People Get Heated Over These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Telling My FIL To Make His Own Food If He Doesn't Like How I Cook It?
“So I (32F) live with my partner (51M) and his father (67M) and my son.
I knew going into this that my FIL is a bit difficult to deal with and that I have to take things with a grain of salt.
However, I wasn’t prepared to have to take every day and almost every conversation with a grain of salt and bite my tongue.
Recently, we held a party for my son’s birthday. He gets to pick the food, dessert, decor, etc. Well, my partner brought up how we needed to make a pork butt that my mom had in the freezer (it’d been in there since May/June) since my son loves pork he was okay with it.
We sent leftovers home with people.
Well, that brought up how there was still an entire 2 lb. bag of green beans in our freezer. I told him we’ll cook it at some point in the coming week, and my FIL overheard. He asked if I ever had green bean casserole and I said “no”.
My partner and FIL were astounded and insisted it is made on Sunday because “it’s so delicious” and if I just tried it I’d like it.
My son didn’t want it and neither did I, a point which we both stated multiple times.
However, both of them kept insisting and making plans to buy the stuff and still make it Sunday. And kept telling me how you’re gonna love it and so will your son. So Sunday is the party and I’m already doing stuff. I dropped the dog off at the groomer (early morning so we could pick her up before the party), cut up veggies, made apps, and laid out everything.
I also made homemade cookies since my son requested them.
My partner made the requested lasagna and put the pork butt on the grill. He mentioned that he still had so much to do and my FIL never once offered to help or tried to help with cooking any of it.
I ended up cooking the green bean casserole (never made it before and was told to follow the recipe on the back of the package) so I gave it my best shot.
As soon as it’s finished and it’s out of the oven my FIL inspects the bag of fried onions and starts to tell me how I put too many in the dish and on top.
And then question everything I did. So I bit my tongue and let it go because it was my son’s birthday party. My entire family was over.
Anyway, later that night I heard him talking to my partner about the dish and how I made it.
I was overstimulated and upset. I just told him “If you didn’t like it then the next time you can make it, or just not even suggest something if you don’t plan to make it”
My partner and his father both got upset with me.
I was told by my partner that I was being completely too harsh, and too demanding and that he shouldn’t have to cook something when my family was over. And if I didn’t want it cooked I should’ve just said so. His father is angry with me and won’t speak to me now.
Also, it may be worth mentioning it’s always like this in our house. Whenever I cook, there’s always some way I should’ve done this or that differently. This is the first time I’ve blown up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, except for getting into this situation.
Your partner is 19 years older and lives with an unpleasant father and this is the guy you had a kid and moved in with. Somehow he can’t be expected to cook when family is over but you can. You can either experience this till they both pass away, or you can leave and actually enjoy the next 20-30 years of your life and bring your kid up in a non unpleasant environment.” User
18. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For The Repair Of A Jacket Without A Receipt?
About a year and a half ago we had a couple over to our house with their daughter, to play with my daughter.
Unbeknownst to me, the Dad left his jacket on the floor in the hallway for some reason. At the time, we had 2 cats (down to 1 now sadly) and I shut them in the bedroom with food, water, and a litter tray as they are not massive fans of other small children.
I realized about half an hour in that I’d forgotten to shut away one cat who was behind the sofa looking a bit panicked. I whisked him up and took him to the bedroom.
Later on, when the family was leaving the father picked up his leather (?) jacket from the floor and a load of leather flaked off it.
I was surprised but came up with the only answer I could at the time: maybe the cat scratched it? It was not in his nature to scratch up clothes, but it was the only thing I could think of. I said straight away we would pay for a new one, and they said it was a sentimental jacket they’d bought in Paris and was real leather.
I was taken aback a little because I could see that this jacket was not leather, the way it flaked off the lining meant it was plastic in my eyes. But I didn’t say anything, I apologized profusely and I just said get it repaired and send me the bill.
After the fact, I must admit I was a bit confused as the jacket didn’t have scratch marks on it, and the cat in question was only out of the bedroom for half an hour, and I think spent most of that half hour having a panic attack behind the sofa.
Anyway, they mentioned a couple of times in the coming weeks they would let me know how much the repair cost and then it all went quiet. We’ve seen them plenty of times since, and they would have had the opportunity to ask for the money.
This was just over 18 months ago and now suddenly they are asking me for £289 for repairs to the jacket and I’m a bit taken aback because a) I don’t think the jacket is real leather and b) I’d sort of assumed they weren’t going to ask for anything at this point because it had been so long.
I asked them to provide a receipt, which they haven’t done, and said I wasn’t prepared to pay that much for the repairs until seeing a receipt.
According to them, I am being very unfair and they could do with the money with Christmas coming up, that the damage happened in my house so I should foot the bill.
I did get a bit petty and say that the jacket should never have been left on the floor in the first place, this didn’t go down well. But I do want to know I’m not just transferring nearly £300 to top up their Christmas budget, I want evidence that this is going towards the jacket.
So am I the jerk? Do I just pay up and save on awkwardness at school pick-up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for refusing to pay for the jacket repairs without proper evidence. You initially offered to pay for the repair costs when the issue was brought up, but it’s reasonable to request a receipt as proof of the expense, especially given the time that has passed since the incident.
Without evidence, it’s difficult to verify whether the jacket needed repairs, the cost was accurate, or the jacket was genuinely made of expensive leather. You are within your rights to seek transparency and assurance that your money is going toward a legitimate repair.” MyCouchPulzOut_IDont
Another User Comments:
“If the jacket was that valuable and sentimental, why did he just dump it on the floor? Also, your cats were either in a closed room or behind the couch – they didn’t go near the jacket and you said it didn’t look like scratches.
Old coats get worn out; that’s pretty normal. But they’re jerks for not providing the receipt. I would not pay without that either. I do think it’s ESH though, because you guessed that your cat did something and said it out loud, and offered to pay, and now you’re refusing to pay.
Don’t offer anything until you ask questions and are sure about all the facts. For example, did you see the jacket before he picked it back up to know if it wasn’t flaking already? Did you realize then that it didn’t look scratched or did you decide that later?” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I tell people who come to my house that if they leave things on the floor it’s their fault what my cats do to it. I have hooks for jackets and a shelf for shoes, other things can be put in the spare room.
Who the heck leaves an expensive jacket lying on the floor ?” Realistic-You9997
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Drive My Cousin To Concerts Anymore?
“I (20F) have a cousin (22F) who I am relatively really close to. We bond a lot over attending concerts together. I am a uni student, and recently left my casual job due to mistreatment by management. My cousin is working full time.
We have a concert coming up next week.
Last week, I messaged her asking what we wanted to do on the day of the concert, as she had mentioned wanting to grab dinner before it started. She immediately replied, sending me the location of the parking spot. She then proceeded to ask what time I would get to her place.
I got a bit irritated with the assumption and expectation, that I would be the one driving. Firstly, we both have our driver’s licenses. Secondly, it is much more convenient for me to get to the venue by train. If I was driving from my house, her house is not in the direction that I would be heading.
It would take me a minimum of 30 minutes to just detour to her place. We have another concert coming up in a month. I told her I might not be driving as my parents have a work dinner in the city that day, and if they drive, they would just give me a lift. She replied “I thought you guys had two cars?”, which we do, but I’ve never driven our other car because my name is not on the paperwork for registration and insurance for that car.
After she assumed I would be driving for Concert 2, I started feeling more annoyed as it felt like I was going out of my way to inconvenience myself just to inconvenience her. Why do I have to drive? Why can’t she just drive herself?
Typically, I wouldn’t mind since she’s my family.
However, she’s been counting everything down to the cent. The last time we ate, I was short of $0.60 and asked her if it was okay for me to send her $270 instead of $270.60. She replied with crying emojis and said “I’ll keep that in mind the next time we go out.” If she is going to count everything down to the cent, then I feel that I’m getting taken advantage of if she expects me to drive every time.
As mentioned above, her house is not along the way to the concert venue. As such, would it be petty of me to start charging her for extra petrol costs? Usually, I wouldn’t get people to pay me for petrol, but if she’s gonna count everything down to the cent, then I figured it’d be right for me to charge for petrol.
During our text convo last week, I asked her if she wanted to meet at mine, or if she could meet me in the middle and I would pick her up from there. She left me on read and it’s been a week. We haven’t talked since.
