People Want To Learn From The Mistakes They Made In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
20. AITJ For Refusing To Do My Niece's Artwork For Her School Contest?
“I’m a 17-year-old female who is ok at art and or creating things so I get asked by family and others to do art-related stuff for them a lot.
I usually don’t mind and do it for them sometimes for money and sometimes for free so they’re pretty comfortable asking me for art favors.
My sister K (30) asked me to do my niece J’s (8) artwork for her school contest so she could win.
I told her no because I don’t feel comfortable being used so my niece could win a contest when she could draw something herself and it would feel more rewarding if she won that way. After that, she totally blew up in my face saying that I didn’t want to do it because I hated her kid and that since I’m her auntie I should just do it.
A little context before I show why you might think I’m a jerk: I love my niece but her mom hands everything to her on a silver platter. She could ask for the clothes off some girl’s back and her mom would give it to her.
Now because of this, I have gotten into lots of verbal arguments with her mom about how spoiled she was and how her mom just pretends not to see it so ever since then she’s just concluded that since I “didn’t have as much stuff as her” I was jealous and hated her kid.
Because of all of this, I still refused regardless of what she said and I told her “The world isn’t fair and she has to learn that. If she doesn’t win this art contest it won’t be the end of the world she’ll be fine.” She flipped out some more and then told my mom who flipped out EVEN HARDER.
I was called selfish and weird but in my opinion, they’re the ones who asked me so I have a right to refuse.
I know depending on who reads this I’m gonna sound like someone who just needs to suck it up but I swear it goes much deeper than this post.
I know the internet can be a ruthless place which is why I’m asking y’all…AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The saddest part is that your own mom is encouraging this dishonesty. You’re right. Internet users can be ruthless. Show the comments to your mom and sister.
They’re the ones who are being jerks here. Wow, on top of the dishonesty, this is what they’re telling your niece: “Your art stinks so badly, we have to be dishonest to win. We have zero confidence in you. We will accept no less than 1st place, even if it’s empty.”” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“You sound like you’re pretty mature and rational, and have an understanding of how the world works, and respect the difference between right and wrong. The alleged “adults” in this situation both fail hugely in every single one of those criteria. They’re mad because you recognize that this is being dishonest, and it’s wrong, and called them out on it.
So now they’re wrong, AND they’ve had it pointed out to them (by someone they deem as inferior due to the age difference), AND they feel judged (rightly so, seriously) so instead of correcting themselves, they lash out. Which just loses them even more Righteous Wisdom And Maturity points, and further illustrates that you’re the only one involved who’s making reasonable decisions.
NTJ and well done, you.” OrigamiStormtrooper
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister wants you to help your niece win a contest. That’s just setting her up for a life of believing that someone else will always do the work for her, and she will get all the reward.
She will grow up to be an entitled brat. That’s really great parenting from your sister. Seriously, you not doing it is the only right thing to do. She enters the contest with an original piece of her own, or she doesn’t enter.
She wins or she loses based on her own merit. That’s fair and honest. Anything else would be wrong, and if it were me, I’d find some way of letting someone know. Your sister is making a rod for her own back by instilling this sense of entitlement in her daughter.
Maybe when she sees what a monster it makes her as she grows up, she’ll wish she’d done things differently. But that isn’t your cross to bear. It’s hers.” JaneDoe_83
19. AITJ For Wanting To Sell The House I Co-Own With My Ex?
“I (40M) broke up with my ex (43F) over a year ago. She has three kids in high school and grade school. Before the health crisis, we bought a house together at a great rate. When we broke up, she insisted she and her kids stay in the house, which I felt was unfair.
I make enough money to cover the mortgage and offered to let her stay but have her removed from the mortgage, promising not to raise her rent, but she refused, understandably.
Instead, we agreed that she pay me back for my share ($15k deposit, payments up until then, and half the increased value), and we would work to remove me from the mortgage.
We agreed to take a year to get our finances in order. If it didn’t work out, we would sell the house.
She has managed the mortgage but doesn’t qualify to remove my name due to her debt-to-income ratio. Now that the year is up, I want to sell the house so we can each walk away with about $50k and move on.
She is understandably upset, saying I’m kicking her and her kids out and that her rent will skyrocket with no upside for her. I believe she might delay the sale as long as possible. From my perspective, if we hadn’t met, she wouldn’t have the house and would be in the same situation but for a longer period, and without any money to show for it.
WIBTJ? Am I really kicking her out of her house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to consult an attorney and likely go through a civil process. This could easily turn into an unlawful eviction if you don’t follow the right steps, and her living there is likely something you have to inform potential buyers of anyway.
I don’t know all the ins and outs nor what state you’re in, but this is not something you can just do without her involved, especially since you bought the house together.” maj0rdisappointment
Another User Comments:
“Can you afford not to? NTJ for sure by the way.
Just thinking with kids involved it would be nice if they could stay at the same school, in the same house. Could you come up with an agreement that she sells when the kids graduate? The house will only increase in value as time goes on…so if you can afford not to and you make more money in the end…it sounds like a good idea maybe??” Ilovebread-123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this market sucks for someone to break into if their ducks aren’t all in a row. However, the interest rate now isn’t vastly different than it was a year ago, when she agreed to your plan. You are definitely not the jerk for wanting your name off the paperwork for this house.
She is a soft jerk for wanting you to continue to subsidize her current lifestyle. I agree with her that rent is awful and it sucks that she can currently manage the mortgage but not assume it, but…she should go guilt the mortgaging bank and not the bank of her ex.” Old_Cattle3964
18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother-In-Law To Use My Car While I'm Away?
“We are flying home for a wedding on my side of the family in July for about a week. It just so happens that the same week of the wedding is the week that they had booked their flights to come out.
We’d discussed them staying at the house while we were actually going to be there and then a day later found out the date of the wedding happened to be in the middle of the week they had scheduled to come out. I have no issue with them staying at the house while we are gone because we live in Hawaii and hotels out here aren’t cheap but my brother-in-law is now asking if they can use my car while they are here and we are gone.
Here’s the issue. I got here about 9 months ago and bought a cheaper older car trying to save some money and I’ve had issues with it since two weeks after buying it. I’ve driven it less than 30 times in the last 9 months, it having spent 3 months at an auto repair shop while they tried to figure out what was wrong with it.
After so long, we decided to purchase a newer, 2021, vehicle with a loan so that I would have a reliable car to get to work as I had a distance to drive. With all the trouble I’ve had when it comes to cars over the last 9 months, I’m uneasy about letting anyone else drive my car especially when we will be nowhere near home.
If anything happens, that’s a dock on my insurance which will raise my rates, I’m out of a vehicle again and have to buy another vehicle, and finding cars out here is not as easy as it may seem.
My husband is irritated because he thinks I’d do it with my side of the family but that would have been with the older crappy car that if it got hit, it wasn’t a huge loss.
And realistically, they wouldn’t have been driving it anyway because I would have been off work and taking them everywhere. Even with my newer car, I wouldn’t feel super comfortable letting my family drive it because of the horrible luck with cars I’ve had.
AITJ and overthinking this or is it reasonable to decline since we are already helping them out by letting them stay at the house and saving some money?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t lend my car to anyone. My mom was always loaning hers and every person either trashed the inside or wrecked it.
She had so many wrecks on her insurance it went up over $700/mo. The liability stays with the owner, so if someone driving your car sues, the owner gets sued not the driver (in my state at least). People do not try to take care of your property like you would.” Whatevawillbee
Another User Comments:
“I house-sit for my sister for 5 weeks! She leaves her car keys so I can start the car once a week. I DO NOT DRIVE HER CAR BECAUSE SHE ASKED ME NOT TO! I take an Uber to the store. I walk (and I hate walking as I am not fit) and I use delivery services to get groceries and takeout.
They can get their own car since they are saving a bundle on accommodations!!!” whoopsiedaisy63
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Why, exactly, is your husband not offering up his vehicle that you state he has? Tell your husband that you are not comfortable with the ‘scope creep’ of requests from guests so maybe they should stay at a hotel and rent a car, since they keep on asking for stuff.
