People Let Us Guide Them Through Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations
22. AITJ For Persistently Asking About My Grandfather's Will After His Death?
“I (29F) lost my dear grandpapa (GP) at the end of last year. I couldn’t see him due to health restrictions so he never got to meet my son (1M). I did send him photos and he sent me money.
One day the subject of GP’s will came up. He told me we would be looked after when he died and that was an end to the matter.
When GP died, I contacted Uncle J, GP’s son on social media.
I don’t really know him because he lives at the other end of the country and he didn’t know me. The subject of the will came up and J told me that they hadn’t found it yet as they were still waiting for the coroner’s report to come back.
This didn’t seem right to me.
The funeral happened and I was upset that we weren’t allowed to ride in a funeral car. GP had paid in advance for his funeral and decided to go with 1 car.
I left it 2 months before asking again about the will because things just weren’t adding up.
Uncle J told me to wait for contact from the executor but he said he didn’t know who the executor was. I am sure this is a lie because the executor would have contacted him after so long.
Uncle J has now blocked me on social media and its messaging app.
Another relative says I’ve blown it and I was never in the will, but I think he’s hiding something from me and it is ruining my memories of my dear GP.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ even if you didn’t mean to be.
You asked 2 or 3 days after your grandfather died which comes across as greedy, as does your offer to house sit, it looks as though you’re not upset and only care about the money. As you’re in the UK check the citizens advice page about wills – lots of good advice there about what to do, but the general gist of it is you’ll have to wait till probate is done which takes months – my father passed away in November, everything is going to my mother, and probate still hasn’t been completed. There’s a lot of work involved and a backlog due to health restrictions.” No-Cranberry4396
Another User Comments:
“I was going NTJ. But after reading additional explanations you gave at the comment section, unfortunately I have to change to YTJ. First, you are 29yo, don’t blame your actions on your mother! (We are the same age, so I am not some boomer telling you off) Second, you are blood related, but if you don’t keep in touch, how do you expect him to have any consideration or affection to you?
What I want to say is, you probably don’t feel like family to him, and the excuse that he lives on the other side of UK is just poor, it’s not like he lives on the other side of Europe and even if he is, there’s always a way to keep in touch.
It makes it clear that none of you really wanted to have any contact. You complain about him not asking about your kid, but have you asked him anything about his life, or notified him that you had a kid before your GP passed?
And as many people here said, asking about someone’s money before his funeral is an extreme red flag. Honestly, you seem extremely self centered and you are either clueless or just playing dumb here to make yourself look and feel better.” Own_Tip6648
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The day we were burying my papa, my cousin asked (as we were getting into the car to go to the cemetery) “what am I getting?” The day my grandmother passed and we called my cousin to let her know..
she replied with “I hate to say this but this will benefit me when I need it the most. I just got a outrageous speeding ticket” (side note: neither received anything). You remind me of both of my jerk cousins.
So yes, you are the jerk. I’ve gone through and read all of your comments and you sound absolutely horrible! I think your uncle blocking you was well deserved. He saw through your act and wanted nothing to do with it.
Respect his boundaries. Either you are in the will or you aren’t. Someone will eventually contact you if you are, otherwise, leave them alone.” Nosey-A-Bee
21. AITJ For Supporting My Mom In Kicking Out My Aunt After She Made A Move On My Dad?
“My (16M) mom and I do not get along at all. However, we both united on this one matter.
My aunt (mom’s side) was kicked out of her house, for reasons I will not disclose on here. Out of sympathy, my mom allowed her to live with us in our house.
One night, my aunt went to my dad’s study, where he was working.
According to my dad, she tried to make a move on him, and she was touching him in some “naughty” places (He put it in that way, not me). My dad is a calm, timid guy, and so just half-ignored her away and told her to stop.
My aunt said things like, “let’s run away together, away from (my mom).” My dad still said no, however, didn’t really do something about it.
Fast forward a day, and my dad tells my mom about what happened (he felt guilty about not telling her sooner).
My mom’s eyes turned into fire, and she went full African mom mode. She marched down to the guest room, where my aunt was staying. She shouted at her, and I came out of my room, wondering what happened. My dad told me, and I lost every ounce of respect for my aunt.
My mom said these exact words:
“If you ever step foot in this house again, your family will not be able to recognize you when I am finished with you.”
She kicked her out of the house, and for a while, she was living with my grandparents.
One day, my grandparents called me, and asked me to talk and calm my mom down, so my aunt could live with us again. I said absolutely not, and I am with my mom for this. They said we are exaggerating the matter, and I said, even if my mom wanted her back, there is no way I would, and I cut the phone.
Since then, my aunt and my grandparents have been very quiet. Whilst it absolutely shatters me that it must be this way, I also am still disgusted with my aunt.
What do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – not your place to take sides.
And it was wrong for your grandparents to try to get you to do it. This is between your parents and your aunt. P.S… just so you know it is okay to not always get along with parents. If all teens did, they would never leave home when they are grown and would never build lives for themselves.
It’s nature’s way of pushing you out of the nest. But this is a good time to stand by your folks. Just let your mom know that you love her even when she drives you nuts.” nellyfenwick
Another User Comments:
“OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I think it’s incredibly brave of you and correct to take your mom’s side! It was dirty of your aunt to act that way. Especially when your mom was trying to help her.
I know your mom must feel so betrayed by your aunt. I’m wondering if your grandparents know what really happened, I suspect they may not know the truth. If they do know what happened and they’re still asking you all to let her back in your home..
that’s sad too. You’re NTJ!!” DaintyTentacles
Another User Comments:
“Your grandparents don’t want your aunt living with them either, so it’s easier to guilt-trip all of you than it is for them to kick out their own daughter, so that’s what they are doing.
NTJ. And I’d never speak to your aunt again. Tell your grandparents your aunt is an adult, can get a job, and get her own place, where she won’t hit on a married man.” crystallz2000
20. AITJ For Leaving A Family Gathering Due To Being Shunned By Jehovah's Witness Relatives?
“I have been raised a Jehovah’s Witness all my life until I left a few years ago. Now members of Jehovah’s Witnesses aren’t supposed to communicate with any members who choose to leave or anyone they have cut off from their religion for violating one of their rules, this includes family (Mother and daughter would cease to speak if one of them is no longer).
I married, and it just so happens my wife has family who is Jehovah’s Witness and know me, so during gatherings or whatever they wouldn’t be able to speak to me or even greet me, such as what happened today.
There was a gathering at one of my cousins’ (by marriage) who is not a JW, my wife and I thought it would be a good idea to assist with the preparations and support, but the JW family (two at this point) came and greeted everyone including my wife except for me.
More JW family members were still to come, so I decided it wasn’t worth it and had to leave, I was scared I would end up telling them things I would regret. And since I am just family by marriage, they should rather celebrate the family ceremony without me instead of being there as a stumbling block.
We asked for my MIL and the host to explain our situation but tried to reason and ended up asking my wife if she was supporting me, that if she wasn’t, I could go home and she would remain. She chose my decision, MIL left right away furious.
We apologized to the host and left.
Am I the jerk for leaving?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…. but this is my take (as a former JW). You need to stop playing by their rules. You are no longer required to obey them.
In trying to not “offend” the JWs you did end up offending your host and MIL. JWs do not care about anyone else’s personal/religious beliefs… why should you care about theirs? My advice is to enjoy family gatherings and let the JWs explain why they are behaving in such a disrespectful manner.
A simple “oh they don’t talk to me because I left the religion” is enough of a reason if anyone notices and asks. Or better yet say I don’t know ask them. It’s not your issue it’s theirs. (And trust me a regular person is not going to take their side) You left for a reason….
those are yours and I’m sure they are legitimate. Their shunning you says more about them than it does about you. You have no reason to be ashamed AT ALL.” A-typ-self
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You handled the situation how you felt you should at the time and your loving wife stood by your side.
That shows how the person you are. I am married to a JW and we have been at events attended by exJWs. No one talks to everyone at an event so there is no need to go out of your way to associate with them.
No one wants a scene. The event that is being celebrated and/or the people are the most important part. Also, now that they know you are part of the family, they may check if you are attending family events before they RSVP for future events.” chap_d
Another User Comments:
“I wasn’t sure of the Jehova’s Witness doctrine, so I took a quick look at their website. There’s a whole magazine dedicated to conquering hate. One quote “Root out negative feelings toward others by imitating God’s impartiality”.
