People Get Irritated In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out And Leave My Deaf And Widowed Mother?
“I’m 21F and I just graduated last Thursday, with a job lined up starting in a month.
I currently live with my mother who is deaf and mute. It’s just us two because I lost my dad in January.
I’ve always wanted to move out for many reasons: Needing independence and, having a life of my own, but also I just can’t stay here anymore.
My mom can lash out verbally at me about things that I didn’t cause, do, or can’t control, and it’s been hurtful but I’m always pressured to “understand” because that’s the way that she is. For the past 8 years, I’ve always gotten angry treatment from her and I’ve grown to be insecure, scared, and not confident in myself.
I’m also pressured to almost be her caregiver in a way that I always translate for her, work on her appointments and papers for her, etc. I helped her with getting life insurance, doing taxes, doctor appointments, and more.
There have even been times that I skipped school and worked for her because I had no choice. And not once, did she thank me for what I’ve been doing.
With that being said, I told one of my aunts that I wanted to move out.
I thought she would understand. Plus it was just an idea that I wanted to express so that they’re not too surprised. But what was first a “message to express myself and let you know” turned into an argument.
I first expressed myself neutrally and told them I’d just be in the same town so I would still support my mom financially and help out with the bills. Told them I wanted to be more independent because I still depend on my mom nowadays for many things.
Moving out will force me to figure things out on my own- which is what I want to do.
But my aunt didn’t respond very well. For example, I was told things like “Now that you graduated you want to escape from your mom because you think she’s toxic and she’s unhealthy for you and she’s a burden to you”, “I thought you’re grown now, and matured, and I thought you’ll be understanding your mom because you studied psychology but you’re only concerned about validating your feelings and goals and being away from your mom”, “I trusted you that you’ll be taking care of you mom but maybe they’re right, you shouldn’t be trusted you’ll just leave your mom”, “It’s just you and your mom now, she just lost your dad and she has a disability and you’re gonna leave her?” and many more that I’m just exploding at this point but also wondering if I was in the wrong.
AITJ for wanting to move out at all? Considering that my mom is a widow, has a disability, needs help with many things.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Don’t let your Aunt, your mom, or anyone try to paint the G for guilt on your forehead because you aren’t guilty of anything except for wanting to live YOUR life.
There are probably plenty of resources for your mom where she lives. Get her set up with a hearing-impaired service provider so she can type out her speech and receive messages she can read for phone calls, voicemails, and more.
Maybe a service dog is available for her. Lights can go in certain ways, like blinking or other patterns when the doorbell and the phone ring to alert a deaf person. Call the local Social Services for assistance.
Go live your life and gain your independence. Get away from the verbal mistreatment. Your aunt can move into your mom’s house and take over. See how long that will last! Good luck! You’re 21 years old and have been working hard for this!
Congratulations on graduating!” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It is natural for a young adult to want to be independent. Your mother should not expect you to be her caretaker forever. She should be taking care of herself.
Maybe she should have treated you better if she didn’t want you to leave. People with disabilities live on their own all the time, and there’s no reason why she can’t take care of herself. She isn’t helpless.
If your aunt is so concerned, she can take care of your mother.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You absolutely should live your life. Your aunt has no right to guilt you into taking care of your mom.
Heck, it makes me think the aunt is worried SHE will be burdened with some of that care as a result. Your mom has no right to burden you with that care either. It’s good to help, for sure but you need to figure out who you are.
Perhaps make arrangements for other family members/friend circle to check on her. Perhaps local caregiving agencies? Are there nonprofits that can help? Get some assistance lined up for her before you go. Then, find your life.
Live the best one you can.” goldenfingernails
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – coming from someone who was groomed to take care of her deaf sister-get out and live your life, please. Your mom is an adult and can go to social services to get her help.
Being deaf and mute doesn’t mean she can’t type or write out what she needs from someone. Helping pay bills and other things is admirable but there is a saying that my siblings and I repeat often: don’t light yourself on fire to warm others.
Get out and live your life because if you don’t then you will regret it.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Not Dropping My Work Shift To Spend Time With My Partner?
“To start I want to say, I am over $12,000 in debt. I work 2 jobs and only get a certain amount of time to myself and probably one day off a week. I’m trying to balance, taking care of myself, having a life, spending time with my partner, paying off this debt, AND building my savings.
It can get overwhelming for me and draining.
My partner asked me about going to the beach with him Monday but I said I had to check my schedule to see if I worked. I told him I do work but I get off at 4.
He then asked me to drop it. I told him I didn’t want to because of financial reasons but we could go another day and asked him to give me a few minutes and I’ll see when I’m available to go.
Immediately he got upset telling me to forget it. He said I made him feel inadequate by not wanting to drop my shift.
I got extremely upset because I spent my only days off WITH HIM. I spend time with him after work, I try to see him before work as well even when I’m DRAINED. He said the days that he works are normally the days I’m off and that’s not always true but I make time ALL the time to see him.
The only thing he does is work 3 days a week, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday as a server. Other than that he stayed home and played video games. He makes more in these 3 days than I do in a week sometimes.
He has practically 0 debt and pays 400 to his parents monthly for rent. We can go to the beach any other time when I’m not working. For example, I offered Friday because I’m off and he works later at night.
He told me he didn’t want to go before work. That upset me because I make time for him as much as I can. After all, I can’t afford to drop shifts. I said we could do something after I get off on Monday because I get off early and go to the beach another day and he said he’s not making any promises.
Then he says I take everything so personally when he’s asking me to do something that doesn’t cost any money. But if he asks me to drop my shift then it is costing me money that I could have made.
Now he’s telling me that he reconsidered seeing me this week entirely and doesn’t want to at all. I kept trying to give options about how I could rearrange my work schedule so I could still see him, go to the beach, and make money and he just said to stop trying and doesn’t want to go anymore.
I understand he wants to spend time with me and I do too but I just wish he was more understanding of my financial situation right now. I have a lot more responsibilities that I need to take care of and he has little to none.
Please tell me AITJ? How do I even approach or fix this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your partner is not a partner, he is a self-centered brat! Take your power back girl! You are giving and giving you deserve someone who appreciates the effort!
Not someone who is all greedy and dismissive over your situation! He should be the man and even try to help you get rid of the debt! That is dusty behavior get yourself a real man who is a hustler and take care of yourself in the meantime..
drop that jerk.” fancywithme
Another User Comments:
“Omg NTJ. Your partner had no right to throw a fit when you told him you couldn’t switch your shift. As you said, you’re working SIX DAYS A WEEK, trying to pay off debt.
That comes first. Getting your finances in order so that you’re stable and safe comes before beach trips with your partner. Also, you said you already spend the majority of your free time with him, so he has no ground to stand on.” Far_Quantity_6133
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a man, I am telling you right now a real man would either understand or, because you explained he has no debt and pays a measly $400 in rent (omg I haven’t paid that little in rent since about 2002), either he needs to be understanding that you have debts to pay off, OR he needs to be a real partner and help you financially so you wouldn’t have to work so often.
I went out with a girl once in a similar situation and I understood fully that she needed to make that money, and at two times I can think of when I wanted to do something and she had to work, I would buy her shift from her (assuming she could get someone to cover) meaning I would pay her so she could afford to not take the work shift and do what I wanted to do.
If you’re already devoting the small amount of free time you have to spend it with him, then clearly no matter it just will never be enough. Anybody who accuses another of “putting work before me” is either a master manipulator or a spoiled brat who never had to work before and you can’t change those types of people.
My advice is that if he can’t “see this” is to find yourself a man who has worked for a living and might know the struggle of working yourself out of debt” TKE900
17. AITJ For Refusing To Eat My Mom's High Calorie Meals While Trying To Lose Weight?
“My mom loves cooking, she’s retired now and it has become her new passion to make everything from scratch, bread, burgers, pasta anything. She’s pretty good at it and always trying new things.
The problem is, she will force you to eat and guilt trip you or scream at you that she’ll never cook again if you don’t.
