People Can't Lie In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Blocking An Old Friend Who Wouldn't Accept My Rejection?
“I (F22) liked a friend (M23) when we were in school but never said to him as I thought he may be interested in some other girl.
After a while, we drifted because he changed schools and then for college, he was admitted to the same college I was studying. We didn’t meet during our whole three years in college, our timings didn’t match for some reason. But we did meet right after college 3-4 times.
Also, the feelings that I had were not there at this point because I have tons of responsibilities and I’m not looking for a relationship. I have been single for years.
So yes, the last time we met he asked you’re not seeing anyone are you?
I was like, no I’m not. I don’t think I’ll see anyone at this point because I’m too caught up with stuff around me. Have tons of responsibilities and also, mentally I’m not in a good place. I wanted to be crystal clear. After this, he was like yes of course.
It sounds exhausting, you should focus on yourself.
But after 2 weeks he said he likes me, that came out of nowhere. I mean he knew that I was not looking for relationships or anything. I again explained myself by saying the stuff I said earlier.
All of a sudden he was getting forceful and I don’t know, frustrated. He kept saying, give me an answer. I said No. Of course not. I’m not in a good place mentally, I have doctor’s appointments now and then because of my mental health.
He again ignored what I said and kept saying, no, give me an answer. I again gave my answer. I.e. no.
After this, he just kept forcing me to see him and tell him that I love him. Tell me you love me. He just kept repeating himself, now this made me kind of scared by the way he was talking.
I have now blocked him because he won’t take no for an answer. Also, he’s trying to get in touch with me through ways that he knows I am not comfortable with.
He’s texting my younger brother about it. Me and my brother’s bond is pretty chill so he tells me everything.
And like today he said that your “friend” texted me about this stuff? And he’s even texting our mutual friends, which is very frustrating. I have my exam in about 2 months and. I mean I completely understand and respect his feelings but I was pretty adamant from the beginning about not seeing anyone.
And even after I explained some personal stuff about my life, still he’s thinking from his POV.
But yes, AITJ for blocking him? And rejecting him? Even when my mental health is not good. And I’m at a crucial point in my life regarding my career and stuff.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His behavior is not okay, OP. Tell the friends he’s contacting about you that you’re not comfortable with them sharing any information about you with him going forward, and ask for screenshots from anyone you feel comfortable getting them from.
Document what he’s doing and do not hesitate to contact the authorities if this continues.” User
Another User Comments:
“Don’t you love people who persist after you repeatedly say no to seeing them? They are always the most attractive ones aren’t they, and people love this kind of persistence.
I am being sarcastic of course, NTJ, and at this rate, he’s pretty much not a friend and more of a creep.” Vast_Tax_3213
21. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Autistic Partner Who Can't Keep A Job?
“I am going to be using fake names for privacy reasons. I “Britney” F 21 have been with my partner Ash M 21 for a little over a year. Ash has autism, he was diagnosed in 2022 and goes to therapy, he still does have a lot of autistic meltdowns to this day and I have made a lot of accommodations for him, I don’t mind because I love him but they are expensive.
He does not have a college degree nor does he plan on getting one, he barely graduated from high school. I do not blame him as he was undiagnosed and had and somewhat still has trouble being in public places like a high school. He skipped a lot of his classes causing him to not do well.
When I met him at my art class he did not have a job and was living with his parents.
We quickly hit it off as we had lots of common interests like video games and movies. We started seeing each other a month later and moved in together pretty quickly.
Ash had never had a job before and I encouraged him to get one. I was able to help him get an interview at this indie art studio. After only a month of working there, he quit. I asked him why and he said that he was stressed and he felt like his deadlines were closing in on him.
I understand that deadlines can be hard for someone with autism so I didn’t make a big deal about it. A week later I asked him if he found a new job and he told me he hadn’t been looking for one. I sighed and started job hunting for him.
Fast forward to a week ago he just quit his 4th job this year. I had a family emergency a month ago and essentially I had to help with a lot of money so I was counting on him to keep his job.
I asked him why he quit this one and he kept making excuses he’s said about the other 3 jobs and why he quit.
He said he’s trying. I was super stressed and I said a lot of things I have been keeping in for months. I blew up at him about how he couldn’t keep a job and expect me to pay for everything. I took it back instantly but he started crying and curled up in a ball, his mom picked him up and he’s been staying with his parents for the past week.
I don’t know what to do. I love him but I don’t know if I can be with him if he can’t keep a job, my job alone is not enough to pay for our apartment and the family emergency certainly didn’t help. What do I do?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know, I don’t have a judgment other than the fact that you two might not be compatible. It seems like you’re more his caretaker than his partner and you’re not acknowledging the role you’re playing for him.
If this continues, it might lead to burnout for you which could turn into resentment towards him. Either communicate some expectations you have for him and see if he’s willing and able to meet them, if not, you’ll be on this sub very often.” Zealousideal_You_627
Another User Comments:
“As lovely and heartwarming as it would be for you to love him and support him through this growth phase where he hopefully becomes independent – that is 1000%, not your responsibility. Sometimes love isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. You can love someone dearly and still be a bad match.
You are young and have a lot on your plate as you grow and learn too. If you don’t have the desire or the capacity to help both or grow it’s okay to walk away from this situation. No jerks here” Vivid_Excuse_6547
20. AITJ For Not Apologizing After Giving Unused Towels To My Sister-In-Law?
“AITJ for not apologizing to my husband after giving my sister-in-law some of the towels he had sitting in a box from 3 years ago. So me 29F and my husband 30M got in an argument today. I was cleaning out one of our spare rooms and going through the items to get rid of.
I found a 50-pack of bar towels and pulled them out to use in my kitchen as rags to clean the counters, tables, etc. When I did this my sister-in-law was over and I gave her 12 of the 50 to use at her house. My husband was not in the room at this time so he didn’t know that I offered these towels to her.
When my sister-in-law went to leave she said thanks for the towels. My husband heard and saw the towels at this point and said you gave my towels away? I responded that I gave her some of them. He then got angry and yelled you didn’t ask me if you could give those towels away.
I responded that these towels had been in a box in the spare room for the past 3 years and it’s just towels. I told him he was being ridiculous.
All of this was while his brother and our sister-in-law were sitting right there. I was so embarrassed!
He has done this in the past where he makes a huge deal of a small issue. This is the first time in front of people. A little while later he asked why I couldn’t apologize to him. I told him because he yelled at me and I wasn’t going to apologize and let him think that the way he talked to me was ok.
He said I should apologize because I took his stuff without asking and giving it away. I would ask him if it was something sentimental like hats or shoes that he had never worn before offering it to someone or before giving it away. At the end of the argument, he made it clear he was making a point by reacting that way because he was tired of just letting my behavior slide.
I was offended by this comment because I don’t think I deserve to be yelled at and embarrassed.
After all, he didn’t say anything sooner and waited until he was so mad. He ended the argument with “Remember that” after I said I wasn’t apologizing.
I would apologize if I felt like this wasn’t a power struggle in a sense. Or if what I gave away was important to him. Am I the jerk for doing this and also not apologizing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are in a very real power struggle.
Your husband thinks he is the head of you. He said he was “tired of letting your behavior slide.” That simple statement tells you that he is the judge of proper behavior and he thinks he has the authority to correct it. This is the exact statement a parent would use with a child or a teacher to a student they are correcting.
Let that thought sink in. You should be deeply offended by that comment. I would start checking his browsing history since this only started this year. Sounds kinda red-pill.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. He’s “tired of just letting your behavior slide”?
What are you, his kid? This one line is not to be overlooked — or allowed to slide, as it were. He pitches a childish fit over a dozen out of 50 bar towels (FFS!) sitting in a box, and all of this somehow becomes about you being a child too stubborn to apologize for something that is not even objectively wrong.
How about no. Just no.” Content-Plenty-268
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Narcissistic Father Around My Son, Even If It Limits My Mother's Visits?
“My father is a narcissist and for 20 years we haven’t had a relationship.
I moved out at 17 and to another state at 19 and would come back 6-10 a year to visit my mother and other family members.
3 years ago my first child was born and I haven’t been able to travel much since. I have only been back to my home state 2x.
Part of this is that it’s hard to travel with a toddler and the other part is that I don’t want my son around my father.
My mom visits my family about 2x/yr for short visits of a few days. We invite her constantly and have even offered to pay for her flights.