So if they really believe in their teachings, they shouldn’t be shunning you. Why would you go to any family gatherings when no one will acknowledge that you exist?” Curious_Discussion63
19. AITJ For Not Allowing My Daughter To Get A Pet Snake Due To My Son's Fear Of Them?
“I (35F) have two children, ‘Emma’ (15F) and ‘Daniel’ (12M).
A recent issue that’s come up is that Emma wants a pet snake, a corn snake to be specific, she’s done all the research and has presented it to me, promises to buy the food herself, and has said that her father (my husband) has agreed to help her with buying some of the important stuff like a tank, heating pad, etc. This has been an ongoing want of hers since December, every time we go past any place that houses reptiles, she wants to look at them.
Daniel is terrified of snakes, and most reptiles, every time Emma wants to go look at them he’ll genuinely scream and hide. They’ve fought over her wanting a snake, and he is just so against the idea because of his fear.
After a few weeks of thinking, I told Emma yesterday that she wasn’t allowed a snake, because her brother was scared of them, and she could buy whatever she wanted once she had her own house.
She did try to argue with me about my decision, but I shut it down, and she hasn’t spoken to me since.
My husband is saying that it isn’t fair of me to do that, since snakes are solitary anyway and Daniel won’t have to see it if he doesn’t go in her room.
I just don’t think it’s right for anyone to have to live with something that they’re terrified of, especially if it’s something that lives as long as a snake does.
But I’m worrying that maybe I’m showing unintentional favoritism in Emma’s eyes.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So, snakes are a remarkable pet in that they can be utterly segregated from people in a house. I hate snakes. My brother adores them.
My parents allowed him to have a pet snake, and after a bit of trial-and-error working out when he could hold the snake and how to keep us all safe and happy, we all lived together without a problem. I hated that snake.
But I rarely saw him, and when I did see him, he was under control and kept away from me. No jerks here, but reconsider. This is a situation that can work.” diagnosedwolf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You made the right decision.
Your home is one where everyone should feel comfortable. Your son wouldn’t feel comfortable with a snake and so it is more than right to say no snakes. I had a friend, whose mom was absolutely terrified of snakes but his stepdad told him it was ok to have one for a pet.
The rule was the snake had to stay in its terrarium in his room. Well, the snake got out and the mom unknowingly sat on the couch (the color had it blended into the couch so she didn’t see it until it moved).
My friend said he ran into the living room to his mom screaming at the top of her lungs as she was chopping the snake with the sword that was on the mantle…no more snake. Even though they got a new couch set, the mom can’t enter the living room without all the lights on and a clear view of everything.” Sea-Tea-4130
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as someone who is terrified of snakes, this could actually be a danger to the animal if it gets out. If I see snakes, my reaction is to run or try to hurt them to get away.
I know rationally that it probably won’t hurt me, but phobias aren’t rational. If your son has a legit phobia, that disrupts the house. It would also irritate me if my husband discussed this plan with my daughter before talking to me about it.
Kinda singles you out as the bad parent when he and you should have discussed it and come to an agreement first. IMO your husband is kind of the jerk here. I would tell your daughter that if your son wanted something that would truly terrify her you wouldn’t let him have it in the house either.
You have to provide a safe place for both of them as a parent. She is also going to maybe be in college soon as others are saying so I wouldn’t want to deal with that right now.” Correct_Raisin_322
18. AITJ For Demanding My Partner And Friend Get Out Of My Pool?
“I own a home and my partner lives with me.
I have an above-ground pool with a heater, and it’s wonderful to hang out on a clear summer evening. The problem is my partner drinks a lot and will stay in the pool drinking for hours at a time, sometimes until 4 am.
This has been an ongoing issue, and he gets upset that I’m done and want him to get out before I go to bed. He’s diabetic, so I’m concerned about his blood sugar dropping from the drinking and him passing out in the pool.
This has never happened, but it is possible.
We have a friend who has passed out in the pool twice while drinking, and we had to pull her out and put her to bed. She frequently falls asleep when drinking, and our friend group has been kicked out of bars because she’s fallen asleep.
My partner invited her over tonight when his dad and brother were here. My partner and the friend both work in schools so they’re off for the summer, but I have to work. It is an especially busy time for me because it’s the end of the fiscal year.
His dad and brother left. They were still hanging in the pool drinking, and I needed to go to bed. I told them they needed to get out of the pool because I couldn’t stay up to monitor them. My partner is annoyed that I feel like I have to supervise him or anyone else in the pool.
He said they’d talked about it, and they would limit the drinking and get out by 1:00 am. It was 10:30, and they both already had a lot. By their capacity, it didn’t seem like a lot to them. My partner can drink between 15 and 20 beers in an evening.
I said the friend had passed out in my pool twice, so I didn’t care what was discussed, they needed to just get out and they could drink all they wanted inside. I got upset and said I was tired, needed to go to bed, and pointed out again the friend had passed out twice in the pool.
I said it was my house and my pool and they had to get out. The friend said she wanted me to be comfortable and they would get out. Partner said they were good and would stay in. I was upset and raised my voice, told them to get out, and probably sounded harsh.
Partner went ballistic and called me a harsh word, and he thinks I’m a jerk for not partying with them for a while and demanding they get out. They’re still in the pool and I can’t go to sleep.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All that drinking and a diabetic? Probably a lot of pee in the pool, too. Gross. If you are going to keep this guy (I wouldn’t), when he sobers up, a come to jeezus is necessary. Set a closing time for the pool.
No negotiations. At xx:xx o’clock, the pool empties of people. Make it your hill to die on otherwise it might be the body of water he dies in, leaving you to explain to the police how you aren’t negligent.” ChinSpin_1986
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you have to get your partner to move out now. In the comments he admits to having the drinking problem he clearly has – it will never be solved while he can live with you and drink 20 beers while in a pool.
The big thing is the disrespect shown by him and others about you and your home. The girl who passed out 2x in the pool could have drowned or needed lifelong care: you will lose your home and wind up in poverty if there is a tragedy in that pool; you’ll be sued out of existence.
Drain the pool, close it down, and for your good and his, make him move out. Lives and your financial future are in real and immediate danger.” Ok_Imagination_1107
Another User Comments:
“I think you should not have a pool!
Your partner and your friend are heavy drinkers, and they aren’t choosing safety. Drownings are shockingly common. You’ve already had two incidents of passing out in the pool? That could have turned into a drowning so fast. You need to get familiar with your liability on having that pool and really think about what the consequences would be in your life if someone had to be hospitalized. And then go pop your pool.” imtchogirl
17. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Family For Hiding My Deceased Cat's Ashes Necklace?
“I’m a m16 who lost their cat about a year ago.
My cat was with me for 11 years and was really close to me. Everywhere I went, I had him with me. He was my best friend that no one could beat because he was number 1. He never went outside and always was with me everywhere.
Sadly about a year ago when I went to sleep at another place he got a heart attack they think, and died at 4 AM on 25 November. It was terrible and I’m still not over it. Because of that, I have bought a necklace, to put his ashes in.
I carry it around always. Sometimes I take it off because I have to sleep, shower, etc.
My family thinks I’m being dramatic for not getting over it, but it felt like I lost my best friend of 11 years as if he were human.
Because of that, the one time I took my necklace off, my family hid it.
When I woke up I couldn’t find the necklace anywhere, I got stressed and scared and asked my family where it was. They told me it’s best if I forget about it.
I went insane and started yelling at them commanding them to give it back because it’s all I have left of him. After several fights, they told me I was dramatic and I had to get rid of the necklace.
I told them only in their dreams.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in a family of cruel jerks. Tell them if you don’t get your property back you will tell everyone in every sector of your world – all relatives, friends, school guidance, family colleagues that your personal property – a memento of a pet- was deliberately stolen from you.
Tell family since it wasn’t lost, you will report it to the police as theft. Then do it if you don’t get it back. Do leave these jerks asap – if you can get them to pay for college 1st, great.
Then go no contact. Sorry for your loss and I am on your side. PS only get another pet when you have a home your family won’t have access to.” Ok_Imagination_1107
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You bought the necklace, which means they’ve stolen it.