What else do they want/feel entitled to? You have your limits. Frankly, this appears to be originating with your husband. Did he deliberately help his family decide to come when you will not be home? Also, is there anywhere you can park the car so it isn’t at your home?” Avlonnic2
17. AITJ For Being Upset Over Our Low-Key, Non-Traditional Wedding?
“My (30M) wife (31F) and I have recently gotten a lot of hate for the way we went about our wedding a few months ago.
My wife and I have been together for 5 years and got engaged last year. When discussing our wedding, my wife was very adamant about wanting to elope.
This caused a huge fight because I knew my family wanted a wedding. I am the only male offspring in my family, so this is a big deal. We finally compromised and decided to have a small wedding in my wife’s hometown. It was in her parents’ backyard, and my wife planned the whole thing, since I am not very good at those types of things.
It was beautiful but she chose to cut out a lot of the “traditional” aspects of a wedding. There was no photographer, no mention of god in the ceremony, no wedding party, and she wore sneakers and a more casual short dress the day of.
My family is all out of state and said that it was disrespectful to have them travel all this way for what was essentially a BBQ. My wife said that none of her family felt this way and that I should stand up against my “stuck-up” family.
I said it’s different, because her family all lives in the town and didn’t have to travel, and she should have put more effort into the wedding, or let them know it was a BBQ if she didn’t want this reaction. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You two are not jerks for having a low-key wedding, but you are for not being involved with planning the wedding that your wife didn’t even want and then being upset that it wasn’t fancy or traditional enough to please you and your family.
“It was in her parents’ backyard, and my wife planned the whole thing, since I am not very good at those types of things. It was beautiful but she chose to cut out a lot of the “traditional” aspects of a wedding. There was no photographer, no mention of god in the ceremony, no wedding party, and she wore sneakers and a more casual short dress the day of.” Just because she’s a woman doesn’t mean she’s any better at planning this sort of thing than you would be, especially since she had wanted to elope in the first place.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but your wife isn’t. What is this all of a sudden in recent years with men wanting these big weddings? Weddings are expensive and time-consuming. Traditionally it was expected for the bride’s family to pay. So it is up to them to plan what they want and can afford.
And your wife is correct that you need to start standing up to your family. SHE is now your immediate family. She comes first. The rest of your family needs to be set straight and YOU need to set them straight. If you don’t, you are in for a lot of problems once you start dealing with holidays and having kids.” EconomyReference3193
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for saying you “compromised” but still holding onto resentment over how your new wife organized the wedding and making excuses for your family’s rudeness. If either you or your family wanted a large wedding, all you had to do was offer to take on the costs and organize yourself (that also doesn’t mean you can sign a check and call every shot but it sounds like your family didn’t even offer to do that!) “I’m not very good at these things” is the definition of weaponized incompetence and, especially when paired with having a lot of opinions on how things should have been done differently, is a very bad look.” popcornwithparmesan
16. AITJ For Exploding At My Husband Over Unequal Childcare And Household Duties?
“I 20F have a 7-month-old baby with my 23M husband. Ever since my son was born I do 95% of the childcare on top of household things. I don’t usually mind doing it because I like everything done a certain way and if I leave it to my husband it will end up a mess.
He has a physically demanding job and works from 3 pm-2:00 am.
The past month he’s decided to get into shape. He runs for an hour every day and then regular workouts. 3 times a week he goes to boxing classes and runs for an hour by the time he gets home it’s already 1-1:30.
Then he cooks his food separately because he’s on a diet. By the time he’s done with everything it’s already time for him to go to work.
Recently we’ve been arguing more because I’m feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. My baby doesn’t want to be held by anyone else but me and wants to be in my arms 24/7.
He’s a big baby and holding him all day is hard but I have no options he hates baby carriers now. I’ve also felt myself becoming more depressed and some days I don’t even want to get out of bed. My husband has the mindset that I should do all the household chores because it’s my duty.
I’ve tried to talk to him about my needing him to stay home and help me a little more and by help I just mean watching our baby while I sleep or playing with him. I know he’s tired when he gets home and he gets stressed.
Yesterday I finally exploded and started screaming and crying about how I don’t feel appreciated for everything I do and how mentally exhausting it is to stay home with a Velcro baby all day. He said how stressed out he is with people at his job, his mom, and sometimes he just needs to relax.
We’re ignoring each other right now but the more I think about it I feel guilty. I know he doesn’t respond well when I’m screaming at him and it makes him anxious. On the other hand, I also feel that I’ve tried talking to him enough and I shouldn’t have to beg him to help me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s his dwelling and his baby, too, that you’re caring for. He works 11 hours a day. After YOU have worked 11 hours a day, the rest of the time should be split. He gets time away from his job (running, boxing, working out) and you have none of that.
It’s time to sit down, if you can find a time when you’re not both exhausted, and talk about this inequity. I guarantee you that he thinks childcare and housework is your job 24 hours a day, while his job is his job for 11 hours a day.” yadapc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Screaming isn’t good – because it can affect the baby negatively. HOWEVER, your job is to take care of the kids. His job is to go to the office (or wherever he goes). YOUR job lasts 24/7/365. HIS job lasts 40 hours a week with days off.
When are YOUR days off? You didn’t have an immaculate conception — you both chose to have this baby — that means you both take care of this baby. You do the household chores AND you take care of the baby. So essentially you are doing TWO jobs.
I understand that his job is physically demanding, however, it can’t be all that demanding because he still has enough energy to workout for an hour and then go boxing. When is YOUR ‘workout and boxing’ time? Your husband needs a wake-up on this one.
HE is the jerk and big time.” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“You need to take an entire day off (do NOT let anyone come to care for the baby when you do this, he needs to take care of the baby himself, without support, just as you do all day every day) so he can see what your life is like.
He may be one of those people who think mothers of babies simply sit on the couch and stare lovingly at their baby all day. You probably also need to count up each of your hours and what you do all day, including sleep, to show that he has a lot more leisure time than you do.
Each parent should have equal leisure time. Sadly, he’s probably not going to respond to such interventions. If he was, then I think he’d already be showing more empathy than he does towards you. But at least you’ll have tried, and trying will give you information about his willingness (or lack of it) to treat you with respect and kindness.” Reasonable-Sale8611
15. AITJ For Not Letting My New Neighbors Use Our Backyard?
“My partner and I (F30s) just got some new neighbors. They moved in about a month ago. We met them briefly. They are a couple around our age and have a daughter who might be 4 or 5, and a dog.
We have our backyard fully fenced in with a privacy fence. Their yard doesn’t. I was out front last weekend when the couple came up our driveway and started chatting. They mentioned that they were on a waiting list to get their yard fenced in but were told it would be a few months.
They said they would really like their daughter and dog to have a place to run around but didn’t feel comfortable with the lack of fence (our neighborhood backs up to a wooded area and a creek).
They asked if they could borrow our backyard for a few hours a day so they could let everyone run worry-free.
I admittedly immediately didn’t like this, but I told them I would think about it.
I talked to my partner, and we both agreed this wasn’t a good idea. We have two dogs ourselves, and they can be a tad protective of their yard. One of them also doesn’t love kids and the other one can be a tad dog selective.
Because of this, we would have to coordinate when we could let our dogs out and that’s just not something we want to deal with. There are just too many things that could go wrong. Plus that good ole American worry that if someone got hurt we could get sued.
The guy stopped by again on Wednesday and asked if we had given it any thought. I told him we had discussed it, and unfortunately, it just wasn’t going to work out with our dogs and their schedule so we wouldn’t be able to accommodate them.
He immediately got sour and said it was nice to know how neighborly we were. He left abruptly but I could hear him muttering under his breath.
He and his wife have made a big show of snuffing us the last couple of days. My partner said they will get over it, and while I’m not going to reconsider, I do feel kind of guilty.
AITJ for not letting our new neighbors use our yard?
Just so everyone knows – Our gate is locked and we have cameras.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Borrow your yard? For a few months? It’s an easy, hard no. Your neighbor’s request was ridiculous. “They mentioned that they were on a waiting list to get their yard fenced in but were told it would be a few months.
