People Would Love For Us To Judge Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Wanting To Eat More Than One Meal A Day Despite My Parents' Rules?
“My parents have this thing where we eat once a day, never past 6. I was sort of surprised when my friends told me they eat 3 or more meals a day, one at 8? Like in the shows? We aren’t struggling, if anything, we used to go all out on that one meal, but is time even enough to eat 3 and snacks in between?
My parents are diet freaks, I told them clearly I don’t want to follow that and I’ve managed to convince them so that I can eat one meal even past 6, no further than 9 though I’d get shamed out of thinking so anyway.
I make my own food using the stuff they buy me.
It’s tedious to think and search for a meal using these intolerable ingredients, prep for it, make it struggling all the way, clean what you used to make it before eating or else, food goes cold and can’t reheat it, mum ate most of it since she didn’t eat, even if it’s past 6.
By that time I don’t even want to eat.
Listen, don’t get me wrong I don’t mind sharing, making food for others, or anything, but not when I make myself only a portion. If she asked me to make her some, I would’ve, but she never asks for it.
On top of that, if I don’t give her food, which she would take anyhow, she’d say “why are you being so greedy” “your mum didn’t eat all day, just give her some.” “make sure the ingredients suit mum’s diet” “I didn’t raise you to be like this.”
I’m turned off from cooking her food, especially when she snatches it from me, which is the thing I do for people I love, watching people enjoy food truly lightens me up.
They gave me a lecture that it’s the least I could do after years of taking care of me, cooking for me, and so on.
They go far enough to say I’m happy with ‘starving them’ than giving up some of my food and that I wouldn’t take good care of them when they’re older, saying I don’t even need to eat that much anyway.
I’m not trying to enforce roles, but she’s supposed to cook for me.
But that’s been happening not so frequently nowadays, we’d go a day or 2 w/o food if I get truly lazy, they have things to snack on or simple food to eat so they don’t feel hungry, which I don’t. Giving the excuse that she “grew” and that I’m grown enough to cook for myself (she isn’t wrong, but I don’t always have the time or energy), I’m still a teen.
I’m not sure if it’s my fault they had me so late, was I an accident they decided not to get rid of??
She does this even with the food we buy from outside, after begging for it, when she clearly stated she doesn’t want any.
Just ask your husband to buy you food or make yourself some if you’re trying to be healthy?? They even try to make me eat before 6 and control the ingredients I use so that they can actually eat, but I’d be asleep, too tired to do so, or can’t find a way.
I could be overdoing it, and not kind enough, but darn it I really wish I could enjoy a meal for once, when I already struggle with doing so.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They have a very unhealthy approach to food and cooking and are making you pay for it.
A growing teenager needs more food than an older adult, by the way. And there should be no reason you can’t clean up AFTER you eat – I don’t know anyone who insists on cleaning up from cooking before they actually get to eat the meal (not counting the clean-as-you-go method of just not making too much of a mess to begin with).
I don’t know your age. Can you talk to a trusted adult in your life if you’re a minor? If you’re not, can you get a job and work toward independence from them? Either way, you should know that what they are doing with you is manipulative.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’d report this to your school or just… anyone at all, this is abuse. They sound like they’re legit trying to keep you from eating “too much” either out of control or because they don’t want to spend money. Seriously, report this, it’s not ok, not normal, and it’s 100% due to some issues they have, and not you.
Speak to a teacher, someone can help you, even if it requires the aid of someone to speak on your behalf.” Waskomsause
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While I am all for a teen helping out and cooking some family meals (this will 100% be a skill you will need in life!!), it is a parent’s responsibility to make sure their child is properly fed. Even if you are doing your own cooking, you should be given the appropriate ingredients.
Not eating well can stunt your growth if you are not getting enough nutrients. Ugh, I want to feed you all the food now.” jonelin
21. AITJ For Keeping My Son Away From My Disrespectful MIL?
“I’m 25f and my SO is 26m. We have a 4-month-old son together. We have been together for almost 5 years. His mother consistently disrespects me, at any chance she can get.
Once, he and I got into a bad fight, so she called my sister and tried to devise a plan to break us up.
Of course, my sister said that it wasn’t her job or her business to do so.
When we found out I was pregnant she asked me on 5 different occasions, after hearing the heartbeat, if I was SURE I was pregnant.
She would constantly tell me that I should not fight with her son (even when we were not fighting, or bickering, or anything…)
When I was about 6 months pregnant, in front of her entire family, she said that my SO should marry someone else. Everyone, especially her sister-in-law, jumped in to tell her how wrong she was. And instead of receiving an apology, she stopped talking to everyone for at least two weeks because she refused to believe what she said was wrong and hurtful.
Any time I see her, she gives me dirty looks and makes me feel so uncomfortable being around.
When my son was 1 week old, we went to the pumpkin patch (it was a beautiful day and it was outside. We needed fresh air. I don’t need judgment on what I do with my kid!).
It was my family’s plan, so all of my sisters were there, my parents, and some close friends. She came with us, but wouldn’t help my SO when he tried to give me the baby to breastfeed. She got mad that we would switch the baby off because it was “too cold” for the baby.
(As I mentioned, it was a gorgeous day. And even if it was a little cold, he was going directly into the sling and a blanket..) So she left without saying goodbye to ANYBODY. My SO was actually crying in this situation.
Recently, she has been rude and nasty to me.
The last straw was when she texted my SO my son’s full name, but replaced MY last name with HERS. (He is hyphenated with both my SO and my last name). When my SO brought it up to her and explained that was disrespectful, she began to argue with him and turned it on me, asking how I even saw the messages.
So, AITJ for keeping my son away from her? I don’t feel that I need to have him around her if she can’t respect me. I’ve also tried very hard, especially in the last 4 months, to have a relationship with her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This woman sounds like an absolute monster. Stand up for yourself. You don’t owe her anything. It’s entirely reasonable to say something to the effect of, “If you’re not going to treat me with respect, I’m not going to treat you like family.” She doesn’t have to like you, but she has to treat you with respect.
I don’t even let my boss disrespect me. Nobody pays me to put up with that. Life’s too short to suffer fools.” InternationalWeb5755
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why would you have your child anywhere near this poisonous woman? And seriously, what do your SO and his SIL and other family members say about WHY this woman hates you?
What’s behind all this? Did she/does she have another girl lined up for him, as soon as she gets you two to break up? Is that the plan? For your own mental health and the health of your child, your SO, and your relationship, you and your SO should go low-contact/no-contact with this woman.
She has other family members apparently, so let her spread her negative energy around them.” Robbes_Watch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your mil was abusive to your SO. Might be why he tries to keep the peace, because he’s afraid of her.
It’s not easy to break generational abuse. Keep strong, but do NOT accept her abuse. Keep your son away. Block her #, block any social media, put a no-trespassing sign on your door.” GoreGoddezz
20. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Sister-In-Law's Graduation Due To Her Questionable Relationship?
“My 29-year-old sister-in-law (“Jody”) will be graduating this spring with a degree related to mental health care, specifically for young adults/teenagers. She currently works at an inpatient treatment center for teenagers/young adults.
On Christmas Day ‘23 we accidentally discovered she was in a new relationship when a photo was shared with the family that included a mystery foot.
We all noticed the foot and asked who it belonged to. Come to find out, it belonged to her partner, who had been living with her at her parent’s house for the previous 2 weeks, roughly. Neither she, nor my mother/father-in-law had mentioned anything to us (myself, my wife, or my other sister-in-law) about a partner, or that he was living with them in their house.
After more typical questioning, in a “tell us all about him” way, we learned that he had just turned 18, was previously couch surfing with several other people, and was recently released from the treatment center where my sister-in-law works. He was there for mental health issues/behaviors related to his recent breakup with an ex.
We learned that he has no job, no driver’s license, no actual ID to speak of, and no relationship with his parents. When he (“Billy”) met Jody, he was 17, she was 28, and their relationship started while he was a patient at the facility she worked at.
Myself, my wife (“Suzy”) and Suzy and Jody’s sister “Jane” are all completely against the relationship. Jody is 11 years older than him (he’s now 18, she’s 29) he has mental health issues, and he was her patient. Now, Jody and Billy have moved into an apartment together.
Jody recently posted a picture on Instagram of their first “real” dinner in their new apartment together, and with his face not shown in the photo, you could clearly see a bottle of booze (a Smirnoff) on his side of the table.
