People Lose Hope In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Not Including My Sister's Friends In My Bridal Party?
“Context: I have 1 older bro (2 years older) 2 younger bros and a little sis (7, 9, and 13 years younger respectively). Despite the age gap, my sis and I are very close, we even shared a room until I moved out when I was 20.
My house growing up was ALWAYS full of friends of the family.
There were at least 9 people any day and maybe more on the weekends, my point being there were a lot of people going in and out at all times. My sis has a best friend named Beth and they have been friends since kindergarten (7 years).
I have only met Beth maybe four or five times.
My older bro got married when he was 24 and the wedding was beautiful. Now I’m 26 and recently married but there was some unexpected drama. It started when I was going over to my bridal party with my mom and she got upset that Beth and Hannah weren’t in it.
Who’s Hannah? Turns out Beth has a little sis who hangs out at my parent’s house all the time (she’s 10). I have never met her. So why would she be at my wedding at all let alone in my bridal party? Well, my mom has become a second mother to these girls and sees them as family, and can’t grasp why I would want to exclude them on my special day.
My mom decides Beth can be a bridesmaid and Hannah can be the flower girl. Except I don’t know either girl and my then fiancé’s niece was already slated to be the flower girl. My mom and I go back and forth for a while before I leave.
I did some digging because it seemed weird to me that my mom would be so stubborn about just these girls and not the rest of my little sib’s friends and I found out that the girl’s parents are divorced, they don’t get along with their step-mom, their dad is out of state caring for his dying father and the mother was recently diagnosed with MS. I feel really bad for these poor girls because our family has become their safe place.
I relent and say that they can come to the wedding but they cannot be in the bridal party or official family photos. My mom is livid! She can’t fathom that I wouldn’t want to give these 2 girls the world on a platter and tells me that she already told Hannah she was going to be a flower girl and Hannah is so excited. If I don’t let her I will be crushing her dream and I simply can’t do that to a child who has been through so much!
Fiancé and I remain firm that they can come, but they are not going to be part of the bridal party. Our wedding comes and all is well until at the reception when Hannah comes up to me and wants to know why I changed my mind and didn’t have her as my flower girl.
She said it was a dream she had always had and now she would never get the chance. I tried to be polite as I could, but she still cried and told me I was mean.
After the honeymoon, I called my mom to ask if my sis wanted to stay one weekend this month (this was normal even with my husband) and she said no because of how badly I had upset my sister’s friends at the wedding.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mother is though. She promised these girls something that was not in her power to give, before even asking you. Your mother is the jerk. And doubly so as she refused to own up to her b.s. and threw you under the bus.” HeliosOh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom may consider them family, but they’re strangers to you. It’s very weird that she leaped in and told them they’d be in the bridal party like that. Even insisting they come to the wedding was odd, but trying to force them into the bridal party when you’d never even met one of them is a bit WTF.
She created the drama and the hurt feelings by making truly absurd promises that no reasonable person would have made.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding, not your mum’s. Your mum shouldn’t have confirmed the flower girl and bridesmaid on your behalf (and without your agreement).
Your mum is asking you to make her chosen girl happy at the expense of disappointing another child (your fiancé’s niece), that is hardly fair or kind.” yktan8
20. AITJ For Asking Out A Mutual Friend After A Traumatic Breakup?
“I (26F) went through a horrible breakup earlier this year. In a nutshell, I was engaged to someone I thought was the love of my life, Don, and we had a huge fight, that escalated to the point of violence.
We tried to work it out afterward, but my ex-fiance broke my heart and refused to talk to me, and there was a lot of drama (we had been living together, and I left and let him stay at our place, even though I owned it, and he refused to let me come back, but wouldn’t tell me when he was moving out, etc.)
My best friend Ray was a good support to me while going through the breakup, and knew a lot of the details of what happened to me and Don, and some of my previous history.
After the breakup, I was devastated and truly heartbroken, (I had had a bad history of relationships before Don – my previous ex was significantly older and emotionally manipulative)
A month or so ago, I was at a mutual friend of mine and Ray’s birthday party, and I met Trey, who was a mutual friend of Ray’s (not super close, but part of a group that had gone to school together and all knew each other).
Trey and I hit it off, and have been texting non-stop since the party, and it was the first time I’d felt anything for anyone else since Don dumped me.
I decided to ask Trey out. He said yes, and seemed excited.
The other day, Ray called me and was upset.
He had heard that I’d asked Trey out (Trey had told a few people in their friend group because he was excited) Ray said that he cared about me a lot and respected me a lot as a friend and that Trey was a great guy, but he didn’t want me to go out with him.
He said my relationships had too much drama and my last breakups had been really bad, and that he was afraid that if I went out with Trey, it might end badly and cause drama/friction in the friend group, and he didn’t want Trey to have to deal with my “drama” and “baggage”.
Ray suggested I try the apps and even suggested he could set me up with some of his other friends.
I was hurt, and I like Trey, but Ray is one of my closest friends and I don’t want to ruin our friendship, I worry that maybe he’s right and I am the problem and would drag Trey down.
AITJ for asking out a friend of a friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but I think Ray wants to go out with you. I’m not sure if he’s asked you out before or not. Based on your post, the concerning part about Ray’s behavior is that he likely agreed with or explicitly stated that your exes were the problem (Don and those prior) in your past relationships, but when he heard about Trey he went on the offensive and started suggesting that you may be the problem (drama, baggage, etc.).
I’d keep my eye on Ray’s potential biases if you confide in him at all in your relationship with Trey. Preferably seek another friend counsel/guidance in your relationship with Trey – Ray’s motives don’t seem genuine imho.” checkout7
Another User Comments:
“Seriously?
He will set you up with friends he doesn’t like enough to worry if your drama and baggage drag them down. Either he’s a serious jerk to do that! Or he has a thing for you and wants you single for himself and he would be a jerk for that(for lying and manipulating).
You do suck for jumping from bad to bad relationship-maybe get some therapy to learn why you pick jerks before getting into another relationship. But NTJ for asking Trey out.” MountainMidnight9400
19. AITJ For Expecting My Adult Daughter To Do Her Chores Even When She's Not Home?
“Daughter(21) still lives at home. Has said for 3+ months that she’s moving in with her partner “by the end of October.” Let me preface this by saying she’s working full-time earning over $25/hr, she doesn’t pay rent, and her chores are minimal (responsible for cleaning her room, doing her laundry, cleaning litter boxes twice a week, and loading the dishwasher).
She has spent the last 7 days staying the night at either her friend’s house or her partner’s house. Came home briefly on Friday when we weren’t here; she did clean the litter boxes because she hadn’t been home for 3 days, but then left the bag of cat waste lying on the kitchen floor instead of throwing it in the dumpster she had to walk past on her way back out to her car.
My husband texted her about it when he got home and found it, and all she replied was “I’m sorry.” Even though she was home, she didn’t load a single item into the dishwasher despite both sides of the sink being filled because again, she hadn’t been home for 3 days.
She just walked in the door tonight after 10 pm and went straight to her room without coming to even say hi to me or her dad. After a few minutes, he went upstairs and asked what she was doing; she said she was getting ready for bed. He told her to do the dishes.
She replied, “They didn’t get done?” He said no, she was home on Friday and didn’t do them. He told her that she still lives here and she still has chores that need to get done. He said she seemed upset, but she still went and did the dishes AND the litter boxes.
I fought with myself over the weekend about this because sure, the easy thing would have been for us to just do the dishes. But her bed is here, her clothes are here, her TV is here, her mini fridge is here, etc. This is still her home.
And, as noted before, she doesn’t pay rent but we still expect her to take care of HER responsibilities. If I decide that I’m just not going to come home for a week, I don’t get to call my bank and tell them that I’m only paying the mortgage for 75% of the month on the basis that “I wasn’t there.” My responsibilities don’t go away just because I chose not to come home.
So let me have it, am I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She figured if she was gone, someone else would do her chores. You figured that her chores were still hers to do even while she was gone for a week. This is a communication issue.
Sit down and make it clear that she is expected to contribute either common household labor (other than just cleaning up after herself) or pay rent if she is unwilling to do chores for the household as a whole.” InappropriateAccess
Another User Comments:
“YTJ- I think adults should all contribute but she was gone.
If you were gone a week or days would you honestly expect to come home to a home with other able-bodied adults to a nasty mess?? No, you weren’t there to make the mess. Is it her cat(s)? As in when she moves it goes with her?
