People Question Their Morality In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
30. AITJ For Taking Back My Plants That My Coworkers Claimed While I Was Away?
“If you knew me personally, you would know that I am an avid plant person. I love taking care of plants, and I tend to spend a ridiculous amount of funds buying rare plants.
Plants are my hobby, and everyone in my office has dubbed me the office plant lady.
My boss asked if I would help cover another short-staffed office, I agreed since I would only be out of my office for a week. I watered all my plants before leaving and didn’t give them another thought.
When I got back from helping the other office, I noticed that all of my plants had been disbursed around the office, not just near the window, where I had them previously. My coworker had moved my plants from my station to her station, and my manager had claimed my larger (and very rare) plant for her office.
I was peeved because I was gone for a week and it’s as if my plants were up for dibs. So I wordlessly moved my plants back in front of my station and moved my rare plant from my manager’s office to where I had it before.
Even if I had humoured my manager and let the plant stay there, it would not have lasted long because my manager’s office has no natural lighting, and I paid too much for the plant to watch it slowly die from lack of sun.
My coworkers made some comments about me taking back my plants, but I just casually shrugged and said “Sorry, these are my babies.
I like to look at them where they are.”
I paid for all my plants myself, but I can’t help but feel a little bit guilty for taking them back. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they were company-provided, you would still have a bit of an argument.
Those are YOUR plants. This is no different from your coworkers and manager going into your purse, taking your charging cords, or swiping your desk calendar.” C_Majuscula
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would have a closed-door discussion with your manager. “Hey, I was shocked to come back and find my plants scattered all over the office.
How did that happen?” Listen. “I am not sure if you are aware that many of those plants are difficult to come by and you can kill an indoor plant just by moving to a less ideal place with conditions it does not like.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“Holy crap NTJ. I would have probably been more rude, you were very gracious. We had a similar issue with fans. I work admin for a college and in summer it was unbearable but the classrooms had air con. I came in one day and my fan was gone – a tutor had specifically come into the admin office to steal fans and took mine.
I went into the classroom where she was teaching and unplugged my fan. She was like ‘Why are you taking my fan?’ And I pointed to the bottom where my name was in massive letters in Sharpie. Can’t argue with that.” [deleted]
29. AITJ For Not Wanting To Use The Bidet My Unemployed Husband Bought?
“This seems so ridiculous but my husband and I cannot settle this so off to the internet we go.
As background, we live in a 1.5 bathroom apartment. My husband mainly uses the half bath and I use the full, but we both have access to both and use both.
My husband loves to shop online. In the last month alone he has purchased an electronic back massager, bidet (the source of the issue), a plunger that you need to essentially wind up to work, and a PS5. He is currently unemployed so I pay 100% of our bills.
We keep our money separate so he’s using his only money for these purchases.
Now on to the issue. My husband bought a portable bidet for our half bath. He likes it and talks about it a lot. He asked me several times if I wanted one for the full bath.
I said no repeatedly and asked him to please not spend money on things we don’t need and to save his money or contribute to the household expenses. He continued to push the issue, I continued to say no and today, a second portable bidet showed up.
He set it up and told me I could use it. I still told him I wasn’t interested. We went back and forth for a while and did not resolve.
I have no interest in it because toilet paper has done me just fine for my entire life.
I shower daily and wipe myself thoroughly after using the bathroom. I just don’t think it’s necessary and it’s one more thing sitting around the house cluttering things up. It’s also portable apparently, but I wouldn’t carry a bidet with me.
All that said, am I the jerk for not wanting to use the bidet?
I am prepared to accept my fate either way.
Thanks all!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because this is about 1. His irresponsible spending 2. Him not listening to you, and overriding your expressed opinion on the matter. That being said, bidets are the best. I was afraid of them until I tried one in a hotel in Asia, and I was hooked. Now, when I travel and don’t have mine, I don’t feel nearly as clean, despite proper wiping and daily showering.
So I think you are a bit of a jerk for refusing to try it. It’s weird at first, but mini-butt showers are awesome. Also great for cleaning up during periods. You have it, so you might as well use it. And then you and your sparkling clean nether regions can talk about fiscal responsibility with your husband.” FreyjaSunshine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I would find out why he’s so into you getting a bidet. If any of your bedroom activities involve that part of the body he might be trying to subtly tell you something. Or maybe he wants to add that to the repertoire?
Regardless, I think you need to have a conversation with him about why you having a b******e that is bidet-levels of clean is so important to him.” somethinglucky07
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell him he can only install the bidet AFTER he finds a job and that you’ll use it AFTER his first paycheck.
Here’s the kicker, just because it’s installed on the toilet doesn’t make it a requirement to use it. Use the bidet as leverage to get him back to work!” nimble_ogre
28. AITJ For Not Changing My Wedding Date Despite Family's Complaints?
“I 25F and my fiancé 27M were high school sweethearts, he proposed to me when I was 7 months pregnant with our first children (it was twins 2 girls) That was 2 years ago.
Last year, my fiancé decided that we were going to move as the 1 bedroom apartment was getting cramped with 2 growing toddlers. We were in Dallas, and my fiance had family in LA so I suggested that we move there. My fiancé loved the idea, the moving process was way quicker than I thought.
When we finally got settled in we started planning the wedding, 3 weeks into planning the wedding I was extremely sick and my period was later than usual, I found out I was pregnant, and that changed all the plans because we were planning to have the wedding in Dallas (my side of the family claimed it would be more convenient.
I don’t care as long as I am with my fiancé and kids. But anyway, I called and told them that I was pregnant, I expected them to be excited but my mom and dad flipped out and said that we were barely taking care of the children that we had.
And then my mom said it would be best if I got my tubes tied and honestly that hurt because we were doing everything we could do eventually, I got tired of hearing it all and I hung up and went into my daughter’s room and cuddled them while crying to sleep, the next day I woke up with my fiancé laying with us too and that’s when I realized I wanna get the wedding over with so I could focus on my growing family.
I also woke up to missed calls from almost everyone in the family and the crazy part was nobody was asking if I was okay they were only worrying about the wedding, and how LA is a 20 hr drive and a 1hr flight from Dallas and it means so much that they want to show up and show out.
Still, I reassured them that I could book all of their flights, it is a big family so 40 people minimum we were still going to do it on the same day(August 6th) but out of nowhere everybody was busy I suggested 4 more dates and they were busy on all of those days and I know it’s not a Coincidence.
So I just decided that I was just going with the date that was planned before. My fiancé’s cousin made the invitation and I still sent it to my family, and they started calling one by one I didn’t answer them, so they filled my phone with text messages calling me all kinds of names and the thing is the things they were talking about had nothing to do with my wedding so now I feel like they have been felt some kind of way about me and thoughts just kept coming to my head, and my fiancé keeps telling that’s it’s not like that, and I want to believe him but I can’t do at this point and only his side will be there, don’t get me wrong I love his family I just didn’t think it will be like this.
I kinda feel bad but the wedding is still going on
I made this 3 months ago and the wedding was supposed to happen 2 months ago, I’m currently 6 months pregnant. This is draining mentally and physically. Thinking about eloping”
Another User Comments:
“Just get married. And stop having children.
Can you send anybody to college? Pay for healthcare/dental/tutors? Then why are you having a wedding? Quickie wedding at the courthouse. Celebrate yourself. No jerks here but come on. Enough children.” frope_a_nope
Another User Comments:
“Pick a date a year from now so everyone has lots of notice.” Slight-Bar-534
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your family members are selfish and toxic. They aren’t treating you with love. Surround yourself with the people who treat you right.” teresajs
27. AITJ For Giving My Niece Her Birthday Present In Front Of Other Kids?
“Hallie, my husband’s niece, just turned 11. We were out of town for her birthday. Yesterday we went over to my mother-in-law’s house for lunch. My husband’s siblings and some of their kids were also there, especially for this story Abby, who is 9.
So we brought the gift to give to Hallie.
I didn’t think it was a big deal. Abby also got a present from us for her birthday a few months ago. They’re in the same price range (~$45), so it’s not like we gave Abby a pencil for her birthday and Hallie an Xbox.
Right before we left I gave Hallie my car keys and told her to go grab her present from the car.
Abby went with her and came back and immediately started whining that she didn’t get a present. I explained it was for Hallie’s birthday and then Abby went to her parents and started a full-on tantrum.
Now Abby’s Dad is mad at us and saying we should have given Hallie her present more “discretely” because it’s not fair for one kid to get something.
Funnily enough, my 6-year-old nephew understands the concept of a birthday present and is happily sitting on the floor while Hallie shows it to him. My husband and I are saying it’s ridiculous to turn this around on us and everything was getting very unnecessarily heated in my opinion.
Abby’s parents are harping on about “fairness” and then going in on my mother-in-law for letting Hallie open the gift and saying she should have been made to wait at least (Hallie’s parents weren’t there).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Abby is 9 years old, not 19 months old.
