People Feel Justified In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
26. AITJ For Snapping At My Parents For Treating Me Like A Second Mother To My Siblings?
“I 23F am the oldest of three siblings. My parents divorced when I was 6 and both of them moved on. My mom remarried had two kids then divorced again. My dad has a daughter with his current partner.
We’re a big mixed family and we all get along pretty well. I love my siblings and I help them a lot. Especially when we have family gatherings. But lately, it feels like I’m expected to do everything. My parents only really talk to me when they want something.
Now I’m 3 months pregnant with my fiancé and two weeks ago we had a family gathering. Like usual. I ended up watching all the kids. I didn’t mind much until after dinner. I sat down with a brownie sundae when my little sister (one of my mom’s kids) asked for a bite.
I gave her some but then she kept asking for more and I ended up giving her most of it. My fiancé said “Okay now leave your big sister some” and my dad responded with something like “You should realize an older sister is like a second mother and that won’t change even when she has her kids”
That hurt a little. I had really wanted that dessert but I gave it up for my sister anyway. And Hearing my dad basically say that I’ll always be expected to take care of everyone even when I have my own baby just hurt.
My fiancé tried to brush it off and went to see if there was still some left but my parents got defensive and started listing all the things an older sister should/expected to do.
I snapped and told them they’ve never really treated me like a daughter.
Just someone who’s expected to help out all the time. I immediately regretted it and apologized but my mom grabbed my sister and didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night. My dad didn’t say anything but now he barely responds to my texts.
I’m worried I messed up my relationship with my parents and siblings. Did I overreact or how do I fix this?”
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t overreact. They pushed you one step too far. Given that you are pregnant, creating a gap between your new baby and your younger siblings in terms of expectations is not a bad thing.
Your baby will take preference over your siblings, and especially young siblings will not like that given the way your parents have parentified you. Don’t worry they will come crawling back when they need something from you – this little game is just intended to have you feeling guilty and get you back into line so that they can continue to put upon you.” New_Combination2430
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Especially now you have your little one on the way you owe it to yourself to set boundaries, and it sounds like it’s long overdue. The fact that your dad even said that you’re a second mom is messed up. You are not a second mom, you did not overreact, and you should take some space from them so they can see how much you do for them.
It’s time you focus on you and your own expanding family, and not being free childcare to your parents. ” Equivalent-Moose2886
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it sounds like you’ve been parentified. They also have made clear they have no intention of stopping. Even when you have kids of your own to worry about, you’re the servant to them and their other kids.
Please stand up for yourself, you’re so meek even in your post worrying about what they think of you daring to point out you’re not these kids’ parent.” User
25. AITJ For Not Letting My Stepbrother Move In With Me Like My Brother Did?
“My partner (24f) and I (25m) became homeowners a year ago. My brother (18m) moved in with us after he finished high school in May so he could attend community college in our town. This was something we had planned with him months in advance and we were both on board with the idea.
He’s settled in well and has a job, started classes, made new friends, and everything.
Now my dad and his wife are expecting me to let my stepbrother (17m) move in next year when he starts college. My dad was not informed of my brother’s plan to live with me.
My brother waited until May to tell him what was happening and my dad wasn’t happy that I had been talking to my brother about college and where he’d live but not my stepbrother.
My dad and his wife married when I was 11 and my mom died when I was 9 so I lived with them.
For that reason, my dad feels like my stepbrother isn’t just a stepsibling but a sibling and should be given the same chance. I disagree and I never thought of my stepbrother as my sibling. To me, my brother was always my only sibling. We were close and I’d spend time with him when I could.
Never did the same for my stepbrother and I haven’t kept in touch since moving out. It just wasn’t the same to me. I’m not all that close to my dad either so really it’s just my brother and now he lives with me.
Anyway, I said no to my stepbrother staying with me and told them they’d need to figure out something else.
Dad accused me of playing favorites and tried to berate me for it. I told him I was happy to have my brother live with me but he’s my only brother. I stopped taking their calls and ignored their texts but there have been many from Dad and his wife saying I’m acting like a jerk.
My stepbrother also reached out and asked why I didn’t want to let him live with me and he promised he’d work and help around the house like my brother.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ There’s nothing wrong with you and your brother communicating and planning his move.
I don’t know if you have room for a second person coming in, but either way, it’s your choice to not want that or that you want that with someone over another person. These are personal choices that affect your daily life. Sounds like your dad is acting dumb in not having known how you’re not as close with your stepbrother.” Dreaming_Void1923
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell your father to man up and support his children. Both of those boys are his responsibility, not yours. Ask him how many other fatherly responsibilities is he going to try to shove off on you. He is mad you aren’t supporting him as a brother, but he is actively trying to not support him as a father.” lulumagroo
24. AITJ For Calling My Friend A Moron After She Misinterpreted Her Partner's Comment?
“I (30m) have two friends, Mike (31m) and Casey (30f), who have been in a relationship for two and a half years. Long story short, Casey called me yesterday in hysterics claiming that Mike had “basically admitted to wanting to be unfaithful to her”. When I got her calm enough to explain she told me that they were watching an episode of The Big Bang Theory, in which they were talking about the multiverse theory.
For those who don’t know, the multiverse theory states that there are an infinite number of universes with an infinite number of outcomes in each. For example, in this exact moment in two separate universes, one of you is driving to work while another of you just got into a car accident on your way to work.
Casey commented that “even with infinite universes, she knows they’d always be together”. Mike laughed and said it was a cute idea but in reality, there would be universes where they broke up, never met, or weren’t even alive. Casey took that to mean that Mike is secretly attracted to other women and flipped out on him before storming out of his apartment.
She started going about how she thinks she needs to break up with Mike if this is how he “really feels about her.”
I was kind of in stunned silence before blurting out “You’re a moron”, without thinking. Casey immediately went off on me to which I kinda snapped back and said are you under the influence or something, you’re about to break up with someone over a hypothetical universe that may or may not exist!
She immediately hung up on me.
I found out today that she reached out to several other people in our friend group with the same story and all of them, in a more polite way, basically said what I said. Now she’s not speaking to any of us.
Our friend group has agreed that she’s clearly having some kind of breakdown over something but that also I was personally out of line with how I phrased what I said to her. I know what I said was the truth but AITJ for how I phrased it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but you could have said it nicer, that said, you were likely in a tough spot not laughing hysterically, being a fan of the Big Bang and Marvel multiverse, it’s hard for me not to laugh at her antics.
He should be concerned his partner is freaking out about a universe that is imaginary and has nothing to do with her real-life… he may need her to watch the new Spider-Man cartoon so she understands.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since when are friends not supposed to be honest with each other?
If someone is being a moron, then call them a moron. If I acted like that and my friend called me a moron I wouldn’t blame my friend for it, I would thank them, and then go back to my partner to apologize for being a jerk, and have a laugh about it.
Not good to be too harsh with friends obviously, but you shouldn’t have to tread on eggshells either.” Equivalent-Moose2886
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to whom are you supposed to be blunt and honest if it’s not your friends? You did what you had to do, like I want my friends to tell me to get my stuff together if I’m going insane, not in a mean way but if you have some salad between your teeth a true friend will just tell you so.” JaiLaPressionAttend
23. AITJ For Consistently Beating My Co-Worker In Smash Bros?
“So over a few days, I (24F) beat my coworker (21M) in smash bros.
It all started last Saturday when we arrived at our lodging for a work trip we’re on. In the common area, I saw he was playing Smash Bros and I played myself, so I asked if we could 1V1. I’d like to preface this by saying I am by no means a pro player at smash bros.
5 wins later and I ask if he’d like to keep going and he does because he wants to win. I think out of 15 matches he won 2. Not once did I say anything to demean him, I was playing for fun and was just trying to have a good time.
No trash talk whatsoever between us. Despite me winning most of the time, some were close matches. We say “Ggs” after the whole thing! He then says tomorrow after work we should rematch, so I say sure.
The next day is maybe only 5 rounds and he wins the last one.
He still wants a rematch, so we decided we’ll play the upcoming weekend. The weekend rolls around and we’re back at it again. It’s been 4 wins for me and after the fifth round that I win, this guy throws his controller across the room and storms out the door leading straight outside.
Some coworkers witnessed this and asked me what happened and I said that I won our match in smash bros. The guy I beat is sitting in the grass holding his head in his hands. One of the coworkers who witnessed this asks how many times I beat him and I shrug and say maybe 5 at this point.
