People Can't Be Happy With These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Yelling At My Insomniac Mother For Calling At 3AM While My Son Is In ICU?
“My son has been in the ICU for 3 weeks after a motorcycle accident. He is making good improvements, but it is still a delicate situation. My wife and I are a nervous wreck.
My mother (65F) has some insomnia problems and it’s not uncommon for her to call me to talk, I don’t see any problems with that and my wife is a heavy sleeper, so I listen to the phone and go out to talk to her (usually she calls at 1 AM when I’m always awake).
But she hadn’t called for a while (2mo)
Today, after arriving from the hospital, we ate and went straight to bed, I slept early and so did my wife.
I woke up with my wife calling me and crying, saying that my mother called and she, in shock and fear, woke up immediately and went to see what happened (if it was a hospital).
It was 3 AM.
I answered and asked if something had happened when I knew it was just to talk, I admit that I lost the line here and shouted at her something along the lines of “In what world do you think it’s ok to call at dawn knowing that we have a child in the ICU and could be call be hospital with bad news, especially in the early hours of the morning?”
She didn’t even answer me and hung up. We couldn’t even go back to sleep.
When it was lunchtime, my brother came to scold me, saying that I knew our mother did this and I shouldn’t have yelled at her, if I allowed her to use me as a support, I was too harsh and hurt her by yelling.
I don’t think it was stupid, because everyone in my family without exception knows that my wife and I are nervous and have imminent fear.
She still doesn’t talk to me.
But AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your mom are being inconsiderate and selfish.
Even without your son in ICU, calling at 3 am just to chat is absurd. I am in my 60s – we get insomnia at this age. It just happens. She can read a book, watch TV, listen to music, etc. She doesn’t need to wake you up just because she’s awake.” Ok_Conversation9750
Another User Comments:
“I understand this is a stressful time for both you and your wife, and why you reacted the way you did when your mother called. She needs to understand getting a call at 3 am right now would have you fearing the worst. Saying that you also accept your mother does call at these times and you even said you have no issues with it.
You could have asked her not to call at these times for the time being. With that, I’d say No jerks here. You should apologize to your mother and she should apologize to you and your wife.” Knightseason
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s a challenging situation for everyone involved. While your mother may not have intended to cause distress, your reaction stems from the overwhelming stress and fear related to your son’s condition.
Communicate with your mother about the emotional toll, emphasizing the need for quiet hours due to the circumstances. Your brother’s concern also reflects the complexities of balancing family support during difficult times. It’s an emotionally charged situation, and open communication can help navigate everyone’s needs.” [deleted]
23. AITJ For Considering Attending My Friend's Wedding Instead Of My Partner's Best Friend's Wedding?
“So my partner(f29) and I(m28) have been together for four years. This summer we have planned to travel to England (we live in Norway) to attend my partner’s best friend’s wedding. My partner is gonna be a bridesmaid, the best friend has rented a castle we and a bunch of close family and friends are gonna live in.
My partner and I have been looking forward to this for a long time!
My partner and her best friend went to Uni together in England, and have been best friends ever since. They talk together weekly, send each other presents on holidays, and are each other’s emotional support.
Although they are very close, they have only met once since Uni(7 years ago), and I don’t see it as likely that they will meet much more often than a couple of times each decade for the rest of their lives, although I do think they’ll continue to be close.
I have also slowly been getting to know this best friend of my partner, through voicemail and texts. She is very sweet and I have been looking forward to attending the wedding to get to know her better, mostly for the sake of my partner.
This trip to England with the wedding would be a big bonding experience for us all, as it would immerse me more into my partner’s life.
All is well until my friend decides to have his wedding the same weekend. My friend and I are not as close as my partner and her best friend.
We have known each other for 6 years, and we own a summer house together where we meet at least two times a year with other people and have a great time, hiking mountains, making food eating together, etc. We have even done mushrooms together with a third friend!
This year he is moving to the same city as me, and I am looking forward to spending more time with him, and I know he is too.
We just found out about my friend’s wedding date and the already planned wedding of my partner’s best friend’s wedding crashed. Now my partner is mad at me for considering bail on our plans to go to England to her best friend’s wedding.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You’ve been planning this trip a long time and it’s important to you and your partner. It sucks that the weddings overlap, but you’ve already committed to going to England. What you should do is apologize to your friend that you won’t be able to make it due to a prior engagement and send him a nice wedding present.
You will have plenty of time in the future to spend time with this friend, but not a lot to visit your partner’s friends.” Chemical_Towel6870
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I can see wanting to go to the event that sounds more fun, with the friend you know better, but you made a commitment and you and your partner I’m sure have invested a lot of time and money in this commitment.
Bailing on her would make her time at the friend’s wedding significantly less enjoyable and show her that you’ll put yourself first.” anonymom135
22. AITJ For Refusing To Mediate Between My Best Friend And Her Ex-Partner?
“I 22f have a best friend who has recently broken up with her significant other for a lot of complicated reasons which I won’t go into here. Since the night they broke up, he’s been messaging me as a way of passing on messages and also venting as he’s taking the breakup badly.
To be perfectly clear I was never close with him, he was quite horrible to me and would make nasty comments about my weight and was just overall disrespectful towards me. I have a lot of physical health problems as well as some mental health ones and have been overwhelmed with them lately and haven’t gotten much support from anyone and have had to deal with it all on my own.
The problem started yesterday when my friend’s ex called me while in the car with her while she was taking me to a job interview he started crying and they were both arguing which threw me off and left me quite stressed out before my interview.
Since then I’ve been ignoring his messages as I don’t have the mental capacity to deal with him. Today he called me but I was asleep and woke up to missed calls and a voice message of him crying hysterically saying that he can’t do this anymore.
I told my friend and she asked me twice if I’d heard from him since then. The second time she asked if I’d heard from him she asked if I could message him to see if he responded and I replied “what am I meant to say that isn’t going to drag me back into this mess?
I’m already drowning in my own problems and can’t take on his too”. She replied “that’s cool” and I told her to contact his mum or sister if she’s that worried about him. Now she seems upset at me and it’s making me feel bad.
I’ve tried my best to help both him and her out over the last two weeks since the breakup but I’m so mentally and physically exhausted that I just can’t do it anymore. So, AITJ for not wanting to be in the middle of this anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Block his number, and block him on socials. Tell your friend that it’s taking a toll on you being the middle man AND that he was rude and disrespectful to you when they were together so you don’t want anything to do with him.
She might be upset initially but it isn’t fair on you. And if she continues to be upset (with you, not about the break up) then she really needs to grow up.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But if I were you (and I say this only based on the few details provided, so do with this what you will), I would block the BOTH of them, and kick them out of my life.
She’s just as much to blame for putting you in the middle than him.” Red_Moggy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Drop the rope OP, neither one of them is your problem to deal with and both aren’t treating you like a friend. Send two messages, the first one to the ex-bf “Hey name, I understand that you’re struggling with the breakup but I cannot continue to play my current role in your life.
While you were in a relationship with your ex gf we didn’t have the best relationship and I don’t see this growing into a friendship. I hope that you heal and get the help you need but I’m no longer willing to serve as your go-between.” And then block him.
Stop responding, you shouldn’t build a relationship with someone who disrespected you in the past without an apology. The second message is to ex gf/your friend “Hello friend, I feel like our conversation ended badly the other day. I’m sure that while you are no longer in a relationship with your ex you still care about his feelings, but as I stated yesterday, I won’t be serving as a go-between you two anymore.
I hope that you both move on in the way that leads to your happiness and healing.” And then you allow her to respond, if she’s disrespectful (again) drop the rope with her too! If she gets argumentative, bring up your job interview situation, it’s a great example of how this is affecting you even though it shouldn’t be.
Friends reaction will let you know everything you need to about the type of person she currently is. You should be dealing with her mess, if she’s so concerned then this can be her problem again, drop the rope on her ex-bf and this issue as a whole.” EJ_1004
21. AITJ For Making My Husband Sleep At His Parents' House To Get Things Back On Track?
“I 38(f) told my 40(m) husband he has to sleep at his parents for the night so I can get the kids and dogs back into their schedule and actually sleep for the night. We have been going through some pretty stressful times and I have been allowing my husband to just wake up and go to work.