She is easily old enough to understand that she doesn’t always get a present & the concept around why someone gets presents for a birthday. Her parents are jerks for not teaching her this. She is way too old to still behave this way unless she has developmental delays & genuinely can’t help it… and that doesn’t sound like it’s the case whatsoever.” spoiledrichwhitegirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – kids get presents on their birthday. There is no reason that a child whose birthday it ISN’T should get a present because of “fairness”. Abby’s parents need to get a clue on how things work in the world, and that their little darling is NOT at the centre of it.” toosheeptheorist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but Abby’s parents are. They’re raising an entitled daughter. Did they say anything about why you didn’t buy all the kids gifts on Abby’s birthday to make it fair? I doubt it. There’s no rule that you have to buy gifts for all the kids at every birthday.
The gift goes to the kid celebrating a birthday and I don’t care whose car they arrived in.” SquishyBeth77
26. AITJ For Wanting To Limit Communication With A Rude Co-worker?
“I, a 23-year-old female, have been working on and off at a family-owned deli for about 4 years now. I’m still in college so in the summer, I’m finishing school online now so I’m staying longer. A 40-year-old male got hired a few months ago. My first impression of him was positive.
I was excited to get a new co-worker who proclaimed me to be a good worker. I’m normally on the welcoming committee and I try to make new hires feel welcomed and like they have a friend already. (This place has a very high turnover rate and can be a stressful and hostile work environment at times.) He’s very catty and rude.
Every time I try to give him a task he will brush me off and say, “I’m already doing it, I know.” I try every day to clear the slate and start positive. But he breaks it for me.
With giving me attitude and bombarding me with problems and stories.
He, as a person, makes me very anxious. I have a volatile boss who yells and isn’t very communicative. So I try to help people out when they are making a mistake. I always ask if I can show them something first and explain the problem nicely.
When I try to help him he will cut me off with attitude and say “I already know that”. So I’ve tried to limit communication when it’s not needed. He now tells everyone I’m a jerk and I yell at him and he will pick apart my actions and how I do things.
I know he says them because he doesn’t talk very quietly. But he never comes to me to talk and just acts catty to me.
I let it roll off my back but now I’m thinking of cutting all contact with him. I can’t do it anymore.
I feel mentally drained after shifts with him and anxious. It’s a work environment so it’s unprofessional to just ignore someone but I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried talking to him but he blows me off and cuts me off mid-sentence.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop training and helping this person. No need to talk to him unless it’s related to something work-specific (i.e., please hand me the pickle jar). Let him figure it out on his own. I don’t have high hopes for a sitdown with the owner, but it’s one route to try.
Otherwise, start looking for something else.” frandiam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you should talk to your boss/manager and explain what has happened with this coworker, including the part where he leaves early and you have to do his job on top of yours. If you find it hard to speak to your boss, try to do it in writing.
Limit the conversation, only speak to him if it’s job-related and nothing else. Also, next time you notice he’s making a mistake, let him. Your coworker has already established he “knows best” /s” x_Moonet_x
Another User Comments:
“This is one of those situations when ignoring someone isn’t going to make anything better.
I wouldn’t try to help him by correcting him anymore. But you need to have a conversation with a supervisor about this situation. I’m guessing that since you’ve been there 4 years, they will take you seriously and hopefully will have a conversation with him. He has no business calling you names either and that needs to stop immediately.
NTJ” SquishyBeth77
25. AITJ For Removing Black Bits From Potatoes My Partner Prepared?
“To provide some background my partner and I have been going through some tough times and have been arguing quite a bit. The other day he was peeling and preparing some potatoes that he was going to cook later on that day.
After he had peeled them, I noticed that on most of the potatoes, there were black bits and some bits of the skin left on them. My dad was a chef and taught me how to prep food and as a consequence, I have always been a bit particular about liking the potatoes to look ‘clean’ – ie – no black bits or skin left on them.
So I quickly got a knife and took the bits off the potatoes.
A while later my partner came back noticed I had done this and went extremely mad at me – saying he felt ‘like a second-class citizen’ and that his work was being ‘quality checked’ by me.
I gave him time to cool off then I decided to apologize to him. The apology went something like this…
‘I am sorry. I can understand from your point of view how it may look and that you feel I have been quality-checking your work and that makes you feel undervalued and that I am being disrespectful and rude towards you.
‘ I explained that I did not mean to hurt him that I did not have any mean or bad intentions towards him and that I get a little bit obsessive about black bits on potatoes because of how I was raised to prepare food’
My partner then ranted at me for about 30 minutes about all kinds of things which then culminated in him saying that I did not apologize and that all I did was tell him what he had done wrong.
I am confused. I thought I apologised but maybe I didn’t. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – But I feel this is not about potatoes. Your partner’s anger may be caused by you possibly micromanaging everything that he does when you are together.
That can get old & tiresome quickly. Give the man a break, he peeled some potatoes. A few black spots will not change the flavour. Perhaps y’all need a time out from this relationship.” sunset-tx-armadillo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and it wasn’t an apology.
It was backhanded “sorry you got offended” apologies. Which isn’t a true apology. Ps….why did you feel the need to tell him he did something wrong?? A few bits of skin left on the potato is hardly a big thing. Or something to consider “wrong”.” WebAcceptable7932
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You didn’t do it maliciously and you went out of your way to make that clear. If you get into this much of an argument over something like this, I think you need to consider where the relationship is going. Also, for what it’s worth, I agree with you about the potatoes!
peel them properly or don’t bother!” stu5640
24. AITJ For Not Always Checking Up On My Sick Mother?
“I know the title seems mean but let me explain. Ever since I was 5-6 years old, I’ve always taken care of my mom. She is physically and mentally sick. And I’ve taken care of her when she needed to take her medicine, when she choked when she had seizures and more.
Anything you can think of, I did for her. Any sign that she has fallen or choked I get up right away no matter what I’m doing. The thing is my mom has hurt me physically and mentally and I went through extreme depression and anxiety.
Police and CPS have been involved many times in my family. Now my mom whenever she wants something, she always asks me, not my other siblings or dad, just me. I am happy to help but it gets so exhausting. Anyway, I don’t see my mom at home because I’m usually so tired from school or because I don’t want to deal with family drama.
So I just locked myself in my room for the whole day. Also, my mom deals with trauma from her mom and her family which she has made sure to tell me.
Now my mom keeps getting mad at me saying that nobody cares about her and that I especially have left her to rot in her bed. My mom is capable of coming into my room anytime she wants and I don’t mind most of the time unless she causes some fight.
She can also come into the living room if she wants, but she doesn’t. She says that I am the daughter and that I should act like a servant to her. I know I sound like a brat right now but I always keep getting blamed and trauma dumped by my mom.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“1. You don’t sound like a brat. 2. You’re already doing more than what should be your share. 3. Move out and go low contact as soon as you’re reasonably able. 4. Being a daughter very much does *not* mean you should be a servant.
You’re NTJ; you’re the one still being mistreated, here.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve spent the majority of your young life parenting your mother. You are entitled to feel resentment and frustration. She is not incapacitated, and mental illness does not give her a pass to be irresponsible.” Aggravating-Film-221
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I hope you can move out as soon as possible and maybe look for a school counsellor or therapist or a trusted adult who you can talk to and who can help you navigate and deal with ur mom. None of this is your responsibility, please don’t feel guilty for setting boundaries, just because she’s your mom doesn’t mean you’re obligated to do anything for her.” Equivalent_Ebb_1285
23. AITJ For Not Checking The Oven Before Preheating It?
“My (F 29) partner (M 29) recently got into baking bread. Like 3 weeks ago recently. I am thrilled about this hobby and fully supportive, though I am not very involved beyond eating the slices he gives me fresh from the oven.
I don’t know his bread baking schedule, but he has lately been baking in the evenings, a few or a couple times a week. Then we have bread in the mornings together until it runs out. It’s the best.
Well, today I decided I am going to cook us some chickpeas and veggies for lunch tomorrow.
I preheat the oven to 375 and then I prepare the chickpeas and chop the veggies. He gets home from the gym during this time, we’re all happy to see each other, and then I go to put the food in the oven… I open the oven door only to see our expensive food storage container with the plastic lid melted over the dough he had rising there.
We are both immediately upset and want to blame the other. He’s upset because I ruined his sourdough and he thinks I should always check the oven before turning it on. I am upset because his sourdough is ruined and the lid is ruined I liked that storage container and I have never once in my life had to check inside the oven before turning it on.
To me, it’s common sense to not leave stuff in the oven, to him it is common sense to always check beforehand.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was an accident. In our household, we store pans and glass storage containers in the oven just because of storage efficiency.
If we turned on the oven and forgot stuff in there it would suck but nothing would be burnt. Call it a truce, and apologize for fighting. Set a rule/boundary. Bake more bread :)” Timely-Squash2654
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I have learned there are simply some people that always oven checkers and those who are not.
