People Stand Their Ground In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Refusing To Include My Stepmother In My Therapy Sessions?
“I (17M) have a diagnosed mental illness. Got my diagnosis formally at 12 and that was a rough year for me. My dad uprooted us 2 months after my formal diagnosis to live with his then-partner (now wife) and I left behind everyone else I knew and loved and during the move, some sentimental stuff got destroyed. The stuff was my moms and dad had put it in the wrong pile after I tagged it so it wasn’t handled with the care it should have been.
I was pretty much destroyed at that point. I already disliked that we were moving and then losing some of the stuff Mom loved the most. I was admittedly a mess and the next couple of years. It took forever to find a new therapist. My original psychiatrist here wasn’t someone I clicked with either and it took like a year for a new one and almost 3 for me to find a therapist I could talk to.
I admit I’m not that into Emily. I do hold resentment toward her and Dad for the move. She also rubs me the wrong way but I also admit I’m not exactly super open to liking her. She’s made comments about it being good that we moved so I can learn how to miss people (which is insensitive but then she seems to remember that I’ll forever miss someone).
She has spoken like I agreed to the move (why did you move if you weren’t going to try and enjoy it) and when I’d tell her I didn’t agree she’d say dad made the decision and I should trust him enough to want this and give it my all.
She has complained that I didn’t let her family members fill the void of my missing family from here and she has seemed kinda sour that I’m closest to my mom’s family above everyone. We also clash over me saying she’s married to my dad/my dad’s wife to people instead of saying my stepmom.
I said stepmother once and she told me it sounded so detached and I told her that’s how I feel.
It drives my dad crazy and we discussed moving in with my grandparents back home but Dad changed his mind about it twice. He told me I’m his kid and he’s not letting me go and he wants to repair our relationship.
He asked me to forgive him for making decisions that I felt were the worst for me. He said he’s trying to do right by us both. This is why he typically respects me when I don’t want to include him in my therapy sessions.
But my dad is anxious that I’m almost 18 and he wanted to have a meeting with my psychiatrist and therapist about me, but he wanted Emily included I said no, and I expressed this to both my therapist and my psychiatrist so they wouldn’t talk with her in the room.
Emily was so offended. My dad was hurt that I still wanted to shut her out and that I didn’t trust his decision to partner. I told him she is not my parent and she does not get access to that stuff about me. I told him I couldn’t stop him from telling her technically.
But I will never give my consent for her to talk to them herself.
They told me I needed to let her because she’s one of my guardians and they need to be on the same page. Dad begged. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are allowed to have boundaries, especially for your mental health. That said, it may be helpful *to you* to have a controlled environment in which you can express these things to her in front of trained professionals who can mediate her behavioral or attitudinal changes. However, you’re almost 18 and a legal adult, so unless your diagnosis is such that you would still require guardianship beyond age 18, it probably isn’t worth it.
And even if you will need guardianship, you could petition for a court-appointed guardian.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your Dad and his wife are though. “She’s made comments about it being good that we moved so I can learn how to miss people (which is insensitive but then she seems to remember that I’ll forever miss someone).
She has spoken like I agreed to the move (why did you move if you weren’t going to try and enjoy it) and when I’d tell her I didn’t agree she’d say dad made the decision and I should trust him enough to want this and give it my all.” You were forced to move, items that were from your mom were destroyed, and you moved away from everyone and everything you were familiar with and Dear Ol’Dad’s wife expects you to be grateful for this?
AND trying to force you to let her in sessions with your doctors??? Once you turn 18 move back to your mom’s family with any sentimental items you still have and don’t look back until you are ready to. Good luck OP.” Comfortable-Sea-2454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You keep going. You do what’s best for you. Your dad messed up and he can kick rocks for that. It’s not about him. It’s not about her. They are both making it about her. They need to grow up and accept the consequences of their actions.
You keep doing you.” Connect_Guide_7546
18. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Mom Clean After She Paid Me $200?
“I (24F) was kicked out of my mom’s house last year and have been living with my partner since. My mom is planning on buying the house she’s been renting for the past 11 years which has been a stressful process as she’s coming up with the down payment.
She wanted the house cleaned for the appraisal to try to get it as high as possible so she paid me $200 3 weeks ago to clean up the basement I used to live in that hadn’t been cleaned since I was kicked out.
I agreed to clean and came over on a Friday night after work where I dusted the entire basement, threw out 4 trash bags worth of stuff, and cleaned the cat box that was downstairs.
By the time I was done with all that, it was already dark out and I had to go home to take care of my dogs and feed them dinner. I told my mom the only task left to do was to vacuum and mop the floor in the common area and vacuum and clean up in my old room.
I was planning on dog-sitting for my mom the following weekend (unpaid) as she was going to visit my sister so I agreed to finish vacuuming and mopping when I came over again. The very next day she called me and was very upset that I didn’t “finish the job” and my mom ended up vacuuming and mopping herself.
The rest of the week my phone was being blown up by my mom calling and texting me daily that I “never help her” and that I wasn’t doing enough to help her. The weekend finally rolled around after dealing with her texts all week and I stayed at her house for a day and a half to watch over her 3 dogs and 4 cats and continue to clean.
Before I got there I went an hour out of my way to a tractor supply to get dewormer because she requested I deworm the animals. I bought $50 worth of dewormer with my own money for all the animals and got clawed to bits deworming all the cats.
While I was there, I fed the animals, cleaned the cat boxes, scrubbed the backyard bricks with nature’s miracle (since they smelled like urine and she requested I do so), and cleaned out another 2 trash bags worth of rubbish from her house.
This still wasn’t enough.
This weekend my mom asked me to come over to help move laundry machines from her garage to the street as well as vacuum and clean out even more rubbish. I was happy to help her out but the entire week leading up to this weekend, she had held the fact that she already paid me and the job “wasn’t done” over my head.
When I woke up this morning I had a 4 paragraph text from my mom that “I hadn’t finished the job” and that I needed to be at the house before 6 pm. This would have been fine if she asked me nicely. A simple “What time are you coming over?” Would have sufficed but instead she wrote 4 paragraphs stating I didn’t do a good job the first time and needed to make up for it.
I told her I wasn’t comfortable with the way she was talking to me and it devolved into me telling my mom I’m not coming over anymore to help her. AITJ for not helping her clean even after she paid me $200?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ-Your deal was $200 to clean the basement. Instead of waiting for you to finish, she mopped. That’s on her if she didn’t give you time to finish. Everything else you did was unpaid help and if she is still saying all you do is “never helping her” then it won’t matter what you do cause she’ll never see your value in what you have done.
You chose the right response of not continuing to help. She can get a cleaning service or get someone else to help her because you need to choose yourself and your sanity.” Sea-Tea-4130
Another User Comments:
“You stated the $200 was to clean the basement and if I read this right you did most of that job but left part.
You said you would come back and do it but your mom did the unfinished part instead. Since then you have done additional work not initially requested. If I’ve got this right you made up for the part missed and are now fine. NTJ.” FireBallXLV
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Trading this you have completed and done more than your end of the bargain. It was her choice to do the tasks you said you were going to do while pet-sitting. The big question is how much per hour would it cost for a professional cleaner to come in?
At this stage, I bet it would have cost more than the $200 she has paid you.” kiwimuz
17. AITJ For Wanting To Sue My Aunt Over A Borrowed Car She Ruined And Never Paid For?
“So I 26F had a nice car that I bought myself. It was in pristine condition and had low mileage for a used car. I had the car for about 7-8 months and my aunt 38F asked me to borrow it for the weekend because her car was in the shop.
Sunday comes and I call her, she says her car is still in the shop and she needs my car until Tuesday. I then couldn’t get ahold of her after Tuesday. I heard later that she didn’t pay to get her car fixed and she stopped paying her car payments and they repossessed it.
She lives over an hour away and is constantly driving up and down the road almost every day. Fast forward, she’s had my car for 7 months, I asked her if she wanted to buy my car, we agreed on a price, she said yes, and at the 1-year mark of her having it, she would have enough money to pay me for it.
Until then, the car would stay in my name and I didn’t give her the title. I also mentioned to her that I bought the yearly tag this year, but next year she would need to since the car is only mine in name. I also told her that I didn’t want to keep paying for car insurance on a car I don’t drive.
