People Get Mean In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Not Buying My Ex-Husband A Father's Day Gift?
“I (33F) split with my ex-husband (31M) in August 2022. We had been together 8 years in total.
Christmas came, and I had brought him something “from the kids” – some whisky, a decanter, things he asked for before.
He got me a supermarket gift set of body wash, lotion & bath salts. Not even a brand I used. Not even wrapped. I left it as it’s “the thought that counts” (even if the said supermarket was a 3-minute walk from my house).
His birthday is at the end of December, I got him another gift “from the kids”.
My birthday is in January. I received nothing.
I told my mum this in a passing conversation. She was shocked he hadn’t as it was just “the thing you did.” My siblings are from a previous relationship and she and her ex-partner brought things “from the kids” for the occasions.
Mother’s Day (I’m in the UK) came in March. I received supermarket chocolates. Again, from the supermarket 3mins from my house.
Father’s Day came (this was last year, 2023) and he had since moved back home to Ireland, so I sent over a personalized card with pictures of him and the kids, and also a personalized bottle of wine.
He thanked me for it and said it was kind and that I “didn’t have to.”
Roll on the remaining months, Christmas again. The kids were spending New Year’s with him so I took the kids with me to buy a present for him and a birthday present.
Found them, wrapped them, and the kids took them off to Ireland. No present for me.
This year? My birthday rolled around again (I hate I’m getting older) and I received yet again nothing.
I told my mum again and she was upset yet again.
Mother’s Day was coming closer and my youngest let slip there was a present for me. I got excited, hoping my ex had given the kids something to bring over, or given my eldest some money to get something.
Or maybe my eldest who is 14 got me something himself. That seemed like the more plausible thing.
Mother’s Day arrived and I received a cute card (a Blue one as I love the show!) and some chocolates.
Ok, nothing fancy. But it was something. A few weeks later my youngest let slip (5-year-olds can’t keep secrets) that Nana had helped with my present.
I was thankful my mum had brought me something, but my ex didn’t think about doing it, even though I’ve always brought him something “from the kids”.
After thinking since March, I’ve decided I’m not getting him anything for Father’s Day. Why should I when he can’t do the same for me on these days!? I do think about the gifts, not get him bog standard “dad stuff” tin or “no1 dad” mug & coaster.
It’s not even about the gift, it’s just making sure the partner or ex-partner feels appreciated and loved on those days by the kids. And he can’t even do that!?
Some people I’ve told agree with me, others think I’m being petty and a bit of a jerk.
So it’s now got me wondering if I am indeed a jerk for being petty and getting him a Father’s Day present?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your gifts were a bit extravagant; whiskey and wine would never be from the kids and honestly have romantic elements.
Now that you’re separated your respective families should’ve taken over much earlier. You should limit your role to helping the kids with homemade items/cards if they ask. It may not feel as nice, but you could’ve also taken the kids on a shopping trip with an allowance for your special day, 14yo’s are perfectly capable of buying sentimental items on their own.” ProtectionClear1718
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. He has normal expectations that you don’t need to gift give a prior partner. If you have an amicable breakup/good friendship afterward (for the kids or just because they are good people) then gift-giving might *become* normal, not remain the same as before the breakup.
Also, gifts are not reciprocal, you don’t get one just because you gave one, although usually the effort would be equal in a sustainable interaction. I am not sure why you set the standard so high, you have given exceptional gifts that I would only expect partners or family members to give each other for any occasion.
You are NOT being petty by not getting or organizing anything for him. The effort is now on others, you can keep being pleasant to him, just keep the interactional effort equal.” Luke-Waum-5846
Another User Comments:
“YTJ OP you and him are done – you’re setting relationship expectations when you are now only co-parents.
Isn’t that exhausting? I’m sure it would be for him – the whole point is to no longer have to deal with each other’s expectations except as it relates to the kids. Would it be nice if he bought you gifts, yes.
But you’re in a hissy fit because it’s from the supermarket nearby. He gifts you for Mother’s Day but not your birthday. Frankly, no matter what your mom says, he does not owe you a birthday gift. He’s giving you a token on Mother’s Day but this man is done with you.
Do what is necessary for the kids. Honestly, we have moms in marriages with their baby daddies who got nothing and I’m saving my sympathy for them. NTJ if you don’t buy him a gift.” Kami_Sang
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invest In My Mother's Property For My Inheritance?
“Mother owned 2 properties in my home country. A 2 bedroom apartment in the capital city and an agricultural piece of land in the south where she decided to build an illegal lodging because it’s bigger than allowed. Also, the place has no running water and no electricity.
Well, she ended up gifting my sister the apartment so my sister is currently the rightful owner, and she told me that I need to invest in her property (close to $25k just for the lot conversion fee) if I ever want to receive something after her death.
According to her logic, it is my duty since I live in a wealthier country now and I’m married so again, our household has 2 incomes. I was never interested in that land and have no ties with it whatsoever.
Mother now is claiming that she “lives like a dog” and she stripped herself of everything to make our lives “easier”. When I was only 2 months pregnant she called me and asked me to buy her a new car since hers broke down.
This ended up sending me to the ER because of how distraught I was. Mind you, my husband and I are doing OK, but we are by no means wealthy – we have to budget for everything. I ended up sending her close to $4k and I told her that I couldn’t give her more, especially because I’m currently pregnant and I need money for the baby.
She then responded that I don’t have to give her anything for the property, however, she will sell it and put herself in the private nursing home and whatever she receives from the sale will be spent on whatever she needs until she dies and if anything is left in her account then hopefully I will get something.
This whole ordeal is just bothering me so much that she gifted my single sister a 2 bedroom apartment in the middle of the capital city, while my supposed “inheritance” comes with the disclaimer of – give me money or see what happens.
This week I ended up sending her a message and saying that I don’t want to be part of these games anymore and that I need time to heal and focus on this pregnancy since I’m so close to giving birth and that this is bothering me.
She ended up telling me that all I think about is money and myself and I don’t think about the fact that she lives without water and electricity and also the fact that we won’t have any place to stay when we decide to visit my home country (sister and I are estranged, so staying there is not an option).
It’s been 3 days since I sent her the message, and I just can’t shake off this feeling that I’m a terrible human being and that maybe everything is in my head and I should put it aside for my future child, so maybe getting a loan and giving her the money would be the right thing to do… Am I truly the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And for goodness sake don’t go into debt to give her the money she demanded. What is bothering you? That you are refusing to give in to her manipulative games, threats, and guilt trips?
Or the unfairness that your sister gets set up with an apartment and you may end up with nothing? Fretting and stressing over either one of those things is not productive. (Besides living closer as she does, your sister may end up eventually paying a price for her apartment when your mother starts making demands of her.)” CatteNappe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is manipulative AF. Why did she give your sister the apartment when she could have it? Your mom made some poor choices and now she’s trying to get out of them by guilting you into helping her.
Go NC for a while, as you hinted. You are not to blame. Mom needs to figure her own mistakes out. She can go live with her sister if she is that destitute.” goldenfingernails
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She wouldn’t have to live without electricity, hadn’t she given away her apartment. Don’t send her money. She can sell her land and live on the money she might get. She can live with your sister. She can do whatever she wants.
What she can’t do is let you pay for an inheritance that for sure will never come – because you’re her bank and her retiring plan right now, by dangling that stupid inheritance in front of you. Tell her to have a nice life, you don’t need her inheritance and she can ask your sister for help.
Oh, and of course you won’t visit her as you don’t have a place to stay, as she said. Good luck with your pregnancy!” redsoxx1996
18. AITJ For Feeding My Sick Dog 'Fancy Meals' Instead Of Regular Dog Food?
“I (25 F) live with my partner Michael (31m) and my two dogs. Michael had a dog but it passed away just before we moved in together, so he’s not new to dog ownership.
A little while ago, my oldest dog Luis (a 11 yo Bernese Mountain Dog) was diagnosed with cancer and started chemotherapy. I take him weekly to the next town over for chemo and for a while, he was doing okay.
I noticed that for 3-5 days after, he would be pretty nauseated and wouldn’t eat his dog food, so I started adding boiled chicken and rice to get him to eat. Right after chemo, that’s all he’ll eat, then I ween him off of it as he starts to feel better until he’s back on only kibble.
These last couple of rounds have been harder on him, and he doesn’t want to eat the kibble a week later, sometimes not even the rice. So I’ve been feeding him a chicken breast and a cup of rice twice a day.
Michael has started making comments about Luis’s refusal to eat kibble, things like “Of course he’s not going to eat dog food, why would he when he’s got chicken every day?”