Ironically, I crashed my car the day after our text convo happened, and will not have a car to drive anytime soon. I haven’t alerted her that I wouldn’t be driving yet because of how annoyed I was feeling at the situation, plus getting left on read.
If she was younger than me and not working, I would’ve let it slide, but she’s older with a full-time job. AITJ for planning to tell her that I can’t drive 2 days before the concert?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to learn to be direct.
You’ve been beating about the bush for days. “Your place is out of the way and I’m taking the train. You can meet at my place, and we can ride it together if you want or I’ll just meet you there.” Boom, done. No need to come up with weak excuses like “My parents will be eating dinner”.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I understand why you are upset, but I don’t think your way of dealing with it is helpful. Is an explosion waiting to happen, you know that for some reason she has an unreasonable expectation, so why would you wait until the last moment to communicate clearly?
If I were you, I would call her, explain that your car broke down, and overall how inconvenient it is for you to get her while being very polite. If she reacts then you know more about your cousin and might have to limit the relationship.
If she is nice and understanding, maybe she never considered any of that.” No_Assignment_6059
16. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Work Before We Start A Family?
“My (37M) wife (29F) and I have been married for almost 2 years. 7 months ago we moved out of state and in with family to save money for a down payment on a house. We want to have kids and want to wait until we have our own house to do so.
Before my wife worked. When she got laid off, and she has worked a few part-time jobs since then. After that, she went to massage school and got her massage certification. She didn’t want to build up a clientele since we were moving in a few months, that doesn’t seem unreasonable, but she still would have been able to earn decent money in that time.
Even if it was working at a massage facility where you don’t need to manage your clientele. Our move was delayed 6 months so for over a year after she graduated she didn’t massage anyone aside from me (she’d give me a massage maybe every 2-3 months).
Cut to today, I have since learned that she let her massage license expire. I don’t know if that even matters since we’re in a new state that requires an additional 100 hours of training over what she completed. I don’t know if having an expired license prevents her from going to school again or what, I imagine she can just renew it and enroll if she wants.
We didn’t know this then, at least I didn’t, that if she had been working that whole year before we moved she would have earned those 100 hours in real work time. So she would have no issue getting licensed in the state we are now in.
As it stands now, she would need to go back to school for 100 hours to get certified again. She doesn’t want to do this, which means her going to school in the first place was a huge waste of time, travel, and money. She massages 1 person here, a family member, and that is her only client.
Again, it’s a little hard because in theory in the next 1-2 years we’ll be starting a family at which point I would prefer her to be a stay-at-home mom.
I make good money ($85/hr) and work from home. We go on multiple trips throughout the year, to music festivals etc. I put about 55-75% of my income into savings and the rest goes towards bills or fun money.
Even if she was making $15 an hour it’s not much compared to what I make, which makes her apprehensive. I should also mention I pay my wife’s car payment every month. My car is paid off. This is the car we predominantly use for all of our drivable trips, so even though it’s her car, it’s considered the family vehicle.
It unfortunately feels quite intentional that things are being dragged along. So for the last ~2 years my wife hasn’t been working and hasn’t put any real effort into getting a job and contributing while we prep to have a family. She wants to go on vacation in January to central America.
I’ve already told her she needs to get a job, but she’s now bringing up a vacation in January. If she did get a job it seems unlikely they’d be OK with her taking a week off after having only worked there for 3 months (if she were to get a job right now).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- if she wants to go on a trip, then yes she should be working to pay for it. To me, it sounds like she doesn’t want to work at all and has no motivation to do so because she knows in a few years she will be back at home with kids anyway.
Sounds like you need to sit down with her and show her the budget of needing to save up for the house, bills, etc, and that there isn’t money left over for expensive trips.” shadow-Foxe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has no intention of working, and she probably got the massage therapy certification just to placate you while having no intention of ever using it.
The story about building up a clientele is crap, since as you have pointed out, many places employ masseuses and provide the clients (like spas). She’s just biding time to being a stay-at-home mom or housewife, and I doubt she plans on ever working again.
Sounds like she’s using you for your money tbh.” someperson717
Another User Comments:
“I’m a little on the fence on this one. If you’re putting 55-75% of your salary in savings, then you’re living below your means and don’t need additional income.
So is it that you want her to be bringing in an income or that you feel like she isn’t contributing to the household equitably? If the latter, maybe the issue isn’t her getting a job, but more so how to approach the division of labor within your household.
It’s not unreasonable to expect her to be taking on the lion’s share of work at home when you don’t have children, and then re-finding an equitable division once there are kids in the picture. Seems more like she is taking you for granted and you’re feeling taken advantage of.
Which couples counseling or a discussion on expectations of how you two contribute to the household can resolve.” FourLeafClover0
15. AITJ For Wanting To Go On A Family Ski Trip Without My Fiancée?
“I’m (28M) in a relationship with the love of my life, my fiancee (27F). She relocated to another country for us to be together, far away from her friends and family, the fact for which I will forever be grateful.
Unfortunately, she has difficulties finding a job here and her finances are not the best, hence we are staying at my parent’s house. They are out of the country most of the time, but my little sister is living with us, so despite my fiancee not being a family person at all, I don’t think the situation is bad.
We’re just saving money until she finds a job so we can afford a place on our own. Now, for context, ever since I was little I went on multiple holidays a year with my family, the most awaited one being a ski trip in January, since I love winter sports and it’s something I can do only once a year.
My fiancee meanwhile, doesn’t know how to ski, and also, she doesn’t like to spend time with my family. Last year she came with us on a summer vacation, but she didn’t have a great time at all, which in turn made me not have a great time.
When I asked her ‘why’ she said she felt overlooked, that we didn’t spend much time together, things that I get but since it was family time, I think she wasn’t reasonable.
After that vacation, she informed me that family vacations were not for her.
In winter my parents planned their annual ski trip again, a trip that sadly my fiancee wasn’t invited to, as there was no space in the car. She didn’t take the news well, being upset that I wasn’t doing something with her instead.
I still went on that trip and she went back to her home country, to visit her friends and spend NYE with them. I missed her every day on that trip, she did too, and when we saw each other, three weeks after, I promised we would never vacation separately again.
I admit, maybe I shouldn’t have said that as a few weeks ago my family started to organize another ski trip and I want to go, both because I get to spend time with them, as well as ski. This time my fiancee is invited, but she still doesn’t want to come, as well as blaming me for leaving her again.
But I’m not, I’m inviting her!
I entertained the idea of not going for a bit, to make her happy, but my mom wanted to spend that time together. I put a choice in front of my fiancee: either we fly and spend Christmas with my parents, or I’m going on the ski trip with them.
Neither made her happy but she agreed to spend Christmas just the two of us and for me to then go on the trip. That was kinda settled but now my mother told me she and the rest of the family are coming here for Christmas.
Unsurprisingly my fiancee is miserable and I feel like I’m stuck in the middle of things. I want to spend time with my fiancee, to make her happy, but I also want to be with my family and go on that trip with them.
AITJ for expecting her to go along with the situation?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ She moved COUNTRY and left HER family and friends for YOU(she’s so stupid for doing so) and you can’t/ won’t prioritize her cause you “want to ski” and spend holidays with your family.
I’m sure you could see your family ALL year round but alas, you won’t, you’d sooner row with your partner than prioritize her. Hopefully, she’ll see the error of her ways soon and dump your selfish self.” OkBalance2879
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You repeatedly put your own wishes and those of your family over that of your fiance. After the last time, you both agreed that you would not vacation separately again. That went out the window when you wanted to go –and Mommy wants you to go.
What’s a poor boy to do? If I were your fiance I’d be back in my home country already. You’re not worth it.” Hairy-Dark9213
Another User Comments:
“YTJ! You call her the love of your life, but she comes last in all scenarios. You’re all about your family.
That’s fine but if you want to be married one day, guess what? Your wife comes first. Your fiancée moved to a whole other country to be with you. She is struggling with finding work, has to live in your parents’ house, help out with your little sister and your primary concerns are going skiing and hanging out with your mom.
Smh. Have you ever suggested going with her to her home country and being with her family and friends? She is sacrificing pretty much everything for you while you won’t do anything of the sort in return. If you want to be with your family that bad then help your fiancée move back home where she can be comfortable, can work, and won’t have to be in the middle of you and your family.