So, I and the two older sisters are totally against the relationship and believe that what she’s doing is a major moral and ethical violation that is potentially jeopardizing a career that she hasn’t even really started. We feel like going to her graduation would be a show of support, but we don’t support the choices she’s making and feel like she is unfit for this career field.
The parents, on the other hand, feel like we should all calm down, quit giving her a hard time, and let things “settle down”. They feel like we should absolutely go to her graduation.
So, are we the jerks? Should we go and show our support, or should we dig in our heels and hold our position because we feel what she’s doing is wrong on so many levels?
She will be the first in the family to earn a college degree, and she has worked very hard for a long time to fulfill this dream.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – at the end of the day you get to choose who you support.
If you feel like this is a deal breaker (without getting into the whole ethics aspect about going out with a patient at your work – which I’d report) then that’s up to you. You could also send a card but don’t have to go the actual ceremony if you wanted an in-between option.” Astroblemes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP. I truly wish this was another “Rage Bait” post but I fear it is not. Stick to your ethical boundaries OP and stay home. Your SIL knows what she is doing is wrong or she would not have hidden his face in the first photo.
This is so sick, so wrong that part of me wants you to report her to the Governing board for her major. I feel nauseated….” FireBallXLV
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and you need to report her to the state medical board and to the facility that this relationship came out of.
Your sister-in-law should not be working with patients much less young ones that she can groom and take advantage of. If this was a man instead of a woman everyone would be shouting from the rooftops how wrong this situation is.” judgeeveryonesbiznes
19. AITJ For Refusing To Assist My Roommate's Friend During Her Labor?
“I (22f) rent a room in a house. It’s cheap and doesn’t have a lease, kinda sketch, a great place for broke grad students (me) and weird middle-aged men (my 3 roommates). One of the roommates who just moved in like 3 weeks ago not even, we’ll call him Steve, he lives in the room next to me.
Steve moved in when I was dog sitting and I’m rarely home, I work a lot, I go to school, and I have side gigs, I rent a room to sleep and to keep my stuff somewhere. I barely interact with my roommates.
Anyway, I got home from work today and accidentally locked myself out of my bedroom.
When I was waiting for the landlord to drop me off the extra key, I was hanging out in the living room. Steve came home and said that a few of his friends would be coming over. Steve’s friends turned out to be a couple, a man and his partner who was in labor.
Like active labor. She introduced herself to me and said “these contractions are really something” and she was happy that a woman was here in the house.
I am not social, especially not with my roommates and their friends. I do not spend time in the common spaces.
I was only there because I had to be. Steve said that he and his friend had to go work on something outside and they asked me to watch over the partner and make sure she’s okay and everything’s going alright. I said no because once I got my room unlocked I had things to do and also I don’t want to be responsible for some lady’s birth.
Pregnancy freaks me out. Also, I’m studying literature, I failed my high school CPR first aid course, I am barely qualified to put a bandaid on, let alone check in on someone giving birth. (Sidebar: idk why she was laboring in my apartment, I have never seen her or her partner before, I fully support a woman’s right to have a birth plan and if she wants a home birth, go for it, just not in my home please).
Anyway, once I got the extra key from my landlord, I went to class, ran errands, etc. I came back later in the evening and my 3 roommates were sitting at the table and they were fuming that I abandoned the lady giving birth. Apparently, she was excited that a woman would be there to support her and she was really upset that I left.
I told them that I can’t miss class because a rando lady I’ve never met before is giving birth, no professor would believe that, also I hate missing class, I have perfect attendance, I’m not letting some random lady and her random baby ruin that for me.
My roommates, especially Steve, think I’m being selfish for leaving, especially because apparently the lady ended up having to go to the hospital to give birth because she got stressed or something, idk. I do feel bad that her birth plan went off track but I’m very confused as to why I needed to be a part of the birth plan, I don’t know this woman.
Anyways, AITJ for not assisting a birth?”
Another User Comments:
“No you’re absolutely not the jerk in this situation and unless Steve is a doula or a midwife what the actual heck was going on (my mother was an ob/gyn) in this situation? It makes no sense, so many things wrong in that situation and no you didn’t cause the stress that sent her to the hospital, labor’s pretty darn stressful (and I’m sure the landlord will be thrilled one of his tenants was thinking of delivering a baby in the house, it ain’t a clean process).” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am so confused. Having a baby can be extremely dangerous. You didn’t abandon her, they didn’t even know you were going to be there. The men abandoned her. What in the world is happening here? Her birth plan was to have her baby on her partner’s friend’s couch?
And your landlord walked in, to unlock your door, saw this, and was like, cool with it, or was THAT why she had to go to the hospital and they just think you’re too dumb to know that? Screw those old dudes, this is not your problem.
I hope you get more dog-sitting jobs so you don’t have to be there often. This is so weird. I hope mother and baby are doing alright.” DorothysRevenge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Complain to the landlord – Steve needs to be evicted. Your home is not a hospital. “And they were fuming that I abandoned the lady giving birth.” ..
why would you care? You were fine to stay away from that. There is no reasonable situation where you would have been expected to help them with childbirth. There was NO emergency. The ONLY assistance you owe is to call an ambulance for them if required, and help until the ambulance is there.” Excellent-Count4009
18. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Stepdaughter's Tuition?
“I f39 married my husband m54 6 years ago. Together 8. He has two children m20 and f19, Emma. I have a daughter f9. I was a widow when I met my husband.
Emma had severe issues with her father getting married again while her brother got along very well with me and my daughter.
He is the best older brother out there. Emma did not like me and she treated my daughter very badly too to the degree that she almost never left my arms when her sister was home. When Emma was 15 she permanently moved to live with her mother.
My deceased husband left me a small fortune when he passed that I never touched since I had a good job and never wanted anything more so last year I helped pay my stepson’s tuition. I am planning to do that with my daughter too, and the rest I will add to my daughter.
My stepdaughter is very angry now calling me the jerk. Am I? I never had a good relationship with her. She always hated me and I don’t think she’s becoming a good person and honestly, I would rather leave more to my daughter than pay for her ungrateful butt.
My husband is sad because he thinks I am being unjust. I am very sad about it but I still don’t feel I am the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has no claim on your money. She hasn’t treated you as family so you don’t have to treat her as family.
Your husband should feel blessed you chose to give some of your first husband’s money to his son. Not many people would do this. She is not entitled to anything from you when she can’t even give you respect for how her father feels about you.” northerntropicaz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Emma has two parents who can fund her. She’s not your child; she’s not even your friend. Tell hubby if he wants everyone to be equal then you will withdraw from helping his son. They’re all ungrateful. Instead of being appreciative of what you are giving, they look at what else they can demand from you.
Emma’s parents are getting a break by your paying brother’s tuition, so they can put more of their assets towards Emma to make it “fair” if they want. Step-parent does not mean they are entitled to your assets.” CrankyWife
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your step-daughter made her choice in being against her father remarrying and choosing to take that out on you and your daughter.
Your stepson clearly could look past that and accept being part of a blended family. When your stepdaughter was old enough, she made a choice to leave. All her choices. Kids need to learn that behaviors have consequences, both good and bad depending on the behavior.
She chose wrong and that is not on you. Your husband needs to understand that too. So definitely NTJ.
I was in a relationship with someone who had 3 children, and they all took different actions against me because they did not want their mother in another relationship.
The mother disagreed with me on any discipline at all. The kids’ actions were significant. The oldest stole my car and caused thousands in damage joyriding. Daughter stole cash and items, youngest was not as bad, but would bump into me, fall, and claim I shoved him.
None believed actions had consequences. I left. They begged me to come back because their mother couldn’t afford to pay the bills without help. It sounds like this girl isn’t going to learn a lesson from this, but stick to your guns, and make it clear this is a consequence of how she treated you and your daughter.” Immediate_Loss_4370
17. AITJ For Not Involving My Fiancé's Parents In Our Wedding Planning?
“Since late last year, my (30F) fiancé David (31M) and I have had significant issues with his parents over our wedding.
While I think things could have been handled better, I didn’t initially think we’d done anything wrong, but the degree of the fallout is making me doubt myself.
For background, David is African and immigrated here with his father and stepmother when he was young, and as his father’s firstborn son the wedding would usually be a grand affair.