She gave me her sob story of “no one ever helps me” and that “It’s so hard to get by” and a bunch of other (what sounds like) excuses to not want to pay. My family and my grandma (her mom) all help her out a lot, so I was calling BS in my head.
I lowered the plan from full coverage to the lowest premium they had.
The 1 year mark came and I’ve heard nothing from her. Later on, in the months, I heard that she didn’t get the money she was counting on because she didn’t do anything on her part.
Since then, she’s borrowed more money from me for her rent, light bills, and other miscellaneous things that I have on record.
Damage to the car includes (to my knowledge): hitting a deer which busted the hood and the right front light(replaced), having one of the windows of the car smashed out(replaced), hitting another deer which messed the hood up even worse and took out the left front light(replaced but the hood is horrendous).
All of the lights are flashing on the dashboard in a way I’ve never seen before, and the interior is destroyed, I’m guessing from my younger cousins.
I’m trying to be patient & understanding with her because she’s trying to make it, but when she keeps accumulating debt & never pays you back it gets kinda frustrating.
And if you don’t help her once she’ll go off saying that no one ever tries to help her or that she’s all alone trying to take care of the kids.
Back to the title, it’s been almost 2 and a half years since she’s borrowed my car and I get sad every time I see the deteriorated version of the car I once loved. I’ve mentioned suing for my money only to be asked if I’d take the car and leave them all stranded an hour away.
However I don’t want my car back at this point because she’s run up the mileage and destroyed it, I just want the money she agreed to buy it from me.
So WIBTJ for taking her to court over this?”
Another User Comments:
“OK, let me get this straight – your aunt has been hoodwinking you and all other creditors for over a year, not paying a cent to anyone she owes money to, and you think that taking her to small claims court, where she will undoubtedly not show up, and you’ll have a judgment entered in your favor, will do what for you exactly?
It still doesn’t address the issue of collecting what you’re owed. How is that going to happen, exactly? She doesn’t have any money to pay you, or anyone else, which is why her vehicle was repossessed in the first place. Just stop lending her money or anything else of value.
Wise up, buttercup. And also – just give her the title to the car. And make sure it’s recorded in the State you reside in. You holding onto it is only going to cause you trouble because the unpaid registration goes on YOUR record, not hers.” F*************e
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, except to yourself. You are enabling a user. By allowing them to continuously walk over you. SHE WILL NEVER PAY YOU BACK… EVER. Cut her off, 100%, if family comes after you, cut them off too, especially if they drop the “because of family” BS.
Your aunt is unable to stand on her own 2 feet because she has never had to, someone will always fall for her sob story and bail her out. My brother learned this the hard way, he was just like your aunt, until our enabling father died, his free ride ended then, at 45 he has his 1st taste of financial responsibility, and he’s failing hard.” Alarming_Physics4188
Another User Comments:
“What is wrong with you? Why weren’t you getting the car on the Tuesday after she borrowed it? Or any day past the date she said she needed it? I have never heard anything so ridiculous in my life. And you give her money for other things too?
You need to learn a new word…. here it is….NO! Repeat it over and over until you can say it without thinking. You have let your aunt use you all this time and you are asking if you would be a jerk for taking her to court?
You’re a jerk for letting this woman use you for a doormat. Come on, grow a spine!” HappyGardener52
16. AITJ For Skipping My Sister's Celebration Due To Constant Favoritism?
“My (16m) younger sister (12f) was born way early and almost didn’t make it. For the first year of her life, I lived with my aunt and uncle because my parents wanted to devote as much time to her as they could and didn’t want to worry about me at that time.
I came home when she finally did. She has chronic health stuff from being born so early. She’s had a few surgeries since she left the hospital too. I remember my parents adoring her so much and celebrating every tiny milestone she hit and making it into a very big celebration.
I was jealous, I admit. My parent’s attention was focused so much on her that I was overlooked a lot and I still am. They cheer on every little thing for her and don’t notice anything for me. I was given an award at the end of middle school for best artist but my parents didn’t show up to it, they didn’t mention it, and I know they got the emails and I gave them a note from my teacher about the ceremony and how parents needed to be there at 2.
I mentioned it to them and they seemed so disinterested. It made me so angry.
Another reason for the focus being on my sister so much is when she was in first grade her school went on a field trip and there was an accident.
My parents were freaking out and going crazy with worry and after she got back safe and unharmed they were saying how she really was a miracle and they almost lost her twice and how she was the most precious thing in the world to them.
My sister got so used to talking about herself and her struggles that she took over things for other people. She brought it up at our cousin’s wedding and so many of her class’s birthday parties that my parents get calls to pick her up early most of the time.
But she adores me and wants us to be so close and always wants to hang out but she also talks about how sick she was how early she was born and how special she is. It annoys me. I don’t like my sister. I don’t even know that I love her.
Part of me resents her. Like I know this is on our parents and they’re at fault. But I hate being around her. I hate that she loves me. I wish she would focus on others because I’d rather not be in the same room as her.
I don’t want to celebrate her.
My sister got some early report card that was all A’s for the first time. My parents decided to throw a party to celebrate her. She told me how excited she was and wanted me there. I didn’t want to go.
I hated the idea of celebrating her achievements. So I just didn’t show up. I went to a friend’s house. My parents only cared or noticed when my sister got upset that I wasn’t there.
I was grounded for two weeks and it just ended. My parents told me it wasn’t fair to my sister to skip something so important for her.
Something so huge. I asked them when I was celebrated like that and they told me it wasn’t about me, it was about her. My sister has been so different since. I hear her cry sometimes. So I know it did hurt her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your parents will never change. Time to sit your sister down and explain what is going on. At her age, she just follows her parents. She is old enough to understand. Explain how you have been treated. Give her examples. Tell her none of this is her fault but it does hurt you how you are treated. ” Suspicious-Work-6790
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Congratulations on your art award! Have you thought about talking to your aunt and uncle or a school counselor? You’ve tried with your parents, so maybe they’ll listen to an adult? As someone else said, your parents are the ones to be mad at.
They’re the ones who have taught your sister to behave that way, just like they’ve taught you to resent your sister. It’s their fault you don’t have a better relationship.” Wild-Pie-7041
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OH NO! It also wasn’t fair for you for your parents to skip something so important for you.
If they love her so much, there’s probably nothing wrong if you suddenly get lost one day. They probably won’t be crying in apology. It’ll be something like a “Come home, you’re in big trouble!”” AgentSongPop
15. AITJ For Refusing To Give More Money To An Old High School Friend?
“So, this happened over a week ago and I’m still wrestling with whether I made the right call. I am 28(F) and recently an old high school friend messaged me on social media hoping to reconnect. We’ll call her Tina. We were never close in high school but we’d have classes and bus rides together.
After graduation, we went our separate ways.
It was nice to catch up with her at first. A couple of days later, I got a random call from her through social media messenger. I ignored it, thinking it was an accident. She called me again but since I was at work, I didn’t answer.
Later I checked social media and realized she had messaged/called me again. Tina explained that she was going through a rough time with a sick family member and needed some support. She saw I was online and called, panicking. She told me that her family member had just passed away, she was two hours away with no funds and no way to get home.
No one was answering her calls for help.
I was still at work but Tina asked if I could send enough funds for an Uber back to our hometown. I went ahead and paid for an Uber for her. Tina thanked me profusely and promised to pay me back.
Forward the next day, and I got another message. She again thanked me for the help and asked me for a little more funds because she still had no funds from the previous night. Tina again told me that she would pay me back and that she was embarrassed to ask.
I told her that I understood where she came from and that I was in a similar situation a few years back. I sent her a little more cash to help her by for the week but explained that my situation was a little tight so I couldn’t donate more.
Tina said she understood, and thanked me again for being so kind when she needed it. She said she’d pay me back in full as soon as she was able.
In total, I sent her around 120$. Well, a couple of weeks went by without any word from her.
When she messaged me again I figured she either 1) Wanted to talk or 2) Was going to pay me back. Instead, she asked me if there was any way I could send her 175$ to help cover rent for the month.
I told her that I couldn’t.
It was one thing to help her get out of a potentially dangerous situation and maybe bump her some grocery funds, but I couldn’t afford almost 200$ out of pocket for her. Tina said she understood, and that she still didn’t forget she owed me.
We chatted a little bit longer, she told me about her son and sent me pictures of him.
The next day she messaged me again, asking me for $140 for “formula and baby items” for her son. That she couldn’t afford his food and that she was scared he would go hungry.