No childcare no pet care. I own my own business and have been getting very tired doing all the childcare, pet care, cooking, and trying to keep up with the cleaning let alone my full work schedule. I own a house cleaning and organization company so my house being in disaster mode is killing me emotionally and financially.
I have been asking my husband to bring totes and boxes down from the dining room table to the basement for 3 months. I gave him an ultimatum if you won’t do it I will pay someone and we won’t get xyz work done that we were planning to do.
He immediately did what I was begging for like 3 months to do. The house is still in shambles because I have not been able to clean like I normally do. The dogs are all out of sorts because I haven’t been able to walk them like I normally do, I have been late to pick-ups for the kids because I am dealing with the house and the sliders leaking, and all sorts of other things.
I am just so overwhelmed and I was like go to your parent’s Sunday because if I hear what’s for dinner after I just had to push 3 clients out to Sunday(I’m not getting home till like 630-7) instead of Thursday because I didn’t want to pay overtime I’m actually going to flip my lid dude and it’s really not going to be ok with you.
I will put olives in every single meal you eat(he doesn’t like them). So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m kind of stuck on the phrase “I have been ALLOWING my husband to just wake up and go to work.” That particular word definitely doesn’t sound very respectful of your husband.
I choose to allow my kids to not do their chores when they’re sick. I don’t “allow” my husband anything. He’s a grown-up man! So, you don’t expect him to do anything to help around the house but his sleeping there upsets your ability to sleep?
Sounds more like you’re punishing him for not helping when you didn’t want him to. Might I suggest looking at a marriage as more of a team effort? Also, don’t get his parents involved. Not their monkeys, not their circus. YTJ” LadyScoob11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I’d wager every single YTJ response is from a misogynist. You’re taking care of everything, and he can’t be bothered to help, I’d say kicking him out is the first, best move. You don’t get to just decide not to contribute to the running of the household.
That’s complete rubbish.” User
Another User Comments:
“I’m kind of wondering how kicking him out for a night does anything to solve your problem. I mean, you’re already doing everything. Kicking him out for the night means…you’ll still be doing, well, everything.
Your problem isn’t that you’re stretched to the limit. Your problem is that your deadbeat husband isn’t doing anything to contribute to the care and maintenance of your children, your pets, or your home. Sending him away for the night does nothing to solve that problem.
Look, you’re NTJ for being completely overwhelmed by your situation and desperately looking for any solution to alleviate the stress. I just don’t think your solution is going to alleviate any of it. The issues are way bigger than him disappearing for the night.” cachalker
20. AITJ For Urging My Sister To Tell Our Parents About Her Husband's Legal Trouble?
“My older sister (let’s call her Sheila) and her husband (let’s call him Ramon) live a couple of states away from my family and my parents who retired here to be near their (at the time) only grandkids.
Now, Sheila and Ramon have a son of their own, and my parents really enjoy traveling to visit them. Late in December, Ramon went out with some co-workers, had a drink or two, and on the way back hit a guy (don’t know his name, let’s call him Dave) who was riding a bike.
Dave apparently refused to go to the hospital for treatment, but Ramon immediately drove off from the scene of the accident because Dave was (understandably) angry and acting aggressively. Obviously, this was a ridiculously stupid thing for Ramon to do.
Well, a camera caught the whole thing, and now there is a civil and criminal case.
The criminal charge is a felony for hitting the biker and leaving, which could potentially send him to jail/prison. Ramon is also going to lose his job over this as the company he works for is filing appropriate paperwork for termination. That doesn’t even get into the civil case, which could financially devastate Sheila and Ramon.
Ramon’s father helped hire an attorney to try and lessen the damage.
I am Sheila’s only sibling, and she called me up to let me know about the whole event a couple of days later. I told her at the time that she should tell our parents about it.
She said that she didn’t want to involve them yet, which I kind of understood. There weren’t any charges at all at that time, but things have changed. Ramon has been charged, processed, lawyered up, and is now awaiting trial. My parents are planning on visiting soon, and I don’t think they should find out when their plane lands.
I have urged my sister to tell our parents what is happening, but Sheila refuses and acts like I’m a jerk for even suggesting it. My parents will eventually find out about this, and it will be more damaging for their relationship the longer she waits.
I also told her that I can’t hide from my parents like she can since they live near my family, and if asked directly by them I won’t lie for her.
Sheila has now cut off communication with me, which honestly I am ok with as I don’t want to get entangled anymore in the soon-to-be family drama as I already am.
So AITJ for telling her to let my parents know about a possible felony, a job loss, and potential bankruptcy?
Edit to add: Yes, it is her information to tell. I’m not going to tell my parents about this, but I think she’s doing damage to her relationship with my parents.
I don’t really understand the people saying that relationships don’t affect anyone other than those directly involved. Relationships are webs and stressing one part of the web affects other parts too.”
Another User Comments:
“On the one hand, I understand Sheila’s position that this is her news to share.
But these are her parents! — and she is probably going to be replying to them when and if Ramon is inside. They deserve to know about it now, especially if you are sure they are not going to hit the roof and act like total jerks.
Because Sheila does not need to have to wrangle that as well. NTJ” FerretLover12741
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sheila needs the support and it’s an entirely jerk move to spring this on your guys’ parents the moment they land at the airport. At the same time, if you tell them, they’re going to be upset because she didn’t tell them.
Either way, it’s going to make things a bit more stressful for your sister than it needs to be right now.” Efficient_Wheel_6333
Another User Comments:
“YTJ this is not your business. It’s her relationship with them and her marriage. I’m not saying that you can’t have an opinion or offer advice, but you should respect when someone says no. So suggesting it once, ok, but after that you back off.” SnooPets8873
19. AITJ For Using AI To Announce My Wife's Pregnancy To My Extended Family?
“I’ve gotten myself into a bit of a ridiculous situation here, but I need some outside perspective. So, I (23M) have a very complicated relationship with my family, especially on my father’s side.
My parents got divorced when I was a teenager due to infidelity, and since then I’ve really distanced myself from my father. I also don’t appreciate how he and his family make a production out of every last thing. You didn’t send a birthday card to the aunt you haven’t seen in years?
The entire family is messaging you on social media berating you. They also have a tendency to make comments about my mother, which I am quick to shut down.
Anyway, my wife and I found out she was pregnant a few months ago. I am extremely excited to become a parent but also have some major projects at work right now that have kept me busy and exhausted. I told my mom, dad, and brother in person.
This is where I might be a jerk… Obviously it was really important to me to give my wife the support she needed during her pregnancy, especially because my father didn’t. Between that and work, accomplishing anything except taking care of my house and wife felt exhausting.
I also knew if I didn’t send a personal announcement to every last relation I’d never hear the end of it. (I feel like I should note my dad’s family is HUGE. Dozens of nosey aunties.)
So, I used Chat GPT. Basically asked it “Text message for (aunt/cousin) from (nephew/cousin) announcing first pregnancy”.
Apparently I wasn’t as sneaky as I thought, because two of my aunts compared their messages and noticed they were similar. This led one of them (who is a teacher) to run it through an AI detector. The results were pretty bad, and now everyone on my dad’s side young enough to understand what I did is royally mad at me.
I basically told anyone who asked that I knew they would be offended if they didn’t receive a message (similar family drama occurred a few years earlier) and that I didn’t have time to message people I haven’t seen in years individually to thank them for their involvement in my life up to this point.
My wife is more amused than anything. She knows about my history with my family and probably could care less if I didn’t tell them at all. My good friend told me I just shouldn’t have messaged them at all.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a weird thing to get all worked up about! Some of us aren’t good at that kind of small talk, I think it’s fine to get some help on how to say it. Also, totally weird that they compared messages. I would have assumed most people got a copy-pasted message anyway, who expects someone to personalize every text message they send announcing a pregnancy?!” LandCommercial5865
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you haven’t seen these people in years and they’ve been derogatory towards your mother then they are lucky they even got a message as you’re not obligated to tell them I see this as no different to sending a generic text message with multiple recipients Lesson learned, in future don’t even bother with these people” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This made me laugh, I’m sorry. To me, you have your priorities straight by supporting your wife and keeping the house going. By making the effort to notify everyone yourself, you’re doing better than we did, chat GTP or not. If they’re upset, it’s on them.
Congratulations, and all the best for the little one’s arrival!” roaring_meg
18. AITJ For Wanting To Cut Down On Gifts For My Partner's Nieces And Nephew?
“My partner (21M) and I (21F) are expecting our first child in about 4 months from now and we’re both excited and more than ready for the baby to arrive.
