People Try To Keep Their Reputation Intact In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Expecting Basic Communication From My Adult Daughter Living Rent-Free In My Home?
“My (F48) daughter(F20) has started doing this around our apartment. She was out of sight for a few days and avoiding me so I asked her if everything was okay and how she was doing.
She said that she wished she had her place and more space. Of course, she does, who wants to live with their mother at her age? But it’s California and rent is expensive. I provide a roof over her head while she’s going to school with zero rent.
She said she just doesn’t want to talk to me and if she does want to interact she will let me know. She will approach me. Text her if I have something I need.
I asked her why couldn’t she just warn me if she was in a mood, let me know and I could avoid her.
It’s like walking on eggshells in my own home. She wanted to talk about it more but considering she didn’t think there was a reasonable compromise, I didn’t think there was anything to talk about.
One night I come out of my room and tell her I made some dinner and there’s extra in the fridge.
The response is a glare and “Can you text me?” as she’s at the sink in the kitchen, our very small apartment kitchen. I needed to get the tea I had brewing and I told her I was going to finish what I was doing and then I would get out of her way.
Get my tea and attempt to leave. I feel like I have to live in my bedroom when she’s like this.
She felt I wasn’t honoring “our agreement” or listening to her.
I understand wanting space and I honor that. But I don’t understand why being polite about it is unreasonable.
Why I can’t ask a simple question? Am I expecting too much? There should be a reasonable expectation of minor communication so we can navigate around each other. I think her behavior is childish and that she needs to understand that regardless of your mood, you still treat people with a minimal amount of respect.
I think I’m mostly disappointed with her behavior.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Text her? Seriously?? I can understand if she needs some quiet time here and there but to forbid you from speaking in your own home is unreasonable especially if you’re just telling her you made some food.
I think a sit down is in order. Your home and your rules. If she doesn’t like them, then it’s up to her to find a place more accommodating for her, but her requests are making you uncomfortable. You refuse to walk on eggshells in your own home because it’s not good for your mental health.
She may be your child, but she’s not a child. Time to put her big girl pants on and act like an adult sharing a home with another adult. She’s NOT adulting healthily. I’m curious as to why this changed. What’s happened in her life that she’s shutting herself off?
Why does she think it’s okay to project this onto you? She wants you to not speak verbally, and that is just plain odd. It sounds like therapy is in order.” lilolememe
Another User Comments:
“As being in a similar situation I’m going to say No jerks here.
I don’t know how big your house is but probably not that much and when living under the same roof completely avoiding each other is pretty hard. I also understand your daughter’s need for space, when I lived with my mother she loved to chatter and when I was in a mood I HATED having to answer to her nonsense what sandwich are you making, do you want a snack, have you cleaned your coffee mug etc etc. Just a little question and I would feel so drained and annoyed. Sadly, not much to do about it until she gets her place, I do recommend you sit down and talk it out though, it would greatly help both of you.” HsinVega
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is your freakin house, yeah your daughter is stressed, but you are helping her out by letting her stay in your house, which by the way you are no longer legally obligated to do, but because you’re a great mom you’re doing it out of love, but you should never let someone treat you like that, especially in your own home.” quasar1201
23. AITJ For Yelling At My Husband For Not Helping While We're All Sick?
“We are in our mid-30s with two kids under three (6-month-old and 2.5-year-old).
So we’re all hit with a nasty stomach flu. First the baby vomiting and diarrhea around the clock, and now the toddler and both of us. I’ve been sleeping maybe 2 hours a night for the last 3 days.
To say this has been the worst I’ve felt physically and mentally is an understatement but my job as their mom doesn’t stop, so I’m powering through. We all have the same flu. We are all having the same symptoms.
I was in the kitchen cleaning bottles and making the toddler some soup because she had been vomiting all night.
I asked my husband to take the baby out of a standing station and place him sitting on the ground with some toys. He heard me but ignored me as he continued to groan on the couch. I didn’t repeat myself. Finally, he put the baby down on his back which he hasn’t been happy about.
I told him to put the baby sitting upright. He heard and said the baby was fine, to which I said, no he’ll cry. He ignored it and went back to the couch. The baby started fussing and I just lost it.
I called him a piece of rubbish.
I screamed that he’d let me down as my partner in every single way. In front of our kids. He yelled at me and said why are you cleaning, called me crazy, and told me I was a piece of rubbish back. I ran away in tears.
I don’t think he’s a piece of rubbish but I’m so hurt and angry and it just came out, and I did feel let down in that moment. I feel so much anger and resentment because I feel like it doesn’t matter if I’m sick, I still have to do everything.
I’m mostly ashamed I did this in front of my toddler. She understands a lot. I don’t know how to face them now.
How big of a jerk am I?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here but honestly he’s much more of a jerk here.
Baby bottles have to be cleaned. Babies, especially if their toddler siblings are still semi on one, too, go through a lot of them. You can’t take care of the toddler, clean the bottles, stay up with the kids, etc., while he gets a pass to lay on the couch.
It sucks, no one likes being sick, but you asked for such a little thing. I get your frustration; you still shouldn’t have shouted at him in front of the kids, but you already know that. Mostly he’s a jerk for ignoring your extremely important request. You do NOT put a baby that’s been extremely vomiting on their back, that is not just laziness, it’s putting the baby in danger.
Fussing means he’s in discomfort, and while he has a stomach bug can lead quickly to choking on his vomit. This is like baby 101, and everyone makes mistakes but he needs to listen when you’re telling him he’s making them. I also get the sense from your outburst that he’s not pulling his weight in general. Like, if he’s normally a great partner and father, this is just two people feeling sick and miserable and lashing out.
Apologize to one another, and give each other grace. If this was just underscoring a deeper problem you’ve had, you guys need to consider couples counseling to make sure you both feel heard without shouting in front of the kiddos. I hope you all feel better soon.
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here I’m not sure why you reacted like that to one particular instance- unless it is something that is reoccurring. You told him he failed in every possible way as a partner over not sitting the baby upright?
I get tired and fed up, but that’s a little bit of an overreaction, no? It almost sounds like you resent him. What else has he done, because there is more to the story? Here’s an idea; if he uses Reddit and sees this post, he is going to know it is you regardless of whether you used a throwaway or not.
So instead of coming on here to get the opinions of anonymous individuals, you are better off speaking with him and working out your issues.” Beautiful-Cat5605
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. My family is in a similar situation with 3 kids, all of us sick.
What did my husband do today? Took the baby downstairs when I fell asleep so I could rest since the baby has been up almost hourly for almost a week now. He’s sick too, he’s just as miserable but he’s still a parent and a partner.
Your husband failed you and the baby ” Bittybellie
22. AITJ For Not Wanting My Roommate's 'Friend' To Move In?
“I (27m) live with my partner (25f) and my childhood friend (28m). Since Jan. 2024 my roommate (we’ll call him Justin) has been spending a lot of time with a “friend”, we’ll call her Stacy (30f).
Justin and Stacy have known each other for 3-4 years and have been close in the past but it didn’t become consistent until this year… Cool.
I have no problem with that, I’m happy to see him finding a companion… except he tells me he doesn’t love her, he doesn’t want to live with her, and he cares for her as a friend… this is where my frustration and confusion stems from…
Anyway, in January and February, she was kinda just here on the weekends and would leave when he wasn’t here. For context, he leaves at 6 am every morning for work and my partner and I work from home. Come March through May, she stayed here 24/7..
didn’t leave whether he was here or not.
Come to find out, she’s been changing jobs a lot lately and has been suffering from severe depression… I learned this from Justin as he was going out to get her meds from the pharmacy to bring back to her.
Fast forward to now: I told him I didn’t want her here as much and she’s been here less but Justin has become her keeper… he claims that he doesn’t want to be with her but feels bad leaving her and moving on.
She can’t sleep alone so he spends every night with her whether at her place or here. She has anxiety about small things in life so he helps her keep her place tidy and picks up her medication for her. He is her caretaker… here’s my concern…
We will be renewing our lease come September… but Stacy’s lease is up at the end of August. I’m concerned that when her lease is up she’ll end up living at my place because Justin has proven to her that he will do anything for her….
Am I the jerk for telling him she’s not welcome?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s not your roommate, doesn’t pay rent, but essentially lives there. Sounds like your roommate is in a bit of a bind, why not go to him with some empathy for what he’s dealing with, (this must be tough, you’re trying to be there for her but it’s a lot on your shoulders), then state what you are concerned about (I know I’ve come to you about this before and you’ve been really good about having her stay here less, but with her lease up soon, and her mental health the way it is, I think this will become an issue for you) Ask what HIS solution is (do you WANT to live with her?