If not, great that she does the boxes while living there rent-free but gross that you’d leave them in that squalor for 3 days because she wasn’t home. Really no matter who they are, that’s unfair to them. YTJ.” theferal1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I am sorry but not paying your mortgage because you’re not home and not doing dishes you didn’t use are different things. Also if you let your dishes just stack up because she isn’t home to do them that’s gross and you have other kids’ health to think about.” Artistic_Tough5005
18. AITJ For Speaking To The School Director While Waiting For My Mom?
“I’ve been studying at the same private school for 13 years, where my mom is the headmistress.
This school isn’t great; it’s run by wealthy but uneducated directors. I’m a 16-year-old female currently taking my exams. The exam center is close to my school, which is an hour’s drive from my house, so I wait at the school after exams until my mom can leave so we can save on petrol by traveling together.
While I’m at school, my teachers ask me about the exams so they can estimate thresholds and identify key topics for future exams. I also collect feedback from my classmates and share it with the teachers.
On Friday, at the last moment, my mom was asked to stay late for an interview at school without being told beforehand.
She wasn’t being interviewed but had to wait because she’s the headmistress. I stayed in our car with my dad for 1.5 hours in the heat(our car’s AC doesn’t work). I was exhausted and furious. When I went to check on my mom, I found out the interview hadn’t even started, and she had been waiting outside the meeting room all that time.
I was worried because I needed to get home and study for my next exam.
My mom had been trying to call the vice principal to find out when the interview would start and end, but she wasn’t answering. When one of the directors and her assistant came out, I politely asked them when the interviews would be over, knowing my mom would never.
The assistant told me they were already done. I told my mom, and she was upset that I had spoken to them. She’s not very confident and had warned me not to say anything, fearing repercussions.
On Monday, my mom told me she’d been yelled at by the principal because I had spoken to the director.
The principal said that if I was so worried about my exam, I should have gone home with my dad, despite knowing we couldn’t afford the extra petrol for two long trips. They’ve also refused to provide transport for my mom in the past when she’s had to stay late.
I felt terrible for causing trouble for my mom, but I didn’t think asking a simple question would lead to this.
The school often tells me that my mom is just my mom at home and my teacher at school, but they don’t apply the same rule.
They treated me as the headmistress’s daughter, not just another student. I know I was exhausted and the heat got to me, but I was respectful when I spoke to the director. Some people I’ve told this story to think the principal overreacted and shouldn’t have said horrible things to my mom over such a minor incident.
It seems like the director exaggerated what happened to the principal. In the end, I feel like my mom was unfairly disrespected just because I asked a question.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, though I empathize with your mom. She had reasons for advising you to stay quiet.
That said, I don’t think you’re the creator of problems in any way, shape, or form. You were stuck waiting, you asked a simple question. If I played a part in creating circumstances for another staff person’s kid to be on the premises after hours…why would I as a professional adult get mad at my coworker for their kid’s choice to cordially interact with me?
You didn’t interrupt their meeting. You say they’re wealthy, so like. Why not compensate your mom’s additional travel costs incurred for after-hours duties? Maybe she is getting a fat cheque already, but they’re disrespecting her and her time. It’s an uncomfortable situation, but you’re not a jerk for failing to maintain the utmost professionalism.
Your mom might have something to learn from watching you refuse to be treated like a doormat.” paper-Julien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom was unfairly disrespected. And not just because of what you said, but because they left her waiting & couldn’t be bothered to tell her that the interviews were done.
That is completely rude & disrespectful. The principal overreacted. You asked a legitimate question. It wasn’t a big deal. You didn’t do anything wrong.” NOTTHATKAREN1
17. AITJ For Wanting To Return My Dad's Gifted IPad Because It's Not The Right Model?
“Around 1-2 months ago my father was traveling and when he came back, he had brought back an iPad that he had bought for me overseas. For context, I am starting an extremely rigorous academic course and currently have the iPad 9th Gen and have been using it for the past few years for assignments and schoolwork and have hated it.
It’s extremely slow, the battery drains and takes forever to charge, and a couple of other technical issues I experienced ever since I first bought it made me dislike the way it works and decided to upgrade to the 10th Gen.
As I am currently a student, I don’t make big purchases if at all unless I have to so if I do want to buy something, I’ll spend months researching and trying to find the best possible fit for me; a long process which I enjoy as well.
I had gotten a job and told my family that I was saving up to buy myself this iPad – I was extremely excited and the prospect of making a big purchase like this on my own from my own money meant a lot to me.
I didn’t touch a single dollar of any paycheck just so I could get it as soon as possible for myself. I had been vocal about how I felt this would be a huge step in independence, not having to rely on my parents as much.
I do acknowledge that I am extremely fortunate to have a problem like this and am incredibly appreciative. I had also been very vocal about my excitement and how good it would be to have an upgraded 10th Gen to be able to handle and process all the documents and files I need for school, as there is a lot that I found the 9th Gen absolutely could not handle, even within the first few months of getting it a few years ago.
Something valuable to me was the act of saving money, picking up more shifts, and working towards a monetary goal that would serve as beneficial to me, it gave me something to feel motivated by. I know that if I use this iPad it would work just as the one I currently have and with Apple slowing down older models, the 9th Gen doesn’t seem like as good as a long-term option as the 10th Gen does and I would end up buying it in a few months anyway.
I know I should accept the gift and use it, but it would seem like a waste at the end of the day when it inevitably stops working as well given the digital load I currently have and will have following starting the course. Ideally, I would like to give the iPad back to my father so he can use it as he would use it recreationally or gift it to someone else as I have left it completely untouched and unopened.
So, AITJ for wanting to give back an iPad because it’s not the right one or should I just keep it? Also if you have any advice, that would be greatly appreciated!”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re so hung up on how this isn’t what you wanted but spent little time appreciating the love from your dad and his thoughtfulness. Even more so, you’re faulting him because on your mind you made it obvious as to the model that you wanted.” Basilsainttsadface
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If you cannot use the product for the purpose you need it for, it doesn’t do any good sitting around collecting dust. It would be better utilized to be given back to your dad or regifted as you had mentioned. Just be honest about it and state that while the gesture is appreciated, the older generation model doesn’t serve the purpose you need it for.” Taru-Shinkicker
Another User Comments:
“I am confused. In what exactly does the current iPad fail and what kind of “technical issues” do you have that you think will be amended with a new one? The new one will be the same thing but a bit faster.
You got a 9th generation, you want a 10th generation, what did your father buy for you? 9 1/2? Where did he find one that is a couple of years old when it shouldn’t be available as a new product on the market? Anyways, YTJ for trying to sell it.
Just be honest. Your dad is presumably a big boy and can take it. Since you asked for advice: work on your communication skills, otherwise you will have problems with your “rigorous academic course”. Buy a computer because unless you are an artist, a tablet is a toy.” Redditetor
16. AITJ For Being Upset That My Wife And Kids Came Home Late From Visiting Her Ex's Family?
“I’ll start this off, by saying when my wife (F30) and I (38M) first started seeing each other, she had two kids (currently 6M, 8M) from previous relationships, with neither kids’ dads being in the picture.
As far as the youngest kid goes, for his first three and a half years he didn’t know his bio-dad due to a restraining order my wife had.
Anyway, over the past year and a half, he’s slowly been getting to know his dad, when he shows up for visits.
Although those were a couple here and there before he would go weeks/months without seeing the kid (usually when he didn’t like something my wife had to say IE no to sleepovers after two visits).
I understand that with our youngest kid’s dad, being back in the picture means making compromises now and then, so he can try and have a relationship with his bio-dad.
I get that, I accept that, and I try to be encouraging about it, especially since I grew up not knowing mine and not wanting the kid to go through that.
As for why my wife thinks I’m a jerk, well over the weekend, she and the kids went to his place (well his parent’s place) so the youngest kid could spend some time with his grandfather on his dad’s side of the family (his grandparents decided not to be in the kid’s life when the restraining order was put in place against their son).
The problem is, that we live in a big city, and they had to drive about 45 minutes out of the city to get there, but since neither one of us drives, her ex took them. Anyway, my wife asked before this weekend if I would be OK with them going, and if not they wouldn’t.
We talked and agreed they would be home no later than 9:30 pm (meaning they would have had to leave around 8:30 pm), the problem is they didn’t get back until 11:30 pm that night, two hours later than we agreed to. I was starting to worry (I did message her around 9:40 pm, that’s how I found out they hadn’t left yet).
