People Express Their Worries About Their Ludicrous "Am I The Jerk" Stories
22. AITJ For Kicking My Mom Out Of My House Which She Paid For?
“I (26 F) am an only child and my mother (68 F) always wanted many children. My mother thinks family is everything.
You always have to be there for them and children should make their parents proud. She tells me I am the only thing that determines whether people respect her or not. She tells me that I need to get married to a good man and give her grandchildren so that she can be happy.
She critiques the way I look and gets mad at me when I don’t want to talk to my family. I am a very introverted person due to being bullied in school. I don’t like texting or calling people and I find it very difficult to keep a sustainable friendship.
As my family lives far away and I don’t share the same values and interests as them I tend to keep to myself. I just know that I don’t fit in so I avoid the confrontation.
My mom does not respect boundaries. She would walk into my room without knocking, come into the bathroom when I was there, and go through my stuff and move it when cleaning my room, which I have told her many times not to do.
I understand she wants to take care of me but I feel like I am old enough to have my privacy and my own space.
After a year of moving back home after uni, I decided to look for my place and was looking for an apartment close to work.
My mom wanted to pitch in to buy a house. I first declined, then she insisted and told me I wasn’t leaving her house if I did that. So we looked for a small house. I found one and I had saved enough money to buy it.
My mom insisted on me using the money that was in an account that was opened at my birth. It had my birthday money and my inheritance from my dad. It was in her name but she made me believe that I was entitled to that money so I agreed. Using that money I only needed a small loan that I could easily pay off in 10 years.
So I bought it and my name is the only one on the deed.
She has a spare key and uses it whenever she wants. I come home from work and see the dishes have been done and the bed has been made. I called her to tell her that she shouldn’t do that.
I told her I didn’t feel comfortable with it. She ignored it and kept going when I was at work. One day she threw away stuff I still needed. I called her saying she should not touch my stuff and should respect my boundaries.
She got upset and told me I was being ungrateful.
No, she is mad at me because I didn’t message the family a happy new year. I told her I did message some family. She then called another one and shoved the phone in my face so I could talk to them.
I panicked, pushed the phone away, and told her to leave my house. I then cried for some time. I called her to ask if she got home safely. She yelled that I had disgraced her and called me ungrateful. I told her she didn’t respect my boundaries and I didn’t want to get yelled at in my own house.
I apologized for kicking her out and told her I wanted an apology for her overstepping. She laughed and told me that I was a horrible daughter. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand the mother’s perspective though. Grew up in that type of household.
You can thank her for everything. But she’s being aggressive for no reason. I’d sit down and talk with her, you know, after two years of not ever seeing her. Or send her an email about what you went through so she has something to reflect on.
She yells too much and doesn’t care that you feel like crap. She does love you in some sense, at least from what I see, but she still sees you as a baby she’s entitled to have power over. It’s just not healthy.” nerd-coffin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But as someone who was a victim of bullying, I recommend that you go to therapy, because obviously, you are already showing signs of social anxiety. That it can also become agoraphobia if it is not treated and that is dangerous because you cannot have a support system regarding your mother.
For example, this situation didn’t require you to tell a bunch of strangers on the internet, the problem is that outside of your mom, you have no one to talk to about it. This is a problem because while we can advise you, we can’t support you.
Because as long as you remain isolated, it will be very easy for your mother to manipulate you, because outside of your mother, you do not have a circle of support.
There is a reason why your mother made you doubt so easily and it is because subconsciously you know that if she leaves you are going to be completely alone and deep down you don’t want that.
If you ask me, I think your mother knows it and takes advantage of it to treat you like crap.” Possible_Swimming_80
21. AITJ For Yelling At A Kid At Disney World?
“I’ve spent the week at Disney World, Florida with my parents, wife, and our three kids (11, 8, and 6). This was our first, and likely only, trip here.
On the fifth night, we went to Hollywood Studios, and at the end of the day, we sat on the front row (barring some short extra rows for disabled folks) to watch the evening show, Fantasmic.
After we sat down as a family, two women and a young girl (I’d guess around 8 years old) sat behind us. Despite only being 5′ 8″, I’m always conscious of blocking someone’s view, and since the child was behind me, I spent the entire show bent over to keep out of the way, grinning and swapping the odd word with my 6-year-old.
The problem began when the young girl behind me began to sing along very loudly. She actually had a decent voice for a child and I thought to myself ‘loud, but fair enough.’
Then the women with her started going ‘You go girl’ and ‘Get it girl’ to her, and she really began to bellow.
It will seem ridiculous, but she hit a volume I could never achieve at my angriest. As it was a bit much, and my little one was being forced to sit with his fingers in his ears, I began to turn to speak to them and ask that they tone it down a little.
However, just as I turned, this little girl screamed her head off to the point that it made my eardrums react with a weird zipping noise and I said, quite loudly (to be heard over the music) ‘Oh, hey! Bit loud!’ I said as I spun around, to find the little girl less than a foot from the back of my head.
She shot back into her seat, and I turned back to my children, still bent over to keep out of the way.
Once the show ended I received a frantic tapping on my shoulder, accompanied with ‘Sir, sir, sir…’ I turned around and the mother of the child demanded to know if I’d shouted at her child.
I repeated the words I’d said and she informed me that no one has the right to talk to her child but her and that I’d ruined her little girls’ night.
I feel bad. I had intended to speak to the women when I turned, but the sudden scream in my face just caused me to speak directly at the little girl.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In general, I don’t think it’s appropriate to yell at someone else’s kids. But I make an exception in this case for three reasons:
1) This kid was yelling less than a foot from your head to the point that it was affecting your own sense of hearing.
When something is at that level, I think you HAVE to say something to the kid directly rather than wait for their parent to do something.
2) The kid was (again) yelling. You probably had to raise your own voice just to be heard.
3) You didn’t go on an extended tirade against the kid.
‘Oh, hey! Bit loud!’ is a rather mild rebuke.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“If you do not want other people correcting your children then YOU need to be on top of correcting them. I’ve had my share of people offer ‘corrections’ to my children which were totally unwarranted. Unless they were over the top and rude or aggressive, the thing to do is to roll your eyes and tell your kids ‘They’re wrong, you’re absolutely allowed to Do The Totally Okay Thing’.
In this case, the correction was 100% warranted and she knew it.
Additionally, if your story is accurate as written you weren’t over the top and rude, and even the yelling is excusable in the situation. NTJ.” conuly
20. AITJ For Suggesting That We Place My Brother In An Assisted Living Facility?
“I (19) have a little brother (13).
He’s autistic with very high support needs and will likely never be able to live independently. He cannot prepare food for himself, shower by himself, or go to school by himself.
My parents are aging and as such will eventually not be able to take care of him.
This is years ahead, but is still an inevitable thing. I already help my parents take care of him at times and love him very much. The last thing I want is for him to feel alone and confused.
My parents (mostly Mom) have brought up their concerns to me about his well-being after they grow too old/pass away.
It was suggested to me that he live with me wherever I end up being (I still live with my family) and for me to become what is essentially his new mother. I would need to shower, feed, and constantly supervise him as he’d be well out of school at that point.
The thing is, I want to move in with my partner, settle down, and finally live life at my own pace with actual privacy. For reference, I live with 4 other people and share a room, and my parents can lean on the authoritarian side of things when it comes to running the house, and I’ve never really had any sort of freedom to do what I want.
I suggested that he be placed in an assisted living facility/group home. My father has a coworker whose son is in one, and he does great. Mind you, I would still visit him regularly be it on Facetime or in person as I plan to stay within the general region I’m living in currently.
I in no way plan to vanish out of his life. I just don’t want to, and most likely wouldn’t have the time or resources to constantly be supervising and taking care of him. I would have no life outside of it. I would never be able to go out with my friends, go out with guys, or work.
I would have no privacy or freedom. I also would just feel more comfortable knowing he’s getting taken care of by professionals who understand his condition.
My mother blew a gasket at my suggestion, even with the context I gave above. She’s acting like I fully plan to just dump him somewhere and leave.
I’m pretty sure I’m being reasonable but I can’t help but feel horribly guilty every time I spend time with him. He’s such a sweet boy and I want nothing but the best for him, but I don’t think I’d be able to give him that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You cannot sacrifice your life for him. Your mom is terrified of what will happen when they’re gone. I would suggest sitting down with your parents and dad’s co-worker to discuss assisted living arrangements and how it benefits your brother with more socialization.
Talk to them and see if they would agree to tour a couple and get an idea of what living arrangements would be like for your brother. Explain clearly that you are not deserting your brother but that you are planning your own life too.
Tell Mom that you are not going to be able to take care of your brother 24/7. You will have a job and plan on having a relationship and possibly your own family. Explain that it’s selfish of her to want to take that away from you when there are viable options for your brother.
