People Want To Be Honest In Telling Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Belittling My Partner's Writing?
“My partner, Abby (f31), and I (m33) have been together for a few months and this Easter, I was going to introduce her to my family. We haven’t moved in together yet.
Abby is quite smart, she has a Ph.D.
and works in her field. I only have a BA so you can imagine my surprise when a hot and smart woman wanted to go out with me. Anyway, I digress, Abby’s passion is writing although she’s never allowed me to read anything she wrote.
She dreams of writing a book and says she’s practicing and trying to draft things.
One day, I was staying over and fell asleep and she went to her office to write. When I woke up I peered over her shoulder when she was writing and saw names that sounded familiar.
I asked her about this and sure enough, she admitted to writing Fanfiction. Apparently, she already wrote 100k fan fiction and is working on her third one. She says it’s writing practice and she loves it. I told her it’s cringy and if she was serious about her book, she’d write it by now because she’s pretty much already written 2 books if only they weren’t fan fiction.
She got silent and told me to leave her alone.
When I introduced her to my family, I mentioned that she has a Ph.D. My brother and sister got impressed and asked about it. Abby tried to tell them but I interjected and told them to not be so impressed because she wastes her time writing silly fan fiction so I don’t know how she even got her doctorate.
It was meant to be a joke but Abby was angry. She called me a jerk. She wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the day and asked me to drive her home. I tried to come in but she told me she wanted to be alone and write her fan fiction.
I told her she was childish but left anyway.
I haven’t heard back from her since then and I told my sister and my sister agreed with Abby.
I tried to call Abby but she texted me with ‘jerk,’ and nothing else.
My sister thinks I owe Abby an apology but I don’t think I did anything wrong and yet Abby is annoyed.
Was I really the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Did you really think you would get any other reaction?
You mock her for doing something she enjoys, you belittled her education because of it, and tried to make her look silly in front of your family. Hopefully, she doesn’t give you another chance. You seem to have a complex about her being better educated than you.
You should build your partner up, not knock them down. Encouraging her to write a book is great, but not at the cost of making her love of fanfiction seem meaningless. You are entirely the jerk here.” MeykaMermaid
Another User Comments:
“You are so much the jerk. I am offended for her. We all start life in the womb as a jerk, but judging from this, it sounds like you didn’t develop beyond that before you were born. It’s a shame, she sounds like a wonderful human being, and according to you, a great partner.
You couldn’t see beyond your own shallow views, you judged her for doing something that made her happy, and you felt that YOU, of all people, were in a position to pass judgment on her. Even with all that, you still felt the need to come here and ask if you were the jerk.
I don’t know if you enjoy being ridiculed or if you truly can’t see the jerk-ishness of your actions, but you sir, are a grade-A jerk.” Embarrassed_Olive_65
Another User Comments:
“YTJ on so many levels. Not only did you mock a hobby and passion that means a lot to her but you actively humiliated her when she met your family which is already a sensitive time, disparaged her efforts, and tried to make her feel less.
THEN when she is justifiably angry and hurt you don’t even feel a scrap of remorse or try to make amends. Please do tell oh great one, what amazing ambitions and dreams you have and what ‘worthy’ hobbies you have?
If you ask me you’re walking all over her achievements because you have an inferiority complex.” OutrageousMulberry76
19. AITJ For Wanting To Supervise My Kid And His Friends?
“My son is 11 and finishing up the 5th grade.
He is pushing hard for independence. For example, he either wants me to meet him far away from school or walk home from school. This gives me some time to do personal stuff and to go to the office more (mostly WFH).
He’s fine by himself for a couple of hours and I have middle and high school boys in and out of the house too.
My son does playdates at my house that are scheduled with his friend’s parents. I casually told my son that we’d need to change a few because I won’t be home when he and his friends come back from school.
He got furious and asked why I needed to be there. I was confused. I said that there was no adult in the house. That’s why. He said that there’s no adult when he comes home from school sometimes. I said because it’s different when you have more kids in the house.
More kids = more supervision.
I said it’s not like I’m spying on them when he has friends over. But I’m not stupid. They’ll be more likely to do stupid things if no adult is there. When my son is home alone he just goes into his room like I don’t know what he’s doing.
LOL. When his friends are here, it becomes a circus.
My son said I was treating him like a little kid and his friend’s parents leave them alone in the house. I did ask his best friend’s mom who said that she does leave them alone with no adult in the house.
I told her that bothers me and it was irresponsible.
I am not some control freak Daddy. I’d be fine with it if my son was in middle school, showed he was responsible and his friends were respectful.”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. He may be responsible for his age, but does he have the strength and maturity to shut things down and control his friends if they get out of line? And a bunch of kids together often get a groupthink mind going where they all lose half of their brain power.
And what other parents are doing is irrelevant. However, when this is over and everyone is calm, it might be a good idea to have a talk with him to explain why you won’t leave him alone and maybe you can both discuss compromises with certain friends you know can be trusted.” TheBigGuinea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No, you are treating him like a teenager. Most kids over 10 are fine alone, but add one or two, and the whole dynamic changes. What one can’t think of the others do. Then they get mob mentality and nothing is off the table.
Tell him you do trust him but it’s your house and boys get rowdy. Accidents happen. Expensive accidents. No one comes in your house when he is here alone.” cutiepatutie614
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your own kid being home alone is one thing.
You hopefully know your kid well enough to reasonably predict what type of trouble he might cause.
Even if it’s just one other kid that you don’t know well, you would still be fine saying no because you wouldn’t have the ability to trust them blindly.
A group of them is a whole different mess because as you said, they are more likely to go crazy. Pranking each other, daring each other to do worse stuff.
Before you know it you come home to broken belongings, or worse, injured kids that require actual doctors and angry parents blaming you.” madmatt911
18. AITJ For Prohibiting My Sister From Having Parties And Overnight Guests?
“My (36f) half-sister (21f) came to live with me 3 months ago after she was kicked out of our dad’s house.
She said he was being controlling and not letting her be an adult.
What she left out, and I did not know, is that by ‘being an adult’ she actually means a lot of partying and risky behavior.
She is constantly coming home late, intoxicated, and the part that is the major issue is bringing home random guys she met while out or on apps.
I have asked her to stop, but she says she lives here too and I don’t get to control who she has over or when.
I told her if she didn’t change her behavior I would be giving her 30 days to find another place to live.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As an adult, her safety is her choice and responsibility so while I don’t support her risky behaviors it’s her prerogative to take those risks. However, she has no right to risk your safety and well-being by bringing random people to your home, or any shared home if she lived with a roommate.
Her life, her choice, anyone else’s life, then nope not negotiable. She doesn’t get to be completely irresponsible with other people’s well-being. If she were living with a roommate the same standards apply. If she wishes to continue her behavior then she should find an apartment to rent on her own.
She can get wasted, party, and hook up with whoever she wants but not while compromising others’ safety.
Furthermore, if she’s getting wasted and driving then she’s an even bigger jerk. Though you did not mention if she drives.
I certainly hope she doesn’t.” Foreverforgettable
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sit her down and find all the news stories, dateline episodes, movies based on real stories, and websites of the sickos that prey on people like your sister who are naïve and vulnerable.
Show her the danger of what she is doing and the danger she is putting you both in if she decides to bring home the wrong person. Her carefree lifestyle could get you both in a world of danger. I hope you follow through with the 30 days, stay safe!” learnedandhumbled
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a grown-up adult and can take responsibility for her own actions and follow basic rules of respecting your property. You’re allowing her to live with you. It’s fine to not expect random hookups to be brought into your home on a regular basis.
It’s completely reasonable to expect a certain level of privacy and safety in your own home. Honestly, if she’s wishing to treat your home as some kind of college party house then I’d be expecting her to find suitable living arrangements to meet that criteria.
It would not be in my family home.” Ok-Educator850
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Have A Roommate?
“I (26M) live alone in a 2 bedroom apartment in a city 4 states from my home state. I live alone mostly due to the fact I like being alone and don’t really enjoy having people in my personal space.
So, last week I came back to my parent’s house because one of my cousins is getting married. Now, to set the background a little bit, I have a twin sister, who is a bit entitled for lack of a better word.
Now, she and her best friend, I’m gonna call her A (26F) for anonymity, have been friends for about 20 years I would say, and are really close. A is also really close with my family as well, so she’s always here at our family gatherings.
