People Insist That They Had Good Intentions In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
18. AITJ For Not Babysitting?
“I am 22 yrs old and I’ve been a daycare provider for a couple of years now. In the past month or so I have lost my job and have been looking for another one in a different field because unfortunately, childcare doesn’t pay too much.
So apparently my older cousin who I don’t have a good relationship with needs a babysitter because she has gotten into a fight with her child’s father resulting in a restraining order. She works from 6 am-3 pm and needs some help. My mom had called me and asked and I said yes I’d do it just for that day.
Come to find out my cousin and mom basically, came up with a whole babysitting arrangement behind my back and basically just expected me to just do it. I told them no because I have been paid under the table before when it comes to babysitting and it just can’t compare to a full-time job.
Well, yesterday was my birthday! And even though I did not have very many plans that day my partner and best friends planned on taking me out this weekend. My mom had called and asked me to babysit. I did hesitate to tell her no because well she’s my mom… and I have a hard time telling her no…
so my best friend had explained to my mom they had made plans for me and that I also simply just didn’t want to. My mom in her passive-aggressive tone said ‘I won’t ask you to do anything no more’ and sent me 50$.
It’s now 6 am and I’m getting calls from my cousin still expecting me to babysit.
She said my mom never told her I wasn’t gonna do it. I made up a story and said I was already drinking and that I couldn’t. Now my mom is calling me guilt-tripping me saying how she could lose her job and that she doesn’t have anyone to watch the baby and basically hung up in my face.
I feel horrible for saying no but I really wanna enjoy my birthday weekend.
I’m thinking of calling back and just saying forget it and just go babysit but I don’t know if I should. Am I the jerk?
Update: my mom didn’t talk to me for a couple of days but she talked to everyone else.
LOL. Randomly she started talking to me again and never apologized, it’s like it never happened.
I enjoyed my birthday weekend and I had so much fun and I did so much stuff it was what I really needed.
I got a job at a hotel! It’s good pay and I really enjoy my coworkers as well.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cousin could’ve made other arrangements. She hasn’t because she depended on being able to take advantage of you. Demanding you to help whenever she needed it, and paying you next to nothing.
Your mom is on her side, helping her instead of caring about you. Clearly, she’s not angry because you can’t babysit, but because you aren’t following the plans she made without you, without complaining or setting boundaries!
I bet your mom is super controlling and this is just one of many things she forces you to do without even thinking twice about it. Expecting you to jump without question when she tells you to.
Honestly. You’re 22. You should get into therapy and learn to say no, an ability that your mom has done her best to kill in you.
Then you should set boundaries with your mom. To continue this way is not healthy.” eiroai
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is a good chance for you though. It’s just my opinion but I used to be in the habit of saying yes and then making every excuse as to why, even though I didn’t want to/didn’t feel comfortable about it, it was fine and I was doing a good thing for someone.
When I decided I wouldn’t say yes anymore I was hesitant and avoidant too, making excuses about why I couldn’t do something for someone.
The truth is you don’t want to be volunteered without your input. And chances are you probably also don’t want to be seen as unhelpful. Don’t let anyone, let alone family who should know better, guilt you especially when it’s DIRECTLY AFTER denying you your own autonomy.
Your older cousin has to do what many others do and find a way to make it work. That’s HER responsibility. It’s fine to help as you can, but not at a cost to your own life events. It’s a bad habit to build and extremely difficult to break because you make yourself uncomfortable with just saying no.
Take some time to learn to build your ability to turn down people and stick to your guns. It’s ok to be self-reflective but not to a fault.” MatchingPairs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You explained it well enough. Cousin knows she can get your mom to say yes, so cousin doesn’t call you directly. Mom says yes because she’s only volunteering your time, not hers.
Neither one of them cares whether you want to or how much you would want to be paid, so they make up a deal that satisfies their sensibilities.
When you don’t give in to your mom (your cousin figures that it is hard for you to say no to your mom), your mom doesn’t want to deal with the truth so she doesn’t say anything.
Cousin doesn’t care; she uses that to hold over your mom’s head and makes her feel responsible.
Only one way to fix this. Your mom (1) needs to grow a spine and (2) needs to understand that anything she agrees to is on her to make happen. You will not do anything you haven’t directly been asked to do and agreed to do.
You can’t fix your mom’s problem. You can only hold your ground for yourself.” swillshop
17. AITJ For Letting My Stepmom Adopt Me?
“I (15m) have a stepmom Carrie (46f). She has been my stepmom since I was 6.
My mom and dad divorced when I was 3 after he caught my mom with another man, my mom then moved in with her affair partner Tim. Tim has always been a huge jerk. At first, he seemed nice but then after he and my mom got married he became extremely rude and he always tried to get me to call him dad even though he knows I hate him.
Tim would say things like ‘I stepped up to take care of you while your deadbeat father stood around and did nothing so call me dad’ even though my dad had most of the custody and Tim never even did anything to take care of me. Like when I was 10 and it was raining I called him and asked him to pick me up from school but he told me to shut up and he was watching football so I had to walk home in a t-shirt and shorts while it was raining and then when I got home my mom yelled at me for being wet.
When I was 13 I had enough and went to live with my dad full time and I refuse to see my mom or Tim. As far as I’m concerned they are gone to me because they treated me like trash for years.
My stepmom Carrie always helped me escape from my mom and Tim’s toxicity.
When I was little she would read me bedtime stories and would play with me. She is an amazing person and I consider her to be my real mom. Last year my dad got sick and he is worried that he may not live so Carrie brought up the idea of adopting me so I won’t have to go live with my mom and Tim if my dad is gone.
They asked me how I felt and I said absolutely and we immediately signed the adoption papers, my mother then gave up her parental rights to me, and honestly, I was happy but also sad because it meant she didn’t care about me.
The conflict comes up though because yesterday Tim showed up at my dad’s house and demanded that I go to my mom’s with him.
I told him no and to get lost and he got angry and said: ‘I’m your father you little jerk so get your butt over here and go back to your real parents’ house’. By this point, my dad came out and threatened to call the police so he left.
Now Carrie and my dad are seeing nonsense stuff from my bio mom’s family on social media for her adopting me.
So I wanna know if was I wrong to let Carrie adopt me. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ, you should keep all and any text messages, voice mails, and posts your mom, Tim, and her family members made before and after this incident, because no adult should be saying and doing any of this stuff to a child regardless of the situation, your mom and Tim are abusive pieces of work who need a reality check.
Seriously nobody, and I mean nobody, should not be saying any of this to you or mistreating you like they did. You, your dad, and your stepmom need to call the non-emergency services to report the harassment, because yes her, Tim, and her family harassing you is illegal and needs to be reported, and if they try to take your dad to court you are old enough to decide to stay with your dad and stepmom permanently.
Seriously your mom and Tim should be ashamed of themselves for behaving like this toward you, especially your mom because she lost the privilege to be called that a long time ago, because no real parent would act like this towards their own child or allow people to do this to them, so don’t feel guilty for refuse to be mistreated by your mom, Tim and her family.
She failed you a long time ago do to her only caring about herself and her desires and needs over her own child’s feelings, safety, and happiness, and it’s time to think about yourself and your needs and especially your safety right now. So show your dad all the posts and messages that you have so he can do something because it’s time to put an end to this.” Apprehensive-Fox3187
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not a chance. It’s honestly sad that you’re even thinking you might be at fault.
You know what you should probably do? Make an announcement for your bio mom’s family to see, if you have any sort of contact with them, explaining why you’re doing what you’re doing. Bring up the mistreatment and neglect, everything that led you to leave her at first, and that legally she gave you up as her son.
She has nothing with you now. And so you shouldn’t have anything with her.
Now, to the elephant in the room: Tim. The main villain of the story. Not only did he neglect you, but he was also actually harassing you to go with them against your will. He wants to mess your life up OP, try to do something like a restraining order or something like that.
That way he can’t say he wasn’t warned, but God, he sounds like the kind of guy that I wouldn’t really care if he was dying in front of me. If he’s burning, I’d take marshmallows out. He doesn’t deserve to have any kind of contact with you, even less demanding you actually choose him over anything.
Just wow. Glad you live with people that actually care about you.” Vegetto8701
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ.
I’m glad you have someone loving to legally protect you. You do not need people like your bio mom and her husband around you at all. I would assume the rest of the family is like them since they didn’t even seem to bother with you until after you were adopted by Carrie.
Carrie is your mom, both legally and emotionally and those other people, they are nothing, none of them matter, but please be safe because they sound dangerous and horrible. Have your parents get a restraining order if they can, and do whatever you can to stay away from them. Be sure to block them and any mutual friends from all social media so they can’t track you or harass you, too.