And each of those types of people cannot fathom how the other could think they were right. The checkers think it’s as ridiculous to NOT check always reflexively as the non-checkers insist it would be ridiculous to assume they would need to. The best solution is to get a magnet on the oven that says check you can leave on always or just put on when needed unless you agree to use it as a storage space for non-oven safe goods moving forward.” MountainLawyer62442
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The only things that should go into an oven are things that do not melt, even if the oven is currently off. I say this as a person who has used the oven for extra storage space for various pots/pans etc because I had absolutely no cupboard room in that kitchen.” toosheeptheorist
22. AITJ For Demanding An Apology From Friend Who Cut Everyone Off?
“I 22F and Bob 22M have been friends for over a decade.
Bob and another person in our friend group recently had a fight in which the other person 100% wronged him. When I said wrong, it was messed up and both of us scolded this friend.
But after a couple of days and after I helped Bob scold this friend, Bob looked at me dead in the eye after this drama and said “No disrespect, but I probably will cut you off one day so don’t be surprised. If I ever see you again, I’ll refer to you as someone I used to know” word for word.
This was two weeks ago and yesterday he cut everyone off, including online friends I introduced him to. I confronted him two weeks ago on the matter saying it’s unfair for you to cut me off when I had nothing to do with this drama, and I believe he said he doesn’t want to get in between me and the other person.
I don’t think he recognized that I am also mad at our other friend and haven’t been speaking to him as much as I have; I think he thinks I’m speaking to him again maybe. Ever since he said that, he has been screaming that he’s in his villain arc and he has control over his friendships all of us conveyed concern to him and that it’s unfair to be cut off because of someone else’s actions, he ignored all our messages
My online friend yelled at him and wished him well, then unadded him. Today Bob used a friend of mine to send a message to this friend who yelled at him and he said he’ll be back one day and he hopes we accept him back in the future.
WIBTJ or WWBTA to demand an apology for him crawling back? He thinks he did nothing wrong by not giving a proper explanation to why he’s dropping off the face of the earth when now there are friends hurt by an action he chose to do over a friend the online friends don’t even know, would it be mean to demand an apology when he comes back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This sounds like an edgy dramatic teenager who wants to be the main character of their own private soap opera. Warning you about cutting you off and there’s nothing you can do about it, saying he’s in his villain arc, literally saying “I’ll be back”?
This is clownish behaviour. He’s thriving on all the attention his drama is bringing him. You’re not in the wrong for refusing to engage with his personal tragi-comedy and for demanding an apology for his childish antics before you accept him back as your friend.” SlippySloppyToad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but don’t bother demanding an apology. Bob is young, immature and a bit of a jerk for thinking he can treat people like nonsense and expect them to welcome him back until his next temper tantrum. What you have to decide is if you are going to allow him to treat you like that or end the friendship.
Only you can decide.” Prize-Active9716
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at all, but your friend sounds like he may have borderline personality disorder. Even if he apologizes, he is likely to do this again. Are you sure you want to be friends with this person? It’s not “mean” to not want to be friends.
You don’t have to respond to his messages.” Cycanna
21. AITJ For Walking Away From My Partner Who Refuses To Repeat Herself?
“So I’m a 28m and it always takes my brain a minute or two to buffer and comprehend what someone is saying to me. Especially when they talk fast. I don’t know why but I’m just a bit slower than others. I’ll usually follow up with “Sorry?
Could you repeat that?” And most people are understanding and will repeat what they said. My partner, 23f, is not one of those people. She hates having to repeat herself. So when I’m having conversations with her and I don’t catch what she says it’s too bad because she won’t say it again.
We were arguing about finances and she was getting riled up and naturally, she started talking more aggressively and faster. I wasn’t able to catch what she was saying so I said “I didn’t hear what you said so I don’t know what you’re talking about” and her response was “Too bad then, I’m not repeating it” and then continued what she was saying.
I kept saying I didn’t know what she was talking about since what she was saying wasn’t making much sense to me. She then paused, and said calmly, slowly, and very condescending voice “Girl, I’m not going to repeat myself” I responded by saying if I don’t understand you how can we have a conversation?
She then said, “well girl, I don’t know what to tell you”. I said it bothers me when you talk to me like that. Meaning when she calls me a girl and talks down to me. She said “I talk to everyone like this.” Which I said, “I’m not everyone, I’m your partner and I’m asking you to not talk to me like that”.
We start arguing some more and she does it again. At that point, I get up and say “ok I’m done” and walk away. She slams the door behind me. We haven’t spoken to each other all day. And frankly, I don’t feel like I should reach out first but I know if I don’t she won’t make the effort to resolve our issues.
My question is AITJ for getting up and leaving and should I apologize for that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s clear you have some kind of problem (hearing? Attention?) and her unavailable to consider it shows her lack of respect. Do you want to invest in this relationship?
It seems it won’t make you happy in the long run” Mean_Pomegranate_485
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Don’t stop leaving. Keep leaving. Yep, keep going. Don’t stop until you hear a beep. There will be no beep. Leave this relationship where she can’t respect you and your needs.
She’s not talking to you she’s talking at you. I can’t imagine ever not caring for my husband to the point where I won’t even repeat something for him if he doesn’t hear me. Like I understand not wanting to repeat myself but there’s always an exception for the person I love for something this minor.
If repeating something offends her so badly then she needs to now send everything important to you in text or go to therapy for her issues.” Lucallia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She sounds very disrespectful. I think standing your ground on this would be good.
Wait for a few days, (1 or 2). And if she hasn’t tried to talk to you. Ask her to sit down and have a serious talk with her. No one deserves to be talked down. And if she continues, well you’ll have to think about yourself first and see if you see yourself living with this attitude for much longer.” The_Guide_
20. AITJ For Ignoring My Neighbor's Request To Lower Noise Levels In My Apartment?
“I’ve been living at my apartment with my partner for about a month now and we haven’t had an issue with anything including our neighbours. About 2 weeks ago our downstairs neighbor knocked on our door asking for a cup of milk. I thought it was a little weird since she could’ve asked the neighbors downstairs but I just wanted to be nice so I gave her some milk.
We also introduced ourselves and I let her know sorry if we make too much noise and the reason I said this is because I have a little area where I work out. I have a bench, dumbbells a bar and the weight plates. I don’t like working out at the gym because of my anxiety and honestly, it’s cheaper to work out at home.
But I did put mats so it wouldn’t make too much noise and I only work out about 2-3 times a week for about an hour.
So today she knocks on our door and my partner answers. She was telling him that we are being too loud, that she can hear the weights and hear us walking everyday and hear us when we get inside our apartment and about hearing a noise at 3 AM which only happened once because I dropped something.
She asked if we could keep it down. I understand about the weights so I’m going to buy more mats and layer it so it won’t make noise but the walking? And hearing us come in to our apartment? We don’t stomp around the apartment we’re literally just walking and hearing us going into our apartment is also weird to me.
We don’t slam the doors or anything we’re literally just trying to enter our apartment. We’re actually very considerate about noise my partner makes sure when we watch tv or when he’s playing the PS5 we don’t have it loud.
So WIBTJ if I ignore her request?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That’s just living in an apartment, she has to deal with reality. If she is that sensitive to general noises in an apartment situation she needs to pay more and live somewhere with better soundproofing.
She can talk to management about if she thinks her door needs to be fixed or soundproofed more, that is where the walking and door opening sound is coming in for her.” Shadybrooks93
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you’re doing your best to be quiet and considerate and you even made the choice to apologize if you’re making too much noise that was nice.
Is the neighbor 60+? Usually they’re super picky and like to complain lol. You can’t do anything about the thin walls. In apartments you’re bound to hear some noise.” GetIntoTheHabit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ that’s just life in an apartment with people who exist above you.
If you were working out at odd hours of the night, like at 1 am or something, that’d be worth bringing up. But if you’re just going about your day during daytime hours when there aren’t noise ordinances in place or anything, that’s fine.
And also very accommodating of you to buy more mats!” stress_to_impress
19. AITJ For Attending A Social Event With My Ex Who's Trying To Make New Friends?
“My ex (F31) and I (F29) are “friends”. We technically broke up a year ago but stopped being intimate together 6 months ago. We were together for 4 years and lived together. She recently moved back to the city where I live (her hometown) and we’ve both been struggling to make friends.
I see her a few times a week to help her with English and to hang out. We are close. She often tells me she loves me and that I’m her favourite person (I know we shouldn’t be this entangled but that’s a separate issue).
I have an acquaintance group here but I’m not super close to any of them; all of her friends moved away. Yesterday, she invited me to go birdwatching at a park with some birders we didn’t know. After, we went to a bar and had a couple of drinks with them.
We all got along, and they invited me and my ex to go on a trip with them next weekend.
