People Want To Hear Our Logic Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk?" Story
16. AITJ For Pulling My Daughter Out Of Dance Class Because Of Her Mom's Competitiveness?
Her mother really ruined it for her.
“So my daughter is five and she’s been dancing since last year. Her mom is a former gymnast and wanted her to do that but my daughter didn’t like it at all and prefers taking tap and ballet classes instead.
I knew this bothered my wife but I didn’t expect her to alienate herself from the other moms and the instructor. She says she feels like our daughter isn’t being used where she should be and that she and the instructor constantly get into it with each other, and my wife feels like she has knowledge with her gymnast background and that’s why the instructor should take note of what she’s saying.
My wife is very competitive and I do admire her drive for that but it seems like the pushback between her and the instructor has caused a lot of tension in the class. This has caused the other moms to get mad when my wife would bring up how their daughters were being treated in comparison to ours and now the entire experience is ruined for our daughter.
Since the other moms don’t like my wife they no longer invite our daughter to play dates and other outings which the girls talk about in class and it makes my daughter come home to me and cry about how she wants to go on play dates again with her friends.
I spoke to my wife about it and she said that she will make friends in kindergarten and that it’s not that serious. But this is a studio she plans for our daughter to attend for YEARS.
I don’t understand how she doesn’t get how her conflict with the other parents won’t cause our daughter to feel excluded. She told me that the other moms are rude, and she will always stand up for herself and our daughter and that I need to stop being “scared” of them.
My daughter doesn’t even want to go to class anymore, she cries when I get off work and pick her up from class. The parents and instructors are cordial with me when I come inside for pick up and one even invited my daughter to her daughter’s birthday party but specified that I be the one to take her.
When I told my wife this she blew up and got very upset saying that it’s weird she specified I take our daughter and she can’t go. I told her that’s ridiculous, but she wouldn’t budge and it just so happened to fall on a workday so I couldn’t take her.
I was fed up, and my daughter kept complaining about hating the studio and not liking dance so I disenrolled her when I went to pick her up and she was crying about never wanting to come back.
When I went home and told my wife she got mad and said I’m an evil jerk and that I should have spoken to her first before doing that. I told her that SHE is the one that ruined our daughter’s experience by her fighting the parents and instructors and alienating our daughter from the other girls.
She kept saying I’m the only one wrong and that I’m a jerk since it’s the best studio in town and others have wait lists for months. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your wife is.
You take your kids somewhere for activities to let those adults coach and teach them. Those adult coaches & teachers aren’t looking for input from the students’ parents. Your wife needs to back off.
Your wife needs to understand that her daughter is a 5-year-old and should be doing activities for socialization and enjoyment, not to become an elite athlete or prima ballerina.
If that is the daughter’s life goal, it will be years before she will need to solely focus on that. Your wife is doing a HUGE disservice to your daughter who is missing out on socialization opportunities that are important to her development.
“Waiting until kindergarten” is a cop-out.
Your wife needs some reflection and therapy to help her with her need to control. Activities for 5yos aren’t competitive. Your wife needs to rein it in.” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but wow your wife is the jerk. She is absolutely living vicariously through your daughter and if she doesn’t stop this behavior now, it’ll only get worse. You need to have a serious conversation with her and she needs to get professional help to move past this behavior or you need to get your daughter away from her.
Being competitive is great, but forced competitiveness is only going to bring about more anxiety and distrust of social activities in your daughter. Your wife is making it a her vs. them situation and that doesn’t help your daughter learn how to be part of a team and not be the center of attention all the time.
In life, you aren’t the main character all the time. Plus, pushing a child physically before they’re ready can lead to serious injuries.
Your daughter is 5. She is going to change what she likes 1,000 times between now and when she leaves the nest. It doesn’t matter if she’s good at it or not, she needs to be allowed to be a kid and learn to be in an environment where it’s okay to make mistakes and change your mind.
She needs to feel supported and not pressured. This culture of “being the best” destroys people in adulthood who are so paralyzed with fear about making a mistake or being bad at something that they can’t cope with change or failure.
The reality is none of us are good at everything we set out to do.” Coffeeforcobwebs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This was so sad to read. Your daughter is 5, stuff like dance classes should be fun times where she’s having fun and making friends and being a little kid.
I completely understand that dance is something people take seriously and that often starts early with ballet. But there’s no need for it to become this awful, competitive, and terrorizing experience.
You’ve repeatedly brought this up with your wife.
You’ve asked her to consider what your daughter wants and needs. And if your daughter is repeatedly crying and asking not to go to class, and if she’s being alienated from her friends, you did the right thing removing her from the situation.
Your wife is the problem here. She needs to understand the damage and harm she’s doing and take a step back from pushing her needs onto her 5-year-old kid.” PestoPanda674
15. AITJ For Being "The Reason" My Sister Is Now Homeless?
“I (27f) have a younger sister (20f). We did not have good parents. They parentified me from the time I was 8 years old and it only got worse. My parents were emotionally and physically unavailable to both of us most of our lives and because I was so young and because my sister was so needy for me, it created a toxic relationship between us.
She reached a point of selfishness over me. She expected me to have no life of my own, she got mad at me when I got a job after I left school, so we could both have better, because I wouldn’t be walking her home from school and there with her in the hours after school.
She wanted me all the time. A few times she even faked being sick to keep me from going to work because she wanted me to lose my job. It was not good for either of us.
I think at some point around 7 years ago I stopped loving her. She felt like a burden and I couldn’t be what she wanted me to be. She wanted someone who knew everything, who loved her, and who wanted to dedicate their life to her.
She also wanted someone who would do what she wanted. That was not me. I ended up moving out. I would send funds for her, but I rarely visited because when I was there, she wanted me to cook her food, wanted me to buy her nicer clothes, wanted an Xbox, makeup, and all kinds of stuff.
From the second I would get there until the second I drove off she’d be asking for more and more. She was a kid and I understand that better now. But honestly, I wasn’t in the place to raise a kid.
Fast forward to last year. She told me she had gone to college, that our parents had given her the funds to go, and that she wanted me to visit her and bring her stuff to fill her dorm room with.
I asked her if she was serious. She told me it was my job to make sure she was able to land on her feet. I brought her some stuff, but it wasn’t enough. We fought.
She wrote me a list of stuff she wanted. I ignored it.
She left the dorm and moved into an apartment with friends. About two months ago they were told they would be kicked out because they were way behind on rent and couldn’t promise it would be paid.
She called me for help. She asked me to help her pay. She told me she needed me to bail her out. I said no. She called and left several voice messages asking for my help with it but I didn’t give it to her.
I didn’t want to be on the hook for her. I got a call a week ago saying she was now homeless and it was all my fault. She told me I should have helped. I should not have ignored her calls for help.
She called me a witch and a useless mother (I’m expecting a baby with my husband). I told her I wasn’t a mother yet. She told me I became a mother when she was born and I owed her better.
I feel bad. I also feel torn. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I’m saying no jerks here with the understanding that the little sister’s “entitlement” is coming from a place of emotional instability as a direct result of OP’s parents’ lack of responsibility.
You were both deprived of parents growing up. You stepped up and filled in everywhere you could, which looks way different for an older sibling than it does for a parent role, and she grew overly reliant on you because you were the only one taking care of her.
IMO, everyone needs individual and maybe family therapy. “Maybe” because it sounds like your parents have never been parents, but your sister is your family and I hope you both feel like investing the effort to maintain your relationship.
If you don’t, honestly that’s okay too due to the impossible situation your parents put you in. If she doesn’t, that is her choice as an adult, but I think you should go low or no contact with her if she isn’t willing to put in some work.
Also, this has NO bearing on your capability as a mother. You did not choose to be your sister’s parent at 8 years old. You have chosen to be your child’s parent. You are more emotionally and mentally mature now and you are completely capable of being a wonderful parent, and congratulations!” mundanenightmare
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Heck no, NTJ.
YOU ARE NOT HER MOTHER.
YOU are her sister. She has parents. They may not be there for her but she has them. She IS NOT your responsibility.
The minute she moved out of her parents’ house she should have made a better effort at budgeting knowing she would need it. She could have gotten a job. Stayed PUT in the dorms. It WASN’T your job to make sure she landed on her feet it was HERS.
YOU have a life of YOUR OWN to lead. Friends to see. Baby to prepare for. A NEW family with a husband that DOESN’T include her BECAUSE she made sure of that growing up. Yes, you could have kept in touch HOWEVER it wasn’t your responsibility to supply her livelihood for her.
