People Love Talking About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
26. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Return To Work To Help With Bills?
“I 34m and my wife 34f have been having difficulties when it comes to her not wanting to work.
I have been working a job that was supposed to just be a temporary gig to get us on our feet. I work 70 hours a week in a construction job. I’m up at 3 am and I usually don’t get home from work till after 7 PM.
When I get home, I usually shower eat, and go straight to bed. I average 5 hours of sleep every night, I have been doing this for 6 years. For the last few months, I have been suffering from extreme fatigue and anxiety, and I always seem to be sick.
Over the last six years that I have been working this job, my wife has been unemployed. She takes care of the house and watches my child, 11 years old (from a previous relationship), 3 days every other week. With the economy being the way it is and everything being so expensive.
I have begun trying to encourage her to go back to work. She is a photographer and used to make very good money working for herself, (she still does a couple of shoots a year to stay in practice but nothing substantial) she says she wants to be a stay-at-home wife instead.
But I have told her I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up because it’s starting to feel like it’s killing me. She mostly ignores me when I start talking about it. I recently came to her with a list of non-negotiables I needed in my life.
Which included a job that allowed at least 7 hours of sleep each night. No more than 10-hour work days except on occasion, and a schedule that allows me to have a maintainable healthy workout schedule and ample time to spend with my child while in our care.
This made her very mad because that would mean she would have to work part-time as well to help pay bills which she believes she shouldn’t have to do.
She says taking care of the home/animals is just as much work as I do and that should be enough and that I am ungrateful for everything she does.
AITJ?
* I should have been more clear when I said she took care of the animals, we have 2 medium-sized dogs”
Another User Comments:
“Good luck. You took six years to do something about it. YTJ for letting her get away with this for so long.
NTJ for giving her a chance to fix things. I’d probably just break up with her based on the fact that she has no shame in what she’s been doing. But sure, give her two weeks to show she’s turned her life around.” lunaintheskye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you can’t continuously be expected to do 70 hours weekly of manual labor – that is not sustainable. Your wife is delusional if she thinks being a housewife and taking care of an 11-year-old part-time equates to your efforts. Do you have a large home that is spotless and you get great home-cooked meals daily?
Even if you do, is it worth the toll on your body especially given that you only get older? You need to immediately reset the boundaries and expectations of this relationship. Frankly, with her attitude, I think you need to leave. She will resent you even if she does get a job.
Her attitude clearly shows you have a huge issue. At 34 you’re young enough to rebuild. Find someone who values you and cares about your health.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“First freeze your credit. Freeze any credit cards she can access and change passwords on all accounts.
Open a new account that’s ONLY in your name. Work out a budget based on you working 45 hours a week– deduct the monthly bills and give her a “salary” for the actual hours she watches your son which can be her money. Put any money over 45 hours into a savings account she can’t access.
Explain this is the new lifestyle going forward. NTJ but your wife is.” celticmusebooks
25. AITJ For Not Sharing My Special Ice Cream Cone With My Husband?
“I can’t eat too much sugar because of my current autoimmune illness. I allow myself one ice cream cone a week. That day came at the end of a long stressful week. I made myself a perfectly portioned ice cream cone that I was looking forward to eating all of and even asked my husband, in the process, if he wanted one too.
He declined. As soon as I put it away, he asked me for a bite. I then proceeded to make a cone for him. He refused saying he only wanted one bite so I got out an extra scoop for my ice cream, knowing how big of “bites” he takes and he, as expected, took a big bite.
But it’s not over. I am down to the most satisfying part, the little miniature ice cream cone formed by this meticulous ice cream eating method, I know I am not alone in this, I refused him that bite and he accused me of being selfish and kept demanding a bite.
I then gave in and he took it and pretended to take a bite and then handed it back to me. I then said, “I knew you were testing me”. He then said to give it back to him and he was going to take a bite for real. By this time I was fed up so I shoved the rest of it in my mouth and he acted like that was a selfish thing to do, even threatening me that he would never forget this.
Admitting that I normally am generous. We have been married for almost 10 years. This is not typical of interactions between us but early on in our marriage. He then refused to finish our date night hangout saying he was disappointed in me. I went to bed sad and frustrated. Am I to blame?”
Another User Comments:
“Behavior like this annoys me. I’m not a germaphobe, but I don’t eat behind people. If someone offers me something, I like to cut it, separate the spoon, etc. It baffles me that he’d want your ice cream when he could have his own.
Especially when he takes enormous bites and wants more after that huge bite. I do doubt everything is great in your marriage other than this. I don’t like this boundary-pushing behavior from him. He should have just eaten his ice cream and avoided this stupid incident.
NTJ” fancyandfab
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your dh is trying to control you over getting his way by eating into your ice cream. Of course, he doesn’t want his own, he wants a large percentage of yours. If you don’t give in then he is going to throw an epic tantrum and isolate you, for punishment.
Instead of playing this game, make a face pucker up your mouth, and go “ëww, there is no way I want your salivation on my food. How dirty. ” Then just make a small one for him. Or just tell him you are old enough not to have to share your food and that it’s a completely gross act in itself.
Then give a talk about oral hygiene and why it’s important. Then tell him how unattractive unhygienic people are, and how it’s a complete turn-off relationship-wise.” Longjumping_Win4291
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All of his actions read like power trips, him proving his power over you.
Refusing his own so he can have a large bite of yours. Taking your favorite bit and withholding it, returning it, then trying to take it again. Throwing a tantrum when you finished your ice cream and trying to “punish” you for it. If he has abandonment issues, he should get therapy for that.
You are NOT the whipping boy for his issues and his controlling and mistreating you is NOT a valid or healthy way to manage them.” angels-and-insects
24. AITJ For Taking A Chip From My Best Friend's Partner's Plate On A Double Date?
“My best friend invited me on a double date with his partner’s best friend. I, looking to get into a relationship, said yeah sure, not knowing what I was getting into. So my friend picks me up and we all head out to dinner at this nice place they picked.
When we got there, everything was going well until our food arrived. Everyone got their plate and we all jumped into eating. I saw that my chips were straight cut and my best friend’s partner ordered curly fries with her food instead of a normal straight-cut.
I, curious about how it tastes, just said “Oh how do your chips taste” and grabbed one chip off her plate. She then looks at me in shock and says “What the heck did you just touch my food?”
I said, ” oh, sorry, did you want some of my chips?
Trying to be fair. She then turns to her partner and goes nope I’m not eating, and throws her cutlery on the table and sits back. I was embarrassed in front of my date, just say I’m sorry I didn’t know you didn’t like people touching your plate, would you like me to order you a new plate and say sorry?
She then started being as stubborn as can be and said nope and nope. Even her best friend said she could share her plate with her and she was still stubborn. We then just proceeded to eat a little. The table was dead quiet at this point.
Then my best friend said let’s go for a smoke so we got up from the quiet table and walked to the smoking area. I then proceeded to apologize but he insisted I didn’t and that he should apologize for his partner’s actions.
Long story short, we left the place after we ate and all went home.
Am I the jerk, please I need to know, please?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Unless you have an established relationship that has a norm of taking other people’s food without asking, USE YOUR WORDS AND ASK FIRST. Like, this is kindergarten or first-grade level stuff, how on earth did you get old enough to be in a relationship and smoke without learning to keep your paws off other people’s food?
Her reaction was a bit over the top, but it’s bizarre that you don’t understand this social norm.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – while you might have intended it in fun and not meant to be a jerk. And while it might seem to be insignificant.
And while you may have tried to make up for it. And while she might well have reacted poorly….. You DID interfere with her food. You touched her plate and took something that was not yours to take. You didn’t have permission. You never gave her a choice and invaded her space.” TheKakaStorm
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You are a bit of a jerk for touching someone’s food. I’d probably do that off my husband’s plate. Maybe a very close friend. But it would have been established before that it was ok. I think you just overstepped a bit.
It’s ok, it happens. She’s a massive jerk. She was a stroppy child. You offered to reorder her meal, that’s way above what you needed to do and she continued to ruin everyone’s night. Maybe her friend is like her and you dodged a bullet.” Dismal_Fox_22
23. AITJ For Wanting Parents To Stop Using My Private Drive As A Playground?
“I live on a private drive containing three homes and have been dealing with parents and their children’s issues for over the past 3 years. Many of the issues deal with the children using the private drive as a playground and trespassing into my property, neighbors’ properties, and the parents’ allowing this behavior.
Parents and children also block access to the private drive daily on school days in the mornings and afternoons when I am typically leaving and returning for work. It can sometimes take a few minutes for the parents and waiting children to move for me to enter and exit my property.
