People Want To See If We'll Hate Them After We've Read Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Leave Me Alone?
“My husband stays at home with the children (4,1 and I’m 3 months pregnant with our last one) whilst I go out to work, I don’t think that means he has to do all the housework as childcare in itself is a job – our eldest goes school next year.
We do housework 50/50 so I’ll do the morning with the children and he’ll do the night or another example would be I’ll do the laundry, he’ll put it in to dry so I’ll iron and he’ll put it away.
My one problem is the stairs, I’ve asked him several times to keep the children away from the stairs, and I’ve put up baby gates which he hates so doesn’t use them.
I’d been in a rush, didn’t notice the toy car right at the top of the stairs, and fell, I didn’t really hurt anything too badly mostly a bruised ego and a hurt wrist (nothing warranting doctors).
I’d gotten home and my husband straight away was on me, asking if I was ready to cook so I said to him that I’m not in the mood, I’d asked him not to let the children near the stairs – I’d put a baby gate in place.
He apologized, but now I’m conflicted because I did say after he apologized ‘this is what the baby gate is for; this is what the rule is for’ usually we go out after dinner for a walk with the children, and I asked for him to leave me alone and went with the children by myself to cool off.
He told his mother, who then texted me telling me I can’t put rules in place, that the children are safe etc.
He absolutely hates the word rules, says it makes him feel like I’m the man of the house and he’s a child so I avoid the word usually.
His mother can jog on, to be honest, she’s not in our home… but he’s upset, making digs like ‘oh can I do this?’
Having time to reflect maybe I should’ve dropped it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your husband sounds like he has some growing up to do.
And I’m laughing at his mother for trying to tell you that you can’t set rules in your own home. Sounds like maybe she should have done a bit more rule-setting so her little boy could be an adult about situations now that he has his own kids, instead of running to mommy when there’s conflict and then taking childish jabs at his wife.
He also sounds super insecure, ‘it makes him feel like I’m the man of the house’. Well, buddy if your wife is the one who has to set boundaries for your children to be safe and you refuse to respect those literal gates… You ain’t the man of any house.
I don’t know his story obviously but… homes have rules. Like… call them expectations if it bothers you so much but homes have rules, and you as the Mother are 100% allowed to set boundaries for where you don’t want your children to go.
As a husband and father, I can’t fathom not respecting my wife in that regard and his stabs at you, ‘am I allowed to do this’ are so immature.
I hope that you’re able to have a conversation about this and that he can see he is being insecure and grow.” sleepingfox307
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your husband is being a jerk on so many levels. First of all, I’m laughing at the idea that he feels ’emasculated’ by house rules but the first thing he does when you do something he doesn’t like is tattle to his mommy.
That’s 2 red flags in one!
However, the most concerning part of this story are that he screwed up and you got really hurt—and he does not care. He doesn’t care if you’re bruised and in pain. He does not care about YOU.
He only cares about what you can do for him. (Cook dinner after working all and pay for everything.)
NTJ but open your eyes.” veni_vidi_dixi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – someone apologizing does not mean they’re entitled to instant forgiveness. It’s understandable that after you hurt yourself, you’re angry at him for refusing basic safety rules that caused it.
It’s also HIS own problem if he feels emasculated. You having expectations, which are literally for safety and very reasonable, is not emasculating. If he has emotional issues to work out about being ‘the man of the house’, whatever that means, he needs to talk about it.
He’s not a jerk for having these issues, but he does need to talk to you about it, not like this.
He’s a jerk for running to mommy because his wife is upset, and his mom is a jerk for interjecting herself in your relationship.” Oishiio42
18. AITJ For Banning My Sister From My House?
“I (21F) am going through a hard time, I was recently sick so I lost my job (type 1 diabetes, only one in the family)
I found out I’m pregnant, it’s very early on but essentially from what I understand (which isn’t a lot, but I’ve got a doctor’s appointment) that because my b***d sugars are so high this pregnancy isn’t going well/isn’t at a good time.
I’m not looking for medical advice though.
I recently had a job interview, at a place I really liked the looks of.
Come on the day my sister texts me saying she’s had a family emergency can I quickly look after her child and she’d pick her up, I reminded her I had an interview and she agreed she’d be back by then…spoiler alert; she wasn’t.
I thankfully rescheduled the interview, no apology from my sister but she said the emergency was she had to drive her partner to the hospital because he had a stomach ache… I asked her why she hadn’t at least texted me/apologized. Personally, I don’t think she had to stay knowing it was just stomach ache, but that’s not my place to say.
I said until she apologized for inconveniencing me I wouldn’t have her around mine, since I host most things like Christmas etc this makes things awkward.
My mother says she was just worried about her partner, and that essentially I chose to stay and help her and miss the interview so it’s my fault.
Sister is obviously upset and ‘won’t apologize for supporting her partner’.
(It was just a stomach ache, she even confirmed her partner has a tendency to overreact and the doctors said it was a stomach ache, otherwise, I would’ve clarified that it turned out to be something else…)
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She clearly overstepped and at the very minimum should have kept you updated as to her timing. AND then apologized for making you miss your interview.
She’s using a very typical deflection maneuver, refusing to apologize for something OTHER THAN what you are upset about.
She can worry all she wants about her partner’s tummy ache.
But that doesn’t mean she can promise something (to return in time) and then break that promise, and then expect everything to be the same without her apologizing.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“She should apologize.
And a stomach ache makes me think of kiddy ‘my stomach hurts’ to get out of school. But lacks so much description it could be a mild pain to shooting pains in the abdomen that feels like someone has stabbed them and keeps moving the instrument.
So there’s no place to judge on her part for whether this was serious unless she has a tendency to be a hypochondriac.
But she should at the very least apologize for inconveniencing you. And the fact that she isn’t, makes me feel like she also lied to you to get you to watch her kiddo.
She had to know she wouldn’t be back in time.
NTJ” elvaholt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘that essentially I chose to stay and help her and miss the interview so it’s my fault.’
You agreed under the condition she’d be back to pick up her child before your interview.
Even in the event of an emergency, if you know a person is waiting for you to come back because they have something important to do (like a job interview, since jobs are how folks earn money to pay bills) and you don’t, an apology is still proper etiquette.
‘I’m doing something good so it erases how trashy I was to you’ is a terrible approach to how to treat people.
Supporting your partner shouldn’t mean screwing someone else over. I’m so glad you were able to reschedule your interview – but wow your sister could have really screwed this up for you.
And to be frank her husband is a grown adult who wasn’t incapacitated. It’s certainly NICE to have company, but he could have handled the majority of the time on his own. She could have even come back and watched her own child for a bit until you got back from your interview.” Kettlewise
17. AITJ For Giving Up On Working From Home Because Of My Wife?
“I work in the medical field. I often discuss confidential information with clients and doctors. I am not a doctor myself.
In July of this year, I finally had an opportunity for employment that would give me the option of working from home.
I sat down with my wife and explained that this was a good thing for us. I would be home three more days every week. I would still be going into the office on Tuesday and Thursday. But the other days I could skip out on the commute.
I could help with my daughter in the morning and throughout the day. I could help with supper. I could see my 4-year-old daughter more.
Not all the time of course. I was still going to be working. But our car would be home for three extra days.
My wife could take our car and drop off our daughter with our parents or a sitter if she needed.
We say and talked to my daughter and explained that even though I was home I could not spend all my time with her. I explained that if the door was closed she needed to knock quietly and ask permission to come in.
And to accept it if the answer was no.
My daughter understood. My wife did not. She was constantly coming into the office when I was in meetings. I had to excuse myself to get her out of the room. More than once I saw my daughter trying to keep her out of my room.
One time my wife was trying to carry my daughter into the room and my kid was holding onto the door jamb so she didn’t get in trouble for coming in when the door was closed.
I finally put a lock on the door. She said she didn’t like being locked out of a room in her house.
I explained that the door is closed and a sign saying that I was in a meeting didn’t stop her. She finally got the point. Until this thanksgiving.
I was working on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and she needed to go buy something for our meal the next day.
And for some reason could not take our daughter with her. Or drop her off with either set of grandparents. Or a drop-in daycare where we have a spot.
She instead decided to shake my locked door and knock until I answered. I muted my meeting opened the door and told her to leave me alone until the end of the day.
She left and texted that my daughter was watching tv in the other room.
I talked to my boss and I went back to work at my workplace starting last week.
I hate being away from my daughter and my wife. My wife hates being limited to using Uber on the days I’m not home.
Or depending on our parents.
Now she is mad at me for going back to the office. I told her that it was her fault for not understanding that I was WORKING from home. Not just playing games in my home office.
I feel like a jerk and she says I am.
But I am the sole breadwinner for our family. If I got laid off because of her we would be in financial hardship.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your wife doesn’t get a ‘free pass’ to you when you’re working. If she can’t understand the potential legal ramifications that may arise from her barging in on you – and that you’re protecting your job – then going back to the office is the only way.