She was and IS still expecting you to CARRY her instead of helping and guiding her. It is NOT your job to carry her burden.
DO NOT BELIEVE HER.
She was NEVER your responsibility and NOW she needs to learn to stand on her own two feet.
She is a GROWN ADULT who CHOSE her path.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. You are going to be an EXCELLENT MOM.” SuperHuckleberry125
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your sister is entitled and very much co-dependent, but you did ghost her in a genuine time of need. You need to approach her with a level head and communication needs to happen that you are not her mother.
You are not a wallet or a lifeline. She is an adult now and responsible for her decisions. If she was less demanding, you would be more open to being there for her. Communication is key.” Mah_mo_TheCreator
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You have a very entitled sister, and her willingness to tell you what your “job” is towards her and call you a “witch” would not make me feel bad about not helping her.
In fact, it would lead me to feel I did the right thing because she needs to get it through her head that you are NOT her mom, and that in fact, at age 20, she needs to be responsible for herself.
You didn’t take the funds she had for rent and spend it on Fireball or nice clothes or whatever. Time she learns that actions have consequences, and getting evicted after not paying rent is one of them.
By the way, if the apartment of friends is behind on rent, it wouldn’t help to just give your sister her share of the rent, you would have to give her the whole sum due – which for 4 friends could easily be $2k-$4k per month.” DevilSilver
14. AITJ For Rewarding My Daughter For Dropping Out Of A Class?
“My husband and I have a daughter, Camila (17). Camila started school 3 weeks ago and is a senior in high school. She also has some health issues, anxiety, possibly ADHD (she’s getting an assessment soon) and she has a stutter.
Camila goes to private school, so she doesn’t have an IEP or 504, but her school does have an accommodation plan for her that we review at the beginning of every school year and she has a special ed teacher to help advocate for her with other teachers.
Camila is taking AP Calculus. She took precalculus last year and the lowest grade she had during that class was a B at the end of one of the grading periods, but an A on her report card.
She was supposed to have the same teacher this year as last year but that teacher had to quit last minute and now she has a teacher that she describes as “freaking terrifying”.
Camila started asking to drop the class 2 weeks ago.
I asked if she could stick it out another few days and see if it could become bearable and my husband flat out said no, she can’t drop the class. Camila started having panic attacks, then a few days later she started vomiting from stress and her hair is starting to fall out.
All of the stress has also been impacting her physical health.
I decided to request a meeting with Camila’s math teacher, her support teacher, a counselor, and her vice principal to see what we can do to keep Camila in this class without harming her physical or mental health.
The teacher refused to accommodate Camila at all and admitted that she threw out the accommodation plan the second she got it. She told me she thinks Camila is faking her mental disorders for attention and that she’s not smart enough to be in that class (she had worse language than that during the meeting but I’m not going to repeat what was said).
I told the counselor Camila will not be going back to that class and we picked out a fun elective for her (math isn’t required for seniors and her counselor said she’s perfectly fine for college).
I went home and told her we changed her class and we went out to celebrate. We went out to eat (one of the first meals she was able to keep down in days), went shopping, and got manicures.
While we were out she admitted that she had been bullied by that teacher since school started and her teacher kicks her out of class when she stutters or fidgets.
My husband found out Camila dropped the class today and he was livid.
He said she can’t drop every class where the teacher is a little rude or because the class is hard. He’s also mad that I took her to celebrate after dropping the class.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You saw with your own eyes what that class was doing to your daughter. It was an untenable situation, and you are trying to protect her.
I think your husband is misunderstanding your position.
It doesn’t appear that you are allowing your daughter to quit the class because the teacher is rude.
What the teacher said about faking her disorder is outrageous. Everything she said was out of line.
She is not a doctor.
But the bottom line is that you are trying to see your daughter succeed without harm to her, and you are doing what is necessary to protect her mental and physical health.
Your daughter can be successful without that class.
I know that there are a lot of people who stand by a “Winners never quit” mentality. It’s an outmoded way of thinking. No one is a winner when they are made sick by something that they are forced to do, Winners find something they love doing and that’s how they become successful.
You’re doing everything right.” sunrise_library
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m an engineer and I hate calculus. It’s not for everyone and I somehow manage to still get a master’s degree and hold down an engineering manager’s job despite avoiding it at every opportunity!
…. that said it would be impossible to pass any engineering, physics, etc degree without it. So as long as she has different ambitions she should be fine.
It’s good you are getting her assessed. My son has ADHD and until it was diagnosed and treated he struggled so badly in school and socially as well.
We mistakenly placed him in a private school thinking he would get the attention he needed, but the opposite was true as they were driven by their place on the school’s national ranking systems rather than individual learning and he was quickly left behind.
Ironically the local primary school’s inclusion policies meant he thrived there and we saved $13,500 a year.
I also understand your husband’s point of view. The teacher sounds like a jerk, and many are, but she needs to learn some coping skills as jerks exist in university, the workplace, and life in general. There has to be a balance to be stuck there between tough love and nurturing, and that won’t be easy.
I’m not sure a celebration was appropriate. That should have been reserved for an actual achievement.
Best of luck, its a delicate time but remember it’s our job as parents to prepare our kids for adulthood and that doesn’t always mean they get what they want.” sleepy13445
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The teacher refused to accommodate your daughter’s legitimate medical needs and was bullying and rude into the bargain. (Punishing her for stuttering? That’s medieval.)
Your husband doesn’t seem to have her best interests at heart in this situation.
Your daughter didn’t drop the class because “the teacher is a little rude or because the class is hard;” she was having serious physical symptoms from the anxiety directly caused by a bullying, ableist teacher.
If you can’t make your husband understand how serious the situation was, you might want to consider a few sessions of family counseling. He might take your daughter’s issues more seriously if a professional explains anxiety and ADHD (assuming she gets a diagnosis) to him.
He should understand without the intervention of a professional, but the sad fact is that some people don’t take family members seriously regarding mental illness or chronic health issues. It’s so important that both her parents have her back, and it doesn’t sound like that’s currently the case.
Good luck to you and your daughter!” The-Aforementioned-W
13. AITJ For Getting Mad That My Friends Keep Forgetting About My Severe Nut Allergy?
Real friends don’t forget key details about your life, especially ones that could lead to your death.
“I have known my friends for 15 years and I’ve always had a severe nut allergy (I have an epi-pen). Somehow they always forget and they will offer me something with nuts in it and I always have to remind them.
They think it’s funny that they keep forgetting because to them it’s an innocent forgetful thing that they do and they don’t mean to be malicious in any way. Of course, I know that’s true, but it still feels really frustrating that I have to be hyper-vigilant about my allergy around them and that they treat it like a joke.
We went on a trip together and went out for dinner and they ordered dishes with nuts in them. I don’t care that people order dishes with nuts in them when I’m around as long as we’re all careful not to cross-contaminate silverware.
They forgot about my allergy 3 times within this dinner: almost used my silverware to mix a salad with almonds in it, offered me said salad, and then offered me a few pieces of their main dish that was covered in hazelnuts.
I got pretty annoyed with this because it’s honestly ridiculous that these people I’ve known for so long have seemingly no consideration for my allergy. One of my friends doesn’t like mushrooms and the other was more considerate of her aversion to that than my severe allergy.
I’m just sick of it being a big joke, and I may have displayed my annoyance throughout the dinner because of this.
Toward the end of the dinner, I could tell one of my friends was giving me a lot of attitude, so I asked her why she was mad.
She said that I was being a huge jerk all night and that it’s really rude and that I really needed to get a grip. I was taken aback by this because I didn’t really think I was being that rude, but of course, I was annoyed. We got into a huge argument to the point of yelling and I just can’t believe it’s somehow my fault for being annoyed and seemingly expressing that annoyance in a way that I’m now a “huge witch”.
She said that she knows that my allergy is severe but it’s not like they forget because they’re being malicious and that I didn’t need to be such a jerk about it all night.
It’s also worth mentioning that my other friend didn’t think I was acting in any rude way even after I snapped at her – she gets why I’m annoyed.
AITJ for being annoyed during dinner and maybe being a bit witchy because of this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get rid of the friends that constantly “forget” your allergy. It’s not worth your physical or mental health to be around them.
I’m allergic to cucumber (so pickles too).
Fortunately for me, people take it pretty seriously. Before it got to the anaphylactic level of an allergy, some teenage boys that were in the class I was interning in, would slather themselves in some sort of lotion after PE.
