People Give Us The Lowdown Of Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations
20. AITJ For Walking Away From My Father-In-Law's Wife After She Insulted My Wife?
“My wife’s younger sister got married three weeks ago. For the wedding, my wife filled the role that should have been filled by their mom but she passed away when my wife was a teenager and her siblings were younger again and my wife stepped up as the family mom.
It ruined her relationship with her dad in the process because she had to mother him as well and had to take care of the family. She wanted him to be a better dad than that but he was not capable at the time.
To this day things are strained. My wife’s siblings lived with her for a period of time after she left as well.
There is some conflict about this because after my wife turned 18 and moved out, her dad got remarried. There has always been tension between my wife and FIL’s wife over the role my wife plays and the role FIL’s wife wanted to play.
My wife’s younger siblings did not end up looking to FIL’s wife as a maternal figure and instead continued looking to my wife. This is something we all know bothers FIL’s wife, at least to some degree.
This is why my SIL’s decision to have my wife fill the role on her wedding day brought forth some comments from FIL’s wife.
It was more about the tradition they do in their family, which may or may not be related to a cultural thing in their mom’s family. But their family always has the bride spend the night before and right up until the wedding with her mom.
They don’t leave each other’s sides and they help each other get ready together. My wife did this with her sister.
FIL’s wife wanted to be a part of this. She was upset previously when my wife didn’t invite her to do it for our wedding.
But it was a bigger deal with SIL because they lived for 6/7 years.
FIL’s wife found me during an in-between moment and she told me my wife must be so happy she got to keep her out of yet another one of the weddings, and how smug my wife must be that she wasn’t thought of enough to be invited in alongside the two sisters and was basically a plus one and nothing more.
I told her I did not appreciate her talking about my wife in that way and she started to make another comment so I walked away from her without saying another word.
She stewed on that for the rest of the wedding and days later brought it up to my ILs and demanded an apology from me.
My wife told her I did not owe her an apology for walking away in the way in which I did.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife agrees with you, so you’re good. MIL has an issue with being excluded but this tradition was entirely up to the SIL getting married. It was her decision to exclude your MIL.
If she has an issue with it, she should be discussing it with your SIL, not you. It feels like she’s just jealous of your wife and blaming her for why she doesn’t feel included.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “I’m sorry I did not appreciate the rude way you were talking about my wife.” “I’m sorry I did not want to listen to your cruel comment about my wife.” “I’m sorry I walked away rather than yelling at you for talking about my wife in the tone you were talking about her in.”” SockMaster9273
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her grievance doesn’t belong with you. It doesn’t even belong with your wife or her sister. Her grievance is with her husband, who let her think she was going to step into a mother’s role with kids who had no parent through their grief, and who were past the age of building a relationship with a stepmother out of necessity.
The reality of her bad situation is that she married a man who needed mothering, and if she wanted healthy relationships with his kids, she needed to step up and make him get therapy and figure out how to repair it.
She didn’t, he didn’t, and now predictably no one feels all that attached to either of them as parents. At no point was this your problem.” HalcyonDreams36
19. AITJ For Not Picking Up My Friend For A Group Dinner?
“There are 7 of us in this group (all 23 y/o), we all were coursemates in University.
4 of us, including myself, live and work in the same part of the city. The remaining 3 stay further away from us.
As 4 of us live closer to each other, we’re able to meet up more for dinner, movies, or just general hangouts.
One of my friends, we’ll call her N, is part of this smaller group. N lives about 5 km away from me. Whenever the group decides to go out, N usually asks me to pick her up and send her home as she doesn’t have a license and she doesn’t want to spend money on Grab (our version of Uber).
I don’t mind this, it’s a short drive (25 minutes with traffic).
On the Saturday that 7 of us planned to have dinner, I wasn’t feeling too well so I decided to just rest. I went to sleep around 2 PM and woke up really late (around 6.30 PM), so I just took a quick shower and rushed to leave the house because we planned to meet at 7 PM and I hate being late.
Most of my friends are there when I arrive. We start catching up and we realize around 8 PM that N had not shown up yet.
As it turns out, N had texted our group chat at 3 PM saying she would be ready at 6.30 PM.
I did not see this text as I hadn’t opened our group chat since I went to sleep at 2 PM. Everyone was confused so we call N multiple times but she didn’t pick up. We get a bit worried and check her location on Find My and see that she’s still home.
I check my phone and see that she left me about 5 missed calls but my phone was on Do Not Disturb, so I didn’t receive any of them. The group starts getting worried and paranoid thinking something bad happened so we leave dinner and go to her house.
When she opened the door, she looked straight at me and said “Get lost,” and just closed the door.
We were all super confused and we waited outside her house for about 45 minutes, trying to get her to come out and talk to us but she refused. Everyone was pretty much in a bad mood at this point, so we all just called off the night and went home.
I find out the next day that the text N had sent to the group chat was meant for me. She was informing me when she’d be ready so I could go pick her up. The thing is, she didn’t mention my name nor did she tag me in the message.
All she said, word by word, is that she would be ready by 6.30 PM.
She basically expected me to understand this and pick her up. She says that I’m a jerk because I should know that she needs to be picked up because I’ve been the one picking her up for months.
She won’t talk to me or reply to any of my calls/messages. The group is divided on this. Some think that I’m in the clear here because I didn’t even see the text, but the other half feel that I should’ve at least checked and asked if she needed a ride given that I’ve been the one driving her all this time.
A lot of passive-aggressiveness is going on right now in the group between everyone and it genuinely sucks.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sounds like you all went above and beyond when you realized she was a no-show. I actually think she’s at fault, the dynamic of your group was, call, turn up with concern.
So why didn’t she call others for a ride when you didn’t respond to calls? See if anyone knew if you were alright? If you were actually sick and you missed the whole thing would she still blame you?
Does she have a pattern of sulking if someone crosses her and needs to be appeased or is this a one-off bad day? I’d tell the group it is a wake-up call that you now understand that she expects rides without asking for confirmation.
Tell them you would like to deal with it but that’s hard to do if she’s not talking to you. As a group, if they are upset with you around this maybe they need to step up and schedule providing rides too, and acknowledge you were amazing until this one understandable slip-up.
No one is perfect but sounds like you were a great considerate friend until this incident. She is an adult and it is on her to confirm her transportation not just assume.” gelfbo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needed to make arrangements at least a day prior.
She’s feeling pretty entitled, not making plans ahead of time, assuming you’re at her beck and call, and despite not getting a response, assuming you’re picking her up. It doesn’t seem to have occurred to her that something may have happened to you, her only concern was your failure to pick her up and she couldn’t bother to meet the rest by paying for a ride-share.
I would cut ties with N and make plans with the others if you’re not ostracized. If anyone brings up your failure to respond, ask them why N wasn’t worried about you. When she didn’t hear from you it should’ve crossed her mind that something could be wrong with you.
It didn’t even occur to her that she needed to find her own way to the restaurant. Did she ever give you gas money? Or was she straight up a mooch the whole time? If mooch, she was never your friend.
No idea what will happen with your friends; split or ostracize one of you. Is she really 25 min away from you? Because I wouldn’t be driving an hour out of my way every time. Heck, I lived at home and was a late driver; I’d ask my parents to drop me where I was going and my friend to return me home.” Clean_Factor9673
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s always the responsibility of the person receiving the ride to confirm whether someone will take them. The fact that she expects you to pick her up with just a simple comment is indefensible. You’re not her chauffeur.
She told you to “get lost”, so that’s what you should do from now on. Refuse to give her a ride anymore unless she apologizes. I would even start to ask for gas money. Maybe that’ll entice her to find alternate modes of transportation.” LukaDongKick
18. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Cousin Stay At My Apartment?
“I (32M) recently moved into a new apartment and have been enjoying the space and independence, especially with my partner.
When my cousin Emily (30F), who’s facing housing issues, asked if she could stay with us temporarily, I hesitated due to concerns about our living situation.
Emily has a history of being disorganized and overstaying her welcome, which made me reluctant to agree.
Politely, I explained to her that our apartment is already quite snug with just my partner and me and that it wouldn’t be feasible for her to move in right now. I suggested she explore other options for housing assistance.
