you to do, slow down? Or do they expect you to take over the slow girl’s route? Would it be nice if you helped out the others? Yes. But it is not a requirement. I think that you need to just ignore them.” MuchLoveWaffleGirl
Another User Comments:
“Former CCA here and I had the same experience at my location and I realized that the location was a bag of jerks when I got sent to the Iowa City location for the day because they needed the extra help. The people in charge there were so much nicer and one even came out to save me from a wasp nest that was in an apartment mailbox unit lol.
In the end, I left the job entirely due to my location not making me feel adequate and making me depressed. If you joined the union I would maybe talk to the rep or if you have a really nice postmaster send them an email or both.” External_Pop_6692
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if this continues, you need to file a complaint with human resources. Meanwhile, you need to meticulously document every instance where you were assigned extra work that others were supposed to do, and your coworkers treated you badly or unfairly with the supervisor’s blessing.
This last part, documentation, where you write down what happened at the end of every day, is very important. And do not tell anyone you are doing that or that you plan to go to HR. The journal could be very important.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Walking Out Of My Job Because I Wasn't Paid The Agreed Upon Wage?
“I’ve been working at this place for over a year.
My boss, two months ago, promoted me to shift manager which would come with a $2 pay raise. I’ve been working hard and not paying attention to what I was actually getting paid. One of my employees needed to print out her pay stubs so I decided to also print mine out just in case I needed them.
When I looked at them, I saw that I was still getting paid at the same rate as a normal employee.
At the time it was just me and the owner during a very busy rush. When I saw it, I brought it up to him.
He said this is no time to discuss that. I told him this is ridiculous. This isn’t the first time that he has not paid me what we agreed upon. I told him I would not be working anymore until my pay is fixed and I’m given the amount that I am owed. Now, sure I’m probably fine on the leaving part, but he ended up getting a lot of refunds because people didn’t want to wait as long as they waited. He tells me that I need to fix this.
I told him to screw off.
A few days ago he asked me to come in to talk about it. He never once in the discussion said he was going to fix the amount that I was owed, just the amount that I’m going to be paid.
I walked out and this morning he texted me asking to talk again. I told him he can either fix my pay and pay me what I’m owed or the only person he’ll be talking to is my lawyer.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I disagree with people who said everyone sucks here because it was a bad time – the boss is blatantly conning our dear friend, let’s not even talk about back wages, he’s paying him, the shift manager, the same wage as a regular employee under him.
He needs to feel the hurt to fully appreciate you don’t screw over other people without them screwing you back.” ThomzLC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had to deal with this last Autumn, and it took around 2 months for central HR/Payroll to get it all resolved and finally give me my back pay.
I did contact the Office of the Ombud and threatened to contact the State Department of Labor. Do not stop demanding what you are owed. Keep records. Read the labor laws of your area (warning: wage theft in the USA is often not prosecuted as a criminal violation.
It’s generally treated as a civil matter. BUT: that doesn’t mean there aren’t laws or consequences). Tell your boss that you will be reporting them to the appropriate authorities. Quote the labor laws directly at them. Be prepared to follow up with legal representation.” leginkitty
Another User Comments:
“Unless you have a written contract, you won’t see your money. You’re kind of a jerk for forcing the negotiation during a rush when it’d cost money for him if you left. That’s a pretty dumb move if you want to keep the job, because your boss will never trust you again.
It’s also kind of unprofessional (of course, so is reneging on a wage agreement). I think this isn’t AITJ stuff – you might be an unreliable employee who’ll lose their job and not have a good reference. That’s a big sacrifice to make for the sake of a stunt.
But you’re the major victim so… I think you’re foolish but NTJ.” BigBayesian
10. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Surname After My Estranged Grandmother's Demand?
“I am half Native American (mother) and half white (father). My dad died when I was around six years old, he was a firefighter and died on the job. My dad’s family are like direct descendants (or claim to be) of the first white settlers of the state they are from and take EXTREME pride in it – and not the “here’s the family gravy boat great granddaddy brought with him from France” type of pride, more the “cousin marriage is ok if it preserves the bloodline” type.