I’m slightly overweight, trying to lose weight. I’m 20 years old, live with my parents because uni in my country does not have dorms. I feel pressured to appease to all her whims since they’re paying for my education.
I don’t go out, I don’t drink and I only study and work. I haven’t gotten my license yet because where I live the process to get your license is almost 6,000 dollars (if you do the currency exchange) so I don’t have the means to do that currently, and I also suck at driving.
This means that she drives me to the few places I go when I go out, including the gym. She usually holds that over my head when I don’t want to eat her second serving of food, or even a serving of some caloric meal she made, saying she won’t take me anymore.
I’m prohibited from using Uber, as it is “dangerous” even if I have some money from my internship.
I can take the bus; but when I do she also guilt trips me as if it is me rejecting her or something.
Today she made burgers, two even though I only said I wanted one when she asked me how many. This is almost 1000 calories, and I just came back from the gym. I got upset and refused to eat, she made a whole show and the dinner got awkward and quiet.
I feel awful, she does everything for me worked her whole life for me to have a comfortable house and life, and is also paying for my education. I feel trapped, it’s like I have to be an absolute doormat or she’ll hold things over my head, the gym, the fact she had cancer when I was young, my college, my clothes.
Even affection, it’s a never-ending cycle of guilt.
In her defense, I had an eating disorder, but it never got very serious (no need for force-feeding and all that) and since then she’s gotten a bit overprotective when it comes to the food I eat, always putting more.
I understand her concern, but I’m quite literally 5’0, I do not need to eat the same portions my 6’0 dad does.
It felt awful leaving the food untouched on the table, especially because it would go to the trash and that’s wasteful.
I feel like an entitled brat, she quite literally pays for my life, makes me food, and gives me anything I could ever need. But I also don’t want to apologize, because that’s what usually happens.
I say I don’t want to eat a piece of cake or the caloric food she made, she gets upset, I cry because I feel guilty, I apologize beg for forgiveness, and it happens again”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, your mom sounds super controlling. First, if you tell her you don’t want the food and she makes extra anyway, she is deliberately setting you up for a problem. Second, the other things you mentioned are very concerning.
Like you are not allowed to go anywhere on your own, so she makes you accept her rides, and then also she is guilt-tripping you for taking those rides? Just what the heck. Don’t feel bad, your mom is very much in the wrong.” Titanea_Tau
16. AITJ For Showing Videos About Autism After A Girl Insulted An Autistic Boy?
“I (29F) am a 5th grade teacher, this is my 7th year teaching.
On Monday, our school had its field day. Our school takes field day very seriously and gives out ribbons plastic bracelets and other prizes for 1st place in every event per group.
One of my students (11M) I have this year is easily the most talented student I’ve ever had, he’s incredibly smart and just won the school spelling bee, he’s kind and a great kid.
His passion is sports, especially basketball. He’s very talented, and I know he has a high score in the school for the Pacer test, the sit-up and push-up tests. He dominated on Monday and had many ribbons bracelets and some other prizes to take home.
One of his friends was in a different group and was probably the 2nd best student overall. This boy is a whiz in academics like the quiz bowl and also does basketball, he’s highly competitive but very close friends with boy 1.
Boy 2 is autistic, the boys came in after the event and the second boy said something like “Next year I’ll win”, they were doing friendly trash talk, which the boys in this friend group always do.
They’re very nice kids, just competitive with each other.
Their banter was loud and one of the girls overheard them. She doesn’t like the boys, but especially boy 2, who she sees as “weird”. I’ve had some conversations with her mom and her mom always says “Autism isn’t an excuse to be weird”.
The girl told boy 2 that he would “never” be as strong as his friend, she made a comment on why he’s so weird and made a comment about his sensory issues, and the boys started defending him.
On Tuesday, for our morning work, I decided to put on a video of the world’s strongest man talking about his autism. I also showed a few more videos of various athletes, including major ones like NFL players talking about autism.
I asked the class their thoughts. The girl refused to participate and said that these videos were “stupid”. She said these people in the videos were “weirdos”. I told her she would get a 0 on her morning work and she said that was fine with her.
On Tuesday night, I get an email from the mom of the girl. She said I was “bullying” her daughter for “not embracing the woke narrative on disability”. She said she would be contacting the principal because I was “trying to shove an agenda on her” and “forcing her to be friends” with the autistic boy and she said that giving my daughter a 0 was also bullying.
My principal is a good guy, I discussed the email and he laughed it off and said I was fine. I also told my mom about this, who’s a retired teacher. My mom said I was in the wrong and that I shouldn’t show “controversial” videos in my class.
She said that she wouldn’t do that in her day and how I should apologize to the mom. She said the mom has the right to be concerned with “the rise of autism these days” and it’s my job to quell her fears, rather than make them worse.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, I think you were just being a good teacher. Not only did you challenge the girl’s prejudices, but you also showed Boy 2 that he could accomplish anything. Also, that girl will, in all likelihood, need to deal with people on the spectrum.
They could be her boss, her teacher, her co-worker, her client, etc. If you can help wear away at these prejudices now, it will make her more likely to succeed in the future. She doesn’t need to be friends with people she thinks are “weird” but she does need to learn how to be respectful and work with them because that ability could impact her future success.
From what I can tell that was what you were trying to do, so good job :)” Mamabarrasaurs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This girl is in for a rude awakening when she gets out into the real world.
Her ignorance is not tolerated anymore. You saw a teachable moment, & you decided to take advantage of it. You were not picking on her & it was not bullying. You didn’t do anything wrong. Giving her a 0 for not participating was warranted. She is extremely ignorant.
I blame that on her parents. And you were just trying to educate her & everyone else because she is the one who was the bully.” NOTTHATKAREN1
Another User Comments:
“Oh, honey, you’re NTJ here. You did the right thing by standing up for that sweet autistic boy and showing your class that people with autism can be incredibly talented and successful.
That girl needs to learn that it’s not okay to make fun of someone’s differences, and she needs to realize that being autistic doesn’t make someone any less valuable or capable. The mom is just enabling her daughter’s behavior by claiming it’s a “woke narrative,” and you’re doing the world a favor by exposing kids to different perspectives and stories.
As a teacher, it’s your job to create a safe, inclusive environment for all your students, and you did just that by sharing those videos. You’re teaching empathy and acceptance, and those lessons go way beyond the classroom.
You’re not shoving an agenda down anyone’s throat – you’re teaching respect and kindness, which are two things that little girl could use a lesson on.” LindaNextDoors
15. AITJ For Considering Cutting Off My Mom After Years Of Silent Treatment?
“Since I (39F) was a kid, my mom would use silent treatment as a punishment. It could be over something I did or said that she didn’t like, an argument, me forgetting something, & she never clearly explained the reason after because I should just know.
Between the silent treatments, years of being mistreated by an older family member (I was 5 when it started and still got blamed), & helping her raise & watch over my siblings through her divorce, I was left with some childhood trauma.
For some reason, I still seek her love, friendship, and approval. She’s given others the silent treatment for years (think 10+ years with some family), and only ends her silence when she wants to no matter how much the other person tries to mend things.
This has cost her MANY friendships.
It’s been 10+ years since she’s used it on me, we’ve gotten along better now that she’s remarried. Recently we got into a fight about her constantly guilting me over not spending enough time with her.
We’ve had some tension lately due to her very ignorant response to a family member’s spouse transitioning and I admit I was short with her. As a side note, whenever I feel hurt over something she says it’s my fault for “taking it the wrong way”.
I waited a few days to calm down after this last argument, then reached out and asked if she wanted to hang out this month. All she sent was a cold “no thank you.” so I knew she was mad.
I sent her an apology for my word choices (not for how I felt but how I expressed it), told her I loved her & was met with silence.
I also noticed she unfriended me on Switch.
It’s been a week, and two days in I broke down sobbing and told my husband. He had known something was bothering me & when shown the texts he was horrified that a parent could do that, said it was extremely abusive and that she was no longer welcome in our home until she apologized to me which may never happen.