I wish you all the best. I hope both you and your brother have long, happy lives.” squirrelsareevil2479
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, you need to back up a step. If he requires so much care that you wouldn’t be able to work, then there’s no money, so that plan is not a plan, but a catastrophe in the making.
No, you are not required to take care of your brother forever. Or at all. Yes, that is going to freak your parents out. No, they are not going to like it. However, you also get to have a life. You didn’t sign up to parent him.
And they should prepare for that ANYWAY, since something could happen to you (what if you get too I’ll to take care of him? What happens if you both get old and you die first?). These are real questions and it’s good that your parents are thinking about them, but they also need to be realistic.
I suspect that you are/soon will be going to school or work and starting an adult life. That will give you some space from this. Take the space. NTJ” Special-Light5297
19. AITJ For Not Giving My Brothers' Contact Information To Our Parents?
“So, my parents (47 f and 49 m) have a big family. My brothers Bill (28), James (26), Sam (25) and Tim (23) and my sister (23) Pam and me (21).
We were all raised with the ‘family is everything’ mentality and were always encouraged to choose our siblings and take their sides over anyone else’s. This did make us a team but also sometimes made us support our siblings even though we knew they were in the wrong.
Case in point, 4 years ago, Bill had a partner, Stacy (27 f), whom he was with for 6 years almost when he found out she was having an affair with James. And the affair had been going on for pretty much their entire relationship. Worst still, Stacy’s then-2-year-old daughter Mia turned out to be James’.
Bill was crushed and angry and despite our parents being disappointed in James, they refused to cut him off as he was their son and they also refused to cut Stacy off since Mia was still their granddaughter. Bill said nothing as they tried to explain how James and Stacy loved each other, and Mia needed both parents, etc, etc. He simply left. Not just their house but also the city.
This pretty much ruined our whole family dynamic. Sam, Tim, Pam, and I knew the whole story and despite our personal feelings, we were made to remain close with James and Stacy. And despite them still holding the ‘family first’ belief, it felt hollow without Bill.
Sam began to bully Tim and essentially got away with it because my parents wouldn’t let one brother complain about the other to the authorities. And Pam began to take advantage of this tactic to steal my things and make fun of me as we grew up as well.
But in spite of it all, we had to pretend to be one happy family. No surprise when Tim did a runner as soon as he turned 18. He did text me to say I could join him and Bill (not sure when or where Tim found him) anytime.
I did go low contact with my family after turning 18, but did not completely ghost them like Bill and Tim did.
Now, I am getting married soon. I never told my parents about being in contact with Bill and Tim. I invited everyone and Bill and Tim both agreed to come for my sake and I promised I would keep them far away from the rest. However, Pam found their invitation cards and told our parents.
Since then they’ve been hounding me for their contact information and the entire immediate family has been blowing up my phone, calling me a jerk for not letting my parents see their sons. But I want to keep my promise to my brothers. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brothers have trusted you with their information and in exchange are willing to endure the rest of your family for you. I think that is awesome of them both! Your other siblings and parents sadly sound toxic and I would go low contact with them if I were you.
(Just my opinion) Planning a wedding is stressful enough without dealing with them. Depending on what sort of a relationship you want with the rest of your family for the future, decide on how you want to handle their continued bullying. No contact? Threaten to disinvite?
I don’t know your family. But after all of them have continuously seemed to be out for themselves, my recommendation – look after your own peace. Do what’s best for you! Ignore/block/delete anything that doesn’t make you happy. (PS. I’m a proud supporter of elopement.
LOL)” Ms_Saphira
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your brothers want your parents to know how to contact them (phone # and address) they would give that information to them. IF they all attend the wedding, then your parents can talk to your brothers at that time.
If they keep hounding you for the information, tell them that you are happy to pass along a message and let your brothers know that your parents would like to talk to them but you are not going to give them your brothers’ contact information without direct permission from your brothers to do so.
I bet if they do get that information, they are going to hound and harass your brothers either by phone or by showing up at your brothers’ address if they get that information too.
If you are worried about a confrontation at your wedding, you can encourage your brothers to get a burner phone.
A super cheap pre-paid phone from someplace like Walmart or Target that can only make phone calls with and has limited talk time, and then they can call your parents using the burner phone. If your parents have caller ID, the burner phone number will be displayed, and your parents will only be able to talk to your brothers as long as there are pre-paid minutes on the phone.
You can also get a free phone number online with a whole bunch of different apps and companies, like Google Voice. Getting an internet phone number might be a better way to go since they could also pick a number with a different area code than where they actually live, so your parents won’t be able to figure out where they live just from the phone number.
And they can always cancel the phone number when they are done talking to them so that your parents cannot keep hounding them through their real phone numbers.” JessieColt
18. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Car To My Sister?
“I (27 F) have a younger sister Bailey (24 F). We were 6 and 3 when our parents got divorced. They had split legal custody over both of us, however, we lived with our mum.
Shortly after the divorce, we moved from NV to MN due to the mum’s work. I always kept close contact with my father while Bailey was more attached to our mum.
All throughout the school, I was certain I’d go to college after.
Bailey, on the other hand, never wanted to keep studying and after she graduated from high school, she moved in back with our dad to his property in NV.
The property in question is fairly large and nice, if not for the fact that it’s a former ranch in the middle of nowhere in a desert.
You literally need to drive for about 20 miles to get to the nearest town.
Important mention: for my sweet 16, my father gave me his old used car. It’s a mid-90s Chevy truck, but since Dad maintained it in good condition and I kept up with the maintenance, it runs just like new.
I still drive it and don’t plan to get rid of it. Bailey also got a car for her sweet 16, it was a newer car, but she didn’t care about it much so the car was in poor technical condition.
Fast forward to now, I graduated, I work for a big company, and I live in NYC.
Bailey lives with our dad on the property and works at a casino in the nearest town. Recently, her car broke down completely and had to be scrapped. She asked Dad about taking his car and Dad said no as said the car has a huge sentimental value to him.
Realizing that she couldn’t afford a new car, she started bugging me to sell her my car for slightly more than its market value.
The thing is, I don’t want to sell my car. Yes, it’s impractical to drive in NYC. Yes, it consumes a lot of gas.
But it’s my first car, a present from my father. I told her I could pay the initial fee for her new car. She said she wants a Suburban like mine, but a newer one. I told her no because it’s a very pricey car and she won’t handle the maintenance.
Please note that our dad is retired and therefore can’t contribute. They live off his retirement savings and Bailey’s income.
Our mum also refused to contribute. She said she would give Bailey her old car, an old Camry, but only if Bailey flies to MN and picks it up or pays for the haulage.
Bailey obviously refused this offer. However, they both are judgemental towards me because I refused to sell my car to my sister, drive from NYC to NV, and then fly back and buy another car.”
Another User Comments:
“You are way too sympathetic to your sister.
Live is about choices. You have made good ones, Bailey hasn’t. She isn’t going to learn either if you help her out of every tight spot she gets into. The thing is, when it comes right down to it, most people find a way to deal with a problem when they HAVE to.
You are letting her make this your problem instead of hers. Keep your truck, keep your money, and let Bailey figure it out. You will both be better off for it. NTJ” HappyGardener52
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not her father or her husband.
You are not responsible for her. She is 24. She can deal with it like the big girl she is. And your parent if they have something to say they can help her. Not your business. If you help her it will never stop. She is 24.
She had a new car. You did not, but you still have your car. She succeeded in breaking her new car. Do you want her to do the same with yours? No. So stop letting people feel guilty for something that’s not even 1% your responsibility.” Catwomaninred
17. AITJ For Not Believing My Daughter Is Bullying Another Kid?
“My daughter (7) was friends with this girl (Charlie) but recently stopped talking and told her that she doesn’t think she wants to be her friend anymore because she doesn’t let her play the way she wants to.
Charlie is also 7 years old. She is a nice girl, but she tends to be a bit controlling when playing, which kind of makes my daughter feel a little bad when she does stuff outside of what is correct.
I set her and my daughter down to draw, and she kept on telling me that she was not supposed to draw outside of the line and even teared the coloring paper up and gave her another coloring paper to draw the right way. My daughter explained that she likes drawing outside of the line too, because she likes a colorful background, but she still insisted on doing it the right way (I told Charlie that she shouldn’t rip other people’s work and corrected her).
I know this isn’t that serious, but it’s just an example of one of the times she was kind of insistent while playing. (This happened a few months ago, but according to my daughter, it was not the only instance of her making things not so fun.)
My daughter came home and told me that she no longer wants to be friends with her anymore because she keeps calling her stupid and doesn’t let her do things the way she wants. She wasn’t asking me more than just ranting that she wasn’t going to talk to her anymore.
I told my daughter that she wasn’t stupid and just comforted her. I was going to tell Charlie’s mom about the stupid instance, but I forgot the next morning. I know I am horrible; I should have made the mom aware. (Work just occupied me and I never called Charlie’s mom.)