I’m so very happy you have Carrie in your life. I wish we all had Carries we could turn to. You did the best thing you could have done for yourself, your dad, and your mom.” Helen-Baq
16. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Friend Who Posted About My Medical Condition On Social Media?
“I (34f) recently got diagnosed with breast cancer.
After sharing the news with my immediate family, partner, and close friends, I woke up to a notification from a social media app saying I was tagged in something, and when I opened up the app it showed a post my friend (34f) made about the importance of routine check-up for breasts because of how common breast cancer is and then proceeded to tell my story and how I found out I had it.
Now, this wouldn’t have bothered me if my name wasn’t mentioned but given it was I was extremely mad about it.
I haven’t spoken to my work about this as I’m trying to figure out when to request a medical leave of absence etc. so the fact this was out in the open public and she doesn’t have her profile as private makes it easy access to people to find posts on me.
(I did a test search and sure enough, eventually, I was brought to the link on her post.)
I reached out to her telling her to take the post down but she refused. She said she’s just trying to be a good friend and bring awareness but I don’t think my name in the mix is necessary.
Not only that but after reading all the comments about how sorry people are my friend is going through this and how hard it must be for her because of me and her soaking up all the attention made me sick to my stomach.
I told her how I felt and the fact she was so insensitive on the matter made me realize I need to rethink my friendship and told her I need some space.
After that, I’ve had mutual friends reaching out some on my side and some saying I’m the jerk.
So AITJ for telling her off?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and it’s very scary because it shows how clueless people are that they’re not able to assess what’s appropriate or not, this should be common sense and people should be upset at her, not you.
It’s your personal life. She robbed you of deciding how to deal with this and organize.
A friend of mine is going through cancer who for now is ok, and getting much better, but she told me not to tell anyone, and for me, she didn’t have to say that, it is clear anything she tells me is confidential.
The fact that not only she did that but then does not remove it when you ask, and now people say you are the jerk for it… Shows we truly live in times when people are oblivious to common sense itself and decency.
So sad, and hope you find a solution to this. Hope you get better.
You needing space is the right call.” IamMrEE
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She violated you on so many levels, I can’t even begin. First, blasting your private medical information on social media is unforgivable. Ask her how she would like you to give everyone the results of her latest Pap smear. I’m going to guess she would not be okay with that.
Next, you haven’t even told your employer yet. I mean – we all know that with social media being what it is these days, a lot of bad things happen when people post things or act a certain way, and all of a sudden their employer is getting tagged in all these posts about you.
Totally not cool.
Not knowing the exact dynamics of your friendship with this person, but I would be seriously rethinking that.” Momma_BearE
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This was a major violation and your so-called friend is a major jerk.
In your situation, I would make a public post and tag every single one of her social media friends.
Say that you received some concerning medical information that you confided privately to some close friends and family. Then explain what the jerk did and how she exploited you to get attention. Say how this adversely affects you. You don’t necessarily have to refer to her by name. You can end with how friendship and respect for privacy should mean more than social media popularity.” Mermaidtoo
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Offer My Services To A Friend?
“I am a (20f) and my ‘friend’, let’s call her Allison, is also (20f).
Allison and I are family friends as our parents are close. I have known her since the time I was 2, but we were never close and didn’t talk much. I moved back to my hometown 2 years ago, and Allison and I reconnected + became close friends. But, she was always a bit dramatic and loud for me as I am very introverted.
Fast forward to this year. I just graduated as an esthetician who does things like lashes, brows, f*****s, waxing, and whatever. I needed practice models to complete a set number of quotas to receive my eyelash extension certification. Allison helped me and modeled a few times. (free of charge)
Obviously, I am a brand new lash artist and won’t have the best work.
Practice makes perfect. But, Allison would always complain about my work to me and make me feel bad about it. She would make me fill her lashes at night (8 pm but it takes me like 3 hours to complete lashes) and every week because she would complain about retention despite not following the aftercare.
Eventually, I got tired of doing her lashes because I got treated poorly, didn’t get paid, and was done with my quotas, so I told her politely I wouldn’t keep filling them.
I took the blame for my poor work and said that she would be better suited with a different kind of lashes and suggested an artist see. I thanked her for supporting me and helping me out and apologized again. She was dramatic and just responded ‘K. Whatever.’
Since then I have tried to apologize again and ask if we could talk, to which she blew me off and very rudely said she didn’t care.
A couple of months later, she booked an online appointment with me to get her brows waxed, but she still hasn’t talked to/texted me since this incident. She canceled the appointment herself two days later, and I decided to block her from booking with me anymore.
I don’t like conflict and I am just wondering AITJ for blocking her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sounds to me like she wanted you to keep doing her lashes for free. As long as you had to practice for your certification she got free lashes.
Instead of giving helpful criticism to help you improve she nitpicked everything you did knowing you were learning and practicing. On top of all that she wasn’t properly maintaining them.
So instead of blaming herself, she blamed you.
She was using you and being a mean girl about it. If you continued to book appointments with her, who is to say now that you are certified that she wouldn’t try to complain to your boss and get you in trouble? Or find something wrong so she didn’t have to pay.
That sounds like the type of person she is. I would block her too.” Whiskeygirl81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, absolutely not! She was getting them done knowing you needed the practice, for free, and still complained about your work when you’re a work in progress. How can you get better if someone is always dragging you down with mean comments?
She didn’t pay you but she still could’ve tipped you for your time. That’s not a friend. And then to book with you after complaining about your work. Completely ridiculous. You shouldn’t be apologizing either! She needs to apologize for her rudeness!” Accomplished_Bat545
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Someone flipped my perception about this kinda thing, your friends shouldn’t be showing up to your work and demanding free stuff, they should be paying full price and tipping well because your friends should support you in your endeavors and want you to succeed, and if you’re able to throw them some perks here or there that’s a nice perk from you.
She knew what she was getting into by agreeing to be a practice model, she doesn’t get to hang that over your head for the next forever because the quality of your work wasn’t that of a master while you were learning.” Dafuzz
14. AITJ For Uninviting My Brother And His Wife From My Wedding?
“I have an older brother named Mark. Mark was a solid older brother and he did all he could to look out for me, however, one of the patterns that emerged was that he still treats me like a kid. Especially when it came to women, my brother is the better looking/more attractive brother and when I didn’t have a partner he would be hard on me, telling me I need to hit the gym, I need to not dress like a dad.
Mark and I used to have a really good relationship but we lost our closeness after I left for medical school. I was busy and it was really difficult and expensive for flights.
After I completed my residency I moved back closer to my family and friends where I met my now fiancée. After I introduced my brother to her, he and his wife gently were trying to get me to break up.
They were like, oh you guys don’t seem compatible, she is older and has a family already, you should find someone more compatible. I was like you don’t even know our dynamic yet how can you say that? And I really tried to get my brother and his wife to see my fiancée as a whole person.
And again initially they were nice and were like we have our reservations but okay if it makes you happy. Then one night, my brother was over at our family’s house and he was really wasted. And he starts going off (my fiancee was not present and at the time was just my partner) on how my fiancee is with me for my money.
That I am just being used for a paycheck and that when we have kids together to not be surprised if the baby ‘comes out with a tan.’ I was like MARK STOP. And he just kept pressing on with his insensitive comments.
Well now that I and my fiancee are engaged, I did not invite my brother to the wedding.
I don’t want to deal with him making ignorant comments. My family is telling me to forgive him, my fiancee says that she really doesn’t want him to come but if I invite him she understands. I understand he was wasted but I feel that he really crossed a line, and this is fair. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t subject your wife to be to this. Very likely a repeat performance if booze is served at your big event. Sounds like your older brother really has issues with mixed relationships. Truly none of his business what relationships your fiance had prior to the two of you getting together.
In my opinion, your brother sounds like an idiot.
Your family inserting themselves in this situation and trying to get you to invite him is even more ridiculous. Your brother had no problem speaking his mind when he was wasted, if he wanted to apologize for his comments – surely he would. No, don’t hold your breath for an apology from him because I am relatively sure that he meant what he said.
Hopefully, someday your brother will grow up. In the meantime, your new wife and family should always be your top priority. Have a great life and best of luck!” Fragrant-Art-4753
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The whole reason families get invested in who is and isn’t invited to weddings is—weddings are a statement about how much a relationship matters, and about whose opinions matter on the relationship.