We’d talked previously about her doing it but I guess experiencing it was a different matter. Seeing his anger over it has helped me see how wrong this is and how much this has impacted me. I feel guilty all the time for no reason have almost zero self-esteem (working on that), over-explain everything, feel anxious if someone doesn’t respond right away, am a chronic people pleaser, etc…
I understand I need to look into therapy which will be happening as soon as possible.
I’ve decided that this time though, no matter what, I won’t reach back out first. I already extended an olive branch in my message last week as well as an apology, and expressed my love & got nothing.
I’m not going to beg. If or when she reaches out next, no matter the reason, I intend to tell her that if she uses her silent treatment on me again it will be the last time we speak.
I will cut her out completely. Would that make me the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. I am sorry for your trauma. It is hard to break the codependency that our controlling parents put on us, especially mothers.
You want her approval because she has subtly manipulated you to NEED this over the years. You are breaking free. Good for you! Therapy can help. BTW, She sounds way worse than the silent treatment type…10 years is biblical shunning.
Holy cow. Also, I love the irony of your overall question. Basically, “Should I shun a shunner?” Um, yes. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.” TopTierUsers
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I gotta ask, why don’t you just cut her off completely?
I’m not asking for me, as in, I don’t need an answer. It’s more of an ask-yourself type thing. My mom was always toxic af. Controlling, petty, insecure, heavy drinker who quit drinking but did nothing about the behaviors.
We had 0 relationship for about 20 years. When we started gradually having one again, there were hard-core ground rules. She tried this same thing on me. We would go months without talking. Mostly because I took to ignoring her if she wanted to be a jerk.
She tried the silent treatment on me too. Didn’t work though, because I wouldn’t reach out in any way. When her side of the family complained I pointed out it’s a two-way street and I don’t owe her anything.
She didn’t raise me, we barely have a relationship, etc. So if you’re so stressed about it then talk to her not me.” bmw5986
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to set and enforce boundaries, with consequences for violations, but I would be careful to set a penalty that you know you will follow through on.
Unless you are willing to never speak to her again, I would decide on something you know you can do — say, go no contact for a month. It may be in your best interest to go full-on no contact in the end, but you might find that setting boundaries that have real consequences allows you to interact with her with cycles of her cutting out her crap so that you can interact well for a while, then her slipping into testing the waters with some BS, needing you to show you mean business again.
Either this will result in the relationship getting better, with her negative behaviors minimized, or you finding out that she is incorrigible and going low or no contact.” kurokomainu
14. AITJ For Wanting To Report My Negligent Supervisor Despite Her Personal Struggles?
“My work hosts events like weddings, company parties, things of that sort. We serve food, bus tables, refill drinks, help with technical issues, and all that jazz.
Everyone except our supervisor.
Her job requires her to “1. Relay information between the client and staff. 2. Relay information between management and the staff. 3. Carry out all duties required of (company name) banquet staff”. However, as of late, she’s done none of these things.
Examples include:
Taking a 2 hr nap on the job while I and another coworker worked a 13 hr shift
Taking substances on the clock
Disappearing for 10-70 minutes a shift to smoke on the clock
Standing and watching as understaffed crews carry out tasks
Telling the crew to do tasks that the client has already asked us to do (because she was out smoking)
Complaining that the staff comes in late from breaks and lunches while omitting she comes in late from breaks and lunches.
I will admit I am not perfect, I’ve taken a few more minutes than needed on a break. I’ve sat longer on the toilet to avoid going back to work, I’ve come in late and I have not met the exact expectations of my job several times.
The issue is that I do these things once or twice every few shifts, she does at least 3 of the mentioned things every shift.
My main reason for disliking her is that she has bad-mouthed all but 2 employees (who coincidentally, she hangs out with and refers to this job).
Some and I get mentioned a few times, and some have been written up because she’s complained multiple times a shift. Our management is under the impression that we are all lazy kids who don’t do anything even though she has never done more than roll silver and stand on the floor in her 7 months here.
The manager mentioned that she’s bringing on more people, but because of how sparse events are, we only get 16-24 hrs a week at best. The people she wants to bring on are friends/former coworkers of hers and since our manager is swamped with so much work, she rarely has time to see us on the floor.
Many of my coworkers are scared of being let go for being too critical of her/not meeting her near-perfect expectations. I and the coworkers I am close with are fine since we know how to do things that she doesn’t and have a very strong bond with our manager and guests.
But some people who rely on this job are scared they will need to look for a new job.
We have some proof that she’s violated company policies, and some minor state laws, and is overall very very unreliable.
But we don’t want to because, at the end of the day, she’s a single mom in community college trying to make ends meet.”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you didn’t do anything about it. Have people not complained about her specifically?
Since you have such a good relationship with your manager why are you not telling them of every single incident? Take the proof you have to the manager. She starts documenting everything she does for every shift with pictures or videos and writing it all down with times and everything.
If she, as a single mother, was so dependent on the job to take care of her child then she would ya know do her actual job. Also, she’s doing pretty well for herself if she can pay for not only community college but also all the substances she does every day.” TheBlueLady39
13. AITJ For Teaching Kids "Parent Management" Tips At A Family Gathering?
“I am quite immature for my age (38m). For one, I don’t have a place, I still live in a rented apartment. I have minimal savings/investments, spending most of my salary on living expenses. My family lives quite happily, but I sometimes worry about what will happen once I am retired – you get the gist. I am also quite childish at times.
I love gaming, I sometimes play with my son and I don’t let him win as most parents usually do.
Now, my extended family knows that I am immature and quite childish. 3 months ago, there was a family gathering on account of my grandmother’s passing.
My grandmother was a fun lady and wanted us to have a happy fun gathering with kids in the extended family instead of a sad funeral. I had an office that day, while most of my cousins and their spouses had an off day (it was a local holiday, but I work for an MNC where it was an optional holiday that one needs to apply for).
So I got there a bit late (7 PM, everyone else arrived by 6).
I reach and immediately am seated at the Kids’ (youngest at 3y, oldest at 14y) table. All the other tables were full, some tables had some teens sitting with adults, and apparently, since I have an “inner child”, I was seated with the kids.
The underlying hope was for me to play “Uncle Babysitter”. My wife was not happy but told me to go ahead with the flow and let my inner child out. My son did not attend the gathering, which was a plus for what happened next, and the reason for this post. While I believe I was not the jerk, I simply acted how everyone expected me to act (immature and childish), I leave that judgment to you all.
The next 2 hours I spent with the kids giving them tips on “parent management”. How to get away with stuff, how to not get caught doing stuff, how to emotionally blackmail, when to cry and when to throw a public tantrum, how to delete browser history, how to spoof GPS tracking, how to hide apps and data in the phone – all sorts of lessons that would help kids become the bane of their parent’s existence.
And I told everyone to openly say where they learned all this new stuff.
The fallout was epic. Within 20 days, a meeting was called where all adults were to meet. I skipped that (obviously because I’m not an adult).
My wife also skipped as she is not close to my family. I learned later from my mom that everyone was super mad at me for “ruining” their children.
I became the coolest uncle in my extended family though.
Suddenly I was popular with kids that didn’t even know about me earlier. The knowledge I had donated spread.
We have another meeting coming up. This time, I have received multiple calls from different people asking me to attend it compulsorily.
So, AITJ? I feel this post can also go to MC.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Keep up the good work champ. If you’d like to go further with your point maybe suggest a family meeting at your house and set up a kid’s table and chairs for them all to sit at, and then they can explain to you from their tiny chairs what you’ve done wrong.” Impressive_Music_479
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “I don’t have my place, I still live in a rented apartment.” Not childish, just means you don’t want to deal with the real hassle of home ownership and rather leave it to someone else to be liable for the home and repairs.
Some people might see that as a very adult thing to decide to do. “I love gaming,” is also not childish. It’s called a hobby. “I sometimes play with my son and I don’t let him win as most parents usually do.” Still not childish, just a different parenting style and one I think is good.
It helps him learn that he really can’t win everything. I do similar with my niece because she is very big in the changing rules to make her always the winner for all these games she makes up and I have no doubt probably does that with other kids.