Parents and children (over 12 parents and around 25 children) also typically spend 30 minutes or over an hour (more of a problem in the afternoon) using the private drive as a playground. Which I find concerning since my and neighbors am legally responsible for private driving and worry about possible accidents or injuries.
Also, in years past we’ve had multiple problems with the children using our garage door as a football and soccer goal but seemed to have worked those issues out with the parents in past years. Another issue is the end-of-the-year massive water balloon party that the parents throw for the children…
I’ve tried talking with parents a few times over the years about not using the private drive as a standing point and playground but have been mostly ignored. Again I tried talking to parents yesterday and was told that “I was ruining their children’s childhoods” by asking that they not use the private drive as a playground and that they will continue to do as they please.
Earlier in the week I reached out to the bus coordinator and they have moved the pickup and drop off further back but this has not fixed any of the issues. I reached out by email to the school’s principal this morning. I don’t want to involve local law enforcement but after yesterday’s interaction with the parents if it continues this afternoon I will strongly be considering it.
Curious to see if I’m the jerk here and what people think I should do.
Gates and signs are prohibited by our HOA.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The safety of the children first and foremost, but also for the property owners and their potential liability and damage to their property is at hand.
In a singular email reach back to the bus coordinator, the school superintendent, the school principal, chief of police and voice your concerns and your request for the movement of this bus stop to a location that does not hinder the use of your property, that does not put you and your neighbors in jeopardy for any injuries sustained by children using properties unauthorized and puts the children in danger.
Do not ask, DEMAND that this be changed as the parents have not heeded your requests. Then follow up every 2 days until you get satisfaction.” Chilling_Storm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ruining their childhoods? Please lol. You have made multiple attempts to nicely communicate with the parents and they are purposely ignoring and disrespecting you.
Maybe I’m petty, but at this point, I would buy sprinklers and set them to go off at pick-up and drop-off times. The fact that they *ever* let their children use your garage door as a soccer goal is insane to me.” NarwhalAdditional340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were right to involve the school administration to start. That should help them take this seriously…if not, you should have law enforcement present one morning to speak to the parents and warn them of the repercussions of their trespassing. Not only are they immensely entitled and setting a bad example for their kids, they are creating legal liability for you.” No_Glove_1575
22. AITJ For Not Attending My Best Friend's Wedding After Being Cut From The Bridal Party?
“I (19F) have been best friends with Julia (22F) since high school. We’ve always been close, and I’ve supported her through many important moments in her life. When Julia got engaged, she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was thrilled and agreed without hesitation.
However, a few months before the wedding, Julia called me with some news. She said that due to budget constraints, she would need to make some cuts and had decided to reduce the number of bridesmaids. She said she felt terrible, but she had to choose someone else over me.
Julia also mentioned that she would still love for me to attend the wedding as a guest.
I was hurt by this sudden change and felt undervalued, especially since I had been so involved in helping with wedding planning up to that point. I decided to be honest with Julia about my feelings.
I told her that I was disappointed and that I needed some time to process it. I also mentioned that if I couldn’t be a bridesmaid, I might not feel comfortable attending the wedding.
Julia seemed upset but understood. She said she hoped I would still come and celebrate with her, even if I wasn’t a bridesmaid.
I took some time to think about it and eventually decided not to attend. I felt like my presence as a guest would just highlight my exclusion from the bridal party, and I didn’t want to feel like an afterthought.
When Julia found out, she was very hurt and angry.
She told me I was being selfish and that my absence would cast a shadow over her special day. Our mutual friends also think I’m being unreasonable and should have just attended as a guest.
I feel conflicted. I understand that weddings can be stressful and that plans change, but I also feel like my feelings were dismissed. AITJ for choosing not to attend the wedding after being removed from the bridal party?”
Another User Comments:
“Is this worth giving up a friendship for? If you snub her wedding like this, then that’s what you’re choosing to do. Attend the wedding, be gracious, and celebrate your friend. If someone comments, you can choose to be the jerk or you can choose to take the higher road, swallow your pride and remember that the day should be about your friend, not you.
Yes, you may feel disappointed but you’re not the main character here.” Key-Finance-9102
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand how reducing a bridesmaid would help financially. Anytime I’ve been to a wedding party, I’ve paid for everything (dress, makeup, hair, etc) and I thought that was the norm.
What would the bride be paying for that an extra bridesmaid would put her over budget? Without an answer to that, I’ll say NTJ because it sounds like she wanted to cut you from the wedding party and gave a lame excuse why” spirituallysick5591
Another User Comments:
“If you don’t attend, the friendship will end. Decide if you want to give her some grace over the difficult decision she had to make because of their budget. You don’t have to give her grace, but if you don’t, then you won’t attend.
And the friendship will almost certainly end because of this.” OnlyOnTuesdays289
21. AITJ For Not Attending My Sister's Birthday After She Destroyed My Late Bio-Dad's Letters?
“My older sister turned 20 a week ago and she celebrated with dinner Saturday night.
I (16m) didn’t go with my parents and my brother (15m). I have another sister (23) who went and so did both sets of grandparents and our aunt and uncle. I’m the only family member who didn’t show and my paternal grandparents are so mad about it because she was upset.
I need to give some background. I’m adopted. My bio mother didn’t want to be a parent and I was supposed to be raised by my first dad. But when I was 3 he got ill and after a few months, he was told it was terminal. He didn’t have family, being a former foster kid, my bio mother didn’t want to take me and her family wasn’t interested either.
So my first dad wanted to find a home for me. He wanted to be a part of picking the people who would raise me. He wanted to be sure I’d be okay. So he worked with a social worker and after so many different families he found my parents.
They already had three kids, my two sisters and brother, and they were open to fostering or adopting. They clicked and Dad knew they were people who would give me a good life. All three of my parents grew close before my first dad died. He made a box of letters, videos, and other little things for me, like his watch and that was supposed to keep me connected to him.
My parents always let me access that stuff and I kept some of the letters in my room.
18 months ago a few of the letters went missing and I thought I’d lost them. I freaked but my parents had copies. Then 6 months ago I found my sister (20) destroying the copies.
We fought and she admitted she did the same thing before too. She said she hated that I held onto them so much and clung to that part of my life. She said I was meant to be their son/brother and instead I chased after a dead guy.
I screamed that I wouldn’t exist without that dead guy and if it wasn’t for him, I never would have ended up with him. My parents weren’t home but Dad came home to us screaming at each other. He stepped in and he kicked my sister out when he learned what she’d done.
When my mom got home my parents admitted to me that they only ever gave me copies of the letters and stuff and the originals were all kept safe by them. They said a houseful of kids never felt like the safest place to have them out in the open and copies felt safest. Knowing the original ones my first dad wrote and made were still there was the best feeling.
My parents were furious with my sister. I’m still not speaking to her. They’re still mad but she’s their daughter and I told them they don’t need to stop talking to her too but to please respect I can’t be around her, which they do.
My parents got a lot of criticism for letting me stay home but my grandparents also told me how wrong I was. They said I’m not giving my sister a chance to make things right and I should be more understanding given the emotions involved in adoptive families.
They said what I did was worse than what my sister did.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad picked good. I’m glad your parents saved the day by having the foresight not to give originals of special documents to kids and also by acknowledging you have a right to be angry with your sister and shouldn’t be forced into celebrating her grand accomplishment of… (checks notes) living another year.
Your sister needs to earn back your love and support, she’s not entitled to it by default. But with grandparents that tell her the opposite–it’s everyone else’s job to compensate for her errors–I can see why she believes that to be the case.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“You are so much NTJ! Your sister was destroying your property that she knew was important to you and thought was irreplaceable. How does anyone make up for something like that? Her being forgiven is a favor, not a right. It’s fully your choice as to when and whether she’s earned any forgiveness.
Your grandparents view your sister as a golden child and have ignored the harm she did. Simply not celebrating her birthday is a minor thing. Your grandparents had no valid grounds to berate you for this.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ are you kidding me?
Not showing up to dinner is worse than her ripping up your letters from your Dad? Your grandparent’s priorities are out of whack and delusional. That right there tells me that you are less important to them than their “blood” grandchildren. What a load of crap.” AfraidTrain9156
20. AITJ For Not Moving My Car For A Neighbor's Unauthorized Filming?
“So I came home from work one day to find a note taped to my door by a neighbor. It said “Please do not park on this block on Monday between 10 am and 12 pm.