They said they would really like their daughter and dog to have a place to run around but didn’t feel comfortable with the lack of fence (our neighborhood backs up to a wooded area and a creek).” Um, here’s an idea. Supervise your dog and your young child when they are outside like responsible pet owners and parents.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are the ones who are not being neighborly. You don’t move in somewhere and say “We’re neighbors, now share your living space with me, a total stranger!” That goes double when it’s every day for a month and requires you to coordinate the use of your own yard with them.
That said, I do think you need to avoid letting this become a thing that sets the tone for your relationship as life is just much easier when you are friends with your neighbors. Drop a housewarming gift off and continue to wave at them even if they don’t wave back.
Make it clear that you don’t consider this yard situation to be something that defines the relationship and hopefully, they will follow once their fence is up.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While not a permanent solution, there are many temporary fencing options they could avail themselves of while they wait if this is truly an issue for them.
Yes, it’s still going to be inconvenient for a while as they won’t stand up to a determined dog or child, but they’re more than adequate so long as there’s some supervision where an adult can intervene if either tries to get out of the fenced area.
Hardware stores also sell freestanding dog runs, which they could pop the dog in to remain outside and contained while they wrangle the kid if that’s the issue. Sounds a bit like they were looking for solutions that wouldn’t require any supervision on their part at all, and if that’s the case, they need to wait for their own fence.
We put some cheap plastic safety fencing up to keep our dog away from the fence on one side since it needs replacing, and while our dog could get through it if he really wanted to…he doesn’t seem to have any interest in trying.
I actually think a 4-year-old would have a tough time getting through as well. It would at least take them some minutes to do. But they should at least try, because not all dogs or kids are escape artists. Some will choose to respect a barrier even if they could find a way around it.” CrewelSummer
14. AITJ For Leaving A Family Party After My Estranged Sister Berated Me Over My Children's Names?
“I (28f) am pretty much estranged from my sister. I don’t have her number nor she mine, we’re not social media friends, we don’t know where the other lives and we don’t invite each other into our lives at all.
She didn’t invite me to her wedding and before the party she had never seen my kids (though she still never interacted with them which I’d prefer). The only time we ever see each other is when it concerns our grandparents. I don’t have much to do with my parents either.
But my grandparents are different.
My grandparents had an informal party to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary and we all went. My partner of 13 years and our three kids were there. My sister was also there with her husband. At some point during the party, my sister came up to me and started berating me for using two of her favorite names for my children.
I still don’t know for sure which ones I used that she would have wanted but I think it might have been the names of my two daughters. My only reason for the assumption is when we weren’t estranged she’d only ever talk about having daughters.
But we never talked about this and I never knew about baby names she might or might not like. We were already estranged when I was pregnant with my first so it never came up. She told me it was disgusting and that I should change them because she’s struggling with infertility and deserves to use the names when her baby finally comes.
I told her she had no right to throw around demands. And I said I was not going to rename my 5 and 3-year-olds for her.
I walked away and attempted to avoid a scene but she followed me to berate me some more. She called me inconsiderate and accused me of acting out of spite.
Yet again I tried walking away but to no avail. She grew louder and I knew a scene was about to start so I apologized to my grandparents and then I left with my family.
After the party, I got a text from a couple of aunts and uncles scolding me for walking out and also sharing messages my parents had sent them about it where I was accused of ruining my grandparents’ celebration.
I also got screenshots of my sister’s thoughts as well. They said I was very childish and hurtful walking away from my sister and also for abandoning my grandparents.
My grandparents understood and they’re not angry but it’s wearing on me a little what those aunts and uncles are saying plus the screenshots of what my parents and sister are saying.
And I didn’t want to leave. I felt it was for the best. But now I’m doubting myself and I may have made it worse the next time my sister and I are in the same room.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the only thing you should have done differently is record your sister and expose her behavior.
For some reason she has a huge grudge against you. Obviously, we don’t know your story with your family. Did you try to explain the situation to your uncles and aunts? I guess they only got one version. When they are on your sis’ side after knowing the whole truth there is not much you can do.” TRACYOLIVIA14
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your sister is… Deranged. How did she land a husband? Maybe if you feel up to it reply to the people scolding you… “I tried to walk away from her as she was berating me for something I had no knowledge of.
I was trying to keep the peace by walking away and not letting things escalate. She is the one who kept following me and berating me. If you want to scold someone scold HER. Because I don’t know how you wanted me to handle being harassed. There’s a reason I don’t stay in contact with her.
Grandma and Grandpa are fine, and not upset with or blaming me. So frankly I don’t even see why you had to insert yourself into a matter that doesn’t concern you.”” sunlightofourpast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m sorry but having that kind of a discussion at someone else’s celebration (in this case a wedding anniversary) is highly inappropriate and there’s a time and a place.
Your sister clearly has NO class if she had to automatically seek you out and start a fight just for the sake of starting drama. If she is truly this immature then I hope she doesn’t have any kids and I would be concerned for any child who was in her care.
If your aunts and uncles thought her behavior was appropriate then they can deal with her from now on. If it was me I’d be telling your grandparents from now on you will only visit them and you won’t go to any family events.” ColdstreamCapple
13. AITJ For Asking My Unemployed Sister To Babysit In Exchange For Funding Her Disney Trip?
“I’m married with a 4 and a 6-year-old. I have a sister who is 24. She graduated from college and got a decent first job but got laid off about a year ago and has been living with my parents since.
I think she may have had some service industry jobs here and there but generally hasn’t worked much in the last year. My wife and I have good jobs but try to be relatively frugal because kids are expensive.
My wife and I are planning a trip to Disney with my SIL (wife’s sister) and her husband, and their 5-year-old.
My wife and her sister are very close and her husband and I are decently good friends these days.
My sister heard about this trip and is really clamoring to go with us. We never went to Disney growing up and she said she’s wanted to go forever and really wants to go with us and the kids.
She however would not be able to pay her way for the flight/ticket/and all that. We’d expect to sponsor her it would all in all cost us about 1k. My wife and I talked about it and decided it would be worth it to us if she would help babysit some of the nights so we could have some just adult time.
So we offered her this, thinking it was generous but a win-win for all of us.
Long story short she felt otherwise and said we’re trying to take advantage of her and treat her as a nanny, not family. I think this is kinda ridiculous as she’s not my kid so in my mind, there’s no reason to pay for her just because if she’s not doing anything to be helpful.
Would like some feedback from neutral parties if I’m asking too much.”
Another User Comments:
“Oh wow, Nope NTJ. She doesn’t have the ability to fund her own trip and to expect you (not her parents) to fund her trip (when she is the one who has asked to go with you, you didn’t invite her) for free is pretty ballsy.
Asking her to ‘pay her way’ by babysitting a couple of nights is very generous imho. You said it would cost you about $1k to add her, she would need to babysit the 3 kids for a minimum of 6 hours each night for 5 nights to make that amount.
(= $11/child/hour for 6 hours x 5 nights or $200/night x 5 nights). Yeah, I wouldn’t take her for any reason, now, due to her entitlement.” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You generously offered to give her an all-expenses paid trip to Disney. She is upset because you aren’t willing to do that for nothing.
Maybe she should spend less time mooching off of everyone in her life and more time applying for full-time employment. I lived with my parents into my late 20s, but I also had 2 part-time jobs and spent all of my free time applying for a job with benefits.” lostalldoubt86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But maybe give her the option (with the costs) of paying her own way: “Okay, sis, you’re right, you shouldn’t have to nanny if you don’t want to do it. The cost of the flight and tickets to Disney is going to be $1000.
We need to make final arrangements by XX/YY date, so if you can put together the money before then, we’ll take you along with us and you can share our hotel room. And you’ll need spending money for food and stuff, so make sure to have enough money for those things too.” If she tries to argue, remind her that you’re not her parents, and she can’t expect her brother with a family of his own to pay for a luxury trip for his 24-year-old sister who is completely capable of getting a job, ANY job to pay for this trip.
Seriously, if she gets a crappy $10/hr job and works part-time for 2 months, she can easily pay $1000 for her trip. Although, I’m guessing if she starts earning money, then your parents are going to want her to chip in for the things she’s eating/using at their house, so it’s just easier for her not to work and guilt people into paying for her.” NotSoAverage_sister
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Grandparents To Treat My Step And Half Siblings Like Their Own Grandchildren?