The entire point is that you are declaring, out in front of everybody, ‘HEY, PEOPLE WHOSE OPINIONS ON OUR LIVES MATTER TO US: WE ARE FORMALLY DECLARING THAT THIS RELATIONSHIP MATTERS A GREAT DEAL TO US BOTH. THIS PERSON AND THEIR ASSOCIATED PEOPLE WILL HENCEFORTH BE JOINING THE CIRCLE OF PEOPLE WHOSE OPINIONS ON MY LIFE COUNT FOR SOMETHING.’
Inviting your brother is saying, implicitly, that you welcome and accept his opinion on important life decisions, specifically including who you are marrying. So if you don’t—don’t invite him.
And if that’s not a good enough reason—don’t invite him, because you both deserve to enjoy your wedding day. A decision to invite him is not a decision to avoid unpleasantness or conflict.
It’s a decision to defer the unpleasantness or conflict that you could have addressed right now… and instead be stuck dealing with it, along with your soon-to-be-wife on your wedding day.
And while we’re discussing conflict not to save up for a day you should both be free to enjoy and celebrate. Tell the rest of your family, in no uncertain terms, to cut the crap.
If you’re marrying her, she is also your family. Her kids are also your family. When the rest of your family backs him up, they’re making a statement about who they think your ‘real’ family is, and who they expect you to choose. I think it would be a pretty monumental betrayal, at this moment, to choose them—and that includes pretending it’s okay for them to keep behaving like your brother’s behavior was no big deal.
What he said was not remotely acceptable—and it sounds hard enough on you and your fiancée, who are adults. Imagine this being the scene at a family Christmas when your kids are there!” YrBalrogDad
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move In With My Friend?
“I’ve (29F) been friends with Mike (35M) for about two years now and recently he offered to room with me since we’re both struggling to make rent.
I declined his offer because I felt that it would be hard to live with him. He has some extreme routines that I feel would clash with what I need to get by.
He needs the entire house to be dark and deafening silent by 9 pm. If he gets up during the night and sees even one source of light or non-sleeping sounds, he gets really upset and stressed. He wakes up at 5 am and eats a very specific breakfast meal every morning.
He eats lunch exactly at 1 pm on the dot. And he’s very attached to his friends, and will literally follow you around and talk your ear off about one of his obsessions. He constantly texts and voice calls me the moment I’m off work.
I suffer from CPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder) and have trouble sleeping.
I am usually up at extremely odd hours of the night and sometimes can only sleep when the sun rises. One of the ways I use to fall asleep is by leaving the TV on so I can listen to it, like a bedtime story. Along with sleep issues, I also go through random episodes of depression, anxiety, and flashbacks.
So when he offered to room with me, I rejected his offer and when he asked why, I told him, what we need to get through the day will cause other issues. Mike immediately started throwing a tantrum, saying I hurt his feelings and I was a jerk. He hung up after literally just screaming into his phone.
A few hours later, I got a call from his parents accusing me of being a jerk and how disappointed they were in me for being discriminatory towards their autistic son. They said they thought I would be a good friend to him but clearly I am just as judgemental as everyone else. And they ended the call by wishing I get what I deserve.
Update: As of right now, I think it’s safe to say Mike and I most likely won’t be friends anymore. His parents started texting me, demanding I stop by and apologize to him and discuss compromises for rooming together. So I told them no thanks and I’ll pretend they didn’t just ask that of me.
Then they decided to take a jab at my mom for being a single mother and failing to raise a good child so I blocked all their numbers. I’ll just take this as a lesson learned and move on… I guess.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m saying this as an autistic woman.
Your needs clash with his.
His autism is irrelevant. And the fact that he threw a tantrum? He needs to understand that, yes, his autism will inconvenience other people sometimes, and he can’t force them to put his own needs first. He needs to understand compassion as it applies to subjecting other people to his own habits. And, he needs to learn how to handle rejection in a mature manner.
Throwing a tantrum and calling his friend (you) names just because she had the forethought to say ‘hey our needs will clash, so maybe we shouldn’t be roommates’, is downright childish. If he doesn’t figure these things out, he’s never going to go far with close relationships (such as roommates or significant others).” penpapercats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Speaking as an Autistic person with CPTSD and many other mental illnesses. Being Autistic doesn’t excuse disregarding others’ needs. You made yourself clear in the reason why you declined which was absolutely reasonable – autistic or not, I wouldn’t want to live with someone with differing schedules, especially those that could cause distress to myself or the other person – I have insomnia, and similar CPTSD symptoms to you in that I sometimes don’t sleep till sunrise, I am always up at odd hours.
He and his parents are labeling your boundaries, needs, and accommodations as ableist, yet that’s not what it is – in fact, they are the ones being ableist. Mental illness is technically a disability, you are allowed accommodation too. Mental illness cannot be ‘fixed’ – just as autism can’t be. They talk about his autism being something so horrible and that everyone should therefore feel sorry for him.
Autism is not a horrible thing.
This guy has clearly been coddled by his parents to the point of entitlement and no care for others’ needs. This ‘tantrum’ doesn’t appear to be an Autistic meltdown to me, so I don’t feel that word is out of context in this situation. It just appears to be an adult man making a scene because he didn’t get his way.
You are not in the wrong. You are not a jerk. He is, and so are his parents.
OP, please take care of yourself. You did the right thing. Take some time for yourself, keep their numbers blocked, and please know that you did the right thing.” p0weredbypasta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You were kind enough to be honest with the guy.
It’s not your fault you recognized the problems between you two and your routines and pointed them out. He just didn’t like your answer and can’t handle the word no. You don’t ever have to live with someone just because they want you to.
You have nothing to apologize for. It’s not an insult to decline to live with someone.
I love all my friends but won’t live with them again. We get along better when we have our own space.
The dude is going to lose a lot of friends in his life due to his attitude problem, not his autism. His parents failed him when they didn’t teach him to understand and respect rejection in life.
And please listen because your mental health is important. I spent twenty years living with chronic insomnia due to my PTSD and depression. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to recognize you need help and reach out to your doctor. It’s what I did two years ago and I’m doing 1000% better than I was.
I was never committed but did go to counseling for a while. If you ever feel yourself slipping, please gather up your courage and talk to someone and get help.” depressivedarling
12. AITJ For Kicking My Mom's Partner And His Kids Out Of The House?
“My (19M) parents divorced when I was 6. My mom got a partner (Josh) and they started living together when I was 9. He had twin daughters, who were 4 when they moved in. Their mother was not in their lives anymore. My mom took them in as their own. I admit that I was a little jealous because they had her full-time and me only 50% of the time.
I think my mom loved them more too.
I was a quiet kid and spent most of my time in my room when my mom had me. I didn’t want any siblings. My mom tried but to no avail. By the time I was 16, I rarely spent time at my mom’s place. And when I went to college I got an apartment, even though my mom lived in the same city as my college.
Mom tragically passed in December. Because Josh and she never got married for some reason, I inherited everything, including her house. I allowed Josh and the kids to still live there. I paid half the bills as he is struggling because of a low-paying job.
My lease ends in December and I decided to move into my house after.
I sat down with Josh and told him I was moving in January. Since this is my house I will take the bedroom and he will move to my old room. He started crying about how the bedroom is his safe space and all my mom’s things are there which gives him peace. I told him he can move a few of her things to my old room (my room is 1/3 of the bedroom).
He started crying even more that he doesn’t want to abandon their bedroom. I was pretty annoyed at that moment, so I told him to just get out of the house then as I don’t have the energy to deal with this nonsense. I have since cooled down. But 3 days later he sent me a message to notify me where he left the keys and that they moved out.
I found out they went to a homeless shelter.
I got messages from my mom’s side of the family about how I am heartless and cruel to kick them out. How the twins lost their mom and home in less than a year. Twins texted me how they can’t believe their own brother made them homeless and asked me what they did wrong.
My dad and his family told me I did nothing wrong. I do feel bad for them, but I still think I decide who gets what room in my house. AITJ?
Edit: I will call Josh today and ask him to meet. I will try to sort things through and I hope we will come to an agreement.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
All Josh had to do was agree to switch bedrooms. It wouldn’t have killed him, considering OP now owns the house and pays half the bills for Josh and his family. OP has been helping support Josh and his kids for at least the past 10 months, even though he has his own rent and bills to pay.
He didn’t have to do that.
Since OP has been paying 50% of the bills, the least Josh could do would be to let OP have the larger bedroom instead of throwing a fit about it. He and his kids would still occupy more of the rooms in the house than OP. Josh was a jerk for refusing to switch bedrooms.
OP lost his temper because of Josh’s behavior, and told him to get out, but cooled down afterward. They could have worked something out about the bedrooms, but Josh decided on his own to move abruptly into a homeless shelter with the girls. And now he’s told OP’s maternal relatives that OP is cruel and heartless.
