People Wear Their Hearts On Their Sleeves In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Refusing To Buy A Mini Fridge Because Of My Roommate's Triggers?
“My roommate moved in 4 months ago and she’s constantly telling me what I can and can’t put in our fridge.
I can’t bring in cottage cheese, yogurt, celery, chicken breast, rice cakes, etc etc because it’s stuff that triggers her because it’s what she ate during her eating disorder days. I put it in a white plastic bag which she claims she will look inside of and get triggered by.
The only way she says I can have that stuff in the apartment is in a mini fridge in my room.
My room is tiny, barely fits my bed and desk and I’m not spending the money on a mini fridge when there’s a perfectly good fridge in the kitchen.
I told her if she buys the mini fridge I will use it but she refuses saying I should be buying the mini fridge because I’m choosing to buy foods that trigger her and I can just not. But she’s triggered by staple foods!
Unfortunately, I can’t move out until the lease is up in June and this apartment is cheaper than most so I don’t want to move out.
I just ignored her until last week when she threw out my groceries! We had a fight about it and she accused me of being cruel to make her look at her triggering foods. But I put them in a white grocery bag, she can’t see anything unless she intentionally looks at it which she admits she does but still blames me.”
Another User Comments:
“Hahahaha, oh man. I find it hilarious that people who move in with someone think they can dictate how that person now lives. It isn’t your problem that she has a former eating disorder, if it’s that bad, she needs to get therapy.
You aren’t being cruel, you’re trying to live as a normal person and she goes out of her way to look in your bags. Maybe you should evict her, she doesn’t sound very stable. NTJ.” Kristen225t
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are fridge lock boxes you can get for relatively cheap online.
Would that help? If she can’t see inside the bag or even get to the bag, she can’t toss out the food. It’s only a temporary fix, I suppose, but her throwing out all of your groceries was technically theft. I feel like she owes you money at this point, even to where it could potentially come out of any damage deposit she might have given you.
I am not a huge fan of people who have the full ability to make their own decisions and can’t take any personal accountability for their actions. She’s a grown woman. It’s unfortunate that seeing foods that tempt her to make poor choices is a struggle for her but it’s 100% still her fault and her own concern that this is an issue.
She shouldn’t be making it your problem as well. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. If there’s any way to kick her to the curb before June, take advantage of it. Good luck, OP.” PalmElle
Another User Comments:
“I see so many posts on here where precious petals freak out at others for triggering their issues.
No. You are NTJ. Just about everyone has experienced hunger before and chosen not to eat in that moment. The same goes for emotional triggers: one can acknowledge that they’re feeling something, but choose not to react to it. Your housemate’s issues are HER responsibility to sort out.
NOT yours. If she was triggered by rain, would she expect the sky to acquiesce to her issues and demands? People cannot expect the world around them to accommodate their fragility. That’s what coping mechanisms are for. I have C-PTSD and have also had an eating disorder for going on 30 years.
My issues are my own, and I would never demand that anyone else rearrange their life to pander to them. If the lease is in your name, kick her out AFTER she has repaid you for the groceries she threw out.” ScathingHagfish
20. AITJ For Not Letting My MIL Stay At Our Apartment Before Our Wedding?
“MIL obviously needed a place to stay when she flew out to our hometown for my and my partner’s wedding.
I put her and my parents up in a nice hotel for the night the day before. MIL refused to stay there, said that she was an important part of the whole thing and we should’ve had the courtesy to put her up at our apartment.
My partner and I planned and mostly paid for the whole thing so a lot would be going on at our place in the morning. Especially since the wedding was going to be in the afternoon. My partner attempted to reason with her but she wasn’t having it.
She also wanted FIL to stay at our place as well. No verbal fight broke down luckily as I couldn’t deal with one more thing on my plate but in the end, we put our feet down and she agreed to stay the night at the hotel.
I was confused by this whole thing as it was only one night and it’s not like my parents were staying with us and I was singling her out. Not to mention the hotel was NOT cheap. Also quite disappointed and ironic that I’ve always considered myself lucky to have a future mother-in-law that I get along with.
Still wondering if I should’ve compromised a bit.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My in-laws did the exact same thing to me. They literally thought my husband and I should sleep on the couch or floor in the living room so they could stay in our master bedroom for a WEEK before the wedding I said no. They were jerks for years afterward but I have no doubt they would have been jerks no matter what.
So at least I got to sleep in my own bed before the wedding. See you next time – something tells me you’ll be posting a ton about the in-laws.” philstwin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Weddings are crazy busy and having extra people in your home isn’t necessarily helpful.
And you’re right- treating both sets of parents equally is definitely the fair choice. Also, it sounds like you were paying for her hotel?!? That’s a huge thing- she should have been thankful! Your wedding day is about you and your partner and you did what you needed to do to stay sane and get through the day.
If all else fails simply state that it would be unfair to treat the parents differently, and you wanted to start your marriage off with solid balance between the families.” PNWPainter02
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And NO you should not have compromised a bit. You already went out of your way to put up your parents and your in-laws at an expensive hotel that you paid for out of pocket.
Relationships and behaviors tend to go along as they start out. Good for you for not acquiescing to your MIL’s unreasonable demands. Otherwise, you’d be doing this for the rest of your life. She will likely keep on trying and you keep your spine shiny and bright and keep on saying “No.”” RealisticWin3801
19. AITJ For Reporting My Co-Workers After Being Accused Of Laziness?
“I’ve (28M) been working at a cafe as a barista for over three weeks now. It’s really been the highlight of my days even though it’s tiring because this coffee shop sells specialty coffee and roasts their beans.
We make really good coffee.
Yesterday, the owner went to the store to deliver some supplies. Surprisingly, she called my two colleagues (there are 4 of us, one was on their day off) and talked to them one by one. She called me last.
She asked me if there was anything wrong.
I told her I was confused and didn’t know anything. She then told me, “You know what it is. Take a guess”. So I replied that I really didn’t know. She then proceeded to tell me that my co-workers complained that I was arrogant, I was only sitting around and not doing anything, and I was bossing them around.
I was so shocked that I cried in front of her.
We moved to a different location because we could be seen inside the cafe. I argued that I never did any of those things and I told her to review the CCTV. She told me to work at a different branch because apparently my workmates and I don’t have chemistry.
I told her that I couldn’t because it’d be hard for my commute. I also told her that if that was the case, I’d just quit. She told me she didn’t want me to quit.
When she was about to leave, I volunteered to carry her bags to the parking.
I was so mad that I reported my co-workers. In my mind, they didn’t want me there because they did a lot of shady stuff. They steal beans and sell them, don’t log orders in the point-of-sale and keep the money, they give away coffee to their partners and co-workers without logging it, among other things.
My boss asked me to go to the main office this weekend to talk.
I could’ve accepted being called arrogant but I was NEVER lazy. In fact, when I started to work there, they never had to mop or do the dishes anymore. However, I’ve started questioning if what I did was right.
I never stole but I did get coffee twice (instead of once). Also, we all get paid a measly wage so at first I understood why they did it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If this is true, then no NTJ. They are trying to get rid of you because you’re not corrupt like them and didn’t want the newbie screwing up their theft which I’m sure has been going on for years.
Start documenting everything immediately because it’s about to get MESSY.” nicathor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – That manager is playing games with you. “You know what it is. Take a guess” is crap. This is a minimum wage job. You can be a barista ANYWHERE.
People pay minimum wage or higher all over. Leave the toxic coworkers and toxic manager behind and go somewhere else.” mattmrob99
18. AITJ For Calling My Body-Shaming Colleague Lazy And Fat?
“I have a colleague who is, well, fat. And probably bordering on obesity. And she can be very self-conscious about it. For the most part, she is a nice girl but for someone who has body issues, she likes to body-shame other people.
I am a very athletic girl and I have a pretty healthy lifestyle.
I eat healthy. I avoid junk food. I rarely drink booze. I also do heavy weight-lifting. I used to be overweight, but I got into CrossFit and that helped. It helped me lose weight, but it also made me muscular.
Now, this colleague of mine regularly makes remarks about how I look.
That I look too muscular. That I work out and my body does not look feminine anymore. That my legs are too big. That how my body looks turns guys off. It was really getting annoying.
One Friday night, my colleagues were planning to have drinks after work, and everyone in our department is invited. I politely declined. They asked why and I said I have to do CrossFit after, which is true.