They cut off my father for marrying a non-white woman and didn’t even come to his funeral when he died. I have literally zero memories of any of them and wouldn’t recognize them on the street probably. After my pops died my ma moved me and my sisters to go live with my maternal (wonderful, beautiful, angelic) grandparents and we grew up in a very secluded area and kept to ourselves.
My dad’s family never contacted us and we never contacted them.
Fast forward to now, I’m 27 and live in a different city, and am in my second year of residency (my dad dying gave me a morbid fascination with life and death and I naturally decided to become a depressed ‘I’m so angry at the world for killing my father so now I’m going to be a grumpy doctor to save other people’s fathers’ med student) and I go by Dr. ‘my last name’.
A week ago I got a phone call from my mother saying that my dad’s parents had contacted her asking for my phone number, a part of me thought they had all had this huge epiphany to stop being terrible high-cholesterol racists and reconnect with their granddaughter and so I said yes.
My ‘grandmother’ called a few days ago, and not only was she not trying to reconnect with me in any capacity, but the old bat was calling to demand that I change my surname as she had seen I was using it in a “professional capacity” and that this is a misrepresentation of her family.
She said that seeing as my father had played no role in raising me I shouldn’t be using his name and that as the living stakeholders of the family name, it was their right to choose who used it and who didn’t. I asked if she was joking or having a stroke and she called me some names and I told her to go forget herself straight to oblivion.
She said she was speaking to lawyers before hanging up.
Am I the jerk for telling an old lady who happens to be my grandmother she’s going to oblivion and refusing to change my surname?”
Another User Comments:
“Ok but, let’s assume the surname is ‘Washington’ for giggle’s sake.
I’m Aussie, English/Scottish Aussie. No family from the USA. There is literally nothing stopping me from moving to your dad’s family’s state and changing my name from ‘Jane Smith’ to ‘Jane Washington’. The Washington family cannot stop me. The Washington family has no hold over a name.
You cannot copyright a name. But you. You have those magical genes. Your body is half ‘Washington’ and your name has always been ‘Washington’, you have every legal and moral right to use your name. NTJ.” Zorgas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s no way to protect the name.
It’s not a copyright or trademark. Even more, besides family, anyone can literally use the name. Anyone in the family could be walking around and say the name aloud. Someone nearby could think, “that’s an interesting name, I’m changing my name to that.”” GeologistPositive
Another User Comments:
“”I’m gonna speak to a lawyer.” What?!?!?!?! OP NTJ and give your mom a heads up if you haven’t already about what’s up and to spread the word that no one is to talk to your dad’s family or give them any info. Your parents were married when they had you.
You don’t need his family’s permission to use the name on your birth certificate. No lawyer worth their license is going to take on this case, but that doesn’t mean someone greedy won’t be willing to participate in the possible hate campaign your father’s family may engage in.
Also it’s now cover all bases time -Lock down your social media and consider removing any followers you don’t know well just in case. Assuming the old woman has money and connections it might be worth it to talk to the hospital admins about this as she for sure knows where you work.” PommeDeSang
9. AITJ For Being Frustrated With My Partner's Unaddressed Chronic Pain?
“My partner has an old injury that has him in a lot of pain all the time, the trouble is he won’t do anything about it. He used to see the chiropractor twice a week, which helped, but stopped as it was too expensive. We’re now in a better place financially, but he won’t go back.
I’ve suggested seeing our local masseuse or an osteopath which he has also disregarded because he says we can’t afford it. Money would be tight, but it wouldn’t break us. Plus it would be worth it for him to not be in agony.
I’m now almost halfway through my second pregnancy with our second child and I’m finding I have a really short fuse when it comes to his whinging.
It’s all he talks about and I’m sick of hearing it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I have dealt with chronic back pain since 1999 when I was in an auto accident caused by a heavy drinker driver. Chiropractic, Homeopathic, and massage only help a small amount and for me personally did nothing.
I have spent over 20 years going to doctors having procedure after procedure to no avail. My wife used to be just like you until she had a herniated disc L5 S1. I don’t necessarily think that you are a jerk I just think that you don’t understand what he is going through.