I have a bad feeling they’ve thrown it in the trash, but I hope I’m wrong and they’ve just hidden it. Anyway, they stole it so they are thieves. How about you don’t use their name (mum, dad, xx, yy, zz…) when you talk to them?
So like in public, Hey Thief, I’ll carry the groceries to the car. No, thief, you can’t borrow my book. No thief, I will not pass you the juice. Hey thief, I’ll be home at 9 pm. You could even threaten to file a police report!
And if anyone outside the family questions you, just say “they stole a necklace that I bought and paid for with my own money, so that means they’re a thief.”” dragonsfriend-9271
Another User Comments:
“Hey, OP, wanted to write because I was/am kind of in a similar position.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Mourning is entirely normal and healthy, especially for a pet that you’ve grown up with. Your family was being cruel taking the ashes. I grew up with a little black cat, who was sweet as could be and ended up as my cat to the point that my (unpleasant) parents made jokes that this cat was my “close friend” because he was my emotional rock.
He died when I was similar in age to you, but my mother took him to the vet to be put down without me. I was crushed. She came home and almost didn’t tell me she was going to bury him.
I collapsed in tears partway through digging his grave because he meant so much to me, and I still cry thinking about it. If he had been cremated, you can count on it that his ashes would have been one of my most treasured possessions.
All I have is a framed picture of him that I keep in my closet, but I would still be devastated if it were taken. And I’m almost 30 now.” Embarrassed_Bat_88
16. AITJ For Making My Tummy Talk To Cheer Up My Partner?
“My (19F) partner (21f) has gained a tiny bit of weight lately. It’s genuinely not noticeable as both of our weights tend to fluctuate a few pounds, but even if she did gain more than a few pounds, she’s always gonna be beautiful to me.
We weigh about the same and are both thick girls and since our weights fluctuate, sometimes she’s a couple of pounds heavier than me, and sometimes I’m a couple of pounds heavier than her. I just so happen to be a couple of pounds heavier at the moment.
Basically, she was picking at her stomach and saying she was fat. So, I pulled my tummy out and while sitting down I used my rolls as a “mouth” and made my “tummy” say “Forget you! Are you saying I’m fat?” Well, my partner actually thought this was hilarious.
But a friend told me that it was really rude and not to make her insecurities about me, and that making my tummy talk was childish. I was just trying to make my partner feel better in a funny way, and it actually helped a little bit.
She said “you know what? You’re right. We literally have the same body type and I don’t think you’re fat. So I don’t understand why I feel this way about myself,” which led to a deeper conversation that I won’t discuss here.
Anyway, I don’t think I’m the jerk here, but what my friend said really has me wondering. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Everyone’s coping methods and relationship dynamics are completely different. It’s never okay to offer judgment from the outside looking in.
If your partner had an issue with it, I could see there being a problem, but that wasn’t the case.” HG_MamaKitty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what you did is actually really good for someone with a terrible body image.
I am very good at reasoning away why someone would tell me I’m not fat. My best friend? Oh, she’s heavier than me so of course she wants to tell me I’m not fat so that she also isn’t fat, but it’s okay for her to be heavy because she’s much prettier than me.
My partner? He’s supposed to say that, he’s just being a good husband. Random strangers? They’re just being nice, I’ll bet they secretly do think I’m fat but are too polite to say to. If YOUR OWN BODY is offended at your self-directed insults enough to say forget it, that bypasses your internal self-talk.
I don’t have a script to reply to my tummy telling me I suck for calling it fat. That’s never happened to me before. This should (and it sounds like it did) make an opening to have real talk about the underlying self-esteem issues.” Ok-Scientist5524
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this friend of yours is either trying to drive a wedge between you and the partner or is disgusted at your behavior or weight. Figure out exactly what this friend is up to. Your partner thinks you are funny and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” JackeyLoveJay
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend My Summer Helping My Sister With Her Kids?
“My (17f) sister (30f) has 3 kids (6, 4, and 1), and every summer she basically starts bothering me because she wants to go on vacation but she can’t handle 3 kids alone. This began when my niece (the middle child) was 1 and I’ve helped her for a month or two during summer every year since then.
The problem is that staying with her is draining. The oldest kid and I don’t get along AT ALL and he makes me angry. My sister is a total pain in the rear. Her husband, who works during summer, usually comes around on his free day when we’re on vacation and he’s a pain too, he annoys me.
Also since she owns a holiday house there are also chores and stuff. Basically, I go there and I become her helper. I’ve never really liked going with her but accepted it the past years as I didn’t have the courage to stand up for myself.
This year I’ve had all sorts of problems with anxiety and I would do anything besides going on “vacation” with my sister. My parents confronted me about this and have been calling me all sorts of things because “I’m being selfish” and “I don’t care about my sister” and well, they’re not wrong because I really don’t care about her, nor I can handle her or her children for a month (I’ll eventually help for two weeks but that’s it).
I just wanna be a teenager and spend my summer doing whatever I like instead of being her helper. So, AITJ for that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re her kids. While it’s nice of you to offer to help, it shouldn’t be an expectation.
As another user mentioned you should at the very least be compensated for giving up a month of your summer each year to help out. Besides, sooner or later you’re going to start your life properly and they’ll need to figure out the kids’ situation with someone else anyway.
Why not now?” Silent_Tortoise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and don’t help her at all also not for 2 weeks. You need to stand your ground. But I’m gonna tell you this as a mom myself. If she knew when she had 2 kids (since that’s when it started) that 2 kids were too much for her.
Then why did she get a 3rd one? I have 2 kids and will never have another one because I knew 2 was the max I could handle. And yes I still need vacation and rest but I would never force someone to watch my kids that I chose to have.
That is just crazy to me. Say no and take care of your mental health, please. My daughter struggles with an anxiety disorder and it breaks my heart. And it breaks my heart thinking about someone forcing my daughter to do something like that and what it would do to her mentally.
Take care of yourself please.” Serendipity_1310
Another User Comments:
“If you do have to go on this vacation take a boatload of books and some art supplies and disappear all day long. Even if you have to get up early and walk down to a park, or find a grassy berm to lounge at.
“What? This is my vacation.” Clean up after yourself and that’s it. What is the worst that can happen? Sis decides you are no help and doesn’t ask you again? And if sis starts yelling, do less. NTJ.” EnoughAlready710
14. AITJ For Not Sending Money To My Estranged Sister For Her Graduation?
“I (26M) have a younger sister Emma (24F). I came out when I was 17 and had no support from my family. Emma was horrible to me. She would call me names and even locked me out of the house.
When I turned 18, I moved to another state to attend college. I went low contact with most of my family. One of my aunts was very supportive and let me stay during breaks. She even helped with my college tuition.
After I graduated, I got a wonderful job with a small agency. I currently live with my partner and our two cats. The only family member who I have contact with is my aunt. I found out that Emma graduated from college.
I sent her a card in the mail saying congratulations on graduating. My mother sends me a long text about how I am a cheap jerk for not sending my sister any money. My partner thinks I should have sent her something.
AITJ for not giving my sister any money for graduating college?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is completely out of line. Your partner may just believe in some rosy reconciliation if you were nice to Emma randomly after all this time.
Feel free to just ignore that advice. If you want to rebuild a relationship with Emma, go for it. I’d start by just trying to talk, though.” nylonvest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No version of what you could have done would have been bad.
You could have sent nothing or sent a gift. And both options would have been fine. Choosing to just send a card is equally fine. If you haven’t I would recommend having a convo with your partner that lets him know the kind of relationship you have with your family and the kind of support you need from him (which I imagine does not include comments on sending gifts).” wolfe1989
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were nice to even send her a card. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty. You are estranged from your family & tried to do something nice. It backfired (if you had sent her $50, you would have been berated for not sending more), so you’ve learned to stay NC with this group of entitled people.
Good luck and hugs.” QuinGood
13. AITJ For Evicting My Sister-In-Law After Numerous Late Payments And Property Damage?
“I rent out a property to my wife’s sister, Mary (28F).
When she first moved in, we gave her 2 free months of rent since she was family and was going through a hard time. When she first moved in, her partner and their daughter lived with her. They have constantly been late on rent or haven’t had the entirety of the rent, they also never paid the down payment of 500 dollars.