She always asks about bringing my Dad and I always tell her that I don’t want him to come.
After her asking many times to bring my dad and her only visiting once this year for less than a week I finally agreed that my Dad could come with her for a visit.
It just felt like if I didn’t agree that she wouldn’t come and I want my son to know her. I find my dad to be insufferable and the 1 week visit was truly exhausting. My father is a very combative and aggressive person and I don’t like my son seeing how my father treats me and others and I don’t like my son seeing how frustrated and upset he makes me.
Yesterday was the last full day of my parent’s visit and I had a private chat with my mom that I want her to be a bigger part of my son’s life. I hate that in 3 years she has only seen him a handful of times.
She said that my Dad doesn’t like her coming without him because he wants to go and that he blames her and is mad at her for visiting me without him. I told her that he isn’t going to be invited back so if she wants to see us she will have to be willing to come without him and that she should just blame me when he gets upset.
She kind of ignored everything I said and responded with “he’s 78 and not going to change now”
The conversation was left without resolution and I just have the feeling that nothing will change and I will see her less and less. I can tell that she thinks it’s unfair that my dad won’t be invited back.
I adore my mother and I want my son to get to know her. In some ways, I feel like a jerk that my decisions about not wanting my father around are keeping my mother from having a relationship with my son. But I also feel betrayed by her in a way that she isn’t very willing to come on her own.
Am I being unreasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The issue of how he treats you in front of your kid is way more important than any other issue. This is the issue that led me to leave my husband. I realized I was setting my kids up for failure by allowing him to be the example that they had as impressionable young children.
Your mother is an adult. She can choose to cater to a self-centered jerk for the last few years of her life or have a relationship with you and the grandkids. (And some self-respect). By the time he dies (and she is shot of him), your kids will not have had several years of her time.
That is so sad.” SubjectBuilder3793
Another User Comments:
“Once you have kids you start to think about your parents. Your mom has shown you your whole life she is willing to let your dad treat you and others poorly. 2 of her 5 kids refuse contact with him and you’re requesting minimal contact.
Part of being a good parent is doing hard things. She wasn’t/ isn’t a good parent. She is the less crappy one in your case. It’s really hard to reconcile your childhood interpretation of your parents but doing that helps you break the cycle. Acknowledging her failings helps to keep you and your kids healthy.
NTJ for setting boundaries about your father and honestly the opposite it makes you a better parent.” etron42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Are you sure part of the reason she doesn’t like to come often or without your father is because he is 78 and she’s worried about leaving him alone too long?
He doesn’t sound like the type who’d reach out for help if he wasn’t feeling well.” wlfwrtr
18. AITJ For Wanting To Walk Away From Financially Supporting My Family?
“I, 47f, am completely fed up with my family’s nonsense. I am divorced, and almost done raising my kids, the youngest turns 18 next month. My mother is disabled but lives alone, she is terrible with money (this plays into the overall issue).
My sister, Liza, 42f, has recently been divorced and has moved home from out of state. Liza has over the past few years been consistently getting worse in her overall mental health. She attacked her ex-husband which ultimately ended the marriage, he has full custody of her 3 kids.
She has become a hermit, doesn’t bathe, her house is filthy (garbage stacked 2 ft high on countertops) and she refuses to work. She is having “episodes” of delusions (she believes she is a CIA operative, was kidnapped from the royal family, and is a true princess).
The money she received from her divorce is gone. And next week the last of her inheritance from my father is gone. She refuses to let Mom help her, as that is the person she claims has “kidnapped” her. Mom is not financially able to help her.
I help pay my mother’s bills because she is so terrible with money. Now my sister will lose her home, the one I helped her get (she paid, and I did the paperwork). She will be losing her car and her light bill is due.
Everyone in my family expects me to help her and mom. I am the only one who is in financial shape to help (I took my part of the inheritance and purchased 2 rentals, plus paid off my home and car). I draw a decent amount of pay from my job, but I am by no means rich.
If I didn’t pay out to help my mom and my sister so much, I would be decently comfortable financially. From the back story, you should see my overall issues with my family. I am expected to clean my sister’s home, I have been asked to pay for the car and the light bill, plus all groceries for her home, after next month, her lot rent is due.
If I added it all up, it’s about $1200 a month. We have called the crisis team out twice on my sister and they can’t legally make her go into an institution because the law states that she must be harming herself or others. I am trying to get my sister on disability, but she refuses to cooperate.
She claims she isn’t crazy and that the bible states the government must give her money to live.
So WIBTJ if I just walked away from everyone? I am at my wit’s end, I have no peace in my life, and I have no life outside of what Mom and Liza need. I am just done and wouldn’t mind a padded room myself at this point.”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. You CANNOT help everyone. You’ve done a lot already, but if you deplete yourself – your financial health, your own mental and physical health – in the process, what’s been gained? Some people are black holes; you can pour yourself into their need a dozen times over – a hundred times over, even – and still never make a dent.
It sounds as though that’s your situation concerning the two of them.” EMcFadden65
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – help is for people who are also helping themselves. What they are asking for is someone to enable them. There is nothing wrong with refusing to enable people who are refusing to get the actual help they need. Maybe make your help conditional on them getting professional help.
Your mom with financial planning and your sis with mental health. You have a right to lay boundaries and conditions on your ability to help. If they refuse then they can help themselves.” louisianacat1
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, you’ve got more than enough on your plate without being the family bank and cleanup crew!
It sounds like you’ve been shouldering everyone’s drama while your own life is put on hold. Walking away might just be the best thing for your sanity. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and right now, it seems like you’re running on fumes.
It’s tough love, but if they don’t recognize how much help they need, maybe it’s time to step back and let them figure it out on their own. You deserve a little peace and a life outside of family chaos!” Agreeable-Citron8120
17. AITJ For Refusing To Attend Family Therapy To Discuss Adoption By My Stepdad?
“My mom and her husband (Nick) want me and Nick’s two oldest kids (Sam and Serenity) to go to family therapy with them.
I’m 16f, Sam is 17m, Serenity is 15f.
I have a younger brother (12) and sister (11). Sam and Serenity have two younger siblings (11 and 9).
My dad passed away and Nick’s first wife also passed away. When my mom and Nick got married 7 years ago, they tried to have each other adopt the kids from the first marriage. Sam, Serenity, and I said no. We even went to court and separately talked to the judge about it.
We said we did not want to be adopted. Mom also got denied a name change for me because of the lack of adoption. But my brother and sister and Nick’s younger kids were adopted.
My mom and Nick tried to talk us around. They tried to win us over to their side of things.
Nick tried to bond with me as a dad while Mom tried to bond with Sam and Serenity as a mom. We rejected them in those roles. Nick is fine. He’ll never be my dad. I will never accept him or give him the same love and respect I have for my dad still or that I had before he passed away.
My dad wasn’t perfect. It’s not about my dad being a perfect person who can never have a flaw because he passed away. But he’s my dad. I don’t want another one. Nick could be the best person to ever exist and I would not want him to adopt me.
I have expressed this many times. Mom has told me how much it would mean to her if I gave him a chance to be more than just the guy she married. She said she’d like to know he would raise me if something were to happen to her.
Sam and Serenity feel the same, or at least are similar to me, about my mom and their mom.
We’re getting older now and nothing has changed. So my mom and Nick asked us to give family therapy a shot to see if we can’t get everyone adopted before any of us turned 18 and left the house.
Sam and Serenity said no straight away. I didn’t answer but told my mom no in private. I told her I was not going to try and see Nick as my dad. I don’t want to work on wanting him to adopt me. I don’t want to hear that it doesn’t replace my dad or is for security and think of inheritance or safety.
I told her I would not go.
My mom is upset that I’m not willing to try. Nick asked me why I couldn’t just attend some sessions and see if we can’t end up on the same page. I told him I don’t want to be on his page and he only wants me on his, not to see my side.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The way your mom and stepdad(?) are using family therapy seems coercive. If it’s only meant to convince you and Sam and Serenity to be adopted then it’s not therapy, it’s having a professional persuade you of what they want and I can’t think of that as valid or positive.
If it were about how you’re dealing with the deaths of your parents then maybe give it a shot but if the sole purpose is convincing you to get adopted then I can’t think of a reason to support that. NTJ, even if it was for something else, therapy is about consent and anyone must partake in it.