Lately, Michael has started to help by feeding the dogs in the morning on the weekends so that I can sleep in a little.
I came out one morning to find Luis lying on the ground by his full bowl and realized Michael hadn’t put any of the chicken or rice in with the dog food to try to get him to eat.
I asked about it and Michael said something like “He’s not going to ever eat dog food again if you keep feeding him fancy meals like chicken.” So Luis had just not been eating breakfast on the mornings Michael fed him, which he needed to do with his pills.
I tried explaining that the vet said chemo is especially hard on bigger dogs, that Luis only refuses to eat the hard dry kibble when his tummy is upset, and that if chicken and rice are what he’ll eat while he’s sick, then I’ll keep feeding him chicken and rice for as long as he needs it.
But Michael works full time while I am using all my savings on going to Nursing school full time and he says that it’s expensive, a waste, and that Luis is just manipulating me into feeding him “good food” instead of dog food, and if I keep it up, he’ll refuse to eat dog food for the rest of his life.
I explained that dogs don’t have the cognitive functions necessary to manipulate but that didn’t help and we just sort of stopped talking about it.
I’m upset that I feel like I can’t trust Michael to feed my dog, and it makes me feel like I’m all alone taking care of Luis.
I am also worried that I don’t have the right to burden Michael financially when he’s the one paying all of our bills and our groceries. If it’s my dog, do I need to take on the financial burden of his “fancy” food and find some way to make some extra money so I can buy the chicken myself?
I’m not having kids of my own and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with making my dogs my kids, but am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Whoa NTJ for giving your dog food that he will eat when he’s going through chemo.
Have you spoken to your vet about the food he will/won’t eat? If not, you definitely should. Unfortunately, your partner isn’t being very compassionate during this tough time, but I do imagine the financial burden of chicken & rice vs kibble is weighing on him as well (having an older dog who’s susceptible to eating garbage, I’m no stranger to the costs of the bland diet lol).
It sounds like you guys need to have a serious conversation about the budget for the pup and how you’re handling this situation overall.” freerange_chicken
Another User Comments:
“NTJ -When my senior dog was having problems I bought the ‘legs and thighs’ large pkg of chicken and cooked a lot of rice…added a bit of peas or a tablespoon of pumpkin (fiber) and froze the chicken and rice mix in portions I could quickly thaw.
The bigger problem is that you have a large 11-year-old dog with cancer. He’s a senior dog and you need to carefully consider how much discomfort he’s suffering now. For an aging dog, you reach a point where putting them through the pain or the disease and the treatment…is not a good quality of life.
Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is let your dog go to end the pain. Feed your sweet pooch whatever he can enjoy.” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a dog trainer/behaviorist, your partner has shown he is a part of the old-school belief system that is only detrimental to both animals and kids.
Just imagine if you stay with him and he determines that the eat it or starve method is the proper method for kids… I couldn’t tolerate someone like that. My husband may not necessarily agree with my beliefs but he does not argue with them.
He just trusts me to know what I’m doing even if he doesn’t understand it” Exotic-Army4006
17. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Stop Taking Photos Of Me Before I Leave?
“My mother and I (18F) have gotten into several arguments as I finished my senior year of high school. Now that it’s summer I am doing my last theater summer camp, and then I start work.
My mother loves to take photos.
Her camera roll is easily 50,000+. While this does irritate me from time to time, I have never asked her to not take photos of me. I understand that she loves pictures and enjoys making scrapbooks.
What frustrates me, is when she will stop me while I am walking out the door and ask for a photo.
It happened when I was leaving for school on multiple occasions, and she has done it during the theatre camp I mentioned earlier. Even when I tell her I’m running late, she will stop me before I leave the house and make me take a photo.
Her excuse is always, “I love your outfit and want a photo”.
I have been having a hard time setting boundaries with my mother as I’m about to go to college. My most recent attempt was last weekend, after we had a fun outing, I finally worked up the courage to ask her to stop.
I waited until she was in a good mood and jokingly said, “You’ve gotta stop taking photos of me before I leave. If I like my outfit, I have probably already taken a photo”. She eventually agreed after telling me how much she likes taking photos of me because she thinks I look cute.
The very next day, I am waiting for my friend to pick me up so we can go out, and my mother stops me to take a picture. I let this incident go because I was wearing a pair of pants that I had finished crocheting.
I had spent around six months working on the pants, so I understood why she wanted to take photos. I posed and let her take a few then said I had to go.
She proceeded to stop me the next morning before camp to take photos because I was wearing the pants again.
I told her we took photos yesterday. She started to get upset, so I said, “I asked you nicely to stop doing this. You’re disrespecting my request”. I tend to cry when I get upset, so I was crying at this point.
My mother was almost yelling at me calling me selfish because I know how much she loves photos. She walked out of the kitchen and slammed the door. She went three days without talking to me.
This isn’t the first time she’s given me the silent treatment, but this was the longest. The only time she spoke to me was her yelling from down the stairs that I had to get up earlier because she wouldn’t be prepping any of my food.
I thought I was doing well setting a small boundary, but her reaction has made me very disappointed with the result. Was I asking about something silly and not worth arguing over? AITJ for asking her to stop taking photos before I leave?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mom needs to develop a plan for once you leave for school. Plus: 50,000+ pictures in her camera roll? I can’t imagine how little space is left on her phone.” jelliclekitten
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This might be a control thing, or it might be nostalgia run amuck, though. You’re allowed to both insist she stops AND starts carrying a white folder covered in clear skateboard deck tape to hold up. (It screws w/ the lighting.)” BeckyDaTechie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a little excessive. You should do what Daniel Radcliffe did to discourage the paparazzi – wear the same outfit day in and day out. No point in taking a photo of today’s outfit because it’s the same as yesterday’s, and the day before, and the day before that.” ailment
16. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Provide Transportation If She Wants Me To Babysit?
“AITJ for telling my sister if she wants me to watch my nephew she has to provide transportation?
Up until a few months ago, I was working full time and staying at my sister’s house on nights when I worked late or had to get up super early for work.
I had a running vehicle and would give her rides when my schedule allowed. Flash forward, I ended up getting pregnant and spent more time at her house as my home was undergoing renovations. I ended up losing my job over a simple mistake, and so ended up being her babysitter while she worked more hours.
I would drive back and forth between her house and my home every day, never asking for money and never having a problem with it.
In May, she wanted to take her son to the water park 3 hours away for his birthday and wanted to use my car, which I had no problems with.
It started having issues before the trip, which ended up being fixed, and we did routine maintenance before the trip. On the way there, the car started having serious issues and we made it to the destination but were not able to make it home.
I had to leave my car in an unfamiliar city and we got home. Unfortunately, my insurance lapsed so I had to pay out of pocket for everything. The next day, my partner and I rented a Uhaul and towed my car back home, where it’s currently sitting.
This cost us a good chunk of money out of pocket that we didn’t have to spare with the baby on the way and also trying to make sure we had a child-safe home.
My sister now has a job but not many options for rides and not many options for babysitters.
I told her I was still willing to watch her son, but if she wanted me to leave my home to come over, she had to find a way for me to get there as my partner works a lot of hours and was upset that the transportation he worked so hard to provide me with was essentially mechanically totaled. He does not want to spend money to essentially provide support to another household when they aren’t helping support us in any way.
My brother felt the need to weigh in on this issue and told me he does not like my partner and he should give me rides if he cares about me, and he and his partner are no longer on speaking terms with me as I did not agree with their opinion.
Instead of helping both of us out, they choose to completely not to interact with me outside of asking me for money I don’t have. I’ve already lost almost everything I have of value and am about to be a new mother on top of this.
AITJ for making her provide me with transportation to watch her child, still for free?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a baby on the way and can’t afford a new car. You need transportation to and from her house.
There’s no discussion about it. You are already doing more than enough for your sister by offering to continue to watch your nephew at all, especially for free.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And your partner is correct.
You babysitting for free is essentially subsidizing your sister. If he starts taxiing you over there, then he too would just be enabling your sister. Focus on you. Focus on your future. Look into temp jobs, close to home, so your partner can maybe provide transportation, and you can generate an income stream to fix your car.
Time to take care of YOU. Good luck.” SoundIcy6620
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You over-extended yourself (and your clunker of a car) to do a favor for your sister. So now you have no transportation. Sadly, you can no longer help your sister but it is not your partner’s responsibility to drive you to and from your sister’s house so you can babysit for free.