I had had enough. I pointed out to her that she didn’t hadn’t paid me back for the first time. She kept begging and insisting to please help her out, just one more time. I told her I couldn’t send her any more funds no matter the amount.
She didn’t respond after that. After a few hours of silence, I texted her again and told her not to worry about paying me back. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here…This sounds like a somewhat popular scam. A friend got a call from her nephew saying he was in jail and needed funds.
My friend said she knew it was him, his voice, etc. But she had an odd feeling and said no. Ended up calling my nephew’s parents, he was at BB practice, and all was fine. Called the cops, huge scam. Your story reeks of that.
If it’s not a scam, you are just an easy target for her. Say no and stay firm.” CapricornCrude
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Don’t have any more communication with her. Sounds like she’s looking for someone to use . . to tell you a sob story and then keep pushing for more funds.
You’ve finally woken up and she might try a few more times . . just ignore her or block her. She’s a user and a taker.” orangeupurple1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Seconding being concerned how quickly you gave her funds/that she’s scamming you. When you say yes (especially about giving someone funds) to someone who you don’t even know well (or don’t know anymore…it’s been like 10 years right?), there’s a very high chance they will realize they can manipulate you and keep pushing again and again and again to see how many times you will say yes to them (and give them funds).
I also find it very weird and manipulative that she seems to have not told you about her kid for a good while, and waited until a moment when you started to say no to giving her funds to bring him up *only* then as a way to try and manipulate you.
This is a common scamming tactic. Have seen it, and have seen many others experience it (it’s common when selling/reselling things online, people use this to try and get huge discounts from you or extra items for free, etc). Her manipulation seems way too practiced and pathological imo.
You’re probably not the first person she’s done this to, and probably won’t be the last.” Soup_oi
14. AITJ For Wanting To Spend Less Time At Home Due To Unfair Treatment?
“I (18) still live with my parents since I still go to high school. Within the past 8 months, I’ve been balancing a work life, and school life with a 3.7-4.0 GPA, and balancing 2 sports at once, taking over every single day so I lack the time to rest. Usually during the weekdays, I would be out from 630am-10 pm with some time in between to transition to another activity (such as school to volleyball or school to work).
My parents made me join soccer and made me work for my car insurance and gas, and there have been issues with how busy I get with work by itself.
While I take some time trying to rest after everything, my parents ask me to do 15-20 different things and that I need to help them around the house.
There would be some times when I’m gone all day for periods of 6-7 days and nothing would be cleaned but I would be asked to clean up the mess, but my brother doesn’t have to do said favors because my parents “don’t want to bother him”.
Yesterday my dad wanted to have a conversation with me, and long story short, I made my dad feel threatened because he thought I “looked like I wanted to fight him”, and that he was so close to forcing me to pay $500 in rent a month because I “don’t act like I’m part of the family enough so why even try treating me like I am his son”.
Nobody in the house cleans up after themselves and it’s proven by the fact that there was a period where I went out to my mother’s house in another state for 2 weeks, I came back and I saw cat vomit, cat waste, dishes were full to the point that all the counters were covered in dishes, it was hard to maneuver through the house, and my bed was covered in cat urine since my parents refused to clean the litter box.
Ever since I came back, I’ve had a rough time dealing with my family members because my parents have seen me as free labor in my eyes and even my distant mother has disagreed with a lot of my parents (that I live with) actions, even some words and actions leading me to almost having an eating disorder.
I got out of that phase but I still struggle with eating some days and I hyper-focus on my nutrition and my weight, which is at a healthy point.
I still spend time with family but while I’m doing all of my personal life stuff and cleaning up the house, my parents spend quite a bit of time I’m with them still calling me a lazy slob, saying I don’t do enough and that I’m going to suffer in the real world.
So I’ve chosen not to help them as much and offer my brother to help since he doesn’t do much except watch YouTube in his room and stuff like that.
Would I be the jerk if I spent a good chunk of my time alone and away from family even though my parents almost made me pay a huge amount for rent because of it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Based on your info, they see you as free labor. Are you the oldest? If so, I faced this type of behavior from my parents, but not as severe as yours. If he’s gonna charge you rent, and still make you feel this way, time to get some buddies and move out.
Or, I assume you’re moving out if you’re gonna go to college? I don’t know but, I would slowly start fading into your path. Not mean to ghost your family, but you need to take care of yourself and your mental health. I moved out of my parents at 18, so I know how it feels.” bokashi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m so sorry. Can you move to your mom’s? Or in with a friend or another family member? You can quit your sports if it is too much. You can cut back on your working hours if it is too much.
Get through the last bit of high school the best you can. It is better to graduate. Can you talk to a school counselor about the ED? Save your money so you can move out. Keep your important papers in a safe spot so they can’t do anything about it.
Get a new bank account that isn’t in the same bank account as your parents and that they can’t access. Don’t fight your dad. Use the gray rock method on him (where you don’t engage, just say yes/ no politely). Yes, it isn’t fair what they are doing.
Sounds like your brother may be the golden child. Staying in the house isn’t healthy for you, so make your plans to safely get away once you can and then you can go no contact with them. We are rooting for you. If you want a hug, this internet mom is hugging you too.” Trick_Delivery4609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You would be a jerk to yourself if you stayed living there. Your dad is taking advantage of you. He doesn’t bother with your brother because he knows you’ll listen to him and do what he wants. Life is short, don’t waste your prime years cleaning up your dad’s gross mess.” Plastic_Blood1782
13. AITJ For Telling My Friends I Regret Prioritizing Them Over My Family?
“This is a long story so I will give only an overview. I (18 f) was best friends with four girls from high school. All of them studied in my hometown except me. I come back home once or twice a year. After school, I noticed we were getting distant.
Most plans to hang out had to be initiated and/or planned by me.
So this time I did not initiate any plans. They planned everything and it was chaotic due to some issues with getting parent’s permission but was otherwise alright. But one of them “I” ( 17 f) was going through some issues with a boy and did not tell any of us except another friend “MA” (18 F).
She, because she was sad and the others ignored me the whole day and continuously interrupted me. They also didn’t leave any dessert for me during lunch saying they forgot to keep my share. I felt left out and horrible.
In one month of my being in my hometown, we could meet only for 2 days and I was treated badly even during this time.
Additionally, my dad who works abroad was leaving the day after I met my friends and my grandfather was also very ill. My neighbor and close friend also had a family emergency and I was not there for him. I sacrificed spending time with my family to be with my friends since they were not free any other day.
It also hurt that during the break when I was home, 4 of them met up without telling me once and I only knew from their Instagram stories.
I got interrupted and talked over too much and I pointed it out to them many times and yet they didn’t stop.
I got sad and told them I regretted making so many sacrifices and prioritizing them over other people only for them to treat me like this and that my other friends treated me much better.
They still didn’t stop. We were in “I”‘s house and she video-called her other friends instead of spending time with me and I felt even worse.
This was during New Year’s Eve and my entire family came to my house to celebrate as my grandfather got discharged from the hospital. I felt so sad that I left her house and went home for the night. They begged me to come back so I went back before midnight despite putting my parents through a lot of trouble.
But I walked in only to find them fully inebriated and spent New Year’s taking care of them.
Later through several calls after I came back to college, they apologized and I forgave them. But they demanded that I also apologize for saying that I regretted hanging out with them.
They said that just because they hurt my feelings I don’t get to hurt theirs. I said that I just pointed out their mistake and if that hurt them it was their problem. They went silent in the call and I assumed they understood that they were just having a huge victim mentality.
But later that night “I” sent me a message on behalf of all 4 of them claiming that they didn’t want to be my friend as I messed up the friendship.
I’m almost fully sure I am right but they were my best friends and I wonder how all of them think I’m wrong.
I need some reassurance and confirmation. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! They were cruel bullies who ganged up on you and then tried to blame you for it. No way are you in the wrong. I’m so sorry!” Fooftato
Another User Comments:
“Ntj and sadly they weren’t ever really your friends based on what you’ve written regardless of what they claimed.” Slight_Ambition_28
12. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Roommate's Partner Move In For The Rest Of Our Lease?
“I (21F) share a tiny 2 bedroom apartment with a friend (23F). We are both college students, and she is moving to another state with her partner (whom we will call “Partner”) at the end of the lease.