And it’s more than just the pain. It’s depression, feeling worthless, and feeling like “why should I go to another doctor? Nothing works”. It can be very frustrating. I finally got some relief by having a spinal cord stimulator placement but not everyone gets that relief.
Suggest pain management and therapy. Those things helped me. Best wishes.” darstven
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just tell him that if he keeps on nagging about it, you’ll fix the appointment for him. He has a problem with an obvious, possible, and within-reach solution. Perhaps he just feels a bit too at ease in his “victim role”, and wants him to be all about him, but consider this, you’re pregnant, so that means soon a little kid in the house.
1. You can’t deal with two babies. 2. If he gets help, he might help you with the baby 3. If he gets help, he can’t get out of helping the baby because of his “backache” 4. Imagine a situation where you complain about being tired, and you are sore from taking care of the baby, and he keeps on saying “I got it much worse,” ==> it ends in being a single mom…” Annual-Reindeer5492
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just human. My husband is disabled and for a long time, he would not address the issue leaving me to care for him and the kids. After a while, I got angry first at him and then at myself because I knew he didn’t choose this for us.
I learned the hard way my husband was depressed when his medical problems became life-threatening and I almost lost him. I told the doctors about his withdrawal. He was there for almost a month (at which time I also got into therapy) and they got him the help he needed and a year later we are planning a cruise vacation together.
Constant pain changes a person no matter how hard they try for it not to and when nothing makes it go away and only helps with it that can make them feel hopeless like the effort to control it is not worth it. I hope you guys can find a path forward that helps you both.” familydogsandwine
8. AITJ For Being Upset With My Parents For Not Helping Me Buy A Wheelchair?
“I’m chronically ill and disabled. I have tried very hard to work any job I can get my hands on. I always end up suffering and needing to leave. My mom and dad keep pressuring me to go to college (have had to withdraw twice because of my health).
I have always tried my best to live up to the expectations set by my parents. I live with my mom and I’m on SNAP but have no other money.
I applied for disability 2 years ago just before I went to college for the 2nd time.
They of course denied me as they do for all first-time applicants but we appealed the decision with the help of a lawyer. Lawyer was confident that I would win my case. Despite expert witness testimony saying that there were no jobs in the United States that I could possibly do, the judge said because I was able to feed my dog every day and that I was able to walk my dog once a week (which I am no longer able to do) that I could have a job.
We obviously are appealing that decision and because of that this court case is dragging on longer than my lawyer thought it would.
The main issue: I need a motorized wheelchair to make sure that I can go places and make it back safely. I have a walker but a walker is only good if you can go somewhere and know you can make it back.
My parents keep pressuring me to go back to college but I continue to tell them that I won’t be able to do that until I have a wheelchair to make sure I don’t have to withdraw again. They insist that I shouldn’t get a wheelchair until we have a way to get it in the car or house.
Today I found an electric power chair that folds and would fit. The immediate response to me was that I didn’t have the money for it.
Every time we have a conversation they bring up the fact that I have no money. I am well aware of the fact that I have no money.
I have asked her if I could take a loan from her or my dad (who makes over $100,000 a year) for the $3,000 I’m going to need for the wheelchair. She said no and that I have to wait till I get money. It could take me months, maybe even years to get on disability and that entire time she is still going to tell me that I need to leave the house more often and that I need to go back to college or that I need to take a class.
I can’t take being in this house anymore but I don’t have any other options. I want to work with them to find a solution that works for us all. She just thinks that I need to wait until I get a job or until I can get on disability, meaning that for the foreseeable future, my life is stuck in the confines of my house.
So am I the jerk for being upset?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ how can you get a job to pay for a wheelchair if you don’t have a wheelchair? There are a lot of jerks here, including a delusional judge, your illogical parents, and the horrible healthcare system in the US.
Check out The Wheelchair Foundation. They have a list of organizations on their website that might be able to help you. I used to know of a local nonprofit when I was in college that helped clients get appropriate medical equipment. Hopefully there is something similar near you that can help you out!” fabulousautie
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk for being upset. You need the wheelchair for school/a job and you can’t afford the chair without a degree/job. Anybody who’s telling you this situation is anything but an impossible catch-22 is a jerk. Also, I think another thing your parents & judge are missing is that aside from the mobility issue – when people are ill; they feel bad.