I will be filming on the street. NYPD has been notified and you will be ticketed.” I found this annoying, and a little suspect, so I called my local precinct to ask them about this. They told me this guy had called them, and they told him while he can film on the street he can not tell people not to park there, and the police cannot help him.
I guess I wasn’t the only person to call the police and this got back to him because I found another note the next day. “Hi, NYPD didn’t tell me that they will ticket your car, but I would appreciate your cooperation.” I don’t take kindly to false threats, so I decided not to move my car on Monday morning.
Unlike a lot of the city, my neighborhood is pretty quiet and I live in a very residential part of it, so it’s pretty easy to park on my block. I often see driving instructors teaching lessons here because of how quiet the neighborhood is.
When I was walking to the subway before 10 am on Monday the guy was set up and he saw me walking down the road. He asked me if any of the cars were mine and if I would mind moving them. I said one of the cars was mine, and I would not be moving it.
He told me I’d be doing him a favor. I told him that if he hadn’t lied when he posted his first note, I might have considered it, but I’m not doing it now. He asked me again, and I said no. He called me a jerk and a bad neighbor.
I just told him to deal with it and continued walking. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If a neighbor said to me, “Hey. I’m working on a little video project, and it would be great if I could have the street clear from 10-12 on Monday.
Any chance I could ask if you could park elsewhere during that time?” I’d do my absolute best to accommodate. But he chose to start negotiations by putting that ridiculous, lying note on your door? Get out of here. BTW, I also live in NYC, in an area that a lot of legit film crews use.
When you’re not allowed to park because of filming, there are very official-looking notices from, I think, the NYPD saying, “Don’t park here on such-and-such a day.” Then it names the project being filmed, and some other identifying information. If you ever get a legit notice, you’ll know it.” Active-Anteater1884
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve worked on a few film productions, and this is NOT how you do things. If the person has a permit, that is a different story, but it doesn’t sound like they have one. I live in L.A., and there is always someone filming something.
If it’s in my neighborhood, the production company is required to notify ALL neighbors and businesses that filming will commence within a week, so those who live/work there will not be inconvenienced. It sounds like the guy is either a student filmmaker, or an influencer, and both of those categories try to do things on the cheap, and don’t usually care about who they screw over.” Srvntgrrl_789
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The neighbor’s initial note was both presumptuous and misleading, and it’s understandable why you’d be annoyed by the false threat of a ticket. He didn’t have the authority to enforce parking restrictions, and once he misled people, it’s reasonable that you wouldn’t feel obligated to comply with his request. You were within your rights to keep your car parked where it was, especially since his follow-up note was more polite but didn’t change the situation.
You were responding to his initial approach with a reasonable level of frustration, given his attempt to deceive. Being called a jerk and a bad neighbor by someone who acted inappropriately doesn’t mean you were in the wrong.” Goddess_Atina_
19. AITJ For Leaving A Play Early Due To My Hearing Aids Not Working And Arguing With My Mother?
“I (17F) have always had a rocky relationship with my mother. Our family has always been on her side so I just assumed I was in the wrong but recently I am no longer sure.
For context, I am hard of hearing and wear hearing aids in my day-to-day life.
I am not deaf and I’m able to hear decently without them but I have to focus a lot more and end up missing a lot.
My parents bought tickets for the entire family to see an outside play at a castle. When we arrived at the location I found out my hearing aids did not charge properly so after we sat down I asked my father to give me the train tickets, in case I started to feel unwell during the show.
My mother convinced me to wait for the break in the middle of the show and if I wasn’t feeling well, ask then. I agreed and, like I thought, during the show I could only understand about ¾ of what was being said plus I started to have a headache and feel overwhelmed with the amount of noise and people present.
I waited until the break started and asked my father to give me the tickets, telling my family I wasn’t feeling well. On my way back to the train station my mother called me thanking me for ruining her evening and telling me I would have to return from the con a day earlier.
I and my mother originally agreed that I would leave early in the morning on the 4th day so I wouldn’t have to travel by train in the late evening of the 3rd day.
Now I was angry and tried to call her back but she kept hanging up on me and since by the time they got home I was already asleep and I left early next morning for the con I didn’t speak with my mother before I left. I also rescheduled the train back as she asked.
Now this is the part where I might have been a jerk while at the con my mother called me in a sweet tone asking me why I didn’t call her when I arrived I was really angry so I simply told her I “didn’t want to ruin your day” she was baffled and proceeded to tell me to call her next day and hang up on me.
She then sent me a long text about how I lost the right to leave the con when I wanted to because I left mid-way through the show (something we never agreed to) and how I didn’t properly clean my room (she confirmed my room was clean a day before I left) and how I didn’t properly show her what I was bringing with me (I showed her everything the day before she just left my room angry because she kept insisting I bring more shirts despite me telling her I was gonna be in cosplay the entire con so I only needed something to wear on the way back some pajamas) now I was livid at this point so I called her and blew up at her yelling about every one of these points not letting her get a word in edgewise she tried to weakly argue back but I didn’t let her speak.
By the end, she just repeated the same point at which point I hung up on her. Looking back, I remember hearing her cry on the other end of the line and while she hasn’t acknowledged what happened since, I still feel guilty about it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Things happen. Sometimes a hearing aid, phone, or computer doesn’t charge properly. That happens to everyone. Someone her age should deal with it maturely and not be angry at you about it. I can understand her being mad if this has happened again and again, but if it’s an unexpected mistake, why get so mad?
Did she think you were lying to her or didn’t charge it properly on purpose? Maybe it’s not optimal for you to call and yell at your mom, but you’re still really young. You’re still learning how to deal with annoyances and conflicts. Your mom should have more experience and be able to be more rational. Maybe you can talk to her later and see if there was something else going on that you didn’t know about.
Like, this wasn’t about the hearing aid, it was about something else, and once she calms down you can both talk it out. I don’t blame you for getting upset at how she acted. She escalated the whole situation herself.” SuLiaodai
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Honestly, the way your mother is responding at every point in this story is concerning. You didn’t ruin anything and, as your mother, your well-being should have mattered more to you than your staying at the play. Her accusing you of ruining the evening would be concerning on its own, but the fact that she then tried to enforce consequences that made no sense and then made up reasons to justify it is just messed up.
Yeah, losing it on your mom was not the move, but it honestly sounds like there were a lot of built-up, unaddressed issues that led to it.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mother is manipulative and your family has become her flying monkeys. She’s made you responsible for her emotional state.
You are not. If you make a decision she doesn’t agree with or doesn’t like, you’ve ruined something for her. No, you haven’t. You’re allowed to make decisions, especially if it involves your health. She had an image in her mind of exactly how the night should go.
That’s her problem. Yeah, you are not the problem here.” ThatsItImOverThis
18. AITJ For Moving To Kansas After My Partner Told Me She Wouldn't Move With Me?
“I used to live on the east coast. I was offered a job in Kansas and at the time had a significant other it was rocky but also didn’t seem to be ending and we had been talking long-term.
She knew I applied and never said anything.
Then the interview came and she was great and supportive. While she liked the job and what I said about it we never talked about her coming. I figured that it was good to interview, even if I didn’t get the job I was networking.
After the job offer, she got mad and threw a fit. Under no circumstance was she moving to Goodland, KS. I didn’t get mad but she wanted to escalate. Telling me that if I moved to Kansas, she was leaving me. She left and went to her place.
I tried calling her for the next few days but was silent and I had to give this company an answer. I agreed to take the job and started the process of moving. I had been out of work for a month and they wanted me to start asap so it could be a quick move.
After two weeks the movers picked up my furniture and my friends had a going away party. I was mad and didn’t particularly tell her I was moving in my texts. I also didn’t reach out to her friends and family to tell them.
I just left.
After a week she called to ask if we could talk. I said I was in Kansas, and she replied “What about me”?
I told her that she said if I moved to Kansas we were done and never gave me a chance to talk so I moved to Kansas and I thought she knew what that meant for her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She knew you were applying and interviewing. She did not protest until you got an offer. She told you clearly that if you moved your relationship was over, left, and then refused to answer your calls or communicate for 2 weeks. That doesn’t sound like someone you had any reason to give up a job opportunity for.
Nor did you need to try to get her friends or family involved to tell her you were moving. If you want to be together long term you don’t give ultimatums and stop talking for weeks. If she didn’t want to move or have a long-distance relationship then she should have brought up her concerns back when you were applying and interviewing for a job in another state.
If she didn’t want to move even after you got the job offer she could have asked the what about our relationship question and discussed the situation like an adult. Welcome to Kansas and congrats on your new job!” Bluemonogi
Another User Comments:
“She told you she wasn’t moving, she left you and refused to answer any of your attempts to talk to her – your behavior was fine.