“This happened two weeks ago and I was grounded for two weeks (ended yesterday). Mom and I (16m) got into a fight about my grandparents, aka my dad’s parents, and my step and half-siblings. My dad passed away 10 years ago. My grandparents were a big part of my life before and after my dad passed away.
But when my mom met her husband and wanted us to all live together, she and my grandparents got into a fight because they refused to welcome her husband’s kids into their home with me. My mom didn’t even come with me. She was never close to dad’s family.
I’d go to my grandparents’ or aunts’ and uncles’ houses alone. But my mom insisted her husband’s kids should be treated like grandkids and family too and she mentioned she wanted more kids and wanted my family to treat us all the same. My grandparents said no and mom stopped me from seeing them for about a year.
Then my grandparents sued mom for grandparents’ rights and won. So she legally can’t stop me from seeing them and it enrages her.
I was never upset that my family didn’t include my step or half-siblings. I liked getting time with them and they were always great to me.
Plus mom wasn’t ever close to them and never came with me. So it was my time with them.
Mom hates it. She’s always hated it. Her husband doesn’t like it. And that’s because mom and him aren’t close to their families so his kids and their kids together don’t have grandparents or an extended family.
They don’t get extra gifts or cool treats from older relatives. And they’re so jealous. Mostly my stepsiblings since they’re not too much younger. But mom talks enough nonsense about my family that my half-siblings get jealous that they never have grandparents to show up at stuff or to take them to their house.
This made Mom more determined to get them included in my family.
This led to the fight two weeks ago because mom was mad at me for prioritizing my day with my grandparents over a game one of my half siblings’ team was playing. I had already changed the day once because of something else and I wanted to see my family more than I wanted to be at the game.
Mom started talking nonsense about my grandparents because she thought they should have shown up with me and been good grandparents to my half-sibling. I told Mom it wasn’t their job. She said I made them all sound like such a chore to love and accept as family.
Then she told me it’s like I don’t even care that they feel rejected. She told me it’s like I don’t care they lack all the stuff I have. She got really loud and said it was selfish. I yelled back that she acted like I should care when I don’t, because it’s not my problem or my issue and I was never bothered by it.
It got louder and louder between us and then my step and half-siblings were in the house and heard most of it, which upset them. Especially the parts where I didn’t care. Which led to me being grounded and my mom saying she doesn’t understand me and feels like I’m so selfish and uncaring.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your step and half-siblings have grandparents. Tell your mother and stepfather to mend their relationships so their kids can have grandparents if they’re so desperate to have them. Tell your mother your grandparents are not legally, morally, or emotionally obligated to care about their kids.
Remind her that the only reason she has steps and other children is because your dad passed away. They weren’t worth the price. Mom and stepdad probably want your grandparents to finance all the kids’ education and be included in any inheritance.” Historical-Goal-3786
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your paternal grandparents have no connection to your mother’s new husband and his children either by first wife or by her. They are under absolutely no legal or moral obligation to give money and gifts to these people with whom they have no bonds of blood or marriage.
Your mother and her new husband are trying to freeload off your paternal grandparents, when instead they should just be happy for you that you have a good relationship with your grandparents. I do feel slightly sorry for your step and half siblings—not because your paternal grandparents aren’t caring for them, but because their actual blood grandparents and other extended family members appear to be either dead or alienated. And also because your mother and stepfather are acting like jerks.
They are actually drawing MORE attention to the fact that your paternal grandparents don’t care about your step and half-siblings than if they just accepted your relationship with them as the normal thing it is. As far as your own relationships with your step and half-siblings, that’s a more complicated story.
If you care about them, you should talk to them directly and tell them that. If you actually don’t love any of them, then that is unfortunate for sure. But it does happen, and it does not necessarily mean you are a selfish, uncaring person IN GENERAL—although it might.
We don’t have enough info here to assess.” Catsbirdshorses
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother and stepfather are totally wrong. If there was a biological tie between your mother and your grandparents, it would be a different story. They have zero connection to these children and you indicate that they didn’t even have a strong connection to your mother when she was married to your father.
Your mother and stepfather sound incredibly greedy in wanting your grandparents to have financial responsibilities and provide babysitting as well. It’s totally illogical. I’m glad your grandparents fought for you as you should not have to give up the relationship with your father’s family.” Forward-Wear7913
11. AITJ For Resenting My Autistic Brother Because Of His Spoiled Behavior?
“I (22) have an older brother (26) who has autism. He moved away from home to study elsewhere 3 years ago. That was the first time in my life I felt free.
I need y’all to know that I don’t hate him because of the autism. I hate him because he’s a selfish, spoiled jerk, which is probably more cause of how our parents treated him growing up than his autism.
My brother had a temper growing up. If someone else was already in the kitchen when he wanted to cook something he would blow up on that person, if we said something he didn’t like he would chew us out. If even the tiniest thing was unlike the way he wanted it to be the screaming would start.
He would keep screaming for hours. I didn’t feel safe in my home. Our parents would try for hours to calm him. And afterward, my parents would come to console me (my room was right next to his, they knew I heard everything), but in the end I was the one who consoled them.
Recently my brother has started visiting home more and more. I hate it every time. I still live with my parents cause I don’t want student loans, so I don’t have a say in whether he visits or not. But my parents keep asking me to do a bunch of stuff for/with my brother.
They ask me to loan my bag to him, to drive him places, etc.
It might be petty, but when we were growing up, and were in the grocery store with our parents, if he wanted something he would always get it. We weren’t rich, so if I ever wanted something I wouldn’t get it, we couldn’t afford it.
Because I wouldn’t cause a scene.
It’s not just that. When I was followed home by some bullies in 9th grade, I locked the gate (it was a door that led to our front yard, not really a gate). When he got home, he yelled at me for locking the “gate”, because we normally only do that during the night.
I explained the situation to him, thinking he would understand because he was also bullied. But he didn’t. It was my fault. I should have hurried out of the school. I shouldn’t make myself out to be a victim, etc.
I told my parents about my feelings years ago.
They hugged me and apologized for not being better parents to me when I needed them. I’m not mad at them. They did the best they could. What bothered me was when they said: “He doesn’t understand any better”.
He was home last week. And he’s trying, which hurts.
He’s really trying to engage with me. It makes me confused, I don’t know what I’m feeling. Anger, sadness. Cause every time he’s home I feel like that little boy I used to be. Sitting under my desk with my hands over my ears, crying, trying to shut out the sounds of my father’s and brother’s screaming, my mother’s crying.
I feel like the little kid who wanted nothing more than my big brother. I wanted us to be best friends. But when the only thing you get when reaching out is a foot in your face, you stop trying.
My mother once said that he was a child when all of this happened, but so was I.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s great that he’s trying to be less of a jerk of a person. Good for him. However, that doesn’t magically undo the damage. Your parents should already know some of your feelings. Now, however, is the time to sit down with them and have a calm discussion.
You don’t like your brother, and these are the reasons why. You would never ask them not to see their son, but you are asking them to stop pushing you to be involved. You don’t want to hang out. You don’t want to lend him stuff.
You don’t want to drive him places. You are two adults who share some DNA. That’s it. They need to respect that you don’t want a relationship with him. That’s your choice to make. Not theirs. Not his.” No-Locksmith-8590
Another User Comments:
“Your parents did not do “the best they could.” They failed to do the bare minimum.
NTJ, but you really should resent your parents as much as your brother. I won’t say more than, but there’s a pretty good argument to be made. I’m not saying that you should resent him less. Your feelings about him are completely valid. But he is NOT the one who had all the power in your home.
Not by a long shot. It was your parents’ duty to protect you from him (and him from you, and both of you from everything else) physically, mentally, and emotionally and they failed HARD. You should resent your parents a whole lot more for the active role they took in your miserable childhood.
They chose their convenience over your happiness and well-being. You just don’t see how they messed up because you don’t know anything different. Most parents don’t just allow their autistic child to run ragged over them, and their other children. As an autistic adult, I have a lot of contempt for the ones who do.