This dude straight up tells me “You gotta know when to let someone win.”
This tripped me out since we’re all grown adults and the guy kept saying he’d like a rematch. If he was a kid, of course, I’d let him win. I just want to know what everyone else thinks, I’ve heard mixed opinions about this situation from all my coworkers and would love to know what Reddit thinks.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you do need to know when to stop playing! You need to shut this down. If he wants to “play” again you need to let him know that it’s not fun to be put in these kinds of situations – “Thanks, but no thanks.
I was just playing for fun, obviously you weren’t. Peace out dude” and leave it at that.” Something-bothersome
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am a bad fighting game player, but have been friends with good players who would routinely stomp me. However, these friends were not good enough to play in tournaments because there’s this weird great divide between a good social player and a bad tournament player (or at least there was.
Maybe it’s not so bad anymore.) There’s always a bigger fish, and he either needs to practice and improve or go back to his small pond where he is the big fish.” Weird_Stuff_McGee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he doesn’t like losing to a woman.
If any more coworkers complain then just tell them you only let children win. Also never play the game with him or any of your coworkers again. Save it for your friends. This has now caused a weird work dynamic. Keep work at work and fun at home.” Suitable_Doubt7359
22. AITJ For Getting Angry At Friends For Invading My Private Space During A Party?
“We hosted a grill and sauna evening at our place. For some context, we have two kids the older one almost 4 years old so life can be quite hectic. We got a babysitter for the kids and decided to invite four friends over to grill and later go and relax in the sauna.
So my partner and I cleaned the entire downstairs living room/dining room, bathroom/toilet, and kitchen. Upstairs was off limits since there are our bedrooms and a single toilet.
Everything was going fine. My partner left to run her errands and I stayed home with our friends and hang out.
At some point, two of my friends just vanished and I went looking for them. I checked the downstairs and even upstairs even though it was off limits. Didn’t find them so figured they went to the parking lot to check their cars or whatnot.
Well, I got a call from my SO and she is asking why on earth are our friends in our bedroom!? At the same time, I see them coming downstairs. I didn’t even have time to answer my SO before I exploded and asked quite loudly why were they upstairs.
They didn’t have a reason and were obviously kind of startled/shocked at my reaction but understood they shouldn’t have gone in there.
The atmosphere was kind of tense for 30-60 mins. I went to cool off and they went to the back porch to continue the grilling.
One of my friends comes to chat with me and points out I seem kind of peeved and I admit that I was mad that the two friends didn’t respect our boundaries. Anyway after I breathed for a bit I joined them again and we continued our evening normally.
No tension anymore and everyone seemed to have a fun time in the end.
They thanked me for the evening and left. I was expecting an apology but didn’t get it. It’s not the biggest deal but I thought it would be a common courtesy to apologize for a mistake they made.
So Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What were they doing there? They didn’t even explain themselves or say sorry. That’s so creepy and weird, you let them off way too easily. Hate to say it but maybe check your jewelry/sheets/clothes.
The only reasons I can think of are theft, inappropriate behavior, or snooping. All of these reasons would result in no longer being friends with them, but I prioritize my privacy and safety.” PatiencePestilence.
Another User Comments:
“We have friends we are very close to.
Like we come into each other’s homes without notice or knocking. That being said we would NEVER go into their bedrooms (even though it’s been offered if one of us was ill or needed a rest, maybe then if we needed to). But what we would never do, is go to their room especially if they asked us not to!!!
That’s basic respect for a stranger let alone your friend. NTJ” User
Another User Comments:
“This is a hard line for me once you become a real adult. I would never have them over again. I say this as a person who tipsily crept away from a nye party to take a solo mid-party nap in the host’s bed, surprised when he invited me back a second time, even more, surprised when we ended up in a relationship, living together, and making twins in that same room.
Lol. As a full grown up now I cringe at my audacity.” DarwinOfRivendell
21. AITJ For Taking My Paid Groceries Into The Store Bathroom Due To An IBS Emergency?
“I went grocery shopping at Meijers today and made the unfortunate decision of getting coffee beforehand. I’m finishing up my shopping and feel an unfortunate rumble in my stomach and immediately start sweating. I have IBS and my stomach is so unpredictable and I knew at that moment that if I did not act quickly I was going to have an accident.
So I make it through self-checkout and bolt to the restroom after PAYING for my items and I see an older female employee washing her hands. She immediately starts shouting at me that merchandise is NOT allowed in the bathroom and that she will be calling security on me.
I understand the rule about unpaid merchandise not being allowed in the bathroom but I paid for these items. They are mine now. So I told the worker (mind you my items are in plastic MEIJER bags) that I paid for the items and even showed her the receipt.
She grabs the receipt from me, and says “I don’t believe you” and I tell her “Ma’am, I paid for these items.
I don’t feel good and need to use the bathroom” and she starts screaming at me to leave. I believe this employee was a little bit senile honestly because her logic made NO sense.
I then drop my bags on the floor and tell her “Okay then please remove my items from the bathroom and I can collect them when I’m done. I already told you that I paid for these. Please move out of my way, I don’t feel good” and I bolt to the bathroom.
I leave after having the worst diarrhea of my life and when I exit the bathroom the older employee is outside with another Meijer greeter. The older female employee started shouting at me for being disrespectful to an older woman like herself who is retired. The other employee says that they saw me check out and pay for my items at self-checkout handed me my bags and told me to leave.
I shrug and go back to my car.
Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the woman shouting at you likely got a very one-sided story from the one that confronted you in the bathroom, because these people can’t ever be wrong, so the fact that she meant she had to make up that you were rude instead.
I mean good on you for not engaging and escalating at that point, but I would put in a complaint about how you were treated and the details (in full detail) of the incident. As a fellow IBS sufferer, I feel for you, there’s no way you’d have the time to be rude mid-attack LOL.
Hope you are feeling better now!” Famous_Account272
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am so sorry this happened. Please report this. She was so out of line, that you even showed her your receipt when you had to go. That took some serious self-control.” TimelyApplication723
20. AITJ For Accidentally Letting A Classmate See My Friend?
“My class went on a school trip and we were staying in rooms with 3-6 people. I was in a room with my best friend and two other girls.
The showers and bathrooms were not by the rooms but down the hall and my best friend went there to shower and walked back to our room with just a towel wrapped around her.
When she was in our room she put it away and went up into her bunk bed to get dressed I guess.
I don’t know what she was doing up there because I was in the bed under hers but she had enough time to put on a shirt. We always hung out with the kids from the other rooms and our door was never locked unless we locked it when we wanted to change but she didn’t do that.
Then someone knocked on the door and I just said “yes.” Automatically a boy from our class came in and saw my friend without a shirt and immediately closed the door again. I didn’t really think before answering.
She got really mad at me and insulted me and went to stay in another girl’s room.
Our teacher came too and I explained to her and she wasn’t mad at me. The other girls from our room were on my side too because I didn’t do it on purpose and it was also her job to lock the door when she wanted to change like we all do too.
I apologized but she didn’t talk to me for the rest of the trip and didn’t talk to me in days now even after we got home. She acts like I did it on purpose because I wanted to embarrass her and that’s probably what she told the other students as well but it’s just not true.
I think it’s not worth losing a friendship over but I don’t know she doesn’t seem to forgive me. AITJ or is she being dramatic? I would forgive her too right away because it was an accident.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She made a mistake by not locking the door, you made a mistake by allowing someone in without checking if she was still changing.
You both contributed to this. But I also don’t think she’s being dramatic. It’s pretty humiliating to have someone walk in and see you without your consent. Just because you’d forgive her right away doesn’t mean she has to forgive you the same way. This is honestly just a natural consequence of the mistakes you both made.
She didn’t lock the door. You didn’t check before letting someone else in, so you lost the trust of someone. Maybe she’ll get over it, maybe she won’t. Either way, I don’t think either of you is a jerk.” BabyCake2004
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
While I sympathize, it’s still a good lesson to mind others. It’s not your fault you didn’t think she was still changing but checking with her wouldn’t have hurt. From her perspective the worst part is just without her herself having any decision in it, her body or part of it was revealed to a person outside of her control.
Yes, she should have locked the door but that’s also the reason why you still knock. She carried the biggest “damage” out of this situation so I think it’s fair that she feels wronged and is sad/mad. Give her room and time to calm down and talk to her once she seems to have slept over it.