All because Josh refused to switch bedrooms.” Paevatar
Another User Comments:
“Legally, the house is yours. Situationally though you’ve put two 14-year-old girls and their dad in a homeless shelter. You’ve lost your mum. They saw her as their mother, so they lost their mum too. Josh lost his partner and is obviously also struggling with grief.
I’m not saying you are not entitled to the home you’ve inherited. People are correct in saying they should have planned better. They quite possibly thought they were too young to worry about passing away. You’ve also been helping out financially when you didn’t have to. They were likewise not entitled to that help continuing forever, especially if it causes you financial hardship.
Josh sucks for what exactly? Being in a low-paid job? Not wanting to leave the bedroom he shared with his late partner? No. I can’t call him the jerk for those things, sorry. I can’t even call him a jerk for accepting your help if you gave it willingly.
What do you suck for?
You don’t suck for helping out financially, you don’t suck for wanting to move back in.
You do suck for wanting to oust him from the bedroom he and your mum spent their nights together. You do suck for spitefully telling him to get out rather than giving him time to work out options.
Your actions have adversely affected two girls that did not do anything to deserve it. They are now at increased risk of awful crimes and will have the trauma following them forever. Let alone what being in a shelter does to their education and work opportunities in the future, So yes, you do suck for that.
You forced them out due to a moment of hotheadedness. Not out of any reasoned argument or need. But because you got spiteful and angry. You let your resentment towards your mum moving on get to you, and whatever it is your dad may have whispered in your head. Lashing out due to anger is what abusive people do, so you should watch out for that in case you have a tendency to react that way in other things.
In this case, it may be a one-off due to grief, the danger is if it becomes a habit.
You know your dad is only on your side because he had beef with your mum, right? The fact your mum’s side is disgusted with you should have been a clue. So yes, YTJ.” PelicanCanNew
Another User Comments:
“This is a rough one but I wanna say NTJ.
You are the sole keeper of the house. You also paid half the bills but since that’s your house you’re up one on Josh.
I don’t get why everyone is expecting you to like his daughters. You watched your parents divorce and new children come into the picture when you had already grown up a single child.
It’s always a 50/50 on whether those kids would get along and obviously being you were older and were liking the single kid life you weren’t obligated to like them. Plus just because they were around for 10 years, they weren’t married. They aren’t your siblings.
Josh lived there with the girls for 10 months following your mom’s death.
That was 10 months to figure out what he was gonna do. Did he expect that you’d let him have the house, let him stay there, or that you weren’t gonna move back? What would he have done had you decided to sell the property?
It’s been 10 months. Everyone grieves differently. But at some point, you have to wake up and realize you can’t cry about your loved ones every day it isn’t healthy.
Nothing wrong with remembering them and having a good cry here or there but you can’t mope around forever.
You gave him an ultimatum. Move into your room and he can take some of your mom’s stuff with him. You got tired of bickering with him and said something out of anger and frustration.
He chose to leave after 3 days. Plenty of time to think things over on both ends and reevaluate that conversation. So I’ll say everyone sucks here on that part.
Why did the twins say you were their brother? You never claimed them and now they’re guilting you. Just block them all and move on and the same goes for anyone who thinks otherwise.” Foxfire_vixen
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Do you honestly think your mom wanted you to kick her partner of 10 years out of their shared bedroom? And you really wouldn’t feel weird about sleeping on your mom’s bed where she slept with him for 10 years? Yes, it is your house. But you likely demanded the master bedroom as a middle finger to your mom’s partner.
You wanted to send a message to him loud and clear. And that message was that you, a 19-year-old, were the boss in that house and he and his two 14-year-old daughters (all of whom your mom loved!) had better do whatever you say, or out they go.
You were basically on a power trip.
Josh heard that message and he saw how this was gonna be and left. He should have probably swallowed his pride, and stayed, or waited until he could maybe get an apartment, but you were being a jerk. Ideally, you should have let him and his daughters use the house til they were out of school, or stayed there together but realized your demands for the master bedroom were unfair and not what your mom would have wanted.
A LOT of people don’t think to make a will, and also don’t realize how not being married puts you at risk of things like this happening. Your mom likely screwed up her estate planning, and now you are gleefully taking advantage of that.” stiletto929
There were plenty of compromises here that you were prepared to make. The jerk is Josh but he's being a jerk to his daughters and he's the one that made them homeless because he didn't want to switch rooms.
You were more than generous with paying half the bills even when you weren't there. Even how fast he moved out. If he went to a homeless shelter they just took mainly clothes and a few possessions. He wasn't thinking straight. He's probably grieving.
Hopefully the meeting you had with him has sorted a few things out. And you have managed to reach a compromise.
11. AITJ For Not Wanting A Relationship With My Sister?
“I (30F) got married at the end of August. My sister (40) hasn’t talked to me in MONTHS, RSVP’d late, then didn’t show up to the wedding at all. She told my parents she wouldn’t be coming and made several excuses as to why, but never told me. It has now been over a month, and I still have not even gotten a ‘congratulations’ text since the wedding.
My mom wants to get us together for lunch so our kids can see each other (and so she can see her grandkids), and my sister will STILL not coordinate with me to make it happen.
A few years ago, I was helping her with her kids while we were both going through messy separations.
She got upset when I moved out to have my own space (we had 6 people in a 3 bedroom house where she had her own room and bathroom, while I was sharing one room with my 2 kids and a bathroom with all 4 children). When she started making me late for work, we ended up getting into a big fight after she told me I could just find another job if I got fired because her job was more important than mine.
Neither of us was working in ‘career’ jobs at the time, and it ended up being the last straw after trying to help her keep her life on track and constantly being taken advantage of.
Needless to say, we have not had a good relationship since then, and it has only gotten worse. I’m tired of trying to rebuild a burnt bridge when she keeps stoking the fire, but my parents insist that I should continue to try to reach out and have a relationship with her.
I really don’t want to see her or talk to her. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Shared DNA does not mean you have to tolerate bad behavior. It does not mean you have to keep someone in your life.
Your parents, while probably meaning well for a reconciliation, need to step back.
You are both adults and you can handle your own business.” ForensicMammoth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your mom the ball is in your sister’s court. She may apologize when she’s ready to start a relationship and go from there. But as far as you’re concerned, your sister has treated you with less consideration than an acquaintance and you have no time or energy to repeatedly reach out to an acquaintance.” tootsweete
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry you’re dealing with that, it’s such a pain when parents try and force hangouts like that.
If you’re open to it maybe tell your mum you’ll be at x place at x time, and you’d love to see her there. If sis and the kids can make it they’re welcome but that’s up to her to organize.
That way it’s on mum to deal with her, but either way, you and the kids get to see your mum and she gets to see what it’s like dealing with your sister.” owltourrets
10. AITJ If I Stop Financially Supporting My Parents?
“I (19 f) work part-time and go to school. I’m a tutor and I make about $700 in 6 days (this is important). I was recently sick so my paycheck was short considering that it was a school holiday where I live and that I missed a day of work. Ever since I started working I feel like my parents have been taking advantage of my funds.
We struggle financially. They have overdraft my bank account by over $500, they over drafted my credit card by $1,100. They say they will pay me back but they don’t give as much as they take. Last night I got paid and I wanted to buy some things for myself because I work hard and I haven’t bought myself anything in a couple of months.
My parents then asked for $275. Which left me with nothing for myself. I got the clothes which were necessary. Most of my shirts have holes and my pants don’t fit.
I also wanted to buy myself some new socks and bras considering that the underwire has been stabbing me for months but I don’t have the budget to get the things I need. And I can’t say no because they then will call me selfish and spoiled. I do pay bills and I do help out but at this point, I’m honestly tired. It feels so unfair that I have to continue to sacrifice my needs.
And when they get funds and I ask for help they say I have a job. It’s not right. I’m considering not giving them any more of my funds, would I be the jerk?
Edit: To answer the most asked question of why they have access to my credit card is bc my father made himself an authorized user on my credit card to ‘help’ me with my credit.
He instructed me not to touch it and I haven’t. This account has been open for 4 months and I’m still paying it off.
Second, the other way they have access to my debit card is that I gave it to them under the impression that I would receive my funds back.
Third to everyone that says remove them from my accounts, and just say no and set boundaries, this will more than likely lead to physical alterations and arguments that I’m not mentally prepared for.
They have gotten physical before which is why I haven’t set boundaries.
Fourth, I did take everyone’s advice into consideration and I called my bestie to see if she could help me. She agreed and I will send her funds and she will hold onto my account in my name so that my parents have no way to reach it.