Emily seemed disappointed and shared my decision with our extended family. Since then, I’ve been bombarded with calls and messages from relatives who argue that family should always support each other in times of need. They believe we have the space and resources to accommodate Emily, and that it wouldn’t hurt to lend her a hand during this tough period.
To complicate matters, Emily has even suggested that my partner could find her own place so Emily could move in with me. This suggestion has added tension to the situation, as my partner and I are committed to living together and maintaining our own space.
While I understand my family’s perspective on helping each other out, I also value the harmony my partner and I have established in our home. Adding another person, especially one who has suggested displacing my partner, could disrupt that balance.
I feel torn between wanting to help Emily and respecting my partner’s need for privacy and comfort.
Am I the jerk for sticking to my decision and refusing to let Emily move in with us, despite not having room due to my partner already sharing our apartment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100%. “Since then, I’ve been bombarded with calls and messages from relatives who argue that family should always support each other in times of need.” Then they can find the resources to help, can’t they? “Emily has even suggested that my partner could find her own place so Emily could move in with me.” That isn’t a complication, that’s Emily being an entitled jerk.
She’s a grown adult. She can find her own place.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“I understand your pressure. Family can be a powerful force both for and against you. NTJ. Here is the thing, that space is yours AND your partner’s.
You do not have sole claim to the space, which is something that your family is forgetting. Your partner has every right to be in that apartment. You hesitated to answer Emily, as you should. It isn’t your sole call to make.
Here is the thing, at some point in time, you have to stop existing FOR your family and exist FOR yourself. As for Emily, she straight-up is the jerk. She is apparently a bad houseguest. That alone is enough reason to want to not have her stay.
Furthermore, she engaged the rest of your family on her behalf. IF she is anything like what I know my family can be, she spun a sob story and painted herself as a poor victim whilst quietly glossing over your partner’s role as co-resident.
Lastly, the suggestion that your PARTNER (who I once again will state has a claim to the space) look for another apartment is completely rude and disrespectful.” AwaySecret6609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 32 and more than entitled to your own life, including living where and with whom you want.
Your answer is no. Stick with it. You don’t have to justify or explain your decision. All those family members bombarding you with family first messages can sign up to help Emily out. They can house her just as easily, if not more so than you.
Time they put some skin in the game or s**u.” Anxious-Routine-5526
17. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law That Her Job Hunt Doesn't Excuse Neglecting Her Kid?
“I (20M) have an older brother Oliver, (24M). Oliver had a kid pretty early (accident) and due to our culture got married to Sasha, (27F) and has a 4-year-old, Lily. They both had to pretty much put their life on hold for Lily, Sasha having nothing to do with her BA in English Lit, and Oliver working like 3 jobs.
Now that Lily is soon to start school so Sasha can finally do something with her degree, she wants to be a teacher so that means training and tests and programs, which means she can’t really do anything with Lily in the meantime.
Oliver took a few days off to try and give Sasha a grace period but eventually called me and begged me to help him. I’m on summer break so why not? Currently, I’m staying at their house to help out with Lily.
The problem is, I’m not just helping, I’m doing everything.
Sasha says finding a job is basically a full-time job itself but even people with full-time jobs can say ‘hello’ to their kid once in a while. She’s not speaking to Lily pretty much at all and ignores her when she tries.
I’m also doing most of her work around the house now.
I don’t mind doing this for a bit but this is mildly concerning (at least to me). I mean if Sasha can’t look after her kid while preparing for a job what’s gonna happen when she actually gets one?
This came to a head yesterday when Sasha made her daughter cry and then snapped her fingers at me to take care of it. I did it because I was worried about Lily. But after I’d settled Lily I went back to Sasha and told her that her ‘job’ doesn’t mean she stops caring about her kid.
She called me a jerk, said I had no idea about adult problems, I’m just a kid who can’t even drink yet.
I don’t know, I’m not sure. She thinks I’m a jerk but I don’t think this is normal behaviour.
I mean I don’t have my own kid so I don’t know. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – not your child, not your problem. “This came to a head yesterday when Sasha made her daughter cry and then snapped her fingers at me to take care of it.
I did it because I was worried about Lily.” She is treating you like a servant/slave – you need to set a firm timeline of moving out/on and tell your Brother and sister-in-law they are on their own.
Good luck OP, pretty sure your sister-in-law is going to act like a child and throw a tantrum when you do this.” Comfortable-Sea-2454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sasha is just looking for a free live-in maid. Job hunting is not a full-time occupation.
It takes time but if you only do it to the exclusion of everything else then you are doing it wrong. Sasha is just taking advantage of you and the whole snapping her fingers thing would have had me down tools and tell her to get her priorities right and start being a parent again.” sjw_7
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. “She’s not speaking to Lily pretty much at all, ignores her when she tries.” How sad. Does she have some deep, unresolved resentment towards her own child because she exists, and that prevented her from pursuing her career earlier?
“Sasha made her daughter cry and then snapped her fingers at me to take care of it.” What are you to her, a dog? A servant? How rude. Her daughter will be old enough to remember her mother treating her this way.
You are 100% correct and she knows it. That’s why she went on the attack. And if 20 is just a kid, why did she get pregnant by a 19-20 year old when she was a few years older?” Dittoheadforever
16. AITJ For Ordering Food And Drinking While My Partner Is Trying To Eat Healthier?
“I live in the UK and my partner and I live together. She’s recently started trying to eat healthier and change her diet for the better. She’s slightly overweight but not massively. She’s cut down on junk food, she doesn’t drink booze at home anymore, and has made some of the meals she eats healthier.
I’ve also cut down on junk food but that’s it. We had plans last night to go to a bar and watch the Euros. The plan was for us to get some food and drinks when we’re there. My partner would be driving so she was only going to have 1 drink.
When it came to going, we both agreed we’d rather watch the football at home so I mentioned ordering food and said I was going to go to the shop for some drinks. She asked if we could cook instead.
I said she could cook for herself but that I was going to order food.
She mentions her trying to eat healthier but I just repeat that she’s free to cook for herself but I’m ordering food. She said I should be supporting her in trying to be healthier.
I told her I was supporting her but that doesn’t mean doing exactly what she is doing.
She just said I shouldn’t be ordering food or drinking at home when she’s trying to be healthier but I just reminded her that her wanting to be healthier shouldn’t impact what I can eat and drink.
AITJ for ordering food and drinking booze at home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am confused by all these “compromise” comments. Your partner wants to lose weight and eat healthier. That’s good for her. But why do you have to change the way you eat?
Because she lacks willpower? Because if she’s not eating certain foods you shouldn’t either? Because if you really care about her you would stop eating and drinking the things you like? This is actually ridiculous. You are not asking her to eat what you eat so what’s the problem?
I wish there was a medical cure for main character syndrome. If you as a man tried to tell your partner what she should and should not eat people would call you a controlling jerk and probably throw in abusive for good measure.
Relationships are also about RESPECT. OP’s partner doesn’t respect his right to eat what he wants when he wants and this is controlling and selfish behavior.” Unicornfarts68
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Being supportive, and being made to live someone else’s lifestyle as a show of solidarity, are two different things.
She is being controlling and her reasons for doing so don’t hold water. Her wants and desires for her own self are exactly that – for her own self. She’s made her decision YOUR decision, and while her ‘positive feedback’ to all this is losing weight, being more disciplined, feeling fitter, etc, yours is…what?
The status quo being maintained? A-talkin-to and the implication you’re not a supportive partner when you decide you want to do something for yourself? When do you get the right to choose what goes in your mouth and body?” Aggravating-Thanks80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – There’s a difference between coming to a compromise and making a sacrifice. In a compromise, both sides get some of what they want and accept that they will have to put up with some of what they don’t want.
A sacrifice, which is what OP’s partner is suggesting should happen, is when one side gets everything they want and the other side gets none of what they want. And yes, obviously, sometimes we make sacrifices for the ones we love.
But it’s extremely unhealthy for one side to assume that the other will always be the one making a sacrifice, and it’s also really crappy to manipulate someone into making a sacrifice under the guise of “support”.
If she wants to change her diet and lifestyle, that’s awesome! But it doesn’t mean that you have to as well.” No_Introduction1721
15. AITJ For Wanting My Mother-In-Law To Stay With Her Other Son For A Week So I Can Have Alone Time?
“My mother-in-law lives with my husband and me. She is partially blind and diabetic so she relies on me to give her her medication and be her eyes when needed. I work from home so we are constantly with each other.
