People Are Ready To Take Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations Head-On
22. AITJ For Leaving Home And Refusing To Help With My Autistic Brother?
“I (18m) moved out of my parents’ house five weeks ago when I turned 18. My reason for moving out so fast is because they had me helping a lot with my younger brother (14) who is autistic and non-verbal. It was a lot and I resent having my life revolve around him so much before.
Looking after him is a full-time job and they expected me to sign up for a part-time job in it so they could get a break, instead of going through the proper channels and taking advantage of respite care and other things that could give us all a break and allow them to spend time with me.
My brother can have these silent breakdowns, as I call them, where he can’t/won’t walk and needs to be held and carried around. My parents had me doing that for years and sometimes I was the only person he would settle for and then I’d have him in my arms for ages.
They used to give me some freedom but took that away when they realized they might need me during those moments of freedom. They pulled me out of birthday parties to help with my brother before, they pulled me out of tutoring after school because they knew it wasn’t actual school that I had to attend.
They actually pulled me out of class a few times to settle my brother.
I wanted out and I left as soon as I could. My friend’s parents took me in. And I haven’t gone to my parents’ house since. I stopped taking their calls or responding to their texts.
But they are angry because three different times since I left they asked me via text to help with my brother and I ignored them. They keep texting that I should be ashamed, what kind of brother and son am I, how could I leave them to do it themselves, and what about my brother who misses me.
They even sent me a few videos of my brother crying and they said he was missing me and crying for me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You deserve to be your own person. You deserve attention and affection, not being the one who constantly provides it.
Your parents should not bully or guilt trip you, but appreciate you and give you a big hug for how much you have contributed already at such a young age. You have done enough and now you need to live your own life. Your brother is your parents’ son and he is their responsibility.” EndiWinsi
Another User Comments:
“Nope, NTJ and your parents are shameless. It would be one thing if this were something discussed with as a family to help your brother. You are correct that there are lots of options out there: respite care plus social services to name a few, but it seems having you around meant free help.
Now that you are old enough to get away, poof, you left. They didn’t give you many choices and much of your own life so it should be no big surprise that you got out as fast as you could. You’ve done nothing wrong. They, however, now need to come up with a plan B that should have been their plan A when they realized their younger son was going to need help rather than saddle you with the duties they did.
Live free my butterfly. Spread those wings and find out who you are. Good luck!” goldenfingernails
Another User Comments:
“OP, your parents are wrong in their treatment of you. You are allowed to have a life. You do not need to be there for your brother.
Your parents want to burden you with your brother. They are used to you being there because you were a minor. You are aware that there are “proper channels” in place that could help your parents. It does not have to be you. You are learning that you can never be in contact with them again.
Do what you can to improve your life, higher education, trade school, community college. Good luck. NTJ.” Aggravating-Pain9249
21. AITJ For Not Supporting My Daughter's Last Minute Wedding Changes?
“My daughter, Anastasia, got married a week ago. In the months leading up to the event, she was understandably anxious, which her father and I tried to help her through as much as possible.
Originally, Anastasia planned on having a wedding weekend. She married on a Sunday but wanted everyone there that Thursday to kick off the weekend with a few activities. Most guests were coming from across the country. First, she changed the welcome barbecue to basically just cold cuts and chips, even when her dad and I offered to buy the stuff she originally promised. But she said no. Then she canceled all the activities and said she was too stressed to do any of them.
She said it was nothing the family did, just her stress. While I understood her side, I did also understand the side of her guests who were upset they spent all this money to come early, have accommodations for a full weekend, and now, had very little to do.
Then, a few members of the bridal party who had flown in out of state with plus ones stated they felt bad for their partners for basically abandoning them. They ended up skipping a few events because Anastasia had told them to treat Thursday and Friday as a vacation then took that back and expected them to ignore their partners.
Anastasia was upset and began venting to me. I tried to be understanding at first. Eventually, she only had me, her maid of honor, and one bridesmaid attending a movie night she arranged. The bridesmaid ended up leaving early because she felt bad her partner had basically been cooped up in their hotel alone (there really isn’t a ton to do around here).
She and the other bridesmaids promised they’d be there for the sleepover they had always planned for the night before the wedding so everyone could get ready together the morning of.
After this, Anastasia threw a fit, saying she felt abandoned by most of her bridal party.
Her maid of honor was reassuring her that she did the right thing and they were being jerks. They both looked to me and my husband for support. Eventually, I said I understood her bridesmaids. I also understood why our family was upset. While it’s understandable she’s stressed and why she didn’t want to do the originally planned events, she did cause a lot of people to waste money and time coming down here.
As well as put her bridal party in an awkward position.
Anastasia refused to discuss it more. The rest of the weekend went on as she wanted. The wedding was beautiful and everyone had a good time. Then Anastasia and her husband went on a short honeymoon.
They returned on Friday and we had dinner on Saturday. At one point, Anastasia confronted me privately and said I was wrong for not supporting her. She said I was supposed to be on her side. I said I would’ve been but she was teetering on bridezilla territory.
Just because it’s her special day doesn’t mean how she handled things was okay.
She insists that I was in the wrong for not backing her up. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Your daughter sure hit several marks, though. There was no teetering.
She went full-on jerk. She was very rude to the guests who went to so much trouble and expense to travel for something as ridiculously egotistical as a wedding weekend. She was even more rude to her bridal party, who no doubt have occurred expense and spent a lot of time accommodating her nonsense.
She expects you to be her echo chamber, rather than tell her the truth about herself.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“The only area for improvement I would point out is that if I had lost my mind and done this? My parents wouldn’t have bothered getting permission to make things right for the family and people who traveled for the wedding.
They’d have done a proper meal and hosted a backup activity/event even if I protested because they’d want the guests to be comfortable and taken care of. They’d also see it as saving me from my own hopefully temporary bad judgment.
NTJ you are being honest at a time when honesty was needed and helpful. It won’t do her any good to hear only validation, treat the absent bridesmaids with frustration only to realize two months from now that she lost all her friends.” SnooPets8873
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter has burned a lot of bridges with her behavior. People will not easily forget having to use a ton of PTO and money to be made to sit on their rear for 2 days. I’m sure they all managed to pass themselves at the wedding, cause that’s what adults do.
But don’t expect this not to come up in the future lol. Hope your daughter gets her head out of her rear sooner rather than later.” JBW66
20. AITJ For Not Giving My Sister My Day's Wage Because I Missed Her Graduation?
“I (20m) have a job at a local store in my state and work there to make money for school.
My sister (23F) had a graduation coming up and I attempted to schedule off, but wasn’t able to as it was past the 2-week requirement. My family told me to just call out by saying I’m sick, but I almost got in trouble with that in a previous job and I didn’t want to risk it.
My sister herself though, never told me that she wanted me to do that. So I didn’t call out and didn’t get to attend, unfortunately.
When I came home from my shift, she told me that she expected me to give her all of the money I’d made from that day’s shift. I refused, and she started becoming upset at me and told me that I hadn’t come to her graduation, so I owed it to her.
I reminded her she never told me she wanted me to call out and then offered half the pay from that day. She still refused and told me I’m selfish. My family is split in this. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely not.
This is your job, not hers. She didn’t work that day, you did. It’s not like you didn’t attempt to get the day off, you did but were denied. And not wanting to risk your job is valid. I would perhaps have given her a small graduation present since you couldn’t attend but after her demanding your money, maybe not even that now.
Depends on how you feel about your sister.” Asuni-m
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You worked for that money, she didn’t, so she doesn’t have a claim to it just because she’s entitled and expects others to bend over backward for her ceremony. If you are petty though, you could go another route, anytime you have an important event, invite the family, and if she ever doesn’t go because of work, you can demand that day’s pay from her.
(I don’t really recommend this option because it’ll make you look petty and narrow-minded.)” Jonyodisa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How old is your sister, 5? You worked to earn your money, not her so she can grow up. She also needs to learn that sometimes people can’t make it to events like a graduation because people have lives outside of her.
Tell her to grow up, cause she certainly isn’t acting like someone who graduated, she’s acting like a spoiled brat who doesn’t know how the world works and she’s gonna get some harsh reality checks in the future if she doesn’t figure this out now.