It also sounds like your family doesn’t really want your fiancée around and is just being barely courteous by inviting her to an event, I am certain, they know she won’t enjoy. Do you come up with anything that the 2 of you can enjoy together or do you simply expect her to put up with everything you like to do?
Have to agree with the other poster, you seem very entitled and selfish. Your fiancée deserves better considering all she has sacrificed and now has to endure just to be with you. YTJ.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Wanting To Cut Off Contact With My Partner's Family Over Maternity Leave Dispute?
“I (29f, pregnant) and my partner (28f) are expecting our first child in February.
As a background: We live in Germany and are entitled to paid time off from the government – with each parent able to take a minimum of two months and up to 12 months paid off of work. Anything less than two months the government won’t pay as they see that as a “holiday” rather than being enough time to care for and bond with a new child.
My partner works in her family’s mid-sized company and is set to become an owner at some point, but there are no contracts or oral agreements as to when or how this will happen. Her father is her boss and has said that she cannot take any time off after the baby is born.
This is technically illegal in Germany as a boss, but as a dad….well inheritance, fear of being kicked out of the family, and want to be guaranteed a spot to be an owner when he retires gives him the power to do what he wants to her.
Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones, maybe it’s legitimate, but I’m beyond upset and just feel downright hurt. From my perspective, it feels like a boundary crossing over a topic that should only be decided between me and me. To be fair, we decided to only have her take off the minimum two months (one when the baby is born and one split into two months part-time when I go back to work) and have me stay at home for a year so that way she is there for her company.
That being said from the financial perspective: I earn currently nearly double her hourly wage (16 vs 31 Eur) and after I finish my further training could be earning about 100- 120 Eur an hour in freelance work which is probably more than her dad earns now as owner of his company.
But, I love my partner and want to support her dreams as well – regardless of money.
This whole thing with her dad meddling and stopping us from having her be home for a month after the birth has upset me so much that I have said that I don’t want to see him or have him have a relationship with our child.
Especially since all conversations have become fights between my partner and him and our anxiety is just soaring. His reasoning is, “I wasn’t home after the birth of my kids – you’ll be fine”. And “think of your responsibility to the company”. The latter just upsets me because what about my responsibility to my career and future company?
And the former: well it’s our decision, right?
Anyways fights with the dad tend to not have any winner besides the dad. And so the whole family is more interested in changing our perspective than his. They generally just do what he says. And so at this point, I feel like I might need to break off contact with the whole family as well because I feel like I don’t want to adapt to this family culture and I want the decisions on how and who cares for our child to remain between my partner and I.
And I feel overwhelmed and hopeless in changing his mind, especially with no support from the family.
Am I being too dramatic and am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dad is a control freak and it sounds like he’s used to getting his way.
Your partner and you have to decide whether the company is worth missing out on the family leave, and what other things he’ll be holding over your heads in the future. I would suggest taking the leave if Dad refuses to put a written agreement in place because if he’s willing to pull back the inheritance for this, he’ll probably use that threat again multiple times in the future, and at some point, you’ll have done a bunch of things for him and he’ll still have the option to disinherit your partner on a whim.” chocolate_chip_kirsy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ filed an anonymous report about his illegal behavior. Your partner needs to grow a spine and stand up to her dad. She needs to start looking for other work in that field because I honestly believe that he’s just using her and she’s not going to inherit his company.
He just wants to rule over her and make her miserable” Consolegamergirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this seems like an excellent time for your partner to call his bluff, take her leave, and look for a different job while she’s at it. Once her dad pulls this kind of threat and gets what he wants, he’ll use it forever.
He just showed her that he never intends to relinquish control of the company or control of her. This is also a sign that you should maintain your own career and income stream and not plan on inheriting some big fortune down the road. These guys are all the same.” NopeRope777
13. AITJ For Blaming My Dad For Our Dysfunctional Family Dynamics?
“So my dad was with his wife for six years before they got married and they had a daughter together Chantelle (17F). They broke up when she was a baby and in that time Dad started seeing my mom. By the time I (15M) was born, my parents were broken up.
And my dad was seeing Chantelle’s mom again by the time I was 1. She was jealous and hated that Dad had a kid with some other woman. She hated my mom for giving dad a son. Things were bad between the three of them. Dad still married her.
But by that time Mom had gone to court and ordered they communicate through email so it was written to reduce the hostility I was exposed to. The courts agreed with her.
I don’t like my dad’s wife. She never hid how much she hated my mom from me but she also tried to claim me as her son.
On more than one occasion she asked me why I didn’t call her mom and why I didn’t invite her to participate in Mother’s Day celebrations. She would suggest I should spend more Mother’s Days with them and would curse my mom when I’d say no.
Chantelle and I hate each other. She would start fights with me over her mom. It was always I didn’t appreciate her mom enough, I upset her mom, or my mom was a woman of ill repute and I shouldn’t have loyalty to her. I think Chantelle did believe for a long time that I was an affair baby and not that I was a breakup baby.
She only realized the truth when it came out that her mom had a medical procedure during her parent’s break up because her mom got pregnant by another guy. And that’s a whole other mess.
Dad hates that I’m not close to Chantelle. He hates that we do not love each other.
And we don’t. I don’t think we ever loved each other. If we did, it’s so long ago that I don’t remember it. We avoid each other when we can. We do not claim we have a sibling to other people. I normally talk about just my mom when talking about family.
This is something else Chantelle hates because she feels her mom should be acknowledged, blah blah blah.
Dad is like an observer. He sees everything going down and he always has the info at hand but he doesn’t think with his brain. Then he’ll cry about how much he hates the status quo.
A few days ago he wanted to hang out with me and he told me how much he hates that Chantelle and I aren’t close. He said we’re siblings and we should be supporting each other. He said he wished my mom had intervened more and done better to make sure I was fully integrated into his family.
I hated hearing him say that and I told him it was his fault all of this happened, not my mom. I said he chose to be with my mom after he and his wife broke up before and he chose to see her again and then marry her knowing she was jealous that he had a kid with someone else.
I told him to own his choices and accept things won’t change between us. My dad lost his temper. He was all “You should be more respectful and you should be willing to help make things better for our family”. I went back to my mom’s early because he was still angry.
He wants an apology.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your father created this mess and you have nothing to apologize for, He has a nerve suggesting others need to fix what he created I’m sorry the adults in your life can’t try and find some kind of civility OP but I suggest you try and rise above the drama and know that your feelings are perfectly valid Have you tried the therapy because it may not be a bad idea and may help alleviate some frustration?” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was wrong of your dad to forge ahead with that marriage with that toxicity brewing. They should never have spoken ill of your mother to you. If he wanted to marry this woman, they should have been in counseling to get this resolved before trying to blend into a complicated family.
And as for your half-sister, no rule says siblings always get along. Even full siblings. Sounds like she was following her mom’s bad example. You don’t owe her a reconciliation. If she matures and one day offers a sincere apology, you might consider it, but even then it isn’t owed. You don’t owe any apologies.
Your dad needs to realize he messed up and take responsibility. He should be making the apology and asking his wife to do the same.” BlueStarrSilver
Another User Comments:
“Your dad didn’t do a good job of making you a part of his family. It’s his job.
It’s also his job to make his wife and daughter act better than they do with you. And he should have done a better job with you and how you relate to them. His actions or lack of action in his role as father and husband are why you are at this point.
It’s not your fault. Though you have your part, you and your sister are still children. It’s the parent’s responsibility for the household environment that the family exists in.” frostedtim
12. AITJ For Letting My Adoptive Son See His Bio Mom Without Grandparents' Consent?
“I (37F) have a son (Ben) and he has a friend (Harry) both are 16 now. They met in middle school and have been thick as thieves ever since. Ben’s dad and I are not married and he is active Navy so I have full custody but he sees Ben every second he’s on leave.
Harry didn’t have a good home. He wore dirty clothing and was far too skinny for a boy his age. I’d noticed Ben sneaking extra snacks for Harry to take home and he’d give Harry things I had just bought him. Neither of them told me anything, but I figured it out.
I started having more nutritious snacks and sneakily asking Harry if he wanted stuff I knew Ben no longer used. Eventually, my guest room became Harry’s room. All I wanted was to give him a safe space.
Two years ago, I finally found out about his living situation.