I want her to learn to lose and let others win sometimes. They got a free Uncle-Babysitter. Maybe had they asked if this was okay, instead of forcing it on you, this wouldn’t have happened. Also, teaching kids how to delete their browser history seems like a good life lesson honestly.
There are some things that people really should just teach their kids and that is one of them. ETA: If the only thing standing between your child being ‘impossible to handle and discipline’ is a little bit of knowledge like this, there is probably a bigger issue that needs to be dealt with and I don’t think ‘adult meetings’ with people other than their co-parent or maybe a counselor is going to help.
12. AITJ For Banning A Customer Who Resells Our Candy?
“There has been this customer who comes in and buys our candy at a discount, which I have no problem with.
He’s using his coupons and getting the discounts one deserves when you have a sign-up card to our store. The problem is that he will then go and try to resell the candy right out of our store.
Now I normally wouldn’t have a big issue with this if he had left when we asked him to nicely. But he always keeps coming back and I’ve now started to get calls from customers that he is being aggressive and rude, and they make them feel uncomfortable.
Now he claims the calls are coming because people are discriminating against him.
My response: Well I don’t know what the callers are thinking when they call us. All I know is that you are upsetting customers selling our merchandise on our property, which is private property and you are making people uncomfortable enough that more than three people have called me lately about this issue, we’ve asked you many times not to sell things on our property and leave but you keep coming back.
I’m not sending you away because I’m racist. I’m sending you away because you are upsetting our customers and loitering and my job is to make customers feel safe and happy and want to return. I will no longer be allowing you to purchase candy from our store.
And if you continue to try to sell things in front of our property and make our customers uncomfortable, I will have to call the cops. I don’t want to, but I will.
When I was walking back to the store one day and he was out there and I told him to leave his response was have you even clocked in yet?
Why do you care and you’re bigoted?
My response: This is not about that, I am doing this because I’m going to have to deal with you when I clock in and I just don’t want to start my day like that so I just wanted you to leave without any issues so I could move on with my day already.
And whether I’m clocked in or not, this is my issue because you’re annoying my customers making my day harder than it needs to be so you need to leave.
I feel like I’ve been professional and have tried to handle it in the most professional way I can, but I don’t know if you guys would see a differently.
I might be the jerk because he made me genuinely think that this is a race issue when I and my colleagues don’t believe it is. He did say the same line to my Hispanic colleague when she asked him to leave.
And I believe in the past, another coworker had said that he had said something very similar to her. With that thinking, I believe those are his go-to lines when confronted with being asked to leave.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But are you the manager? Always let the manager deal with this stuff. If he comes back just tell him that what he’s doing is illegal. You don’t want to call the cops but if the problem persists you will have no choice but to involve them.” -Nightopian-
Another User Comments:
“I can see where you are coming from, the complaints may also have some racism based in them, but the fact that 3 customers called, means that at least part of the complaints were due to him annoying customers, so there is def an issue, even if race is also apart of it.
You also have the right to ask him to leave and the fact that he is ignoring it and keeps coming back puts him in the wrong. We have a similar issue where I live, with people begging out the front of certain stores, I have no issues with the homeless and used to take food down to them, however, certain groups are very aggressive and make potential customers feel uncomfortable.
When you ask them to leave you alone or the shop staff tries to shoo them away they pull the racism card. The store staff just had to trespass them, because they just keep coming back, and then once they trespass when they come back just call the cops, the only way to deal with it unfortunately” JackfruitRound6662
11. AITJ For Inviting My Estranged Parents To My Wedding For Appearances?
“I’m 30M getting married in 3 weeks to my 31F wife, this situation does not concern my bride just me and my parents.
So 4 to 5 years ago while on a fishing trip, I discovered my father was being unfaithful to my mother.
The way I found out makes my blood boil more than the fact he was being unfaithful. The man introduced me to her as his “very dear friend”. It was strange, uncomfortable, gross, and weird of him.
I’m not sure what was on his mind when he did that. We always have been close so maybe he thought I’d be on the same page and cover for him “now that I’m a man myself”.
He didn’t use the word affair partner but you know a couple when you see it and that woman knew she was the other woman.
So coming home, I of course just straight up told my mother and all chaos broke loose and they both ended up disowning me.
I got over it and went on with my life. I was in my late 20s back then living in another country so it was not a big change. I just lost my weekly phone calls and my every 2 years trip with my dad.
The story I gave my fiancé was that we just disagreed about inheritance. She was fine with it until the wedding came closer and she proposed the possibility of having a small wedding. I was confused because I knew this woman’s dream was to have a flashy wedding but turns out she was being sensitive to the fact I have no parents there.
So I simply told her that I’d work it out and to keep the original plan and change nothing. I will even invite my whole extended family too. I already sent invites and most of them said they’ll come.
I arranged a Skype call over an email and after a small talk, I informed them I expected them to be there. They were slightly surprised but okay till I heard some snarky comment from my father about how I hadn’t talked to them for years and expected support now without mending things first.
I simply told him that the only reason they were invited was because my family all accepted the invitation and my bride didn’t want her parents to be the only parents to sit alone at the table (she arranged seats like this so both parents get to know each other).
They got offended that I invited everyone before them and more because I invited them for an appearance.
I sighed and said “Look, if you’re not coming it’s fine. If someone asks, I’ll tell them the truth” and I hung up.
I got too many emails since last night about how dare I blackmail them.
Truthfully I don’t mind telling my extended family any of it, it’s not my shame to carry it’s theirs and I will not see any of these people face to face after the wedding.
The only reason I did not tell my bride is because I thought it would kill her joy and distract her from planning her perfect picture wedding.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in General. You didn’t blackmail them.
You offered them a choice based on what they did. People have to live with the consequences of their actions. They reap what they sow. But YTJ for not telling your future wife. She will be family and keeping that from her is a huge secret, she will stumble upon and she’ll be angry at you for not telling her.” Case_no_292
Another User Comments:
“YTJ For lying to your wife and constructing this whole elaborate scenario. You can’t start a marriage based on lies and what’s the actual problem with telling your future wife that you don’t speak to your parents because they disowned you because of your father’s unfaithfulness?
So what…. But lying to her is a recipe for disaster. You care more about keeping up appearances and that is not going to go well.” antizana
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You realize that by not telling your fiance and keeping this information – which is significant and important – you are practicing the same type of deceit that your father did.
You need to tell her – FAST – because you can’t keep this big of a secret and it will eventually come out anyhow. Hopefully, she will not cancel the wedding, but you need to recognize that is a possibility.
This is a major breach of trust. FWIW, I think you’re making a mistake; I’d come clean with the future wife and un-invite the parents. Why would you risk having them at your wedding and causing a scene?
I also think it’s a bit odd that your mom cut ties with you when you told her about your dad being unfaithful. I strongly suspect that information and context are missing here; that, or there was already a lot of dysfunction going on in your family and your mom already knew and was OK with it and by bringing it up you forced them to address the situation.” Tarik861
10. AITJ For Moving Away With My Kids After Their Mother's Imprisonment?
“My ex-partner, Jen (34F), and I (35M) have 2 kids together (8 & 6).
We never married and broke up about 3 years ago. We had court-ordered split custody and for the most part, co-parented well together. Things were going pretty well until last year Jen was charged with felony financial fraud.
Earlier this year she was convicted and sentenced to 24-30 months in prison. With good behavior, she will probably be out in about 18 months.
When we found out she was pregnant with our second child, she pushed me to move closer to her family so that she be closer to her support system.
I agreed despite my concerns about having to find a new job and the cost of living being higher, but we made it work. I have a good job here, but I’m lonely and stressed with the 2 kids.
Before Jen’s trial, I had petitioned the court for full custody and it was granted. Jen’s family helps when they can but they aren’t my favorite people and we don’t always get along well. After some conversations with my family, I decided to move closer to them to try and get a fresh start.
I will be moving about 1,200 miles from where we currently live. I informed Jen about this the last time I took the kids to visit her. She was not happy and had some choice words for me.