You couldn’t wait to give the employers your answer until she got over her fit of sulks or whatever it was that made her refuse to talk to you. NTJ. In my book, a move-out and a refusal to talk constitute a breakup even without her refusal to move to Kansas.
Enjoy your new life in Kansas.” SavingsRhubarb8746
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You are not a jerk for taking a job opportunity you wanted. She is not one for not going with you, life in a country town is not for everyone, and risking that for a rocky relationship.
But on a communications front, you both suck. Her for giving you the silent treatment, and you for not giving her the courtesy of telling her it was over.” Kimba-the-tabby-lion
17. AITJ For Winning The Twin Bed In A Game Of Rock Paper Scissors?
“I (18F) am traveling with 5 other friends this December.
We divided into 2 groups of three using a randomizer and booked 2 rooms. Each room has a twin bed and a queen bed, which has become a problem. I, wanting my bed, talked to my roommates about having the twin and them sharing the queen. One roommate was okay with it, but X also wanted her bed. So, in our group discussion, I asked the other room how they were planning to split their beds, and they had all decided on who was getting the twin.
I asked the person with the twin if they would rather have a queen, they said no, and I left it at that.
Fast forward to a few days later, I mentioned to X that we haven’t yet decided on a bed situation. She said that she needed it more, because she was uncomfortable having to share a bed, considering she never had to do that before.
I said I didn’t like sharing a bed either. Since we both wanted it, we decided the best way to split it was rock paper scissors. I won, so I got the twin bed.
She has been crying to our entire friend group about how unfair it is since then.
They all know it was decided by RPS, so everybody agrees that it’s fair if I get the bed. However, some of them think that even if it’s fair that I get the bed, I’m being a jerk by not just giving it up when she’s so upset about it (she has come to me a few times after I say I’m going to prioritize my comfort, she starts crying more).
Others say that she’s being a jerk by complaining this much after the decision is all made, and they think she’s acting childish.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But: why are you doing the trip this way when half of you aren’t willing to share a bed?
The whole plan seems like a mistake. I assume this is only one night, right? Because otherwise, you should trade off. I would sleep on the floor rather than share a bed. She has that option, presumably.” NapalmAxolotl
Another User Comments:
“If she agreed to gamble and lost then NTJ and she is a jerk.
Also, if you are young, poor but not stupid then you choose which trips you are comfortable taking and which not and if sharing a bed is such an issue then you must make sure that there is no such option, rent your room, bring your mattress, whatever, but if you go with the flow then do not complain, it’s lame.” forgeries
Another User Comments:
“ESH. The proper way to deal with this, knowing everyone’s bed sharing preferences, would be to book a place that had the appropriate bedding in the first place, rather than playing games after the fact. You’ve all made things unnecessarily complicated and added drama where there didn’t need to be any, all because of a simple lack of planning and foresight.
Oh well, next time.” Restil
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay To Attend My Best Friend's Baby Shower?
“My (25f) best friend (26f) is due to have her first baby in the next 6 weeks or so. I am genuinely happy for her, this is what she’s always wanted. During the pregnancy, I bought her items for the baby, which I’ve already gifted her.
A while back the subject of her baby shower was brought up. I think this kind of thing has gotten out of hand, with baby showers usually expecting a lot of effort and money from guests. At the time I was expecting to be the one organizing it, and so made a throwaway comment about how ideally I didn’t want to be the one paying for the whole thing, as I knew how expensive they can get.
After I made this comment she ignored me for over 24 hours, then when I double messaged she told me that I’d made her feel like a nuisance, and she didn’t want one at all now. I explained it wasn’t that, but I’m not in the position to pay for that right now, to which she replied saying I should know that she would pay for it all (this was news to me).
Fast forward to today, another one of our female friends had taken over the planning of it (honestly I’m kind of glad). This friend has sent out a message saying the cost will be around £25 each to attend the shower. Whilst I know it isn’t a huge amount of money, I feel conflicted about having to pay to attend a baby shower.
I’ll be bringing a gift (in addition to what I’ve already gifted her) and I can’t help but feel like Carrie in SATC when single people are constantly paying out for couples events. AITJ for not wanting to pay to attend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’ve never been to one or heard of anyone going to a baby shower where they were charged admission for the baby shower. That’s also laughable considering she said you “should know that she would pay for all of it” which isn’t true because they need the guests to cover some, if not all, of the cost.” anothertypicalcmmnt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Baby showers are traditionally hosted by a close relative of the mother-to-be, and hosted by that person with the help of others who may volunteer to bring snacks, game ideas, things like that. This whole business of giving elaborate showers to each child is out of control.
The cost of just getting by day-to-day for most people is beyond expensive, and is expected to not only provide a regular gift but to bring an even more expensive one to a shower, is just too much. This is especially true for expectant mothers who already have had one or more children, as they already have much of the needed clothing and equipment they will need to get through the first several months.
Being asked to pay to attend a shower is beyond tacky. Being asked to pay to attend ANY type of party is beyond tacky. Politely decline, and decline to explain. Your ability or inability to pay isn’t the issue (and it’s none of their business, besides), the issue is being charged for your generosity.
Ick.” LonelyOwl68
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Ah to the no. What happened to baby momma paying for her baby shower? Doesn’t she have a mother? A MIL? Where is baby daddy’s family? I’d send a polite decline and a small gift. Nothing more, nothing less.
For ships and giggles, how much energy does this friend put into you? This has me eyeballing the friend as stingy, selfish, and entitled. Pregnancy does some weird stuff to us ladies but this is just plain money grabbing.” Sad-Expression7697
15. AITJ For Refusing To Ask My Partner's Mom To Treat My Brother's Twisted Ankle?
“My (20f) partner’s mom is a doctor with a pretty big practice. She has the only pediatric urgent care within 10 miles, has the only reproductive health center since Planned Parenthood closed in our town, and has 4 offices.
From day 1 she has drilled it into me that if I am ever sick or hurt and need care, or if it’s an emergency and her clinic is closer than my hospital, to call her and get to her clinic, and that we’ll figure everything else out later.
I have only done this twice in 2 years. Both times were when my partner told me to go, I said I was fine, and he called his mom and had her tell me to come in. She refused to charge me both times. I do not want to take advantage of her generosity.
I have a 14-year-old brother. He twisted his ankle at soccer camp on Wednesday and it still hurts. My mom told me to call my partner’s mom and ask her if she could see my brother. I said no, the urgent care is open on Saturdays and she has health insurance or she can take him to his doctor on Monday but it’s not an emergency and I’m not going to ask her for special treatment for him.
My mom is upset and saying I don’t care about my brother and that it doesn’t hurt anyone to ask but I don’t want to pressure her and I know if she says no my mom will be like “You already did it for op, why can’t you just take him too”.
AITJ for not asking her to take my brother just because she took me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If he can walk it isn’t an emergency and therefore it would be a waste of resources to take him to this person. You’d be asking for a favor when you probably do not need to, so you were right to refuse.
If your mom thinks it *is* an emergency then she needs to get her child to an urgent care or hospital, not hope that her daughter’s partner’s mother will see the kid for free.” mlc885
Another User Comments:
“I’m with you. I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking for her to see my brother.
Do you know how annoying it is to get everyone’s medical questions because you’re in the medical profession? “I’m not a podiatrist! Go see one”. I think your mom needs to get off her tush and take him to urgent care. That’s what insurance is for.
I can’t believe she wants you to take advantage of her kindness. Where does it stop?! If you get married does she get a whole new set of patients then?” Loquacious555
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You don’t want to mistreat an offer and you are right to refuse your mother’s request. Your partner’s mother offered to help YOU – not to be a free doctor for your whole family.
A twisted ankle can hurt for a couple of weeks – ice it, keep it elevated, and give it time. If it is badly bruised or very swollen or he can’t put any weight on it…your mother should take him to urgent care. Good for you for being ethical and not wanting to take advantage of a friendly offer.” omeomi24
14. AITJ For Reporting My Noisy Neighbors To The Building Manager?
“I (27F) live in a small apartment complex where most residents are generally respectful and keep noise levels down.
Recently, my next-door neighbors (late 20s M/F) have been throwing frequent parties that go well into the early hours of the morning. I’m usually tolerant and understanding, but this particular night, the noise was unbearable—it was past midnight, and the bass was shaking my walls.
After trying to ignore it for a while, I finally decided to call our building manager to complain. It took a while for someone to answer, but when they did, I explained the situation and asked if they could intervene. The manager assured me they would handle it.