Now Charlie’s mom called me and told me that my daughter has been bullying her daughter. I was shocked and asked about the facts, and she said that my daughter was isolating her and told her not to talk to her anymore. She has been alone in school because my daughter is her only friend and nobody else wants to be her friend.
I told her that Charlie had been calling my daughter stupid, and my daughter was within reason to not be friends with her. Then I heard Charlie on the phone saying that she never called her stupid; she was telling her to not be stupid.
I didn’t want to discuss this topic in front of a child, so I told her that we should continue this conversation at a later time, but she told me that I shouldn’t bother and she was going to bring this to the principal’s attention.
But I am wondering if this is considered bullying and whether I am endorsing my daughter to be a bully. I didn’t tell my daughter to make up with Charlie. I had my daughter at 16, so I am still trying to be more of a parent than a sister or a friend.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are right to support your daughter as she exercises her right to choose her friends. She’s learning about acceptable social conduct and if you taught her now that she has to just put up with people who treat her badly, you’d be setting her up for all manner of unpleasant relationships as an adult, so allowing her to make her own decision here was the right call.
Re. bullying, nah that’s not what your kid is doing. It would be one thing if she had a big social group that was deliberately and cruelly excluding others, but simply choosing not to hang with a particular kid is not bullying by any stretch.
I don’t entirely blame Charlie’s mother as she likely just got her own kid’s side of the story and is naturally upset that her daughter is hurt, but even with that said her reaction seems over the top.” BanterPhobic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not bullying: this is your daughter standing up for herself against someone who disrespects and demeans her. This is a lesson both girls will learn, and what that lesson will be is largely dependent upon what you do right now: If you tell her she has to remain friends with Charlie, you’re telling her that she has to ignore her feelings about the way she’s treated to make others feel better about themselves, even if their behavior is poor.
What Charlie will learn is that she’s right and the world and everything in it does revolve around her. Please back your daughter up in this. Yes, teach her to be kind about it, but teach her to stand up for herself and how she allows others to treat her.” Elegant-Pressure-290
16. AITJ For Telling My Dad How I Feel About His Partner?
“Dad (in his 70s) has been with his partner for 7 years. They both had sons in their 20s when they met and my dad had one rule – they would only move in together when the boys each had their place.
My brother got a place and has been on his own for 7 years. Her son moved but before I ever got over to see my dad’s new place the son was crashing on the sofa. We had a BBQ that day, her son offered to grill then Dad’s partner suggested we should pay him for making our food because they do it in restaurants LOL.
Ummm ok. None of us offered to pay LOL.
Truth comes out – her son who is now approaching mid-30s has never been able to keep a job his entire adult life and when things go wrong it’s always someone else’s fault.
He is still living with them 7 years later. I bit my tongue for 7 years hoping/praying he’d get a job and leave. I had a few awkward conversations with Dad this year explaining he and his partner are just enabling this behavior. I said I think it’s possible her son needs mental help.
He attempts to work, applies, and gets jobs but there always seems to be an issue weeks/months later and he quits.
My dad has referenced walking on eggshells and tip-toeing around the guy. I heard from another family member the son has been disrespectful/rude to my dad.
My dad never charged him rent and wants him to save $ and leave.
I am over it and done with his partner. Instead of being honest, she lied, she knew her son hadn’t held a job or moved out. I think she was a little broke herself and pulled a fast one on my father.
She drives his car she doesn’t pay for, there’s always room for her friends and family.
I have zero respect for how she treats my dad as her partner or as a senior. I’m going to talk to him again after Xmas to tell him I’m done, keep her and family away from me and mine.
My siblings think I should not say anything, I think I’ve done extremely well biting my tongue for 7 years.
AITJ if I tell my dad exactly how I feel? (For even more back story: he split from Mom 25 years ago and has had multiple partners and even a wife since.
I have never said a word about any of them, it’s only when I see him being used, lied to, and manipulated that I’m ready to rage)”
Another User Comments:
“Have the conversation with your dad. Don’t rage and be irate. Give your examples and voice your concerns in terms of the effects it is having on him.
And end with you love him and will always be there for him and continue to be. Leave the ‘and keep your partner and her family away from me and mine’ nonsense out of the conversation. What you want is for your father to open his eyes to the situation and also know that you have his back.
You can’t change this for him. He has to do it himself. But if he’s tiptoeing around then that should be your concern. I’ve watched enough true crimes where families have rage and left a parent alone because of a partner and the next thing you know very bad things happen.
So keep an eye on your dad. You can do so without his partner present.” KAT_GRL_WNDR
Another User Comments:
“Technically NTJ. You’re doing this out of care and concern, so I get that. But this isn’t your relationship, you really shouldn’t get deeply involved if you don’t have to.
Let him know you’re there for him if he wants to make a change, etc. and you can be clear you don’t want her or her son around and won’t be inviting them to things, may not attend if they’re there, but don’t demand he do anything.
Tread lightly.” SingularityMechanics
15. WIBTJ If I Ask My Family To Use Peanut-Free Ingredients On Baking Day?
“Every year my wife’s family hosts Christmas Baking Day. Everyone gets together with the grandkids too and the grandkids sometimes help. Well, my wife and I have a child who is allergic to peanuts and eggs. They are 2 and at the age where they are beginning to notice that others get food, they can’t have.
This is fine and it’s part of life, but with this Christmas Baking day, he won’t be able to have ANY items due to cross-contamination. He also won’t be able to help at all due to cross-contamination. As a parent, this is problematic.
So, WIBTJ if we asked the family to use peanut-free chocolate and other ingredients that are peanut-free? In addition, they do have egg replacer you can use instead of actual eggs. We were considering asking them about that too, or if they would consider making the treats that use eggs a separate day.
For your information, there are 5 different types of treats they make – fudge, cookies, truffles, chocolate-covered pretzels, etc. I think only the cookies use eggs. Also, there will be other activities for the kids to do – IE going to the park nearby or playing with the other cousins and toys.
The other cousins will all help with baking in some capacity, especially as they get older. Also, things fall on the floor, kids may not wash their hands, etc.
Last year worked out okay because our kid was 1 and had no idea what was going on.
Does anyone have any advice on how to approach this topic? Baking these treats is a long-standing tradition with the family, so some of these requests may seem wild to them. My wife and I can’t tell if we would be out of line asking for some changes for our peace of mind and for our child to be included in the fun (and enjoyment of the treats) going forward.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I can’t imagine anyone not being willing to accommodate, especially if there’s no tree nut allergy. They can toss in some walnuts if they absolutely must have nuts! There are plenty of recipes that are peanut-free and cookie recipes that can be easily made without eggs.
However, even though you’re NTJ. Your family knows about this allergy and if they cared they would have already offered to make the necessary accommodations so be prepared for them to not agree with your request.” tracykay724
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘If you care about this child and want them to be able to do a baking day with all the cousins, you must modify the ingredients or treat selections so that they will be safe.
We are happy to help—here is a list of some ingredient brands that are safe for your child to bake with.’ Families who care about all their members do make these adjustments for communal meals and activities. Peanuts and eggs aren’t even that difficult.
Gluten and sugar are much trickier! Experienced home baker here to say, it can be done and you are not wrong to let them know unwillingness to try shows a lack of care for a vulnerable family member.” Amiedeslivres
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Christmas With My Husband's Parents?
“I (34 F) have been having holiday issues with my husband (34 m). It started a while back when his mom told me I wasn’t allowed to join the family lunch on Easter if I didn’t go to church with them. I am pagan they are Christian.
My husband told me to get over my discomfort and stop ruining his holiday. Long story short he spent the day with his family and I stayed home. I should also add that I have gone to their church 2 times prior because his mom wanted to show off our children.
Each time I have been uncomfortable and ‘sucked it up.’ This time I finally said no.
Then comes the day before Thanksgiving and his mom tells him and his brother only are requested to attend dinner with their aunt who is in town. Only it turns out the entire family was there just not me.
His mom says it was just a mistake and he believes her. The only thing is the restaurant was only 10 minutes from the house and If it was a mistake I could have been called at any point to join in, I wasn’t. Also, his mom does things like this all the time.
Because of the Easter incident and this, I told my husband I would no longer be attending ANY family gatherings, and as far as I was concerned his mom could kick rocks.
He said this was unfair and we came to the compromise that I would attend Thanksgiving and Christmas and that on Christmas Eve we would start our holidays.
Fast forward to one day before Christmas Eve. I’m super excited I’ve wrapped all the gifts made plans etc.
However, his mom invited us over for Christmas Eve, and I expressed a desire to stick to our plan, he insisted we didn’t have concrete plans and pressured me to attend, saying my attitude towards family gatherings could lead to a divorce and how he thought we had moved past the Thanksgiving incident.