Now, A recently got a job in the city that I live in and is about to move there. It’s one of her dream jobs, and she has been working hard to get it. I am genuinely happy for her, as we know with the crappy global economy, it’s hard to get a job, much less one of your dream jobs.
Now, the problem is that she hasn’t found a place that’s within her budget in my city. And she was talking about it with my parents, and my sister just chimed in with, ‘Oh, you can just move in with my brother.
He doesn’t need all that space. You can just move in with him.’
Well, to be clear, my apartment isn’t that big. So, I immediately said no. I further told them that there’s a reason I don’t have a roommate, and it’s because I prefer my privacy (I know it sounds bad).
Obviously, that soured the mood, so when A left, my sister just started screaming at me for being selfish and jealous (wait, what?). My mom added in with, ‘Oh you should be more social. She’s such a nice girl. She can be an amazing roommate.
You should at least give it a try.’
My dad is neutral about this. Some of our other relatives heard about this from my sister and mom, and most of them just said the same thing my mom said.
Some are on my side, as they understand it is difficult to have someone there 24/7 in your personal space.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You know the friend will end up gossiping about you to your family, will stop or decrease paying her share as you already own it & she ‘needs to save up her $$’ & worst of all, her family & yours, especially spoilt sis, will come to visit more frequently.
Get rid of the closet & door to the second bedroom & commit to making it an office. Not even a futon. Ask all those who want you to provide your space to donate to a fund to help defray her living expenses for the first 6 months & see how generous they are.” sybersam6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. This is your life, your apartment, your setup, your decision. You did great shutting that down right away. They don’t get to control your life like that. Even if you wanted a roommate, you don’t need her.
You would pick the one you wanted. I have a better idea, since she can’t find a place in her budget, your sister should chip in enough to help her bump up her budget. Since they are good friends and all.” Parasamgate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t back down on this or else they won’t ever stop. Just because you have a place with somewhat room doesn’t mean you have to put anyone up as a roommate OR as a guest. She will likely have to hunt to find a place to live but that’s true for anyone moving for a new job etc. Rent’s always going to be high and you need to go with it and******* up to find a less-than-ideal place to live while you get to know the area and possible places to live, friends you could room with, etc.
Having your privacy and own space is invaluable. Not everyone wants a roommate or needs one, regardless of the size of the space.” KarmaWillGetYa
16. AITJ For Demanding My Brother To Pay For My $30,000 Engagement Ring?
“I hosted a family dinner over the weekend. My brother brought my nephews (4 and 8) over as well.
I used to wear my engagement ring all the time, but lately, I keep it in my walk-in closet and mainly wear it for special occasions. While I was cleaning up the dinner table, my nephews went to go play while the adults were still in the outdoor patio/outdoor kitchen area.
My brother was not supervising his kids.
During this time, my nephews went into the master bedroom without anyone knowing and started playing with everything. Including my engagement ring. When we came to look for them, they panicked because they know they aren’t supposed to be upstairs, ran into the master bathroom, and flushed my ring.
We called a plumber in case it was somehow in the U-trap of the toilet and not actually gone. But nope. Unfortunately, it was gone for good.
We still had the original receipt, so I called my brother. I emailed him a scanned copy as proof of the cost and asked him to reimburse me for the ring my nephew flushed. Immediately he started calling me a jerk because we were family and he was just a child.
He has refused to repay the cost of my ring.
I told him I will be taking him to court for this and now my entire family is blowing up my phone saying family shouldn’t sue each other and just let it go.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And it doesn’t matter if the ring was $300 it doesn’t sound like he wants to be responsible for his children anyway. He should at least offer to pay something even if he can’t pay $30,000 but it doesn’t sound like he wants to do anything.
And if there are no consequences to the kids then they’ll do something like this again. So I would never let those kids in my house ever again until he pays something and he never leaves them out of their sight when he’s there.” Loud_News8410
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with NTJ on this one, but it weighed on me.
I agree that the brother was supposed to be watching the kids, and the kids wandered off in a house that wasn’t theirs.
The kids shouldn’t have been anywhere in the house unsupervised.
If this ring was 30,000, a monumental cost for anyone in the working class, why was it in an unlocked, unsecured space? I mean, aside from insurance on the ring, why wasn’t the ring in a lockbox or safe?
Why was something that expensive unsecured?
So yes, I agree the kids should have been supervised. Your brother is responsible for them, and they lost your ring. Your brother should at least cover half the cost of the ring. Covering his half of the responsibility.
The other half should be covered by the person who invited children to her house and not securing a $30,000 ring.
If I was a judge (which I am absolutely not), that’s how I would call this one.” ZiggyDiamond
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
His circus, his monkeys. He wasn’t watching them, that’s on him.
100% he should replace your ring.
As for all the family who are blowing up at you, it’s easy, when it didn’t happen to them, to preach forgiveness. Ignore them.
Also, 8/4 are more than old enough to know better. My 3yo knows not to touch someone else’s things in their home without asking. Choices have consequences, and sometimes those consequences are expensive!
Sorry this happened to you.” Tiffy_the_Doc
15. AITJ For Not Letting A Stranger Sit Next To Me?
“I’m a short woman in my early thirties, and today I was working for an hour at a cafe. I was sitting in a very tight corner by the window, at a short coffee table with two small chairs to go with it.
I was in one chair, and because I have leg pain I had put a leg up on the other chair, along with my belongings.
I was minding my business working and drinking my coffee, and all of a sudden this man (probably late 50s-early 60s?) comes up and asks if he can sit in the chair where I’ve put my things.
I say no.
The reasons I say no are: (1) it’s a tiny corner meant either for one person or two people to sit together (who want to) and I don’t feel comfortable sharing it with someone I don’t know as a single woman by myself.
I have anxiety around men whom I don’t know; (2) I need to rest my leg; (3) There are other free chairs available in the cafe, and a nice area outside as well where he could sit. Note that it’s not obvious to anyone that my leg hurts.
I don’t explain this to him, I just politely say no.
He gets angry. He starts shouting, ‘You don’t get two chairs! Let me sit here! I’m sitting here!’ And then he grabs the chair with my stuff (and my leg) on it and starts pulling it out.
I pull it back and I respond, ‘Please go away sir, I’m minding my own business, you mind yours’. He keeps shouting that I ‘shouldn’t have two chairs’ over and over, and I just keep making eye contact and repeating ‘Please go away, please go away, stop touching my things, go away’.
He gives up shouting at me after about five minutes and leaves. The lady across the room stares and kind of gives me this weird small smile, and that’s it. He was very angry, and I was shaking.
I’m wondering if I’m the jerk because technically, that chair didn’t truly belong to me.
I feel kind of bad about it. But I don’t think I am because I wasn’t preventing him from sitting anywhere else, there were other spaces he could go, and I got the sense that he just wanted to push someone around to sit by the window.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The café wasn’t overly crowded and there was plenty of seating. Had circumstances been different, ie crowded café or no physical/personal challenges – then that would be a different story. Your physical discomfort may not be noticeable however people make assumptions all the time.
He asked a question and you said ‘No’. You have a right to personal space in public and his reaction was absurd. No need to feel bad, OP.” PPPMay-0574
Another User Comments:
“It seems to me like he saw you using two chairs and went out of his way to bully you about it because (for some reason) it deeply bothered him that you were ‘over-occupying’ the space, in his eyes.
He saw you and thought ‘She thinks she deserves 2 chairs?’ Thought that you were entitled and he wanted to take the chair and teach you a lesson, when in reality he was the one being creepy/aggressive/entitled. He honed in on you and it struck a chord with him for whatever odd reason and he couldn’t just brush it off and take any of the other empty seats.
Just got angrier and angrier that you wouldn’t immediately back down like he thought you would. What a weirdo, sorry you had to deal with that crap.
Oh and definitely NTJ.” mrose9999
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And after the second attempt to say No, I would have simply responded with Stop being a creepy psycho.
Any attempt to touch my stuff or me would have resulted in a loud ‘Why are you assaulting me?’ Nothing works on creepy jerks better than humiliation plus you get the bonus of seeing the crowd and management of the café suddenly becoming very solicitous and concerned for your safety.” ProfileElectronic
14. AITJ For Causing My Lazy Coworker To Get Fired?
“I have been working in this company for a few years now. I genuinely think we have a very pleasant work environment, I truly like and enjoy working with my colleagues, we have very flexible hours unless we have an important deadline, our work is never micromanaged, we get to work from home 90% of the time, etc. But because we work as teams, I depend on my coworkers to do my job and vice-versa.