Sure enough, within about 30 minutes, the noise started to die down. I was finally able to get some sleep, but the next morning, I noticed my neighbors glaring at me as I left my apartment. Later that day, the guy from next door approached me in the hallway.
He asked if I was the one who called the manager on them. I admitted that I did, explaining politely that the noise was just too much for me to handle, especially late at night. He seemed annoyed and said it was just a birthday celebration for his partner, and they didn’t mean to disturb anyone.
I felt a bit guilty hearing that, but I also didn’t think it justified keeping the entire building awake. He didn’t seem satisfied with my explanation and walked away looking upset. Since then, there’s been a noticeable tension whenever we see each other.
Now I’m wondering if I overreacted. I know it was late and noise ordinances are there for a reason, but was it worth potentially souring relations with my neighbors?
AITJ for reporting them, or should I have handled it differently?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… you did nothing wrong & they have no valid reason to be upset with you. Noise ordinances are there for a reason and people need to be respectful of their neighbors when throwing parties – especially when living in apartment complexes.
There is nothing wrong with having get-togethers or parties but blasting music well past midnight is not appropriate.” Pizza_Lvr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People who live in shared community buildings need to act like adults. Even if it’s their birthday. I used to live in an apartment with loud neighbors.
I tried everything first but they would play music so loud I could hear it in my apartment with earplugs in. Then I just called the police. Every time. If they’re noisy and it’s past 10 pm, I’m calling. Nonemergency number, tell them someone’s being super noisy and you can’t sleep.
Eventually, they came and knocked and told her she would be getting a notice to appear if she didn’t stop.” BBOONNEESSAAWW
13. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Aunt I Understand Why My Brother Dislikes Her?
“My brother disliked that side of the family (aunt/cousins) because they would just act poorly and blame him for everything that went wrong, this was during our childhood. Even as adults their side of the family is still very annoying, My brother has permanently distanced himself from that side of the family long ago.
Anyways, a few months ago (during my birthday) my aunt posted on a social media account wishing me a happy birthday, I was not active on the site so I only reacted to the birthday wishes I was tagged in, whereas she didn’t tag me so I never saw the post. (I should add that I reacted to someone’s post whom my aunt didn’t care about.)
Weeks after. I saw my aunt somewhere and she was acting all poorly with me because I didn’t comment or like her post but saying how I reacted to the neighbor’s post. I did explain I never saw it because I was never on the social media site, I also thanked her during that time I saw her and apologized for not seeing it.
She continued to act aggressively and was forcing me to say “thank you” again.
By this time I was just thinking but thankfully I held it in and I was so close to saying “I can now see why my brother disliked you”. I do understand if I was to say that, I would need to distance myself from the family after that.
I will be honest as far as I am not actively trying to cause any drama nor would I like to say this, but I am worried if we are at a family event or something like that and we start drinking it may happen, so I am slightly prepared for it.”
Another User Comments:
“Some advice my dad gave me years ago that still sticks with me: think about what you will gain from saying/doing something, and think about what could be lost and/or the relationships that could be damaged from saying/doing something.
If the negatives outweigh the positives, it’s probably worth just leaving well enough alone. That’s for you to analyze and make a decision on of course. This post just made me think about that advice so I figured I would share.” ThunderingSloth
Another User Comments:
“Only do it if you are ready to part ways with that part of your family. But, you also don’t have to toe the line – when she becomes aggressive it is okay for you to say: “Dude! Aunt Sue! You need to chill out or you’ll give yourself a heart attack.
I don’t know what is going on but you are irrationally angry over a minor issue. I apologized. It’s time to move on.” Then, if she gets her feathers in a dander it’s time to walk away.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“One of the best pieces of advice about dealing with difficult people came from an old farmer friend of the family.
I was livid at a fellow who had gone back on a handshake deal that cost me money and was ranting to family and friends about what I could do to recover my money and get some satisfaction for the breach. The old man just looked and said “Son, never mess with a turd, no matter what happens you’re gonna get dirt on your hands” That’s been really good advice, there’s lots of dirt lying around but you don’t have to handle them.
Let them lay there. Just put the aunt in the dirt category and don’t deal with her anymore. I think your brother may have spoken to an old farmer some time ago…” EducationalOutcome26.
12. AITJ For Considering Uninviting My Grandma From My Wedding Due To Family Drama?
“Long story short, my grandma and grandpa had a nasty divorce about 30 years ago, and now that my grandfather is trying to retire, a lot of money questions have come up, making them both on very bad terms, and they’ve both crossed about every line imaginable.
That said- my grandfather has a gorgeous ranch, and has graciously offered to host my wedding this fall, on the condition that my grandmother is not allowed on the property (due to threats to try and get it taken away from him). After a long chat, he changed his mind and said she’d be allowed under the conditions that: she could not take pictures, and had to be with my dad at all times.
She decided that under those conditions, she’d rather just do something with me and FH after the wedding to celebrate but that she did not want to attend.
As a family pleaser, we still sent her an invite so she’d be included, but she told everyone in the family that she was not invited and that due to my grandpa, she wasn’t welcome at the wedding.
Since then she’s gone back and forth decided to attend or not attend, and keeps complaining that my grandpa is ruining my wedding at that he’s a horrible person for not letting her go (which, is not true).
At this point, it’s hurting my relationship with my grandpa and his new wife, whom I’m VERY close with, she’ll be my Maid of Honor.
WIBTJ if I tell my grandma she’s no longer invited? I was fine with her going (under the set conditions) but I hate that she’s making my grandpa out to be the bad guy, and I’d rather be the “one who said she couldn’t go” just to ease tensions but don’t want to cause any more family drama.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Not sure if you realize this, but telling your grandma she can’t take pictures and can’t leave your father’s side the whole time is not the same as inviting her. Your grandparents are being jerks for not dropping their arguments for just one day for your sake, and you’re the jerk for enabling your grandpa” RelevantSchool1586.
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk – Your grandfather’s conditions are a little ridiculous. Why does her not taking photos matter? That seems malicious. Then she needs a constant babysitter? – Your grandmother should not be dishonest about this and cause more drama. – You are just going along with this and acting like your grandfather’s rules are normal and putting this all on your grandma” jrm1102
11. AITJ For Correcting My Dad's False Story About Eating Outside Near Bees?
“Okay, so me (19 M) and my dad (56 M), alongside my little sisters and stepmom were driving and we were talking about a bee nest near our house.
It reminded me of a story a long time ago where we went to an outside Ice Cream Parlor in the summer. My dad was insistent that we eat outside. The problem was I am a MASSIVE Mellisophobe and the parlor was swarming with bees.
I begged him to let us eat in the car or take the food home. We didn’t and while I didn’t get stung, my little sister (I have 3 in total) got stung 3 times.
When I was telling my story, my dad said something along the lines of “What you’re forgetting to mention is YOU were the one who wanted to eat outside.” This is false, as I have always hated eating outside in the summer because of bees and stuff.
My dad has a habit of whenever he tells a story, he makes everyone out to be either an idiot or wanting to ruin his day, or both, while he’s the underdog hero. I corrected him, maybe a tad rudely, and he started acting like I called him a jerk (This story happened years ago if you’re wondering when I was like 9) He then sighed, began to call my mom, and asked her to pick me up because “I didn’t want to be around him for a while.” My stepmom got confused and began defending me which led to them having a bit of a fight and she left when we got home.
My mom then took me home.
I texted him an apology, he read it but said nothing. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t even have to apologize to him. All you did was correct him and tell the truth. He’s the one who’s acting like a huge immature jerk.” Any-Dot103
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – as someone terrified of anything with a stinger that flies, I get you. I choose to eat outside every day but I know I still scream and run in terror the second a wasp comes to investigate my food. I can’t imagine being told you – the one terrified of bees – was the one who wanted to eat outside.” Spyro_E
10. AITJ For Refusing To Accept My Aunt's Apology After She Mocked My Shaved Head?
“I (21f) do film and TV extra work as a side job.
A while back, I was cast as an extra on a project set during World War II. Specifically, I was playing a concentration camp prisoner and had to shave my head for the part.
During and after filming, I had to deal with some pretty backhanded comments about my look. I’m already pretty skinny, so I had family and strangers commenting about how I look like a cancer patient. Or a boy.
My uncle’s wife was especially nasty about it.
She’s pretty conservative so she was making all these comments about how I look like a lesbian. I broke up with my ex around that time, so that didn’t help.