Two days in a row I had to go home to shower and take Benadryl in the middle of the day. They were warned the first day not to do it again. The second time they did it, my mentor teacher came down hard on them and explained how much trouble they could be in.
I’m so thankful for her in so many ways.” Delicious-Mix-9180
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
What the heck? My sister-in-law has a partner with a serious nut allergy and they’ve not been together that long.
I always go out of my way to make sure that there’s nothing nut-related out, go out of my way to make sure that things are separate from things to avoid contamination, etc. I remember this and I am hyper-vigilant about it if he comes over as I absolutely LOVE nuts.
I really don’t want him to die because I’m eating a pack of pistachios, I don’t even eat anything nut based around him just in case (I am probably going overboard about it but like I said, I really don’t want him to have a reaction to something that is easily avoidable).
My other friend is a vegetarian by choice, I always make sure I use separate pans and stuff when prepping meals. Heck, I even cooked my food at home and reheated it in the microwave and cleaned the microwave when I was cat-sitting for her while she was away.
She said I didn’t need to go that far as long as I cleaned the pans and stuff well but I said I didn’t want to contaminate anything!
Your friends seem like jerks, especially knowing this for so long and then getting angry at you for not wanting to die.” giraffe_cake
Another User Comments:
“I’ve had a friend over for a BBQ I was hosting. I was young and dumb at the time – didn’t occur to me to ask for allergies. I almost served shrimp skewers to a dear friend who is deathly allergic to shellfish.
Thankfully, she saw me getting ready to prep and stopped me in time (we had other food if she hadn’t, and giant, whole shrimp wasn’t a thing she’d eat on accident) and we were able to pivot to food we could all eat, but well, you can bet I ask before hosting if there are any allergies anymore.
I also have a terrible memory. This is a bit of a running joke, and so bad friends routinely send me information like addresses/phone numbers again before I even ask. I say this because, well, while I don’t forget allergies, it is absolutely a conceivable thing that I might.
So what do I do? I plan for forgetting – I double-check before giving people food, on the off-chance the busted sieve that passes for my memory fails me once again. I’d rather annoy people by being overly cautious than slip up and hurt a friend (or, you know, anyone).
NTJ for being annoyed. The fault for them isn’t forgetting, though. It’s for making no effort at all to account for it and keep you safe.” Everlosst
12. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Dye Her Hair Before My Wedding?
I mean, that’s not something you really tell your mom in general.
“I’m super on the fence about this because I’m the kind of person to gawp at a Bridezilla (and I very well could be), so opinions are urgently needed!
I (28f) am getting married on Saturday.
For some background, early on in the planning of my wedding, I mentioned to my bridal party that I really like a cohesive wedding color scheme – not necessarily the same color on everyone because I think that can be really unreasonable, but at least the same color palette.
For me, I generally hate bright colors and I love soft colors on warm days. With this in mind, I was encouraged to give an extensive pastel color palette (8 shades) and kindly request that my guests followed it.
My mum was my biggest supporter (‘your wedding, your rules,’ etc.) and none of my bridesmaids thought it was unreasonable so I went with it. It was a pretty varied pastel palette (plus grey, a slightly darker blue, and a slightly darker brown-beige) and I did leave a note saying that I knew this might be hard for some people and that it wasn’t necessary to buy another outfit if they wouldn’t have done so anyway (or if they hate the colors!).
All in all, I decided I was not yet a complete Bridezilla.
On to the issue at hand… My mom came to me a couple of months ago explaining that she would like her hair professionally cut and dyed before my wedding day.
She’s a box dye girl usually, and she was happy to use it on this occasion, but she asked if I would mind paying for her to go to my wedding stylist (continuity, etc.), and I agreed. I’m paying for the wedding myself and I have more savings than my parents, so I had absolutely no issue doing this for her.
She went yesterday.
It is bright red.
This isn’t something totally weird for her, as she had bright red hair about 15ish years ago, so it’s not like she’s only ever had neutrals and suddenly changed her mind.
To be frank, I hated it then and I hate it now. It not only looks awful on her (it’s literally not her shade at all), but it massively draws the eye. She asked if I liked it and I just started crying.
I know I sound pathetic but I had a whole vision for my wedding that my mum encouraged and supported 100% even when I doubted how practical it would be and now she’s going to stick out like a sore thumb on my wedding day.
It also looks awful with her dress. I told her this but she said that I’m being totally unreasonable by trying to control her looks. I was angry, so I told her I would pay for her to get it fixed to a neutral color, and then she could come to my wedding.
She left and hasn’t spoken to me since then.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
From my perspective, this is very bridezilla. You don’t get to control her hair color. Yes, for me personally, it seems a very weird choice for her to dye her hair a very different color right before your wedding, but it is her hair and her choice.
Having a color palette for people’s outfits is one thing, you don’t get to dictate how they personalize themselves.
It is absolutely fine if you don’t like it, but leave it at that. Do not ask her to dye it a color you think is suitable, and do not tell her anymore about how you think she looks awful with it.
She may well love it, thinking it reminds her of when she was younger.” AmInATizzy
Another User Comments:
“Not liking a new hair color so close to your wedding for someone in your wedding party is normal. Getting angry to the point of crying and wanting it to get redone to a different color on the basis that if they don’t, they will not attend is a Bridezilla move, so YTJ.
What she did may seem a little out of the left field since she hasn’t dyed it that color in years, but she probably wanted to seize the opportunity at getting her hair professionally done.
Is it a little off-putting that it was on your dime? Sure.
Did she do it with the intention of hurting you? Most likely not.
Weddings can be stressful and when you’re supporting the bride, it can be a lot.
She did something for herself that she most likely thought you’d love.
In short, I think you’re overthinking the hair color since it seems everyone’s attention is what is getting to you. You’re the bride.
All eyes will be on you. Red hair may draw the eye for all of 2 seconds and that’s about it.
You’ll be front and center. Take a deep breath, apologize for overreacting and move on.” ThereAreAlwaysDishes
Another User Comments:
“Ima go with ESH. You are kinda being a bridezilla, it is her body, and she can do what she likes.
But at the same time, your mom also knew what colors you wanted for your wedding, and approved of them.
Oh, and you also paid for her to get her hair dyed, so it was a jerk move to dye her hair a color you didn’t like on your dime.
From what it sounds like, it wasn’t malicious, but it’s still a jerk move, especially if you offered to pay to get it fixed.” Sunshine-360
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
It’s fine to choose a color palette for your wedding. It’s not okay to demand that people have certain hair colors for your wedding.
People aren’t props. They are people. In this case, this is your mother.
‘She’s going to stick out like a sore thumb! “…”The photos are going to look awful!”, “She has the same hair color as the bride. She will steal the spotlight. ” “Her hair color isn’t natural.” All things I’ve read here.
Honestly, I don’t get it. Hire performers if you want props.
If you want family and friends that love and support you, accept them. She’s wearing your color palate. She’s supported you through this. The hair color isn’t something new.
She’s had it before. Obviously, she likes it. It makes her feel good about herself.
Look in the trades, I’m sure you can hire someone “suitable” to play the role of your mother for the day.” MrslII
11. AITJ For Telling My Nephew That He Needs To Get Stronger?
“I come from a “fitness family.” They take the gym and fitness very seriously, especially my brother.
A few years ago, my brother asked my wife (at the time, she was just my partner) and me to take care of his son, “Tom,” (he was 17) for 7 weeks.
At the time, my brother was desperate and I didn’t mind looking after Tom for a short while.
Tom was a terrible houseguest. He didn’t think that he had to listen to my wife, “Ann,” because “she didn’t know what she was talking about.” It was frustrating to live with him, and if I had known about his attitude, I’m not sure that I would have allowed him to live with us.
At the time, Tom had started working out at the gym and was a complete beginner. He thought of himself as a “gym God.” Usually, Ann was going to the gym with him and she would always try to correct his form, but he would dismiss her.
He would always try to max out all the weights, refused a spotter (unless it was a big, muscular man), and spent most of his time strongman posing. If I’m being honest, I’m surprised that he didn’t seriously injure himself back then.
One day, Tom challenged Ann and me to a push-up competition. I assumed that it was lighthearted and meant for banter but Tom was being dead serious. He, in his words, wanted to show “Ann who was boss.” For weeks, Ann and I ignored his request. The competition was childish and it was clear that he was only doing it to antagonize Ann.
After a while, he managed to get strangers from our gym to participate for a small monetary prize. It was clear that he wasn’t giving up, and after a lot of badgering from him, Ann and I decided to do it, for a laugh.