Talk about a selfish and entitled little brat, good lord.” PsychoEmoVampire
19. AITJ For Allowing My Dogs On The Bed At A Pet-Friendly Airbnb?
“My wife and I went on a weekend trip to an Airbnb which was listed as pet friendly. I was upfront with the host that we were traveling with our 3 border collies.
We were hardly there other than as a place to sleep.
The listing had no rules or restrictions about where our dogs could be on the property nor any rules that we were responsible for cleaning the property. While we were there, our dogs slept in the bedroom with us and at times were on the bed.
We had a great trip but after we left we received a very negative review from the host saying that we had ruined the bed linen with dog hair.
The host said that we were disrespectful for having the dogs on the bed and that we ought to have brought our own bed linen with us.
I’m embarrassed at the situation, but I don’t think we did anything wrong as there was nothing in the listing about this. We have never had a problem before and have never been asked to bring our own linen to another property. Worried we may be missing some kind of etiquette.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am not a dog parent, in fact, I don’t even care for dogs that much. That being said, if I was not completely prepared to handle any kind of mess a dog could make I would not be renting out any property on Airbnb as pet friendly without rules.
If the listing said pet friendly and had no rules on where the animals could go or extra costs associated with potential “mess” from them then you are not the jerk for breaking a rule that wasn’t in place. Would it have been polite for you to clean up after yourself more?
Sure it would have been. But if you are going to do that why would you pay the enormous cleaning fee Airbnb always has for their places? So yeah I think not the jerk. The property is “pet friendly”. You paid a cleaning fee. There are no rules about where the pets could go.
No rules about cleaning up the hair. If they weren’t prepared to deal with pet hair they shouldn’t rent out a pet-friendly Airbnb.” Catcon95
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. EX Airbnb cleaner here: You are fine! We absolutely expected that at a dog-friendly place! We blamed the owners, some bedspreads, in general, are horrible for a fast turnover!
These owners wouldn’t give you time to wash the sheets and bedspreads. Plus some bedspreads are impossible to get dog hair out in one wash. That’s their fault and choice. Always greedy! Look it paid the bills when I was desperate but I am lucky to have great local clients now and screw Airbnb!” TheRatAndTheCat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s on the Airbnb to let you know the rules. I’ve stayed in pet-friendly Airbnbs that let dogs on the furniture with no issues, and I’ve stayed at ones that are more strict about that stuff. If they don’t tell you they don’t want pets on the bed, that’s on them.
You are not a mind reader, and all Airbnbs are different so there is no ‘standard’ to follow. Now you know just not to stay at that Airbnb again.” _Something_Classy
18. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Room For My Older Brother When He Visits?
“For context, my (20M) older brother (23M) moved out about two years ago to another city so I took his room after he left because it was a bigger room. Since then I have completely renovated it and got a new bed, TV and so on.
He usually comes back here once a month and stays for some days with his partner and every time they get back they demand me to give up my room for them, the reason being that I have the bigger bed. Being me, I always let them have it, just to avoid arguments because they apparently ”don’t feel welcome” unless they get my room.
Which I find absolutely crazy because we have another room with a smaller bed where they could easily be instead. My mom also gets very anxious when he and I fight about it so that’s why I give in.
Five days ago they came back here and of course they got my room and I had to leave my room with all my belongings and settle in the smaller room.
But then they left again two days ago to go fishing in another place with some friends. Then they were supposed to go back to his own place, but instead, they came back here to sleep for ONE night and then head home.
Now that brings us to today.
I was in my room playing video games and since I am free from work tomorrow I felt like gaming late. They come home and demand my room immediately, I argue back that I won’t give up my room right now because I don’t want to leave the PC.
The time at this point is also only 10 pm so I want to keep playing. And my brother was not having it and went to my parents, now they are all pressuring me to leave the room and I refuse, my brother then threatens that they will leave and go home (to my parents who want them to stay).
I eventually have to give in and they take my room, but I am not happy.
So AITJ for refusing to give up my room where I literally have all my stuff, and let’s not forget that they are using MY bed, doing God knows what.
They also leave a bunch of trash after which I have to clean up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as this is crazy. I think you need to sit down with your parents and tell them how this is hurting you as you feel like they care about your brother so much more than they care about you, and you want to brainstorm solutions.
Some possible solutions: 1. Your parents give your brother and his partner their room. If it’s not a problem for you to be kicked out of your room, why not them from theirs? 2. You move your bed and computer back to your room but outfit the bigger room as a game room/weights room/lounge with a Murphy bed for when they stay over.
3. Your parents buy a bigger bed for the smaller bedroom and make your brother stay there.” ContentContact3254
Another User Comments:
“He’s literally trying to throw his weight around to prove to his partner that he’s the #1 son and you need to call him out on it in front of your parents.
Point out that he doesn’t live there anymore, you do. It’s no longer his room, it’s yours. He’s now a guest and that’s what a guest room is for. Ask him if he and his partner would give up their bed so you could be comfortable at their place.
It’s going to be uncomfortable. There’s going to be shouting by your brother and tears from your mother and accusations that you’re the one ruining everything. You’re not, you’re just done being a doormat. Your brother is. Stand your ground. Nothing is going to change until you do.
Get a lock for your door. NTJ.” Sleepwalker0304
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That room is your private space, and your brother doesn’t live there anymore. He’s a guest. Ask why your parents don’t give up their room to accommodate the princeling? You need to sit down with your parents and ask them why they feel you can be kicked out of your private space every time your brother and his partner – who could very easily sleep in the guest room – decide they want to visit?
Why is he prioritized over you? Not to mention the trash issue, which is, frankly, disgusting. Your brother is an entitled jerk by the way.” Worth-Two7263
17. AITJ For Refusing To Find A Roommate For College Despite My Mom's Insistence?
“My mom and I have been screaming at each other for the past 4 days because she is insisting that I must find a roommate for college.
I have talked to about 10 people already and they have either ended up ghosting, agreed that the two of us would be better off friends, or decided to stay with someone else.
To the average college freshman, I’m a pretty undesirable roommate. I go to bed around 9:30 PM so I can get up for swim practice at 6 AM (something that will continue in college) and I don’t really like to party.
I’m not going to a school where there are tons of athletes, so it’s been hard to find someone who will also fit my schedule.
A few days ago, my mom saw this other mom’s post on a social media platform about her daughter wanting to find a roommate.
Despite the fact that I asked my mom to not get involved in the roommate process multiple times, she just couldn’t help herself.
I decided a long time ago that I wanted to have a randomly selected roommate. It saves me time and energy.
Plus, if it turns out we aren’t compatible, we can go our separate ways. Since my mom connected with this other mom, she has been driving me insane about connecting with this woman’s daughter.
Just to get my mom off my back, we exchanged a couple of Instagram messages, but it was very clear to me that this girl was not looking for compatibility, but just to get the process over with.
She also came across as a little judgmental of some of my responses. My mom is insisting that I don’t know her and that I need to FaceTime with her in order to actually get to know her.
I have no interest in doing this.
I’m fine with my choice to have a random roommate, but my mom is not. She has quite literally been screaming at me to FaceTime with this girl. Just today my mom sent me a text about FaceTiming with the girl and when I didn’t answer it, my mom sent the exact same text an hour later.
I really do believe that my mom is trying to live vicariously through me. She keeps mentioning that when she went to college she didn’t have the opportunity to choose a roommate, so I’m being selfish and stubborn by not taking the opportunity to do so.
Personally, I don’t think it’s that deep, but I get so fed up with being yelled at.
I also asked my mom politely to let me be an adult and do this process by myself. She has refused to let me do that and has been continuously messaging this mom on a social media platform saying that I would love to talk to her daughter.
I don’t think I’m being the jerk, but what do I know, I’m just an “immature stubborn mule” in the words of my mom.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are becoming an adult and have decided on a reasonable option. Picking a roommate is great if you have someone you think you will be compatible with.
But picking a stranger just because your mother wants that sounds terrible. It means your mother will continue to interject herself to make sure that her choice for your roommate works out. To avoid some of the yelling, I’d Facetime with the proposed roommate but let her know that you want the random option.
Let her know it isn’t her, it’s that you can’t start your college life with your mother running it. Once you are out there independently your mom may shift her focus to picking your husband.” ThatguyIncognito
Another User Comments:
“OP, this is absurd. You’re an adult.
You can select a random roommate if you so choose, and the fact that your mother seems intent on having you live with this one girl—for no apparent reason, it seems, other than to afford herself the illusion of control over the process—is purely ridiculous.