Six months into her living at my property, she never mowed the grass and there was trash all in the yard and a broken window. We kindly asked them to fix the window themselves or pay us to get it fixed. They put plastic over the broken window and that was her idea of fixed.
Mary’s partner moved out when they split so now it’s just her and their daughter. She makes good money at her job but she spends most of her money on booze and substances for her and her friends.
She started avoiding us when rent time was near and when we’d call, she’d ghost us and then a couple of days later, she’d tell us she only had 600 when the rent was 1000. She’s done this for a couple of months now and I am getting tired of it.
My wife and I both told her she could not be late anymore and she has to have the entirety of the rent. She agreed and was on track for about 3 months.
Fast forward to 2 months ago. She didn’t pay us rent at all and we called, texted, and even went to my property.
She opened the door and let us in and my property was trashed on the inside, holes in the walls, roaches, smells like substances and smoke, broken doors. She told us her phone was broken and that’s why she hasn’t paid rent or called us.
We told her she could not stay in the property anymore and we will be evicting her. (This was my wife’s idea.)
The very next day she showed up at my and my wife’s house and paid the entirety of the rent so we said we wouldn’t file for an eviction.
So the very next month she did the same thing, didn’t pay, didn’t call or text. So my wife told me to evict her and not cancel it. She got served the eviction a couple of days ago and now my wife’s family is calling her and telling her we are jerks and we need to let Mary stay there because she is family and it doesn’t matter if she doesn’t pay rent or not because “we have enough money already.” They are threatening to never talk to my wife again.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She trashed your place! Do you know how much it is going to cost in repairs!? You certainly won’t be seeing a dime of repair money from her! I would double-check the laws and make sure she won’t be able to sue you for “her living conditions” even though she is the one who caused them.
Like might get in trouble for not fixing the window in a timely manner. Just evict her fast OP and hope there aren’t extra costly expenses earned from your generosity of allowing this to go on for so long.” Kirin2013
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were doing her a favor and were nice enough to even give her free rent. I’m not sure where you are but I’m in the south and as cheap as it is here 1k is still below market rate.
So I would guess you’re also not even charging her market-rate rent. Your family is only saying that because it’s not their house and lost income. If you really want to bend over backwards for this woman, suggest to the family that’s calling that they come together and have an intervention-type meeting with her.” privatelypoopin
Another User Comments:
“Sounds win/win if demanding family won’t speak to you again – they sound like the sort who’re only there when they need you. It’d be one thing if your SIL was having money issues and simply struggling to make the rent, while otherwise treating the property (and you!) with respect.
But she isn’t, as you’ve said; the place is trashed, and she’s clearly not prioritizing paying the rent. You’ve given her several chances, and since she appears to have more interest in burning her bridges than taking those opportunities… well, as others have suggested, time to let her know that wife’s family feels obliged to put her up in their place.
NTJ.” ieya404
12. AITJ For Not Hiring My Neighbor's Kid To Mow My Lawn?
“I cut my own lawn, always have.
A neighbor kid came to my door last week and asked if I wanted him to cut it for me once a week for $15 each time. I said no.
My yard isn’t big and it takes me MAYBE 45 minutes, that’s if I’m really thorough.
Otherwise, I can get it done in a half hour.
Well, neighbor kid left and life went on.
Then Sunday his mom came to my door and offered her son’s services again. I said thanks but no thanks. She went on to explain that he’s already doing her yard, my next-door neighbor’s (house between us), and my next-door neighbor’s on the other side, that it would be easier for him to just go straight across all 4 yards instead of having to do 2, shut the lawnmower off and do the other house.
I just kinda shrugged and said, “sorry but I’m good.”
Today my next-door neighbor brought it up and said, “he’s a kid trying to make some extra money, help him out don’t make his life more difficult. It’s only 15 bucks a week.”
The thing is that’s 15 dollars I don’t want to spend when I can easily do it myself.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Admittedly I’m kind of a chump for neighbor kids looking for odd jobs or collecting empties etc, and usually oblige them.
But $15 a week isn’t nothing, especially for a chore you seem to enjoy handling by yourself. Maybe next time you have a side project you can offer him a job for the day helping you out? I like to see kids who are out there hustling, but I also totally get where you’re coming from.” BrokenArmsFrigidMom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a half-acre yard that I mow with a push mower. As odd as it sounds I like doing it. I find it cathartic to pop in an earphone and get a hard one-hour workout in while I listen to my favorite tunes from years past. And while I have a physical job it certainly doesn’t provide me with the workout that my lawn does.
If the mom and neighbor are so concerned about the kid’s earning potential maybe they could each pay him another $10 bucks and leave you out of it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a single, very out-of-shape woman in Florida and I happily pay a service $30 to mow my lawn (they come usually twice a month except a few months in the winter when it lasts longer) with how hot and humid it is in this cesspool of a state, and how much I DO NOT want to do it I’m happy to pay.
If you don’t need it, no biggie. I feel like for that price the kid could get plenty of customers. Even if only 2x a month. Having to move the lawn mower is hardly some great hardship.” annadownya
11. AITJ For Considering Not Attending My Friend's Baby Shower After Years Of Being Exploited?
“I am a 27 (F) and I am currently facing a dilemma. I have been close friends with my friend for about 20 years, I was her maid of honor, and I organized and threw the entire bachelorette, including the traveling, the room, the venue, etc. I helped throw the Bridal shower, and I have been a part of many of her important occasions, big get-togethers, small get-togethers, parties, you name it, I’ve been there.
Keep in mind during all of this, I come from a disadvantaged background and I am not financially well off, I just make enough to make ends meet. I have paid for a lot of things out of pocket and I have never asked for a reimbursement.
It has been a long, expensive 20 years. I have noticed that at these events, I always get invited early to “help”. I have to go help set up and help her clean up afterward, at almost every occasion, I am assigned to take pictures, things people generally get paid for, and I do it for free.
I don’t mind helping and supporting a friend but I’ve noticed I am being taken advantage of.
She recently got pregnant, and she threw a gender reveal. My fiance has caught on to her patterns and mentioned that she will be asking you for help, sure enough, she did.
The same week she asked for help, my fiance and I got into a minor car accident. (We hit a very deep pothole and airbags were deployed) We told her that we wouldn’t be able to make it early to help because we wouldn’t be able to drive out there.
She threw a fit and started being cold/distant with me. Reluctantly, we ended up going and my fiance drove the car there with no airbags and no seat belts.
Finally, what I believe is going to be the last straw was when she messaged me going “When are you going to (place) again, on August 11th right?
Okay so I am gonna have the baby shower on July 23rd that way you can come.”
I was completely appalled by this as she is literally clocking my own schedule so that I could accommodate her needs. That usually means I will have to help her set up the baby shower.
I don’t want to because she doesn’t reciprocate, it just seems like a one-way street. (we live about an hour apart and she never comes down here). At this point, I am fed up and would like to draw a boundary.
WIBTJ for not going to my close friend’s baby shower?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if she didn’t treat you badly, it is ok to not go to these types of things. I’ve missed baby showers for close friends before and it is always, “Darn, wish you could have made it.
We will have to set up another time to see each other.” There’s never anger. Or, tell her that you will be there, you are excited to celebrate with her, but you won’t be able to help. If she is upset that you are coming but won’t help, then call her out on it.
Ask her if your friendship is contingent on you helping her or if you are good enough friends that she wants to share this special celebration with you just being there.” 12th_companion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You absolutely can draw a boundary, but consider that you might lose whatever is left of this friendship when you vocalize it.
Your past actions set a precedent and expectation from the friend, You can communicate that you are no longer available and can show up for the event during the event hours, but based on your friend’s reaction history. She will probably throw a fit again.
If anything, accept the invite but then just only show up at the said time, if they ask where you are say your car broke down or something. And as for clean up have your fiance pick you up before the party is over like well before only go for an hour, and say you are meeting someone very important to your fiance and can’t get out of it.” lovelovelove1988
Another User Comments:
“In all honesty, it does not sound like a close friend. She sounds like she is clearly using you. If you want to continue the friendship, I would have a private conversation with her and let her know that you want to be a part of her life but cannot be used like this moving forward.
