People Try To Heal After These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's Partner At My First Christmas Gathering?
“I (25F) recently moved into a townhouse with my 3-month-old baby (her father is not involved in her life). It’s our first home on our own. My mom came over to visit and we started discussing our plans for Christmas, as usually we try to get her side and my dad’s side of the family together.
We talked about doing Christmas at my place this year since I will have a 6-month-old who will likely be mobile by that time and it would be easier to have an already baby-proofed house.
It was at this point she asked me if her partner could come.
I was hesitant because even though they have been together for about 3.5 years, she’s told me before they have a casual relationship, they are not exclusive. In the past he has made family gatherings awkward especially when my dad is there. I also feel like when he’s there I don’t get any time with my mom.
Maybe I’m being selfish but I want to spend time with her too.
So I told her no I don’t want him to come, but she started getting upset and arguing with me saying I don’t understand their relationship. She also said I don’t see him as a human since he doesn’t celebrate Christmas with his family and would just be alone and because of me he would be alone on Christmas day.
I told her she could always come another day around or come by herself at a different time if she wanted to spend some time with him before or after coming to my place. But in the end, I just told her she would have to choose and decide who she wanted to be with for Christmas day.
After that, she said no one accepts her in her family and no one understands her polyamorous relationship. I told her I don’t mind her doing what she does, it’s not my business. At the same time, I don’t agree with it and it does make things awkward at family events especially when my dad and his family are around.
But she thinks I’m trying to prevent her from seeing her granddaughter around the holidays and I don’t want her to feel that way.
I do want to compromise with her, but I also want to have a comfortable family gathering, it being the first one I’ll be hosting.
Am I in the wrong here? Am I just being selfish & need to get over it and tell her he can come?”
Another User Comments:
“I can’t imagine a parent saying to an adult child they can’t be a partner in a family function because it would mean they don’t get quality time with the adult child.
Everybody here would scream a murder. Mom is right that you don’t accept her or her relationship. And that is as sucky as when parents refuse to accept your relationship. If the dude is unsafe or uncomfortable, you don’t have to have him there. But it is the same exclusion as if she refused to host your long-term partner.” unsafeideas
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to disagree with the crowd and say I think you’re being unfair. It’s not easy to support those we love through decisions we don’t approve of but supporting them and loving them anyway is part of the job. It’s your mom.
Asking her to choose is mean. Your dad can handle himself, he’s an adult. They are already grown enough to attend Christmas in the same house. It’s not easy to be around someone you once shared life with as they move on but that’s par for the course.
I think you need to get over it and support your mom. You would hope for the same from her.” User
Another User Comments:
“NJH I think you need to tell her that you feel you don’t get quality time with her when he’s at events and that is why you don’t want him to come.
I don’t think anyone here is being unreasonable just tell her more specifically the reasons why so she knows it’s not an attack on her relationship. although after almost 4 years together, he’s probably going to be apart of your mum’s life for a while and excluding him much longer is going to have consequences with you and your mum.
That’s your choice really.” User
22. AITJ For Wanting One-On-One Time With My Dad And Not Including His Partner?
“I (25F) am an only child. My parents divorced four years ago, and I’ve always had a good relationship with my dad (59M), though sometimes rocky.
We’ve had a tradition of going out to dinner every Friday, and I’ve always tried to maintain a close bond with him.
In 2021, I befriended June (45F), a colleague of mine. We weren’t super close, but I considered her more than just a work friend.
We’d hung out, and at one point, I even asked her to lend me her credit card to buy us Lollapalooza tickets. In return, she asked to visit my family’s island house, which I agreed to. I didn’t think much of it when I later invited her and her daughter to the house, with my dad driving us there.
Turns out, my dad and June started going out shortly after. They did ask for my permission at first, and I reluctantly said yes. But over time, I began to feel sidelined. June started coming to all our outings, even to the point where my dad wanted to include her and her kids on our annual New Year’s trip.
Whenever I wanted to hang out with my dad alone, he’d suggest I “tag along” with them instead. By October, I had enough and told him how uncomfortable I felt. He responded that they were a couple now, and I needed to accept that they would always do things together.
I wasn’t asking him to choose between us, just to have some time with him alone.
Fast forward to last Wednesday, my dad called asking if he could bring June to our local football club game, something that’s been a special tradition for us since I was a kid.
I said no, reminding him that this was supposed to be “our thing.” He pushed back, saying he didn’t want her to be alone on a Saturday night. I told him again that my answer was no. He called me spoiled and bratty and said he was bringing her anyway.
I stood my ground, saying he could go with her but not pick me up. He then suggested we could all have dinner afterward, to which I said I’d rather go with one of my friends. He proposed we all go together, and I said no again.
Finally, he said, “Okay, I’m bringing her either way.”
Five minutes later, he called back saying, “You know what, I’m not going.” Since then, we haven’t spoken. I tried calling on Friday to cancel our usual dinner plans, but he didn’t respond.
He’s currently living with June while she builds her new house (with his help), so they see each other every day.
Is it too much to ask for him to go to the game with just me? Is it really such a tragedy for her to stay home for a couple of hours?
AITJ for wanting that one-on-one time with my dad?”
Another User Comments:
“NYJ couples don’t need to literally do everything together and there’s nothing wrong with just wanting to spend time with your dad. When my dad got into a relationship after my parents split (all kids were 12 and under), he still sometimes just did things with us, his gf wasn’t involved with every thing.
And they even lived together and we liked her but still wanted time just with him.” Careless-Ability-748
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’ll never understand why people think their GF/BF has to be invited to every single thing. She can’t be alone for 4 hours on a Saturday night?
Does she not have any life of her own, her own friends, or even a book or TV show to occupy herself with? She absolutely can spend a few hours by herself. I wouldn’t be surprised if she is the one insisting that everyone should just shut up and be a happy family without actually doing any work towards that goal and your dad is just too weak to stand up to her” IAmTAAlways
21. AITJ For Not Being Able To Attend My Sister's Destination Wedding?
“To offer some background, my sister recently got engaged. Her significant other jumped through hoop after hoop to make the engagement go EXACTLY the way she wanted it to.
She gave him a list of approved places attempted to follow to a T and I was happy at the time to help. He put a $500 deposit down on a theatre rental to do the proposal but the rental didn’t go through online, he put another $500 down on a rooftop hotel she loves and when she found out what was happening and where it was, got mad at him because he answered her questions and she figured out the proposal was happening then.
Last weekend, they rescheduled their proposal twice because things were not going EXACTLY how she wanted them to.
I am a mother of two and also caring for my kid’s great-grandmother who has dementia. I work full time and I’m a full-time student. I put off grocery shopping and homework and laundry and had to pick said grandmother up from her sister in laws house the day they finally decided to get engaged last minute.
I was unable to make it to the proposal but said if someone wanted to video chat me I could join that way while I finished up everything I had put off the first two days they were supposed to get engaged.
Fast forward to today, she posts on social media that she is having her wedding in Malibu.
We live in Tucson, Az. She texted me to ask me if I would make it and told me she would need my answer within the next two weeks. She explicitly stated that if I could not make it, it was “totally okay”. I explained to her that because I work at a school, I will still be working when her wedding happens and I would have to try to find someone to care for great grandma as well as my pets and somehow come up with the money to take me and both of my kids to Malibu (because she’s only paying for a rental) and I explained to her that towards the end of the year, they stop allowing our time off requests so if I miss days of work I won’t get paid for them.
She got super passive-aggressive and replied, “So is that a no?” “I’m just gonna take that as a no.” “I’m sorry that you have to work. I know work is so important.” And then blocked me.
I just feel like she should understand that not everyone can drop their whole lives and make it to an out-of-state wedding.
I kind of feel like she’s acting like a complete child and her maturity is not at the level of someone that should be getting married… but you guys tell me… am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, I should note that I am a jerk here because I’m looking forward to a post from you in about 6 months where you discuss your sister’s upcoming divorce.
I know that it’s bad to wish misfortune for anyone, but your sister has some bad times ahead: bad for her, but I suspect hilarious for us online. Please keep us informed.” TelescopiumHerscheli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Destination weddings mean not everyone will be able to come.