Lazy and incompetent caregivers. To both of you.” hornyromelo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Long story short you need therapy. I had a long-term relationship with someone who had a very similar relationship with their older brother who has autism, many similar situations but also violent ones.
It IS traumatizing for you. He did learn to co-exist with him and find empathy for him eventually, but they were never close. Autism exists on such a wide spectrum that it’s not really fair for anyone in the comment section to compare their experience with someone on the spectrum versus yours… You’ve already come so far with your own understanding of your experience – the fact that you feel that little boy’s pain and can already name it.
It takes people years to get to where you already are in therapy. If you can get in now they will give you tools to maybe even forgive your brother, and move forward so you can see him for who he is now. I just think there’s not really a “jerk” in question here – your hurt is valid regardless of your brother’s condition.
Teenagers can be horrible, even without the potential challenges of neurodiversity. If you start to heal yourself now, a decade from now those painful moments will be further behind you, you’ll have a deeper understanding and empathy for everyone, and you’ll hopefully see your brother for who he is/trying to be now.” floataboveit
10. AITJ For Telling My Husband's Daughter I'm Wealthier Than Him After She Accused Me Of Being A Gold Digger?
“I’ve 38F been married to my husband Rob 52M for 4 years now. My husband’s late wife died 1 year before we met and we were together for 2 years before marriage. He has 2 kids Madison (28) and Brett (26). Note I am not calling them my stepkids because they explicitly told me I am not their stepmom, just their dad’s wife.
I didn’t play a part in raising them so I’m ok with that. It’s always been tense between us, I’ve tried my best to be kind to them and have been generous when I can be, but they are very cold with me. Being a child of divorce, I can partially relate to a parent moving on so I try not to force anything.
Madison recently got engaged and we are excited about it. Everyone was over recently and she asked about a wedding budget from us and Rob told her he was able to contribute 10k. She has bigger hopes for her wedding than this so she was upset and kept asking for more.
Rob however is still working hard on building his savings back up. Before his late wife died, he basically wiped out his cash savings, had to cash out his 401k, and even took a small mortgage on his house to cover medical costs as well as life expenses since he had to cut back on working.
Eventually, he had to drop that job for a more flexible but lower-paying one, so this 10k is actually really generous from him.
Rob went to run an errand and it was just me and his kids. Madison then asked me if I’m going to give any in addition to what her dad is giving.
I told her we’re a marital unit and that’s what we discussed together as a reasonable amount to contribute. She then said, “I should have known, obviously you married an older man for what he had, not for what you could give”. I knew she didn’t like me but this is the most flat-out rude thing she ever said.
I kinda lost it and said “excuse me, who do you think has been paying the second mortgage your dad took out to pay his debts?”
The truth of the matter is I make more than her father by a large margin, I have no debt, and have been paying 70% of the household bills the whole time we’ve been married. The 10k we’re giving her is available because I’ve been able to subsidize her father’s living expenses the last few years.
I made it clear that not only am I not a golddigger, but I’m also literally wealthier than my “older husband”. She called me stuck up after this and stormed out. Then she called her dad later and said that I told her that I blamed her mother for being sick for her not having a better wedding budget.
I told him what happened and he was mad at her but also said I shouldn’t have shared his financial details with his kids.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He should have shared his financial situation himself. She is an adult and is old enough to understand that medical expenses are the reason there is not a larger savings.
This should not feel like blaming the sick person. This is a sad reality of for-profit health care.” eirly
Another User Comments:
“So the kids were in their late teens/early 20s when their mom died. Rob should have been clearer with the household finances way back then.
But since they probably didn’t see any appreciable changes to lifestyle they were unaware he was mortgaged to the hilt and tapped out. He should have had a frank discussion with them when she asked for 10k for her wedding. She is an adult and that is a ridiculous ask.
You are NTJ. He needs to be clear with kids about his financial situation.” PurpleStar1965
Another User Comments:
“LOL asking someone you don’t like, that you’ve told you don’t see as a parent, that you act frostily toward, for money to pay for your own wedding is a low I never wanna reach.
She’s 28. Why doesn’t she have more awareness of the state of her dad’s finances when her mum died? Or dad’s work precariousness over the recent years? Growing up we were hyper-aware of what was happening around us, a consequence of living below the poverty line I guess.
And I would never have expected or even asked something like this of my parents. How could she not know? NTJ. I think you had to be blunt.” Cool-change-1994
9. AITJ For Not Including My Group Members' Names On Our Project After They Refused To Contribute?
“I (19m) was assigned by the professor to a random group which had 4 other students. We were assigned a project where we had to make a diagnosis and treatment plan for a case that would be selected by the professor for each group. It was for 40% of the total grade then we had to present it.
The professor gave us the case and I was just praying that we got one of the easier cases. We were assigned a case for a child who had a neurological disorder. It was the hardest case of all of the possible ones that you could get, but I was like it’s okay we can still research and ask the professors, etc.
I asked them when can we meet to start working on the project many times and every time they just left me on read or replied with we’re busy. I stopped asking them but would send them updates whenever I did something for the project (and btw I had to go to multiple hospitals/physicians and ask them for data about this project it was very time-consuming and not easy at all to do alone, especially as a person who has social anxiety).
I asked one of them after class how far was he in the project he said that he hadn’t even started working on it, he had other stuff to worry about.
So I just waited until a week before the deadline and asked them that we need to practice for the presentation and they should email me what they wrote so I can put it all together.
And all 4 of them responded with some sort of version of this “sorry we can’t do anything because the case is too hard please do my part since you understand the case more than we do” and that was the last straw for me. I was already extremely stressed with a lot happening in my personal life but also I had a ton of work and other projects.
I didn’t respond to any of their texts and just did the whole project myself since I already had done all the research and gathered everything I needed. I didn’t put their names on it because that was a requirement that you need to submit the names of each member of the group and I emailed the professor about the whole situation.
On presentation day, 3 out of 4 members of my group were present. The professor said, “this group only has one student come up and present”. One of them said to the professor that we are actually 5 but one is absent. The professor said “only one student did the work so only he can present.”
They were all fuming. But it was genuinely one of the best presentations I’ve ever done I got a full mark and the professor said that she was very pleased with my presentation and project and she is very proud that I am one of her students.
After class, all of them were screaming at me that I am a horrible person and calling me names, one of them started crying because this will cause her to fail and may lose her scholarship and I was like if you have anything to say, talk to the professor, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is the classic example of why group assignments are hated. They actively ignored you and chose not to ask for help from the other group members or the professor for that matter?! Congratulations on your achievement – you worked under pressure and successfully completed the assignment.
NTJ.” Listen_2learn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – good for you standing up for yourself. You did all the work when you had other things to do. Sounds like you’re in some type of medical program, they’re not going to be very good practitioners if they “don’t understand the case.” You explained to the teacher, the teacher took your side.
Of course they’re mad. They expected you to be a doormat so they could get out of a hard assignment.” Previous_Light4173
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you did the right thing, you let the professor know that your “group” actively did not participate.
Oh well, if that classmate loses her scholarship, maybe she should do the work to actually earn it? Group projects are the worst; I’m really grateful the handful of times I had them in college that my group worked really well together and produced quality work.
You tried to lead, you tried to guide the rest of your group and they were not interested, assuming they’d get a good grade by piggybacking. Oh well.” Decent-Historian-207
8. AITJ For Not Buying Concert Tickets For My Unemployed Fiancée?
“My fiance moved in with me 5 months ago. I upgraded us to a 2-bedroom apartment under the impression that she’d find a job and start paying a portion of rent.
It’s been 5 months and she hasn’t secured a job because she’s picky and won’t work retail, grocery store, fast food, or basically anything involving customer service… She does DoorDash, but only if I’m with her for safety. Defeats the purpose since my job pays much more than what she could possibly get from DoorDash.
There’s a concert coming up that she really wants to go to, but she doesn’t have money for tickets. The tickets are $490, which I can afford, but I don’t want to for a couple of reasons;
1. She hasn’t gotten a job and it feels like she isn’t being serious about getting one.
2. I now pay almost 50% more rent for our new apartment.
3. We recently procured some medical bills (both of us had a visit to the hospital recently), now we have $1500 of medical debt.