I do love her but she can be overbearing sometimes. She babies my husband still and she kind of treats me like a child at times.
My husband is going off on a bachelor’s trip for a week and I wanted her to go to her other son’s house during the same time so I can have some privacy.
She doesn’t get along with her other son’s wife, which is why she lives with us. But she is refusing to go spend time with her other son, so I can have some privacy with an empty house.
Am I the jerk for wanting her to spend a week away so I can enjoy some alone time?
And to be honest with everyone gone all I want to do is deep clean my house and cook the meals I want that I know everyone else doesn’t like and binge-watch Harry Potter.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everyone needs downtime and you don’t get it ever. Bring your husband in and tell him you need this break too and he and his brother need to figure out where your MIL is going because it won’t be there with you that week.
Everyone, MIL, SIL, BIL, and your husband need to understand this and get on board. You having a breakdown because you’re on all the time won’t help anyone. I’m curious. Did your husband think of you at all when he planned his week-long getaway?
Doesn’t seem so. This is his mother – if anyone gets a break, it should’ve been you.” Global_Look2821
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being a caregiver is a lot of work and we all need breaks. Can you plan time away from home instead which might help her understand that she will need to arrange care from someone else?
Or maybe arrange another time your husband can take her out or to see family without you? I would avoid being cruel about it (e.g., excessively complaining about burdens and privacy), but just asking for some “me” time isn’t wrong.” onhte_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ clearly for wanting this – how you go about getting it is the tricky part. Getting husband on your side is probably key and getting him to do the work of making it happen probably puts you in the best light.
Getting the brother on board is also important. SIL needs to buck up – tell her that you support MIL 48 weeks a year so she only has to be nice to her 4 weeks a year and now’s the time.
I would emphasize the cleaning project to MIL – and maybe that you are at heart an introvert and need some recharge time, anything to externalize the need so she doesn’t feel like a burden.” smedleyunderfoot
14. AITJ For Choosing To Live On Campus Against My Mom's Wishes?
“So I (18f) got into an argument with my mom (46f) about college stuff. I made the decision to live on campus instead of at home due to more financial aid and it’s better for my mental health and social interactions.
When I told my mom she was upset and said I needed to contact the administrators now and change my mind. I said to her “this isn’t your decision to make. So if you don’t like it then you can shove it.”
She yelled at me and called me ungrateful for all that she’s done and she even said “I bought you a car, so yeah it is my decision.”
I said “what does the car have to do with me living on campus?
If anything this boosts my argument because I have a mode of transportation to get to and from places. And before you say ‘Well this was a gift so it’s mine’, you told me to put the title and insurance under my name to learn financial independence.
So evidently that car is mine and your opinion does not matter to me.”
She then said “well what would your partner think?”
I looked at her and said “he’s allowed overnight, I already contacted my roommate and the admins to ask about overnight guests and having company.
Therefore it doesn’t matter since he’s already got the thumbs up.” Then I said “and on top of all of this, I already put in the application so I can’t change my mind now.”
She screamed at me for a few more minutes and after that, I told her to shove her opinion and walked off.
I’m proud of standing up for my decision. But I need some second opinions, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yikes, actually, to the way both of you handled this “discussion,” but NTJ for your decision about where to live – assuming that your mom isn’t paying for your college and this decision isn’t going to cost her more money.
If living on campus is going to be more money out of pocket for her, then she definitely should have a say in where you live. If it isn’t costing you any more money, then you’re fine with your decision.
But using phrases like “your opinion doesn’t matter to me” or “shove your opinion” are pretty immature. However, from how you described your mom here, I’m guessing that this is how discussions go in your house, and you’ve learned from example.
If that’s the case, then absolutely living on campus is going to be better for your mental health. Just make sure this way of arguing/discussing a matter doesn’t carry over to other relationships in your life – that can be hard to do if it’s how you’ve been taught to argue.” Own_Lack_4526
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t sound like your mom is paying for your education (otherwise she would have thrown that at you instead of the car), so it’s up to you. You’re an adult and you can decide where you live.
It doesn’t sound like living with your mom is a good idea, anyway. I would caution you about how you speak to people in arguments, though. I understand that your relationship with your mother is volatile and she behaves badly, too, but don’t get into the habit of telling people to “shove it” in arguments.
It won’t serve you well in future relationships. Try to break the cycle of this volatility.” SoMuchMoreEagle
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Where are you going to live when you have breaks? Also, NTJ for the decision. ESH for the way both of you handled the communication.
I preferred to study overseas because I did not want any distractions in my studies (driving my younger sisters around, helping at dad’s business, etc.) when I had medical school to worry about. It also taught me independence (I cook, clean, do laundry, etc.).” Scary-Antelope-3933
13. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mom Told My Estranged Sister About My Pregnancy?
“When I first found out I was pregnant I was really excited to tell my parents.
After a little while my mum asked if she could tell her friends and I said yes. One of her friends is the mother of my sister’s best friend, although they aren’t particularly close and only talk occasionally over social media (my mum and her friend that is).
For context, I do not have any contact with my sister. She decided to cut my parents off a few years ago, and I tried to remain in contact with her, but every time we interacted I would come away feeling terrible about myself (she is an expert at gaslighting and putting people down).
The advice I got was that she’s my sister and that bond is important and I’ll regret it when I’m older if I don’t try to have a connection with her. I decided to eventually cut contact in part due to her comments about me (after which she said I was just being dramatic).
Anyway, after my mum told her friend the news, she sent an email to my sister (on my dad’s email as they have contact only for financial things). When my mum told me this, she said that she didn’t want my sister to find out from her friend, and she didn’t want her friend in an awkward position by asking her not to say anything.
In my mind, I’m just so angry. My whole childhood was spent focusing on my sister, and now the happiest and most exciting moment for me now with my pregnancy is being made about my sister’s feelings. Why did my mum have to tell that friend when they’re not even that close?
Why didn’t she talk to me before sending the email?
I told her I was upset and angry and she apologised saying she should have talked to me first. I said that I accept her apology and let’s move on but I’m struggling to let the anger go.
So AITJ for not letting it go? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who has struggled with narcissistic abuse at the hand of a sibling, and gone through very similar situations, I understand your anger.
Here are some things to remember that might help: The narcissist wants nothing more than you to be miserable and not enjoy yourself, especially because of them. Don’t give them that. You’re not crazy. Only people who have been personally hurt by a narcissist will know what they’re really like, because to everyone else… they’re nothing but the best friend/daughter/parent/son, etc they ever had (barf).
The only way to overcome what they’ve done to you is to live your life to the fullest without caring about what they think. Your mind is in survival mode, you’re on alert and prepared to fight… but the reality is that you are completely safe.
You have nothing to fear. You will not be attacked. The narcissist will not contact you, because they hate that something good is happening to you. They’ll be incredibly jealous that you are going to be getting a mountain of attention instead of them.
That’s probably enough to begin with. Please watch some YouTube videos about narcissistic abuse, it’s very therapeutic and cathartic to have the validation that you’re not the crazy one.” sejgalloway
Another User Comments:
“I can see how OP might feel that her happy news was used as a bargaining chip in the relationship between mother and sister?
It’s not about the sister finding out, it’s about her mother prioritizing the feelings of the sister. This whole business of not wanting her to find out through friends seems like a weird justification for gossiping. The real motivation for the mother was to use the pregnancy as an ice breaker/conversation starter in the family, maybe with good intentions of some kind of reunion, but without consent from OP.
It seems clear where the sister learned her manipulation tactics… I say NTJ!” QueenNectarine
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I get you want to control this news but when you’ve allowed your parents to tell friends then the information is out there.
Many soon-to-be parents talk about having old friends and family that they haven’t spoken to in years pop up to say congratulations. At this point I think the news of your pregnancy can come from someone like your mom or your sister will hear from someone else.
I get your view of wanting something that isn’t about your sister but I also understand your mom thinking she will hear about this, might as well be from her own mother.” Kind-Author-7463
12. AITJ For Wanting To Put A Safe In The Fridge Due To My Sister-In-Law's Eating Habits?
“I live with my husband. Recently, due to problems on his side of the family, his sister has had to move in with us.
His sister is fairly young (barely turned 20) and grew up extremely spoiled. Ever since moving in with us, I have had to nonstop pick up after her, I do all the cooking, while also doing temp work at an office.