She recently texted me asking if it was okay for Partner to stay with us for the rest of the lease, (4 months).
I was not comfortable with this so I politely said no, stating that I wasn’t comfortable adding a 3rd roommate to the apartment, and also the lease agreement specifically states that no guest can stay for longer than 2 weeks.
For context, since she is graduating and I have one more year to go, I tried asking the landlord if I could stay in this apartment, but with a new roommate.
It did not go well. The whole situation turned into a nightmare, and the landlord was verbally abusive toward me, and I just got really scared of having to interact with them again. I feel like they are now looking for any reason to keep our security deposit.
I managed to secure a new apartment for next year, but I just want to finish out this lease with no issues.
My roommate replied that she was surprised I said no, and brought up the fact that I have had my partner stay over many times in the past. However, the longest he ever stayed over was 19 days, which only happened once.
Most of the time, he only stayed over around 3 days and this was with weeks of a gap in between. Whenever he visited me, he always had another place to live, so if my roommate had ever been concerned about him staying with me (which she did not), it would have been no issue to have him leave.
But if Partner stays with us, they would have no other place to go and I would be stuck with them here full time for 4 months.
We went back and forth, and I made it clear that I was not okay with breaking the rules or having a Partner here for that much time.
However, my roommate said she would have Partner here for 2 weeks at a time with a day in between, arguing that this would fix the problem of breaking the rules. I said that even if that fixed the problem (it is still breaking rules), I am not comfortable with Partner being here for so long.
I told her that not consulting me in such a big decision about our shared space was hurtful. I pay half of the rent, so I have the right to say no to taking on an extra roommate I did not consent to. My roommate has the right to do the same, and I would have no choice but to respect her wishes.
My roommate said that she would never tell me that I can’t have someone over and can’t say for how long, especially if it is a romantic partner. However, I feel that it does not matter who it is, if your roommate is uncomfortable with having a 3rd person live here (for free btw), you have to respect their wishes.
She is putting her foot down, saying she will have a Partner stay here whether I am okay with it or not.
I will also note that this entire conversation took place over text, I asked to speak on the phone but she refused.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stand your ground and follow the terms of the lease. If she tries to pull 19 nights in, 1 night off routine then demand that your share of the rent will have to decrease to one-third. You know your landlord is a jerk so don’t risk your security deposit.” No-To-Newspeak
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It would be NTJ if you never had your partner stay over for extended periods. But since you did, I can see why your roommate is annoyed and feels there’s a “rules for me and not for thee” situation.
There’s still enough differences in your two situations regarding your partners that I don’t think you’re the jerk for not wanting him to stay, but she’s not the jerk for being frustrated with you either.” RedditUser123234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Roommate wants her partner to move in, you want out of this lease.
Why not have a partner take over your rent, and you move to a short-term rental until your new living arrangement kicks in? They can have the full apartment to themselves, and you’re rid of your terrible landlord.” Emotional_Oven7404
11. AITJ For Wanting To Keep The Puppy That My Aunt Initially Rejected?
“So my Aunt we’ll call her Marie, lost her husband in January and became very depressed. She tried to get a puppy on her own but she was almost scammed out of her funds, luckily for her my Mom and her brother stepped in and found out that it was a scam.
My Aunt fell into a deeper depression after that and told my Mom that she didn’t want a dog when my mom said that she could get my aunt one. But even after being told no, my mom and my uncle still got my aunt an 8-week-old Micro Doodle puppy.
I used to have a hard time smiling but the moment I saw the Puppy, I felt my heart melt immediately. I held the puppy in my arms the whole time and when we got to my aunt’s house. I felt my heart breaking when I realized that I had to leave her.
We stayed for the night and left in the afternoon. But on the road, I kept feeling like I was about to cry for the puppy that wasn’t mine.
However, a week later I was in my room on my phone, when I learned that my mom was going to go pick the puppy up from my Aunt.
I felt myself melt with joy but also concern for the puppy. My mom brought the pup to my room and told me that she was my responsibility. Do you ever get the feeling that if you’re a child and your parents have just given you a present that you loved to death?
Yeah, that’s how I felt about seeing the puppy being handed to me for my care. Throughout the week I took care of the puppy, played, took her out to use the bathroom, fed, and even went as far as to plan our future together with her being my baby forever but unfortunately, my aunt decided that she wanted my puppy again.
However, I didn’t want to since I was just starting to settle in with her as mine, and felt myself start to cry when my mom told me that my aunt wanted her back. I told my mom that I didn’t want to get rid of the puppy and that it was unfair to just give me something that finally made me feel complete but then take it away a week later.
My mom said that she wouldn’t force me to give the puppy (Her Name is Lily) back. Another week went by and my aunt called me today when I was outside with Lily. She was sobbing and telling me that she wanted Lily back and how lonely she was which made me feel guilty about my emotions and caused me to start crying.
I told her that I would talk to my parents about it and hung up. When I told my dad what she did. He got upset at my aunt and texted my mom about what she did. My mom texted my dad back telling him that she wanted me to block my aunt since I had her number saved. My dad told me to not worry about it but unfortunately, bad thoughts had already started to flood my head and now I’m starting to think that I might be a bad person and a horrible Child to my Aunt.
I love my family but I have never felt connected to anyone or anything ever. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Your aunt said she didn’t want the puppy, it was given to you, and you bonded with it. It is your puppy, and you’re NTJ for not wanting to give it to your aunt.
I realize she’s in an emotionally fragile state, but she’s not bonded with Lily and if she wants a puppy, your family or she can get her another one.” Rae_of_sunshine96
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your aunt has no idea what she wants. She didn’t want the puppy and now it’s yours! She isn’t in a good place to have a dog anyway. Take good care of your puppy.
What is a micro doodle anyway?” Both-Ad1586
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You bound with the puppy, your aunt didn’t. You can try – or best ask your parents to talk to your aunt, that she can’t have Lily back. But they can go with her to an animal shelter (older dogs might not need so much training, so could be easier to handle.
Also when your aunt has depression, it is easier to ask a neighbor to take the old dog for two walks a day, instead of entertaining a puppy all day) or get her another puppy.” Trevena_Ice
10. AITJ For Wanting To Keep My Coworker's Cat After Two Years Of Care?
“Let me start by saying that I feel really bad about this situation and my heart is completely torn.
So two years ago, a coworker of mine (we’ll call her O) asked me if I could watch her cat (B) while she moved in with her parents until she was in a better spot to move back into an apartment. She couldn’t take B with her because her parents said no and they had a German shepherd that would “eat the cat.” I said yes, figuring I would watch him for a month or two and she would find an apartment and take him back.
Two years go by and she’s probably given me $40 total for cat food and litter and came over to clean the litter box probably less than 5 times. O also had another coworker (M) watching a different cat of hers at the same time. She told M pretty much off the bat that she could start calling the cat whatever name she wanted. In M’s eyes, O was pretty much saying “This is your cat now.” After that, M immediately took the cat to the shelter because she did not want her cat and did not tell O.
B adjusted well living with me and bonded very closely with my other two cats. They snuggle together, groom each other, and all have different special relationships. I tried for a long time to fight the fact that he was becoming a member of the family, saying I had 2.5 cats.
But eventually, with more time spent, he was just as much a member of the family as the cats I adopted myself are. We all adore him so much. When my oldest cat passed away, he took on the role of the alpha of the household and his personality changed a lot.
He started actively taking care of the younger cats (we rescued a kitten at the time too and ended up keeping her), so he instantly assumed the role of their papa. It was amazing to watch how he stepped up knowing the other cats needed a leader.
That’s what this is all about. How bonded the cats are.
Well… O texted me saying that her parents German Shepherd passed and she’s ready to take him to their place because there isn’t much of a threat anymore. This was a GIANT shock, to say the least, because in my eyes it seemed like she really lost interest in finding a better place for her and B to live and that he was here to stay with us.
I feel in pieces thinking about separating the cats and also about him being in yet another new environment once he’s finally made an amazing home here with kitty brothers and sisters and people that love him, that aren’t gonna change up on him and someone who has a safe place for him stay no matter what happens.
IMO, she should feel good knowing B is so loved and well taken care of. I don’t know what to say to O because I don’t know how to tell her I don’t feel right separating them at this point after two years.