Your sister will have to make other arrangements for child care that don’t involve providing you with a car or with an Uber. Your opinionated brother can butt out or provide the child care to your sister himself.” NanaLeonie
15. AITJ For Wanting My Younger Brother To Share The Household Chores?
“Just to be clear, my parents are not abusive in any way and I consider myself a very lucky person to have everything I do. My parents have been nothing but supportive and caring towards me and my siblings.
I (17/G) have three siblings, two older brothers who have both moved out and a younger brother (15).
I don’t have any problems with helping my parents out. I do the majority of the dishes, hoovering, washing clothes, cleaning the bathroom, living room, and kitchen as well as doing most of the pet care.
I even cook meals when either my parents aren’t home or are just tired. I don’t have a problem with any of this, because it’s honestly not a big deal compared to everything my parents do for me.
I don’t have an allowance, but I sometimes help my parents out at work (they own a small business) when it gets busy or extra cover is needed and they give me some money for that. My family often takes small weekend holidays at our caravan but due to our pets (two dogs, two rabbits, and one cat) I normally stay home to take care of them all so my parents can relax properly without having to worry about taking the dogs for walking if it rains (my brother goes with them)
Here’s my problem, I’m the only one of my siblings who helps out my parents. My two older brothers never helped out around the house, and despite them both having their places and jobs, often ask my parents to buy and deliver their shopping to them.
My younger brother is even worse. He helps out with nothing, often makes us late because he doesn’t want to get out of bed and whenever he’s asked to do anything replies with “I forgot” and says it’s not his fault.
He doesn’t like school (which is fine) and spends all his time playing video games with his friends. He’s in the middle of his GCSEs and I honestly don’t know what he’s going to do after as I don’t think he’ll achieve a passing grade in most of his subjects (including English) which severely limits his options.
I want to ask my parents to give some of the things I help out with to my younger brother, even if it’s just him laying the table or something small because I can’t help but feel frustrated that he doesn’t help out in any way.
He doesn’t even clean his room and it’s either me or my mum who does. I know that if I asked my parents they would agree and ask my brother to help out more but I know that will only lead to stress as he either won’t do it, or do it so badly that someone else has to do it again.
I don’t think it’s fair that I help out so much when he doesn’t do anything but I also don’t want to stress out my parents and put more of a burden on them. So WIBTJ if I asked despite knowing that it will cause more stress for my parents?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, honestly speaking from a place of having been a lazy teenage boy, I recommend your brother get therapy. Sounds like there are some deeper problems leading to your brother refusing to take responsibility, it was that way for me.
Try not to bring it up as an insult. I think your brother needs help dealing with his feelings, and you should set boundaries for chores, these need to be fair. As others have pointed out, the responsibility is with your parents, and it is not on you to keep stress away from them!
Also sounds like old gender roles play a part in your family, correct me if I’m wrong!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Unfortunately, this is a tale as old as time with households of multiple children, especially when there’s one girl.
The responsible sibling ends up having to pick up the slack of everyone else, which is unfair. You said it yourself- if you asked your parents to more fairly distribute the chores, they’d probably be open to it, so why not ask?
You shouldn’t be expected to do EVERYTHING between you and your siblings, and it’s way past due for them to pitch in.” Far_Quantity_6133
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s pretty common for the middle child to be given all the chores and responsibilities.
The oldest child is too busy with school or already gone, and the youngest child is too young to do things properly. I was the youngest child, and that was the dynamic in my family. Even though you are NTJ, I have bad news for you: I don’t think there is much hope coming your way, it’s not likely to change.
The only way out is to get older and leave the house. I have good news though: the time you spend doing chores today will benefit you as a functioning adult later in life. Your brother is getting short-term benefits but will lose in the long term.
Especially if he uses his extra time today to play “video games with friends”.” fonduelovertx
14. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Mother Invite Her Friends To Our Wedding Rehearsal Dinner?
“So my fiancée (F, 27) and I (M, 26) are getting married in November.
We have been planning our wedding for nearly a year now. Throughout the planning process, my mother has been absent at best when it came to helping, always claiming to want but would book events for her business on the dates we would agree to meet to work on planning or trying on suits for me.
We got her to meet for dress shopping for the mothers, but that became a disaster since when we got there, my mom refused to try on any dresses, which was very difficult throughout the day. My mom has been firmly saying that her responsibility is the rehearsal dinner.
She states that putting this event on is the groom’s family’s job. Meanwhile, my future MIL has been very involved in the wedding planning. She has supported me throughout the last couple of months, helping us understand and make important decisions, and assisting with suit shopping (which she cried at LOL).
Anyway, about two weeks ago my mother started talking to us about our rehearsal dinner, and how it’s the groom’s family’s job to pay for it. We were unbelievably appreciative of this and had suggested some cheaper options, but she decided to do it at a very upscale local restaurant.
While going over the guest list with my fiancée, we became aware that one of my brothers was bringing a date. My fiancée informed my mother that we aren’t doing plus ones for people, so we needed to know who this person is.
That is when things took a turn for the worse. My mother then said that “etiquette states” that everyone gets a plus one. Well we aren’t doing that, we’re paying for our wedding with some financial help from my fiancée’s parents, but not a lot, and so we want to keep the cost down.
My mother then asked which of her friends were invited, and my fiancée asked which ones she gave us contact information for when we needed that earlier this year to send save the dates. She responded with none, she only gave addresses for family.
Keep in mind, that my mother was excluding me from this conversation, so my fiancée finally said that my mother needed to speak with me about this as she is at work and busy. My mother gets very very upset.
Fast forward to this week. My mother is now refusing to tell us who she’s inviting and is now disregarding our wishes on how the rehearsal dinner will be planned, demanding to see our guest list and all their contact information.
We are refusing to give it to her. Tonight she blew up on us in a group chat that also included my future MIL and father, and now refuses to help with the wedding at all, and personally attacked my future MIL.
So, AITJ for now refusing to let her invite any friends, and would I be the jerk if I decide to uninvite her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, maybe go no contact for a bit and let her think about it.
When you do get back in touch tell her that if she wants to continue to be included in your wedding and the future, in general, she needs to back off and start respecting your wishes. You are an adult and about to be married so your mother no longer gets to dictate anything to you and the results will be a time out from being included in your life.
What else can you do? She is acting like a child so you have no choice but to respond accordingly.” ConfusedAt63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I guess….. I’ve never heard of a groom who takes his mother’s suit shopping – isn’t that usually the groomsmen?
It’s your wedding, you can invite whoever you want. This is an adjunct event to the wedding – and from my understanding, usually only involves the bride and groom and their parties, and immediate family, along with any flower girls/page boys and their parents.
Not a cast of thousands – definitely not everyone invited to the wedding. It’s a light-hearted meal with some toasts, and maybe giving the party their gifts. This woman needs to calm down. If she doesn’t like what you are organizing, then she doesn’t have to be there at all.
Maybe if you uninvite her, she will pull her head in. Or she can foot the bill for the plus ones and her friends to come if you are happy to let her do so.” alien_overlord_1001
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The rehearsal dinner is meant to thank the wedding party for their support throughout the wedding planning and the wedding/ reception. The bride/groom’s parents and maybe some close friends and family attend, but it isn’t meant to be some extravagant party.
Typically, the wedding party rehearses the procession and ceremony so it’s not a total mess on the day of. Then the dinner follows. Way back when the groom’s parents paid, but that doesn’t mean the parents planned the dinner.
You and your wife should plan this event and invite everyone who should be attending, not your mother. If she is willing to foot the bill, that’s great, but she definitely **DEFINITELY** should not have free reign or decision power over the rehearsal dinner.” ASBF2015
13. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Fiancé For Neglecting His Chores And Burning Dinner?
“My fiancé (27M) and I (27) work from home. Both of us have 9 to 5 jobs and work from home on all days. We have equally busy schedules but I would cook on most days and we would take turns in cleaning/maintaining the house.
He does the dishes. He takes care of things like paying the bills on time and maintaining the car.
Around three months ago, he had a very busy schedule at work, and I offered to help by cooking on all days and taking charge of cleaning the apartment and maintaining the apartment.
However, his work routine is back to normal, but he hasn’t taken responsibility for his usual chores yet. I’m still doing all of the cooking, cleaning, vacuuming.
He usually folds the laundry, but it’s been weeks and the laundry still hasn’t been folded.
Today morning I had put some food on the stove and had to go to a work meeting. I gave him specific instructions on when to turn the gas off. But when I got done with my call, I opened my office door and I got a strong burning smell.
When I went to the kitchen, I saw that the gas wasn’t turned off and everything had burnt.
I was furious. I lashed out at him and told him that I was sick and tired of him not doing anything at home.