She doesn’t have a job but has been applying, however, she skipped the only 2 interviews she has had so far. She has stopped even bothering to doordash. When I am cooking she will decide she wants Jack in the Box and begs me or my husband for money to get some.
We always say no but then she will pout and complain for the rest of the night. Anytime we tell her no she whines and complains saying that I’m “not a girl’s girl.” Once when I was making homemade pizza she walked out and got herself Dominos.
It took about 2 weeks of my husband getting after her for how rude this is for her to attempt an apology.
Recently she has been eating eggs nonstop. We have asked her to please slow down as eggs cost a lot and we need them for cooking/baking.
She doesn’t care and keeps eating all of them while complaining that we don’t have any “good food” and would prefer to get fast food. It’s gotten to the point that she has now gone through 2 cartons of 12 entirely on her own in less than 2 weeks.
Once I bought 2 mangos that weren’t quite ripe enough just yet so I left them out overnight to hopefully soften up. When I woke up the next day they were gone. I bought an entire 32oz bag of shredded cheese and it was gone in 3 days.
She has also gone through 2 loaves of bread in about 8 days. Any and all dishes used for anything she is making will be left out. I wake up almost every day to egg-encrusted pans still on the stove, not even bothered to be put in the sink.
I want to buy a safe so she can’t keep tearing through all of our food literally leaving my husband and me a can of food and chicken (she doesn’t like chicken). I’m also hoping if she can’t cook unsupervised then we can be there to tell her to put her dishes away.
Would I be the jerk if I bought a safe to put in the fridge so I can actually use my own food?”
Another User Comments:
“I appreciate your frustration but I think a food safe in the refrigerator will cause a lot of drama.
Get a small fridge with a lock and keep it in your room and put a lock on your bedroom door. Take out what you need when you need it and lock up the rest. It’s still going to cause drama but it won’t be so in your face.
You and your husband need to sit her down and tell her she needs to get a job, clean up after herself, and chip in for groceries and utilities. She’s staying in your home not a bed and breakfast. And give her a deadline and let her know she’ll be evicted if she doesn’t comply with three simple requests.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“If she’s going to act like a petulant teenager, then you should treat her as such. Change your Wi-Fi password every week and tell her she can have it back when she’s cleaned up after herself.
Don’t put a safe in your fridge, that would take up so much space on its own and just be annoying. It would be equally annoying to have to go to the mini fridge in your bedroom for meal ingredients.
Get her a second-hand fridge for HER room, and tell her she has to stock up if she wants snacks and eggs, and yours are now off limits due to her greedy eating habits; otherwise, she can start pitching in 1/3 in the grocery bill.
Oh? Can’t do that because you don’t have money? Wellll there are plenty of shared spaces that need tidying to earn your keep… Or you can actually go to your job interviews so you get a job. Her choice!
Tell her if she chooses to continue disrespecting you and your home, then she is choosing to become an unwelcome guest. This is a hard-line issue. If she can’t abide, the last step is a firm timeline for eviction.
Follow through. She’s a whole grown adult.” HousingItchy8561
Another User Comments:
“Oh boy this brings trauma to me. We had my husband’s sister move in with us to help her (she is older than my husband – 29). And she did everything you are saying, but on top, she used to complain about everything, not let us have personal space, and get jealous of my husband and me.
And we ignored all of it until she caused a huge fight, said I was trying to push my husband away from his family, and that his converting to Islam is the worst thing possible (and on top of adding a bunch of insults, etc etc).
My husband kicked her out but since then he hasn’t talked to her and created lots of problems within the family and my husband is still having a hard time coming back from all that trauma. My advice is: talk to your husband about the safe.
Do it together. And make sure his sister has a place of her own ASAP before it can ruin your relationship…” Kooky-Philosophy7102
11. AITJ For Being Upset That My Brother Didn't Hire Me Because Of Tension With His Wife?
“My (27F) brother (30M) immediately started seeing this girl (Em) after being with his ex 10 years ago.
I really liked his ex and thought they had a life together, and was so mad at him for chasing after some other girl instead of staying with his ex who was better for him.
Em and my brother have been together 10 years but Em and I have never gotten along.
I told her when I met her that I had wanted redheaded nieces and nephews (his ex was a redhead and she is not). She doesn’t really know my brother. They’ll come back from trips/concerts and say they had fun.
I know he’s lying. He never liked Taylor Swift before her. He’s faking it for her, but when I remind her HE doesn’t like TS, they both get quiet.
I stayed close with his ex and we thought they’d break up.
I’ve been fine with Em but she has gotten mad at me, but it’s always over the small things.
My brother graduated residency and is starting his own family med. I am an NP who has not been able to find a job, and they are hiring for an NP and I thought it would be the perfect fit!
I reached out to my brother and told him I’d absolutely take the job and didn’t get a response until he called me.
I guess Em has quit her job to manage the practice, and because of the tension over the years, he doesn’t think it’s a good fit for Em and me to work together.
I was dumbfounded. I asked if Em made this decision and he said he hadn’t asked her. But I know this is her.
I sent her a text telling her I thought it was unfair of her to ruin my career.
Em could get a job anywhere, but I can’t. I don’t know why he’s ok to work with his wife and not me when we used to be so close. It would make more sense for me to work there because I have a medical background and she doesn’t.
I don’t know why she has been against me from the time they got together, but it’s hurting my feelings and I can’t stay quiet on it now that it’s impacting me professionally.
Em responded cordially like she always does, but she uses calmness and fake kindness to manipulate people.
She said she was sorry to hear this, but she really isn’t sure what happened. She said she’ll talk to my brother to get caught up to speed, but it sounds like he has made his decision.
I wasn’t the kindest back to that because I know it’s not true.
My brother called and yelled at me. He was so harsh I immediately started sobbing but he wouldn’t back down. I hung up and texted him I was crying so hard I threw up but he never responded.
Our family has always stayed out of it when they’re mad at me. My mom said it was ok to ask, but I needed to take the answer. I’m ok with the answer but I’m getting it for the wrong reason which I don’t think is fair.
It would be so great for us to work together and be close again. Anyone could manage his office, and even he said Em was sacrificing a high-paying job to invest in his career and this is the perfect excuse for her not to.
I just want them to see it the way I do and I’m so upset they won’t just consider it. Am I the jerk for wanting the job and being upset I didn’t get it?”
Another User Comments:
“So you’ve been carping at your brother for his choice of partner for the last ten years, and you’re surprised that he doesn’t want to employ you? I mean look at what you write: “I don’t know why she has been against me from the time they got together.” Now let’s look at some other things you wrote: “I really liked his ex and thought they had a life together, and was so mad at him for chasing after some other girl instead of staying with his ex who was better for him.” “I told her when I met her that I had wanted redheaded nieces and nephews (his ex was a redhead and she is not).” You don’t think that just maybe she’s picked up on your negativity towards her?
You like his ex, and that’s cool – but your brother went out with her ten years ago. He’s moved on. He has a life with Em now. If you choose to be negative, you can’t be surprised when they don’t want to pull you in close.
YTJ.” ieya404
Another User Comments:
“”I was crying so hard I threw up.” That’s because you’re a cry bully doing what all cry bullies do: be deeply nasty and destructive to all in your circle to get what you want, and then wail about it when you don’t get your way.
Your brother and his wife have had a decade of this behavior out of you and you think they’d trust you to manage any aspect of their professional lives? To inflict you on vulnerable patients? I’m surprised they even speak to you.
I sure wouldn’t. Seek skilled psychiatric help because you’ve got a lot more crying and puking in the future unless you come to grips with whatever personality disorder is at the root of your horrifying behavior.” kindlystranger
Another User Comments:
“This is freaking fascinating. I want to study your brain under a microscope. Between your post and your comments, you’ve told a bunch of stories about you being nasty, petty, and cruel, and your sister-in-law being gracious, polite, and far kinder than your horrible behavior warranted – and you still somehow think you’re coming off as the wronged party.
You’ve made her feel unwelcome at family gatherings, made fun of her hobbies and interests, criticized her appearance, and blamed her and only her for your worsening relationship with your brother. You interpret everything she does in the worst possible light (she doesn’t “use calmness and fake kindness to manipulate people”, she’s just polite).