This July will be 3 years. I don’t know if I might be in the wrong or if it’s selfish of her to even consider taking him back, so am I the jerk for wanting to keep the cats together and telling her no she can’t have her cat back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Two going on three years of negligible material help, and from the sounds of it, little to no visits to keep up the cat’s familiarity with her is practical abandonment. In cat years, that’s double the time. It’s unfair to you, your family, and the animal itself to uproot its comfortable situation to get transplanted to God-knows-what kind of care.
The trouble I foresee is if O tries to pull legal shenanigans if she has proof of ownership or something. In which case, charge her for all the time you spent boarding her pet, receipts and tax, and all. She should change her tune real quick.” Gunnrhildr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She abandoned the cat. The cat for the last two has bonded into your household, what else did she think would happen? To return the cat to a new place it doesn’t even know, along with the past dog’s smell with no other cats would be cruel.
Tell your friend this and tell her you will instead gift her another cat. Because she isn’t getting it back after two years.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She abandoned her cat. Check your local laws. Where I live who has been paying for the animal, especially vet bills, is the owner.
If you haven’t make sure he’s registered in your name and up to date on all shots. Get him microchipped if he’s not already. Make sure you can prove you’ve done everything needed to provide for him if needed. Most places have a limit on how long you can claim a pet if you’ve left it with someone.
Check how long that is (hint shorter than 2 almost 3 years.). As for her, I wouldn’t respond to her, at least not over text. Tell her verbally, and truthfully, that you only have your cats. She must be mistaken on who she left her cat with and you wish her the best of luck remembering.
After all, she can only reclaim a pet if she takes it back within (time frame you learned).” ApprehensiveBook4214
9. AITJ For Resenting My Sister's Intrusion Into My Friend Group?
“Me (15f) and my sister (16f) are only 11 months apart but we’re different. She was always the more attractive one, the more outgoing and popular one.
She was always surrounded by friends and loved all things makeup and fashion. I’m more introverted and shy and I never really fit the way she did. Though I always wanted to have friends. I like video games baking and reading. I’m not into beauty stuff like she is.
I don’t ever wear makeup. So we’ve never had much in common.
I have tried to be close to my sister but it never worked out. We’re just too different. And she resented my attempts for us to be closer. She’d let her friends say mean things about me like calling me a freak, a weirdo, saying I was lame and dumb.
Sometimes they’d be in our house and they’d kick me out of the basement, which is set up for games and movies and stuff like that. They’d tell me I couldn’t hang out with them and they wanted to watch something. My parents would always tell me to find something else to do.
And a few times her friends split up at our house and some were outside and some in the basement so I only had my room as a refuge. I told my parents about what the others would say about me and they didn’t care.
I think once they said they’d deal with it but it didn’t stop. My parents just let them kick me out of spaces or tell me to stop doing what I was doing so they could do it and it was never a problem.
When I started high school I finally found a group of friends I fit in with.
There are five of us and we’re all close. I even have a significant other now. But my sister hates that she’s not welcome with them and the reason for that is before I was friends with them she and her friends were awful to them and she would mock them or make fun of them for their appearance or for being weird.
So none of them like her. My significant other is the only one without that history because he moved to town right at the start of high school so never knew my sister before we got close. When my friends are over my sister will try to insert herself and she’s tried to do that by making fun of me or pushing me out but my friends like me.
The problem is my parents are not okay with my sister being excluded and they said if I want to hang out with my friends, we have to be open to her hanging out if she wants. She has more free time now because her friendship group had this big fight and now there are so many splits and smaller groups and nobody has the time so she’s around more and wants to be involved. I tried to stop inviting my friends over but if they even came to our neighborhood to hang out it was a rule my parents put in place.
Saturday I got so frustrated I told the three of them that I don’t see why my sister always has to be included but I don’t. I told them it was clear she was the favorite and everyone in the family thought I was just some freak who should be alone for the rest of her life.
My parents were furious. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Your parents are furious because you called them out for favoritism and they SHOULD be embarrassed. The best solution to your problem here is to pretend your sister does not exist. Invite your friends over. Let her say and do whatever she wants.
If she doesn’t exist, you can’t hear her insults. Get your friends in on it as well. Mean girls only have power when you match insults with insults. This option may get a negative reaction from your parents, so you should let them know ahead of time that you plan to cut your sister out of your life and no amount of punishment will make you change your mind.
She no longer exists to you. She can start existing again when your parents deal with her mean-girl behavior.” lostalldoubt86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Start calling your parents out in front of people. Talk to you, your uncles, and your grandparents on both sides. Let them know how your parents are enabling your sister to be a bully and their behavior.
Maybe the extended family can speak to your parents. But make a stink about it at home when your parents push for inclusion. As you are the quiet one, it’s probably easier for them to push you around, you have to change that. Think of it as a learning experience in standing up for yourself and building self-esteem and self-worth.
Don’t be surprised if your sis makes a move on the significant other.” ExplanationUsed2769
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She only wants in on your friend group so she can sabotage your relationships with them and make you go back to the previous dynamic of being the lonely one in the family.
I suggest you talk to an adult about what you’re currently experiencing with your family, like a close aunt or uncle, maybe even a grandparent. If there are none of those, how about a non-minor cousin? I hope that you continue to have good friends who will stick by you and I hope your significant other continues to be good to you.” PanicConsistent9656
8. AITJ For Leaving A Friend Behind After She Ignored My Departure Time?
“I (23M) am only one of two people in my circle of friends who drives, which means any event or get-together requires me to pick up people and drop them off at home.
I don’t mind doing it but my one gripe is that for occasions like parties, it’s a huge pain trying to corral all the passengers when I’m leaving; it sometimes takes 30 minutes of me repeatedly telling my friends I have to leave before they start taking me seriously and start making their way to the car.
It drives me nuts because it makes me feel like I’m being taken for granted and that my time isn’t important enough to be considered.
This past Friday, I went to a house party downtown (all of my friends and I live uptown). I picked up 3 friends, my other friend who drives picked some people up and the rest made their way on their own.
After I picked up the last friend and as we were on our way, I told them all that I was putting my foot down starting that night: I was leaving the party at 1, I’d give them all a 10-minute heads-up and whoever wasn’t in the car by 1 on the dot would be left behind.
I had to work the next day at 7 and after dropping everyone off, I wouldn’t be home until 2, so I already knew I wasn’t going to get much sleep but what little sleep I could get, I wanted to maximize. They all agreed to my one condition.
When we arrived, one of my friends (I’ll call her Jane) who had made their way to the party on their own came up to me and asked if I could drive her home too. I wasn’t thrilled since it meant I’d get home even later and she sprung it on me at the last minute, but I still had room for one more Jane and I get along pretty well, so I said okay but made sure I told her the same thing I told my other friends: I’m leaving at 1 with or without you.
She said okay.
At 12:50, I started telling my passengers that it was almost time. My plan was going pretty well, everyone was getting their coats, saying their goodbyes, and making their way to the door. Everyone except Jane. As I was putting on my shoes, I could see her still chatting with someone, drink in hand.
So I walked up to her and quietly reminded her “You have two minutes, then I’m leaving”. She gave me an annoyed look and said “Okay, relax” and turned back to the conversation. I left and walked to the car with everyone else. When it turned 1, I still gave her an extra minute; as much of a stickler as I was, I still didn’t want to leave anyone behind so I figured I’d give her an extra minute of grace time.
Even when I started driving, I checked the rearview to see if she’d suddenly pop out (I still would have stopped at that point), but nothing.
5 minutes later, Jane called me, asking me where I parked (this was on speakerphone since I was driving). I gave her the news and she proceeded to chew me out for the entire car to hear, calling me a jerk among other things.
I’m not proud of the fact that I ditched someone, but I’m also tired of being taken for granted and I gave her enough warning. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everyone agreed to the rules. Jane is an outlier but you still extended your help to drive her home.
She agreed to your rule. Everyone is honoring the rule. Jane isn’t, you remind her, she scoffs at you. You give her an extra minute. Nothing. So she agreed to your rule, got annoyed by your reminder, and then got upset when the rule she agreed to brought the consequences she agreed to.” ZookeepergameOwn5632
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I was the first person in my friend group with a job and a car. It sucked. I eventually just stopped going to parties and stuff because I was tired of picking 3 people up from 3 different places, and dropping them back off, after working or going to school all day.