The last thing your mom should want is to put you in a position where you’re receiving therapy you are not comfortable with. They can’t force you to accept him as your father, no one can, even a therapist. Good luck and my condolences for your dad.” holywater66
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sorry about your Dad. “My dad wasn’t perfect. It’s not about my dad being some perfect person who can never have a flaw because he died. But he’s my dad. I don’t want another one. Nick could be the best person to ever exist and I would not want him to adopt me.
I have expressed this many times.” Your feelings on this are very clear & imho, expressed in a very adult/mature way. Therapy isn’t going to change them. Your mom & Nick need to accept that & your mom should stop pressuring you about it.
All the best.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it sounds like you could benefit from therapy even if it’s individual (one on one w/the therapist). There’s just a lot of frustration coming from your post and frankly, I think everyone needs a little therapy.
Maybe doing that will get your parents to leave you alone. It’s your right to say no so NTJ.” Advanced-Reason4583
16. AITJ For Not Including My Friend In All My Plans?
“The girl in question (A), who happens to be one of my closest friends got upset with me because I didn’t make any effort to see her as soon as she got back from vacation.
She went away for two months and during that time we didn’t text as much (something that did not bother me to be honest, I could tell she was having fun based on the stories she kept on posting on Instagram and I was happy for her).
She came back two weeks ago.
Fast-forward to Friday, another close friend of mine, had planned a small get-together at her place and had only invited her close friends (A was not included), keep in mind that, this event had been planned for weeks. A finds out and gets mad at me as if I had any say in who got invited.
Fast-forward to Saturday, I had also planned on going to the beach at night with a small group of friends. The plan wasn’t set in stone because we hadn’t decided on where we were going.
Nonetheless, I told A and invited her to join but insisted that the plan wasn’t 100% confirmed. She told me that she was already planning on going to the beach during the day and that she would see whether or not she would want to join.
I had sent her texts during the day that went unanswered (she probably didn’t have reception).
Anyway, we ended up choosing the place we wanted to go to at 7 PM and we went at 8 PM, I forgot to tell A that we ended up deciding on going to the beach (that was bad on my part and I admit it).
We got there and she sent me a text at 8:30 pm saying: “Did you go to the beach or not, if not let’s get a drink”, I replied to her saying that we did go and that we had just arrived not too long ago.
She then sent me a voice note, saying that if I didn’t want her to be there to just say so and that I was a jerk for not letting her know we went.
Keep in mind that we had decided to meet up on Sunday to spend the day together (which never happened).
I admit I have a lot of friends and that I should reserve more time for her, but these were pre-defined plans, that were made when she was away. She also hadn’t texted me the whole week nor told me she wanted to go out on the weekend.
I ended up apologizing (as I always do) and promised her to make more time for her (which I mean because I do care about her).
She has yet to reply to my messages and I honestly am tired of reaching out. So am I the jerk for not including my friend in everything that I do?”
Another User Comments:
“No absolutely NTJ. She’s acting like a child and throwing a petty temper tantrum. The first one was not even your fault you have no say in who gets invited to another person’s place. The second one is again her fault I’m betting she chose not to reply instead of having bad reception.
You already communicated potential plans and she chose not to follow up on it and not ask if you were still doing that like any normal person would. It seems you are always apologizing… it takes 2 people for an argument and she denies taking any accountability like you have done.
I used to have a friend like that and it’s honestly exhausting. It starts to build resentment and override any good times you had.” YourLocalSpareTire
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like a one-sided friendship, she said YOU should’ve made more of an effort to come to visit her, you invited her to the beach and she said she already made other plans, she didn’t keep in touch daily to find out when you’re free to do something together and the icing on the cake she never tried to plan anything around your schedule.
NTJ” Supernova-Max
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re not the jerk. You had already made plans and invited her to join, but she didn’t respond or make any effort to communicate with you. You can’t control who gets invited to events organized by other people, and you shouldn’t have to constantly update her on every single plan you make.
It’s important to make time for your friends, but it’s also important for them to be understanding and not expect to be included in every single thing you do. Don’t beat yourself up over this and don’t let her guilt you into constantly apologizing. You did nothing wrong.” bonbon_kelly
15. AITJ For Saying It's Weird My Partner's Work Computer Doesn't Have A USB-C Port?
” I, a 22-year-old female, and my partner let’s call her M, (21 female) have had a somewhat extreme argument over a charger today. Getting ready for bed, I went to my side of the bed to see there were no plugs in the extension (my iPhone wire was on the floor next to the bed without a plug).
I asked where the charger was to which she responded “I took it to work and have left it there.”
Naturally, this isn’t a big deal so I just asked why she’d take the plug when she could’ve just taken the wire.
She then responded that she couldn’t use a wire without a plug. She works in a pretty new building built within the last 10 years or so, so I assumed there would be somewhere to plug in her wire without needing to take my plug.
There aren’t many staff where she works so I know she probably wouldn’t be able to ask to borrow someone else’s. I asked why she didn’t plug it into one of the computers in the office or at the front desk, she said that they don’t have USB-C plugs in them to which I responded “Oh that’s weird.”
She then got extremely agitated about it shouting at me saying that it “wasn’t freaking weird” my computer at work, in our home office and all of the laptops in our house have usb-c ports and I thought it was weird her work didn’t have any.
She then sent me into our home office to “prove” they had them, so I went and took photos of them all to show that they did. When I came back into the room to show her that they did have the ports she because extremely annoyed screaming at me that “she’s freaking telling me her work computers don’t” Again I said it didn’t matter and it wasn’t a big deal but that I just thought it was weird.
She then became extremely irate screaming at me that I’m not a “computer wiz” and I don’t “know a freaking thing about computers” and that she is telling me her work one doesn’t have one. I again stated that I wasn’t calling her a liar and again I just thought it was weird.
She then threatened to break up with me and stated that I was “weird” for thinking I knew everything when I knew nothing she then threatened to break up with me if I tried to talk to her. Again, I don’t mind about the charger, nor is it any of my business if the company she works for has them I just thought “Oh that’s weird” I stopped responding as whenever I tried to talk she would scream over me and I could notice that our dog was becoming on edge about the shouting (he doesn’t like loud noises) so I was just wondering AITJ for saying it was weird that my partner didn’t have a USB-c on her work computer?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your partner is taking your things, leaving them in places that are not accessible to you and fighting with you and insulting you when you ask about it. This behavior will not improve. If this is how you want your life to be, roll with it.
If not, start saving up money in an account she can’t help herself to, because you may eventually be on your own.” Ok_Strawberry_197
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, I’m not making any judgments on your relationship, but please keep your eyes open. I was in an extremely abusive relationship around your age and things like this were one of the first ways it started. She would blow up about tiny things and twist my words when I would try to respond.
It escalated to her isolating me from friends and family, threatening to hurt herself and me, trying to control how I dressed/ who I saw/ what I did, etc. Again, you described only one instance so I can’t make a judgment of your whole relationship but if you decide to stay please look up the signs of mistreatment and be very aware.” Mysterious_Basil3816
Another User Comments:
“When humans are embarrassed, their fight or flight response gets triggered. Most of us have brains that can determine whether or not the fight or flight response is needed or not and shut it down again if there aren’t any saber tooth tigers around and we’re not in mortal danger.
The fact that she appears to lack that ability is not a good thing and I would expect a relationship with her to be tumultuous.” pip-whip
14. AITJ For Turning Down A Job My Friend Got Me An Interview For?
“A close friend who works in the same field as I do (we’re both 31 and female) called me and told me that her company was hiring.
The position is in an area I prefer more than my current one, the salary is better, and it offers two days off per week, whereas I currently have 1.5 days off. However, this doesn’t mean my current job, schedule, or salary is bad; it’s just that the one she recommended is better.
She mentioned that she talked to HR about me, and they were willing to interview me before they officially posted the job opening. I was, of course, really thankful, and I expressed my gratitude to her profusely.
However, when they called me and we discussed the position, it turned out to be in another branch, not the one where my friend works, but one that’s two hours away.
This would mean a total of four hours of commuting every day, while my current commute is only one-hour round trip. As a single mom of a 6-year-old, I already feel like I’m missing out on watching my daughter grow up, as I only see her for a few hours each day during the workweek.
I don’t want to add three hours to my commute, which would be three hours less with my daughter every day.