That sounds simplistic but if you’re dealing with chronic physical pain I’d bet you physically/mentally/emotionally feel terrible on those ‘bad days.’ It must be tough to think let alone ‘pull up your bootstraps!’ INFO: are you currently enrolled at the college?
If not do you have a school in mind? Many colleges have services for disabled students, even if you haven’t officially enrolled it might be worth calling them and seeing if they might be able to help.” CarrieCat62
Another User Comments:
“I’m giving a very controversial no jerks here.
It sounds like you are an adult. You have said you live with them – presumably for free since you have no source of income. The hard reality is your parents have no obligation to buy you medical equipment as an adult. They also don’t need to give you shelter as an adult, although they do.
You don’t know their actual financial situation. $100,000 is a pretty modest income these days and if they are otherwise financially supporting you, $3000 may not be available to give you. If there is a villain here, it is any system that creates and perpetuates legislated poverty, not your parents.” Momsters123
7. AITJ For Wanting To Change My Daughter's Name After Her Mother's Death?
“I, a 27-year-old male, had a daughter born 5 months ago. We’ll refer to her as H. H’s mom was not someone I had a relationship with but a very short fling. When she decided to keep the baby, we decided to co-parent together – just not as a couple.
Unfortunately, her mother passed away last month in a car accident. Now I’m a single dad. The conflict here is that H’s mom named her a name I was not a big fan of. It was one of her grandmother’s first names as the first, and the other’s as the middle name, and then her last name.
Her family really pressured her to give these names. Given we weren’t together I was not given any say.
Now that I have full custody and am doing this alone, I’ve thought about it a lot and decided I want to change the name to something I like.
H’s aunt and her grandparents on her mother’s side were recently at my house seeing H and when I told them as a heads up they absolutely freaked out. While I understand that it’s hard and they’ve been through a ton, I also feel like as the sole parent, I should be able to name my own daughter.
They’ve been relentlessly harassing me since, I offered a compromise to let them keep one of the names as a middle name and to let them pick but I wanted to choose her first name and give her my last name. They said offering that compromise was insulting to their whole family.
I understand their upset but also I feel like I’m doing what’s best for the child I have sole authority over. She’s only 5 months old now so it’s not like she knows her name, so it doesn’t feel like I’m doing anything wrong to the kid but their relentless messages have me second-guessing.
I don’t want to block them because I don’t want to rob my daughter of half her family but it’s getting overwhelming
Because I’ve been asked, the biggest reasons I want to change the name are as follows:
- I want to give her a name from my culture, H’s mom was white while I am not and H’s skin tone looks like mine.
I have dual citizenship and will apply on her behalf. I’ve considered moving to the other country and I spend lots of time there already. Having a name from that culture will benefit her.
- H’s mother didn’t especially love H’s name anyway but gave into immense pressure from her family to do what they wanted if they were going to help her out.
- I really don’t like the current first and middle, they are very dated and quite frankly kind of ugly. Again in my culture, a name like that will give her lots of weird looks.
- Out of principle as the sole parent, I feel like I deserve to name my child.”
Another User Comments:
“I am going to go against the grain and say YTJ for wanting to change the first names (not the last name, you should change that). Your daughter will never have her mother in her life. What she does have are the names her mother gave her which were important to her mother and will be important to your daughter.
Call her something else or a nickname but leave the first and middle names as is.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“Hey OP, I have an excellent bit of insight into this as my first name (Rebecca) comes from my grandmother who died when my dad was 12, and my middle name (Lee) was my dad’s bio father’s name and my dad’s middle name before he was adopted. I HATED my name as a kid, it’s so boring, it’s generic, I’ve met 1000 others, it’s old, blah blah.
As an adult who was also put up for adoption and has very little contact with any bio family my names mean the world to me. It’s the only connection I have to a dead part of me, it’s a connection to them that I keep alive.
Is my name boring? Sure it is, but it was theirs first and that makes it special. I wouldn’t take this from your daughter… she already lost her mom and this name will give her a special way to feel connected to her and that side of her family.