I train on weekdays. Plus I don’t really like to drink booze.
She heard me decline and my reason for declining, so she made a remark again. “You work out too much. To be honest, you’re too muscular it doesn’t look good anymore. Maybe that’s why no one will go out with you.”
At this point, I was upset and so tired of it, so I replied “I’d rather be muscular than be lazy and fat like you.”
She got offended and walked out. Our other colleagues heard me and told me I was way out of line.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is a jerk here. I’ve also been overweight and am now a long-distance runner, very lean, and get guff from large coworkers and friends. She was being unacceptably rude, no doubt. She needed to be told to be quiet.
No excuses made there. You know she’s being ridiculous, everyone knows she’s being ridiculous and society as a whole celebrates your body type. When you call her lazy and fat you should know as a former big girl that nobody backs her up.
Society agrees with you. She faces real discrimination for her body type. You brought a gun to a knife fight. You are justified though, and get a high five. But you’re still a jerk.” solskuggi
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is a jerk here. Her comments about your body were inappropriate and you should have taken it to HR to document it.
Instead, you stooped to her level and now it’ll be difficult to get any traction in your favor because you fat-shamed her. While neither of you was appropriate and she started it, one could argue that her commenting on you being too muscular (i.e. a healthier body weight) is not the same level of aggression as commenting on her being large (i.e. a less healthy and more stigmatized body weight).” Wynfleue
Another User Comments:
“ESH. When will people understand that unsolicited commenting on another person’s body is OFF LIMITS? Unless they open the door or invite it, then keep it to yourself. Thin? Heavy? Tall? Short? Pale? Dark? Heavier make-up? No make-up? Choice of dress? Style of Speech?
None of these things are anybody’s business and necessitate no commentary or observations! After the first couple of times, I would have said … “I am having a hard time understanding why you think it is appropriate on your part to make comments about my body.
They are totally unwelcome and make me VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. Please do not do it again or I shall have to seek assistance from higher management.” While I get that her comments were “the last straw”, you just treated her the same way.” HezzeroftheWezzer
17. AITJ For Telling My Mom I'll Leave When I'm 18 After She Gaslighted Me?
“My mother has 3 children, Makayla (22 now), Me (15F) and Eric (12M).
My brother is autistic, and my sister left around my age, due to some bad relatives of hers that convinced her to leave.
Anyway, my mom has a serious issue with gaslighting (in my opinion). For example, around 2 years ago I transferred out of an in-person school to online school.
I hated in-person school due to bullying and depression, and SAH (stay-at-home) schooling helped me greatly with my grades, I’m an honor student now. I don’t know what my mom’s issue is, but whenever I bring up something troubling about my SAH school (in her words, complaining) she gaslights me about it.
I would say something along the lines of “this week was pretty stressful” or “this assignment was so annoying.” She would say something along the lines of “well stop complaining, would you like me to send you back to in-person school? I bet you do with how much you whine.” She even knows how much I hate it, I throw up (literally) almost every time I think about it, and I’m just so tired of it.
Everything came to a head yesterday. I’ve been learning to roller skate, and it’s been a huge passion of mine for a few weeks now. I’m getting the hang of it, and I go every Friday with my mom. Sadly, since it’s around 30 minutes away, (and with gas prices) we couldn’t go this weekend.
The issue is, my mom knew we weren’t able to go around Wednesday, and didn’t say anything until Friday. Afterward, I was jumping around really happy and excited on Thursday and was talking to her about it, and she knew I couldn’t go that weekend, and didn’t say anything, it felt like she egged me on.
So on Friday, about an hour when we were supposed to leave (6:30 pm), I literally reminded her that morning I was excited. So an hour before and I literally was all ready to go, she tells me we can’t. I ask why and she told me why, and told me she knew for a few days.
I asked her why she didn’t say anything, and immediately starts getting loud and tells me it didn’t matter when she said it. So I huffed and puffed and went upstairs. She was talking to herself (very loudly) that kids these days were so ungrateful, and I was pouting that I couldn’t go.
I told her that wasn’t the reason I was upset, here comes the gaslighting;
“Well, then you don’t have to go at all, leave me alone for Christ’s sake.” Perfect Opportunity.
I respond. “Don’t worry, the second I turn 18 I’ll leave for good, and you’ll never have to deal with me again.” I shut my door.
I never planned to actually leave her, just wanted her to get a bit of her own medicine. A few minutes later, I hear sobbing. I come back downstairs and she started screaming at me, talking about how I’m going to be just like my sister.
When I said that before, I guess it didn’t go over my head about the weight of my words. My sister left her, and now she’s scared I’ll do the same. She’s ignoring me now. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I don’t see where she is gaslighting you, I can’t tell if her comment about homeschooling was warranted or not, no clue how often you speak negatively about online classes, but you probably do complain about them without realizing you’re complaining, if you whine at all about them you’re complaining.
Seems money must be tight for you and your mom, and she didn’t want to say you two weren’t able to go because you won’t have the gas or can’t afford the gas. You can look at saving and buying a pair that you can wear outside, once the weather gets to where you can do yard work, maybe get a job mowing yards, or pulling weeds.
You need to go apologize to your mom, say you love her and didn’t mean to say those words then give her a hug. Your mom is probably dealing with a lot of stress, maybe even her period and when you made that comment it just pushed her over the edge.” Awkward_Joke_5748
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ because she meant “leave me alone” as in “don’t keep arguing about this.” But you’re a teen & honestly, all teens have probably said they are leaving ASAP when turning 18 once to their parents. & she probably didn’t want to tell you earlier because she didn’t want to have to break it to you since you were so excited about it.
Times are tough & it’s sucks she couldn’t take you. Have a convo with her and let her know you would like her to let you know if she has to cancel your plans ahead of time so it won’t catch you off guard.
Communication is key in any relationship. Also meaning letting your mom know when you feel she’s rude for no reason. My mom was a very strict parent in my teens & communication was low and so was affection. It wasn’t until my early 20s that I decided to let my mom know when she was being unreasonable and she should try to understand me.
If I have made my point and she makes hers & we don’t agree, then I ask her to please not talk about it anymore because I’d rather not argue. & I also started giving her hugs and telling her I love her more.
She was stiff as a board on that first hug, but now she comes to hug me all on her own & calls me all the time. Moms aren’t perfect & neither are kids. It took me a long time to get where I am with my mom & trust me it was worth it.” Golden1052
Another User Comments:
“The likelihood is that your mother was probably hoping something would come up so that she could afford to drive you to roller skating, if she can’t even afford gas for a weekly event then I imagine she’s under some stress and snapped at you.
What you said was done on purpose because you knew it’d hurt her. The fact she took your depression seriously and allowed you to be schooled from home to try and help your issues doesn’t indicate to me that she’s an uncaring mother.
Sounds to me like you’re probably getting on each other’s nerves a bit which is fairly typical of teenage/parent relationships especially if you’re on top of each other all the time. ESH.” Abblz
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Wear My Future Mother-In-Law's Heirloom Engagement Ring?
“I (26F) recently got engaged to my partner of 7 years, (26M).
We are planning to marry in December depending on how the situation is. He didn’t propose with a ring as he thought us picking out a ring together would be a bonding moment and I agreed, he actually proposed with one of the Haribo gummy rings just so he had something…a man who proposes with food is there a better combo?
The issue came however when we told his mother of the engagement she was delighted for us and very excited and told us we needed to take her engagement ring then as it was her mother’s too. She went on to talk about how there was no point in us wasting money on a ring and how since my fiancé is her only child it’d be her one shot to give it to a child.
The gesture is sweet but…I hate that ring. It is platinum with a huge cluster of sapphires and in the middle a diamond. It’s huge, I hate big rings, and more to the point I have short stubby fingers a ring this big would be horrible to wear and also make me look like a child who got into my mum’s jewelry box.
My fiancé is clearly touched by this and got all misty-eyed at her giving him the ring.
I don’t know what to do, I hate this ring and even as I sit with it on right now I cannot bring myself to like it but I also don’t want to hurt either of them…should I just stay silent and hope with time I’ll grow to like it more?
I never wanted something this extravagant I was hoping to steer him towards a simple solitaire amethyst ring.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s a super sweet gesture but it isn’t your style. Explain that as gently as you can, and ask if she can hold onto it for the next generation – and if she’s adamant you take it, ask if she’s ok with you just using the stones?