Dad passed away and Mom was still struggling with addiction. His grandparents found out during a visit. Grandma told me they were taking custody of Harry while Mom went to rehab. They live on the other side of the country so only saw them on holidays.
They didn’t know what they were going to do and were scared. I didn’t hesitate to offer to take Harry in since it would be hard moving across the country away from what little stability he did have. After talking to her husband they agreed and we got Harry moved in.
We did everything with our lawyers and I became his legal guardian.
Harry has thrived these 2 years he’s healthy and has good grades. He’s taken to calling me mama and I swear I cried for an hour in my room the first time.
Ben’s dad helps too, he’s familiar with Harry’s situation and is glad that I’m able to give him security. He also takes Harry on some of his father/son trips with Ben.
Sandra, Harry’s biological mom, got out of rehab and contacted me.
I would occasionally send her a letter and some pictures (with his consent) so she could have something to fight for. Well, she did it. She spent 9 months in rehab getting clean and now lives in town and works at the library. She asked if it would be possible to see her son.
I admit it took me a few days to decide, but after talking with my mother for some advice I made a deal with her that she had to remain clean for another six months before I would let her see him if he agreed. She accepted and I met her and her sponsor for coffee every month to check in.
Then I sat Harry down and told him that he could see her if she managed. He asked to think about it and I told him he could and that whatever he decided is what we would do. Well, he wanted to see her so I set up visits for them.
Here’s where I might be a jerk.
Everything was going well until the grandparents found out. They went ballistic on me. Shouting I had no right to let her near him without their consent and I never should have been sending her pictures of Harry to begin with.
I hung up on them because I don’t handle being screamed at well but it’s been two hours since the call and now I’m worried I did the wrong thing. Was I the jerk for not talking to them?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re a jerk. You are now his legal guardian. But yes, probably would have talked about it with Harry’s grandparents when I heard from her and not sprung it on them 6 months after. It sounds like they gave you custody so he could finish out the high school where he was and not because he doesn’t have a biological family willing to take him in.
They probably assumed you’d talk to them if a scenario like this came up. I’m sure you can all move past it. You weren’t hasty and made sure she could stick it out for a bit. Also, you’re the guardian in the eyes of the law.” TheLoneCanoe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You seem to be taking reasonable precautions, you have followed through. You discussed this with the actual person it most affects. AND the grandparents made you his LEGAL GUARDIAN, just so you could make important decisions. At 16, Harry is old enough to make these choices.
I do think supervised is appropriate for now though so you can see the interaction. If you can afford it, maybe some counseling sessions so that Harry has someone wholly impartial to talk to.” MountainMidnight9400
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are the grandparents who don’t even live nearby.
They are not his mother – it’s healthy for him to meet her, whilst keeping her at a distance. You have been a good person – looking out for his interest. He is the only one who gets to veto his bio mother.” alien_overlord_1001
11. AITJ For Keeping The Money My Ex Sent Me As A Manipulative Test?
“When I (30F) was in grad school I was seeing John (42M) long distance. I often struggled with money as an underpaid grad student, but with the help of my parents, I made it work. During my relationship with John, when we would be fighting or generally not getting along, he started sending me chunks of money ($400-500) randomly.
I would ask what for and he would say things like “Just to help you with your bills.” At first, I would immediately send it back. He was well off and I didn’t want him to think that I was using him for his money.
After a while, I started to notice that he always did it when we were fighting and got suspicious of his intentions. One day, he sent $500 and I didn’t immediately send it back. Sure enough, about 30 minutes later he asks “Well, are you going to send it back?” I ask “Why?
Didn’t you send it to help me with bills?” And he starts getting mad and saying things like “Why do you think you deserve it? You didn’t earn that money.” To which I replied, “Then why did you send it?” With that, he confirmed my suspicions: he was sending the money not to help me, but to make it LOOK like he was helping me to get brownie points and do some sort of loyalty test. So I told him “Look.
I’ll send it back. But don’t ever send me money unsolicited again.
If you do, I will keep it. I’m tired of you testing me. If you don’t want me to have it, don’t send it.” That stopped it for about a year.
Then fast forward, to another period when we weren’t getting along and I was mostly ignoring his calls and texts. Eventually, he gets his friend to call me and they’re talking about stuff and casually mention that he sent me some money. I checked my PayPal and he’d sent $2,000.
I ask why and he says “I know you’re struggling. It’s to help with bills and stuff.” Furious that he’d done it again, I decided to teach him an expensive lesson. I didn’t send it back. Sure enough, about an hour later he starts freaking out.
He asked why I wasn’t sending it back and why I thought I deserved it. I reminded him over and over of the last time: how I’d told him if he did it again, I would keep it and use it for bills.
This made him furious. He threatened to break up with me, never talk to me again, etc. After a while of me not budging, he seemingly let it go.
Well, we’ve since broken up for other reasons but remained friends in some capacity. I hadn’t thought about the money again until last night when he brought it up during a phone call.
I reiterated that I had told him I would keep it and I was sick of him “testing my loyalty” with money and that I was tired of him trying to manipulate me into thinking he was helping me when he had no intentions of actually helping me.
He confirmed that he never intended for me to keep the money, which to me confirmed it was all about manipulation. He was mad I stuck to my guns and hung up on me but I don’t care. I think he needed that very expensive lesson to learn to stop trying to manipulate people with money.
So, AITJ for keeping the money?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, also I noticed two things in your story. 1: I think you might have a hard time receiving things. When men usually send money to their partner, it’s not a “will she send it back mind game”, but rather a genuine gesture of wanting to provide for you.
Is it uncomfortable for you to accept gifts from others? In this scenario I’d just say “you know you don’t have to do this, but thank you so much. You’re the best!” 2: Firstly, he is a breed I have never seen before.
He is 42 and so childish and manipulative ( but the stupid kind ). The audacity this man has is NUTS. At his age he should have wife, kids, mortgage, etc to take care of and he is acting like helping his partner out with bills is a crazy thing to do.
You’re better off without him… And perhaps you should reflect on what attracted you to him.” username-19-
10. AITJ For Taking A Larger Share Of My Mother's Inheritance After Caring For Her For 30 Years?
“My (70F) mother (88F) has passed away in September. She left behind me, my two kids Lucy (44F) and Nate (38M), and my niece Lara (43F) and step-niece Angie (50F).
Unfortunately, my brother, father to Lara, and stepfather to Angie passed in 2017. My dad died almost 30 years ago.
My dad was the head of the family, he took care of everything and my mom took his lead. She was a SAHM and it’s important to know that she was always looking at optics and what other people thought of her.
For example, she threw herself onto the floor when she learned that my brother took a Russian wife, who had a child (Angie was 4 at the time) and was divorced already.
When my dad died my mom stopped going out of the house, didn’t cook for herself and whenever something broke in her house she refused to deal with it.
So I had to step up and although I ended up raising my two kids by myself and was working full time I still had to take care of her, going to her house, cooking for her, and generally getting everything fixed when broken. As she got older she got meaner to me, always criticizing what I cooked for her and demanding I shop for individual items daily instead of shopping in bulk.
I also got someone to look in on her every day to keep their company and help heat the house and mow the lawn etc. and it was very difficult for me to leave her by herself so it meant that I couldn’t take time to see my grandkids as much or have any vacations.
She kept saying how she would leave her share of the house to me when she died because she appreciated my taking care of her all these years. Now, my niece Lara, although a very nice and kind person was only visiting her every holiday but whenever she needed chopping wood or other things it was always me and my kids helping her out, it was only fair.
So we had a lawyer set up a will and she signed it two years ago.
So last week I showed Lara and their husband the will and they got very upset. She says she was blindsided and feels stripped of her inheritance. She got 7.5%of the house, same as Angie and I got 75%.
They are accusing me and my kids of tricking them out of their share and never want anything to do with us saying “It’s the child’s job to take care of their parents” which I think reduces my efforts put in all these years.
Also, Lara’s family is well off, they own two large apartments and other properties and are set up for life. This inheritance is a small, worn-down house(not US), which would not sell great, unfortunately. There was some cash left (which my SIL called about 30mins after her passing and wanted to know how much) but only enough for the funeral and wake.)
I feel like this was fair if they only visit her 3 times a year they cannot be upset that I, who was there for her for 30 years got a bigger share.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother decided on the will. You did not trick her or force her to sign it.