I’m not willing to pass judgment because quite frankly no one’s opinions really matter here, you wanted insight into why or why not you should keep it, and while I understand you have a list of reasons to change it maybe you can add this to the reasons it should maybe stay.
Maybe even just add a cultural first name in front of the other two, and then give her your last name if you’re worried about weird looks… I just don’t think this name is yours to take away without letting your kiddo get older and decide because it’s one of the only gifts she got from her mom before her mom was gone.” Silent_Attitudes365
Another User Comments:
“YTJ change the last name, but please let your daughter keep part of the name her mother gave her. If things have been reversed and the child was named little Prisha (Indian), or Marisol, or Shenequa, people would say you are erasing her heritage.
Let your daughter keep her connection to her mother by keeping her first or middle name. Whether her mom was Irish, German, French, etc let your daughter keep something that was her mother’s last and only gift to her. I understand it might not be a name in your culture but your daughter is not just your culture.” JustVisitingHere4Now
6. AITJ For Not Taking My Niece's Step-Siblings To Disneyland?
“My sister was married to a guy, as soon as she got pregnant things went sour, he became distant, and not long after my niece was born he left her for the girl he had been betraying her trust with for the past few months.
This lady has two of her own children already.
My sister was far nicer than necessary, she didn’t haul him to court for support payments or anything they have 50/50 custody, and things are amicable considering the betrayal, whatever.
Anyway, my wife and I who are childless want to take my niece to Disney Land, her mother doesn’t care, her father doesn’t care, but the non-married stepmom is having none of it.
She expects us to take her two children also and expects us to pay as we intended to with my niece, she has been harassing my wife, trying to screw up her friendships on social, cussing out my sister, etc. all the fun that comes with a selfish psycho.
She has even gone so far as to threaten to call protective services if we “kidnap” the child.
Really my question is am I the jerk for not taking these two kids I’ve met once who are both older than my niece to Disney Land?
What do I owe them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You owe them nothing. The woman who isn’t even married to her father has no right to forbid you from taking your niece to Disney or putting conditions on how you take your niece. Neither you nor your wife should even be communicating with her–communicate solely with your niece’s father and mother.
And unless she lies to CPS, they aren’t going to give a darn. If she lies, well, that’s likely her digging her own grave.” PurpleMarsAlien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She might be using her kids in this way for leverage for something. Or she’s one of those people who fly off the handle as soon as there’s disagreement and would burn the house down rather than admit they’re wrong.
I detest people like that. Her reaction, to me, suggests there must be way more going on here. At least I hope there is because if not, holy crap this woman is insane. Given what you’ve told us about him, your sister is better off without her ex.” Lupin13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you know you are not…I’m on your side but is this real? lol The only kid you are responsible for is your niece. Not the kids of a woman who has no relation to you. Is the ‘father’ of the niece allowing the woman’s behavior?
He gets no say in what happens when the daughter is in her mother’s custody. And SHE completely gets absolutely no say in what happens as she’s not the mother. You put your foot down and only take the niece. I also suggest telling your sister to remove herself from social media or block this woman in any way she can.
Ridiculous.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Drinking Wine In Front Of My Husband's Mother?
“My husband (23/M) and I (22/F) have been together for 5 years, married for 2. None of his family drinks booze and none of mine does either. Both of our parents are Christian as we are too.
When I moved out at 18 I obviously dabbled in drinking and parties and always told my parents everything, asked for advice, etc. My husband on the other hand has been meticulous in hiding it from his family. I’m talking black trash bags at our apartment across town, only buying beer at stores he knows he won’t see anybody that he doesn’t know.
Extreme.
His parents have been incredibly generous and remodeled a place for us to rent from them just up the road from their house. Tonight around 8 pm I opened a bottle of wine, poured a glass and his mom walked in. No knock, no warning.
I don’t mind her coming in but my husband is now furious with me because “I should have known that she would come by.” I called her after she left to clear the air and she told me that she doesn’t care and I’m free to make my own choices but my husband left the house and thinks that what she told me on the phone couldn’t be true because she “hates drinking”.