“Jane and I get along pretty well, so I said okay ” Whelp, she ruined that friendship. No more rides for entitled Jane.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she literally told you she needed a ride with late notice and then is mad when you’re leaving at the time you decided even before she asked?
Doesn’t make sense she also should’ve planned out how she’s getting home if she didn’t know beforehand. It’s good to put yourself first and the fact that you told her you have to wake up early and she still didn’t agree to our plan is disrespectful to you.” lavenderskyxo
7. AITJ For Refusing To Go Wedding Dress Shopping With My Sister After Years Of Body Shaming?
“So my sister Hannah (27f) and I (25f) aren’t close and yet she invited me to wedding dress shopping with her. She says she wants this to be the start of a better relationship between us and she wants me by her side for this process because she trusts me.
I don’t want to go with her. Even with a slightly better relationship shopping for any clothes is a very hard no for me with her. So I told her I appreciated her wanting us to be closer but I didn’t feel like I should go wedding dress shopping with her.
She asked me why exactly, and she told me this was her extending the olive branch and trying to fix the issues in our relationship.
I told her our history, which includes recent history of as early as 3 months ago, is not good when it comes to her and me and appearance.
When we were kids I was bigger. It happened very suddenly while I was still very young and my parents were concerned but doctors dismissed it as bad eating habits and not doing enough exercise. I was very self-conscious and my sister mocked me for it a lot.
Our parents were furious when she’d open her mouth about it. She called me gross and even took some of my clothes to show off how humongous I was. She’d use the nickname others had given me “Hallie Hippo” and was not kind about it.
She made it even harder to be like that. Her relationship with our parents was super bad for years because of it.
I was 20 when I finally got a doctor to listen to me and explore why the sudden weight gain happened. I ended up needing surgery to remove a mass which made a huge difference to my appearance.
And then I went in the opposite direction and my thyroid made me too skinny. Around the time this happened, Hannah gained some weight. Not a lot. She’s not huge by any means. But it made her crazy jealous. She would make snide comments about being super skinny and how unfair it was that I lost all that weight without doing anything.
I didn’t see her often because our relationship was so bad. But the times I did she’d make me look good sound so negative. She’d say I didn’t deserve it. A couple of years ago we were both shopping with some cousins and it was just insane how angry she was at me.
She called me “the luckiest person in the world and you don’t even like it” because I was so tiny. The concerns about being too small and being bad for my health were waved off.
Three months ago she told me I look smaller every time she sees me and how much she hates me for it.
She told me I didn’t deserve it.
And now she wants me to go dress shopping with her. Which again, is why I said no. But she hated that I “brought up the past when it’s in the past” and she told me this is the fresh start she’s offering me.
I can’t see her not making a lot of nasty comments about dresses and me. Especially because I know she feels self-conscious and I can’t say I care about her enough to be reassuring. She told me to stop being a jerk, stop being selfish, and give us a chance, or else I’m a jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No —that is not how it works. I understand pathologically jealous siblings. Hannah has not tried to drown or stab you but she might if she could get away with it. Retail therapy is for the individual — not to heal Sibling relationships.
If Hannah wanted things to be better she would go to Therapy and work on WHY she feels the way she does. Then she would offer a heartfelt apology. Do not call OP names because OP will not do her bidding. NTJ OP. Be willing to miss the wedding to stay sane.
But send a gift.” FireBallXLV
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like she’s always been toxic and mean to you. People can apologize, but they aren’t entitled to someone’s forgiveness and relationship after treating them poorly for years. My brother struggled with his weight too growing up and I can’t imagine mocking him for that.
What she put you through was traumatic and you’re not a bad person if you just don’t want a relationship with her.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “She says she wants this to be the start of a better relationship between us and she wants me by her side for this process because she trusts me.” … How convenient for HER: She “extends an olive branch” when it will be a lot of work for you – and your gesture will likely be to pay for her dress.
And for some other things for her wedding, and it will be a lot of work. “I don’t want to go with her” Seems reasonable. Tell her: You will come to the wedding as a regular guest, but you will LOVE to grow closer – before or after the wedding – over coffee or dinner.” Excellent-Count4009
6. AITJ For Not Sharing My Nintendo Switch With My Sister Anymore?
“I know this probably seems like not that big of a deal and maybe a dumb topic but I just wanna get this off my chest. I’m 20 years old and still living in my mother’s house, and my younger sister (14) has a habit of stealing from me, not money or stuff like that, more so like snacks and stuff that was given to me.
Yeah, it seems like it’s not that big a deal, but after coming home from working an 8-hour shift at a restaurant on a Saturday night just to find that your last Dr. Pepper is gone from your mini fridge is quite aggravating. I’ve confronted her about the problem multiple times, but every time I do, she lies and says she didn’t do it, even though it’s obvious that she did.
I’ve even tried talking to my mother about the issue, and while she acknowledged that my sister was doing it, my mother did and continues to do nothing about it. Eventually, she started playing Fortnite on my Nintendo Switch. At first, I tried to be cool about her sharing it.
(even though Fortnite is absolute garbage)
This is where the problems start. My sister started hogging the switch and not giving me a chance to use it even though it was my switch that I bought with my own money. One day, I got it back to find that the joystick on the left joycon was broken.
I have no idea how it happened but she denied that she did anything wrong. The thing that annoyed me is that I had bought that same joycon 2 days prior. I went to my mother to complain about it, but again, she did nothing about it and my sister got away with it.
I was upset, but I continued to share it with her even though she continued to keep stealing from me.
About two weeks ago I bought a new Pokémon game so I started grinding on that. But my sister started going into my room where I kept my switch in and just took it without asking, along with some of my candy and soda.
Was I upset? Yeah, I was. But there was nothing I could do.
The last straw was when I got it back one night to find that all the games I had on it were uninstalled, along with the Pokémon game I had been playing.
The only thing left on it was Fortnite. Again, I know it seems like it’s not that big a deal, but I was upset because I had to wait hours to reinstall everything. So I deleted Fortnite and my sister’s user from my switch, I had enough.
It’s not really that she had uninstalled everything that got me mad, it was the fact that she didn’t ask for permission and that she had this mindset that it belonged to both of us. It doesn’t, and I’ve explained that to her.
If she had asked if she could delete a few things from the switch for the Fortnite update she claimed to have taken place, we could’ve worked something out, but she didn’t and that was upsetting. So I’ve decided that I’m not sharing with her anymore, my mom yelled at me for not sharing and claiming I’m selfish with my stuff.
Maybe she’s right, but I still feel justified in my decision. So I ask again, am I the jerk? Or am I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She’s only 14, so basically, she’s a bucket of selfishness. That’s normal. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t explain that the consequence of inconsiderate selfish behavior is not getting things she’d otherwise have.
Lock up ALL of your things. Your mother is enabling when she should be guiding. That’s how selfish teens turn into much more seriously selfish adults.” LadyCass79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your possessions, your rules. It’s not selfish to expect respect for your personal belongings, especially from family.
If your younger sister can’t take proper care of them or respect your space, it’s reasonable to restrict access. Sometimes you have to set boundaries to teach valuable life lessons about respect and responsibility. Your mom should be backing you up and using this as an opportunity to educate, not encourage entitlement.
“Sharing is caring” has limits when the shared items aren’t cared for in return.” Jamey_Tobon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think the only solution in this situation is to get a lock on your door and lock your room when you’re out of the house.
I get that 14-year-old kids don’t necessarily respect boundaries all the time but this has been an ongoing issue and you’ve talked to both your sister and your Mom about it. Your sister takes every opportunity to use your stuff, since your Mom doesn’t want to parent her, at least in regards to this situation.” mlsinpa69
5. AITJ For Telling My Dad He's Failing As A Parent Over My Sister's Rejection?
“My family is a little complicated. I (16F) have one full bio sister “Skye” (22F). I have one adopted half-sister Lily (6F). Adopted because we’re not genetically related but her dad adopted me, half because her mom is not my mom or my adopted mom.
I know half generally is used for genetic purposes but I didn’t want people to assume her parents adopted me. I also have two stepsiblings who live in another state with their dad.
My biological dad passed away before I was born. Skye was close to and remembers him.
So when our mom married Dad, I saw him as my dad and I’m happy he adopted me. But Skye didn’t want him to be her dad and she never liked him so she wasn’t adopted. Their relationship was always strained and when our mom passed away, Skye chose to live with our paternal uncle and aunt and not with us.