Her family is also tearing into me about this. They are threatening to sue for grandparent’s rights (which aren’t a thing in this state). They are also accusing me of parental alienation for taking the kids away from their mother.
They are convinced that Jen will be out in 18 months and that isn’t too long in the grand scheme of things and isn’t worth taking the kids away. Especially since after Jen gets out she will have restrictions on travel that will make it harder for her to see the kids.
I do feel a little conflicted about it, but I know I am doing the best thing for myself with this decision. I also believe it will be better for the kids to go to a school where other kids don’t know their mom is in prison.
I have cleared all of this with my lawyer and he assured me that I am doing everything by the book and that since I have full custody and Jen is currently incarcerated, she has no legal standing to try and stop me.
He also said that the grandparent’s rights thing has about a 1% chance of even getting in front of a judge.
I have had to threaten Jen’s parents with cutting them off if they don’t stop pressuring me to stay.
The whole situation is a mess and my poor kids are stuck in the middle. I am trying to do the best thing for them in the long run even if the short-term is going to be hard.
I understand why Jen and her family are so upset. But, at the same time, she got herself into this situation. I do feel bad for her, but also, you’re a felon now, Jen. What did you think was going to happen?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are the father of children, not the spouse of a prisoner. You have full custody (aside from her being incarcerated, so it won’t jump back to 50/50 when she is released) and are allowed to make 100% of the decisions regarding those kids.
You are free to move anywhere you want with them.” Stunning-Interest15
Another User Comments:
“Your parents have just as much “grandparent rights” as your ex-in-laws and you’ve lived far from them for a while. Stop answering calls or communicating with them.
They are sad, probably embarrassed, and angry. Not your problem. Lots of kids don’t live near their grandparents and still maintain a relationship with them. They can call, video message, or visit. You need support and they aren’t sufficient.
Do what is best for you and your children. NTJ” EconomyVoice7358
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think you’re doing what you think is best for your children. But I’d like to ask, how is their relationship with their mom?
Are they close? I was very close with both of my parents but especially my mom. If my dad (or anyone) had taken me away from my mom, that would’ve caused many behavioral issues and I never would’ve forgiven them.
So I’m just wondering how your kids are going to handle rarely seeing their mom again (especially since she won’t be able to travel after she gets out of jail for quite some time).” Comfortable_Cow3186
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Fund My Sister's Mother's Day Plans?
“Any funds I acquire I save.
Last week I babysat for 2 days because my mom and sister argued, I got paid $40 for my work and was happy I could get my bank account back to how it was before. I purchased a microphone recently for $60 when my account was in a good state but got hit with unexpected charges so my account was below $30 and I was trying to get my funds up.
I asked my mom in April if she wanted anything for Mother’s Day and she said no and ranted about how we get on her nerves, I asked her several days later and she said the same thing.
My sister wanted to do something for her and when she asked what I was doing I said nothing because I was told not to. My sister was upset because apparently, the girl was girl code for “Yes” and I was just a guy who didn’t understand.
She asked me how much funds I was willing to put in and implied I would get paid back, I said $25 and when she said she only had $10 in her account my sister wanted me to give her $37, I said no and she got upset and said I was giving her a headache from negotiation.
I give her the funds and she said she needed $3 to tip the driver but only paid him $1.59, took my phone and apple paid herself with my card (she pointed it at my face last minute for face ID).
I found out I was paying for the entire thing! I told her I just got those funds last week and wanted to get paid back in full and made her text me saying she would so I had it in writing.
My sister said I would either get half my funds back or get full because “it was Mother’s Day anyway.” I ended up making her agree to pay me back in full when she had the funds.
She wanted me to help make something food-related because I’m a culinary student, I ended up making Chocolate strawberries while she decorated the house, still bitter about the extra charge. Normally on Mother’s Day, I would make a card and make her something to eat and.
I loved it. I’ve been struggling with my career choice after getting yelled at by my teacher and it was messing with me when I cooked but It still turned out good. I had no intention of spending large amounts of funds for a week because I was trying to save, my sister said on Thursday I would get paid back in full but now I don’t trust her.
I’m now waiting for the chocolate to harden and for her to come back home.
AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are both broke. Cooking something is a nice gesture without too many extra expenses.” CorinneAYC
8. AITJ For Not Giving My Half-Sister Our Great-Grandmother's Pendant?
“I (35m) have a beautiful little girl “Leana” (4f) with my wife “Tammy” (35f) who was gracious enough to support my request in giving our daughter a variation of my great-grandmother’s name “Lena.” She cared for me as a baby while my parents worked and passed away when I was 7.
I was heartbroken and the only one I felt who could truly understand my pain was my grandfather (Nana Lena’s son). We grieved for her together and have become best buddies ever since.
My Nana was very sick for a while and towards the end of her life she expressed that one of her regrets in life was never having a daughter to pass down the family pendant that was given to her by her mother.
I told my nana that I would have a daughter for her so that the pendant could be passed on and she seemed happy about that. When she passed my grandfather got the pendant and told me that it would go to whatever daughter I had and it was kind of our half-joke/half-serious understanding that we openly talked about for years.
Unfortunately, when I was 12 my dad was unfaithful to my mom and got the woman pregnant. I was so angry at my dad because my mom was dealing with depression at the time and he couldn’t care less.
He married his affair partner after their daughter “Jessica” (22f) was born and I promised my dad that I would ruin their big day if I was forced to attend when they tried to call my bluff I put blue dye in the other woman’s shampoo.
After that, it was made very clear that I would not be allowed back “home” until I apologized but I was so stubborn and bitter that it didn’t work and my dad didn’t want to have to pay a large sum in child support so the threat didn’t stick.
My mom got me into therapy which helped me process my anger but I forever kept my dad, the other woman, and their daughter at arm’s length. My grandfather passed when I was in college and in his will he left me some money and the pendant which I kept in a deposit box.
I never talked about it and no one ever asked me for/about it. Fast forward to a couple of days ago and I showed Leana my Nana’s pendant and she loved it. Tammy took a picture of Leana with it and posted it on social media.
It got back to Jessica and I guess my dad filled in the info gaps and is upset that she didn’t get the pendant. My dad’s other woman is calling me a thief, and I knew I was wrong which is why I “hid” it and is demanding that I give Jessica the pendant as it’s rightfully hers and I’m refusing.
She never even met my Nana, never expressed interest in learning about her, never once asked about the pendant, and as far as I know has no legal claim as it was technically willed to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP. Since the pendant is willed to you by your granddad, it is yours and you can do whatever you see fit if it means gifting it to your daughter. Do you have a copy of your granddad’s will?
If you do, I hope you keep a copy of it so that your dad’s other woman cannot demand or try to stake a claim on the pendant while accusing you of a thief. Protect the pendant and keep it safe in a security deposit box that only you and your spouse have access to.
Do quickly create a will under your name in case something happens to you so that the pendant will only go to your child and it does not fall into the other woman’s hands. Make sure your will has ironclad conditions that the pendant ONLY goes to your child and (if she does get married and have kids) her future offspring.” Kangaroo-Pack-3727.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandfather left it to you, as it was left to him by his mother. Nothing to see here folks – the pendant is yours to do with as you please. Don’t give it to a 4-year-old though – I had something given to me as a teen and it got lost – now decades later I regret it – it was accidentally lost, but I can’t ever get it back.
Save it for her when she is old enough to appreciate it. These other people have no claim on it.” alien_overlord_1001
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you want to put in effort, go to a pawn shop and get some inexpensive jewelry of about the right age and present it as a different piece from your grandmother’s collection.
Might be the most budget-friendly way to get the matter dropped and you get to relish in pulling one over on them. Or tell them to buzz off, whichever brings you the most satisfaction.” verminiusrex
7. AITJ For Demanding Full Child Support From Ex After New Husband's Illness?
“Chris and I were married for 18 years. We have 4 children (3 with special needs). For most of our marriage, I was the only one who worked, in 2016, he moved us from PA to SC with the promise I would be a SAHM and he would stop having affairs.
By 2018, he had smashed both promises. He moved out in March 2020.