IG message her again and tell her that you’re sorry, but you don’t think you’d be compatible. Tell her that your mom would very much like it if you lived with her—and thus that if she receives any more info from her mom about how badly you’d like to Facetime, that’s coming from your mom; not you.
Submit the random roommate request and be done. NTJ.” aemondstareye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP is getting a roommate one way or the other. Honestly, I did the whole personal test and got matched with someone who I had 0 interests in common. She moved out because a teammate had an opening (completely understandable), and I ended up with a random person.
We got along GREAT. She was awesome. Mom needs to chill. Info are you a freshman staying in a dorm???? Does the school not just pair you up?” No-Locksmith-8590
16. AITJ For Accusing My In-Laws Of Lying About My Son's Injury?
“My wife (34F) and I (37M) have been married for 4 years and have 2 little boys (3 & 1).
Both our kids have had their fair share of minor health issues. Multiple ear infections that led to ear tubes in our 3-year-old, flu, RSV, HFM, etc. It’s been a lot in a few short years and sometimes I genuinely wonder how we’ve made it through.
My brother has a running joke that we are single-handedly putting our pediatrician’s kids through college. We both have family nearby to help which has been a lifesaver at times.
This past weekend, my wife’s mom and stepdad offered to take the boys to a nearby park to give us a break for a couple of hours.
When they got back to our house, our 1-year-old was crying and upset and they told us he just seemed really tired and/or hungry. My in-laws made some jokes about us not letting them watch the kids again then left and we got the kids some food and put them down for a nap.
When the 1-year-old woke up he still seemed out of it and was unable to put weight on his left leg. At this point we knew something was up so we took him to urgent care. On the way there, my wife called her mom to ask her if anything happened and she said he might have had a fall on one of the slides.
The doctors ended up doing an X-ray and found a minor spiral fracture. So now he’s in a cast, but thankfully won’t require surgery. The doctor even told us these types of fractures are common in kids my son’s age and even called it a “toddler’s fracture.”
We again called my in-laws to try and get more info but they, at least to me, seemed to dance around our questions. A couple of days ago, I took our 3-year-old to the same park and asked him what happened to his little brother.
He said that his brother was on the slide with grandma, but slid down by himself, fell off the end, went boom, and got an owie.
I told my wife about this and we called her mom again. We told her what our 3-year-old said and asked her what happened. She said that what our 3-year-old said isn’t true but didn’t give us a straight answer as to how our 1-year-old got hurt.
At this point I had enough and ended up going off on them.
I told them I feel like they are trickle-truthing us or straight-up lying about what happened. I told them that they either know exactly how our son got hurt and aren’t telling us, or they don’t know what happened because they weren’t paying attention.
I told them neither are acceptable and I have lost all trust in them. I told them that by withholding information they put our son’s health at risk and I will never tolerate that. Stepdad asked if I am believing a 3-year-old over them and I told them I 100% am.
My wife ended the call abruptly when she thought I was going too far. We ended up arguing about it because she thinks I am blaming her mom for an accident and that I shouldn’t be calling them liars about this. I told her I don’t want her mom and stepdad to watch either of our kids unsupervised under any circumstances, which she disagrees with.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t think you are overreacting for wanting to know how your 1-year-old son broke his leg. This is your child and you are able to make decisions about who you feel safe with your child being around. I don’t believe that your in-laws did anything necessarily irresponsible while watching your son, but the fact that they deny any responsibility, call your son a liar, and refuse to tell you what happened is certainly odd, and if it makes you not want to have them watch your sons anymore, I think that is a fair reaction.” puntacana24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your MiL and her husband had greeted you at the door and said “We are SO sorry, this is what happened, we did x y z,” or BETTER YET, called you immediately and told you… THAT would have been an accident.
They didn’t. Instead they made a “joke” out of guilt, knowing full well he wasn’t okay and hightailed out of there and have continued to refuse to answer questions. Why? Because they KNOW your son got hurt on their watch and REFUSE to take responsibility for it.
Your wife needs a reality check. Her mother and stepfather are more interested in protecting their own behinds than the safety of your children. I wouldn’t allow them around my kids either, and I’d be having SERIOUS words with my spouse if they were trying to justify this.” ElephantUndertheRug
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your child had a broken leg and they made a joke out of it. You had to figure out what happened from your three-year-old instead of the adults you trusted to watch over them. If that’s the case, the three-year-old has become more reliable and honest than the adult.
And I hate it when adults choose to believe other adults over their own kids. Of freaking course I’m going to believe my child over you! Especially because your three-year-old was a witness who has nothing to gain by lying in this situation. Grandparents can chill until they learn how to be honest. Maybe you could have handled the situation better but they were, and still are, clearly holding something back.
Your reaction does mean that you’ll likely never know and they probably don’t want to admit it even more now.” EJ_1004
15. AITJ For Breaking My Vegan Diet At School To Fit In?
“My entire family are vegans, my dad especially is a very “vocal” vegan. He goes to vegan protests, was in vegan groups in our old city, he’s a vegan activist. Which I love, I’m not trying to paint those things as bad I really respect him for his thoughts.
My brother and I have both been raised vegan our entire lives. At school it’s always made me feel “othered” is the best way to explain it. Never able to eat anything sold in the school canteen, at friend’s birthdays never able to eat a piece of cake with my friends, or have to be the one who says “we can’t go to that restaurant they don’t serve any vegan food”.
Always having to explain why I’m not allowed to “try a bite” of their sandwich. They aren’t huge things but they are things that make me stick out. Since I’m an awkward guy anyway, it just doesn’t help me socially. So when we moved cities and I joined a new school last Monday I decided that I’m not going to follow the vegan diet while I’m at school.
I kept this to myself because I know my parents wouldn’t support it and would be angry.
When at home, or with my parents I will follow the vegan diet but if I’m out with my friends or at school I’m not going to, in my mind this was respectful of my parents’ wishes.
No meat in the house or around them but by myself is different. My brother and I both go to this new school. Since we don’t share a lunch time I didn’t tell him that I wasn’t going to follow the vegan diet, I didn’t think he would support it and I thought he would tell Dad.
Things have been going alright but I didn’t know that on Fridays my brother’s lunch time would be at the same time as mine. I was sitting with some new friend and I was eating a cheese pizza (this is the only non-vegan food I’ve eaten so far.
I want to try pepperoni but still feel a little scared) and my brother caught me and asked what I was doing eating pizza.
I tried to play it off but I knew I was screwed, my brother told my parents and now everyone is really upset at me.
I’ve been grounded and my dad said he’s going to call my new school and tell them that if they sell me non-vegan food he will put in a discrimination complaint. Which is just going to make me seem like a weirdo now.
I tried to explain to him that I was trying to be respectful by not doing it here, but my parents just gave me a huge lecture about how I’m so selfish for breaking the diet. He said he can’t trust me anymore and now I feel guilty in one half of my brain and in another I’m telling myself it isn’t that big of a deal and they’re overreacting.
But I don’t know if I’m just being blind.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you are not in a great position to rebel against your family’s choices. The emphasis on a vegan lifestyle is similar to a religious lifestyle and it seems that your father views it that way if he is ranting about discrimination cases.
You are “apostate” and that is going to cause you trouble at home. But you are not wrong to be. Becoming an adult is a time when people challenge beliefs they’ve been brought up and see if they want to continue them into adult life.
And you don’t want to be vegan. You are being respectful – you are respecting their beliefs at home. I suppose there is an argument you should be respectful when spending money your father gives you at school if he feels very morally. But that falls down if you have employment and are spending your own money.
You are going to have to assume that you are under scrutiny though by your brother, and for interests of a good home life, I’d suggest sticking to the vegan diet at school. It is hard to recommend that you sneak around your parents but you are the only one that can decide if the downsides of being “othered” are sufficiently bad to offset that.
Give it three years and you will have the freedom to fully make your own choices. Pepperoni pizza is good but it can be quite spicy. Also, watch out for an upset stomach as it may take you time to acclimatize to meat.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like veganism is not just a diet in your family, it is a religion–a moral code that your worldview is built around. And as with all kids who begin to question the merits of the belief system under which they were raised, NTJ for deciding to forge your own path.