So am I the jerk, for getting mad at her for not only coming home later than the agreed-upon time but also for not messaging me and letting me know, especially with her knowing I was already concerned with them going out there in the first place, given his history, like the reason he had a restraining order in the first place?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Yes, she should have told you sooner, but she doesn’t drive so was dependent on someone else leaving, and it’s easy enough to lose track of two hours. Plus it sounds like she answered you when you texted, so I’m not sure you had cause to be concerned for very long.
Fair to ask for better communication if she’s going to be late, but getting mad seems unreasonable.” Right_Count
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. This one is tricky. She had no control over when she would get home since she was not driving. So, she is NTJ.
You messaged her 10 minutes after your curfew was set, and she responded they hadn’t left yet. There was nothing more for her to text back. She was home 2 hours later, and everyone arrived home safe and sound. I get that this triggered fear on your part for her and the kid’s safety.
You don’t mention how the visit went. Did the grandparents delay the leaving? Was the ex a jerk? Did the kids want to stay? If everyone got home okay and this is a one-off, leave it. If, however, your wife came home agitated and stressed out because of the ex’s behavior or the grandparents, I think you know that this won’t happen again anyway.” banjadev
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So neither you nor your wife have reliable transportation. And to arrange a visit with your stepchildren’s grandparents, you put the three of them in a car with a dude your wife had an active restraining order against? And he drove them 45 minutes outside of the city?
My guy, you are middle-aged. Your wife is thirty. There were about 300 better ways for this to pan out. Get it together.” Merchant-of-Menace
15. AITJ For Confronting My Mother About Her Obsession With Passing On Our Family Name?
“I (36M) am married to (39F). I also have a sister (39F) (this fact will make sense later in the story.) We have been together for 9 years and married for 6 of them.
I have a somewhat of a unique last name. Not out of the ordinary but certainly different. There are more of us in the country other than my family. My mother has had this weird little obsession with “passing on the family name” and if I dig deep enough in my memory I’m pretty sure it predates me meeting my wife.
Originally, when seeing each other, my mother was kind to my wife but as soon as we got married it’s like she couldn’t fake it anymore and started on the typical MIL nonsense. She likely blames my wife for us living in a different state (even though it was a decision made by the two of us).
Well anyway, we currently have a 16-month-old little girl. (Whom my mother has seen twice in her life). When the news dropped that she was a girl, the subtle disappointment of not being a boy was leeching out of my mother. We recently found out we were pregnant with baby #2 and before even finding out the gender she was already saying stuff like “hope it’s a boy” and “gotta pass on the family name”.
Every time she mentioned it I made some snarky comment like my daughter’s husband is changing his name. Or she’s gonna hyphenate. And just kept making hints that it doesn’t matter.
Immediately I began thinking what a terrible way to look at my daughter (her granddaughter) as a disappointment of not being able to pass on something as mundane as a last name.
I then thought of my sister and what kind of way she must be feeling being the first born and probably disappointing my mother by being born female until I was born.
A couple of weeks ago we found out baby #2 is a boy. We hesitated to tell my family cause we already knew what my mother was going to say.
We decided to release the information through social media and like a foregone conclusion, there was her comment about praising it being a boy and “passing on the family name”.
When I saw this comment I lost it. I texted her immediately asking her “Am I a Duke?
Do we have some land with a castle in Wales that I need to be aware of?” Acting lost she responded “what?” So I sent her a screenshot of her social media comment with a response of “I sure hope my sister was never made to feel less than cause she “couldn’t pass on the family name.
It doesn’t matter but I’m certainly not going to allow my daughter to feel less cause she’s a girl”
She then responded with “are you being serious or is this you joking?”
I then told her “I have hinted to you time and time again that that is a rude and inappropriate thing to say but you continue.
So now I’m being direct: this is a rude and inappropriate thing to say. I love you. Goodnight”
She responded by basically gaslighting me and avoiding any responsibility or accountability
It’s been 3 days now and I haven’t said anything to her.
But AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You asked a valid question and her response was not kind either. Maybe keep your distance from your mom (which seems to be the case since your mom has seen your daughter only twice) so that your son and daughter don’t have to experience comparisons from your mom.
And it’s so unreasonable for her to be so quick to act like she’ll care less about you online because of a concern of yours. You and your family don’t deserve that stress. But I think it’s probably a good idea to not entertain her fixation on the last name and maybe cut it off at “she will do what she wants when the time comes” or whatever.
Because it will be your daughter’s choice to pick what she wants her last name to be. And maybe reiterate that the last name is not important and that it will not be something you emphasize to your daughter.” Winter-Ad-5387
14. AITJ For Wanting To Contact My Biological Mom After Discovering I Have Half-Siblings?
“I (21F) was adopted at birth by my parents. My bio mom was 15 when she had me, and her family wasn’t capable of taking care of me.
The adoption process was smooth overall, I was told I was adopted when I was 11. When I was 14 I decided not to connect with my bio mom: she lived across the country from me so it didn’t make sense. The news was given to her and her family; I didn’t hear anything about them after that.
All I knew about her was where she lived and how she remarried.
Fast forward to age 17, my parents sit me down to tell me we’re getting threatening letters from her. How she’s demanding to meet me when I’m 18. How she’s referring me to the name she wanted not my real name, and how she’s clean and sober.
This is all overwhelming and apparently, the letters have been going on since I was 16. When I was 18 we got more, I’d say at this point 4-5 letters total. My parents encouraged me to get a no-contact order and I agreed. I didn’t understand and I didn’t want the stress.
It was confusing as to why she moved so far and yet wanted to connect
Now I’m in college, about to graduate, and living on my own. Long story short my parents are narcissists and raised me poorly. They were strict and sheltered me a lot, I forced myself out of the house and it was the best decision I ever made.
My cousin and I both are the normal ones in the whole family. It’s not a small family. One big mentally ill one. He and I have similar parents (duh they’re sisters) so we get along well. He and I got into a spiff with my mom (she helped raise him) and we both are put off by her again.
The most recent thing was she was tracking my car behind my back, so I was planning on leaving for good again.
He calls me to tell me his mom has known for the past few years that I have half-siblings. My bio mom had kids within the past few years.
Now if my aunt knows about them, and my mom had contact with my bio mom’s family, I know my mother knew. It makes sense why my bio mom wanted to contact me. I never saw these letters myself, only my mom holding them.
My mom had years to tell me about them, it would’ve changed how I approached my bio mom.
When I graduate and get my real place (not a college apartment) I want to contact my bio mom. I don’t want to miss out on my half-siblings and I want to know the truth.
If my mom shielded me from this information, what else did she shield me from? However I live at home between college/jobs, so I’m not completely independent. I love my family no matter what.
Would it be wrong of me to do so?
Would I be the jerk? I already went to NC with my mom in the past. I’m so done with her meddling in my life like this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would caution you to manage your expectations. I know several people who’ve done this: in some cases, it’s been a magical experience and in others, it’s been horrible.
Don’t go into it thinking you’re going to have a relationship with your half-siblings. Maybe you will; maybe you won’t. Plan for the worst and hope for the best.”Lab-1916
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You know only what your adoptive mom, who is controlling and sheltering you a lot, has told you.
The threatening letters could be true or they could be a lie so that you would get a no-contact order. You’re an adult and you can make your own decisions on the situation. That being said, this could be extremely traumatic and difficult in several ways and you should just prepare yourself for that.” Fantastic-Sea-3462
13. AITJ For Yelling At Kids Over Firework Safety After A Near Accident?
“So this just happened and unfortunately I am still shaken so bear with me. I’m a young adult (early 20s) and my neighbor K invited me and my little sister (10) over to shoot the rest of our 4th of July fireworks with the neighborhood kids (ages from middle school to maybe early high school at max), we had just finished our last bit of extra fireworks so we had agreed. Everything went well for the most part until they brought out the big firework that they let the kids light by themselves as they let the kids light and play with everything with minimal regulation (while I was trying my best not to attempt to regulate them).
Now before this next part, I want to explain that I had recently gotten over my anxiety about fireworks and the loud bangs and explosions that had previously sent me into panics because of my experience with being terrorized in my previous apartment building for weeks straight leading into a previous 4th of July.