If one of us is not doing the job properly, the others will be affected one way or the other.
I’m placed in a team that gets along and works very well together… with the exception of our assistant. From the moment we started working together, I cannot remember a single day he answered me right away, assisted one of us on time, and completed the simplest tasks.
If we e-mailed or messaged him, he would take, at least, 2 weeks to respond – when he responded. Our clients report they rarely heard from him when we all need to be in constant contact with them for various reasons.
I lost count of how many times I had to do his job for him because someone had to, but I am only being paid for my position, not his.
I tried talking to him 6 times to be exact. I told him in the nicest ways possible we needed him to be more productive and to do his job – not only because he was getting paid for that, but because his lack of professionalism was affecting all of us.
It did not work. I passed it on to our supervisor, who is the kindest, most understanding professional I know. Nothing changed, so I passed it on to our manager, who gave him one last chance to get back on track and do everything that he had not done up until that point in 2 weeks.
That did not work out either.
When our feedback session came up at the beginning of this year, I was the first one (but not the only one) to say I did not want to work with him anymore. In his presence, I said I liked him as a person, but as a professional, I had no respect for him whatsoever because he clearly had no consideration for any of us – his coworkers.
A few weeks ago we were informed that he was fired and, now, a coworker keeps saying he was fired because I kept reporting him. I said he was fired because he was not doing his job, but she replied that the company lets a lot slide and would have kept him if it wasn’t for my negative feedback on him, that he probably needed this job a lot – but so do we all, no?!
Am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“There is nothing wrong with reporting someone who is not doing his job properly. You told him personally several times that he needed to change, and yet, he didn’t change.
Your supervisor did the same thing, and he didn’t do anything at all. When he applied for that job, he accepted the requirements. And I suppose that one of them is that he has to do his job. So it is quite reasonable for him to get fired. Back to the point that you were the reason.
You first wanted to help him by contacting him. Then you contacted a higher-up and your last thing was saying that you don’t want to work with him. That doesn’t mean that your comment affected the decision of the supervisor, neither did you telling him to fire the assistant.
NTJ, you even tried to help him, and there aren’t many people like you. (I’m an apprentice, and I’m in a situation where my supervisor wants to get rid of me.)” VBZspeeder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let me guess, the co-worker doesn’t work in your team and wasn’t directly affected?
Your reports were just a little part of what got him fired. But he just didn’t do his work! He damaged the company. Clients complained. The co-worker didn’t want to work with him. They gave him a last chance and he didn’t care.
He got himself fired. And why should all the other people do the work for someone who slacks off? Someone else will get the job, who also needs the money – because we all need money!
If your co-worker tries to cause you trouble by talking trash behind your back or just stop working with you: Report her!” EvilFinch
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t get him fired, he got himself fired.
In a large organization, you can coast and not get noticed but in a smaller business or in discrete teams, everyone needs to pull their weight. Matey obviously couldn’t be nudged to pull his weight so screw him.
What’s the point of having a designer that doesn’t design, an engineer that doesn’t engine (you know what I mean), or an assistant that doesn’t assist? Good riddance to bad rubbish.
NTJ.” Funkyzebra1999
13. AITJ For Uninviting My Fiancée's Brother From Our Wedding?
“I (29f) am getting married to my fiancée ‘Julie’ (33f) next week. Julie’s younger brother ‘Paul’ (29m) has been my best friend for 7 years, and was due to be my joint ‘Man of Honor’.
Paul and I went on exactly 1 date when we were 18 but lost contact a few weeks later when we both moved away for college.
I moved back into our hometown straight after college and so did he, we happened to be at the same party one night and he made a comment about how weird our date was all those years ago. I agreed and we became fast friends after that.
Best friends shortly later. He has been there for me for so many things, and he comforted me when my parents died.
A couple of years after we reconnected, Julie moved into town and Paul introduced us. Julie and I had instant chemistry and she asked me out, I told her I’d get back to her after I had checked it was okay with Paul and wouldn’t make him feel weird.
I asked Paul if he was okay with it and he assured me that he very much was and that he was the one who encouraged Julie to ask me out in the first place. Our first date was fantastic, and 5 years later we’re getting married.
I wore my wedding dress for my bridal party (including Paul) yesterday for the first time since I ordered it in 2020 and they’ve never seen me wear it before. Everyone assured me that I looked great. Later that night, Paul and I were watching TV when all of a sudden he turned to me very seriously.
He told me he had been in love with me for years and that seeing me in my dress overwhelmed him and that he realized the mistake he made introducing me to Julie all of those years ago bc I should be with him.
Obviously, I was upset. I told him introducing me to the love of my life wasn’t a mistake and that I needed space and asked him to leave.
2 days later I texted him telling him he was no longer part of my bridal party and that I have to tell Julie what he said but I think it’s likely we’ll agree that it’s best he doesn’t attend at all.
I planned to tell Julie when she got home from work. Paul got there first. He told her we had a massive fight and I had been spreading lies about him. She didn’t believe him, of course. When I told her what happened, she was in shock.
She immediately called Paul who denied everything. He was quite convincing and I told him to cut the nonsense. Julie said she needed some space to process, which I understood. I called Paul the next day and told him he needed to grow up and admit to Julie what happened because she deserves to know the truth about what he said.
This has caused a huge divide between our bridal parties and friends. Everyone agrees that uninviting him was right. But some say my asking him to tell her everything he said is adding insult to injury. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for uninviting and NTJ for being truthful with your future spouse. Things like that have a way of getting out. It’s better to come clean and discuss it now before the wedding. Paul is the jerk here, this isn’t a rom-com where you dump the fiancée you love for her brother and somehow everyone lives happily ever after.
He should have kept his feelings to himself, what he did was incredibly selfish, and now potentially no one ends up happy.” Taminella_Grinderfal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
BUT. It seems likely to me that he’s not actually in love with you and probably doesn’t really believe that you should be with him.
I think he probably just got caught up in the romance and certainly felt jealous of Julie that she’s the love of your life and now things between you will change.
It can be really hard when your best friend gets married. I’m sure he loves you and wants you to be happy and maybe he’s just a little sad that he’s not that for you and he doesn’t have a love in his life like the one you have – even if he doesn’t really want that for the two of you.
7 years of friendship is impossible to hide a desire like that. If it was genuine – you would know. If he was secretly harboring ‘I wish I could stay with you’ after your movie nights – you would’ve picked up on it.
The fact that it came as an outpouring after seeing your dress makes me think he’s having a personal come apart that is more like misplaced emotional vomit.
Maybe give him a chance to explain what the heck is really going on and tell him that he’s being an idiot.
See where that gets you.” Dr_slave_princess
Another User Comments:
“Not only did he not tell you the truth about his feelings for you… he then knowingly and deliberately spread lies (hurtful lies) about why he was uninvited to the wedding.
What he did was incredibly wrong, and for that alone, you were right to not want him at the wedding.
You are demanding that he tell the truth. You are NTJ at all here. Paul has been a varsity-level jerk here, and you’d be absolutely right if you decided to cut him from your life for this.
His actions are not those of a friend.
He needs to come clean about what he’s said and done, and why. You’re not asking him to give you a kidney. You just want him to tell the truth.” canuckleheadiam
12. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Let Her Daughter Be?
“My wife and I have 4 kids. She has Noah (12) and Ellie (9) from a previous relationship and we have Rose (4) and Jackson (9 months) together. A couple of things important to mention are that my wife has another kid, Ava (14), also with her ex, that lives with her sister, and that her ex moved back to his home country after the divorce and has nothing to do with the kids.
Shortly after the divorce (4 years ago), Ava and my wife got into an argument. Ava blamed her mom for her dad leaving and it got pretty heated. In the heat of the moment, my wife destroyed what could be described as Ava’s comfort item and told Ava to get out of her house.
Ava ran out of the house, the police and CPS got involved, and Ava was put in foster care, then went to live with my wife’s sister once she got a big enough place. My wife was ordered to go to anger management, therapy, and parenting classes.