I go to stay on campus next year for my junior year of college.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Take them off your accounts and freeze your credit reports. Also, lock down all your online accounts and remove your cards from any online stores. Get a PO box. Update all your accounts with the PO Box and get new cards issued.
I assume you get paid in cash, check, or some other direct payment most of the time. After a tutoring session. So, move out immediately. At this point, it would make more financial sense to just cut out and stay in a motel. Saving up your funds to get a rental.
Because they’ve got you in an abusive dynamic.
Which you need to get yourself out of. Not all abuse is physical. They’ve got you mentally bullied into giving all your funds.
You need to cut all contact. Block their numbers. Then lock your phone down to only accept calls from your contacts. So friends and clients can reach you. But your parents can’t.
Even if they get a new number.
Immediately move out without telling them where you are going. Then work on digging out of this emotional hole with therapy.” Velocityg4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this is a disaster. You know what’s selfish and spoiled? Mooching parents helping themselves to your hard-earned funds… bonus points for the overdrafts.
Change the PIN on your credit card and for the love of all that is holy, don’t give anyone access to your credit card again. Close your bank account and transfer your funds to a different bank, if there isn’t another nearby, open an account with an online bank instead. Staying at the same bank but kicking them off your account isn’t enough, you don’t need to run the risk of parents guilting the tellers into getting into your account.
You have to accomplish these steps as soon as possible! If it’ll take time to close your current bank account due to the overdraft, fine, kick the parents off the account and pay the overdraft, but make sure to close it as soon as you can. Do not negotiate with your parents about this. You should’ve taken care of this the moment you turned 18.
After taking care of this, tell your parents you’ll pay rent and a third of the utilities (assuming you three are the only adults) and that’ll be the only money they get. Negotiate a reasonable rent. If they’re not willing, move out. If they give you trouble, move out. Your parents have been a disgrace and it’s time to put them in their place or leave.
Frankly, if anyone overdrafts my account, we’d be done, no questions asked, but you do what you feel most comfortable with. You must keep others out of your banks and credit cards from now on though, and not just because your parents are jerks, but because such is the default for all of us who’ve had normal upbringings with at least halfway decent parents.
Only awful parents would ever want access to your stuff.” 295Phoenix
Another User Comments:
“First, NTJ.
Second, what many people do not understand is the massive amount of cultural and generational pressure you are operating under. I would not be surprised to learn, that where you live, statistically speaking, the older generation is well cared for, long-lived, and generally very happy.
This is not the case where I live. The older generation is either monetarily or physically capable of taking care of themselves, or they rot away in poor health in and out of homes for old people. There are of course exceptions on both sides, but in general terms, I believe this to be true.
Third, I think the best advice is to create a budget. It will be seen as responsible. It is hard to refute the math. Start with your 700. Say I need this and this and this for sure, so now we have 400 or whatever. Now they say, OK we will take the 400, say, no that is not how a budget works.
We need to break down how much you need for everything. Then to sort of sweeten the pot/soften the blow, say any non-budgeted funds will go into an emergency fund so we can collectively start saving for emergencies. And since I am a LOT less likely to need emergency money, it is in your best interest to save in this manner as well.
This is how responsible adults spend money, let us all be responsible together.
For the record, I am completely OK with telling them to fly kites and earn their own money. Where I live it would be very easy to do that. I doubt it is as easy where you live, thus my suggestion above.” apropo_of_nothing
9. AITJ For Expecting My Mom To Cover My School Fees?
“My family has always struggled with finances, and I’m in high school. I started working part-time a few months ago and my salary is around $250-380 monthly.
Before I started working, my family would pay for my school fees and lunch (everything is expensive where I live, there aren’t really any cheap options for lunch near my house). But after I started working, I started to pay for my own lunch, gave my mom over $100 monthly for saving, and I’m saving to get a good PC for college and to replace my crappy old phone.
We have both agreed that I would pay for everything else, and lend her some funds if needed, but she would have to pay any compulsory fees for my school.
At the beginning of the school year, we have to pay over $120-250 for school fees. I told my mom about it and she told me to pay it all by myself because she had to pay the bills.
I refused and told her that I’d be willing to pay up to half of it and that we had already agreed for her to pay my school fees. She then called me a spender (I don’t know, her English isn’t the best) and my brother proceeded to call me cheap. I heard them talking about me being greedy after I left the room.
I understood why she did not want to pay the fee, we do struggle with finances but after all those nights of coming home at midnight because of work, I worked hard for what I earned and I think I have contributed enough of my salary for my family and stopped spending their funds directly.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have an agreement in place. Your brother has no right to know anything about the matter. That was used against you and to prepare your brother to expect the same, but not push back.
Please stop giving your mother funds to save for you. I would bet that she’s spending it on bills and you will get nothing when you ask for it back for that computer and phone.
Please go to your school counselor and get assistance in applying for grants, and scholarships to help with school. Your family is financially worthless to you and you need to make solid plans for yourself.” Cesariam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t know what your culture is, but traditionally, your parents should be responsible for your schooling and fees, after all, it’s not your fault you’re required to go to school.
They brought you into this world, the least they can do is provide for your education. After Highschool/Primary school, you’d be on your own. but until then, sounds like they’re just taking advantage of you. What if you didn’t have a job? How would it get paid? That answer is how it should be handled now.” Pronebasilisk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t blame you for not wanting to spend your funds on school fees. You have the rest of your life to pay bills so you should be able to use this time to spend your funds on some of the things you want. However, I can’t call your mom a jerk because it sounds like she’s really struggling financially.
Have you considered talking to the school to see if there are options available for families that are unable to pay the school fees? When I was in high school, my dad was unemployed for two years and the school waived all of my fees. They did the same thing for students whose parents were employed, but didn’t make much.” Mother_Tradition_774
8. AITJ For Walking Out While On My Shift?
“I (21f) have worked at this little family-owned version of DoorDash. The owners are a really nice older couple.
I worked there from when I freshly turned 19 for about 6 months and then became something like a manager. Then after about 8 months, I left the business to do something that would be better to pay for my college. I always would watch the office for them while they went on vacations and even when their first grandchild was born.
So fast forward to last august when my financial situation was really bad because of ya know life. So I ask if I can come back and drive for them part-time and they’re so excited saying ‘oh we’re so glad you’re back’ and stuff like that. Fast forward a couple of weeks and 2 people are going on vacation and another is having car troubles.
So they ask me if I can work all week long to cover for those people (a week beforehand) I say yes. Monday rolls around and my dispatcher who gives out orders tells me that my boss and his brother are having a meeting to discuss covering costs. (They’re having immense financial trouble) That was before 11 am.
They are open 11 am-9 pm. Lo and behold at 6 pm the wife walks in starts making small talk and drops the bomb saying ‘we have to cut y’all’s pay from $3.5 to $2.75 an order’. I ask does it start tomorrow. ‘No, it starts today.’ She says. So I’ve been working for 7 hours thinking I’ve been making more than what I actually am.
The wife has her knee surgery that is long overdue on Wednesday. This is important.
So I thought I was gonna have my paycheck on Wednesday because that’s when we got paid. I go to work and once again my dispatcher says something. We can’t get our paychecks yet. She says that the husband is saying we might get them later today but the deposit hasn’t come in from yesterday yet.
So I’m mad. But I work until 3 pm. Then she sends out a message saying we’re not getting a paycheck at all today but instead tomorrow. So I let my dispatcher know I’m not finishing out my shift and I pick up a shift for that night at my waitress job. This prompts the husband to leave the wife at home after her outpatient surgery and come to work.
Now I’ve had a lot of feedback from family and friends but I’m still not sure. AITJ?
Update: A lot of people tell me this is illegal and such and are suggesting that I find another job but at the time of this happening I already had 2 jobs. This one and the waitressing.
What happened when I walked out of the shift was that the wife texted me saying that she was so sorry they couldn’t pay me on time and to please come back to the shift and I replied that I was sorry but I needed to make some immediate funds for a bill. (I’m in college and pay for college on my own along with other ya know real-life expenses and for now, I live paycheck to paycheck.) She asked if I would at least work the next day and not quit and I said yes as long as I get paid.
The following morning I walked into the office and the husband asked me to go into his office. I shut the door and we sat down. He started a long speech roughly ‘I am so sorry that we could not pay you on time but you know we also pay the day after. I knew you wouldn’t be with us for much longer after the pay decrease because you have other opportunities.
But what you did last night really hurt us personally. I don’t want this to interfere with our relationship with you because I and my wife think of you as a daughter. I understand that you and wife ironed something out about working today but we have Friday and Saturday covered I’m going to work it.