But I was sure and confident enough to participate and even held a few handheld shooting fireworks the previous day on the actual 4th of July and thought everything would be ok.
Now as we got to the final big fireworks pack I noticed while they were searching for the fuse they had turned it on its side facing us and specifically one of the kid’s legs, as the only adult close to the group as the other two were up the driveway watching from afar I tried to tell them not to light it and even tried to tip it the right way with my foot but they wouldn’t listen and lit it.
I was the only one to run in the correct direction but in the panic, I ran back to find my sister to make sure she wasn’t in harm’s way. I didn’t even have time to look for her as the fireworks shot out toward everyone, the box spinning and shooting in random directions since it was on its side, everyone was screaming and I was panicking as I was terrified of getting burned but thankfully no one was hit and all the kids were fast enough to get to cover.
Now here’s where I might be in the wrong: at this point I was fully in a panic, trying not to ugly cry as I screamed at the kids for putting us all in danger and not listening when I told them it was facing the wrong direction but as I broke down the neighbor and the other mother started telling me I shouldn’t be yelling at them, the fireworks “somehow” got on its side, how I was overreacting, how I shouldn’t have even been out there if I couldn’t handle fireworks, and how the mother would handle the kids and had everything under control when the mother wasn’t even close enough to monitor them.
As I’m calming down I’m starting to feel guilty for basically screaming at them as I’m not their parents nor their guardian and it’s not my place to correct or discipline. I’m just so shaken and scared and I’m not sure if I can even sleep now.
Please tell me, AITJ for screaming at kids because of some fireworks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – play stupid games win stupid prizes. Y’all got lucky that no one was hurt. While it is generally a good rule of thumb to not yell at other people’s kids if you told them not to light fireworks on their side and even tried to help stand the fireworks back over then you are justified in yelling at them after.
Based on your past I would recommend maybe watching fireworks from further back to prevent yourself from being in that situation” LectureObvious2459
Another User Comments:
“HARD NTJ. Very, very hard. Fireworks are explosives. People get seriously, seriously hurt because they think they aren’t ‘that bad’.
There’s a reason the 4th of July is the busiest in hospitals, and it’s because irresponsible parents think fireworks are toys that their kids are capable of handling on their own. Do NOT feel guilty, but do NOT go with your sister to watch them again.
They don’t know how to use fireworks safely, and they don’t learn anything. Someone is going to get hurt one of these days. Were there more graceful ways to communicate how you feel? Sure. But your reaction was appropriate given the nature of the incident.
Don’t feel guilty at all. You can apologize if you want to keep the peace by saying you are sorry you yelled, but what they did was not safe and someone could have gotten seriously, seriously hurt. You warned them. They chose not to listen.
Things went bad. Going forward, you won’t warn them and will leave that up to their parents (but you and your sister aren’t going to be put in that situation again).” JustAsICanBeSoCruel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Here in Australia we used to have “Guy Fawkes Night” we celebrated with home fireworks.
The ER departments filled up across the country, and some news stations reported how many fingers were lost until one year our government brought in a ban on it and deemed home fireworks too dangerous. So naturally the fireworks went underground, while retailers still sold sparklers.
Major fireworks were held by Councils. You tried to save someone’s family from heartache and distress. You know the old saying, It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye.” Longjumping_Win4291
12. AITJ For Expecting My Roommate To Return My Dad's Dresser To Arizona?
“Okay so, I lived in an apartment my junior year of college and my dad let me use an old dresser he had in my room.
I am from Arizona and went to school in San Diego, so we rented a U-HAUL to drive it from az-san Diego (along with some other stuff).
At the end of my junior year, I was moving to a new place for my senior year.
The new place was furnished so I needed to get rid of all my furniture. My dad did not want me to get rid of the dresser so I knew I needed to get it home somehow. My roommate at the time said she would use it for the year since she was moving into an unfurnished place.
I asked my dad and he said that was great so that we didn’t have to drive it home, and we would deal with it after we graduate the following year. So, my roommate took the dresser for the year- awesome.
Now it is the end of the year and the roommate that took my dresser is moving out.
She asked me what she should do with the dresser and so I asked my dad (since it’s his). He said that she needs to get the dresser back to us in Arizona- this would require her to rent a U-HAUL and drive from San Diego to Arizona just to return our dresser, then drive back.
I said that was ridiculous to make her do that because in my mind, her taking the dresser allowed us to not have to bring it back the past year, hence doing us a favor. I argued that it’s up to us to go get it- I believe it’s mainly up to him but I would also go get it with him since he did let me use it for the year.
That did not go over well and we got into a huge argument.
Long story short, my dad believes it’s up to my friend to get it back to us but I believe it’s not because she was doing us a favor by taking the dresser in the first place.
I believe you shouldn’t lend something to someone if you are going to act like this if you cannot get it back. Am I the jerk for telling my dad he’s wrong ?”
Another User Comments:
“He must get it? Hahahhaha no, it’s YOURS.
He lent it to you. You knew you had a responsibility to get it back to Arizona, you deferred that by a year but it still falls on you. “I believe it’s mainly up to him” – no, it’s totally up to you – he’s learning a lesson here that you aren’t responsible and he shouldn’t lend you things anymore, because you can’t be trusted to ensure they are returned. This is 100% on you to solve.
YTJ” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to have to go with YTJ on this one. Your friend isn’t the one responsible for getting the dresser. It is also not your dad’s responsibility like you said. As the person who initially borrowed the object, it is your responsibility to make sure it gets back to the original owner.
Don’t borrow something unless you’re willing to be solely responsible for making sure it eventually gets back to the original owner.” Squid0s
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Lent it to you so it’s your responsibility to get it back. That was the obvious agreement to place when you accepted it.
You just delayed bringing it back a year by lending it to someone else but it is still your responsibility to get it back to him. (Why you thought it was a good idea to ship it so far and not just buy a cheapo one is a different matter)” GezTheMouse
11. AITJ For Defending Myself After Being Called A Snob For Attending An Ivy League School?
“Three pieces of background info:
1. I come from an immigrant family that only knew of Ivys. My parents never pressured me to go, but from a young age, I wanted to make them proud.
2. As a teen, I got frustrated with my state’s policies and practices, so I decided I would go out of state for college.
3. My family was low-income and a minority so I knew if I went to a private college, I would get a lot of financial aid and if I got a merit scholarship, it’d be almost a full ride.
I was accepted to a top school that was much cheaper than any state school and better for what I wanted to study.
My parents hadn’t heard of it before I got in and were proud of me, but they were even more proud when they found out the rank. I graduated a couple of years ago and applied everywhere for jobs, even in my home state, and had a couple of job offers.
The best offer paid the most, was in a low COLA, and aligned with my interests, but also at an Ivy. Again, my parents were proud I could even get a job in this economy, but my mom was quick to post about it on social media.
I acknowledge prestige was part of my decision-making as again, a low-income family and a minority, I need whatever advantage I can get in life to be successful, but I never talk about prestige. Where I work or went to college only comes up if someone asks me.
Ever since I left for college, some people from my hometown have viewed me as a snob, and I feel like it worsened with my job. I visited our hometown recently and met up with some people from high school. Someone asked where I work now, and I said x school.
Another person said “Of course” and I asked what they meant. They said ever since high school I’ve been so snobby wanting to go somewhere prestigious, and that there’s nothing wrong with not going to an Ivy. I said that’s true, but I applied to universities that were the best for my major and they all happened to be out of state, and I took a job that aligns perfectly with my career goals.
I also pointed out how no one had heard of the university I attended before I got in, and that people only found out about its “prestige” the day we graduated because someone looked up the rank.
They still insisted I was a snob and started ranting about how I make people like her look bad because it looks like she didn’t work hard enough.
Some people agreed with her and I snapped. I pointed out how I took every single IB/AP our school had to offer and did several internships in college, and that I’m still working my butt off now because I have plans to go to med school.
I reminded them of how my family was so poor going to a top school was cheaper than the state school, why would I go to the state school then? I didn’t even get a single job offer in my state, what was I supposed to do?
Turn down the offers I got and wait for a job in my home state.
I got called sensitive and a jerk for my response and my behavior proved I was a snob. I left immediately, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you have to walk away and not engage with those conversations.
Insecure people will find a way to make it your problem. You did nothing wrong. Be proud of your accomplishments, and ignore their small-mindedness.” Witty-Stock-4913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people will always tear down successful people. It sounds like you worked hard to get where you are and you took advantage of the opportunities you were given (which was very smart).