She made you a bridesmaid in her wedding despite how badly you treat her and you’re still dislocating your own spine to twist it into something cruel because you can’t, in your tiny little pin brain, conceive of somebody just being a nice person; of people enjoying their company because they’re kind and calm and pleasant to be around.
I mean, I could comb this post for hours. Why would you start this story with your brother’s high school partner, who has nothing to do with it? Do you think that people get jobs by just announcing it?
Do you think that everyone stays 17 forever with the same likes and dislikes just because you did? Do you think you are fooling anyone with “I’ve fine with Em but she has gotten mad at me, but it’s always over the small things”?
Incredible. The mental gymnastics. The lack of accountability or self-reflection. Bra-freaking-vo. YTJ: your brother loves his wife and will choose her over you every time because you suck.” Silk_tree
10. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Pick Me Up Early From My Dad's House?
“My (16F) parents have been separated for almost 8 years and our mom has full custody.
My dad had asked my brother (13M) and me to visit his home this Saturday to celebrate our birthdays with him.
I was very hesitant as I hadn’t seen him for around 9 months. My brother on the other hand has been seeing him regularly for the last year. I decided to go in the end as my brother has been enjoying spending time with him and hasn’t had any issues with him.
My dad also told me that his parents would be there which made me happier to go. Plus my little brother begged me to.
So yesterday my mom dropped my brother and me off at our dad’s house. It was just him and his parents weren’t there.
He said they couldn’t make it because their dog was sick. From this point, I was immediately on edge. I hadn’t been alone with my dad for a long time without another adult or one of my older siblings.
My dad seemed over-excited and not sober. Things were fine for the first hour. I think he could tell I wasn’t entirely thrilled to be there. At lunch he started to get irritated with me because he was asking me personal questions and I was answering too bluntly, at one point he asked me “why are you hiding things from me?
I’m your dad.” He also drank 2 beers while we were eating lunch.
By the end of lunch, I felt uncomfortable. During lunch, my mom texted me asking me how things were. Afterward, I was in the bathroom and replied I felt uncomfortable as dad was drinking and had become irritable.
She replied saying she could come pick me up early, I told her I didn’t want to make Dad mad by leaving early. She told me she and her partner were going to leave now anyway and wait down the road.
20 minutes later, my brother dropped the TV remote, and the batteries went flying, causing my dad to swear loudly at my brother and shout at him to be more careful. At this point, I texted my mom and asked her to pick me up.
I told my dad a couple of minutes later that Mom was coming to pick us up and he predictably got mad and was asking why. My brother was a little peeved too. A few minutes later my mom rang the doorbell.
He started telling my mom he still had a couple of hours left and that she was early. She told him we were both coming now. An argument ensued and after about 5 minutes my mom’s partner got out of the car and came to the door and basically told everyone to go.
He had a short unpleasant exchange with my dad and then we finally left.
When we got home my brother was mad at me because he didn’t want to leave (he and dad were playing video games). But he was mostly mad at me for causing issues with Dad saying it was my fault things went badly and I was overreacting.
Was I the jerk? Should I have just sucked it up for a couple more hours for my brother’s sake, knowing he didn’t feel the same way as me and knowing my mom never would have let him stay there alone knowing dad was drinking?”
Another User Comments:
“No you are NTJ. Other people’s feelings are not your responsibility. It’s your dad’s job to make YOU feel safe & comfortable not the other way around. He lied about your grandparents’ attendance & didn’t communicate the change in advance.
That’s not cool. Your brother has the right to be upset but he is also looking for a father-son relationship & he is overlooking all the abusive red flags. When he is calm you can apologize but tell him that Dad’s behavior was inappropriate – he should not be drinking while spending time with his kids & he definitely doesn’t need to overreact to small mistakes.
I don’t think you overreacted – I think you were listening to your instincts & protecting your boundaries. That’s important. Good for you!” Queasy_Historian2228
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You will never be a jerk for leaving a place where you aren’t comfortable.
Never. Your dad doesn’t have custody and it seems you all can visit when you want. Instead of doing everything to make sure you are comfortable, your dad drank which made you feel uneasy. He’s a jerk for that.
He is also one for getting mad that you wanted to leave when you became uncomfortable. This is his problem, not yours. Your younger brother is blinded by your dad. Some kids and some people never see the bad in a person, they are either naive or too blinded by love/adoration.
Your mom is a rockstar for checking in and then telling you they could get you. Be proud of yourself for speaking up when you weren’t ok.” Wickedlove7
Another User Comments:
“Oh hun, NTJ. Not at all. I would be so proud if you were my kid and made that choice.
You prioritized your safety and comfort, you will never, ever, be a jerk for that. Not only does your dad sound irresponsible but he also sounds like a potential danger to you and your brother. Your brother can be mad all he wants, but you did the right and responsible thing.
I would see if you or your mom could have a talk with him to help him understand the reality of the situation. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he probably just really wants that father/son relationship but it may not be healthy.
We don’t know what goes on when he’s there. It can be really difficult for teens to place their boundaries, but you did an excellent job. No overreacting here. You did yourself and your brother a great service.” Al-Pal1031
9. AITJ For Not Going To Church Even Though I Live Rent-Free With My Mom?
“I am 23F and currently living with my parents to save money. I was raised Roman Catholic and still very much believe in God and Jesus Christ. I also went to private Catholic schools from Kindergarten through.
These past few months, I stopped going to Church.
I am of the opinion that a relationship with God can transcend a mass, and that talking to him 1-on-1 via prayer is more impactful (aka going directly to the source). Lately, my mom has been severely guilt-tripping me about not going to Church.
I tell her I love her, but then she fires back saying that I ‘may “love” her, but I sure as heck don’t respect her.’ I think that is ridiculous, and I love and respect her so much.
She is the most important person on this earth to me. However, me not going to Church has resulted in her having crying outbursts and giving me the side eye and just overall huffing around.
Today, she has taken it a step further by stating that she is going to bill me a $10 charge for every Sunday I don’t go to mass, which I think is insane.
She is going to do the same to my younger brothers too (who also haven’t been going to mass).
I’m starting to worry that I may be the jerk because she is the one who is letting me graciously stay under her roof, rent-free.
At the same time, I am 23, and think I should be allowed to make my own decisions. Now I’m left wondering if I’m the jerk for not following her orders while she is housing me? I don’t know what to think.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is controlling. And you should move out. But if you actually went to Catholic school, I’m surprised you don’t understand what’s going on in her mind. (I was raised in it and went to the schools, but I am avowedly atheist.) See, Catholic theology emphasizes the sacraments as the main way to connect to the deity and achieve the afterlife.
The whole Protestant Reformation happened in part because some people (like Martin Luther) began to argue that people should be able to read and understand the Bible themselves, and to have a direct relationship with the deity instead of needing the Church as an intercessor.
In a way, you’ve effectively changed which flavor of Christian you are, and your mom is trying to “fix” it. You will never be the jerk for pursuing your own beliefs, though others will tell you that you are.
But be prepared for this to be a major sticking point in your relationship with Mom.” Throwaway-Monday8480
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am of the belief that everyone should be entitled to practice their faith in the way that suits them best. For some, that’s in the privacy of their own home, for others in the public setting of a church.
Neither way is wrong or right, it’s what works for the individual. Your relationship with your God is personal, how you pray and worship, can be personal to you. Just food for thought… Some of the most genuinely devout people I know, don’t go to church.
They live their lives as they believe their faith would encourage, knowing that their everyday actions will be the merits they are judged by. On the other hand, some of the most devout churchgoers I know, are the most zealot-level religious nuts, the ones who give faith a bad name and who appear “godly” only while at church.” Spiritual-Phoenix
Another User Comments:
“I had this issue with my grandma and I’ll share with you what I told her. I made it abundantly clear that she did her job and taught me what she saw as the right way to live.
Message was received loud and clear. I said that me not going to church was not a reflection of her, but rather simply my own choices. I also told her if she continued trying to push me, she would just see less and less of me.
I didn’t want to come visit and be badgered. She ultimately decided to drop it and let me make my own choices because she didn’t want me to not visit. I know your situation is not quite the same because I wasn’t living with her at the time.