Will you be moving out together, what is her plan, etc.) Talk about where you go from there.” Canadian_01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…I would tell Justin he has three choices, Stacey no longer stays over but one or two nights a week and she is not in the home when he is not.
She does not get homeowner privileges when she does not live there and she is never going to. If he keeps this situation up, does he want to look for new digs or would he prefer you do? Because you will not be renewing a lease together.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, she sounds like she’s using mental health as an excuse to get him to be her servant/security blanket. A friend of mine was with a woman like that. She had a job until they moved in together. Then she suddenly had all kinds of physical and mental health problems and quit her job.
Then she couldn’t clean the house and he had to do all that too. Sounds like Stacy is working up to that. You need to tell Justin that he needs to cut the strings now.” ss-84
21. AITJ For Not Always Greeting My Live-In Mother-In-Law?
“So it all started when my mother-in-law fell on hard times and my husband and I decided we should let her move in with us to help her out. Initially, she & I had a good relationship. We’d get together even without the presence of my husband.
Anyways, she agrees to move in and that’s that.
Over about 6 months, I notice some passive aggression on her part. She’d take little jabs at me by randomly saying she’s easy to get along with and so is her daughter, but I’m not.
Or leave a sticky note on the dryer to remind me to empty the dryer when I’m done.
I usually work 3-4 12-hour shifts per week. During this time, I was starting a new job so I was working M-F 8-5 pm which I found especially exhausting.
I’d come home frustrated from traffic, a long day of sitting in a classroom, a long commute, and being pregnant through it all. There were quite a few times where I’d get home and I’d just walk straight to my room, shower, and get ready for bed so I could do it all over again the next day.
I wouldn’t go out of my way to greet her or offer more than a passing “hello” if I wasn’t up to it. She took this to be largely offensive and told everyone in the family how rude and disrespectful I was.
She told everybody… Except for me how she felt.
I was oblivious as to how she felt. Mind you, this woman is living with us every single day. She is not a house guest that I’m hosting temporarily. She wasn’t paying any household bills, but she lived with us. We shared a room with our daughter so she could have her own space.
Am I the jerk for not greeting her every time I see her in our home??
Please note the irony of her daughter not ever greeting me despite my “good mornings” or “hellos” when I was a guest in her home long before my mother-in-law moved in with us.”
Another User Comments:
“It is odd to me how many people let the family move in but then the new member causes trouble and the hosts are not willing to give them two options: be nice, do what is expected to help the household along, or find somewhere else to reside.
People get comfortable and take advantage of others.. they need to be reminded from time to time their proper place in another’s home. This may be harsh but if you are willing to share a home then the person needs to keep that in mind every day.” ConfusedAt63
20. AITJ For Discouraging My Wheelchair-Bound Partner From Visiting My Underdeveloped Hometown In Turkey?
“My partner is American while I am from Turkey. We both live in America, the issue is my partner is a wheelchair user and Turkey is not at all accessible, especially in the area where I live, we don’t even have an elevator where my family lives, so it’s going to be extremely inconvenient for her.
I keep on telling her this but she keeps trying to come up with solutions I feel are inconvenient for me.
I haven’t seen my family in 5 years, I don’t want to stay in a hotel, I want to stay in my parents’ house.
I want to visit my cousins at their house. It’s hard to travel in Turkey when some roads don’t have a sidewalk and I live in an area where there are a lot of slant roads and staircases plus me and my family are more accustomed to public transport which from what I know and see isn’t the best for a person with a disability.
I have asked my sister if where we lived has become more developed but from the pics I was sent, the roads are still frustrating.
I have relayed this to my partner multiple times and she still insists on coming. I just want her to understand that if she comes we are not going to be together 24/7.
I am gonna stay in my house, whereas she’s gonna stay in a hotel etc. Turkey can be a disability-friendly country but where I live is more underdeveloped. She’s trying to say that it’s disability-friendly because of some of the things she has seen online but that’s not the reality I know of.
She’s mad at me because of this and thinks I am this bad guy for not encouraging her to come. Am I being the jerk here? Cause people are genuinely making me feel like my way of thinking is not valid.”
Another User Comments:
“She is trying to tell you that what she sees online is more real than what you saw with your eyeballs in person, and more real than what your sister who lives there sent you.
This is a case of somebody ignoring reality in favor of their ideals. Though would it be that much of a difficulty for you to stay in a hotel with her so she isn’t alone for the entire trip? She wants to meet your family, isn’t that a good thing?
Or is there a possibility that this isn’t about her wheelchair and you just don’t want her to meet your family for some reason?” Fluffy_Sheepy
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, You’re trying to tell her the reality of other countries and she’s looking at the big cities that probably do have some disability access.
But Americans tend to think that the rest of the world is like America in that they have rules for disabilities. Most countries don’t especially in the rural and less developed areas. She’s going to have a horrible time in some of those areas. She will not be able to get around.
It will be inconvenient for everybody. This is not an issue of you not wanting her to come. It’s an issue of you’re not going to be able to do half of what you want with your family because she’s not going to do a quarter of what she thinks she can do.
Who does not understand that while in America there might be laws that Force companies and cities to put in ramps and cutouts? Most of the countries in the world like don’t have that. And that she’s going to find it almost impossible to get around and some of those areas” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if your relationship is serious you should ask yourself if her disability is an issue to you or if it’s going to be in the long run. I was seeing someone in a wheelchair and it’s hard, there’s a lot you won’t be able to do as a couple and maybe this trip is one of those things.
You haven’t seen your family in 5 years, I don’t get why in other comments they are telling you YTJ, they need to understand that this trip is about you and your family, not about your partner. I’m not from the US and I know how hard it is when places are not accessible, especially if you are with a group of people that have to constantly accommodate around you guys.
My advice would be for you to go alone, and enjoy time with your family you don’t know when you will see them again.” mitsvah
19. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Ex's Partner's Son To Soccer Practice?
“My son (10) currently has soccer practice twice a week. He’s on the same soccer team as his dad’s partner’s son (also 10). My kids live with their dad one week on and one week off. On the week my son is at his dad’s house his dad’s partner takes both boys to their soccer practice.
Generally, no matter whose week it is with the kids, my son’s dad takes both the boys to the soccer games/tournaments.
A couple of days ago, I was at my ex’s house talking with his partner about some custody stuff. She asked if I would be willing to take her son to soccer practices on the weeks my son is not with them, as I have to take my son anyway.
She said that the Tuesday practice is specifically a tough evening for her as she has to take her daughter to gymnastics around the same time and as her son’s dad is still at work, she has to take their toddler with her as well.
I felt for her, but I told her no.
She phrased it as though she was doing me the same favor I’d be doing her. The boys are already at the same house on the weeks she takes them, I would have to drive out my way to pick up and drop off her son.
Also, she’s taking my son to soccer because it’s during his dad’s custody time, so it’s not a favor to me at all.
She seemed a little dejected I didn’t agree to her ask, but didn’t argue about it any further.
I later told my husband about her ask, and he seemed a little confused as to why I didn’t just agree to her request. I told him my reasons but he still felt I was being a little bit of a jerk.
Am I? I try to have a good co-parenting relationship with my ex but also feel it’s good to set boundaries. The partner wasn’t asking for a one-off favor, but rather a season-long one.”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, the partner is doing your ex a favor, her partner, by taking his son to practice on his dad’s weeks.
She’s not doing YOU a favor. It’s his dad’s responsibility those weeks and she’s doing it for him. As other commenters have suggested, if she could maybe drop her son off with you before practice, if it’s on her route, I think that could be a compromise.
Otherwise NTJ.” heather20202024
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here There’s no harm in being asked or saying no. You can suggest that she drop him off and pick him up from your house if that’s the reason you don’t want to drive both of them. If she’s willing to do that, I might agree to drive if it were me, as long as the boys get along.
After all, you are trying to amicably co-parent with your ex. Why not model the behavior you would like to receive in the same situation? Someday when you need them to cooperate with you I hope they will do what they can to assist as well.” latent
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to me. Every other Tuesday 15 min out of my way is something I would personally do for any teammate/friend of my child’s or mine and if it’s just drop off and your ex could probably handle the pick up half fine.