I was sad but not surprised. Skye and I are so close it was hard not living with her. But I knew she would never be okay with Dad having sole parental authority over her. I knew she didn’t love him or accept him.
So the reason my fight with Dad comes into this.
Skye has nothing to do with Lily or anyone in my and Dad’s family. She has a relationship with me only. My dad doesn’t like that because he never wanted to answer Lily’s questions about why I have a sister and she doesn’t and he never wanted to be the one to say Skye wouldn’t ever have a relationship with her.
For two years Lily has hated me going or has tried to come with me. Dad does nothing. Her mom does nothing. I have asked them to please explain to Lily but I mostly focus on my dad when I ask generally because he’s my parent.
Lately Lily has been more eager and she has told me she wants Skye to be our sister. She drew pictures for Skye to “pay” her to bring her along and I know from talking to Skye that she doesn’t want to adopt Lily or interact and hang out with her when we have time together and I’m good with that because I want time with Skye just for me.
But Dad won’t speak to Lily and I don’t know how to talk to Lily about this without her getting upset. She cries sometimes when I say she can’t come and asks why Skye doesn’t want her and asks if she should make her something new.
I told Dad he needed to talk to Lily before she got hurt. He’s the adult and the parent and he told me Skye could do it since she’s such a cold-hearted person that she would hurt an innocent child. He also told me I could always tell Skye I’m disappointed in her rejecting my family.
I told him she’s not part of this family though and she doesn’t want to be and I don’t wanna force her. He told me Lily would be the one to suffer then. I told him that he wasn’t being a very good parent right now if he was okay with Lily feeling constantly rejected and refusing to explain details to her.
I told him I know he can be a good dad but right now he’s being a poor one to Lily and she deserves better. He got so mad at me and told me I hurt him deeply saying that after everything.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The next time you go see Skye and Lily asks to come I strongly suggest you explain the situation yourself and deal with your dad being mad. Your dad won’t do it because he’s (likely) still hurt Skye never accepted him, and her mom won’t do it (likely) because she thinks it’s something your dad should handle cuz it’s “his kids” so it’s on you as her sister to soften the hurt – which is trash, and you’re completely correct that your dad is failing as a parent right now but it is what it is.
Kids can and have understood atypical family dynamics for as long as families have existed so keep it simple and Lily will get it, she may not like it may. still feel left out but at least she won’t think ‘her sister’ hates/wants nothing to do with her.” PanPolyHexenbiest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at this point I would ask Skye to explain to Lily. Yeah it will most likely be harsh and blunt but that’s what your dad wants he said so himself.” BothWorldliness5128
Another User Comments:
“NTJ ….. Lily is so young …… Why does Skye dislike her so much?
Can you talk to your father again about it when he has calmed down?” Numerous-Site7357
4. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Niece Live With Me After She Insulted My Sister For Giving Up A Baby For Adoption?
“My older sister Mia gave a baby boy up for adoption when she was 18.
For many reasons, she did not want to raise him and did not have the means to anyway. The procedure was something our parents, who she still lived with and took some time to get away from, did not agree with and they expected Mia to raise the baby regardless of any circumstances.
But they would not be helping. So Mia fled before she gave birth and she put him up for adoption. I didn’t see her until I turned 18 and fled our parents too, then we reconnected.
Mia went on to get married and have three children with her husband.
She was honest with him about the baby boy she gave up and eventually, she told her children as well with the help of a therapist, who said it was important that they know. This was 2 years ago. The kids got therapy afterward as well.
The oldest, my niece, Callie, turned 18 four months ago and she decided she was going to find her brother and bring him back into the family. She made some comments even at her mom that she never should have given him up and how could she not love him.
Her dad stepped in and told her she was never to speak to her mom that way.
Callie found her half-brother through an online DNA service. He had not used it to find family but to find out risk factors for certain things. He believed he had set his account and results for no DNA matches.
But apparently, not every box was checked correctly and Callie found him quickly once she had her results. She reached out and he told her he was not interested in knowing her or any of his biological family and to please leave him alone. He blocked her and then his account was gone.
Callie was so nasty to Mia after this and her parents kicked her out after she refused to stop. She told Mia she hated her, that she was a dirty little person and a terrible mother. She told her she had no right to give up their brother and he should have been raised by Mia and raised with her and her other siblings and Mia ruined that and ruined all their lives.
She told her she didn’t care what she went through she was wrong.
Mia was so devastated and she tried to speak to Callie and prevent escalation but Callie was FURIOUS with Mia. Callie reached out to me after a few weeks had passed and she told me she wanted to live with me.
I asked her why she thought I would want her in my home after she treated my sister so badly. She told me my sister was a jerk and she threw away one of her kids and denied them a relationship with their older brother.
She told me I had no idea what it felt like. I told her she had no idea what her mom had been through and it was not okay to take out her half-brother’s lack of interest in a relationship with her mom. She told me I’m not her parent so how dare I talk to her like she’s my kid.
She told me I didn’t have the right.
And I wonder if I did go too far.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told her why you wouldn’t let her live with you. That’s not talking to them like she’s your kid; it’s explaining the details.
It’s neither your fault nor Mia’s fault that Callie has gone rabid and so fixated on this. She snapped at you, not because you’d gone too far, but because you didn’t agree with her “obviously correct” stance.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She’s an adult and should know the power of her words.
Why would you want to let her live with you? Your sister made a very difficult choice and the biological son deserves his choice regarding knowing his biological family or not. Your niece is way out of line and incredibly cruel and selfish.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your niece needs additional therapy and information about the consequences of being a teen parent and how different her life might’ve been if her brother hadn’t been put up for adoption. Your sister made the best choice for both herself and her baby at that point in her life.
Her kids can be disappointed their half-brother doesn’t want a relationship, but lashing out at your sister, who likely feels guilty over the situation already, is not okay.” SpicyGoose37
3. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Dog To My Cousin's Friend Despite Their Interest?
“To start this out I’ll give a little background. My (21F) dog had an accidental litter of GSD/Husky mixes about 6 months ago and we were able to give the dogs to homes we thought were great.
This happened two days ago when one of the owners contacted me saying she could not keep the dog due to her not having time for her and asked if I could pick her up that day. It was extremely last minute and I did not have room at my house due to having my pets so I had to quickly find someone to take her.
This ended up being my grandparents.
After I got her situated at my grandparents I asked around my family and friends to see if anyone maybe knew someone who would like a dog (after I vetted them of course) and got an answer from a few people.
One of these was my cousin (28F) who said she had a friend and she would ask him if he would like the dog that was the end of the conversation. I finally heard back from her and she has been conversing with this person on her own and set up a meeting.
I tell her that’s fine and he can meet her but I need to be there so I’ll pick her up and she replies asking why I’m being guarded and controlling. This struck me as odd because as soon as I picked up this dog she became my responsibility and I needed to see where she’d be going.
We get around to the time of the meeting and the dog is very skittish which is odd as she was not skittish at all when I picked her up or towards my grandparents. She is flinching every time the man comes near her and lets him pat her but keeps pulling away.
After a little while a few people pull up and I can tell she’s getting antsy cause 4 people just flooded out of this car including little kids which she is not accustomed to.
During this interaction, she keeps coming back towards me, and eventually she ‘nips’ the child on the hand.
She has bitten before but only when she got spooked and she was in a new place so we didn’t fault her. During the whole meeting, I just was not convinced this was a right fit they didn’t have the backyard fully fenced, immediately talked about a shock collar, and only were talking to my cousin who was there for some reason and not me.
It all felt very odd and she also was not feeling it. My cousin kept saying things like ‘She likes it here’ and ‘She gave you a love nip how cute’ while not seeing how uncomfortable the dog was.
During the meeting, I mentioned we have other people interested which I do after the guy said he’ll take her Sunday (I never said yes to this) so he said ‘Oh okay let me know then’.
The meeting ends and my cousin asks me to come over to her car and starts popping off about how I never told her that and she looks ridiculous to which I tell her I never had to tell her as the dog is mine to decide what to do with.
I then walk away and take the dog back to my grandparents.
AITJ for doing this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Trust your instincts and the dog’s messages. A puppy who is nipping at that young age will need a particular type of person/handler and tailored training (punitive training like shock collars can make fear biting worse, not better).