It’s the nature of the beast. My twin and other sister could not make it to my destination wedding which was 3000 miles away. It was what it was but I also did not give them ish over not being able to come. Your sister is petty if she blocked you but hopefully, she will come around.” Responsible_Cry_7948
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like it’s happening on short notice, so it’s understandable everyone can’t jump through hoops to attend. You could explain that you would need x notice to find care, get off work, and save, etc., and that you’ll be there in spirit.
I’m sure you wish her well but we all have lives and responsibilities that require planning and budgeting.” Jolly_Cartoonist_258
20. AITJ For Threatening To Skip My Own Wedding Over Guest List Disagreements?
“So I 26m and my fiancée 26f have been engaged since last year. We’ve been planning for the wedding since, it’s settled next year in March.
My fiancée’s family is very doting on her and made it clear to me several times how they only treat me like family because she loves me.
For the sake of this story, I will just call them ILs.
Me and my fiancée had plans for our wedding, but because my parents kind of paid for the house we are living in, her parents insisted on paying for the wedding. Although she did tell me they had intentions to, I didn’t know it was going to be for everything.
At first, everything was fine, we wanted a venue but we compromised on something agreeable like another venue because my ILs fancied it more and we could take it aesthetic-wise. Or maybe instead of pink flowers they wanted purple, I found it tacky but sure.
The problem came when I got the invitation list. 300 people? I’ve always made it clear I preferred an intimate wedding but out of respect for my fiancée and her family I did compromise with her to go maybe 200 and even then, how do you even get 200 people to come to your wedding??
I pulled her aside and I asked her whether she knew anyone she said maybe 80 people. The rest were relatives. She could tell I was restless and tried to assure me by cutting some. But she seems to not really understand why I’m nervous cause “it’s all paid”.
We went back in and asked my ILs whether we could cut down the size but my ILs were adamant saying that weddings are sacred and everyone should witness the union of our bond. My sister scoffed from the side and made a snarky comment on how we didn’t need every neighbor to come get some free food to show our love and my ILs were upset.
They said this number was already disrespecting their daughter and I should man up and face a crowd. I’m a bit introverted. They also commented since they are paying they should have a say in who they want to invite.
That kind of triggered and I retaliated by saying that this was my wedding and if they insist on this amount of people, I as the groom, will simply not go.
They were shocked since I usually don’t lose my temper, I’m a very mild-tempered man. My fiancée looked at me disappointed and so did my ILs, they just left and haven’t contacted me.
I don’t know if that was a jerk of me considering the whole wedding is paid and my ILs have been working tirelessly to make our wedding perfect.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your fiancée need to be on the same page as to what kind of wedding you want. Your IL’s think paying gives them control of the wedding. Take control away from them by funding your own wedding and doing it as small and intimate as you want.
There’s no point trying to be a nice guy here as they will just railroad you to get what they want. This is your wedding, your memories and you want them to be happy memories, not filled with strife about fighting for every detail you want.
The most important part is you need to be sure that your fiancee feels the same way you do. Please update when choices have been made.” squirrelsareevil2479
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Money comes with strings attached, so your mistake was accepting their money to begin with.
However, given that it is over half a year left is there still ample time to reject their money and simply arrange your own wedding that the two of you pay for and decide over? Talk to your fiancée and clarify how you feel about this.
“this should man up” That is the type of comments that suggest that you might want to keep your ILs as far away from the planning as possible.” Jeuungmlo
Another User Comments:
“This is just the beginning, friend. NTJ. ILs will always be a challenge, so you have to be on the same page with your fiance/spouse.
You get rolled over now, it’s not going to stop there, there’s holidays, events, birthdays, and eventually kids. Good luck. My wife and I have been pushing back with my parents who are just as controlling, if that’s the right word. And no matter the boundaries we set, they’ll straighten up for a short period, and then it is the same old stuff again and again.
The only way we survive it is by talking/agreeing to a plan beforehand and then having each other’s backs when things go south.” offensivelypc
19. AITJ For Being Upset That My Brother Cancelled Our Theater Plans To Babysit My Nephew?
“I (F 30 autistic) love theater shows but due to a minimum wage job and no car or driver’s license I’m not able to see a lot of them. Recently my brother (M 37) got a free ticket to a popular show and was allowed to bring one guest with him, I was lucky that I was the only one who could and wanted to go.
The show would’ve been tomorrow and I’ve been eagerly looking forward to it for weeks now. an hour ago he called and told me he couldn’t go (and by proxy me) because he had to babysit.
my sister (F 33) has a child (M 4 autistic) which my brother will be babysitting tomorrow which they both claimed was agreed before he got the ticket.
After asking what the parents were doing my sister said she was going to a seminar about raising autistic children. Totally understandable that she’d want to go and that it’s not possible to reschedule. Her husband, however (M 31) is going to help his dad with moving a friend’s boat.
When trying to think of anything that my sister and her husband overlooked I thought about our aunt (F 66) who’s also my sister’s godmother and who has always had a close relationship with my sister -or so I thought- and my sister didn’t even think about it before she dismissed it out of hand with the words “why would I ask her” then she asked me to just drop it and that my brother was already “trained” to know my nephew’s schedule.
I should clarify that I have already seen the show but that was years ago, they brought it back because it was so popular and it’s less about the specific show than about the opportunity to see a show as a theater nerd.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ why are you angry with your sister when she had that scheduled before the tickets came about your brother is the one that changed plans. You are 30 year old ask your brother for the tickets and figure out a way to go Stop blaming your sister it’s not her fault” No-Statistician-4201
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This was an honest mistake by your brother. He can’t be in two places at once, and you do not get the privilege of choosing your sister’s childcare provider. It’s disappointing when things like this happen, but that’s just how it is.
Sometimes plans don’t work out.” Recent_Data_305
Another User Comments:
“YTJ sorry but shut doesn’t always work out, he had a prior obligation, you do not get to dictate who a parent is comfortable allowing to watch their child. A possibility it sounds like you didn’t consider is asking if someone else can use your brother’s ticket” Cultural_Section_862
18. AITJ For Confronting My Neighbors About Their Chicken Destroying My Yard?
“I live in a suburban area. Recently, the neighbor got a chicken as a pet.
I did not pay much mind to the fact that he had the chicken because the worst experience started when this chicken became a daily visitor to my yard. It’s every day, every single day. The chicken poops on my lawn digs around in my garden, and even leaves droppings on my porch.
I’ve really had to clean up after this one, though, and it gets pretty frustrating.
I approached my neighbors with this the first time by being really nice. So I was casually chatting with them one afternoon, pointing out that their chicken keeps wandering into my yard, and asked if they could keep an eye on it.
They brushed it off, saying, “Oh, chickens like to roam! It’s just what they do.” I tried to be patient because even then, the chicken kept wandering over and making a mess.
After another few weeks or so like this, I brought it up again, this time more firmly.
I told them it was getting to be a real problem and that I didn’t want to have to put up with their chicken in my yard every day. Still, they weren’t taking it too seriously, at least, and just sort of agreed that they’d “try” to keep it in their own yard.
Nothing changed, of course. The chicken kept on coming.
The breaking point was when I went outside one morning and found that the chicken had destroyed part of my garden, digging around and ruining the plants I’d worked hard on. That’s when I snapped. I went over to their house, clearly upset, and told them that this had to stop—that they needed to keep their chicken out of my yard.
They got very defensive and told me that it was just a chicken and that I was being overreactive. They even told me I’m petty when they said, “It’s not like it’s doing any real damage.”
Now, things are kind of awkward between us. They think that I make a mountain out of a molehill, but I do not think that one needs to see the whole process- specifically the cleanup after someone else’s pet ruins their garden.
AITJ for losing it on them and demanding they wrangle their chicken?”
Another User Comments:
“I own chickens. A lot of chickens. That is not okay in any way and I’d be mortified if my neighbors told me my chickens were in their yards. Tell the neighbors you’re getting a dog with a high prey drive to protect your property and this is their warning to contain their chicken.
Maybe even borrow a friend’s dog for a day or two after that to show you mean business. If they want to keep that chicken alive, they’ll keep it out of your yard. Frankly, I think you’re being too nice about it. NTJ” Lmfabkiser
Another User Comments:
“No, absolutely not, NTJ! You should take photos and document the damage that their chicken is doing, because they’ve shown that by now they aren’t going to work with you no matter how politely you phrase the request. If the photos show as much damage as you’re suggesting I think they will change their tune on this, but if they don’t, the next step would be for the city to file a complaint, or animal control I’d imagine.