The issue is thus: when I walked my ex to the bus stop after the bar, she was seething. I was surprised because, at the bar, she was being affectionate and kind.
She said that she made a mistake inviting me because she could have made friends with them separate from me and that I never invited her to do things with my acquaintances (not true, and she also told me in the past that she didn’t want to be invited to those events, anyway).
I told her I couldn’t believe she resented me that much. She told me I don’t do anything for her. I went home. She blocked me on everything this morning.
AITJ for going to the birdwatching event and subsequently going to the bar, encroaching on her attempt to make friends?
She thinks I’m the jerk for butting in and I want to apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t apologize. Don’t contact her again. She is your EX and she has been using you as a crutch. Do you know how you get to keep using people?
You are *nice* to them. You say thank you for going birdwatching with me. You don’t pick a fight and say OP does nothing for her. She blocked you this morning. Well, good, now you block her right back so she can’t stalk you when she realizes she is lovely and hey, let’s see what old OP is up to.
Oh, no. It is time to move on. NTJ, OP, and go to relationship advice.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It sounds like your ex is struggling with the transition to being friends and not being romantic partners. It’s also possible that she may still have feelings for you that she hasn’t dealt with.
You didn’t do anything wrong by going to the birdwatching event and spending time with the new friends you made. If your ex is upset about it, it’s something she needs to work through on her own.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but y’all need a little space from each other if you’re not gonna be together.
“I know we shouldn’t be this entangled but that’s a separate issue.” Buddy, that’s the entire issue. edit: I don’t co-sign how hard many other commenters are being on your ex. I don’t think she’s the jerk either in an irredeemable way.
Big feelings abound, ya know? Dynamics like this one are really difficult and it often feels like there’s no way to win for anyone. Be gentle with yourselves.” Spiritual_Entry_3277
18. AITJ For Calling My Partner Rude For Being Constantly Late Due To His ADHD?
“My (20F) partner (20M) is late almost every time we have any sort of plans.
He has ADHD (recently diagnosed, he began taking medication a month ago). I’m a punctual, routine-oriented person in part due to my “low needs” autism. I’m getting pretty fed up with his lateness.
Today we had plans to hang out. He texted me at 12 saying he would be around mine by 3.
Then he texted again at 2:45 saying he was watching his favorite Counterstrike team and they were tied, but promised he would leave by 3. Then he texted at 3:10 saying he was finally leaving! I texted him back after he said he was leaving and said “Running late?
That’s not very nice. I’ve been waiting for you!”
When he got to my apartment and I opened the door he was stood there like a miserable wet cat with my anniversary present and birthday card.
When he came in he sat me down right away and sat silently next to me for a bit.
When I asked what was wrong he said it made him sad that my first response to him being late was to tell him that it was rude. I was confused by that because, well, it IS rude. He knows it takes ten minutes to get to my apartment, so he should have left at 2:50 instead of continuing to watch esports until 3:10.
I told him I did think it was rude to be late, and it made me feel sad and a little undervalued when he regularly agreed with me on a time to meet and then was still late by anywhere from 20 minutes to three hours.
He said “You know I try my best right?” and talked about his ADHD and how he might need a higher dose of medication. I told him that there are lots of ways to help him manage his time better, just like the tech he uses to organize his tasks.
I also said that I have been trying my best to be understanding of his ADHD and I wasn’t planning on bringing up his lateness today outside of my text. He said when his car read my text to him out loud it made him sad.
I apologized and told him I’d try to be even more understanding and quash my initial reaction (which was to feel disrespected).
We both got over it for the most part and had a nice afternoon together, but now that he’s left (for an esports commitment he was not late for because he set an alarm) I’m beginning to wonder if I was so in the wrong for texting him like that.
Couldn’t he be doing more to be on time for me if he can get himself to be on time for classes and esports commitments?
Am I being too inconsiderate of him and his ADHD or is he being too inconsiderate of my time?
Could I be communicating better about this? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- He didn’t lose track of time. He’s actively choosing those activities over your plans and using his ADHD as an excuse. He can set alarms. He could give at least one care.
But it’s pretty clear he’s going to have excuses and then be mad you call him out on being inconsiderate.” ThatHellaHighHobbit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being late is rude. If he feels bad about it, it’s because *he did something to feel bad about*.
Trying to make his bad feelings *your* fault is manipulative. He’s saying it’s ok for him to treat you disrespectfully AND you’re not supposed to say anything about it because it might hurt *his* feelings (which are much more important than yours).” yourlittlebirdie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While his ADHD may make him distracted and some planning tasks hard, there is a massive difference between being 15 minutes late due to bad time management and texting you because he realized he was going to be late, but then consciously choosing to be even later.
He was texting you, he was aware, he was making choices to be later. He was rude. Tell him he needs to plan his leaving times better, and set an alarm if he must. If he doesn’t change now, he never will. My uncle is the same way.” thenord321
17. AITJ For Telling My Parents About My Sister's Lie, Resulting In Her Disinheritance?
“My (21 M) sister Natalie (20 F) cannot drive & has yet to get her license. She occasionally attends various parties held by her friends, but that has since been forbidden as our parents have been against it.
It had happened after she once showed up intoxicated and vomited all over the floor, upon which they said they had threatened to disown her/write her off from the will if she did that.
Yesterday, she asked me to drive her to a party held by her friend Kate. I told her both of us would get into trouble, but she said she would just say that she was visiting her friend for some other reason. To make up for it, she said she “would do the dishes for a week, and I won’t tell anyone how much of a loser you are.
And I’ll pay you.”
I agreed to it. I drove her off after informing our parents, but while returning they told me that they had checked with the friend she had wanted to go to (she gave a different name to our parents) and that it didn’t match up.
She had claimed that her friend was recovering from an accident which is why she’s going there, but when they called up to check after we’d left, it was caught to be a lie.
My father interrogated me & warned that if I was caught lying, I’d also get written off from the will & not pay for college anymore.
I had to tell them the truth. When she returned, they said they would think about disowning her, but that she’s certainly being excluded from the will and that they’re no longer her parents. She got mad at me herself, screaming for giving her out, but I told her there was no choice.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Both of you are OVER 18….Why are you giving your parents so much control? Also if they’re so petty they cut your sister out of the Will for a night of partying don’t think it’s guaranteed you’ll get their estate either…..They’ll probably put in some stipulation since you’ve already stated they want you to report on your ADULT sister You and your sister may want to work through your issues as you may need each other later on and you need to stand up to your parents and tell them you won’t participate in their petty games” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“Your parents the jerks here 1) for thinking that they can tell their adult daughters what they can or can’t do and 2) for trying to manipulate the both of you by holding money over your heads and the threat of cutting you off from education by not doing what they want.
Your parents should also realize that if they treated you both with respect and like independent adults then maybe your sister wouldn’t have lied to them and tried to play you off against each other.” ShaneVis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you didn’t volunteer the information they found out she lied themselves.
Your parents sound like jerks though, holding the threat of disinheriting you over your head like that. Teenagers lie and go to parties. They should be punished appropriately, cutting them off like that is disproportionate.” Pretzelmamma
Parents for threats of disowning/disintegrating
Sister for lying and coming home wasted/vomiting...no excuse ever
You for lying and allowing yourself to be threatened by your parents. Be an adult and make your own way.
16. AITJ For Asking My Brother For Money To Rent A Place For A Sleepover With My Son?
“I’m 24f. I’ve got a 6-year-old son, Ultan, who lives with his father full time because I am currently homeless living out of my transit.
I still see him multiple times a week, pay child support and attend all his karate lessons.
Recently, he’s been begging to have a sleepover with me because he misses me and wants to have our movie nights again. It breaks my heart to tell him no every night.
My ex’s wife also doesn’t like me being in the house so doing it there isn’t an option.
My ex has said that as long as I have somewhere that has four walls and a real bed to take him, I can take him for a movie night and I’ve asked plenty of friends but none can accommodate for the night.
I figured the next best thing would be a hotel or AirB&B but those aren’t in my budget right now and my ex’s wife won’t let me skip out on child support for a week. I decided to ask my brother, who lives abroad if I could borrow the money from him and pay him back over a few weeks before the prices jump for the holiday season.
My brother is very much on the side of everything that’s happened to me is my fault since breaking up with my ex (his close friend) and I’ve brought everything on myself so he said no and told me I just need to learn how to take responsibility for my actions.
He also made a social media post about my request that didn’t name me specifically but called me all sorts of names and said jerks never learn. I don’t think I’m the jerk for just wanting to spend more than a few hours with my son but I’m not sure.”