If you want to work today that’s fine but after today I think you should start looking at other places.’
I asked ‘are you firing me?’ He says ‘no I’m just saying you should look for other opportunities.’ I worked that day and I turned in my key to the office (I would sometimes come in to manage if no one else could and before all this happened when I got a better job before they told me to keep the key even tho I didn’t work at the office and I had kept the key without working at the office for about 7-8 months before I came back, that’s how trusted I was.) So I haven’t gone back since that day and I don’t plan to.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Depending on where you live, this would be illegal to retroactively decrease your pay without notice and then not pay you. This business is failing and you should not be taking the hit for them. You try to find another job but continuing to work for them may just mean that you will work long hours and not get paid for it.
If they start calling you and asking you to come back, you let them know once you receive your paycheck, you’ll be back. Then once you receive it, you leave and don’t work for them because you don’t want to deal with that any longer. Then you go to your labor department and make a report for the pay cut and being shorted, you may not receive this depending on how bad the business is doing but there is a chance to get what you deserve.” Jwborg35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s hilarious to me that they had the audacity to ask you not to come back, after you consistently bailed them out, worked without pay, and were generally abused professionally, all under the guise of your ‘relationship.’
Are they under the impression that they’ll find someone else willing to help like you did, with so little respect from them?
They’re delusional, and you deserve so much better than that.
If they ever come knocking, with a sob story and some promise about an increase in pay or better working conditions, please don’t trust them. They’ve proven their word can’t be trusted, and they only want to serve themselves.” VirtualPorpoise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they can’t manage their business properly, they shouldn’t have a business.
It doesn’t matter what personal stuff they have going on. You have a transactional relationship with your boss where they pay you for your labor. If they can’t hold up their end of that deal, that’s their own problem.” DoctorDoompants
You interpreted this as them soft-firing you, where I interpret it as them not actually being really able to afford you but wanting to support you as much as they can till you find something else.
But. I wasn't there and you were.
7. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Neighbor's Utility Bill?
“I (21F) live with my disabled mom, bro, & sis on the 1st floor of a duplex.
For context, our house became a code violation recently so our landlord skipped town and no one can find him. He stopped paying the utilities included in our rent. In the meantime, while looking for a place to move our upstairs neighbors (Rose & Jerry) got the gas and electric meters for their apt in their name, and I did the same for mine.
Keep in mind each apt has separate meters.
Well, the other day my neighbors came to me and said due to our landlord’s poor work my apt was drawing off of their utility meters for both electricity and gas and asked if I would help pay their bills. Confused since I was told when I got the accounts in my name that I was on completely different meters I told them to let me talk to the company and figure out what was going on.
This morning I woke to many texts from my neighbors saying ‘We got our gas bill, we need you to give us $111 so we can pay it or we’re shutting it off and you won’t have gas’. It’s Monday so I finally get on the phone with the util co. and ignore their messages until I can get the other side of things.
Because I don’t text back they text again ‘If you don’t pay I’ll sue you which will make it harder for you to find a place to move. I don’t care if I have to get a shared meter reading which will turn everyone’s off since I have a generator to keep electric.’
Finally, I get off hold and speak to the util co. and explain. They tell me I’m on my own meters and bill and on their end, nothing is running off of my neighbors. Hearing this I text my neighbor back and relay this info and tell them I will not be paying their bill since the company tells me I’m not drawing off of it at all, and angry over their threats ask them what grounds they have to sue me just because I won’t pay their bill.
I get another string of texts back saying things like ‘I talked to the company too and they told me gas isn’t even hooked up to the first meter, so I don’t know why they say you’re paying for gas when you’re not.’ I send the last reply reiterating what I said before and saying I will not pay their bill unless I have proof I’m running off their meters somehow.
In response my male neighbor puts a padlock on our basement doors where all the meters are, then tells us his wife called code enforcement and they’ll be here tomorrow and we’ll all be kicked out (from my experience they can’t do so that fast.) They’ve started slamming the entry door, stomping louder than they usually do upstairs and I expect them to bang on our window in the middle of the night and throw things at our door like they usually do when they’re mad at us, but they haven’t yet.
This drama just leaves me wondering if I should have just paid the bill. AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
For starters, the gas company has the last word on that. I would ask them to come to check it out and they can also involve the police when they can not enter the meters, which (not sure if it is in other countries but it is in mine) is their property.
And maybe ask in writing that the meters are separated.
Keep everything documented, including their threats, and make it simple for them. Tell them to quit or the next thing you do is go to the police to file a complaint for later, threats and embezzlement for trying to get you to pay their bill.
Regardless even… if it turns out that you are getting some gas off of them. Since the meter is in their name they are responsible for the payment cording to the law. It will be seen as a gas company mistake but they are responsible.
But it sounds more like they can not pay their bills and are trying to take advantage of a 21-year-old… Horrible people at the sound of it.” Mundane_Morning9454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
A simple question to ask before you consider paying for anything… Can I see the proof?
Honestly, your neighbors sound like a worrying combination of abusive scammers and just unhinged – and their actions leave me in no doubt that they are just trying to take advantage of the situation with the building and codes by scaring you.
Moves like padlocking the basement and preventing access to your own meter just seem insane and counterproductive, and just a power move on their part.
It may be worth checking with your gas supplier – let them know you have concerns regarding your supply lines and have them inspect everything, and keep everything above board and out in the open.
If they are harassing you, get the police involved, and don’t be afraid to stand up for your own rights.
At the same time, if you are living in a condemned property with a missing landlord, your time there may be coming to an end soon enough anyway, so I would definitely be looking for a new place sooner rather than later.” nrsys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your landlord skipped town over a code violation, I wouldn’t be surprised that your utilities are all mixed up. I’m trying to imagine a code violation that would make me skip town, and the only thing I can think of is maybe he’s stealing power and/or gas by bypassing the meters.
But you wouldn’t be billed for that, so even that makes no sense in this story.
Anyway, you should be looking for another place to live right now. It’s not a good sign when the landlord skips town. As far as paying your neighbor’s bill, no way. It’s not your problem if the gas is mixed up.
You have a separate place with a separate meter, and that is all you are responsible for. They have their meter. You have yours. Each pays their own meter.
If it turns out everything is truly mixed up, the neighbors need to go after the landlord to recover any overcharges. I don’t even know how they would calculate what those are, but he created the problem and he needs to fix it.” emma7734
6. AITJ For Rehoming Ferrets?
“I, 24m, took on a few ferrets to foster for someone while they settled a relationship issue. They were given to me with the understanding they were used to kids… we’ll get to that later. When I got them they had fleas, lived in a rat cage (both of them in one cage, only let out for 2 hrs a day), ate cat food, had no toys beyond two plushies, were not litter trained, had overgrown claws, and were never bathed. I let them free roam except at night, and kept them in a large dog kennel layered with blankets to burrow in, they had toys as well so it was comfy.
They kept escaping so I gave them my walk-in closet, which had a cat bed for each of them, a small toy box, and a litter box, and each of them had their own baby blanket to cuddle. This was all out of my pocket, by the way, and they were only in there at night.
Anyway, onto the AITJ part. I was talking to a friend about these animals recently when she told me not only is it illegal to have ferrets where I live (which I was told by the owner), but I could also go to prison for a year if I’m found with them. That, paired with the conditions they were being kept in and one of them biting one of my kids (because they were NOT used to kids) led me to do what I felt was right and rehome them.
I informed the now-previous owner and they’re accusing me of theft and trying to paint me as abusive, despite my asking the owner to take them back or find a new foster for them and being told no, and that they had no other options. In my eyes, I was their rehome. I was paying for them, and caring for them, while they didn’t even reach out to check on them, I had to reach out first and they refused to take the animals back when I asked them to.
They now live in a state where they’re legal, have their own bedroom that is FILLED with entertainment, get park walks daily, and are making amazing progress with litter box training. I feel bad for rehoming them, but I would’ve felt worse if I gave them back in those conditions. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you asked the owner to take them back or rehome them, you made it clear you couldn’t keep them. Everything after that is on the previous owner. They didn’t come to get the animals or communicate with you. Were you just supposed to keep them forever, incurring fines, spending money, taking them from place to place, and waiting to see if the owner showed up?
You did the right thing.
Ten bucks say the owner found out they could get some funds for the ferrets and was mad that you’d already rehomed them.” MmeHomebody
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are not the jerk because you told the original owners that you could not legally keep them in your home and offered to give them back.