That would cost you any remaining goodwill you might have from them, but do you *really* want these jerks to think highly of you at this point when they’ve clearly shown they don’t respect you in the slightest?” WhiteKnightier
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’d be dumping all the droppings on their porch and say, here’s what chicken left on my porch.
Then, start looking up what you can do to keep the chicken off your property…maybe a fake snake, some strong herbs, citrus, stuff like that. Check your local city ordinances (or county if you’re in an unincorporated area) and see if free-range chickens are allowed to be kept as pets.” NotShockedFruitWeird
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Include My Friend's New Partner In Our DnD Game?
“I(30s) run a weekly game night with 5 other people (mid-20s, mix of m+f).
This has been an ongoing game night almost every week for about 4 years now, but I’ve known most of the group for closer to a decade.
One of these players, A, is… a special case. He often doesn’t pay attention while I’m describing a scene or explaining combat, despite 4ish years of playing and knowing him, he still doesn’t seem to understand some of the basic mechanics of the game and doesn’t try to.
He’s also often flaky and will just not show up to games sometimes without telling anyone.
The reason I’m making this post though is because A influences the group. He is the only one in the group who is not in a long-term relationship and has had 3 different GFs in the time I’ve known him.
Every time he has a new gf, he wants her to join the dnd party. I want to be 100% clear: I do not have a problem with teaching people how to play or adding players to the group. One of my favorite things about being a GM is teaching new people.
But the issue will come up when the gf has been a part of the party for a while, I will have dedicated some story interaction to her character, and then she and A will break up and she leave the group. It disrupts the story/the rest of the party’s interactions with the story and makes things awkward for all the rest of us.
Add to this he always seems to get involved with someone he’s living with, so then it puts his living situation in jeopardy and causes stress in that way.
Well. GF #4 is in the picture, and I’m dreading the idea of going through the rigamarole AGAIN, making a new character, inviting a new person into the fold, only for A to crap the bed AGAIN and throw off the party balance again.
The rest of the group seems like they’re becoming annoyed by A’s normal antics (one of my players was practically yelling at him last week), but im still I’m nervous about bringing it up to the other people in my group. They are friends with A outside of our weekly game night, and I’m worried I’m in the wrong here.
I’m also worried I’d be in the wrong because I’ve been trying to talk my partner of 12 years into joining the group, and it would seem hypocritical on my end.
So. WIBTJ if I didn’t let my friend’s gf join the dnd group, but let my partner join?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d tell him if he asks that you aren’t willing to go through the same predictable pattern again. Yes, there’s a chance that this time will be different, but he’s already had three strikes. He’s out. That’s three times you and others have made a special effort to include his partners only for the game to be disrupted and your time and effort on the storylines wasted, which affects everyone.
If he wants you and the others to make a special effort on his behalf, yet again, he can start by not being flaky himself and learning the rules properly, and waiting until his relationship has proven itself to be more long-term and steady so it wouldn’t feel like you are building a sand castle on the beach while the tide is coming in.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“Isn’t your main problem with him, not the partners? It sounds like you don’t really want him to play anymore, in which case ask the other players about dropping him. It doesn’t have to be a big thing – he just doesn’t seem as committed as the rest of you and you can still get together with him other times.
If you do want him to keep playing but get arsy when his breakups affect your game then yes, I think you’re losing perspective and YTJ. Sorry if it means a bit more work for you and it affects the group dynamic but that’s life.
If that’s your main focus when he breaks up with someone, you’re not a great friend.” mofohank
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to disturb your long-running party for his amour de jour. But how about a one-shot every 1-3 months where his newest conquest can join in if they want?
This way you can keep your campaign going with minimal disturbance, get to try out something else in between and both sides get to “try” each other out in case the relationship persists after all.” Kempeth
16. AITJ For Refusing To Drop Off My Siblings Because I'm Overwhelmed With Responsibilities?
“My mother (45F) has put me (22F) in a parental position since I was 10. I’ve always helped look after them. For example, watching them when she wants to do something like grocery shopping (not something that bothers me), personal stuff, looking after them during my school holidays when I was in high school, and even now.
I always feel like she purposely puts me in a position where I can’t say no because she knows I love my siblings. My parents are divorced but have been going through it for over two years now. My siblings have not been taking this well.
Instead of my mother focusing on her children’s emotional needs she has already moved on to another man. She shuts them out emotionally and is dismissive of how they feel. She’s always been like this. So I have now taken on the role of emotionally regulating everyone in the household.
It’s exhausting. I don’t have my own space. Everyone just walks into my room and when I ask them to leave they make me feel like I’m being terrible. I normally drop off and pick up my siblings when my mother has to go to work 2 out of the five days.
Which I’ve done since I graduated high school. I don’t mind because we’ve agreed to it but now I just want to not have that much responsibility. In the past on the days she works home she’d tell me I had to drop off my siblings because she had an online meeting for work either in the morning or the night before.
I feel like I have to but it’s been aggravating she dumps it on me. So this morning when she came into my room saying she has a meeting at 8:30 am and asking if I can drop off my siblings I said no. She asked twice making sure she heard me right and I said no again.
She got angry shut the door and ended up dropping them off. So AITA for saying no because I do feel a bit bad about it? I would love some advice.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’ve been.. in a similar situation. No is a full sentence, but you should also have a conversation with your mom.
If you do not want to be a babysitter, you do not have to, but you absolutely should look into getting a job For context, my sibling let me stay in their house while I got on my feet and the goal was fully for me to get a job.
In the meantime, I watched their kids while they were at work. Then whenever I tried to get a job, I couldn’t.. because I had to take care of their kids. Until they quit their job. Then I had to do both. Until I scraped by enough to move out.
I do not think your mom is the same as my sibling, I don’t know her, but I fully understand having the no rent thing over your head. Have a conversation with her, be respectful, and if she’s not… Plan to leave. You got this.” green beans
Another User Comments:
“Kinda YTJ – Have spoken to your mom before you decided on this drastic approach? I mean to just abruptly say no to what you have been doing for years seems like a jerk move. I get she has been using you and you are fed up but the right approach would have been more positive if you sat her down and explained how you were feeling about the situation.
Instead of getting frustrated and shutting down. That is not a good look for your siblings either who have come to look up to you and depend upon you. So, talk to your mother and try to resolve the issue calmly.” PumpkinPowerful3292
15. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Brother Over His Lack Of Motivation For School?
“I (22F) don’t have the best relationship with my brother. I am more independent, cautious, and a perfectionist. I’ve had jobs ever since I could remember to afford things I wanted, I made sure to get the best grades and participate in every extracurricular activity possible to have a great resume and apply to my dream school with all the scholarships available, which I got in.
My brother (24M) is the complete opposite, being more laidback and careless with everything he does. Because of this, when he was in college for a year and a half, he decided he didn’t want to be in that school and dropped out losing all his credits and starting over.
My parents are going through difficult times financially and because of that, they asked me to leave school in the meantime until my brother graduates. I wished it didn’t make me as furious as it has because things like these happen, but it made me feel like I did everything right only for it to be taken away.
Currently, I’m working two jobs to get experience before going back to school and to save money to afford tuition.
Today, my brother kept complaining about having to go back to school and it just made me feel sick. He said “You have it so easy staying home” to which I lost it.
I know he might not have had that intention but I was furious. I started telling him how obnoxious and rude he was being and how insensitive he was for saying things like that knowing how badly I wanted to go back to school. He was offended and started saying that I was being dramatic and to get over it since I was already taking it easy by not taking classes.
I straight up told him the reason I wasn’t taking any classes was because he couldn’t decide what to do with his life and when he finally decided it affected both my parents and me. My mom stopped me and told me to calm down which only made me feel worse, but I stopped talking and came up to my room.
I don’t know if I went too far by saying those things in front of my parents but I was tired of how insensitive and rude my brother was being. I’ve felt like this for a while and the fact he gets to go to school makes me feel jealous ngl.
I hate feeling like this but I think he went over the line.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ tho you could have talked to him about it in a more productive way, your feelings are completely valid and understandable that you lashed out at him at that moment.
Does he want to be in school? Would it be possible to talk to everyone about switching places and you receive your parent’s support until you graduate and then him? Or maybe if he drops out again then you guys switch? It’s generous of your parents to help you both and while I’m not saying your brother doesn’t ever deserve the help it seems like rn you’re the one taking your future more seriously than he is.