You should be proud of what you’ve accomplished. And it may be that they are claiming that you make them look like they haven’t worked hard enough because, inside, they feel that they didn’t. And, no, you should not have turned down the offers you got.
Like you said – you only bring up the subject when people ask you about it. Chalk this up to the green monster of envy. And never take it seriously when people say you are too sensitive.” bamf1701
10. AITJ For Not Sharing My Wingstop Food With My Mom After She Refused It Initially?
“I (19M) am home from college for the summer. My mom (54F) wasn’t feeling too good today, so I decided to ask some friends if they were down to go to Wingstop to get food.
Before leaving, I informed my mom and told her that I would be back before the curfew she set for me (11:00 PM) and she asked me (in an almost joking sort of manner) if I would bring her back any food. I asked her if she wanted any corn, chicken, or vegetable sticks but she declined so I just went off on my way.
My friends and I drove to Wingstop, and I ordered a 3-tender combo for around 16 bucks (which is quite expensive for food, but we were going to Wingstop so I decided to bite the bullet). I drove around a little bit with friends, then came back around 10:30.
I went to take my food up to my room because I didn’t feel comfortable eating this type of food in front of my mom. She has shamed me called me “shapeless” and asked if I was diabetic because I’ve been eating more. I have been chronically underweight my entire life, and I started to put on lean muscle and bulk up a little bit.
My mom then calls me down, telling me she knows that I have food and that I should show her what I got. I go downstairs, open up my food, and my mom almost snatches a tender right out of the box and almost eats all of it.
I get upset and verbally tell her to give me the tender back (because I spent a lot of my own money on it, and that she didn’t want food in the first place). I could eat 5 tenders but I’m currently trying to cut down a little so I only ordered 3.
She waves it away from me, calling me selfish in a joking sort of way. I hadn’t eaten since noon, so I told her to just leave the tender and that she could have some of my corn and veggie sticks, but I felt like she was just taunting me and waving it away from me every time I reached for it back.
She does take some corn but doesn’t let go of the chicken. I then take the tender back from her hands, and she just goes silently angry. She turns off all the lights in the kitchen and living room and lays on the couch almost as if to guilt me, covering herself with a blanket like a child (which is ridiculous considering her age).
I immediately feel bad, part of me feeling like I am greedy so I go over and tell her she can have the rest of the tender she ate and that I was sorry. She just started screaming at me, telling me that I was selfish and ungrateful and that “now she knows what type of horrible human she’s raised”.
The reason why I wasn’t going to share with her in the first place was because she didn’t want it, and now that she suddenly changed her mind and was going to eat some of my corn and chicken I was going to be hungry.
I ordered less than I would’ve normally because again, I’m trying to cut.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You paid for the food, so it’s not her’s to take. Plus, she initially said no when you asked. Sounds like she’s body-shaming you for putting on more weight and using that as an excuse to take your food.
On a different note, some of her comments seem out of pocket. “Now I know what type of horrible human I’ve raised” is not something a parent usually says to their child. I’d have a serious conversation with her about how you don’t like her insensitive comments.
If that fails, get some outside help.” Legoman3308
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know you’d probably rather bring the food home-this is what I like to do but you’d probably be best eating it while you’re out if this is the kind of nonsense you have to come home to. This isn’t the same, but when I was a little kid my parents used to meet up with some friends of theirs.
My mom would ask if anyone wanted some fried chicken. Several people would decline-some would even go so far as to call it “unhealthy”. Guess what? When they saw the bucket of chicken those same “healthy” people wanted some. Got old real fast.” Sure-Acadia-4376
9. AITJ For Wanting To Accept Traditional Money Gifts From My Chinese Relatives?
“Half of my (18F) family (primarily uncle, aunt, grandma) lives in China, where it’s a strong tradition on New Year for the younger generation to pay respects to the older family members, and in return, they give younger people red envelopes with bits of currency inside.
There is a lot less culture of giving presents in the form of already-purchased objects (like Western Christmases) and more of a culture of giving presents in the form of currency. For context, my family has been trying to follow this tradition for the past 18 years but my mom always aggressively turns them down.
She has a poor relationship with currency and a really big guilt complex (about immigrating to the US + “leaving behind” her brother and mom + “forcing” him to take care of her mom more than she does). Because we live in the US, they have no way to give it directly to me and have to go along with her rejections (but seem genuinely upset to be turned down).
We just came back from visiting my relatives in China, and a few of them tried to give me red envelopes of currency as a graduation present/congratulations for getting into college present (and also probably for all of this past New Year). It’s not an insane amount of currency (a few thousand Yen = a few hundred US dollars from each of them) but it’s also not insignificant.
They are all nicely retired with/ pensions and have a good amount of savings (aka this currency will not impact their lives, it’s truly just a present). My mom has taken these presents and is again trying to force them to take them back.
WIBTJ/greedy/awful to advocate with my mom to accept the currency?
Is it even rude to turn down a gift? For my relatives, not only does it represent the continuation of a Chinese tradition/a piece of their heart and love towards me (when I live so far away and only see them every couple of years), but my whole immediate family prepares tons of gifts to bring to everyone whenever we go back.
I can’t imagine how hurt and offended my mom would be if one of the presents she brought to them was turned down. For my part, I’ve been getting presents for my whole family for Christmas for the past couple of years and it’s a wonderful feeling when people get excited about a gift and I would be just as offended if someone turned one down.
I don’t know maybe it isn’t that deep but what can I do, mother has made it a big deal.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m Chinese and the tradition of giving red envelopes to younger not-married people is that this will result in more currency returning to the giver.
Your mom refusing the red envelopes is probably due to her not wanting to hand out red envelopes to the giving relatives and has nothing to do with you.” Arkward-Breakfasr-23
8. AITJ For Being Upset My Best Friend Didn't Gift Anything At My Wedding?
“My best friend and I grew up together, both from low-income backgrounds. I’ve been lucky to have a successful career in Tech the last few years whereas she started wealthier in her career (and recently sold a house to buy a new property) but has chosen to follow her passion (less lucrative as a ceramist).
We’ve been not as close the last few years with us living in different cities and I’ve tried a ton but she often says she’s bad with keeping in touch if people aren’t in the same city, this has left me feeling hurt but I’ve tried to understand.
I got married towards the tail end of a difficult period so our dream wedding venue (5-star hotel) gave us a huge 70% discount on a wedding so we thought why not do it? It ended up being quite flashy which we were a bit embarrassed about given we’re both from humble beginnings.
My best friend said she would like to make me something and I was excited. At the wedding (I was mostly distracted being the bride) she seemed quiet and not herself. She isn’t into fancy things and looks down on anything she perceives to be capitalist or materialistic.
She didn’t seem happy for me at all and wasn’t her usual happy-go-lucky life of the party which bummed me out a bit.
After the wedding, she said all the right things but she never made me ceramic pieces and she was the only guest to not give anything to our honeymoon fund.
It’s been 1.5 years and it still bothers me. It’s also on top of struggling to stay close (me trying one way) and her not seeming to care much about me. I know it’s petty and of course, I’d never mention it to her, but she has always been frugal so I would have at least appreciated a meaningful ceramic!
She did write a card (but that wasn’t even like her, she crossed out a bunch of errors and just wrote Congrats!!!) nothing like her usual things.
Context:
1. we’re all in our mid-thirties with no kids.
2. She is not married.
3. She doesn’t usually gift anything at weddings, if she is extra frugal she will make a beautiful ceramic piece!
4. She had to book a hotel for 2 nights and travel by train for 5 hours to get there.
5. She doesn’t like my (now) husband.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s possible there was a legitimate reason she didn’t give you a gift (like it exploded in the kiln days before the wedding), or that she got uncomfortable and felt like giving a handmade one would be tacky, or felt out of place and sad because she isn’t married, or just decided she refused to give anything to your now husband because she doesn’t like him.
But if she never addressed it, it’s understandable that you would feel hurt. Her reasons aside, she should have said/done something. Still, if it’s something worth potentially pointing out. Either directly or subtly (such as by commissioning/buying a piece and saying you always wanted one of hers) But I will also say that it seems like you aren’t very close anymore.