She’s all up in arms about this now. Blaming me that she’ll miss the last performance of this artist. All I told her was “I can’t really afford to pay for those tickets.
We have debt I’m trying to get us out of, and I want to continue saving for a house with what’s left of my income…” Her response was that she’d pay me back when she gets a job, but I just said I can’t afford it sorry.
Am I the jerk for not buying this concert ticket for her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ unless she has a specific deadline she’s working towards to get a job, then getting a job is always “when I get a job…” Personally, for someone who is just a significant other, I would not pay anything towards her expenses.
Not her medical debts or anything, certainly not for “fun money”. They are an independent adult responsible for themselves and I am not their ATM. Now, she’s a fiance which is a bit different, but she’s telling you loud and clear what she expects your role in marriage to be like.
If you don’t want that role or cannot afford it, then you need to think about what your limits as a partner are and have a talk with her about it. Better to have the heavy talk & decision making before marriage.” similar_name4489
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And really – you need to proceed with CAUTION. She’s been unemployed for 6 months and is super picky about what jobs she will apply for. What DOES she want to do? How hard is she actually looking for a job? Right now, this is an orange flag, but could easily go red.” Goalie_LAX_21093
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time to set a firm date that she must be employed by, e.g. July 1. Does your significant other have a degree or advanced training or a trade? What was her previous job? I get that customer service sucks (did a ton of that until I was able to get a job in my field–over 4 years worth!) but being broke sucks worse.
BTW, who is paying for your significant other’s bills?” New-Comment2668
7. AITJ For Refusing To Provide My Roommate Food And Silverware?
“I live with my roommate, her sister, and her sister’s partner.
I’ve been helping provide food for my roommate because she hasn’t had a job and I didn’t want her to starve, you know? She typically bought my groceries because I have severe anxiety when it comes to going out. I noticed that with my groceries she was also coming home with snacks for herself, which was weird but I assumed it was for us.
The very last time I “bought” her food was when she asked to use my card to get stuff for tacos when her partner was over. I was under the impression it was for all of us, because it’s my money she’s using.
I fell asleep early, only to find out from my partner she only made food for her and her partner. I stopped letting her buy food after that.
Since then she’s started limiting my food space. I’m limited to a single drawer and a small space of floor for my cans and such.
We have the space for me to have more room, they just stopped letting me use it. I started buying my own personal dishes so I didn’t have to use hers, and took my porcelain plates and silverware that I bought from my friend.
My roommate now has to use her sister’s silverware and her sister doesn’t like her using it. So she basically has none. Am I the jerk for this?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. This sounds like a very loose arrangement that wasn’t discussed enough (the buying of food/what food belongs to who/expectations around food) and now you all are being petty to each other.
You shouldn’t have to share your plates/silverware, but given that it sounds like it’s primarily a response to petty behavior, that makes it also petty.” author124
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You two are both escalating instead of trying to work this out.
It’s not unreasonable for her to assume that you paying for food but asking her to shop gives her some level of freedom to choose what she cooks and eats, and for who. It’s not unreasonable for you to assume that food purchased with your money is communal. Work it out, folks.
Not this site’s job to write your house kitchen rules.” wittyidiot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My roommate doesn’t work and if I’m having a lazy day off work he will offer to go to the shop for me. I’ll give him a list. He will get the cheap carton of soy milk for 39pence rather than a full-fat normal milk for £1.50 for me.
Then cheap everything else. Grab himself a luxury pizza and cans. I even buy him his own shopping and he eats all that and then mine. So when I run out of cash I’ve got literally nothing left in to eat. He seems to act nicer when he wants something or knows I have money.
Offers to go on walks with me and the dog. So see-through. Don’t let her take advantage of you!” Reasonable-Worker921
6. AITJ For Not Defending My Brother When My Partner Confronted Him About His Bullying?
“I’m in a really tough spot and could use some perspective. I (28F) have been seeing my partner, Alex (31M), for about a year now. He’s been wonderful and supportive, especially through some difficult times. One of those difficult times involves my relationship with my older brother, Tom (33M).
Tom and I have always had a complicated relationship. Growing up, he was the golden child and I often felt like the family doormat. He would tease me mercilessly, make fun of my interests, and generally treat me like I was beneath him. Our parents rarely intervened, often brushing it off as typical sibling behavior or even enabling it by saying things like “boys will be boys” or “he’s just joking, don’t be so sensitive.”
This dynamic continued into adulthood. Tom still makes condescending comments, dismisses my achievements, and often expects me to drop everything to help him out, all without any gratitude or reciprocation. I’ve tried to talk to him about it before, but he just laughs it off or accuses me of overreacting.
For context, I work at a museum in our city, a job I’m really passionate about but Tom often belittles. He thinks it’s a waste of time and constantly tells me I could do something more “useful” with my life.
Last weekend, Alex and I were at a family gathering.
Tom was in rare form, belittling me in front of everyone about my job. I was trying to brush it off as usual, but Alex wasn’t having it. He stepped in and told Tom to stop treating me like a doormat and to start respecting me as an equal.
Things escalated quickly. Tom got defensive and the situation turned into a heated argument. Alex called Tom out on all the times he’s treated me poorly and accused him of being a bully. Tom fired back, saying Alex didn’t know what he was talking about and should mind his own business.
Our parents tried to diffuse the situation but ended up taking Tom’s side, saying Alex was overstepping and causing unnecessary drama.
Now, Tom is furious with me. He says I should have stuck up for him and defended him against Alex. He claims that by not doing so, I’ve betrayed our family and humiliated him in front of everyone.
My parents are also disappointed, feeling like I should have controlled the situation better.
Alex feels bad that things got so heated but stands by his actions, saying someone needed to finally call Tom out on his behavior. I’m torn. On one hand, I appreciate Alex standing up for me, but on the other hand, I feel guilty for not defending my brother in that moment.
AITJ for not sticking up for my brother? Should I have done something to defuse this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ not for not backing Tom but for not standing with Alex. You hung him out to dry, How is he supposed to respect you when you flake on him at the worst time?
He was willing to stand up for you against your whole family and you backed off. He’s a keeper, you, I’m not too sure.” Illustrious-Law-1853
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner’s a keeper. Ugh I grew up with the same relationship even now that I’m best friends with his wife he still does it.
I ask my husband not to get involved and he holds his tongue very begrudgingly. When my brother starts on every holiday it’s always a mess and I’m always the one in trouble because I defended myself and “he was just joking” “it’s how he is” “you’re so sensitive.” We leave at the end and my husband is angrier about it each time.
I always ask him “did I do something wrong” and his response is always “no. Your brother is just awful.” I love that your partner finally had it. The only thing you did wrong was kind of hang him out to dry but I also know I wouldn’t have the balls to stand up to anyone in my family like that.
I can anywhere else but those situations sting. I’m sorry, I don’t wish that on anyone else. It sucks. It’s constantly walking on eggshells.” Dry-Reception-2388
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I grew up with a similar family dynamic. Just because your brother enjoys verbally abusing you, and your parents allow him to do so does not make it acceptable.
You might want to ask yourself why is your brother’s comfort more important than your own? Why are HIS feelings so much more delicate than yours, that he can’t handle a dose of what he has dished out to you, and you have had to endure his crap with a smile on your face?
From the sounds of it, your brother is a bully, and he has been terrorizing you for far too long. If your parents can’t see that, and won’t stand up for you also, maybe you need a bit of a break from the whole lot of them.” MaeQueenofFae
5. AITJ For Making My Sister's Stepson Pay Back The Money He Stole From Me?
“My sister’s stepson, at some point when my sister was housesitting while I was working in a remote location, stole one of my credit cards and racked up $1,400US in charges to a mobile game. My sister, her husband, and I sat down with the child and had a conversation, while on speaker with a state police officer, letting him know that the only reason he wasn’t being arrested for grand theft was due to his age.
Sister, BIL, and I all agreed that if the bank doesn’t reverse the charges, his XBOX, bike, and Switch will be sold to recoup the costs. If that doesn’t cover the debt, any money he earns over the summer break will be given to me.
He’s also been informed that he is no longer trusted to be in my home, supervised or not. Everyone is in agreement, he messed up and there are consequences.