Tom was the first one out. Ann won (she did the most number of consecutive push-ups). Of course, Tom was angry about this and would not stop mentioning it even after it was over. Ann didn’t even keep the winnings, but he would not shut up about it.
Years have passed and I have not spoken to Tom since he stayed with us. He’s 23 and has graduated uni. My brother invited us to a big family gathering and this was the first time I saw Tom in a long time.
Tom brought up the competition we had years ago and ”jokingly” accused Ann of playing dirty. She denied it but politely told him to let it go.
A few of the men in my family were challenging themselves to a dead hang challenge (who can hold on the longest).
A few people were jokingly asking Ann to try. At first, she was declining but she decided to give it a go. As expected, she held on the longest, even after a few rounds. Most people congratulated her, but Tom insisted that she was on steroids because ”she couldn’t be that strong.”
Most people went silent and ignored him, but I told him to “let his insecurities go and focus on getting stronger.” After that, he shut up. Ann thinks that I may have gone too far and I may have been attacking a child for no reason.”
Another User Comments:
“Ntj, he’s going to challenge her again and again until he finally beats her in something so he can put her in her place and gloat about it endlessly. Use it as an example of how weak/useless/pathetic women are, your wife in particular.
If you suspect that your brother eggs him on then I’m sorry to say that your family is filled with vitriolic men that hate women.
Your wife has shown herself to be capable of going toe to toe with them and winning and they’re upset about it.
Your brother’s comment about her showing off is very telling. They wanted her to be small weak and lesser than them and anything other than that makes her a bad person to them. Men like that are dangerous to women.
I don’t know what your dynamic is with them but I would never ever be alone in a room with them. They aren’t safe people for your wife to be around.” Craftyhobby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, he’s not a child. As you said, he’s 23 and has graduated uni. Past time for the child to grow up.
Second, how does one play dirty at pushups done in front of an audience?
An anti-gravity device concealed in her brassiere?
He needs to let his insecurities go and focus on getting stronger. You said it.
I’m a very plus-sized woman who enjoys walking/qigong for fun, and some of the most helpful, considerate people I’ve met turned out to be power walkers or masters with reputations for excellence.
The ones with real ability focus on beating their personal bests and friendly competition, not putting down others. They’re there for the sport, not the ego. They are always learning more and encouraging people to do the things they enjoy so much.
Your nephew could take a lesson.” MmeHomebody
Another User Comments:
“Easy NTJ- although you do suck for not kicking him out of your house when he said he was “gonna show your wife who was boss” and for all the general harassment he put her through.
As a husband, that’s just uncool.
That being said, I feel like someone should explain to your nephew what a weight class is and why they exist. Anybody with enough brain cells to pick up a dumbbell should figure out why the person who weighs the least is beating them in a push-up or dead-hang contest.
Also, the way your nephew is acting around your wife makes me think that he has a crush on her/is obsessed with her. His behavior is almost identical to that of a 4th-grade boy trying to get his crush to notice him.
That being said, I am just a person on the internet, so what do I know.” Nuke_the_whales55
10. AITJ For Getting An Etsy Shop Closed Down Over A Rug Being 3 Inches Too Big?
“Four months ago, I ordered a handwoven rug from a shop on Etsy. The original listing I bought from was for a 5 x 8 ft rug, but I requested it to be 5 x 7.75 ft instead.
It was very important to me that the length was 7.75 ft since I was planning on putting it in a sectional in my living room that is that exact size. If it was bigger, then it would not fit into the sectional and would defeat the entire purpose.
Yes, I know, it’s a weird freaking measurement. I don’t know why the original house designers made it like that, but that’s how it is.
Since the rug is a custom item, the owner said she could make it 7.75 ft. Fast forward 2 months later, and the rug arrives, but alas, it’s 5 x 8 ft. I message the owner asking about the discrepancy.
She apologized and said since the rug is made by hand, she cannot guarantee that it is created to exact measurements. I asked her if she could make me a new rug, or alter my rug for me.
She replied that since she lived in Turkey, it would be a waste of time and finances to send the rug back and forth unless I paid for shipping. I told her I did not want to pay for shipping because she was the one who messed the order up, not me.
She said I could go to a tailor, carpenter, or rug maker in person to see if they could alter it for me. Every tailor I went to said that the rug is too thick to be cut.
The two carpenters I contacted said they could do it, but insisted I pay an arm and a leg to cut off like 3 inches of the rug. And well, there is no rug maker around.
At this point, I requested at least a partial refund on the rug to cover the costs of any alterations, but the shop owner refused. She also thereafter sent me a VERY rudely toned email about how the item was delivered, and she made everything else to my specifications, so I should stop emailing her about it.
I left her a very bad review. I also opened a case against her as my item was not as described, and I reported her shop to Etsy. I was receiving email updates about the case, but suddenly, two weeks later, I saw that her shop was completely gone, and I could no longer respond to any messages on the case.
I am not 100% sure if it was my case alone that made her shop disappear. But my friend was so upset when I told her what happened, to the point where she started cursing at me in a serious tone.
She said I could’ve ruined a person’s livelihood over a rug mess up. I said it was not just the rug, but also the awful customer service that didn’t help. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If this is a custom, hand-knotted wool rug, I do understand that she agreed to the specifications, but you have to understand that your request is unreasonable.
Even regularly produced high-end designs will vary in size, sometimes as much as your requested variance. This is not a flaw or sloppiness of the weaver, it is just a natural variation due to the nature of knotting.
There are plenty of rug stores in cities across the world that can trim or cut a rug for you, but if none are near to you, you will need to ship at your own cost. I was quoted in my hometown only about $150 to cut a 12×16.
Call a rug dealer near you, and they should be able to direct you or offer that service themselves.
That being said, she agreed to the specifications and likely considered it within range of a typical 5×8 and therefore sent it anyway.
You need to find a 5×7 or just look for a 4×6.
ESH.” Rocks_Heady
Another User Comments:
“To be clear, they shut down the shop to avoid the costs of making this right.
They are going to open up another one in someone else’s name and continue on like nothing ever happened.
Because All Etsy was going to do was force them to refund the cost of the rug. Instead, they shut down their shop and will just open another.
NTJ.” The__Riker__Maneuver
Another User Comments:
“Etsy seller here! Etsy will absolutely not close a shop for one case (or probably even 10+ cases opened). It takes a lot for Etsy to close a shop, and if they did it, then there was a very long pattern of issues that would have caused that.
It’s also possible the owner just decided to close their shop.
You are absolutely justified in your response and the shop did not do the right thing.
NTJ.” Neither-Copy785
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As other posters have said, this is possibly a situation where they’re reselling pre-sized rugs as custom.
I can say, as a weaver with experience in making custom textiles, though there can be variations in the finished product if you’re doing this consistently with materials you’re familiar with, you shouldn’t have that much of a difference when it’s finished.
Like, unless you’re really not paying attention or the fiber isn’t behaving well, you’re not going to miss your target by much at all. Or, if you didn’t do a good job sampling the material before starting.” Haedia
9. AITJ For Being Upset That My Family Didn't Bring Me On Their Trip?
“For context, I (23NB) live with my family while I attend university. We always have summer adventures together, and this summer was supposed to be no different.
They talked about taking a trip for months to Disney, and other stuff planned for a week’s vacation with other family members. In total, my parents, younger sibling, cousins, and a couple of aunts and uncles got to go, and my grandparents too.
A couple of months ago, I was told I couldn’t come because of vague reasons. My mom said that finances were tight, which is true, but at the same time, I discovered from her that my father is the one who decided I didn’t deserve to go.
She didn’t give the exact reason, but she mentioned that I am not acting like an adult enough, that I don’t have a job, but I am attending university full time, and they’re proud of me and they help me out when they can, and how bad she feels that I can’t go, but someone has to take care of the house, right?
Anyway, they came back last week and I’ve heard everything they’ve done, over and over. It was an amazing trip. Here’s the thing, if this was a different trip, I would have been able to go.
My family discussed a different trip where I would have been able to go, like Hawaii, and I wouldn’t have had to pay for it. I don’t have a job or the savings to even buy a plane ticket let alone pay for my own vacation.
In the past this wasn’t an issue, they would pay for me to go on trips with them, and I understand that is a privileged position, but I feel bitter, upset even, that my father was the one who said that I didn’t deserve to go.
AITJ for being buttered and upset about this? My family is middle class, and finances are tight because we only have one income right now, and I know one of my parents had to pull from their savings for this trip and possibly other accounts to make it work.