My MIL gave us a bunch of rings and we used the stones… you could make sapphire earrings and a necklace, and use the diamond for your own setting. If she’s not ok with that, that’s of course fine too! I’m sure she and your fiancé will still love you if you’re open and honest.” Razzberries91
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to tell your fiancé how you feel. He can deal with his mother. Later you can thank her very much and let her know how much it means to you that she would offer such a generous gift and you hope she understands and isn’t offended that you prefer she keep it and maybe offer it to the next generation blah, blah.
Stories like this often rub me the wrong way. It’s a sweet gesture for FMIL to offer the ring. But to tell you that you “need” to take it and to say that it would be a “waste of money” for you and your fiancé to choose something yourselves is not sweet IMO.
It’s easy to just chalk it up as “she means well” but does she really? This all sounds a bit bossy and presumptuous as if it’s assumed you will automatically want what MIL wants or at the bare minimum wear the ring you hate just to not rock the boat.
And I am very much a “don’t rock the boat” kind of person, but this is your RING that you will wear for the rest of your life. Your fiancé’s gut told him that you would want to participate in choosing your own ring.
Hopefully, he can understand nothing has changed about that.” throwaway20698059
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but sit with Mil and express your desire for it to be a companion ring or passed onto your future child. We had this same tradition in my family, I was not given the ring as it went to my sister who then tried to pawn it but mom found out and got it back.
Long story on that. But when my mom got it back she gave it to my now hubby. It’s ugly, I’ve had no love for it. So I asked Mum if it could be my companion ring. Other hand obviously but made sure to wear it at family events and such.
That way she and he both are symbolized. Not only is it love from both sides but symbolizes the new family we all became. Mum loved that idea and now that she’s gone, I wear it all the time.” Neither_Atmosphere40
15. AITJ For Announcing My Pregnancy To Friends Struggling To Conceive?
“I have a group of friends, 4 people plus me.
One of them has a 1-year-old baby, one of them doesn’t want kids and the other two are a couple who have been struggling to conceive in the past 1-2 years. We all know this and we feel for them, but they don’t really like to talk about it at all, which is also understandable.
This year I got pregnant, unplanned but we’re happy. I’m in my 13th week so I thought it’s time to tell my friends. I was nervous because I knew they might not take it well, but what am I supposed to do, keep it a secret?
There was no reaction whatsoever. The friend who has a baby is super happy for me and my other friend who doesn’t want kids also congratulated me, the couple didn’t comment at all. Then everyone continued to use the group chat for memes and stuff, and I stopped responding, because well.
I don’t want to pretend like nothing happened.
Back in the day, I remember when I got invited to their wedding, I was going through a divorce myself. Should I have acted like this?
When I was unemployed and failing every job interview, and a friend just got her dream job, should I have acted like this?
Or maybe it was insensitive of me to tell them about my pregnancy? I’m not sure about anything anymore… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re right and entitled to share your news, and obviously empathized with their struggle given you expressed concerns about how they’ll take it.
Infertility is a super tough road. Once they process the news, they may be able to express their congratulations. Or they may drift away for self-preservation. There is no way you’re responsible for how your news intersects with their life that you would have no knowledge of.
But consider there may be other things going on that you’re not privy to which impacts their ability to immediately congratulate you. You could have been the second or third family/friend/colleague/acquaintance to announce a pregnancy. Given it was a chat, they could have been responding in the hospital following a miscarriage.
Or got a diagnosis in the days prior that means they’ll never have children, or run out of funds to continue pursuing IVF.” Trifecta_life
Another User Comments:
“Info: I’m confused as to why you stopped interacting? Sounds like everything is fine? Some friends congratulated you, the ones that have a hard time conceiving didn’t comment (yet – they might be coming to terms with it and that’s ok).
You said there was no reaction but you got some congratulations? I just don’t understand what the problem is. You say you “stopped responding because well. I don’t want to pretend nothing happened” – but… nothing happened. Literally, nothing happened. You gave some news to some not-so-close friends, some chose to answer you, some didn’t.
It’s fine. It’s nothing to get hung up upon. When I got pregnant, some people congratulated me, some didn’t. Some wanted to talk about the pregnancy, some didn’t. That’s all good. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, nor are people obligated to care.
I think no one is a jerk here; you were not insensitive to anyone and no one was insulting/bad to you so… sounds like you are overthinking this to me.” Coxal_anomaly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but they’re not either. They may need some time to process and I’m sure they’ll come around.
Don’t make an issue out of them not responding right away, I’m sure they will. I miscarried back in December the same night my SIL announced her pregnancy and we had the same due date. It took me a long time to come around and even talk to them about their pregnancy, but they also knew what happened. I’m assuming they were graceful and understanding and not holding it against me for not immediately “being happy for them”.
Just give them some time to come around and they will. You don’t need to walk on eggshells or have kept it a secret, but don’t demand well wishes either.” doechild
14. AITJ For Reacting To My Partner's Aggressive Joke?
“My (F25) partner (M24) and I were at our usual hangout spot with our friends the other night.
We usually have a few drinks and talk about whatever.
One of our friends asked me if I was working on a story currently (I sometimes like to write for fun and make my partner and friends read my work). I said yeah, I’m in fact working on two stories at the moment.
Suddenly my partner blurts out rather aggressively, “YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOU WERE WORKING ON TWO STORIES. HOW DARE YOU KEEP ME IN THE DARK AND HIDE THINGS FROM ME!”
This caught me off-guard so I responded defensively and said “Why would I ever hide something like that from you?!” My partner then said he was just kidding.
This made our friends a bit uncomfortable so they shifted the subject and the night went on as usual.
So just a few hours ago, my partner spoke to me and said that the way I responded to his joke the other night made him look like an abusive partner in front of our friends.
I asked him how on earth would I know that he was joking. He then got upset and said something along the lines of “It’s almost as if you don’t even know me. I guess I’d be better off never making jokes around you since you’re such a serious person.”
I then told him that it’s not my fault that his “jokes” and sense of humor are a miss for me, especially if it’s at my expense. My partner then shut down and said he’d rather not talk about it anymore. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve read this about 5 times and I still can’t figure out which angle the joke was coming from. He thought it was funny to act mad and like you were hiding something from him, but then is upset that he seemed abusive… yet isn’t clueing in that someone being explosive towards their partner for hiding something is what an abuser would do.
I think he needs to re-evaluate his joke, maybe ask him what kind of a response from you would have made it funny?” Alrightyupokay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He made himself look abusive with his “joke” not your reaction to it. How were you supposed to respond that was going to make him look good?
“Suddenly my partner blurts out rather aggressively, “YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOU WERE WORKING ON TWO STORIES. HOW DARE YOU KEEP ME IN THE DARK AND HIDE THINGS FROM ME!”” And his attempt to put the blame on you afterward is actually the more alarming part.
Pay attention to the red flags this dude is dropping. He doesn’t sound mentally stable.” HarlesBronson
Another User Comments:
“My now ex made a joke that makes me think of this. I told him it was International Asexuality Day and he went on a rant about how no one deserves a day of recognition of any kind.
When I told him that upset me, as an asexual person, he got mad at me and demanded to know why I was allowed to “joke” but he wasn’t and that I should know he was an ally. I then got called guilt-tripping and manipulative.
Less than a week later, after serious introspection, I told him to kick rocks. It took one person to tell me how it takes venom to “joke” like that to really make me look hard at the relationship. If your partner appeared abusive in his own words due to a joke….
are you sure it was a joke and are you sure he isn’t abusive in other ways? Other people have said it’s only a joke when everyone is laughing. You weren’t laughing. NTJ but seriously consider looking through anything in your relationship that had made you stop to think like this.
Because if this feeling that led you to post this here has come up in other ways then you need to stop and wonder if there is a pattern of behavior that needs to be addressed.” fadedblossoms
13. AITJ For Uninviting My Cousin From My Wedding After She Ditched My Fiance's Bachelorette Party?
“My (28M) fiance (25F) and I are planning our wedding. Due to some conflicts in both of our families, we had/have to exclude some people.
For example, my parents had a nasty divorce and my uncle (mother’s side) is “at war” with my father.
I asked them if they could bury the hatchet just for one day but nobody really wants to admit any mistakes and I don’t think it’s a good idea to keep them both in the same spot. This uncle’s daughter (27) got into an argument with my fiance one time and was very rude towards her.