My family was great at shutting down my aunt’s nastiness, but she was still making jabs about my bald head months after filming wrapped.
Well, the project I did aired and everyone found out what I was doing last year. My aunt was being noisy about how proud she was of seeing me on screen and how lucky the family was to have an actress in our ranks.
When she tried to apologize to me during family dinner earlier, I may have told her to go away because the stuff she said hurt.
My parents have my back, but my grandmother is upset at me for swearing and my uncle is demanding that I apologize for disrespecting his wife. I don’t because I don’t think her apology was sincere enough and if I did, she would use me for bragging rights in our town.
AITJ if I hold out and don’t accept her apology or make one of my own?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – when it comes down to it, she made nasty comments about your appearance, which is not acceptable behavior. What if you just want to cut your hair, or what if you are a lesbian?
She’s shown her true colors – that she only approves of you either looking a certain way or, that it’s only worth looking “unappealing” if it will earn you clout and respect in the long run. (A gentle y-the-j for swearing at her – you could have handled that better.) Perhaps when you are both in a calmer state of mind, it would be worth sending your aunt a letter and explaining to her why her words were hurtful.
Explain to her that it’s hard to accept her apology because it makes you feel like she wouldn’t support your choices (eg if you wanted to just shave your head for fun) and that it feels like she is only apologizing now it feels like she gets a benefit out of it (ie knowing someone “famous”).” FerryboatQuo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to your aunt and uncle I would simply send a message “During the year when I was working on the project you are so proud to share with everyone, you shamed my appearance multiple times which changed my view of you.
I do not associate myself with jerks. You caused me a year of pain, that will not be solved with an apology. I meant every word I said at the table.” If you wanna be petty add the ‘and I’ll do it again’ meme.
Adults should know better than to bully others.” EJ_1004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Try to avoid swearing though, as it opens up an avenue for people thinking you are (like your uncle). Someone like your aunt will be using this as a ‘pity me, my niece is so mean now she’s an ACTRESS’ Try the brutal truth: “You were so horrible to me for so long that I don’t feel able to accept your apology right now.
I’ll let you know if I feel able to forgive you for that.” – then change the subject/talk to someone else if it’s taking place in front of family, or leave if it’s just the two of you.” TeenySod
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go On Stressful Family Vacation?
“I’m 32 years old and my Dad keeps messaging me every couple of days asking if I can go on an out-of-town trip with him and my Mom on Memorial Day weekend. I do not enjoy vacations with my parents, as all my Dad does is stress out the entire time, argue with my Mom, ignore us so he can zone out, spend 4 hours a day walking his dogs around the hotel to get “private time”, and maybe has about 1-2 hours of actual quality time that is peaceful out of the entire weekend.
This has reoccurred since my childhood and hasn’t changed.
Well, when my Dad pressed me to give him a yes or no answer, I told him I was not sure yet, my friends had plans and I still needed to discuss with them and see what was going on, as it’s still a month away and I haven’t had a chance to work out my plans.
He then presses me more, saying “This is what family does, go on vacation, not choose friends over family”
I replied honestly, and as politely as I could, “Whenever we do go on vacations, we end up arguing the entire time. I don’t know if I want to commit to that yet.”
He immediately gets defensive, turns his back to me, and repeats “Okay, Cam” over and over any time I try and explain what I meant.
As I walk away, I hear him shout back at me “You know, you have a real attitude problem!”
And I left it at that.
Am I the jerk for what I said?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I felt your post down to my toes….and it was very uncomfortable. Just like every previous vacation with my own family. Judging by my own less than pleasant “family” events, you can’t shake your family out of this weird let’s make everyone miserable vacation experience that we all must suffer through.
What do you want the experience when you are free from your job and daily grind to be? That’s important. Maybe your parents don’t understand that having the family all together in close quarters is not a bonding experience, but a grinding, miserable one that you are all just waiting to leave.
This “family vacation” thing, for some of us, is just not worth it. Vacation, to me, means happiness, calm, adventure, shaking off the stress of daily life.. etc. Maybe it’s a generational thing. “We will vacation together each year no matter how miserable it is!” It’s just not worth it, though. Happiness is so hard to come by, these days. I’d rather stay and appreciate what makes me truly happy.” Apprehensive-hippos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Normalize saying no to toxic parents. While your dad might not be toxic, his toxic trait would be enough to want to decline. You’re also an adult and can do your own thing. Don’t feel bad for not going and imo, based on the post, you weren’t rude in how you declined.” outer Senshi
8. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Friend I Hated Our Embarrassing Sleepover?
“So I F(18) had a sleepover with 2 friends F(19) let’s call her Lia and her friend F(19) Sara 2 days ago. We usually do a bi-weekly sleepover and it used to be just me and Lia.
We have been doing it for 2 years. She became close with Sara and now she’s included, no problem. For reference we usually go to a restaurant/Bar, gossip, play some games, and brunch in the morning.
Now on to the story, yesterday during the sleepover Sara suggested we did weird makeup so we did it was fun and all.
Then they suggested we go out on a walk, I agreed but honestly, I was embarrassed because of the makeup. We were having fun so I didn’t want to ruin it. We were getting ready to go out and they started to put on weird outfits and accessories.
I thought it was funny at first but still a bit weird, I thought it would be fine and we weren’t going far since we usually don’t (we usually go on walks).
We walked 3 hours in the end, I was embarrassed the whole time. They stopped and stared at each car, greeted random strangers just to see their reactions, and walked proudly in front of bars where people were staring.
They went out of their way to be sure people saw them and some cars just stopped to stare. I hated it, we have that kind of soft inside joke but I didn’t know they would go this far. I hated it I felt like a clown but they were loving it.
It never happened before and everything they did was spontaneous so I wasn’t prepared for any of it.
I don’t want something like that to happen again. WIBTJ if I told Lia I hate the sleepover? It might cause a rift.”
Another User Comments:
“You are overthinking everything.
You are also being too dramatic and your language is like life and death when it’s extremely minor. Just say you didn’t like going outside with the makeup on because you just find it awkward to go out in public like that instead of saying you “Hated” the sleepover.
Anyone who is truly a close friend will just say “Oh ok, I didn’t realize you hated it so much. We won’t do that next time you are here then”. It’s not as serious of a thing as you think in your head. NTJ, but please don’t be so worried about anything.
You are friends. Just say you’d rather do something else.” AirConUser
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you told her you hated it. They were having fun and didn’t hurt you or anyone. You were always free to voice your feelings or unwillingness to participate.
It hurts if you tell your friend you hated it, she would probably feel terrible and disappointed in herself for letting you down, even though she had no way of knowing. It’s just too strong and confronting NTJ if you just voice your feelings and tell her kindly you didn’t enjoy it, no need to be confrontational.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You guys just have different way of having fun, you tried it and found out that you didn’t like it. Don’t tell her you didn’t enjoyed it, just say you were embarrassed at the part where you guys gone out but enjoyed the other aspects of the sleep over.
Or just don’t mentioned it for now but the next time that they suggested it, tell them you didn’t enjoyed it and compromise on something. Like maybe you can be the videographer or something. It sounds like you have no other issue about them other than that so if they’re good friends they’ll accept your compromise (maybe they’ll force you for a little bit but just calmly stood firm)” Uechi17
7. AITJ For Joking About My Own Cancer Diagnosis?
“Four days ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. One way I am dealing with it is by joking.
For instance, when my cat was doing that kneading with the claws thing that cats do I laughed and said maybe she was trying to give me a mastectomy.
Or when thinking about the idea of chemotherapy I commented that I might have a beach body by summer and another time I said that I could save a ton of money on shampoo.
To be clear, I would NEVER joke about someone else having cancer.
But this is my own cancer experience.
A woman who I know but not well took offense this morning. She told me that I needed to tell myself that I don’t have cancer to speak the cancer out of existence. She also told me that I should never joke about cancer or say the word because I am keeping the cancer in my body by doing so.
I don’t believe in her way of thinking about dealing with illness and have told her that in the past, although I have never tried to change her thinking. She still tries to push it on me and gets frustrated when I don’t give in and do what she tells me.
But was it wrong to joke about it? I didn’t know how she would react to the joking since I have never joked about any sickness in front of her before, but should I have guessed that she might be offended?”
Another User Comments:
“I have a saying: You can either cry, scream or laugh.
But you can’t do more than one. So by all means choose laughter. People forget that humor is a way of coping. It’s a coping mechanism. May not be hers but heck she’s not going through cancer. Tell her she needs to stop being the cancer police.