You’ve been taking care of her and from what you wrote – your nieces conveniently decided that it’s your duty that should be done pro bono. It’s crazy entitled and I hope one day they will realize how much effort it takes to take care of older members of their family.” Lazy_Koala_698
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Where I live, you can take all the money and time spent and put a claim in for the estate. In reality, it could be arguable that you are entitled to way more.” Tabitha55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but be prepared for this to be an unrecoverable breach with your family.
Inheritance matters are amongst the most contentious there are. You’ll have to decide if the bigger share is potentially worth losing your family over.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Telling My Overstaying, Critical Mother-in-Law To Leave Our Home?
“My wife (43f) and I (40m) have been married for 18 years, and for the entirety of our marriage, I’ve had a great relationship with her parents.
Both of them were Marines, and so was I, so we just got along from the get-go.
My MIL lives in Cali, where I met my wife, and we live in Florida now. My wife is very close to her family, which is foreign to me.
My family was never really close. My dad is a textbook covert narcissist and my mom always went with what he said, so because I wouldn’t put up with his nonsense I was the black sheep for a while.
MIL was always welcome over, and I even paid for her to fly here to surprise my wife once or twice.
The only downfall is when she would come, she would stay for a month or two, but it never caused a problem, until last year.
Incident:
Last June was my oldest daughter’s sweet 16 so my MIL came out in May, to help plan the party and as usual, stayed with us.
We have a big enough house, but my wife’s cousin is also staying with us while she goes to school, so it was a little cramped, to say the least.
Anyway, she cooked, cleaned, and helped out with groceries and even our laundry. It was great for the first couple of months, but then August rolled around and she became snippy, and her not-so-nice side started to show.
She started complaining about little things and started moving things and rearranging things to suit her. We just brushed all that off.
I started getting irritated when she and my wife kept bugging me about upgrading my TV. I bought a 55″ Vizio LED in 2009 when they first started becoming affordable, and it still works great.
I’m a simple guy. My pride and joy, other than my daughters, is my 73 Jeep, which I restored on my own. Anyway, I finally just said to heck with it and let her do it.
Fast forward a few weeks and she came home from grocery shopping one day and immediately started on us.
She said she texted my wife and daughter to open the garage for her, but my daughter wasn’t home, and my wife’s phone was on silent. We brushed it off and helped her bring the groceries in, then she saw a dish on the kitchen counter that was dirty and not put in the sink, and she started complaining about how our kids don’t do enough, and we aren’t raising them right.
That’s when I lost it. She and I started on each other while my wife sat in the other room and didn’t say a word. Her two 30+-year-old sons live with her, so I went off. My daughters are A and B honor students in high school and are already either working or playing sports all the time.
Finally, I told her if she doesn’t like how we live and raise them, she can get out and stay at a hotel.
She went to a hotel two days later, and I haven’t heard from her since. I texted her on Christmas, New Year’s, her birthday, and other times, just saying I love her and hope she’s doing well.
She hasn’t responded once. Am I the jerk for going off on her, or was I right by standing my ground?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, MIL needs to understand that even if she gets to stay for several months she’s still a guest in your house and should behave like a guest, not like she owns the place.
She probably feels you owe her an apology, which you don’t (at least not unless she’s willing to apologize too), and you have made the first step to patch things up several times. How does your wife feel about the whole situation though? And is her mom still talking to her?” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. That you ignored X number of things that bugged you before you ‘lost it’ and ordered her out of the house points to unskillful adulting. Which, given her now year-long reaction, seems to be an issue for her as well.
FWIW, I am skeptical—given the above—that her coming and staying ‘for a month or two’ over 19 yrs. never caused a problem.” Jayseek4
Another User Comments:
“Boundaries. Communication. This should never have happened in the first place if you had an arrival and departure date for each visit.
And only a reasonable length of time in between those dates. Should she visit again, do not let the visit happen without those. Keep up the texts. The effort is minimal. And it lets you say that you’re doing your part. The ball is in MIL’s court and she keeps dropping it.
Yes, you were right to defend your children. NTJ” Dana07620
8. AITJ For Cutting Contact With My Brother's Wife After Years Of Disrespect?
“I (24f) and my mum met my brother’s partner at the time many years ago. Everything was great we all got on well she came on holiday with us as a family and fit in well, I saw her as a sister.
When my brother (30) proposed, I was asked to be a bridesmaid which I said yes to. At the time I was 21 and living in a house with a friend so I didn’t have a lot of funds, my mum told them anything for me she would pay for but they had said before that they would be paying for the bridesmaid’s dresses.
Further into the planning of the wedding it all changed without us knowing, SIL sent pics of the dresses and everything with the costs including the costs of the dresses. Then I was sent all this stuff about a hen do that was going to cost a fortune that I couldn’t afford.
I sent the screenshots to my mum because she was paying for my hair, etc. Never did she say anything about paying for the hen do which is fair enough. My mum then spoke to SIL about this and asked her about the dresses and she denied ever agreeing to pay for the dresses however mum had evidence she did and showed it.
I ended up stepping down as a bridesmaid because it wasn’t going to be affordable for me and funnily enough she only ended up having her sister as a bridesmaid as the other 4 all dropped out too.
Ever since this SIL was never the same with us, blunt and always rather awkward.
They would come visit us and she’d always have something to complain about. My mum has been dealing with menopause for the last 5 or so years so has been struggling. So at the start of the year, they came to visit, brother SIL and their 2-year-old and mum made dinner SIL complained not unusual for her to have an issue with something anymore even though mum spent hours cooking and had bought her favorite wine and treats.
The next day they were leaving (they stayed the night as we live some distance from them) but before they left she asked why she wasn’t in the frame on the wall… I’d like to point out that I bought the frame, I was not in the frame yet she took issue that she was not in it.
Anyway, this then caused a huge uproar my mum asked what her issue was, and a big argument entailed. I had pointed out I wasn’t in the frame but she was like well I’m her granddaughter’s mum and I was like well she’s my mum???
They ended up leaving etc and my mum was so upset, that she got a bit mad and called SIL a mean lady which I told her off for but to be fair this was years of built-up frustration from her making us feel uncomfortable in our own home and around her.
Ever since there was a period of no contact and then my mum made the first move to resolve things and she has seen them multiple times since and SIL is just SO rude and doesn’t even speak or acknowledge my mum.
I have cut contact, I send my niece birthday/Christmas cards and presents and rely on my mum for updates.
It hurts as I’m missing out on being an auntie but I can’t be around her she has caused too much damage.”
Another User Comments:
“That’s a sad situation. The first question comes to mind…where is your brother in all this? If he is staying out of it, or invariably sides with the SIL, he is helping to perpetuate the trauma, and enabling her tantrums and issues.
Have you talked to him about this? He’s kind of the nexus in all this. It’s unfortunate for you, your mom, and your niece, but I wouldn’t be looking for your SIL to start acting differently without some good reason. As a general rule, spontaneous change in one is not a thing.
And, BTW, NTJ, for sure.” minstrelgardener
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but WHERE is your brother in all this? Why isn’t he clearing anything up and communicating? That’s something that will become important as the relationship continues and the fact that he wasn’t mentioned once in this conversation is concerning.
My spouse and I deal with our parents ourselves, I don’t deal with their mom, they deal with their mom, I deal with my mom and they do not.” ninjasylph
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What’s odd in this situation is that SIL is ok spending time with you and your mother, but spends that time being rude.
If she doesn’t like you, why doesn’t she stay home? Why make a show of being rude? Seems to me she’s been trying to pick a fight for years and was finally successful in goading you into a fight over the picture she wasn’t in.
I think your brother is a lost cause. He has no problem with his wife being rude to you or his mother and with his daughter not knowing her grandmother or aunt. He is perfectly ok with no or low contact, Sad, but you can’t force him to see reason.
Like you say, he is no longer the person you once knew I think you have chosen the best possible path. Continue sending cards and gifts but otherwise be no contact. Someday, your niece will be curious about this aunt she’s never seen. Let your mom choose her path.” SnapesGrayUnderpants
7. AITJ For Wanting My Scholarship Money In My Own Account?
“I am a new college student, 19F. I want to start by saying that my family and culture are based on respect. I am a very forthright person. I have been ever since I was little, you can imagine how well that turned out. I have learned over the years how to wear a mask, tip-toe around my words, and know who dislikes me.