I yelled and shouted and told him that his contribution was zero and I just couldn’t take this anymore.
I banged my door and went back to my home office.
We haven’t spoken since and I’ve got some time to calm down.
I feel like I might’ve been too harsh on him, but at the same time, I need him to realize that he needs to pick up his slack of things and start getting back to contributing at home.
When I now went out of my room to get some water, I saw that he had got me coffee and had left it on my seat at the dining table. I felt a jab of guilt, but don’t want to soften up.
So, AITJ for lashing out at him just because he forgot to turn the gas off? Should I apologize to him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you just need to have a frank conversation about division of labor. It seems you may have bottled it up and it exploded. You’re 100% correct in being frustrated, but I’d be concerned why he’s doing so little.
Are there mental health issues? Is he dealing with something at work? Is he not realizing he’s dropping the ball this much? Something’s amiss.” butterflyprinces872
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband doesn’t do a lot around the house either and I was out with my family the other day and he told me he had a little surprise for me when I got home.
We have a bunch of boxes we need to take to recycle and he had cut some up and put them in the recycle bin in the garage and he thought that was a great surprise. I looked at him and said you live here too so it is your responsibility to help keep this place clean and that includes cutting up the boxes and putting them in recycling.
I said it also applies to when you do dishes now and then and clean the toilet and you’re so proud of yourself.” Winter_Dragonfly_452
Another User Comments:
“Going with ESH for now. He seems to be in the wrong for not doing his fair share of work, but you were wrong for blowing up like a room filled with gas that somebody tossed a match into (heh).
The shouting and slamming doors phase shouldn’t come before the calm and rational discussion about the problem phase. Skipping right over that makes you a jerk too. If you have had conversations with him and he’s ignored them, then I’ll revise to NTJ.
On the other hand, IF he has picked up the slack for you in the past and you didn’t immediately jump back to the “normal” routine when things quieted down then it would be YTJ.” Dschingis_Khaaaaan
12. AITJ For Confronting My Parents For Excluding My Brother From A Family Trip Over Unfair Expectations?
“I 20f have shared an apartment with my 23m brother for the last 7 months. We come from a very nontraditional household, but I won’t get into all the details because a lot of what I have to say is biased. Regardless, though only three years apart, my brother and I were raised by very different standards and we are very different people for it.
I’m much more outspoken than he is and due to some severe childhood trauma, he had always just done whatever my parents have told him to do. Never asked, just told.
After he became my roommate he started pushing back.
Unfortunately, it’s still been an expectation that on his days off of work, he goes to their house and does just about anything they ask of him.
My parents are 53 & 60. My stepmom brought 4 of her adult children to the table.
Two of them live with my parents, and my step-sister has two kids that are 13 & 12. They’re more than old enough to do some kind of chores like dishes or at least their laundry. But instead, my brother is expected to be there doing everything.
It’s seriously ridiculous.
He’s fed up with this. He can’t ever see his partner, he never has time to clean his own space or cook his meals. And worst of all, after getting off the phone with my mom yesterday, I found out that my parents are excluding him from an out-of-state family trip to go see some of our relatives.
This is a trip my stepmom goes on every year. And even when no one else can go, my brother has ALWAYS made time for it. But for the first time in at least five years, my dad is going.
And I don’t think they wanted him to go, to begin with, and were just looking for an excuse, but the excuse is so petty and so dumb I’m just shocked.
It’s because he didn’t mow their lawn.
Again, he doesn’t live there and hasn’t in almost a year. My 32-year-old stepbrother lives at home. My 34 year old step sister. My 53-year-old dad. Live in the house. And yet my 23-year-old brother who lives 30 minutes away is expected to do it.
They didn’t text or call and ask. They just expected him to be there and when he wasn’t they didn’t tell him, but instead, my stepmom told me on the phone that my brother was no longer going on this pre-planned trip.
My next day off is Sunday and I plan on going to their house and telling them off for being petty and ridiculous. It’s not my place to get involved, but my stepmom involved me the minute she told me and not my brother.
He’s reasonably upset over this, especially considering the relatives he was going to see are getting to the age where we could lose them at any time. I think my parents are being unfair and awful about the whole situation, but AITJ for getting involved at all?”
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk. There’s so much unhealthy behavior here that it would take a long time in family counseling to even get close to being a healthy family. I feel for your brother and believe that you are enabling him by going to your parents by yourself.
I’m hoping you and he go together to confront your parents. You are his support for “calling out” the unhealthy behavior and communication. He has a long way to go before he recovers from childhood mistreatment. You can help him most by supporting him emotionally and spiritually!
It’s too easy to call anyone—your parents—jerks because they’re so much worse than that.” Adventurous_Water651
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you say, your SM brought you into the middle of it you didn’t push your way in.
I don’t blame you for being mad. I wonder, would your brother (and you?) be able to afford to make the trip on his/your own? I just thought, when you said your relatives are getting older, well maybe he (& you?) should just go.
Don’t be dependent on them. And if you decide to do it don’t blab. Try to get there first and be sitting there when your parents arrive with a big grin on/your faces.” Global_Look2821
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, though, will tell them this makes things better, worse, or the same for your brother. If it won’t help, I would suggest planning your trip to see those relatives and telling your step-mom you aren’t going on the trip.
You can be petty and share pics from your trip and mention how you and your brother had a good time, or you could go low contact after explaining to your dad and step-mom you don’t like what’s going on.” Severe-Hope-9151
11. AITJ For Expecting My Friend To Help Me Assemble A Dresser?
“I (F23) have been friends with this guy (M25) for over a year now, and we’ve been pretty close. Most weekends we would hang out, I’ve met his parents and siblings multiple times, and we have deep conversations every day about anything and everything.
In the past I’ve been very gracious to him, I supported him through his mental health struggles even when he’d lash out at me and make negative comments about me / women in general. I always celebrate his milestones and achievements, and I’ve given him gifts for Christmas, his graduation, his birthday, etc. when he didn’t even wish me happy birthday.
The dresser I currently have at my apartment is built terribly, I tried my best to build it but I am terrible at it because the drawers don’t even shut. Everyone makes fun of this when they see my room, him included. I just moved into a new apartment, so I was thinking about buying a new dresser.
When looking, I noticed most all of them don’t come assembled. Knowing how it went when I tried to build it, I thought I would ask him if he would build it for me by chance if I bought one.
This was hypothetical, I hadn’t even bought one yet and knew I probably wouldn’t if he said no, no issues there. But I was shocked when his response was “Out of the kindness of my heart?” I asked him what he meant, and he said “I’m asking why I should do it?” This shocked me because I always help friends in need. In the past, I’ve noticed he is pretty selfish and lacks empathy towards people, so I genuinely was concerned at that response and said “Friends help each other, it’s what friends do.
I’ve helped you countless times for nothing in return, you even insulted me when I helped you a few times.” Sure, that might have been rude, but it’s true and he never has apologized for things he said so I guess I still harbor a lot of sadness from that.
His response to me saying that went far beyond what I ever thought it would be. He started calling me selfish, greedy, and entitled forever thinking he should do something for free, and that I was shaming him.
He sent me a screenshot of the song ‘A Place For My Head’ again calling me a user who does favors just for something in return. I thought this was such a spin from the situation because I can promise that I did not do favors for him for a year straight just to cash in this favor.
The oddest part is anyone who knows me knows I’m not shy to spend money on my friends, I fully would have bought him dinner wherever he wanted and would have gotten his favorite seltzers for him, etc had he done the favor.
Since then, he has not responded to me for 2 weeks after sending that song. I’m utterly shocked by that, we usually talk every day. I’m starting to think he’s never going to speak to me again, and our friendship is over.
I’ve tried to reach out, and I’ve even apologized. I don’t know if I was the jerk or if what I did was so terrible that a friendship of over a year should be over without even a goodbye?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yeah, lil homie you should drop this dude as a friend. It sounds to me like he doesn’t respect you at all and his behavior is likely to only get worse. It’s not your job or responsibility to fix him.
If you’ve criticized his actions and attitudes before and he still acts that way, then it’s time for you to wash your hands of him” Kaoi-KenTimesBen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I hope you walk away from this “friendship”.
I don’t know if you’ve been trying to reach out to him, but I hope you don’t. This is not a healthy-sounding person. On another note, I don’t know where you live, but I can always find assembled furniture in secondhand stores.” tasting
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re better off without him. He shows you that he’s never a giver under any circumstances only a taker. He’s telling you he’ll only ever take any help that’s given and will never reciprocate not even when it won’t cost him anything other than labor.