I have a friend who has had cancer more than once. And we joke about it all the time. That could be why she has had cancer more than once, But I doubt it. Because I’m joking with her and I haven’t had cancer once.
I mean when we are dealing with problems we usually ask each other what we need: sympathy, distraction, etc. Find a copy of Patch Adams and give it to her. NTJ” CanIStopAdultingNow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I joke about my cancer (thyroid cancer, which I have called “fake cancer” at times) and the resulting scars.
In some ways, I’m sure it’s a coping mechanism but in other ways, it’s just a facet of my sense of humor. Don’t let the haters get you down. If you do get a mastectomy and reconstructive surgery you could call them “biscuits” since your cat loves to knead them.” baroness indecisive
Another User Comments:
“Forget that lady, seriously. Post-diagnosis and pre-treatment are the worst, I’m proud of you for being able to use humor to cope (but even if you were spending all day crying and screaming I’d still be proud, it’s a hard experience). r/breastcancer helped me a lot when I was diagnosed, it’s a very supportive group if you want to vent or hear other people’s stories.
I hope you can avoid her as much as possible in the future. NTJ.” HydrangeaDream
6. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Partner Over Ski Trip Costs?
“I [M22] have been planning a ski trip with my partner [F22] and her friends. This trip is an annual tradition for them, and I was the outsider/+1 in the group. I wasn’t involved in the planning and was not part of their group chat, relying on my partner for all the details.
I trusted her expertise to ensure any pertinent info would be passed to me. I knew we were going to Tahoe, but the specifics were unclear for months until the AirBnB was booked.
Once booked, I pre-emptively searched for the resort’s lift passes and was shocked to find out that the lift passes for the ski resort were around $600 for 3 days, 3x the amount my partner had mentioned. It turned out she and her friends had purchased a pre-season pass at a significant discount, something I wasn’t informed about at all even though we’d been communicating about this ski trip for around 3 months!
I frantically searched for the pass online, but the last chance to purchase it was around a week before our conversation.
At this point, I was furious. I felt that this should’ve been the first thing communicated to me once I was going on this ski trip.
I ended up angrily confronting my partner over the phone, explaining that her oversight was inconsiderate of my time and money. The discussion escalated into an argument. I called her inconsiderate. Regrettably, I raised my voice since I was quite mad. She ended up in tears since I mentioned I was considering canceling the trip altogether.
She felt I was being overly punitive and called it an overreaction.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“She really should have said something… $600 for tickets for 3 days sounds pretty high. And then to find out that everyone else had bought pre-season passes… and nobody thought to tell you.
I don’t know about you, but I just wouldn’t go at this point. This is pretty inconsiderate on your partner’s part. NTJ” canuckleheadiam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She didn’t consider the cost to you if you didn’t get the pass early. Shows she just didn’t care about it…and by extension, about you joining her skiing.
Plan a trip for yourself somewhere else at that time. No need to drop an extra $400 on a ski pass because she couldn’t let you know in time. Just find someplace else to amuse yourself without her along. She’ll either learn to plan better or make it apparent she doesn’t want to travel with you (and you can dump her).” Pladohs_Ghost
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this seems like a super stupid argument. Having an active skiing wife when I have mobility disabilities that flare up, she has IKON or EPIC or whatever is convenient and she buys them bajillion months in advance. Short of whatever blackout shenanigans they have, they have a buddy pass system.
Does your partner not share her buddy pass with you? Did she use it all up and expect you to pay full price? I guess since you are at the beginning of the relationship and this is an annual tradition for them, they all probably have their passes purchased on sale dates way in advance and don’t even remember how much cost inflation has happened in the last few years.
So an innocent mistake on all sides and it’s just a messy couple of years. You’ll live through it and figure it out. Hey, you can always go and just not ski if that’s your thing. I go to Steamboat and Tahoe and ski maybe one day when I’m not flaring up and with Tahoe, you have the lake, you have the NV side which has (admittedly poor) gambling, decent attractions, etc.” the Newmark
5. AITJ For Kicking Out My Roommate To Study In Peace?
“Me (23M) and my roommate “Kris” (22M) are in what’s hopefully our final year of university. Right now I’m taking some important summer classes and I have a big paper to turn in by Wednesday. It’s English, which was never my strong suit, so I need all the focus I can get if I want a decent grade.
Now Kris has been getting these recurring headaches over the past few weeks. I have no idea what brought them on; he’s taking a summer class too but he’s doing better overall than me and his subject is easier so I don’t think it’s stress-related.
He’ll lay in bed and pretty much do nothing from dinner time well into the next day. It wouldn’t be such an issue except he keeps making these obnoxious sounds (sort of like gasping, muffled groans, etc.). I’ve patiently told him to knock it off during my study periods many times, but he just won’t.
Yesterday I just lost patience and told him he’d have to leave the room if he couldn’t be quiet. He played dumb for a while with a blank look on his face, but when I held firm he finally left, though he called me a jerk for kicking him out of our shared living space when I could have easily studied somewhere else.
I don’t think I should have to make those types of concessions since this test is extremely important, it’s my living space too, and it’s more convenient and less distracting studying by myself than with other people. Plus there’s no excuse for making as much noise as he does when he knows I’m trying to study.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.. a strong YTJ. Your roommate has every right to live in his apartment. Expecting 100% quiet for a shared space is unreasonable, he can listen to music, and have friends….if you need 100% quiet, then you make the effort to achieve it.
Soundproof your room, go to a library, wear headphones or not, and listen to classical music. Acting 100% entitled jerk. You owe him the funds for the apartment on those days you kicked him out.” BeginningAccording96
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He probably has migraines and is in terrible pain.
He should be able to be in his bed in his room when he is sick and in pain. If the involuntary noises of pain and suffering he makes are bothersome to you when you are studying, get earplugs, and headphones, or go to a library or one of the myriad places on a college campus designed for people to study.
Notably, there are no places other than one’s room where one can lie in bed in the dark in pain.” lawfox32
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First of all, he makes these sounds because he’s in pain, not to annoy you mighty Highness. It’ll do you much good to remember that not everything other people do is about you.
Almost nothing is. Also, I know these sounds, have heard them, and made them. They are easily blocked out with even regular (not noise-canceling) headphones. Even without music, if music distracts you. So you kicked your sick roommate out instead of putting on some headphones.
Totally the jerk.” Ventsel
4. AITJ For Having My Female Friend Make My Partner's Birthday Jewelry?
“I (25m) have a partner (24F) who I’ve been seeing for a little over 9 months now. I also have a friend A(25f)
My partner’s birthday recently passed, on September 24th. I know she loves things like scavenger hunts and jewelry so I set up a scavenger hunt for her in her apartment, with small pieces of gold jewelry at each location she had to find.
Everything went smoothly and she ultimately loved her birthday. Here’s where the issue comes in, my partner was excited to tell her friends about it, and they mostly found it to be cute but also were wondering how I could afford all this jewelry.
This is when I told them that my friend A had made all of it since it’s a hobby of hers to make jewelry.
Well, my partner’s friends didn’t appreciate that very much. They all started blowing up on me and shouting that I shouldn’t be having another girl “meddling” in my relationship.
I don’t believe that this is what’s happening.
Yes, A is my best friend and I know how that seems like a bad thing but we’re honestly only friends. A and I have known each other since we were a few months old, and we’ve never looked at or touched each other in any way other than a friendly way.
My partner is conflicted as of right now and won’t let me anywhere near her. She’s told me already that she’s selling the jewelry since it no longer brings her happiness. I can see how it would upset her that another girl made the jewelry but I thought it would upset her more if I lied so now I’m conflicted as well.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m concerned that your partner thinks what she is doing is okay. You did not get another woman to insert themselves into your relationship. Your partner just can’t accept that you have a friend who is a girl who helped. It’s screaming red flags to me about her insecurity and she’s using the gift selling to try to punish you and hurt you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No, I don’t get upset at all. Someone would have made the jewelry – they don’t just spring from the ground. What’s the big deal with buying it at a lower cost from someone you know who makes jewelry? If she doesn’t like the personal gift, she should return it, not sell it off.
Honestly sounds like it was fine with her until her friends started harping about you having a female friend at all and anywhere near “involvement” in the gift (and it’s not like she selected the gifts, she is your crafts person). Do you want to be with someone acting as shallowly as your partner is acting now?
“Not letting you anywhere near her” – does this mean you two would never be able to talk about conflicts? That’s a lousy base for a relationship.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ A helped you make your partner happy. Hardly the move of someone who wants her out.