Friends get to join in the celebration and not always be expected to go out of your way to do the things that you have been doing in the past. If she has never reciprocated the same to you, then you have three options: 1 – Continue as if nothing has changed (I do not recommend).
2 – Have a talk with her about how you feel and that you are being used. 3 – Whether you decide to talk to her or not, you have the option to stop hanging with her and not being a part of her life anymore.
Good luck OP. People who are like this are either terrible or completely blind about their actions toward others. I hope that you can work through it… if not, it is best to part ways. NTJ obviously.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Removing My Stepmom From My Emergency Contact List?
“Stepmom has been in my life since I was 9. Wanted to adopt me but I said no. So Dad came up with the idea to make her my legal guardian as a compromise.
She was then added to emergency contact lists for me at school and at the hospital, if I was sick or something happened, etc. I never loved it but it was far better to me than being adopted.
Last year I moved out and went to college and I removed her from my medical contact list. Didn’t say anything because I wasn’t expecting it would be used…
then I had an accident a few weeks ago. Dad was called and made his way over but had no idea my stepmom didn’t know until he called and asked where she was. When my grandparents showed up before her because my friends called them there was a big thing afterward.
She was hurt I had removed her. My dad asked why I’d done that and I said it was always a compromise I didn’t like, but agreed to so no adoption would go forward. I also pointed out they had both known this at the time of the adoption/legal guardianship stuff.
She said I should have kept her on and shown respect for wanting to be my emergency contact. She told me taking her off of it was “cruel”. I didn’t apologize. She pulled back. I wasn’t bothered by that at all.
But she was bothered by my lack of being bothered (I hope that makes sense) and is saying I’m a jerk again for removing her name.
It’s become such a big deal that I feel like I need to ask… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because your dad decided to marry your stepmom doesn’t immediately mean you have to accept her as your parent. You get a say too. Your father and stepmom decided for you, and made her your parental unit, but now that you have a say in the situation, you’ve removed her.
Had she and your dad respected your decision, no doubt you would’ve felt more natural with her as a parental figure too.” Cocoasneeze
Another User Comments:
“INFO: What does being an emergency contact all entail? I was under the impression that they just contact them to let them know what hospital you were at and that’s about it.
Do they help with decisions if you are unconscious? Or do they reveal medical information to them that you would prefer as few people as possible to know? Otherwise, I don’t know why you would remove her. Unless you have a bad relationship with her, but I figured you would have mentioned that if that was the case.
You may not be her biggest fan, but she obviously cares a lot about you. Why would you want her to be in the dark when something bad happens to you?” CH11DW
Another User Comments:
“You do get to know who knows information about you but as a bonus mom, I do want to say something.
She has been in your life since you were 9. You don’t mention that she was abusive or mean. She didn’t lock you out of the house or was unnecessarily cruel. Since she wanted to adopt you it sounds a lot like she loves you or at least cares deeply.
I would be deeply hurt after loving and caring for a person for years to have them shut me out. Children’s (and even young adults) lives are only made better by the more people that love them. You may not see it now but one day you will.
Please try to think about ‘why’ you are so insistent on shutting her out and maybe see if there is some room in your life for her. And one day you may have children or even bonus children–think about how you would feel.” Applesbabe
9. AITJ For Being Upset With My Partner For Staying Too Long At Her Family's Smoke-Filled House?
“This Saturday was my partner’s nephew’s birthday party.
She said it started at 4, so we would leave at 3, and be there no later than 6. Her brother (the nephew’s dad) lives decently far away, about 45 minutes, so leaving this early makes sense.
I initially had some problems with this.
I usually have to spend my Saturday doing chores and errands, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc. Staying later than promised is usually a problem whenever we go somewhere for her family. It was one of my two days off, so Sundays could be spent actually relaxing.
I work full time with 2 dogs, so it’s hard for me to spend a couple hours doing that stuff, when I spend it exercising my dogs. They get very rowdy, they don’t like lying around too much.
The bigger problem was this.
I have horrible asthma and eczema, along with skin allergies. Now I could write an essay on this, but I’ll try to keep it semi-quick. My skin is allergic to anything and everything. Smoke, (doesn’t matter the type), dust, pet dander (my dogs are bathed almost every week, and brushed so their dander isn’t a huge issue, along with sheets being washed, etc.), and even smaller things can drive my skin nuts.
Her family all smoke in their house, a lot. They also have a skin disease, funny enough. They shed a lot of skin too, and you can see it on the floors, and couches. I have to take allergy medicine and asthma medicine before going just so I don’t come home not able to breathe and covered in hives/itching like crazy.
Now this isn’t so horrible that I can’t go anywhere, but it can get bad pretty much anywhere, even my own house gets bad if I slack.
She had promised that we would be gone by 6, but we ended up being there until almost 9.
On our way home, I was noticeably upset. I was wheezing, itching, and could hardly focus on driving. She asked why I was so upset.
“You promised we only stay a couple of hours.”
“I lost track of time, I like spending time with my family.”
“I get that, but you know the issues that I have, and you don’t like driving in the city.” (I meant that she didn’t want to drive separately, or alone)
“Is it that big of a deal? Does it hurt that bad?”
“Yes. Yes, it does. You’ve seen how bad my skin gets, I’m amazed that you’re so careless.”
She starts getting mad “I’m not careless I just miss my family.”
“Then drive yourself next time or don’t force me to stay for a lot longer than you promised.”
She gave me the cold shoulder and have been cold a lot this week. Have barely spoken.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But listen. If you know that you will always end up staying too long and it physically distresses you, stop going with her or drive separately.
You are not her chauffeur. If she really wants to see her family, she will drive. Either that or at the predetermined time, you signal to her it’s time to go. If she ignores you, stand up and announce your departure.
Now the reasons you are a jerk. If you need your weekend time all to yourself, you shouldn’t be in a relationship. You seem to have a schedule you don’t like altered. Saturday for errands and Sunday for yourself relaxing.
If you can’t be flexible with your time, you’re really not ready to take on the responsibility and compromises of a relationship. I am assuming you don’t have friends either, since you have this strict schedule.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, in my opinion, although if that dialogue is what you said to her verbatim, it sounds like you could work on your communication style. But no, she absolutely should 1) be considerate of your allergies/eczema, and 2) be respectful enough of your time to either keep to the time she said y’all would leave, or at least check in with you to ask if you would mind staying longer for a specific amount of time.
It’s also on her to make time to see her family if she misses them so much. You obviously should join whenever it’s reasonable for you, but she’s making her own choices to not visit them on her own time.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Ok, I am the minority here but ESH. Your partner for obvious reasons. She promised to leave at a certain time and refused even seeing your discomfort. If she wants to stay with her family, which is fair, she needs to be honest and upfront about the time and expectations, not say a random time and expect you to suck in.
And I am sorry, a 45-minute ride is nothing. She can take a bus or whatever. Now why you also suck? Cause well, you can’t expect to never attend her family functions or stay one or two hours due to your skin.
I am not saying you have to go to everything, but for some events you have to attend and stay, period. Also, I might be wrong here, but seems to me that your partner promises to stay a little time to avoid discussion or you not going.
Compromise and communication here is the key and seems you both are failing on that.” girl34pp
8. AITJ For Agreeing That My Partner's Teenage Son Can't Bring His SO To A Wedding?
“I (F33) have gotten into an argument with my partner (M36) as part of a larger issue that has now started with his entire family. I am siding against him and he is very irked at me, but I think he and his family are being drama queens and totally unrealistic about how weddings work.
His brother is getting married this weekend (four days from now). My partner casually mentioned to his brother that his son (M13) would be bringing his friend (F14) to the wedding. The brother’s fiancée has heard of this and is not happy and says that the friend cannot come, she was not specifically invited and the whole seating chart and headcount have already been confirmed. She considers the son to be a child, not someone who brings a “+1.” I think she is right – you don’t come to a wedding just as you please without an invite.
And if you’re under 18 and/or don’t get a specific invite allowing for a “+1”, I don’t think you should expect to be able to bring a date. Everyone is vilifying the fiancée as being the bad guy in this scenario, and major drama has ensued, but I agree with her and think that:
1. they shouldn’t have even brought this up and understood that this wasn’t an option
2. could have asked politely if she could come something like a month or more ago, not four days before the wedding.