A handler that ignores that behavior or uses inappropriate training methods is asking for a severe bite later on, which could result in the dog being deemed dangerous and possibly euthanized. It’s your job to protect the dog from a bad outcome. Your cousin has zero say in the matter.” cayjay00
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your cousin told her friend the dog was his and when you didn’t agree that made her look bad. She should have told them to talk to you and not her when it came to the dog. She’s mad because now she looks bad, but she’s the one who did that to herself.
Make sure your grandparents know that neither your cousin nor her friend is allowed to take the dog on Sunday.” naranghim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have had friends with both Shepherds and Huskies and my understanding is they need experienced training and structure. I would feel incredibly uncomfortable putting the dog in a home with individuals who don’t have experience with either breed. Rehoming that dog out of guilt with that family is asking for that dog to get put into a shelter for behavior that might not necessarily be its fault, or worse, the dog could be put down.
Nipping the child is already a warning and the parents and your cousin are ridiculous for pushing the subject.” GrfikDzn_IsMyPashun
2. AITJ For Letting My Friend Leave Our Vacation Early?
“I (33F) and my friend (31F), I’ll call her Hon, have been friends for 14ish years. As we grew older, I moved away but we stayed in contact. About 4 months ago Hon and I decided we should take a vacation together. We discussed how we wanted to get a break from the day-to-day needs of others.
I booked a cabin at a retreat a few hours from home. The first 24 hours of our trip were seemingly normal. We get to our cabin and start catching up. The next morning I wake up, make coffee, and decide to take a hike. When I came back Hon asked to see where I had gone so we walked off together.
I noticed Hons’s speech pattern was off and some of the things she was saying didn’t make much sense, but I chalked it up to anxiety.
We stop at the spot and sit on our mats and Hon says she’d want to be with me in a place like this when she dies.
I tell her that’s an odd thing to say and I’m going to go back to the cabin. She started apologizing and I said it’s not a big deal, but let’s try to stay positive. We stand up and I notice Hon is wobbly on her feet and mumbling nonsense.
She says “I didn’t know people were LARPING out here.” No one was there. I’m now alarmed and I just want to get her back safely to the cabin. We got back and I went into the cabin to get her water and when I came back, she was gone.
I yell her name to no response. After about 15 minutes of looking, I called her partner to get some insight on what might be going on. He asked me if she was intoxicated, so I started looking around the cabin and found an empty bottle of gin.
He tells me she shouldn’t drink because she has a bad reaction to it and now I’m really worried. About 20 minutes later as I’m frantically searching,
I find Hon stumbling through a briar patch. Leaves and sticks in her hair and completely mumbled speech.
I help her inside and bring her water and a sandwich. She woke up 2 hours later and I asked her about the things she was saying and she said “Oh, was I hallucinating again? Sorry about that.” I brought up the drinking and asked why she would drink if she knew it could cause that reaction and she said “This is who I am and I didn’t think you would judge me like this.
I thought this was a safe place for me to be myself.”
I’m baffled at this point, because while I do consider myself a safe person, Hon knew I wanted this trip as a break from being a caretaker. I asked why she would put me in that position and told her she scared me with her behavior.
At this point, she was really upset and said “ I’ll just leave if that’s how you feel.” I know she wanted me to stop her, but I didn’t. I just went and waited outside as she packed her stuff. I care deeply about my friend, but I can’t help but be upset that she would put me in this position willingly.
I
can’t help feeling a bit guilty. That’s why I’m asking AITJ not to stop her from leaving since she is an adult, it was her vacation too, and she didn’t technically ask me to take care of her during this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She didn’t even inform you that it was an issue for her so you were completely clueless and scared as to what was happening to her. It seems as though she may need some help with her drinking. I don’t think she or her partner grasp the seriousness of her issues.
She drank knowing it would be a problem that you didn’t know about that you would have to take care of so even if she didn’t ask you to she was still expecting you to. I think at a different time you could reach out to her and try to get her help for her substance problems but for this situation, you shouldn’t feel guilty and everything you did was completely justified.” Naomis_Paradise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She knew that you two were taking a trip to not worry about being caretakers for a few days and then put you in a position where you had to do just that. That is not fair to you whatsoever. The only thing Hon did right by you on this trip is leaving.” lt_girth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m gonna go against the consensus here and also validate that guilty feeling because I think that’s a bit founded, at least if this isn’t a pattern of behavior you’ve dealt with from her. You resented her for putting you in the position but that’s the reality of the situation you were in and when she just woke from passing out intoxicated wasn’t the moment for you to have a confrontation (‘Hey intoxicated friend – why are you intoxicated and making me take care of you?
I told you I don’t want to take care of anyone on this trip! That’s the whole point of why we’re here!’). I want to be clear I’m not advocating that you should be obligated to accept this behavior from anyone – I just think if you are ‘a safe person’ and care as deeply about your friend as you claim – you didn’t demonstrate that in this situation.
A more productive – or certainly less heated convo – could have been had when she was sobered up. I’d feel a bit guilty too.” WayOutHere4
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Continue Dog-Sitting For My Mom?
“In 2016 my parents and us kids decided to get a dog – I was 19, still at home, commuting to college, and supported this. In 2022, I moved out and to another city. Mid-year my mum separated from my dad and ‘followed’ me to the city, getting a job that did not allow for her to take the dog with her every day, but on some.
I’m working 80-90% remotely, so I offered to watch the dog when I’m available. This availability has turned into her not even asking if I’m free, and being upset when I have job-related commitments or anything else that means I can’t take the dog for the day or longer.
We always did make it work, and sometimes my dad then watched the dog.
In November last year, I told her that we needed to find another solution, that I wouldn’t leave her stranded with no notice, but that I was not happy anymore with the dog-sharing system.
I can’t go anywhere without the dog, since he is not willing to stay home alone anymore, and any noise results in him barking nonstop when left alone longer than a few minutes.
The option of dog sitting is something she claims is too expensive, in November she did find someone willing to do that for free, but is not available whenever she needs them (surprise), and therefore ‘that does not help her’.
I suggested giving that another try and searching for someone available x times a week as much as she needs it, and agree on an amount of money between free and the professional dog sitting cost. She then told me I could set up the announcement and go find someone who would do that.
I could, but I don’t think that my searching for someone is the best way, as that person needs to work with her.
I reminded her again last week that I’m not willing to continue like this forever, and that I might be out of town for a few weeks, and offered to ask my dad if he could watch the dog during this time.
I might also move to another city this year as I’m currently doing long distance with my partner or change jobs (less or no home office or another city).
She claimed that my dad’s is not an option, as the dog would miss her too much and it would be unfair – the dog has known Dad for years and knows his apartment (it is 2,5 hours away tho, so no daily drop-offs).
She then told me that she considers my behavior ‘remarkable’ (and not in any good sense of the word) and that I am treating the dog like he is a discarded toy that I don’t want anymore. She is left alone with no options besides either putting the dog in a shelter or giving up her job.
She is super disappointed in me and said other hurtful things to and about me, but I can’t just put my life on hold for her and the dog for at least the next two years (then it’s retirement for her). If the dog were mine, he would move/travel with me (no doubts), but I consider him hers – the dog does as well.
I don’t want him to end up at the shelter, and my dad also offered to take him full-time before that happened.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – where it’s a bit messy that the dog was originally the family dog, it sounds like you have made a good effort to help as much as you can while you can, and now that circumstances are on the change, you have not just dumped her in a tough spot and you have given notice if intentions and you are attempting to help her find a solution.
Maybe it would be worth considering (as an alternative to dog sitters) looking into some additional training for the dog so that leaving them alone might be more of an option… it’s hard work, but it can pay off (my little man Hugo LOVES his time alone… if I have a week off work to spend with him, he’s always happy to see me get my work bag out as he knows he’ll have a nice quiet few hours snoozing by himself) Hopefully you will be able to sort something out… just try to be as gentle as possible with your mum… I’m sure the main reason she’s acting the way she is, is because she feels guilty that she can’t do everything she wants to for her little friend, and maybe she’s also scared that she might lose the dog altogether (not excusing any behavior, but that situation can put a lot of pressure on a person).
Best of luck!” RevolutionaryAd581
Another User Comments:
“People like this always get upset when they realize they can’t get their way anymore.” WomanInQuestion
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “My parents and us kids” – so you all decided to get a dog, and now things are difficult and you have other priorities, it has become just your mum’s dog.
Poor dog…” PutTheKettleOn20