But going to college has made me realize how strange my family is. For instance, my siblings and I aren’t allowed to leave the house. I’ve lived in my neighborhood for 13 years and I know very little about it. I can’t leave the house at all, without a parental figure.
So even when I go to college, I have to be supervised. My sibling comes with me every time I go.
So when I got a scholarship from a private organization, I was accompanied by my father to the Financial aid department. They had sent the scholarship to my father’s account.
So when we were driving home, I asked “Should we move the money to my account”? Let me explain that my intention at the time was to “build my account”. I had heard that you could build your credit score and thought it was the same.
I know that I’m wrong now. But my father got so angry. I vividly remember his words. “Do you think I’m going to take it?” “I’m a Christian why would I do that” “If I took the money how would you know” “I don’t have money, should I just use it?” At this point, I knew that my father was angry and decided to stay silent.
Well, the next day my mother came and told me what I did was wrong. She talked about “how it was the family money and even though they were kind enough to never use it, I shouldn’t have said that”. I was confused, so I decided to tell my sibling.
Big mistake. They had been to college before so I thought they would understand. They told me how I insinuated that our father would take the money. How I insulted him by saying I didn’t trust him. At this point, I realized what they were saying.
To them, I was a rude child that disrespected my father. They talked in a soft voice that people use when the other party is angry. The “Calm down, you’re getting emotional” voice. So I asked them what was I supposed to do. What did I do wrong?
They said I should have known my father by now, that it would upset him. How I should see things from his point of view. I kept insisting that I meant nothing of it, that it was just a question. They asked if I would still take the funds and I said “Now I HAVE to take the funds”.
My mom said it was fine but what would I do if they used it for a trip? I told her it was for college and I already planned to use it as intended for school.
I ran to my little brother, telling him the whole story.
His mouth was agape and he hugged me while I cried. My mom came and said she was just trying to explain while my brother defended me. I feel so lost, I know I shouldn’t be writing our family issues on the internet but I feel horrible.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“If you have your bank account, go to financial aid and give them the information so that any funds moving forward goes into your account and not your father’s. The audacity of your mother suggesting “What if we need the funds for a trip”!!
That is NOT what the scholarship funds are for. And your religious family is nuts. If you’re in college you’re an ADULT and need to do adult things without supervision. I suggest as soon as you finish college and start a job, get the heck out of their house.
NTJ” GardenSafe8519
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How your parents are dictating your life is unreasonable. If your parents spend those funds, it could be considered financial fraud. Maybe you can contact the college and advise them of what happened. In the long run, your parents are not doing you any favors by the way they manage your life.
As you enter adulthood, you need to have life skills and some street smarts.” PuzzleheadedAd9782
Another User Comments:
“I saw your edit saying you gave it to them because they convinced you with how much they looked after you. They are your parents, it’s their JOB to look after you.
A child never owes their parents for looking after them. Your parents seem very abusive and manipulative, and they took your funds by manipulating you again. I’m glad you posted this and are beginning to see that this is abusive. I wish the best for you, I hope you get away from them soon and can live your life.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Wanting The Principal Involved In A Stalker Situation?
“Five weeks ago, I, 16 F, and my friend, who we will call Sofie, 15 F, sat at lunch at our usual spot. A guy came up to me explaining that he had a friend who wanted to say Hi but was too shy and would try to convince him to talk to me and asked if “**I could please be nice to him**.” I thought it was odd at first, but I agreed. The boy supposedly went by the name Kaden.
I’m still determining his grade, but my friend says he’s a freshman. Time passed, and I began to doubt the story; lunch was almost over, so I got up and left. As I was walking away, though, I saw his face. It wasn’t visibly noticeable that he had special needs.
I never heard from him again until two weeks later, after fall break, which was last week. I noticed that he began moving closer to me as days progressed. Last Thursday, he followed me to where my mom regularly picks me up from school, and I noticed he would point at me whenever he talked to his “friends.” (you’ll see why I’m quoting it in a bit.) On Friday, he followed me to my class and did the same thing, which is when I heard, “That’s her!” “That’s her?” “that’s her.” Today, I was sitting in Spanish when a freshman approached me.
He asked me, “Are you seeing Kaden?”
I replied, “Who’s that?”.
He responded with, “I knew it! He lied; he has been lying. He told everyone you’re seeing him.”
I was SHOCKED. I told my friend Sofie EVERYTHING because she had no idea about the escalated situation.
She told me this was a stalker situation, which I thought was an exaggeration. I told my mom, and I even pointed him out to her when she was picking me up Friday because he had followed me to my mom’s car. She found it funny, and so did I until today.
Anyway, I realized when my friend wasn’t sitting by me at lunch, he began to walk closer than usual. Sofie, an extreme investigator, told me she would walk me to class to see if he would follow me. But when we arrived, he was at MY class before I was; HE MEMORIZED MY SCHEDULE and was waiting for me.
Right in front of me, I saw where he had walked up to someone completely random and told them I was seeing HIM. His “friends” I had seen him talk to all these times are people he has been randomly walking up to, and I honestly don’t even know what to do.
I emailed the counselor because I was hoping they would tell him to please stop and everything would be over, and they reached back to me and said they would talk to me tomorrow morning. Still, after telling my two older sisters about it, they told me that I would escalate the situation, that I shouldn’t involve the principal, and that I should ask him to stop.
They had also told me to ignore him, which I was doing from the beginning, but I think someone should get involved after he told everyone that I was seeing him; he has never even spoken a word to me.. he only looks and smiles at me.
So, Am I the jerk for wanting the principal involved?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting adult help with this one… it’s an adult problem to help solve. You are likely going to be told he has limited decision-making ability and problems with social skills.
Ask the counselor “Well what do I do about this then?” And follow that advice. You might be asked to meet with him (do it in the Counsellor’s office) and explain to him that you aren’t seeing him and he needs to stop – he might need to hear that from you to stop, but it isn’t a responsibility for you to deal with this.
The poor lad has a few crayons missing from his box!” Particular-Try5584
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not depend on the counselors at school. You may (probably will) be pressured into being nice to him. Just because someone has limited mental or intellectual development does not mean he has limited physical development.
He may feel (probably does) the same physical urges that most teenage boys have without the intellectual or social conditioning that helps typical teens control these urges. Document all interactions with school personnel, because you may have to escalate this situation to a much higher level.
Please speak to your parents and make sure that they are on board. You may need an attorney shortly. The school has a legal responsibility to protect you from harassment. At this stage, you may just be the victim of stalking, but if this is not stopped now, it could get really bad.
Your sisters are wrong. You must involve the school administration. You must involve your parents.” emeslyaakov
Another User Comments:
“Principal might be a bit of a jump at this point. I would talk to a counselor and have the coordinate with his teachers to help him understand boundaries and perhaps also help you with communicating to him that you are not interested. He may sincerely not know that AND his “friends” may have been Ampang it up.
So yeah teacher counselor is FIRST. YOU could also talk to 1 of your teachers u may feel comfortable with. Keep mom and family aware of the situation and IF it escalates THEN go up the chain.” 420Middle
5. AITJ For Not Reconciling With My Father After He Sabotaged My Life Because Of His Hatred For My Mother?
“For context, I(20f) and my dad (45?m) got into a pretty large fight a couple of months back. We have had a pretty strained relationship since my mom left him and got remarried.
My dad and I constantly argued. On my two days off I would go out and spend time with my partner. I’m a full-time college student and have a full-time job. I’ve never been a wild child. We would argue about me not being home often.
He wasn’t either because he worked out of town.
Fast forward to about 5 months ago, our arguments started turning into how he was upset that I would go spend time with my mother once or twice a week or spend the night there. She has custody of my little sister and recently had a baby with her husband so the only time I got to see them was when I would go over there.
He hated my mother for leaving him and said I was being disloyal to him by actively trying to be around her and her new husband.
At the beginning of August, he took the car he gave me for graduation to prevent me from going to my mom’s.
This caused me to miss some college classes almost resulting in me getting dropped from classes, and missing some work luckily my bosses were like family so they understood and helped me get rides. And I was told to figure out how I was going to get around, luckily my partner’s mom allowed me to use her car.
Shortly after this, I was at my mom’s and he was out of town, and he called me losing his mind that I had been at my mom’s (he had me on Life 360), and told me to get my stuff and figure it out.
In a lot of our arguments, he has said this to me and I would constantly beg him to reconsider but this time I was done, I replied ok and hung up.