I kinda think you are getting a little twisted because your ex’s partner is the one who asked. ETA she’d probably be willing to fix snacks for all the kids in return beforehand if you asked nicely.” sadilady18
18. AITJ For Being Upset At Friends Disrespecting House Rules?
“I’m a 21-year-old female who recently moved in with my 20-year-old best friend Carly. We have the same friend group, which includes April (21F), David (21M, who used to be involved with April), and Joshua (20M, my significant other), so inviting people over is never a problem.
When we started living together, Carly and I established some basic house rules. One key rule is that there should be no intimate activities in common areas and when other people are in the house, as it’s a small place and sound travels easily.
The issue arose when David and April not only broke these rules three times but also began inviting themselves to stay over without consulting us.
The first breach occurred during a dinner party that Carly and I hosted. In this instance, they engaged in intimate activities in the living room, and Carly was in the same room at the time, making the situation uncomfortable for her.
The second occurrence was when they repeated their behavior, this time in front of Joshua, who was sleeping in the living room.
This added another layer of discomfort and breach of our house rules.
The third and most significant incident took place when my mom was staying over at our place. David and April once again ignored our rules, behaving inappropriately in our living room. To make matters worse, they overstayed their welcome and left without even saying goodbye or thanks to us.
Given these repeated incidents, Carly and I are considering having a conversation with April and David to address these issues. However, I’m questioning whether my frustration is justified. Am I at fault for being upset about their actions and contemplating discussing this matter with them?
Now we’re considering talking to April and David about these incidents, but I’m wondering if I’m overreacting. Am I the one at fault for getting upset about their actions and thinking of addressing the issue?”
Another User Comments:
“April and David are jerks if they are having some kind of intimate activities in common areas when other people are there without their consent.
That’s outrageous and gross. But I’m confused by some of the other bits, so INFO. In particular: What do you mean they “began inviting themselves to stay over”? I thought you were describing that they live with you, since when does someone who lives with you need an invitation to “stay over”?
Or if they don’t, what do you mean when you say you “share” your place with your friend group? And the word **or** is getting me too. Are you saying it’s against your rules for intimate activities to occur in *private* areas of the house if other people are home?” nylon vest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not overreacting you’re underreacting. They’re both very disrespectful in general. While your mom was there?? Seriously? This chat is long overdue. If they can’t respect your home, let it be known they are no longer welcome in it. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Are April and David a pair of dogs who can’t control their urges? No? Use your words! “Get out and don’t come back!” should pretty well cover it. Delivered at the top of your lungs if they are in the middle of being intimate, and possibly accompanied by pouring a brimming cup of ice water onto the happy couple.” plm56
They are not your friends at all.. put them out and keep them out.
17. AITJ For Skipping Thanksgiving Because My Mom's New Partner Is Attending?
“So I (22f) have decided to skip out on Thanksgiving this year with my family, because of a decision my mom (45f) decided to make on her own. So to bring you up to speed my dad (mom’s partner) passed away unexpectedly about 2 years ago now, leaving my mom a widow of almost 30 years together.
Anyway, my mom decided to get in a relationship with a guy who’s never even bothered to address me or my siblings when in the same room as us (instead my mom insists we say hello), not even a year after my dad passed away.
I’ve expressed to my mom numerous times I respect she has to live her life, but I need her to have boundaries when it comes to this guy involved in my life (i.e. I didn’t want to be involved in any way with him).
Now I could list several examples of how she has crossed that boundary over the past two years but I’ll focus on the most recent. So a couple of weeks ago she pulled me aside and stated she was thinking of inviting him to Thanksgiving and wanted to know “if that would be a problem”.
I told her I wasn’t going to be involved with Thanksgiving dinner if that was her choice based on the previous boundary I set with her.
Fast forward to 2 days ago, she sat me down for a “heart to heart” where she basically talked around the subject and kept repeating how she’s made sacrifices as a mom and it’s now time for her to live her life.
Which again I am NOT knocking. Then yesterday she pulled me aside again and the real subject of that previous conversation was brought to the discussion she said:” I’m inviting him over and I’m not asking for permission this is what I’m doing in my house” So I told her I wasn’t going to be involved in the dinner she tried again to diminish the whole thing by saying “it’s just dinner” and maybe it is but to me, it’s the principle.
Anyways I just want to know AITJ for ditching this holiday?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ…not for missing Thanksgiving. YTJ for thinking you can decide who your mom invites to dinner and for who/when she can be in a relationship with someone. You don’t like the guy?
Fine…although you haven’t given any actual reason why. But after 2 years and you still think your mom shouldn’t invite someone important to her to dinner, that’s ridiculous. You sound very immature.” CancelAfter1968
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First of all sorry for your loss. Losing your father surely caused you and your mother pain I couldn’t imagine.
I think that it is perfectly valid of her to look for comfort and move on by spending time romantically with other people, and it’s also perfectly valid that you don’t feel comfortable wanting to be around him. It’s an unfortunate situation but you are both adults and you aren’t wrong for not attending a situation you won’t feel comfortable in.” hwjohnson
Another User Comments:
“My sister has been in a relationship with a man for about 5 months. Her son lives in another state. He’s going to be here for Thanksgiving this year. She hasn’t told him about the partner yet. My nephew lived with me for most of his teenage years because of some bad decisions she made.
I told her he was coming here for Thanksgiving you are welcome to come. You can bring a partner but only if you talk to your son about it and he is ok with it. If he is not then he cannot come. You can but he won’t be invited. She said she was going to talk to him.
She hasn’t yet. But if he’s not comfortable I wouldn’t want his holiday ruined. I think your mom should respect you don’t want to spend your holiday with him.” 45ham
16. AITJ For Confronting A Parent Blocking My Driveway During School Pick-Up?
“I live near a school. Parents park on my street every day to pick their kids up. There’s room for about 4 cars to park legally on my little cul-de-sac.
My yard and my neighbor’s yard narrow to a very thin strip at the curb, less wide than the width of a car, so you can’t park there without overlapping the driveway on either side.
One parent has started parking in this space to drop off and pick up their kid from school for the past week or so. It results in their car hanging 1-2 feet over my driveway and 1-2 feet over my neighbor’s. It’s not enough that I wouldn’t be able to get in or out of my driveway if I needed to, but it’s still partially blocking my driveway.
Their car only sits for about 10 minutes while they walk to the school and back. Realistically it’s not affecting me unless there was a large delivery truck that needed to get into my driveway, or if they block my garbage from being seen by garbage men on garbage day with their car.
They must feel like they found a great life hack because now they have a reserved parking space every day. After all, every other parent is too considerate to do it. And this is what annoys me.
On the surface, it feels like not a big deal, and confronting the parent could lead to unnecessary conflict, drama, and potential retribution.
So maybe I should just let it slide. But on the other hand, I am a petty person who doesn’t like to see people get away with bending the rules.
Would I be a jerk if I went out and told them it’s not a parking space if their car can’t fit without partly blocking driveways, and not to park there anymore?
What if I take a more passive-aggressive approach and simply report them to city bylaw without warning, or give their license plate number to the school and ask them to do something about it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They are parking illegally for their convenience.
If an ambulance or fire truck needs access to your or your neighbor’s house, their car would be a real impediment. Emergencies tend to give no warning. I would just report them. Personal contact means they know where you live. You have no idea what these people are like.
Don’t risk your safety or property.” Hapnhopeless
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for whatever you do (of the options you presented) I’d just report it to the city (a nonemergency number for the police) and let them deal with it. If they didn’t deal with it, I’d move on to something else.
Like maybe you and your neighbor need some mulch for your property? Maybe you can go in together and get a whole load of mulch delivered and have it dumped there? Maybe then the two of you don’t get around to spreading the mulch until spring?” PurpleMarsAlien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Rudeness and rule-breaking like this drive me nuts because it can negatively impact others. What if you needed to leave for an emergency? I would say something to them and if that didn’t help, I would call and complain to the school.
My school puts out notices about parking every year since my kid’s school is in a neighborhood. If that doesn’t do it, I would put up orange cones or some kind of movable blockade type thing for your driveway space, or both driveways if your neighbor agrees.” friendlily
15. AITJ For Quitting My Job Due To Health Issues And Not Giving More Notice?
“I worked at a basic checkout supermarket full time for the past year doing 35 hours a week, picking up extra shifts where I could. Unfortunately, it was in the type of town where we would face some verbal mistreatment here and there from customers almost daily and I could normally take it.
About 2 months ago I was diagnosed with a cancer gene (not cancerous cells just a gene) which had affected me mentally, as well as been on steroids for the last 5 weeks due to an infection in my organs also causing my mental health to decline.