Another User Comments:
“There seem to be some gaping context holes in this story INFO: “Everything that’s happened to me is my fault since breaking up with my ex” / “I’ve brought everything on myself” / “I just need to learn how to take responsibility for my actions” – what does all of this refer to?” Spirited-Star-674
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry, but YTJ. You already knew your brother’s stance on the situation regarding your ex, whether or not he’s right or even has a right to an opinion. He wasn’t the person to ask. > I don’t think I’m the jerk for just wanting to spend more than a few hours with my son That’s not why, and you know it.” lihzee
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be My Mother's Full-Time Caregiver Anymore?
“I (41F) moved home to Michigan from Alabama to help my mom (67F) in Oct of 2022 because she was diagnosed with Cancer in August of 2022. I knew she was going to have radiation and chemo and she was going to need a bit of help.
What I’ve been dealt has been so much more and I feel like it’s been forced on me.
I knew being here for her meant helping her get groceries, helping make sure her cat was taken care of, and making sure she got to and from her doctor’s appointments.
It has turned into so much more.
I do her laundry, I help her change clothes, I keep her bed cleaned up, I help keep her nails (fingers and toes) trimmed, and I get her boost (this is what she drinks for nutrition since she doesn’t eat food), I keep her water-filled. It’s gotten to a point now that I have to help change her colostomy bag and empty it for her since she has numbness and tangling in her right hand from the chemo treatments.
I’ve become her caregiver.
I feel like I’m watching my mother go from this functional human to a bedridden skeleton. It seems as though she doesn’t want to get better. She’s refused physical and occupational therapy (when she had it she didn’t do it other than when they were here).
She doesn’t get out of bed for anything other than to use the restroom and go to her once-a-month doctor’s appointments. I’m frustrated that I’m having to do more than I ever expected to.
I didn’t sign up to watch her wither away, be lazy, or inactive in her own life.
I’ve given up so much of my life and it’s taking a toll in every aspect of my life. AITJ for not wanting to do this anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is tremendously exhausting being a caregiver and burnout is a real thing. At the least, you need some respite assistance to get yourself a break.
You didn’t mention anything about her scans/levels or how things are progressing, but it’s too bad she is unwilling/unable to participate in PT and OT which could help give her the tools she needs to participate in her care. Do you qualify for any home health assistance?
I’m just thinking there have to be some resources local to you to get at least a bit of a break.” -JTO
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re burned out, and no wonder! I can understand Mom wanting you to do the personal stuff but you need at least a housekeeper and an adult sitter once a week each.
You need a break and Mom just has to deal with it. Mom isn’t her old self and you miss her. I’m sorry you have to go through this painful ordeal. I lost my mom in 1982 and her decline still haunts me.” Socknitter1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for your feelings. You didn’t sign up for this, this wasn’t how you expected anything to go. And most likely it’s ALSO not how your mom wanted any of this to go. Have you contacted the American Cancer Society for resources, especially for yourself?
I had the double whammy of a cancer diagnosis myself (happily in remission) and then later a terminal cancer diagnosis for my father. The support groups, activities and resources available at the Hope Club made all the difference for me. And who knows? Maybe some of it may interest your mom as well.
(In my area the Hope Club offered caregiver groups, friends and family groups, groups for specific cancers and general groups along with activities like a book club, yoga, gardening, cooking etc)” sparkio79
14. AITJ For Confiding In My Sister About My Mental Health Instead Of My Husband?
“I have been to my GP to discuss my intrusive thoughts as they now occupy approx.
95% of my thoughts. And it surrounds mainly thoughts of me dying, Cancer, my child, my husband, and anyone I care about dying. It throws me into anxiety and a dark place where I feel I am most of the time. And I have to put on a front all day just to pretend that I am ok.
The doctor has recommended medication and therapy.
I text my husband about my b***d results and I confide in him about my trip to the GP. He asks if my sister knows about it. I said she does. Discussions with her are what helped me realize that thinking this way is not normal and that I could have anxiety.
Turns out she was right.
My husband flipped it. To the point that he told me that our 10-year relationship, married for 5.5yrs is over. Turned this about him.
He is in a 3rd wheel relationship. I never see my sister. I used to see her a lot before I started seeing my now husband.
He had an issue with our closeness from the start.
He guilt trips me whenever I say I’m going to visit. But then he can leave on full-day hunting/golf/fishing trips. And I do not say a word.
He has made fun of my family’s mental health before and I just feel like he doesn’t believe in mental issues.
So I didn’t find him approachable. I don’t feel like I have done anything wrong. But he seems to see it as the worst thing I ever could have done.
I am being treated as if I had been unfaithful to him. I just feel like I am going INSANE.
Please help me. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but girl, this guy is flinging around more red flags than Monza on race day. He is isolating you. You used to see your sister a lot, then you started seeing him and he “has issues” with your closeness?
That’s him trying to remove your support system. He doesn’t want you to see a doctor for your mental health? He’s trying to keep you dependent on him. Focus on your mental health and file for divorce. He *does not care about you.*” racingskater
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. if confiding in him that you have anxiety and intrusive thoughts that your life is gonna be overturned by some random event, results in him flipping on you for a miscellaneous and insecure reason, then I think you found a source of your issues” ojamojallo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but could your husband be the cause of your anxiety? You have already changed your life to please him, so you’re not living as your best and authentic self. Just a thought may be worth exploring with a therapist. But he sounds abusive for sure.
The first step in mistreatment is isolating you from others who will tell you something isn’t right. You are being manipulated. Take him up on his offer of divorce, but be careful. His mistreatment might turn physical, he thinks you are his and might not let you go easily.” likeahike
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister To Wear White And Be The Maid Of Honor At My Wedding?
“I (32m) am getting married to the love of my life (31F) this November. We met in college and were in a serious relationship afterwards. My sister “Mia” introduced us, as she was my sister’s best friend. My sister helped us when I disagreed with my fiancee 3 years ago about our plans for children.
It’s no exaggeration to say my sister is the reason my fiancee and I are still together.
However, fast forward to our wedding planning. We of course asked my sister to be a bridesmaid, she is one of the most important people in our lives.
She has been a rock. She proposed another idea, that she would be the Maid of Honor because she feels without her there would be no wedding at all. She wants to wear a white dress and stand at my fiancee’s side during the vows.
To be clear she is not trying to be my bride, she just wants the role of the matchmaker. I can’t deny she was truly important in my relationship, but I felt this was a step too far. My friends and family are split on this, as it’s not different from a maid of honour position, which I am fine with her being.
I just feel it would be weird to have her dressed up like that and have the captions on the wedding photos reflect that.
I tried to ask her if she would be content with a “lesser” role but she said she played such an important part in our relationship that she deserves the recognition.
This has caused some friction with my fiancee and me. She thinks it would be fine to have my sister “dress up however she wants” but I still think it would be strange and I can’t shake the feeling my sister is overstepping some boundaries.”
Another User Comments:
“Your sister is overstepping. You never wear white to someone else’s wedding. And each part of the bridal couple gets to pick their attendants. She can, if you choose, stand up with you, but she shouldn’t be insisting on being maid of honour.
I’ve been a matchmaker for several couples. I’ve rarely been invited to weddings, let alone asked to stand up at one. Your sister needs to get over herself. NTJ” nothisTrophyWife
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: having a problem with your sister wearing white to the wedding.
That is super weird unless you are from a different culture or something. INFO on being the MoH: Why are you choosing this position and not your fiancee? What is your fiancee’s opinion on your sister being MoH? It just seems weird to me that you guys aren’t on the same page here one way or the other and it makes me think I’m missing something.” Kerplonk
Another User Comments:
“Both you and your fiancé need to agree however I will say there’s a reason why people don’t wear white other than the bride at the wedding. Ntj but discuss if you do want her to be a maid of honour I don’t think wearing white is a good idea it’s making it about her” Salm228
12. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Non-Paying Sister?
“My sister(31F) has been living with my wife(38F) and me (30M) for about 10 years. We’ve had a good relationship throughout most of it, she was working full-time up until August of 2022. My wife and I bought a new house in August 2022 so that I can be closer to my job, unfortunately, my sister was unable to transfer from her place of work.
She found a job pretty quickly, but it was only part-time so her savings dwindled over the year. Throughout the year I pushed her to keep applying to places to find full-time work again before her savings ran out, which she neglected to do.
Over the summer her savings ran dry and she started paying bills late, so at the start of September of this year, we sat her down and told her we were taking over all the bills and that she needed to pay us a flat rate of $800/month.
We did the math for her of what she makes on average per week and I offered to write her out a full monthly budget to follow(which she refused), paying us $800/month would’ve left her with plenty of money left over to cover her own groceries and such.
The end of September rolled around and we asked for our payment and she proceeded to only give us $350 and excuses of why she’s $450 short. We dismissed all the excuses, because they’re all nonsense, like we didn’t see you ordering stuff from Amazon and ordering food every other night throughout the whole month.
Told her that she needs to pay the remainder of September and half of October by the 15th or she’s going to need to find somewhere else to live. I feel like I’ve given ample time her to get her life together and she has shown zero initiative.