However, this pregnancy hasn’t been the easiest on me as I was sick throughout the entire first trimester and now I’m at high risk for preeclampsia so my partner asked if I would quit my job and become a stay-at-home partner. This was able to be accomplished because he had a really good job and even received a raise that nearly doubled his pay right before Christmas.
We’re currently on the hunt for an apartment while we travel for his job.
His sister is an absent parent so his mom takes care of his two nieces, one 13 and the other 8, and his nephew who is 9. Up until we found out I was pregnant we would both buy them whatever they wanted when we would visit them on the weekends.
Now, however, on one income and with a baby on the way I believe we should be saving every spare dollar we get. The kids are starting to ask for more outrageous things such as gaming systems, new televisions, new phones, and things we don’t need to be buying.
I understand they’ve had a difficult time growing up as they didn’t have their parents, but I’m starting to think they are ungrateful and don’t understand we have more important things to buy things for our baby. The oldest girl, again 13, disrespects me because she isn’t thrilled about the pregnancy as she “doesn’t like kids.” She interrupted us while discussing the baby, told me to shut up when talking about how great of a father my partner would be, and even went as far as to open a pack of baby bottles and use them herself.
His nephew gets upset that he “didn’t get anything” when we bring baby clothes or baby toys over for my mother-in-law to see. He pouts and repeatedly tells me I’m “just some girl” that his uncle “knocked up.” The youngest (8F) loves that I’m pregnant and she isn’t anything like the other two.
I couldn’t hold in the aggravation towards the children and I told my partner how the kids were starting to sound ungrateful and we shouldn’t be spending money on them as much since we have our own child to care for. He told me they’ve “had it hard” growing up and I need to chill out.
We argue about it almost every time he spends nearly $200 on the kids every weekend. I don’t believe having a hard time growing up gives leeway to act as these kids do. So, AITJ for saying this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and no ma’am!
My nephew was in the car with us the other day and told me to shut up. (He’s almost 16) I told him to tell me to shut up again in my car and I would put him out wherever we happened to be, and I was not playing.
Lots of kids “have it hard”, that doesn’t give them the right to disrespect you. I would put the older ones on a time out from gifts and activities until they clear up those attitudes.” 74Magick
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think anyone is the jerk but your partner is going to REALLY regret all the money he puts into them when that baby comes.
Take it from a single mom of a son and twin daughters. Dude, he’s gonna regret this so much. Promise. Don’t matter how well you’ve got it. My partner was WEALTHY and it changed everything regardless. Nothing is affordable when a baby comes into the picture.” TingledBeans
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ – But to be clear, the kids are a product of how they were raised. They didn’t come out of the womb ungrateful and entitled. This behavior was enabled. This would be a great time to check how your partner plans on raising your kid.
If he enabled and spoiled his niece and nephews, what’s to say he won’t do the same to your kid?” Impossible_Rain_4727
17. AITJ For Confronting My Friend Who's Always Late And Mocks Me?
“So I have a friend who I will be referring to as Linsey. I will also be changing up some details but nothing that will change the story too much. Me and Linsey had been friends for a while now and we didn’t share a lot in common.
I didn’t really see this as a problem as I respect that she has her own interests and I have my own and we still got along fine.
However, she always made fun of me and often belittled me for things I enjoyed. For example, I told her I didn’t like a certain type of food she liked and she would make fun of me for that which I found ridiculous.
We would usually meet up every once in a while as our schedules didn’t align. For example, on my free day, she might be working or on her free day I might be visiting my family. That’s where the problem comes in. Every time we meet up she is always late.
Sometimes I would have to wait hours for her only for her to ditch me. She would always give a terrible excuse saying something along the lines of having to feed her dog and that’s why she was late for 2 hours. I let it go the first couple of times as I understand she probably had her own thing going on.
However, after the 10th time in a row, I got fed up with her and the fact that she was always making fun of me. I complained to her about how I’m tired of waiting hours for her and how she’s always making fun of me.
Linsey got really upset about that and yelled at me saying she was “having breakdowns every day” and that I should give her some slack. This really annoyed me as I knew she wasn’t struggling and I knew for a fact she was not having breakdowns every single day as I’m also friends with her roommate when asked about it she straight up told me no and that was doing perfectly fine and not having a breakdown.
Linsey ended up going home early that day and now I’m getting texts from her saying that I’m a jerk and other curse words.
Now that things had cooled down I’m starting to feel a little bad but I still feel like I was in the right.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Linsey sounds like a trash person. There’s zero good reason to belittle someone’s interests or disinterests. Being hours late over and over is disrespectful to you and your time. It doesn’t take much to text an update or reschedule.
She does not value your time. At all. Linsey is doing a great job at showing you through her actions who she is. I think it’s time to believe her! NTJ” SlightMammoth1949
Another User Comments:
“People who are consistently late are very selfish people.
The fact that she disrespects you in this way and also makes fun of you should make you question the relationship. What does she bring to the table? How do you feel after being with her? To me, she sounds like she’s using you for entertainment when she’s bored, otherwise she’s “busy” and doesn’t really see you as her friend.
NTJ. It might be a good idea to do some introspective thinking about why you feel you need this type of person as a friend when there are so many other people out there to choose from. Find your tribe and people who treat you well.” jippyzippylippy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not sure if this friend is intentionally disrespectful or just immature and uses friends with insults or names because she’s frustrated at other things. But her reasons don’t matter. What matters is she’s treating you terribly and if anything you’ve been too lenient, certainly not too hostile.
You deserve better and if she were a friend she’d want you treated better by anyone, including herself. Do not let her manipulate the situation into making you second guess yourself. You are NTJ.” burn_as_souls
16. AITJ For Refusing To Keep Caffeinated Drinks In My House?
“I (26F) do not drink anything with caffeine in it. Or high sugar content. I basically only drink water so I don’t develop a caffeine addiction like a lot of my friends have. I know they spend a lot on coffee/teas and that’s not a hole I want to fall into.
I’m doing pretty well for myself financially as I landed a job immediately after university and was quite frugal during that time. Because of this, I have the biggest place of all my friends as well as no roommates. As a result, I’m the host for get-togethers 90% of the time.
I make it a point not to have tea/coffee/energy drinks etc and that people can bring things they wish to drink. I think it’s a fair thing to ask given my hosting so often. There’s never more than a day where I’m on my own.
The issue I have here is with my best friend Alice. She definitely has a caffeine addiction. I’ve never seen her without some kind of coffee/hot drink. She keeps pestering me about keeping some teabags at my place or some iced coffees in the back of the fridge.
I love her but I’m very tired of her asking me about it and I snapped once she asked why I’m so weird around caffeine and that she’d be buying the tea/coffees anyway.
It is a huge deal for me. I don’t want anything caffeinated in my house and she knows this.
So I told her no and that she and anyone else who has a problem with it is welcome not to come round anymore and they haven’t and are all in agreement with Alice. My place feels a bit empty so I asked her to come over last night and she stood her ground.
That it’s okay for her to buy food to keep here which she shares with me but I draw the line at caffeinated things I won’t drink. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting something in your home, but YTJ for being a pious jerk about it.
Then having the audacity to be upset when your “friends” call your bluff and don’t come over. If your caffeine battle is that important for you to win you have definitely suffered a loss in the friend war. I hope it was worth it, for some reason I doubt this is the only beef they have with you if they dropped you this easily” tmj_4477
Another User Comments:
“I can tell YTJ by the way you talk. In the first paragraph, you spent talking about how much money your friends spend on things they enjoy, demonizing it, and in the second you weirdly went out of your way to mention how much more financially well-off you are than them.
You sound very “it’s all about me”, down to this situation.” kikikoni
Another User Comments:
“I have been diagnosed with OCD and I don’t like touching food with my hands and then touching other things. So that I’m not washing my hands every 12 seconds, I bought some mini-tongs with little silicone hands on the ends and I use them to grab and eat food when I play video games.
I posted a pic of them in my friend group because of how cute they were. I started doing a board game night with a couple of friends from that group and it became a habit for one or more of us to bring snacks for everyone to share.
After 1 night of that, my friend (whose house we were meeting at) bought her own set of the same tongs for me to use while I was over there. It was incredibly sweet of her and I feel our friendship really strengthened when she did that for me.