Everyone has their boundaries and I don’t think it’s dramatic since she probably is just mainly sad.” KainDing
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s a shared room so you check the status of your roommates before permitting them to come in. It’s a shared room and shared decision; not just yours to make.
Saying that “she had enough time to put on a shirt” is not your call. It’s not the end of the world and it would be silly for your teacher to be angry with you for a mistake, but admitting it would have been better if you had checked with your roommate first, is the least you can do.” clusterbug
19. AITJ For Refusing To Learn Driving From My Husband Due To His Yelling?
“I am 30F and don’t have a driver’s license. I grew up in a country where owning a car is not all that common. Moved to the US 5 years ago. Was a student for the first 2 years, so couldn’t afford driving lessons and didn’t have time to learn as well.
Then I got married. My husband has been driving since his teen years (he grew up in the same country as I did). My husband moved here about 10 years ago. He has taught all his friends to drive. He has taught friends of friends to drive.
He forced me to learn to drive. Fair enough, gotta drive while I am in the US. He told me he would teach me, I was so excited. But the yelling wouldn’t stop. Every time I tried to get behind the wheel, we would end up coming home with me crying.
This was…3 years ago!
It was so bad that at this point I was traumatized to drive. I enrolled myself in a driving school 2 years ago. 10 hrs worth of driving lessons. Cost about $600. I did well and the trainer said I was good and just needed to practice.
But whom would I practice with? My husband. I don’t have any close friends here whom I can ask for this favor. Again the yelling and I have eventually lost all the confidence. Today we tried again and as usual I got scolded for putting our lives at risk by not taking the turn faster.
I immediately pulled over and asked him to drive. Once we came home, I told him that let it cost a thousand dollars or two thousand dollars, I would go to the driving school and practice with them and get my license, and I would never drive again with my husband in the car, unless it was an emergency.
He got so furious and shouted at me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is a very toxic behavior. He wouldn’t do this to anyone else so why is he doing it with you? Simple, he likes to bully you and belittle you for something he is good at and you aren’t.
I would be shocked if he doesn’t start bullying you in other things soon. If you are always crying because of him, then it’s terrible to be with him long term.” thatcanadianlad_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and is he like this in other parts of your life?
Even if he isn’t (which I find hard to believe, if he’s okay treating you like this in the car), the fact you have come home crying every time and he has done nothing to change his behavior is concerning. Honestly, you need to consider if he’s abusive and if you feel safe with him.
It is not okay how he treated you nor is it productive. The worst thing to do with a new driver is to stress them out more. And you are not the jerk for setting a reasonable boundary. You weren’t being rude. He was being more than rude.” solicitedopinions
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was in a similar situation when I learned to drive. One parent would yell and scold and I’d get flustered and make mistakes and it always felt like a test. My other parent was much more helpful and was better at correcting mistakes without yelling.
It sounds like you have communicated the aspects of his driving instruction that you do not like. If he can’t adjust his teaching to make it helpful to you, then you should be able to pursue driver’s ed that’s constructive for you. After all, the goal is for you to earn your license and be able to drive on your own.
It kinda seems like he’s mad that you aren’t going to put up with his yelling and scolding anymore.” Flagrant_Digress
18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Friend To Invite Someone I Don't Get Along With On Our Trip?
“I (19F) have a good friend that I will refer to as Emily. During high school, we were in the same friend group and whilst the group drifted apart, Emily and I stayed close friends.
We are in uni now and catch up nearly every weekend, and I am so grateful to have a friend like her.
University break is coming up and Emily’s parents have a holiday house that is a short road trip away. A few weeks ago, Emily suggested that we, along with her twin sister and her sister’s best friend (who both were also in our high school friend group) stay at the holiday house for a relaxing getaway.
It is relevant to mention that Emily is also good friends with another girl from our high school, Sophia. Sophia was in a different friend group. I was never really friends with Sophia because we just didn’t “click”, but we were always friendly to each other.
At times, Sophia acted quite passive-aggressive towards me and acted in a much nicer manner to my other friends. I always wondered why she behaved like this because I was never anything but nice to her.
I do not care who Emily is friends with because that is her choice.
I have seen Sophia a handful of times over the last year at parties, and Emily knows we do not keep in contact. When Sophia is around Emily and me, she makes it a point to exclude me from conversations, which is just rude.
Emily asked me if she should invite Sophia to come away with us too, and I told her that I don’t think she should.
I explained that because her sister and her sister’s best friend are the only other people coming, having Sophia there would make it an uneven dynamic. I know that if Sophia were to come, it would ruin the trip for me as the whole time it would feel like she is competing for Emily’s attention and excluding me.
I just worry that maybe I am acting a bit overbearing and should just let Emily decide without my input.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but it’s close. You’re a guest in her parent’s house. It’s best you didn’t tell her who to invite or not invite.
HOWEVER- she did ask you for input. , Probably because she senses the rift between you two who were once friends. You then gave a rather flimsy excuse for not wanting Sophia there. A better answer might have been something like ”I would prefer it be just the two of us”.
If pressed you should be honest without being mean, just something like “Sophia and I don’t seem to have a lot in common and I get the sense she doesn’t like me very much” Thedudeabides470
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But you need to tell your friend the actual reason.
This person is rude to you and always goes out of their way to exclude you, and it would ruin the trip for you. Maybe in a bigger group, but yeah, it just sounds uncomfortable. If you don’t tell your friends your reasoning, they will assume and maybe even ask Sophia her opinion, which will only hurt your relationship with your friend.
Be honest. If she’s a real friend, she’ll have your back.” Top_Most_3528
Another User Comments:
“Ummm, it sort of depends, but I’d say light YTJ. (a) It’s Emily’s house, so Emily gets to decide who to invite. (b) It appears this is the first time you’ve given Emily a heads-up that you don’t like Sophia.
(c) It’s fine that you don’t want to be around Sophia, but you don’t get to tell Emily (even if she asked) who she can and can’t invite. If you don’t want to be with Sophia, a simple “If you invite her, I will probably skip the trip” is the appropriate response.
Let Emily decide. It’s not your house!” Away_Refuse8493
17. AITJ For Continuing To Charge My Mom Rent After I Pay Off Our House?
“Mom and Dad are typical boomers who didn’t plan for retirement. Well, they had me and figured that was their retirement. They also divorced.
Now I pay half of Dad’s rent so he can live in an apartment. He’s since become disabled from a lifetime of manual labor and lives off a tiny social security check.
Mom stays with me in a house I own, and she pays 600 in rent. That is way, way, way under market value.
Needless to say, my parents were never wise with money. I became… a little obsessive about finances at a young age after my dad’s second bankruptcy.
Because of this, I’ve been cagey af about how much I make. And it’s a lot. I’ll be clearing a half mil this year in sales alone. Despite that, I live a very modest life and my parents are more than slightly out of touch with today’s economics.
They’re not stupid — I know they suspect I make more than I let on, but there is no way they know how much. They likely think around 100k which to them is extremely well off.
My issue is after my taxes are done next year I plan to completely pay off my house.
In my opinion, it would be kind of messed up to continue to charge my mother rent on a house I only have to pay taxes and insurance on. (It should be 400 a month, max.) She’s about to “retire” with an even tinier social security check than my dad.
But at the same time, I can’t confess to how much I’ve been making. It will cause so many problems. There will be expectations of sharing the wealth. And then resentment when I don’t.
I won’t have any kids. I have to look out for my retirement.
I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell them the house is paid because then they’ll wonder why. Would I be the jerk for taking money I don’t need out of my mom’s social security check? Even if I save it to give it back for later, I’m still denying her the opportunity she had to spend her own money.
That’s also messed up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’ll make you a rock-solid, iron-clad guarantee: if you tell them (or anyone else) that the house will soon be paid off, you will regret it until the day that you die. If you even hint that you are doing well financially, they will be able to hear you gnashing and wailing on the other side of the world.
Repeat as necessary to yourself: There is no upside to doing this. Decisions borne out of guilt are usually the wrong ones. I can take care of my parents without ruining my life. Every couple of months, buy something nice for your mother. Put some of her rent in an account that she can’t touch, but that she will inherit if you die first. Do anything EXCEPT what you are contemplating.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“It’s not messed up to plan for your mother’s future when she can’t or won’t. Presumably, you have utilities and other household expenses in addition to the insurance & taxes, no? Some of the funds you’re collecting could go towards that. The rest you should put aside for when your mother has medical or other expenses that she cannot meet.