Side note my brother and I sound similar to you and your brother in terms of education (I’d be more in line with your brother) I have ADHD and school was a lot more of a struggle for me than my brother so it may not be that he’s a slacker as much that he has undiagnosed issues that he ideally should have checked out.
That being said he is the jerk for being ungrateful for the assistance. Even I realize how financial support is a gift, not a hindrance, and in no way expected.” crunchycremesoda
Another User Comments:
“Please talk to your parents and see if you can go back to school.
Why are they asking you to stop school until your brother graduates – when will that be ?From your gegenderI feel your parents don’t want you to succeed while their son fails .So, insist – take out loans work a job, and get your schooling done .ometimes, you need to fight just to get what is rightfully yours/ your choice/ basic human need .
Your brother will not understand as he doesn’t see it from your perspective and your mom stopped you from expressing your feelings completely. She immediately came and asked you to calm down – instead of comforting you and trying to support you. ” Save-A-Tree2024
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, your parents made the wrong decision putting the unmotivated child through school They should have seen how hard you have worked and allowed you to finish first, especially after he had already left a hool. Second, your brother *complaining* about this when he knows how much you want to be the one in school is just tone-deaf and rude.
Understandably, you were upset, and sometimes siblings yell at each other. He deserved it.” BipolarSolarMolar
14. AITJ For Feeling Betrayed After My Friend Bailed On Our Housing Agreement For A Job In Another City?
“A few months ago, I and someone I considered my closest friend from college (both M22) were looking for a house in the city I live in.
Rent is high, and housing is very competitive. We had agreed before the holidays (6 months or so) that we would live together and find jobs in the city after college as we both wanted to stay here. To rent a two-bedroom apartment in our city, the turnover is only about 3 weeks in advance, you can’t secure one before this.
I declined offers to live with several other friends in bigger houses, as they had to secure further in advance. Anyway, as we started looking, 3 weeks before I had to move out of my place, my friend called me. He makes small talk for 15 minutes, then without apologizing in any way, tells me that he’s been offered a job in another city and that we won’t be living together.
He’s been applying for jobs out of town without telling me. This is a shock, and we end the call. A few days later he texts asking if I want to hang out, and I tell him that I don’t, because I’m upset.
I want to talk about this and to continue being friends, but feel he broke an agreement between us, but genuinely congratulate him on the job. I get a short reply from him with no apology, saying he can’t see why I can’t understand why he would do this for a job.
It’s a good job, but not once in a lifetime or anything, something that is also available in our city. Also, the agreement was to find a place here and find jobs, not to live together if we both happened to find jobs here.
I haven’t spoken to him since. I miss him, because we had a lot of fun together, but feel I was betrayed here. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it’s valid to feel betrayed in this situation. But it looks like your friend doesn’t value your friendship the same way you do.
At this point, it’s your decision how you want to handle this. But I’d have a hard time trusting any promise my friend would make after this. Good luck finding a new place. Hopefully one of the previous offers is still available.” Creative-Total-24
Another User Comments:
“NJH – it sounds like his life went down a different path that he wasn’t expecting. Your feelings are hurt, and that’s valid. But you can’t expect him to pass up a better job opportunity just to be roommates, can you?
Though he should have warned you that he was applying for jobs outside of the city, that way you would have had more opportunity to prepare for him possibly not moving in with you.” Raisinsareawful
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think your fiend looking for a job in a different city is a perfectly valid choice BUT since they had agreed to live with you, they should have told you so they could plan accordingly.
They used you – left you on the hook in case they didn’t get the new job so they’d have a place to live, but now that they did get the job, they left you in the lurch. That’s not how friends treat each other.
I certainly would not stay friends or at least anywhere close to real friends after that.” Dante2377
13. AITJ For Hiding My Snacks From My Snack-Stealing Dad?
“I (14f) have a dad (40sm) who is well-known in our family for eating everyone else’s snacks. My mom takes my siblings (16f, 13m, 12f) and me to shop for snacks every week and we each pick the things we like. We have an agreement between us to ask before sharing.
We’ve also asked our dad to ask before taking our snacks, he always says he will but he never does. If we don’t eat the snacks we bought in 24 hours you can bet it’s already gone.
My siblings and I are sick of this. We’ve tried everything.
“Hey Dad, I bought (snack) I’m saving it for later, please ask if you’d like some.” Nope! Tried telling Mom and she said that he’s tired, he deserves it, etc. Nope! But mom has a lot on her plate rn so we don’t push her further.
This has been an issue for a few months now.
Last week I came back from a really bad day at school and I was really tired and looking forward to eating (a specific snack that I bought). Lo and behold, it was eaten. Found my dad passed out in his room with the snack bag wide open.
I was mad but I didn’t want to start a fight so I got something else and left.
Now I’ve started hiding my snacks in my closet instead of the pantry because I know my dad wouldn’t dare to look in my closet. I also let my siblings hide some of their stuff in there too.
Dad noticed this and complained that there weren’t many snacks. It was about two weeks before he found out about our secret stash.
My dad called me a jerk saying that snacks are meant to be shared and anything in this house was fair game because we are all a family.
I told him that if he wanted snacks he could go out and get his own, he has a driver’s license, and my siblings and I don’t. (The nearest supermarket is too far to walk to.) He called me childish and I said of course I’m childish, I’m a child.
I was almost about to say “I’m a child but what’s your excuse” but didn’t think that was a smart idea so I just left. I’m starting to think he’s right about the sharing thing and I feel selfish because it is just a snack.
But I also think it’s not fair because he can get snacks whenever he chooses to and me and siblings can’t. Adj.
I buy my snacks with own money I earn from my job. 16f also buys with her own money, 13m, and 12f use mom’s money
Also want to add that my dad is perfectly capable of getting snacks himself if he wants to, he has no disabilities or situations that would prevent him from doing it. He’s unemployed if that matters.
I want criticism but please do not name call me.
I’ve had enough of that over the last few years. If you aggressively name-call me, I’m not replying.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- but both your parents are awful. Your dad shouldn’t be eating everything you guys pick out and your mom should be dealing with him.
He’s going to give you guys all weird issues with food. make sure you get tampons and pad boxes and put snacks in there too.” Unhappy-Prune-9914
Another User Comments:
“What does your mother say about all this? Is she okay with you hiding snacks in your bedrooms?
You are asking if you are the jerk for hiding food in your room, so I will answer that – no, NTJ. While I think keeping snacks in your rooms is an invitation for vermin and bugs, as long as your parents are okay with it, then whatever.
I can understand, to a point, Dad’s POV, his house, his food, eat what he wants. That he is disregarding your requests is wrong. There should be more respect.” Chilling_Storm
12. AITJ For Refusing To Eat My Family's Terrible Home Cooking?
“It has taken me SUCH a long time to be more open about this but now that I (23m) have bought a place with my partner I feel like I had to. But I might be an ass for it. So my family has always been big on home cooking and family meals.
But when I was growing up none of us had any skills between us and the food was bad. I always tossed my homemade lunch at school and took our free lunches. I used to sneak sandwiches when I was old enough and get rid of the evidence of me not eating dinner/lunch my parents prepared.
Examples of bad cooking, are soggy chicken and soggy (almost mushy) veggies. Lumpy mashed potatoes. No seasoning on anything. Super dry beef with no seasoning. Potatoes that are way too soggy. Bacon that’s basically raw.
When I was a teen one of my sisters, Eve, got really invested in cooking and she’d make us food twice a week and it was even worse than what we were normally given.
Other people avoided our house like the plague because nobody wanted to eat the food. I remember mom trying to invite a group of her friends over for something and they made excuses to go out to eat.
Moving away from home to start in trade school I decided I needed to be able to cook some things well.
I didn’t want to always hate cooking because I was bad at it, I didn’t want to waste money only ever buying takeout and I knew if I settled down with someone I wanted to be able to contribute equally. My other sister, Ash, also worked on her cooking skills and improved SO much.
My parents, Eve, and my brothers? None of them have improved. But Mom and Eve are by far the worst. As an adult, I suggested we each bring something and stop taking turns for 1 to cook everything each time and I was rejected. I brought my partner with me a few times and she hated most of the food.
I think some of my brothers are doing store-bought stuff and passing it as theirs now. And she liked Ash’s cooking. Ash was also in favor of changing the way we did dinner but nobody else wanted to take part in something like that.