I hope your mom realizes that badgering you into a certain expression of faith doesn’t work that way. If you’re not the one making the choice to go, you being there would be empty. Your heart has to be in the right place, otherwise, you’re just doing what looks right on the outside, and that conflicts with what’s on the inside.” fanofthethings
8. AITJ For Not Telling My Co-Worker I'm Gay Despite His Flirtatious Jokes?
“I’m a 20-year-old closeted gay man, working with a coworker, Josh (19).
We met in freshman year but became close friends in sophomore year while working together. Josh would often flirt with his guy friends in a joking way, but started doing it with me too. At first, I thought it was just jokes, but it made me uncomfortable because I found it attractive.
I’ve struggled with feeling undesirable, and Josh’s attention confused me. I didn’t think he knew I was gay, and if I told him, it could put our friendship and my job at risk. We work for a conservative Christian organization, and being outed could jeopardize my scholarship.
Josh’s joking became more intense, making me feel trapped. He’d lift me onto a countertop, tease me about wanting me in his bed, and even jokingly would touch my butt. I laughed it off nervously, but deep down, I wanted it to stop.
When he started seeing a girl, I thought his actions would stop, but they didn’t. Eventually, he proposed to her, and we’re still working together. The jokes persisted, and I finally worked up the courage to tell him to stop.
He said I sometimes joked back, but I told him I didn’t think we should.
On a work trip, he insisted we share a bed, and he made more jokes. I felt conflicted and disoriented. Later that night, I felt him nudging my back and putting his hand on my hip while I was sleeping.
I didn’t sleep, telling myself it was just his sleep movements or that he has a fiancée. The next day, he was normal, but the experience left me feeling delusional about imagining a life with him. Am I the jerk for handling the situation this way?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re both gay. His gaydar has clearly picked that up and you are both just so far in the closet that you can’t admit it in public. Maybe try at some point to have a serious conversation with him where you start by not saying either of your feelings but put it in general terms of how you feel how workplace/religion is intolerant and how awful it would feel to be gay when they’d hate you.
Also, point out that you don’t feel that being gay is “wrong”…. and then see where the conversation goes. You’re NTJ. (and in your position, I probably would have rolled over and pretended to be asleep as well.)” Own-Kangaroo6931
Another User Comments:
“This is probably going to be controversial, but no jerks here. I completely agree with the observation that Josh’s actions constitute harassment, which is objectively wrong. No means no. But what makes the whole situation feel so sad is that Josh’s “jokes” aren’t actually jokes.
He has feelings for you and reciprocates your attraction on some level, but the only way he feels able to flirt and touch other men is to dress it up as a gag. The real jerk here is the homophobic organization that’s bullied you both into the closet.
All your options here are risky. But when you finally do summon the courage to come out, you’ll be surprised to find how many people already knew.” Beginning-Credit6621
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First you never owe anyone any information about your s****l orientation.
Until it’s expected for everyone to disclose this information, including straight people, coming out of the closet is a concept that should be retired. You get to decide who, if, and when anyone knows your s****l orientation. Second this being at work makes things more complicated. Yes, Josh should have stopped because you told him to.
Since he hasn’t is your employer covered by federal anti-discriminatory laws? I ask because not all religious employers are. If so I’d give him one chance to stop. Then go to HR and file a s****l harassment complaint.
S****l orientation doesn’t matter. What matters is he’s making remarks and actions that make you uncomfortable. If they aren’t don’t be alone with him again. Push back if they press it. “No I can’t share a room. Last time we had to share a bed which was awkward and of course can’t happen again.” Finally, I’m sorry you have to work for an organization where you’re not safe if your s****l orientation is discovered. That sucks.
Once you graduate I hope you will be free to be yourself.” ApprehensiveBook4214
7. AITJ For Leaving My Friend At The Bar After She Accused Me Of Abandoning Her?
“My friend (24F) and I (24F) have been friends for over four years.
We’ll call her Mia. This incident happened towards the end of February this year.
Mia and I had decided to meet up for drinks and tapas, to catch up, after we hadn’t seen each other since the beginning of January.
Everything was going well on the girl’s day out until Mia started getting tipsy.
I had shown her a picture of the Valentine’s Day setup my partner had done for me two weeks prior. I don’t really post on socials anymore so this was her first time seeing it.
Her whole aura completely changed. The conversation started getting confrontational and Mia asked why had I not been checking up on her, and how I had been putting our friendship on the back burner. She accused me of not being able to balance a partner and my friendships.
To add more context, when I had seen Mia in January it was during her stay at a mental health centre. She had mentioned needing a breather, so I picked her up from the facilities and we spent a day by the beach.
After that day our WhatsApp conversations were sparse with me checking if she was still alright and vice versa.
Early February I had a familial issue I was dealing with and completely went quiet on all my acquaintances and friends.
This was excluding my partner who I basically live with at this point. I’m guessing she saw the Valentine’s Day pictures and thought clearly you were present enough to celebrate that.
Back to the girl’s day out; her mood is now completely flipped. She grabs the plate of food I’m eating from and says “You’re not getting this until you explain why you abandoned me”.
Mind you the people around us at the bar are looking at us now. I tell her this is very immature, send her my portion of the bill, and leave.
She calls me multiple times after I leave and texts asking “what’s up?” She eventually sends a text, a couple of days later, apologizing for her behavior.
I guess my mistake was responding to the text four days later accepting the apology because we have not spoken since.”
Another User Comments:
“Friendship is a joint job, responsibility goes both ways. You know the feeling when you think you should write someone, but then remember, communication goes both ways.
It’s equal responsibility to maintain a friendship, if she’s ready to abandon ship the moment you don’t write her for a period but refuse to initiate herself, that’s a red flag of entitlement. When one of the boys goes stale on contact we’ll grab him and hang out, we’ll push him online to take some games with the boys, doesn’t matter what.
The point is rather we all partake in the responsibility to maintain the friendship, instead of blaming him for being less present for X reason (if that is partner, family, work, or whatever). Life happens and time withers before you know it.
NTJ.” Loratort
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, everyone else has said it. I’m going to add a potentially unpopular opinion, if your friend is taking medications at all for her mental health problems, she really shouldn’t be drinking. Especially this soon after her stay.
Poor mental health and booze are a terrible mix that only causes pain and regret. If you guys are able to move forward, maybe restrict your outings to safer spaces for everyone. Also, it seems like she wasn’t going to apologize initially.
It sounds like your friend had to be pushed/ignored into apologizing to you for her behavior. I would watch that pattern of behavior in your friendship.” chaffingbritches
Another User Comments:
“Depends if you value your friendship. NTJ with how you handled dinner.
When I went through an extremely bad breakup, I desperately needed my friend’s ear. Two out of my four friends treated this like a chore, and I felt like “huh, I guess I’m a bother,” and I never reached out again, nor did they.
They were old high school buddies so I guess our friendship faded and I didn’t notice they moved on until I put weight on it. I’m not a messy person, so I was just taken aback that it felt like I was bothering them the moment I truly needed someone to vent to, especially because he threatened me and I was a jumbled ball of confusion.
I was in pain. What are friends for, if not to listen when you’re going through something bad? If you value her friendship, I would reach out one more time. If you don’t, that’s perfectly okay, and let the friendship fall.
You are not a bad person or a jerk, friendships fade—totally normal. All in all, it doesn’t matter who’s a jerk, it only matters what you want going forward. When I want to strategically clear the air, I apologize first just to get the conversation started, lower their guard, and acknowledge the other person’s pain to start the conversation.
An acknowledgment and an apology (even when things aren’t your fault) can be a powerful tool to get the other person to open up when things are tense.” octropos
6. AITJ For Refusing My Parents' Plan For An Arranged Marriage?
“I (17f) am a bit freaked out. I’m graduating high school in December (I have two classes to make up that I can’t get during summer school) and then I want to hopefully start working towards nursing as a career.
I’m not a wild child or anything like that. The worst thing I ever did was go to a party when I was a freshman with some senior boys because I wanted to be ‘cool’. I was punished and never did it again.
I made other mistakes but it’s all been small stuff.
Last week my mom and dad sat me down in the living room and told me they were going to see about me getting married when I turn 18 (I turn 18 in January).
They said they wanted me to marry the son (19m) of their close friends. I don’t like him at all not even in a friendly way. I have no interest in boys or girls or anything like that (maybe something’s wrong with me idk) so I said no and that I wanted to go to college and be a nurse.