Anyways, a box of tea takes up almost no space, you’re not going to become an addict by keeping it in your place. They can’t make you accommodate their request but I don’t blame them for rethinking the friendship when you wouldn’t do this small favor.” NeedsItRough
15. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Older Sister With Her Job Applications Anymore?
“I 30F have a sister 50F(Beverly) who got laid off from work 11 months ago. According to her, she has been applying for all kinds of jobs, not just the ones she has experience in (executive admin assistant for 20 years) The last company that laid her off was Google back in March 2023.
I work as a software engineer for another company, and I live in another state. I have a steady workload every day, and although it’s not difficult, I still have deadlines to meet and work on my projects every day.
She is constantly telling me that she has interviews for these big companies, and they send her projects because they want to see how she writes, and if she can prove to be a good choice for the exec admin position.
So she sends me all of her responses before she sends them back to the potential interviewer. I have helped her for almost 1 year, and she claims that she has not gotten any position offered. I am sick at this point from her asking me to proofread everything and even write out a better response for her.
I have my own work to focus on and my own life, my husband sees and hears me dealing with her on the phone every other day and says it’s taking a toll on me and That I should learn how to say no to her.
I think helping her for almost 1 year has pushed me to my limit, because if she gets to step two in the person interview and they see that she is not the same person as they saw on paper, then that is on her. At this point, I think she would even ask me to do the interview for her as well if it were up to her LOL.
So she sent me another “project” today. And I am at work, and I told her to stop sending me these projects. She’s a big girl, time to proofread your own responses and get Grammarly or someone else to help. She said I was not being very sisterly and called me a jerk!
I said “ok, I gotta go, talk to you later I am working on my own projects right now” I honestly don’t know how she got hired at Google. She certainly didn’t ask me back then for help. And not to be petty, but this is my older sister (20 years older) and she has literally NEVER helped me with anything.
Not school work, $$, and hated babysitting me when I was little. So we have never had a bond as sisters, but all of a sudden since she got laid off she wants my help.”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve had that problem. If the projects are good tests of skills, then it’s useless for someone else to contribute very much–it’ll become clear that the job candidate doesn’t have the necessary skills.
But are you sure that it’s because she isn’t the same person as the applicant (in terms of skills, etc.)? Maybe she interviews badly? It seems as though it would be useful for her to get some kind of objective assessment of her interviewing. And that ain’t you.
NTJ” hubertburnette
Another User Comments:
“Technically, NTJ, but the way you write about your sister kinda makes you sound like a jerk… but you’ve also been helping her for nigh a year, so I’m assuming it’s just the frustration talking. She’s not entitled to your assistance and wouldn’t be even if you had a “sisterly” bond.” toxicredox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m about your age, I’ve done her job for 15 years – did I interview better as time went on? Yes. But it’s still MY skillset to hone. Not anyone else’s. Asking you for help once, maybe twice is fine. I’ve personally never heard of anyone competent needing that much handholding.
And as you said, she’s older than you – not to mention she’s done this job for two decades. You have not. Why is she asking YOU to do her work? Tell big sister to pull herself up by her bootstraps or whatever her generation says.
You’ve helped her to a level that’s overkill.” juicyhibiscus24
14. AITJ For Not Giving My 3D Printed Object To My Friend For Her Project?
“Okay so… this is kind of a long story, and I know it sounds stupid. Trust me. Anyway… here we go.
I (14F) have a wood workshop in my school. We take design as a subject, and design is where we create a product out of wood. As we got closer to the end of the project (which was a jewelry box), we had to make a design or something unique to put on the lid.
If we didn’t, we would get a lower grade, as it is part of our grade. My original plan was to 3D print a bright red star with the word “NO.” engraved into it. However, as I was waiting for it to print, I cut and sanded out a heart out of wood, and decided it would be nicer for the top of the box.
Please keep in mind we have to wait around 3 days for 3D-printed objects to be finished.
Now… I love my friends and all, but one friend in particular, let’s call her Emma (14F), didn’t spend enough time focusing on the task at hand, therefore, just minutes before our boxes needed to be turned in for submission, the top of her box was still empty.
And right before she realized the top of her box was empty, was when I collected my 3D-printed object. Emma, being extremely desperate, begged me for the 3D printed object, because it was her last resort. I really really really liked that object, so of course, I refused. By the way, it’s not like she didn’t have anything to stick on the lid of her box; she simply didn’t like what she’d printed beforehand.
Emma was so upset, and I felt bad. Just then, all the other people sitting at her table started asking me for it. Emma was so desperate, she offered to pay money for it. Now, here’s where I feel guilty. After I refused (I tried to be as polite as possible).
I apologized to Emma, and I said something along the words of, “Hey, I’m really sorry but I really like this piece and I want to take it home. I’m sorry that I couldn’t give it to you. It’s not personal.” Here is where I felt the most betrayed by my friends.
They were all calling me names, and saying I was the jerk for not giving her my piece. Some people even said, “It’s not like you need it” and “you will probably lose it in 1 day.” The people saying this wasn’t mutual friends or anything, but my best friends.
I feel like such a jerk. What do you all think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As the saying goes, “Lack of planning on your part doesn’t mean it’s an emergency on my part.” Emma didn’t plan well. And she did have something to use. The people who are saying otherwise have a bad case of Entitlement Syndrome.” doomspark
Another User Comments:
“I know it’s especially hard to deal with peer pressure like this when you’re 14, so I want to be absolutely clear when I tell you you’re NTJ. Everything you said was perfectly polite, understanding, and reasonable. No good friend will ever think they’re entitled to your things simply because they ask for it.
It might not feel good, especially when they’re asking multiple times, which is understandable on its own if they’re desperate. What isn’t okay is devolving into name-calling and implying you’re a bad friend for not bailing her out of the consequences of her own actions.
Those aren’t real friends of yours— those are bullies. I wish nothing but the best for you and better friends in your future. Keep holding boundaries like these. You can tell a lot about someone from how they react to a reasonable boundary like this being set.
If they freak out and call you names over it, then you’re better off without them.” DrainianDream
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can see sharing a few answers/solutions to homework, if it’s an equal contribution from everyone, sort of a case of “I’m having trouble with question 15, how did you do it?” or helping friends with editing papers, or checking their math, etc, but asking someone to complete your project for you, which she essentially was doing, is messed up.
Real friends don’t ask things like that. ” notalltemplars
13. AITJ For Wanting To Use My Leave Days To Play Video Games?
“I have a range of hobbies from reading, being outdoors and going on walks, going to the gym, and playing video games. Working full-time and being in a relationship means I don’t get a lot of time to do most of them.
My partner and I go to the gym together so that works quite well, we go for walks throughout the summer when we can but my partner doesn’t like being outside in the cold so we don’t really go for walks together in the winter months and I manage to read on a night.
The one hobby I don’t really get a lot of time for is playing video games. I play them for a maximum of 30 minutes every few days when I get the time but it can be hard when my partner wants to watch something on TV for example.
We both have 2 days of annual leave left to take before April. We already have a few things planned before then that we’ve already put leave in for so I thought I could use the 2 days left to just take a long weekend and relax and catch up on hobbies.
I told my partner what I was thinking about doing and she said she thought we could do something together. I pointed out all of the plans we have coming up but she just said I should want to use my leave to do things with her and that I am prioritizing video games.
I mentioned that I never really get time to play anymore so it would be nice to have a couple of chilled-out days where I can relax in the apartment. I said if she doesn’t want to do that then I’d understand if she wants to make plans with family or friends when she chooses to take her leave.
She disagreed and said we should be spending the time together and that she wanted to make plans. She said that I’m prioritizing video games over the relationship. I told her that’s not what I was doing at all and that if I was prioritizing video games I’d have used the majority of the time off for them but I haven’t.
She just said that I should be spending my time off with her and not planning to use my last few days of leave playing video games.
AITJ for prioritizing video games?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You have a right to some time alone, time doing what you want, a relationship doesn’t stop you from needing a break to do something you enjoy.
If you spending a small bit of time playing video games, is that big of a deal to her, then I can only imagine what would happen if you needed to attend to a family emergency or something.” Waskomsause
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s totally fair to crave some alone time to dive into your hobbies, video games included. Everyone needs a bit of space to do their own thing and it doesn’t mean you value your hobbies more than your relationship.