I was given a week off on sick leave to wrap my head around the cancer gene news and went back to work normally however slowly became weaker and weaker thanks to steroids, causing me to get blood noses, throw up, and just feel overall terrible when I showed up to work causing me to leave early.
I felt a lot of guilt every time I had to call in sick due to my illness or leave early because I knew I would be putting more stress on my co-workers to find a last-minute cover.
The guilt and overall sickness just took over me to the point I have been rediagnosed with depression and just can’t take the workspace anymore, I handed in my leave notice to quit saying it was unfair for me to keep leaving halfway through the day due to something I can’t control and it would be better for them to just replace me, (I did offer help to find a replacement and all of that.) They responded by yelling at me, calling me selfish, and all around screaming at me for not ‘giving enough notice’ calling me a jerk and all that.
They were fully aware I was going to be on steroids 2 months before I was actually put on them and were also fully aware of the side effects. I still have 2 weeks left of work before my leave date, however, I’m still physically unable to attend during those days as well and the reaction has just become unmotivating.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Two weeks notice is standard and plenty of time for them to advertise the job. It is also a courtesy and not required so if they are being jerks and treating you badly, you should just say, “I guess if I’m such a lousy employee, you don’t want me here anymore so I’ll go now.” Then walk out.” OverRice2524
Another User Comments:
“Wow. This is just such disgusting behavior from any employer. I am sincerely sorry you had to deal with that on top of a serious medical concern. Now to play devil’s advocate: Did you provide a note from a doctor explaining that you should not work from date A?
Not to intentionally be a jerk, but think perhaps something else is going on too. This is either atrocious behavior by a company or a deeper story here” greenFuzzyTesla
Another User Comments:
“NTJ two weeks is standard procedure. They are lucky they got that much.
We have hired people who come in and seem ok with the work and work for a few weeks and then they go to lunch and boom never come back. We’ve also had some that go through the background checks and on the first day, they watch the safety videos and come out of that saying they can’t work here.
Like wtf, we showed you the same type of stuff in the interview” Walter-loves-wet-pus
14. AITJ For Taking Only My Daughter Backstage At A Circus Show?
“I’m (34F) a retired trapeze artist and my daughter (6F) is enrolled in circus school. She loves it so much that she asked to see a Cirque du Soleil show as a birthday present.
My husband (37M) and I managed to get discount tickets to take her and three of her friends from circus school on a 2-hour drive to catch the nearest show.
When I got there I checked the company credits and noticed a friend of mine, an acrobat from Belgium, was one of the performers.
I hadn’t seen him in years and sent him a message on Instagram just to say I was in the audience with my daughter and excited to see him. He replied almost immediately and told me to look for a stage manager after the show so we could say hi and I could take my daughter backstage.
And so I did – since he only invited my daughter and me (I didn’t mention in my short message there were three other girls + my husband, and I couldn’t impose taking a small party backstage), my husband waited with the girls for about 20 min after the show was over while we toured backstage.
My daughter was so happy! Yet she kept talking about it on the way home and that’s when I realized the other girls could be feeling left out. What do you know? The same night one of the girls’ mothers called me, to say her daughter came home crying because she didn’t get to go backstage and that it was very poor form on my part to invite them to a party and to exclude them from one of the experiences.
I tried to explain how things played out, but she kept being aggressive – until I finally lost it and told her she had no right to call me and try to reprimand me and should instead have a talk to her daughter about how to deal with such frustrations.
My husband says I should not have instigated it and that, in hindsight, I shouldn’t have split the party. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You could’ve simply informed your friend that you were in the company of your daughter’s friends and left it up to him to decide.
You also could’ve explained to your daughter not to keep talking about that with her friends there, so they won’t feel left out. That simple; if you felt the need to only take your kid and not the others. Instead, you did leave 3 other kids out, you allowed your daughter to brag about what she alone got to do, and you’re surprised a bunch of 6-year-olds felt left out.
You then double down on the one mom who wanted to defend her kids’ feelings. Yes, YTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was 20 freaking minutes to show your daughter a once-in-a-lifetime thing that’s relevant to her special interests on her birthday. The kids were safe and still got a free night out paid by yourself.
The other kid sounds like a spoiled brat, and her mother sounds entitled and enabling. Guaranteed the other kid won’t remember not going backstage, but your daughter will remember this special opportunity.” howlasinthecastle
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – The other child’s mother was 100% correct, you don’t invite children to an event and then make them wait while only your child gets to experience the best part of the event.
And then you dare to tell the other mother how to parent her child in response to your hurting her child’s feelings, wild! Hope you have that lesson down pat for your daughter, for when you will be teaching her how to deal with her frustrations when she is not invited to other children’s events because of your actions.” punkybrewsterstwin
13. AITJ For Not Refunding A Marketplace Buyer After He Inspected And Took The Item?
“My husband decided to sell a used generator on the online Marketplace he had that we didn’t get to use more than 3 times. We also bought it used. He had some guy come and test it out and he liked it and took it home, about an hour away from where we live.
I was there to translate for my husband as he doesn’t speak English. About 24 hours later he messaged us saying it had 4k hours on it and if he had known he wouldn’t have purchased it. We didn’t know it had that many hours as we’re not very savvy with those things and it said 75 hours.
Like I said, he came and checked it out and took it home. He said he was going to report my husband to the police and came on very threatening and said he was going to come to our home and get his money back.
He was very aggressive and I explained to him through text that he was not allowed to come onto our property because we have our kids at home and if he did I would call the cops on him.
Honestly, I think that because my husband is Mexican and doesn’t speak English, he felt powerful by threatening him to the cops.
My husband was scared and offered him money back but the purchaser said no, he wanted a full refund. We don’t know if he messed something up or tampered with it after 24 hours. Usually, when you go to a thrift store or purchase used items, there’s no refund.
You take it, it’s yours. I don’t know what to do! I wish I could post screenshots of how he came in aggressively.
At first, we offered money back and he didn’t want to take it. We don’t know if it was tampered with or if he messed with it.
Now he wants money back but after all the aggressive comments, I don’t believe he should be entitled to it.”
Another User Comments:
“There’s a bit of an understanding when purchasing a used item that you buy it “as is”. It does help to mention in the listing that you buy it “as is” in any future sale.
I’m not sure why selling on the marketplace would make you anything other than someone selling on the marketplace. You sold the item in good faith and let him inspect it. He inspected it and could have refused to buy it. He bought it. The deal is done.
Had he not been given a chance to inspect it, you may be in the wrong but you let him inspect it. He was satisfied enough to buy it, as is. NTJ. But the other person sounds like a jerk for sure. Refer to the marketplace’s rules for selling and buying online and if you feel you need to, report the guy as a problem.
In court, he would likely lose his case because he inspected it before buying it. That means he either knew it was that way or didn’t do “due diligence” during his inspection, which is his fault, not yours. If he keeps this up, talk to a lawyer in your area (I am not a lawyer, I just know some things about buying and selling used items).” ElvyHeartsong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just block him. When you buy on the marketplace Craigslist or even a pawn shop, it’s buyer beware. It’s his job to do the research and test it out if he wants. It’s one thing if you scammed him but you didn’t.
It’s as is where is. It showed 75 hours and he’s claiming 4000. I wouldn’t be surprised if he is trying to return another identical one to you that does have 4000 hours. I did the math and that’s 163 days of 24hr continuous use. So this is very likely NOT the one you even sold him.
You offered, he declined and now he wants a refund. Too bad, so sad.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ came and inspected it and decided that it was suitable to take home. If he knew that the number of hours on it was a big enough deal to not purchase it, that should have been one of the things he asked or checked himself before purchasing.
Block him and keep your screenshots, if he shows up at your house, call the cops.” barr6789
12. AITJ For Not Paying For My Friend's Dropped Coffee And Telling Her Poverty Isn't A Personality Trait?
“My (15F) best friend (15F) comes from a very underprivileged background. Her father is in prison, while her mother is unemployed and on benefits, and she lives in a small council flat with her siblings.
She has been working since she was 13 and currently has a job at a fast-food chain.
Both of us have scholarships to attend a very posh private school. I have a regular, working-class family, my mother’s an interior designer and my father works in real estate.
The rest of our friends are middle class or upper middle class, so while I admit that I’ll never understand what it’s like to walk in my friend’s shoes, to a lesser extent I get what it’s like to feel out of place in this environment.
My friend constantly makes self-deprecating jokes about how broke she is, and every single time it makes things awkward and people try to change the subject. Yesterday when I was walking to the metro with her and 5 other friends, we stopped by this small coffee shop to get some drinks.