She later made a half-hearted apology to my fiance (after my fiance cried) but never really admitted making any mistakes. My fiance just accepted the apology to avoid more conflicts.
Some weeks later, my sister-in-law was/is planning a bachelor party for my fiance. She also asked this particular cousin to come.
And she happily agreed to be there. My SIL planned to book some train tickets and an apartment for that party. She then informed everyone that the tickets they needed couldn’t be canceled and if that was OK. They all agreed on that and also wanted to split the bill for the apartment.
After everyone paid, she then booked everything.
Just a day later my cousin spontaneously decided to go on a vacation and stated, that she needed that money back since “she is broke now”. She just said sorry, gave her PayPal, and left the chat. My SIL then said they didn’t want to cancel the apartment since it was perfect for their needs and they didn’t want to risk not finding another stay for fewer people just to save some bucks.
She then sent back the money for the apartment but told her she couldn’t have the money for the ride until they found a replacement. My cousin then went nuts and threatened her to give back all the money until the next day or she will freak out.
At this point, my SIL called me and asked for help. I apologized for my cousin’s behavior and offered to pay my cousin to stop the nuisance. My SIL wouldn’t let me at first but then agreed.
I was so baffled by my cousin’s recent behavior towards my fiance and her sister/friends that I decided to uninvite her from our wedding if she won’t show insight.
So I sent my cousin the money she insisted on and told her, that I’m ashamed of her attitude and can’t tolerate that behavior anymore. I asked her to apologize to my SIL since she has her money now. Otherwise, I won’t allow her to our wedding and will cut her off from my life until she learns to bear responsibility and stops being a jerk “all the time”.
My cousin answered that my decision was not reproducible since they could just split the money she owns them and it would be fine (I agree on the money part a little but not on the threatening stuff, since my SIL even offered alternatives).
Whenever that topic pops up she asks me why I make such a fuss about this little money and starts with whataboutism…
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ—and the cousin is a massive jerk. I will acknowledge that your actions escalated the situation. However, that response is warranted based on previous interactions. Your cousin went on a personal vacation and ditched your fiancée’s bachelorette party in the process—something she knew about in advance.
At the minimum, it shows that you two are not a priority in her life. Then she threatened to make a gigantic scene about getting her money back. (She also knew the tickets were not refundable.)” CriminalSpiritX
Another User Comments:
“What an absolute mess. Are you sure you wouldn’t be better eloping?
Your uncle’s daughter is an absolute nightmare. Well done for keeping her away. Are you sure you can trust your uncle at the wedding? Is he going to be riled up about this too? I mean, this is your wedding day. The happiest day of your lives and the run-up to it has been an absolute nightmare for you both.
The bottom line is you can cancel anyone’s invite and you don’t have to explain. In fact, the less explaining the better. You’re NTJ – in the circumstances, you acted really well. But jeez – some people huh?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you are.
This was on your cousin and not you. It wasn’t in your control. Sure, maybe the SIL and friends could have been like this sucks and this is annoying but now we’ll split that money amongst us, or since it’s your cousin you should just pay that which you did.
Just because the cousin agreed and chose to take a vacation at the same time last minute, so that’s on her and it actually sounds like she did it on purpose to get attention or to show she is unhappy with you/fiance/SIL/friends in some way.
Don’t know her situation. Things can get heated in the moment and words can be said, some can’t be taken back so easily, but the wedding hasn’t happened yet so there’s always time for anything to happen. Maybe talk with her one-on-one if you can to see what’s really going on.
It’s likely stemming from the parents, I’ve had many situations where cousins are becoming more passive-aggressive, have shady behavior, etc because of stuff said between our parents. Unfortunately, it happens because it is natural to be defensive of your parents. Your cousin’s behavior was not right plain and simple.
Threatening your fiancé’s sister is not right at all, I hope nothing towards harming her. Talk to her, I don’t know your family etiquette but in ours (Indian background) uninviting or not inviting someone leads to huge issues no matter how much of a jerk someone is.
If you see any changes you have time and you can change your mind. Just my two cents. Good luck.” smakil17
12. AITJ For Cancelling Mother's Day Dinner Due To Financial Constraints?
“Last week, my (23f) father (57m), my sibling (19nb), and I got into a group chat to plan something for Mother’s Day. I worked a 9-5 shift that day, so I suggested we do dinner after I get off work.
My father suggested a very nice restaurant my mom likes and I went ahead and made a reservation. He also told me to invite my partner as well. The Thursday before Mother’s Day weekend the restaurant calls to inform me that there will be a $50 no-show/late cancellation fee.
I text my father and ask if we are still on, and he says yes.
Friday, I get a text from my sibling saying that my dad is asking for me and them to pay for the dinner. I ask if my dad is joking – to which my sibling says no, he is 100% serious.
I jump into the group chat with my dad and ask him what is going on. He says that since it is our mom, we should cover the costs, and were we *really* expecting him to pay for dinner? I replied that I was more than happy to pay for a portion of the meal but was not in a financial position to pay for the whole thing, much less half.
If this was a less expensive restaurant or planned more than a week in advance, I certainly could have budgeted my expenses to do so. My sibling only works two days a week doing minimum wage, so they would have needed even more time to save for this.
I assumed that since my dad insisted I invite my partner and picked the place, he was going to at least help pay for some of the meal.
Anyway, I told him that I would have to cancel the reservation to avoid the $50 fee and would be planning an alternative Mother’s Day celebration that fit my budget.
This made my sibling and father VERY upset – my sibling told me I was being selfish and that they were going to be stuck dealing with our parent’s anger (they still live at home). My dad told me I was being selfish for assuming he was going to be paying for the dinner and leaving him “holding the disappointment bag” from my mom.
Turns out, he had to pay off some debts and didn’t have the funds to help with this at all – which would have been good to know ahead of time.
Either way, I still feel really bad that my sibling had to deal with my parents being angry about dinner being canceled and that my dad was forced to tell us about his financial situation (he’s very prideful, won’t ask for help man).
I think I should’ve thought about another solution before just flat-out canceling… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father tried to use you to cover the fact that his finances had taken a hit. He picked a restaurant that he couldn’t afford his own meal at.
Fair would have been everyone in the family except your mother pays for roughly the cost of their meal and a third of your mother’s since you three were celebrating her together (your partner’s meal would have been between the two of you however you typically handle it, but if you invited him you’d have to be prepared to pay for that meal too).” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why did your father choose a restaurant he knew he, and you, wouldn’t be able to afford? He had more information than you about what he could afford, he could have suggested a place that was more budget-friendly, yet he still put you and your sibling into a terrible position.” idbug
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t know what debts your dad has… hopefully not for his children’s college/car/anything fund (so I’m sure he’s paid out raising you guys regard). However, a father should not be encouraging his offspring to be potentially putting themselves into the same financial predicament and a mother should be supportive of that.
If your father was that prideful he could surely have found a way to chalk it up and pay for the meal for his wife and kids or found a more meaningful affordable alternative. I’m assuming he hoped that you and your sibling would pay half each for your mother’s portion and he’d pay his own….
In that respect, I’d still say NTJ because you still can’t afford that and he the jerk if he couldn’t contribute to chipping in extra too…” Constant-Action6878
11. AITJ For Joking About My Stepdad's Fancy Meals?
“I (14f) and my mom (44f) moved in with my mom’s partner (46m) a month before Christmas.
Before this we were very low class, so we had my version of normal meals. Sausage and Mac and Cheese for example, or I would even go as far as saying a lot of ramen.
Well, my stepdad makes fancy meals (he’s what people would call high-middle class).
I’m grateful of course and love the meals but it’s nice when I get simple meals, that’s what I grew up on.
For example, his meals can have shrimp and crawfish in them, regularly. He makes some good stuff.
Well, tonight we had hotdogs, I asked to have them the normal way with the joke “Jake makes them fancy.” My mom laughed and Jake wasn’t home yet.
He puts them in the oven, with chili and cheese, which honestly makes it feel gourmet.
Well, I made the joke “It’s nice to have a normal meal every once in a while”.
Jake asked what I meant and I said “Your extravagant meals are amazing don’t get me wrong, but you make little things fancy.
It’s nice to have the normal things sometimes.” I laughed off and I went to grab the cat food to feed the outside cat.