That said, when we started planning the wedding last year (set this coming April) we decided to plan it ourselves. This is largely because we both wanted a small and simple Western wedding – 30 people max with a simple ceremony and private reception at a fine restaurant.
So there hasn’t been much to plan to begin with, we knew what we wanted, and my own parents were fine to not be involved.
The catch came with David’s parents. He said they would be very upset at the idea of having a small and purely Western wedding.
Apparently, the norm is easily over two hundred guests with an extravagant party and he anticipated there being drama with them trying to push us to change our plans. As such he asked that we just let his parents know the wedding date and other information a few months beforehand along with everyone else.
I was a bit iffy about not even telling them the date, but he seemed stressed about it and I went along.
This past Christmas we visited his parents, during which they sat us down and demanded to know why they hadn’t been involved in the planning so far.
In short, David told them that we just wanted a small wedding and didn’t feel like we needed help in the planning, but that we are happy to let them know what we’ve decided so far. When they heard about the size of the wedding there was an expected amount of shock and anger with a long bout of aggressive lecturing about how selfish we were for not considering their wishes for the wedding, e.g. large and more African-style.
We ended things by agreeing to loop them into plans going forward but that we’re sticking to our current vision.
Shortly after this though, his father sends David a text saying that our wedding isn’t worth doing, that we should just not bother inviting anyone and go straight to the courthouse instead.
David was furious and responded by saying our choices are valid and that we’ll be going forward with the ceremony, and that if he thinks it’s not worth it then he doesn’t have to attend. His father blew up at that and, among accusations of abandoning his culture and being a bad child, said he won’t attend and that we shouldn’t invite anyone else on his side of the family either.
They haven’t spoken since although many people have called David lecturing or begging him to make up with his dad.
We’re still fine going ahead with the wedding as-is, but I feel awful about the break in David’s family which may be permanent.
Were we the jerks for keeping his family out of the wedding planning?”
Another User Comments:
“When you get a clash of expectations rooted in cultures like this one, there’s no easy way out. If you do what David’s father wants, you’ll be steamrolled in your own wedding planning and feel resentful.
If you do what you and David want, it feels like disrespect to his father. You are NTJ for doing what you want to do, but that judgment won’t change how mad David’s father is or how others who share his cultural views will see your actions.
Some folks bridge this by doing the wedding their own way and having the family throw a reception that fits the cultural traditions. (They plan, they pay for, you guys just show up and smile.) Is that an option that might smooth things over?” EsmeWeatherwax7a
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because he was born into a certain family or culture does NOT mean that he must follow their ways just because they say so. He’s his own person, with his own mind, heart, and soul. His life’s his own, and his path is his own.
They can make all the noise they want to about it, but at the end of the day, this is not something they have ANY power over. Right now they are going through the ‘pain’ of that discovery. Honestly, if they are so bent about this that they are willing to ‘break permanently’ over it – I would say that the two of you are better off without these people in your lives.
If they are this bad already, having THIS type of micromanagement in your lives/marriage for years to come is only going to be stress & misery for you. Maybe David would benefit from some therapy or counseling; a neutral third party who can help him find a way to make peace in his headspace, or ‘safely’ hash it out with his family if that’s what he wants to do.” TrainingDearest
16. AITJ For Not Forcing My Son To Lose On Purpose?
“In my household when you play games we don’t allow other people to win by having other players go easy. The games are always fair. Also helped that when the kids were younger most games were just luck-based. Really not much strategy in playing Candy Land.
This is about my youngest; he is 8. His cousin Beth is also 8. My sister was over and she brought Beth. My son and she went to play some board games. Everything was fine until Beth started crying. She lost the game and this was the third one in the row she lost. Personally, it was just bad luck since the games were luck-based.
My sister went to calm her down and after asked me to tell my son to lose the next game. I told her no and brought up that Beth shouldn’t have a mini breakdown about losing a board game.
This started an argument, she called me a jerk for not “controlling my competitive son” (her words).
I told my brother about it and he also told me I should have told my kid to let her win.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If you told your son to let her win without having the time and opportunity to explain context then it would be setting up a very bad precedent.
It could be misinterpreted by your son that he has to let that person win for x reason because they are (family, opposite gender, a guest, etc…). You can’t just stop and expect an 8-year-old to understand without having second and third-order effects. This would be like teaching a boy back in the 80s to not hit a girl no matter what even if she is a threat.
No context given just being told don’t do it. Same with telling one sibling they are not allowed to do something that the other is without context. This is where a whole generation is angry and sees blatant hypocrisy and favoritism from their parents.
Context was never given and now even as adults they fail to understand why. The parents don’t see the issues they cause or even remember the situation at all.” Victor-Grimm
Another User Comments:
“Important facts here: 1. Your son didn’t gloat or ‘rub in it her face’ when he won
2. The game was a one of luck, NOT skill. We lose in life way more than we win and learning how to ‘lose well’ (i.e. reflect on the reasons and improve ourselves) is a vital life lesson to learn.
NTJ. Maybe, though, no more playing games (where there’s a winner and loser) with sister and her family.” pcnauta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this is just something her kid needs to learn, and if it means she doesn’t want to play games with your son then that might be a lesson he learns too. In this situation, both of you should stay out of it and let the kids play.
The only thing I would make sure they do is alternate who goes first each time or have the loser go first next time etc. It just teaches turn-taking and I’ve found in luck-based games like Sorry whoever goes first (the youngest player) wins the game the vast majority of the time.
So while yes it’s luck based there are some advantages to be had. Short of that just stay out of it, it’s better that her kid learns how to cope with failure and emotional regulation now rather than when she’s an overstressed dysregulated teen.” ModernZombies
15. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Brother's Family After They Took Advantage Of Us?
“WIBTJ for throwing my brother and his family out? They were only supposed to stay with us for three months until they both found jobs and saved up enough money to get their own place. However, my brother’s wife kept making excuses not to get a job.
She was trying to control how much my brother worked, claiming he wasn’t spending enough time with their kids. In reality, they both should have been working as much as possible to get their own place and support their children.
This situation has happened twice before, and this is the third time.
Each time, it has played out the same way. My wife and I have been supporting both their family and ours, and the bills are racking up. They aren’t trying to help. The agreement was that they would both get jobs and pay $600 a month.
They’ve only paid $600 three times in almost a year. They haven’t helped out with anything and are destroying the house.
While pretending to apply for jobs, my brother’s wife was having an affair on him with our younger cousin. She constantly tried to dictate rules in my house, mistreated my children, and disrespected our household every chance she got.
My wife and I are struggling with the financial burden, and their lack of effort is making it worse. Yet, my mother feels like I should give them a break, and apparently, I’m the bad guy because I want them gone. After dealing with this same nonsense three times, I’m done with the bull crap.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother’s family is getting exactly what they want if they stay. The people suffering in this scenario are your wife and kids. You’re blowing time and energy, and mainly money on ungrateful selfish people. That time could be spent with your family, the money could be saved or invested, for your kids’ future.
Please save them.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“SIL is mistreating your children. That means you have the responsibility to get your brother and his wife out of your home ASAP. You owe your children a safe, nurturing environment, and they don’t have that with these interlopers in their home.
Add to that the financially precarious situation it is putting you in, and your responsibility to get them out only increases. If they didn’t want to get kicked out, they should have stuck to their end of the bargain and not harmed their benefactors. NTJ and get them out.” crumpledspoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your house your rules. You are helping them out of your kindness and they are taking it for granted. It’s a lot easier to say than done but they need to understand that living under someone else’s house doesn’t give them the right to treat it as if it’s their house.
If your mother has compassion for them then probably she should contribute to your financial burden since she’s empathetic with their situation. Helping someone is a virtue, not a right, based on what you described, they don’t deserve it. Not a single bit.” Embarrassed_Watch185
14. AITJ For Not Inviting My Fiance's Friend's Wife To Our Wedding Out Of Retaliation?
“Most of my fiancé’s friends got married last year, before he and I were engaged. We were both invited to all of the weddings except for one, where only my fiancé was invited (he was explicitly told that he was not getting a plus one for that wedding, whereas I was explicitly on the invite for the other weddings).
All other friends in the friend group got a plus one, even if they were not yet married. They were all engaged. However, my fiancé and I have been seeing each other for 9 years, so I feel like being the longest-running couple of the bunch counts for something.