It sounds like the wife is thinking about her husband’s being home the same way some people think a stay-at-home mom spends her time all day, i.e. doing nothing.
Wife cannot respect (trust?) his wishes to leave him alone. This is a red flag.” Capelily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your wife is absolutely being such a jerk not only to you but everyone you work with by interrupting these meetings. You are not the jerk at all, I truly don’t get why she’s so comfortable messing with you when you are the only thing keeping your family housed.
You are doing the right thing by protecting your employment, but it sounds like you need to talk about her going back to work since she doesn’t value your employment and does not respect the work you are doing. If she puts no value on how the sausage is made, she needs to start making her own sausage.
That way hopefully y’all can amass the money to go to couples therapy and then send her to individual therapy. Because the root issue as to why she was willing to mess with you like this needs to be found out and addressed.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wife is being a jerk. She can text you something if it’s that big of a deal to bother you at work.
No one needs to pound on the door and scream. A simple text doesn’t jarringly interrupt a meeting. She needs to learn some respect for your work and office.
If she is going off at you? I would say that she ruined my chance to work from home which I much preferred and she has forced me to spend extra time and money because she couldn’t respect boundaries that a small child was easily capable of understanding.
To the point, a lock was required, which is ridiculous!
What makes this unbelievably insane is it sounds like she doesn’t have a job and is somehow expecting you to work and watch your child, in addition to stopping everything whenever she feels like interrupting.
She sounds incredibly entitled if this is the case. Especially if she can’t take the kid to the store while you’re working?!” notislant
16. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister And Her Dog To Move In?
“My sister can stay here. Her dog can not. I (29f) have a 5-person household. My kids are 12, 9, and 6. My husband is 31. My sister (19) became homeless recently with her 1-year-old son and her dog. I’m her only option at this point. Our parents are scum and we have no family that isn’t estranged. She asked if she could stay here and has admitted there’s no plan for the foreseeable future.
She doesn’t know how long she will be here. She is only part-time working at the moment so it’s difficult for her to save. I told her she could stay here and so could my nephew but the dog is not welcome in my home.
I have many reasons for this. The main one is I don’t like dogs. Other reasons being I have cats and my sister’s dog has already attacked a cat back last year. More reasons… well… I just don’t want it here. I have the space (yard-wise).
That’s not the issue. I simply don’t have the time, energy, or patience for her animal. I’m also not going to be feeding the animal and already know that she struggles as it is. I have no problem helping feed her or my nephew but I’m not footing an extra bill for a dog.
I didn’t tell her all of this directly but she does know my stance on dogs and she also knows that I felt she should never have gotten the dog to begin with because she’s never been what could be considered financially stable. She’s had the dog for 2 years.
All I said was she and my nephew and stay for as long as needed but the dog couldn’t. She was immediately at my throat. Questioning why I felt it was appropriate to ask her to get rid of her son’s ‘baby’. I told her those were my stipulations and I didn’t have the energy to argue the fact, considering I’m already offering up a lot (my boys will now have to share a room just to give her and my nephew a room).
She hung up after crying and saying I was being heartless. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are doing a lot for her and her son by letting them move in and as the expression goes ‘beggars can’t be choosers.’ There are already a lot of people (and pets) in the house and about to be too more… it’s reasonable for you to put your foot down on the dog issue.
It’s unfortunate for your sister and the dog, but she needs to be thankful that you are letting her stay at all.
Also, it’s pretty uncool that she’s trying to guilt trip you by saying that by not letting her have the dog you are hurting her son by ‘taking away his baby.’ If he’s 1 year old, he’s not really even going to be aware of what is happening with the dog, she’s just trying to use him to gain sympathy.” Tdluxon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have her the terms, it’s up to her to accept or decline. You are NOT obligated to provide housing for her, her son, and/or her dog. If what you can offer is housing for her and her son, that’s already more than most people would offer her.
She can choose to give up the dog and stay with you, or she can find another accommodation. Either way, her choice to make. What is NOT her choice to make is what animals you allow in your home.” Oxfordcomma42
Another User Comments:
“Some of the shelters have programs where they will house or find temporary fosters for the pets of those that have fallen on hard times.
Even if she can’t find one, has she even made an attempt to find someone else that can help or is she expecting you to just take over all her problems? I am a pet and dog lover, but I would find that a huge ask to house indefinitely, an adult, 1-year-old child, and a pet.
Yes it is difficult to let go of a pet, but she can’t even take care of herself right now, she isn’t doing the dog any favors. NTJ” noworriesbee
All I can say about sister is that there's a reason she's homeless, and to be very, very strict if she does end up living with you.
15. WIBTJ If I Don't Ask My Sister To Be A Bridesmaid?
“I don’t have a good or close relationship with my sister and I am not interested in one. But she was upset to learn I had picked my bridal party and had not included her and then she told our parents. Then she found out all my fiance’s siblings are at the wedding party and was doubly upset and also told our parents that little detail.
My parents were asking how I could exclude her, my only sister when my fiance has his whole sibling group included. They said I was publicly dissing my sister and will tell the world that we are not on good terms. My sister said she has to be my bridesmaid if all my future siblings-in-law are at the wedding party already.
Now I’m left conflicted because I don’t want her in the wedding but this has been drama.
My sister and I were close until we were 12 (her) and 14 (me). My sister was delayed developmentally as a young child and before she started school, my parents decided to send her to this school where the staff was highly praised when it came to giving kids with learning difficulties a good educational start.
Two of the teachers were especially stand out to my mom and she insisted it was the school for my sister. It turned out to be a good thing because she was diagnosed with learning disabilities when she was 7/8 years old.
The problem is the school couldn’t last forever and when she was 11ish my parents moved her to the school I was in.
I was a year away from high school and she was a new kid who knew nobody. She started getting very demanding of my time and after a while it became exhausting. When I started wanting less time with her because of it she started going to tell our parents I was leaving her out/being mean.
She clung even harder to me and said if she couldn’t have friends then I would need to be there. She sucked the fun out of so many teen experiences and my parents let her. Which did change my relationship with them also. They would tell me I was exaggerating how bad it was.
But only because I stopped saying no so she would stop running to them.
Right before I graduated high school I lost a friend. My sister was not supportive at all and two days later was demanding I bring her to see a movie. That was when I went from being exhausted by her being so angry with her, disliking her, maybe even hating her.
I made sure once I moved out we were in low contact and I did the same with my parents, though I never blocked any of them or cut them out of my life.
WIBTJ if I don’t ask her?
Edited to clarify: Her developmental delays were about speech and walking and she did catch up way before the issues started.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister was chained to you like an anchor for a very long time, and it seems like she’s back at it. You are NOT obligated to have her at your wedding party. You can simply explain that since you’re practically estranged, you don’t know her as well as you do your fiancé’s sisters.
Since she claims it’s an affront not to be in the bridal party, you could put her in charge of the guestbook or something, though if she’s ticked, she may use it as an opportunity to trash you to other guests.
You can also tell her, ‘When it’s your wedding, you’ll get to decide who’s close enough to you to be in the bridal party, and I’ll understand if I’m not selected.’ That may keep her occupied with revenge fantasies.
Or she’ll get huffy and refuse to come. Yippee!
OK, you’d be thrilled, thrilled to avoid that fiasco.” bambina821
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sounds like you have spent long enough caving to her demands and choosing the easy road of not arguing when your sister made your parents’ way in.
Time to start standing up for yourself and this is the perfect time to start setting boundaries.
Tell her you are in low contact and not close that’s why she isn’t in the bridal party. She can either come as a guest, or not at all, and if she keeps crying about it, demanding attention, and removing the focus from yourself and your SO on YOUR special day, then she’ll be uninvited altogether.
When your parents try to get involved on her behalf, tell them the same thing.
After distancing yourself from all of them for years, they should be grateful to get an invite at all. If you find the conflict hard, get your SO to stand shoulder to shoulder with you, holding your hand and agreeing with, and enforcing your wishes.
A united front is always harder to argue with than being cornered on your own.” mythicalkitten
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your parents were so concerned over this, they should have interceded years ago. Your parents are concerned about appearances, not your or your sister’s feelings.
And this is exactly what occurs when you have parents that are more interested in looking like good parents versus actually being good parents… resentment all around. If they had acted like parents back then they possibly could have remedied the situation the ensure you guys did have a good relationship.
Instead, they allowed problems to linger, and now do not get to demand that she be included. They may be concerned with superficial appearances but you don’t have to be.
I’d politely but firmly tell all three of them that this is your wedding and your decision is final. Say just that.
Any time they try to argue with you, tell them you’re going to hang up the phone/leave if they continue and do exactly that if needed. If they keep it up, I’d consider rescinding the invitation all together, to be honest.” romansapprentice
14. AITJ For Being An "Ungrateful" Son?
“My dad met his wife when I was 4. They became friends because they were single parents.