I should also add that with the stress of the move, a new puppy coming tomorrow, and my car breaking down yesterday he is already very on edge. Was I wrong to tell him that he’s overreacting? Should I be more understanding of the way he wants to respect his parents?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your husband is being overly sensitive. His mom already said she doesn’t care. Also, just because she “hates drinking” doesn’t mean she hates other people drinking. It’s like saying vegetarians automatically get angry and hate people for eating meat.
He’s a bit too old to be involved in this subterfuge from parents nonsense – but hey, your life your rules. You didn’t unintentionally try to reveal anything so no, he shouldn’t fault you.” ThomzLC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He needs to grow up and realize he is an adult and is free to make his own choices.
Although I do get the practical side of it about the risk of losing support or even financial support from his parents but at some point it’s just super unhealthy with the extremes he goes to hide stuff from his parents. Like I get not voluntarily divulging info, but the types of examples you used are way too far and him being on edge is crazy.” Visualize_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes men don’t realize that their parents are more chill than they thought. Before we got married, my hubby told me I’d have to dress conservatively in front of my mil, no shorts, no drinks, etc. 8 years on, mil and I go shopping for shorts together and she loves the cocktails I mix for her (no else is allowed to mix them) and she claims she wanted a daughter-in-law just like the ones got and was terrified she would get an ultra-conservative one.
My husband is kinda taken back by how much he underestimated her…” mindoctor
4. AITJ For Giving My Sister An Ultimatum To Clean Up Or Move Out?
“I, a 31-year-old single woman have been helping my sister with raising my nephew. We’ll call him Jake. After a difficult period and my mother’s death, I took it upon myself to help my older sister. Before my mother died, she gave me 10k for if I ever bought a house.
I bought a 4 bedroom 4 bathroom house so she could move from California to the East Coast with me. I used my Veterans Affairs home loan to be the sister I never had. I love them very much. The problem is that the stipulations I put in place 2 years before she moved here have been consistently disregarded by the parent and child.
1. Keep living spaces such as the adult and child’s room clean. If you make a mess clean it up.
2. Pay your bills on time. Shouldn’t require too much explanation.
I now have a big German roach infestation and oftentimes come home after a long night shift to a messy house.
Neither my sister nor nephew clean up after themselves and I become the jerk for pointing out that my house should be maintained. I dropped her from my insurance plan and phone plan and gave her the ultimatum that she sort herself and her child’s space while he is visiting his dad.
Am I a jerk for giving her my way or the highway?
Also, told her my nephew was free to stay with me for as long as he’d like.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Do you realize how hard a roach infestation can be to manage?
To actually eradicate them, you need to have a professional come out, and nothing is going to work as long as the house is still nasty. You’re about to spend thousands of dollars and unless your sister gets her act together or moves out, you’re still going to have roaches.” Rare-City6847
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s destroying your home. This isn’t a big ultimatum. It’s literally clean your stuff like a normal person or find a new place and have to do that anyway cause you know she probably won’t treat her own space like how she treats yours.” Sweetcilantro
Another User Comments:
“If you allow this to continue you are just as much at fault. Good god get your spine out and lay down the law. She pays for the infestation, and she has 30 days to get out – in writing. Then follow through.
Why do you care if you let her slide? YTJ.” cindyb0202
3. AITJ For Putting The Laundry Basket On My Husband's Pillow To Prove A Point?
“Yesterday was laundry day. My husband has a mindless habit of taking the laundry basket and putting it on our bed while he’s using it – I think it’s gross but I normally don’t say anything as he’s a good partner and I pick my battles.
I do say something when he puts the basket directly on my pillows, though. The basket normally lives in our laundry room which is by an outside door and a litter box. I’ve asked him, more than once, to please be mindful of where he’s putting the laundry basket because I’d really rather not have dirt, litter, cat fecal matter, and who knows what on my pillow.
Yesterday, there it was on my pillow, again. Instead of reminding him for the umpteenth time, I took the basket and put it on his pillow and left the room. A little while later, he found me and asked why I put the basket on his pillow and told me how gross that was.
I asked him why he always put it on my pillow then? He said it was different, those were accidents and not malicious. I reminded him that after the first time it happened, it’s no longer an accident, it’s disrespectful. He told me I was being spiteful and passive-aggressive and I should have come to him…again.