Ava was brought back to us 3 times but every time she was brought back she’d run away or start a fight until she got to stay with her aunt. My wife’s sister got full custody because of that.
My wife has been trying to fix her relationship with Ava since the incident.
She’d beg her sister to let her visit, sent toys to her sister’s apartment, sent letters, called and texted repeatedly but Ava never answered.
They moved out of state 2 years ago and just before the move, Ava reached out to my wife just to tell her that she wants nothing to do with her and to leave her alone.
My wife honored her request until recently when she was going to be in their city for work. She reached out to both her sister and Ava but got no response. She went to Ava’s school to try to speak with her, which turned into a big issue and Ava and my wife’s sister ended up getting a restraining order on my wife preventing her from contacting them or going near them.
She’s been so upset since then, which is understandable, Ava and her aunt should’ve been more understanding towards my wife. I couldn’t see her like that so I told her it was time to cut her losses and focus on her family now.
She listened to my advice but her family, who have been pressuring her to try to fix the relationship, is calling her a bad mom and accusing her of abandoning Ava. They got a restraining order so I don’t know what they expect her to do but now she’s upset over it again so I wanted to know if I was the jerk for my advice.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, you’re right that your wife needs to let this go but your entire attitude toward the situation makes you a jerk. Your wife has broken the law several times, got aggressive enough towards her 10-year-old daughter that the poor girl got put into foster care, and did the number one thing everyone knows you CANNOT do which is just show up to a school and try to talk to a child you don’t have custody of, and you’re still acting like your wife is the victim here.
It’s not exactly easy to get a restraining order against a child’s mother, your wife is clearly in the wrong in every way. I don’t know how you’re even married to her, somebody that could do that to their 10-year-old daughter is an absolute monster.
No one needs to go easy on your wife, she’s been mistreating/stalking a little girl.” Strange_Salamander33
Another User Comments:
“Both you and your wife suck.
The opening lines are enough when you say you and your wife between you have four children then go straight on to describe five children (or four plus the one we don’t want).
No wonder the kid is messed up being a literal outcast from her siblings at a young age and clearly not wanted by her mother. Is it any wonder she’s decided she’s actually better off without? You also suck in this because you seem all too happy to tell her to ‘cut her losses’ and get the problem out of your hair as if you just chalk it up to experience.
Rather than telling her that what she’s doing is illegal, that Ava is better off in care just now and it’s time to let it go if she wants to come back she will, you’re like ‘yep, close the door, there’s another four to fall back on’.
Your wife has messed up irreparably here with her daughter and you appear to be pretty content about that.” Massive-Antelope-856
Another User Comments:
“Your wife is a nasty jerk. Her child is upset that her dad left the country. Mom gets angry and destroys the daughter’s things and tells her 10-year-old to get out.
Your wife is put into anger management, therapy, and parenting classes. This was done because of a single incident. The single incident would be parenting classes, not anger management. Ava’s aunt went as far as moving into a bigger (more expensive) home so Ava would not be in foster care (true love).
Now the Aunt has full custody, there is a lot more you are not telling. They move out of state. Your wife has no legal right to this child and your wife shows up at the school. Yes, this is a big issue and yes the school will call the cops.
You need to be concerned for the other children in the family. Your wife sounds totally unstable.” Crazybutnotlazy1983
11. AITJ For Kicking Out My Colleague?
“About 8 months ago I (m24) offered a room in my home (home is paid off so I don’t pay rent or mortgage) to my colleague (f32) because she had trouble with her roommate (heavy drinking and violence according to her).
I offered her a room in my home, rent-free, and no further questions asked. I only asked her to pay half of the electricity and gas bill since they were very likely to go up if she lived in my home.
This is about €125 per month.
After she has been living with me she started complaining about the living conditions. I have two dogs and a cat (one of the dogs is a temporary foster) which she knew about before she came to live in my house.
She complained about the amount of hair that the dogs left (shedding season) and my not cleaning it every day…
She also started to demand things from me like doing groceries for her and constantly held the washing machine and dryer ‘hostage’ with her clothes so I could barely use them.
She tells me to be quiet when I am enjoying some time with my friends when she is trying to sleep (we are not partying like crazy, just talking and having a laugh or two).
All the boxes with her stuff are literally all over my house which is also a reason why I can’t clean properly.
I am quite an introvert so it is very hard for me to have a conversation that will end up in confrontation or conflict, so I simply don’t complain about anything and just let her do her thing.
Recently I got to know that she is talking bad about me and the living conditions of our colleagues as well which really hurts me because I like to keep work and private as separate as possible (yes in my eyes I did her a big favor).
Because of this, I told her that I was very hurt by that (via text message) and that I want her to move out by the 10th of April… couple of days past that she is still here and I am seriously thinking of actually kicking her out.
It feels like she is trying to control and manipulate me and that genuinely hurts since I just wanted to give her a place out of a good heart.
I’m very curious how other people see this situation and I’d love to hear your opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“She needed a place to stay and you offered. She isn’t happy living with you and is complaining about you to other people, making you look bad. And she hasn’t moved out, despite being unhappy with you and your pets!
And despite agreeing to move out!
She can move out at any time! She doesn’t have to stay! You aren’t holding her hostage!
How does this make you a jerk? You are definitely NTJ.
Time to start official eviction procedures.
Right now. It might take 30 days before you can have her dragged out by law enforcement or whatever. Best get started as soon as possible.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You HAVE to kick her out. She is ruining your peace.
Give her a notice that on x day, like this Saturday, you will have people come to remove her belongings from your house if she isn’t out by then. Get the police involved if you have to. If you have friends that can be with you the day of, get them over there.
Backup is always good. Do NOT let her run over you.” trappergraves
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ!
You need to kick her ungrateful butt out of your home NOW. She is completely taking advantage of you and your kindness.
You are clearly a very lovely and sweet person.
You remind me of my best friend who would set herself on fire to keep someone warm. There will always be people who will prey on those who are compassionate for their own ends. Please don’t let this person stay a day longer.
Good luck!” Present_Pension_6053
10. WIBTJ If I Ask An Older Gym-Goer To Move?
“I (36f) am lucky enough to work from home and use my ‘lunch break’ in the afternoon to go to the gym and get my workout out of the way, then eat at my desk when I get home.
I go to a small-ish gym.
There’s a variety of equipment to use, but only 1 of every machine there. Since I am on my lunch break, I only have a limited amount of time to get my stuff done every day. I try to stick to a routine each time I go.
I see a lot of the same faces since I usually go within the same-hour window each weekday. There is also an older (I’m terrible at this but would guess 75-85) man who is there almost every day as well.
I get the impression the time at the gym is as much about getting out and being social as it is about getting a workout in for him.
The issue is that he has a tendency to sit on a single machine for 30-40 minutes at a time and have conversations with gym goers, usually the same group of people, 4-5 people at a time gathered around a weight machine just chatting.
And it’s almost always a machine I’m hoping to use. Whenever I see him when I walk in, I just resign myself to the fact that I’ll be missing out on part of my routine that day.
He is not using the machine during this time but is sitting on the seat and resting while they all chat.
WIBTJ for interrupting their conversation and asking an older man with a cane (and by default 4 or 5 other people) to move so that I can use the machine?
As annoyed as I am by what I feel is rude behavior (it would be a different story if there was more than 1 of each machine), I also don’t want to be labeled as a Karen for asking him to move so I can do 1 extra set of lifts.
I also think this could be petty of me, but get irritated because of the principle of it.
Thoughts? Should I continue to bite my tongue and just do what I can?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The gym is where you get to work out, not to sit around and be social. He very well may not even be aware of what he’s doing.
As you said, this might be about getting out for him and if nobody asks him to move, he may think it’s all right. Be gentle, but you definitely WNBTJ if you asked him to move if he’s not working out.” SpilledInk2022
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ for asking them. If you want to use the machines & they’re always just standing around them, go talk to the front desk & have the staff handle it. That’s part of your membership fee, in my opinion.
Not having to enforce rules yourself. You pay someone else to do that! In my experience, people tend to listen to staff better anyway. I’d just go ask the staff if there’s a way they can move because you’ve tried to be patient but you really want to use the machine they’re just leaning on.” emotionalsupportham
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’d ask staff to do it. Explain your situation to them and make them do the ‘dirty work’ of interrupting social hour to remind them it’s a small gym so use the machine or move.