Everyone except his birth mother and his grandparents.
His mother is calling me a “greedy and selfish jerk” because, in her words to me, “you make three times that debt in a single pay period, what’s it to you?” She’s now gone as far as messaging people in my friend group and leaving out the part where her son stole almost $1,500 from me.
His grandparents are accusing me of basically the same thing, and have threatened to go to the police for “stealing his things” (the bike and consoles).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He stole money. A lot of it. That was YOURS. You don’t get to just take money that doesn’t belong to you and spend it.
Especially on frivolous expenses. $1400 is A LOT of money. And you didn’t get him put in juvie, and was pretty lenient by only making him pay you back. People are deluded if they think you’re wrong here. It’s not like they were poor to the point they needed food and shelter or medicine, and thus the son took it to help his family.
No, he stole your credit card and spent it on his indulgences. This will teach him a lesson and responsibility. This could make him grow to be a better person.” sunlightofourpast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His father thinks it’s the right thing to do.
If you must, you could ask his father to talk to his ex and deal with her nonsense. As for the kid’s grandparents, why do you even have any connection to your sister’s stepson’s grandparents? Or her husband’s ex? Personally, I’d ignore them.
They sound like they enjoy the drama. They’ll move on to something new.” Skeedurah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My younger brother actually did a very similar thing when he was a teenager. Probably around 15ish. My parents had logged in to their PayPal in a mobile game to buy something for him which he paid them for.
They didn’t realize though that the login data would be saved in the app. So he ended up spending a total of around 1600-1800$ on this mobile game, going so far as to delete the PayPal payment confirmation emails from my parent’s email account. When they discovered this after a while, they did a similar thing.
They made him pay back the entire amount, took his allowance to pay toward his debt, and only paid for necessities until he paid them back entirely. It took him about 1.5 years to pay this back, but he learned a very valuable lesson and took responsibility for his actions.
He started delivering newspapers to make some more money to pay his debt sooner. He still remembers the exact amount of money he took from my parents to this day. My parents actually ended up getting the money refunded back to them because he was a minor.
They didn’t tell him but gave him the money when he turned 18. He has been very responsible with money ever since this incident.” PlayProgrammer
4. AITJ For Wanting To Uninvite My Mom From Our Family Vacation?
“I spent $3000 on a vacation at a resort that is about 3 hours away. I rented a place large enough to accommodate my mom (good health for 72) and younger brother who lives with her. My brother was looking forward to the trip several weeks ago, and like a light switch, their attitudes have shifted, and we are one week away from leaving.
I have three older teenagers and a husband who are also going. I called my mom yesterday afternoon, and the excuses started. She said, “I haven’t found anyone to take care of my cat.” Do you think (my daughter) will be able to take some friends?
Has she talked to her cousin about going?” I’m like, “No, why would she?” She had me on speaker, and my brother then said, “I’ll stay back because I need to work on my RV, and I can keep the cat.” My mom giggled and said, “He doesn’t really want to go.”
With a crushed heart (because clearly the message I got was that my family and I aren’t enough for them), I told her I need to go and would talk to her later. She then texted that she would still be going, and my brother would stay back to take care of his cat.
I responded with, “Don’t feel pressured to go. I have spent a lot of time and money on this vacation and don’t appreciate it being treated like it’s an option at this point.” She then said, “You know I’m planning to go or I wouldn’t have reserved a golf cart.”
They called several times, and I ignored them. I am used to her rejection and always choosing others and things ahead of me. I don’t know why I would expect less from her. She visits the area where my daughter, her granddaughter, goes to college and never makes an effort to see her.
She comes to visit me maybe once a year. I’m about 40 minutes away.
My husband thinks I should tell her to come or not come depending on what she wants to do. However, I no longer want her on this vacation. Her words caused damage, and I need space for healing.
I love my mom, but the rejection has happened my whole life, and I’m ready for change.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I completely understand your feelings, but imo, I would only un-invite her if you are willing to go scorched earth, because I doubt this will go over well with her.
You planned on your mom going, she said she wants to go, leave it at that. She sounds difficult, so don’t let her bother you. The best way to deal with people like this is to just take everything they say at face value, never read into it.
Don’t let them get in your head or make you feel bad. But on a deeper level, your mom seems to be such a stressor in your life! You don’t feel valued by her, you don’t feel like she cares about you, so stop trying to get her to!
You have three kids who love you, a husband who loves you, you don’t need this woman’s approval. You have a choice to make about the relationship you want to have with her. While I think un-inviting her will cause more drama you don’t want to deal with, I would, in the future, keep her at arm’s length.
Don’t invite her on another trip, don’t call her, don’t ask her to come to things. I know it hurts, but you don’t deserve this kind of treatment, and you can’t start healing until you remove yourself from her cruelty. Sending you love and strength.” Fresh_Try_5705
Another User Comments:
“There is a saying in the narcissistic survivor’s world: Don’t set yourself on fire to warm up somebody else. Stop trying to please your mother. She will not be pleased or grateful for anything you do for her. You have lived with it your entire life and this has established a pattern.
You go out of your way to please her. She finds a way to minimize your efforts. You feel bad. Rinse and repeat. She is not going to break the pattern, because it works for her. It keeps you off balance and bouncing on her tether.
It is up to you to break the pattern (and the strings she has you on.) If she goes on this vacation, I guarantee she will find a way to ruin it for you.” aeraen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I don’t think your brother is the jerk for not wanting to go either.
It seems like you and your mom have a history of bad blood. When my mom was alive, I referred to her as the mother of broken promises. My life changed for the better when I went super low contact. (I went no contact and then my dad got hospitalized. No contact wasn’t doable.) I felt guilt from time to time, but I also knew I cared more about her feelings than she did about mine.
So based on my bias, your mom’s the jerk.” Wanda_McMimzy
3. AITJ For Standing Up To My Partner's Family Over Their Unwanted Advice About Our Cat?
“My partner “Sam” (27M) and I (25F) have entered a stage in our relationship where we think we’ll soon want to start a family. One thing I worry about though is his family. Mum, dad, younger brother “Matt” and his partner “Susan” (both 24).
For some reason, it feels like they are looking down on Sam.
For example: If Matt takes out a small loan to renovate the flat, everyone is supportive, but when we do it, we are questioned about responsibility (even though we are financially better off). I’d understand if Sam and I had a history of being irresponsible, but we are doing really well for ourselves and never had any issues.
Sam says he is used to it and it doesn’t bother him, but he understands my frustration and is always really supportive and sticks up for me if need be.
Recently, we got a cat. She is a lovely, healthy ball of energy and we immediately bonded with each other.
Matt and Susan also adopted a cat not long ago. Again, everyone was excited for them and we were hit with the “you know a pet is a responsibility, right?” but whatever, let them talk. Yesterday, we had invited his family. As soon as they entered, they started complaining.
“Why is the scratching post here and not there?”, “Why are you giving her this food brand?”, “Why are you using this litter?” They brought some toys and also some cat food (which they say is 100 times better than the one we use) which I didn’t mind, but Susan also brought a supplement paste.
I thanked her, but told her to please take it with her again since I don’t want to give my cat supplements which are not approved by her vet, who confirmed she is the picture of health last Friday. At first she said okay, but when I came back from the bathroom, I saw Susan giving our cat the paste.
I snatched the paste from her and told her she had crossed a line, and while his family tried to defend her actions because “she just wants to help”, I said that their “help” is not appreciated and that I will no longer allow them to question everything we do.
I also find it highly concerning that they are okay with going explicitly against what I said and starting immediately, I expect them to keep their unsolicited advice to themselves and they will have to earn back our trust in respecting our wishes. They said I was too dramatic over a cat, so I said “If I can’t even be comfortable around you regarding my cat, I sure won’t be comfortable having you around our kids!”
Before they could answer, Sam asked them to leave. He said our kids in the argument was a low blow, since we both know his family would never intentionally harm our kids. He agrees with setting more boundaries, but also asked me to apologize for this sentence specifically.
I don’t think that sentence makes me a jerk, but maybe you guys have some perspective.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. People don’t come in someone else’s house and start dictating things. Giving advice is ok if well intended and you know when to stop but from what you explain, this is out of line.