Furthermore, my current schedule is 9-5 Monday to Friday and 9-1 pm on Saturday, with Sunday off. My daughter goes to school Monday to Friday and has karate on Saturday mornings.
This schedule works well for us because Saturday afternoon and all day Sunday are mom-daughter time. While the other job offers two days off per week, those days wouldn’t be Saturday or Sunday, and I don’t want to miss that time with my daughter.
Additionally, while the salary is better, I’d end up spending more on babysitters (because I’d need someone to watch my daughter during the extra commute and weekends) and gas, so I’m not sure I’d end up making more money overall.
I politely declined the offer, and they seemed understanding. I told my friend I was grateful, and I genuinely was, but I had to turn down the job for the reasons mentioned above.
Unfortunately, she got upset and said she went to great lengths to talk to HR about me because she knew I preferred that area and wanted me to make more money.
She accused me of being ungrateful and not thinking about my daughter and how much more comfortable her life could be with a larger salary. I explained again that I was thankful, but as a mom, there are many factors to consider before making decisions.
She called me ungrateful again and is now not replying to my messages.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have various factors to consider when taking up a job offer and it is your decision. Perhaps your friend is feeling awkward that she spoke to HR on your behalf to help you get the job offer only for you to turn it down.
It’s reasonable for her to feel a little upset, but to try to guilt you into taking the job when you have good reasons not to is wrong. Especially so when you were not the one who asked her to talk to HR.” munthiripakoda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When a friend refers you, your obligations are: – approach the interview professionally – be competent as a candidate in a way that makes your friend’s referral reflect well on her – be sincerely open to the position (don’t knowingly waste their time) You are not obligated to accept the job if the job itself, the compensation, or logistics around it don’t fit what you need. Your decision that the distance doesn’t work for you is very reasonable.” scruffigan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Did she even know that it was going to be another branch? Because if she did, she was probably thinking more about “I’m a GOOD friend” than “I want to help my friend.” You made the best decision. It may be a good salary, but as you say, there are several factors to consider before taking a job (whether you have to move, distance, salary, etc.).” Roroin
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Connect With My Half-Siblings From My Abusive Mother?
“My (31F) family life growing up was pretty tense, mostly due to my mother’s behavior. I don’t think she was ever diagnosed with anything, but I’m pretty sure she was mentally ill in some way. Some of my earliest memories are of hiding from her because she would get loud and aggressive over the smallest things.
My dad was a total champ and was always there for me and I know now as an adult that he tried his best to run interference so that she would be mad at him and not take things out on me. I wish he would have divorced her sooner.
It was so bad by the time that he finally left her, he got full custody of me, a restraining order, and her whole family had disowned her by then. They have always been good to me, but they never mention her and my aunt told me one time that she had been burning bridges for years and most of the family had been tolerating her basically because they wanted to be in the picture for me.
I never heard from her again after I was about 11 and I feel like that was the best thing she ever did for me.
I hadn’t thought about her in a long time until just recently when I was contacted through a private investigator.
It turns out my mom died about 5 years after no contact. Between the divorce and her death, she had 2 other kids (now 20M and 18F). This may have been why she dropped off the face of the earth, it seems like the oldest was born that same year.
My grandparents have passed but none of the other relatives knew anything about it or kept in contact with her so the whole thing came as a surprise to them, too, when I asked.
The two kids seem to have had a rough life but are now trying to find out about their birth families.
The PI asked if I would be willing to talk to them and share information about other relatives they could get in touch with. The thing is, I don’t want to reopen that period of my life. I feel bad for them, but I don’t want to talk about my mother and the idea of having to connect with two new half-siblings that I don’t know from Adam’s house cat right now makes me feel ill.
I’ve had to work hard to recover from all the stuff I went through with my mom and my life is stable and content the way it is. I declined but offered to ask if other families wanted to be in contact. All of them have said no, so I told the PI that and that I would not provide further information.
He got pretty pushy about it and now I’m wondering if I’m doing the right thing.”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. You do not owe anyone contact with you, whether they are related to you or not. It was generous of you to offer to interface with other relatives to see if anyone is interested in contact.
Please continue to protect yourself and make the choices that are best for you. Also, given that this PI demonstrated a lack of professional ethics by pressuring you, do not take any calls from him in the future. If you’re willing to continue to help as an intermediary with other relatives do it via email ONLY.” EmceeSuzy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’ve already done more than many would by offering to check with other relatives. It’s completely understandable to want to protect yourself from reliving painful parts of your past, especially when you’ve worked hard to recover from them.
Just because these half-siblings are looking for answers doesn’t mean you’re obligated to be the one to give them…..” vicovberry067
Another User Comments:
“You decide to make. Just remember they are innocent. They had nothing to do with what your mother did. And if you and none of the other family members don’t want to meet them that’s fine.
But gather up all the family medical history you can and give it to the PI to send to them. They could need it later in life. I never knew my dad or his side of the family. When I was an adult, I met one of his brothers, and I got his family’s side of medical history from him, it helps if you ever have to see a specialist for health reasons.” LosAngel1935
12. AITJ For Not Sharing Convention Ticket Profits With Friend Who Bailed For A Wedding?
“Me (25m) along with two friends, Carl (30m) and John (24m), were planning to attend a convention next month. We had gotten the tickets, planned (not booked) where to stay, and were all excited until we were hit with a bombshell: Carl was given a late invitation to a wedding that coincided with the convention.
He was given the invite by his best bud for his sister’s wedding and Carl feels like he has to go. With this, the group decided to cancel the trip entirely for financial reasons, but me and John are pretty upset by it while Carl is acting like he has no choice in the matter.
I do understand both sides but I am still pretty bothered by it:
On Carl’s side, he attended his best bud’s (BB) wedding and feels obligated to go to the sister’s wedding as well to be supportive. He had touched base with BB a few months ago to try to pin down dates to avoid canceling the convention but didn’t get a straight answer until a couple of days ago.
While he could refuse to attend the wedding, he doesn’t want to upset BB since marriage, in most cases, is a once-in-a-lifetime event while this convention is yearly.
On John’s end, we had touched base as a group months ago to make sure there were no obligations people had to worry about and Carl said he should be good.
Additionally, we missed going last year since Carl had a different wedding he had to attend, though that one he knew about earlier in the year. John also argued that since BB’s sister waited so long to send out invites, she and BB shouldn’t expected Carl to attend if he had other plans and Carl choosing the wedding is a metaphorical slap in the face since we did our due diligence while BB’s sister did not.
Now the issue: we are a bit upset that Carl bailed for the second time and now that we are canceling the trip, we are planning to sell off our tickets. Because the tickets are sold out, 3rd party sites are upcharging them for almost 2x the cost. I am not a scalper, but I was planning to sell the tickets for a bit more than I got them at to recoup the expenses (John obtained an addon service for $150 for example) and, if there were any profits, pocketing them for myself.
Because of the inconvenience, I was thinking of splitting the profit with John but I refuse to give any profit to Carl since he didn’t put any effort into acquiring the tickets, and this is the reason we are canceling (didn’t have anyone to take his spot).
For more info, the ticket cost would still be around $100 less each than what 3rd party is selling them for. WIBTJ if I didn’t give Carl any of the profits?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for selling the ticket. YTJ for being so upset about Carl going to an event he believes is important.
I don’t understand why you don’t just go? sell Carl’s ticket and use the overage to help pay for “Carl’s share” of the hotel room. You can afford this if Carl goes but not if he doesn’t. So if you use the extra money from selling his ticket won’t that cover his hotel costs?” MrsNobodyspecial67
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Carl sold his ticket to you at face value. It is now your ticket. I would stop making plans with Carl, although no idea why you don’t just sell one ticket, use the money to pay part of your costs, and go.
Carl has bailed twice in a row so clearly neither you nor the con is a priority” Clean_Factor9673
Another User Comments:
“This has nuance. Carl: NTJ for going to family weddings over convention. YTJ for thinking he should get part of the profits of the re-sale if you returned the money he paid for the ticket.
You: NTJ for keeping profits. YTJ for being weirdly upset about the fact Carl chose his family obligation over you guys.” Recent-Ad-5493
11. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Roommate's Personal Chauffeur?
“I (F18) just moved into college and I have three roommates. One of my roommates (F17) got a job that was 16 minutes away from campus.
She doesn’t have a car or a license.