In theory, just talking to people about simple stuff like this should be seamless and easy. But it often creates weird social dynamics where you become the enemy of this social group you dared to ask to not hog workout equipment if they’re not using it.
People who assume everyone would be reasonable in this situation are usually people who have not dealt with this situation. These people have eyes and know there isn’t much equipment in the gym so they should have conversations where they are away from the machines.
There’s a small chance they are just kind and unaware. But a bigger chance they are just entitled and will see you as an enemy that ruined their social time.” User
9. AITJ For Wanting To Get An Advanced Heads Up That I Will Be Paying For My Room?
“I (F30) am the maid of honor at one of my oldest friend’s wedding (F31). We’ve been friends since 2001. The wedding is a small destination wedding, at a luxury resort, with fewer than 20 guests.
The bride insisted to pay for my room for two nights. I repeatedly offered to pay my own way but she declined every time (the last I offered was in early March, the wedding is in May).
I had been happily single for 6ish years when her fiancé proposed. She said that if I were to find a man by the time her wedding rolled around, he would be invited.
I met my partner in early 2023. When I told her, she immediately asked if I wanted to bring him. I declined because we’d only been together a little while. If we broke up, he’d be in all the photos.
Still, she has been asking me every single week if I’ve changed my mind. I have been telling her straight up no all through February and March. I also know the groom’s sister is unhappily single so I didn’t want to make her uncomfy.
I told the bride this. I also said that since the bride hasn’t met him yet, I wouldn’t bring him.
Eventually, I introduced them, just because they’re both important to me. She liked him.
She kept asking if I wanted to bring him and said if we were bringing him, we’d have to pay his expenses.
I asked how much would it cost. She said she didn’t know, we’d have to see. So I said no to bringing him (again). After her asking AGAIN, we agree. I text her to ask how much money to set aside.
She says it’s $300/night. I let her know he can only make it 1 night because he only gets 1 day off work. She asks if I want a single room the first night, then a double room the second. I’m confused, so I ask if I’d have to change rooms in the middle of the wedding and if she just wants us to pay his share.
She says she’d have to ask the hotel, but doesn’t address the share situation. I offer to phone them, and she agrees. I phone them, turns out they’re all double rooms.
So I tell my friend that we’re fine to pay either the entire second night or just half of the second night for his share, whatever they prefer.
She gets quite angry, then says they expect us to pay the full $600 with him there the second night because he hasn’t met her groom, they don‘t know if we’ll stay together and with him there, she won’t have my undivided attention.
So they’ll no longer pay for my accommodation. I tell her that’s fine but I’d have liked to know that before, it must have been a misunderstanding. She says ‘Oh in that case of course we’ll finance your room.’ To which I say ‘Let’s just go 50/50, send me your bank details’.
To which she says that she was being sarcastic (what place has sarcasm in this?). She’s angry.
She was being very unclear about them not paying my share anymore until she got angry. $600 is 25% of my salary and I see her weekly.
She could have told me at any time that if I bring my partner, she will rescind her offer of paying for my room. AITJ for wanting to be told in advance? (We are still attending the wedding & paying the $600.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds a bit like your friend wanted an excuse not to pay for your room. Hard to tell though, she sounds rather confusing so your being perplexed is completely understandable. She might be under quite a bit of stress with the wedding but yes, she should have been more upfront about the costs.
Having 600$ in expenses thrust upon you all of a sudden is rough for most people. Having knowledge of upcoming costs in advance means that you can plan around it better, meaning the shorter the notice the harsher it becomes.
I wouldn’t necessarily call the bride a jerk either but you certainly have every right to be irritated. And her being angry with you is rather unreasonable, chalk it up to stress maybe, but it’s still not really ok.” mexigogen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The bride couldn’t afford your room anymore and kept continuously asking because was hoping you would say yes so that she could do this to you. I bet that if you say he’s no longer coming now so you can go back to the original agreement, she would come up with some excuse as to why now she couldn’t pay for your room.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the bride is not being logical. You, on the other hand, are trying to accommodate her. As you stated you’re still going to her wedding and paying that extra money, I’d highly suggest you have a conversation with her before the wedding, otherwise, it’ll be awkward during that time.
Something like: ‘Hey Bride! I’m looking forward to your wedding. Thanks for inviting my partner, I appreciate that, and like I’ve told you, we have no problem with covering for him. I do want to clear the air and talk about it, as I don’t want any misunderstanding.
Initially, I didn’t want him to go, but you pushed for him to go. There was a lot of back and forth and different info on covering for his hotel. What happened?'” xoxo_jk29
8. AITJ For Telling Someone To Stop Comparing Her Dog To A Human Child?
“I (27m) used to think this was something that people would only say online, but I have definitely seen and heard it firsthand bleeding into real life which is why I am asking here.
Maybe I’m just weird because I am surprised I even have to ask this.
It’s not uncommon online to see people say they would choose to save their dog over the life of a living person because their dog is their dog while the person is just a stranger.
That entire mentality seems warped and incredibly vile. I don’t hate dogs, and I like playing with them, but I don’t understand how one can compare one to that of a person. That was once online, but it seems to be bleeding into real life at times.
Yesterday, a family friend was telling my family and my brother’s significant other Mary (f25) how her son is having major medical issues which could ultimately take his life and how she and her husband were not dealing with it well at all, and my brother’s SO said, ‘I understand what you are going through, when Kennedy (her dog) needed surgery, she didn’t know how to deal with it and was a mess.’
Everyone kind of got quiet because she was comparing the life of a dog to a nine-year-old child, and she said it like it was totally normal. The mom was visibly taken back and hurt, and Mary didn’t understand why.
Mary added Kennedy is like a child to her, and before she could go on, I just blurted out something like ‘Not the same at all, please stop talking.’
Mary did stop talking, but it made everything uncomfortable, so everyone called it an evening.
My Dad asked Mary to leave and told my brother he needed to ensure he and Mary somehow made this right because that was heartless. My mom said she wasn’t sure how to end the conversation after that, but my method wasn’t it.
My brother hasn’t said much other than he gets it, but he is still upset with me. Mary is demanding an apology and for me to mend the relationship with my dad.
The few people who know about this are torn… some people are saying Mary wasn’t wrong and I and others do not get to tell her how to feel about her dog, and I invalidated her feelings.
Others are saying she should be ashamed. One friend said, ‘This is a problem only white developed nation people could encounter, and Mary is actually a bad person.’
I can’t believe I actually have to ask this, but they got me… AITJ for any of this?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
You are definitely 100% right that a pet’s life and a child’s life are not equivalent, but I don’t think Mary understood how different it is so I would hesitate to call her a jerk.
She was trying to relate not minimize, she just made a mistake in delivery. A better way to phrase would’ve been ‘I was a mess when my dog went into surgery, I can only imagine how you must feel with your son going through such serious medical issues.’ Hopefully, she can learn.” qwertyuiiop145
Another User Comments:
“Unless someone else in that room had been through the same situation where their child was dealing with medical issues and could possibly die, no one should’ve taken the opportunity to claim ‘I know what you’re going through’.
The fact that Mary’s story was about her dog just added insult to injury.
I understand that it’s really hard for people to just shut up and listen when people are grieving but we need to get better at it.
Most of the time people are desperate to try to ‘fix’ the situation by saying exactly the right thing that will make the grieving person feel better, but end up making themselves look like a jerk. Because NOTHING they say or do is going to fix the situation or make that person feel better.
Platitudes belittle their suffering. Comparisons are only for attention-seekers. If you really want to comfort someone who’s mourning you tell them you’re so sorry they’re hurting, let them know you love them, and make a sincere and specific offer to help them (e.g. ‘I go grocery shopping every Saturday afternoon.
Can I text you that morning to ask for your shopping list and I can pick you up whatever you want?’), not just the empty ‘let me know if you need anything’ (they won’t).
Mary doesn’t sound malicious but her cluelessness only added to their suffering.
Her feelings about her dog may be valid but trying to compare her experience to theirs is incredibly thoughtless. Normally, I’d say Mary should apologize but that just might make those parents feel worse as she’d be bringing up an already sensitive subject.
I would just warn her to do what I suggested above instead of tactlessly trying to relate to something with which she has absolutely no experience. NTJ.” cbm984
Another User Comments:
“Doesn’t matter if you really understand it or not.