It took close to 3 years to get a divorce. Every time we got close to finalizing it, he would move states or send letters to the judge saying that he couldn’t agree to divorce because of spiritual reasons.
Chris got engaged to someone else the day after we separated. He broke up with her about six weeks later and has had various relationships since. I have only ever been with Nathan, who has joined me in raising my kids since August 2020 when we got together.
While I was working at times multiple jobs to support us when we were married, Chris got a 4-year college degree. He has used that to have 1 job since 2016. I have worked various blue-collar jobs around my kid’s needs.
Nathan has also turned down promotions or changed jobs to help care for my kids.
I agreed to half of what the state calculator at the time based on my income said for CS to get Chris to show up in court and agree to the divorce.
(Couldn’t afford a lawyer, had to do it all pro se). Finally divorced in December 2022.
Nathan and I got married in May 2023.
In September 2023, Nathan had a brain aneurysm that ruptured with no warning. We are incredibly lucky he survived, he can no longer work.
Between caring for him and our 7 children (my 4 bio kids, Nathan’s 3 bio) I eventually lost my job in December 2023.
Nathan has had 4 brain surgeries. Last week doctors found out he has a hole in his heart and will require multiple procedures to fix that.
Chris and I have a custody agreement that he has 38% custody I have 62%. Custody has changed 3 times due to Chris moving, but I’ve always had primary.
Chris and I were in a high-control religion and when I left him, I left it, (he stayed) thus losing my community.
Nathan is an orphan…so no family that way either. $$ wise Nathan and I are decimated with no one to turn to.
In February 2024, Chris met Sandra. They got married on March 15th, 2024. As soon as they did, Chris started just leaving the kids with me, he gets them some still, but every month goes on a week or two-week vacation with Sandra.
I normally have 2 days’ notice and suddenly have all the care for our children regardless of the custody schedule.
Chris should be paying $1677/month in child support. He pays $617. If I go by what I have for the kids, not the custody schedule he should pay $2090.
I offered to meet in the middle, but he refused. I’ve had to file for CS modification pro se.
AITJ for accepting less than what the state said for 4 years and now wanting that amount so soon after Chris got married due to my husband’s illness?”
Another User Comments:
“The court doesn’t care about sob stories, this isn’t about you or your husband’s health issues. The court cares about what is in the best interest of the kids, and that means seeing the CS order be enforced. YTJ for accepting less than what the state said, because that money was for your kids.
And YTJ also for not caring about that full amount of money being for your kids this whole time, and only now being interested in enforcing it because your husband has taken ill . . . this money is for the care and keeping of the children, not you, not your husband no matter how disabled either of you is.
If you get the increase you calculated yourself, that money is still for the kids. And I know I’m being harsh, but the fact that you are only now caring that the child support amount is being enforced because your husband is sick is infuriating, this money isn’t there to be used to support him, it’s for your kids, whom you seem far less concerned with getting the accurate amount of money for, seeing as you only care now that he is ill.
You and your husband are free to apply for SSI/SSDI if you need help supporting yourselves, but the CS money is for the kids. Get the full amount enforced so you can give them the best life possible, and once they are set in the present, you should be saving all you can for their future needs or education or in case of emergency, NOT using the money to support your current husband.
DO BETTER.” Imsorryhuhwhat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You might have been a tiny one to your children during the past years for accepting less and providing less than what would have been possible to your children. However, if every need was fulfilled and they were happy it’s all fine.
In your current situation, you only ask for what you are legally entitled to receive. This is your right and the right of your children. You would be the jerk if you didn’t fight for it.” Eternal_Malkav
6. AITJ For Limiting My Dying Mother's Visitation To My Son?
“My husband (29M) and I (27F) have been together for almost 11 years, married for 4.
Recently, we were trying to conceive a child, and after many tests and tracking my ovulation cycle, we got pregnant. Unfortunately, when I was 20 weeks pregnant, we found out that our baby died of a nuchal cord incident in the womb.
We were utterly destroyed. It was honestly the worst thing we have ever gone through. Birthing our deceased daughter was the most heartbreaking thing we ever went through. During our grief, my parents came up to our house to drop some old keepsakes off and my mother said to me, “I know you’re going through a lot right now, but you have no idea what it does to the grandparents when their future grandchild was lost.” I’m sorry.
I’m the one who had to birth to my deceased daughter while hearing other alive babies being born down the hall. I think being the mother of the situation is worse than being the grandparent. Plus, don’t say that to the people who are currently grieving the loss of their child.
My mother was recently diagnosed with stage 4 COPD, a lung disease caused by her excessive chain smoking. I’m no expert by any means on the condition, but she needs a lung transplant and has been given 1-year life expectancy if she doesn’t get one shortly.
This has significantly hindered her life and she is pulling the martyr card any chance she gets. Normally, I feel like I should be devastated by the news, but I honestly feel nothing from her diagnosis. I don’t know if it’s me disassociating from my past trauma from her or if I’ve grown to just not care about her anymore.
My husband and I now have a healthy baby boy that we are so grateful to have in our lives. He’s a happy, sweet baby that has brought us a tremendous amount of happiness and fulfillment.
Now my mother wants to be a non-abusive role model.
My mother never made time for me as a child, never taking me to parks, science club, basketball practice, etc., but now she won’t stop going on about how she’s going to take him to amusement parks, bike rides, playgrounds, etc. This is everything she never did with me as a child even though I begged. I’m not jealous that she wants to do this with our child, it just hurts that she cares more about our baby than she ever did me.
Should we allow more visitation/babysitting for my parents, and risk letting my child endure similar trauma that I did as a child or should I protect our son and limit visitation in the future? As it stands right now, they want us to drive 1.5 hours there once a month so they can see the baby, even though he cries in the car seat almost the whole way.
I don’t want to be a jerk to a dying person, but the drive there coupled with the fear of my son learning bad behaviors when he gets older from them makes me worry.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I can see that you are protective of your child. But you cannot predict how your mother will be as a grandma. Being a mother and being a grandmother are surprisingly different things. I know several cases of rather strict and cold mothers who turned into the loveliest grandmothers.
If I were you, I would give her a chance, but observe closely.” nordic_wolf_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a young son. If your parents want to be there for him THEY can come and visit you.
You don’t have to drive just for them to meet the baby. Your mother sounds like a narcissistic person. Her comment after you lost your daughter was horrible (I’m so sorry for your loss) and showed that she was already using the ‘I’m the poorest person ever back then.
And her promises to take your son everywhere sounds a lot like, she is trying to bargain with death – like ‘I want to be so a good grandmother to my grandson. I can’t die now when I hadn’t had the chance to do all that cool stuff with him.
If she wants to be there, she can come visit you. But don’t let your life roll around her narcissistic person. You have a family now who needs and appreciates you.” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ How old is your son?
If he is younger than 3 years there is no reason for them to spend time with him alone. I would insist on being present all the time. Monitor how they interact; are they aware of his needs?
Does he trust them? Can they comfort him? How do they handle it when he is not being behaved like an angel? If you don’t want him around her at all: it sounds like you owe your mother nothing!
If she does not spend time with her grandson, it’s because of her past behavior – not because of you!” NonaAndFunseHunse
5. AITJ For Wanting To Stay With My Partner On A Joint Vegas Trip?
“My friend and her fiancée decided to have a joint party in Vegas a week before their wedding. My partner is friends with her fiancée so he is coming on the trip as well.
We started getting ideas going and my friend said we would stay in one room and drive up together since my partner was driving the guys up.
I wasn’t into the driving part so I was going to fly up and meet them later (hadn’t told them yet because this was months prior).
Two months before the trip my friend texts me asking if they can use my car to drive to Vegas.
I said no that I was planning on flying. She responded surprised since my partner was driving (he loves road trips and I do not and the flight is short from where I live).
So eventually my friend reaches out to the group chat and announces that we are all flying to Vegas instead since we don’t have a car.
Then there is silence on dates and times for flights for weeks. She has provided no further information.