We are now planning our wedding. My fiancé is offended on my behalf and doesn’t want to invite his friend’s wife since I wasn’t invited to their wedding. I feel like this will look too pointed, but I understand why he thinks it’s fair.
They didn’t invite me in order to keep costs down, not because of any specific feelings about me (we get along well enough, just haven’t spent a ton of time together). We obviously would also like to keep costs down. Would we be the jerks if we didn’t invite his wife?”
Another User Comments:
“Invite both or neither. The husband is just as guilty for a lack of invite as his wife was. I would invite both and basically ignore the wife as much as decorum and not being completely rude allows so your fiancé will not have problems in the friend group.
Basically, just a cordial hello or a thank you as needed but not a welcoming conversation. She or they might wind up not going anyway.” Scenarioing
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like unnecessary drama that’ll end up being pinned on you from the other side and not your fiancé, “look at that vindictive woman, just because she wasn’t invited to one wedding.” Much like you and your fiancé are pinning your non-existent invitation on his friend’s wife.
If your fiancé is so offended on your behalf, which he’s well within his rights to be, he honestly needs to have the conversation directly with his friend about how much he felt disrespected and hurt on your behalf – and also personally, they slighted your relationship, which obviously includes him.
So NTJ/ESH but I don’t think it’ll fix anything.” canyonemoon
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, for two reasons. Mostly your fiance because at least you’re asking about it. First, you’re blaming only the wife and not the whole couple who both didn’t invite you.
Unless you left out some significant info here about how the guy really wanted to invite you but the evil wife said no, that’s a little messed up. And btw, good chance you will similarly take the blame if you guys exclude her now.
Second, you (plural you, in case that’s not clear) are just being petty. It’s certainly your prerogative if that’s who you want to be – it’s your wedding and your guest list, so yours to control. But make no mistake that you’re doing it on purpose specifically to be the jerk in retaliation for how they limited their guest list. So yes, you’d be the jerk.” mewley
13. AITJ For Wanting To Attend My Dad's Wedding Despite My Mom's Feelings?
“Ever since I can remember, my parents had an odd relationship. They had me, their only kid, but never got married because they always had ups and downs.
They were careful not to fight in front of me, but I knew they were constantly mad at each other. When I was 6, I remember that my dad started sleeping in another room, and ever since, my parents barely spoke to each other even when they were in the same room.
I was little, but I knew something was off. Then, when I was 9, my dad told me he was going to start sleeping in another house. He moved out, but they had a 50/50 custody arrangement, so I saw him pretty often.
Then my mom started telling me that my dad abandoned us and that I should be angry at him.
When I told my dad, she never said that to me again. I guess they agreed not to put me in their mess. Later, I found out that when my dad changed rooms when I was 6, they had broken up and remained so for almost three years.
My dad explained to me that the relationship was bad for both of them, so he decided to end it without a chance of reconciliation. He begged her to go to therapy, but she didn’t want to, so he gave up and broke it off, but my mom asked my dad to keep living in our house to help her co-parent, and he agreed. I asked my mom for confirmation, and she told me that it was true.
I also found out that my dad moved because he had met someone else a month before moving out and started seeing her. Now, 10 years later, my dad and his fiancée are getting married, and we get along pretty well. My mom doesn’t want me to go; she’s very hurt about the wedding, and she’s always told me that she was my dad’s mistress, that even if they were broken up and nothing happened between them he was still living with us, so he technically two-timed. My dad has always told me his side of the story and let me draw my own conclusions.
I honestly don’t think my dad two-timed because they were broken up, but I guess my mom has really old values, and for her, living in the same house means still being in a relationship.
I don’t know what to do because, obviously, it will kill her if I go to their wedding, but I also want to be part of my dad’s special moment.
Is my mom right? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, your mom is bitter. She has issues. She needs help. Therapy. Ten years later… she needs to be moving on. She should not be putting you in the middle. No parent has the right to force their child to choose.
You have a right to be in your father’s life. If she can’t respect that? That’s her problem. She needs to deal with it. Kudos to you for actually listening to your dad’s side and deciding for yourself. He sounds like a good guy.
He tried to stay. He did the best he could. And when he met someone? He moved out. He didn’t sneak around. It sounds like he tried to do the right thing. Kudos to him too. He deserves to have you at his wedding.
And you deserve to go. Please don’t let your mother ruin it. She does not have that right. Tell her you aren’t choosing sides… you are choosing both. Kindly suggest therapy. She really needs help.” Desperate-Film599
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your dad and you should be there for the big moments in his life, as he should be for yours.
Your mom is so wrong to put this kind of pressure on you. You should tell her that. You can also mention that it is called “parental alienation” and it is so destructive to the well-being of the child it is an actual crime in some places.
She owes you a major apology. Go to the wedding and tell your mom to get therapy.” WantToBelieveInMagic
12. AITJ For Arguing With My Partner Over Our Unborn Daughter's Nickname?
“My partner and I (26yo male and 23yo female) have been together for 2 1/2 years. Last year we found out I was pregnant with my first daughter. (He has 1 child, 5yo boy).
The thing is he keeps calling her “the new kid” when referring to her even though we picked her name 6-7 months ago.
We’ve had this conversation before, where I asked him why does he keep calling her that instead of using her actual name? He said he was sorry and that he needs to think of a better “nickname” for her….
He’s been calling her “the new kid” again and again after I asked him nicely, but today I started arguing with him.
My due date is on the 5th, so she’s yet to be born, he used that as an excuse for not using her name and not calling her “our daughter” instead of “the new kid”….. I asked him if he wasn’t expecting the delivery of our beautiful daughter to be just fine?
And he decided to hang up the phone.
I just want to know because I feel like I was emotional about this due to my pregnancy hormones AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. For a lot of guys, the baby’s not really “real” to them until after it’s born.
He’s not necessarily suggesting that the delivery won’t go well. He may not be feeling a father/daughter attachment because as of right now, he can’t see her or hold her or interact with her in any way. He’s not carrying her inside his body.
You really cannot expect him to feel the same way about it that you do because he isn’t having anything like the experience you’re having. To him, the baby probably feels more like an idea than an actual person. So . . . maybe it just feels weird to him to attach a name to a baby that’s not quite real to him yet.
Or the title of “daughter.” So it’s “the new kid.” It’s impersonal because to him it probably feels impersonal. Please don’t hold this against him. It doesn’t mean he won’t get attached to her after she’s born. He just needs to get to know her first.” StrangelyRational
Another User Comments:
“Super soft YTJ. He’s processing her impending arrival in his own way and you’re allowed to be annoyed with the nickname and want him to stop using it… but maybe you’re viewing it through a harsher lens than he means it. I think it kinda sounds adorable, but maybe there’s more going on with how you feel about him already having a child with someone else?
You say “my first daughter” and “he has one child” but I’m not sure if that phrasing is significant or how blended your family will be.” Ok-Usual-472
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I have five children, all born before the days of learning the sex of the baby before birth (unless via genetic testing, which I never needed for anything).
So.. no names given until we had them, and even then, the names we had planned never fit so whole new names were given. A few of my friends DID know the sex of the baby before birth, and chose names. Only one of them kept the chosen name, the others all changed..
one even ended up having a girl when they were told (via scan, not actual test), that they were having a boy. And they had bought blue items, some with the chosen name embroidered on them. Gotta be honest.. it feels so wrong to choose a name before the baby comes, so I’m on your partner’s side for that.
He also won’t be attached to the baby in the way you are… he isn’t pregnant, doesn’t have hormonal and body changes in the way you are, and cannot feel her move the way you do. You have already bonded… he hasn’t. Yet. My own husband took weeks to bond with any of ours.
He loved them instantly but admitted that he never really felt like he was their daddy until each baby started responding to him, recognizing him, getting excited when he got home from work, or even got them up in the morning. Everything he is doing is totally normal. And everything you are feeling is also totally normal.” Glittering_Car_7077
11. AITJ For Asking A Family To Remove Their Child's Roadside Memorial From My Property?
“I recently purchased a home on a country road.
Five years ago some intoxicated local teenagers wrapped their car around a tree on the property and one died. Their family created a roadside memorial with a 4-foot cross and wooden sign. People come a few times a year and place flowers, notes, etc.
The memorial is on my property in front of the tree they hit, about 10 feet from the road.