WIBTJ, if I continue with my plan to kick her out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Renting to the family is a slippery slope of disappointment. Be careful though as if you never had a tenancy agreement in place with a valid eviction notice, she may be able to qualify for squatters rights, not sure how the move will have affected those though, Good Luck OP” Leach1999
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But I can’t imagine what the dynamic must be like in that house. Sharing a house with your sister for 10 years?! And your wife was totally ok with it? She’s a better woman than me because six months would have been my absolute limit.” _hootyowlscissors
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to help your sister grow up. You’ve allowed her to live with you WAY longer than you probably should have and somehow she is comfortable being reliant on you. Now she is also taking financial advantage of you. Time to put a stop to it.” Realistic_Head4279
11. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Husband Button His Shirt Cuffs?
“My husband is a healthy able-bodied man. He works 5-7 days a week, and because of weightlifting, he has very big shoulders and arms. He works in sales and wears collared dress shirts to work. Every morning for months on end, he wants me to help him button the cuffs on his sleeves.
His excuse originally for not being able to button them himself was that he was too big to be able to do it. I called him out saying that I think that’s just an excuse because when I haven’t been home, he’s able to button them by himself.
Now he says it takes him way too long to button them himself so he wants me to do it because I can do it faster.
My issues with helping him button his cuffs are 1) I am not his mother and he’s a grown man.
And 2) I have a routine in the morning that I like to stick to. I drop off our son at school, then I go to the gym and do grocery shopping or errands. He gets upset if I refuse to come home to help him button his cuffs after dropping off our son at school.
The days that this is most frequently irritating to me are the days that I have off from work. I work 3-4 days a week, and I get 3 days off when our son is in school to focus on myself (going to the gym) and getting errands done.
Having to drive all the way home after dropping off our son at school, cuts into some of my time that I can be getting other things done.
AITJ for refusing to help my husband button the cuffs on his dress shirt? He has me feeling like I’m being incredibly selfish for not wanting to help.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it would be one thing if you’re right next to him and home. But you’re not, you’ve got stuff to do. Driving home to button his buttons is ridiculous. If it’s that hard for him, he can get dress shirts with fake buttons.
He’s a grown-up he can manage.” DoraTheUrbanExplorer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think maybe he just likes being close to you. A spouse tying a tie for a man or buttoning his cufflinks can be an intimate moment. Idk. I get it though, I am busy in the mornings too.
He could do it himself if he sees you are busy. EDIT: just saw you said you have to drive home to do this….omg no. He is grown. He could either do it himself or ask for help before you have left. ” Squishoms
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’d be one thing if you were there, but asking you to come home just to button his cufflinks is pretty immature and shows a lack of respect for your time. It almost sounds like a power-play.” ATXLMT512
10. AITJ For Insisting On Keeping The AC And Multiple Fans On Despite My Fiancé's Discomfort?
“I (23M) overheat very easily.
Because of this, I prefer to keep the air conditioner as low as it will go and have taken to having fans on in the bedroom as well. I currently have five of them, set up in the four corners of the room and one by the bedside, and when they’re all going they create a wonderful vortex of cool air that covers the entire room.
My fiance (22NB), on the other hand, gets cold very easily. They have complained multiple times about the air and the fans and requested that I turn some of them off. After a few nights, I did let them turn off the one by their side of the bed, but now they’re asking me to also turn off the one by the foot of the bed. They claim they’re having trouble going to sleep at night because of the cold.
The problem is, the other night they did end up turning off the fan at the foot of the bed while I was asleep, and I woke up overheating again.
My argument is that they can put on more clothes or more blankets, and I can’t exactly remove more clothes (I sleep in gym shorts and no shirt already).
They argue that they shouldn’t have to put on more clothes (they’re already wearing two layers) and I could remove the blankets I do sleep with, or just deal with being hot.
So, which of us is the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I think you need to be examined by Professor X for your mutant genes.
Having the air conditioner on max is ridiculous and you want fans on top of that? And not just one fan blowing air on you, a whole room full of multiple fans so you can live in the ice vortex? In all seriousness, I don’t think your fiance gets cold easily at all.
I think they’re probably on the hardy side of things if they can tolerate that level of cold and only ask you to turn off one or two of the fans. You have no idea – my partner would be full-on shivering, chattering teeth, turning blue.” nylonvest
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and being unreasonable. Your fiance should not have to be freezing to accommodate you, especially when you haven’t even tried using fewer blankets. What? I understand needing to have something covering you while you sleep but just use a sheet. Or buy a cooling blanket.” PresentationFew2014
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s fine to disagree on the ideal temperature of a bedroom, but you don’t get to dictate it, and when in doubt, you need to go with the “reasonable consensus”. The reasonable consensus isn’t AC and 5 fans. Google for the standard temperature for a bedroom at night and use that as the template.
If you both agree on lower, fine, go lower.” Pale_Height_1251
9. AITJ For Not Defending My FIL Over A Last Name Dispute On My Pregnancy Announcement?
“When I announced my pregnancy on social media 3 weeks ago, FIL was upset that baby would be taking my last name. He commented that his last name sounded “much better.” My brother and a couple friends responded to him.
They told him he was being weird and he insisted it wasn’t weird to expect his grandchild to have HIS last name. My brother called him stupid (not saying I agree with this but it happened) and it snowballed from there.
I never once intervened but my MIL called my partner to complain about me.
She said they’re tired of dealing with me, they refuse to keep eating my “unpleasant sandwich” and they will not walk on eggshells. She was upset her husband got attacked in my comments. I ended up taking the phone and told her it was not my responsibility to moderate a feud that he initiated and publicized on MY announcement post. Basically we argued for an hour.
She insisted I was in the wrong, I should’ve stuck up for him and I had no reason to be so upset and I am too sensitive (no one ever even told her I was upset?).
I called FIL after because MIL told me that’s what I should do.
He told me he doesn’t care about me or the baby anymore as it won’t have his last name.
I really don’t see the issue in me not defending him. I think he has been a bully his whole life and wants to whine now that someone stuck up to him (I don’t necessarily agree with my brother insulting him but I also don’t see how it’s my fault that he did).
I refuse to apologize for not intervening and they have cut contact completely until I do. So, AITJ for not publicly defending FIL, or should I stand my ground?
We are not married. They’re my partner’s parents, I used FIL and MIL to help keep it shorter.
Currently I don’t plan to change my last name when I get married, but I’ll discuss that with my partner when that time comes.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It isn’t your job to defend your FIL from a position he put himself in, especially since that position came from criticizing a choice you made.
If he could not stand the heat of the responses his comment got, then he should not have made it in the first place. Let me translate something: being tired of dealing with you and walking on eggshells actually means that they are upset that they can’t control you, are upset that you stand up for yourself, and they are going to accelerate their bullying until you submit.
Don’t give in!” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Take their silence FTW. Also, NEVER discuss your kid’s name, or your naming intentions with anyone but your spouse until after the birth certificate is filed. Too many other people will think they have sign-off rights to your choices, and will start pressure campaigns like this one.” south3y
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Congrats, FIL just unsubscribed from every aspect of your and your child’s life – no announcements, no photos, no meeting or visitation, no holidays. Because two-dollar bet he decides to rug-sweep this tantrum when the baby arrives (especially if your baby is a boy).
You got the golden ticket of cutting him out of your lives, and I say that you use it.” unconfirmedpanda
8. AITJ For Locking Up My Food And Not Providing For My Freeloading Roommates?
“So back in November of 22 me my ex-husband got a divorce in March of 23 I got my own apartment with my cousin.
She moved out in early May, that’s a story for another time though. I lived alone till about late early to mid-June when my best friend F23 moved in. Everything was fine. She paid her part of the rent, and helped with household things and groceries.
Till her partner M 23 moved in shortly after her, she “lost her job” and she’s been up his backside. That’s not my problem, it’s just annoying hearing her whine when she doesn’t get attention etc. What’s really got me upset is she’s not helping pay bills or buy food or anything anymore and nor does he.
(Note: he has a job) but all that’s being said I’ve been paying for everything rent, food, you name it I’m buying it.
For the last 3 or 3 1/2 months I’ve spent well over 5k on stuff. I have a good job so the money isn’t the issue, it’s the fact they’re freeloading.
Also (note: I’m pregnant) about 2 days before this happened I went grocery shopping so last week I had a craving for a ham and cheese sandwich, went to the kitchen there was no ham, next option was some bologna surprise none at all, next option was some chips and dip my chips all gone, I tried for a few other snacks that sounded good as I wasn’t that hungry to cook a full meal and it was all gone!
I have now gone shopping, bought a mini fridge, and a lock for my door and food. It’s created tension yes. But am I the jerk for not buying them comfort food and drinks when they refuse to work or help pay for anything??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why are they still living with you?? I understand that they’re your friends but that doesn’t mean you have to provide for all of their expenses. Especially because they’re two people and that wasn’t the original agreement between your best friend and you. I think it makes complete sense to have your own mini fridge and lock your room.