You’ve already got plans with your partner and spend plenty of time together. Suggesting you’re prioritizing video games over her just because you want a couple of days to yourself isn’t fair. It’s about balance, not choosing one over the other.” BloomBlissBounty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like you don’t get alone time really and being social all the time on top of working plus a relationship is a lot. I had the same issue of barely any time for me and I didn’t realize until my therapist told me!
I would tell her what I had done since I saw her last and she’d ask me: “And when did you schedule time to hang out with you?” It’s not a day to play games it’s a day to help your well-being and actually spend time doing the things that make you who you are as a person.” GuideSuspicious6723
12. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Stop Using Swear Words Around My Partner?
“For years now the same thing keeps happening where my mother will be complaining about one thing or another, then proceed to use horrible language. When we were living together, it started it bothered me a lot how comfortable she was with using such words so I asked her if she could tone it down at least when I have company and she got furious.
She said it’s her house and she should be able to be comfortable yadda yadda.
Probably a year after that I met the most amazing girl and as of now, we’ve been together for almost four years. She has Asperger’s and so when we started seeing each other I told my mom that it would be much appreciated if she could refrain from saying those words and I made sure to be super polite about it since, maybe you could infer, she has a bit of a temper.
Despite my casual approach she got super mad again.
I’ve voiced how her saying that stuff makes me feel over the years and it always comes back to the “your generation is too sensitive” and “it shouldn’t bother you because your partner is so smart” (4.0 GPA nurse).
She even claims that the swears are not specific to a person, but rather that it is used for referring to “lazy and unkempt” people despite their color so she is in fact not being racist.
I told her partner the same thing and he instantly apologized for his past use of the word around me and even though he grew up using words like that he wanted to do right by me.
This enraged my mother, however, asking how I could dare be so bold as to correct him.
It’s disappointing to me that she will fight so hard to defend her use of bad language that pertains to my future wife and words that are so clearly historically hateful.
Am I asking too much for trying to restrict her speech in her house? AITJ?
Thanks to anyone who bothered to read.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not using certain words cost absolutely nothing and requires no effort. I suggest you tell your partner about this and how you’ve been trying to get your mother to stop for years.
I get the feeling your mom will purposely say it around her multiple times because based on this post she seems like that type of person. ” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While she is right that she can do what she pleases in her own house: it’s troubling that you have communicated your discomfort with her offensive word choices – and instead of giving it *any* consideration, she goes straight into doubling down about it.
No, that’s not what someone who loves & cares about you does. I would suggest you point out that you will not want your future children exposed to such bad language, which means she will not get to see her future grandchildren until she cleans up her language.
It may not work right now, but when the time comes, it might be the thing that actually *does* motivate her.” TrainingDearest
11. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Change Her Work Schedule Before I Move In?
“So, long story but I’ve wrestled with this issue for a while and I can’t decide if what I’m feeling is normal or whether I’m a demon in human form and rather foolishly I’ve come to the internet to get the answer.
I’m a 34-year-old male with a nearly 7-year-old daughter that I share with my mother 50/50.
I’ve met a 33-year-old woman who doesn’t have children of her own. She lives alone and owns her own house and we’ve been together a year now.
She works in a special needs school quite high up and as you can imagine, that in itself is quite demanding. For the last few years, she’s taken on looking after a disabled child on an evening and weekends. In total, she probably does about 60-70 hours a week and has claimed this is to cover her outgoings as she’s a single woman living alone.
As we were seeing each other, I introduced her to my daughter and then she introduced me to this girl. I started going over to her house on an evening when this girl was there so we could spend time together. This girl’s parents don’t usually pick her up until 9:30-10:00 pm and from the minute they get to the house until the minute she leaves we have Cocomelon and fisher price toys playing constantly.
Naturally, when you’re seeing someone, you try to work around it and make it work but over Xmas, the conversation cropped up regarding moving in. I gave it some thought and told her that I’d love to although her heavy work situation was a concern to me.
I don’t relax when she’s working on a night, it’s not a relaxing environment, on top of that I said I’d like to do other things on a weekend either as a couple or as a family with my daughter and this upset her.
We came to a compromise which was she would carry on having this little girl 2 nights a week and she would give up the weekends. This was fine up until last night when it came up again in conversation and she acted as if we’d agreed that she would work weekends if we had no plans.
I want to know if I’m been unreasonable by expecting certain things to change in this situation. I’m giving up my and my daughter’s home, most of our furniture and moving to a new town from our lovely village and I have no problem with that until I realize she has an issue with giving up 4 days of work a month.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If this is a deal breaker for you then don’t move in. There is usually little point in people compromising their feelings like this to keep a relationship going because it just leads to toxic resentment. I understand why you talked it over with her, she told you she was doing it to cope with bills, with you moving in you should share the bills.
Obviously, she is attached to the job or has a good bond with the child she is supporting. I don’t think you can demand she give that up if she roesn’t want to after your discussion, but if it’s a problem for you (for the reasons you listed, which I think is fine) then maybe the relationship is not a good fit.” Doktor_Seagull
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she takes on 2 nights a week for giving up weekends, then that should be the deal whether you have plans or not. It doesn’t make sense for you or your daughter to not have a comfortable place to stay during the weekend.
I am assuming that by moving in, you would share the bills, so the money thing shouldn’t be an issue. If it is an issue of money, then I don’t think it’s a good idea you move in.” Anon_Strike_292
Another User Comments:
“You knew from the beginning that she looks after this work and asking her to give that up likely would affect her financial situation significantly as well as putting the girl’s family in some trouble if they are not able to find someone else immediately.
By the sounds of it, it’s your partner that is looking after this girl and it’s her decision at the end of the day. She has agreed if you have plans she will take the weekend off and when the girl is there can you not go out and do something or just sit in another room?” NextDragonfly4899
10. AITJ For Circumventing My Parents' Tech Restrictions To Focus On My Goals?
“I am 16. For as long as I can remember, my parents have put several restrictions on everything I own that can have a timer, with the exception of a T.V.
(I don’t think it matters but the average restriction is an hour and a half, apart from the T.V which has none and my laptop which is 8:30 A.M-8 P.M.). Additionally, as long as I can remember, I’ve been finding ways to circumvent the restrictions.
While I will admit I was in the wrong as a child for doing it once I hit 11th grade last year, I had found a way that went unnoticed for a while and I figured they gave up or my mum wasn’t telling my dad because she recognized I can do things.
Because of this trust, I began to relax more and just pay attention to school and other more important things instead of playing games. I’m not sure why this is and I’m pretty sure it isn’t ODD why I started acting responsibly after I figured they were no longer trying to force it on me.
Anyways, back to the story.
They then found out about it and it was as if all progress had reversed and suddenly, I was trying to find ways around the restrictions once more, this time only to prove I was fine. I have brought it up multiple times with them, and my mum has acknowledged that I was beginning to better myself.
Once again I found a way to avoid the restrictions, such as downloading a browser app. I did this during the school holidays because I was bored and there was nothing to really do. It went unnoticed during the holidays but today I came back to my dad telling me off for it and blocking everything.
I’m unsure if I’ll go back to getting around this as luckily for them I think I’ve done everything I can, but I just want to know at the end of this, who was in the right.
I forgot to mention they claim they’re doing it for my own good but I feel it is actively distracting me from my work and goals and have let them know this on multiple occasions to them shrugging it off.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your parents are full on! All for restricting tech/punishment if you were acting out or something but if you were doing well, learning and behaving like a decent human, they don’t really have a leg to stand on in such harsh restrictions.
That said, they’ve inadvertently given you a lot of experience in problem-solving and thinking outside the box, so that’s a silver lining! Good on you for finding a challenge in the problem and coming up with creative solutions!” leopardess87
Another User Comments:
“Apart from your TV, laptop, and phone?
What else do they put restrictions on? I understand as a parent people restrict kids from anything online/multiplayer, not because they don’t trust the kid, but because there are predators out there. I actually met my partner online when I was 17 (now 26) he was 19.
I’m from Australia and he’s from America. My parents fully knew, so of course there were many heavy restrictions/boundaries in place. A year later my partner moved to Australia to be with me and for a while my parents were also always there. I got lucky in finding a good guy, but I’ve heard many horror stories out there.