Eventually, we agreed to spend Christmas Eve as originally planned, but then he remembered he promised his dad and siblings he would spend Christmas Eve golfing and that’s exactly what he was going to do.
On Christmas Eve, I woke up feeling genuinely unwell told him as much and he still left me and the two kids (3 months and 2 years) by ourselves to go golfing.
A couple hours later I called to let him know I had a fever of 104 and he told me he had 4 holes left and would be home soon.
I spent the rest of that day and Christmas sick. He took the kids to his mom’s house and came back telling me we’re now expected to spend both Christmas Eve and Christmas at his parents’ house to make opening gifts less chaotic.
I told him not and now I’m wondering AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you would be if you didn’t divorce him. Let’s look at the facts. – Doesn’t defend you against his mother. I don’t believe he didn’t realize you were the only SO missing at the dinner.
– Agrees with you, pushes you to break the agreement once, reluctantly sticks with the agreement, then breaks it anyway to GO GOLFING
– Leaves you with a 100+ fever, which he knew about before he left, to care for two small children. This could have endangered at least the youngest one.
– When you call to ask for help ‘with the kids you’re both the parents of’, he insists on finishing the golf course. Playing golf with your dad is more important to him than your health and the well-being of his children.
– Breaks another promise by dragging you to Christmas Day with his parents anyway.
Divorce him. He does not care about you or your children.” BlackFenrir
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband chose to marry a pagan. He knows your beliefs. If he won’t stand up for you and still chooses his parents over you then he’s not honoring his wedding vows.
You’re not being a Grinch, but you are being a jerk to yourself by staying with a man who doesn’t prioritize you or stand up for you to his parents. He’s showing you who comes first in his eyes.” Bulky_Bookkeeper8556
13. AITJ For Saying My Sister Is Entitled?
“My sister consistently asked my parents for money.
will take advantage of any opportunity. She has confided in me she feels she would spend it best. And that they spend it stupidly, which they sometimes do, but it’s their money.
I don’t do that.
My dad decided to move six hours away to an isolated location and purchased my sister’s property for hundreds of thousands of dollars to convince her to come.
With the impression that she would live there. She INSISTED it be put in her name. He offered me the same opportunity, but I knew I would never want to live there in a million years and I didn’t want to put anyone in a bad position.
Turns out they didn’t have money to build on it and that there’s a crazy neighbor who makes the experience miserable. So she decided not to live there and is attempting to sell it. I don’t believe she ever really intended to live there full time and planned to Airbnb it out.
So my dad offered me hundreds of thousands of dollars later in a way to make it fair since he spent the same on my sister’s property. Just straight cash. Screw it. I used quite a huge chunk as a down payment for my first home.
My mortgage payments are low and I’m very very happy with it.
I was honest with my sister about this. She was not super thrilled. She now thinks the situation is unfair as I had a choice in how the money was spent and she didn’t.
My dad said he feels tricked and that she lied to him about wanting to live up there. She thinks as a way to make it fair my dad should now purchase this property from her for $400,000. Which means he would have bought this property twice.
I tried to tell her I thought this was insane but she got very worked up. So I just left it. I think she was under the impression we were on the same ‘team.’
My dad asked what I thought. I told my dad I thought this was ridiculous.
She hasn’t worked in three years and her full-time job is begging my parents for money constantly. For things she just wants and doesn’t need. I said she was the most entitled person I’d ever met in my life. Just absolutely went off.
Another long story but my mom filmed the conversation and sent it to my sister. My sister claimed the things she heard could cause ‘the end of our relationship’ and that she needed space. So I saw that text and left it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but sounds like your mom may be. She took a private conversation and publicized it to your sister. You are just speaking the truth of how you see the situation. Yes, your sister is going to be mad, and has a right to be, as it’s not pleasant to hear someone talking about you in an uncomplimentary way.
She didn’t like the truth, but that was her problem. If your sister is threatening to end your relationship, let her. She is only saying that because she wants you to apologize. Call her bluff. If this is something that she would end your relationship over, you probably don’t need someone like that in your life.
As for your mom, does she often do things like that? Doing things to come between you and your sister? You may want to think about that relationship too.” Josephinabeena
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are right, your sister is financially abusing your parents to their detriment.
She can better spend their money. Well, even better she can earn and spend her own. I was in two minds about you taking the money as sounds like he is financially stressed but ironically think you have better spent the money for a long-term safety net than he or your sister has.
They are likely going to be sunk by your sister.
I suspect your sister won’t be able to buy a property outright and has no income coming in so they will need to cover that for her. And it is unfair if all their money is spent supporting one child when have two.
Your mum taping it is just bizarre. Does she often like to stir up drama? May have done you a favor as once parents pass, sister will want you to finance her life. I mean she can spend your money better can’t she?” Timely_Egg_6827
12. WIBTJ If I Kick My Older Brother Out Of Our Home?
“I (27 M) live with my partner (25 F) and my older brother (31 M). Just to clarify, this is not my actual house under my name, but we are renting the house from my partner’s mom. I will not try to be long-winded, but certain things have been accumulating since last summer.
My partner and I moved into this home 2 years ago. We only lived by ourselves for a couple of months before my brother asked us if it was okay to move in. We decided to let him since I knew he was trying to get a head start and finally move out of our parent’s house.
Everything was fine up until last summer. I noticed that he was not putting in the effort like splitting house essential costs like water, toilet paper, etc. or even helping around the house with chores or yard work. I had a discussion with him about this, he said he would try harder and that’s how the conversation ended.
Months later, things didn’t change. At this point, he was also missing a lot of work and since he worked with my dad, my dad would call me and ask if my brother was home because he hadn’t shown up to work in a couple of days.
This would go on for months. He would never complete a full month of work. This worried me because in the past he’s lost his job and we’ve had to cover his rent for the month because he didn’t have money for it.
He never paid us back even though he promised he would. Not to mention I had to reach out to him for rent and he didn’t come to me about this problem. I told him he needed to talk to me next time it happened again.
Fast forward to the present time, he lost his Job at the beginning of January, I only know this because my dad confirmed it with me. He’s been avoiding me all month, he hasn’t spoken to me and rent week is coming up and I know he doesn’t have the money.
On top of that he’s been stealing money from my parents’ account, since in the past he would set up bill pays for them and send people money he has their info to get into the account. My parents aren’t tech-savvy and they also know that he’s stealing from them.
Every time they try to confront him he ignores their calls. I have had to change their account passwords to stop him from stealing. I know I will have to have a difficult conversation with him soon.
AITJ for wanting to kick him out? Maybe this will prompt him to get himself together.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, in my opinion. You’ve tried to support him, you’ve done so much for him and he just keeps throwing it back in your face. But one thing I would personally do is perhaps when you finally CAN pin him down, find out if more is going on.
Is there a reason, other than laziness/attitude, that he isn’t going to work enough? You may have done this already. If there isn’t a good enough reason, kick him out. And he is stealing money, which is a crime.” Key-Designer-1155
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not your brother’s keeper – kick his freeloading butt out. No reason why you have to cover him on this. If he can’t hold himself accountable for being a decent human being and living up to what he said he would do – it’s time to go.
(And yes – your brother needs to unpack the root cause of this – but that is not your job or role to fix. You can support him without enabling him.)” AEM1016
11. AITJ For Wanting My Ex-Husband To Cover My Daughter's Medical Bills?
“I (35 f) have a daughter ‘Kelly’ (16 f) with my ex-husband ‘Josh’ (37 m). We separated when Kelly was 10.
Since then Josh got married again to ‘Lily’ (30s f).
Kelly mostly stays with me but also has her room at Josh’s house, which is significantly bigger than mine. It is important to note Kelly is not really a picky eater and usually cooks for herself as she enjoys cooking and trying new things.
However, she is very particular about how she wants her hot drinks done, like hot chocolate with milk only and no water or tea without any milk or sugar as she collects different types and feels adding milk or sugar ruins it.
Now unfortunately Kelly had to go through an operation and currently can’t move by herself and needs help.
Josh suggested having her stay at his house as he has more room and Lily can look after Kelly while he is at work since she is a housewife (they don’t have any children together). Lily also agreed it would be for the best. Both Kelly and I went with the plan as I won’t be able to be with her 24/7 due to my work and lack of cover and I won’t be able to afford to be off work for long as I have to pay for her operation alongside other medical bills.
It was a week on Friday since Kelly was staying with Josh and Lily and I would spend time with her in the evenings when Kelly called me and asked me to take her home. I asked what was wrong and she told me Lily kept messing with her drinks or serving her drinks she couldn’t have (like coffee due to her meds) and when my daughter tried to raise it with her Lily said if Kelly didn’t like it she can make her own, knowing perfectly well my daughter is currently bed bound.