While we were walking out, she tripped and grabbed onto me for balance, and I instinctively jumped back, causing her to drop her cappuccino. I apologized for the accident, although I don’t think it’s my fault she tripped. She then started asking me to give her £2 as a repayment for the coffee.
I refused since I didn’t make her trip in the first place. I said it’s only £2 it’s not the end of the world.
She kept on badgering me about the money and started getting mad over it. She started yelling at me, saying that her family’s broke and she wasn’t lucky enough to be privileged like the rest of us.
I told her that poverty isn’t a personality trait and she had to stop using it to manipulate us into doing what she says. She stormed off in anger. Now people I barely even talk to are blowing up my phone because she told everyone that I was making fun of her for being poor.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH She shouldn’t have expected you to pay for her coffee. She dropped it. Stuff happens. She’s likely extremely jealous of everyone at school around her and probably feels like you and your friend group haven’t earned the life you have.
For her, she has had to work for everything, including cheap coffee. It’s none of your fault for where you come from- it’s just a harsh reality. Some people have it good, okay, or downright horrendous. She should try and remember not to take her frustration out on you.
You said to her “It’s only a small amount of money” which was _extremely_ inconsiderate of you to say. To her that is a lot of money. She jokes about being broke/poor because I’m sure she’d rather make the jokes than all of her friends.
It must be so so hard for her to see all these other kids not have to think about food, or nice clothes while she’s had a job since age 13. While she put you in an uncomfortable situation, and she shouldn’t have asked you for money, belittling her struggles isn’t fair either.
A simple “no” next time will suffice. If she doesn’t accept it then that’s her problem.” DoraTheUrbanExplorer
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m glad you don’t have to understand at 15 how miserable grinding poverty is. Your friend isn’t that lucky. Do you know how long she has to work to make enough for a coffee from a coffee shop?
How many people does she have to serve to treat herself to a cappuccino? How many things do you and your friends do that she misses out on because she has to work or just doesn’t have the money? Saying “it’s just £2″ makes you sound like a privileged brat.” NeeliSilverleaf
Another User Comments:
“ESH. When people are broke like your friend is? £2 is a lot of money. There are weeks where I can’t even afford £5 for electricity after scrimping and saving and you don’t understand the level of “broke” that many people go through.
I’m saying ESH because she did trip herself and shouldn’t expect others to pay for a mistake she made. However… Did it cross your mind that she genuinely could not afford to replace the coffee herself and she budgeted for that cup of coffee?
That isn’t me saying you should have bought her the coffee by the way – that’s me explaining why she could have had that “big” reaction over what you think is a “small” amount of money. I cannot afford to go to a cafe more than once a week and in the last month I’ve had a coffee from a cafe around 2 times as other things are more important than a luxury purchase like a coffee from a cafe.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Wanting To Be Independent Despite My Mother's Disapproval?
“I (26f) live with my mom (55f) and brother (30m). I have chronic illnesses, OCD, and autism (late diagnosis, my mom does not know this one). I work a full-time job, and I pay rent (even though our house is paid off) and utilities, as well as my phone, car insurance, and groceries of my own.
I cannot drive very far simply because one of those illnesses causes me a leg tremor. So I don’t go out much to not put my mom out having to drive me, and there’s not much reliable transit in my city.
I am planning on a 2-day 1-night trip to a city two hours away to visit my friend for a concert.
There is a shuttle from my city to there that I’m planning to pay round trip, I have the ride situation in the city figured out because they do have transit, and I’m staying with my friend. I have had these plans for a month, and it is about 3 weeks from now.
My mom told me she was not comfortable with me going because I’m not super independent – but that she wouldn’t stop me. I figured I am an adult and I don’t know how else to be more independent besides just doing it.
However, now she is telling me that I’m ungrateful and just doing this to hurt her.
She is doing a lot of petty things like using the water to water grass while I’m showering (our water can’t handle both, she always waits till I’m out usually), offering to wash my water bottle for me (I do it usually) and she uses an old unclean rag, and started smoking again saying it’s because I stressed her out too much (she was clean for 5 months).
I told her to act like her age and she said I’m being a mean woman. I may have gone too far with that comment and may be the jerk, and I might just be one in general for doing something I know hurts her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ A close family member of mine was in a similar situation. She wasn’t very independent, so she lived at home until she was 28, and didn’t do that much. Anytime she talked about moving out, my dad would discourage her, saying that she was not Independent enough to survive in the real world.
It became a Self-Fulfilling prophecy or a vicious cycle, or whatever you want to call it. The only way out was for her to just up and move out one day. I don’t know you or all the details of your situation so I don’t know if that’s a feasible option for you, but I would encourage you to move out if you think it could be workable.
No judgment if you can’t or are not ready, however. Either way, I hope you have a great time on your trip!” iggywhipple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a grown adult who can make decisions for yourself. It’s not ungrateful to want to be more independent.
You’re right in that the only way to become more independent is to just start doing it. If your mom is simply just worried about you and this truly makes her uncomfortable, you can talk about it like mature adults and see if there’s any way you can ease her concerns.
But instead, she’s engaging in passive-aggressive behavior to make you feel bad about your decision. I understand wanting to respect her because she’s your mom, but respect should go both ways. Don’t let her guilt trip you into second guessing yourself and giving up your freedom to make decisions for yourself.” SalmonSashimiBowl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not sure what’s going on with your mother but I suspect she enjoys your reliance on her and that’s where this discomfort is stemming from. Blaming you for her bad habits further tells me she is emotionally manipulative and that your dynamic with her might be very, very unhealthy.
I think you should go on the trip and have fun, and hope that this helps you turn a corner in terms of your level of dependence on her. Given some of the details you mention, I think it would be a good mid- to long-term plan for you to move out, perhaps to a place with a stronger public transportation option so that you are not reliant on others for rides, especially since you admit that reliance has caused you to stay in more than you would otherwise.” owls_and_cardinals
10. AITJ For Continuing To Pay My Daughter's Rent Despite My Wife's Disapproval?
“Me (55 M) and my wife(54 F) have a daughter (23 F) who lives in NYC, and her rent is 3k a month. My daughter, my wife, and I have discussed this, and I agree to pay half, and my daughter will pay the other half with her salary from work.
My wife was reluctant to accept the idea because she always thought I had babied my daughter throughout her life, and this was a time for her to grow into an adult. I have no problems paying half the rent as everything else, such as maintenance, food, her car, etc., she pays for herself.
Two months ago, my wife and daughter argued over a guy my daughter was seeing. The guy is a few years older than her, but he’s a respectful man to me. He is polite, well-mannered, has a steady job, and comes from a wealthier family (Which I think tips her mother off).
I think he’s nice, but my wife thinks it’s a facade. Her mom had been bad-mouthing him to relatives and her friends, so when my daughter wanted her cousins, aunts, and other relatives to meet him, they started telling about rumors her mom had been saying, such as allegedly being unfaithful, being a heavy drinker and that he and his family are working in illegal business(defamation in general).
My daughter and her mom were fighting multiple times on the phone to the point where my daughter had no contact with her mom. After that, my wife called and scolded me for stopping paying half the rent and said she needed to grow up fully.
I said it was ok to keep her quiet; recently, she found a check that I was to mail to my daughter and yelled at me, calling me a traitor and saying I was supposed to have her back. I tried to defend myself but it hasn’t been working lately.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for continuing to pay half her rent because mom has lost her freaking senses. If you wanna keep subsidizing the kids outside of this issue, well, it’s your money. I was with someone whose parents subsidized their lifestyle for a while and weaned them off.
When we got together more permanently, we agreed to pay our way because they didn’t want to be emotionally indebted to their parents over money. Then they’d go behind my back and accept subsidies “because they insisted” and “they like to help out”. Every vacation they’d find a way to take my partner to the bank to deposit the latest subsidy check (because we would get grief about not depositing mailed checks).
Sounds like mom wants money to stop, and is childishly sabotaging your shared child’s life to several baroque ends but also to end the “babying”. Ending the subsidy may need to happen in a planned way, but not while she (presuming you’re still married to her) is throwing a tantrum.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not for helping your daughter with rent. If you can afford it and you feel like it is the right thing to do, then that is fine. However, you told your wife you would stop paying “to keep her quiet” and then you continued to pay the rent.
That makes YTJ. Because you lied to your wife. I am not saying your wife is correct in her behavior, she isn’t. She is lying about your daughter’s partner. So, pot meets kettle. Spouses don’t always agree about their children. Most of the time you should compromise or agree and present a united front to your kids.