I agree it was passive-aggressive but direct communication obviously wasn’t working. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband has just revealed to you that he’s lying when he says it’s accidental and not malicious. He can tell it’s gross when the laundry basket is on his pillow, therefore he also knows it’s gross when it’s on yours.
If he never “accidentally” puts it on his own pillow, and even considers that action so egregious that he came and talked to you about it – then you know for certain now that you’re married to a man who puts dirt and cat litter on your pillow on purpose.
Personally, this would be a huge deal for me and not something he could come back from easily. Especially not after he reacted with adjective namecalling to your very reasonable attempt at holding him accountable.” sarcosaurus
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s saying he’s doing this on purpose, but I don’t think he is.
I’ve been with my partner for 8 years. You know how many times he mindlessly does stuff that’s kinda just built into his routine? I bought hangars for our bathroom towels because it just looks terrible to have them draped over the shower. He still drapes them over the shower.
He puts things away, but on the wrong shelf. … all kinds of things. But you know what… there are things that I do repeatedly that bug him too. I don’t even notice half the time (I have ADHD). That’s literally like every human though. Every human does annoying, gross things that the other person doesn’t understand and asks the person the change, but they don’t.
Granted, we’ve found a workaround.
Once, I was annoyed because he kept putting his deodorant on the counter rather than away. I used to nudge him about it or put it away myself until finally, I asked if there was a reason that made him keep it on the counter.
He said he just felt like he didn’t have enough room for his own things. So, I got him a nice basket to store his things in on the counter (we didn’t have drawer space). Issue solved. He never left it on the counter again and I wasn’t annoyed because it was organized. I’m still working on the towel thing lol.
Yes, it’s fully disgusting to have something that’s around litter being on your pillow. Especially because that’s how you get pink eye. But the better way to solve it is to change up the routine. Find workarounds together. Try to determine why he’s putting it there, exactly.
Men do a lot of really mindless things, but usually not out of malice. They’re just not thinking.” Long_Carpet_8158
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I’d ask him what, exactly, you should do to get him to stop? He’s fully aware of what he’s doing – it’s no accident.
If he knows it’s gross when it’s his pillow, he knows it’s gross anywhere. Let him know that from now on, it will be on his pillow each time it’s on yours. It’s incredibly easy to just put the darn thing literally anywhere else. He is actively choosing to do something disgusting to you, over and over.
I have no doubt there’s something bigger & deeper happening in the background of this issue. It would probably be wise to ask him what that is before resentment overtakes your whole relationship. Good luck.” SuzieQbert
2. AITJ For Not Tipping After The Server Threw Away My Leftovers?
“I went out to eat and didn’t come close to finishing my entrée; I estimate I ate about 2/3rds of it. I asked for my leftovers to be boxed up, but the server forgot and threw them away.
I asked to be comped something equivalent to the cost of the leftovers that got tossed (i.e. something about 1/3 the price of my $25 entrée, like a $8 dessert or drink), but the server said they couldn’t do this.
I asked to speak with the manager, but the server said they were the manager—it was a small restaurant and they were the only employee handling the front of the house.
I said that if they weren’t going to comp me something worth the cost of my leftovers, that cost was coming out of their tip, which meant they got almost nothing (total bill was around $50, so a standard 20% tip would have been around $10). Of course the server did not like this, but on the drive home, my spouse took their side and also said that I was a jerk and should have just accepted losing the leftovers.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They shouldn’t be a server or a manager. Sounds like they’re unable to do either of the jobs they had and did NOT deserve a tip. I was a server for a long time. I got stiffed when I didn’t deserve it at least once a day.
I’d have absolutely understood in this situation, and I’d have gone out of my way to try and make up for my silly mistake. I’ve legitimately bought people dessert when my manager wouldn’t comp it for them in situations like this (with my discount) so that I could do damage control.
Generally, not tipping is a GIANT jerk move. This person didn’t even try to make up for their mistake EVEN THOUGH THEY HAD THE POWER TO.” RandomPizzaGuyy
Another User Comments:
“My friend and I went to a local breakfast restaurant. I ordered a breakfast scramble, took a few bites and it was delicious.