I asked my mom if I could move in with her to which she said I could and called my partner to help me move out and that same night I started packing my things.
Within 3 days I was out. A couple of weeks went by and I remembered my name was on the utilities.
I got ahold of his partner and let her know I would be taking my name off but told the companies to leave them on a week to give them time to get it in their name so they didn’t go without power or water.
When I did this he called my mother losing his mind calling me vindictive and saying I was only doing this to get back at him. He also stated I better give him any deposits I get back from them, I told him I wouldn’t be doing that as I paid the initial deposits when he couldn’t and he never gave me the money back for them so I would be keeping the leftover.
Now to the initial point of the post, some of my family think I’m being childish and petty for not trying to work things out with him and better our relationship. They think I should be the bigger person and apologize for taking my name off the utilities and try to reconcile.
So AITJ for not doing that?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your father sounds like a jealous, controlling bully. He and your mom are the ones who got divorced, not you and your mom. It is unfair of him to punish you because of his unreasonable hatred of her.
If this behavior has been going on for a long time it is a good thing you are out of there. Getting your name off of the utilities at his house was a smart move. Your father has issues you cannot fix and as long as he continues this pattern of behavior you are better off going no contact.
The family members that are inserting themselves into this situation need to butt out. They are not the ones being bullied. You have not done anything wrong.” Independent-Work5275
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he’s trying to use you to punish your mother in the way he wants to do.
That is absolutely not ok and hugely immature for a 45-year-old. You are being very generous to leave the utilities on for a week to allow them to switch over, as you are on the hook for the usage charges that ran up during that time.
He’s the one that needs to work on bettering your relationship, not you. You have **** nothing to apologize for, but he does.” BeautifulPhantom1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father is the jerk in this situation. He has no right to interfere with your relationship with your mother.
Sounds like she had a good reason for leaving him. Was the car he gave you in your name or his? If it’s in your name he can’t keep it from you, even if he paid for it. Ask the police to accompany you to pick it up.
If it’s in his name, there is nothing you can do, make sure you cancel the insurance if that was in your name. Don’t forget to offer to pay rent or help your mom in exchange for a place to live.” Glinda-The-Witch
4. AITJ For Refusing To Accept My Late Mother's Insurance Money?
“My mother passed away, I haven’t lived with her alone since I was 8 and only until I was 11 with my grandparents, mostly they took care of us while my mother came and went. After that was foster care.
We were always hungry and even at those young ages she would constantly ask me to be her partner’s child bride.
She did go to my wedding 25 years ago, and I would try and visit her once a year in her state about 12 hours away.
About 3 years ago she said that she was being mistreated by my sister whom she had been living with for several years, maybe 5, in an in-law apartment that was built using my stepfather’s insurance money when he passed about 12 years ago.
On top of that, she had a rare disorder and was blind because no one in her state wanted to do the surgery because it was so complicated.
I told her she could come here, blocked all the previous trauma, and was in denial. She got here and she was awful.
Calling me terrible names, demanding and scaring my children. I told her she must go into a nursing home because my aunt wouldn’t take her and my sister didn’t want her back.
This caused a lot of drama in my family, due to the pension she had from my stepfather.
My aunt and uncle felt like she should stay with me because she would lose her money at the nursing home. I lived like that as a child and I was not exposing my kids to it.
My aunt became her proxy and next of kin and my uncle was always her financial advisor.
I was taken off all of her paperwork at the nursing home Out of kindness I did find her specialist in Boston and took her to surgery because the nursing home couldn’t do that, it was 2.5 hours from my house. By the time she died, she could see but still no one wanted her to live with them and I did not have her back.
My aunt and uncle stopped talking to me, saying I stole her from her home. I visited her sporadically but most of the time she was mean so it was hard to visit her.
This summer my sister asked if I wanted to pay for an insurance policy and I said absolutely no. I want nothing to do with that, I removed my name from everything and was by no means having anything to do with her death money.
She died 2 weeks ago, and unbeknownst to me I am still the one named as her beneficiary. They want me to accept the money and pay for her cremation. I looked into the policies today, they amount is a total of just over 8.4k. I declined to claim the policies today because that is not enough to cremate anyone in my state plus with taxes taken out.
To me if I claim that money then I become responsible and I want nothing to do with it and barely make ends meet so when the 10k bill for the cremation comes in I’m not covering the balance.
Moreover, I said no over two years ago and again when my sister asked me this summer.
They were all talking and they should have figured that out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t want anything and she did this on her own. Just because she named you doesn’t mean you have to take it, especially if it means you might be taxed at a higher tax bracket and also because you’ll be out of pocket for the cremation.
My question is why are you responsible for the cremation if you have nothing to do with her? The insurance money is to you and doesn’t include requirements like paying for the cremation etc.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here If you don’t accept the money, what happens to it?
If it becomes “lost funds,” that will also kind of follow you around for the rest of your life. I don’t see why you can’t just accept the money then sign the check over to your sister and tell them all you wipe your hands of the funeral arrangements.
Don’t participate in the cremation/funeral arrangements at all.” PurpleMarsAlien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are allowed to remove yourself from toxic people. That includes families who SIDE with toxic people. You are not wrong, nor to blame. When you stand up to a bully, the consequences are usually pain, emotional or physical. People who watch that pain, and do nothing, are not your friends.
These remaining families should either apologize or learn to live with the NO CONTACT.” DahDebil
3. AITJ For Refusing To Return My Daughter's Band Instrument To Her Mother's House?
“I****0) have a daughter (F11) with my ex-wife. Our daughter goes to school in the town her mother lives in and is currently a member of the school’s marching band. Last Friday night, my kid had a band event at the high school.
She brought the instrument that she normally uses, which is the one that her mom (and her mom’s new partner) had purchased for her. Please note that when our daughter 1st showed interest in the band, her mother and I were trying together to find a clarinet for her because we both felt that the recommended company from the school was asking too much for a clarinet, $1,500.
A few days later her mother messaged me and said she had gotten her a clarinet on her own. I asked how much, and her only response was to tell me to purchase one on my own for our daughter to use when she’s with me.
I managed to find a new one for a little under $200. Turns out my ex and her partner decided to buy the $1500 school one.
That Friday, my partner and I pick up my daughter after school at 3:30 pm, thus beginning my weekend custody. At 5:30 we take her to the high school.
She marches, and plays her instrument, and a good time is had by all. By the time it all ends and the kids are released, it’s almost 9 pm.
As we’re leaving the high school, my kid tells me her mom wants us to stop back at her house (15 minutes away) so she can change out of her band clothes and bring back the clarinet.
I told her no because it was late and we still had to get food and possibly check out a local Halloween yard display. My kid almost has an immediate panic attack and says, “We have to bring them back! [The partner] said he’d hunt me down if I don’t bring it back!”
I reiterated that we wouldn’t be going, and said that if her mom wanted us to stop back she should have talked to me first, not send messages via our kid. I then texted her mom:
Me – Hey, we won’t be stopping back. It’s way too late
My ex – No she needs to bring her stuff back
Me – No. You are welcome to come pick it up if you would like.
My ex – You drive right past my place. Bring her back and drop off the stuff I pay for
Shortly after the last text, I got a phone call from a number I didn’t recognize. I let it go to voice mail. It was the partner saying I needed to bring her band stuff back. I then sent another text to my ex
Me – To reiterate, you are more than welcome to come get everything when we get back home.
But we have plans for tonight and they don’t include waiting outside your house.
My ex – Waiting for what? She just had to drop off the stuff I paid for
I ignored her after that. And in actuality, we did not drive right past her mom’s place.
All was quiet until about 11:45 at night when I got another call from the partner. It was an almost 3-minute intoxicated voice-mail saying I should have brought her stuff back because he pays for it and I don’t.
The clarinet made it back to my ex’s house on Sunday night.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but not for not returning it. If this is how your daughter reacts to holding onto an item, you need to call cos of your ex-wife. As someone who went through child mistreatment, I can almost guarantee something is going on in her home.
In short, YTJ for not seeing your daughter’s reaction as a sign something is going on.” CryptotterMorpheme
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk – all of you adults are using your kid as a pawn in your power struggles and it sucks. Either you take a few minutes to drop the stuff off and ease your daughter’s anxiety, or you address the threats made to her by her stepparent.