Dad having lost his wife/my mom and his wife because she had gone through a nasty divorce and it left her struggling. Two years later they became a couple and started introducing both sets of kids. It was not a good transition. His wife’s kids were close and wanted nothing to do with a new stepbrother.
But we were often pushed to interact and I would be left on the outside, sometimes they would run away from me and leave me behind in places, and other times they would just ignore my existence completely. It was tough. I often felt like I had nobody.
Dad and his wife both knew and I’d be told it would be okay but that was it. There were times her kids would tease me for having no mom and would tell me nobody wanted me and I should run away. I was never accepted into their sibling group and they moved out and eventually just stopped talking to me at all.
I’m 19 now and my partner and I have a 6-month-old daughter. My dad apparently did not like that they were not willing to interact with my daughter, did not want to include her, and had not told their kids about their new cousin. He told his wife it bothered him and about her being left out.
They argued and he moved out.
He then came to me to tell me what happened and I told him it was too late for that. That he knew they treated me that way but he’d rather have someone in his bed. I told him did he really think I’d find it amazing that he’d do that now when he didn’t do it when I needed him.
I said I would never have exposed my daughter to them so he could have not blown up his marriage. He called me ungrateful. AITJ?’
Another User Comments:
“Strong vibes of ‘doing the bare minimum, expecting effusions of gratitude’ here.
Your dad never tried to create a smooth transition toward a blended family.
He knew how abandoned and alone you felt. He let the situation go on because what mattered most was not being single anymore, not your well-being and feeling accepted and loved in your own home, which is basically a child’s only/principal safe space. He can’t go Pikachu face when the step-siblings who were never interested in you are still not interested in you or your kid.
And he can’t go Pikachu face because you don’t care that, now that you’re an adult, you don’t care either about them.
Your dad sounds so self-centered, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that his relationship with your stepmother was not going well and he decided to make it implode in a way that ‘makes him look good’ and would ‘make you gain his respect’.
Or something. Because what was the point of moving out, over an issue between grown children, right now? When the relationship was new and going well, it did not matter that your step-siblings were casting you out. Now, he’s expecting to be hailed as a hero.
Another brilliant case of screw around and find out.
NTJ.” ChibiSailorMercury
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being angry at his lack of parenting and his bad choices over the years that resulted in your very unhappy childhood. However, it may be good for you, your partner, and your baby girl if you can hash this out with grandpa.
He should apologize, make amends, etc. Sounds like he’s taken steps in that direction. Yes, it would have been better if he did so many years ago, but at least he’s doing it now. My father passed away without ever making a single step toward mending our rift. At least your father’s trying.
But it will take time and effort, you have every right to your pain, anger, and disappointment.” RedditWidow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Like you said, it’s basically a decade too late. He was fine with you being excluded and left behind cos obviously it wasn’t a big deal and even though you spoke to him about it, you didn’t cause a whole scene and just went with it.
But now the exclusion is blatantly obvious, it needs to be fixed, so he did, it for the wrong person. The person he should have done it for is you.
He should be grateful that despite being excluded from the family HE chose, you still speak to him.” HunterDangerous1366
My mother, gods rest her, did my brother and me the gigantic favor of never exposing us to her mother, an egomaniacal narcissist who was so toxic that my mom left home when she was 16 and never went back. Please continue to be the caring, protective parent you are and ignore anyone who whines about faaamily when a toxic member is in the mix. The damage they can do lasts forever.
13. AITJ For Not Going To My Sister's Child-Free Wedding?
“My sister is getting married next month to my best friend.
She always wanted a nice snow wedding in the cabins we used to go to when we were in school. Everything was going fine until she told me it was a child-free wedding. Now, that would be fine with my wife and me because we would just drop off my son and daughter at my wife’s parents’ or with their godparents, but my sister had asked them to be the ring bearer and the flower girl.
Apparently, they want the kids to perform their duties at the wedding but then not attend the reception. That means either my wife or I will have to be there with them alone in the cabin while everyone is ‘partying it up’, but wait, I’m the best man and will be conducting the reception so it’s just going to be my wife.
What about food? My mom will give my wife 20 minutes to come in, grab some plates with food and come back because the mother of the bride can’t be missing for too long.
So, they expect me to abandon my wife with our kids who are under the age of 7 in a tiny cabin that is not childproof, where the source of heat is a fireplace and there is barely any cell signal. This is the day after driving for 7 hours with said kids.
Not only do I think this is not a safe idea considering it would be the middle of winter, my wife has never been to these cabins, and the lack of ability to properly communicate, but also, I think it’s incredibly rude to invite someone to a destination wedding where they are only allowed to attend the wedding.
Although my wife says she can manage (she’s really gullible sometimes and is a little bit of a people pleaser), I refuse. She’s not being treated like a guest but as the babysitter for the ring bearer and flower girl.
I tried to talk to my sister and the jerk I call my best friend, who always preaches about being there for friends, loyalty, and whatnot, but they are not conceding or willing to compromise.
I asked if my kids could attend until the toasts, games, and food then all four of us would retire to the cabin and let them party, no. If we could go completely child-free and leave the kids behind, no. If I just attend the wedding and retire to the cabin after the wedding, no. My sister is against all of these ideas while the jerk has taken a temporary vow of silence.
So, I’m annoyed and said I’m not coming. Which in turn, began the messages and calls from everyone. My family, the groom’s family, and their/our friends. My wife has openly said that she can manage this, but I know that’s to keep the peace.
My kids are also upset because before asking us, my sister and jerk asked them first to participate in the wedding and they were really excited because they’re close with both of them.
With all these calls and messages, I feel I’m going crazy and maybe I’m the jerk instead.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“‘She’s not being treated like a guest but as the babysitter for the ring bearer and the flower girl.’
You are an awesome husband. I like where this is headed.
When it comes to Mr. Jerk and Mrs. Jerk-to-Be, they want to bestow the honor of making you their best man, but unfortunately, that ‘honor’ comes at a hefty price.
In order to fulfill your duties, you’ll have to alienate your family for the reception, so of course, it’s totally reasonable and absolutely 100% expected of you to tell your wife and kids to go screw themselves while you’re living it up at their reception.
Totally sarcasm, by the way.
You asked for compromises, and they told you no. You even asked to leave after the ceremony – they said no. They left you with no options but to tell them, ‘Congratulations. You are officially out of luck.’
If this was a test to prove to your sister and her fiancé who your loyalty was with, you passed. You showed them that your family comes first and you won’t be throwing them to the wolves while you cower to the pack.
Congratulations and a toast to Mr. and Mrs. Jerk. May they have a lonely and miserable future ahead of both of them.
NTJ.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister and your ‘best friend’ are absolutely ridiculous. They want to use your children as props, but they will make absolutely no compromises for your need to be able to keep your children alive afterward like they expect you can just store the kids in a closet like a jacket once they are no longer of any use.
You offered many compromises and solutions, all of which are rejected. So what they really want is to use your kids as a prop, and then your wife can kindly get lost from their reception to look after your kids.
They can both go pound sand.” Apprehensive_Secret2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Child-free where children are asked to be ring bearers and flower girls usually means only those children are allowed at the reception. So there is one other option, your sister and partner pay for a babysitter to come and watch the two children until you and your wife retire from the wedding.
Why? Because they are choosing to invite them only to the ceremony, they can say no to the reception but cannot expect you and your wife to suffer. They should cough up for a babysitter so you and your wife can enjoy their reception.
Otherwise, you drop your kids off with your in-laws and they figure out something else for the rings.
Or you all don’t come. What do they want? Tell them if they don’t compromise in some way, you will make the decision and clearly, they don’t like the two options best for you (leaving your kids with family or canceling completely).” AlbertaDaisy
12. AITJ For Locking The Door?
“I got home from work just a few minutes ago and went up to take a shower. I freak out being alone, especially since it’s an old house and super creaky. My partner was out getting dinner and I decided to go on and shower since I felt gross from being around germy toddlers all day!
I wanted to be clean before chilling all night. However, since like I stated before, I hate being alone. So I locked the door before I went upstairs to shower.
I came down a few minutes later to an angry man, who was upset with me for locking the door (because he had to set down the single bag of food?
I think. There may have been a drink too). I was in shock because it’s such a silly thing to be angry over! I always lock the door when I’m alone, as does he! It makes me feel safer in the shower. This led to an argument, and now he told me he doesn’t wanna see me.
AITJ? Should I apologize for locking the door?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your partner is being a hypocrite if he also locks the bathroom door when showering and blows something way out of proportion that I don’t really see a reason for being angry about, to begin with.
Please don’t let him gaslight you into apologizing for something that you don’t need to apologize for you’re definitely not a jerk.” Imaginary-Fall-7310
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When someone’s case is covered on a true crime doc/podcast SO many people say they don’t lock their doors because it’s just that safe.