Medicare copays and meds are expensive. Aging is not cheap. Under no circumstances should you reveal that the house is paid off or how much you’re making. It’s irrelevant anyway.” one-hundred petunias
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think that continuing to charge her rent is a jerk move.
She would be paying much more elsewhere, correct? And you’d be making much more if you rented to someone else? She has been financially irresponsible up to this point. What makes you think that allowing her access to an extra $600 would change her poor spending habits??
It’s nice that you help support your parents – but I don’t think you’re obliged to let her live for free since you were smart and did well. Also, if you don’t want kids that’s absolutely a choice – but I hope you’re not fully making that choice because of how THEY managed life with one.
You’ve already done things completely differently and history needn’t repeat itself here.” Lizzydeathstar
16. AITJ For Making Keepsake Books For My Daughters Without Including My Husband?
“So, I (31, F) have been making books for my daughters (6 & 2) since my first was born.
Every year on their birthdays I write them a letter talking about them and how much I love them and I have been pasting them in a book next to a picture of me and them for each year. I plan on gifting these books to them when they turn 16.
My thinking was that we don’t tell the people we love how much we love them and I never want my daughters to question my love. You also never know how life is going to pan out and this way they will always have a personal memento of my own words in case anything were to happen to me.
Now, my husband (33) has always known about this. I wasn’t keeping it from him. I would write the notes on my phone and then when I got the time would write them out to put in the book. He would even go through my phone and take snippets of what I wrote from my notes and post into his Instagram.
The problem arose when my oldest daughter had just turned 4 and he came across me putting a letter in the book. He looked at the book and the pictures of me and her and said “what about me?” He was angry that I hadn’t included him and insisted that I either go back and change all the letters to say “we” instead of “I” and print new pictures that have him in them or stop making the book.
I haven’t stopped making these books because I think they will be important for my girls to have. I’ve just put them at the back of a cupboard hoping he won’t find them. I feel like they are about my relationship with my daughters and I’m a little sad that my husband doesn’t see the value in that.
But I feel uncomfortable that they are now a secret from him. I guess I need some outsider opinions. AITJ or is my husband being unreasonable here?”
Another User Comments:
“I would tell him you would love to include a letter written by him and a picture of him and the daughter each year.
DO NOT take on the emotional work of his relationship with your daughters. Women have been sucked into the maintaining relationships role and it never works. You cannot maintain a relationship with two other people – it is between them.” unimaginative_person
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Tell your husband the next time he asks, ‘What about me?’ tell him that he can do his own just as easily as you as they are a diary of your feelings towards them. And his, he can do his own and that would be just as great as well.
I think it is great what you are doing for your children. Keep up the good work, your children will cherish them no doubt later in life.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Yeah, it isn’t your job to manage, coordinate, schedule, prompt, or organize his relationship with y’all children.
He is their father and presumably a grown-up who is capable of facilitating relationships with people he cares about. Bonding, nurturing, and building a connection between a parent and a child is dependent on the parent doing stuff themselves to build that connection. It is like doing someone’s homework for them, you can but you shouldn’t.
Helping or making a suggestion is different than doing the entire assignment for them. He wants you to do his homework. Seriously, a kid doesn’t want to hear their mom say “Your dad loves you” They want their dad to say the “I love you” throwawtphone
15. AITJ For Refusing To Dye My Hair Despite My Teacher's Persistent Requests?
“I have a small update to my previous [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/dDNStclfJm) where I asked if I’m the jerk for not wanting to dye my black and blonde hair.
The same teacher told me 3 more times to change my hair (no other teacher said anything).
I went to the principal and asked her. She said that as long as I have it tied, it will be fine.
The teacher told me to come to her class and have a talk. She explained how she’s disappointed I went to the principal instead of just listening to her, and also how it’s her job to keep the uniforms intact, that’s why – despite liking my hair – she wants me to change it.
She also said that as a Senior, younger students are taking an example from me, and if they see a senior with highlights they will think “Hey, I can do it too then” and it will be a mess to try to control a bunch of juniors and stop them from getting colored hair.
She gave me time till Monday to change the hair. I even asked her if I could dye the bottom (blonde) brown since I didn’t really want it to be full-on black. Well, she agreed as long as it “camouflages” (?), basically doesn’t stand out as much.
Right now I’m dying my hair with the only hair due I have available at the minute (which is red-brown, turns out dark at first but fades to ginger when you wash it). I’ll buy a black hair dye and use it when the current dye fades too much.
I also plan on using a Hair Dye Remover whenever I’m off from school for a week (so I have some time to fix it if it turns out bad), which will be around Halloween.
Gotta bear with black hair for two months then…
Anyways, thank you to everyone who commented on my original post and advised me to tell the principal, and reassured me that barely anyone gives a crap about hair color in adult life.”
Another User Comments:
“Sweetie you definitely should NOT have dyed it after talking to the principal. Also, you need to go back to the principal and tell them what the teacher did after the last visit. She told you she was disappointed because she knew she was NOT allowed to do what she was doing and she wanted to make you feel like you shouldn’t go to the principal again.
She’s trying to ensure she can continue getting away with behavior that is not allowed. This is some type of power play for her and you are just unfortunately stuck in the middle.” Longjumping_Cow_8621
Another User Comments:
“I do wonder which country OP lives in, in my country, you could dye your hair blond/red and no one would bat an eye… If you use fantasy colors, like green, blue, or others they would tell you something, but unless you go to a private HS not even one teacher would care.
In my university, one of the teachers had pink highlights… It is a shame you can’t express yourself like that.” Outrageous-Elf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, I know plenty of professionals who have multi-colored dyed hair (both “natural” and various colors of the rainbow), piercings (eyebrows, nose, lip), and tattoos … while I get what the teacher was expressing, you asked the principal, and they said it was okay.
You were correct in asking the principal as well. Particularly if there is no actual verbiage in the dress code that the teacher could point to and say “This is the infraction”. Take it as a learning experience.” PatchesCatMommy2004
14. AITJ For Not Asking My Friend To Pay For My Fiance's Outfit At His Dad's Party?
“Alright, I’m going to be honest here, me (25M) and my partner, Lily (26F), are not currently in the best financial situation.
I have student debt, and although I have a consistent job thanks to my degree, I’ve still got quite some way to go until I’m at a stable position (especially with us both saving up for our wedding).
Despite this, my best friend, James (25M), who is in a different financial situation to me, often invites me to events held by his dad, or family occasions which he can get me into.
We’ve been close since we were like 6, and got even closer when he was put in my foster home for a while (they couldn’t find his dad). The thing is James and his dad have a somewhat strained relationship, with his dad being kind of snobby, so James usually lends/buys me something to fit in on the day of the event, which obviously, costs him money.
I used to protest when I was younger, but James doesn’t like going to those things on his own, and I’ve gotten accustomed to letting get me things.
Next weekend, James’ dad is holding some sort of garden party, and James as usual invited me.
Lily was annoyed, and asked if I could take her as my plus one. I mentioned that there’s usually a pretty strict dress code and I don’t want James to get in trouble with his dad (they have a weird relationship) Lily said that James could just do what he usually does, which is get her something to fit in.
I said I wasn’t going to ask one of my closest friends for more money and/or mess up his relationship with his dad more than it already is.
Lily was really mad, and said this meant I didn’t care about her, because James clearly didn’t have a problem ‘forking over’ for me and all she was doing was suggesting I ask.
I don’t know, I’m in a tough spot here and I just think it would be weird to invite another guest on James’ dime. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What an incredibly rude suggestion your “partner” made. James takes you and makes you fit in as his guest because he enjoys your company.
If he ever wanted to extend that invitation beyond you I promise he’d have already done it. Not to mention, your company is kind of the return on his investment. Bringing your significant other would make him feel like a third wheel – and probably would make him feel very used.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would, however, let James know that constantly going to these events without your wife is putting a strain on your relationship. If this is a two or three time per year occurrence, that’s one thing. But you said often, and if it’s more often than you get date nights with your wife, I could see how she feels like she’s getting a raw deal as James can afford more of your time than she can.” Raedriann
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t think you’re able to jerk for saying no on the context of him purchasing her something to wear. That said, I don’t think she’s a jerk for asking to go to the party. If these are fancy events that you frequently get to go to, and often get new outfits for, I would assume she occasionally feels like she’s missing out.
And maybe part of it is usually these big events are ones you go to as a couple. Being your partner and eventually wife, it may really feel like she’s being more so excluded. I’m guessing that’s where part of the “you don’t care about me” is coming from.