I think the timing (new school, kids don’t know about veganism) and manner (vegan at home, not necessarily at school) you went about it was very thoughtful. I think you should wait until your parents calm down and approach them about this–explain that the stigma of being so different is worse for you at this time in your life than a little non-vegan food, but that you have no intention of upsetting the family dynamic or “converting” your brother to the omnivore club.
In terms of the school, go to your counselor or other administrator and explain that this is YOUR choice. It may be that your parents have no ability to override it. At the very least, it should put the school’s mind at ease about babysitting your food intake or a potential “discrimination” claim.
The only thing you did wrong here is consider the pepperoni. You need to walk before you can run, son.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“I’m a vegan and you’re NTJ. You have the right to decide what you eat. You’re doing a great job by eating what you want when you’re out and about, and respecting people’s culture (including your parents) when you’re inside their home.
I’m against your family treating it like an all-or-nothing issue. I make exceptions sometimes. Veganism shouldn’t be about being perfect and obsessively policing what goes in your body. It’s about advocating for animals and eliminating exploitation where possible. Your parents sound emotionally unhealthy.
This isn’t about veganism at all – it’s about them being obsessively controlling.” topping_r
14. AITJ For Taking My Friend To The Hospital Against Her Mother's Wishes?
“I (19) took my friend (17) to the hospital even when her mother disagreed. My friend has been talking to me about her pain everywhere.
It was so painful she was crying and when she asked her mother to take her to the hospital, they refused. Her mother said that she was just overreacting. But I (as a medic student) knew something was wrong. She could hardly breathe and the pain got worse.
I couldn’t just let her suffer and the painkillers she got weren’t helping. So I took things into my own hands. I had to carry her into my car and drove to the nearest hospital.
When we came in they took care of her immediately.
As soon as she was in a room I called her parents. Her mother screamed at me. She was like: “How dare you take her to the hospital even when we told you not to?” I just explained what I was told and her mother just hung up on me!
Five minutes later she came in and my friend’s father was there too. He thanked me and apologized for his wife’s behavior.
While the doctor said what was going on her mother was giving me a death stare. When the doctor left she went off on me.
I don’t really remember what she said, but it was something about what is everyone gonna think about her and that I made her look like a bad mother.
I didn’t have the energy to argue so I just left.
Her mother told it to my friend’s sisters and now my phone is blowing up with messages.
To be honest I do feel like I did something wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the right thing. You helped your friend who was in terrible pain and got her the help she needed. And forget her mom, her mom IS a bad mom.
Her child was suffering and crying and asked to be taken to the hospital and the poor child was brushed off and was told she was ‘overreacting’. If she comes at you again, tell her that she is a horrible mother and to put her energy into being there for her daughter instead of harassing you for doing what she should’ve done from the start.” Lolzwaitwhat
Another User Comments:
“Former ICU RN here… you absolutely did the right thing, and as a student medic AND as a friend please know that you trusted your own judgment and YOU should know you did the right thing. As a mandated reporter, had I seen this scene play out and if it’s as you described, I probably would have made a report for the mother’s medical neglect (depending on what action the dad had taken).
That’s how confident I am that you did the right thing. Also, you are NTJ for making the mom look like a bad mom — she did that all on her own. Actually, she doesn’t LOOK LIKE a bad mom… she IS A BAD MOM.” FatimaAbdi8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Think about it like this: If you did nothing, then your friend could’ve died. Then you would be sitting here today crying, feeling guilty, and thinking, “What if…” Your friend’s egg donor can be mad and stay mad all she wants to.
Even if you don’t feel like it, make sure people know what really went down. Because she’s obviously twisting the events that occurred to make herself not look like the self-proclaimed bad mother that she is. I’m not too sure if the father is all that innocent in all of this, either.
He seemed too relaxed in the situation. Instead of being visibly upset at his wife for denying his own child medical care, he apologized for her behavior instead? Where was he when this happened? If he was there in the vicinity when this all occurred, then she has some bad ‘donors’.
You are a good friend, and I hope you continue to be there for her going forward. So that she can have at least one in her life that loves and cares for her.” Careful-Listen2277
13. AITJ For Blaming My Brother For Our Father's Death?
“I, a 27-year-old female, and my brother James, a 25-year-old male, were raised by a single dad.
Our mom left and we didn’t really have family so we only had each other. Fast forward to 18-year-old me, my dad was diagnosed with schizophrenia. That took a lot on me mentally because my brother refused to help. My dad accepted help and was put on medication.
Fast forward to 23-year-old me, my dad had a stroke and was diagnosed with heart failure. I was the sole caretaker and it was breaking me. He still worked and could fully function unless he had an episode which was rare with the meds. Fast forward, I move out of the state for my peace and a break.
My brother James promised to step up.
September of 22, I could tell my dad was going off the deep end so I called James to advise of POA rights. James told me I was being dramatic and didn’t need to worry about it because I was selfish and left. Fast forward to November, 2 days go by, and I didn’t hear from my dad.
I called a welfare check and they found him deceased, believed heart attack. I immediately flew back home that day. When I get there, James, inebriated, confesses to me he saw him the day before and described him as “unrecognizable, sick, couldn’t eat, move or anything.” James brought him some energy drinks and left quoting “if it was that bad he’s an adult and would’ve asked to go to the doctor.”
I stood there stunned. No words. My brother kept pushing me to say something when finally I snapped and said “I hate you, I’ll probably never forgive you for this. The one time you had to be an adult you couldn’t and had you did there’s a possibility he could still be alive today.” He called me a heartless jerk and now all of my family is saying the same but I feel my feelings are valid so AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And all of what “family” are agreeing you are heartless? As you previously noted, you really don’t have any family, and if none of these people stepped up and helped with caring for you as a kid, and your dad when he started having issues, then nobody has earned “family” rights to critique your words and actions.
However, it might be worth considering how rocky the relationship between James and your dad was, and the conflicted feelings he probably had, and is having, over what has happened.” CatteNappe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but those medications are horrid, and sometimes what people want is to not take them.
Heart failure is terrible to live with. And those meds cause heart failure along with the failure of other organs. They even steal your joy and light and any good feelings you can have in your life, often enough. Plenty of people with schizophrenia choose to live with schizophrenia without meds because they went to get “help” and now they just have schizophrenia + whatever horrors the medication inflicted on them.
The meds can knock 20-30 years off a person’s life. And we are real people. We are adults. And I’ve personally asked everyone around to just let me die rather than send me in shackles to get the only “help” available, the effects of which are worse than anything the schizophrenia has thrown at me.” VindictivePuppy
Another User Comments:
“What you said wasn’t heartless. It was the truth. I’m sorry for your loss OP. You cared for your father for years and James knows that. He promised to care for your dad and didn’t. Your brother wanted you to justify his actions, forgive him, and tell him it wasn’t his fault because he feels guilty and knows your father’s death was more than likely avoidable and thus, was the consequence of his inaction.
However, it will now be unknown if your father would have lived had he received proper healthcare. It can be investigated if you make a report citing elder abuse/neglect. Your father’s final months can be pieced together and ultimately authorities may come to the conclusion that your brother’s lack of adequate care, neglect, etc… were the cause of your father’s death.
Then if they have enough evidence, they can charge your brother. It’s up to you (and other relatives) to decide if you want to pursue that. To answer your question though, you’re NTJ. Your brother is.” Bubbly_ladybug
12. AITJ For Letting My Brother's Family Keep Our Cat After We Moved Into A Pet-Friendly Apartment?
“My wife and I rented one half of a duplex for 4 years.
In that time, we adopted our cat, Addie. A year and a half ago, there was a fire caused by someone on the other half of the duplex. The house was destroyed. We lost a lot, but luckily Addie was okay.
We temporarily moved in with my brother’s family.
They were amazing to us. The kids loved Addie.
It soon became clear that our landlord was going to have to tear down the duplex and rebuild as the damage was that bad. We needed to find a new place to live. After endless searching, we realized all the vacancies that we could afford in our area didn’t allow cats.
My brother and SIL generously offered to keep Addie while we tried to get off the waitlist at a pet-friendly apartment. In the past year and a half, we’ve visited their home frequently and have gotten to see Addie.
To add, if it matters, my brother’s family began financially taking care of her.
Including vet bills, food, etc. They refused to take our money.
The more time that passed, I knew the odds of us being able to take Addie back were slim. My SIL works from home so Addie’s gotten used to someone being around. Whereas my wife and I work in offices in a different city.