We have 2 dogs and people have to ask if they can offer them something. You’re right not to trust them because they seem to know better, more so when you have kids later.” No-Sample-5262
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They didn’t intentionally mean to harm the cat but still decided they knew better than you and the vet.
God forbid your children have an allergy or medical condition. They would be stomping all over to give them the “best treatment”. Looks like that in order to feel good about themselves they have to put Sam down. But it is getting dangerous. Repeat the favor.
Take some top-end skin supplements and tell Susan how you’ve noted her skin needs work and these will really help. When she has a meltdown and she will, then ask her how unsolicited help feels.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You specifically told her you don’t need that paste, she tried to feed it to your cat behind your back, and those idiots are backing her despite the fact that giving a perfectly healthy cat a supplement it doesn’t need could actually make it sick (too much of certain vitamins can be very bad for you).
That attitude will definitely carry over to any children you both have, and whilst it wouldn’t be intentional, they could easily end up harming your children if they decide you aren’t giving it what it needs and try to sneak it to the child. They don’t trust either of you to do anything, they make constant comments any time you do something, and they’re trying to run your life by acting like you are both too childish to do anything right, your partner needs to stand up to his parents and tell them to stop their nonsense because he is a grown man and doesn’t need constant interference from his family.
You’re 100% in the right to use future children as a threat, and your partner needs to back you on this, because otherwise when you do have children it will be constant nagging (I.e you have the wrong nappies, wrong pram, wrong wet wipes, wrong formula, wrong clothes, and wrong toys and so), I wouldn’t be surprised if you come back one day to discover they’ve given the child its first haircut because they think you wouldn’t have done it correctly.
If you don’t stop their nonsense now, you will endure it the rest of your lives.” Strain_Pure
2. AITJ For Criticizing My Brother And His Wife's Parenting Choices?
“My brother and his wife have 3 children 8, 5, and 3.
I am his younger sister, childless myself, and recently left uni because of my severe depression, living at my parents’ house until I find a different career path.
(But I also provide care for grandma and mother.)
The older two children get ready for the day alone, which the parents are very proud of. Basically, they just get dressed in unmatched clothes. They are not washed, dressed for the weather, or have brushed hair.
(If they do, they forget the back.)
I actually forgot how it became the topic at my father’s birthday dinner. But they said their oldest doesn’t like to brush his hair. I said then they should do it, because it needs to be done. His decision if he does it or his parents.
She told me she didn’t want to brush his hair, when she wants to get out of the house to work. (Mind you, she wears makeup daily and my brother drives the children.) I stated how wrong I think this is and that one should care for their kids after getting them.
She exploded. Told me she will not discuss this with a childless person without a degree. I told her quietly to watch what she says. “No, you watch what you say” was the answer. She proceeded to tell me she always hated me and I am not to come to her youngest’s birthday party tomorrow.
I said: “Didn’t you observe I have not visited you in over a year now?” Then got told she wouldn’t visit me either. I said: “I wouldn’t invite you. I don’t even know why you come here.” It’s not my decision, because this (parents’ place) is not my house.
I told her I am proud of her for finally showing her true colors, not communicating by putting my brother between us.
Today on the little one’s birthday the oldest let slip “We are not allowed to visit our grandparents anymore because of Aunt xyz.”
This is not the first time they are keeping the kids away from my parents. They regularly extorted my parents and hers. (Until they were desperate for a babysitter.)
My brother sits through all this and comments “It’s statistically proven that childless people comment more on other’s parenting.”
This was the second time I ever commented on a parenting issue of theirs. My field of study involved child sociology and developmental psychology. And I stand by keeping basic hygiene on a regular basis. We were not talking about arriving once with unkempt hair…
I feel so sad for my mom, who has been through this already and keeps her mouth shut for the sake of seeing her grandchildren…
So, am I the jerk for not having kept my mouth shut?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You know what is not a hill to die on in parenting?
Unkempt hair. It simply isn’t. I am sure the kids have baths regularly. Unmatched clothes are also NOT a hill to die on. Parents know this. People who have half a degree in child psychology do not (or a full degree). You created drama and stirred the pot and then want to claim that your SIL “showed her true colors” when she didn’t put up with what you said?
Seriously? All you had to do was not comment.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ. Your SIL’s reaction was a bit extreme, but the way your nephews brush their hair is in no way your business. And it’s rich for you to say that this was only “the second time you ever commented”, as if this was a good thing, when in reality it was two times too much when you criticized their parenting.” RelevantSchool1586
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – not for bringing it up but for pressing this issue after they answered you at least twice about it according to your post (possibly more). As a parent, you pick your battles and I know kids of relatives who HATE to have their hair brushed and it’s just too hard to fight it when there are so many other things.
The brother and SIL could have had a better reaction I suppose but you don’t know what it’s like to be a parent and feel like you’re being criticized constantly and it’s especially hard to listen to when the person doesn’t have kids.
It would get me upset if I tried to change the subject/had given a reason and someone continued to press the issue, especially for something that sounds like it is more cosmetic than hygiene. Given your chosen field of study if you wish to work with families I would suggest practicing some empathy towards parents and how you present constructive criticism.
In almost any field you are not going to get far or change people’s minds with “because I said so because I have a degree.”” Smooth_Chemistry_276
1. AITJ For Wanting To Uninvite My Ungrateful Daughter And Her Partner From Our Family Trip?
“My (39F) husband (33M) adopted my daughter (18F) several years ago. When my daughter turned 17, she rekindled her relationship with her biological father and his new wife through social media, and then eventually in person. Her bio dad acts more like a big brother than a parent, letting my daughter drink, letting her partner spend the night, etc. My daughter told me about 4 months ago that after she graduates from high school, she is going to move in with her bio dad.
I turn 40 this year and as a gift to myself and as a graduation gift for my daughter, I have paid for the entirety of a family trip to Disney World (we also have a 5-year-old son and a brother that’s going). I invited my daughter’s partner to come if he pays his own way.
It has been an issue for a couple of years but here lately, my daughter has become extremely rude and ungrateful. She is argumentative and she talks down to me A LOT. We recently bought a car for her to use and told her that she needs to pay for half of the monthly payment – $135 for her part.
Now that she wants to move in with her bio dad, she is complaining about paying for any of it.
Tonight, I overheard her loudly talking to her partner. He has paid nothing towards his part of the trip (I’ve already bought his plane ticket) and was saying he didn’t know if he wanted to go because he doesn’t want to be around me and my husband.
My daughter said he didn’t have to worry about me and my husband because this trip was for the two of them. Her partner also made a sarcastic and derogatory comment along the lines of “if your super intelligent nurse mother would have done her research…”
I definitely don’t want the partner coming now and he’s out no money if I cut him from the trip. WIBTJ for cutting my daughter out too? I’ve worked my butt off to pay for this trip and I’m spending a small fortune. I don’t want her crappy attitude, ungratefulness, and arrogance to ruin this trip for the rest of us.
She legit doesn’t care who she hurts, as long as it benefits her.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Did you ask your graduating daughter what she wanted as a graduation gift? Was she considered at all or is this really a family trip for you and your younger kids and she is simply invited?
And why the focus on her having a relationship with her biological father? Did you ask her before your husband adopted her or was it just done and she was expected to accept it?” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s time for her to learn some life lessons.
But before you act, consider the damage your actions might cause to your relationship. I’d spell it out clearly to her so she understands it’s her actions that have led to this. The thing that sucks is once her father thinks he’s won her from you he will likely abandon her.
Remember she’s a young adult and her brain is still learning how to manage life and decision making. Don’t leave her in a position where she has no one to turn to.” imsooldnow
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Look, an 18-year-old is not going to want to do the same things as a 5-year-old at Disney.
I think she’s being a bit of a jerk about it, but I can see why she’s telling her partner she’ll just hang out with him there. Uninvite the partner, he sounds rude and I wouldn’t tolerate that either. But uninviting your daughter from ‘her’ graduation trip?
Going as a family without your daughter in case she ‘ruins’ it for you all? That’s a pretty quick way to tell her you’ve decided she’s not part of your family. I really have to question your attitude towards her here. ” happybanana134
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