And while it would be rude to ask for clothes, part of me would think if she’s seen him buy you new nice clothing time and time again, she may not see the harm in asking, even if you prefer to be modest.” anxious_crafter323
13. AITJ For Asking Where My Partner Was When He Left Without Telling Me?
“My partner (m) and I (f) have been together a few years and living together for 18 months.
Yesterday was a public holiday so we both had the day off work. I asked him if he had any plans or wanted to do anything (he got up far later than me), and he said no so I said I’d go out and do some shopping like I had mentioned previously.
He was OK with this so I went. I came back a few hours later, his car wasn’t on the drive. I checked my phone, no messages or calls. I put all the shopping away, and did a few more chores; he still wasn’t back so I sent him a message saying I was back home and asking if he’d been called out to a job, which can (and has) happened. I didn’t call in case he was with a customer.
He replied saying he was at his friend’s house and would be back soon. I know his friend, he’s a nice guy and I have no issues with him.
Anyway, he returned home and was in a mood, giving me the silent treatment. I asked him a few times what the issue was.
He replied that he didn’t appreciate me trying to control him, where and when he went anywhere!
I asked him what gave him that idea…. it was the text I’d sent him. I told him that if he’d mentioned he was going to see his friend before I left or sent me a message telling me that, I wouldn’t have bothered him.
He knows that as he’s done that before. I also told him I didn’t have a problem with him seeing friends (I’ve encouraged it before). I was also pleasant when he arrived back, didn’t give him a hard time or anything.
I said I was sure he’d appreciate knowing if I’d decided to pop out last minute (purely out of politeness), and he responded that he couldn’t give a darn what I did.
He’s now barely speaking to me, and I’m starting to wonder if there’s something untoward behind this. Am I the jerk for just asking where he is?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ part of a PARTNERSHIP is sharing info like your whereabouts out of respect for the other person, and also just for safety reasons!
You could try having a calm conversation with him about your reasons for wanting to know where he is, letting him know it’s not about control. If he can’t talk to you about this and immediately shuts downtime to get out.” Dragonfruit1936
Another User Comments:
“Is he always like this? Because that’s bad behavior. My partner always texts or calls if he is leaving the house even when I am at work he will call and say hey I am going to XYZ? And I do the same for him.
Neither of us asked the other to do that. It’s basic politeness and I think it’s normal for a relationship to check in with each other especially when there is an expectation for the other person to be home… It’s not about controlling the other person it’s about knowing that if something happens your partner knows where you are and can provide help or anything else that can pop up.
And he said I DON’T GIVE AN F….. ABOUT YOU. Honestly, you deserve better than this NTJ” Fickle-Outside-6086.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If I’d expected my husband to be home and he wasn’t, I’d probably text him to ask where he is and/or when to expect him.
He’d do the same with me. Neither of us is trying to control the other at all, just trying to find out whether we need to make our plans for entertainment or food, or whether the other will be home soon so it’s better to wait.
Either he’s upset about something else and taking it out on you, or he’s got a hair trigger on this subject because that was a perfectly reasonable thing to ask.” KaliTheBlaze
12. AITJ For Accidentally Revealing My Pregnancy At My Friend's Bridal Shower?
“I 31F am a bridesmaid for my friend Abby 32DF. Abby and I are high school friends, and while we’ve drifted, I was honored to be a bridesmaid.
She asked some of our other high school friends, some of which I haven’t seen since college in person.
I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago, but I didn’t want to announce it, as I announced my pregnancy last year to family and friends and then had a miscarriage.
I was quite surprised I was pregnant again so soon, but my partner and I were happy and we decided to wait until I was further along to announce to be on the safe side.
At Abby’s bridal shower, her maid of honor got us to play a drinking game.
I opted out of drinking obviously, and settled on water and said I had to be up early tomorrow so I couldn’t drink.
I thought it was fine, until halfway through my high school friend Jane was quite tipsy and offered me a shot, and I said no I really can’t.
She pestered me and said that she would personally wake me up early tomorrow so it would be fine, but I insisted no. She then asked if I was pregnant and I got flustered and said no, but she caught me and said I was a bad liar.
She was quite loud and congratulated me and told everyone I was pregnant. I felt uncomfortable, as I didn’t want to disclose this, and it was Abby’s day, not mine.
Everyone congratulated me there and I brushed it off, thinking people were quite tipsy so they’d probably not even remember tomorrow morning.
I wasn’t having as much fun as everyone else was drinking, so I opted to leave first and thought it was all fine. I got a text today, two days later from Abby saying she was upset that I announced my pregnancy at her bridal shower.
I apologized by the text and said I didn’t mean for it to come out, but that Jane had announced it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because you didn’t mean for it to come out. Jane is the jerk because she shouldn’t have announced news that wasn’t hers to share.
Who does that? OP didn’t want to share that news with everyone or she would’ve made the announcement herself. Also, I hate when people pressure others to drink. What if someone was a recovering heavy drinker, struggled with their relationship with booze, or just didn’t like it?
Peer pressuring someone to drink like it’s high school is lame on her part.” CatDependent4280
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t announce it. Jane outed you. You do need to learn to “dismiss politeness”. You should have told Jane that you didn’t want a darn drink and to leave you alone.
Text Jane and tell her she needs to learn how to mind her own business because she ruined the shower for you and the bride.” keep south
Another User Comments:
“I hate when people post these. NTJ. Like, seriously, you didn’t announce your pregnancy at your friend’s bridal shower.
Your title is disingenuous. What were you supposed to do? Terminate the pregnancy before her bridal shower? Take a shot while pregnant? You had one reasonable option, which was to decline the drink, and then your tipsy friend was a jerk. How could you be the jerk when you didn’t do anything?” raise your spirits
11. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Quit His Disrespectful Job Without A Backup Plan?
“So, he recently got dismissed from the job he had for about 5 years because of “attendance issues” on their end.
They then immediately promoted someone to his position, that’s not the point.
Anyways, he had connections to another company (background, it was someone who he worked with at the prior company and helped get dismissed for harassment.). He got the job, like immediately after stepping into the interview because of this connection.
(I must add he is not proud of using this connection but he needed income.)
So at this job, the work is super easy, like a toddler could do it. That’s not the issue. The issue is the coworkers. They are all nasty, foul-mouthed, disgusting humans.
They are always talking about sleeping with people’s daughters because of how big their butt is and how it would feel up against their balls. They like to take their walkies and shove them up each other’s butts. It makes my partner extremely uncomfortable.
They have also lied to him.
My partner works the night shift. He loves to stay up late and wake up late. They promised him the availability he had set and said they would never change it. They also said they don’t push rewards cards as hard as his other job.
Both lies. They have scheduled him morning shifts every Sunday so far and have even told him he has to come in at 6 am every so often. Instantly he’s mad. Also, he got written up in the two weeks he’s been there for not having anyone sign up for a rewards card.
He’s made it very clear that he isn’t comfortable with me going into his work and if I do, then I have to have him with me.
Always, my family and friends all say I’m AITJ because I told him to hand back the write-up and say no thanks I quit.
He doesn’t have a back up but I make enough to support us both for at least two weeks. So, AITJ for telling him to quit and walk out?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – I’m going to go ahead and ignore all of the work drama.
This job does not sound like a good fit for your partner for various reasons, he should start job hunting. It is not prudent for him to quit at this time, 2 weeks’ worth of income is not enough IMO. At the end of the day is it not up to you what he does on the job front, and your advice for him to walk out on the job may have come back to haunt him down the road if he stays in the same industry.” Abject_Chocolate_231
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. Not for telling him to quit, but for telling him to walk out. Every job you walk out on with no notice makes you harder to employ. If he’s not happy there, he should look for other jobs, by all means, but he should hang on to what he has until then.
If he could have gotten a job in two weeks with no problem, he wouldn’t have relied on a guy who was dismissed for harassment.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
10. AITJ For Not Letting My MIL Babysit Due To Safety Concerns?
“My husband (28m) and I (27f) have a 1-year-old daughter. We are a one-and-done family so she will be our only baby and we tend to be very protective of her.
Both my mom and my MIL have been amazing grandmas who love their granddaughter more than anything in the whole world. My mom was a teen mom so a relatively young grandma and had no problem keeping up with our toddler. Her house is completely baby-proofed and I feel comfortable leaving my daughter with her for a couple of hours knowing that she will keep her safe.