Well, Jake went off to his room, feelings hurt. This happens between us from time to time (especially when I found out that he hid my own knives from me then lied to me about it, then wouldn’t return them to my father”.
My mom got angry and said “You shouldn’t have said that, now he’s going to be upset” before I walked outside.
Our humor never lines up, when I joke (no matter how small) it’s disrespectful. When he jokes I feel offended. It’s just how it had been between us.
AITJ for making a stupid joke?”
Another User Comments:
““Your extravagant meals are amazing don’t get me wrong, but you make little things fancy.” Girl. You made it sound like what he does was unnecessary and he should quit doing these things. Let’s be real. You were raised on cheap instant-made food.
While he’s out here trying to actually make you food. And EVEN THOUGH you claim you love it, have the gall to comment on it like it’s some kind of burden to YOU. I also get the feeling you don’t know the difference between a joke and sarcasm.
This sounded very sarcastic, not a joke. Maybe think about what you’re saying next time and how someone would feel about it. Where was the joke? What part of it was actually funny? YTJ.” ShakeSlow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems like you are missing the simple meals (and likely the extra closeness with your mother when it was just you and her).
Those meals become “comfort food” because of the memories and emotions of the time. This man (partner or stepdad) is trying to show you that he loves your mom and knows a degree of her happiness includes how he treats you. Understand he is trying to make you comfortable.
He misunderstood your joke as you being uncomfortable or unhappy. I normally wouldn’t suggest offering an apology for someone else misinterpreting, but here the relationship is so new that you don’t know what he is sensitive to, he doesn’t know your humor, and it would be nice to just let him know how appreciative you are of how he treats your mother and the efforts he makes.” WerewolfCalm5178
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know if I can say that you were a jerk, per se, but it is worth pointing out that you should always consider what exactly it is you’re trying to communicate and what you hope to get out of a comment like that.
Sure, it was just off-handed and you felt that it should’ve come off a bit as a joke, but I could understand why someone could be taken aback by someone they cook for every night saying something like “it’s nice to have a normal meal every once in a while,” since it suggests that there’s something undesirable about how they normally prepare meals or that it isn’t appreciated. It may not have been actively rude, but it was completely unnecessary and clearly rubbed him some kind of way.
At the end of the day, it wouldn’t hurt to be thankful that you’ve got someone who cares enough to put effort into cooking for y’all instead of just plopping a pack of raw hotdogs or a bowl of boxed mac n’ cheese or ramen in front of you every night.” ShadowCoon
10. AITJ For Telling My Niece That My Dad Was 'Dead To Me'?
“I (18f) lost my brother (Jake-32m) 3 days ago. He was married to his wife (Jess-37f) and left his two kids 14 and 7. For context, my father is dead to me. I won’t go into detail but it’s important for the situation.
Jake passed away suddenly and Jess shows up at my door and asks if I can watch the kids until her mother comes to pick them up.
I agreed. The 14-year-old had a vague idea of what was going on and asked me if her dad was dead. I said ‘I don’t know.’ Then she asks if my dad is dead since neither I nor my brother spoke about him. I responded ‘he’s dead to me.’ The 14-year-old and I then had a conversation about her schooling whilst the 7-year-old watched TV.
I knew that their father was dead, but wasn’t going to say anything. Their grandmother picked them up and that was that…
Until a couple of hours later. Jess calls me and says ‘why did the 14-year-old say her father is ‘dead to her’?’ I said she asked about my father and asked if he was dead.
I said ‘to me’. Turns out, the 14-year-old thought that phrase meant when you thought someone was dead (so when she said that, what she meant was ‘I think dad is dead’ NOT that she was disowning him). I apologized to Jess and said it was a lapse in judgment and that I was stressed, grieving, and not prepared to look after 2 kids (she hadn’t called beforehand and I only said yes because I knew the situation).
I finished the call by saying that if she needed anything, to ask but she said ‘you’ve done enough’.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – it’s the worst possible misunderstanding given the circumstances but you weren’t to know that your niece wasn’t familiar with that particular turn of phrase, and you gave an age-appropriate and honest answer to a genuine question from your niece.
You’re not the jerk for any of those things but your SIL is also stressed, grieving, and struggling to manage the practicalities of single parenthood under difficult circumstances so feeling like that hurtful phrase was the final straw and wanting to dump/blame somebody for at least some of the stress she’s under is completely understandable and not really a jerk move.
It seems like she’s babied 14 a little bit (two kids of those ages shouldn’t really need a sitter, it’s reasonable to expect an average 14-year-old to be able to watch a much younger sibling for a short while in an emergency, or at least to expect only the younger one to need looking after) but again, protecting her older child from adult family complexities and from the responsibility of babysitting isn’t in itself a bad move.
It was perhaps not the wisest to keep a kid of that age in the dark about what was going on but it came from a good place and it may have just been too hard for her to find words to explain what was going on, especially with the younger kid also around.
Give her a little time, I’m sure she will be more forgiving when things are settled out because none of you really did anything wrong here.” redcore4
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – But that was really thoughtless to say to a 14-year-old who just lost her father and/or was afraid her father died. You’re young and I think it was an honest mistake but it was definitely a mistake.
In general, calling someone “dead to you” is dramatic and puts your anger in the forefront for other people. It’s fine if that’s what you’re trying to communicate but there are many situations where a softer approach is important too. For example, if you’re at a professional dinner and someone asks about your family saying your dad is dead to you is going to land as childish and aggressive.
It’s definitely not going to be something people with deceased parents are always going to love. You can say it all you want, it’s up to you how you choose to communicate, but there will eventually be misunderstandings and people uncomfortable with your choice of phrasing.” AugustNClementine
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but at 14 they more than know what’s going on around them. Not sure if the circumstances and how their visit timed with the news but it feels like you where put in a really rough situation watching them during/directly after this all unfolded before their mom properly sat them down to tell them.
I would say SIL is grieving and dealing with a swirl of intense emotions but I’m sure she will come around. Also props to you for keeping your composer and holding it together in the immediate aftermath of all of this for your niece and nephew.
If my sibling had just passed I’d be inconsolable.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Not Letting My Understudy Perform On The Closing Night Of Our Ballet Show?
“My Ballet Company is performing Carmen this month, I have the role of Carmen and I feel it’s generally good manners to give your understudy at least one day where they can perform too as they train hard and it shouldn’t be for nothing.
I told her she could have any night except opening night and closing night as opening night is the only night my parents can make it and my grandparents are flying out for closing night.
She was originally fine with this and asked for the second night so I gave my family the go-ahead for those two days but came back to me to let me know the only night her family could make it was the closing night due to a change of plans.
She asked me if I could give her that night instead, now normally I’d be fine with this as it can’t be helped but my grandparents have already booked their tickets for that night. I apologized and told her I can’t do that and explained why.
She was really upset by this and now is saying there is no point in her even performing at all in this case.
I feel horrible about this and guilty but my family is literally flying out for this and it’s not like they can go to a later date once here as it’s the final night.
I honestly don’t know how to make this better. AITJ for this? Should I try and ask my grandparents to swap their flights?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kinda sucks for the people who paid to see the main cast though… Especially closing night. And could that not wreck your career or at least hurt it if someone found out?
Like I’d be lightly disgruntled as a customer, seeing the backup. But I’d understand because like surely the main cast person would be sick/injured/in need of rest right? Finding out that wasn’t the case would suck. People aren’t always paying to see the piece.
Sometimes it’s you. You won the role because they determined that you were the best. The audience is going to hear how fire you are during it. And then they’ll arrive to your understudy? It’ll be disappointing and end it on kinda a flat note.
And should anyone find out you just gave that night up (a real possibility since your understudy seems to be incredibly entitled)… I would think that might make future directors rethink whether they’ll cast the performer who might mess up the run to give their closing night to the understudy.” MakinStuffDoinThangs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also…..not sure what your company is but in my experience, an understudy is never given an opportunity to perform by a willing principal/soloist…..they’re there for illness or injury. And this is an evening performance! I’ve heard of understudies doing, say, a matinee for younger audiences or something.
Nothing like what is described here. If this isn’t a company-wide expectation, I’d drop it. As someone who pays a lot of money to see my favorite ballets, the casting matters. If I paid to see a principal, I expect that, unless it was an emergency.” Ladyughsalot1
Another User Comments:
“This feels to me like no one is the jerk to me. You’re not obligated to change your dates as you have already booked the first and last night previously. And you didn’t make a massive drama about it and explained properly why you can’t change your dates.