They said I could do that but they also wanted me to marry. I said no again and they both got real mad. There was some yelling and I went to my room. I snuck out the window and ran to the library before calling my aunt, who’s always on my side and kind of the black sheep of the family.
It’s been chaotic the past couple of days, my phone’s been blowing up. My friends and aunt all think my parents are crazy but my grandparents, other aunts and uncles, and cousins are all telling me to just do it and that I should honor and obey my parents.
I feel like this is some sick joke and I wish it all would end. I don’t know what to do. I’m unsure of myself but I really don’t want to get married.
AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ forced marriage obeying parents has a limit – they can’t command you to do something evil/corrupt (such as marrying someone you don’t like).
There is no obligation to get married and you don’t need a valid/legal reason to say no. But lack of desire would constitute a valid reason. Your parents have been given responsibility over you, you are a trust given to them.
And it sounds like they are exploiting that trust. I’m sure your culture has something to say about oppressive/forceful rulers.” HopefullyIntentional
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, stay with your aunt, live YOUR life. Don’t get married until you want to, if you ever want to.
Also, I want you to know there is nothing wrong with you for not being into anyone. I was the same way up until I was 22, I knew I was a*****l but I figured I was aromantic (not romantically attracted to anyone) too until I met my partner and I realized I just wasn’t interested in anyone but him.
That’s not the case for everyone, of course. I’m not saying you are aromantic or need a label for anything by the way, your life will work out how it does and I hope it’s great.” FoolOfAFunk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stay with your aunt, away from the rest of your family. Focus on yourself and keep yourself safe. I don’t know if it’s possible where you are, or even at all. But can you make a report to a councilor or police or someone that your parents are trying to marry you off without your approval and it feels like they’re trying to traffic you?
I know where I am, human trafficking is taken pretty seriously. I don’t know if that will cause more issues for you, or would allow her to stay with aunt full time. But it is something to think about.” Exciting-Peanut-1526
5. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Find A Job Instead Of Pursuing Her Dance Career?
“My wife and I both work in the same industry, the same company in fact. A few weeks ago everyone at our job was let go except for me, leaving us with just one income to live off of.
My wife has had absolutely no motivation to find more work, claiming that there are no companies in the surrounding area that would hire her, however, I have sent multiple job listings to her that she easily qualifies for.
Looking over our expenses, and reducing costs where possible, we won’t be able to live off of my income alone for very long. She knows this but has still not made any effort to find a replacement job.
Instead, she has been pursuing her passion for becoming a dance instructor.
She spends a considerable amount of money on dance classes for training and has registered to become an instructor at a local studio. We’ve gone over the potential income she will bring in from this, and it’s only going to be roughly $550/mo, which doesn’t come close to what she made at her previous job.
I want to be supportive of her following her dreams of becoming a dance instructor but we are in a financial bind now, and it feels like she is comfortable with leaving it up to me to figure out.
She was able to go to the studio and work before, but now she acts like the two aren’t possible to do at the same time.
I’ve tried to have conversations with her about the stability of our situation and how I think she should be applying to other jobs while continuing her instructor business on the side, but she gets very defensive and annoyed when I talk about it.
Should I just******* up and figure out how to bring in more income myself? AITJ for not being more supportive and just figuring it out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but in couple’s budgeting, all that matters is what you’re going to do now.
The only way to talk about this is to talk about it. Draw up your new budget, with your (consistent) income and her new income. Show what cutbacks will be needed to support the change. For instance, if your household income will be reducing from $6000/month to $3550/month, talk about what cutbacks in your food and housing situation are needed to reduce your living expenses from $3000/mo down to $1775/mo.
It’s that or talk about what cutbacks to savings, travel, and fun budgets must be made if your living expenses must be sustained at more than 50% of your income.” robjohnlechmere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re reasonably upset about this.
It’s not her wanting to dance that’s the issue, it’s the fact she’s dumping all the financial responsibility on you despite there being options available to her. She isn’t acting like a partner but a child who just wants to pursue her dreams. Like you said, she balanced both before and she can do it again.
I would seriously consider separation if my partner suddenly dropped all responsibility to pursue dreams that are not sustainable.” teti_j
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pursuing one’s ambitions is important, but we must also first reconcile the necessities of supporting ourselves.
Your wife is being unrealistic and selfish. She is seizing the opportunity to follow her dream. However, she’s doing so at the expense of a dramatic, possibly financially disastrous reduction in the household income WHILE her dance passion is adding disproportionately to the household expenses.
Let’s say someone’s passion is poetry. The world needs poets. However, few make a living writing poetry. Adults must be practical first and earn their livings. If you try to “******* up,” you will be enabling (not supporting) your wife’s impracticality.
Let her experience what life is really like living on one household income. After necessities, there may not be any money for holidays, running two cars, new clothes, etc.” j4ckb1ng
4. AITJ For Reporting My Housemate Who Illegally Sublet Our Apartment?
“The minimum stay (imposed by my landlord) is 6 months, and my housemate wanted to move in with his partner, so he decided to find some random person online and did a swap agreement.
This person has not been through any proper checks, nor does my landlord know about it.
I fear that my stuff would be stolen, etc.
So I reported them to the landlord, and they came in and asked the person to leave or they’d call the police on him for trespassing.
I don’t know what happened to my original housemate, he has probably lost his deposit and been placed on a blacklist or whatever, but I was genuinely in fear of my personal safety and of my stuff being stolen.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They should have negotiated with the landlord, stuck out their lease if necessary, or at the very least made sure you were comfortable living with their replacement. Do not feel bad for sticking up for yourself, you are not the one at fault here.” YarrowPie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Your former housemate should never have tried to pull a stunt like this without your buy-in. It’s a huge ask for someone else to unilaterally decide who you should live with for the reasons you mention (safety of person and property, also reliability rent-wise, housemate compatibility, and more).
Your ex-housemate was out of line.” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only is this, as you note, contrary to the lease agreement, but it’s also wildly irresponsible and (I assume you were friends with the former housemate, at least enough so that you agreed to get a place together?) a mega lousy thing to do to a “friend.” They didn’t give you the opportunity to help find someone else, or even meet the person and suss them out and do a rudimentary background check?!
What if they’d picked someone who stole your stuff and pawned it? What if they picked someone who wasn’t financially stable and left you, as the sole legal contract-holder on the lease, on the hook for the entire rent amount, possibly MANY MONTHS’ WORTH?
What if they picked someone who did illegal stuff in the apartment and got you BOTH evicted? That kind of change should NEVER be done unilaterally — a lease is a legally binding contract, after all — and unless your landlord is an irrational jerk, they’ll usually work with you to remove one party from a lease entirely or approve your suggested Replacement Tenant (assuming they meet the requirements for income, etc).” OrigamiStormtrooper
3. AITJ For Taking All The Clothes In My Size Off The Rack Before Resellers Could?
“Last week I had time and stopped into a thrift store and they were just putting out stuff from their truck.
I am never so lucky to be there when that happens, the shops are always very picked over with just Old Navy or Target clothes whenever I can go, so I was happy I might find something.
I started browsing normally and was finding some good stuff for once, then I saw a group of 3 women come in.
One had a little computer for scanning books, the other two had iPads or something, I assume to check resale prices? Either way, they were clearly resellers and started grabbing stuff after checking labels.
I felt a sense of dread because I wouldn’t be fast enough to check, so I just swooped everything off the rack and into my cart in my size.
When the two got to me they started staring. I said “What?” and one was like “We’d like to be able to see what’s on the rack too.”
I said that they could as soon as I was done.
She scoffed at me and said, “That’s rude, we’d like a chance to shop these clothes too.”
I just ignored her and started looking at things one by one, taking my time, and then putting them right back on the rack.
The women were getting mad and snatching things basically out of my hand. I held up a nice top and one of them tried grabbing it OUT of my hand and I said “Excuse you” and turned my back to her.
They got all irritated and one stomped away to get a worker.
The worker came over and asked what was going on. I said I was looking at the items from the rack, the same as anyone else. They said I was “hoarding everything” so they couldn’t get a chance to look.
The worker said that I wasn’t doing anything wrong, and then said to me “Thank you for putting everything back when you’re done.”
I finished what I was doing with the women breathing down my neck and took my clothes to go try on.