My mom usually babysits at least twice a month and my MIL knows this. She has been asking repeatedly when she will get a chance to babysit and we normally avoid the question and change the subject. There are a few reasons why we don’t feel comfortable leaving our child alone with her:
1. She’s much older than my mom and struggles to keep up with her granddaughter. She has mobility issues and it takes her a while to stand up/sit down and our daughter is FAST.
2. Her house is a borderline hoarder situation. There are no safe places for our daughter to play where she can’t get into something that she could choke on or hurt herself with.
3. She has little regard for safety and always leaves knives, glass cups, cleaning products, and medications on tables where our daughter can easily reach them. She also tries to put jewelry on our toddler sometimes but doesn’t realize how much of a choking hazard this is.
I really do love my MIL and I feel guilty not allowing her more time with her only grandchild, but I just don’t want to risk my child’s safety. We visit my in-laws at least once a week to make sure they have supervised time with her, but I can’t imagine I’d ever feel comfortable just leaving her there.
My husband feels the same way and fully supports this, but maybe we’re being overprotective first-time parents?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are not being overprotective; you are being vigilant and responsible parents. Is it possible for your MIL to watch the baby at your house instead of hers?
You are right that your child (or any child) would not be safe there. At least in your house, the easily reachable things that can hurt her are removed and you probably do have somewhere she can play and be safe. If that’s not possible, at some point you may have to gently tell MIL why you don’t feel that she can safely sit with your 1-year-old daughter.
If that happens, the roof will probably cave in and you will have to deal with hurt feelings and your MIL feeling insulted, even if you try hard to avoid that. But… you should stick to your rules that your child should not be left at her home.
You have valid reservations and you should not allow MIL to get around them in any way.” LonelyOwl68
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: just tell your MIL that one of your concerns is that her house isn’t baby-proofed and that your daughter is in a phase now where she gets into everything.
Also when your child is older, your MIL can babysit at your place or hers. Have your husband talk to your MIL, it will be easier for him to talk to her.” Additional_Day949
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to be upfront and tell your MIL the reasons why – maybe don’t focus on her mobility as much, as I think that’s less of an issue than the hoarding and the dangerous items. I’ve seen plenty of older grandparents cope with young children, but the key thing is that the children are in safe environments.
It’s unlikely she will change but I think not telling her why is likely to upset her – she’s going to think you’re playing favorites rather than having legitimate safety concerns. However, it might just be the push to change and get some help – who knows?
But I think honesty is the key to all positive relationships. As you’ve said, she loves your daughter so framing this as a conversation on what’s best for your daughter should (hopefully) minimize the hurt.” According-Let3541
9. AITJ For Lying About My Back Condition To A Nosy Coworker?
“I (26m) broke my back as a teen which caused some mild lifelong consequences, it’s nothing visible if you don’t know where to look, but in a nutshell, I can’t do a lot of stuff like heavy lifting and so on.
By no means it’s a mystery of the century or something but I don’t like talking about it because it usually means hearing some unsolicited medical advice.
Anyway, I was at work and my coworker (a lady in her 50s) had to move a heavy box, she asked me for help and I said no sorry I can’t I’ve got some issues with my back.
She asked what kind of and I said just issues hoping she’ll get the hint and leave me alone. She didn’t and continued asking even after I said I didn’t wanna talk about that. I was already irritated and I said I have SMA.
Don’t know why exactly I said it just picked a random disease that has to do with the spine off the top of my head. For the record my back issues are nowhere the same level of severity as people with SMA have so she could’ve caught my bluff easily and finally get the hint that I’m not sharing my private medical history with her.
Turns out she spread the gossip that I have SMA around the workplace and it reached my boss, my boss called me in and asked why I hadn’t told him about my disease, I said it’s not a disease and explained my predicament as long with the situation with the nosy lady.
He had us be called to the HR department where they talked to her about why you shouldn’t spread gossip at the workplace and told me that I shouldn’t spread lies about my health either.
Now she’s irritated at me saying that I embarrassed her on purpose and that I shouldn’t have lied. I think I’m not the jerk because she caused it upon herself.
The boss thinks we’re both at fault so I don’t know I just want to hear some unbiased opinions.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She should not be so nosey. If you have a legitimate medical limitation then a simple “I’m sorry but I cannot for medical reasons,” should more than suffice.
There’s no need for you to give her any kind of details or explanations. That being said, don’t lie. Why even lie about it in the first place? Did you think she wasn’t going to take your actual limitation seriously or something? Regardless, lying about it just makes everything worse.” skelly10s
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I get where you felt your back health issue was none of your co-worker’s business and so you exaggerated your situation rather than just tell her it was a private medical issue that you did not care to share.
I also get where in the work environment an older person might ask a younger, healthier-looking person for help in lifting something heavy. It wasn’t appropriate for her to pry in such an insistent manner, and it also wasn’t appropriate for you to lie. So, yes, you were both at fault even though her nosiness set it all in motion.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. You shouldn’t lie about your medical condition to anyone. All you have to say is that you have a medical condition, or a pre-existing injury, or similar – and if someone pushes for more, you point out that your private medical information is PRIVATE.
Glad to hear this person got called out for gossiping; and yes, she did that to herself, and has only herself to blame.” TrainingDearest
8. AITJ For Yelling At My Twin Sister For Copying My Interests?
“So I (16f) have a twin sister and we were super close when we were younger. We would always do things together and if I got a certain toy or candy my sister would want the same type.
People have always compared us and it always annoys me. My sister is a natural genius, she has a great memory and can pick up almost anything with little to no problems. She is the one that stands out the most and amazes our friends and family.
Last year, before the school year started, I decided to switch schools without telling her so I could be somewhere without being compared to her all the time. (I managed to convince my mom to not tell her because I would, which was a lie) After the first day, she asked me why I would leave her and I told her I was tired of being in her shadow.
We then got into an argument and I said some harsh things to her. Ever since then, I started to spend less with her, but she still tries to hang out with me sometimes.
Fast forward to now, I’ve started to do things that would set us apart, like changing my hair completely and picking up hobbies that she would never try.
I picked up the guitar and have been playing for about 4 months now. I thought I would finally have something that I would be able to call my own when just a couple of days ago my sister came home and showed me a guitar that she bought.
She said she had been saving money ever since I got mine so we could match and practice together.
I told her that I didn’t want to but she kept insisting. That’s when I got frustrated and yelled at her for always copying me and never letting me have one thing that I could call my own.
She started crying and left. Now I feel bad but I feel like my feelings are justified. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your parents are the jerks for not helping you two navigate your differences so you can have a healthy relationship and healthy self-esteem. Your sister isn’t a jerk.
She loves you and is a child who doesn’t know how to have a good relationship with you because she’s never been taught that skill. You aren’t a jerk. Your feelings are reasonable and I can only imagine how frustrating it is that you’re finally carving out your own space after so long in her shadow only for her to try and shove into it. But from what you’ve said- it doesn’t sound like she’s acting maliciously and honestly believed she was being a good sister and trying to meet you on your level and take part in something you love. If she had posted here asking how to be closer to you- people would have told her to pick up the guitar as well since it’s important to you.
She’s taking action that is commonly advised on how to be close to someone. If you want to, I think it’s worth sitting her down *once* and explaining how you feel and what you need from her to have a good relationship with each other.
Take your time to honestly think about what you need. If you’re too hurt for that right now, tell her that. But… I think your family are the ones you should be angry at, not your sister. And don’t throw away someone who cares about you lightly.
7. AITJ For Wanting To Split Up My Band Without Telling My Bandmate?
“I (19M) am in a band with my friend (16F) who I’ll call K.
We formed the band without thinking it’d be long-term, I’m a musician myself and she’s in another band as well, but the event I wanted to perform in didn’t allow soloists to enter so she ended up forming a group with me. After our first performance, we decided to keep the band so that we’d be able to perform in future opportunities this event held.
We always got along quite well aside from some issues with miscommunication (we’re both pretty bad at communicating our feelings, but it’s always something that gets resolved.) After a while of this, I started to take note that K seemed so much happier with her other band.
One night we were talking and the topic of cherry blossoms came up (it was cherry blossom season at that stage) and K mentioned that she didn’t like them because she found them eerie. I know it’s small, but at the moment this made me wonder if we were compatible as friends, let alone as a band.
I’ve failed with a lot of friendships in the past and while I’m not going to get into that, I guess I’m pretty sensitive to that topic now.