On the other hand, I’m guessing it wasn’t her fault that her family’s days changed last minute, so I’m guessing she is just caught in the middle of an awkward spot so that’s why she said there is no point in her performing. But it doesn’t sound like she is trying to spite you or anything, just sounds annoyed. I don’t know to me you’re both NTJ.
But don’t do anything. Keep ya dates. No jerks here” JpeNSurf
8. AITJ For Siding With My Son Over My Partner About Sharing His Gaming Headset?
“My partner and I have lived together for the last 6 months, it’s been amazing and full of love and happiness. I have a 10-year-old child Jake, and my partner also has a 10-year-old, Allen.
They get along very well and are quite close friends, sharing the same interests and always excited to hang out together. They are both quite into gaming and play online with their friends from school. I have gaming equipment they are welcome to use as long as they look after it.
There is the usual ask first, no food or drink while playing, and put things away when done.
Allen’s headset had recently broken so he used mine without asking and the next day it was completely broken, left in a couch blanket, and probably sat on.
He said he broke it and apologized. His mom offered to pay me for it which I declined saying accidents happen, it wasn’t a big deal.
Yesterday Jake went to his mom’s for a week as we share custody. He doesn’t game there so he left his headset here.
This is own headset he got for his birthday last year. Allen came home from school and used the family message app to ask if he can game on my equipment. I said okay just remember the rules. Jake, who is part of the app, added to the conversation.
This is the exact texts exchanged after Allen’s initial ask:
Jake: “You can’t use my headset.”
My partner: “That’s rude.”
Jake: “Well I don’t want him to use it.”
My partner: “No one is using your headset, Jake!!!”
Jake: “Ok.”
My partner: “And you will not borrow anything from my kids again.”
FYI Allen WAS using it and hadn’t asked. After asking him not to I explained that Jake’s headset was a birthday present and because Allen had broken his and mine Jake didn’t want him to use it while he wasn’t there.
And things blew up. My partner claims Jake was rude to her in the app and completely disrespectful. She also claims that the kids in the house should be sharing everything regardless of whose it is or why they have it. I stood by my son, saying he didn’t come across as rude or disrespectful, and that he knew Allen’s history with headsets and didn’t want him using his.
I also stated that while I encourage kids to share, if there is something that belongs to them that they don’t want to share for whatever reason, that’s their choice and needs to be respected. So according to her now I am favoring my son over hers…
I also believe that this didn’t need any parent intervention, kids can work this out. There might be a time when Jake wants to borrow from Allen who will probably remember this instance.
So am I the jerk for siding with my son and respecting my son’s wishes?
And for stating that there was no rudeness from him in the texts? I also told her I believed she was being the rude one there…
This argument between us is really blowing up from here… to the point of being relationship ending and it has me questioning my actions and response.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If that was a word-for-word reproduction of the group chat, your son was not rude. And I have a very low tolerance for rudeness. However, your partner claimed that “nobody is using your headset, Jake” when Allen was already actively using it.
Or did I read that wrong? Did she lie to your son? Did she promise to protect his headset and then go back on that? That’s… pretty bad. He has a right to ask that his stuff be left for him when he is not even in the house to defend it, he has a right to lend out his expensive equipment or not, and he has a right not to be lied to by your partner.” Agreeable-Celery811
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jake behaved like a 10-year-old: a bit blunt but not at all rude. Most importantly, his tone was completely appropriate for a kid who was probably a bit panicked at the realization that his stepbrother – who he loves to bits but has an impulsive habit of borrowing and accidentally breaking people’s headsets – might have decided to borrow his birthday present, and Jake had forgotten to tell him before he left to please NOT touch his while he was at his mum’s.
So in his last-minute panic to make sure Allen didn’t start playing with them while he was gone, was he a bit blunt? Yup. But not rude at all, just agitated and trying to make sure he got the message across ASAP, it sounds like.
Your partner, on the other hand, ALSO behaved very much like a 10-year-old. And in her case, it was DEFINITELY obnoxious. You are NTJ, but she needs to learn how to speak to people NOT like a resentful pre-teen.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
There’s nothing atypical about Allen’s question or Jake’s response. They’re both 10-year-old boys and kids that age argue irrationally about stupid stuff. Just last week, my daughter (7) got annoyed at a friend about how she thought her friend would act in a 1,000,000 to 1 odds hypothetical/unlikely situation.
The concerning bit, assuming all at face value, is your SO’s response – “my kids”. That’s just counterproductive my divisive. BUT – you and your partner need to get on the same page, or at least set some rules of engagement, for this sort of situation, especially when the issues of personal space/property and sharing come up.
The kids should learn to share, but also should be empowered to set boundaries with one another.” mdkroma
7. AITJ For Shunning My Sister After She Lost My Cat?
“Just a few days ago my (20F) sister (32F) was moving back home due to her getting a divorce and the recent price increases so it made more sense for her to move in.
I was against it but my mother owns the house and makes the decisions on who can live there. Now my mother and I have 4 cats, two of them are 12 years old, all are strictly indoors. My sister has two 90-pound dogs that she never trained (they are both over 2 years old).
From the minute she got here my sister was rude (comments like “I don’t care about your stupid car” when a tree branch hit it, “you guys are obligated to take care of me because you’re family and I’m broke”, etc), even though she only got here because my mother and I shelled out over a grand to get her across the country.
For the past few days, she’s been moving her stuff in I’ve had to tell her multiple times to not just leave the front door open because A) we have cats and B) our cats are scared of your untrained dog’s loud barking and will bolt.
Until then I had ignored all the rude comments and whenever she was being careless I would just remind her to please close the door after herself. I get that she’s going through a hard time and that might account for her mood, whatever.
I go to work in the morning, trusting her to be careful while she’s moving things. When I get home, she says hey to me and we talk for a minute but I go to take a nap. I wake up a couple of hours later and make myself some food, take care of some chores, all that stuff.
The point is, she had seen me after I got off work and a few hours had passed since then, any point at which she could have spoken to me.
Feeding time for the cats rolls around and only three cats show up, one of the 12-year-old seniors missing, she’s in the room so I ask her about it and she just goes “Oh yeah she ran out when I let the dogs out earlier” nonchalantly.
Obviously, I freak out and try to find my cat around the house. But it’d been hours at that point, and now a day later it had rained and she’s still gone. I’ve put up posts and signs but I’m almost certain now that she likely isn’t coming back.
Ever since we found out she was lost I have not spoken to, looked at, or stayed in the same room as my sister. I can’t stand looking at her. This cat has been with me half my life, I just cannot see myself forgiving her for this.
My mother pulled me aside and chided me for being so extreme because of an “accident and mistake” and said I was a jerk for shunning her like that over something she already felt bad about (obviously not bad enough to help us look for my cat).
I plan to continue this until my cat is found, even if she never is. My mother says I should just forgive her and be done with it because it “wasn’t on purpose.”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister sounds exhausting and I’m sorry you are not getting more support from your family.
Put some good smelly food like tuna and a litter box that already has her scent in it outside by the door. Also, place some of your clothing around the property. And call for her as often as you can. Indoor kitties don’t usually go far but can be too scared to come out of their hiding spot.
If you can, secure the other animals, leave the door open, and call for her. Don’t give up hope. I had one disappear for 10 days and also found a kitty who had been missing from his family for over 6 months. I wish you the best.” jentlyused
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would be furious as well. However, here is a little tip: If the 12-year-old cat had a favorite blanket/cushion, find someplace outside to put it, hopefully out of the rain, and let it stay there. Your cat might (and probably is) hiding somewhere close by and when things are calm might come out.
Probably at night. My brother had one of his cats, the very skittish one (he had two others that didn’t care and would just hang out) get out while he was here, and we couldn’t find him. The next day he showed up under my brother’s trailer.
We figured he had been hiding in an equipment shed literally next to the trailer, but since he was a black cat and he was scared, he wasn’t going to come out and we couldn’t see him.
If there is also a way to close off a room to the other cats and the dogs, you might also try taking off the screen and leaving the window open so the cat might come back and leap in the window.