They refused to take them. At that point, it was your option to rehome them. In my opinion, if you had just given them away without offering the original owners the option, you would be in the wrong. However, that is not what you did. You did not offer to keep the ferrets forever.
I hope they live long happy weasel lives in their new home.” Electronic-Cat-4478
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the right thing for those animals and it sounds like the previous owners did not care about their well-being at all, given how neglected they were when you got them.
They never inquired about the ferrets and you warned them multiple times about rehoming. They messed around and found out.
They also LIED to you about them being trained and stuff and honestly, I can’t blame you for not wanting to get in trouble over having them.” Summer_Dusk
5. AITJ For Not Helping My Mom Pay Rent?
“I (16m) live with my mom (42f). We struggle a little from time to time, but we have always managed to pay the bills. Recently, however, she went after my dad (42m) for child support (I’ve lived with her since I was 7), which doesn’t start until about next month.
She didn’t realize this and went on a huge spending spree.
Last week, she realized her mistake and asked me for help with rent. I calmly stated that I make $10/hr and that I had already planned to buy a new phone with this paycheck. She doesn’t try to help me financially, even when she’s able to.
I’ve spent the last dollar I had to make sure she had gas. I’ve paid bills for her, etc. This paycheck, I didn’t have enough to even make a dent in the rent. On top of that, I had to pay bills of my own, and pay one of my friends back for a few things I was sent, as I had promised.
After explaining all of this to her, she went ballistic. She stated that I’ve never done anything for her financially and that I save every dime I have for myself. A little annoyed, I told her that my bank statements would say otherwise, as I always put a note in when I make a transfer so I always know what I’m spending on.
The conversation went silent after that, and I left it at that.
The next day, my sister (18f) made a comment about it, to which I reminded her that I will not be helping her with rent. She started lecturing me about how I had to help her out. I made a comment about the fact that my mom should be asking her instead, due to the fact that she’s a legal adult.
She said no because she doesn’t make much. They’ve both said that I’m a jerk for not helping out, but I believe that I did nothing wrong, and acted reasonably. So, this is where I ask for your help. Am I the jerk?
EDIT: My dad is very involved in my life, and I talk to him almost daily.
As a matter of fact, this edit is being made in my bedroom at his house. He’s always asked for receipts for expenses she’s had towards me, and that he’d be more than willing to give her half. She always refused this though.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re the child in this situation. They’re both adults.
Your mom relying on you for finances that way I believe could be considered financial abuse.
Keeping the roof over your head is your mom’s responsibility, and she spent her funds irresponsibly because she failed to plan properly. Now she’s taking it out on you because you won’t cover her mistakes.
‘You never help her out financially’ yeah, because you’re literally still a child.
That’s not your job. Just because you’re working for an income to help support yourself doesn’t make you financially responsible for your parent, who is the one who is supposed to be responsible for you.” finallyinfinite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You shouldn’t be responsible for the rent at your age. Look up local rental assistance programs. There are charities that will help with short-term problems. As in, your mother can’t rely on that help every month so she shouldn’t overspend again.
In the meantime, I’d hold off on the new phone for now. You’re young for the lesson of shelter being preferable to a new phone, but, that’s exactly where you are. I hope your dad is on the hook for the decade he wasn’t paying. His not paying his share of your upbringing is half of the problem.
Your mom’s reckless spending is the other half. I’m glad you seem to have taught yourself financial literacy. It will eventually benefit you.” Strange_Brain6722
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m so sorry you have what sounds like a horrible mother and sister. Please know this is not normal, not your fault, and not your problem.
Buy your phone with your funds, save it for you for later or light it on fire. Why because that’s the money you earned. One bit of advice is maybe to buy a mini safe or a safe deposit box to keep your valuables in. You were kind enough to pay bills in the past for her but she is the parent, not you.
It’s not your job to keep a roof over anyone’s head. Also because this has happened to my son please have your father or you yourself check your credit reports. It’s easier to fight now when you’re underage that you didn’t make those accounts (if there are any) and are not legally responsible for ones made in your name without your consent.
Best of luck to you hon and know that not all parents are like this and I’m so sorry that you don’t get to be a carefree teen like you should be.” Ninaf222
4. WIBTJ If I Don't Do "Elf On The Shelf" For My Class?
“I am teaching fourth grade for the first time, and yesterday a fifth-grade student asked me when my classroom elf was going to arrive.
She also mentioned that the teacher had done a leprechaun hunt the ENTIRE week leading up to St. Patrick’s Day complete with the kids creating their own traps and the teacher setting them off and breaking them (an elf on the shelf-like mischief) to show that the leprechaun kept escaping their traps every night.
Then on St. Patrick’s day, they came to find the leprechaun and decided to give them his ‘treasure’ (chocolate gold coins and silly prizes) because they did such a good job trying to catch him.
I don’t want to do this for two big reasons: 1) I’m not an elf-on-the-shelf person. I don’t have kids yet, but my husband and I agree, we’re not doing the elaborate elf-on-the-shelf thing when we have kids.
I don’t have the mental stamina and energy to do all that crap daily. We both find it mildly creepy. Also, it isn’t even Halloween. The elves should still be at the North Pole, but apparently, the previous teacher brought their elf out after fall break. (Fall break being this next week)
2) This class is obsessively creative and they put all their mental energy into creative problem-solving/crafting/building things at the sacrifice of everything else.
While I’m worried about the elf being a distraction/me not keeping up with it properly, the leprechaun thing sounds like a huge problem. If I did the leprechaun thing, I wouldn’t be able to get them to focus to learn, which would be a problem because state testing is the next month.
Will I be the jerk if I don’t do these things?
I feel like I could be the jerk because this is a small school and a small community. If the teacher before me has done this for years, there will be an expectation for me to do it. (Which honestly makes me more anxious about it)
EDITED to add some additional information:
I have a desk buddy system in place where we write stories and create items for our desk buddies.
They can earn ‘buddy bucks’ through good behavior and purchase gifts/decorations/clothes for their buddy and their buddy’s apartment.
I have health issues that could flare up at any time, which makes the idea of having a long-term ‘you must be here for a long time after school to set up an elaborate situation for your elf’ not an ideal situation because if I’m unable to do it even once, it ruins the whole thing.
I have taught elementary music before, and love teaching elementary kids, but this is my first time in a regular elementary classroom full time.
I also share my students with two other teachers. The three of us swap classrooms (students stay in their own room) a few times a day, meaning that any decision I make about this elf will directly impact two other teachers as well.
I do incorporate my kids’ creativity and problem-solving skills into our lessons. We do phenomena based/interaction-led learning for science every day, and our other subjects as often as I can do it. I just feel that specifically with the leprechaun it would be too distracting right before we have to do standardized tests. As I mentioned, I’m also very certain I’d end up with a classroom filled with Home Alone-styled b***y traps and someone would end up hurt.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If the teacher before you had the kids doing 10000 jumping jacks before they started school work, would you feel compelled to do the same?
Just because she/he did that doesn’t mean you have to. Make your own ‘traditions’ for your classroom, so that the kids will be excited when they come into YOUR classroom as new 4th graders.
And explain to your current students that each teacher has their own traditions, and perhaps they could all help you figure out what your tradition should be that’s different (since they are so creative – make it a contest or something to come up with your tradition and let that be the ‘craft project’ or whatever it is, that they do).” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t have to do the same classroom activities as other teachers, and starting elf on the shelf in early October is ridiculous. HOWEVER
Kids that young cannot sit and focus on work non-stop all day, and they’ll be distracted if they ~don’t~ have something creative and tactile to channel all that energy into.
It doesn’t even have to be holiday crafts either, although they may feel very left out if every other class is doing them. Try to think of some activities that are relevant to the lesson, or allocate 30 minutes a day where they can choose between a few different crafts. Teach them origami or print out word searches.
This may not be your jam, but a happy kid is a productive kid. They aren’t little work robots training for the industrial revolution.” tinyhappyfrog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
New teacher, new traditions.
Although if ‘Elf on the Shelf’ is something that these ‘obsessively creative’ kids like to do, maybe put them in charge of it.
Ask for volunteers, and assign each volunteer a day for the Elf’s predicament (count backward from Christmas break until you run out of volunteers). They can set it up right before they leave in the afternoon, or first thing in the morning.
That way you don’t have to worry about it, but the kids still get their fun and get to participate actively.
Just (remembering myself at that age) be sure to set a few ground rules like no violent encounters or gore.” SamSpayedPI
3. AITJ For Calling My Boss A Jerk Over A Donut?
“So the other day at work was very hectic and my (26F) team leader (42M) said he’d get everyone donuts as a reward from a nice 24-hour donut place, not 5 minutes walk away, and took our orders near the end of our shift.