I don’t care if it’s 10 minutes or 10 hours. You do what you need to in order to feel safe in your home. I wouldn’t have showered with my front door unlocked either.” Saltynut99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s acting like this is a thing you did to him, instead of just a thing anyone would do normally that he got mildly inconvenienced by and had a huge overreaction to.
I’d honestly be asking him what his problem is and if there’s something else that bothers him because giving you the silent treatment because he had to unlock the door is wildly immature.” Korrin
11. AITJ For Not Making My Little Sister Wear A Coat To School?
“I (f19) live at home with my parents while I go to college. I have a little sister Eve (f12).
My dad recently had major surgery and is currently staying in the hospital. He’s recovering okay but will have to stay there for a few more days yet.
My mom works very early mornings so I’ve been taking Eve to school.
Yesterday, it was around 38 degrees Fahrenheit or 3 Celsius, so it was pretty cold.
Eve didn’t have a coat on. I asked her if she wasn’t going to wear a coat. She said no. I told her that she was going to be cold without one.
Eve shrugged and rolled her eyes and told me she doesn’t need a coat and that she was fine.
We were a bit short of time and to be honest I couldn’t be bothered to argue so I just took her to school as she was.
Later that day after my mom took Eve home from school she was really mad and asked me why I didn’t make Eve wear a coat. I explained why and she said that my reasoning isn’t good enough. She told me I have some growing up to do and that I’m letting Eve walk all over me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and there are a few reasons why.
You’re not her parent. If that was a requirement your parents wanted to be enforced, they should have told you beforehand.
Eve is 12 and 12-year-olds don’t wear coats. Period. Middle-school-aged kids are infamously dumb about the weather.
They don’t dare be seen in a raincoat or carrying an umbrella. Don’t you DARE ask them to wear a coat when it’s cold out? Your sister is every other kid in her school.
if she’s not going to wear it, what is the point in making the kid lug it around all day?
She’s more likely to misplace it, leave it in a locker, forget it in a classroom, etc. Then your mom is annoyed at Eve.” QuirkyFunUsername
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Kids that age often underdress to the weather. It’s some way of exerting independence as well as they have high metabolisms and don’t seem to feel cold the way adults do.
Go to any middle school and looks around during 38-degree days. You might find that half of the students are walking in sweatshirts, some in short sleeves. Classrooms are inside, not outside. Of course, most parents tell their kids to put their coats on, it’s an obligatory parent thing to do.” 3xlduck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your mom have some nerve expecting you to parent her other child and scold you for not physically wrestling a grumpy pre-teen into a coat. Why did she actually expect you to do, spank your sister for not obeying you?
If your parents raised you with the expectation that you parent your younger sister but didn’t raise your sister with the expectation that she has to listen to you then that’s their problem.” PearlStreetBlues
10. AITJ For Punishing My Son But Not My Daughter?
“I have a 17-year-old daughter (Cass) and an 8-year-old son (Mark).
Cass is with my ex-wife and Mark is with my wife. Cass lives with my ex and is long-distance (ex moved) and I only see her once every other month. Mark lives with me and my wife full-time.
I will admit I struggle with a lot of guilt when it comes to Cass because of the distance, so when Cass wants something I try to do all I can to make it happen.
Cass is also extremely sensitive so I have to handle her very carefully so as not to upset her.
Mark, on the other hand, is more out there and will try to argue back, and I tend to be a bit harder on him because he’s got a stronger personality.
About a month ago Cass called saying she broke her brand new iPhone I’d given her as an early birthday present and asked me to pay to get it fixed for her. Since I rarely get the chance to do stuff for Cass, I said yes, sent her the money, and reassured her that I’m not mad, it was an accident, but please be more careful with her devices.
A week later, Mark broke the iPad he’s had for over 2 years. Mark is rough on his stuff and a bit on the clumsy side. I told Mark it’s his fault for not paying more attention and it’s going to be a while until his iPad is going to be fixed and the money is going to come out of his allowance and I hope it teaches him to be more responsible.
Mark started arguing with me and I ended up grounding him for 2 weeks, but really only followed through on the first week.
Now my wife is mad at me, saying the way I reacted to Mark was unfair compared to the way I reacted to Cass.
That I was forgiving and understanding to my daughter, who’s older, but not my son, who’s much younger. I tried to explain it as I don’t see Cass much or get a chance to do as much for her, so anytime I can, I’m going to.
Where I see and do stuff with Mark every day, so it’s a different situation and I handled each as it needed to be handled. My wife still insists I dropped the ball on the way I dealt with Mark and said I should have treated him the same way I did Cass and brought up the fact Cass broke her brand new iPhone only a month after getting it, while Mark had his iPad over 2 years before anything went wrong.
Cass’s phone was broken when she asked her friend to toss it to her and she accidentally dropped her phone while trying to catch it. Mark wore out the charge port on his iPad, possibly due to mishandling it. Mark also has motor skill delays.”
Another User Comments:
“Obviously, YTJ. You can’t expect an 8 yo to be more responsible/careful than a 17-year-old. What’s your goal here, to raise two responsible kids who appreciate the value of a dollar, or to buy your daughter’s affection out of guilt?
I’m not saying you’re wrong for getting her phone fixed, but you are wrong for holding your son to a higher standard than your daughter.
You’re basically showing them both that you have low expectations for her. It’s hard enough for girls to achieve at the same level as boys without the adults in their lives doubting what they’re capable of. I say this as a retired teacher who saw it over and over again.
I’m not saying you should treat both of them exactly the same. They’re two different people. Yes, you should consider their ages, personalities, individual needs, etc. Just maintain the same high standards and expectations for both.” Teacher-Investor
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and you know it.
You cannot treat your one kid differently in the exact same situation. Plus your wife is right, your son is under 10 years old, a primary school kid who cannot yet even legally earn his own money and you take away his allowance, but your daughter can work her butt off if she would need to because she is old enough.
Also, your son took good care of his device for over 2 yrs and the charger entrance broke. That’s a very different thing than dropping your iPhone and having its screen in pieces…
The fact you see your son every day and your daughter does not have any say in how this situation should be viewed. Though you probably couldn’t prevent her from moving far away due to your ex-wife, your son, and current wife will start to resent you for treating her differently + you don’t really teach your daughter how life will treat her if daddy doesn’t pay for everything anymore…” VictoriousSeahorse
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you gave a 6-year-old an iPad and they kept in working condition for 2 years! Honestly, that is a miracle. You know they sell children’s tablets right?
I highlight this because your kids are very different ages developmentally. It’s fine to treat them differently.
What is not fine is to hold an 8-year-old to a higher standard than a 17-year-old.
Also you need to set kids (people in general really) up for success. Mark at 8 is rough and clumsy. Can’t imagine at 6 that he was gentle and careful. Yet the expectation is that he takes care of a delicate item and never breaks it… ever?
That doesn’t sound realistic from the start.
The fact that your daughter legitimately broke her phone (throwing it) but your son’s tablet isn’t even broken and just needs regular maintenance (charging port) makes this so much worse. Again let’s go back to realistic expectations. It is realistic to expect a 17-year-old not to ask a phone be thrown at her.
What could Mark have done to prevent this? Get in a time machine and warp back to the very small time window in the early 2000s were devices started to be common but all companies purposely built devices to start falling apart at the 2 year mark?
And honestly, even that might be possible because by the time the iPad was a thing that could have already been common practice. Like to you see how extreme these two things are?
No wonder your son talked back. You were taking money out of his allowance to teach him to treat his stuff better when by all accounts he has taken excellent care of his iPad.
Even with the stuff with your daughter, you’d still be a jerk for this punishment.” exhauta
Something shorts out AFTER TWO YEARS" its probably your fault you ain't gettin jerk, in fact pay for it and your grounded"
You might as well have hugged her and flipped him off the way you... you treat these 2 kids so different its HORRIBLE.
YOU ARE HORRIBLE!
9. AITJ For Going Home From The Girl's Trip?
“I (21f) planned a girl’s trip to Miami Florida. I have 4 friends I planned with A (26), T (24), B (21) & S (21) (B and S are twins) I specifically said no partners on the trip since we always bring partners along. We got our plane tickets and rented a car in A’s name for when we arrive in Florida.
We get there and we all are in good spirits and the place we got was nice and spacious. The first night was great we had fun got wasted and just partied.
The trip soured at 7 am the next morning I see that A’s fiancé (let’s call him H) and their 3-year-old (let’s call him G) is at the door.
I’m confused as to why they are here and A says she invited them since they don’t have family vacations often. Obviously, I’m upset I said no partners and she had the nerve to invite her family. I told her that this wasn’t ok and we talked about this before we even booked the trip.
She said they wouldn’t be any trouble but who wants a girl’s trip with a 3-year-old and someone’s partner? We all were going to brunch at 11 so I tried not to let this ruin my trip. We get to brunch and A and H are getting pretty wasted. I tried to tell them to slow down since they have their child with them.
H said he was an adult and he didn’t need me monitoring them.