We had another cat get out, and he was extremely skittish (and had a few screws missing) and my dad built a ramp up to their master bedroom window and waited until the cat snuck back into the house. but the key is calm. The cat likely won’t come back if it isn’t calm.” DiegoIntrepid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP. I’m a die-hard cat lover and have always had cats in my house. So, I say this with experience, she basically allowed your family member and beloved old kitty to be put into immense danger without any consideration to your feelings.
She basically put your baby in danger (once again, lifelong cat owner and they are your family) and then just brushed it off like that poor fur baby was nothing. Get your cats and find the nearest available safe space for them and you because she probably won’t stop at one.
Protect your fur babies OP and cut off you sister. Potentially go low contact with your mom until she apologizes too because the lack of empathy for your very real panic and grief is astonishing in the worst possible ways. Also, OP, I really do feel your pain.
We’ve lost two cats to running away (one while we were moving and one that just could not be kept inside no matter how hard we tried) and just last year we lost our 20-year-old kitty matriarch to old age. It never goes away but you learn to live with the missing space and the grief.
Maybe look up a support group for cat lovers while you search for your baby. I wish you all the luck OP and I hope you find your fuzzy baby soon.” TaylortheDruid
6. AITJ For Insulting A Kid's Teeth After His Parents Ignored His Bad Behavior?
“My partner and I are on a road trip to start the weekend.
This trip has been something we’ve really been looking forward to and my partner even bought me a new shirt for the occasion. We left early this morning and stopped off at a restaurant for breakfast.
Everything was going great until a couple and their son (probably around 8-9 years old) were seated at the table behind us.
Now I know kids can be a handful but this kid was constantly running around, screaming, throwing stuff, kicking the back of my seat, etc. and the parents never once said a word to him about settling down or trying to get him to stop.
The final straw was when he grabbed a bottle of syrup, turned around, and intentionally poured the syrup down the back of my shirt while laughing hysterically. I turned around immediately to confront the parents about his behavior. What shocked me was that they laughed WITH him while the dad replied that “kids will be kids”.
This made me so angry, I couldn’t hold it in any longer and replied with “I hope you keep that same energy when the kids at his school bully him for his beaver teeth.”
So, AITJ for saying that to his parents after they refused to do anything about his behavior?
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Per your description of the events, the kid is a handful, and clearly, the parents aren’t addressing his behavior appropriately, but backhandedly mocking his appearance was a low thing to do. You have every right to be angry, and to confront his parents, but by insulting his appearance, you give them an easy excuse to dismiss your legitimate grievance.” jalen441
Another User Comments:
“In this case no, absolutely NTJ. That kid is like that because of his parents. He should know how to behave properly, he’s obviously not been taught. I’d absolutely say something to the parents, I often have done when kids are running riot.
Personally, I think picking on the kid’s teeth via the parents is really low. The teeth aren’t his fault or his parents’ fault. I would openly judge the parenting and tell the kid that behavior isn’t acceptable. I just think there are better ways to say/do things without picking on appearances, but I understand how angry you’ll have been and still, NTJ.
I get it.” IcyFerret34
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve prepared him better than his parents have apparently. My younger brother was well on his way to becoming a bully. He tried with our mom when we were young and slapped her in public at age 5 because she wouldn’t buy him an ice cream.
She slapped him back and he never tried to physically hurt her again. But he still tried to be a bully at school until his victim “snapped” one day and tried to drown him in muddy water. Younger brother is still a jerk to the point I’ve finally been able to go NC but at least he never bullied anyone ever again.
Still a creep to women, but I’ll take the small victories. Sometimes, this is the only way people learn and that includes adults not just children.” NowWithMoreChocolate
5. AITJ For Not Drinking The Wine My MIL Bought As Fast As She Expected?
“My MIL is a functional heavy drinker. This is something I’ve known since I met her. Really none of my business.
She recently bought some wine for me and her mom because she thought we would like it. We did but neither of us are regular drinkers. When we finished the bottle she went out and bought two more. We never asked for any of the wine at all.
Well, it’s been a few days and tonight we had the following conversations.
MIL: Well I guess y’all completely forgot about the wine I got for you.
Me: No, we just don’t drink often.
MIL: Well y’all went through that first bottle pretty rapidly.
Me: Yeah it was pretty good but that’s only 2 glasses each between the two of us and we don’t do that often. We don’t drink 1 or 2 glasses of wine every night.
MIL: Believe it or not I don’t either sometimes.
Me: Thank you for the wine, it’s delicious.
I’m sorry we’re not drinking it as fast as you expected.
Then she stormed off and slammed the door. Now, for the 4 years that I have been with her son and have lived with her for the last 3 (don’t want to get into that topic) there hasn’t been a single day that she hasn’t had at least one regular-sized cup full of wine.
Like a cup you can pour a whole can of soda into. No ice. Just wine. And she normally has more than one. I didn’t even bring that up but maybe I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good wine should be savored when you’re in the mood for it.
It’s not like guzzling beer at a football game. I’m a former functioning heavy drinker but I’d never get offended if someone didn’t drink my gift. It’s a gift! (I probably bought one for myself at the same time anyway.)” LadyMjolnir
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here bordering on NTJ.
Your MIL clearly has a warped relationship with booze (going by your functional heavy drinker comment) and is projecting it onto you. It’s understandable (kind of) that she’s upset that in her eyes, you don’t seem to like your gift. But you’re definitely not the jerk for choosing to drink your booze at your own pace.
Your MIL is a mild jerk for the way she reacted, though, hence my judgment above.” JustANormieGeek
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She stormed off because you insulted her. As stated, no one likes their gifts going unused (but that’s her problem, and bringing it up twice makes her a small jerk) but you could have been nicer.
None of this is a big deal though.” lukedawg87
4. AITJ For Criticizing My Daughter's Cooking Skills Without Teaching Her?
“I (35M) have a daughter, Rebecca (15F) and I have to admit both my wife and I worked a ton. So we have money and since we were both busy with work we hired a maid and cook to come by twice a week.
Well a while ago both of us realized Rebecca doesn’t know how to do much. So we changed what Sara (maid) cleans, no more cleaning Rebecca’s room or laundry.
Rebecca was not happy about this but she needed to learn how to clean up after herself before she went to college.
Both of us then realized that Rebecca could not cook at all either. She only knows how to make sandwiches and heat food up. We really dropped the ball on this so we decided to have her cook dinner once a week.
It started two weeks ago and so far all Rebecca made was spaghetti and tacos.
They are not difficult meals so yesterday I gave Rebecca a recipe to follow, chicken Parmesan. She was in the kitchen for three hours making it. I have to admit it wasn’t the best and I commented that.
Rebecca got really quiet and said well maybe if you actually taught me stuff instead of throwing me to the wolves each time I could do stuff.
She picked up her plate and threw the food away. I then grounded her and she went to her room.
I called my sister and she laughed and said I don’t even know how to cook either and that I am a jerk for always throwing my kids head first.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for:
- Not teaching her any cooking skills and then being surprised that her food “wasn’t the best.”
- Commenting on the quality of the food when she clearly put a ton of effort into the meal (three hours in the kitchen!)
- Grounding her when she was clearly (and validly) upset that you criticized the meal she worked so hard on
Instead of punching down on your child, why don’t you encourage her by: saying how grateful you are that she cooked; cooking with her; going with her to cooking classes.
Oh, and un-ground her, and apologize for your rude behavior/abusing your parental authority. Did I read correctly that you don’t even know how to cook?! And you’re essentially making fun of your FIFTEEN y.o. for doing something you yourself can’t do?
Extra YTJ.” _sarrasri
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Either cook with her or hire someone to teach her. If you are unwilling to do anything to help her learn, you don’t get to criticize her efforts. Since you can’t cook, either, maybe you should find someone who can teach both of you the basic techniques and then make it a weekly routine to try a new recipe together.
(Oh, and while you’re trying to rectify your parenting failures, does she know how to shop for groceries? How to figure out how much of what to buy? How to select produce? How to budget?)” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“Aw that’s pretty mean. I think YTJ for the negative comment.
Basic Cooking skills are something everyone should be taught and while they are learning, there is no need to be a food critic. I’m a really good cook but the first time I try new recipes sometimes they don’t taste very good and then I make adjustments the next time to make it better.
She’s a kid, of course her food may not taste so great the first time. Be supportive, not critical. Imagine you worked really hard for a meal and then your wife said what you said about your food. She’s also not wrong for saying you could teach her if her attempt to follow a recipe is not up to your standards.