You basically told her that her feelings are invalid. Let’s say that your assertion that her experience can’t compare to the experience of worrying over a child is correct. It sounds like she’s never had a child. Her dog is likely the most important living thing she has ever had to take care of.
She is very attached to that dog. She was trying to share her own experience of being very upset and worried, and you told her to stop talking. There were definitely better ways for you to handle that. YTJ.” DramaticWebPersona
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She ruined her relationships with your family ALL on her own.
As for your outburst, it was just that. If you want to apologize for the way in which it was said, cool. But I wouldn’t apologize for the content.
Keep in mind… that has the potential to make things a lot worse if she is intelligent enough to realize what you do with the wording. It could make you look worse, not better.
If people keep mentioning it to you, explain that your outburst was a result of shock that she showed such disregard (as this was your instinctual interpretation) for a 9-year-old child’s life.” Wrangellite
7. AITJ For Telling My Stepsister To Cancel Her Wedding?
“My stepsister is engaged to Alex and I’m engaged to Nick, who is Alex’s older brother.
I started seeing Nick first and for a long time but we broke up 3 years ago and my stepsister started going out with Alex after our break up.
They got engaged last year and my stepsister was trying to shove our families together which meant I started seeing Nick again and we reconnected.
We got engaged 2 months ago and ever since my stepsister has been complaining non-stop about how she thinks I rushed into an engagement just to upstage her and that she doesn’t want to have the same in-laws as me as I would mess things up for both of us.
It’s not like I can magically give Nick a new family so I don’t get why she keeps bringing it up but it’s annoying and I’ve asked her to drop it multiple times already.
She even complains in front of our future in-laws which I feel like she only does since things are still rocky between me and them.
The last time she brought it up in front of them I suggested she cancel her wedding which only triggered her more and now she’s convinced I only got engaged as some big master plan to mess up her engagement which is dumb.
She’s been telling everybody and some of our family is starting to believe her because of me telling her to cancel her wedding. Alex, who I was actually close to, is also mad at me because she’s convinced him I was being serious.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she didn’t want the same in-laws, why did she start going out with your ex’s brother?! That seems suspect to me.
But nonetheless, you can go out with whomever you want and she can too.
So it’s time for her to shut up about it, and honestly, it’s time for you to distance yourself from her and keep your mouth shut too. Just go to the wedding to save face but disengage from this toxicity.
Anytime she brings it up, just smirk, say ’em hmm’ and change the topic.” djrainbowpixie
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. The timing of your engagement to Nick is pretty suspect like maybe you guys caught ‘wedding fever’, but whatever.
Your sister isn’t doing herself any favors by criticizing you to her future in-laws – it will just make her look bad to them. You had no reason to tell her to call off her wedding in front of her in-laws.
You both need to learn to support each other – you have two weddings coming up and the pressure is just going to get worse.” NGDGUnpunished
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But sounds like you and your stepsister need to grab a bottle of wine and hash your crap out because this sort of behavior doesn’t come from nowhere – there is obviously stuff beneath the surface that leads to this weird hostility she has towards you.
Maybe she has some long-time conceptions of what your relationship is and clearing that up could be really beneficial to avoid any misplaced hard feelings in the future, clearly, no one is getting away from the other any time soon so you’re better off to just try and fix that relationship or deal with this sort of stuff the rest of your life.” Putrid-Maximum1569
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Go To A Wedding I'm Not Invited To?
“My partner and I have been living together for a year, and been a couple for a total of 3 years.
I have met my partner’s childhood friend and he has always been very kind to me. However, meeting his fiancée was a different story. She was very rude to me, talked only to my partner and when I tried to be a part of their conversation she told me that my partner used to be in love with her friend, which I had no idea about since it happened 10 years ago before I was apart of his life.
I continued to try to be kind to her and complimented her engagement ring, asking when they were supposed to get married. Her reply to me was ‘When is your partner going to propose to you?’
I was surprised and said; I don’t know and remained silent for a while, letting them keep their conversation going before asking my partner to come with me to the bar to get a drink.
At the bar, I explained I didn’t feel very welcome and asked if we could leave. He wanted to stay and we did. I continued to try to be kind to everyone since I didn’t know most of the people there.
I have since then met up with both my partner’s friend and his fiancée and it has been fine.
However, we recently received a wedding invitation that states that they are getting married this summer. My partner has paid for a bachelor party that includes them going for a weekend in another country.
Unfortunately, my name was not on the wedding invitation, however, it was signed ‘we look forward to celebrating our special day with you’. Since I and my partner have been a couple for three years and are living together, we both assumed I’d be included in the invite, but to make sure my partner asked the groom if it was okay to rsvp for both of us.
His friend responded that they couldn’t have everyone bring a plus one. As my partner thought it was a decision for all of their mutual friends who weren’t married he said he understood. However, it now seems that I’m the only one of the partners/wives who are not invited. I would really hate for him to miss this event, but clearly, the fiancée doesn’t like me and I feel like if my partner went without me it would be making it okay for her to exclude me for no real reason.
I think he should ask his friend why I’m the only one not invited and ask how his friend would’ve reacted if it was the other way around and it was them in our situation. They’ve known each other for nearly 20 years, it just seems wrong to not invite his partner as well and it’s breaking my heart seeing my partner going through having to choose, yet at the same time I feel that since all our mutual friends are going he should stand up for me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This issue can be easily solved if your partner stands up for you. It’s bad timing since it’s so close to the wedding, but he had enough time over the years to stand up for you when she treated you like that.
Honestly, if you do end up marrying this guy, I’m sure he will convince you to invite her to your wedding so as not to rock the boat.
So, in this instance I don’t really support the whole ‘she’s the bride she can invite whoever she wants, and you can do the same when you get married!’ Because it’ll never be in your favor and they’ll show you repeatedly that it’s an unequal relationship.” pinksinthehouse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re the only significant other not invited. And he has paid for the bachelor party. That’s really uncalled for.
They obviously want him to spend time and get together with his ex.
If he goes without you and doesn’t stand up for you, I’d honestly leave him.
Because that’s setting the tone for the rest of your relationship. He’s basically telling them it’s ok to disrespect you.
If he went I’d probably move out while he’s at the wedding.” Kwikdraw55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But instead of jumping to conclusions, I would say he should confront his friend about WHY you are the only +1 not allowed. Maybe there is some reason that isn’t so nefarious (I’m just trying to think positively). There are a lot of things that go into wedding invites so maybe there is some obscure reason.
It seems you had one bad encounter but after that, it was fine. So while you may be right that the fiancée doesn’t like you for some reason, it might not be.
It also seems that the one being a jerk is the friend’s fiancée, not the friend.
It could be a case that the fiancée is putting her foot down and doesn’t want OP there and the friend has no choice. She says the guy has been friends with the friend for 20 years and I think it is a tough choice.
If the friend has his hands tied, OP’s partner should be able to go to his old friend’s wedding – he isn’t the one disrespecting OP. Still, I wouldn’t think you’d be a jerk for asking your partner not to go if you feel disrespected since I do understand that.” reddybawb
Is this the first time you've felt that he doesn't take your side when he ought to? Disregards your feelings for his own or others'?
If it's a one-off, he may just be struggling with the balance between a long and important friendship and his romantic relationship. But if it's a pattern, it's time to take a hard look at your future together.
5. AITJ For Wanting To Kick My Friend Out After Only Living With Him For 24 Hours?
“My friend Joe (39M) got divorced last July. He began couch crashing with friends and recently asked me if he can stay with my husband (39M) and me (38F) for a bit. I told him he could stay 2 weeks but then had to find another place.
He’s unemployed and doesn’t seem to be trying to find a job like most people would in his situation. I’m 5 months pregnant and have already converted my 2nd bedroom into a nursery which was super clean and has everything practically set up so not much spare space.
Before he came on Tuesday night, I told him not to bring a bunch of stuff into my house and to keep it to a suitcase or two. He agreed and said he’d be dropping his stuff at his storage unit before coming over.
Well he gets here last night and has an SUV packed full of stuff that he carries into the house (tons of clothing, power tools, and god knows what else) and brings it into the room so now it’s packed full of stuff & it smells too – so there goes my clean nursery.