I ignored them for the rest of brunch and tried to have fun on the beach (we went after brunch) G threw sand all over me and T and threw a tantrum when we took the bucket of rocks he was throwing at us.
When we got back to the Airbnb A & H went to sleep and left G awake he almost instantly started messing with things and broke a lamp. At that point, we are all fed up. I wake G’s parents up and an argument ensues.
A says some pretty hurtful things that I told her about in private. I’m so fed up and hurt that A and her family have ruined the trip I decided to leave I moved my flight and am now sitting in the airport waiting to board.
The twins and A are calling me a crybaby and a brat for leaving. I think the twins knew they were coming from the beginning since they are closer to A than to me and T. T is the only person that’s on my side so AITJ?
Mini Update: Spoke to the Airbnb owners and they refunded me for the remaining days and canceled it. A and the twins have been spamming me with angry messages since then.
UPDATE: So after I got off the plane and made it home I called the Airbnb owners and explained the entire situation.
They sympathized with me and canceled the remaining days and gave me a partial refund. The owners had to call the local police to get A and her family plus the twins to leave. They went nuclear on me after that. They ended up moving their flight up and coming home and almost immediately came after me yelling calling me immature for canceling their place to stay.
A brought up my having been in a relationship that was very toxic and threatening to tell my ex where I currently live and that’s when I realized that I would get nowhere with them. I asked them to leave my property or I’ll call the police to escort and trespass them.
Since then they have posted about me on social media but I’ve blocked them so I won’t see what they say. I and T have been planning a trip to New Orleans for her birthday since we didn’t enjoy this trip. I wish it could have been different and no one had to stop being friends but I don’t think they were ever my friends.
As far as her contacting my ex I’ll be moving in 3 weeks anyways for a new job in a new city so I’m not too worried.”
Another User Comments:
“100000000% NTJ
They just wanted a family trip with free babysitters. A girl’s trip means getting wasted and being able to do stuff without kids, yet it seemed like you and T were getting the brunt of having to watch the kid.
Just break friends with A and the twins if they’re gonna be jerks and A is gonna use personal stuff against you in an argument. You don’t need to be around that.
This is gonna sound very judgemental of me, but I think it’s disgusting that they were slamming back the booze while they had their 3-year-old there and they were clearly expecting everyone else to watch him.
And going to sleep and just expecting him to be monitored. I feel bad for the kid. I’m a parent myself so I’m not saying they’re not allowed to let their hair down every now and then, but you don’t both get hammered while your kid is with you, and bring your kid and your partner on a partner and kid-free trip.” Gumgums66
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend probably planned this from the start. They likely can’t afford a family trip like that without splitting the expenses with multiple other people, so they jumped onto this trip hoping people wouldn’t make a big deal out of it once her fiancé and kid showed up.
It also sounds like they were betting on people being ok with babysitting. All around it was a majorly jerk move on their part and completely unfair to everyone else who spent money on the trip. Hugely disrespectful and entitled.
The twins probably knew about it from the start too if they’re closer to them and siding with them now.
Well, the good news is that they will get karma back on them because it sounds like they are the ONLY ones who will be left to babysit while the couple runs off and parties or want couple alone time because ‘being a parent is sooooo hard and we never get a break’!
I’m sure within a day they’ll be majorly regretting aiding and abetting them with their scheme!” MainEgg320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But.
Even when you set up a trip, it is valuable to get other attendees to agree to the rules. Otherwise, you as an adult are trying to control the behavior of other adults.
And that rarely goes well.
But this goes so far beyond bringing someone else. It is them getting wasted, passing out, and leaving others to make sure their child is safe. Sorry.
Advice for the future: arguing with intoxicated people who just got woken up rarely goes well.
Not sure it would have gone better later…” tropicaldiver
8. AITJ For Moving To Sweden Without Informing My Mom?
“Last June my Dad passed away after a long battle with an illness. This loss affected the family greatly.
I was devastated. I really needed support and love at this time. Of course, My Mum did too. I thought we’d share our grief. However, my Mum just wasn’t there for me at all.
I struggled when we talked because she never asked how I was doing with the death of my father. She did talk about how she felt, and I wanted her to talk to me about that. But there didn’t seem to be any time for me to receive any kind of emotional support whatsoever from her.
I was always the one to talk or start a conversation she never initiated it. Even when I called her and she was busy and said she’d call me back, but she didn’t.
I found myself calling her less frequently and then feeling bad about it, but at the same time, becoming silently resentful because of her seeming to have zero common sense and practically ignoring the fact that I’d lost a parent and that we needed to help each other grieve.
To make matters worse just over a month after my Dad died she got into a new relationship with my uncle! My Dad’s brother! I was so angry and felt as if they had both just betrayed him. They were so close already that I suspect that they were having an affair before he passed away.
That was the final straw.
One of the things that my Dad had done for me before he passed away was give me money to buy a few properties so that I could rent them out and have a steady source of income every month and live in one of them.
After my friends helped me with my grief instead one of them who lives in Sweden suggested that I move there and see it as a ‘new start’. I did the math and realized I could afford to rent a one-bed flat/apartment in Sweden with all the utilities paid for from using the money I got from renting out my other properties.
So I just did it. I moved and told no one.
Of course, after a while, she noticed I wasn’t living in my flat full time (I still have it and stay there when I visit the UK as I split my time between the two countries).
She asked where I was and I explained everything. She obviously said I was a jerk, but then I got a call from my grandparents saying the same. So am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Judging by the fact that you were able to move countries, you’re an adult.
You can live where you want.
Judging by your mother’s behavior too, it seems like she really took advantage of your willingness to be there for her. It’s okay for her to be upset and lean on her loved ones – in fact, that’s healthy – but the fact that she did it without so much as thinking to offer you support is completely scummy.
Even as adults, children do not exist to be emotional support systems for their parents. You deserve the time and space to work through things at your own pace.
Have you considered seeking a therapist that specializes in grief counseling? Having someone just to talk and help you get through it could be a massive help if it’s within your means.” im_justbrowsing
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I’m sorry, but I cannot really fault your mom for not having emotional resources for you after losing her husband. It would have been ok if you had told her that you couldn’t support her and that she needed to get professional help or whatever.
But his death clearly left her in a terrible spot and I can’t fault her for not having the emotional energy to support your grief.
I also can’t blame you for moving and trying to restart; that is totally your choice and you should do what is right for you.
I think you are perhaps being hasty in cutting people off as much as you have but, again, your choice.
Lest you think I have no idea what I’m talking about, I was a Daddy’s girl and my mom was utterly broken by his passing.
Just devastated. I was a huge amount of her support and, no, I didn’t get much from her. But I didn’t expect it. She lost someone she had been married to for almost 40 years; I’ve been married for 11 now and the thought of losing my spouse is devastating.
You both are grieving, and chances are that neither of you was exactly what the other person needed. Now you can choose where you want to go from here.” Pedantic_Girl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You lost a parent, which is irreplaceable. She lost a partner, which in this case with her seems replaceable…
Grief can do strange things to people but she had no right to monopolize grief and invalidate yours. In a parental relationship… she is the ‘adult’ and you are the ‘child’. You should’ve been her priority here. You didn’t just lose one parent… you lost both of them, except one is through their own selfish behavior.
You had every right to move on in your life, just as she seems to have done so, and her being distant is the price she has to pay for not knowing this information.
I am so very sorry for your loss and hope that your life in Sweden is more joyful and less dramatic.” majesticjewnicorn
7. AITJ For Not Sharing My Dinner With My Father-In-Law?
“My husband and I recently moved in with my FIL, who is very controlling and childish. For the most part, if we stay out of his way then he’s fine.
I (F38) went to make myself some food for dinner, a frozen pizza.
Not like, a sizable Res Baron or something. It was a Totino’s, which is pretty much a single-person serving (I’m 6 1/2 months pregnant, so everything is a single serving for me). I started to get it on a plate and I hear my FIL (M, cranky, old) shuffling up behind me asking if ‘I was gonna eat all that’.
To which I replied ‘… uh-huh.’ He asked if I give him a piece and I said I was pretty hungry as I hadn’t eaten all day so, ya know… sorry, sort of? He got REALLY HUFFY and went back to his habitat, a busted-up old recliner.
I took my pizza to our room and ate then brought the empty plate back out and he again asked if I saved him a piece. I was like ‘Homeboy, NO. But there is another pizza in there I bought, if you’d like to make it for yourself then have at it’.
He sulked and said no.
My husband took up for me in front of his dad, the classic she’s eating for 2 blah blah. But later in our room, he says I should’ve given him a piece.
This is stupid. I don’t care if I WAS the jerk cos I was hungry but… was I?
Edit: We don’t live here for free. We pay rent and utilities on a weekly basis. His house is paid off and his bills are low so it’s a pretty sweet setup for FIL, minus the expectation that he was moving a personal chef/maid.