Nobody knows I’m upset and I don’t plan on asking why or anything because I don’t want to start crap.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
Sounds like you’re living at home for free, having all your meals paid for, etc. by your parents.
At 23 that can become grating even if you are a full-time student.
But, I think your parents should have talked to you about it. Disney is so big that it’s mean to exclude you without any discussions of how you could “earn” it.
Did they say anything like that? Like get a part-time job and pay us $500 or whatever to cover a portion of your bill, then you can go?
I have a sibling very similar to your situation but older.
He’s still mooching and “attending school” and working some, but without my parents, he’d have nothing. My parents pay for his trips bc they pay for all our trips, and I’m not going to pay when he has a free ride.
It’s a bad precedent to set and it’s hard to get out from under. It’s best for all that your parents are starting to tackle this issue, but I also think they didn’t do it right (if they didn’t give you a transition opportunity/chance to earn it).” the_orig_princess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
They excluded you for ridiculous reasons. Did they pay you to housesit for them?
They could have gone on a different trip and had all their children there. I can’t imagine not including my oldest on a trip where all the rest of the kids were going, even if the oldest was an adult and the others weren’t.
If they couldn’t afford a big trip for everyone, they could have chosen a less expensive location so everyone could enjoy. How could the other siblings enjoy the trip knowing that you were excluded? How could your parents enjoy the trip knowing they were excluding you?
How could they stand to come home and brag about it in front of you? Their behavior is appalling.” blueberryyogurtcup
Another User Comments:
“I understand you’re feeling bitter but it’s a waste of time and energy and doesn’t change anything.
NTJ.
First, when you get back to school/college/university, get a job, any job that you can get on public transport. Save enough to start driving lessons – a valuable life skill – and keep working.
If your college accommodation is paid up through the holidays then work through most vacations, saving every penny you can. Go home only for the minimum eg a day or so before Christmas and back to work on the 27th.
If not you need to investigate renting shared accommodation off-campus so you can. If your parents say anything about you not being back much, point out it’s been difficult to get your job and you don’t want to lose it by not working the vacations.
Keep working and saving. Eventually, you will have enough either to go on next year’s holiday – if you want to – or to buy/insure/run a small 2ndhand car.
At 23, your parents are still paying for your accommodation, etc., which is great, but clearly, finances are tight, and they don’t have much to spare.
Time for you to show you’re becoming an independent adult who is learning to pay some of your own way.” dragonsfriend-9271
8. AITJ For Making My Roommate Pay Extra For Using More Electricity Than Me?
“So the electricity bills are in my name so only I’m allowed to pay directly, so my roommate just Paypals me her half.
I used to only have her split it directly with me, but in the last few months, I’ve noticed she always has stuff running in her room. She works 12 hours a day and has a lot of fish, so I believe she keeps her lights on to not make them sad(??).
I know her lights are always on because when I get home from work, hours before she does, her lights are on and she always leaves before I do for work so that means they were on all day.
When I wake up, all the house lights are on.
I am very poor and I try to conserve every last bit of energy I can. I turn everything off when not using it. I can’t afford to spare a few more cents, that’s how poor I am.
So it’s gotten to the point where she’s leaving pretty much everything on in the apartment when gone for 12+ hours and I felt like it’s unfair. Our electricity bills are already all over the place so I could have gotten away with charging her extra without telling her (she never asks for receipts), but I didn’t wanna be cruel so I left her a note on the charge for the bill this month saying I added a bit extra (literally only $10) because she uses way more electricity than me and I really don’t wanna be paying more than I use, since I make a constant effort to turn lights off when they’re not in use and to only use the energy we need to be using.
She messaged back saying she won’t pay the extra because it’s both of our apartments and it’s not her problem I share with her. I said I only charged an extra $10 since realistically that’s all she used and that my room will literally have nothing running in it when I’m not home so it’s definitely not me.
She ended up paying me the half but less than the extra $10 and didn’t say anything. Even the payment said “here.” which sounded sarcastic or mad.
I don’t know, I just can’t see how I’m in the wrong, I’m sorry.
She used the power, so she should pay for the power. I would do the same if I was the one using the extra power. Like if you share a hotel with someone and you spill something, you pay the cleaning fees on your own, you don’t split it with people who didn’t spill anything.
She isn’t talking to me now and she literally goes back into her room every time I walk outside of my room so I know she’s mad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I agree that it is fair for her to pay more if she uses more, but 1) this wasn’t the original agreement, and 2) how do you know how much additional electricity she actually uses?
Your air conditioning and appliances are the largest consumers of electricity in your house. Dr. Google suggests that on average, lighting accounts for about 20% of an electric bill. But how much is a single light worth?
A quick Google search suggests a benchmark of 6 cents per hour for a normal light bulb and a bit over 1 cent per hour for LED or CFL bulbs. Even if your roommate is leaving multiple lights on, that’s not going to add up quickly.
Now, if she were doing multiple loads of laundry during peak hours or running the A/C at 68 degrees during the day when no one is home, that would be a costlier story and one worthy of a conversation about conservation.
But as it stands, your $10 surcharge seems a bit arbitrary and unilateral, and I think you need to consider if it is really the hill you want to die on.
YTJ, mildly — mainly because you didn’t discuss it first and come up with a rationale, mutually agreeable approach.” velkana
Another User Comments:
“I think it depends, did you guys agree to split 50/50 starting off? If so, it’s not really fair to suddenly change your mind and charge her extra even if she is using more electricity than you.
That being said, if she really is using significantly more electricity, then it is fair for her to pay more of the bill. However, this should have been an in-person, sit-down discussion where you express to her how the extra electricity usage is affecting your bill and that if it continues you would need to readjust how you split the bill.
I can understand her annoyance at this being sprung on her without any previous discussion. It would be especially helpful to show her that there has been an increase in previous bills and explain why you think it directly relates to her stuff.
Maybe she would adjust her behavior accordingly without having to change how you split the bill.
I’m going to go NTJ, because you have a right to adjust the bill if your roommate is using more electricity but you also should have discussed this prior to requesting payment.” pinkduckling1064
7. AITJ For Admitting I Don't Want Family Therapy During A Family Therapy Session?
“I feel kind of bad because I know this was a bombshell for my parents. But I need to know whether I was a jerk or not.
I (15f) go to family therapy with my dad, my stepmom (who is mom to me but stepmom for the post), and my stepsister (16f). We are going to family therapy because my parents have been married since I was 3 and my stepsister has never accepted me as her family or her sibling and has been distant my whole life.
When I was a little kid I used to cry and be so hurt that she wouldn’t play with me, that she denied knowing me or denied our relationship to others, I used to hate how she would tell me I wasn’t her family and to stay out of her way.
It used to make me really sad too that her dad hated me. I remember a few instances where I saw him and he either glared at me, called me a brat, or called me disgusting.
He treated my stepmom terribly and I know my parents spent a lot of time in court and therapy trying to make the issues better. My stepsister’s dad died when she was 9 and I think it only made things worse.
She had intensive therapy but still didn’t want me as a sibling. It wasn’t until last year I came to accept it.
But a couple of months ago my parents made the decision to try family therapy with the four of us to make an honest go of repairing the sibling relationship.
I didn’t think it was a good idea. But I said nothing for fear of upsetting my parents. But even with my stepsister telling us all in therapy that she does not love or care about me or my dad, that she does not love or care about our half-siblings, they still feel we can work on things.
The therapist asked me the other day about my feelings about what was being said. I had spoken before but never voiced that I didn’t want to do family therapy. This time I did. I told them I felt like it was a lost cause and that I didn’t want to force my stepsister to love me when she doesn’t want to love me, and doesn’t want to be there, and has voiced it for most of our lives now, but especially in therapy.
My parents were upset that I called us a lost cause and that I didn’t want to try and make family therapy work. They told me I should put the effort in because nothing will change if I don’t try.
The therapist did speak to my parents privately after my confession but I don’t know what she said. Just that my parents seemed so mad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Not a jerk at all. It’s really really hard to get kids (and often adults) to go to therapy.
Not all therapy accomplishes the original goal as quickly or effectively as people like.
It sounds like you agree with your parents the goals of family therapy were worthwhile. When the main goal is to build or repair a relationship, it takes time.
The therapist needs to understand each person, and then figure out what approach has the best chance of achieving the goal. If you are frustrated after a couple of months because it doesn’t seem like there has been a big change, that’s not surprising and doesn’t mean you are the jerk.
Have a conversation with your dad or mom (or maybe even the therapist) about how they think it’s going. Don’t feel guilty about what you said.