In the end, I started saying I was busy when dinners would come up and then I said it just didn’t work for my schedule anymore.
But my parents and some of my siblings aren’t accepting that and they told me I should make my schedule work for this. I told them it just wouldn’t work. They asked why and they pushed and pushed until I told them I don’t want to subject myself to their cooking anymore because most of them can’t cook, and for the longest time none of us could.
I told them I knew they had been told this by others before and I was doing it now because I refused to pretend anymore.
They were so offended by my comments. Ash also spoke up and said she agreed. So she was also seen as the bad guy.
They said we’re getting too used to processed instead of home cooking and we should appreciate the time with our family and food is love and all that. They accused us of throwing away love and being rude about their skills.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think we’re related… you described every meal from my childhood. I learned to cook too and when my family visits, they eat my food. When I visit them, we usually eat out. They are influenced by me and my partner’s cooking and try new things.
My parents have aged and their tastebuds are dying, so they can take some herbs and some spice now. My mother is a super taster and has a keen sense of smell, but that was combined with a lack of cooking skills. Overcooked, dry or soggy.” vt2022cam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your family is quite confused as to why home-cooked food is “love”…the “love” part comes from the thought & effort the cook puts into creating a meal that will be enjoyed by the people they care about. If the food is always under-seasoned, over or undercooked, or otherwise lazily prepared, then there’s no real love there.
Maybe you & Ash could do some research into doing some fun cooking classes with them as a family (if the adults aren’t interested in the effort required to create edible food, I’m sure most of their poor kids would appreciate it…& you & Ash will have more allies in your war to improve meal quality).” Sad-Librarian-5179
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The food does indeed sound awful. For the record, I’m in total agreement that the family time aspect is awesome. So few families carve out time to spend together so it’s really unfortunate that so many of your family members are being stubborn about modifying how you do food.
Some of the family prefer bland food so a potluck really would be a great solution. I hope you’re able to work out a compromise because it would be sad for this cool family tradition to die just because some members don’t want to accept they just can’t cook.” DecemberViolet1984
11. AITJ For Not Inviting My Husband's Grandparents To Meet Our Newborn Sooner?
“I recently had my first baby. Not only was the pregnancy difficult, but postpartum has been trying as well.
I’ve had issues healing from my c-section, in addition to mentally having a hard time. Family and friends are very sweet and have offered to come over and help, but I’m not the type of person who asks for help. I tend to self-isolate and get through it on my own, probably from childhood trauma forcing me to be independent at a very young age.
I don’t like to burden other people if I don’t have to.
My husband and I were at a point where we were ready to invite immediate family and grandparents over to host. When we called my husband’s grandparents, they were very short with us about the invitation and declined to come over.
We were very confused about their tone but figured they had something else bugging them. After a couple of days, the conversation still felt weird, so we called them again to check in with them. My grandmother-in-law was again, short with my husband. He asked her if something was wrong and she unleashed. She was hurt by not seeing us sooner.
She thinks it’s odd that we’ve “been keeping her great-granddaughter from family” because back when she had kids, she was surrounded by family early postpartum. She said she doesn’t even feel like a great-grandmother and doesn’t even believe that her great-granddaughter exists.
We were both shocked and in disbelief by her comments.
Communication is a two-way street and we hadn’t heard from her at all since she had met the baby in the hospital. It feels hurtful that we have just been trying to stay afloat the first couple of weeks and are now being accused of keeping our daughter from her.
I could understand her frustration IF we had been blowing her off, but that is not the case. I thought people were supposed to give grace to new parents.
Due to my isolating tendencies, I want to distance myself even more and not have to waste my energy on toxic family members, however, I know that life is short and it wouldn’t be fair to my daughter, or husband.
Am I an asshole for not reaching out to them sooner? An I the jerk for thinking her accusations are unfair?”
Another User Comments:
“I expect far more from a great-grandmother. She’s done this beaucoup times. Your recovery and baby’s health trump any and everything else.
It’s becoming very normal for parents and babies to spend time just the 3 of them when the baby is first born. Also the older you get the quicker time passes. Before I blinked it was New Year’s. I blinked and it’s almost spooky season. At her age, I can’t imagine how fast time flies.
NTJ. But, when you can if you can afford it, therapy for your past trauma. You just never know when or how that can manifest and you don’t want that to negatively affect you as a mother” fancyandfab
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Well that saves you from hosting them I guess!
I have an 8 month old. I refused to have anyone visit for 6 weeks because I had a lot more pressing things to do than host. My MIL kept talking about how she missed the baby and wanted to see the baby, blah blah blah. We live in the same town, she’s on the outskirts and drives into town daily.
Sometimes multiple times a day. She hasn’t bothered to call to visit us once since the baby arrived. It was highly offensive and upsetting not to see the baby when she was all fresh but she isn’t important enough to warrant a visit now that she’s gaining some independence and knows who she likes and who she doesn’t.
I imagine great great-grandmother is a bit like my MIL, who wants everything on her terms. Don’t waste any more time worrying about their feelings, enjoy baby, and let them wallow if that’s more important than just coming to visit when you are invited.” International-Fee255
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For Extended Family's Museum Admission For My Kids' Birthday Party?
“My wife and I were discussing the birthday party ideas we had for our girls who are turning 4 and 5. I suggested we have it at a local kids’ museum in our city. It’s a great place and would be a killer time for everyone.
We’re a family of 5, myself, my wife, my son, and our 2 daughters. I looked up the prices and it’ll be roughly 250 for the 5 of us to go to the museum, that doesn’t include the food for the party or anything else, just admission. Tbh that’s a little more than I want to pay but for my babies, it’s worth it.
When I suggested it and as I was looking at ticket pricing, my wife said it’d be over 500 for us to go to the museum for everyone, and I said “What no way? I’m looking right now and it’s 250” she proceeded to tell me that’s for just us but we need to include the other guests and kids as well, meaning my 2 little brothers, my dad, his wife, my mother, my wife’s mother and her sister and husband.
I recoiled and said “Well I think they can get their tickets if they’d like to come”
I fully expected the extended family to come, I have no problem with that. I think they’re all great and I have no problem with them. However, I don’t think it’s my responsibility to pay for their admission to the museum.
Especially when we will be having a standard party at our home as well.
This became an issue between us as she says she thinks I’m trying to leave people out (she just means her side of the family) which I’m not as I don’t want to pay for anyone not under my roof.
For context, my wife and I are middle class, but still not middle class enough to drop over 500 dollars on a day for everyone. We do make more money than her mother, sister, and her husband but none of them have any kids or responsibilities, it’d be much easier for them to buy their single ticket than it would be for us to buy for everyone.
It’s we pay for ourselves and only ourselves or we don’t go. I think that’s wrong and is taking away a good time for our family because other people outside our family don’t want to pony up.
I’m pretty ready to put my foot down and tell her they pay themselves or they don’t come but I don’t want to be a piece of crap either, just seems like a lot on us, when it doesn’t need to be.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s the pique of poor form to invite someone to a party and expect them to pay to be included. That being said, unless I’m missing something, you’re already HAVING a party at your house. Why do your children need two parties for their birthdays?
Why not have the free birthday party at your house and, separately, plan a family outing to the museum? But if you insist on inviting people to the museum with you, then your invitation is an indication you plan to pay their way, yes. ” OldPresentation3437
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You do not invite people on a birthday outing if you are not going to treat them. It is very bad manners. Stick with the house party and go to the museum as a family on a different weekend. More importantly, you seem to think that you are the dictator of how you and your wife will spend your money.
She has been very clear about what she wants to do and you seem to feel entitled to simply proclaim that you’ve decided differently. What’s that all about?” EmceeSuzy
Another User Comments:
“NJH but you’re causing reasonable confusion. A lot of people do host kids bdays at places like the YMCA or a zoo and it’s customary for the hosts to pay a party fee that gives all the guests free admission.
Break the party and the zoo into two separate days and don’t refer to the zoo as a “birthday” event- just talk to family and ask if they want to meet up at the zoo or not.” capmanor1755
9. AITJ For Snapping At My Dad About His Failing Marriage After He Kept Pointing Out My Acne?
“For context: My mom and dad have always had issues with each other for as long as I can remember, mainly my dad with my mom. They never get along. But to be fully honest I’ve always resented them for being the main reason why I have a bad view on relationships.