If you can’t trust him with such a small favor then you’re better off without him in your life, at least you won’t be verbally mistreated and treated like a punching bag.” Enviest0
10. AITJ For Letting My Son Get His Ears Pierced Despite His Mother's Disapproval?
“My family is complicated. I (34M) have 3 biological sons from 2 different women. Geo (10M) is my oldest from my ex, Quinn (38F). She and I share custody 50/50. Jay (8M) and Rob (7M) are the two youngest from my ex-wife.
I have full custody. I live with my fiancée, Sam (32F), and her three boys (from her ex-husband): Gage (14M), Gannon (10M), and Gabe (3M).
This is about Rob and Geo. Rob has always been more “feminine” than other boys.
Since he was born, he has been mistaken for a girl constantly (he is a beautiful child; it is what it is). He mostly wears more feminine clothes, and his favorite activity is dancing. Since we have so many boys in the house, Sam and I often get accused of pushing Rob to be feminine because we “wanted a girl”, but this is who he is.
Geo isn’t as “feminine” as Rob, but he is a bit “feminine” himself.
Rob has been wanting to get his ears pierced since he was 5. Sam and I now decided that he was responsible enough to have it done, so last month I took him to a piercing shop and paid for it to be done professionally.
He loves them! And he takes really good care of them. Gage promised that if Rob got teased, he (Gage) would get his ears pierced too haha. But most of the kids at school only have nice things to say about his pierced ears.
For some reason, though, Quinn (who I have always gotten along with before), has started to say some negative things.
She says that he’s going to get teased at school – he has been way in the past, but it’s been taken care of (moved to a better school).
Quinn says that people are going to think that he’s a girl or that he’s gay… I’ve kind of ignored Quinn’s comments, but she’s become very insistent that I take away Rob’s earrings and let the piercings close.
I don’t know why. Rob’s not her son. She’s known him since he was born, but she has never had any kind of parental relationship with him, ever.
We’ve been getting into fights recently about this. She told me that I was selfish for doing this to my son (?) and a jerk and that little boys shouldn’t have piercings (?).
She told me that Rob’s going to hate me for doing this to him when he’s older – but he wanted it done. I’m afraid that Geo’s picking up on this tension between Quinn and me, and I’m afraid it’s going to harm our relationship or his relationship with his half-brothers.
So, then… Geo asked for his ears pierced too. He has brought it up before, but never as consistently as Rob (maybe like 1-2 times a year for the past 3 years?). I told him that I was okay with it, but that he needed his mom’s permission.
She got really mad (at me). She told me that I’m pushing this onto him (and Rob) and that there’s no way she’s going to approve of this. Ever. Now Geo is accusing me of loving Rob more because I got Rob’s ears pierced but not Geo’s… am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First, I love that you’re letting Rob be Rob. The way you put “feminine” in quotes speaks volumes. Second, you need to have some one-on-one time with Geo, so he can feel focused on, and be more receptive to, the conversation you need to have with him.
Sit face to face with him, so he can see the sincerity in your eyes. Let him know how proud it made you to hear he would defend his little brother by standing united with him. Explain how while you and his mom may disagree over some things, you can’t just override her say as a parent, and you’d hope she does the same for you.
Gently remind him that’s not something you need to consider with decisions for Rob and Jay. Given how he’s mentioned it over the years, I have a feeling Geo wants pierced ears more than he lets on. His mom might be exactly why he hasn’t been more vocal about it.
Maybe let him know when he’s old enough to choose his own, you’ll gladly pay for the piercing and his first sets of earrings.” DragonCelica
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re doing a great job of letting your kids be who they are.
It’s a 20-gauge ear piercing, not a 0-gauge plug. It is an ear lobe, not a place that can cause any kind of health issue (as long as aftercare is followed). If they decide in the future they no longer want to wear earrings, they can take them out and the holes (if they don’t close) will be nearly invisible.
Piercings are gender neutral, plenty of ‘masculine’ persons pierce their ears (and anywhere else they want). Just look up male celebrities with piercings for example. Will Smith, Justin Timberlake, Morgan Freeman, numerous pro athletes… None of these explanations should be necessary, but your ex has a skewed view and may need them for assurance.” kalixanthippe
9. AITJ For Not Inviting A Rude Colleague To My Birthday Party?
“I (F25) work in a STEM field and many of my colleagues are a similar age to me, and we all work in the same building (although we work on different projects).
Due to our proximity, we have become very close friends and I would like to invite everyone from my project team and some of the members from other project teams to my birthday party in a few weeks (likely just a get-together at my apartment, nothing crazy).
Many others from our group have had similar parties and invited everyone, & it is always a good time.
However, there is one guy, Ed (fake name, M24) who is not a part of my project team (but is part of the larger group).
When I first started working here, I was very nice to him and would chat with him whenever he came by. I am fairly certain he has a crush on me (he will frequently come to my office just to chat, or to get a reaction out of me about my favorite sports team, will frequently comment about my outfits/makeup, or will sit next to me whenever he has a chance, even if it is the inconvenient choice).
But, I find him very mean, he often makes rude comments about others and sometimes also more general ignorant comments, which he always claims is “okay” because “[He’s] autistic.” I do understand that some people who are autistic have a hard time understanding social cues, and Ed is also not from the same country as most of the rest of us, so I understand some things may not come as naturally, but I do not think being autistic is an excuse to be rude/mean/to blatantly ignore others after they tell him explicitly his comments make them uncomfortable.
I have tried to set boundaries (e.g. “I don’t have time to chat, please do not come to my office because when I am here it is to work, and you are not on my project team” or blocking his phone number after he called me after he found out my phone number from a friend by accident saying “I didn’t give you my number, I don’t want you to have it”, etc.).
As a result, I don’t want to invite him to my birthday because I know him being there will make me uncomfortable. My partner will also be there, and the 2 of them have not yet met, which I think will add to the awkwardness – Ed has made some inappropriate comments in the past and has been insistently asking “When do I get to meet your partner?” If it is held at my apartment, I know I would be uncomfortable with him being in my space.
This could be solved by having the celebration somewhere public, but I do not want to make people feel they need to spend money to celebrate my birthday and there aren’t any good “free” options. WIBTJ if I did not invite him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and why haven’t you mentioned this to HR? He is harassing you. — He comes by to talk to you even though you tell him you are not interested in talking — He comments on your outfits — He always tries to push physical boundaries by sitting next to you when he can — He is making inappropriate comments Why haven’t you mentioned this to a supervisor, HR, and everyone else possible?
Don’t invite him, and make sure your partner knows about his inappropriate behavior. If he shows up unexpectedly, do NOT let him, and tell him if he does not leave you will call the police. Keep a written log of all his inappropriate behavior from now on.” troppo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While autism can and does cause unintentional offense at times, autistic or not, once it has been stated that he is making you uncomfortable he should have stopped immediately. It’s one thing to misunderstand a social cue.
It’s another to be told explicitly to stop something and refuse to. If it continues, it becomes harassment. I think you will have more issues if you invite him because, in his mind, he may take it as encouragement.
But if he catches wind of it, it might get complicated.” Huge-Error-4916
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For starters, I’m autistic, and I can tell you that autistics do NOT consider our neurodivergence to be a good reason to treat people like crap, so you just have to listen to me be a jerk, haha.
WE DON’T DO THAT. If this guy is autistic, that’s not the reason he’s like that. He’s like that because he’s a sack of crap. (Being autistic doesn’t make you automatically a nice person, it’s true, but it doesn’t make you a jerk.
It has no bearing on that. There’s a difference between blurting awkward things that have people side-eyeing each other, wondering WTF–and deliberately saying something bad and adding “I get to say that because I’m autistic.”) NO. He’s a jerk, that’s all.
Don’t invite him. He’s bad. This jerk is making autistics look bad by using it as an excuse (whether he is or not. If he’s not, he needs some serious judgment to come down on him. If he is, a bunch of autistic people should stage an intervention.
Yeah, but I can dream.)” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Being Upset About Receiving A Desktop Instead Of The Promised Laptop?
“I (m14) had a birthday back in September, I hyped it up a lot.
My Aunt’s husband (“uncle”) promised to get me a laptop for my birthday (I hadn’t had a new computer since like 2019 and the one I had was an old IMac my mom got me for Christmas, so you could imagine how happy I was to hear that I’d get a new one.) He made the promise to get me a laptop in I think like July?