If you have read this AITJ column for even a week you will see how frequently teenagers complain about not having the right feelings about their blended families.
Not all relationships can be fixed, but I admire that your parents are taking this much trouble in hope that you and your sister will value each other more. It’s not easy.” Alteripse
Another User Comments:
“Hi honey. I was in your shoes fifteen years ago, except my stepbrother’s mom was still alive.
I think your feelings are perfectly valid. You have no control over your relationship with someone. Just like in romantic relationships or friendships, it takes two people to make a connection.
Your sister has no interest in making that connection, and there’s nothing you can do to fix it.
I want to say that my sb’s relationship with me is much more cordial now, but he had to deal with a lot of falling out from how his mother poisoned him in childhood.
Fortunately, kids grow up and can get better at processing their feelings. I think he really resented our dad and felt abandoned and like an outcast in our family. His mom is a narcissist and spent a lot of time telling him that and other lies.
He’s still working on it, especially on rebuilding a relationship with our dad, but he’s become such a good parent for his kids. But we’re still not close. I figure if he’s spent three decades showing me the kind of relationship he wants it’s up to him to make those first moves, if ever.
It still hurts, to feel so persistently rejected like that. My parents never had the means or the thought to put us in therapy. I think, maybe, you may want to talk about individual therapy for just you.
Because you’re experiencing a kind of hostile home and a type of persistent bullying that makes it so your home and your family don’t necessarily feel safe or comfortable. Therapy might be able to help you process that.
Mostly, I want to tell you that you’re not responsible for your parent’s feelings. They could be upset because they realized they failed you, or maybe because they are coming to terms with the fact that they don’t have the perfect family they thought they had.
Regardless, their feelings are not your responsibility. In fact, it’s important for them that you be honest about how you feel. Good parents want to provide a safe and loving environment for their kids, and right now they’re being forced to face the fact that you have always lived in a hostile home.
I’m sending you internet hugs because this is not your fault at all. I want you to really take the time to believe that. None of this is your fault.
NTJ.” cactuslegs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You can’t force a child to see someone as their family no matter how badly you want them to. You finally came to this realization and I’m glad you did so that way you can stop having expectations or hopes that she’ll accept you one day.
It’s better for your mental health that way in my opinion.
Your parents shouldn’t be forcing family therapy and I feel it is wise you voiced how you really felt. You can’t make pieces from a different puzzle go together without causing damage to the pieces.
Don’t feel guilty for speaking the truth. You’re allowed to have your feeling and opinions voiced. You matter also. I hope that your parents will stop this forced family therapy.” MrFavorable
6. AITJ For Having Pictures Of My Daughter Removed That Her Grandma Posted Online?
“While pregnant I voiced to everyone I wasn’t comfortable with having my baby posted on the internet publicly. Her father said it was important for the long-distance family to see her so we compromised and made a private social media group.
Fast forward to the end of my pregnancy and due to arguing, fighting, overall bickering, and the father of my child being extremely selfish my whole pregnancy I didn’t invite him to be there when I gave birth.
I didn’t feel safe, and my family has a habit of trying to die in childbirth.
After I gave birth I also asked for recovery time. He blew up and called the cops saying I was denying him access to his daughter.
They called me I told them everything that’s been happening. They suggested I get a restraining order. I tried. Then failed to get one due to a lack of evidence. (remind me next time to record everything when someone’s being awful.)
Fast forward to now. She’s almost 8 months, and for the last month, her dad has given his mom permission to post pictures of our daughter.
I messaged him and her saying that we’d agreed not to do this, made a compromise, etc.
He said because he isn’t an admin in the group and hates his daughter’s name that he gave her permission.
She says that he gave permission so it doesn’t matter what I say.
I told them that if both parents can’t agree it shouldn’t happen at all.
They refuse. So I went to the social media platform about it. They have a rule that if the child is under 13y/o without parental consent you can’t post their picture.
So they removed all of them.
She’s now calling me a bully. And that I maligned her and harassed her.
He is saying I’m stalking her page and bullying her to do my bidding.
We’re friends on social media, so her posts go on my feed. And I asked her nicely.
“I’m not comfortable with her being posted publicly. I know -father- gave you permission but you don’t have mine and I think this is something we both need to agree about. It’s an invasion of my privacy and hers.
We agreed to post to the group that you are still in.
I’m talking to my lawyer about it and I want you to remove them.
If you want to post her picture please do it in the group and add family to it if you want.””
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My brother and SIL have the same rule with my nephew, only there’s no private group for pictures of him, either (there’s a social media group for SIL’s family, as they live abroad).
Our aunt and sister decided that rule did not apply to them. The pictures were all reported and removed, aunt and sister no longer get sent pictures, and on the rare occasion they see him, they’re not allowed to take pictures anymore.
They both seem to have completely lost interest in him now they can’t use him as a show pony to get attention.
They kicked off about it for a time, saying my brother and SIL were being selfish.
Except they didn’t decide this for themselves, they decided on it because they believe it should be the nephew’s choice what pictures of him are online, and he can’t make that decision until he’s older.” Blondieleigh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to go to court and have a court order on this issue. Depending on where you live and the laws, it could truly be what he does in his house is one way and what you do is another.
Regardless of how you feel about it, until the child is old enough to have a say. This happens all the time with medical issues (you or he can STOP all treatment on the child and make a court intervene, meanwhile treatment will be in limbo…), educational issues, mental health issues, and the list goes on.
I don’t mean to bully or create fear – just stating facts and that you probably don’t want to wait until you are in a predicament… I agree that social media can be harmful but predators and predatory behavior existed long before social media and the internet…” Break-Salty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I think this is going to become a common part of divorce discussions..because people tend to argue about everything during that and a lot of couples tend to disagree about it too.
I posted baby pics because, to be honest, I had kids before people were bringing up privacy issues with social media and how it’s really the kid’s decision, but I also feel like most babies look alike until a certain age so I started to refrain and started to delete ones of them as their features started to develop more when they pop up in my social media memories.
I don’t do the rest of the social media platforms… Although social media or not, anyone that’s seen me then knows what my oldest looks like because everyone always tells her how much she looks like me lol even my ex would say “it’s so weird how you, your mom, your niece, and now our daughter all look and sound so much alike.”” ArmChairDetective38
5. AITJ For Turning In My Classmate For Taking Pictures Of Me?
“I, F17, started my second year of college last week studying law. I know most of the girls in my class from my class last year, but I met the boys in my class for the first time last week.
The first few days were good, other than the boys trying to get me and the girl next to me to pose in their BeReal, but two days ago I caught one of the boys taking photos of me without my consent.
I have always been self-conscious about the way I look, as I was bullied all through school for my ginger hair, glasses, and braces. The bullying hit a high at secondary school after I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) which made me gain lots of weight, over the last year I’ve managed to lose some, but I’m still self-conscious about it.
This has led to me hating having my photo taken or having any photos of me posted on social media.
After I realized the boy had taken my photo, I asked him to delete it, as I found it creepy that someone was taking my photo while I was just trying to work in class.
He told him he hadn’t taken any, but then another boy in my class showed me the photo in their social media group chat. I asked them to not take my photo again and to delete any they had saved of me.
Then the same thing happened yesterday, I asked them to stop and to delete any again. Then it happened again this morning, so I reported them to my tutor, who reported them to the safeguarding team at college.
This led to their parents being called and each of them having to write me a formal apology.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You asked them multiple times to not do that, it’s very rude to do that to begin with, and I know in the USA in certain circumstances that can be illegal since here you’re technically still a minor.
Not sure about the laws there though. (Correction; it is illegal to take pictures of minors inside of schools without permission from them/parents/the school, including other students and adults).
I’d still keep an eye on them though.
Maybe thank the one who showed you–unless he ended up also being a rude jerk who took pics too.
That’s just creepy and I don’t understand why they can’t respect you.” deerchortle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told them no, and they did it anyway. You told them to take the photos down, but they kept them up anyway. You told them you’d report them and followed through–you gave them the rope with which to pull themselves up, and they hanged themselves instead.
Good on the school for having your back, but a letter of apology really isn’t enough. These boys either have no awareness (maybe except for the one that at least told you it was on social media) or did what they wanted anyway.
At some point, they’ll need to learn about consequences for creeping.” Notte_di_nerezza
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Remember that boys who prey on girls usually don’t stop on their own. They get worse, or they get stopped by someone else delivering consequences.