But there may be certain situations where you agree to disagree. But you have to be honest. If you go behind each other’s back, you are always going to get caught. I don’t have any idea whether you should continue to pay or not.
Just stop lying. Both of you. One question though, how much older is the partner? Your wife may be going about it all wrong, but her belief that he is too old for her is likely valid if there is much more than 5 years or so difference.
23-year-old girls aren’t always the best judges of character. Neither are their doting dads.” introspectively
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Bad situation all around. Unless half your daughter’s rent is a rounding error on the old family balance sheet, you should not be sending money to subsidize her when you and your wife are not in accord.
The rest of this … your wife’s really over the edge in defaming the new fellow to all the family. Your daughter needs to spread her wings, which means you need to cut the apron strings. And I’m not sure what to think of the new guy.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Ex Back For A Trip We Can't Go On Because She Broke Up With Me?
“My (24m) ex-partner (23f) and I broke up around 2 months ago.
We had an overseas trip booked with her parents over Christmas, they paid for both of our flights which were over $1000 each which I was very grateful for. The trip was their idea and I only agreed to go since they were paying.
My ex was the one to end our relationship (nothing crazy it was a civil breakup).
Which means I’m no longer going on the trip. I foolishly let my emotions get the better of me when the topic came up during the breakup I said that I would pay her back for the flight as it was not refundable, but she didn’t acknowledge or respond to the offer.
In the weeks after our breakup, she suddenly became very cold towards me and was quite blunt and unpleasant in any interactions over messages despite me being polite, and ignored me if we bumped into each other at the gym, etc. I left her alone.
I asked her after a few weeks if she could send the photos from our last few trips together, partly because there were photos of my Dad and me that were important to me but also because I still valued those memories together. She told me she wouldn’t send any photos and it served no purpose for her.
I know that’s her right but it felt unnecessary.
After having no contact for over a month, she’s now messaged me saying that she’ll go halves with me to pay her parents back for my flights. However, I now feel that it’s unfair to expect me to pay anything.
The flights were essentially gifted to me by her parents and she was the one to end the relationship leaving me with no choice. WIBTJ if I tell her I’m not sending her any money?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- if you had broken up with her then I would say you need to pay her parents back, but she broke up with you so no need to pay her back especially since she’s been cold to you and so much time has passed. If it were me I’d just ignore her because of how she’s treated you, but if you feel like you have to respond then tell her you’ve had time to think it over since the breakup and that you don’t feel you’re responsible for the ticket.
Then suggest her parents look into whether or not the name on the ticket can be changed or if the ticket can be used for a future credit by her parents.” Real_Drawing_530
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made the offer and they didn’t respond, then they are needlessly (I assume) hostile about simple things like pictures, etc. I’d just ignore them and never reply.
They don’t like you anymore and don’t want contact – fine, they’ll get no contact from you.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but maybe I’d reach out to the parents saying thanks, really appreciate how you were willing to include me. That might open doors to asking if they have any photos from that trip with your dad, and clear up any expectations they have about payment – ex may be being dishonest there.” pmktaamakimakarau
8. AITJ For Refusing To Do My Brother's University Research?
“I (18F) have recently graduated from high school and am starting my research for universities to apply to for my intake in February. My brother (19M) graduated two years ago, has retaken exams just to fail them again, and continues to live in my parent’s house doing absolutely nothing for the last two years.
His routine consists of waking up at 1 pm and wasting away on his pc for hours on end playing video games with his friends who are enablers. He has no aspirations, no will, no direction in life, and doesn’t plan to change it any time soon.
This isn’t my responsibility so I haven’t been paying attention to it regardless of him being my blood. Until my dad decided to give me the task of doing his university research. I wouldn’t have been against it if my brother wasn’t such a bum who gets everything handed to him on a plate.
So I refused and my dad snapped calling me selfish for not aiding my brother. My dad also wants him to be in the same place as me so he can “watch over me” as if it wouldn’t be vice versa. He went as far as to threaten not to pay for my university to get me scared.
For a little background, the reason my parents are so passive with what he does is because they’re scared he’s going to lose it. I won’t go into much detail due to it being triggering but back in middle school. He was a huge cause of concern, failing his exams after being bullied by both peers and teachers causing him to make extreme decisions and even running away.
Although I understand where it stems from, I refuse to baby him. I don’t want to take on the role of his caregiver just for him to continue to be the bum he is. I couldn’t care less if he were to waste his life away and end up homeless as long as it’s not my responsibility to get him back on his feet.
Am I being selfish?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Just because your parents ultimately don’t mind enabling their son doesn’t mean that you have to do so. It’s good that you’re rejecting being tasked with all this extra work now. I imagine that you might be expected to pretty much just do all of his university work for him.
I’m also not sure what your parents’ long-term goal for him is. Say you help/coddle him through university. Do they expect him to get a job related to a degree that he didn’t earn? Are you to do his job for him, if he lands one?
If your brother is that emotionally fragile, then he needs professional help, which your parents should advocate for. Luckily he’s only 19. He *might* be able to turn it around with the right support, tough love, whatnot. I know some people like him but they’re in their 40s and 50s now.
Their future looks bleak as their parents age and they’ll have a crash course in the basics of navigating life as an adult.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How does your father expect this work? Last I checked, colleges do check things like grades and SAT scores.
If your brother failed a bunch of classes and/or exams, no reputable college will take him. So much for your father’s idiotic scheme of having you go to the same place and take the same classes. You aren’t responsible for your older brother’s education or employment woes.
Given your father’s threat, you should look into as many scholarships that you qualify for.” Architeuthis81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – just humor the parents to get funded through college and then get on with your life. Sounds harsh, but they aren’t looking out for your interests to the same level as your brother, so you have to do it yourself.
I would act like you’re doing him a favor by telling him to apply wherever you happen to want to go. Make up some BS about how it would suit him. Then just don’t “watch over” him (assuming he can make it in if his grades and motivation are so bad).” User
7. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Extra For Leftover Groceries I Took Home After A Trip?
“My friends and I (5xM30’s) all took a long weekend trip together to a cottage rental. One of the guys went to the grocery store and bought more food than we needed. When the trip was over, a few of them grabbed a couple of things but left most of the leftovers behind.
Eggs, fruit, bottled drinks, frozen stuff, etc. Maybe $100 total.
The organizer of the trip (let’s call him S) bought everything and the plan was for everyone to pay 1/5 of what he got from the store. Now, he wants us to split everything that was shared but wants anyone who took something home to pay for that separately and I refused. None of this was discussed beforehand, we just assumed we’d split the costs 5-ways since that’s what we’ve done in the past.
I was the last one to leave and took what was left so it wouldn’t go to waste. We didn’t discuss it beyond: “Anyone want these things?”
I assumed we would split the cost of everything 5 ways.
S started by asking me what I took home from the trip in detail, then I asked him why he was asking, he said it was for accounting purposes since another friend (let’s call him A) offered to pay for a few things he took home.
It’s not a lot of money, but I’m annoyed at the request since it wasn’t discussed beforehand and my only intention was to use the food instead of throwing it away.
Sidenote: I don’t know if this is of consequence or not, but also on the trip I accidentally broke the host’s blender (cost ~$80).
I offered to pay for it, but friend A insisted we split it. I also got everyone a round of drinks (~$60) one night out.
I don’t mind being a little generous here and there, but I told him it’s one thing for someone to make an offer like that, it’s something else entirely to ask them for money.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the deal was food split 5 ways. Each person had the opportunity to take from the communal pile of food and choose what they wanted. It wasn’t stated “Take what you are willing to pay for”, because if that were the case, you all would have left all the food.
You also didn’t mow people over to take the food before anyone else took it. S is trying to stick you with the bill. The entirety should be split 5 ways.” SusanfromMA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You grabbed the groceries that no one else wanted that would have been thrown out that even S didn’t want.
So now you get taxed for grabbing the leftovers? And only after the fact, that’s ridiculous. This reminds me of the dinner at a friend’s home posts – they get hit with a bill for dinner, afterward. No discussion beforehand. If S insists on reimbursement, after the lack of communication, I’d tell him that he can have the food.” ThatTotal2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There should have been a discussion on the cost/per person for groceries if he intended it to be split between the whole group. Nitpicking expenses after the fact isn’t productive. If the organizer says it’ll cost x per person and someone does something outside the agreement like getting groceries, either he can ask everyone to chip in at the time or he can take the cost himself.