For example, I hesitate to fully believe my friends when they say their parents hug or kiss or whatever. Like I’ll know it’s true, but I just genuinely can’t picture it because it goes against everything from what I’ve seen. I’m honestly just so sick of it.
Yes, this is relevant to the story.
I love my mom but I have a lot of issues with my dad that I’m not going to get into here. The issue this post is about is that my (16f) dad (50m) has a habit of pointing out my acne (or anything else really).
It’s not even that much, I’m not wildly insecure about it or anything but it gets to the point where it’s just annoying. Like I’ll be doing my homework and Dad will find me and say “Make sure to wash your pimples!!!” “You have a new pimple on your chin, you know?” “You need to stop eating so much junk food, you have pimples on your cheek” Annoying remarks like that don’t serve any real purpose.
For the last few months, I’ve just been ignoring them, thinking that if he doesn’t get a reaction then he’ll stop but surprise surprise he hasn’t!
Well, yesterday I was in a horrible mood and I was in my room and I wanted to be left alone.
my dad comes in the room to bring me water, nice enough, but then he has to make another mean comment about my acne. “Your acne is so noticeable today!” I was just exhausted, to begin with, and now he intruded on my personal space.
Without thinking I just came up with a snappy remark. This is word for word what I said: “If my acne is so noticeable then you should also be able to notice your failing marriage and leave my mom already.” typing it out now, I just feel even worse.
He was upset, and as much as I don’t like him, I understand why.
I honestly think I got the failing marriage comment from how I’m just so sick of them always in their issues. Not only is it hard to watch as their child, but it’s just plain annoying to watch their constant petty disagreements.
I think from being so exhausted my subconscious decided to finally voice my true feelings lol.
Please tell me if this remark was too far because I’m genuinely still mortified after saying that comment. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Believe it or not, some parents are loving to their children.
My son developed acne and instead of mocking him over something he had zero control over, I took him to the dermatologist. If it wasn’t acne, he’d be harassing you over your weight, clothes, hair, whatever. He’s just insecure and needs someone to pick on.
Maybe after you point out his vulnerabilities he’ll back off of you.” 666POD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If he doesn’t like that then he needs to learn to keep his mouth shut. I’d say something back every single time he says something. A few ideas… 1.
Your bald patch is bigger today 2. Your gut is sticking out more today 3. Yeesh did you wear deodorant? Your smell is worse today 4. Your breath is worse today On and on and on. Make him as uncomfortable as he makes you and he’ll shut up.
And if he doesn’t, start recording it for TikTok with your comebacks and you’ll be famous in no time” No_Coach_9914
Another User Comments:
“My Dad jokingly called me “Pizza Face” when I was 14. I broke down sobbing and said he was just too cheap to take me to the dermatologist and didn’t speak to him all weekend.
On Sunday, he came and apologized. He grew up poor and didn’t even realize there was a solution. We also joked a lot, back and forth, and he didn’t realize what a bad thing that was to say to his teenage daughter. He had Mom schedule and dermatologist appointment for me right away.
He was SHOCKED at how well and quickly it worked!” BlackLakeBlueFish
8. AITJ For Not Allowing My Friend's Son At My Child-Free Wedding?
“I (22 female) am marrying my college classmate (24 male) who I have been going out for 3 years. We met when we were both a part of our college’s newsletter and because of those circumstances, we invited all of our friends from the newsletter, as well as some new members who we don’t know very well.
I always wanted kids, but I am unable to have them due to medical reasons, since that is very hard on me, me and my fiancé decided to have a child-free wedding, just so we aren’t reminded of my medical problem, and instead are as happy as we could ever be.
My fiancé has two little sisters (14 f, 12 f) and they are really close to us, so of course they were an exception to the no kids rule. One of our friends from the newsletter (24 f) was a teen mom and has a 7-year-old son, we gave her a plus one invite, and she called to tell us she was bringing her son.
We told her she couldn’t bring him, because like the invite said, we were having an adult-only wedding, but she mentioned she saw on social media that my fiancé’s sisters were coming and that it would be unfair to not allow her son to come as well.
My fiancé quickly stated she wasn’t wrong and that we should let her bring her son to the wedding, but I refused. She then threatened not to come at all and my fiancé had enough of it telling her not to bring her son before hanging up.
The day of the wedding came and we were very excited. As I was preparing, my mom came to my room to tell me my friend brought her son. I told her to not allow either of them in and my mom did just that.
I woke up the next day to texts from her mentioning how cruel it was of us towards her son, and my husband agreed with her calling me a bad person. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your wedding had clear rules, and children from the bride/groom side like siblings/kids are always an exception that can’t be used to sneak in other kids.
Why people just do not accept that rules are rules and they are not special? The bride and groom are special, everyone else is there for them.” forgeris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How entitled is this person? You flat out both told her that she couldn’t bring him but she just did it anyway.
Texting you saying how cruel you were to her son needs a response from you to her. Tell this stupid woman that YOU weren’t cruel to him. SHE was. She knew not to bring him so SHE put him in that position. There’s a difference between the groom’s 12 and 14-year-old SISTERS and some random’s 7-year-old son.
Good for you for standing up for yourself. Your husband should be reading these responses while he figures out how to apologize to you. And your mum is awesome!!!!!” chez2202
Another User Comments:
“Got yourself a husband problem right out the gate, huh? You are NTJ.
Your friend is a gaping, entitled jerk who disrespected you, your husband, and all the other guests who complied. Your brand new husband who is stabbing you in the back for enforcing the decision *he* backed? Yeah, you know the answer. Allowing his sisters is a reasonable exception.
Allowing this friend’s kid? That’s enough to antagonize everybody else who actually respected you enough to follow your rule. Why would you reward the person who showed you they thought your word was meaningless? Sit your new husband down now to hash this out. His lack of spine doesn’t mean you should lose yours, too.
He’s supposed to have your back, not stab you in it.” RedneckDebutante
7. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law Not To Feed My Kids Raw Cookie Dough?
“So we recently moved to another state thinking my husband and I would have more breaks with the kids. Lived at his mom’s house for 10 months and that became stressful but started taking over the mom role. She interfered with my daughter’s first birthday acted like she was the mom didn’t ask me if anything that she did at the party was ok.
I didn’t mention anything to her because at the time we lived with her and I didn’t want to make it more uncomfortable. But after that, she started doing more things that irritated me and didn’t come to me first.
So anyways fast forward to now we live in our own place she tries to come every weekend but I try to set boundaries because I need my own space.
Well a few days ago my husband and I wanted to go on a date night since we haven’t had one in so long, she came over with Mcdonald’s but again didn’t ask if that was ok or if our kids had dinner yet but I let it go because she’s helping us out by watching them.
So later that evening when we were getting ready to go she was feeding my (1) year-old daughter and (2) year-old daughter raw cookie dough. Again didn’t ask the mom which is me if that’s okay but I let it go because we were getting ready to leave and I didn’t want to cause a scene.
Plus I even told my husband about it and he told me to let it go.
So the day after I kindly message her “Hey, next time please don’t give my kids raw cookie dough. They are toddlers and they shouldn’t be eating that.
And I didn’t appreciate how you didn’t ask me first. I’m the parent so you should come to me first rather than just giving my kids something I’m not ok with. “ she responded back in a very irritated tone and I guess she told my husband that I hurt her feelings.
So now I feel like the bad person for telling the girl’s Grandma how I feel when it comes to my kids. Which is wrong for feeling that way and I shouldn’t have to feel that way.
So am I the asshole for expressing how I feel to her when it comes down to my kids?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you are going to have to polish up your spine even more. There was never going to be an easy victory without pushback. You are going to have to carve out your rightful space and defend it, even taking back territory you’ve lost through passivity so far.
Of course, she isn’t going to be happy about that, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t on the right track. One piece of advice would be to handle small things while they are small so the big things take care of themselves. Passivity just lets small things build up into big things.
ETA: Also, what you want is results, so it will serve you better to phrase things calmly and politely — as long as the bones of what you expect of her are in there and understood, it doesn’t have to be worded strongly or with emotion.
Then you can be serious and firm about policing your boundaries — all done tactfully, while being no doormat whatsoever.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I won’t call your MIL an asshole because of everything you said she did, you sat back and allowed her to do so because you got something out of it.
Then the moment the favor was over that’s when you decided to say something. The main reason I say YTJ is because I agree reading that text you do come off as rude, you could have spoken to her while she was doing it or talked to her in person and not over text.