I took her home and told my ex I was expecting him to cover the medical bills and some of my expenses since Lily failed to do her job and her treatment of Kelly. I have refused to give her a second chance despite Josh asking me to and was called a jerk by him and my in-laws.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – sounds like your daughter is a little princess and you don’t like the fact your ex has a bigger house than you which you make a point of and his wife doesn’t have to work, you specifically mentioned they don’t have any children together after saying she was a housewife.
Putting milk and sugar in tea is hardly a criminal offence and she made her coffee by mistake, hardly the end of the world. If you’re unhappy with your current financial arrangement then say that using your daughter’s current state to get back at him financially is very poor behavior.” Twitter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Okay, so the coffee thing and the no water thing are my determining factors. If you give someone meds, you need to give them water. It’s not recommended to dry swallow pills because it’s not good for your throat anyway.
And if your daughter cannot dry swallow at all, why is she bringing her pills but no water?
Second, with the coffee thing. Your daughter is not requesting coffee. She does not drink coffee normally and she is not allowed to drink coffee with her meds.
Who gives someone coffee without them asking for it? I don’t drink coffee and have never been given coffee because I don’t ask for it. That’s weird.
The tea thing is odd as well. I love tea. Drink a lot of tea and all my friends drink a lot of tea.
I’ve never made their tea wrong because it’s pretty easy to recall what I just asked them. All she has to do is add in the tea bag, wait, and take out the tea bag.
Repeatedly making the tea wrong is odd. It sounds to me that Lily doesn’t want to care for Kelly and is just doing weird minor things to make her complain.” I-hear-the-coast
10. AITJ For Asking Someone To Turn Down The Music?
“I (18 F) am autistic and have been with my significant other for three years. His best friend’s SO, Olivia (22 F) is quite a confusing person to be around. Initially, I liked her and found her interesting and funny. Still, as soon as she found out I was autistic she went on a rant about how she believes her life purpose is to help autistic people.
She feels like that is becoming true for her by being with an autistic woman who has a disabled autistic sister she will have to care for once her parents have passed (additionally, upon meeting her SO she changed degrees to be able to study to become a special needs teacher.) This conversation made me feel a little uneasy around her.
My SO and I and her SO game online every few nights or so. This is usually completely fine and I get along pretty well with her SO. However, a few nights ago at 2 am, I was getting pretty overwhelmed and agitated because they had been playing deafening music over the speakers for several hours, and singing and ignoring us speaking.
My SO noticed I was agitated and overwhelmed so he asked if they’d turn it down. They didn’t respond. I said, ‘Do you usually listen to music this late?’ No response. A few minutes later I asked for the music to please be turned down.
No response. I asked again and Olivia snapped at me ‘No I won’t be turning the music down in my house and I’ll play it as loud as I want.’ I didn’t respond.
After that, we didn’t speak until today when my SO sent a message to his friend explaining how Olivia had upset me.
Olivia replied with a few paragraphs apologizing and mulling over how guilty she felt and how upset she was at herself. Convo concluded with us both agreeing to forget it happened.
About twenty minutes later my SO received a phone call from his friend. She told him that Olivia was very upset.
He responded quite awkwardly not knowing what to say and the conversation went south pretty quickly to Olivia saying to me on the phone that I have made her feel like a horrible person and she won’t be able to get past it. I said that I didn’t understand and Olivia and her SO got increasingly irritated with me and began to kind of laugh in frustration.
Essentially, she stated that I insinuated that she doesn’t know anything about autism when that’s very personal and important to her therefore it was a personal attack. I told her that I never meant to question her knowledge of autism I was just telling her that I shouldn’t have expected her to know all of my needs as an autistic person.
The conversation went around in circles and it felt like there was a specific sentence they wanted out of me but I had no idea what it was. This turned into me being insulted as petty and uncaring for someone who was supposedly my friend upon me saying I don’t feel like her feelings are my responsibility.
I kind of lost it and said that she’s 22 and needs to grow up out of her autistic savior complex. They hung up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let’s take your autism out of the equation and just look at the fact that you were hanging out with a group of people and politely asked one of them to turn down music that annoyed you.
She ignored that and got self-righteous about it–that’s jerk behavior. Your disability shouldn’t matter – headphones exist and people should be considerate of their friends, or at least not rudely dismissive of them. The fact that she decided to get all in her feelings about autism has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her and her SO and their weird hang-ups.
You’re allowed to have normal human interactions without people making it about how your brain is different from theirs.” IndividualAd8597
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. This one is kind of hard to explain to someone who might not pick up on social cues because it’s a doozy of a situation.
I honestly think you have encountered someone with a personality disorder and I suggest you keep her well away from you and any of your friends. She isn’t done either. If she has BPD, which I do suspect she has, she has a brain that can only see completely good or completely bad.
You are either a pure wonderful person, or you are the devil. And she will bounce between real quickly because she also thinks the same of herself. She felt bad when you said she didn’t consider your needs as an autistic person, and to reconcile those feelings she had to change the story in her head so that you were the bad one, not her, by deciding you said that to make her feel bad.
You didn’t say anything wrong, you just met someone dangerous (sorry to anyone with BPD, but I specifically think that UNTREATED BPD is an incredibly dangerous disorder to the individual and those around them). Be aware that this narrative may be continued by her, to others, until she can find another one where she is not the bad guy if it is what I think it is.
And I swear, due to growing up with one, I can freaking smell them coming. And I’m a sniffin right now. Sorry, you had a crappy moment. Don’t let it get you down, you didn’t do anything wrong, socially, ethically, or otherwise.” Trauma_Umbrella
9. WIBTJ If I Put My Kids In Childcare?
“My husband (24 m) and I (22 f) have a toddler and we’re 5 months pregnant with our 2nd.
My mother watches our son when I’m able to work, I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for the majority of my toddler’s life due to not having reliable transportation or a sitter. We pay my mother weekly to watch our child this way she helps us and we help her with a reliable consistent income.
She works 3 days a week and usually doesn’t have very many clients for the week, sometimes she’ll have a client that pays more but it hasn’t been often. So in total, she doesn’t make very much a week and has been borrowing money from friends and family to help her out.
We’ve given her money to help her with gas and she does pay it back eventually since it usually isn’t much, but my husband is getting tired of her borrowing money from us since we’re very much financially struggling and are barely staying afloat.
She knew I work a set schedule and knows that it’s difficult to get my days moved around, she knows my husband can’t take our child to work cause he could get fired. She decided she was going to book her whole day on a day that I work (she knew I worked this day) but told me I needed to get a job that would work around her schedule.
She tried getting a part-time job that would accommodate her current schedule but obviously, no job that gives a consistent paycheck would do that.
Would I be a jerk if I just put my child in childcare and get them into a daycare? I’m tired of losing jobs and calling off of work when I do have one.”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. Former daycare owner (24 years) here. I think you should enroll your children in a daycare. It sounds like you and your husband would qualify for subsidized daycare which is likely available in your state.
A daycare would also give your children stability and other children to play with which your mother cannot provide.
Now would be a great time to look for one as there is generally a wait for infant spots. I would meet with someone at your County Social Services office and see what options are available for your family. Good luck and congrats on your pregnancy!” Some-Draw-7587
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mom knows how important reliable child care is. She does not want the job but doesn’t dare to just say so. Go ahead and do what you need to do for the stability of your little family unit. Your mother is a grown adult she can, and will, figure it out for herself.
Stop loaning her money. You can help in other ways, invite her for dinner a few times a week. Offer to let her do her laundry at your house if she uses a laundry mat. Things like that but you don’t have to give her cash.
Good luck!” ConfusedAt63
8. AITJ For Telling My In-Laws To Stop Pushing My Son To Invite My Stepson To His Celebration Ceremony?
“I met my husband when my stepson, Jayce, was 6 months old. We got married a couple of years later and had our second son within the first year of our marriage. Jayce’s mom was not in his life. When I met my husband he was a single parent with sole custody.
Jayce’s mom didn’t want to take him home from the hospital and Jayce automatically went into my husband’s custody. So when Jayce started to talk he would call me mama and mommy. I have always loved Jayce with all my heart.
I was pregnant with our oldest daughter when Jayce’s mom said she wanted to be in his life.
Jayce was 7 and his mom went through the courts to get visitation. A step-up plan was put into place. She started off with supervised visits, followed by one overnight every other week and then it went to every other weekend. She never went beyond that because the judge did not think that much upheaval would be good.
It was rough for Jayce at first but over time he grew so much closer to his mom. Once they started getting closer she started engaging in parental alienation and Jayce started pulling away from us. It started when he was 11 and my husband and I were back and forth in court over this.
Jayce’s mom had to go to therapy and she needed to do co-parenting classes with my husband (I was not allowed to attend). Then two years ago Jayce said he wanted to live with his mom. She took us to court. Jayce was spoken to and it was denied initially but then we had problems with him just going to his mom’s and refusing to come home, so she won the second time.
The judge said he needed to maintain contact with us. Ordered every other weekend visitation as a minimum.