Your action may prevent many girls and women from suffering at their hands in the future. Fear of consequences is more powerful than empathy for boys and men like this.
Here’s my suggestion: require that their letters of apology contain a real apology, where they say
- what they did
- why it was bad, and
- promise not to do it again.
If they send you some bullcrap like: “I’m sorry you were offended”, refuse to accept it and say you will press charges or get a lawyer if they do not give you a REAL apology.
Then keep those letters. If they do anything bad in the future, you can witness against them.” sezit
4. AITJ For Not Tipping My Waitress Wife?
“My (M27) wife (F28) works at a breakfast restaurant as a waitress.
The other day, I was meeting a client for work on the side of town her restaurant is. I had never actually eaten there before since she started, so I invited the client to have breakfast with me.
My wife ended up being our server, which I thought was fun. After we finished eating, I didn’t leave a tip. I figured that since our bank accounts are shared, tipping her would just be halving our finances since she would have to split it with the other waitress.
She texted me passive aggressively that I did this, and I thought that explaining that it essentially would just be halving our finances would be enough of an explanation. But she said it was about the principle, and that I know she thinks it super rude when people give a zero-dollar tip.
And I should still be supporting the other waitress.
In my mind, it would just be throwing the funds away. My friends seem split on the issue. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because they split tips.
When tips are split, serving is seen as a team effort, so you’re not just responsible for tasks for your tables; you’re expected to help other servers when they need it filling waters, running food and drinks, grabbing sauces, etc. If your wife was getting all the money, then sure it would be a bit pointless (only because you said your bank accounts are combined, but if she had her own, I would have hoped she filed for divorce), but you basically did a big s*******u to the rest of the serving staff, even if it was unintentional.” derrieredesyeuxbrune
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It does feel disrespectful, AND you did it in front of a client (how does that also look to your client – not sure I would do business with someone who doesn’t appreciate the staff).
You just put a “value” of zero on your wife’s efforts/job/self-esteem. If you know it’s going to end up in the same bank account, I would have tipped her ridiculously. You’ve just publicly humiliated your wife while taking up space in her workplace where she could have actually earned something.
Like… how on earth could you have thought this was a “good idea.”” stewiecatballlacat
Another User Comments:
“Wow.
YTJ.
Now your wife’s co-workers know you’re a cheapskate. And they will remember that you stiffed your wife, and unlike you, they understand you just COST her.
Hope you have no plans to eat at your wife’s restaurant any time soon, dude. You’ll get rude, careless, and lousy service because whoever waits on you is already figuring you’re going to stiff them.
You need to apologize to your wife. You may want to think about going to her restaurant when you know she’s there, apologize to her there, and give her the tip she deserved. And on top of that, you may want to consider making up the difference she had to pay out to her co-workers when you stiffed her on top of this mea culpa tip, because dude, you cost her her tip, which probably goes into your comingled bank account, so you screwed yourself, too.
If I were your wife, I’d be considering separating finances.” SaltyCrabasaurus
Another User Comments:
“I understand what you mean since you have joint accounts. but unfortunately, your wife probably has to use her tips to tip out others.
By not tipping her, you screwed her numbers up. Where I worked, servers were responsible for giving a certain percentage of their tips to the bar depending on how many drinks the customers bought and they had to tip out the bussers a certain percentage depending on how many tables were served.” jjj68548
3. AITJ For Cussing In Front Of Kids?
“So my (14m) friends (14m, 14f, 13m) have this game where we go down the hill on my street from various heights on various vehicles, like a bike, scooter, skateboard, or my personal favorite, an office chair, without braking/stopping.
The hill is pretty big and gets steeper the higher you go. It’s kind of like Chicken, where you go as high as you are brave enough to. I know this is pretty stupid, but we’ve never had anyone get a serious injury until this happened.
About a week ago, we were going down on scooters, and I was trying to show off, so I went from the highest up that any of us have gone on a scooter. There were some other younger kids out, and they were watching us because I guess it was more interesting than whatever they were doing.
I went down, and it was going extremely fast. However, I ended up hitting a rock, and up and off I went. I made the mistake of trying to catch myself before I hit the ground, and there was the dreaded crunch sound, followed by extreme pain.
I instinctively yelled out, “AW FREAK” and was just saying “Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot” under my breath (but the actual curse words).
One of the kids looks shocked and runs inside his house, followed by the rest of them.
About a minute later, his mom comes out yelling at me for swearing in front of children, and telling me that she’s already called my mom, etc. Once she sees my wrist and the fact it’s all b****y from scraping on the pavement, she stops and actually comes to help me.
However, my mom comes out, and she’s furious at me. I try to explain, but at this point, I can’t even put words together from the pain, this is seriously the worst I have ever felt.
The neighbor lady explains that she didn’t realize I was hurt and that she feels she reacted without all the information, and that she gives out a crap if she just hits her toe, and now she feels that I was justified. Mom doesn’t care though, and she didn’t stop ranting to me on the way to the hospital about “having to show restraint” and “Those were CHILDREN!
They are too young for that kind of language” and stuff like that.
We got x-rayed and everything and my wrist is shattered. I had to get surgery and I am still recovering. My last week has sucked, but my mom is STILL mad at me about this.
She told my dad, and he’s mostly just upset about how stupid I was, which I understand. I was and am stupid for this. Anyway, am I in the wrong for not showing restraint and swearing after I broke my wrist?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Swearing is a totally natural response to pain. Glad that the neighbor’s mom realized that and showed concern. Your mum sucks massively though. What kind of person sees their own child in pain and is suddenly worried about what words they use at that time?
Not a good person.
I can understand that your Dad might’ve had the “don’t do foolish” things response. Yet he should have your back here. Also “stupid” is way more damaging to kids than hearing words like shoot and freak.
You were injured, you responded appropriately. When you’re in a lot of pain, restraint isn’t a thing you need to show. Your mum is way out of line here.
For the kid that “told mommy,” they already know most of the swear words.
When I was 10, kids as young as 6 were freely throwing out swear words like it brought free candy. That was in 1989. I’m genuinely surprised that parents these days have forgotten their childhoods (or were really sheltered) to have that response.” Mr_Ham_Man80
Another User Comments:
“I am 99% sure your mom is not mad about the swearing, She is mad about your idiocy, and she is scared about what could have happened, and she’s making it about the swearing because it’s easier to rail on you about that than to contemplate your brains spread across the pavement.
ESH.” Cat_Themed_Pun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Science has proven that cursing is an effective method of pain reduction.
Now personally I would be upset if you were doing something that dangerous that kids could watch and possibly imitate.
But that’s just me.
Unless this level of freaking out is normal for her I would assume your mom is just riding the adrenaline, she’s in full fight-or-flight mama bear mode ready to destroy the world for her kid, and she doesn’t have an appropriate target right now.
She can’t yell about how stupid the game you were playing was because that has already been made painfully clear and she doesn’t want to rub salt in the wound. So she picked the words you used to be her new focus.
Give her some time to cool down.” Disglerio314
2. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner Move In With Me?
“My (22M) partner (23F) and I recently finished university at the end of August after four long years, of which we have been together/seeing each other for 2 years and 8 months. She’s moved back home with her father, and I’ve moved back into my family home in cities 2 hours away.
It has obviously been a difficult ride for her with her family issues (divorced parents and an addict mother).
She wants a fresh start, from what I can tell. At the end of July, she started looking for jobs for after university.
She asked if she got a job in my city, could she temporarily move into my parents’ house for 2/3 months in September. I said no; this isn’t something I’m comfortable with yet, and we’ve been very close for quite some time.
I would like time to hang out with my schoolmates, rather than go straight into an adult-type living situation. It is just my personal preference.
One month later, in August, she found a pretty good job in my city, very close to my town.
The situation became a lot more real. She asked again and phrased it as me doing her a favor and changed the length to 1 or 2 months, I said no again. This time she lost her cool, and we had an argument about it.
Then again, a week ago she asked, she said that because she has so much to do at the moment (dissertation and job interviews and so on) that she doesn’t have any time to look for a place to live and doesn’t want to end up in a house share with people she doesn’t know.
This time she changed the length of time to “a few weeks.” I said no again and told her that she should stop asking because it isn’t fair to push me into a corner when I made my opinion clear months ago.
This resulted in a huge argument.
I should make it clear also, that my partner spent our time in the library together job-hunting when she should’ve been doing her dissertation. As a result, she deferred it from the end of August to the end of September (when this job would start).
I also very much doubt this few weeks’ period will simply be a few weeks, given how unprepared she is to house share or otherwise in a city with such expensive housing and rent prices.