Maybe that’s what they mean when they say they’re just looking out for you. I don’t know your gender, but boys can be lured too, not just females.” Comprehensive-Gas840
Another User Comments:
“Well, it sounds like you’ve learned a lot about yourself, but since your parents are so determined with the restrictions, I’d say just go along with it and find other outlets.
Take up a sport or activity or read more books. Manga is fun. You really do sound like an intelligent, thoughtful kid. Hopefully, you’ll go away to college or move out otherwise and gain more freedom soon.” Regular_Boot_3540
9. AITJ For Asking My Fiancee To Not Interrupt My Work Hours?
“I am a full-time PhD student. This is my last semester (I really hope so…) and haven’t received any stipend for a while. So I am stressed about graduating on time. My partner works a more flexible part-time job (9to5-ish, 2~4 days a week).
I am really a scatterbrain and my daily routine is really bad; at best 2~3 hours of highly focused and productive hours, and numerous hours with very low productivity.
While any moment of concentration is extremely valuable to me, it also breaks super easily. Even if I was intensely concentrating on my work, small interruptions were enough to kill my focus cold. Currently, I have no life other than staying home almost all day every day in front of my desk trying to get that focus/productivity to kick in.
My partner knows all this.
When we are both at home, my partner usually calls me or talks to me about something and gets mad if I don’t respond quickly. So I formed a habit of dropping whatever I was doing when she called me, and responding/running to her ASAP to avoid conflicts.
I don’t mind these too much during my free time. However, the problem is that this happens quite often during my “somewhat regular” work hours and frequently interrupts my focus. I realized that it is also one of the factors that stalls my productivity.
I have a small shared office assigned on campus but it is not a great environment to focus either, and parking is expensive.
I asked my partner if she could be mindful of this aspect at least for this semester. I know my work hours are irregular, long, and inefficient, but I had to ask as I am really suffering. Yet, she got very mad saying that it seemed like I didn’t care about her or basic human interaction and I was an ungrateful jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I thank everyone for sharing your thoughts. You guys gave me a lot to think about. Too bad some of the valuable comments were deleted. They saw through the aspects that I didn’t even think about before. This seems to be a more important matter than I thought.
Now I see this is not just about interruption, but about boundaries and expectations. I will need some serious discussion on this matter with my partner. I might also get a consultation with a doctor about ADHD for the first time, as my stress regarding my productivity and focus is definitely hurting my mental and physical health.” MinionDHK
Another User Comments:
“She is manipulating you. She calls you and forces you to drop what you are doing and go to her to address whatever she wants. She could come to you and ask you whatever, and it would minimize the interruption. But by making you go to her, she is showing you that SHE controls you.
Don’t let that slide. She knows what she’s doing. You’re going to have to put your foot down and not allow her in the room when you are working or go to your campus office and figure out how to get quality time there” EmergencyReach2033
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ from what you’ve described you sit around most of the day for 3 hours of work, how is she meant to know when you’re “productive” or not, you’re essentially asking her to not speak to you at any time you’re home during the day.
Sounds like you’ve got some serious issues around your productivity and you’re taking it out on your partner.” EdgeAndGone482
8. AITJ For Wanting More Than $500 From My Husband's $6000 Tax Return?
“I don’t know if I am acting entitled or if I have a reason to feel this way. I am a stay-at-home mom/wife. I homeschool my oldest. We have been married for two years. We have two kids, one from a previous marriage and our youngest which I gave birth to in 2023.
I knew he was putting us in his taxes as dependents but not my oldest child. He hasn’t disclosed the amount he was getting back but he told me earlier this month that he was going to give me 500 dollars and to do with them whatever I wanted. Since then he has been looking at new MAC books and expensive tech stuff online in preparation for the tax return.
Today, I found out he’s getting back 6000+ dollars but he’s giving me 500 dollars for myself. Since I was really surprised and asked him about it, he has since explained that 500 dollars is a good amount because it’s a lot of money and he’s using some money for himself and others for debt he accumulated before he married me.
His reasoning behind it is that I didn’t earn it because I don’t go to work and I stay home. I don’t want to sound entitled but I do so much at home. He’s right, I don’t have a job and I don’t financially contribute to anything.
I feel like a fight is brewing and I can tell he is upset with me for bringing it up.”
Another User Comments:
“One of the reasons why your tax refund was so large is that he’s claiming two dependents. A good marriage should be a partnership where each spouse feels valued for their contribution to the relationship and appreciates what the other spouse contributes.
And that isn’t just about financial contributions. You are raising your children, tending to the home, and giving him the reassurance that all of these things are taken care of so that he can focus on his workday. If this is a one-time thing because he wants to pay down debt, that’s understandable, as it will put you in a better financial position down the road.
What concerns me is his attitude about it being “his money.” That doesn’t sound like he values what you do for him and the children at all. Edited to correct a mistake.” Ajstross
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His working and you being a SAHM doesn’t mean that he gets to exclusively control the money.
That’s not how that trade-off works, especially if he’s supportive of you being a SAHM. That money belongs to both of you, and you together should be deciding how it gets spent/invested.” CraniumCrash12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are homeschooling a kid. That’s literally a job.
And even if you were just a ‘regular’ stay-at-home mom I am pretty sure that giving you 500 dollars out of 6000 is not a remotely fair split in regards to how much value each side brings to the family. Raising kids and doing 100% of the housework is more work than a lot of people give credit for.” Mizu005
7. AITJ For Not Inviting My Fiancé's Horrible Aunt And Uncle To Our Wedding?
“I (28f) and D(30M) are getting married this year and are really excited. All of the planning is basically done and our invites went out in the mail yesterday.
Our venue has a 60-person cap. We had to make tough decisions on who to invite & exclude and have already invited over our limit (oops). D decided early on that his aunt and uncle from his mom’s side weren’t going to be invited. This has caused a lot of drama and tension.
For some background, we were both born in Canada (D is white) and I’m 2nd gen Chinese/Indonesian.
You can probably see where this is going but his aunt had made some poor, micro-aggressive comments in the past regarding: my ethnicity. For ex, one year for Xmas we were invited for a roast dinner.
We went through the whole “where are you from/nowhere are you really from” and I explained that my parents were born in Indonesia but I was born here. When the food came out his aunt exclaimed to me, “These are beets and just a simple roast, hopefully, you can eat something because I KNOW your culture does NOT eat this type of food.”
I said thanks, but being Canadian I’m very familiar with this food – especially beets because my dad is Russian. (I was raised primarily by my step dad who I consider to be my dad.) She glared & replied, “remind me, what part of your last name, exactly, is supposed to be Russian?”
I told her I never gave her my last name but it isn’t of Russian descent I was just raised by a Russian stepdad and knew a thing or two about beets.
Anyway, D decided to break the news about not inviting them to the wedding today.
His mom responded terribly. She is personally offended that they aren’t invited and can’t understand why. D started off by saying they weren’t invited because he doesn’t feel close to them and hasn’t been impressed at comments they have made in the past, without going into detail.
Without skipping a beat, his mom gets defensive and blurts “They aren’t racist!”
D said he never said they were racist and brought up the microaggressions eventually. She got flustered exclaiming that she had no idea what a microaggression was and when he explained, she got defensive and said that didn’t describe his aunt and uncle at all.
They ended the call when his mom said “I need to hang up before I say something mean to you that I’ll regret.”
I vented to my mom & she said that we should have invited his aunt and uncle to keep the peace and maintain traditional values (with some other BS).
I don’t think that it’s our fault for how his mom reacts to his aunt and uncle not being invited but now we’re worried that she feels so slighted that she may not come. I’m now fighting with my own mom for siding with D’s mom because I don’t think it’s reasonable to have to tolerate potential microaggressions and racism on our wedding day.
All this fighting has me frustrated & now I don’t know if we did the right thing or if we should have just tolerated it to avoid the drama.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you and your partner made the decision of who you want at your wedding.
Anything else beyond that is moot. Everyone else can suck an egg. Even if the only two people AT your wedding are you and your partner – those are the only two who count. Anyone else is lagniappe.” ZealousidealShake410
Another User Comments:
“I don’t care who else thinks you ought to invite a woman who continually makes racist comments (to my mind way beyond microaggression: racist) to your wedding, you are under no obligation to include her.
I wouldn’t either. Your MIL wants to pretend that reality isn’t reality, and she’d like you to pretend along with her. Again, you are under no obligation to pretend along with her, even if this would result in family peace. Great, you’d have peace. But you’d also have this racist at your wedding.