If I were you I would bring up the fact that you’re being taken advantage of and you need them to contribute to the household expenses if they want to stay with you.” zeoeoeo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have roommates you have squatters.
Roommates contribute to the living space. You have a child on the way that you need to be more concerned with than the 2 grown children living with you. If you’re planning on raising your child in your apartment then you should kick them out or speak to the landlord about forcing them to leave.
If you’re planning on finding a new place to raise your child then the sooner you move the better for you.” Ok-Dare-1210
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s understandable that your friend can’t really pay rent right now if she’s in between jobs, but her boyfriend absolutely should.
Also, putting a lock on your door is your right, even if there were no problems with your living situation. No one is owed entry into your private space.” severalghosts
7. AITJ For Going On A Planned Vacation Instead Of Attending My FIL's Funeral?
“Our family got a call unexpectedly that my FIL passed away. My husband took off to be with his mom who lives 6 hours away and stayed with her for almost a week.
We fully expected the funeral to happen at the end of the week so my children and I anticipated making a trip at that time. However, my FIL’s remains were stuck in limbo in a neighbouring state. There was paperwork and requirements that needed to be fulfilled. Due to this fact, my husband decided to come back home and we never made it out that weekend.
The following week, we had a vacation planned and it was completely prepaid, and at this point, non-refundable. My husband asked me if we should cancel. I told him, it was not my call, and that I would support whatever decision he wanted to make.
A few days before the trip we still did not have an answer on the funeral date so we decided to go. The first day after we landed, we got a call from his mom that the funeral was scheduled and it would be halfway into our trip.
We looked up flights back but the cost was substantial for five people. Again, my husband looked to me for a final decision and I again told him, it was not my call and that I would support any decision he would make.
He called his mom and discovered that they wanted to hold a small funeral with immediate family and that they would plan a larger one next month.
Based on that information he decided not to cancel and we would attend the larger funeral. Unfortunately, the larger funeral never happened. MIL isn’t upset with us, but my BIL and SIL are all angry that we didn’t make it. Are we all jerks??”
Another User Comments:
“Seems ok to me if you can make it to the big bash. If MIL is ok with it, I see no problem. It reminds me of when my grandmother died in the ripe old age of 96. My mom (Oma’s DIL) was on holiday in Italy then and after some phone calls my siblings and I decided that there was no reason for mom to abandon her trip to come over for the funeral. Nobody batted an eye.
I have some sympathy for BIL’s and SIL’s anger, it’s their dead father. I suppose it’ll pass. Some would say not the jerk, but I give a no jerks here.” MagereHein10
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You handled it the best you could with so many shifting factors.
As long as your MIL’s needs were met, then you did nothing wrong, just made a ‘different’ decision than BIL/SIL might have. It’s not your job to manage your emotions or to live your life according to their rules.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
It’s a sucky situation overall, but your husband made the decision finally and if he, as the son, can live with it, then so can everyone else. Also, there are more ways than one to say goodbye to a loved one. You might not have attended the funeral, but maybe you did or could do something to remember your FIL in your little family circle.” backyardchick
6. AITJ For Moving Out And Pursuing My Dreams Despite My Father's Disapproval?
“So, a little background: I (F23) have always had a difficult relationship with my father (M58). He has a history of being emotionally distant and controlling, which has caused a lot of tension in our family. Recently, I made a decision that has had a significant impact on his life, and now I’m questioning if I’m the one in the wrong here.
A few months ago, I moved out of my parents’ house to pursue my dreams and gain independence. This decision didn’t sit well with my father, who expected me to stay and fulfill his expectations. He wanted me to follow a traditional path that I wasn’t passionate about.
Since moving out, I’ve been thriving. I found a job I love, made new friends, and I’m finally pursuing my own goals. However, my father hasn’t taken it well. He constantly berates me for my choices, belittles my accomplishments, and tries to manipulate me into giving up my newfound freedom.
Last week, during a heated argument, my father made a hurtful comment about my dreams, and it struck a nerve. I couldn’t handle his constant negativity and control anymore. In a moment of frustration, I told him that his behaviour was a major reason why I moved out and that he needed to reflect on his actions.
Since then, things have spiralled out of control. My father has been telling extended family members that I’m the reason for his unhappiness and that I’ve ruined his life. This has caused strain in our family dynamics, and I can’t help but feel guilty.
So, here’s where I need your judgment.
AITJ for “ruining” my father’s life by standing up for myself and pursuing my dreams? Should I have handled the situation differently, or is it time for my father to take responsibility for his actions?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is a saying, a parent is only as happy as their unhappiest child.
You appear to be very happy, so whatever his problem is, that’s on him. It might be worthwhile to talk with your father to see if his disapproval is based out of fear for you (fear for your financial stability, career outlook, whatever). But if not, if it’s something foolish like your path is not prestigious enough, well that’s nonsense.” GreyerGardens
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s a grown man and is responsible for his own emotions. You didn’t “make” him feel anyway and you didn’t do anything to “ruin his life” — you didn’t frame him for murder, steal his money, defame him publicly or anything like that.
You just moved away from home to start your own life, which is a normal thing that almost every kid does. He’s being very dramatic and unreasonable.” SuLiaodai
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I applaud you for fleeing from this toxic environment. Your father is his reason for his unhappiness and I bet he is very unhappy that he no longer can control you.
Don’t feel guilty – I don’t see anything wrong that you could have done. You are happy now and thriving. I would not be surprised if he is a narcissist. Because these types of people are feeding themselves on the happiness of others and are thriving when they make everyone unhappy.
If he is that type, you will never make him happy.” Justrennt
5. AITJ For Not Visiting My Parents More Often Even Though They Live An Hour Away?
“I (25f) try to visit my parents (50&55) once a month. I live a little less than an hour away with no traffic in a major city, so with traffic, almost an hour and a half away.
I moved out of my parents about a year ago with my then-partner (now fiancée). I knew that my moving away would impact their emotions greatly because of how close they wanted us to be as a family. I grew up in a religious, immigrant household that impacted a lot of things I could do.
I would have curfews until the day I moved out and I wouldn’t be able to do certain things. Even in my 20s, I felt like they treated me as a child more than another human. My parents are caring and did everything to help me succeed but I feel like their world revolves around me that it’s starting to feel suffocating.
I hate that I feel this way but I just can’t help it.
I try to visit once a month, I don’t schedule anything with them so there isn’t an expectation but they always comment on how they never see me enough.
The moment something happens that’s urgent or they need help, I rush over to their place, even during the work day. I feel like no matter what I do though, it’s never enough and it’s really taking a toll on my mental health.
They guilt trip me and tell me I’ll understand when I have my own children. I know their emotions come from a place of genuine hurt but I feel bad cause I think it’s unfair, I don’t want to visit them super often.
I want to live my life and choose what I do – I know it’s selfish.
AITJ for not visiting them enough even though they’re an hour away?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you will understand when you have your own children. When that happens, you will need to realize that you raised these little people to be adults, to go out into the world and make something of themselves.
You will have to come to terms with them having a life, outside of you. You will have to face that they are not your little kids anymore, they are adults. You will have to find things to do with your time, that don’t involve them.
You are not the jerk. They need to begin changing their lives to accommodate the hole left behind when they left. This is a natural progression that they are dragging their feet on doing. It does not make you a bad child, it means they are not moving forward.” donnamayj1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a shame that by guilt-tripping you, they achieve actually the opposite of what they want. Once a month in your situation sounds quite reasonable. The only thing that will change when you have your own children, is that it will be even harder to find the time.
If it’s taking a toll on your mental health, find a professional to talk about this issue and how your upbringing affects you in general. Maybe they can help you find a way to articulate your feelings to your parents.” chocolategalore
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’d put your parents on a schedule.
It really worked with my mother. We have specific twice-weekly phone calls scheduled at a specific time and I also have a specific day a month I go visit her. This helped set boundaries, but also managed her expectations about how available I actually am.” LowBalance4404
4. AITJ For Quitting School To Pursue Music And Moving Out Without My Parents' Approval?
“So the title tells you everything you need to know. I’m going to be 21 next month. I’ve lived with my parents my whole life in the same house. Never moved, and never did anything bad as a child. Didn’t have legal problems and my parents thought the world of my friends who would come over.
Was always a straight-A student, but I knew the education system was not for me. I didn’t want it to lead to some braindead 9-5 corporate job because I can’t succeed in the corporate world. I did an internship in Los Angeles this past summer and it was miserable compared to doing what I’m passionate about.
College sucked. I just started my Junior year (I was also a commuter who lived at home) and I felt dead inside anytime I had to go to class. Anytime I told them how college makes me feel, especially since I’ve worked a full-time job the past 14 months on top of school, they just belittle me and laugh it off.