My birthday comes around and my friend decides not to acknowledge it or say anything to me. She commonly does this when she is mad at me and it’s her petty way of showing it.
I am out of town visiting family but my partner is going over to see my friend so I ask him to try to see what is going on. He claims she’s upset because I haven’t booked a flight yet so she doesn’t know if I am coming.
How am I supposed to book a flight if none of us have been given information?
So I reached out to the chat and asked if we had picked a time and some other girls sent me their ticket info.
So great I bought a ticket and just ignored that they didn’t communicate with everyone. (Also I’m not the only one in the group who hadn’t been told about these tickets until I asked about them, so why take the anger out on me?)
Once I buy the ticket then they start talking about hotel rooms. My partner and I had already decided to get a room together since the girls had booked a room full before I had the chance to get the PTO approved from work (and I wanted my bathroom).
My friend then asks me and one of the girls who I have never met before to get a hotel room together, just the two of us. We would be paying more than the other room of 4 girls which I thought was unfair.
I told them I was planning on staying with my partner because he didn’t want to share with the guys.
Then my friend starts messaging me saying I’m ruining the girls’/guys’ trip. All we would do is sleep in the room and spend the rest of the time with our respective groups.
I just need to know if I am being a jerk or if I should just jump ship on this trip altogether.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: she’s miffed she couldn’t use your car and use you to the chauffeur.
She could’ve rented a car if she had wanted to. She’s being petty. And while normally it’s probably better to stay with your group and your partner with his when they want you and a girl you don’t know to share and pay more, forget that, get a room with your partner!
If you back out of the trip, she’ll probably kick you out of the wedding and it may end the friendship. So I guess decide if you’re cool with that. Maybe talk with her first. But I wouldn’t go if I was going to be ignored and treated poorly the whole trip like I fear you will be!” TravelingBride2024
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you’re a jerk. Not because you want to stay with your partner and not because you want to drive. But because you have made your plans at every turn of this trip, a trip that quite literally isn’t about you, and has failed to communicate it until asked. You said at the beginning the bride wanted to drive and stay together.
You decided you didn’t want to drive and you didn’t say anything. Which caused her to have to change her plans. You are not obligated to be her chauffeur but you should have What if the bride also enjoys road trips like your partner?
You knew she wanted people to stay in a room together and yet you have decided to stay with your partner. It doesn’t even sound like the bride herself is staying with the groom. Your friend is being passive-aggressive but it sounds like she’s planning this whole thing herself.
Group trips are always irritating to me so I get not seeing the big deal to want to do things your way. But again, you should have said something. At this point, you either need to pull out of this party or ultimately the wedding.
Or suck it up and do what the rest of the group is doing.” TeeVeeVoyagee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yeah, you should’ve told them sooner that you weren’t planning on going on the road trip but just assuming you would be the one to drive without asking you is super presumptuous.
Do none of the other 5 girls have cars? Do none of the guys besides your partner have cars? Why can’t they get a rental car?” constipatedbabyugly
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You both suck at communicating. You knew for months that you were never planning on traveling with everyone or sharing a room with the other girls.
She’s not clear on details as the plans keep pivoting either, but you do seem to be giving off the vibe that you’re uninterested in being a part of the party.” ayjai97
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get Involved In My Stepmother's Financial Dispute With My Other Mother?
“2 years ago (I was 22 & in college, now 24), my birth mother passed away suddenly. My stepmom stepped up and has been taking care of me ever since. For the first year, she paid all the bills exclusively because I was still in college and couldn’t get a job.
She had to help pay for the last 2 months of tuition and rent before I moved back home with her and have been living here ever since. When I got a job after the first year, I paid my half of the utility and food bills but paid the taxes on the house 100%, as well as anything else that might need to be paid for like maintenance and upkeep.
My other mother, who I see frequently but don’t live with, has been here the whole time emotionally supporting me but not financially since I don’t live with her. Now she’s the trustee of my birth mother’s trust (meaning she controls the money and if I want to access it I have to go through her).
Recently, my stepmother has been getting very upset with me that I don’t want to join her crusade against my other mother for money. She’s infuriated I won’t go up to my other mother and demand she pay back every single penny my stepmother had to pay to help support me, even the day-to-day bills I couldn’t pay for while still attempting college.
I feel like my stepmother is perfectly capable of being an adult and talking to my other mother herself, but she refuses to.
My stepmother is also infuriated that my other mother hasn’t offered to pay her back anyway, and takes personal offense that my other mother never initiated that conversation.
Now, my stepmother wants to involve lawyers and sue my other mother for the money she thinks she’s owed, despite having never even attempted to talk with her. Since it’s my stepmother’s money and my other mother paying her back, I don’t want to get involved. It doesn’t feel like my place.
Especially since I’m the beneficiary of the trust and don’t have any legal say over the trust.
Side note: I do think my stepmother should get paid back, but mainly only for the money she spent on my tuition, rent, and funeral costs.
She wants money for the everyday bills she’s paid.
AITJ for not wanting to get involved or intimate this conversation with my other mother myself on behalf of my stepmother, or joining my stepmother’s crusade against my other mother?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and potentially so is your stepmother. You’re 24… way too old to just say “I don’t want to get involved” in a situation revolving around you. This has escalated because you haven’t nipped it in the bud by dealing with it.
This isn’t an issue between your stepmom and your other mom, it’s a situation between you and your stepmom. Your stepmom wants you to repay her for the money she’s spent. You either agree with that or you don’t.
If you do agree with her then ***you*** need to speak to your other mom about accessing the money. If you don’t agree with her then ***you*** need to tell your stepmom that she’s not getting the money.” aredddit
Another User Comments:
“I’m confused about step-mom, another mother, bio mom…? Was your birth mother married to/partnered with another woman, and that’s who the other mother is? At any rate, YTJ. At your age, your stepmother was under no moral or legal obligation to support you, and the least you could do is try to get some of her money reimbursed if that’s all she’s asked of you.
Especially since you have access to money you could have been using this whole time. You need to be a little more grateful that your step mom has not left you on your own. You’re 24. Start taking care of yourself.
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are an adult, technically the money is yours, you are the one I would be going to to help facilitate my getting paid back the money that I should not have had to spend considering you have trust and that’s what they’re there for.
You come off as a jerk when you say “Well I’m the beneficiary”. To me at least, that reads that you’re making harder than it should be because you don’t want to lose any of the money in the trust. In my honest opinion.
You are both (you and stepmom) the jerks for screeching around behind other mothers’ backs about it and not handling it like a normally functioning adult would. There are SO many ways of communicating nowadays…text, FaceTime, social media x about 100, email, and snail mail are still a thing and smoke signals will do in a pinch.
For goodness sake, even if you don’t wanna put your opinion in the mix, you can always say “OM, SM wants to talk to you about some things, here’s her number/sm handle/email/address.” Facilitate and it shall all fall into place.
And side note, if SM is going straight to suing without even a single moment of effort, she’s a jerk all over again.” MechanicMel84
So be the grown up you are meant to be and tell OM that you want X amount so you can pay SM the money back did she paid for college and BM’s funeral as that should come out of the estate
3. AITJ For Wanting To Rent Out Our House Against My Cousin's Wishes?
“I (17f) live with my mom (38) and my two siblings (both 13) in a beach house, my dad died when I was 8 leaving us with barely any money since he had a debt my mom had to work her butt off to clean so you can imagine that money has always been tight since my mom didn’t remarry nor did receive any financial support by my dad’s side of the family, she’s a hard worker but raising 3 kids all by herself has made her life tough and I’ve always tried to help her out by taking care of my siblings while she’s at work or by helping her with the small amount of cash I got by working during the summer at a pub.
Now to the main problem, the city we live in is one that during the summer (winter too but less) is FULL of tourists from different countries and one of their main attractions is the seaside because of the sunsets and of course the beach itself, our house is located in front of it and we could gain a lot if we gave it up for rent during the summer only.
That’s what my mom told me her idea was, to give the house up for rent while she went to work in another hotel and spend the night at her aunt’s home, while me and my siblings could spend the summer at our grandparents’ house.