Some people are great at following recipes and others need to watch someone or have someone tell them how to make the dish to learn how to do it.” neli1313
3. AITJ For Not Congratulating My Brother On His Pregnancy News Until He Personally Tells Me?
“About a month and a half ago my dad told me over the phone that my brother was expecting a baby with his partner.
I hadn’t heard anything about it and after weeks had passed with me calling, texting, and even seeing my brother in person with nothing said I figured that either a) Dad had gotten things mixed up or b) it was too early and they weren’t telling people yet.
I was betting on B and since I obviously wasn’t supposed to know I pretended that I didn’t know.
My kids then spent a couple of days staying with family over the holidays and came home talking about getting a new baby cousin.
At this point I’m hurt as they’re obviously telling people but are yet to tell me. My husband asks me about it and I confirm that my dad had said something ages ago (also looks like I was right and that was VERY early days when he blabbed)
He asks me if I’ve congratulated them and I said that no I hadn’t as I still haven’t actually been told about it and was waiting for my brother to tell me. My husband said that I should and I told him that I’d tried calling my brother but he hadn’t answered or called me back.
My husband came to me later that night to tell me that he’s texted my brother congratulating him and that my brother is upset that my husband congratulated him before I have. I got cross with my husband and told him that it wasn’t fair of him to do that (he and my brother are friendly enough but not close friends or anything) and then to try to make me feel bad when my brother hasn’t answered my call or even sent me a text letting me know.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You and your brother are both being ridiculously petty. Obviously a family trait. Both of you could have sucked up your pride and acted better at many many points along the way. Instead, you both chose to be offended by perceived slights and act in passive aggressive manner toward each other.
This is a tiny issue that is being blown so far out of proportion because you are both behaving like children. If you can swallow your pride for a moment, you might be able to salvage this relationship. Send him a text saying: “Congratulations! I am sorry I haven’t said so earlier.
I was waiting for you to actually tell me the news yourself, but I now realize that I left things way too long and was taking things personally when I shouldn’t have. I really am sorry and I really am very excited about your news as well.
I would love to talk to you if you could give me a ring.” And then DON’T try and blame him for your actions. Sure, he shares the blame here too. But your apology should be genuine and focus on what you did wrong, not him.
It’s not a real apology if you spend the time defending your actions or pointing out his faults. Or keep playing the petty games you are playing and spend the rest of your lives being bitter and resentful of each other. Your choice.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Your husband is not a jerk — but in this situation, you kind of are. I mean, I understand you are hurt you were never told in person by your brother, but holding onto this is only hurting both of you. He may have thought he’d already told you, or maybe your dad had mentioned “Oh, by the way, I told OP”….
I mean, this is really not worth being mad about. You both goofed, you both are obviously not good at communicating. You’re the jerk, gently– please, just let it go. (edited to add: when the kids told you about the coming baby, that was the time to congratulate them.
Once the kids know, the cat’s well out of the bag.)” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. “My brother’s going to have a baby, but that’s not about me, so I found a way to make it about me. Now I’m mad at my husband for being a normal person who does normal person things like congratulate someone on a pregnancy (Which I had ample opportunity to do, but no one focused directly on me, so forget that noise) and plan to punish my brother by withholding my old baby stuff because I decided to be insulted.” Can’t imagine why he ignores your calls, OP.” DerpDevilDD
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For Extra Gym Sessions I Didn't Agree To?
“I have a 17yo foster daughter who recently asked to join the gym. I was proud of her and excited for her, so I offered to pay for the YMCA gym membership and also got her a package of 4 1 hour personal training sessions, which was $240.
I communicated both in the personal training info form and in my conversation with the trainer that I wanted her to use the sessions for the trainer to teach her a gym routine so that she could go by herself. I remember being clear that after the four sessions, we could talk about possibly extending, but I knew it was not going to make sense for our family, it’s a lot of money, and I was okay with it for learning but I cannot pay 120/week ongoing and that was never my plan.
My foster daughter is from Africa, began learning English 4 years ago, and in listening and paying attention, and communicating, she is generally not as strong as most 17-year-olds. I asked my foster daughter if she felt like she could go to the gym and know what to do, and she said no, that she didn’t learn anything that would be easy for her to replicate independently.
That was disappointing, but my partner and I will make time to take her and teach her a simple routine and write it down for her if that’s what it takes for her to remember.
Today, I get this message from the trainer:
“Hi!
Sorry I missed your call this past week. I don’t feel right calling you on Sunday without warning lol. If you’d like to chat about the situation, give me a call. In a nutshell, though, A has used 4 sessions beyond what was paid for. I sincerely apologize.
I’m used to clients keeping track, but I should have kept track for A. Those four sessions will need to be paid for, and if you guys would like to continue training, you’ll need to purchase another package. The easiest thing to do, and most cost-effective, would be to purchase an 8-session package which would pay for the 4 she’s used, and give her another 4.
Let me know what you’d like to do from here. Again, I apologize for not realizing.”
Now I’m not sure if it was a real mistake or if the trainer is trying to take advantage.
I don’t want to pay for the four sessions I didn’t agree to, or at best I would like to call the gym and explain the situation and negotiate a discounted rate for the extra 4 sessions.
Would I be the jerk if I try to get out of paying?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Either of your voiced options would work. I personally would not pay for more than 1 extra visit. I think trainers are independent contractors. It’s his job to keep track of sessions.
Not a young girl with a poor understanding of the English language. To maintain good status with trainers, you should call the gym and explain the situation first, probably a manager who would know the policy at the gym. Then go from there. The gym may be able to handle it internally.
For some reason, I could understand 1 extra visit. 2 extra visits is questionable on his part. Four extra visits. Either his IQ is questionable or this is play to get more money.” Comprehensive-Hand60
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it was a new client who was underage in a situation where you had explicitly warned him that this was only a few sessions and not likely to be more.
He should have been paying extra attention to tracking the sessions. Also, gyms are high-pressure sales environments and known for shady tactics to get people to buy things, so I’m even more suspicious this was intentional because of that on a side note. The fact that in 8 sessions she hasn’t learned anything she can replicate on her own sounds like the instructor ignored your request about what they work on.
I’d go to management and just explain the situation and go from there.” hwutTF
Another User Comments:
“Info: have you clarified with your foster daughter what the conversation was (if any) after the 4th session? Maybe she asked for more sessions or maybe it was an “I’m sure your mom won’t mind” to an even more pushy/fraudulent approach to push her into more.
I’m not saying to fault your daughter, just that there might be a lesson in this for her too since nothing was communicated to you either way. Definitely NTJ, any professional who provides services should know they confirm with the person who is paying and, in this case, the parent of a minor in question too.
You have a legitimate complaint and I would definitely push back on paying. The trainer should have known better.” kingcurtist37
1. AITJ For Putting My Boiled Egg In The Fridge Without Telling My Wife?
“My wife made me a boiled egg a few days back. I put it in the fridge to eat as a snack later. I didn’t tell her I’d done so.
Yesterday she found it loose in the fridge. Thinking it was raw, she re-boiled it with the goal of making a yummy, jammy-centered egg. Instead, the egg was, unsurprisingly, over-boiled and not very tasty.
Today, I opened the fridge to get and eat my egg — only to find that it was gone.
I asked my wife where my egg was — at which point she discovered she’d taken and reboiled my egg.
According to my wife, I am the jerk for — if I gather correctly — placing a decoy egg that ruined her jammy-egged aspirations yesterday and left her feeling like a crazy person.
Is she right? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I wish I had your wife’s courage to see just a lone, loose egg in the fridge and think “This is probably a perfectly normal egg with a legitimate reason to be out of the carton away from its friends.
I think I’m going to boil it and eat it!” I actually can’t stop laughing about this.” Fancy-Help-8442
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Where else are you supposed to store a hard-boiled egg? Now, if you put the hb egg with the raw eggs, then that was a not-so-bright move.
Label hard-boiled eggs with an HB, or peel them and store them in a separate container before putting them in the fridge. None of this is jerk range, just dumb mistakes on everyone’s part.” sanguineophanim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But…a raw egg and a boiled egg can be distinguished from one another.
If an egg was just loose I would have expected it to be cooked. Who just leaves raw loose eggs everywhere? Rae eggs go in the container or in the little egg thing if your fridge has an egg thing.” T-RexLovesCookies