She thinks I’m being horrible and don’t care about her. That I’m wasting her time, and that I couldn’t care less if she ends up with random 25-year-old men that she doesn’t know in a new city, and it frightens her.
The list goes on; she sent quite a number of messages… She has begun saying things like she doesn’t want to live with me anyway and that it’s just to make her life easier.
I won’t go into it too much, but she also said something like “why would I want to live with you when my mental health would be so much worse, it’s just a place to stay” and then proceeded to name a few things she feels I do to contribute to that.
She also said that she always makes an effort to help me in my time of need and that I won’t help her now.
So, AITJ? Is it reasonable for me to care this much about her staying with me for ~ 3 months?”
Another User Comments:
“If it were a healthy relationship, a few weeks or months of cohabitation while she gets settled in the new job and city would be a no-brainer, and you would be the jerk for not helping her out.
Presumably, you would be excited to have her move to your city, you would appreciate the short trial cohabitation, you would trust that she would move out as soon as possible and you would want to help her.
The fact that it does not mean there’s some serious trouble in the relationship. In this case, it sounds like it’s coming from both of you. No matter how much you love each other, if you don’t bring out the best in each other and can’t navigate this kind of situation, it might be time to end it.
If you’re anxious and insecure, the transition will be hard, but it’s better than keeping that dark cloud over your head.
NTJ/ESH. More like “the whole relationship and the individuals in it aren’t healthy, so the initial question is moot.”” ughwhyusernames
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made yourself very clear several times. She blatantly ignored your answers and assumed you would cave when it got closer, then threw a hissy fit when her “plan” didn’t work and tried to manipulate you with insults and blame and all that.
I’m tasting marinara in my mouth…
I know a lot of people see the length of your relationship and think that you’re a jerk for not wanting to live together yet. While it might be a “norm” to some that you should be living together if your relationship is serious/you want it to be, that doesn’t make it so or the right timeline for everyone.
You told her you are not ready for her to move in with you and you are not ready to live together. You’re just graduating college and you don’t want to rush while it seems she is trying to take advantage of your relationship to get a place to live.
I don’t care how long/short she says she would “plan” to stay. Her REAL plan is to get a yes from you then overstay her welcome and make the situation permanent.” Malphas43
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
This isn’t some fling. This is a long-term relationship and perhaps you need to both think about what it is you really want because you seem to be going at two different pages with different intentions for your relationship.
She has no right to be trying to guilt you but you are also completely disregarding her feelings in a time of need. I honestly feel like you don’t totally want to be with this girl.
You are reluctant to let her stay because, quite simply, you aren’t ready to live together and that’s okay but state that. She clearly is trying to guilt you which is not okay but she is allowed to feel hurt by your decision.
I think you need to sit down and work out exactly what you both want and at what pace you both feel is appropriate and if your desires are not compatible, then maybe this relationship needs a break.
P.S. Having a relationship that involves joint accommodation doesn’t stop you from seeing your friends. Grow up.” Reddit user
1. AITJ For Going Out For Coffee With A New Guy Friend While In A Relationship?
“So I (24f) am in a relationship with Bob (27m). About a week ago, I went on a night out with my friend (she’s my only real friend as well).
And on this night out, I met a guy Cody (25m) with whom I made friends.
Some backstory is that I lost my sister a little over a year ago, and I’ve had a really hard time with it.
And as it turns out, Cody (25) has also lost his brother in an accident, so that is kinda what we bonded over, and I think it’s really nice to have someone who understands how I feel.
And my partner has always said to me “you need to go out more and make some friends.”
So I decided that I would go for a coffee with Cody about a week after we met.
As I was leaving I told my partner that I was going to see a friend. He didn’t ask anything further. My dad was present as well and asked whom I was meeting. And I answered that I was meeting with a guy friend and just shrugged it off.
My partner doesn’t speak the same language as us but understands it very well, and as he stood beside us, I thought he overheard the conversation as well.
When I came back home, my partner asked who I went out with and I truthfully said I got a coffee with this guy I met that has also lost a sibling.
Then my partner got annoyed with me and said I’d lied about who I met with. And I replied with, “I’m sorry if I didn’t communicate it properly with you. That is my fault,” and he was still annoyed and didn’t talk to me for more than a day.
He has just come into our room and said that if I wanna meet with this guy again, then he won’t be here when I get back. I of course asked why. He said, “In no world would it be normal to meet for coffee with a guy you met on a night out.
And if it were me who went on a night out and met a girl and then the day after got coffee with, you’d gotten angry,” and I replied, “It’s not just someone I met on a night out; it’s someone who I can talk about grief and stuff with.
And I think it would really help me.” I know that so would a professional th******t, but it is really hard for me to talk about my grief. And I do realize I did talk about it with Cody who’s a stranger, but he was the first to mention his grief and I just broke down, and then we talked about it.
I’ve forgotten what he replied cause I’m hurt by this whole thing, and I don’t understand why it’s a bad thing I’ve made a friend. But the conversation ended like this:
I asked if I’m not allowed to make friends and if he would have reacted like this if it’d been a girl.
He just replied no and then stormed off.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You went out, met a guy, and decided that “he’s the one I can talk to about grief”? And you don’t understand why your man is mad?
If you’re so in need of talk, and your man and immediate family can’t help, join a support group. That way, you get to talk with like-minded people in a socially acceptable situation.
You struck up a conversation and divulged enough of yourself in one sitting?
Enough to where you felt comfortable enough to meet up again? Let’s be honest here. I’m going to play psychologist here: you’re attracted to him & want to see what’s there. That brings me to my last point:
You stating that he knows about your partner means absolutely NOTHING! The fact that you’re there, and didn’t tell your partner in a way he’d understand BEFORE you left, reeks of deceit. Pretty sure that there’s a chance he doesn’t even have a brother.
But I’m sure you opened that door first, and like any good opportunist, ran with it. And you’re there for it. Be honest with yourself and your true intentions.
Your man deserves better. YTJ!” IndependentBid1854
Another User Comments:
“ESH – Did Cody approach you during your night out and you just happened to share stories? Curious how that came about. Don’t get me wrong, it’s wonderful that you found and can share a traumatic experience with someone and can hopefully heal a little from sharing time.
And having opposite-sex friends is of course normal, but what were his first intentions? Does Cody know you’re in a relationship? Did he think this coffee meetup was romantic? Men are selfish pigs, his thoughts very well could be “our shared trauma is my way in”, or not, just speculation.
Bob probably suspects that Cody’s intentions lie elsewhere and your willingness to meet up triggered red flags. Omitting the full truth doesn’t help the situation as well. Also, was going to meet with Cody on your way out the door, a full week after having met, the first mention about him?
I think the best way to have gone about this is to have told Bob that you met this guy with a similar traumatizing past and explain that it could be beneficial to talk and grieve with them.
Playing the Devil’s advocate too, there are professionals and groups for these kinds of things, and if you are really struggling, please look into these options!
That all being said, ultimatums are red flags. I would consider you to be the jerk but his “it’s me or the coffee guy” attitude projects a lot of insecurities changing my decision.
This story does not paint either of you as trustful or trusting.” contich13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m frankly baffled about the hang-up over having met him on a night out. I mean, is there a right way to make a new friend?
I’ve met friends both male and female on nights out. Why would it be weird to make a friend in a place you both clearly enjoy?
A LOT of people on this thread need to get over their hang-ups about opposite-sex friendships.
It’s 2022, grow up. Platonic friendships exist. Not to mention it’s hard to find someone who has gone through the same trauma as you. It’s not like another person (not to mention a specifically female person) who has also lost a sibling is going to fall out of the sky.
If you have a connection over shared grief, why not share that?
I also find it VERY odd that the partner didn’t care to know about or meet your friends…until one of them “had a male part.” This feel like he is simultaneously uninterested in things that are important to you but also wants to control those things.
Seems like a red flag…watch out.” CopaCaBabe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
The way you said you’d see a “friend” already showed you were trying to hide it’s a guy, you consciously or subconsciously felt you were doing something wrong because you were.
I don’t know you but I guarantee you 100% you’d be mad if the roles were reversed.
I know I would be.
Meeting someone of the gender you’re into alone whom you just met on a night out is just weird, sorry.
I don’t think my girl would be unfaithful, but if she did that, I’d also be very unhappy about that even though I don’t think it would be with bad intentions, it’s just weird and I wouldn’t be comfortable with it, and guaranteed neither would you and you know it.” loploptoptop