Ignoring this and leaving her concerned all weekend is the only option here which isn’t acceptable but you chose that one to prove a point. You say this is about your time with your daughter but then you ensured she wouldn’t enjoy that time because you didn’t want your ex to “win”.
I get that you’re doing that on principle and you think your ex and her partner are taking liberties with your time, but swinging by their house takes a max of two minutes off your time with her while you walk the stuff to the doorstep and ring the bell.
You can then watch from the car with your daughter until it’s collected or take a photo and send it to your ex without ever having to be there when the door is opened – is that so much to ask? The reasons your ex and her partner are jerks are more or less the same – they sent a child into a panic attack over the level of aggression they’re prepared to use to win the power struggle with you.
But underneath that, their concern that an 11-year-old might leave her instrument behind at the end of the weekend and then be without it to practice all week is pretty valid tbh, especially if she has another instrument to practice with at your house. Sure, they overreacted. But even if you didn’t start it, you need to either address it or comply rather than just allowing that behavior toward and around your daughter to continue to mess up her mental health.” redcore4
2. AITJ For Not Paying For My Friend's Salon Visit After She Didn't Like The Hair Dye Job I Did?
“So, recently a friend of mine (23f) asked me to dye her hair for her. To be clear, I (22f) have no training for doing hair, but within the last year or two, I’ve gotten really into coloring/cutting my own. I tend to change it every few months and I’ve gotten pretty good at it despite being self-taught.
I’ve dyed and cut bangs for another friend of ours before and didn’t think anything of saying yes. All I ask is that they pay for materials and maybe smoke me up or get a pizza or something for the labor. That particular friend is incredibly chill and went into the process with realistic expectations.
Those being that I’m ultimately winging this, armed with nothing but Manic Panic and the first pair of hair scissors that come up when you search them on Amazon.
The problem is, the friend I’m talking about now is…not like that. She was warned well before we got started that I’m not a professional and I’m doing this for free.
While she was a little nervous, she still wanted to do it. Okay! Great!
Yeah, so not great. I know I’m an idiot for not saying no. I’m well aware of how high-strung she can be and should have seen it coming a mile away the second she told me that she wanted to go platinum.
Said friend has very dark hair naturally and going that light takes a lot. She was also told this before anything was done. Again, she still wanted me to do it. I’ve done platinum hair for myself in the past so she trusted me.
The bleaching went fine.
No problems at all. For anybody that doesn’t know, your hair usually isn’t the perfect blonde you want the second you rinse. My friend’s hair was predictably very brassy afterward, for goodness sake, we were going from almost black. Maybe it’s a knowledge gap on my end but I don’t see how it could have turned out otherwise.
And that’s fine! I had a toner for a platinum color and purple shampoo ready to go.
We never got to use those. She threw an absolute fit at how it looked after just the bleaching and accused me of ruining her hair. Wouldn’t listen to a word I had to say about the next steps to get it to the color she wanted. We fought about it for a bit before she decided that she was going to go to a salon to have them fix it and that I was going to be the one to pay for them to do it.
Which was not going to happen and I told her so. Even if I had botched it, I couldn’t afford to pay for her to get it fixed. There was a bit more arguing and ultimately she refused to let me apply the toner before leaving.
To be honest, it probably wouldn’t have been exactly what she wanted even if we’d gotten that far. When I did that color for myself, I was working with much lighter hair. I very well could be a jerk for agreeing to do this in the first place when I wasn’t 100% certain that I could.
I should have also probably offered to kick in what money I could for her to go to a professional for no other reason than trying to preserve the friendship. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she knew what she was doing. Bleaching hair is a minefield.
You have to know the % peroxide for the hair type and how long you can safely use it. I have bleached both my brown fine hair and my partner’s very coarse black hair. I would be bald if I treated my hair the same as my partner.
And no one, unless your hair is light brown, is hitting platinum with store-bought products. If she wanted to go platinum, she should have done her research. That’s not on you. And she would have discovered that she would likely have to have more than one session to lift her hair that high without it all breaking apart.
Don’t pay a penny” Esmegalileo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You warned her, she knew going in you weren’t a professional and agreed to the risk. More importantly, it’s not like you made a mistake…you’re entirely correct that dark hair is going to come out brassy and would need toning and purple shampoo and quite frankly maybe another bleach session to lift the color.
So not only did you warn her you may mess it up, but you also didn’t mess it up. You probably should have just refused but you’re not a jerk for agreeing to try.” GraveDancer40
Another User Comments:
“I won’t say you were a jerk necessarily but it really was not a smart thing to do with no professional experience and this is coming from someone who has been bleaching and dying their hair since I was 12 and I just turned 43 a couple weeks ago.
Going from even medium brown to platinum is something that will take months when done correctly if you don’t want either b*****y orange hair or hair that’s so incredibly damaged it just breaks off. That was just a dumb idea all around so I guess I would say everyone’s a jerk here.” [deleted]
1. AITJ For Calling Out A Classmate Who Constantly Asks Me What We're Doing?
“So I’m a sophomore in high school and there’s an annoying student (Moham I’ll call him) that sits beside me in class.
What he always does is ask me “What are we doing.” Now I typically don’t mind when other students ask me, I get it, sometimes we zone out and don’t pay attention and have to ask for help, it happens to me too. But what I don’t do is ask 2-5 times a class.
At the beginning of class, the teacher will explain something like “Okay so as you can see there is a sheet on your desk. Answer part I, we’ll go over it in 4 minutes.” Now, after maybe 30 seconds Moham will always ask me “What are we doing?” like… bro.
She just told us, did you even read the paper? It has directions on it as well. If this was a one-off thing or once-in-a-week thing it definitely wouldn’t bother me but he does this many times a class.
So yesterday was pretty much just another day, we were in class, and the teacher said the instructions, were on the sheet, and they were on the smartboard as well I’m pretty sure.
And of course, Moham asked me “What are we doing.” So I told him: to read the instructions, and answer the questions. 2 questions were asking for the directions of two words, “fair” and “it”. We had dictionaries on our desks so we opened the dictionary and wrote down the definitions.
3 minutes pass and the teacher goes over the question, “So what is the third definition of ‘fair’? That’s right blah blah..” Then Moham asks me again **while** she’s talking. “What is the definition of fair?” I look at his paper, he has nothing written down for either question.
I tell him she’s going over it right now, he later proceeds to ask me again for the definition of ‘it’. Literally what is wrong with your ears? I just turned my sheet over to him and let him copy it.
By the end of class, the teacher told us to read pages 11-17 and finish parts 3 and 4 (the rest of the worksheet) for homework.
Moham asks me what are we doing. I tell him to read pages 11-17 for homework and complete the rest of the worksheet. I then told him to pay more attention during class because it’s annoying being constantly asked what’s going on. He then starts arguing back with me like w*f?
He’s saying stuff like it’s hard to follow along. At this point, I was annoyed and said in an assertive voice so the class could hear rather easily, something along the lines of
“Omg, how the heck did you get into honors English? You really can’t listen to a thing the teacher says.
Do you not have any shame in asking me what’s going on 10 times a day? She just said what’s for homework.”
The classroom was rather silent and Moham looked at me with a look in his eyes, I just looked away and started putting my binder and pen away.
The teacher broke the silence and repeated what to do for homework before the bell rang. I talked about it to my friend at lunch today as a funny story but he said that I was kinda being a jerk, calling him out in front of the entire class.
He didn’t show up today
So AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My kid is studious and pays attention and sits quietly and she is always sat next to chaotic kids who never seem to know what’s going on. She hates it and has similar issues.
The fact is teachers rely on kids like you to help keep balance in the class and hope that you’ll be a good influence/help when the other kid needs it. Could you have been nicer? Sure, but I get the frustration. Next time just tell them you don’t know and stop asking you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if that student doesn’t know what he is doing and just asking and leeching off of you, that’s a problem and maybe that student needs to have a teacher re-evaluate whether should he even be in English honor class. Otherwise, as someone mentions, you’re not his keeper, secretary, or anything other than a classmate.
And that’s about it.” Raspberryandlaugh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because I get it’s annoying but you didn’t handle it well. Speak to your teacher and get moved away from him. He might have different needs but that is not your problem it’s the teachers. He is affecting your learning and that is not ok.
But you know you were rude and that’s also not ok.” Ecstatic_Media_6024