I showed him the laptops I wanted (plural ‘cus I kept changing my mind) and he was okay with it until he wasn’t when I found out that he wanted to get a Desktop (which I tried to warn him why they were inferior to laptops, and why I didn’t want it AT ALL.) I found this out when I was at a Best Buy with him and my younger cousin, I was in the laptop section (which was not too far from the desktops) when I heard him whisper to my cousin along the lines of something like “(My name) wants this but we’re gonna get something like this *tapping on a desktop as he says it*” Which inclined me to give him a mean/annoyed look which he shrugged off.
This also confused me a lot since the laptops I wanted were 700-900 dollars and the desktops he wanted were 1000 and up. (I forgot to mention that he is rich) Nothing happened after until it was like 2 weeks left until my birthday when I BEGGED AND GOT ON MY KNEES to reassure them to get a laptop.
They said “okay” and told me to calm down, and so I waited.
You can probably already guess what they got me, I feel spoiled when I say this but; I cried when I made it back to my room after seeing my presents.
I felt hurt and betrayed.
After maybe like 2 weeks? They started insulting me about not using it (Context: they placed it in the basement and hooked it up to the same TV my cousin hogs for Xbox.) My “uncle” came into my room and called me an ungrateful jerk-boy who never cared for anyone but myself.
He brought up points about how he could’ve “ruined my life” if he hadn’t given my mom extra money for her job (I was very poor when I was living with my mom.) He said that it was a risk that he did that and all in my mind I could say “Seriously dude?”.
He said everything in a very passive-aggressive manner, After I STILL didn’t use it, he tried to guilt trip me saying that he put “so much thought into that present and that he’ll never buy me a present again.” He also managed to get my aunt on his side, insulting me and even getting mad at me for just clicking keys on the keyboard!
(Unplugged btw).
I’d be wrong if I said they didn’t convince me to feel bad about myself and question my morality. This all made me feel very spoiled but a teeny weeny percent in me makes me feel that I’m right.
Am I spoiled and wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk but you are an idiot. Install Steam and some games and you’ll have a way better time. A desktop can be treated a lot like a more powerful console.
You’re missing out on a lot of fun by ignoring it just because it’s not what you wanted. Your cousin is also not nice. Going with ESH. Him for ignoring you and calling you names and you for not even giving it a try.
Later get a cheap laptop for $100-200 and use the power of your desktop remotely. You’ll have so much more power. Many apps allow you to stream games, steam being one so long as the desktop is powered on.” Isabela_Grace
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting what you want. The desktop is likely more capable than a laptop but it isn’t meeting your needs if you had a reason for wanting something portable. I am now imagining you putting it in a wagon and hauling it along with you to the library, just to make a point.
If your cousin is giving you grief, perhaps you should be doing schoolwork on your new computer every time you know he is going to use the Xbox. If he was trying to get you something that you wanted he would have discovered what you wanted and why, rather than this game of knowing what you wanted and intentionally getting something else.
” latent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but unfortunately you are 14. It sounds like he thought he knew your wants and needs better than you did. Emphasizing the reasons you want one thing over the other is gonna serve well in future situations.
I wonder about the reasons they had for doing it this way. Have you lost or broken expensive things in the past? Or maybe they just didn’t want you hiding in your room all day and looking at inappropriate stuff.
Either way, you gotta make peace with it and figure out if you can still use it in a way that works for you. It sounds like the only way you’re getting a laptop at this point is when you’re old enough to work and save up for one yourself.” Glum-Sprinkles-7734
7. AITJ For Critiquing My Wife's Reaction To A Store Worker Walking Away?
“I came home from work and my wife (we’re both in our early thirties if this helps at all?) wanted to tell me about a bad experience she had at the store (a large membership-based bulk buying type of place).
Giving her my full attention she begins:
My wife’s friend is having a housewarming/post-divorce celebration and my wife agreed to bring a cake. This friend suggested this particular store for custom worded cakes and my wife set off to place an order.
When my wife arrives at the bakery, she is met with a sign that reads “Place cake orders online! Scan Here.” She opens her phone, scans the QR code, and makes her way through the site’s options for the cake; until she gets to the font which is only allowing/showing a very boring and bold type font.
Throughout this first part of the story, I nod my head and add in my thoughts as well without interrupting. “Oh, that should be fun.” “Yeah, those can be annoying.” Stuff like that.
My wife finds a worker (Early 20s maybe?
My wife was also using a stereotypical “valley girl” voice when quoting them and I tried my best to ignore them as I knew eventually this person was about to upset her) nearby stocking bakery items, and asks them about the cake customization.
Questions like: “Is there a place to set a pick-up time?” and “I can only get it to show a bold font, is there a way to change this?” The worker explains the date appears towards the end of the customization and the font depends on whoever is working that day, to which my wife responds “Well I’m not going to pay for something if I don’t know what it looks like.” At this moment the worker turns without another word and walks away from my wife.
As the worker is walking away my wife doesn’t yell, but says within this worker’s earshot, “Are you kidding me?” “This is ridiculous.” From here my wife leaves the store.
I tell the wife, “Yes that seems a bit rude of the worker, but honestly had that been me and I heard her reaction as I was walking away, I probably wouldn’t have helped you either.”
From here my wife becomes upset with me and begins accusing me of invalidating her actions not just on this interaction but other times she has butted heads with family members or strangers. This got me thinking, have I been invalidating her or have I not have her back like I should in these instances?
AITJ for critiquing her reaction to the worker walking away?
I truly think both of them could have been better to each other in this situation and I tried and failed to convey this in a way to de-escalate tensions.
The worker could have easily deferred to another baker if they were too busy stocking and the wife could maybe not feel entitled to immediate resolution to the closest available staff member.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your wife asked polite questions and got polite answers. When she didn’t like the answers (about the font) she started to get hostile and said she wasn’t going to buy the cake.
Okay, fair enough. What else help does she need? Retail workers get so much crap, I don’t blame any of them for walking away when they know it’s coming. And given what came next from your wife, the worker was right. I’m honestly curious about what “resolution” your wife wanted. The font isn’t part of the customization.
She can’t take it or leave it. It’s that simple. You mention your wife mentioning other situations with family and strangers. Honestly, if you’re not taking her side in most of these maybe she is consistently in the wrong.
As they say, if you meet a jerk everywhere you go…” v_a_n_d_e_l_a_y
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I used to work in the bakery at Sam’s Club 2 days a week for extra cash.
The writing they show online is just a basic comic sands-like font. A lot of people thought that was how it would look, not realizing the writing depends on who is decorating your cake. There aren’t “fonts”, it just all looks like your standard, pretty cake writing.
We would often do 50+ cakes a day at my location, they always looked professional. Some of the customers were angels but so many were just awful and I always preferred to just take an order with pen and paper.” ThisOldHouse1923
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your wife is asking questions and the worker just walks away. That’s rude and a poor excuse for service (yes, I know that may not be what her employment emphasizes). Your wife made an exasperated response, not directly attacking the worker.
Why on Earth would you side with the worker *who walked away BEFORE your wife even made that comment*? Yes, you invalidated your wife’s feelings.” ParsimoniousSalad
6. AITJ For Being Upset With My Mother's Repeated Invasion Of My Privacy?
“I(22F) have been in a “Silent treatment” with my mother (60F) for the past three to four days. Something especially hard since Mother’s Day is tomorrow. Over the summer, I started to finally get into therapy to help improve my self-confidence and my anxiety.
My therapist at the time gave me a journal to express how I truly felt. I mainly wrote about how I loved my family, but my family doesn’t know how to love me. Even though I told my mother the journal existed, I kept it hidden at the bottom of my purse.
My mom was driving me to my internship where she burst out crying. Saying that she had read my journal and asking if I didn’t love her or my family. I expressed how I felt betrayed. I did love my family, but feel like they don’t take me and my interests seriously (I’m a big sensitive nerd, while my family is all sporty/sports enthusiasts).
I also expressed how bad my mental health was, and they weren’t doing anything with what I said to support me. My mom admitted she was wrong for reading the journal, but disagreed about her support.
Flash forward to two weeks ago, I’m graduating and my best friend gives me a gag gift. I’m obsessed with Spider-Man 2099 from the Spider-Verse movies (If you know, you know) and she got me a perfume that looks like the made-up substance “Rapture”.
It looks just like an actual medicine bottle, and I love it so much. It’s kept in a sealed black box on my desk. The week before my graduation, I was driving with my mom back, and I discovered a picture of my perfume on her phone.
I immediately asked how she got that, and she explained she saw an unfamiliar box on my desk with an unfamiliar address on the label (My friend’s address) and opened it. She discovered the vile perfume and got scared that I would hurt myself.
I asked if she looked up what it was and she said she did and only Spider-Man came up. I expressed how she had no right to go through my things. I was angry and upset, and she should have come to me about the item; instead of taking it.