Things got busy again and I had to take care of an area by myself for the rest of the shift, in this time the rest of the shift got their donuts and my team leader let them leave early, himself included because one person from the next shift showed up early. I was particularly annoyed by this not because I had to work later than everyone else but because I’m disabled and normally depend on my coworkers to give me a lift home, which my team leader is well aware of.
So I went from being excited about my donut to having to walk 40+ minutes after 11 pm in quite a lot of pain (I didn’t have the money for a taxi).
The next morning at work I see my boss and the first thing he said before hello or anything is that his kid thought my donut was disgusting (strawberry and cream filling for the record).
I was a bit taken aback and just said ‘but I’m still getting one, right?’ He looked confused and asked why would he buy me another one when he had already spent the time and money on me, I was still annoyed over yesterday so I said ‘c’mon man, everyone else got one, don’t be a jerk’.
For the record we all swear like sailors on my team, worst of all, he has called me and others much nastier names for much less.
He blows up, reiterated his point above, and called me an ungrateful jerk. We normally get on okay but I’m giving him the cold shoulder now, my coworkers say it’s just a donut and to let it go but I counter that back at them, he could have just gotten another donut since he earns 5x what I do and he’s never thanked me for all the times I’ve covered for his mistakes and he left me high and dry last night.
They say since I’m usually the nice one I should just try and make peace and pretend to apologize for the sake of not making the team awkward but after that, I’ve had it and want an apology, but should I just listen to them and drop it?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
It’s a donut.
You aren’t entitled to a donut so he has to ensure you get one. They were on the table. You didn’t grab it. He took the leftovers. Big deal.
But you shouldn’t be calling each other names and your transportation issues are not his problem. You should make those arrangements ahead of time.
But if you feel you are being treated unfairly or are being targeted, then go to hr. But this is why cussing and pranking aren’t acceptable – Because it’s fine one day but not the next day when someone gets offended.
Just keep it professional to be safe.” sansansa56
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – Your boss bought everyone donuts but then gave your donut to his kid?
Your boss is a jerk to tell you that you should be happy with a donut you never got. Pretty crazy gaslighting. As for having to walk home from work… I don’t know, it sucks but I would have called an Uber. And if you really have ZERO funds and no friends to call then walking is what you must do.
I think for your own well-being you need to let it go. You also don’t need to apologize.” ParticularReview4129
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You because your reaction was disproportionate to a single donut which is what you made it about. You could have had a respectful discussion on your work and time not being valued and how it feels since it sounds like that’s what the deeper problem is.
Your boss also very much sucks because calling you names back was just as unprofessional. It sounds like he may have a habit of treating you second-class to your coworkers. His comment about the donut and his kid was unnecessary and not funny.” skyelyy
2. AITJ For Unintentionally Reporting My Parents To A Social Worker?
“I (14f, but my bday is later this month) have a bunch of medical conditions, and quite recently I was at the hospital in a diff state for a long and complex surgery.
After I had just woken up, (well, maybe a few minutes but you get the idea) there was a social worker standing near my bed and asked my parents to leave the room. The meds they gave me (like morphine, or whatever it’s called, and other stuff as well) wasn’t worn off yet.
The social worker asked me a bunch of questions and I answered and I told her how neglected I felt when my niece and nephew were born, and she took that as I was being emotionally neglected. She called my parents back in, and after a long discussion that I can barely remember, she said that she won’t call CPS (I forgot to mention that she was saying how she would tell cps abt the situation) and left. To be honest, I can barely remember the convo with the social worker, and I have a rather good memory, so there’s a chance I said more than I’m recalling.
Now I’m home and recovering, but every time I talk to my mom she brings up how I think she’s such a bad mom and all I want is to be taken away from her. AITJ?
Edit: Another reason I know the meds were on a bit hard is that I am not an externally emotional person, I don’t know why.
I just prefer to not share my emotions so people who see me may think I’m rude because my face is usually blank. However, throughout this entire ‘interview’ (that I can remember) I was crying a lot. So much that they handed me a tissue box.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were on morphine. The social worker shouldn’t have even been talking to you when you were on morphine.
That’s not okay and that’s not your fault.
Plus, if that’s actually how you feel that’s… how you feel? Then that’s fine. What your mother is doing now is really manipulative and not okay. She’s basically self-fulfilling her own prophecy right now and being a bad mother by making your feelings about her.
She shouldn’t be making this about her. You were on morphine and if there’s a problem it’s that you feel emotionally neglected. That’s what needs to be solved and it’s not solved by her doing nothing but attempting to guilt you into telling her she’s a good mom.” MidnightTL
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however, your Mom is being one. Ask her to have an adult conversation about her feelings. Let her vent and only respond with statements like I hear you, I understand. Then ask her to listen to you about your feelings. Remember you are both trying to listen to understand not respond.
This will help you better relate to one another and then hopefully work on improving your relationship.
You are at a tough age when you’re wanting to be treated as more of an adult, but mentally your brain isn’t yet wired for it. Try daily exercises to focus on the details around you. When you see something that needs to be done, do it.
You will be amazed at the changes.” SJSUCORGIS
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were coming off pain medications, why in the world did the social worker think that was a good time to talk to you?
You ended up expressing whatever came to mind – I’m assuming you would have never said these things otherwise.
I don’t blame your mom for feeling hurt, though. She must be shocked that you feel that way. But she needs to understand that you were under the influence when you said those things and that she shouldn’t be taking out her feelings on you.” User
The social worker should not have been talking to you when you were still affected by the anaesthetic and whatever meds they had you on. But it sounds like there was enough for them to want to talk to you.
It's not normal to have a social worker in recovery speaking to a kid about this sort of stuff.
Your mom is not a good parent. She's made this about her and is gaslighting you. She's probably a narcissist and you don't realise how abusive she really is because it's your normal.
1. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Husband For Getting The Wrong Pizza?
“A few weeks ago my husband bought me a pizza from the place he works (it has a pizza counter where you choose your toppings).
He got me spicy chicken. I haven’t eaten chicken in months but I prob didn’t make it a big deal so I told him ‘I’m not really eating chicken at the moment so next time get me just mushroom and cheese’.
So last week he comes in with another pizza from work and says I got you a spicy chicken pizza.
I was slightly annoyed and said ‘I really don’t eat chicken anymore, I told you that the last time’. I wasn’t a jerk about it or anything but was annoyed he paid for a pizza I didn’t want to eat. I made it super clear that I didn’t eat chicken anymore and I especially didn’t like the cubed chicken on the pizzas.
So today he rang asking if I wanted a pizza made, I told him yes please… cheese, spicy cheese, mushroom, and onion. No problem. I picked him up and he told me the lady mistook ‘spicy cheese’ for ‘spicy chicken’ and my pizza had chicken on it AGAIN. The place he works sells pre-made pizzas from that counter so it could have been sold but he said nothing and just took it.
When he told me I said, ‘aww you’re joking me, I was looking forward to that. I’ll just go get my own’ and we spent the car ride in silence.
We get out of the car and he slams the door as hard as possible. I said ‘I don’t know what you’re mad about’ and he said ‘open the door’ then called me ‘One ungrateful jerk’ and he hasn’t spoken to me since.
I would understand if I threw a whole fit and made a scene but I didn’t I just made it clear I was mad that he got me chicken on my pizza for a third time when I’m off it (trying to go full vegetarian, chicken was the only meat I ate for 2+years but I have stopped eating it months ago, apart from the pizza).
I know I should be grateful that he got me a pizza but if I got him the wrong order 3 times in a row he would not be ok. And the name-calling really hurt. I don’t think I overreacted, I barely reacted but to be called an ungrateful jerk seems excessive. But I dunno, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Once or twice in a blue moon is fine to forget if it was like a preference or getting something mixed up. However not eating meat and him not remembering that seems fishy.
Look at his behavior and his calling you names is not okay. At this point, I would address that.
Why did he feel the need to do that, and point out your reaction versus how he would have reacted if you got his order wrong 3 times in a row? This is about his behavior and name-calling. Not your order.” Kitchen_Wolverine_61
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Drop him. He keeps forgetting that you’re a vegetarian, he can’t get your food request correct after multiple tries, and he becomes aggressive when you don’t act like you’re okay with this.
He can’t be bothered to remember anything about what his SO likes or dislikes.
He’s your husband and he doesn’t recall that his wife is vegetarian? Do you really feel good about trusting this guy with actual important life decisions or are you planning on being the one that has to make sure everything is actually taken care of properly for the rest of your lives together?” Yetis-unicorn