Sometimes people drift apart and that’s okay. Trying to hold on may just make you feel angry/resentful, and that’s not something you should have to carry. Assess your relationship, consider talking to her, and decide what you’re willing to put up with and what you aren’t.” Icy-Consideration47
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I know it was your wedding and she’s your best friend but I think you should try getting over the fact that she didn’t gift you anything. I know I would personally feel upset but I wouldn’t recommend expecting gifts or money from anyone regardless of what event is coming.
Again, I know it was your wedding but it would be better for everyone to not expect. It was wrong of her though to tell you that she was gonna make something that led you to have expectations. She shouldn’t have said it at all.
But again, people can change their minds and we can’t do anything about it. I’m similar to your friend where I’m bad at keeping in touch if we’re not seeing each other regularly. Like, work or class. Over the years, I’ve grown to meet people that are okay with that.
Different people have different ways to love, for example, communicating with them (friends) regularly might be yours, but some don’t feel the need to do that. I think you should try to take this off your mind and maybe not take it too personally.
I understand it might be disappointing, especially if it would help if your friend had an explanation but she doesn’t owe you one. Also, this is too much work and probably ridiculous but if your friend is the type to maybe can’t commit to replying regularly, you both could try a more traditional way of communicating like sending letters.
Good luck OP and congratulations on your wedding!” No_Weather5648
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. It is customary to bestow a wedding gift; not doing so is pretty poor behavior. Many couples are forgoing traditional registries and setting up honeymoon registries. I’m not a fan as I feel it’s impolite to ask for money, but that’s how this generation works.
I have skipped contributing to honeymoon registries and given traditional gifts. OP’s friend was remiss to neglect even a small gift. However, OP is tallying up and that’s also not ok. That being said, sounds like OP and their friend are moving in different directions.
I would just let it go and move on from this friendship.” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Only Talking To My Mom At Family Gatherings After Being Continuously Neglected?
“Quick backstory. I am a female in my mid-30s, I have 2 older brothers and 1 younger sister. My mom favors my younger sister. For my birthday back in March, my mom decided that she needed to take me and my little sister out to lunch to celebrate, but plans got changed and they decided to take me out between their nail appointment (that I wasn’t invited to) and the Easter egg hunt.
After having my feelings hurt so many times by being put on the back burner by my mom, I decided that I was done trying.
Two weeks after letting my mom know how badly she hurt me, she had my little sister call me to try to get me to forgive and forget everything that had happened. My sister invited me to go shopping with her and her mom after they got done with their nail appointment.
I told my sister that I didn’t want anything to do with our mom. After arguing with my sister for a bit, she realized where I was coming from and talked to my mom for me. My mom listened to my sister, who then convinced my mom to call me and apologize.
I want a relationship with my mom, I do love her a lot, but I don’t like being hurt by her all the time, so I told her exactly how I was feeling, and what I needed her to do so I no longer feel like this.
I said that I needed to be invited out more often and that I needed to spend time with her alone. She is always with my sister alone, and I think it’s only fair that she does that every once in a while, with me.
I thought she heard me, so I forgave her.
I didn’t hear from her again until Mother’s Day, but I was sick, and I couldn’t leave my house. The week after my mom called me to ask what size bed my son has so she can get him sheets for Christmas.
That’s how I found out my mom and sister were out shopping and didn’t even think to ask me. When I pointed out that I wanted to go, but now couldn’t because they were almost done, my mom said “Well we are only here for just what we need” which is BS because she just called me about sheets.
Anyway, now I am thinking about cutting my mom off from my life completely and only seeing her when we are both at my niece’s birthday parties.
So I guess my question is, would I be the jerk if I only talked to my mom at my niece’s birthday parties, or should I give her another chance?
I don’t want to lose my mom, but I don’t want to be hurt by her anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“You need to look after yourself first. Your mother has demonstrated to you she hasn’t and won’t change in the future. As harsh as it is, you’re not a priority for her and your sister is just as bad.
She can make your mother apologize but not invite you as well to make you feel included. You can remove yourself from the situation by first saying “We don’t need sheets it has already been taken care of.” Once that is done focus only on yourself, and prioritize your feelings and wants.
Don’t answer as much when she calls, and don’t take her leftovers. Where your sister is concerned, let her know you will be happy to hang out with her when she has time but you’re prioritizing yourself. Your sister’s relationship with your mother is damaging your happiness and you should focus on yourself rather than constantly be let down.” Western_Ganache4807
Another User Comments:
“Best not to have people who constantly neglect and hurt you in your life. You’re not morally obliged to spend ANY time with your mum, so just do what is best for you. You could stop initiating contact and see if your mum does change and includes you more often.
Was the sheet shopping the only exclusion since you talked to her? Do you expect to be included every time your mum sees your sister? You sound quite reactive due to the history of neglect, so I wouldn’t make any hasty decisions. Just wait and see, and if there’s no change, you can respond however you see fit.
NTJ” starkcattiness4433
6. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Neighbor's Broken Inflatable Slide?
“My next-door neighbor has 3 girls, 7,9,10 and I have a boy and girl 4&6.
My kids were next door playing basketball and the girls were off doing their own thing. When I went over to tell them it was time for dinner their 7 y/o ran inside. The mom came stomping out to their deflated two-story water slide they were playing on earlier and started yelling at my 6 y/o for breaking their slide.
I asked how he broke it and the 7 y/o girl said he was jumping on it. I asked my 6 y/o if he was jumping on it, he said yes. I asked him if he knew he wasn’t supposed to jump on it.
He said no. Are they not supposed to jump on it?? A giant blow-up slide?? My 6 y/o said he’d pay for it and the mom yelled at him that he wasn’t going to have enough money for it. I told my son not to worry about it and that I could get it worked out.
I asked how old the slide was, she said 2 years. We went home.
The next day, her daughter was at my house playing and the mom sent me a link for the slide. $300+ and informs me that it’s on sale on the manufacturer’s website.
I explained back to her that there was no adult supervision during the kids playing on it and my 6 y/o didn’t know he couldn’t jump on a giant inflatable slide. It was an accident. [I haven’t mentioned this but was thinking if my son had gotten hurt during this event we’d be in a completely different situation and I couldn’t sue them for their negligence.
A couple of days later her daughter is at my house again playing with my kids and tells them they have a new slide! My kids get excited and then the neighbor sends their 9 y/o over to inform us we’re not welcome on the slide.
I asked if her sister was at my house still and she said no. I said good. She’s not welcome back and sorry she had to do her parent’s dirty work. The mom starts texting me asking what her daughter did. I explained that if my kids weren’t welcome at her house her kids weren’t welcome at my house.
She said my kids were welcome just not on the slide. I told her no, if they aren’t welcome then her kids aren’t welcome. My kids were very down about this and I was mad about the whole situation. I pulled out a toddler little tykes jump house from my garage and set it up with a lawn sprinkler.
4 kids 50 lbs + were jumping and playing on it as hard as they could for hours. It didn’t pop. Am I the jerk for not paying for her slide?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here (except for the kids obviously). Both of you need to calm down and stop using your children as pawns in this nonsense.
Your son didn’t know that he shouldn’t jump on the slide and it’s ridiculous that your neighbor is banning him and his sister from using it now. She’s being mean to your kids to get back at you because you refused to pay for the replacement.
That being said, whether or not it was an accident when your kid breaks something, you’re responsible for replacing it. Yes, they should have told them that they couldn’t jump on the slide, but that doesn’t change the fact that your kid broke something. Would you also refuse to reimburse them if he had broken a window for example?
And on top of that, you’re now doing the same thing your neighbor is doing: You’re punishing her kids as proxies, even though they have done absolutely nothing wrong in all this. Do you realize how lucky your kids are to grow up with access to two backyards and surrounded by other children their age?
You and your neighbor are putting a wedge between them instead of sitting down with each other like normal people and figuring out how to pay for a new toy that all of your kids are using together. You’re acting like children yourselves, to be frank.
Even if you think you’re in the right for not paying, it doesn’t make it okay to stop these kids from playing with each other just because you’re mad at their mother. You all live next to each other for goodness sake, do you want this to be the vibe from now on?
Get over yourself, make peace with her, and find some real problems to worry about. ETA: By the way I think it’s hilarious that your son has better manners than you. How is it that you’re turning this into such a big deal when even a six-year-old had enough sense to immediately offer to make up for the damage he caused?” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, you more than her. Kids are kids, these things happen, and most likely no one was really at fault. But when a family buys a new device or toy they are not obligated to share it with their neighbors.