I simply don’t understand how your partner can be upset by this. I think you did something great and creative for your partner’s birthday and you got a little help from a friend to make it happen on your budget. I don’t see how it changes anything that your friend is female.
The whole thing makes no sense to me.” Lalonreddit
3. AITJ For Calling Out My Wife's Passive Aggressive Behavior?
“I’ll start by saying that I love my wife to death. She’s the rock in our lives and she makes me very happy. She’s an amazing mom and wife. There’s no one on this earth that I’d rather be married to.
But she has a tendency to communicate in a passive-aggressive manner and we’ve had multiple conversations about it and she says she will try to be better. However, it continues on and on.
For example… this morning I woke up, took the baby, and played for an hour to let her sleep in, and then she came downstairs like usual. Then I went to clean something in the kitchen and left to go into the other room and she said “No coffee for me huh?”.
(When I make coffee I always make us both coffees but I hadn’t made mine yet..) I explained that to her and a few minutes later made both coffees. Then I was tidying in the other room and she had the baby for maybe 5 minutes and I heard him fussing and she said loudly “Oh I guess I’m the only one that takes care of you huh” to the baby.
??? I went over and grabbed him immediately but I told her “Hey, you can just ask me to get the baby. I don’t need the passive-aggressive stuff”. She was very displeased by this and said I’m being so evil and negative. Also said some other not-nice things.
Am I being gaslit here or AITJ? If you need more info I’m happy to provide it. But now I feel I can’t even tell her when she’s doing something wrong, I just have to take it.”
Another User Comments:
“I know you said your wife is your rock, so I put forward this question with hesitation.
I only have the morning’s conversation to go by, but it sounds like you’re the rock in the relationship. Is there an even distribution of the work, or is the description you provided pretty typical? Either way, NTJ. It is okay to ask someone to speak to you differently.
From what you described, you are simply asking for better, more precise communication, which is free of judgment.” Deep_Royal_8906
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But if she grew up with passive-aggressive parents, this may be the only way she knows how to communicate. My husband’s mother is very passive-aggressive and so was he when we first met.
On the other hand, my parents argued a lot, so I would start a lot of arguments with my husband. The first several years of our marriage were not always the best because our communication styles were not only different but poor. We finally became more comfortable having direct, non-confrontational discussions.
Our marriage is better than it has ever been, but it took years to get there. I will also add that for me, part of the issue was low self-worth. I didn’t feel I deserved to be direct about my needs or wants. I suspect this may be common in women because of how we are socialized. I don’t know if this applies to your wife or not, but thought I would mention it.
In short, if she loves you and is content with your marriage, try not to take her passive-aggressive comments personally. Do continue to point them out to her. And model alternative language for her, which it sounds like you have already been doing. When you are both relaxed and receptive, try to initiate a deeper discussion about communication styles.” Raku2015
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother-In-Law's Extravagant Engagement Party?
“I (29, F) got engaged recently. A couple of days after the engagement, my mother-in-law asked me if we were having an engagement party. I said I don’t know. Within the next few days, my family planned a small dinner for the immediate family of both sides to meet each other.
I told my mother-in-law this and she didn’t like the idea of a small dinner. She wants to throw a second wedding- with the groom’s side of the family; and spend easily over $10k on a party at a venue. I told her I don’t want 2 weddings and she said she is doing it no matter what.
We looked at a venue etc. She mentioned that everything we pick should be what I want (the bride). We left the venue and I thought it was too expensive (and too small for the over 100 people that would be invited.)
Me and my fiancé told her again we wanted something small to celebrate our engagement.
She again said she was throwing us this large party. This went back and forth a few times.
It’s been such an exhausting few days talking about this party- that isn’t even our wedding! It’s taking up so much time going back and forth. I have my job and other things to take care of that I am not able to focus on.
We went to dinner and I couldn’t even eat. This isn’t enjoyable.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her you won’t be there and then do not attend. Also, something for your consideration: If you marry this guy, this is your life. One constant, never-ending battle with your controlling mother-in-law.
Is this what you want for yourself? I promise you, she will not change. She will not stop. This will be. Your. Life. Is this what you want?” WEM-2022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is good training for the family; they should learn now that they are not in charge of your wedding, your marriage, or your life.
You now know that MIL is prepared to override your express wishes and that mollifying her doesn’t work. You know that your own family is prepared to attempt to control you with threats of emotional upset. You have all the information that you need to plan this wedding.
You teach people how to treat you. If MIL plans this huge event, then tell her repeatedly and loudly that you and your fiancé *will not* attend. If she wastes her money, then that’s on her. I’ll repeat it because it’s vitally important: you teach people how to treat you.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I always had very strict boundaries set with people around me so nobody would try to pull this nonsense. Do you want to force me into something? Cool, you are uninvited from my wedding, any more stupid wishes while we are at it?
No? I thought so. Want to be invited back to my wedding? Ok, but no more stupid stuff or we go LC and then NC. But also what matters is that your partner is 100% behind you, I would never marry a girl who doesn’t support me at least 99.9% of the time, pointless.” forgeries
1. AITJ For Telling My Step-Mom My Dad Would Choose Me Over Her Son?
“My dad and his wife of 2 years got into a fight last week. His wife told him he wasn’t a good father to her son (6) and that she was tired of him spending time with him and then dropping him off for me.
That he should be consistent with her son who already lost one dad and didn’t need to lose the dad he’d remember. Dad argued that he was juggling two kids and that I (17m) needed him more than ever right now because my mom was never going to get better.
Mom was in an accident and she’s got severe brain damage. They said she would need around-the-clock care for the rest of her life. Dad’s wife said none of that was an excuse to make her son question if he still loved him.
She told Dad I already made him feel unwanted because I had never wanted to be his brother.
I have shown so much jealousy that Dad has taken responsibility for another kid. And now Dad is making all of that so much worse. She’s not wrong that I have never wanted to be her son’s brother.
My parents broke up when I was 3.
My mom was the parent I spent the most time with. I saw Dad on weekends. He was not a consistent dad. Sometimes he was fine, other times he sucked, he let me down a lot, but he also told me he never wanted to lose me a lot.
When I was younger I opened up to dad one time that I was scared he would just stop being a good dad to me, that he’d replace me like some of my friends were replaced by their remarried parents. I told him I never wanted him to be a better dad to some other kid over me.
Dad assured me it would never happen and I’d always be his number one. Three years ago that conversation was stupid in my head because I realized he’d never be a good dad for real.
He started seeing his wife 4 years ago, moved her in, and I didn’t see him for over a year.
My mom had her accident a few months ago and I moved in with them which was the first time I spent any time with his wife or her son. My dad was weird after I moved in. At first, it was like he didn’t even remember I was there and then when I spent a few days at a friend’s house he freaked out and told me he’d thought I wasn’t coming home.
I told him I didn’t see a point in being there. So he spent a bunch of time with me and now he flip-flops between me and his wife’s son.
Dad told me a month and a half ago that if I ever wanted him to choose between me and his wife’s son, he’d always pick me, he’d forget the other kid existed. I rolled my eyes at him because I found it crazy and I didn’t believe him.
During the fight, she said all this stuff about me and Mom. She told Dad he was a better dad before I moved in. So I told her what he said about choosing me if I made him choose. Things got really bad and of course, she got so loud her son heard and I was blamed for that.
She called me a monster and told my dad he said he loved her son and how could he do that to her boy. Now every time I pass her in the house she tells me I’m a monster.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Mostly NTJ.
Was your response productive or mature? No. But I can see why you did it, considering what you’ve been through. Your dad and step-mom are huge jerks though. They should not be having conversations like this in front of you. Your step-mom should not be saying anything bad about your mom.
I don’t care how she feels about her, you just don’t say bad things about critically ill people in front of that person’s child. Your dad needs to figure his stuff out and be a better parent to both you and his step-son.
The best thing you can do right now is go to therapy. You need someone who can help you process everything that’s going on in your life because it’s a lot to handle on your own. I’m sorry about your mom.” Pepperoni
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not sure why people here are expecting something mature. OP is a teenager who lost his mother despite her being alive. OP’s father is an unreliable man so much so that OP completely decided he can never fully depend on him.
Now the DAD is trying hard because he knows that OP doesn’t care and one day he may go NC with him. Now onto the things OP said, I said many stupid things when I was a teenager to my parents for petty reasons. OP here has very good reason to throw that verbal knife.
Because the stepmom is cursing OP’s mother. Kid, I suggest you control your anger. Plan for your future because even though your dad may left his wife for you he won’t be a reliable one for you. You have to work for your bright future so one day you can take care of your mother.” Remarkable_Pianist99
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