I’ve been sleeping on my couch because it’s more comfortable for my back right now and am woken up at 5:30 am as he’s leaving the house to go see some girl. He leaves, doesn’t lock the door (we live in a major city where it’s not safe to do this), then comes back an hour and a half later & calls me because he didn’t take the key I gave him.
From lack of sleep, I was exhausted all day at work. Then tonight he finally gets home with even more stuff and tells me his car broke down (so he can’t bring it to the storage unit) and he needs to shower.
He leaves it all in my living room then I hear him in the shower blowing snot rockets which grossed me out and leaves his soaking wet towel bunched up on my toilet. He comes downstairs at 10 pm to say he’s going out to hook up and will be home late.
So now it’ll be another night that he’s going to wake me up in the middle of the night so I’ll be exhausted at work again.
I get I’m not his mom and he’s an adult but if you’re staying at someone’s house wouldn’t you be a tad more respectful or maybe I’m just being a jerk who isn’t used to having someone here but my husband.
I look in the room and there are dirty glasses on my new furniture and dirty clothes on my new lazy boy. This is how he’s been in 24 hours and I don’t think I can have this for two weeks.
I know my husband is annoyed and left the house today to get away for a bit. I want to ask him to leave but I know he doesn’t have anywhere to go. AITJ? Am I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get rid of him now, he has already taken advantage of your hospitality, and any one of the foul habits or behavior he has demonstrated would be enough for me to kick him out. If he has nowhere to go that’s on him, not you.
You may want to talk to him and give him a warning but I’d definitely be demanding he get rid of his stuff to his storage unit. To be honest, I would never have let him into the place the moment he started bringing excess belongings.
Let’s be honest, he disrespected you and your home the moment he walked through the door. Let him stay in his storage unit.” blinky_kitten_61
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m seeing why he is in the middle of a divorce.
You would not be a jerk for kicking him out, he is being absolutely disrespectful of your home and, by extension, you. If you want to give him one more chance, then you and your husband need to sit him down and be extremely clear and explicit about what your expectations are.
This is including when he needs to leave and when he needs to get his stuff out asap (he’s not working so he should be able to do this in a day, tell him to rent a Uhaul if needed).
Remind him you are doing him a huge favor because you consider him a friend and he is in a bad spot, but that this is your home, and if he can’t respect it he will no longer be welcome.
Also – double-check what the squatter’s rights rules are in your area, you don’t want him staying so long that you can’t kick him out without an eviction.” LostUpstairs2255
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I would be doing your dishes, buying groceries, or at the bare minimum meeting your requests and keeping clean.
He is disrespectful and needs to be confronted. Just keep it civil and establish some boundaries (that he will most likely not agree with) then kick him out if he disagrees. But keep in mind that you have to talk with your husband first, and make sure you guys are on the same page before you do anything.
You don’t wanna kick him out just for your husband to defend the guy and bring him back.” Few-Papaya-6032
4. WIBTJ If I Made My Little Sister Pay Me Back For All The Makeup She Destroyed?
“I (24f) recently moved back in with my parents so I could finish trade school.
My little sister (10) and I share a Jack and Jill bathroom, I had been noticing slime and spilled wax all over the countertops and light switch on my side of the bathroom and had talked to my parents about keeping my little sister out of my side of the bathroom.
Well 2 weeks ago I was supposed to go on a date but couldn’t find any of my makeup, I asked my little sister if she had taken it out of my bathroom and her response was ‘I didn’t even know you wore makeup’.
She’s a good kid so I believed her and figured I must have lost my makeup in the move which annoyed me because I buy expensive stuff since I don’t use it too often. I ended up going to the store that day and just replacing the concealer/foundation (100$) since I couldn’t afford to replace my whole set.
Well, this morning I woke up to find my old concealer/foundation sitting right on top of the new ones I just bought. I asked my mom if she had found it somewhere and she said she never touched it.
It was pretty obvious that it had leaked or something because there was makeup all on the outside of the bottle and it was way more empty than when I last had it. My mom immediately thinks that my little sister took it and goes into her room to snoop around.
The next thing I know my mom starts tossing the room and I’m trying to get her to stop when she finally dumps out a drawer with not only my makeup but a bunch of makeup of my mom’s that had gone missing.
My sister had taken 2 makeup pallets of mine, 1 I hadn’t even opened yet, brushes, lipstick, eyeliner, basically everything. On top of that, my mom found open containers of slime and paint that had seeped into the carpet and other crap she had stolen from around the house.
All of the makeup she took from me and my mom was destroyed, the pallets were mixed together and cracked, the brushes had paint in them, the lipstick mashed, and everything was covered in slime. When my parents and I confronted her she denied everything, even saying that she didn’t use any of the makeup when it was an obvious lie.
My parents have grounded her for a month (no phone, no electronics) and have offered to pay me back but I don’t want them to pay me back I want HER to pay me back. She stole and destroyed nearly 200$ in makeup and lied to my face about it, the worst part is I’ve only been living here for 3 weeks!
Her 11th birthday is coming up in 2 months and I’m wondering if I would be the jerk if I made her use her birthday money to pay me back? I feel like taking her birthday money is cruel especially because it’s the only kind of spending money she gets all year and my parents have suggested chores but what chores is she gonna do for me to pay me back?
I do more chores than her and I pay rent!”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, she’s 10, she did a bad thing, and she is grounded. Good grief, why are you even comparing ‘I do more chores! I pay rent!’
It’s cruel, she’s being punished already, and she’s 10 years old, you aren’t even her parent, you haven’t even lived in the house for a month to start acting like this, her birthday is in 2 months and you want to scheme a way to steal her future funds, far after she is already finished punishment.
This is all just schemey and YTJ behavior.” Finklesfudge
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ, she’s being punished and you will be getting the money returned to you, don’t be spiteful to a kid. You are not her mother, you don’t get to make demands about her punishment to soothe your desire for revenge.
Keep your makeup somewhere she cannot get to it for the time being and stop whining about being 24 and having more responsibility than a 10-year-old.” Wrong-Construction40
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you do, yes.
She is 10. You describe her as a good kid you would believe, and you take her word for it when she says she didn’t do it at first. She is now stealing and breaking things, then lying even tho she knows you all know.
Are none of the adults in the house a bit worried about why she is acting out in this way and what might have changed?
Your anger and frustration are entirely understandable. You splurge on quality items that go missing, she lies and destroys it.
That isn’t ok at all. Your items are being replaced, she is getting consequences (no electronics for a month for a 10yo in this day and age might honestly impact her ability to socialize both in and out of school in a quite significant way), I just don’t see why it will help you by going over your parents’ heads and taking away her spending money for like a year on top of that.
She is getting consequences, from the post it seems like no one is really looking into what caused this change in her (which might lead to her acting out even more if something is actually wrong). At 14 years her senior I personally feel like you can give a 10yo a little grace by letting her have her birthday money.” chonkosaurusrexx
3. AITJ For Not Picking Up My Friend From The Airport Because She's Not Sending Her Flight Details?
“My internet friend and co-founder from Europe is coming to my country in Asia for three weeks on Monday with her partner. She told me about the news several weeks ago and I was thrilled!
We had a call talking about the trip, and I also took my time at 23:00 (8-hour time difference) to talk to her about the country and give her some tips and suggestions.
I suggested that I can meet her together with her partner at the airport, as they must be very tired from their 20+ hour trip and don’t speak a bit of the local language.
She thanked me profoundly because they arrive at 08:00 AM, and for me to make it to them, I have to leave my house at 05:30 at the latest. I asked her to send information on the flight, so I can plan my trip according to the terminal where she will be arriving to.
She didn’t send any information. In the meantime, I take a day off of work and rearrange a meeting with my boss on the day of her arrival, so that I can come and collect her and her partner.
A week passes by and I ask her to send me the information again. She still doesn’t send it. I reminded her several times during business calls, and she still hasn’t sent forward the details.
She is arriving on Monday next week and I have NO idea about her exact arrival time, name of the airline, flight number nothing.
I have decided, that if she doesn’t reply to me by the end of tomorrow, I will not be picking her up and I will not offer her an explanation, because I am starting to feel that both my time (and my money for the tickets to the airport and back) is not respected. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You offered to pick up your friend and her partner from the airport and went out of your way to rearrange your schedule to do so. However, your friend failed to provide you with the necessary information about their flight despite your reminders.