I don’t want to see this memorial every day. It’s depressing and reminds me that a tragedy happened here, which I don’t need. I’m trying to get over some stuff. I want this home to be a fresh clean start. But I’m also sensitive to the kid’s family and friends’ feelings.
WIBTJ if I asked the family to take down the memorial?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, have a conversation with the family. Maybe offer to make a little flowerbed at the foot of the tree where these folks can come leave flowers, but that isn’t a glaring 4ft cross that turns your private home into a public graveyard.
I do think it’s weird, especially as time goes on, to keep focusing on the spot the kid died, instead of celebrating a place that was significant to him while he was alive.” Cartographer0108
Another User Comments:
“A parent here who lost a son in an accident.
It was on a corner 1 house away from our house. He was 7. It was a bicycle van accident. He rode his bike through a stop sign. We planned a rose bush on the corner of our property. No one but our family knew it was a memorial, but it was special to us.
I get why they want a memorial where he died but it is your property your decision. However, I would give the family (if you know who they are) time to take anything they want. Just remove anything left. Box it up and put it in a way back corner of your yard in case they come and ask for it.
Anything else left add it to the box a day or two after it’s left. Your property, your choice. If you don’t mind a small memorial tell them that but if you want nothing then put up a no trespassing sign or fence if that’s possible.” IndicationCrazy8522
10. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My Friend's Disgustingly Messy House?
“First of all, I would like to say that I have tried to not be judgmental, and my friend has even mentioned to me that she knows her place is very messy. But, in my mind, I would not only classify this as messy, but it is actually disgusting for me.
I cannot escape into a single room in this house that does not have a foul odor (kitchen – rotting food, living room – cat litter, etc.), and going to my friend’s house stresses me out now. I oftentimes have my nose tucked into the top of my jacket, because the cat litter/cat poop smell is so bad.
When my friend’s cat uses the litter box, she just says we can go outside to smoke until the smell goes away. But, when I go back inside, I still smell the cat poop smell. My friend invited me over for dinner, and I said I would come hang out, but I’m not that hungry.
I try to avoid eating the food at her house. I drew the line when I saw her dispose of cat litter in the kitchen trash can, which is right below the silverware drawer. I am sad and I feel like the jerk. But, my friend is often over at my house, and the kitchen in my house is probably the room that gets cleaned the most. When I invite my friends over to my house, I make sure my space is clean, because I could not expect them to be comfortable in a disgusting place, or feel comfortable eating food that came from a disgusting kitchen.
I feel like the jerk because I love my friend, and I want to spend time with her. But, I am not sure how she expects me to hang out at her house, or eat the food she makes, when she has seen how I like to keep my space and prepare my things.
I asked my mom, and she says that since my friend has been to my house and saw what kind of environment I like to eat in, then she should not be surprised by me constantly turning down dinner. I haven’t said anything to my friend, and I know that I can only control where I go and what I eat.
Since my friend acknowledges that her place is “messy,” I think she is aware of something. I’m just not sure what to do, I don’t want her to start wondering why I always turn her food down if I am hanging out at hers.
But, lately, I am so uncomfortable at her house, that I just turn down the invitation entirely or say I feel like staying at my house and she could come here with me. I feel like the jerk. I’m not sure what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her house is nasty, if she can’t see that, she’s okay with having people over when it’s nasty and smells there is nothing you can do or say to change the situation. If this situation stresses you out so much you need to have a conversation with her “I love you, and I love when you visit me, I enjoy hosting you at my home and I don’t want you to feel obligated to return the invitation.” Adding anything else to that is going to rock the boat because she will feel judged (and rightly so IMO), she will act offended and there is no way you can handle it delicately if she pushes why you don’t want to visit.
If she pushes on why you don’t want to visit I’d be honest and say you can’t handle the messiness in her house and coming over stresses you out. She will get offended at that though but you need to stand up for yourself too.
I can’t imagine hanging out in a house that smells like rotten food and cat pee.” StrainCautious873
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your friend the truth about how you feel. Human beings become desensitized to environmental stimuli over time so she literally does not smell what you smell.
If you are kind in how you speak to her, and try to stay nonjudgmental – framing it in terms of what you need and where your own standards and boundaries are, instead of criticizing – the friendship should survive ok and you should be able to talk about how to overcome this.
Be aware that you may unleash a painful shame reaction in your friend. This is probably a denial situation. You don’t say how old you are, but it sounds like you are both young enough to be living at home with your parents. She probably has no real control over how the house is.” mifflewhat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Just don’t go. Also, you need to be honest with her. All too often people are too concerned about people’s “feelings”, at the detriment of honesty and allowing self-reflection and growth. It’s actually cruel to let people believe what they are doing is right when it really is wrong, and your friend needs the hard truth to be told to her.
Allowing her to keep a cat in these conditions is actually enabling animal cruelty, as no living being should be forced into such an environment. That house is one big biohazard and just because your friend has no problems living in squalor doesn’t mean their cat should have to live like this.
Please, for your own boundary enforcement and for the health and safety of that defenseless animal… be proactive in your words and actions by addressing this head-on. Your friend’s “feel feels” do not trump the health of all living beings involved.” majesticjewnicorn
9. AITJ For Not Accommodating My Son's Gluten-Free Request After Sending Him $500?
“My son (30) and his family decided to live the “van life.” This lasted about 2 weeks. Then my husband gets a call at 11 pm from my son. They are in Cali, the baby is in the hospital, and they have no money. We send them $500 to get home.
They drive all night to get here, and my son & wife go to bed.
We fed our granddaughters breakfast. My son got irate because we fed them gluten. He expected us to go to the store and buy gluten-free food for them all. I said we just sent them $500 and couldn’t afford to go buy a bunch of food and that they should provide that when they visit someone’s home.
A huge fight ensued, and they left. AITJ for not providing that food?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not buying special groceries. YTJ because your son asked you to not feed them gluten, and you gave them toast anyway. You could have just fed the girls eggs.
There’s no gluten in eggs. You could have pulled out a can of fruit from the cupboard or whatever else you happened to have. But instead, you made an assumption that your son and his wife were wrong in their choices to stay gluten-free. It’s obvious in how you described the whole situation that you don’t respect your son’s choices, and to be fair, some of them sound questionable.
But choosing to help them with $500 does not give you carte blanche to disregard their parenting choices.” -13corset13-
Another User Comments:
“ESH: “Gluten-free food” on a budget is just… not buying things that have wheat in it. Kids can eat: eggs, fruits, veggies, potatoes, rice, beans, etc. All of which are naturally gluten-free and also very easy to purchase on a budget.
If they suspect the kids have celiac, it’s silly to give them something that has gluten in it. That said, your son is an idiot and a bad father for doing this to his kids and then running home crying to his parents and begging for money, and he should have been buying food to thank you for your generosity.
So I think you are right to be frustrated. But the kiddos are innocent in all this and if they really might have an allergy, I would just have them not eat gluten while they are with you. It’s like if the kid had a suspected peanut allergy, you wouldn’t give them a PB&J, even if that’s a really easy lunch to make – you could just do a jelly sandwich.
Similarly, don’t give eggs and toast but just give eggs with a side of fruit or potatoes or something.” yazwecan
8. AITJ For Suggesting My Partner Evict Their Housemate?
“My partner “Jay” and I are both in our early thirties. We don’t live together but are at each other’s place 2-3 times a week.
Jay lives in a 2-bed condo with a roommate. For two months in 2022, Jay worked with “Stacey” (60F) until she was fired. They maintained friends mostly via texts and phone calls. Eventually, Stacey could no longer afford to live in her apartment and moved in with a sibling.
A month later, she tells Jay the living situation was abusive and that she needed out ASAP. She asked to stay on Jay’s couch for a month while she looked for apartments and a new job.
A few weeks after moving in with Jay, she insists on getting a dog, suggesting that without a dog she had no reason to live.
She gave up her previous dog due to the abuse at her sibling’s house. Despite the building not allowing animals, Jay allows her to get a dog, thinking she would only be staying until the end of the month. That was in October. She has now been living there for five months.
I hate this dog, but regardless it eventually caught the attention of the superintendent who gave a March 1st deadline, after which Jay would be fined if the dog was on the property. Since then, Stacey has been living in her car, either in Jay’s parking spot or somewhere close by.