Jayce is now 16 and our other kids are 13, 10, and 9. Our other kids miss him like crazy but hate when he’s around because he has changed so much and gets so angry with them for wanting a relationship with him.
They have started to pull back. My husband’s parents have told them they shouldn’t do that or Jayce won’t know they love him still. My husband has told them to stop that because it puts too much on the kids.
A few days ago, my in-laws stopped by because our 13-year-old was told he was getting an award for something and my in-laws wanted to congratulate him.
They brought up inviting Jayce to the ceremony when it happens and my son said he didn’t want to. My in-laws started to address all the kids saying they should never stop wanting their brother and to think of how it would make Jayce feel.
They said you don’t just discard family. I asked my in-laws to stop and told them not to be so hard on the kids because this was a difficult situation for them too. My in-laws told me they weren’t being hard on the kids, they were teaching them an important lesson.
I told them they were being too hard on them. They left in anger and texted my husband who was out of town for work. He told them I wasn’t wrong. But they said I was rude for accusing them of being too hard on the kids.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They basically poked holes in their own logic, Jayce made his choice to leave, and therefore, he’s in a way abandoning them, so why is it on the younger siblings to foster this relationship? If everyone was older and had more life experience, I’d say it’d be a more appropriate conversation, but these kids are literally in the middle of hormonal changes, and putting this pressure on them to be the bigger person is only gonna harm all of them even Jayce.” MotherBike
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Regardless of their opinions about this, you have every right as their parent to set this boundary with them and if they want to have a relationship with your children they should respect it. It’s obviously a complicated situation, but putting the responsibility on children to maintain a relationship with their older brother is pretty wild and it sounds like you and your husband are doing the right thing here.” hannahkelli
7. AITJ For Wanting My Friend, Who Just Got Divorced, To Apologize To Me?
“About a year ago, my friend (f 33) asked me (f 35) to be her maid of honor at her wedding. I happily accepted. She and I go way back (10 years). I considered her like a sister.
I know being a maid of honor is expensive. All in, I spent $1200 on this wedding (dress+bachelorette party, etc), which for context is more than my rent.
I didn’t mind spending that money. However, leading up to the wedding, the bride told me and her other guests that we must bring $180/person in an envelope to the reception as a gift. I expected to bring a money envelope, but I’ve never been to a wedding where I’m told the exact amount.
I found it tacky since I already spent the most out of all her guests.
I asked my friend nicely if I still had to pay for this since I’d already spent so much. I explained that financially, this was a strain for me.
She got upset and told me that the money was calculated as the exact amount they needed for food and bar. That made sense so I agreed to bring the money.
The day of the wedding arrived. We had a wonderful celebration. I nailed my maid of honor speech, I ate, I danced, and I had a great time.
At some point in the night, I realized that they had taken away the box for the envelopes. So I end up leaving without giving my money. This was totally a mistake. I was so worried that she would take this the wrong way so immediately after getting home, I sent the bride an e-transfer.
3 days later, the bride accepted my e-transfer and she texted back a thank you.
Come to find out a week later that actually, the bride and groom broke up the night of their wedding after I left the party. Their marriage did not even last a full 24 hours.
So now, on top of having spent a whole year helping her be a bride, I have a crying friend that I have to help through a divorce.
To be honest, I’m already starting to feel exhausted by this friendship. Her life was chaos and I was always helping her in some way.
There was no balance and I felt drained. So I start to pull away for my own mental health.
Cut to, last week, I was finally hanging out with her after months of avoiding her. As we were catching up, she was feeding me stories about her ex.
One of her rants was about the wedding money. She told me that when the night ended, they paid all the vendors in full and they had a $5k leftover profit. Her big rant was that her ex didn’t split the money with her.
This really bothered me. I was told that we had to put exactly $180 in an envelope to pay for our food and drink. How was it that there was a 5k profit? Sounds to me like they padded the amount so that they could make a profit.
Also – if you remember, I did not give my envelope. I sent my money in an e-transfer that my friend accepted 3 days later – after they broke up after she knew the reception was paid for with a profit left over.
Am I wrong for feeling used right now?
Let’s face it, the money is long gone. But AITJ for at least wanting an apology from this friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. She’s been a total gold digger. She should have sent you back your $180 to say the minimum, but let’s face it: the guests do NOT have to pay for the wedding reception: they are supposed to be invited because they are true friends and the newlyweds want to have them around to celebrate.
They give a gift, sure, but nobody gets to dictate the amount of money to be given, especially if the friend nicely tells you that financially it’s a strain. She’s not a real friend: distance yourself from her as soon as possible, because she’ll always try to get something out of you, but will never give you anything in return.” Mapilean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for feeling the way you do. You were used. People like this, though, rarely become this way overnight. It seems more likely it was baked into her DNA, and we all have ‘friends’ who are similar in one way or another.
So you have a choice as to whether you value and want to maintain her friendship – though knowing that you will have to keep your money out of her reach – or want to give up 10 plus years for $180 and a deception that, perhaps, you should have seen coming.” User
6. AITJ Refusing To Financially Support My Parents?
“I (40 f) am the youngest of 4 (about a year apart between each of us).
My sister fell pregnant when I was 15 and got married, my eldest brother followed suit and got his (now wife) pregnant and got married. So both were married off by the time I was 16.
My other brother and I had supported my parents, both of us taking on full-time jobs in our teens.
We continued into our 20’s paying for their rent. My brother and I rented an apartment and then continued to help out our parents. When my elder brother decided to move out with his partner about 2 years later, I took over the rent in full but still helped out my parents all while being a new mother.
I had a second child two years later, on a single income. I went from paying 1/2 my parents’ rent to approximately 200/month for their rent plus groceries, as I had my own kids to support as well. My sister pays for their cable and internet, my elder brother pays for their mobile phone while my eldest doesn’t really contribute but does with his time.
Overall, I was the child who always made the most in terms of salary out of the 4 of us. During the global crisis, I was laid off and struggled for a bit to find a job. I found steady employment, though it is a far cry (approximately $15k less) than I used to make.
So for right now, I haven’t helped my parents regularly since about 2021. The last help I did was purchase a hospital bed and a wheelchair for my father for my parents’ home as he had landed in the hospital and unfortunately lost the ability to walk.
My parents want to retire and head back to the motherland, which I support, and think they’ll be happier. My siblings and I had a chat going on and they decided we would all set aside a monthly amount each to send back to them.
They decided that they’d send roughly $200 per month each and I would send $150 since I’m on single income. This was all while I was on vacation (I had saved up to go to my first all-inclusive). I asked them how they came up with that figure and they said they could each afford $200.
I then asked why wouldn’t it be $100 since each of them decided each pair (all are now married) is contributing and they said if I could go on vacation, then I could afford $150 a month.
I argued that I had to save for it and I shouldn’t have to sacrifice saving for things I want, just to support my parents.
They called me selfish. I lost it and told them that I was done being everyone’s ATM machine. I yelled about more specific things I did for my parents but in a nutshell, I had been contributing to the majority of their needs for the last 12 years.
As it turns out, no one knew that I continued to help them, and my mum never told them.
I feel guilty for yelling at my siblings. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The monthly amount, what exactly is it for, and for how long? Is this just to save enough combined between all of you for moving your parents to their homeland?
Seems to me, between all 4 of you (and what they determined the amount to be), that after 6 months you’d have $4,500… how much do you need? Frankly, they are a 2 income home. You are a 1 income home.
Tell your siblings that once they’ve reached the amount you’ve already spent on your parent to date, then and only then you’ll discuss what portion you’ll contribute.
Until then it’s in them to save the money. Do not feel guilty for yelling at your siblings. When you think about it, they discussed this behind your back. They then inform you how much you need to contribute each month. You had every right to yell and not be part of this discussion.
Are your parents receiving any income? If so what are they spending it on? Their bills and necessities or something else? Do you have any time to yourself to go out to meet people? You might want to consider placing that higher on your to-do list. You need to take care of yourself and your needs… yes, easier said than done.
NTJ… they needed to know and after telling you what to do with your money, they had it coming to them. Glad you stuck up for yourself.” Outrageous-forest
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk for yelling, of course. They were for presuming a number for you without talking to you about it, but if they now back off based on the knowledge of what you have been doing, they are okay too.
You haven’t said anything about how your parents perceive all of this, so they’re not jerks either. So, it’s either ‘no jerks here’ leaning to slightly NTJ, or solidly NTJ, but it’s impossible to tell without knowing the final resolution.” SportsFanVic
5. AITJ For Buying The House Our Friends Wanted?
“So about 7 months ago some friends (M 34, W 37) came over and my wife (31) showed them a house that she found but I had shot down because of all of the things going on in our life (my wife was 8 months pregnant).
We all ended up discussing and everyone went back and forth about why we each should or should not buy it but all fell in love with the pictures when digging in.