I didn’t want to split the band on bad terms so I ended up taking her on a fun day out first, she originally just asked to go to the arcade together but I brought her to the aquarium to get some food as well and I could tell she really enjoyed the experience.
I waved goodbye to her that evening and on my way home talked on the phone to someone about my plans, which I later found out her friends overheard.
Of course, they told K. When she found out she seemed pretty livid that I’d do something like that and to be honest I kind of get it.
I just thought it’d be better for her if our band split up, but I guess it’s bad for me to go against her wishes too.”
Another User Comments:
“So many questions… Do you think you cannot be bandmates because she …… checks notes…… has an opinion about a flower?
Newsflash: you don’t have to agree on everything to be friends/bandmates with someone. You take her out on a “date” to soften the blow of you wanting to leave the band, but you didn’t tell her you wanted to leave? Instead, you let her find out through the grapevine?
Either you’re a troll, or your reasoning is really weird, but YTJ” Dashqu.
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You’re acting weird and cagey about not wanting to play in a band, and you need to just be direct and simple in this simple situation. Also seemingly jealous of your bandmate for being in another band?
That’s some weird high-school drama club musician stuff if I’ve ever heard it. If you don’t want to play music with this girl ever again that’s okay you don’t have to! The bit about disagreeing over your general opinions on *cherry blossoms* is weird and, as written, you’re again weirdly overreacting.
Are there other relationship things or feelings going on here that extend beyond your friendship // bandmate status? If there is, stop it, that’s creepy.” peakmosquito4455
6. AITJ For Wanting To Charge My Sister Rent Because She Won't Watch Our Pets?
“I (24F) and my husband (27M) allowed my sister (20F) to live with us while she is in college for 2 years in our city. My husband and I originally considered if we should charge her rent, but ultimately decided not to because we thought she could watch our dogs when we travel.
In the past when we traveled she watched them for free and occasionally before she lived with us we would give her some cash. Keep in mind so far this has only been a total of about 2 weeks per year. In December we are going out of the country to visit my husband’s parents and other family that he has not seen in four years for 2.5 weeks.
It has been planned for a month or so and I assumed my sister would watch them like usual. Last weekend while visiting my parents, my mom mentioned that we needed to go ahead and find a pet sitter as they booked up. She said my sister also had some trips planned and my mom would not allow the pets at her house while they are out of town and my sister stays with my mom (1 hr away) during the holidays to be close to her fiance.
Keep in mind, that it is my mom that I am saving $10,000 per year to allow my sister to live with me while she is in school because my parents agreed to pay for our college. In my mind, I am doing them a huge favor, and watching our 2 well-mannered pets while we are gone is a small ask.
It will cost me $1,500 to get a pet sitter or board them which I don’t want to do. Am I the jerk if I charge her rent to pay for the sitter? She is mad at me for not accepting that she won’t watch them.
I always cook dinner for me, my husband, and her as a family each night (free of charge) and this has made it very awkward.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your sister is benefiting from free rent and the comfort of living in your home while she’s in college, but she’s not contributing to the household in return.
Watching your pets while you’re away is a reasonable expectation, especially given how much she’s saving by staying with you. If she’s unwilling to help out in this way, it’s fair to consider charging her rent to cover the cost of hiring a pet sitter.
Living rent-free should come with some level of responsibility, and it seems like she’s not holding up her end of the deal.” Move_Appropriate
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You assumed that your sister would stay at your place over the holidays. You assumed your parents would also petsit.
You assumed your sister would pet-sit the rest of the time. You can’t just make all these assumptions and then get mad when your assumptions are wrong.” CaptainMalForever
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here it is within your right to charge a (small) rent but expect some discussion over this of course.
Maybe you should’ve made the arrangement clear instead of assuming stuff, it is kind of unreasonable to expect your sister to be ready on call without telling her first, especially if she made plans before your request Ultimately, this was just bad communication, I don’t think anyone here is a jerk.
Maybe just tell her that you’re having trouble with expenses and since she’s staying it would help if she helped with the house expenses. I don’t know I’m never comfortable with direct family and money issues.” Common-Truth9404
5. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Newborn's Name Because My Sister-In-Law Likes It?
“My Partner (M34) and I (F32) recently welcomed our son Liam Alexander into the world. My partner’s sister (Katie) has 2 kids (James 6 and William 4) with her husband (Mike), and he has a daughter (10) with his EX.
My partner and I didn’t settle on a name for our son until the day of his birth.
I have always loved the name Liam, for its sound and meaning, and was over the moon when my partner finally agreed to one of the names on my list.
24 hours after Liam was born our families came to meet him, his sister being one of the first. We announced his name to her and her immediate response was “Oh, I’ve always loved the name Liam, but Mike wouldn’t let me use it for our first son!
Could you change it? Maybe call him Alexander as his first name? It sounds nicer!” I firmly said I loved the name too, and while I empathize with her, we would not be changing his name, or the order of his names.
I thought that was the end of it until she visited us at home, a week later, and brought it up again.
The reason Mike didn’t let her use the name is because his EX has a son with that name. I told them that shouldn’t have stopped her from using the name she loved. Those boys do not know each other, do not go to the same school, don’t have the same last name, and live separate existences outside of their shared half-sister.
I also said she could still use the name in the future, it’s common in my culture and tends to serve as a bond between the kids.
For clarification, Katie and I have never discussed baby names, and we have no name pacts.
The only reason I feel like a jerk is that Mike and his EX have a toxic co-parenting relationship, and this understandably affects Katie.
Katie and I have a good relationship but she doesn’t talk about Mike’s ex, so this is as much as I know.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Liam is the Irish Gaelic form of the name “William”. She already has a son named William and Liam is one of several common nicknames for William.
If she brings this odd idea of you renaming your child again you need to take her aside and tell her that Liam is your son’s name– you aren’t going to change it. Tell her you love her but her refusing to let it drop is concerning and making you uncomfortable.
Make it clear the topic is no longer open for discussion. Don’t allow her to make up any “nicknames” for him– that happened with a colleague’s mother-in-law who didn’t get her “choice” name for the grandson and so used it as her “grandma’s special nickname”.
The colleague and her husband shut that down by always correcting her — and implying that she was having memory problems since she couldn’t remember her grandson’s name. NTJ But if her husband wouldn’t let her name their first son Liam why would he agree to name another son Liam?????” celticmusebooks
4. AITJ For Charging My Friend For Car Damage After I Sold The Car?
“I (35M) rented one of my extra cars to one of my best friends, BB (25F). It’s a 2014 Ford Taurus, 80k miles, valued around 10k-12k.
The plan was for her to rent it until she could secure financing to purchase it. She ended up getting into a car accident which did damage to the entire back end of the vehicle, deployed the airbags, and the vehicle was unable to be driven.
After a mess with the insurance claims being denied, she promised she would pay for everything out of pocket, even if she had to slowly pay me payments, but she planned to still buy it and pay for the repairs herself.
My mechanic said for the cost of all the airbags, new trunk, bumper, lights, labor, etc., the cost would be like $6,000.
But he could get it drivable for around $2000.
The options I gave BB:
1. Buy it for 10k and repair it at your leisure.
2. Fix it for 6k (which is the cost of the damage).
Well, we decided on the 3rd and worst option: pay $2000 for the minimum repair to get it drivable and “eventually” buy it for 10k.
So BB paid the 2k even though the overall value of the car was diminished there were no airbags and the truck wouldn’t open and close, it still drove fine.
One year goes by and BB has yet to come up with the 10k to purchase it and has zero dollars to put towards it.
So I trade it in for another car. Because of the damage, the dealership only gave me 2500 for it.
After hearing what I traded it in for, BB is angry that I’m still wanting to charge her $4000, the cost of the damage minus what she already paid, since I took such a big loss on the trade-in.
She’s also super upset that I didn’t give her the option to buy the car for $2500 since that’s what I traded it for.
Facts:
Worth 10k-12k on KBB.
Damage estimate 6k.
Semi-repair 2k (paid by her).
Trade for 2500.
AITJ for still charging her after I sold it?
Does she still owe me or no?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here It sounds like all of this stuff was handshake agreements between you and your friend. You shouldn’t have loaned somebody a car when you have garbage insurance. She was probably never going to give you any serious money even if she intended to.
Who the heck would shell out 10K for a car that has been totaled? Lots of good intentions here with bad negotiating and handshake agreements.” Neutral_Guy_9
Another User Comments:
“YTJ YOU broke the deal. She does not get the car, so she will not pay.