AITJ for agreeing that the teenage friend should stay home and the family should calm down about this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What is wrong with them? RSVPs would have been due like a month ago, which is about how long relationships last when you’re 13! That’s completely insane to have a 13-year-old bring a date. There are serious debates within wedding etiquette about plus ones for single adults.
No one who had a plus one to my wedding brought someone they’d been seeing for less than 6 months.” setsumaeu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Weddings can be expensive. Without knowing how this wedding was planned. Those paying for the wedding need to know exactly how many guests to plan it within a budget.
A wedding budget is based on the number of guests. If you are having 250 guests it will likely cost around 200.00 a person. If you have 25 people it can cost 125.00 a person. The tables and chairs are rented and the cheap ones are about 80.00 a table and 20.00 a chair.
Sitting 4 people at 1 table costs 160.00. Unless you want to add another 40.00 for umbrellas.
Then there is the meal and the caterers charge by the plate, it’s cheaper if you use disposable dishes but the price of the meal per plate does not include the expense of plate, utensils, and drinkware.
Nope, that’s another cost. What to serve as beverages is another fee. Water, tea, juice, soda, wine, beer, and booze are all different expenses and are sold by the glass, can or bottle. The napkins can be customized right along with the tableware for another expense.
Are you having a band or a DJ? You need a dance floor which are rented by the size. How many will be dancing? You need to know this…
So, a guest list is not to be changed because there won’t be a place for the uninvited to sit, there won’t be a plate of food for the uninvited to eat nor anything for the uninvited to drink as the ones paying for it bought 1 or 2 or 6 beverages per person.
Some people offer gift/thank you bags, 1 per invited guest. The wedding and reception are based on a budget and the budget is based on how many are coming. It’s very important to RSVP and not add or take away from the guests.
Being mad at being told no plus 1 is like feeling entitled to 250.00, 500.00, and even thousands of dollars for a friend. You are a guest, not the planner and you aren’t paying for the guests or you would be saying no to your plus 1 too.” Th3Confessor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a jerk move to spring another guest at the last moment, especially for a wedding. I understand that your partner is trying to advocate for his son, but your partner should have asked about this before the catering headcount was finalized. I’m guessing that the groom’s family isn’t involved in the reception details (following standard American tradition).
To give the groom’s family the benefit of the doubt, I’m going to ask if there are any cultural influences we should know about regarding the groom’s family/your partner’s family?” AgeLower1081
7. AITJ For Yelling At My Wife Over Her Reckless Driving?
“We have been married for X amount of years and whenever I ride with her I always have to tell her to stop speeding or stop following so close to the car in front.
She gets mad at me for being a passenger driver but I see it as a problem.
A few years into our marriage and sure enough she hits someone going to make a left. Not too bad of a wreck and no real damage to the car thankfully.
A ticket and lesson learned right?!? Well, I still had to keep telling her to back off of people although not as much. A couple of years go by.
This week her van caught fire in the rear, some damage, it will be out for a bit.
She gets some rides to work till it’s fixed so I can take the kids to therapy. Today after getting home she was going to the doc to check out her ear. It’s rush hour and someone supposedly slams on their brakes in a 25, the car in front of her brakes and my wife ends up with a trailer hitch in the front end of my car leaking coolant everywhere.
When she called and told me all this I exploded at her, yelling and calling her stupid to the point she was crying. She didn’t take photos of everything. We have no car now to take the kids to therapy, get food, or do anything else.
Her van’s in limbo. She didn’t even get to the doc for her ear. I feel bad about it and I’m going to apologize either way but was I wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“If your wife is legitimately as bad a driver as you say, then everyone’s a jerk.
Driving is a privilege. It’s also dangerous and ends a significant number of lives. Anyone recklessly risking others because they don’t respect driving or other people are jerks. You’re a jerk because you were verbally abusive to your wife. This is not a case where someone else is so egregious or that they started it and got what was coming to them.
You weren’t defending yourself or other drivers. You weren’t trying to help your wife be better. You were angry and took a dump all over her. That’s not cool.” Fyst2010
Another User Comments:
“Info: what is X amount of years?
If you’ve been married for like 20 years and she’s caused 2 minor accidents over a decade apart, that’s not great, but it’s not as bad as if it was in the span of a year or so.
Either way, yelling at someone who’s just been in an accident is not okay. Should she have been more careful? Yes. Should she have taken photos? Yes. Is she probably freaked out enough already without you yelling at her until she’s crying?
Also yes. You’re the jerk. Did you even make sure she was okay before you started verbally abusing her?” Sugar_Weasel_
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk for having a limited set of skills in managing a situation with the adult you married. 1.
Your wife may have a driving style incompatible with the traffic situation where you live. The way to help this is with professional defensive driving lessons. 2. At the same time repeatedly correcting a driver — and I will guess here, in an irritated voice— can lead to higher stress and distraction which further degrade driving skills.
If you cannot control your reaction do not drive with her. I understand you may worry about others in the car with her, and we are back to item 1. 3. What leads you to scream? Embarrassment? Financial pressure? Fear for her and other’s lives?
When you understand your reactions you may have better control over them.” azssf
6. AITJ For Asking My Estranged Sister To Help Financially Support Our Aging Mother?
“My sister and mom had a difficult upbringing together to the point that they parted ways when sister turned 18 and mom and I immigrated to the U.S.
Ever since my first job at 16, I have helped my mom financially. At first, it was contributing to food and then, as I got older it was bills and rent. My mom didn’t have conventional learning, she had a degree in Secretary Services from our native country sometime around the 60’s.
She also has a thick Latin accent so it was hard for her to find meaningful jobs as inflation grew.
Recently I had a conversation with my sister that I thought she should help financially because our mom was getting older, and her body can’t do what it used to.
She told me it was my choice to help our mom, but because of their past, she is choosing not to help. In the heat of the moment, I did bring up that I felt helping mom was just on me and that it was hard to keep my mental health doing it alone.
She then told me I don’t understand her point of view.
Part of me doesn’t want her help anymore because I think she’s being unreasonable. Part of me wants to get help for my mom even if it’s begrudgingly given.
We did end up with her agreeing to help, but I think it is severing my relationship with my sister as she left the conversation saying, “we are strangers who happen to be brother and sister.””
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
And a massive one at that. My mother was awful to me. She’s poor and she has poor health. Haven’t spoken to her in ten years, not a clue how she’s doing. I am not in contact with my siblings either, but if any of them dared to contact me, and tell me I need to help her financially, I’ll probably suffocate from laughing so hard.
The only money I am willing to spend on her is a ticket to wherever she will be buried, or already is, I don’t know, so I can spit on her grave. How dare you? How dare you? You leave your poor sister alone, she’s suffered enough, from the sounds of it.” TheGrimDweeber
Another User Comments:
“INFO – how old are you now? Your mom? How long ago did you both immigrate? And I don’t understand how your mom and sister had a horrible upbringing ‘together’, one is the parent and one is the child but this sounds like they are both the children being brought up by someone else?
Your mother has the responsibility to raise you and support herself. Thick accents are not barriers to many jobs. Unfortunately, your mother is the jerk here, we are all responsible for taking care of ourselves in life. You can’t put all your money into your mom, then who will support YOU?
Look into services or assistance in the US. You were not a jerk to call your sister but you can’t expect her to help.” tinny36
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re not wrong for asking. She’s not wrong for not wanting to help.
Respect her decision and drop the topic from now on. Children aren’t a retirement plan. And if you’re helping your mother to your own detriment, you’re going to have issues with yourself physically, mentally, and financially as well. It may be time to look for senior service to take some of the load off of yourself.
Just because you choose to take on that responsibility doesn’t mean that your sister has to.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Trying To Control My Stepsisters' Late Night Parties?
“I live at home with my stepsisters, stepdad and mum. I’m 24, living at home to save. Stepsisters are 21 and 24.
I’m lucky to live at home and know it’s not my house, so I abide by whatever my parents’ rules are.
They’re not unreasonable and are extremely generous to the 3 of us.
A few times the girls have brought a group of guys back from nights out, once, they were really loud and kept me up until 3, even though I went down and asked them to keep it down and sit in a room that wasn’t directly under mine.