For future reference, I am someone who enjoys smoking before bed, when I know I’m not planning on going anywhere. I told all of my roommates I smoked when we first moved in and none of them cared.
Anyway, my roommate who got the job asked me for a ride to her orientation about a week ago. I said yes and took her when we arrived she asked if I could wait there until it was over. I asked her how long it would be and she told me it shouldn’t be long.
She went inside and didn’t send me any updates, leaving me in my car for about an hour and a half.
This bothered me probably more than it should have but I didn’t say or do anything about it because it wasn’t that serious.
A few days later she texted me asking if I could take her to work and I said I was busy even though I wasn’t.
She said okay and the day went on.
Some time later around 9 she messages me asking if I can pick her up from work at 11. Mind you, if I were to pick her up I probably wouldn’t be home until 11:40 and lose my parking spot.
So I messaged her back saying that I would probably be in bed by then.
This leads to my other roommate (F18) who has a car and a license texting me that night asking quite rudely if I can pick up my roommate with a job from work.
I told her I had no gas at the moment and went to sleep.
Fast forward to today. I get a call from my other roommate who has a car and a license. She has also been taking my roommate with a job to and from work as well.
She asks me if I’m high, which at the time I was and I ask why.
She responds by telling me that she is stuck at work and is sick. She sounds ill over the phone and I feel bad, but I don’t drive while under the influence.
So I told her that I was sorry and that I was high and could not pick up a roommate with a job. To which she hangs up on me mid-sentence.
I have not confronted my roommates about this yet but I feel like I should.
I feel like a roommate with a job shouldn’t have gotten a job off campus and shouldn’t be relying on me or a roommate with a car and license. I also feel like a roommate with a car and license shouldn’t be so rude about it with me.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s time for a conversation with both roommates about the long-term transportation plan. Be clear about what you are and are not willing to do, definitely hold your boundary of not driving under the influence, and go from there.
It is not your or your other roommate’s job to make sure the roommate without a car gets to work.” Far-Belt9950
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are correct. You need to talk about it. Since you live together, be gentle in your approach. I would try something like… “Hey, we need to talk about the ride thing.
I am a homebody. I love being here, and plan my days to get home, so I don’t have to leave. I smoke a joint and then I can truly relax and that is a big part of what keeps me sane. I’m not going to be taking you back and forth to work because I don’t like leaving the house multiple times, and honestly, I want to be able to just be when I get home.
Now, if I’m headed out, or on my way home, of course. But please don’t count on me for rides. “” OhmsWay-71
Another User Comments:
“It’s not your job to get them to work. They need to catch a bus, get a license, or pay for the lifts, every single time.
I had this same issue, lived with 2 friends who didn’t drive and expected me to drive them everywhere. I just said no. If we needed stuff from the shop, I’d walk with them to go get it. Had to explain to them that just because I’m the one with a car, doesn’t automatically make me a taxi.
Put your foot down or they won’t stop asking.” User
10. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister And Her Partner After They Disrespected Me In My Own Home?
“I’m preparing dinner for my kids when my sister calls, explaining that her partner and her have had an intense argument with our parents and that she needs to stay with me. Not understanding the complexity of the situation, I said of course and told them they can stay for however long they need. They arrive around 8-8:30, and eventually, they begin to tell me how they both were unfaithful to each other (partner 2x and sister 1x), how “woke” they are about the world, and how weak our parents are.
Our parents built a thriving 40+-year-old construction business during very hard times. They also did the best they could to provide mental and emotional support while dealing with their issues. It didn’t take long for me to start questioning her. I then began to ask her a line of questions such as, “Who specifically has disrespected you?
‘What specific pressures are you facing that seem insurmountable?” Just questions about life as an adult.
Her answers consisted of doodles on a piece of paper and mumbling words in no particular order. I tell her to give me at least ONE circumstance to prove any claim she has made about our parents being weak, societal pressures influencing her daily decisions, or the specific trauma our dad caused her.
I asked the last question because, in my heart of hearts, I believe that she has internalized all that my brother and I have told her about our traumatic experiences with our dad. Her answer to those questions, A BIG FAT MOMENT OF SILENCE, followed by a “just shut up.” I then told her and her partner to leave my house and not come back until they could speak to me with the same respect I had shown them while trying to solve this situation.
A few hours later they both come back to my house after attending a wedding, acting as if nothing happened. I tell them that the only way they are allowed back in my house is if we have a real conversation about what’s going on.
They leave and call about an hour later. She tells me that as long as I respect her space, everything will be “all good basically and to not worry about anything.” I beg your biggest of pardons?? I then asked her if she felt that it was okay for us to show her respect while she disrespected us, to which I received another “just shut up.” So I did just that!
I hung up the phone packed up the remaining things they left in my house and placed it at the top of my driveway. They never picked their belongings up, but I received a call the next day asking if it was okay to grab their stuff.
I tell them to grab their things, and don’t let me know that they’re here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This sounds similar to some of my family members. My help always came with conditions. I’m happy to help, but not ok with being used. Good for you standing your ground and expecting at minimum to be respected in your own house.” minimalist_coach
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your response to their unhinged behavior seems completely reasonable to me. It’s best that you not have them living in your house if this is their standard of behavior.” FeedbackCreative8334
9. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Ex's Mom The Real Reason We Broke Up?
“I’m 39-year-old and my partner of 10 years, who is M 35, broke up with me yesterday.
Backstory: When we first got together, I was polyamorous, and he wanted to be monogamous. I was okay with this arrangement, and for years, our relationship was filled with laughter and care. However, things started to get tough when he was laid off from work.
He didn’t communicate this possibility, fair, but this is the beginning of a pattern.
He felt shame and broke up with me for a few months thinking his unhappiness was due to us.
I took him back & paid for him to go to coding boot camp and covered most of our expenses.
He then got a good-paying job he liked.
The dynamic changed again when I lost my job, which I loved, as my father was dying. I took on a new, demanding job with a toxic boss, which sent me into a depression.
We had started trying to get pregnant, and during routine tests, I discovered I had a treatable disease.
Confused, I found out he had slept with someone else during our breakup. I was upset he didn’t get tested or treated before we resumed having unprotected relations. His lack of transparency hurt deeply.
He took a trip to another city and confessed he flirted and danced/ground with a girl.
I felt insecure. I asked him to work on making me feel safe, instead, he began focusing on my shortcomings, particularly how my depression made me a less attentive partner and housemate.
We went to couples counseling, where he would rant about my shortcomings nearly the entire session, without my insecurity ever being addressed. I later discovered he had continued to message the girl he flirted with, and even went to her place after promising not to spend time with her.
He also met IRL a longtime internet friend who seemed indifferent towards me but was very intense about him. He wanted to visit her without me, so I expressed my concerns about their relationship, but he reassured me they were just friends. Months after the trip, I found out he and his friend had held hands, kissed, and had been chatting about seeing each other ever since.
When I asked him to stop communicating with her until we resolved things with our counselor, he initially agreed. However, in the middle of the night, he broke up with me, claiming he hadn’t been happy for a long time and wasn’t sure if he still loved me.
Back to now: he told his mom we were breaking up because he didn’t like how we fought.
I’m hurt and furious, it’s one more twist of the knife. Once again he’s lying to try to shift the blame onto me and avoid accountability.
So WIBTJ if I told his mom the truth (in a nondetailed way)?”
Another User Comments:
“Why? His mother has nothing to do with her 35-year-old son’s relationship or why it ended. It’s something a teenage girl in high school would do. I understand you feel betrayed and hurt but at the end of the day you’re not teenagers.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ But, there is no point in telling his mom anything. She will either not care or already know about his unfaithfulness personality. You will ALWAYS be the one blamed because those who are unfaithful can’t take responsibility.” SnoopyisCute.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m a little curious how do you know what he told his mom? I agree with a few others that it’s unnecessary to seek his mother out for the sole purpose of telling her the real reason you broke up. To what end?
It likely won’t make you feel any better or bring you the closure you’re hoping for. I’d suggest you make this as clean a break as you can and block him. Switch your couples therapy to individual counseling and start the business of moving on.” DecemberViolet1984
8. AITJ For Excluding My Estranged Grandmother From My Father's Obituary And Funeral?
“Just a week and a half ago my father, an Iraq war disabled veteran, passed away tragically at the age of 40. Since then our family has been arguing on whether or not his Mom, my grandma should be included in the Obituary.