My mom admitted to being wrong, but once again doing it out of concern for me.
Now we’re here at this week, She asked if she could borrow a long necklace from me, and I said I’d see what I had.
Only for that night, my mom goes into my room and takes my most expensive necklace. I just about lost it, wanted to burst into her room but controlled myself. I know I was acting a bit silly but after the last two instances.
I feel like my mom doesn’t respect my privacy and this was triggering. I texted her in the morning that I wanted the necklace back and I didn’t trust her since she likes to rummage through my things.
That is what has caused the silence since then. I get I should express myself more, but it’s hard when my feelings aren’t taken seriously. My friends are on my side but my dad and brother say I should apologize.
Does anyone here have any advice? Am I the jerk for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you need to get away from your mother ASAP. She doesn’t respect your right to privacy and has no boundaries. “My mom admitted she was wrong for reading the journal, but disagreed about her support.” “I expressed how she had no right to go through my things.
I was angry and upset, and she should have come to me about the item; instead of taking it. My mom admitted to being wrong, but once again doing it out of concern for me.” “. I feel like my mom doesn’t respect my privacy and this was triggering.
I texted her in the morning that I wanted the necklace back and I didn’t trust her since she likes to rummage through my things. That is what has caused the silence since then.” Your mom admits she was wrong but has no intention of changing because her way gets her the information she wants and disregards consequences.
SHE expects you to apologize as the child when SHE, the adult is acting like a toddler!!” Comfortable-Sea-2454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom still thinks of you as a little girl. And you’re not a little girl.
You’re an adult woman. Taking things without asking and violating your privacy is wrong in any instance. Unless your mother truly thought you were going to hurt yourself, reading your journal was a horrible betrayal. As for your brother, I suspect if your mother was as intrusive with him as she is with you, he’d have a problem with it.
And your Dad? Your Dad sees you the same way as your Mom, but I suspect Dad is used to your Mom taking the lead on most things with the children/family. Your Mom is wrong. Period. She owes you an apology.
You are not a jerk. Your mom needs boundaries” SubstantialQuit2653
Another User Comments:
“Screw forgiveness! Tell your dad he’s an enabler of your mother’s actions and you will not let it go and you will not forgive her.
She treats you like absolute nonsense and thinks saying she’s sorry makes it right. It doesn’t. If you’re religious and believe that if you confess your sins they will be forgiven. The only way for that to happen is if you are truly remorseful and try not to do that sin anymore.
Your mom confesses that she looks through your journal. Gets forgiveness. Rummages through your stuff again. Asks forgiveness. Forgiveness is given when the person is actually remorseful and doesn’t do it again. You need to get out of that house ASAP!!” Effective_Brief8295
5. AITJ For Expecting An Apology From My Sister-In-Law And Avoiding Her?
“Am I the jerk for feeling I deserve an apology from my sister-in-law and telling my wife I don’t intend to be around her sister any longer? I challenged my wife to stand up for me to her sister and she is conflict-avoidant.
In the discussion, I relayed my feelings which made my wife upset to the point of crying.
My wife comes from a blended family where she splits major holidays between both parents (ex. Christmas, and Thanksgiving) although neither parent lives in the same city.
She is the youngest of her father’s kids. Her older sister has an unhealthy relationship with her. It’s a mixture of attachment/bullying in my opinion. A major part of the relationship is my wife being her “little sister” although they are less than a year apart.
Every holiday her sister blows her up badgering her on when she will get to her dad’s. Although the routine has been the same for the entirety of our relationship. We start at her mom’s and eventually migrate to her dad’s in the second half of the day.
This past Thanksgiving at her dad’s was a potluck format for which my wife was responsible for getting the drinks. Knowing she splits the holidays she tasked another family member also responsible for drinks to get enough for which she paid her.
Like clockwork on the morning of Thanksgiving her sister starts her routine and my wife told her more or less “I took care of the drinks but I expected this either way”. Fast forward to our arrival at her dad’s and her sister did not say a word to either one of us for the duration of our stay which was overnight and well into the following day.
They did not speak for months as my wife had finally decided to stand up for herself as she had done nothing wrong.
Her sister has a birthday trip planned in the summer that started the planning process well before Thanksgiving.
Around March she started weaseling her way back in with my wife as though nothing happened. And their relationship started to rekindle as though nothing happened at all. We attended an event in support of another family member which her sister also attended in March.
Her sister proceeded to continue to not speak to me but did converse with my wife.
Fast forward to Saturday when we attended a birthday dinner for my wife’s step mom and her sister’s trend of not speaking to me continued. The following day at brunch I let my wife know that I don’t intend to be around her dad’s side of the family shortly as the disrespect had finally gotten to me.
I had to drop the conversation because I knew it was one we could not continue without her crying which she had started to do.
I’m at a loss because asking your spouse to stand up for you when you have done nothing wrong doesn’t seem like a tall ask.
I don’t let my sisters disrespect me in this manner so it is becoming tough on me.”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t seek the apology—be grateful you can identify a bad person and move on.” Top_Relative9495
4. AITJ For Telling My Husband's Grandparents They Shouldn't Have Invited His Estranged Father To Lunch?
“Sunday my husband (25m) and his two siblings (27m and 22f) were planning to spend the day with their maternal side of the family but their paternal grandparents asked if they could do something too. So we arranged a lunch for them to get together.
It was an earlier lunch so they could make it in time for the other things they had planned with the maternal side. The thing they were not expecting was for their dad and his wife, who they are in no contact with, to be there.
Their grandparents surprised them with this after we all got there and it was awkward as anything. It was also my 3rd time meeting their dad.
Their dad’s wife kept watching them and trying to get their attention.
They ignored her. Then she outright asked where her Happy Mother’s Day wishes were which they ignored. She asked about gifts and tried to claim the gifts all three brought for their grandmother. BIL told her nothing was for her and why would she ever think they’d get her anything.
GFIL tried to calm things down by talking over everyone but it didn’t work because their dad’s wife just got louder. She started listing off all the gifts she’d received from them when they were kids and living with her and her husband (FIL).
SIL told her they weren’t ever actually from them and that their dad had bought them and added their names but it was nothing to do with them. Their dad’s wife then turned on SIL and blamed her saying she manipulated the boys to feel the same as she did and it was wrong because they were all young enough when their “birth mother” died for them to embrace and benefit from a new mother.
My husband laughed at that and said SIL was the youngest and only 5 when their mom died and their dad went out to replace her ASAP because he was pathetic and didn’t want to raise his kids. He said she thought SIL was a very very manipulative and intelligent 5-year-old to believe that and pointed out she was very quick to always blame SIL for things.
BIL added they were never going to accept some random person who came in months after their mom died and attempted to assert her dominance over them as a “mother”. He said he didn’t care if their dad was unfair to her as well because she was downright evil to try and replace their mom.
It got so heated that I suggested to my husband that we just move on.
Later that night my husband’s grandparents called me to apologize and said they had no idea how things went so wrong. This is where I might be the jerk because I told them they shouldn’t have surprised their grandkids by inviting FIL and his wife like that if they wanted the lunch to go better.
I told his grandparents that they know my husband and his siblings have no contact and no love for their dad or his wife and they know they used to fight all the time. His grandparents told me it shouldn’t need to be a surprise and I should understand their POV better.
They also told me it was rude to rub it in after they apologized to me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for stating facts. And hopefully help avoid any future surprises. Especially when they claimed that they didn’t know how things had gone so wrong.
But out of curiosity, have they apologized to their grandchildren… the people they ambushed?” RMaua
Another User Comments:
“You had an awful day. Your husband had an awful day. The people who caused your day to be awful were claiming they couldn’t understand why the day was awful.
You spelled it out to them. You are not obliged to compensate for their inability to accept reality. They deserved someone being blunt and telling them it was their fault. It is inappropriate for grandparents to force their grandchildren to spend time with estranged parents.
The paternal grandparents knew that your husband and his siblings had already had no contact. Your husband should evaluate whether he’d like to go no contact with them too. He doesn’t have to, but he should at least make an active decision one way or the other.” Equivalent-Board206
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband and his siblings were kinder than most would have been by not immediately leaving, and instead trying to make it work. I’m so sorry for them all, that their dad and stepmom are such failures and horrible people.
And I’m sorry for them that their grandparents also failed and betrayed them by inviting FIL and SMIL. The grandparents knew they shouldn’t have done that and they will have to bear the consequences of that choice. They also should be directly contacting your husband to apologize rather than you unless they did that first.” canyonmoon
3. AITJ For Wanting One More Tattoo Before Trying To Have Kids?
“My husband (28m) and I (27f) are waiting until July to start trying for a baby (waiting for some work and financial circumstances to line up).