(It was a weeknight and we all have full-time jobs) they kept my mum and stepdad up too, drank a lot of their drinks, and made a big mess which they never clean up, it’s always left to me or my parents.
They have had the same guys back 3 times since, and I haven’t said anything, but again drank loads of booze they didn’t buy and and made a big mess.
On Monday we all went to the bar. I left with my stepdad, and we said to them not to bring the guys back but they did.
The tv and them all talking at 1 woke me up. We have another room with a couch and a TV on the other side of the house, which doesn’t disturb anyone, so I don’t know why they don’t sit in there.
I texted and asked them to sit somewhere else. They said they would but didn’t. So half an hour later I went down to tell them all to move into a different room. Neither of the girls said much but the boys said they were leaving, but were pretty unpleasant about it.
I went upstairs, heard them all talking about me overreacting, they weren’t even that loud etc, etc. I think if it’s a weeknight it’s so unfair to keep me and everyone else up.
The noise stopped 20 minutes later around 2.
The next morning I go downstairs and the kitchen and living room are so messy, wine bottles and glasses everywhere, pans all over the kitchen. It turned out they also drank fancy whisky my stepdad was saving and broke 3 glasses my mum had just bought.
My mum and stepdad were furious, as they felt very disrespected by everyone coming in, drinking all their booze, eating loads of our food, and making so much mess. They have both said something to my stepsisters, who haven’t even apologized and don’t see what they did wrong and they are now avoiding all of us.
Their excuse is that they were heavily intoxicated so didn’t pay attention to what they were doing, and that they would have cleaned up that night after work. (I don’t know why they think it would be ok to leave all the mess for a whole day.)
The sister who I’m closer to, is now fully ignoring me for being on the side of our parents and coming down and ruining their fun. They think I’m boring for not just going along with it all and that I’m the one being unreasonable by telling them to be quiet/not thinking it’s all ‘so fun’.
AITJ? I wanted to know if there’s maybe another pov I should be taking?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: This wouldn’t fly if they weren’t living with their parents. It especially doesn’t fly when they are being supported by their father.
It’s extremely rude jerk behavior. The 24-year-old is also getting a little too old to be acting like this. Sidenote: Why isn’t their father the one going downstairs and kicking random dudes out of his house? Did he parent them growing up?
What is the father-daughter dynamic here?” lostalldoubt86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your stepdad needs to parent. If you haven’t talked to your mom to essentially say “the three of us are all being kept up/woken up by the girls, but I shouldn’t/can’t be the one telling them to quiet down/move to another area of the house/clean up their mess when they get heavily intoxicated. I’m not their parent and they don’t listen to me.
and honestly, it negatively impacts my relationship with them which isn’t fair to me.” Your mom needs to speak with her husband about a plan. Maybe it’s following the rules or these are the consequences. Just because you guys aren’t kids doesn’t mean when there is a noise violation can’t result in a $50 per person each time.
Same with a trash violation. Theft of someone’s property? Replacement of item plus fine. But this can’t come from you – it has to come from mom and stepdad.” rak1882
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are lame doormats. They need to exert their authority.
Your health and well-being, not to mention your performance at work or college are being put in jeopardy. Your step sisters are going to end up broke and heavy drinkers. Intoxication is no excuse for behavior. They choose to drink the stuff.
I am curious to know if they pay rent and ever do any chores. Do they not work? You could spend a few minutes carefully hiding all the booze before you go to bed each night. (In your room?) It won’t make any difference to your parents.
It just won’t get consumed and there won’t be a mess.” Time-Tie-231
4. AITJ For Choosing To Take My Niece On A Trip Instead Of My Daughter?
“I have a daughter (Wendy, 14) and a niece (Claire, 15). Claire lost both her parents when she was very little and I’ve been raising her ever since. Wendy and her mom live far away and she has custody so I only see her once a month so I have a closer relationship with Claire and we have a lot more in common, but I love them both equally.
A while ago I got a bonus at work and I decided to go on a trip but I couldn’t afford to take both girls and also the girls don’t get along (which is mostly Claire’s fault I admit) so no one would have fun if I took them both so I had to pick one.
Since Wendy can go with her mom if she wants I decided that it’s only fair if I take Claire.
So we went on the trip but ever since then Wendy has stopped talking to me because she thinks it’s not fair that I never take her anywhere and choose my niece over her but I’ve raised Claire and I consider her my daughter so I don’t think I did anything wrong.
My ex however is calling me a jerk and says that I always favor Claire but that’s not true so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Here. I’m going to explain this from Wendy’s perspective, as a kid that has been in Wendy’s shoes.
Wendy does not care about the fact that you went on a trip with Claire. She cares that you excluded her from the trip. She cares that you prioritized Claire over her when you barely see her as it is.
Once a month is nothing. If Wendy didn’t care to have a relationship with you, she wouldn’t have been upset by this. However, she does care and she does want a relationship with you and all she sees is you choosing Claire over her again and again.
All she sees is some child that isn’t yours (whether she’s your niece or not) being favorited while Wendy, your biological daughter, is always an afterthought. No matter how you view Claire, Wendy just sees her father choosing another kid who isn’t her.
So, yes. YTJ. If you couldn’t take both, you should have saved the money until they could both go, planned a different trip where they could both go or not gone at all. All you’re doing is hurting Wendy, who you claim to love equally, but I guarantee she doesn’t see or feel that way at all.
And just as a further thing, because of how my dad prioritized his stepdaughter over me, I MAYBE speak to him once every six months, if not longer, and it’s strictly through text. So, if that’s the relationship you want with Wendy, then please, continue to choose and prioritize Claire.” frightfully_disturb
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Do you realize that your daughter gets to be with you, her father, only ONCE a month, and your niece has a father figure all through the year??? Your daughter does not even have a peaceful time when she comes to live with you – do you even recognize the damage you are doing to your own daughter??
You punish C when she acts mean to your daughter obviously your punishment is not severe or enforced properly – because C continues to harass your daughter in a space where she should be safe. By being a weak parent you are causing immense emotional distress to your daughter.
If you cannot treat your daughter as she deserves to be (cared for, loved, and protected) best cut all relationships with her – because all you are doing is causing her trauma and your daughter definitely does not deserve trauma.
Every child deserves a parent who is fair to all his children, not one. By taking one child on a trip you clearly chose the one you favor… you are a cruel father. You are just ensuring that after she turns 18 your daughter will cut contact with you totally.” Haunting-Row-3961
Another User Comments:
“Your daughter did not ask her parents to get a divorce. She didn’t ask to be far away from one parent. It’s not her fault Claire lost her parents. While you’re being a stand-up guy to Claire you are failing your daughter for things that are out of her control.
She essentially only has a mother because you’re putting all your attention on Claire and forgetting that you had a daughter before you became Claire’s guardian. And yes Claire is your responsibility but you also have a daughter that you are telling her she’s not important to you by your actions.
It doesn’t matter that her mom took her on a trip because she wants to have an experience with her dad too.” Busy_Understanding81
3. AITJ For Complaining About A Waiter Stepping Over My Toddler?
“I was at a restaurant last night with my toddler. She spilled her drink so I had to take her out of the high chair and place her next to me for a moment while I grabbed wipes out of the diaper bag.
She was admittedly sitting on the ground for that moment because I didn’t feel comfortable putting her on a chair by herself.
A waiter was walking with a large tray and very clearly saw my kid. But instead of saying “excuse me,” or pausing for a moment to allow me to pick her up, he stepped directly over my kid while holding that large tray.
I was pretty upset because I saw him put the tray down at a nearby table and it had several steak knives on it. I complained to the manager who seemed appalled that the server would step over a child while holding a tray full of steak knives.
My husband said I’m in the wrong because our daughter shouldn’t have been on the floor in the first place. I agree that typically, a child should never be on the floor of a restaurant. But I had to place her somewhere other than the high chair in order to clean up the spill, and she’s too little to sit by herself on a chair.
The server very clearly saw her and made the conscious decision to step over a toddler while holding a tray full of steak knives. I very easily could have moved her had he just said something and paused for a few seconds.
But by the time I was able to react, he had already stepped over her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Restaurant staff shouldn’t have to dodge around toddlers. Why couldn’t you grab the wipes from the bag first, put the wipes on the table in easy reach, then grab the kid to clean them up?