Also, next time someone is doing something dangerous with your child, don’t allow it just because you want a date night” Apart-Scene-9059
Another User Comments:
“You asked your mother-in-law to babysit. She came more prepared than you asked (with food) and that bothered you because she didn’t get your permission.
But you didn’t say anything because it was benefiting you at the time. Your mother-in-law gave your kids cookie dough. Your kids shouldn’t have that because it’s not safe for them. But you didn’t say anything because it was benefiting you at the time. Then after you got what you wanted and a good night’s sleep, you scolded your mother-in-law for how she helped you.
If any of these had been a real issue, the convenience at the time would not have kept you from speaking up. You sound insufferable. YTJ.” Zamastyle
6. AITJ For Not Letting A Stranger Into My Apartment Building?
“I (25 M) was playing video games at my desk when I looked up and saw a man walking past my window. For context, I live on the first floor of an apartment building, and the first floor is partially underground.
I have full-size windows but the ground starts maybe 6 inches below the window. In front of my window is a large lawn that no one walks on or uses, it’s just a space that later becomes the complex’s parking lot.
When I saw this man walking past this window (he was on the younger side, likely in his 20s) I thought it was very strange since I only ever see a lawnmower get this close to my window.
It was weird but I didn’t give it much thought until about 10 minutes later, I saw him walk by again. This time he stood in front of my window, looking down at me and I couldn’t help but meet his eyes. He shouted at me through the window “Hey I live on the third floor let me in!”.
At this point, I was so taken aback that I said “Sure one moment” and was about to walk to the apartment entrance when it occurred to me just how strange this was. It looked like he was locked out of the building and he was looking IN at people’s apartments to see if he could get the attention of someone to let him in.
Before I did anything, I consulted my partner who was watching TV in the other room, and her first response was to close all the blinds in the apartment and lower the sound on the TV. I understood why she did do, but I couldn’t help but feel bad for the guy who was seemingly locked out on Labor Day.
I’ve never seen him before or since, but he likely lives in the building, the residents are mostly young or old, and I don’t know any of the residents here. He was probably just desperate to get in, but I do think his method of getting someone’s attention was a little bizarre.
The building has doorbells he could have rung, and even if he got in, he would need the key to his apartment (unless it was unlocked). I have no idea if he got into the apartment building later but when I went out to my car later, I did not see him.
So am I the asshole for telling a guy I’d let him in and then not doing so? Was the precaution warranted, or were my partner and I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the right thing by not letting him in. It’s probably against the apartment building’s security policy, and you are worried about your safety.
It doesn’t matter that you told him you would let him in. If you have someone who may pose a risk to personal security, you may lie to de-escalate the situation and remove yourself. I would recommend thinking about: 1. What if you were locked out?
What would you do? And how would it differ from this guy’s tactics? 2. What if you run into this guy again? What if it turns out he is a neighbor? What if you can’t confirm he’s a neighbor and is still out being sketchy?” ThrowFarAway9988
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I had a guy follow me to my apartment from the bus stop when I was in college. Our building’s outside doors automatically locked so when I got inside I thought I’d be fine. Some great gentleman who was getting his mail was kind enough to open the door for the man yelling “I forgot my keys!” Got to spend 5 minutes having a stranger knock on my door then another 5 with him creeping into the hallway.
For the love of god, if you don’t know someone simply ignore them. If they have a legit reason to be inside they will figure out a legit way to get inside.” -cheeks.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for all the reasons others have said.
You don’t know him, he could have been there to cause a problem. I might have asked more questions, but I don’t see any issue. I wouldn’t expect someone I don’t know to let me in a building. Hopefully, if he is a neighbor, he understands what that looked like.” Bartleby-Strange
5. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Name For A More 'Professional' Future?
“I’m (16m) a foster kid. I was taken from my mom 3 years ago because she’s not doing good mentally and it wasn’t considered safe for me to live with her. My current foster parents are the ones I hope to stay with until I turn 18.
They’re the best I’ve had and I bounced around a lot, especially in my first year. But there’s something that has come up and now I’m wondering.
So my name’s Ryder. My foster parents don’t outright say they hate it. But I think I saw my foster mom cringe at my name before.
My foster dad asked me when we first met what my middle name was and I guess that wasn’t a name they liked either. So they call me Ry and I think sometimes they tried to say my name’s Ryan instead of Ryder.
A month ago they had asked me if I had ever considered changing my first name when I turn 18 to something more sophisticated sounding.
They even said Ryan could be an idea since it’s so close and they share a nickname. I told them I liked my names and didn’t ever think of changing them. They didn’t say any more then but a week later they told me they had thought a lot about my future and they worried my name would be something that holds me back.
My foster mom said it sounds so lewd when said fast and they felt I deserved better than that. I told them it didn’t bother me and I liked that my mom had chosen my name. That was the end of it again. And then last week they brought it up again and they showed me these articles on the importance of a name, of naming babies for adult life instead of being cute or fun as kids.
They told me they couldn’t make me do it, which I knew, but they would like me to strongly consider it so I could have the chance at a professional future and being taken seriously. They said they would hate to see me passed over for jobs because of my name.
And that they feel like a much older me won’t find the name as cool as I do now. They asked if I trusted them and I said yeah and they said if I do, I should really give some thought to what I could change my name to that would be a better name for adult me.
I told them I was really never going to be okay with that. I felt like it was a waste of time and would get me stuck with some name I wouldn’t like. They asked why I was so okay with dismissing future me and why could I not try, when they were doing all they could to help me.
I could tell it really got to them that I was still so against it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While there is definitely something to be said about the trend of people naming their kids something a bit outlandish, Ryder is not an unheard of name.
I’ve worked with Ryders who are in their 30s. Truthfully, this sounds more like them wanting to have the experience of naming a kid more than listening to your wants. All you need to say to them is that you’re content with Ryder and if it poses an issue in the future, then you’ll deal with it then.” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Agree that you’ll give it serious consideration. Then, give it serious consideration. Then, once you turn 18, don’t change your name because your serious consideration resulted in you not changing your mind. Serious consideration doesn’t mean you have to spend a lot of time thinking about it.
Your foster parents are correct that things like your name can affect how people perceive you. They are idiots for thinking you are throwing your future away by not changing your name.” Lawd_Denning
Another User Comments:
“Nothing wrong with your name brother. It’s a unique name and that is awesome and it will in no way hold you back, if anything it will help you stand out.
Your foster parents are good people, and they want what’s best for you, but they aren’t part of the future generation. Their generation’s idea of success was to blend in, be a company man in suit and tie and toe the line. Success now is about standing out from the croud, having a story and walking your own path.
Turn your adverities into your story and walk your own path. Be the success you were born to be Ryder.” OcculticD
4. AITJ For Refusing My Aunt's Birthday Gift Because It Was Money For Weight Watchers?
“I turned 18 (female) yesterday but it seems to caused a bit of drama in my family so im asking for honest, objective opinions on whether im wrong. I’m using a throwaway account because this situation is obviously very humiliating for me
For reference, my weight has always been made fun of in my family.
My aunt specifically has always been very unkind and fat shamed me, even when I was younger and struggling with my body image. She used to tell me that my clothes looked so small on me, and that even her clothes are probably small for me.
She used to remind me to go on diets constantly. Im currently 320lbs if it adds contexts too
I hadn’t seen my aunt in a while and for the most part I was really glad to see her for my birthday. I was slightly dreading if she would say anything to me because im aware I have gained a lot of weight since I last saw her, but she just made a few comments so I thought it was the end of it.
I was opening a birthday card she gave me a few hours later and it had money in it, with a note that said “money for weight watchers, make some real change for once”. This was humiliating and I asked her about it and she said that she could tell I was miserable and that I probably look really good underneath the fat.
She said this in front of my parents, and it was very embarrassing. I told her im not accepting the gift and she’s making me look stupid, but she said that she was just worried for me and my health. I don’t believe this, she’s made fun of my weight for years even before I was a teenager.