For starters, my father always told me my siblings, and my stepmom how much he hated his Mom and how she had abandoned him at a young age.
She had never been present in his life short for a few times when he was younger. He also had issues with her always trying to be the center of attention, making his life and achievements about her when she barely contacted him.
So when it came time to discuss his obituary, my siblings and step-mom decided that he would not have wanted to give her the credit of Mom in the Obituary.
Since then his brother had told us it would be the right thing to do and that she deserves a place in the Obituary alongside him trying to convince my grieving stepmom she (my dad’s mom) also messaged her wondering why she was not included.
Once they had both done that I decided to get them together in a group chat and explain that we would hear no further from them about the topic and that our decision is final. We wanted to respect what we believe are our fathers and mystepmom’ss husband’s wishes.
My Uncle ended up leaving the group chat angry and I blocked her and the kids she chose my dad over.
That was yesterday and when we woke up today we found that she created her obituary excluding his Brother by choice we had decided to include and his military friends.
Her description of my father was untrue and false as she had not spoken to him in depth in almost ten years. Her daughter/ his sister created it and had had issues with me my sister and my biological mom in the past on our comments about our grandmother’s absence in our lives, especially my youngest brother who is 9, who has never met her.
I also put out a social media post informing friends and family of the situation with the real obituary and told them not to follow theirs as it was not an accurate description.
His Mom and sister are planning on attending and I am unsure after everything if me and my sister/ stepmom will be able to keep calm with them attending the funeral. The funeral is also public so we will not be able to keep her from coming, but we are worried they will start drama during the hardest time of our lives.
So am I the jerk for excluding her and am I the jerk for not wanting her to come to the funeral this weekend?”
Another User Comments:
“I am sorry that you are not being given space and time to grieve properly due to the atrocious behavior of your bio grandmother and uncle.
It must be awful to lose your father so young. You’re NTJ. It is a cheap and disgusting ploy that bio grandma pulled. Grotesque. But, if there was ever any doubt as to why your dad wanted no part of her, here is the confirmation.” EffPop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I think there is nothing you can do about it if it is a public funeral. Maybe you can talk to the organizer of the funeral if there are any possibilities. Or ask a military friend of your father, if they can be near you and keep his mother at a distance from you and your family.
Because you don’t want that drama. A friend might understand that and I think the military background can help that the person would be very convincing to keep people at a distance.” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m sorry for your loss. It sounds like you’re trying to navigate a very difficult situation while honoring your father’s wishes.
Given the strained relationship he had with his mother and the issues that have arisen, your decision to exclude her from the obituary seems like a respectful choice in line with his preferences. It’s also understandable that you’re concerned about potential drama at the funeral. I hope you’re able to find some peace during this tough time and that the funeral can be a moment of solace for you and your family……” clairemonas147
7. AITJ For Refusing To Cancel My Sister's Child Support Debt?
“I (34m) have been taking care of my sister’s (32f) daughter for around 6 years. This all started when my sister got arrested for felony theft and substance use charges. She’s been a longtime addict, poor mother, and family manipulator. No one else in my family stepped up, so I offered to take my niece in while my sister did treatment to avoid jail.
From the beginning, my niece, then around 10, didn’t want anything to do with her mom. I thought that was odd, but over the first few months I had her, my niece opened up about her mom having treated her very poorly. I sought guardianship for my niece and told my sister that I would not willingly send my niece back to her unless my sister got off the substances and sorted her life out.
My sister initiated a legal fight with me to terminate the guardianship. I grew to love this kid like my own, and I didn’t want to send her back to a bad environment. It cost me six figures throughout a year-and-a-half in legal fees. I won.
I managed to marshal substantial evidence of my sister’s ongoing substance use and the court relied upon the report of a court-appointed guardian ad litem who reported favorably about my niece in my care and my niece’s negative view of her mother.
At some point in the legal process–as I was shelling out five-figure monthly legal bills–I learned that, as my niece’s guardian, I was entitled to child support, so I filed the forms to seek it and won it.
The state oversees the support award and is pretty thorough in seeking it. Garnishing paychecks and bank accounts. Now–years on–I am starting to get pressure from another family to forgive the child support. I have family reaching out to me saying my sister is doing better and just can’t get ahead having to give up portions of her paycheck every month.
With back amounts, it’s like 30k in back support that I am owed. I don’t need it if I’m being honest. I make a good living–better than anyone else in my family has done.
In all likelihood, my sister’s debt will never be paid in full.
But I don’t want to let it go. I’ve started telling relatives, “Hey–that’s great that you want to help [sister]–why don’t *you* pay me her 30k debt plus the present value of the award until niece is 18–and then I’ll forgive [sister’s] obligation.” Relatives have been huffy at that response.
My sister initiated a fight with me knowing full well she was back on substances, and lied about it, and got caught in open court. It was all a waste of a large amount of funds, in my prime years, that I would have otherwise saved and set aside to retire, or pay for my niece’s education.
I’m still mad about it, and my sister can owe me it forever for all I care. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to remind your family that the child support your sister is paying is not for you, her brother. It is for her daughter.
The fact that you can afford to pay for the daughter’s care is irrelevant. Those funds can go into a college fund if you want. Also, where is the child’s father in this picture? He owes child support, too. Kudos to you for stepping up to care for your niece.
You have spared her from a lifetime of harm.” National_Pension_110
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You were looking after your niece (because your sister messed up) which will have cost you funds, your sister then starts a legal battle (despite being on substances) and costs you even more funds.
Oh and finally the family who didn’t want to step up and look after your niece are saying you should let it go.” OldGuto
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you are supporting her child, you deserve the child support. End of story. The people in your family with something to say about it can either pay you, pay her, or shut up about the topic entirely.
Tell them there are no other available options in it for them. Do not forgive any arrears. If your sister comes into funds via a lawsuit or otherwise, she will need to pay child support back. Most states require lien searches to distribute funds. You are owed those funds since you are taking on a child that isn’t your own.
Good on you for not enabling your sister’s nonsense. Good on you for taking your niece in like she’s your own.” Liss78
6. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Unborn Daughter's Name After My Brother's Partner Protested?
‘For context, my brother 34 (M), and his significant other 28 (F) have been together for 8 months and my brother has admitted it’s already getting a bit rocky and he’s debating leaving her.
After a few months of trying I 27 (F) and my husband 28 (M) are expecting our first baby. I am 20 weeks along and have been very unsure about a name for our baby girl until 2 weeks ago, at first we were hesitant about being public about the name as I know disagreements can occur.
I won’t lie it’s a pretty basic name but it’s his late grandmother’s name and a name I had always liked so we went with it.
Just a bit more context my husband lost his mum at 8 years old and his father was never really present so his grandmother became his caregiver and a massive part in his life, we started going out at 14 & 15, and from the start I was open about my home life not being the best and she welcomed me in her home whenever I needed. She was also a massive part of my life and helped me get through my abusive parents (now on better terms) and bullying we always had a good relationship so this wasn’t just a name I was going with for my husband we both loved the idea of our baby girl to take the name of her great-grandmother and to wear it in honor of her.
After we announced the name my brother’s significant other flipped, she stated that was her late daughter’s name (from a different man, not my brother so I had no idea that was her name, my brother just informed us her daughter had passed last year and to be careful on those sorts of topics around her but the name was never brought up.) She immediately demanded we change the name and said the baby wouldn’t care, I explained it was also in honor of my husband’s late grandmother and it had real meaning to us and we didn’t want to change it but she insisted she couldn’t hear her daughter’s name, especially not on another child.
I understand it must be so hard but the name has meaning to us and if I’m being honest if she was genuinely a part of my family, I may have considered but my brother wasn’t sure if they were forever. I offered for them to come up with a nickname we use around her if she desperately didn’t want to hear the name but she refused and said she didn’t care about whose grandmother was dead, she had it coming but her daughter still had her whole life ahead of her and called me an inconsiderate cow.
My brother broke up with her on the spot and now all my friends are saying I took it too far but I don’t see how. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I get why she is upset, but she can’t demand that of you.
If you’re not even close enough to her to know the name of her late daughter, then that’s far enough of a separation that she can’t tell you what to do. It would be a different story if her daughter’s name was unique, and that you only decided on it after hearing it from her.