I had floated the idea of moving out if it meant I didn’t have to fulfill their degree requirement, and they didn’t even listen to that one too.
I’ve been making music since August 2020. I have a few thousand listens on Soundcloud and 180 followers so it is nothing crazy, but I felt like removing all the negative energy out of my life.
I kinda took matters into my own hands. Monday, I packed up all my stuff and my car (that I was paying for), and I moved to an apartment in Las Vegas with one of my old friends from high school. My parents are furious right now as one might imagine.
I sent them a message telling them what I had done just so they weren’t overtly concerned, but they kept blowing up my phone. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Look, you’re an adult, you can do what you want. But your parents love you, which means they want you to do what’s best for you.
And I’ll be honest, dropping out of school to pursue a music career when you have 180 followers does not sound like a great idea. Hopefully, with time they’ll get over it, but they’re allowed to have a day of freaking out.” zenocrate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, But I find it a bit extreme. Was there no middle ground? Was it not possible to pursue a degree that you prefer and make contacts e.g. through internships that might help you? Where I live, there is also a degree in music which focuses on producing and marketing music and teaches people about how the industry works.
And why Vegas?” GSD_enthusiast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that said you may be a bit delusional. I feel that every kid these days wants to be a SoundCloud rapper and just become famous. Reality will probably come and smack you in the face once you burn through your 20k in a year and are back bussing tables with other aspiring artists” User
3. AITJ For Wanting To Put My Narcissistic Mom In A Nursing Home Instead Of Caring For Her Myself?
“Not sure how long this is going to be, but looking for some outside perspective.
My mom(60F) has narcissistic tendencies and, to my knowledge, has never been diagnosed with NPD. After her mom died (My Grandma, rest her soul) my(37F) brother(39M) and his wife (40’s F) were at my mom’s house.
She had lived with my grandma, but the house was willed to my mom upon grandma’s death.
It was the night before my grandma’s viewing and our family all stayed at my mom’s to go to the viewing together. My mom brought up the fact that if she ever needed around-the-clock care, my brother would take care of her.
His response has always been that “You wiped my butt as a child, it is the least I can do for you”. My mom then made fun of me by saying that I would just put her in a nursing home. I responded that I would because I am not qualified to be a caretaker and would rather pay someone who knows what they are doing to take care of her.
She always rolls her eyes at me and says, “At least one of her children cares about her”.
I think it is caring more to get the proper care from trained professionals than to have me try to do it and either miss something or hurt her or myself.
To be fair, I also do not want to be that close to my mom. She always makes me feel like I am wrong for these thoughts and it hurts. My mom parentified me as a child and I was verbally mistreated growing up. My brother is the GC and I have always felt like the scapegoat.
Am I really a jerk for wanting to get proper care for my mom if she were to need it?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, your logic is totally sound but that’s obviously not what your mom wanted to hear and you know this. So just lie next time.
Your brother gets this game, golden child or not. (PS, he’ll be the first to bail on her, trust me.) Not rendering a judgment. Personally, if she’s that unpleasant I’d be inclined to set pretty strict boundaries with her and go low contact. Don’t play stupid games and you won’t have to worry about winning stupid prizes.” Ok-Profession-9372
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can’t stand the mindset that families should sacrifice themselves to look after someone if they have no medical training or the mindset of a caregiver. My MiL lived with my SiL for the last few years of her life, and even with professionals coming in four times a day and other family members rallying around it still put a strain on my SiL.
I’m in my 60s and I fully expect to go into a home if the need arises, my daughter has her own life to live.” Remember1959
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. My grandmother lives with my mom and it can be really heavy.
There’s a lot of drama but it’s where she needs to be. I will do the same for my mom. I would love for my children to do the same. With that being said… My ex’s father moved in with us after he found out he was dying.
Watching him deteriorate was an unforgettable experience. That’s not something I want my children to have to go through. I really do see so many different sides to it. You’re not a jerk. No one is. The end of the road is hard to map out, no matter who you are.” 5naughtycats
2. AITJ For Deleting Photos From My Friend's Bachelorette Party?
“This last weekend I attended a bachelorette party for my high school friend, Darla. None of the other high school friends could make it for various reasons. Darla also invited a friend from work (Hannah), and everyone else was either her friends from college or her tennis group.
Since Hannah and I didn’t know the other girls we tended to stick together. I really liked Hannah and we hit it off, so it was easy and fun partnering with her.
All weekend everyone took pictures and videos of everything we did. On Sunday we air-dropped it all to each other before everyone started leaving.
Yesterday Hannah texted me saying something must have happened on her phone because she didn’t have the picture I took of her in front of this cool fountain we had walked by.
I told her I was sorry, but I had already deleted the picture.
She asked what I meant and I told her I deleted any pictures or videos that didn’t have Darla and/or me in them. (I did this because there were THOUSANDS of photos between all of us and I just didn’t want to keep it all).
She didn’t respond, but later I got a text from Darla asking if I deleted pictures from her bachelorette party. I guess Hannah had texted her asking her to send the photo from the fountain and told her she had asked me but that I had “deleted most of the pictures from the weekend.”
I explained to Darla that it was just pictures that didn’t have us in them since I don’t know the other girls, but she was still upset with me since I didn’t want to keep memories from her bachelorette weekend. I explained that I still had HUNDREDS of photos from the weekend, but she’s not responding to my texts anymore.
AITJ for deleting those photos?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How self-centred are Darla and Hannah? If someone I met and hung out with for only one weekend deleted a pic of me from their phone, I would think nothing of it. Likewise, if – after sharing all photos and videos with the group – my best friend deleted hundreds of photos, I would not care at all.
They have the photo, what does it matter if you do or not? Is Darla always this unreasonable? (Random aside: I’ve only known one Darla in my life and she was this unreasonable and selfish. I’m assuming you used fake names but you picked a good one for your friend.)” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Darla is being unreasonable (maybe that’s why none of her old friends showed up beside you?) in expecting every person to keep every photo of an event that’s primarily important to her. She can save them all if she wants but she has no control over what others do with theirs.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s your phone and you have the right to delete all of the pics as you please. But you could’ve deleted the pictures after you airdropped everything. I mean what was the point of you taking pics of Hannah by the fountain if you just deleted them without even sending them to her, especially considering that you two stuck together during the party?” vxmpxrxrxkxx
1. AITJ For Banning My Mom After She Broke A Promise To My Daughter?
“My daughter’s birthday is Tuesday so my mom decided to come over on Sunday on her day off, she proceeded to talk on the phone for an hour about her brother/my uncle (who has a drinking problem). After getting off the phone she then says she’s getting a tattoo covered up on her leg and after she was done she would take my daughter to the store and let her pick out a birthday present.
The time is now 2:30pm. My daughter (8f) asked my mom (50f) if she was going to be able to do that, my mom looked her in the eyes and promised they would. So we rode with her to get it done, the setup took over an hour and they finally got started. I took a look at the piece on the leg and from looking I knew she was going to be there all day/night.
So I took my kids home to play games, watch a movie and enjoy the rest of the day. Around 10 pm my kids are tired and headed to bed except my daughter is now crying her eyes out asking why grandma lied to her and doesn’t like her.
My wife and I calmed her down talked to her and she eventually got to sleep.
My mom then knocks on my door at 11:30pm all smiles of her new tattoo, I told her I wasn’t happy, my daughter just spent the last hour crying, wondering why her grandmother lied to her, my mom acts like it’s not a big deal and says “I came back I promised I would” at 11:30pm at night the kids are asleep and all the stores are closed. She now wants to come back tomorrow and I told her if my children don’t want to go with her or talk to her anymore she’s not welcome around us anymore.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mom made a commitment and broke it. If your daughter doesn’t want to forgive her for doing that as quickly as she’d like her to, that sucks for Grandma. I would caution against setting any permanent boundaries based on just one night, though – kids tend to change their minds about this sort of thing (I know I did).” anna-the-bunny
Another User Comments:
“Ntj but daughter is 8 years old. Seems a bit old to have a fit because she was disappointed. Haven’t you taught her how to deal with things like this. Life is full of disappointments. That is something we all have to learn.
Mom is a jerk. You knew she would not be back in time to take your daughter out. Why didn’t you let your daughter know the tattoo would probably take a long time and grandma would probably not get to take her out? You admitted you knew this would happened. You set your daughter up for this disappointment and had done nothing to prepare her to deal with it.
Can’t be the first time your mom acted like this. 55% grandma’s fault 45% your fault. Be better.” Ok-Squash5826
Another User Comments:
“Mom is a jerk. As long as your Mom takes her out to choose a gift the next day or as immediately as possible, all should be forgiven.
But to teach your child to hold a grudge, to be so rigid that she can’t go with the flow is incredible. You should be teaching your child to understand that people are not perfect and that sometimes we need to understand and forgive. You are the real jerk here.” bbaywayway