The kids were also growing more attached. I tried to have this conversation with my wife multiple times but she was in denial.
Last month, we finally got off the waitlist for a better apartment that allows pets. My wife instantly called my brother to ask about Addie.
He asked that we meet with him and his wife for dinner.
As I expected, they asked if they could keep Addie. They said they had grown attached to her. That the kids would have a hard time but they felt Addie would too as she’d gotten used to them and their lifestyle.
I have to admit, Addie does seem happy there.
My wife started to protest but I said we’d think about it. At home, I told her this was for the best. She got upset and said she wants Addie back. That we had a deal. I said we need to think about what’s best for Addie and also what’s fair to everyone.
Ultimately, she reluctantly agreed. We still see Addie, but my wife acts differently when we’re there. Sometimes I feel she resents my brother and his family for keeping Addie. But she won’t discuss it. Recently, a friend asked if we’d ever get another cat.
My wife said no as she feels I’d just give it away again. I was hurt and said I never would’ve given her away if not for the circumstances. She made it clear she’ll never understand my choice.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ, and I agree with your wife. It sounds like you barely tried and took the easy way out by letting it get to the point where she could be guilted into giving up the cat. “Best for Addie”, “the kids were attached” bruh please.
Most cats can adapt to a person being gone at work and kids can learn that not everything they like is theirs to keep, and your brother can (gasp) get them another cat THAT DOESN’T ALREADY BELONG TO SOMEONE. Your wife clearly was not on board with this change and it sounds like you all whined enough that she couldn’t fight the three of you.
I’d never trust you with an animal again either if that’s what you consider an acceptable amount of reasons not to take a pet back when you had a pre-established expectation.” spicytraveler
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Cats can adapt and I’m sure Addie would have acclimatized back to a two-person household the way she did to living with your brother’s family (and you).
But really what makes you a jerk is not being clear with your brother that you would not be leaving Addie with him. You say you tried to talk to your wife about it and she was in denial…but being in denial is not the same as believing that even IF your brother asked to keep your shared cat, you would not let that happen.
She wasn’t in denial, she had faith that you wouldn’t give her cat away. When your brother refused your money for Addie’s food etc you should have made it very clear that even if they pay for everything, nothing changes in terms of ownership. As you began to suspect they may ask to keep her, you should’ve discussed that with your brother.
He could’ve reminded his kids that Addie wasn’t there forever, and your wife wouldn’t have lost her cat along with her home and her trust in you.” legolaswashot
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Shame on you. Hasn’t your wife lost enough already? Why would you let your brother’s family steal away her pet?
Oh, they got attached? Well too bad. Your wife was already attached, why doesn’t that matter to you? Why didn’t you remind your brother and his family that it was a temporary situation, instead of “talking to” your wife about how she should just accept losing her beloved pet?
No wonder she said she’ll never trust you, you did not have her back in this situation. I feel so sorry for your wife — first the house fire caused by neighbors, then being displaced and struggling to find a new home, and then the final blow is you blithely abandoning your pet to others and patting yourself on the back for it.
Truly, you should be ashamed of yourself, and so should your jerk brother and his jerk wife. Wow.” Bookish4269
11. AITJ For Asking Our Teen Babysitter To Set Alarms During Her Shift?
“My wife and I (34) have three children ages 7, 4 and a 9-month-old. I work a demanding job (in the medical field) and work many hours, my wife not so much but she does have night shifts often.
We just got a new babysitter a few months ago after the one we had for 2 years moved for college. Our new babysitter is only 16, but she has been babysitting one of my coworker’s children for a while and I trust him.
A few nights ago my wife and I were both working nights and I saw on the camera that our babysitter was asleep on the couch and the baby had woken up and was crying for almost 30 minutes while she slept.
That bothered me, so without talking to my wife when I got home in the morning I told my babysitter maybe she should set alarms throughout the night to make sure she’s awake since the baby monitor didn’t wake her and that it was not okay for her to leave the baby crying like that.
I guess it hurt the kid’s feelings because she mentioned it to my wife and my wife is really upset with me because “she’s only 16” and what I was asking is unreasonable and this has never happened before so again I’m being unreasonable and that I should’ve talked to her first because this could’ve been a “learning experience.” She also said I was completely out of line as well.
I’m really not worried about a learning experience but am worried about the fact that my children are cared for properly. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You have a 16-year-old who I’m assuming is also a high school student watching 3 children overnight. She fell asleep (which was to be expected) and the baby monitor didn’t wake her up.
The correct answer would be that you need a new baby monitor that will wake her up not for her to set an alarm that goes off every so often all night. If that’s not acceptable to you then it’s time to hire an overnight nanny who is an adult instead of hiring a child to watch children.” SnooBunnies7461
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It is totally unreasonable to expect a 16-year-old who is also at school in her final years to act as a professional night nanny. You are expecting that child to compromise her schooling and welfare. If you want someone who will attend to the children fully overnight you need to hire someone whose formal job it is to do that and pay them accordingly.
What you should have done is realize that it is not possible or appropriate for a 16-year-old to handle an overnight babysitting job on your terms. While you perhaps could still have offered her more short-term jobs like an evening or afternoon, you should have found someone else for a full night shift. Also, adult parents also sleep through their children crying when they are exhausted. It’s not neglectful; it’s called being human.” msfinch87
Another User Comments:
“Seems like YTJ. You’re unreasonable to have someone set alarms to check throughout the night. So many things to consider here. How much are you paying the teenager? Does her shift start at night and she is expected to stay up?
Was that part of the agreement? Seems like the first time it happened. Get a better system for her to hear the baby. This seems like a job for a professional caregiver, not a minor.” Y-wood-U-dew-sap
10. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My In-Laws Due To Their Cat Bringing Bats Home?
“My in-laws have always been extremely generous and welcoming. We live near each other and get together at least once per week. They have an indoor/outdoor cat who is not up to date on his shots despite my offers to take him to the vet.
Tonight at dinner they told me that their cat had been bringing live bats into the house and thought it was funny. I am terrified of bats and told my husband I wouldn’t be going over anymore. He thinks I’m overreacting and told me it’s a slap in their face after all they’ve done for us.
AITJ for taking this stance?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that’s actually crazy, bats carry so many diseases, and yeah as others have said rabies being the main one which is 100% fatal if contracted. Post-exposure rabies shots are also super expensive and super unpleasant. Do they know the only way to test an animal for rabies is to euthanize and send the head in for testing?
It’s a whole lot easier to just take the cat to the vet.” Fun-Rip-4502
Another User Comments:
“My sister found her cat playing with a bat carcass that was so desiccated that it couldn’t be tested for rabies. It was a kitten and she happened to take it to the vet the next day for rabies.
The vet reported the incident to the local health department and the poor kitten was taken and isolated for 45 days. It is absolutely insane that they haven’t given their cat shots for rabies. NTJ.” Dreamer-1
9. AITJ For Opposing My Sister's Plan to Change Our Late Mom's Birthday Check Tradition?
“For several years now, my mom has been giving the people she cares about a birthday check of approx.
$1000. The same amount to everyone, but some years a little more and some years a little less. The people she’s gifted are her 3 kids, their spouses, and her 3 grandchildren. I have 2 daughters and one of my sisters has a son. The other sister has no children.
This year, my mom gave my wife and me $1250 checks (both of our birthdays are in January).
My mom passed away in March before anyone else’s birthday.
My sister proposed paying the checks out for the remainder of the year from the estate. I’m okay with this.
The childless sister doesn’t want to do it the way that mom typically did it. She wants to give herself + spouse more because her family gets shorted (no money going to kids). She wants to make each family receive the same amount instead of each loved one.
My mom has never done this because it would mean giving her children different amounts which she would never do and has never done.
AITJ for opposing this plan?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There is a will in place which supersedes all intentions of the surviving family members.
If the will doesn’t mention these specific payments, you’re wrong legally and could potentially face legal action for misusing the estate for non-specified expenses not laid out in the will. Hire an attorney and disburse the will as it was written. If you’re really that hard-pressed about this birthday check nonsense, write both your sisters’ birthday checks out of your share.” ApathyIsBeauty
Another User Comments:
“You cannot gift money from a deceased estate. That’s called stealing and is against the law. Once a person dies their estate must be distributed in accordance with their will or with the laws on intestate in your state. I get you are trying to do something nice but you can’t.