She wasn’t really out of line for setting that rule, though she should have talked to you about it rather than leave it to the kids. Look at it this way – they had the slide for a few years with no issues and then when your son plays on it, it breaks.
They may, fairly or not, feel he was too rough. I don’t blame you for not wanting to cover the cost of it, but she isn’t obligated to share their new thing with you after that event. You decided to take something specific and make it broad.
Neighbor wars were started by you, and the kids are the ones suffering. You come across as retaliatory and over-reactive. You could have resolved this with a conversation, and/or an offer that if your kids are ever invited to come play on the structure, you will come keep an eye on them and provide supervision so that they are acting appropriately on it.
She also should have a role in supervising but that action by you would have been a way better response, one meant to MEND the situation, not BLOW it UP.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk – your child accidentally or not broke a very expensive toy.
And you refused to take any responsibility for it. What happens when he breaks the next expensive toy they get? I mean you are sending a 6-year-old to be under their supervision without asking and expecting them to be fine with any damage he does.
I wouldn’t have paid the full amount but would have made a contribution, But you’ve blown up your son’s friendships for $300. Good luck keep him amused for the summer.” Timely_Egg_6827
5. AITJ For Asking My Ex For A Payout From The Home We Renovated Together?
“I have been with my romantic partner for 7 years, and about 5 years ago he purchased a home which we renovated together.
I have extensive experience in home remodeling, and because of where I worked, we received significant discounts on products such as cabinets, appliances, lighting, plumbing, etc. As a designer and home renovation expert by trade, I planned the new layout of the home, had the contacts for contractors, and facilitated the entire renovation project.
I did many of the improvements myself such as demolishing the interior, painting the exterior, building a porch, and building a pergola. My partner owns the home and I have been paying half the mortgage since we began the project. He funded the renovation.
Around two weeks ago he made the announcement that he wanted to separate.
He has asked me to leave the house and find somewhere else to live. When I asked him how he wanted to divide assets from the home, he heavily implied that since he owns the home he was not planning on “buying me out.” His position is that he paid for everything and though he “appreciates my help with the renovation,” he “never contracted” me to do any work.
In fact, he said something like “That was a risk you were willing to take when you did this house with me.”
Further, he says he can’t believe after all he has done over the years for me, such as taking us on trips (he makes a lot of money, and I don’t) that I would even consider asking him back for what I put into the home.
He went on to say he feels like I am treating him like a bank, and that I am being vindictive. When I tried to have a conversation and understand his perspective, he said he was angry that I even wanted to talk about splitting up assets.
“I can’t believe our seven years have come down to money”
Am I being the jerk for asking for a payout of the value of what I put into the house? From my perspective, the value of the home has increased significantly because of the contributions we both made, yet he is the only one who will profit when he goes to sell it.
He seems to think that because he funded several trips over the years, I should be thankful and simply walk away.
I am concerned that due to the breakup, my judgment is clouded and I may not be seeing things fairly, so I want to know what you guys think.”
Another User Comments:
“…a grown man whined about how your time together came down to dividing up shared assets when HE was the one to end the relationship? As if it’s *weird*? He tries to argue that he technically didn’t hire or contract you to do the work.
But likewise, you didn’t enter into a written agreement wherein you accepted that his spending money on shared trips essentially cancels out your right to shared assets. OP, you’ve been paying half the mortgage for five (5) years. You contributed sweat equity to a major renovation.
Please collect any evidence you have of both and consult a lawyer ASAP. NTJ.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. He’s trying to fleece you. Forget the contracting work but you also paid half his mortgage payments every month. You deserve a piece of this pie.
Get a lawyer. A good one. The only reason why I am voting everyone’s a jerk here is because you kind of played yourself. How could you just pour all your time in and pay half his mortgage without going to a notary and have your name on the house?
Love clouded your judgment.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can’t call someone a jerk for being naive. You two were a couple, and I’m assuming you thought you’d eventually get married. Unfortunately, he’s a total jerk for thinking you don’t deserve anything in the split.
Consult an attorney, and if nothing else, you could take him to small claims court. Hold onto every bit of proof you have to show you contributed to the remodeling. On the plus side, you’ll be better off without this jerk.” Gattina1
4. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Sister Until She Stops Insulting Me?
“My (24) sister (20) does not have a driver’s license and often asks me to drive her places. She usually asks me to bring her home when it’s late at night. I love driving so I usually don’t mind.
Here is the issue. My sister and I usually make jabs at each other as siblings do.
I can usually pick up on when she’s joking based on the tone of her voice and her expression. But sometimes she makes cruel comments usually calling me fat (I have some stomach fat but it is not limiting me in any way) and lazy (I lived with my parents while she moved to grandma’s old apartment).
Neither of us pays rent.
Today I was getting ready to drive her home after she visited my parents and me. We have an agreement with our parents that as long as we are in school they will reimburse all major of our expenses. Today I ordered lunch and left the receipt at my dad’s desk.
While my sister doesn’t ask for delivery food reimbursement mom buys most of her groceries while I buy my own since I am gluten-free. This conversation followed.
Sister: I also order food but I don’t get it reimbursed.
Me: That is the agreement that we have.
You could also do that if you wanted.
Sister: How will you survive on your own?
Me: I lived on my own for half a year in another country. (I traveled abroad as an exchange student)
Sister: Oh. And how did that turn out? (I don’t know how to cook so my roommate did all the cooking while I paid for the majority of the groceries to compensate and since my university gave more money than hers)
Since I was already dressed I did drive her since I already promised I would. But when I returned I sent her a text that I didn’t appreciate this treatment from her and that I would not be driving her until she stopped insulting me.
She has doubled down saying that I am threatening her. WIBTJ if I stand my ground since she wouldn’t be able to visit as often?
For those who want to comment on my living situation. Where I live it is common to live with your parents well into adulthood and my parents (mainly my mom) want me to stay.
Also as the older sibling, I am expected to look after my parents when they grow old which is another reason why they want me around.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s squabbling, which is normal between siblings of any age but this just sounds ungrateful to me.
Having your food reimbursed isn’t something worth arguing over since she also gets that treatment. The part that doesn’t make sense to me is that she acts like you have everything served on a silver platter when you could just insist that she get a driving license.
Like she is reliant on you for transport, but getting irritated with you for living with your parents still? Sounds like she’s sad and maybe needs to talk about something that isn’t just a cheap dig to” Remember-The-Arbiter
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk.
Sorry to say that. You and your sister are both being reactive and not respectful to each other, you both need to set some boundaries and start by standing your ground, but explain to her how her comments make you feel. Your sister sounds resentful, is she jealous of the arrangement you have maybe?
Even though you said she could have the same. You need to also step up and learn to cook for yourself, start small with little meals to learn, and follow some simple recipes, start being a little bit more independent, as those skills will be needed later in life, either for your own family or caring for your parents.
Your sister needs to learn to be kinder, she is nasty even if she is joking about your weight, and that is not nice at all and the passive-aggressive comments about surviving on your own also sound resentful.” SchelleGirl
3. AITJ For Ignoring My Mom And Brother After They Made Fun Of Me?
“I 16F live with my mother 43F. My brother 21F who is in college came home for some days, and my grandmother (my mom’s mother) was also here with us. Now a little backstory, my mom and my brother have always teamed together and made fun of the smallest thing I would do, from eating to just sitting peacefully.
Whenever I would try to say anything about their comments they would just say that I am overreacting and that I get mad easily, it’s just a ‘joke’. Today, while my brother and my grandmother were packing their bags as they were going to leave this afternoon, they were talking about where they would be going and by what time they were reaching.
I was sitting with them, when they started commenting about me again, on how I was sitting (mind you I was sitting in a good posture), how I was just useless and did nothing, how I had no common sense, I had no brain, I am good for nothing, talking about my weight (My weight is average weight one would have at my age) and more, just basically saying some really rude things about me.
Hearing these comments made me tear up and I just quietly went to the washroom. I heard my grandmother shout my name (she did not say anything rude about me, it was my mom and my brother, but she did laugh with them)
I did not go because I didn’t want her to see the state I was in.
After around 10 minutes I came out and went straight to my room, my grandmother did call me again but I just ignored it. After a while when they were leaving my mom called out to me telling me to lock the door as my mom was going to drop them off at the station, I went outside with a straight face, seeing my face my mom started shouting at me telling me to grow up, it was just a joke and be happy.