But my parents think I was overreacting and I should’ve just accepted it. My aunt has a notoriously big mouth and my parents think she’s going to tell our whole family so they’re getting kind of worried about what I’ve done.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Absolutely NTJ. She has amply applied salt in the wound for a decade. Consider: “I considered buying you an award for sustaining “Lack of Tact” and “Body Shaming” for 10+ years but instead I’ll return your gift so you can buy something to pre-occupy your thoughts and actions since I’m no longer accepting your shaming insults.
or… “I donated your birthday money gift to a local animal shelter because dogs have more empathy than you.” ….c’mon sub….what else could OP state?!” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NJH but 320lbs at just 18 is . . . Concerning. Maybe your Aunt went about it wrong, but she is NOT wrong to be concerned about you.
You don’t have to do Weight Watchers, but you DO need to start thinking about your health. You are on the fast track to heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, joint problems, etc. Your family has the right to be concerned about your morbid obesity.” SadPanda207
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. I’m glad you’re an adult now, since you can decide what kind of boundaries you want to set with your toxic aunt. Being family does not give her the right to insult, shame, or belittle you. Also, I hope your parents wake up to the situation and see that they should have supported you more when this happened. I believe in assuming good intentions, but your aunt’s previous behavior has made it clear this was NOT a well-intended gift. Good on you for not losing your temper and blowing up at her; you showed a lot of self-control!” Jolly_Cartoonist_258
3. AITJ For Going On A Cruise Instead Of Taking Care Of My Ex-Husband?
“I forgot about the password to this account and my step-daughter showed me what to do and once I accessed this I saw that I got a few messages from people asking for an update so I thought I’d share.
First, a few people seemed to be confused so let me be clear, I am a woman who is married to another woman.
My parents passed away years ago so their opinion is irrelevant. My wife and I both have children from previous relationships but we didn’t meet until after our children were adults so my wife and I are the only ones who have lived together. Now on to what almost everyone else cares about the most.
I went on a cruise! It was great and my wife and I had a great time. My children were predictably unhappy and I’m sure that my temporary blocking of them didn’t make it better. Most of my children kept calling and telling me that I was a selfish and awful woman for choosing to go on the vacation instead of being there for the family, but (like many have you have stated) I reminded them that their father divorced me and therefore my obligations to him ended. If it were any of them that had a medical need I would cancel without question but I would not for their father.
I thought I could leave it at that but because they kept calling and texting the first three days of the trip and that’s when I decided to block. Unfortunately, my ex’s health took a turn for the worse and he had to go back to the hospital and his lack of proper care triggered an investigation.
I didn’t know any of this until I unblocked my kids the day I got back and some of them blamed me.
I’ve concluded that they’re all just mad at the situation and I’m a convenient villain. I’ve accepted this because I can understand the fear and anger of facing the idea of losing a parent that you love.
I just hope that one day we can all sit down with a family therapist and mediate the situation.
However, this did start to trigger my past tendencies of sacrificing my happiness and well-being for my children, but my wife, therapist, and even a small piece of my inner self had to remind me that my children are adults and that my ex isn’t my responsibility.
I tried to reach out and so far most of my children aren’t talking to me and have made it very clear that I will not be able to see my grandchildren as a punishment.
It’s sad, and I’m still wrestling with the guilt and doubt, but my wife and stepchildren are being very supportive, while my other family is a mix and most of my friends are neutral.”
Another User Comments:
“I second your theory that they’re just trying to blame you ’cause they’re upset at the situation and you’re the scapegoat they can yell at to pretend they’re helping. If 4 entire adult children, as well as however many other relatives of his are somehow so overwhelmed that they still need help managing his health, they can’t realistically expect you to be the knight in shining armor to rescue them.
Lean on your wife for support, and stay strong with your boundaries, you got this.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I read your original post. Both you and Dan are remarried to other people. It is his current wife’s and his adult kids’ responsibility to take care of him.
Whether it is home care or putting him in a nursing home. Trying to guilt you while you’re on your anniversary cruise is a new low. Consider keeping kids in low contact. They have a lot of growing up to do. Keep living your best life!” laughter_corgis
2. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Take A DNA Test To Confirm Our Paternity?
“So my mom got pregnant with me when she was 15. My dad passed away when I was 5. My mom was pregnant with my sister right before my dad passed so she never got to meet him. But I remember them trying for her so I know for a fact my sister is his daughter.
She looks so much like him. She’s supposed to be my only full blooded sister since my other siblings are from different dads. However I don’t really look like her and I don’t really look like him or even my mom (At least to me).
Something has been calling on me to do an ancestry dna test so I did and I was shocked at the results. My grandpa told me that they’re indigenous Americas so I was expecting to see that from both parents. When my test came back I only got that from my mom and from my dad I got purely afghan/ Iran.
I even got linked to a 1st cousin that I’ve never even met. How would that be possible if my dad was really my dad unless he had another daughter with someone else that I don’t know about.
The only thing I could think of is buying my sister a kit and seeing if we share the match or any of the results.
When I asked my mom about it she got really upset and asked me why I was trying to dig deep into it and that I should leave the past in the past. My stepdad chimed in and said this isn’t gonna be a family drama that if I wanted to look into it to do so without making anyone else get involved. Then my mom said I was being inconsiderate of my sister and of her bc this information was gonna cause them both pain.
I talked to my sister and she said she would take the test for me but now I just feel wrong about it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is fine with taking the test, so you’re good. That’s really all the permission you need. Your family is pushing against this because they have something to hide.
Otherwise, they wouldn’t care. You really shouldn’t have involved anybody but your sister in the decision. It’s after you get the results that you’d confront your family for the truth.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, unless you pressured your sister somehow. You asked and your sister was willing to do it.
It doesn’t sound like you will learn much by having your sister do the DNA test, though. The fact that your mom wants to leave the past in the past is somewhat telling – and you might not like what you discover. You should also respect your mom’s wishes by not involving her in your research.” MiscreantMarsupial
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but do know these DNA tests show different things for different people if I understand it correctly. Do you have a copy of your birth certificate to look at to see who is listed as the father? That could be a place to start or even talking to some of his relatives if anyone is willing and you want to go down that road.
You could do a dna test through other means too. However, it sounds like your mom is trying to get you to drop something because it’s fishy. Think about what the possible consequences are for you and everyone and how it could affect your relationships with them.
Talk with your sister about it. You don’t have to disclose you did it or what the results are. If it’s worth it, go for it. You have a right to know who your father is and also medical history at the very least.” TimelyApplication723
1. AITJ For Leaving My Parents To Struggle Financially After They Disrespected My Wife?
“My wife and I moved in to help my parents financially because they struggled with bills on their retirement income. My wife hated it; it was a downgrade from our lifestyle and a significant downgrade from what she was used to.
We rented out our home, so we had income from that.
My mom continued to be difficult complaining about how my wife eats too extravagantly. Even though my wife was buying the groceries. We started to go out of town for weekends because we needed a break.
For some reason, my mom started taking up the only show when she knew my wife had to leave for work on multiple occasions causing my wife to be late for work.
My dad doesn’t do much because he has his old-fashioned views on cooking and cleaning and they both chose to hate on my wife for her working in a career.
Finally, my wife got sick of fighting with them over a shower and rented a small studio near her work. I started staying there more often and I enjoy the peace away from my parents. I told my parents I was done supporting them and the house after a crazy high electricity bill when my mom would forget to close windows during the day but blast the AC.
I decided it was time for me to join my wife in the studio. My parents don’t know how they can afford bills, food, and things like insurance and taxes. I told them maybe they need to downsize or sell the home.
They said they would if we let them have the home we are renting and I explained that on top of the rent for the studio that home still has a mortgage.
Mom came after my wife saying she needs to downgrade her lifestyle but I told my parents I think you guys should try that because I will no longer be giving them ANY money and they have to manage themselves.
My dad asked what was he supposed to do and I told him seasonal holiday hiring is coming up and they need to get part-time jobs if they can’t make ends meet.
My parents act like I’m evil for suggesting this but it’s really their only option to keep the lights on and food on the table.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to cut support to your parents, but kinda a jerk to your wife.
I get that there’s a feeling that they’re your parents, and you want to do what you can to support them, but they (specifically your mother) seem to be taking things for granted and lashing out at your wife for having a life.
I think you should be putting your wife first over your parents right now because it sounds like your wife had to sacrifice more than you have.” Botany_
Another User Comments:
“You tried to help your parents by making a HUGE adjustment in your life when you moved in with them.
They made that impossible by taking you for granted and being incredibly disrespectful to your wife. They should have been thankful and accommodating, and they went our of their way not to be. They have made their bed, it is time to lay in it.
NTJ” Sad-Currency-3235
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