She will come in to use the apartment to eat/shower/use the internet. She agreed to not bring the dog as she cannot afford the fine (she has also not paid rent or utilities). Yesterday, Jay gets home early and finds her inside with the dog.
Jay then received a $100+ fine.
Jay has spoken to Stacey many times about her leaving, but she doesn’t take it seriously. She rejects assistance in finding work or another place to stay. She is content with the situation as-is but it’s making Jay, myself, their parents, and friends frustrated and miserable.
She also gets into yelling matches with the roommate. I see Jay growing increasingly upset with the situation and it’s affecting our relationship. I’ve suggested for months to evict her, but Jay feels guilty because that will leave Stacey “homeless”. I disagree because she is a registered nurse and could go and work anywhere – such as a place with affordable housing, that accepts dogs, and with more job opportunities, unlike where we live currently.
Jay and their friends are her only active connections in the city. Jay is worried about what will happen if she were to leave and it makes me feel like a jerk because I literally don’t care what happens to her and see her as the one who orchestrated this situation for herself.
So, AITJ for suggesting my partner evict their housemate even though it will leave her “homeless”?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Soon he will come to realize what a mistake he is making by letting that lady stay there. It seems he is close to the breaking point.
You are not the jerk by suggesting him to back out from this…..situation. In fact, if it means anything, I would say that you are being a good friend and looking out for him.” _Just_Here_TimePass_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jay is enabling her and until he puts his foot down, she’s just going to continue to take advantage of him.
Her not having a place to live is not his responsibility and he has no reason to feel guilty for kicking someone out who has done nothing but use him and violate his boundaries. I get having empathy for people who are struggling, but there is a limit to what you can be expected to put up with.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s wonderful your partner is such an empathetic person, but the reality is that because this has dragged on for so long with no structured deadline, there’s no real impetus for her to find a job or leave. It’s unclear from the post who owns the condo your partner lives in, but he’s clearly in violation of either the terms of his lease or the HOA.
Right now, it’s a $100 fine, but in either case, if he continues to violate the terms of whatever agreement, he can face eviction. My advice would be that he needs to change the locks immediately and stop giving her access to the apartment or the parking spot.
If he is very concerned about her, most cities have shelter referrals or homeless outreach programs, and if you live in the US, he can dial 311 and provide her information to local crisis services. But, I think you need to decide for yourself, if nothing changes, are you willing to stick around?” screamqueen57
7. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Mother Live With Me?
“I just got off a lengthy call, but I don’t know if I made the right choice.
I love my mom, I feel very close to her and have no ill intentions. But I feel incredibly guilty. I’m 23 Adult Male. We come from an Asian household.
Some context: my mother asked my two sisters if she could live in a “tiny” home at their properties only to get a resounding no. She was hurt by these answers, but both my sisters have families and I don’t.
She started to briefly mention me, but I also gave her a resounding no. She made a snide remark about my sisters being too Americanized for not letting her do so.
There have been multiple instances of my mom going on outbursts while drinking, like, enough times for it to warrant being an actual concern, and being an adult, I don’t want to have to deal with that in my own adult life anymore.
I even mentioned this, but she started going off on a tangent about people being able to change, and even started to tear up… But… I knew she was drinking since I can feel she’s sad and depressed that her kids all are grown up, away from home, and none of us essentially want her.
She even conveyed to me how heartbreaking it is.
It’s not that we don’t want her, it’s that we don’t want her living with us long enough to encounter her drinking problem again. But I find this is impossible to convey to her without hurting her feelings.
I also, and now maybe this is me being American, hate the whole “take care of your parents” ideal too. I don’t see why my life has to cater to adults.
Ultimately I did tell her that I didn’t want her living at my house, but she is more than welcome to visit, and that I don’t want any semblance of my mother’s drunk outburst near me in my life anymore.
But it felt like I really saddened her by doing so.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think you should be more clear with her that her heavy drinking is a huge reason why. She needs help, and she’s unlikely to seek out help if you’re softening all the blows.
Not your responsibility to help her get help, but as far as feeling bad, well… it’s a bandaid to pull off. Long term, that’s how you help her, is to make her see it now and yes it’ll be painful for her but if you want her to change then that’s most likely what’s going to have to happen.” Still-Measurement-90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your sisters have obviously had negative experiences involving your mother’s drinking before, and it’s a valid reason to say no. I hope that your mother can find a way to cope with her feelings other than drinking – maybe she just wants more contact with you all or is lonely?
Could you schedule a regular catch-up to all have dinner together or something? Maybe she just needs more connection and doesn’t know how to ask for it? As for the “Americanized” bit, this might be harsh to your mother, but when you move to another country, it is normal for you to become accustomed to the norms and cultures of that country.
If your parents moved to America with children or had children in America, I’m honestly not sure why they are surprised that their children would absorb some of the cultural norms from there. It’s called assimilation.” SadRaviolo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I feel it would be kinder to really convey that the main reason is her struggle with drinking, and how it affects her, and not her normal self (mainly because I assume that your parents instilled such an impressive work ethic in you that you are able to be a homeowner at 23, so I assume she did some things right).
I would also recommend offering to help her find a suitable program if/when she is ready to accept help. This makes me incredibly sad for her.” FlatConclusion8847
6. AITJ For Calling My Little Brother A Coward After He Fought With His Partner?
“My little brother “Matthew” (15M) and I are from Mississippi. He’s gay, but he hides a lot of his less-than-masculine interests like his love of flowers and gardening from his friends and teammates because “they wouldn’t get it.” He has a partner “Taylor” (16M) whom he met at a wrestling meet last year.
Taylor’s a really nice and sweet kid who also plays sports but is OUT and a bit more ugh “fancy” than Matthew. He’ll bring Matthew flowers all the time, and he picks him up and drives him around and usually pays on dates because he has a job.
They had to be a secret until recently.
Matthew just came out last month, and it’s been hard on him. He and our dad have been fighting a lot, and people at school, especially his teammates, aren’t being much better. I try to be there for him as his big sister, but I’m not in school with him anymore, and there’s only so much mom and I can do at home.
He was supposed to be hanging out with Taylor Saturday after practice, but then I got a call from him all upset asking me to pick him up, and wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. I was only like 5 min away, so I was like sure.
When I pulled up, I caught him and Taylor arguing about how Taylor embarrassed him by bringing him flowers in front of his teammates, and Taylor was telling him it’s not his fault he’s scared to be himself.
Taylor just sulked off and went home, and Matthew got in the car crying.
I asked what that was about, and he tells me about how he’s getting called Taylor’s “old lady” or the “girl” because of how Taylor is with him and that Taylor just embarrassed him. Idk why, but that just made me mad. I pulled over at a gas station and told Matthew straight to his face that he was being a coward and a jerk to Taylor.
I told him how I wished I had a guy that treated me as well as Taylor treats him and even put up with all his crap. I asked why he doesn’t just stand up to those jerks instead of taking it out on Taylor.
He just sat there looking at me stunned and cried more. He wouldn’t talk to me the rest of the ride home. Mom thinks I was too harsh with him. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Why doesn’t he stand up to those jerks?” Those implies plural…
in fact, a whole team of them. So sis, you admit you’re no longer at his school and that coming out has been hard on him. Why pile it on? While he’s crying? There is a non-zero chance little brother gets physically beaten. Are you going to be around to protect him?
Mob rule is not rational. Sorry, but soft YTJ for piling on your brother when he’s struggling & not without reasonable anxiety/fear.” Ok2beSmartAndKind
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Everyone in his life is treating him like crap. He is getting gay bashed at school.
He had a difficult situation of trying not to bring more attacks on him and handled it badly. What is the point of piling on? This is a childhood SO, mixed with societal homophobia and at-home homophobia. Criticizing either boy for their actions lacks basic emotional intelligence.
The situation is not black and white, this isn’t a movie, this is real life. There are potential consequences in real life regardless of the flowery idea of “be yourself” and it will all work out. It doesn’t always end well for gay boys when that occurs.
Given the context and the potential threat, this boy needs more than a dumb dad and ignorant sister to help him navigate.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your brother is getting bullied for being who he is. He’s going through a massive shift in his life and trying to navigate it.
It’s ok for him to still be struggling with being loud and out at 15 years old in the south. Also, quite frankly, you don’t get to love people solely on your terms. Taylor should understand your brother’s current relationship and comfort with his own sexuality, and realize what he did would not make your brother happy.