Stick to your guns. You’re in the right and you’re NTJ.” Nester1953
6. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Half-Day Shift For A Pregnant Coworker?
“I have worked at the same veterinary clinic since 2019 and my off days are Tuesdays, and then on Fridays, I’m a “half-day” which basically means I am off by 2 PM.
Everyone at my job has certain days/hours that they are not available and my manager always seems to make it work for them as far as scheduling. My partner works the night shift and is off Thursdays/Fridays, hence I hardly see him. We would do laundry, grocery shop, deep clean and try to set up any appointments on Fridays after work.
Because he is a man, he will not do any of this unless I’m there to help/supervise. I never talked to my manager about having Thursday or Friday off because I knew it would be impossible due to everyone else’s availability, I was happy with my half day on Fridays.
Now the manager has someone else doing the schedule and without consulting with me first, took away my half day on Fridays to give to someone else. Mind you, the person who made the schedule was adamant about having Wednesdays off because her ex-partner also had that day off, hence I thought she would be understanding.
Now this same person stated that I am having to give up my half days because another coworker who is pregnant wants to have it. The pregnant coworker is very tired and painful by the end of the week and she wants to have an early weekend.
There is another coworker there that is off on Fridays and her schedule is set in stone because everyone is too afraid of her to change it. So they won’t ask that coworker to give up her off days but they’ll gladly take away my half day.
I have seen MANY coworkers get pregnant over the years and have never once seen someone have to change their schedule to accommodate someone that’s pregnant. I tried to explain that I too have a life outside of work but everyone is making it seem like I HAVE TO take one for the team and deal with it for a few months or so, putting me in a tough spot.
I have now changed my availability on the schedule and told my manager that I need either Thursday off, Friday off or to keep my half days the way they have been for years now. Am I the jerk for not giving my shift to a pregnant person?
Respectfully, I just don’t feel like I had any say in this person getting pregnant, so why should my life and schedule change?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and don’t think of it as your responsibility to ‘X’ colleague. Your response was fine. Your longevity should be valued and the schedulers’ approach states otherwise.
Stay focused on what has been in place for years. Ironically, they did not talk to you about changing hours for a few months you were simply told. This implies a new person is more valued than your family/life commitments. You were also not given this update in advance to change appts or other personal commitments.
A pregnancy is a choice and many gyno offices offer weekend hours.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – points out that time off midweek will do more to keep her rested and productive during the entire week than working her until she’s exhausted and then giving her off.
It’s poor management for them to change the schedule without talking to you first, but there may not be anything you can do about it unless you’re willing to walk. If you have sick time you can use, you may need to start calling in for appointments since you’ve previously scheduled them on your day off.” evelbug
Another User Comments:
“Don’t give up your Friday just because someone got pregnant does not automatically entitle them to special treatment, women have been having babies forever she is not any more special than any other woman that’s been pregnant” jaggedlittlepill1967
5. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Plane Seat For My Sister's Partner?
“I (22f) didn’t move seats so my sister’s partner could sit next to her(23f). We were flying home from, let’s say, Key West, FL. It was a family trip and she and her partner spent the whole week together… quite literally on top of each other.
And going home together and sleeping together and you get the point lol.
He didn’t plan properly and his seat was in the middle literally directly in front of her. I was in the window seat. It was not my original seat, but I asked my aunt if we could switch because I was on the aisle and she was a window.
We liked each other’s seats, so we switched. This was the day we left for Key West. I asked, switched, and verified with the person.
The day comes to go home and my sister and her partner are trying to sit together. They loosely made barely plans she says a few days before we leave but nothing is verified with anyone.
We are at the airport waiting to board and she expects me to give up my seat, so she and her partner can sit together. I say no.
She asks again on the plane while I’m already seated and I say no again. She proceeds to throw a literal hissy fit.
People were looking. She then— after some arguing— said she wasn’t taking me home anymore. She was my ride back to the house. She never drove me home lol. We all got an Uber back to my aunt’s house and got out of the car because I was all the way in the back, her partner slammed the door in my face and didn’t even apologize and then she proceeded to leave me at my aunt’s.
My aunt said she’d take me home and then was all of a sudden too tired to. So, I just ubered home.
I am just so confused like AITJ because I was inconsiderate. My sister said she ditched me because I was inconsiderate. I could’ve just moved for the 2 hours, which like yeah I could’ve?
But like they were just on top of each other and going home to sleep together lmao. I just wanted my window seat lol so am I selfish and what makes me a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t the jerk because you were within your rights to keep the seat you wanted and arranged for.
They could have thought ahead and sat together. They were incredibly rude about the ride and the door slamming. But your focusing on how they’d spent the vacation being intimate raises some questions about whether that entered into your decision not to switch seats. That would have been uncool.” ThatguyIncognito
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But all actions have consequences and this is exactly it – are those 2 hours of saying no and sitting where you want more important to you than dealing with relatives who will remember that for quite some time now because they are jerks?
You know your relatives well enough to know what nonsense you will have to endure from them, so by denying anything be ready to face the consequences. But your sister and her partner are quite pathetic human beings.” forgeris
4. AITJ For Being Upset About My Housemates Hogging The Living Room And Not Using Their Master Bedroom?
“So my housemates that have been together for 4 1/2 years got two new kittens at the end of August. Just to start off I am not complaining about the cats, they’re really great, it’s my housemates that are making me mad.
They pretty much just stay down there all day and night and sleep. I don’t even feel welcome down there anymore, because, after a certain amount of time at night, they try to kick me out of the living room to “go to bed” on the couch.
What really makes me mad is that they have the master bedroom which has a bathroom in it big enough for the litter box, and it’s empty 95 percent of the time. I sleep in a cramped room upstairs while my housemates hog our common living space all day and night.
I don’t even feel comfortable sitting on that couch anymore because who knows what they’re doing down there when I’m not around.
I literally pay rent and utilities the same as them every month and they still won’t accommodate this issue.
When I asked them how much longer they would be down there they told me another 6-7 months, that’s the whole school year. In my opinion, they’re being selfish and inconsiderate but I would like to know what you guys think of the situation.
It also doesn’t take that much to raise these two cats. I have a friend who actually recommended this to me who owns THREE cats who she raised on her own and never had any problems keeping them in their own space, I literally spoke to her and her roommates about it today, and they think I’m right, on top of everyone else I’ve told this to.
Anyway that’s my vent but I would like to know who’s the jerk here, she claims she’s the landlord, but her grandparents are the real landlords and they’re actually visiting this week. Should I tell them what’s going on? I don’t want to impact their visit up here but this is really bothering me.
So tell me, AM I THE JERK??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ ~ you have lame roomies and I’d take the Master or make sure I take as much time downstairs as I wanted. Hope they want a new roomie because I’m the spiteful jerk that would be obnoxious enough to make them go back upstairs.
I’d also get really good treats and win over their cats. Rolled salmon skin would be my choice of treat.” Meltedwhisky
Another User Comments:
“I have lived with several different roommates in several different places and NOTHING is more annoying than someone just making the living room into their bedroom.
I get it to a degree. I live alone now and yeah; my living room is almost my bedroom. But I live alone. Other people might want to chill out and laze around on the couch to watch TV. But you literally have your pillow, blanket, and A SHEET?!
on the couch? And a laundry basket in the corner? Then they stare at you like you’re a jerk at 10 pm while you’re trying to mush out and watch hockey IN THE LIVING ROOM ON THE COUCH. This has happened to me like three times and in each case, the person had a legitimate bedroom.
NTJ at all man. NTJ at all.” TDS_1991
3. AITJ For Not Including My Drifted-Away Friend As A Bridesmaid In My Wedding?
“I’ve been friends with Alyssa since grade school. Alyssa got married and I was a bridesmaid for her wedding and planned her bachelorette party and all that. After her wedding, Alyssa’s life became much more centered around her husband.
It culminated in us being less close – for example, she had a baby and I didn’t even find out until after her delivery. It just didn’t feel right anymore to share my innermost thoughts, goals, and plans when she didn’t tell me about something as major as a pregnancy so I definitely became a little more private.
I still tried to be nice and mailed her a gift for the baby, and listened to her loads about the baby and family life. She was also understandably busier as a new mother so we didn’t spend as much time together.