You can’t because that money is not yours and you cannot gift the estate’s money unless the estate instructs you to do that. All the money/assets need to be divided legally. If after that all the beneficiaries agree to a single method of gifting the money great, but honestly I think that would be unfair to your childless sister who would be getting given less than she is contributing assuming the inheritance is split equally amongst the children.” throwAWweddingwoe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Of course the two proposing a strategy that will benefit their children have no problem with it!! That doesn’t mean ripping off your other sister is OK. Unless your mum put it in the will then giving the grandchildren a check out of the estate is stealing.
I don’t think I’d trust you or your other sister to administer an estate after trying to pull off this stunt. And saying you are doing what your mother wanted doesn’t sound right when you are proposing that your mother would have wanted two of her children to get together to try and steal from the third.” Possible-Compote2431
8. AITJ For Expecting Free Food At A Birthday Party?
“My friend Jess (19F) threw a birthday party for her partner Jake (20M) on Friday evening. She invited around 8 of us on a group chat after working out the date, saying:
“Alrighty! Let’s do 6:30 tonight. Be there or be square. Jake’s house, ordering pizza so plan accordingly (i.e. eat before if you can’t eat pizza/don’t want any).
Text me if you have questions. Thank you.”
We (all 19-20) turned up, Jess put out chips and water, everyone ate the snacks and we talked. Jess went to pick up the pizza she’d ordered. Everyone had a few slices. The rest of the evening was great, we played some games and had snacks.
The next day, Jess texted the group chat:
“Hey everyone! For food and drinks and such from last night, I spent around $60. Can everyone e-transfer me $7?”
I was surprised, as I have never been to a birthday party where food was provided, and then charged for said provisions.
Yesterday (Saturday) I texted the group chat:
“Hey, is it common practice at parties for the host to ask for money/compensation after? If the host wants to split the cost of the party, I think that should be discussed first.”
Jake said he was sure we’d discussed this at the party but I disagreed. Then he added:
“I would suggest checking beforehand in that case. Respectfully, and I am not trying to have tone, it seems unreasonable to me to assume free food without confirming it and then take issue later when your assumption doesn’t hold.”
AITJ for expecting free food?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was weird and rude for the party host to ask for money after the party if there was no clear agreement in advance to split the cost. However, I wouldn’t stay mad about it if I were you. At 19 years old, Jess a) may not yet have learned the social etiquette involved in hosting a party, and b) may not be able to afford to pay for the pizza on her own.
Hopefully, she will learn from this and do better in the future.” soap—poisoning
Another User Comments:
“Jess didn’t “throw a party”, she provided a venue for people to gather and consume pizza they purchased (even though they didn’t yet know they were purchasing it). Then Jake, the “guest of honor” weighed in to gaslight anybody who doubted Jess had “thrown a party” if she was demanding payment after the fact.
Your friends definitely don’t have a handle on what it means to invite and host guests but maybe you should have known they were a bit challenged in the etiquette department? NTJ.” CatteNappe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ my main issue is that a host should clarify beforehand things like needing to pay for things.
Jake jumping in and shaming you for not doing their job for them is really out of pocket. It’s much like a dinner party, or a kid’s birthday party, or any event where you invite people to your home – you provide refreshments of your choosing without strings attached or you clarify beforehand what the expectations are.
If they can’t afford to host an event they shouldn’t hold one, or should ask up front for people to contribute. They could have easily asked everyone to bring a dish to share or contribute a set amount of money, instead, they were bad hosts and sprung unexpected costs on their friends after the fact.” rebcl
7. AITJ For Not Replacing A Missing Spoon After A Potluck At Work?
“My (23F) workplace decided to have a potluck and everyone brought a dish. My coworker’s (56M, let’s call him Dave) wife was kind enough to make 2 huge pans of biryani, crispy onions, and a homemade yogurt which was delicious.
After the potluck there were leftovers, so we all brought some home and I guess Dave left everything he brought, including the serving spoons, at work until the next day.
After everyone took their leftovers there were about two servings left in one tin so I asked if I could just take the whole tin home (it was one of those Dollarama pans that you throw out after). He gladly said yes!
I come in for work the next day and Dave asks me if I had seen the serving spoon he brought yesterday and I said no, I helped him look for it in the kitchen and we couldn’t find it so I said I’d double check the tin I took home.
I get home and it’s not there.
He texts me asking about it and I tell him it’s not there, he insists I check again and I just didn’t respond.
The next day at work he asks about it again, admittedly I was kind of getting annoyed because it’s a spoon?
How expensive could it be? I told him I already checked and I don’t have it. He replies “well what am I supposed to do now? My wife cooked for you guys and sent cutlery and now it’s missing.. she’s going to be very upset and she’s not going to want to cook for you again.”
I jokingly responded “I’m not sure what you’re going to do, I guess we’ll have to buy her a new one if this means no more biryani,” and he goes “yeah you will.”
He asked about us replacing it later that day and I said “if you knew your wife would be this upset about a spoon you should have made sure to round them up and bring them home last night, it’s not anyone else’s responsibility to replace it.”
Obviously it’s just a spoon and I wouldn’t mind replacing it but I have no idea what happened to it, neither does anyone else, and I feel like his wife’s anger isn’t our problem?
I do feel kind of bad because she was nice enough to make lots of food for us but I don’t see how him leaving the spoons at work and one of them going missing means we should replace it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you lost the spoon or “Bob” lost the spoon then I fully understand you or Bob replacing the spoon on your own dime, but no one knows what happened. This falls on Dave. If the utensils were that important he should have paid better attention or he should have just not brought the good utensils to a potluck style event.” naisfurious
Another User Comments:
“INFO: How big is your office? How many people participated? Who organized? At a big office, they would reimburse. I also think you could just acknowledge it sucks and come up with solutions for the next time. I think he was overreacting, but he did do something nice and felt like his treatment after didn’t feel great.
At the end of the day, everyone just wants to be heard and told their offenses against them are valid. If you were the organizer, maybe have the office give him a gift card for the trouble with the spoon and a thank you for the food.
Next time post rules to use disposable plates and serving utensils.” urbancrier
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Honestly, I’ve been in Dave’s shoes. I baked something for my team when the group needed a pick-me-up. I put it out and someone walked off with the dish.
No one confessed to stealing the dish or throwing it away…instead, I was blamed for bringing in a dish and not keeping an eye on it. I was by far the youngest and worst-paid. That taught me not to bake for the team again.
Dave did a kind thing…and from his perspective, y’all just took a big dump on his generosity.” Blue_Cloud_2000
6. AITJ For Refusing To Make My Wife Dinner Because She Didn't Make Me Breakfast?
“My wife and I have two kids that are both in daycare. My wife will take the morning shift, which includes getting the kids up, getting breakfast, and to the daycare.
I handle the night shift which is getting the kids from daycare, doing dinner, and starting to get them ready for bed. Usually, she gets home around 6:30-7 and the whole family has like 30 minutes together before the kids’ bedtime. We usually spend reading to them.
She has to travel an hour+ (depends on traffic) to work each way.
So the kids are getting to daycare at 8 in the morning and I will pick them up around 4. I work from home and start around 7 and end around 3-3:30.
The issue is around breakfast, we agreed that I would make dinner each night and she does breakfast. She already makes food for the kids so it’s literally just making an extra one of what she is already making.
For the past month, she will either not make it at all for me, not tell me that it is done (I have asked her to just give a general time but she keeps switching up the schedule). One day they are eating at 7 in the morning and then getting dressed, other days she is giving them toast before getting into the car.
I have talked to her multiple times and explained that it is not considerate. We got into an argument and she told me I am home so just make my own food. I explained I may be home but I am doing my job.
Yesterday she didn’t make anything and I had enough.
She came home and I didn’t make her anything for dinner. When asked I told her she is home and can make her own food.
This started a huge argument and she called me a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“I think a different arrangement needs to be made.
Because if she has to get all the kids ready for daycare, cook them food, make it on time to the daycare, AND get to work on time…I am sorry but make your own breakfast, dude. She has a large commute, and I am sure a busy day at work.
Everyone is busy, I know. But that is part of life with kids. She would have more time perhaps to get you breakfast if you helped wrangle the kids. I do not think it is unreasonable for you to help more with breakfast if you do not leave the house.