At this point, your brother is not comfortable with PDA and that’s totally valid in any relationship. If Taylor has issues with your brother not being as out and proud as he is, Taylor can break up with your brother. Pushing him further out of the closet is not ok at all.
I know my comment is mostly about Taylor, but my point here is YOU are wrong because you are backing someone who’s not being very sensitive to the situation. Your brother’s feelings are valid and you yelled at him for it.” twayjoff
5. AITJ For Getting Upset When My Partner Drinks Dairy Straight From The Container?
“I’ve been seeing this girl for the better part of a year now, and in almost every aspect she is significantly more hygienic and clean than I am, this much I can admit.
But the ONE thing we cannot seem to agree on is that it is an ultimate taboo to drink any kind of dairy/milk from the container. She thinks this is fine.
Today I bought heavy whipping cream as a recipe we were making called for it.
Before we measured any out she went to take a sip. I got upset immediately because I was in the midst of trying to explain that I had the plan of making the rest of it into whipped cream, and she got defensive saying that it would be fine to still use for whipped cream.
I think that is disgusting, the human mouth is laden with bacteria and milk/cream is the perfect medium for them to propagate instantly, even in as little as 12 hours I think that the cream or anything we make with it — that is not cooked with heat — will not be food safe.
She thinks it will be fine.
Am I the jerk for not wanting to make whipped cream anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Look as other people pointed out it’s not logical to be grossed out by that with someone you’re intimate with.
But being grossed out isn’t logical. Hair on my partner’s head is lovely but in the shower it’s gross. I have no problem kissing my partner but I would be revolted to touch their saliva if they spat on me or in my drink.
You’re allowed to have weird icky that don’t make sense. But maybe you should buy separate cartons of dairy. She can drink from hers and not yours. If she insists on drinking from yours then the issue is she doesn’t respect boundaries and that’s a huge red flag.” No_Rope_8115
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Like you said, dairy products are the perfect place for bacteria to propagate. A few comments have stated ‘Aren’t you sharing those bacteria anyway when you kiss, etc…’ but those bacteria haven’t multiplied into what they could in the milk.
Further, that could spoil the dairy product. IF she was the only person living in the house, or the only person to drink that product, I think it’d be ok, but if you ever have guests over, that’s pretty gross.” Zealousideal_Web2145
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First off who drinks whipping cream? I am going to set aside the whole germs/mouth/kissing debate entirely. You are not the jerk because you have discussed this before and she knows it upsets you. It is something she can easily avoid doing with no major inconvenience by simply pouring a bit in a glass, a bowl, a spoon, and yet she continues to do it.
So this is just disrespect plain and simple.” Laines_Ecossaises
4. AITJ For Telling My Partner Not To Chop Veggies With Raw Meat?
“My (24F) partner (27M) was making us breakfast and I walked into the kitchen and saw him chopping veggies on the same board as raw meat with the same knife. I said, “Oh my God, are those veggies with raw meat?” honestly just shocked. He blew up on me, slamming everything down, saying I’m overreacting and was speaking to him like a toddler and that he’s never been sick from it.
I explained I’ve had food poisoning before and just because it hadn’t happened doesn’t mean it won’t happen. And he continued to blow up on me, cussing and telling me it was going to be a million dishes and to just do it myself if I can cook better.
I genuinely thought everyone knew not to mix raw meat with veggies? And I don’t think I’m overreacting by being grossed out or by calling him out, but feel free to tell me if I’m missing something.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I work in food service and if a health inspector walked in and saw that, he’d be marked down.
That’s incredibly dangerous. I’m more concerned with his reaction. Does he always immediately fly off the handle and play the victim every time you, I guess, correct him? That’s not a normal reaction for someone to cuss you out when you tell them they’re doing something that is a high food poisoning risk.
A normal person might argue about it, but he went over the top on you. And also, he’s willing to cut corners if it’s easier for him, even if it puts others at risk. Just thought I’d point that out. He didn’t want to do it because he couldn’t be bothered to quickly rinse the board and knife off.
1 minute. It was easier for him to flip out on you, and make you feel guilty and come to the internet because he’s clearly destroying your confidence than take 1 minute to wash a couple of dishes. That’s your SO.” Incarcer
Another User Comments:
“You know how people always say the internet jumps to “dump him” super quick?
Yeah, there is a reason for that. This grown adult not only doesn’t know jack about food safety, but as a person, he is unwilling to receive feedback, he cusses/screams at you when he gets mad, and then he outright quits and dumps the chore on you.
You did not pick a winner, this man is 100% a jerk. Is this really the future you want for yourself? NTJ.” KartlindWitch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are very much correct on the raw meat stuff. You have bigger concerns. His reaction, if typical, is even worse for you to tolerate than mishandled raw meat.
He was emotionally abusive. You could have said it less accusatory, perhaps. Idk how you said it, but he certainly took it as a larger criticism. And so he retaliated, lashing out. I actually empathize with him in that he clearly has a strident inner critic.
He was trying to make food for you both, and suddenly when you said what you said to him, it seemed like another failure. He has to address those issues so that he can react with perspective and control. It took me many years to begin to learn how.
He has my sympathy if that’s a correct read. However, a grown man must not lose control of his anger. It seems he mainly directed his anger at himself, wounding himself, and causing self-pity. It’s a stupid but powerful cycle. What to do depends on the information and details only you possess.
Certainly, breaking up is an option. Whatever the cause, his toxic behavior is as bad for you as salmonella. If you decide to have the conversation, look to reassure him that he’s not a failure in your eyes. Good luck to you both.” Late_Magazine2573
3. AITJ For Making My Daughter Cancel Her Graduation Party And Pay Back Relatives?
“My daughter was supposed to graduate college this semester.
We have been talking about her graduation party for basically 7 months. What she wanted to do and who to invite. We have already sent out the invites and multiple relatives have booked flights to come up. The issue is my daughter isn’t graduating. She lied to everyone for at least 4 months.
She failed a class she needed to graduate last semester and didn’t inform anyone.
She told us this yesterday, the party is in about a month, and everything has been paid for already.
So I informed her she needs to call all her relatives and explain the situation.
If they can’t get a refund for their flights I expect her to offer to pay them back. I also informed her she needs to pay back the rental price since I can’t get a refund for some stuff.
This resulted in a huge argument, and she is calling me a jerk for humiliating her.
I explained that it is her fault and if she informed us months ago this wouldn’t be happening.
My husband thinks I am being a bit harsh but is sticking with me.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: How did she lie about her graduation plans?
Did she insist on the graduation party, or is this something you were throwing her? Was the size of the party at her insistence? Did she drop the class and know she wouldn’t graduate, or was she doing poorly but thought she could salvage it by the final?
Is this a class that’s relatively common to fail and make up? Is it only one class? I ask because in my experience, there were a pretty good amount of people who dropped/failed Kinetics and took it over the summer, and it wasn’t a huge issue except for them starting their career 3-4 months later, and those people were more-or-less treated like they were going to graduate by most of the other students.
How much money does your daughter make and how much money are you talking about for all of this? By the way you’re describing it, you expect her to pay back multiple thousands of dollars for people’s trips and for the party, which is… implausible for a college student who didn’t graduate and may have student debt.” Milskidasith
Another User Comments:
“Info: how often is this class offered? If she failed it last semester could she have taken it this semester to graduate? If it’s ONE class that’s holding her graduation back, could she have had the party, and taken the class over the summer?
Seems like a big waste to lose on travel plans, deposits, and rentals for one class. She’s the jerk for not telling you, but seeing how big of a deal you made this graduation party, and how you’re reacting to the news, I can tell why she was scared to talk about this (although the longer you wait, the worse it is to tell).” makethatnoise
Another User Comments:
“I’m abstaining from voting because I’m too biased. I was a version of your daughter at one point in my life. I didn’t tell my parents I didn’t graduate because I knew it was going to be a wretched scene. I couldn’t communicate with my family.
Whenever I tried, I just couldn’t make it work. It became easier to lie than damage relationships even more than they were. Your daughter is embarrassed, probably, and this got out of hand. Having her go through the humiliating punishment you handed out isn’t going to change one single thing about her graduation status, but it is probably making your daughter regret being honest with you.