Edit 2: also, I don’t think my being pregnant entitles me to anything special. I’d have 100% eaten the entire thing in any circumstance.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s the jerk for trying to take food away from a pregnant woman. Who does that? OK, maybe he has dementia and you can forgive him.
But it’s for his own good. Keep your mouth off my food or you’ll get bitten.
All this stuff about sharing when you cook in a shared household does not count when you’ve nuked or toaster oven-ed yourself a single serving of fast food.
Good on you for not eating it in front of him though.
It’s a good thing to try to not taunt a person with cognition challenges.” FluffyBad5946
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Not sure about the relationship, but generally when one prepares food you ask if anyone else in the house wants any. It saves you from situations like this.
It’s usually just as easy to prepare for multiple people as it is for one. (You are not obligated to handle special orders. If you are making pizza, no one gets to ask for a grilled cheese.) There really is basic manners rule here about not eating in front of other people without offering to share.
Still: a grumpy old man who can’t fend for himself vs a pregnant woman who is hungry. Everyone is inconsiderate, but not quite so bad as to relegate got all to jerk status.” Aunt_Anne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! OMG share what? You can’t share a Totino’s pizza!
It’s too small! Your FIL is lazy. He wants someone to wait on him hand and foot. Had he said he was hungry, he could have asked you ‘politely’ to put an extra one in the oven for him too. Takes like what, 10 minutes? the oven was still hot I’m sure and he didn’t want to wait.
Sucks for him. Let him sulk. Not sure why you moved in with him, but I would say make it a short-term living arrangement with this guy.” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1
6. AITJ For Uninviting My Grandma From My Wedding?
“My parents were high school sweethearts but broke up at the end of undergrad. Dad got with someone else, got back with my mom, and found out the last woman was pregnant.
Mom briefly broke up with him but ended up taking him back. I (32M) was born a year after my brother Max (33M).
My family’s quite conservative and my paternal grandparents never really got over their disappointment over my dad having a baby with ‘the wrong girl’.
My dad’s always been pretty awkward with him and my grandparents are straight-up jerks. Like, ‘once called a 10-year-old an illegitimate child’ jerks. Max’s been in no contact with my grandparents since before he finished high school and is still in very low contact with our dad.
However, we’ve always been close. We played the same sports as kids, had basically the same friends in school, and always supported each other. We shared a room every other week until we were 5 years old, and then he moved in with us full-time when his mom passed away (around 9 years old).
To me, he’s never been my half-brother, he’s just my brother and practically my best friend. He moved to my city two years ago for a new job, lived with me and my then-partner for about 4 months, and now that he’s moved out we still see each other a lot.
I and my fiancée are getting married in June, and Max is my best man. My grandparents are taking an issue with that. At first, it was just ‘are you sure’ with pinched lips. Last week, my grandma called and suggested making my college best friend best man instead.
Her reasoning is that he’s a very good friend and ‘a much better choice than my half-brother, given everything’.
I hang up on her, thought about it with my fiancée, and then texted grandma that she was no longer invited to my wedding. Cue the whole family imploding.
My dad thinks I’m out of line, because I gave her no warning, and Max is technically my half-brother. Also, he says my wedding is still months away so I should give grandma the time to apologize. My paternal aunts and uncle, and some cousins, are also outraged over me disinviting her because she’s an old lady, I’m one of her favorite grandchildren and I can be annoyed with her, but I am overreacting by uninviting her over something that small.
They think my brother shares so much of the blame for the bad b***d between him and the family (for things he did as a teenager) so I shouldn’t take sides. My fiancee is on my side, and my mom thinks my grandma knew better and can deal with the consequences.
My brother is concerned about me burning bridges and regretting it later, but he acknowledges the idea of a grandma-free wedding sound nice to him.
I really don’t think I’m the jerk, because I never asked for suggestions on my best man, and I know my grandma means ‘half-brother’ as an insult.
Also, Max lost his husband 3 years ago, and being the best man at my wedding is asking a lot of him emotionally, so I feel like uninviting people who are mean to him is kind of a no-brainer. But, as I said, most of my family disagrees.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad thinks you should give grandma time to apologize. He’s essentially admitting that she needs to apologize. And technically she still has time to apologize. You’ve uninvited her but you could always reinvite her if she is contrite enough. Just rather than threatening a consequence if she doesn’t appropriately apologize, you’ve imposed a consequence until she appropriately apologizes.
When I say ‘appropriately’ that means the apology extends to your brother and she tells her family to back off because she was wrong. But let’s be real, grandma isn’t going to apologize. You’ve done the right thing. But you can’t waiver. If you give in then you’d basically be abandoning your brother.” DanInBham1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you want your brother as your best man at your wedding.
I would suggest you talk to them all and ask them if they can promise/guarantee to you that they will be nothing but polite and respectful to your brother at YOUR wedding.
Ask them if they can accept that this is solely your decision and that if they ask you to choose between having them or your brother at the wedding then they will lose every single time and you are sick of him being blamed for being conceived/born out of wedlock.
Talk with your grandmother and explain the above and anything you feel is relevant, that for you to even consider letting her attend would require a guarantee of behavior, an apology to your brother, and for her to reform her behavior and pass on the same edict to the rest of her children.
Frankly, it sounds like there was no infidelity here, and I would also suspect some level of homophobia.
Or you could just tell them the decision is final and if they don’t like it to not bother attending.” dheffe01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – please support your brother.
If she decides to change her mind and come to you AND Max with a genuine apology, sure reconsider her coming. But your brother is your best friend and this is hopefully your one and only wedding. Deserves might not be the right word, but I think he ‘deserves’ to be there more than any of your other family in this story, besides your mom.
Your poor brother lost his mom at 9 after being blamed for being born at all and your paternal family is complete jerks for blaming a kid who never asked to be born for being born. I hope your brother has been able to heal from that misery and I hope your wedding is lovely with him as best man.” Pumpumpkin666
5. AITJ For Saying That My Son Is Being Unfair To My Wife?
“My son is a 30-year-old father of two. We lost his biological mom, my first wife, when he was 5 and I married my wife, his stepmom when he was 6.
My wife was an amazing presence in my son’s life. She was very loving with him but also understanding that he had a mom and that she (my wife) was a newer addition to his life. Regardless of how long she’s been in his life, he has been resistant to seeing my wife as a parent.
He refers to her as my wife, always called her by her first name, was quick to deny that she was his mom, and corrected people who assumed incorrectly. My wife took it all in her stride. I talked to my son about it being okay to love both like I did, but he wasn’t very open to talking with me and he did go to therapy, but the therapists around 20 years ago were not like they are today, at least not in our small town.
It has dawned upon us that our grandchildren might not know my wife as their grandma. My son and his wife usually celebrate his MIL and my first wife’s mom the day before Mother’s Day and then they celebrate my DIL on Mother’s Day. My wife has never gotten a grandma card or gift, or a call, and when I have celebrated with my wife with our children, he has always declined the invite.
We also found out my son makes sure the kids are present for his MIL’s and grandmother’s birthdays. But my wife has never seen the kids on hers. I have seen the grandkids more than my wife. They also get me a card and gift for Father’s Day and I get a call or sometimes we celebrate together and the same goes for his FIL.
I brought it up to my son and he said it was true, that he doesn’t regard my wife as his mom and so he never would consider celebrating her for Mother’s Day, even with the kids. And because she’s not his mom her birthday does not stand out to him.
I told him he was being unfair to her. That she has been in his life for 24 years and she has always been loving and understanding and he could at least show some appreciation and let her be the grandma to his kids that his MIL gets to be, that even his own grandmother gets to be.
That my wife loves them just as much as I do and she’s just as thoughtful. He told me I had no right to ask that of him and he was mad that I claimed he was being unfair to my wife seeing as he has never implied he saw her as a mother.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You chose to get married. Your six-year-old son got a new housemate, not of his choosing.
He was old enough to remember and miss his mother. He neither wanted nor needed a ‘new’ mother.
Just because you say it is ‘okay’ to love both his mother and your wife doesn’t mean that he actually feels such an emotion, or even that he thinks it would be wrong to love your wife.
He simply doesn’t have those feelings for her!
He never needed your permission to love your wife. He needed you to support and respect his actual feelings about his mother and your wife.
And it was in no way the job of a therapist to make your son love or care about your wife.
It was the therapist’s job to help him understand and express his actual feelings. Which are that he doesn’t love your wife, never wanted a new mother, and sees no reason to put your wife in the role of ‘grandmother’ to his children, when their grandmother passed away when he was five.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
DUDE, you got married 1 year after your wife passed away. A year. You don’t think therapy helped more than likely because his therapist didn’t get him to view her as a mother, and supported his feelings.
While your wife in your own words has been supportive and didn’t force anything, it seems that the problem is: You.
You were the one who got married within a year of your wife being gone. You were trying to force this mother-and-son relationship. You have an issue with his feelings. You have an issue with him and his kids having closer relationships with his MIL and grandmother.