Then the kid is never on the floor! Magic! Also, restaurant floors almost always have broken glass stuck in the carpet, or pushed into the tiny cracks between tiles and floorboards, or just lurking under a table. It’s everywhere. A restaurant floor is not a safe place for a child.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are the one who put your daughter on the floor of the restaurant in the server’s way. Those trays can be heavy and you expect them to stop and wait because you decided to be neglectful and put your child in an unsafe situation?
What if the server hadn’t seen her because he was looking ahead instead of down and he had crashed into her? I suppose you would have blamed him for that as well? Take responsibility for your own actions instead of blaming others because you put your child in an unsafe situation.” Crafty-Repair-9316
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your situation may have been exceptional for you, but it isn’t for servers. I’d say one of our biggest complaints is dealing with free-range children when carrying trays. Those trays are heavy and hard to balance.
When I go out and someone cuts in front of me and walks slowly, it is literal torture. And suddenly encountering an obstacle when you are quickly running a heavy tray out is something you just have to navigate to the best of your ability.
Here is what could not possibly be the thought process of any busy server: Oh, infant on the floor. Well, this parent is clearly (clearly!) Not Like The Other Parents. This parent has been really good about the kid and is clearly only putting the child on the floor for just one second (fun fact, servers do undergo limited training in the art of psychonautics).
Surely, this parent is rational and will take the child out of my way so this arduous task will not be more arduous. I guess I’ll just come to an immediate halt without dropping these dangerous steak knives (which honestly are probably balanced on the plate, calm your nerves), and wait for the parent to resolve their business.
Or perhaps I should just pivot on my foot and turn around and go through another pathway, it’s not like part of my job is to find the clearest pathway in a building full of people who wander around, put their infants on floors and allow their kids to run around without supervision and who stand there chatting with their pal, totally blocking your way, while you poise seventy pounds and a couple hundred dollar on your fingertips.” allmyzombies
2. AITJ For Checking On A Driver Before My Partner's Dog After A Near Accident?
“My partner and I were out for a walk and she took out her dog. She had him leashed but let out a little slack. During the walk I guess he saw something across the street he wanted. He darted out into the road while a car was approaching.
Luckily, my partner was able to pull him back, but the car swerved pretty badly, nearly side-swiped another car, and then ran up on the curb over-correcting.
Immediately ran to the car to make sure the driver was okay. He was perfectly fine, his car was fine, no one was hurt.
He backed up and drove off.
I walked back to my partner and she was down on one knee with her dog. She was in tears. She was also upset that I went to the driver of the car before I checked to make sure the dog was okay.
She said that it was messed up that a random person’s safety was more important to me than her dog as the dog is a member of our family.
I wasn’t trying to be mean, but I told her that I was confused about what I was supposed to do.
There was possibly a person hurt and I needed to make sure he was fine. After all a person is a person and a dog is an animal.
She was even more upset. We walked back to her place in silence before I grabbed a shower and went to work.
She’s still upset about this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she gives her dog that much lead that he can bolt in front of a car, he has too much lead. She is the one risking her dog’s safety by being careless.
I’m going to guess she was walking him on one of those retractable leads. Personally, I despise those things. They’re good to teach a dog to walk properly on a leash but if you constantly allow your dog to be 26 feet in front of you, you’re being careless and straight up a danger for others, be it cars, pedestrians, or other dogs.
Your partner was extremely lucky that nobody got hurt. Because if her dog ran under that car and died, while people in that car got hurt, she would be physically and financially responsible for both.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for going to check on the human.
I do however despise when people say it is just a dog. So that was kind of a jerkish thing to say. It may just be a dog to you, but the majority of her life revolves around caring for her dog.
When my dog was killed in an accident friends who said it is just a dog get a new one, were never friends again. From her perspective, she almost lost something very close to her. Her knowing she was at fault probably made her feel even worse.
Since the dog was clearly okay, going to check on the human first was natural and correct, but you still should’ve come back and asked her if she/the dog were okay. Not come back with of course I’m going to check on the human first it’s just a dog attitude.
You basically said you don’t care if it was hurt or killed.” Adventurous_Holiday6
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think your partner reacted out of shock. She then directed her emotions at you, because you were available and said something she viewed as insensitive.
I’ve had meltdowns because I couldn’t find my cat and thought he somehow got outside. When I found the jerk sleeping in a new hiding spot I melted right down sobbing because I was so scared. I’d absolutely have lashed out at someone if they said anything outside of blind support.
Would I come to my senses later? Yes. But not right then because I was dealing with pure adrenaline. You made the right call by going to check on the vehicle. You knew the dog wasn’t injured and went to ensure the vehicle was ok.
That was level-headed of you. But at that moment – your partner didn’t need to hear how you value a human over her family just because of the species. Because for her – she would save her dog over a stranger.
I would save any of my pets over most humans shy of the ones I care about most – my pets are my family as I’m responsible for them. I wouldn’t expect anyone else to have that stance about my pets, but they are indeed more valuable to me than most other humans.
I don’t think either of you is a jerk. Nor do I think either of you is wrong for your priorities. You said something insensitive, she lashed out. I think you could both apologize to each other.” Ohcrumbcakes
1. AITJ For Telling My Stepdad To Stop Seeking Pity After Routine Medical Tests?
“My stepdad (61M) just came out from the hospital. Nothing bad but he had to do some tests and scans to check on his intestines and liver, to screen for diseases and cancers.
He came home an hour ago feeling a bit tired from the anesthetics but all exams came out clear.
When he came home his phone blew up and he told everyone – his brothers, sisters, his dad, the neighbors … everyone – about the laxatives he had to take yesterday and how hard it was to be starving the whole day for the exams, how scared he was, how humiliated he feels when thinking that he had a camera up his butt.
He whines for everyone’s attention and pity and it works! Everyone is busy feeling sorry for him and falls for his act.
15 mins ago he realized that his apprentice (19F) did not call nor text, to ask for updates.
I was so tired of hearing about what he calls medical torture that I told him off and reminded him that he is not the center of the universe. That his apprentice had her day at work, went home to her partner, and is not going to call to ask about his butt.
That he is a grown man and should know better than to sob over the phone to everyone and that people deserve to be left alone and have a life of their own. Of course he was offended and my mom started saying that I was disrespectful and that I had to apologize.
I told them that no, spending an afternoon for some routine tests is not medical torture and that he should just stop demanding everyone’s attention like he does every darn given day. He is a grown man and should start acting like it.
Of course my mother said that I was selfish and disrespectful and called all of our family to tell them to talk some sense into me (uncle, aunts, cousins). Now I am wondering if I was insensitive.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that your mom immediately jumped on the phone to tell everyone what you said makes this an overall pattern from both parents. They sound exhausting. I would bet that they have no idea what goes on in your life because you tell them nothing in an effort to maintain the boundaries they don’t seem to have.” balancedgray
Another User Comments:
“As a general rule, you can assume that a parent calling their child above 10 disrespectful has no arguments left. Therefore it’s safe to assume she is wrong. Tell your family members what happened. Make him sound like the 5 yr old he seems to be.
Everyone will laugh I sure did.” Testingthrowaway00
Another User Comments:
“I don’t want to judge you because the apprentice thing is ridiculous but I do want you to know this: I’m chronically ill, I’ve had all kinds of tests, scans, pokes, and prods many, many times.
The first time I had a colonoscopy I cried. Even with the IV making me relax, I was crying. And I wasn’t like a child, either. You’re hungry, you might be a bit scared, and you feel humiliated even though it’s a completely normal procedure for the doctors to do.
The laxatives and fasting have made the previous day horrible. It’s not painful, per se, but it’s uncomfortable. That’s why really good nurses are the ones good at reassurance and keeping your dignity. My grandmother was upset afterward at the age of 72 during hers.
People react on a spectrum to medical procedures. Do I classify it as literal medical torture where someone abuses authority to go out of their way to hurt you? No. But it can still be upsetting and make you feel scared or humiliated. I think it’s okay to kind of want a bit of reassurance from loved ones then, and I don’t think it’s necessarily self-pitying if it’s just that: texting loved ones how much you hated it and receiving encouragement back.
I think denying that a colonoscopy is invasive and can be upsetting isn’t the kind route.” One-Stranger
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