It’s understandable that you feel disrespected and frustrated by this lack of communication. If your friend doesn’t reply to you by the end of tomorrow, it’s reasonable for you to decide not to pick them up, but it may be worth sending a message to let them know that you won’t be able to make it due to a lack of information.” Sl0w_thinker
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She should give you the information you need. You don’t actually need the information this early (it will not take more than one day to figure out how to get to Terminal A vs Terminal B), and refusing to pick her up with no explanation is weirdly aggressive.
The next time you’re on a business call, try ‘While we’re on the phone, can you look up your flight number for me, right now so neither of us forgets?’ If that doesn’t work, tell her ‘Unless I know which terminal you’re arriving at, I can’t pick you up, so I’ll look for that information and figure that if you don’t send it, you’re planning to take an Uber.'” Scrabblement
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would bet that maybe her partner prefers they don’t take you up on your offer so that they can just go straight to the hotel and sleep without making small talk.
But she doesn’t know how to decline your offer without being rude, so she’s just awkwardly waffling.
If I were you, I’d probably just say that you are sorry but you have an obligation you forgot about and can no longer meet them at the airport and just offer to give them advice if they need any.
Honestly, it’s really nice of you but puts a lot of pressure on someone to offer to meet them at the airport (that you are not super close to) – especially since it’s not like you are even giving them a ride to their hotel or anything.
You’re just going to what? Accompany them on transit to their hotel? Most people after 20 hours of traveling really just want to crash – not feel like they have to be social and polite with a friend.” KDSD628
In a situation like that, two days prior to the flight, you need to ask IF they still want a ride and you need the details for the flight information so you know when and where. Plainly state that you can not be there without the information ahead of time.
It is one thing to go and wait if there was a delay outside of their control, but you can't just go sit in an airport all day waiting on they hopefully show up.
Also, when you get a flight number, call the airport to check the arrival time since there is a time difference. She should have an arrival time, but a flight that long could be off depending on preflight delays or if there are layovers and delays there.
2. AITJ For Not Being Honest With My Opinion Of My Niece's Name?
“My SIL (my husband’s sister) had a baby girl in January and named her Elizabeth. She asked me before she gave birth what I thought of the name and I told her it was a lovely name for her daughter.
SIL was happy and had her baby and went on about her life. The truth was it’s not a name I am actually crazy about or like. But I never talk negatively about people’s names to them or their parents.
I keep my thoughts like that to myself. SIL and I were out together and I ran into one of my student’s parents I’m friendly with (I’m a teacher) and she introduced her new baby to me and told me his name and I told her I loved it and even had it on my own baby name list for the future.
SIL made a face while the parent and I were talking and after we moved on she asked me why I had that name on my list of future baby names when I never mentioned having Elizabeth on the list. I told her I don’t have every name on the list. She told me I never really liked Elizabeth then.
I said I never told her that but any name used in the family, on either side would be off my list anyway. She got upset and told me I should have told her I hated it and it was ugly if that’s how I really felt.
She stormed off.
She called my husband after and told him about what happened. He told her she was overreacting. She told him I was fake for complimenting the name when I didn’t actually like it. He told her I never said that.
So okay, it is true, but I always thought it was crappy to insult people’s baby names and you should always keep those opinions to yourself.
But AITJ for not being honest? Should I have pretended she never asked in the first place?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Seriously? Your SIL likely is still coming off pregnancy hormones because that’s a weird thing to get upset at. Just because you said you thought the name was lovely doesn’t mean you want to name your own kids that.
It also doesn’t mean you hate the name just because it’s not something you’d choose. It’s completely ok and normal to smile and say that’s a lovely name but know in your heart you’d never use it for your own kids.
And it should not be bothering your SIL so much because this is not your kid it’s hers and she’s the one who needed to like the name, not you.
You’ll have no problem saying your niece’s name and knowing and loving her as Elizabeth.
Maybe SIL just needs a little vacation because she’s stressing herself out for no reason.” Sweetsmyle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t even understand how and why your SIL took that bad the fact that you don’t consider Elizabeth for your baby list. I mean, you never said it was ugly or even that you don’t like it.
You just said that you wouldn’t consider it for your child. Which is perfectly fine. I mean, there are names that I like but wouldn’t name my child with. She’s overreacting. Maybe it can be some sort of post-partum symptom?
I don’t know but it feels wrong…” obsidianpomegranate
Another User Comments:
“Your husband’s sister’s baby is your niece. If you’re married to the biological (or legal) uncle, you’re the aunt. It’s weird that you’re not just calling her your niece.
Your SIL is also being weird. Not including a name on your future baby names list doesn’t mean you dislike a name. An adult should know the difference between liking something (or just being positive towards it) and wanting it for yourself or your kid.
My suspicion is that your SIL already thought you were fake with her and has just been waiting for a situation to call you out on it.
For the record, there’s a huge space between complimenting something and insulting it.
Try spending some time there. When someone asks for an opinion and you don’t want to insult them, find a more neutral response than ‘it’s lovely’.
NTJ but I wouldn’t say you have the moral high ground either.” TheUnsolicitedAdvice
1. AITJ For Discouraging My Sister Who's Applying For College?
“My sister (17F) has a long-standing dream of going to Brown University.
It was a heartwarming dream at first but it soon evolved into her talking about it every day, every hour. I already got my college decisions and gave her advice on how she can make her application stand out, helped her with admissions and finding reach schools, etc.
Here’s the issue: she literally doesn’t want to put any safety schools on her list. To her, it’s just more work, and ‘Why go to a safety if I’ll get into Brown or NYU?’ I don’t particularly think she has a chance at a selective school, considering her grades are pretty well off, but seeing so many of my friends get rejected this year or the extreme amount of applicants, and the fact that her grades/ECS are good but not ‘Ivy League’ good, I warned her multiple times she needs to start searching for colleges that she knows she’d get into.
Eventually, when my mom told me that at her counselor’s meeting to determine a list of colleges (where he had said the exact same thing and that she needs a safety) that she hadn’t even started looking up any other universities, I told her she needs to start looking up other colleges because she probably won’t be getting into Brown.
To that, she started crying and my parents told me I was a brat for putting down her dreams like that. I feel bad, but I feel like someone had to tell her. Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Brown University only accepts 6.6% of those that apply. She would have to have awesome grades, test scores, extracurricular activities, community service, references, and a stunning resume/letter. NYU is at 16.2%, needed about the same application. It does not hurt to have a few backups.
If she were to take a gap year, she would have to do something remarkable to get them to take notice on her second try (they know it is the second try). Your parents need to understand that just because she is their little baby girl the rest of the world could care less.
Sounds like she is the golden child.” Crazybutnotlazy1983
Another User Comments:
“This is a hard one for me but I’m gonna go with soft YTJ. Realistically you’re probably right. It is extremely hard to get into Ivy Leagues these days and she would need a very impressive application to get in.
Even if she does manage to get in back up schools never hurt. I think unfortunately sometimes being honest makes you a jerk even if the person should hear it.
Going forward I would advise letting it go. Maybe apologize and tell her you’re trying to be realistic and want her to have a backup plan just in case things don’t work out.
She might not listen but that’s okay it’s her decision and some people have to learn things the hard way (or she may learn not to doubt herself if she gets in haha). All you can do now is be there for her if she doesn’t get in and celebrate with her if she does.” Medium-armadillos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s a reason you apply to ‘safety’ schools. It’s a safety net. Say she doesn’t get into Brown. What happens next year? What will she do to change things? What if she still doesn’t get in?
If she doesn’t get in, she’s better off going to a safety school and trying to get some credits and a transfer. I’m guessing that the ignorance of reality and the coddling of your parents probably wouldn’t result in a productive gap year.
Be careful what you say next. You’ve set yourself up as her ‘villain’ here. You were trying to help her, but she’s not thinking logically. Now that you’ve said she can’t do what she wants, any advice you give her will be tarnished. I do hope she gets in, but if she doesn’t, any advice you offer will sound like a ‘told you so’.
Back off and let her make her own mistakes.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Not because of the reason you think. Yes, safety schools are a good idea.
Your approach was incorrect because of the way you worded your story it feels to me like you are underestimating your sister saying that she won’t ever reach her dream.
Instead, you should suggest a plan B. Let her dream and support her in her work. Saying she needs a safety school because she’ll 99% fail is not the correct approach.” DivineJerziboss