He doesn’t owe anyone anything. He more than likely takes his resentment of you trying to force him into this, onto her.” McflyThrowaway01
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Even if your wife did everything perfectly, she isn’t owed a relationship.
Your son didn’t choose your wife, and it’s not like your wife gets to be forced on him, then if she does the right thing enough she crosses some threshold which means she wins and gets to have the relationship she wants with him.
Real life isn’t sims, you can’t earn or be owed the relationship you want with other people. Specifically, in this case, children don’t owe their parents for raising them, bio, step, adoptive, or otherwise. Because parents choose that role but the children have no choice.
Your son made his position clear from the start but you have only pretended to respect it because really you thought that given enough time he would change his mind, that he would realize he owes your wife for treating him well, which he doesn’t.
She signed on to do that by marrying someone with a kid, and the kid didn’t sign anything.
If you actually respected and accepted him you would take him at his word, stop pressuring and guilting him, and maybe your wife can finally come to terms with it and move on.” ttnl35
4. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Skip Her Work's Party And Go To Mine?
“Both of our jobs are doing holiday parties where SOs are encouraged to come. Originally we were going to go to both but mine was recently moved to the same day as hers.
Our jobs are pretty far from each other so we can’t go to both, and I asked her if she would be fine skipping hers to go to mine. She said absolutely not because her party was always planned to be that day and she told everyone she was coming and bringing snacks.
Normally I’d be totally fine skipping because I don’t really care for my coworkers but currently I am competing for a promotion and need to get some time talking to my manager and directors, as well as other higher-ups who will be there. I work in a very competitive environment where social gatherings like this can really make or break a career, so I feel like we HAVE to go to this.
She is working part-time while in school so it will not be detrimental to miss this party, just a bummer.
I brought this up and she called me a jerk for thinking her job is unimportant. I also suggested that we each go to our own (I don’t love this idea because everyone at my job will be bringing their SO) and she said she would not be comfortable going to her party on her own.
I’m seriously stressed because I cannot miss this gathering because being a ‘team player’ is a huge factor for my promotion and not going to this thing will hurt me, as dumb as it is.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, there are two sides to this.
Her party is important to her, and yours is important to you. You should both treat it as such. It wasn’t right for you to minimize her job, but it also wasn’t right for her to expect you to skip your party just because it happened to be the one rescheduled.
You both planned on going to your respective parties and it’s unfortunate they ended up landing on the same day, but both of you should understand the importance to one another. She doesn’t owe it to you to skip out on her party for yours and vice versa.
Suggesting to go to your own parties seems like a good call, as long as the reasoning behind it is communicated effectively and she knows that both parties are still important to you.” MarkZuckerbeg
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Each of you going to your own work party solo is the only real, reasonable solution here.
Although if your promotion hinges on an ostensibly social event, even after they changed things around and should recognize other people might have made plans they might not be able to move in the interim, I don’t know that you want to be putting all your energy into trying to get ahead at this place.” mm172
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did say to go to your own parties and she didn’t like that idea. You do have more on the line while she has snacks she said she’d bring and she can be social. You’d be miserable there and it’d ruin her bubbly good time anyway.
Tell her you’re going to yours and she can come with you or go to hers. It’s not saying her job isn’t important, you just have more on the line than she does. Hers is fun and you’re trying to get a higher position and better opportunity.
I guarantee if she were in your shoes she’d say hers was more important due to what was on the line.” Gayv0dka94
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You for how you brought up going to your party instead of hers as a first option and undermining her work to her face.
It would have been better to suggest multiple options at once and not let her know you valued her work party less than yours. It would have been one thing if you had just mentioned how important your party was to your career, but adding on that your opinions on her party were unnecessary.
She for not agreeing to a reasonable compromise. You both have events on the same day that you each want to attend. The logical solution is to attend to them separately. But I can give her a pa*s if she’s simply expressing that she doesn’t want to go to her party alone and isn’t pressuring you to still attend with her.
‘I’m seriously stressed because I cannot miss this gathering because being a ‘team player’ is a huge factor for my promotion and not going to this thing will hurt me,’
So then just go, even if it’s alone. Make up some excuse for your SO if she isn’t going to join you.
It’s not your fault that this party has now been rescheduled to the same day as hers – life happens and you have to adjust, which is what you’re trying to do.” Valkrhae
3. AITJ For Telling My Ex-Wife To Stop Making My Kids Jealous?
“So I’ve (m38) been divorced from my ex-wife (f35) for 10 years. And we have two kids together (m12 and m10)
I remarried a year late while she was still single. I have 3 further kids (f9, f7 f3).
I have my sons over every weekend.
About 4 years, my ex-wife opened up an online business and she’s been making 6 figures. While my wife is a stay-at-home mum and I make 30k to support our family.
So you can imagine how this difference has affected our 2 households. They live in a gated community, she drives a 2022 rsq3.
And she and our sons go on 2 extravagant holidays a year.
My sons came over this weekend and starting tell me and the girls they’re going on a Disney concierge cruise in the summer. My daughters started crying saying daddy we wanna go, and when I looked online for the prices they were priced at $5k per person.
It’s been all they’ve talked about non-stop. I feel like their wealth is being shoved down our throats when we can barely afford to heat this Christmas.
It’s hard not to be hateful but I sent her a long text saying to stop trying to make us feel less than others.
I also told my sons in private pls don’t mention holidays or gifts around the girls.
She replied by saying it’s not her problem how we feel, and when she does nice things for the boys. I and my wife are the last people on her mind?
Am I reading into this too much? Or am I the jerk for saying she’s spiteful?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Just looking through your children’s ages, and it looks like you got your current wife pregnant immediately after your ex-wife gave birth to your and her younger child and you divorced your first wife right at the same time she gave birth to your and her younger son.
Irrelevant to your question, but makes one go hmmm…
Your ex is not doing anything wrong, she’s simply spending on her children.
However, if you can barely afford to heat, it’s time for your wife to start working. There are zero reasons for her to be a stay-at-home mom when your kids are 9, 7, and 3 years old.
And you obviously cannot afford it, when you don’t make the ends meet.
So stop looking at your ex’s lifestyle through your bitter lens and start looking for ways to improve yours. You cannot control what your ex does with her money, and she wants to experience exciting, fun things with your kids.
You only can control what goes on in your home, and how your money is spent.” Cocoasneeze
Another User Comments:
“You have been divorced for 10 years. Your younger son is 10. Your oldest daughter is 9.
Are you suggesting your ex-wife is spiteful because you had an affair?
If so, she sure showed you. You have FIVE kids, make $30k per year, and your wife doesn’t work. For that alone, YTJ. And your ex-wife started this new successful venture 4 years ago. Probably because she found out your wife was pregnant and your ex knew the little you were able to contribute toward your sons’ expenses were going to be that much less.
Your daughters get a full-time dad, and their mom doesn’t work outside the home. Spend some of that parenting time teaching your daughters how to be happy for other people and that they can’t get everything they want. And get over your jealousy of your ex-wife’s success.
You see your sons two days a week. You were divorced when they were 2 and had a newborn. There is no reason why custody shouldn’t be 50/50 other than you deciding to start over and just be a weekend dad. And it doesn’t sound like they were bragging or being obnoxious.
Just excited. Be glad they thrive and have the opportunity to have nice experiences despite your selfishness.” Careful-Victory-8138
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It’s not her fault that she makes more money than you, and shouldn’t have to be ashamed of her success, which is probably the result of a lot of hard work.
If she wants to drive a fancy car and take your sons on a fancy vacation, that’s all fine. If she wants to spend her money on herself and her kids, that doesn’t necessarily mean she is doing it out of spite for you, it may just mean that she wants a nice house, car, and vacation, and since she can afford it, she’s getting it… nothing to do with you.
Are you really going to contact her and tell her not to spend the money, that she earned, on your sons? If you think your daughters are upset, think about how mad your sons are going to be when they found out that the reason that their vacation is being canceled, and all of the other stuff that she gives and does for them is stopping because of you essentially being jealous of her success.” Tdluxon
2. AITJ For Making My Brother-In-Law Uncomfortable In My House?
“My husband has no backbone. Otherwise a fantastic man. His brother has been coming and staying at our place literally whenever he wants to. He doesn’t even ask. Just shows up with his crap like he owns the place. I wouldn’t tolerate this from my own family, whom I love.
So I’m not about to tolerate it from an in-law. Not saying he is a bad guy. He just has no respect for boundaries in the slightest. Eating our food crashes on our couch, and taking up a lot of space because his backpack always has clothes overflowing into common areas.
Not to mention his feet are literally the smell of death and it’s nauseating.
My husband has complained several times about it. Says he is ‘fed up’ with the fact that his brother can’t even be bothered to ask to come over and just shows up.
Says he is absolutely sick of constantly dealing with it and at least once a week says he will have a talk with his brother on at least asking first prior to coming over. Admittedly the big issue is we like sleeping in our birthday suits (I have a thyroid probably and sweat like there’s no tomorrow if I’m covered at all) and we can’t do that with his brother here.