My wife commented to the effect of ‘Oh no, what if we both love it’ and I responded that of course this was not going to end our friendship and if one or the other fell in love, we would back out. I assumed this comment was common sense, and would never come between us plus made it offhandedly as we all were drinking wine.
My wife and I decided to set up a showing first while all still hanging out and then they ended up setting up one too.
We both go see it separately (us first) and tell each other we are both putting an offer on it.
Our offer won out and they were livid. We gave them 24 hours before saying anything as we understand losing out on anything can be hard. 48 hours later my friend’s wife responded questioning our character and stating we intentionally betrayed referring to my comment about backing out if someone loved it.
These people were our very best friends, in our wedding, included in family events, and the husband and I have been friends since 7th grade.
We apologized at length and even texted amicably before the seller made a decision. So we had no idea they were upset we were bidding as they did not react when we told them the day prior (again my wife found the house).
Our friendship of over 25 years is over and I am devastated. They assumed the worst intentions and after 7 months are still unwilling to even have a conversation. I tried hard at first but honestly, the constant rejection or ignoring my attempts to reconcile took their toll.
I think of them often and am still heartbroken. Part of me wants to start asking to talk again but the other part of me doesn’t want to deal with the hurt and pain that will inevitably cause given we are so far apart on this.
Should I have not bought the house because we showed it to them? This all transpired in under 24 hours and 7 months later they still won’t speak to us.
I just don’t understand how we did anything different than they did but have no hard feelings on our end.
I love them and miss them dearly but do I try to talk again or just let them go?
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they sound like they are or maybe always were envious of things you guys had/wanted to have.
While it is difficult to not have them as friends anymore, you did not do anything wrong and they are the ones losing out on good friends. I say consider being friends only if they reach out, I would still be cautious.” bojackhorseman-01
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Bad things happen. People get angry over petty stuff. This was a miscommunication. You probably should have been clearer. They probably should have been clearer. You lost a friendship over a bit of greed and assumption. On both sides, but it does not excuse your part in it.
Learn from it and move on.” DahDebil
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I could see maybe if they thought you were definitely not pursuing it but then changed your minds after they started to pursue it… but you were transparent and knew each other were scheduling showings and making offers!
They only got upset when they didn’t get it. So sorry you guys are dealing with this, you are not NTJ at all and don’t deserve this.” Boring-Eagle
4. AITJ For Selling My Friend's Concert Ticket To Someone Else?
“Back in April, my friends Jessie (27 F), Ashley (27 F), Laura (28 F), and I (28 F) all went to see Taylor Swift. It was a great girls’ night and when she announced more North American dates over the summer of 2024 we made plans to go again.
We all knew it would be a fight (again) to get tickets that don’t cost a kidney each so we picked two cities and all signed up for a shot at the presale. Out of all of us, I was the only one who got an actual code while the others got waitlisted. We had an agreement that I would get the best possible tickets if able within the agreed-upon price that worked for all of us and they would just pay me their share.
We all also agreed to split travel costs as well.
The assigned ticket day comes in July and I’m able to get four awesome seats. I was floored. I hopped on the group chat to let Jessie, Ashley, and Laura know that we had tickets and how much each owed. Jessie and Ashley responded immediately excited about the tickets and sent the funds over.
Laura was silent.
A few days went by and still nothing from Laura. I texted her separately to see if she could send her share for her ticket. No response. Two days later she posted on IG that she moved out of state for a ‘fresh start’ and needed space.
She said nothing to any of us and we’ve all been friends since elementary so we thought it was odd.
We all kept trying to reach out for a few weeks but Laura never responded so eventually we kind of gave up figuring she’d reach out if and when she wanted. As far as the three of us know we didn’t do anything to cause her to ghost us like this but it is what it is.
Not wanting to waste the ticket and just sell it to some stranger, we invited another friend Lorraine (28 F) and she gladly accepted and transferred money over for the ticket. Since her stepmom grew up in the city we are attending, her stepmom offered us the condo she owns and stays in for part of the year as she won’t be there at the time of the concert.
This was a huge relief since she didn’t want us to pay and just wanted to know all of us were staying somewhere safe. This all happened in October.
Last week Laura messaged the group chat saying she was sorry for cutting us off but she needed a mental break.
She told us she knew that we had given her ticket to Lorraine and felt like we were all ‘a bunch of jerks’ and not being good friends. There’s been a ton of back and forth in the group chat and I’m just exhausted with it honestly.
I told her she ghosted us for months and never paid for the ticket, that I had paid for the ticket and wasn’t going to sit around and hope she came back around. She started posting on IG about all of us playing the victim and calling us jerks and all the rest. This was a decision made between Jessie, Ashley, and I to invite Lorraine, not just mine alone yet now I’m being blamed and scapegoated by Laura’s friends.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your money, time, and risk. She ghosted. Period. If she had communicated ONCE in the weeks, considering how you were out of money and might need an answer, it wouldn’t have happened. Tell her you’re glad she got the break she needed but you’re not a bank or a psychic.
A few seconds of a text from her would have changed the outcome. And then don’t engage in back and forth. It’s as simple as that. If she’s still mad, that’s on her. If she hits IG, that’s her right. Doesn’t make it the truth.” November-8485
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she didn’t let you know what her plans were for the ticket, and more importantly, she didn’t PAY for the ticket. No payment no ownership. It’s also funny that she managed to come out of the woodwork as soon as you sold it, meaning that she’s been paying attention to what’s been going on with your group of friends… just choosing to ignore you.
Wipe your hands of this. Maybe reply to one of her jerky posts about her ghosting and never paying for the ticket being on her and no one else, it was her responsibility, and playing the victim now is ridiculous. Then be done. I’m sure you’ve got other things in your life that are far more worth your attention.” Ihibri
3. AITJ For Asking My Roommates To Change Our Cleaning Habits?
“I (28 f) live with two roommates (25 f) who are best friends with each other from college. I moved in here in an emergency since I had broken up with my partner.
The apartment has three floors and a bedroom is on every floor. We have a private rooftop and the first and second-floor bedrooms have their balcony. I live on the second floor with my cat and share a bathroom with the first-floor roommate (we’ll call her Drew).
The third-floor roommate (we’ll call her Jennifer) has her bathroom and has direct access to the private rooftop. The kitchen is small and we don’t have a dishwasher.
My roommates, in particular Drew, don’t seem to have the same mindset of cleaning dishes the same night or at least rinsing out your dishes.
If they cook, they will stuff the sink with all of their dishes. If I do have a night where I leave a pot to soak and they cook after, then the dishes I have to get to will get buried underneath. They tend to not rinse out their food so I have to stick my hand inside to get to my dishes which grosses me out.
Or do I have to do everyone’s dishes in the sink as an alternative? The turnaround time for dishes tends to be 2-3 days for them or they do it when they are off from work on their weekends. This past week a dish with lasagna remnants was on the side of the sink for three days.
It smelled.
Drew and Jennifer are deathly afraid of bugs – and we have had roaches. I have a cat and don’t want her to be exposed to any harsh chemicals, so I wipe down crumbs and counters often. Drew in particular will leave her food bowls with food in them either in her room or in the common room space for a day or two before she will put them to the side of the sink, which adds it to the dish queue.
I have mostly just rolled with their process, especially since Drew had a rough year – her grandfather passed away and she was unemployed for a few months. Lately, though, I’ve found I can’t do it anymore. I texted them asking if we could try doing a little bit of the dishes every day and if we could commit to wiping down counters since Drew left the counter covered after cooking that night before.
It felt like a simple ask but Drew said no and that she couldn’t commit to doing that every day as she was tired after work often. They both jumped in to say that they had never seen me do all the dishes (I do my own and then do only a few of theirs as a courtesy), so it was unfair of me to bring up cleaning.
I take out the kitchen trash frequently, take out recycling every three days and for the shared bathroom Drew has only taken out the trash once – often stuffing her used pads at the top if the rest of the trash is full. Asking for the change, felt to them as an attack and I’m not sure if I am in the wrong for only washing my dishes and not doing the whole sink.
They’re confused as to why I’m bringing it up now and not before as well, so that is also a point of tension for them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is why I live alone. Living with others is challenging especially when cleanliness is involved. Perhaps an exterminator could do a PowerPoint lecture about rodent and pest prevention when dishes full of days-old food are all over the kitchen.
That might help. You are not a jerk, but I think you can learn about effective communication from this situation.
For example, was texting the best method for conveying your thoughts? It’s easy, but is it as effective as a face-to-face discussion? In addition, they became defensive after you stated your case.
Could you have broached the topic in a way that made them feel less ‘attacked’?” McGigs_988_4655
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You simply asked of them to keep one of the common areas more hygienic. Especially when it comes to food remnants, the insectophobic one(s) should understand better why dishes/counters/etc should be cleaned as soon as possible.