I was overjoyed when she told me this idea because it can give us huge profit.
Everyone in our family was pro about this but when I told my cousin (23f) she disapproved of it. I was confused because why would she be against it while everyone thought differently?
When I asked her why I was disappointed and mad at her response: in her eyes it was a bad idea because if the house was for rent she didn’t have any other place to spend the summer since she wanted to go to work, meet her significant other and have nights out with her friends.
Y’all would ask why not come with us to our grandparent’s place but the problem is that they live far from the city in a farmhouse and she said it’ll be too much work doing the same way every day.
I don’t even think she will ever get a job this summer because that’s what she said last year too but then refused to work and spent the summer partying and stuff while I was working all summer every day from 5 pm till 2 am.
I need to clarify that she lives in another city and comes and stays 3 days at our house every two to three months to meet her significant other and then the whole summer, also no one in our family knows about her significant other besides me.
I’m mad about her thinking and I think that it’s a selfish reason to be against my mom’s idea, I love my cousin dearly and we’ve always been close to each other but I can’t help but feel rage against her when she laughed at my mom’s idea and gave the most selfish reason too, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow! Your cousin is completely self-centered. And her reason is valid to her but to no one else in the world. I wouldn’t even let her come to the beach house 2 to 3 days a month when you’re not renting it out.
Her opinion as well as everyone else’s opinion means nothing. Your mother’s decision and what you guys are doing are the only words that matter. Sounds like a great idea. You guys should do it. Have fun with your grandparents over the summer.
And give some added pettiness to ensure cousin. Next time you have a family dinner loudly, ask her how a significant other is and if she’s going to see him in the summer like she did at your house behind her parent’s backs.
And watched the Sparks fly. NTJ.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Does not seem to be YOUR house. The cousin is COMPLETELY FINE but ti give in to your nonsense and to keep using the house.
Your reason is MUCH MORE selfish than hers: Hers will let you continue using the house, while yours would keep her from using it.” Excellent-Count4009
2. AITJ For Asking My Sisters To Help Clean Our Family Boat?
“I F17 and my 2 sisters F25 and F23 were arguing about me asking them to help me clean the boat.
My family owns a ski boat that we have owned and used over the summer for the past 4 years. Where we live it is very dusty and gets heavy rains in the winter so our boat gets very dirty.
I clean the boat almost every weekend throughout the summer so it’s not covered in dirt/dust when we decide to go out. Also, at the beginning of summer, I take the cover off and clean everything from the cubbies under the seats, the seats from mold, the floor from mold and growing moss, and spiderwebs, and re-wax the leather seats (that’s only the inside) then re-wax the outside of the boat and clean the trailer.
This takes at least 4 hours out of my day that I do alone and if the floor is flooded with water, it takes another day to dry and recover from the dust. Over the 4 years, I am the only one to do this for the boat.
My parents are very appreciative of what I do but my sisters don’t get how much it takes to keep it clean and to take the boat off and docked when we go out (they don’t help with anything, it’s just me and my dad that do it and my mom parks the truck)
So back to the topic, I asked my sisters if they could help me clean the day before we go out because of all the dust. F25 said if her friend is gone early then she will head over but also said “Well that’s your chore.
You don’t have any other chores. I helped with gas and stuff last summer even when I didn’t have money so I don’t wanna hear it lol” which I do other chores but I don’t rub it in their faces so they don’t know (dust, clean bathrooms, sweep, mop, do dishes) which I get where she is coming from.
She isn’t the problem but F23 decides to say “I’m with F25 on this one. I’m more than happy to contribute financially to gas and stuff. But cleaning it is not our chore. And we don’t go on it every time.
We do when we’re invited. And when we can. We are guests on the boat at this point LOL and we help clean it after” which I and my parents agree that they aren’t just guests but part of the family and should help out like they are.
F23 has never even offered to contribute for gas or breakfast that we eat before we go out so my dad who pays for everything when we go out agrees with my asking for help and that they should help out and not act like they are better than helping because they consider themselves “guests”.
So he texted them saying either be here 8:00 Sunday morning and help clean or be willing to give $40 each for gas and breakfast (he puts in $100 for gas at least every time we go out) so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From some of these posts, I can tell who has had a boat and who hasn’t. Docks, boats, and other items left on the docks need to be wiped down, because of spiders and bugs.
Not to mention the spilled sodas and beer from the day before. No one wants to sit on a sticky seat or put their hand in a nasty spider web.” Effective_Brief8295
Another User Comments:
“NTJ A little dust never hurt anyone.
If you simply clean the seats and empty any water in the boat, wouldn’t that be enough? Why do you feel that the boat has to be so shiny and clean when your family takes it out?
Do your parents force you to clean it this much/so much? Take a step back and disengage from this chore that need not be all your responsibility. Sure, clean a little but stop giving yourself so much work.
If no one else cares to take care of the boat, then they can use it as they find it. You are resenting your sisters for not helping you clean, so stop cleaning so much. Or stop cleaning, period.
No need to harbor resentment.” hadMcDofordinner
1. AITJ For Calling Out My Science Fair Partner Who Did No Work?
“I (14 f) just graduated middle school and in 8th grade, we had to do a mandatory science fair project.
My (then) friend (14 f) came to school and asked me if she could work with me the day after I came up with a project. We were close at the time, so I agreed. I ended up doing all of the work, I had to grow the plants, do the majority of the background research, collect the data, make the graphs, and put together the notebooks while she did practically nothing!
She missed a lot of school during the time we worked on the science fair project (edit: there was online stuff I asked her to do outside of school, which I understand, if she was out with something bad, she may not have been able to work on it, but this was during the time she claimed she felt better.) The day before Thanksgiving break was the last day to work on the project in the classroom, I was rushing to put together the board because a fire alarm went off and took up half of my science period.
While I was working on that she was copying the information from my science fair notebook into hers and talking to the people behind us. For context, I was standing at the table in front of them because the board and papers took up all of the space.
As I was cutting some of the paper for the board, the person she was talking to asked me if I would rather have another partner for this project, I answered honestly and in the nicest way I could saying “Yes I would have rather worked alone or someone who works at my pace” (I hated waiting until the last minute to do something while she sometimes procrastinated).
I turned around because I wanted to get the rest of the work done when I heard her mumble under her breath “Jerk”. I had had it with her, I hated the fact that I did all of the work for a project that took up 70% of our grade, so I turned around and said to her in an assertive voice “I don’t know why you’re talking I did all of the work for this project, while you did absolutely nothing.
Whose notebook are you copying right now because I know it’s not yours” I turned back around and continued to cut and started to pack up the board and everything because it was almost time to leave when I hear her start to cry.
I did honestly feel bad for her, but I heard from my other (then) friend (also 14 f for the 1000th time) that she was just embarrassed because the two boys behind me were messing with her after that.
We ended up making it to states (she didn’t even know what our project was about the day before we went to the state science fair) and winning an award and $50 (I was not credited for the project; she was the one called on stage and she was the one who got the $50).
I fully understand why I may be the jerk in this story, but the only thing I regret is not saying no to Pumpernickel (iykyk) when she asked to work with me in the first place.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, better off you aren’t friends with people like that anymore. She knew she could get away with doing the bare minimum and get a great mark. Truth hurts and she couldn’t handle it, the audacity she has to cry is laughable af Congratulations on making it to the States though, great achievement” Unable_Cherry_8495.
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Her for not communicating with you why she wasn’t there or taking part as she should. If she missed lots of school then she’s likely got a serious personal situation going on but she should have communicated better and not just expected to copy.
You’re a jerk for telling people in her hearing that you wanted another partner because some people didn’t help. Passive aggressive, nasty, and cowardly. If you were upset then you either speak to your teacher about the situation or you speak to her about what’s going on and if it’s not resolved then you speak with the organizers of the fair and ask to be entered as an individual entry.
If you had something to say then you should have said it to her. You also don’t know why she wasn’t there. I hope very much it wasn’t a serious mental health issue or something terrible because you then let other people start on her while she was already crying.” Lulubelle__007
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