Asking you to pay for what you took home is a mess. ” Willing-Helicopter26
6. AITJ For Telling My Grandma About My Daughter's Name Change Before She Could?
“My (46F) daughter (22F) changed her name last year in honor of my grandma – her great grandma – and they’re bonded from her childhood. She spent a lot of time with her great-grandma as a child and they grew apart for a while but became close again when my daughter reached adulthood, it’s a beautiful relationship.
My daughter hasn’t been able to visit for a while because she’s away for school, so last week while I visited my grandma I mentioned to her that my daughter changed her name. When she realized it was about her name she just lit up and seemed so happy!
It was a great moment, especially as there have been points where she can’t even remember my daughter’s existence – not to mention she’s always been a very serious and less emotional person, so these moments feel extra precious. I know my daughter spent a long while planning how she would incorporate grandma’s name into her own and so I was really happy to see that my grandma liked it and felt honored by it.
I thought my daughter would be thrilled to find that out. Recently she has been declining a lot and we’re all worried about her and trying to arrange a visit, including my daughter, but I just wanted to make sure someone told grandma about the name change before things got bad and she forgot.
Later, I told my daughter about this but she got quiet and upset without telling me why. I only told my grandma about the name change because my daughter has been out of state for a few months and didn’t have enough money to come back and visit but my daughter seems upset over this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. I get why you wanted to tell Grandma, but this wasn’t your story to tell. It was your daughter’s, so you should have at least talked to her before saying anything. It’s probably less about the fact that you told Grandma and more about the fact that you decided to share your daughter’s news without even talking first with your daughter.
Your daughter wanted to be there and see grandma light up when she got the news. As you said, it was a great moment. A great moment for YOU, but you took that great moment and experience from your daughter. Hopefully, grandma forgets so your daughter can still have that experience, but you said you did this because you were hoping grandma *would remember*.
This means that your intent was in fact to take this moment from your daughter and be the one who got to tell Grandma. I get why because I have someone in my life with Alzheimer’s too, but I also have a mother who likes to do whatever she wants without inquiring as to how other people might feel about it and has shared things I didn’t want shared or wanted to share personally.
It can be devastating when you don’t get to share your news and have those moments with people you love because someone else shared your news behind your back. So I get how your daughter feels too. This was HER NEWS TO SHARE. Not yours, especially not without asking first. Had you asked, you could have had a whole conversation where you expressed your concerns about grandma’s lucidity.
And maybe your daughter would have made immediate plans to come up and share her news upon hearing that. But you don’t know whether she would have addressed the concerns to share the news personally because it was that important to her or not because you never even asked.” tan_sandoval
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – She wanted to be the bearer of the news and experience that special moment. You kinda rained on her parade there, Mom. It wasn’t your place to do that. That is why she went all silent on you. I know you thought you were doing the right thing here but you didn’t consider your daughter in this.
You’ve got some mending of fences to do here.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I understand why you wanted to make sure your grandma knew before it was too late, but you should’ve had a conversation with your daughter about it first. Since grandma is still lucid half the time there’s a good chance your daughter won’t get to see her loved one light up when she delivers the news herself.
That’s disappointing.” creaky-joints
5. AITJ For Denying My Cousin's Partner Any Items From My Deceased Grandmother's House?
“Context, my grandmother passed away this past April, and the family is trying to clear out her home to sell it.
There are 4 children and 8 grandchildren. We’ve decided that mostly everything in the house is first come first serve within the family, but some things are being held, such as her sewing machines and her appliances and car. We recently sat down and began to go through her stuff, being 3 of 4 children and 2 grandchildren.
(Myself and a cousin of my age (25)) my cousin brought his partner for some unknown reason. I don’t have a significant other, and I came with my parents for muscle (despite being a petite female). I didn’t stake a claim on anything besides her 1920 Singer sewing machine, which was something she specifically gave me.
My cousin, however, just took a lot of things without asking. Ok. Weird, but he has some say. But what got me upset is that his partner, who is rather new to him by the way, started taking things without permission. She took her pearl necklaces, she took her vintage coins, her vintage coats, and several other expensive items. She was about to take the sewing machine, but my aunt (not the cousin’s mother) stopped her and said it was claimed. She and my cousin became very angry and complained about how everyone else got everything.
There was an argument about how the partner shouldn’t have a right to take anything from a woman she never knew. My aunt who is the mom of the cousin took their side, as the other aunt and my dad took the other. It is dumb but maybe I don’t get their POV.
So, AITJ to deny the partner anything from my grandmother’s house? And if so, do we have a right to take the items she took back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The partner has way too much entitlement. It’s not a shopping spree, it’s trying to divvy up parts of someone’s life when that someone mattered to you so you can keep loving the objects she spent her life collecting I’m so, so sorry for your loss” PrettyLittleAccident
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is why the rules for the distribution of an estate need to be laid out ahead of time. WhatIi have seen done is that the estate’s items had monetary values attached to them; the estate would then be shared equally — in terms of value — among the heirs; and the heirs would go around, in turn, choosing what they wanted. In such a distribution scheme, whatever your cousin’s partner asked for would have their value deducted from his share.” Individual_Ad_9213
4. AITJ For Eloping And Allegedly Gaslighting My Mother-In-Law?
“Some context: While my partner and I were engaged we pushed back the wedding date twice. I was extremely stressed out and it was taking a huge mental toll on me. So we canceled the wedding completely. When we cancelled it I felt so much better but still wanted to marry him.
So we decided to elope on the same day we would have been married with our pastor (his uncle) as our officiant.
When we told his mom she got very quiet and didn’t say anything. The next day she blew up at me saying “When you marry my son you marry me just like he’s marrying your family, we should have been there, you should have told us so we could have been there.” She also brought up how her oldest invited everyone but her to his wedding because he didn’t want anyone to know that she was his mother.
She told me she should have been there no matter what.
His mother told his sister before she could and she hasn’t talked to us since. His mom has given us a ton of passive-aggressive comments over text, call, or in person, even going as far as posting online “Your kids will hurt you more than anyone else ever could”
Yesterday, his mom was talking to our very young niece (who was excited I’m now her legal aunt) saying “Now you’ll never get to be a flower girl, because they didn’t want you there.” I had enough and told her to stop. “It was OUR choice who we wanted there.
I understand that you are hurt, I’m sorry it hurt you. I’m sorry that we hurt you and I’m sorry you’re upset. That was not our goal but I’m not sorry we eloped. If you can’t be an adult over it then only talk to other adults.”
My mother-in-law told my sister-in-law and she FLIPPED saying I was gaslighting my mother-in-law and that she was surprised he would marry such a horrible woman.
So am I the jerk for eloping and “gaslighting” my mother-in-law?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Everyone is correctly telling you that what is happening here isn’t gaslighting, but not explaining what gaslighting is.
It is lying in the face of reality, to such an extent that the recipient of the lies starts questioning their memory or sanity. For example, in your case YOU could have done theoretical gaslighting as follows: MIL complains she is upset because you didn’t tell her about eloping and didn’t invite her to watch her son get married. You say, “Why are you getting upset, we told you all about what we were going to do!” Your MIL denies anyone told her anything.
You disagree back and forth for a while, then you call in your husband to continue the ruse and tell his mom the lie that you did tell her in advance. MIL still disagrees but is starting to weaken because her son backs you up.
Finally, your son delivers the coup de grace by saying “Not only did we tell you, but you agreed and were cool with it because you said weddings are such a big hassle!” You leave your gaslit MIL starting to question herself and wondering whether she might have forgotten a whole conversation she had with you two.
That’s gaslighting,” Signal_Wall_8445
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I don’t see how you were “gaslighting” anybody. I know a couple of people who married w/o telling anybody. One couple had a courthouse marriage and told everybody @ the end of the year in a holiday card.
They didn’t want to go through the fuss of having a wedding, so they did it quietly. I don’t know how the family felt; I know his parents were both dead, so that wouldn’t have been an issue. When I talked to them later they never mentioned anything about it.
It was also his second marriage, so maybe not as big a deal to the family. A couple of months ago a friend told me she was visiting her son and his partner who live in another state. While there she learned they were now married. She was disappointed because she’d wanted a wedding for them.
But she certainly didn’t make any threats like not talking to them again. Seems overreacting to say that.” troppo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That’s not how “gaslighting” works. But it’s always telling when controlling people try to manipulate with the language of mistreatment as they see it.