Your comment to her was childish. Your wife is doing a lot just by the sound of this post. Maybe ask her how you can help instead of becoming an extra child.” Hopeful-Material4123
Another User Comments:
“My god what a mess. First of all, I’m a father of 2 who also WFH for a while and now has a wife who WFH while I’m full-time in office.
A tit-for-tat relationship is never going to work, either you do it as a team or you don’t do it at all. Pretending you can’t make your own breakfast because ”you are doing your job” is obviously stupid. You wfh, I’m sure you can find 5 minutes in your oh-so-busy morning schedule to make your own breakfast. You’re conveniently ignoring her commute and the time pressure she is under in the morning while you’re not in the evening.
You WFH, you can do a little more. Just like my wife who WFH does a little more now and just how I did a little more when I WFH, because my life was a lot less stressful without the commute and constant time pressure.
I mean this with the utmost respect, but you sound impossible to deal with. I feel bad for your wife.” Infiniteland98765
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Holy crap this tit-for-tat stuff is not a relationship. Also yes, she’s on a totally different time crunch in the morning, and traveling a long way to and from work.
Long commutes are draining. You literally work from home. Yes, you are working and that’s valid work. But don’t pretend you can’t take a moment to grab yourself breakfast, or food any time in the morning really. I don’t know a single WFH person who has zero time to even eat something.
That’s absurd. Her days are extra long, don’t become an extra child she has to care for.” NewZookeepergame9808
5. AITJ For Telling My Wife Her Family Can't Ask To Attend A Baby Shower They Weren't Invited To?
“So I (26M) have been having a slight disagreement with my wife (24F) that my best friend’s sister is having a baby shower and she’s invited my wife which is nice and all…
However, my wife told her sister and mother about it and MIL is now asking my wife to ask if she can come and if SIL can come too. They mentioned it last week and I told my wife you can’t ask to come to someone’s baby shower it’s rude in my eyes because you’re either invited or you’re not and I don’t think it’s fair because I wouldn’t want the baby shower family to feel bad or pressured into saying yes to save feelings.
Problem is it was mentioned again today and I said out loud this time that you can’t just expect to go to a baby shower.
My wife is invited but they’ve only met MIL once and SIL a handful of times so I just can’t see it… I’ve got MIL saying she’ll book the day off work and I’m just like seriously?
You’re not even invited this is all based on the fact that my wife asks for you and they say yes you can attend… it all just feels so expected and entitled that they can come just because my wife is and the pair of them suffer with major FOMO.
This has always irked me so am I just overreacting and being a jerk party pooper?”
Another User Comments:
“Do they feel that they have to be invited to everything your wife is invited to? Your wife needs to open her eyes and realize that if someone is not invited, you don’t ask!
This is beyond rude! It’s entitlement! I had a co-worker that was getting married at the time and my friend was invited but I wasn’t. She asked me to ask her why I was not invited. I told her that I do not go where I am not invited. It does not bother me at all.
I would rather stay home.” Icy_Eye1059
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How unbelievably rude and entitled to think that because you’ve met someone a handful of times through your child, you’re automatically invited to an event. Kudos to you, OP, for calling them out. I kinda want to know what your wife has said about this because she’s the one who really needs to shut it down.
If she sheds no problem with her family’s behavior, contact your best friend.” HolyUnicornBatman
4. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law She Could've Gotten An Apartment Instead Of Living In Her Car?
“So, 2 years ago, my husband (Sam, m34) and I (f35) lived with my parents for a year while looking for a house. Meanwhile, Sam’s sister Lucy (f47) moved to our country for a job.
The plan was for her husband Tom (51) and son to stay in their home country until Lucy found a house.
Lucy, Sam, and I hung out a lot. Every time, we’d ask, “Hey, how’s the house hunting?” And Lucy would say, “I’m working 12 hours a day—I don’t have time to look.
I’m still living in Airbnbs.” “Do you need help?” “Oh no, I’m fine, I’m fine.”
Over the next few weeks, we helped Lucy download house-hunting apps and took her to open houses, but she made 0 offers. By then, I suspected Lucy was hoping we’d offer to let her stay with us until she found a house.
But it wasn’t my house, and my parents weren’t offering. Three months passed, and Lucy started saying, “I have to make sure I keep booking this Airbnb on time, or I’ll end up sleeping in my car.” It was winter, so I said, “This isn’t our house, so I can’t let you live here.
But if it comes to staying in your car, I bet we can figure something out for a night.” “Oh no, I’m fine, I’m fine.”
A couple of weeks later, Lucy called Sam to say that she was staying in a hotel. “Much better than living in my car.
Did I mention I’ve been living in my car?”
Um. No?
At this point, Lucy was laughing about the whole thing, so Sam laughed too and shrugged the whole thing off.
Then 2 more weeks later, Sam got a text from Tom: “I can’t believe you’re making your sister live in her car.
In January. You are a human piece of junk.” Turns out, Lucy had gone back to sleeping in her car. And she’d told Tom that we’d refused to let her stay with us—in a house that isn’t ours—forcing her to live in her car.
I was livid. Never once had she told us she was going to be homeless. Never once had she actually asked for help. And now, she was badmouthing us to Tom, who was badmouthing us to the rest of the family. Everything blew up. This is a tight-knit family, so around 10 people got involved. Lots of accusations, yelling, and harsh texts.
I stayed out of it because it’s Sam’s family, not mine—and I was too furious to be reasonable.
Eventually, Sam and Lucy talked it out, and we reentered a state of peace. This was 2 years ago, and no one’s mentioned it since.
But here’s where I might be the jerk. A week ago, Lucy, Sam, and I were laughing about something dumb I said to a friend. I was like, “It’s a miracle he and I are still friends.” And Lucy said, “At least you didn’t make him live in his car.
That would really kill things.”
She laughed, I think to try and break the ice on that memory? But in 2 years, she and Tom never apologized for lying about us and calling Sam a piece of crap. So I just said, “You were in your 40s, Lucy.
You could’ve gotten a darn apartment.”
Now we live in AwkwardLand again. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She chose to live in her car. You and your husband tried to help her house hunt, and she made no move. You said you couldn’t offer her permanent housing because it wasn’t your home to offer residence but would try to help as you could if it really came down to it.
Later on, you learned she moved into her car, finally got a hotel, and moved back into her car, without ever telling you or her brother about these troubles when she actually had them. Eventually, her husband got involved, and although things blew up at first, it ultimately helped clear the air some because the truth got out.
She honestly sounds a bit irresponsible, and rather than acknowledge this, she blames her circumstances on others, whether they played a role or not. Now, after all this time, although she tries to play it off as a joke, she still blames you. I’m sure there is a term for someone who is irresponsible like this and causes their own problems only to blame everyone else, but I unfortunately don’t know it (or at least can’t think of it).” DragonMaster7433
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She moved for a job, she could have gotten an apartment. She decided to live in her car. Her husband could have found her an apartment instead of blaming you. If she was keen for her husband and son to live with her, she should have been moving a lot faster.
I would be LC at this stage – too much drama and unhinged expectations. AwkwardLand provides excellent conditions for LC. Remain in it until she sees the light.” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t refuse to help her. You told her you would help her figure stuff out if it came to her living in her car.
She knew from the beginning she couldn’t stay with you. Was she just waiting for an invitation & then when it never came she complained about you to her husband? Lucy & Tom are both jerks. And Lucy trying to make light of the situation is weird.
Why would she bring it up again unless she’s still salty about it? Which if she is, she has no right to be. You didn’t do anything wrong.” NOTTHATKAREN1
3. AITJ For Refusing To Drink With My Family?
“I (22f) don’t drink. I never experimented with it in high school or college (still going to college). I didn’t have my first drink when I turned 21. I don’t drink at all and I never will. I’m the only booze-free member of my family. And I’m treated like a weirdo because I don’t drink.
My family enjoys nights out with lots of drinks and sometimes food is included in that too. Whenever I’m with them they buy me drinks and try to pressure me to drink. I hate it. I really don’t enjoy bars or nightclubs and outside of the few times with my family, I never go.
It makes me enjoy spending time with my friends more because they never mock me or pressure me to try drinks and we also do stuff on nights out that don’t involve drinking or at least where it’s not the primary focus. It bothers my family that I spend more time with my friends in that way than with them.
Because I eventually started saying no to nights out with my family.