I just stared at her and asked her when she was leaving so I could lock the door, this made her furious but she went outside with my brother, I bid my grandmother goodbye, and she went to the car as well then. Now my mom is back and is shouting at me telling me how I am disrespectful for saying that to her and how it was just a joke and nothing else.
I just ignored her. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mother and brother are rude bullies and your grandmother is enabling them. Look up gray rocking, then do it. Confronting them won’t work and anything you say about it not being funny or being hurtful will just make your mom mad and give them more reason to insult you.
When you can leave home, do it and get therapy to deal with years of belittling and mistreatment. Is there another family member who will provide emotional support? You need someone on your side until you can make your way in life.” My2Cents_503
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That’s crap, the way they were talking to/at/about you. Also, you have conveyed everything quite well. Your grandmother laughing eggs your mother and brother on, making them want to continue. If I were 16 and dealing with that, I’d purchase an air horn [the ones you hold in your hand and eventually run out of air] and every time they say something mean or hateful, pull it out and blow that horn.
When they get angry about it, tell them, “It’s just a joke. Why don’t you grow up if you can’t take a joke”? But I’m mean, vengeful, and bitter. lol.” Gullible-Pilot-3994
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Well, they seem fun. (/s) So your grandmother is also on their side?
Are there any supportive relatives? Because constantly hearing how awful you are is an abusive situation and you don’t need that in your life. Is there any reason you can think of for why they feel this way about you? Because if it’s just a joke, it isn’t funny.
If you can’t move out or remove yourself from the situation somehow the only solution is to gray-rock it completely. No reaction, no upset, just pretend nothing affects you in any way. Then as soon as you can when you are an adult, get out of the house and go no contact.
You don’t owe users anything.” Winsock
2. AITJ For Refusing To Call My Stepdad 'Dad'?
“I have a stepdad. I’m not comfortable telling my exact age, but I’m a girl in my teens and live at home.
My stepdad is around 50 years old.
Backstory: My parents got divorced when I was 3/4 years old. My dad was (still is) in the picture and I meet him every one to two weeks. When I was five my mom and her now husband met. They got married when I was seven and had my sister a little later.
I’m living with my mom and half-sister (though she is like my full sister) during the week, and on weekends stepdad joins our lives.
So over the last few months, my mom and my stepdad had some issues. One problem is that I don’t want to be called his daughter so I call him by his first name.
He says I’m his daughter as much as my sister, but I don’t want to be called that. It makes me uncomfortable. I’m the daughter of my dad, which I love and also my stepdad and my dad get along well. He hasn’t said specifically that I should call him dad, but he made it kinda clear it is an issue for him.
The closest thing he has said is: I don’t want you to treat me like I was someone random.
He and his mother also have an issue that my sister sometimes calls him by his first name. It’s only logical because everyone around her does as well, and she’s a kid so she adopts our behavior.
I understand that he doesn’t mean bad and just wants to feel validation. I love him the same regardless of what I call him. In one of the recent fights it escalated and this is the AITJ part: I said to him that he wasn’t my dad and he would never be.
I said it in a kinda hurtful voice as I was really upset. He got really upset too and said that he always treated me like I was his daughter and why I couldn’t validate it.
Now I’m getting a lot of thoughts like I am wrong and I should just get over it and accept calling him/ him calling me daughter/dad.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you should have to call him something just because he wants it. Especially dad, as you already have a dad. However, what have you been calling him all of your life? If he married your mom when you were 7 and you are now a teen, what have you called him all of those years?
If Dad, why the change now? If not Dad, why the conflict now? If you love him you probably don’t want to hurt him. Whatever it is about this that is making you upset try to resolve that, so that you can be kinder with your words.
No jerks here, nobody is doing anything wrong here, there are just some feelings that need to be worked out.” Miserable_Dentist_70
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, (cruel words to the man that has been in your life a long time) but also NTJ, you have a dad, you call him dad, you do not want a second Dad, so NTJ.
If you do care for him, and it sounds like he cares for you, find a “pet” name for him, it will show you care for him, but won’t take anything away from your dad.” demon803
1. AITJ For Refusing To Meet My Wife's Friend's Husband Before She Can Visit Us?
“My wife Debbie has a friend, Patty, whom she’s known for many years and lives in Washington DC (we live in Minnesota).
Patty and her husband just had her first baby last year (her husband has kids from a previous marriage) and she’s been having a hard time. My wife talks with Patty often and I always know it’s her because these phone calls pretty much consist of my wife listening to Patty complain about her life for 45+ minutes each call.
Nothing against Patty as from what my wife told me Patty’s situation and marriage don’t seem very great; my impression is her husband is, at the very least, disrespectful toward her. Here are some of the snippets of what my wife told me:
* The first story I heard was when Patty and her husband went on a cruise for their honeymoon.
In addition to the two of them, he paid for his two daughters *and his ex-wife* to join them. I guess he told Patty that with his ex-wife there as well she’d be able to look after his daughters.
* Since she’s had the baby she had to quit her job and is feeling very isolated and alone.
She doesn’t drive and my impression is that her husband hasn’t been supportive of her getting out of the house. I also don’t think he pulls his weight in keeping up the household.
* Patty and her son are going to visit her home country (the same country my wife’s from) in a few days, which I’m sure will make her feel better.
While she’s in her country, her husband’s flying to France with one of his daughters and his ex-wife. Though I’m not sure if she’s paying her way this time.
My wife visited Patty and her husband in DC this last Christmas break; I stayed home since my wife and I are planning to visit her country together (hopefully this summer!) so I need to save my PTO.
My wife suggested that Patty visit us sometime to get out of her house.
**Here’s where I may be the jerk.** Apparently, Patty’s husband told her she couldn’t come to visit us because he hadn’t met me; he told her he needed to make sure I was a “good guy” before he let her visit.
So my wife asked if I’d be willing to fly out to DC sometime after our trip to her country to meet them so he could meet me and give Patty his blessing to visit. I told my wife no, I’m not going to fly to DC just so this unpleasant guy, who gallivants around the world with his ex-wife, can audit **me**.
My wife said it wouldn’t just go to meet him; we could make a vacation of it. That much is true, and normally I’d have no problem spending a day or half a day meeting up with her friends while we’re on vacation, but the thought of meeting Patty’s husband just so he can judge me is insulting.
Am I the jerk for refusing to travel to meet Patty’s husband? If I don’t meet him Patty won’t be allowed to visit us, so should I swallow my pride and meet Patty’s husband so he can determine if I’m worthy or not?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Patty’s husband is so far out of line that there is nothing you can do to fix it, and anything you tried would almost certainly be useless—I mean, if you did show up, who’s to say you’d pass inspection? A man this controlling isn’t likely to approve of a man who isn’t—or of anyone who doesn’t pat him on the back and tell him how right he is.
Your wife can decide that it is worth it to try to work around Patty’s husband, but she should not ask it of you. Patty is not a child—she will have to develop a spine if she is going to get herself out of the mess she is in, and letting her husband approve of her friend’s husband for her to visit isn’t gonna help.
You’d be agreeing that this guy has a right to make this demand, and you don’t.” Auntie-Mam69
Another User Comments:
“So I’m going to say No jerks here (except for Patty’s husband) because obviously, this guy is controlling at best and abusive at worst. His “standards” that he wants to measure you by are certainly delusional, so who’s to say if you’ll even “pass” the test?
That said, I’d be thinking bigger picture about this: what is it going to take to help Patty, who is important to your wife, leave this dangerous relationship? Have a discussion with your wife about what you’re both willing or not willing to do to support her if stuff hits the fan.
Also, I know that childcare is hard to wrangle and all, but does Patty have a support system in DC that she could trust to take care of her children if she visits you? DC has public transit to airports, just saying. She doesn’t need her husband’s permission to get on a bus or train to the airport.
If she’s afraid to leave the house because of how he’s gonna react, again, talk to your wife about how much you can offer in terms of support.” RowanMoses
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ. This is a situation where you need to swallow your pride and look at the bigger picture.
Patty means something to your wife and whether she’s saying it directly or indirectly, she is likely worried about Patty and her home life because it sounds borderline, if not outright, abusive. If you meet this dude allow Patty to travel to you and your wife and be somewhere calm and safe, I think you can be adult enough and extend some empathy to do this for Patty and your wife.
This isn’t about you, you know your worth, it’s about her having a safe place to land when this implodes.” coastalkid92
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