You don’t “marry” the family: you marry your spouse. Anyone telling you otherwise is trying to manipulate you with the relationship to your spouse. Ignore their tantrums. They aren’t worth the effort. The best way to keep the peace with such people is to avoid them unless it’s essential.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Not Wanting A Giant Picture Of My Partner's Deceased Dog In Our Apartment?
“My partner’s (26m) dog passed away yesterday. We live across the country from his parents, who called him yesterday to tell him that his 11-year-old dog passed unexpectedly. It’s very sad and was not anticipated. Today while at work, I (23f) got a call from my partner that to memorialize his dog in our home, he plans to have his mom order him a giant picture of him.
His mom has already always had a giant picture of his dog in her home, and when he asked if he could just have that picture, she said no and offered to buy him one also. When he initially called and told me his plans I agreed to it, trying not to upset him, but then I realized if I didn’t speak up about it, it would likely get ordered for our shared apartment.
Upon this realization, I called him back to let him know, I didn’t love the idea of having a giant photo of his deceased dog in our apartment. Please note by giant, I mean like at least flat-screen TV size, it’s a huge focal point on the wall.
He seemed to think it was wrong of me to not like this idea. I am also someone who has always loved decorating our place and designing it with a certain aesthetic, is something I have always done and something he has never cared for.
The dog was also only his and his family’s dog, it would be different I suppose if it was a shared pet of ours; I wouldn’t even want something hung up like this if it was my dog. I offered other ways to memorize his beloved pet like a smaller photo or other physical memorials, but he is ultimately just upset with my disinterest in having the giant photo in our apartment.
AITJ????”
Another User Comments:
“Did no one read the entire post? Everyone is saying OP is horrible for saying no to anything involving the dog. She offered regular-size pictures, memorials, and anything besides a gigantic picture of a dog that had died. And yes, he gets a say in decorating, but come on.
When my ex was 26 he got a coat rack, put it at the front door of our 4-bedroom house, and displayed all his baseball hats on it. And we’re not talking special hats, hats he would wear every day. Just no. When my son lost his very beloved cat he grew up with, I printed all the pictures I had of the two of them and made a photo album for him.
There are many ways to remember a pet that does not involve a larger-than-life-size picture. NTJ” Unicorn_dreams42
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. There will always be time to get the picture. Ask him to hold off for three months while he grieves & then you can talk about it again.
He’s in pain & wants to remember his dog. He’s probably not in a great state of mind for a nuanced discussion. Plus, he grew up with weirdly large pictures of dogs in the house, so it makes sense that he’s not seeing it as a particularly weird thing.
You don’t want a weirdly large picture of a dog that wasn’t yours in your home. That’s also perfectly reasonable. I suggest taking time because you need to have this discussion when he’s not actively grieving a beloved childhood pet.” chubster
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I get why you don’t want a giant photo of a dog in your apartment. He just lost his childhood dog and is sad. I think your other compromises made a lot of sense, but he might be seeing your rejection of this photo as some sort of rejection of his feelings.
Is there any other compromise like hanging it in a space he primarily uses (like if he has a game room or home office)? But in the meantime, this might just be something you don’t fight for now, and then discuss later when he’s had some time to grieve.” PeachState1
2. AITJ For Wanting To Join My Partner's Takeout Order?
“This is silly but it’s a recurring argument so I wanted to get some unbiased opinions rather than asking my friends.
My partner and I both work long hours and neither of us is very interested in cooking, so we order take out more than the average couple. Most times we agree on something we’d both like, or if one of us is in the mood for something we suggest it to the other.
Rarely, do we even spin a wheel app if we can’t decide.
However, there is one scenario that almost always starts an argument. If I have a strong preference, I suggest it and my partner either joins my order or decides to opt out and do something else.
The identical scenario with the roles reversed is completely unacceptable to my partner. So, if I don’t have a strong preference and I ask my partner to decide and let me know so I can potentially join in, it’s a BIG PROBLEM. In my partner’s words, “you didn’t give me any input so you can’t join my order”.
To summarize, we can share an order only if I decide on my own, or if we decide together, but NOT if my partner decides on the place. Money is NOT the issue – we always split costs equitably. You’ll have to take my word for it obviously, but we are extremely fair regarding all things financial.
I find this baffling. It’s an uncommon scenario in my household but it invariably results in an argument, and I do want to understand. I have not been called a “jerk” specifically but the sentiment is clear
If this is too petty to post here, please let me know.
I’m happy to answer any clarifying questions. What do you guys think? AITJ? I will accept your judgment.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Joining each other’s orders means there’s less time or travel or delivery fees involved in being able to eat dinner. It’s baffling to me and seems petty that just because you didn’t “provide input” or even if you just have decision fatigue, you should by proxy be punished for these circumstances.
Most people say “I’m going to Taco Bell, do you want anything?” Like, this is common courtesy and almost basic human respect. I do this with people I’m not even close to, and wouldn’t withhold from my husband just because “well you didn’t say taco bell at least once today, so starve” Like, WHAT?!” derpyderp42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think moving forward you need to also not allow him to join your order. I would simply state “Since there is no mutual consensus on how we order, and a fight always ensues if I want to join your order, I think we will just be responsible for our meals moving forward.
If you ever feel like you’ll be ok with me joining your order, though, then we can get rid of this stipulation and start sharing orders again because I do not mind sharing orders but it had to be reciprocated to avoid silly arguments” Wine-n-cheez-plz
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Partner To My Best Friend's Wedding?
“I (30M) am set to be a groomsman and witness at my best friend Mike’s wedding. Mike and I share a deep bond that spans years, and I’m genuinely thrilled to be a part of his big day.
The challenge is that I haven’t invited my partner, Sarah (29F) of three years, to be my +1.
It’s not just about past mistakes and concerns about her affecting the mood, but there’s an additional layer – she doesn’t like Mike. Despite Mike and I being as close as brothers, he has consistently given her the cold shoulder, intensifying her dislike for him.
During our conversation about not inviting her, I brought up her dislike for Mike, and she admitted to it.
Sarah’s willing to set aside her feelings to support me, but there’s another layer to this saga. I’ve previously made a mistake in our relationship, and she’s still working through trust issues. She’s not confrontational in public, but I’ve noticed that when other individuals are around, her discomfort is palpable.
This has led to occasional outbursts, making me wary of bringing her into social situations where her insecurities might be triggered.
Adding to the complexity, I’m away for work frequently, so Sarah was genuinely excited to be spending three days with me during the wedding, as we don’t get much quality time.
Considering her past reactions, ongoing trust issues, and the limited time we have together, I’m concerned that having her at the wedding might not only affect her enjoyment but also impact the overall mood of the celebration. Balancing my loyalty to Mike and my responsibility to ensure Sarah doesn’t feel out of place is proving to be a tough call.
AITJ for deciding not to bring her, taking into account her dislike for Mike, concerns about her affecting the celebratory atmosphere and the ongoing trust issues we’re working through, especially when she was looking forward to this time together.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were unfaithful, I’m guessing?
You use euphemisms to downplay your betrayal and make it like she’s crazy, but that’s the “mistake”, right? “Her insecurities” come out when there are people around? Or “the fact you cannot be trusted”? She doesn’t have trust issues. You are not trustworthy. You don’t get to put that on her.
She isn’t the groom’s biggest fan. Ok. Let’s hope you weren’t unfaithful with him and he didn’t help you be unfaithful and this is just a personal issue – she still wants to go and intends to be a good guest. You’re not worried about her making a scene.
You don’t want her to go because… You don’t want to … Socialize around the person you’ve been seeing… for 3 years? What? If you don’t take your partner of several years as your date to a wedding, you are making a very public statement about the state of the relationship, and it’s “She’s dead, Jim.” There is no good reason to exclude her from this wedding, and you’re not trustworthy enough to go alone.
So, like…. you’re trying to be unfaithful again right? That’s the only thing that makes any real sense here. You wanna go to a wedding notably stag and hang out with people who affect your behavior in ways she doesn’t trust, get those drinks flowing, and see where it goes? Just be honest and stop messing this girl around” Kitastrophe8503
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you’re treating her like a traumatized cat? If she says she wants to go and that she is willing to put her personal opinions of Mike aside to spend time with you, then do it. And the fact that she already has trust issues within the relationship that you caused?
Yeah, YTJ if you don’t take her with you. If you don’t feel that you can take her to social outings, then maybe she needs some personal growth without you. Might be a good idea to go separate ways.” Kasanova_Love
Just cut this poor girl free and then you will be single and ready to mingle with no strings
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If she wants to continue living as your daughter she can lose the attitude. Stop letting her gas light you, it's your home. She needs to respect you.