It got mentioned recently because my friends and I went to this gamers club and a couple of my friends drank and the rest of us didn’t. But my family saw the photos and made a big deal that I “go to the bar with those friends of yours and not your own family”.
I told them the gamers club isn’t a bar and that the reason I don’t go out with them anymore is because of their constant pressure for me to drink.
They called it nonsense and they said I’m an adult and if I can’t handle teasing then I’m in for a very sensitive future.
I told them teasing isn’t mocking me every single time they invite me out because I don’t want to drink. I told them they turned it into bullying and coercion and it’s not okay. I told them I have never tried to stop them from drinking or pressured them to stop.
But they won’t give me the same courtesy for not drinking. I said I can’t even trust them to buy me soda because they keep trying to slip booze to me. I told them that’s why I say no and will keep saying no. All of that.
They called me uptight and told me I’ll regret mistreating my family someday.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Hahahaha, the fact that they think you’re the one mistreating them is beyond hilarious. NTJ. Teasing is once or twice maybe, about something innocent, or an inside joke both parties can laugh with.
When either party stops finding it funny, it’s not teasing anymore. Trying to pressure someone into drinking is never funny. You’re the one that’s right for not drinking. Lots of people don’t drink at all or make it an exceptional occurrence. And yes, you’re totally right for choosing to hang out with people who do respect you instead of people who don’t.” CartographerHot2285
Another User Comments:
“Drinkers love company. My dad used to be upset that my mom never drank. She used to make a pot of tea before a gathering, then pour it into a glass with some ice cubes. It looked just like a whiskey. One time my dad snatched it from her hand and said, you don’t drink, then tossed it back.
The look on his face was priceless. He was like, wtf did I just drink? Cold, black tea! It made him gag because he wasn’t expecting it.” My_Name_Is_Amos
Another User Comments:
“It’s really annoying, isn’t it? I used to drink but I haven’t done for years and folks (including hubs) are still always trying to persuade me to have a ‘drink’ I’ve asked him why he does it and he weirdly thinks I’m missing out.
I’ve been told by friends and family I’m no fun now I don’t drink!! NTJ, stick to your guns and refuse it if you don’t want the booze. It’s quite scary that your family is trying to slip booze into your drinks.
Btw, a tip I told my granddaughter. Offer to be the designated driver and pick your friends & family up and drop them off etc for a fee when you go out. It’s much cheaper than a taxi or Uber for them. You get a night out and make money as well.” lovinglifeatmyage
2. AITJ For Faking An Engagement As A Prank During A Vacation?
“I (F23) was on vacation with a friend (M33) whom I’ll call Leo (not real name) visiting some of his old friends. Leo’s friends assumed we were seeing each other just because we showed up together while waiting for everyone else to arrive. Just for laughs, I played into it and moved one of the rings that I always wear to my ring finger making them think we were engaged. I played into the joke throughout the visit and my other friends joined in.
What I didn’t realize is that one of Leo’s friends was in a group chat with one of my best friends back home and texted that group chat a picture of us. My best friend asked my family about it without telling me.
Background info: my ex and I were engaged but she was unfaithful to me.
I obviously broke it off but my dad is her boss and I still loved her so I didn’t tell my parents why so she wouldn’t get backlash at work. My parents still don’t know why and they’re upset about it because they think I just randomly left her after 5 years.
When I got home my parents talked to me about it and seemed rather excited despite the fact that I never even told them we were seeing each other (we weren’t). When I told them Leo and I weren’t engaged they were super upset with me as they’ve met Leo several times before and they really like him.
They seemed really disappointed in me and haven’t talked to me since. I feel like I got their hopes up after years of being single and having flings and now I ruined it for them. So, AITJ for faking an engagement as a prank.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If Leo was OK with the prank it’s fine. The people who gossiped & sent pics to your friends & eventually family are jerks. Did you write your age wrong? Because at your age (any age really) there’s no rush to be in a relationship or married, it’s weird your parents are pressing for it.” Alafair85
Another User Comments:
“Everyone saying YTJ is crazy stupid. NTJ, you’re allowed to have a little fun with friends. The fact anyone contacted your family over it is bonkers in my mind. I think a lot of people here have never had close or long-term friends who are of the opposite sex.
I (female) joke with my best friend (male), about getting married if we’re not by 40 and we call each other hubby and wifey sometimes. Your family has no right to make you feel bad about a prank that was amongst friends when THEY WERE NOT PRESENT.” TabooTalk_100
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your parents are upset because you don’t communicate enough in general. But that’s a two-way street. Do you as a young adult feel safe and comfortable talking about your love life with them, or does it just feel like constantly dealing with their expectations?
Probably worth a conversation with them about how they want their relationship with their adult daughter to go, and how they need to act to get that type of relationship from you.” ConsiderationJust999
1. AITJ For Supporting My Daughter's Decision To Exclude A Classmate From Her Birthday Party?
“My (36F) daughter’s (13F) birthday was last weekend. There’s this trampoline park in town that offers sleepover parties where the kids could play for a few hours, watch a movie, and have a sleepover on the trampolines.
Her school is very small, so there are only 20 students in her entire year. When we were booking the event, she said to only book 19 spaces. I asked her if she was sure she wasn’t missing someone, but she assured me there were only 19 kids in her class, and I was just misremembering.
Fast forward to her birthday, and this girl “Kamilla” shows up with an entire box full of gifts: teddy bears, perfume, candles, nail polish, flowers, chocolates, etc. I remembered picking up my daughter from school at the beginning of the school year and seeing her chatting and being very friendly with Kamilla, so I assumed they were quite good friends.
When Kamilla went up to hug my daughter and wish her a happy birthday, she lightly pushed her away and told Kamilla she couldn’t attend as we forgot to book her place. I apologized to Kamilla and her mother and offered to talk to the people in charge and pay for her place, but my daughter insisted that Kamilla couldn’t come.
Kamilla was very distraught over this and started sobbing.
I pulled my daughter aside and asked her why Kamilla couldn’t join, even though they used to be friendly and she’d invited every other student in her year. She said that Kamilla was just really weird, obsessive, and creepy, and she didn’t want to be friends with her anymore.
I asked her if Kamilla was bullying her, and she said no, she just didn’t want to be around Kamilla. Kamilla’s mother had found out about the party through another parent and Kamilla decided to surprise my daughter knowing she hadn’t been given an invite.
I returned the gifts to Kamilla, apologized again, and gently told her that there wasn’t enough space. Her mother started screaming at me, telling me that I was a grown adult woman bullying a preteen girl. I told her that it was my daughter’s birthday party, she could invite whoever she wanted. She accused me of raising my daughter to be a bully, and that she couldn’t just invite the entire class and exclude one girl.
She claimed that Kamilla was my daughter’s “best friend” and she had to right to be invited.
I told her that my daughter’s a teenager, not a 5-year-old, she can’t be forced to invite the entire class just to be nice. I said that I didn’t want to raise a doormat.
I didn’t want to teach her to value the feelings of others at the expense of her own – if my daughter feels uncomfortable around someone, then I prioritize HER well-being over that of a stranger.
Kamilla’s mother is now talking to the teachers to punish my daughter for “bullying”.
I’ve tried explaining to her that my daughter was simply setting her boundaries, she shouldn’t have to face consequences for that. Kamilla’s mother said that I was an “evil woman” who “took joy in bullying little girls”. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“What your daughter did was mean.
She invited the entire class with one exception. Your daughter is the bully. YTJ for not shutting down the party right then and there for your daughter lying to you about how many kids were in her class. Yes, she can invite anyone she wants if she does it openly and honestly.
She didn’t. She lied to you and no, your daughter wasn’t setting boundaries. She was cruel to one kid. I suspect she made a big deal out of giving out the invites as well given that Kamilla knew exactly where and what time the party was at.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“So, you knew there were 20 kids in her class, but you believed her when she kept insisting otherwise? You also knew Kamilla, thought they were friends, but didn’t know she wasn’t invited? Were you not involved with the invitations at all?
You want a kid who can speak up for herself. Great. But she didn’t do that. She didn’t tell you she didn’t want to invite Kamilla. She lied to you to get her way, so she could purposely exclude the girl. She lied to Kamilla in front of you.
You also lied to them. You didn’t talk to the people in charge, you talked to your daughter and then decided to tell them there weren’t enough places. This isn’t setting boundaries. YTJ.” Lizard_Friend_44
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