So most nights it’s extremely uncomfortable for me especially because this is my house. However, with that said, my husband does absolutely nothing about it. Complains endlessly to me but never has the talk with his brother outside of one single time recently when his brother called and I heard my husband say something to the effect of ‘we haven’t had alone time in almost 2 weeks so we are just irritated’ (I later found out his brother asked what was wrong and this is what my husband said in response).
So it was a hint, at best, but something even I would have fully understood.
Regardless, his brother showed up here yesterday around dinner time. Takes a shower, eat our food, etc. I’m mad at this point. I’ve felt awful for a week and don’t want company.
So I kept dropping comments. ‘You gonna go pick me up some wine on your dollar since you ate my food and used my hot water’ ‘You gonna help with our electric bill since you’re here at least 3 days a week?’ Stuff like that.
Never once yelling or being ignorant beyond what I’ve mentioned above. He has his own place. No reason to be here. He ends up saying things like ‘you have a problem and that’s not my problem’ or ‘this is my brother’s house, if he doesn’t want me here then he needs to tell me’ (it’s my house, I bought it but I’ve never pulled that argument because my husband has been on the mortgage since 6 months ago and it’s his house too AND I 100% agree with BIL.
My husband SHOULD be the one to tell him, but he doesn’t). So basically he called me a witch for deliberately making him uncomfortable and I said ‘Oh, you’re uncomfortable? Good. I’m glad you are. Because that’s how it feels to me whenever you walk into this house unannounced.’ My husband said I was too harsh.
AITJ?
ETA: my husband is incredibly uncomfortable with anyone going against his family. Therefore, to respect him and his wishes, I have not spoken up until yesterday. Husband also has severe survivor’s guilt due to his brother’s manipulation. They were in foster care and his brother got treated like garbage, whereas my husband was treated like gold.
My BIL has pulled the ‘you owe me because I took the fall for you so many times and saved you from the same crap I went through’ lines.
ETA again: BIL is a recovering addict. Was heavy into illegal substances and given the guilt trips BIL has pulled, my husband feels it is his fault.
So he is almost fearful of speaking to his brother, in fear that he will ‘spiral’.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your husband expects you to take the bad role here, he doesn’t want to confront his brother so he complains to you, expecting you to be the baddie and then he can pretend to defend his brother so he can win on bothsidese
You have multiple options. Here are some ideas:
You can make your BIL’s visits insufferable for him. Not making him food, walking around without clothes, putting on really loud music he would hate, talking very explicitly about something a guy like that would probably find gross like menstruation, etc.
You can tell your BIL to get out because it’s your house and if you wanted a third wheel in your couple, you’d have at least picked one who paid rent and cleaned the house.
You can tell your husband that it’s time for him to talk to his brother.
I suggest you add an ultimatum to the exercise because I think he won’t comply otherwise.” Kalenne
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your BIL is the biggest jerk for having no concept of personal space. However, you and your husband are jerks, too. The fact is that every family has different boundaries, and they vary by person.
Some people don’t mind if family stops over unannounced. Other people do mind. It’s up to the people involved to set boundaries.
Your husband should have talked to his brother. It’s his brother, and it’s been bothering both of you. I really understand the urge to avoid awkward conversations, but it should have been his responsibility.
He’s the jerk for complaining about it, knowing it bothered you, and not talking to his brother.
But your first step should have been to say, ‘Could you stop coming over so often? We need some alone time.’ Instead, you started off the bat with aggressive questions.
I understand that the anger built up until it was the first thing on your tongue, but there should have been a step before that. Your BIL is rude, but it comes from obliviousness. Your husband should have told him to stop coming over like this, but he didn’t, which made your bil think it’s alright.
By broaching the topic with an aggressive question, you ensured that he would be defensive because while he should know better, he doesn’t, and it came out of the blue.” FrederickChase
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have a husband problem, not an in-law’s problem. Your husband needs to be the one to sort this out and his lack of action is the reason your BIL is emboldened to behave the way he does.
Also, making passive-aggressive comments doesn’t achieve anything other than dancing around the issue. You should be very clear when you communicate your boundaries with your BIL and what you are/are not willing to tolerate.
The same goes for your husband, put your foot down and tell him what you expect him to say to his brother and how you would like the situation to be handled.” TheSilkyBat
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your BIL for all the obvious reasons (plus he sounds like he’s homeless), your husband for not taking a stand, and you with your passive-aggressive attitude. Most of all: The lack of communication between everyone! It sounds like your husband tells you his feelings about it all but because of deep-rooted trauma has a hard time confronting BIL, you never mention directly asking your husband to step up you just expect him to do it.
You obviously haven’t clearly communicated to BIL to get out and he isn’t communicating what is going on in his life that he feels the need to do this to you two. Try having a civil conversation between all of you and go from there.
Probably talk to your husband first though.” OriginalDelay402
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Niece And Nephew To Use My Sleeping Bags?
“My husband and I have 3 girls (7, 5, 4). Both of us have very demanding jobs and we both work long hours and occasionally travel for work.
When my oldest was born, we planned on getting a nanny but my MIL and FIL didn’t want her to be ‘raised by a stranger’ so they moved in with us and took care of her/helped around the house when my maternity leave ended.
As much as I love my MIL and FIL, I can’t live with them. My husband felt the same so after a few months we bought them a house very close to ours. It’s in our name but we furnished it and pay for everything except for groceries.
The house has 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. The girls currently share a room and have a twin over a queen bed. My oldest has the top bunk (twin) and the younger two share the queen. The younger two used to fight over blankets so we got them each a sleeping bag.
My 4-year-old has a unicorn, my 5-year-old has a mermaid, and my 7-year-old also wanted one and got an elephant. These aren’t like camping sleeping bags. They’re thick and extremely soft and the girls love them.
My BIL, SIL, and their kids (f6, m4) were visiting and the kids stayed in my kid’s room.
I wasn’t thrilled when I heard they were staying in my kid’s room but my MIL assured me that she would take all of the toys out and that the kids just liked the bunk bed. My kids were spending the night with their grandparents for one of the nights that my BIL and his family were there.
I told my MIL that my kids would get their room and everything went fine until I got to the house with the kids and my niece and nephew were both throwing tantrums because they didn’t want to give back the sleeping bags.
I pulled my MIL aside and asked why the kids were using my kid’s sleeping bags and she said that the kids liked them and that families share.
This is my kid’s bedding. I get them sharing some toys but not their sleeping bags, especially when she knew that they’d have my girls that night. They were too big for her to throw both of them in the washing machine and at that point, it was too late for them to do 2 loads of laundry so my kids had to go without their sleeping bags.
I told her from now on, none of the other grandkids will be sleeping in my kid’s rooms (we’re giving my oldest her own room) since I can’t trust her to respect their belongings and that if this happens again, she won’t be allowed to watch my kids anymore.
My husband agrees that she shouldn’t have let them use the sleeping bags or at least wash them before my kids got there but he thinks I went overboard. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You sound insufferable. How can you an adult have such an issue with sharing that your mother-in-law had to take the kid’s toys out of the room because of you, not your kids, but you?
Then you threaten to not let them babysit over sleeping bags? These people are pretty much raising your kids for you, and they’re doing you the favor so that you can keep putting your work first. They may be in that house for free but that’s still too high of a price to pay if they have to look over their shoulder and watch out for you losing it over the most trivial things.
I mean you’re getting mad over kids doing kid things. You don’t see how crazy you sound?” O*******e
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Imagine being 6 and 4 and going to your grandmother’s house to be told you couldn’t go into the fun kid’s room because it’s not for you.
Only it’s worse, they got to enjoy it for a while until the real grandkids showed up, and then everything even the sleeping bag they had been using was taken from them. Those poor children.
Yes, bedding should be washed between people using them. But young cousins sleep together all over the world every night without issue, and you just threatened to rip children out of a home they spend multiple nights a week at as punishment for not washing a sleeping bag.
You sound unbelievably snobby and entitled, and treat your nibblings atrociously.” Kind-Philosopher1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The grandparents had 5 little cousins under 7 years old and you want them to treat your kids differently. Your kids get the special bed and bedding. Yes, you paid for it but a 4 and 6-year-old don’t care about that.
If I had all those kids I’d put them all in the bunk beds (2 up 3 down) and open the sleeping bags for them to all share. You sound like a petty snot. You focused on sleeping bags instead of how fun and special it should have been for the kids to all be together with their grandparents.
I think you owe MIL and FIL an apology. They were trying to have a fun night with their grandkids. Next time drop off the kids with some snacks, treats, etc, and go home. Ugh.” chrismiller9999
What's next? Him letting the kids do what they like because he's pouting over your rules? That's a very scary scenario.
Please stand your ground and protect your children. And if your spouse pulls anymore crap like that, I'd be calling a divorce lawyer.
Good luck!