Unfortunately, my stomach had issues and I could not eat anymore. When the server came to clear my plate, I handed him my dish and said it was delicious. When we were ready to leave I asked for my leftovers. He said I did not ask for it to be boxed. My friend I was with I go out to eat with often and she knows I ALWAYS get my leftovers boxed since I usually can only eat half a meal. Thankfully she told me that I did NOT ask for them to be boxed, which she assumed I must not have liked it since I ALWAYS take home leftovers (whereas she rarely does).
She told me this in front of the waiter and I was floored that I forgot, but grateful she let me know that this was on me, not the waiter. So what did the waiter do? He had the kitchen make a whole new meal for me to take home!
Needless to say, he received a huge tip, I raved over his generosity, and I will always be a customer of this restaurant! Going above and beyond at its finest. NTJ in my opinion, a dessert of percentage off would have been appropriate from a customer service standpoint.” Cfadanelli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – that happened to me once. I was out to lunch with my kids at a fairly pricey place. We had a 2 PM matinee to catch and I said that when we walked in. So by the time the entrees came we had to leave so I asked for them to go.
The guy came back with the bill and I asked where the leftovers were. He left and came back a few minutes later basically like, they were thrown away, what can you do? It was infuriating. We literally didn’t touch the entrees. I told them I wasn’t paying.
The food was literally untouched. The manager came out and the waiter told her that we ate 1/2 and never asked for them to go. Fortunately a bunch of people around us saw the whole thing and spoke up for us. We just left after paying for the drinks and one appetizer.
The place didn’t last too long, and that is in a neighborhood you have to try to go out of business in it’s so busy.” GooseNYC
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Hear About My Estranged Brother's Illness?
“I’m 34 and my brother is 32.
It’s been 12 years since we last spoke after I found out he was sleeping with my ex-partner (then current partner) and had made her pregnant. I cut him off there and then and told him he was dead to me. I have stayed true to that as well.
We might have been young, he might have been dumb, but he betrayed me and I have no desire to give him a second chance.
I’m happily married, have kids, and have a good life. My family has been good with respecting my “don’t tell me about my brother” rule.
Then a few weeks ago my parents brought him up in conversation and I shut down the conversation by telling them I don’t care about what’s going on with his life. I said I was still done with him and he was still dead to me.
My parents walked away from me, furious.
Found out a few days later that my brother is sick and that’s what they were trying to tell me.
They still haven’t forgiven me and the rest of the family called me a jerk for shutting them down like I did, and using the words I did when there is a very significant chance he’s not going to survive his illness.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Mild YTJ. If your parents have respected your choice to cut him off for 12 years, harshly shutting them down before they could say anything seems unnecessary and disrespectful. They were trying to inform you of something most people in your position probably (in my opinion) would still want to be made aware of – it’s fine if that changes nothing, but if they just let him die (assuming it’s that degree of “sick” rather than a cold) without ever mentioning it to you, there would be many here ready to call them jerks for not letting you make your own choice with all the facts.” RestAlternative5402
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I don’t talk with my brother for a very different set of reasons, I also never want to hear about him from my parents and they respect that. I would 100% want to hear if he was dying so I could decide MYSELF whether I want to forgive him, probably not, but I would still want to know.
Your parents are right to at least tell you, they would be jerks for forcing you to speak to him or attend his funeral. They are messengers. Don’t shoot them. And before you tell me betraying and making your partner pregnant is worse than whatever my brother did, no it’s not, but I’m not airing that out.” FlamingCupcakess
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your parents had two very good reasons to say what they did. 1. It‘s different when someone is dying. For all they knew, you may have wanted to forgive him. Or just see him and tell him you still hate him.
Or just want to know. You are entitled to still hate him and not care. But death is final. They wanted you to have a choice. The correct response would have been: “I’m sorry you are going through this, but he and I don’t have a relationship and it will stay that way.
I’m sorry you are going through this.” 2. This is top of mind for them. They are losing their child and need support. This will come up again and it’s unreasonable to expect them to act as if nothing happened, especially if he does pass.
The correct response would have been the same as above. Just show some sympathy, for them, not him.” Graycat17
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