You would have sold the car for 10-12K. She did not get the car. So 10-12K gets deducted from what she owes you. So: No more money for you, and you can be glad she does not sue you to keep the contract.” Excellent-Count4009
3. AITJ For Leaving My Friend's Art Show After She Made Me Wait?
“An old friend recently got into art and had her first solo art show a few days ago.
I recently got into photography and social media, so I volunteered to be the designated photographer for the night.
Now, 2 weeks before the event, it turned out she needed help with something for the upcoming show almost every day! Now I’m taking photos of her art in her backyard for hours, I’m going places with her to take photos at the gallery where she had something hanging too.
I’m there to help her come up with the prices. I wrote an article for her. I wrote her an artist bio that she submitted to the art show organizers. I made an Instagram reel to promote the upcoming show. I wrote her a sample email to help her get sponsors for the art show.
On the day of the art show, I arrive at her place at 4 pm, to help her choose what to wear (at her request), so we can leave at 4.30, and be at the place at 5 pm before the show opens at 7. To take more photos.
Except when I arrive she has just woken up. So for another hour and a half, I sit there as she’s brushing her teeth, changing her undergarments 3 times, 5 different outfits, 3 bras, 5 pairs of shoes…
While I already took time to get ready and to be there for her on time.
We’re both in our late 30s, it’s not like we’re teenagers. The whole time she kept saying “I’m almost done, 5 more minutes”.
So at 5.30, I was beyond irritated, and said “Listen, I’m sorry, I’ve already been at it today for a few hours, I’m now in a pretty bad mood and I don’t think I can be your photographer for the next 3 hours”.
And I left.
She got mad and just said ok and left. Called me a few minutes later saying she could still come back to pick me up, but I said I don’t think it’s a good idea.
She said this was her day and she needed to get properly ready and it shouldn’t be a huge deal.
We haven’t spoken since. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH a bit. I feel like if you’d promised to be the event photographer and the rest of the small pre-event tasks were too much you shouldn’t have overcommitted by adding those to your plate.
It was the event that she likely needed you at the most. That said, she had to have realized you wouldn’t want to sit there while she changed and got ready. She may have been viewing you as the overall supportive friend for this entire ordeal, but that was a bit dramatic to call this “her day.” Ultimately it wasn’t cool that you bailed on the event and she wasn’t considerate to you either.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“I am leaning towards YTJ here. I was initially conflicted between y.t.a and e.s.h. You volunteered. She demanded a lot from you and I agree that the repeated dress change on the day of the event was frustrating.
However, you did leave her hanging on the main day after you volunteered. She offered to pick you up later and you still refused. I would say it was petty and vengeful on your part here You did help her a lot but you ditched her on the main day.
None of your previous marketing efforts helped her when there was no photographer on the day of the event. I rest my case here ” Top-Fishing2244.
2. AITJ For Wanting To Get The Same Glasses As My Sister?
“I’ve had glasses for as long as I can remember. When I was younger my older sister would bully me for them so I would hide them in my backpack once I got to school but eventually my mom found out and had my teacher search my bag every day.
So I started hiding them around the house and even broke them on a few occasions. I hated them but once I reached fourth grade I started wearing them.
I stopped when I reached high school and have been trying to get back into the habit of wearing them since then.
In the past couple of years, I’ve tried multiple frames and I just hate them. Recently, though, I’ve been getting headaches when I don’t wear them but I just cringe whenever I see my reflection.
Now to my younger sister. She got glasses a few years after I did she went through a few styles before settling on her recent frames.
The day that she picked them out, we were both looking for new glasses and I recommended she get clear frames and in return, she picked out a pair of metal frames for me. I ended up hating those glasses more than any other that I’ve had while she loved hers.
I’ve tried every style but clearly, even though I’ve always liked them. I think that if I had a pair with clear frames I’d be more likely to wear them because right now I have to just deal with the blurriness and headaches or wear glasses that make me avoid looking at myself altogether.
The only reason I haven’t gotten them yet is because I brought this up with her as a courtesy, thinking that she wouldn’t mind but she got really upset and said that it was her ‘signature’ and that I’d be messed up if I got those.
I kind of get where she’s coming from but also I’ve never had a problem with sharing things so I can’t fully understand how she feels.
I don’t know; am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk here, your sister bullies and criticizes you for wearing glasses, then when she gets them herself she thinks she can dictate YOUR decisions when it comes to glasses despite her past toxicity?
Did she even apologize?! And, speaking as a fellow wearer of glasses, you don’t need to worry about how good your glasses look on you, I didn’t like mine when I first got them, but now I wear them every day! It more matters how your glasses help you see, and considering you also get headaches from not wearing yours, the glasses you like are much more a necessity for you than for her.
You’ll get used to them, and if you still really don’t like them, there’s always contacts! …I was never the best at advice… Still hope it helps.” Magmosi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister sucks. She bullied you for needing glasses and then gets upset when she needs to wear them and you want to try a similar style?
Not. First of all, anyone who gets upset about someone “copying their style” as a grown adult needs to do some serious reflecting as to why they’re immature little children. Second, as someone who wore glasses long before my sister did, neither one of us has ever gotten upset that our frames looked alike, and our frames have looked extremely similar for years now.
Like nearly identical when I’m trying to find my glasses and need glasses to find my glasses. Get the clear frames, and maybe consider not talking to your sister in the future. You don’t want to go through this every time you need new glasses.” abbyb42069
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – everyone in my family had the same brownish frames for a bit, who cares! No need to follow this suggestion, but purposely choosing a different glasses shape could be an amazing argument to throw back at her if/when she brings it up.
Being able to say “Our glasses are so obviously different, yours are round and mine are square. If you can’t tell they are different, maybe you need to check your prescription” or something, could help shut her down.” Aggressive_Cloud2002
1. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Friend My Lunch Money Anymore?
“I (14F) have been friends with my friend (also 14F). We’ve always been close and have done a lot for each other over the years. However, I’m starting to have second thoughts about our friendship.
Lately, things have been rough for her. Her parents lost their jobs and they’re struggling to make ends meet.
She’s been relying on her friends to buy her lunch at school, and I’ve been more than happy to help her out. But lately, it’s been getting out of hand. She’s started taking my lunch money without asking, and it’s getting frustrating.
So, the other day, I decided to put my foot down.
I approached her and said that I couldn’t keep lending her money, that I needed that money for myself. I told her that we could still be friends, but that this wasn’t okay. She immediately exploded, calling me selfish and greedy. I tried to explain that I couldn’t afford to keep giving her my money, but she wouldn’t listen.
Now, our friends are split down the middle, some think I’m a terrible person for not helping her out when she needs it, while others think that she’s taking advantage of me. I feel really bad about it. I can’t eat at school anymore and I get home very tired and unable to do schoolwork or anything.
I feel super guilty but my mom is telling me she’s manipulating me. I know I might be called a jerk and the simple solution is “I can just eat at home” but it’s not that simple.
For me at least, I can’t focus on school.
I get dizzy and cranky when I don’t eat. Funny enough I could never go a day without eating. So not being able to buy food is very harmful to me and I’ve fainted at times. Sure, I could make my own food but I get embarrassed. And I can’t afford to wake up earlier to have breakfast. So…
I don’t know, but that brings me to my question: AITJ for not giving my friend lunch money even though she’s in a tough spot?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ here young lady, your friend I’m very sad that her family is going through hardship, but the schools should be able to provide something for low-income students there.
Of course, this is going to have to be on her parents reaching out to the school and finding what lunch program there is too.” Right-Anything2075
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unsure where you are, but most places in the US will have a free hot lunch option for kids whose parents don’t make enough money to pay for it.
If that’s where you are, her parents need to sign her up for that. People get embarrassed, but resources are there to be used. The solution is for her family to sign her up for free lunch, and see what else they can get (EBT, food banks, etc.) The solution is NOT for you to skip lunch every day.
You both need lunch.” FarAcanthocephala708
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s not your responsibility to feed your friend, you’ve helped her as much as you could and you’ve already done a lot for her, but this problem is beyond you. Think of yourself first and of your lunch, you should never help someone at your expense.
As for your friend, she should ask the school for help and tell them about her situation. She can also bring her food – it’s cheaper than school lunches. Her family is struggling but there are solutions and using your lunch money isn’t one of them.” PandaCotton