Alyssa’s baby is now over a year old and I still haven’t met him.
I saw Alyssa for one party for a mutual friend but we haven’t made plans for the two of us (or three with the baby, or five with our partners) since the pregnancy. I let her know early on I’d love to meet her baby but I would leave the ball in her court since she was pretty overwhelmed with extended family visitors back then.
Alyssa never took me up on that and I didn’t invite myself over again. I became closer with other friends who I started to spend more time with who were in a similar stage of life to me. It was honestly never anything malicious but my friendship with Alyssa became more text-based and superficial.
I just got engaged last week 🙂 And I really wanted to get married this summer so I got to planning really quickly and already have my bridesmaids picked out. It’s a small wedding and I wavered on whether I even want a bridal party but ultimately I decided to go for it to have some of the fun experiences of a bachelorette party and getting ready together.
I didn’t invite Alyssa to be a bridesmaid.
One of the girls posted a picture of my bridesmaid gifts on Instagram so Alyssa messaged me asking when she would get hers and I just said it was a small bridal party but I was so excited to see her at the wedding as a guest. She got mad that I was a bridesmaid at her wedding and that I excluded her while including a friend that I met through her.
But her wedding was almost 5 years ago and I’ve known that friend for over a decade so I don’t really think this matters. She is upset that I’m treating her differently cause she had a baby… But it’s not about baby to me, it’s about how we stopped being as close.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being a bridal party does not require reciprocal inclusion. You were close when you were at her wedding, you aren’t now. You don’t owe her anything. Frankly, I don’t think you even owe her an explanation but you already gave her a very reasonable one.
You deserve to surround yourself with people who support you and you feel good around. She doesn’t sound like one of those. Have a lovely wedding.” cordelia1955
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. IMO unless you are truly bestie-talk-everyday type friends, no one should feel entitled to be in someone else’s wedding party.
I was a bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding and did not invite her to be a bridesmaid at my wedding a year later. She had 9 bridesmaids and I wanted a much smaller bridal party. She understood for that reason alone and was more than happy to come as a guest. (I will say I invited her and other friends to a bridal shower, bachelorette, and other pre-wedding festivities, so that might be a good route for you to take here even if you don’t want her officially in your wedding party.)” Fun-Wafer-3561
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I think you may be too harsh towards your friend here. People’s lives change and grow all the time and you shouldn’t take it so personally. Look at the situation from outside from her perspective, she got married and had a kid.
You started to drift apart precisely because of those things. You both have different lives now, different responsibilities and so you are not on the same wavelength as before. I would invite her to be part of your wedding because soon you will be married and maybe have a child too and then you can rekindle a friendship where there are common interests again.” Mustng1966
2. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Contribute Financially When He Frequently Stays At My Apartment?
“For the last year, I (25f) have been living with a friend and her partner, but I had to get a place of my own after they asked me to move out so they could have the place to themselves. I’ve been living in my new apartment for about a month or so.
My partner still lives at home with his parents so when I first realized I’d need to find a new place I mentioned getting a place together, but he wasn’t into it. He thinks renting is a scam and is saving up to buy a place.
I was fine with that, it’s easier for him to save up while living rent-free and I sort of liked the idea of having a place that’s totally mine.
But now that I’m fully moved in and everything, he’s been staying about 3-5 nights a week depending on our work schedules and how well they mesh.
I can’t help but feel a little annoyed, it feels like I’m living on a really tight budget paying for this apartment while he gets to enjoy all the perks at no extra cost. There are no worries about sharing common spaces like kitchens and living rooms with roommates/parents, plus we no longer have to worry about making noises in the bedroom, it’s lovely.
But it’s all on my dime. We take turns with dinners and meal ingredients cost, but utilities plus rent are fully on me.
I’m just not sure if it’s fair to ask him to contribute money when he doesn’t technically live here.
He stays over fairly often but he doesn’t really keep anything here, just some toiletries and a spare shirt or two. All the decor and everything is purely mine, he had no say in that. And if there’s any night I want alone time I can easily have the place to myself.
It’s not as if I expect him to pay half or even a third, just maybe throw in $100 or cover more of our food. WIBTJ I asked him to contribute?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Renting is not a scam; it’s a legitimate way for people to obtain housing.
3-5 nights a week living there. You finance the apartment that both of you use and has become central to the development of your relationship. It’s where you two can be alone, comfortable, and intimate without worrying about parents or roommates. He greatly benefits from this accommodation.
His parents pay for his housing and you pay for his privacy and get-away pad. consider this: you buy a car because you need it for work but end up driving him around everywhere even though his parents bought him a bicycle, Shouldn’t he help pay for gas?
not make car payments, just help out with gas…..” TheThaneOfCowdor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In fact, you should be asking him for money because he’s using more of your stuff and he’s not contributing anything. Did he expect to just freeload at your place when it suited him?
Because that’s something I’d discuss with him; there’s nothing worse than having someone passively move into your place without your direct consent. My advice is to make him cough up the cash and let him know he doesn’t live there and if he wants to move in, he has to help pay rent.” JenovaCelestia
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Relationships are about communication. You need to voice your concerns to him. You asked him if he wanted to move into your place. He said no but now he is benefitting from your place 3-5 nights per week without having any cost. If he cares about you and this relationship has a future he will understand where you’re coming from and you two can hash out a solution.
I wouldn’t start with just asking him for money though. You need to tell him the current situation isn’t working for you and why.” carnival345
1. AITJ For Defending My Long-Distance Partner Against My Mum's Disapproval?
“I (25F) live at home with my (49F) Mum, where I pay half rent as she is on a pension. I am also currently on a pension due to mental health issues.
I have a partner (35M) who we’ll call Romeo. He lives in another country, we met online in a D&D community in mid-2022.
To be short, we met when I was in a very bad place mentally however he as a person inspired me to be better, and I spent more time hanging with him until we transitioned to being in a relationship in around Feb ’23. Romeo had been out of work for just over half a year at the time that we met, as he had his own mental health struggles.
Before this most of my relationships were online, and I know how different people can be in person. We discussed options but he had a terrible flatmate so I wouldn’t be able to stay with him and would have to get a hotel. If he visited me, he’d be able to stay in the house and I’d be comfier.
He liked the idea and was happy to wait and save, but I am impatient and wanted to meet ASAP so I decided to pay.
After 4 years of not working, I got a job in Oct ’23, and was planning for his visit in March ’24.
My job told me a month in that we get an unpaid break from Dec 22 to Jan 10, so I rushed the process so that we could spend Christmas and NYE together. His flight dates were Dec 9th to Jan 20th, giving him time to explore my city while I’m at work (and the dates were the cheapest).
When he lands, I can immediately tell my mum does not like Romeo. He is very quirky but so am I (we’re both autistic) however her dislike was before he even spoke. She badmouths Romeo to my entire family before they get a chance to meet him.
She refuses to participate in conversation with him and treats him worse than a child or pet. This began to affect me severely and even my coworkers could tell something was wrong.
After time passes, it comes down to he’s short & chubby (5’5 same as me, though I’m bigger), balding, and does not follow (or know) her 1000 house rules (she has extreme OCD).
My mum would constantly make remarks that were rude about Romeo. I would often tell her to stop, but she would say she just “tells it how it is”. A few times this escalated into a one-sided screaming match as I’d get emotional, and she would just be a cold mean person.
Romeo left about 11 days ago and she has calmed down since, but we recently had to discuss moving as our landlords decided to unexpectedly renew our lease (they *were* going to renovate). She told me she’d never have Romeo staying with us again, and I said if she wants me to still live here and help financially, then that’s not an option.
She started going on again about how bad he or his appearance is or how “I could do so much better”. I started to point out her problematic behavior, and she got upset that “I always start arguments over him when she’s just worried”. Now whenever Romeo is mentioned, she gets dramatic and acts like I’m being a big toxic jerk just for defending him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are serious about your relationship and don’t defend your partner then you are a jerk. I don’t see any way for you to live with your mom – zero chance of success, it will never work – so if you want to live with your partner then find a place to live separately from your mom.” forgeris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an adult who can make your own adult choices! You have every right to defend & stand up for him. Your mom doesn’t necessarily have to like or agree with your choices, but she needs to respect them.
It may be time to live independently if possible. Your mom still feels the need to control your life and not let you be completely independent.” jacksonlove3