But that’s completely not the case here.” svenson_26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I lost my first child when she was 7 mos old. I was sensitive about family using her name… But never demanded anything. Nobody owns a name. I have a cousin who gave her daughter a middle name and asked me.
Of course, I gave my blessing. You didn’t know her daughter… Y’all aren’t family… I don’t think you did anything wrong.” GoreGoddezz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I actually would have said No jerks here because you’re entitled to name your baby what you want, and she’s entitled to be upset hearing the name of her late daughter… but she completely lost me when she said ‘I don’t care who’s grandmother is dead, she had it coming’.
No, that’s just nasty. If you wanted to be a jerk you could have made a similar comment about her daughter, but you didn’t. You’ve done nothing wrong so don’t feel guilty. It’s also not your fault that they broke up.
Your brother was already considering breaking up, but even if he hadn’t been, you aren’t responsible for your brother’s decisions. I would reconsider if the people saying it are your friends because they don’t sound like it!” Proud_Fee_1542
5. AITJ For Not Allowing My New Neighbor To Use My Private Driveway?
“In my country, there is a saying – “If you want to live in the forest, you have to buy the forest!”.
So we did, My and my husband’s life dream was to live somewhere private, and a few years ago we finally did it! Working from home made it possible, so there was no reason to live in the city anymore! So we sold our apartment and bought a nice house which was surrounded by forest.
Our closest neighbor is 400 meters away behind a grove of trees, historically there used to be a road going from the front of our house to the next house, and the road connected 2 parallel roads both leading to the nearest town.
The house next to us has been empty for 30 years, and even before that the people who lived there used the entrance on their side as back then both roads leading to the town were gravel, so the last time the road was used as a road was even before the previous owner got the place in 60s, so nature has taken over the part that is between two houses, but the path is still passable with vehicles.
This summer, someone bought the neighboring land with the remains of the house to build their home there, which is fine.
One day I saw a lady driving through our driveway on the path leading to the next house, so I jumped on the ATV and followed and asked “Why are you driving on our road?” and the lady answered – “Well we thought we are going to use this road because the entrance this way leads to the paved road!”
I pointed out that we have a sign “Private road, enter only with permission!” She replied, “I looked it up, it used to be a public road in the 50s.”
I told her “Not my problem, please don’t use our road!”, the government let everyone privatize many small roads in the 90s in my country, so they don’t have an obligation to take care of those, so it is our private road.
I get why she is mad, the road our driveway leads into is paved, but they have to use a gravel road, and it is a ~10km drive into town. They thought they would use our driveway to access the better road.
I told her that they couldn’t drive there and she called me a jerk for that.
We bought the place with the idea of privacy, other people using our driveway would mean no privacy.
Later I got a call from some local district office and they told me that it is not nice to deny others access to their home, and again I explained that they have access!
They, the officials themself made the road private decades ago, and the official told me that this was not nice of me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Based on the information provided here, that being that the driveway and adjoining private road are on your private property, of course, you are NTJ for informing someone that they are on private property.
I am a little skeptical though seeing as you got a call from the district office. Wouldn’t they have access to the information and have been able to tell your neighbors that it was indeed a private road if it is a private road?
Why even bother calling you? That’s the only part that seems off.” fallingfaster345
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your road, it’s privately owned. The neighbor should have made sure she had legal access before buying and assuming she did. Would it be nice if you allowed it?
Yeah, sure. Do you have to? Nope. Is it neighborly? Yes. You don’t have to be nice. You want privacy, you purchased privacy. If she wanted that access she should have checked. No one is obligated to be nice. Forget that official.” Penicillin
4. AITJ For Refusing To Do The Same Amount Of Housework Now That I'm Employed?
“I (22F), finished my degree at the end of last year.
I was unemployed for around eight months, and at that time, I did all the cooking and cleaning for my family, since I wasn’t working or studying.
The problem comes in now. I started a new job (my first job) around a month and a half ago.
It’s full-time and remote, so I work from home five days a week.
Around 30 percent of what I earn goes to rent. What my parents (both 49 M and F) do with that money, I don’t know or care. This was an agreement we made before I even entered university (my father paid for my degree).
The agreement was that as long as I was studying, I wouldn’t have to pay rent. Understandable.
Now that I’m working, I don’t have as much free time to help around the house as before.
My mother has started complaining about this. She says now all this falls on her.
The issue is I have two younger brothers (17M, twins). They do NOTHING in terms of housework or cooking.
My mother believes that, since they’re in high school and since I’m a girl, I should still be doing the same amount of domestic labor as I used to do (when I was unemployed).
I told her I realistically don’t have the time, especially right now (I’m on a three-month probation period, so I’m working harder than I think I usually would)
I still make sure the common areas are tidy, the family washing is done, and the kitchen is kept clean.
The only room I still keep as clean and on top of is my bedroom (which is also my office). I also still keep up with all chores regarding the family dog.
My mother states that the amount of money I’m providing in rent doesn’t cover all my expenses, so I should be doing more to help out (which is a separate conversation).
I think that that’s not true, since the amount I give in the month is more than enough to hire someone (even two people) to do the domestic work that needs to be done.
And for reference, I used to spend a few hours every day cleaning, ironing, washing, etc. I realistically don’t have that kind of time available anymore.
We had this same argument when I was in university (I was on campus for 6 to 8 hours every day, and I spent another 2 to 3 hours traveling)
So AITJ for refusing to do the same amount of housework as I used to?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What rankles me is the comment that “since I’m a girl, I should still be doing the same amount of domestic labor as I used to do (when I was unemployed)” Boys, especially 17-year-olds, are more than capable of vacuuming and cleaning toilets.
Everyone should be pitching in because everyone lives there. You need a family meeting where a schedule is drawn up and it is clear what everyone’s responsibilities are. That’s how it works in my house.” KateCapella
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Yet as I can’t speak to your culture/norms, you may be wasting your time trying to argue.
You could try a conversation about the male twins with her, yet she also does not include your father as an option so it’s probably not going to work. I guess all you can do is say something along the lines of: “Sorry you feel so much is on your plate, yet I do more than almost everyone here and I already pushed myself to do more than I should have while going to school.
Now, I pay what we agreed upon, continue to do much around the house and I am drawing the line as I need to focus on my job, especially during this probation. I am working to ensure that the money Dad paid for my education was well spent.
I do not agree with the custom of men not helping in the home – I believe all children should be treated the same — so if you need additional help then I see your only options as either asking your sons. If you choose not to, that is your choice and does not make the extra work my responsibility” CornerSevere.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – not by a long shot. You guys agreed on rent. Help when you can obviously, but even if everyone is working or going to school, everyone still uses the house, makes food, makes messes, etc. Everyone needs to pitch in.
If this is mom’s attempt to push it all on you and continues to give you grief, get a lease on your place, and then you don’t have to worry about it.” offensivelypc
3. AITJ For Telling My Partner He Smells In A Joking Manner?
“I (22F) have been seeing my partner (22M) for a bit over 2 years already.
He has always been smelly but nothing I couldn’t handle from time to time. I would jokingly comment about this when I would go visit him at his old apartment.
We now moved into an apartment together far away from home and I noticed how he smells more often than before.
I would have his arm around me and then hours later I’d smell my shirt where his arm was and it would stink bad. I have to tell him to put on deodorant, brush his teeth, and sometimes even full-on shower because he will rarely shower two days in a row.
But even then, he gets stinky immediately after getting out of the shower and starts sweating. I feel like it has to be a genetic thing that he can’t control because I have never seen that before. And to maintain it he would have to do a lot.
Like, using deodorant immediately after getting out of the shower, reapplying after 8 or so hours, and even brushing his teeth after every meal. I don’t know how he does it but after a while, even with deodorant he starts to smell and I feel bad because he can’t control it, but now it’s hard for me to want to be intimate anymore because of this.
I can smell him while we are doing it sometimes and it just completely takes me out of it. But despite all that I love him so much and I can tell he loves and appreciates me. He is a great partner.
One random day I could smell him and in a joking way (like the couple’s borderline baby talk voice) said “You smell” while making a funny face and he got really upset.
I had joked like this all the time with him before because how else do you tell someone they smell? He got upset and started saying that it makes him feel bad when I tell him he smells. That it’s mean and he doesn’t like it.
And asked how I would feel if he told me that. I didn’t know how to respond without sounding rude saying he was the one that smelled not me and that if anyone told me I stank I would try everything to fix it because I don’t want to be that smelly person.