One of them kept following me and asked me what the heck my problem was, why I was being such a mean person, etc. I said “Sorry that you’re having a bad day, but it’s really not my problem.”
AITJ? I just wanted the chance to be able to find NICE clothes for once. From my POV I didn’t do anything different than people who fill up their carts and go try on everything. Plus I didn’t even take all of the “good” clothes to begin with.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those people are the scourge of the charity community. Rather than supporting a place for people to buy needed items for cheaper, they look for profit. They take people’s charitable donations and treat it like their business.
“At least it’s getting sold” is a silly argument. It’s the equivalent of going to a farmer the day of harvest, buying all the best-looking products for cheap, then reselling them at 50-100x price. It’s messed up. They got huffy because you’re “stealing” their profit.
I absolutely loathe and detest the bottom-feeders.” zebrasmack
Another User Comments:
“I believe you correctly identified a reselling operation. That said, your grace while exercising your reasonable rights as a shopper is commendable. They had a small crew and dedicated electronics to take advantage of having numbers to quickly sweep the store of high ticket items. You used the means at your disposal to ensure you had a fair opportunity they were denying good-faith thrifters.
While knowing these folks were engaged in gross behavior, you refrained from accusing them of something you could not prove, while shrugging off their swearing at you. NTJ, full and clear, and color me impressed with your patience.” pdubs1900
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve had to resort to doing the same when shopping. Lots of resellers do not share with regular customers, they grab and hoard. They take out of people’s baskets/hands and lie about reserving items that others reserved. They tear apart boxes and throw items deemed not worth enough profit back, roughly.
They throw a hissy fit if they see an employee touch/move something they want. They go into backrooms/sections where things are not priced yet to have “first dibs”. They bribe employees/people for early access. They push over and rush employees.
Do not feel bad that you took your time looking through clothes you thought might be a good fit. Those resellers would not have let you do so if the clothes were still on the rack. Not everyone who resells is a jerk, but way too many are.
Sometimes the only way to fight them is to stick your ground.” Rom-TheVacuousSpider
2. AITJ For Refusing To Post My Dad's Partner's Photoshopped Picture On My Instagram?
“My father’s partner is very active on social media. She usually makes at least two Instagram posts a day. I’m fairly certain she’s trying to become an influencer.
While I don’t care much for that, one thing I’ve noticed is that almost every picture she posts is photoshopped in some way.
Sometimes she makes her waistline smaller, other times she airbrushes her face. Sometimes, she does both. I don’t know how noticeable it is to other people, but both my husband and I can always tell.
My birthday was this weekend.
I had a baby a few months ago and I haven’t had time to do much. So last week, my friends and family threw me a surprise party to celebrate both my birthday and my first year of being a mom.
I later made a post on Instagram thanking everyone, in which I included several pictures from the party.
A few hours later, my father called me to ask if I could add a picture that featured his partner to the post I’d made.
I was frustrated, but deleted it and reposted it with a picture of me, my husband, our baby, my father, and his partner. It was the only one I had of her at the party.
Hours after that, his partner sent me a photoshopped version of the picture and asked if I could replace the one I’d posted. She had changed her waistline, retouched everyone’s faces, and whitened our teeth.
I said no. While she’s free to post whatever she wants on her socials, I don’t want an obviously photoshopped picture on mine.
She argued the picture I’d posted would clash with the ones on her page, and she didn’t want her followers to see her like that.
I reminded her that my account is private, and the only people who will see my post are friends and family who already know what she looks like. When she kept insisting, I told her that either she accepted the unedited picture or I’d remove it from the post entirely.
My father wants me to humor her. He says it would take little to no effort on my part to replace the picture. I’m aware of that, I just don’t want to do it. I didn’t even want to include the picture in the first place, I only did it because they wanted me to.
I’m busy this week, and dealing with this has become very annoying.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your mistake here is giving in and posting the pic in the first place. If your dad wants her featured in pics of the event, he can post them to his social media.
It’s not your job to further her “influencer” career. And honestly, if it’s as bad as you describe, she won’t succeed anyway… I would have a talk with your dad. Set some boundaries and guidelines now so if in the highly unlikely event she gets famous, you’re not forced to help boost her posts (for free, I might add.
If I’m posting for you, I’m getting paid, lol).” ManaKitten
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I absolutely think heavily photoshopping everything is cringy at best and damaging to people’s mental health at worst. It’s also way crossing the line for your father to insist you post a picture, and for her to even make the photoshopped one in the first place let alone have the gall to actually send it.
Something feels extra violating to me about the fact she photoshopped everyone, but I suppose if she sent you a photo of only herself being photoshopped it would mean admitting to herself that she hates how she really looks and everyone else looks fine.
That being said, I’m not sure the morality of the situation even matters. I don’t think the judge will care. Do you know what the laws are about this where you live? Because where I live it is illegal to post pictures online publicly of someone else without their consent.
I know she didn’t say she was going to sue you, but to me keeping the photo up doesn’t seem worth the risk.” ZoeLoving77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ honestly, I’d just take down the one that includes her at this point and put back the original. If she complains again tell her now she doesn’t have to worry about anything clashing with her “aesthetic” (photoshopped fake) on her page, especially as she chose to photoshop you and everyone else in addition to herself.
If she keeps pushing you can ask her why she felt that you were in need of photoshopping too, because you are okay with what you look like, but obviously she feels that you are lacking.” scarletnightingale
1. AITJ For Telling My Daughter To Control Her Emotions During My Work Hours?
“My 17-year-old had final exams today.
She didn’t get as high of a grade as she wanted. It was a C. She came home literally crying and screaming about it while I (43f) was working up in my home office. My job requires a lot of video calls with other leaders in my organization, which is exactly what was happening when she came in the door.
I had to mute myself so the background noise didn’t carry and couldn’t participate in my meeting. I didn’t react angrily toward her, but later I made a semi-passive-aggressive remark about it… something to the effect of, “yeah I love it when you come home screaming when I’m on a work call.”
She launched a verbal attack about how she can’t help it that she is depressed and how could I possibly be angry and said that I am horrible to her and don’t care about her. I replied that she is allowed to be sad about a bad grade, but it doesn’t warrant screaming and crying when she knows I am working.
It’s ok to be sad, but there is a time, place, and way of expressing it that won’t cause me problems at work, which is important because that is what keeps a roof over our heads and food on the table.
So, should I be more sensitive to her emotional state or was I perfectly justified in my reaction? I really want to know so I can either work on myself as a parent or show her the opposite viewpoints posted here.
She is now demanding that I apologize to her, but I think I was being reasonable because at 17 she needs to grow up a bit to prepare to function in the real world, where that behavior won’t be tolerated. I think she owes me an apology.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but maybe have a discussion with her when she’s calm about being mindful of your working hours and the conditions that the house needs to be quiet during those hours. She can be upset, but yes there is a time and place, she can go to her room and cry and scream and can talk to you about her frustration at a later time.
I don’t know if I’d apologize for letting her know she was acting inappropriately, but maybe apologize if you made her feel like her feelings didn’t matter, and explain how you do care about her and her feelings but it’s very frustrating to not be able to properly work.
She owes you an apology for how she acted and then reacted to you but I wouldn’t outright TELL her that she owes you one until AFTER this whole discussion if she doesn’t say something sooner.” Shelbie0419
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter is too old to come home from school and throw a full-blown tantrum. Everyone is entitled to a bad day but screaming and carrying on is not acceptable. Parent to parent, have you ever corrected her behavior when she goes off the rails?
Obviously, she thinks it’s okay to behave this way. Also if she behaves this animated and out of control when she’s at university, she’s going to find herself in mandatory counseling or she’ll be placed on leave.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The word tantrum feels infantilizing when you are having emotional distress due to mental health. My mom would describe me as having tantrums and it made me resent her. Years later I found out they were meltdowns from autism and trauma, not tantrums…
It’s basically neurological overload. The language you use to describe unhealthy behaviors does matter even if she’s still misbehaving. Food for thought: She’s not an adult yet. It’s your job to not be passive-aggressive and to model healthy behavior.
I think you probably both owe each other an apology tbh, not just one way or the other. You can’t just force a mentally ill teenager to function normally with pressure. I didn’t get better until I was like 25.
It didn’t matter how many times people told me to think positively or try my best, I needed medication and other life circumstances to change.” FloraDecora
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