It’s of course your money and your decision what you do, but this is going to leave a deep wound in your relationship with your daughter if you follow through.” LadyM80
2. AITJ For Throwing Out My Partner's Tea Caddies Without Asking?
“I (30M) have been seeing Georgia (26F) for about a year now so we decided to take the plunge and move in together.
I moved into her flat because it’s bigger and more convenient for me to get to work. As with moving in, we moved all my stuff over and both decided to downsize on our possessions to make the space a bit more comfortable. We’ve both been going through our things and throwing out stuff we don’t need or look at anymore.
The general rule is that if it’s been more than a month and it’s not been used/thought about, it goes.
It’s no secret to me or anyone who knows Georgia that she likes tea. Whenever we go on a trip, she likes to buy a small tea caddy or packet of loose leaf to take home with her.
She has a photo album of all the teas she has had – it’s filled with packets/photos of caddies which are all dated and reviewed. I’ve seen several of her albums and she’s talked me through them. Personally, I’m happy she has a hobby but I’m not that interested. I listen politely and that’s that.
Sometimes when one of us is working and the other has the day off, the one with the day off sorts through possessions. Georgia happened to be working last weekend so I was tasked with clearing the flat. I found a big box in her cellar (it’s not a proper one, more of a cupboard since it’s in the flat) full of tea caddies.
I, not thinking, threw them out because she has photos of the caddies which are dated so I figured she didn’t need the actual caddies anymore as they were right at the back of the cellar. I still kept the box they were in for storage but the caddies went into a bag and into the bins outside along with other things.
Well today, we both went through the cellar together since I didn’t get through all of it. Long story short, she picked up the box, realized it was empty, and freaked out. I tried to explain that it was an accident because she had the photos so I thought she didn’t need them and I didn’t want to bother her at work.
She was really upset understandably so but once she learned I’d put them in the bin, she asked me to get them back since they hadn’t been emptied before. I refused because I’m not going to root through bins and we agreed to downsize on possessions.
She said it didn’t matter because she didn’t want to throw them away in the first place and that I “need” to get them back. When I didn’t, she decided to go into the bins and look through every single bag. She did get them back but is now not talking to me because I made her go through them even though it was her own choice anyway.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YTJ, and so is anyone who thinks “I didn’t know” is an excuse where you obviously could have known had you only asked. My ex does this. Nothing is bad according to her unless she admits deliberately premeditating not only doing the thing but deliberately premeditates it with the sole purpose of causing mental anguish.
Naturally, she never admits that, so everything is just an “innocent” I thought, I didn’t know thing. You too seem to think that no matter how negligently you act and with no matter how much disregard for things you yourself do not approve of, you cannot be wrong unless you admit to having done a wrong thing in order to cause harm.
You threw her stuff out, part of a hobby, even though you knew she drank the tea she reviewed. And then left her to go digging in a bin because you look down on this hobby. YTJ. If you still have a partner after this, you’re luckier than you know.
“I refused because I’m not going to root through bins and we agreed to downsize on possessions.” And it seems painfully clear that you did it on purpose because you sneer at her hobby.” He_Who_Is_Person
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You know she collects those.
You knew they were important to her but because YOU don’t find it important or worthwhile, you decided to just toss it instead of sending her a text (no need to call) or just putting the box aside until the evening. And THEN you had the gall to say that you didn’t THINK (which just makes you a moron) and decided that instead of doing the right thing and fixing your mistake by getting her possessions back, you’d make her do it because – again – you think her hobby is worthless.
She should toss YOU with the trash.” katbelleinthedark
Another User Comments:
“YTJ how would you feel if she went through your stuff and threw out whatever she wanted? It’s okay to downsize but you should be throwing out only your own things. Anything that is hers needs to be her decision to throw out.
If there is something you see that is hers, talk to her about it.” Lianarias
1. AITJ For Insisting My MIL Buys Presents For Both My Daughters?
“I (36f) have two daughters: Emily (6), who I have with my ex, and Maia (4), who I have with my current husband Daniel (40).
Daniel is great with both of them and doesn’t treat Emily any differently from Maia. Emily sees her dad every other weekend.
The problem I have is with Daniel’s mum Fiona, who will come over and bring presents for Maia, but nothing for Emily.
To be clear, I don’t expect her to have the same relationship with Emily that she does with Maia. However, she REALLY treats Maia differently. Each time she visits she will bring Maia presents, usually just small things like chocolate or candy, but she won’t bring anything for Emily.
What ends up happening is that Emily will get jealous that Maia has candy, so we will ask Maia to share it with her sister, to which Maia then gets upset that she has to share her candy which was given specifically to her.
I asked Daniel to tell Fiona that when she brings sweets for Maia she needs to bring some for Emily too.
Daniel explained why but she still wasn’t too happy apparently, though she agreed to do that next time.
It’s the same on Christmas, she will bring a bunch of gifts for Maia but nothing for Emily. It wasn’t always a problem when Emily was younger, but now that they are older she’s noticing it more and getting upset when she has to watch Maia opening all her gifts from her grandma.
Emily does a separate thing with her dad for Christmas so while she does get extra presents too it’s not while Maia is watching. Last year, Daniel reminded her to get a present for Emily so that she wouldn’t feel left out. He gave her a list of options for gifts Emily would like (mostly painting stuff, nothing that would cost over £10.
Emily is a bit of a tomboy so isn’t into most “girly” things).
For Christmas, Fiona gave Maia three gifts, all nice and pretty expensive toys. And she gives Emily a cheap flower headband, which is cute but Emily definitely won’t want to wear it.
Emily was polite about it but it was clear she was disappointed.
Daniel and I didn’t say anything at the time, but when we saw her last we mentioned it and told her that we would appreciate her making more of an effort next time.
It’s not even about the price of the gift, but the fact that she didn’t even bother getting something that Emily would like. Her argument is that Emily isn’t her biological granddaughter and therefore not entitled to anything and should be grateful that she got a present at all.
She also didn’t bring Emily any candy the last time we saw her, claiming that she forgot.
I see where Fiona is coming from, but I honestly don’t think I’m asking for much. Emily might have her dad’s family to get gifts from, but they don’t spend time with all of us together like Daniel’s family do.
At the end of the day, I just want to keep the peace between the girls and make sure Emily feels like she is as much a part of the family as Maia is. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d be blunt. “There are always hurt feelings, sadness, and confusion for my kids after a visit from you.
You promote one child while ignoring the other. They are little girls. They can’t make sense of you having a favorite and so they suffer when you pull this. I can’t have them modeling this behavior. And no way I’ll stand still while you play favorites, which turns into them resenting each other.
You don’t get to build a spite fence between my children. They are siblings. So, shaping their relationship is on me. Not you. And before this gets worse, I’ve decided the kids won’t see you as much because you always play favorites. And you have to know how unhealthy that is for young children?
I refuse to referee this anymore. And I can’t take your side because you are hurting my kids. It’s gotten so out of hand I don’t enjoy being around you and I’m losing respect for you.”
Even sweets and small treats can make kids think one is the favorite.
That’s just not a healthy environment for them to try and coexist in. Letting your husband handle it hasn’t resulted in your MIL getting a grip either. That’s why I’d speak to her directly and quite plainly. She has a favorite. She’s not entitled to cause hurt feelings between your kids.
And she’s already done too much damage with this nonsense. So, no gifts allowed at the one visit per week you invite her to your home. (Once a freaking week is a lot of visiting anyway. So, I think it’s very generous.)” AndSoItGoes24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re not a jerk. If she doesn’t love the other child, that’s fine. But she can’t be creating this dynamic in your home. By how often she comes, she lives nearby. The new standard would be that Maia spends time with her father at grandma’s sometime before or after Christmas to receive her gifts, while you do an activity with Emily.
You need to stop this from happening in the home. She is not to bring any more gifts to the home. If she wants to do that, she can do it somewhere else.” Severe-Speech-5214
Another User Comments:
“YTJ unless Emily’s dad and his family are also buying for Maia.
6 years old is plenty old enough to understand that she’s not going to get something every time her sister does and that she gets gifts and treats from her daddy and his family that her sister doesn’t. You are the parent here, it’s on you to teach your children and to manage expectations.
If you want the sweets (chocolate to be shared) then you and your husband need to come up with a plan for how to deal with this. Such as a treat jar/bowl that all treats brought into the house (outside of birthday gifts and any religious holidays you ascribe to) go into and then everyone gets to pick from.” QuarantinisRUs
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!