I don’t understand why they’d expect you to clean after them for your word to count for them. And from my understanding, y’all are grown adults who have to keep up with their daily lives, not just them two. In my opinion, their behavior towards you might also have to do with how close they are with each other but not with you, and how you’re the one who came last into the apartment.
If these sorts of behaviors continue from their side and keep on agitating you, I’d suggest setting some boundaries with them, and in the meantime start looking into moving out of there. Best of luck, OP!” Bitshcuit
2. AITJ For Canceling On A Client In The Last Minute?
“I’m a full-time, stay-at-home dad of two school-age boys and my wife works full-time.
On the side, I do handyman/maintenance for a friend’s small property management company.
Last week, I was planning to show up at a new tenant’s house to get some small, non-urgent things taken care of. The day and time of the appointment I left up to the tenant because I was trying to be accommodating to her schedule.
Before I left we had a family issue (I’m leaving it vague because it would take too long to explain) come up that required me to stay home. As a rule, I give tenants a one to two-hour timeframe as to when I’ll be there.
It’s a standard practice and I’ve never had any issues. I told this tenant I would be there in the 10 o’clock hour. This tenant seemed to think that meant 10 am sharp. My family issue unfolded around 10 am right as I was leaving.
Before my wife and I decided me to stay home, around 10:30 I got a nasty text from the tenant that I wasn’t there right at 10 am. I apologized profusely and explained to her I had to reschedule because of a family issue. She was NOT happy, which I understand.
But also, my day was derailed too.
She went on for quite a while over text accusing me of being unprofessional and for no-call/no-showing her. I again apologized for the inconvenience it caused her but she didn’t seem to care.
I eventually politely offered her to contact the property manager, my friend who runs the small company, and chat with her about it.
I was tired of her attitude and didn’t think I could be polite any longer. I talked with my friend while this was playing out and she was 100% on board with the way I handled it. Unfortunately, she seemed to take the ‘customer is always right’ approach with this tenant and didn’t address the way she was treating me.
I feel a little hung out to dry. I feel disappointed my friend wasn’t willing to stand up for me. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“You had an emergency and weren’t able to be there when you told the client you would be.
Not a problem. You didn’t tell the client. Small problem. The client is mad. The boss (property management) is fine with it. There’s no need for the client to apologize for being mad that you didn’t meet your commitment to them. The client can be as angry as they want to be.
The only apologies due are from you 1) for not being there (you already made that one) and 2) for not informing the client promptly.
YTJ if you think that the client owes you an apology.” fuzzy_mic
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First, you were unclear about the original appointment time.
Give a window, e.g. 10-11, or 10-12.
Second, when you knew you had this family issue, you should have called the client immediately.
Third, you show no respect for the time this client set aside to wait for you to show up. Your apologies afterward did nothing to mitigate the inconvenience.
And the tenant was right to be annoyed with your attitude, which appears to be ‘Well, I couldn’t help it so it wasn’t my fault’.
Just because you are lackadaisical about your job and unreliable doesn’t mean everyone else is. Unless this ‘family issue’ was a house on fire or a major hospital run, you DID behave unprofessionally.
You bailed on a job without explanation. And you were called on it.” Little_Outside
1. AITJ For Wanting To Spend Christmas Alone?
“In January my mom passed away.
One of my aunts took me in for a bit until I had enough money to move out on my own. This was the first Christmas I was going to have without my mother. I have a degree in Fine Arts scriptwriting and a separate one in Game development.
My college years had me learning editing and storytelling and all the things that go into it. I (25 f) grew up with undiagnosed ADHD, I was a rowdy child and it was easy to tell why family members never liked me. I’ve had things happen in life that led to me having abandonment issues.
The aunt who took me in after my mom died was the one I was closest with. Her daughter was my cousin closest to my age and had two kids. I dropped off some presents for them as I was intending to spend this Christmas alone and mourning.
My aunt invited me to Christmas and, with me was excited to see the kids open the presents I got for them, I agreed.
I still don’t fully understand what happened. Christmas Eve my aunt started texting me about wanting to make a Christmas series based on the idea that our family was the family of Santa Claus with my uncle being his son.
She talked like she wanted to record a whole thing to publish to people. From what she said, I informed her that none of us currently have the capability or time to do such a thing and that using our actual faces and such for a video would not work in the day and age as it’s, dangerous for the kids, and two, not agreed on by the rest of the family.
She worded it specifically as ‘us being Santa’s ‘real’ family.’ It’s not something I wanted to do let alone something I thought would work out for us. I told her that if it was an idea done 20 years ago, it would be new, and fresh, but to do it today would be a direct copy of another series set on a low budget none of us can afford.
She took an affront to me putting ‘real’ in quotations as she did, I assume, and started going off on me saying that HER family was real and that I was a piece of work for not calling the family real.
I tried to tell her that wasn’t what I said, to re-read the actual context, and that I was lost in what she was talking about.
She then tried to guilt trip me and I called her out on it she said ‘I’m not your mother or your (abusive) stepfather. I could have let you rot over there and not care about you. Instead, I took you in and treated you like family when I didn’t have to.
I have a real family to take care of now since you don’t think it is.’
I just messaged the group chat that I wouldn’t be coming for Christmas. I no longer felt welcome and spent Christmas alone. I haven’t answered her since and haven’t messaged the rest of the family yet.
I don’t want to. If this is how she feels about me and won’t reach out to clear a misconception, I honestly kind of don’t want to. I know I have my mental issues, but am I wrong to not want to reach out and try to clear things up?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry to hear you lost your mom. Grief is really hard as are big firsts and seconds, like your first Christmas without her. I can’t tell if the aunt who took you in was your mom’s sister or not, but if so then she’s likely feeling the grief not strongly at this time of year, too.
In retrospect, it probably would have been better if you’d humored your aunt and said you’d be happy to discuss it at a free moment on Christmas Day. But you were not wrong to suggest you couldn’t create something worth distributing with the sorts of resources available to you.
At the same time, maybe you misunderstood her goal and at most, she was thinking of maybe sharing any end product with family and friends.
Your aunt’s response suggests there’s a lot more going on for her than you were privy to. This might have just been holiday stressors plus grief, or there could be other factors as well.
That doesn’t make her response any better (what a horrid thing to say!). If you do want to apologize and have a clean start to the new year, you could try: ‘I’m sorry for how our last communication went. I never intended to suggest that your family is not real. Of course, it is real, and I appreciate all that you and the whole family have done for me.
I was only intending to respond to the concept of us all being Santa’s real family. I can see that this misunderstanding upset you, and that was far from my intention. Facing my first Christmas without Mom has been hard, and I imagine missing your sister has made it hard for you too.
Would you be willing to forgive me and start the new year afresh?’
Having supportive adults is really helpful while you get yourself established, as you’ve discovered. It would be better to try to fix things here sooner rather than later, so that if and when you need further support it is more readily available.
I understand why you might not want to. She took offense (and the gate too) over nothing. But, at your age, it’s really helpful to have access to supportive adults, and apologizing here is probably worth it.
Everyone sucks here, but you least, because grief over a lost parent at significant times like the first Christmas without your mom, is really hard.” Equivalent-Board206
Another User Comments:
“You might be the jerk. This is the problem with the way communication is done today. If you’ve been sitting across the table from one another or even talking on the phone, voice inflections, facial expressions, and all the little nonverbal cues that help us communicate effectively are lost.
You have a degree in scriptwriting, you above all people should know this. What might just have been, ‘No, that’s not what I mean’ might not even have happened because you wouldn’t have felt the need to use quotation marks which some people interpret as sarcasm or a put-down.
Now it’s all blown out of proportion. What’s more, the whole family group chat is involved and no one knows what anyone means by what they’re reading.
You and your aunt are both hurting. And for some reason, people make themselves hurt more by the negative self-talk.
‘Oh, that’s how she FEELS’. (My quotation marks, not yours) The holidays are rough for those who are grieving. Your aunt is also grieving, she lost a sister after all. No, it is nowhere close to losing your mother but having lost a brother and a sister, I will tell you it is still a deep grief.
This is my first holiday without my sister, I couldn’t stop thinking about her for weeks and cried nearly daily. I don’t understand why you don’t want to make things ok or at least better between you and your aunt. Have you asked yourself the question: WHY?
What are you getting from this anger and self-isolation?
With some people the longer things go without resolution the worse it gets for them, festering. For others, it gets better once time has passed and everyone has a chance to cool down. Only you know which one you are and hopefully have an idea of which your aunt is.
You said you were close with her. Yes, you’re hurting. She was there for you when it was most likely the worst time of your life.
Maybe send her a card and say you’ll reach out when you’re in a better place if you decide to try and continue to have a relationship with her.
Or if she reaches out, don’t reject her. But if/when you decide to clear it up, for Pete’s sake, don’t do it by text!” cordelia1955