We are very excited about this, and at the same time realize that becoming parents would change our lives forever (also we are aware that fertility is not guaranteed).
Given that we will start trying for a baby soon, this year has felt like a “last hurrah” in a lot of ways: I have gone on two international trips, gotten two tattoos (one big and one small), our summer is packed full of short weekend trips, and we are planning a 10-day trip to the UK in the fall.
Here is my dilemma – I love getting tattoos and historically have been very good about planning for them. For example, the tattoo I got earlier this year was a project I had saved and planned for almost two years.
I thought I would be okay being done with tattoos for the foreseeable future after this one (getting inked is not advisable during pregnancy and breastfeeding).
However, I just discovered an artist whose unique style I absolutely adore and I immediately knew which design I would want from him (bearded dragon).
He has a few open slots for June (when it would still be safe for me to get tattooed). I can move funds from my tattoo savings account to have enough for it, so money is not an issue.
My husband and I have joint finances (and we both work), so we always run big decisions by each other. When I brought this idea to him, he said that I was being impulsive by wanting this tattoo within a week of discovering the artist that it seemed that all the other trips/tattoos this year hadn’t been enough for me and that I’d just keep wanting more.
He said I shouldn’t make a decision this permanent on such short notice, even though I’ve always known that I wanted a bearded dragon tattoo (I have a pet beardie that I want a portrait of).
He also said I should use this hiatus to save up for the sleeve that I’ve been wanting instead (he isn’t anti-tattoo).
My perspective is that I have one more chance to get a tattoo that I will love before I potentially wait years for another one (we want multiple kids).
My husband has always been very calculated and frugal, but just because it’s not something he would personally do doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want it for myself.
It feels unfair to me because his body won’t undergo any major changes that would affect his ability to pursue his hobbies (reading and watching/playing soccer), while some of the things I enjoy most (getting tattooed and bouldering) would be things I’d have to give up for a good chunk of time.
AITJ for wanting this last tattoo before potentially starting to have kids? The thought of waiting 5+ years for another tattoo makes me feel sad, and I don’t see how this decision would affect my husband in the slightest.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I agree with your husband that it’s not a good idea to make such a major decision impulsively, but I also can’t disagree with your point that it’s your body and your decision to make for better or worse.
I do think it would be worth thinking about whether you want this tattoo because it’s what you want and will be the happiest with in the long run, or because you don’t want to wait to get another tattoo and this is what you can get without waiting.” liquidmccartney8
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your body and all that. I but TBH I side with your partner. When is “enough” enough? Also, something just really rubs me the wrong way about how it seems like you’re almost weaponizing a potential pregnancy against your partner.
“My body is going to go through this so you have to let me do XYZ.” I’m a woman. I don’t expect my partner to stop drinking if/when I’m pregnant. I know everyone has to make those agreements themselves but if I’m deciding to have a baby with my partner and incubate them myself – I am making that decision.
I’m not going to turn around in 3 years and berate my partner for the changes my body went through to bring the child I decided to have with them into the world. Like, is that the best attitude to kick off your family planning with?
Maybe some couples counseling would help you guys get ready for this new chapter.” O4243G
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I understand your husband’s point about worrying that you are making this decision quickly not because you are truly passionate about this new artist but because you are feeling some pressure due to upcoming lifestyle changes.
I think you should book the latest appointment that you can, possibly even a July one, to allow yourself all the time possible to make sure you are confident in your decision. I think the sleeve sounds like a really fun way to celebrate being done with pregnancy and breastfeeding and you’ll have several years to save up for something so big so this timing might even make more sense than your husband’s plan.” starbiebarbie99
2. AITJ For Refusing To Support My Sister At Her Dance Production?
“I (15f) have one sister (17f) and we do not get along. We were never close, like ever, and we argue a lot when we’re around each other too much. Our parents will bring us together more as a family when the fights get more frequent because they think that’ll fix things and bring us closer together.
I know she always disliked it and I started disliking it after I realized we’d never have a close relationship or even be friends. I don’t know how it started.
I feel like it had to start before either of us was old enough to remember, like when we were toddlers, but I can’t prove that.
She does things that hurt my feelings or upset me. I know she says my general presence is annoying for her and that she feels like I steal from her all the time because my parents dressed me in her old clothes and gave me her old toys when we were younger and they still make me take some of her old clothes, which is more awkward because our bodies are way different now.
The most civil we generally are is when we’re just not speaking to each other. I admit that I struggle to let go of some things she’s said before and that I react badly if she says something that reminds me of that.
Like she has told me a million times she wishes she was an only child and how nothing good comes from having siblings. She’ll say I would be more tolerable as a brother. Her favorite thing is telling me that she proudly claims she’s an only child when none of our family is around.
But then she’ll say something about how lucky our cousins are to have siblings or how she always wanted a sister and it upsets me.
We don’t support each other. If we had a choice we would never go to each other’s stuff for family support.
Our parents make us go. But something I noticed a lot is my sister would be on her phone or would sit and sulk if she had to come and our parents let it happen. Now she has a dance production coming up and my parents told me I’m coming to support her and canceled my plans that were already in place so I can go with them.
They didn’t stop there though. They told me they expect me to cheer for my sister when we go and root for her as sisters should. I brought up that she never does that for me. They told me just because she doesn’t support me doesn’t mean I can’t support her and how much they’re relying on me doing this.
I pointed out how unfair that was and called them out for expecting more out of me than they did from her. I told them I never sulk or look all around me but she’s not someone I would support and they shouldn’t expect more from me than showing up when they don’t expect the same from her.
They told me it’s not a very grown-up way to look at things that I’m acting very much like the spoiled little sister that I can’t expect them to treat us the same and that I’m being unfair in expecting it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like they can change you but have given up on her? As someone often says here “The squeaky wheel gets the grease”, she sulks and needs support so she gets it, you’re self-reliant so you get nothing.
And you’re growing resentful. She also has typical older sibling jealousy issues but this is more than that. do your parents play favorites with other things or is it just on this?” krisCrash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ There is an obvious favorite here and it’s not you.
Refuse to go or go MIA just as they are about to leave for her dance thing.” Successful_Bath1200
1. AITJ For Being Upset My Brother Blocked My Car In The Driveway?
“I (30F) was visiting my parents, and usually park on the grass next to the driveway, but I had brought my mom out to pick up something, and if I parked on the grass, she would not have been able to get out of the car because of the steep hill.
So, I parked straight down the driveway (far out of the way of the garage stalls). My brother (36M) lives there and parks in the garage and complains about people parking in the driveway. My car was in no way hindering his ability to get in and out of the garage.
When he got home from work, he decided to park diagonally directly in front of my car, blocking me in. I was only staying a few hours; it wasn’t even like I’d be there overnight or for an extended period.
I had gone out with my parents in their car, and when we got back, we saw how he’d parked, and naturally, I was angry.
My dad laughed about it and parked in front of my brother’s car, thus blocking him in.
My mom immediately got defensive and said “Maybe he had groceries to bring in; maybe he needed the bathroom” etc. and came up with all kinds of excuses. I said, “Clearly he was being a spiteful jerk and is just blocking me in” I’m also 6m pregnant, and hormonal rage is real, and my parents told me I was over-reacting.
A while later, my brother came downstairs to go out somewhere, and seeing his car was now blocked in, he just took my parent’s car out wherever he was going (he didn’t ask, just left) and my parents said nothing to him in passing.
My mom then proceeded to tell me to go move my car and drive over the lawn, and again, there was a steep hill and several bushes and trees that would have to be carefully avoided to do so.
Also, I was still angry and felt like my parents should have told him to move his car! Or said anything to him about it at all. Instead, my mom went out and moved my car, in my eyes, pacifying his “need” for my car not to be there even though it in no way hindered his ability to park his car or intervened with anything having to do with him other than him thinking I shouldn’t be able to park there.
It’s a common theme in the family that he acts out/does things like this, and my parents do nothing about it. If my sister (38F) had done this exact scenario/blocked him in spitefully, my parents would have flipped out and insisted we move our cars immediately and scolded us in the moment.
It’s just so frustrating and I know it’s not a super serious situation, but I’m still really angry about it. My mom was saying I was in the wrong for being upset about it. Am I the jerk for being upset about it?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ people who don’t live in the house don’t park in the driveway. If you have to park in the drive so that your mother can get the groceries into the house you move your cat right after.” somethingstrange87