But as we sat in silence he finally said that I could have said it more nicely, and then we started arguing about the tone I said it in.
I don’t want to belittle my partner and I do feel bad, but at the same time I don’t want to live in his stink for the rest of my life.”
Another User Comments:
“Instead of joking around and making funny hints, you should have sat him down and talked, as grown-ups do. You could have addressed concern that underlying health conditions cause the smell and recommended, that he does a medical checkup. You just could have asked politely, that he shower and brush his teeth before getting intimate.” No-Leg4864
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get that you are struggling to communicate the nature of his problem, but making jokes about it is NOT a ‘softer’ way of telling him. It’s just cruel. This is one of those difficult times when you need to put your Adult pants on and have a loving but serious conversation with him.
There may very well be something medically going on with him, and it’s in his best interest to get this checked out. In the long run, it will hurt his social life, his relationships, and his career – all of which may impact his mental health.
If you love him, then you need to discuss this with him. Having an issue with someone and keeping silent for years – with occasional half-jokes about it- makes you a jerk, and is a form of *dishonesty.*” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for several reasons.
1. The baby voice. Really? That’s never cute, like ever. 2. You knew two years ago this was a problem and still moved in with him. He probably needs an antiperspirant, not deodorant. If he’s not showering every day and washing properly then he’s gonna smell when he gets out.
He needs to brush his teeth every day like twice a day. This is basic hygiene and it’s disgusting that at 22 years old, he doesn’t know this. I can imagine what other parts of his body smell like. If you want to live with that, go for it, but the fact that he doesn’t take care of himself is concerning.
If you want to stay with this guy then have a serious adult conversation.” EffectNo4122
2. AITJ For Joking About Homeschooling Myself Despite My Mom's Struggles?
“I (27f) was homeschooled through high school. During my childhood, my father was, demeaning, and controlling, kept us somewhat isolated, and preferred that we all kept to traditional family roles. My mom had an eating disorder and eventually went back to school and work and ended up divorcing him and getting us and my three younger siblings out of that situation when I was about 18.
Because she was under so much stress and was doing her best to really actually stay alive and get us out a lot of things fell to me as the oldest, I was definitely parentified and handled most, sometimes all, of the logistics of my own education especially in high-school (my siblings ended up finishing their primary education in public school).
I hold no resentment towards my mom for how this all went down, I’m proud of her for everything she did to get us out, it was not an ideal situation for any of us, and we did what we had to do to get through it and we were successful, I got great scores on my GED and I’m in college now, although it’s slow going I’m getting almost entirely A’s and B’s.
Where I might be the jerk is that it does occasionally come up that I homeschooled myself through high school, and I will tell people, usually in a joking way like “Man, even I knew that and I homeschooled myself” or other such jokes. Sometimes she hears me say these things and gets very defensive, she’ll try to explain it to whoever I said that too that she would tell me to do homework and I wouldn’t do it.
I indeed struggled with motivation issues, I have auditory processing disorder, attention deficit disorder, autism, and a bunch of other problems, some of which weren’t diagnosed yet, that have me in pain, exhausted, dissociated, and unable to focus for a large portion of my day to day life, but obviously, I’ve found ways to work around it at least to some extent because I did pass my GED with good scores and I’m doing well in college now even though I struggle a great deal.
I’ve tried to explain to her that I don’t hold her responsible for how my education worked out, we were escaping a really bad situation together, I place all the blame on my father who made us miserable, and being able to say that I homeschooled myself through all that gives me some sense of achievement and control over a terrible situation, but should I just let it go and let her take the credit?
She has been through a lot and I truly don’t mean to make her look bad and usually, if this comes up in conversations with people I also end up explaining how she was not being neglectful, she was sick and being mistreated and trying to get us out.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think it might be helpful to try family therapy as well as individual therapy. The fact that you self-precisely-deprecating your education indicates you might need some support in building self-esteem, and it does give the impression that you’ve got some unresolved resentment about your education and upbringing (even if you don’t blame your mom).
It would be a good place to work things out either on your own or with your mom as I’m sure both of you have had challenges from years past.” Willing-Helicopter26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It is what it is. Tell your mom it is just self-deprecating humor on your part to deal with the personal pain you of what was a very toxic situation that she worked hard to extract you from and did.
It is not meant as any judgment or failing of her as a mother. Maybe when you speak that way about your homeschooling you could throw a little disclaimer in there for your mother’s sake. Couldn’t hurt” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s not that she wants credit, it’s that she feels guilty she didn’t homeschool you properly.
Parents can beat themselves up pretty badly over our shortcomings. Ask me how I know. It’s clear you’re not trying to make your mom feel bad, but I think your jokes just remind her of a parenting fail she regrets.” DecemberViolet1984
1. AITJ For Refusing To Cook Dinner Despite Being In Chronic Pain?
“Am I the jerk for not cooking dinner because I’m in pain, even though the doctor said I’m “perfectly fine”?
I (22f) am chronically ill with Crohn’s disease and am currently in a flare where the doctors aren’t sure how exactly to get my pain to stop. I ended up at the ER back in February for what I thought was an intestinal blockage but ended up being severe stomach cramps from my stomach and intestines having to stop moving to heal the inflammation/perforation in my gut.
There was nothing “wrong” with me and nothing to be done for the pain, just had to wait for my gut to slowly heal. Things have been up and down since then, and long story short, I have been living with my parents and am, at the moment, unemployed because the pain is keeping me from being able to hold a job.
My parents (53f and 54m) do not like this arrangement. Despite hearing the evidence from the doctors themselves, seeing me in pain, crying, vomiting, etc on the daily, and me doing all of their housework anyway to ‘earn my keep’ or whatever, they feel that I’m taking up too much space in their home and contributing too little.
Well, last night I ended up back in the ER with pain that is even worse than what I was experiencing when I went in February. My dad begrudgingly drove me, and we were there for about 5 hours total, until 1 AM this morning. They did labs and a CT scan, determined there was no blockage or tear in my belly, and sent me home with antibiotics in addition to the steroids and immunosuppressants that I am already on.
Usually, I cook dinner every night, 100 percent prep the meal, cook it and set the table with everyone’s drinks and plates ready.Tonight, though, I asked my mom to do a dump-and-bake meal that’s pretty low prep and low clean up. But she says now that I need to “get off my rear” and help because she’s “about tired now” from working today at her 9 to 5.
She said it would be different if the doctor “actually found something wrong” with me.
I said “No. I don’t feel like it.” And she pretty much huffed and swore under her breath and stomped off. I’m not technically in so much pain that I can’t walk or anything, and the doctors didn’t give me anything for pain but I can’t take Tylenol or Advil because of my meds.
I think that I’m justified honestly for wanting one day off. I did my normal household chores this morning, including the full sink of dishes and loads of laundry that my parents left me to do today. I’m just not cooking dinner. But my dad and my grandmother, who also lives with us, both seem to agree with my mom that I’m milking it and just being lazy.
So am I the jerk for not helping even though I’m “technically fine”???”
Another User Comments:
“If the pain is stopping you from being able to work and you’re being honest then I seriously suggest you seek out state assistance. My ex got $2000/month plus food stamps or whatever they call them these days because her medication made her “too sleepy” to be able to work.
If she can get away with that then I think you’d have a shot at getting at least temporary disability. NTJ” Vapin-All-Day
Another User Comments:
“Overall my guess is you’re NTJ, it sounds like you have serious medical problems and your family is inappropriately minimizing them.
However, I have a few questions/comments. Your title says the doctor says you were perfectly fine, in quotes, but I don’t see where any doctor in the story would have said that. They’ve got you on two meds and the doctor at the ER added a third — that doesn’t typically happen when people are perfectly fine.
Can you clarify when the doctor said that, if at all? Also, if I read your question correctly, your family says you are milking your symptoms to get out of cooking dinner, while you say that you feel too sick to do it, and you want the internet to judge who is in the right.
To which my honest answer would be: how are *we* supposed to know whether you feel too sick to make dinner?” CoverCharacter8179
Another User Comments:
“As someone with a chronic disease that isn’t going away, I understand. Some days are better than others. I can say YOU are the one who decides what you can do day to day.
It’s your body, your disease, your pain. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. Screw everyone else—they have no clue what you deal with!!!” OddRefrigerator6532
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