People Grab Our Attention With Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Using Community Grills And Annoying My Neighbor?
“I live in an apartment complex that has charcoal grills in various community areas. I use them about once or twice a week. Well today, about 5 minutes after I lit the grill, a guy yelled from his 3rd-floor apartment that I had filled his place with smoke as his windows were open.
He said, “you have got to ‘manage the smoke’ on windy days like this.” Mind you, I live in a beach town in Florida so it’s pretty much always windy. I thought the guy was kinda being a jerk.
Then ten minutes later he confronts me saying how he likes to have his windows open and he’s seen me using the grills before and hasn’t said anything but he finally had enough.
Went on to talk about how he has an elderly cat who has a hard time breathing. I just kept saying, well you can close your windows. But he prefers the fresh air. Then he asked if I used lighter fluid. I showed him the cardboard fire starters I used. He took them out of my hand, looked at them, and said, “Jesus Christ dude, you might as well have smoked a whole pack in my living room!”
This dude is a complete jerk, right? Or, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You both have rights as it is your home. But you both have responsibilities. You need to collaborate on a solution, otherwise, it will be war, and make your home life uncomfortable.
Perhaps you can float the idea with him, that on the couple of occasions per week that you grill, you can let him know beforehand, and he can close the windows then, and reopen them when you finish? To me, that would be a win/win.
Neither of you will be happy if each demands their rights.” AffectionateMine2220
Another User Comments:
“ESH – you’re essentially burning trash in the grill with that cardboard started. You should be using coals that burn clean and no other liquid or trash as a firestarter.
You are a jerk for burning trash in the grill, let alone with this frequency. He’s a jerk for not closing his windows the 1-2 hours that you’re stinking up the place.” Academic_Snow_7680
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These kinds of people are never going to be happy.
You’re not smoking out his apartment, he’s just upset because he can smell it. I have a house, the first year we lived some old bitty down the street could go searching the neighborhood when I’d grill, claiming I was filling her house with smoke.
I wasn’t, she’s full of it. There was very little smoke, but the sweet delicious smell of brisket was permeating the neighborhood. They are just sad bitter people who don’t like other people enjoying the outdoors.” FarStranger8951
21. AITJ For Choosing Cremation Over A Funeral For My Father Due To Financial Struggles?
“My (25F) father recently passed last week and left me as the sole beneficiary of his life insurance. I have not received any money or amounts yet because I haven’t received a death certificate.
His body is still at the hospital morgue. I am also out of state and will have to travel nearly 2k miles to handle everything.
His family forfeited all financial responsibility for any funeral arrangements without telling me (I found out from the funeral home after I called them), and also lied about his body already being there.
His former (separated) wife only agreed to release his body from the hospital if I paid for it.
His family continues to pressure me about the amount from the policy. That is the only contact I’ve received from them, and this is the first time I am even meeting some of them.
All three of my half-siblings (33M&F and 30M) have bombarded me every day to give them the amount and barred me from any initial funeral planning. I have been left out of the group chats and calls.
After much consideration, I decided that the best decision for my financial situation is for his direct cremation with no memorial, despite his verbal (he never put anything in writing or had any official documentation) desire to have a proper funeral and burial. All of my savings were exhausted during a recent 3-week leave and subsequent unemployment.
All traveling and cremation expenses have to be paid for by my mother. I am heartbroken, penniless, and beyond stressed. I really wanted to solve this as a family, but I know if he were alive today, he would be disappointed.
So, AITJ for proceeding with this decision?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re young and not in the best financial position. It is possible to have him cremated now and then hold a memorial service later when you have the funds to do so. His family (you excluded) sucks for not wanting to help pay for the arrangements, especially if they have the resources to do so.
Do not worry about honoring his wishes. He has passed on and if he had specific plans, he should have worked with a funeral home and made his own arrangements. It would have taken the weight off his loved ones. My condolences on the passing of your father and I hope you’re able to grieve in peace.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not responsible for any of this, and I encourage you to not get involved. Your father is still married. His wife, even though they are separated, is responsible for deciding how to handle his funeral and the arrangements for his burial or cremation.
I strongly urge you to let her do whatever she wants and to let her figure out how to pay for it. The insurance money you received is yours, and yours alone. Do not give anyone any part of it, and do not let anyone guilt you into paying the ridiculously overpriced fees a funeral home will charge.
Do not agree to pay for his final expenses and do not sign anything. You do not have to travel there or get involved. You can honor your father’s memory however you wish, in your own way, when and where you like. You cannot afford to travel and spend money on an elaborate funeral. You actually do not have the legal authority to make those arrangements.
Do not volunteer to pay for anything.” NoxWild
Another User Comments:
“OP, if your father did not leave his wife instructions or the money to pay for a funeral, then it is up to her to choose what will happen to his body, and it is up to her to pay for whatever expenses she incurs.
Tell your mother to step back from this completely. Do not travel out there. Do not pay for anything. Do not sign anything. Leave this in the hands of the person who is legally responsible — his wife. If anyone is telling you that you are responsible for paying his final expenses, please understand that you have zero financial obligation.
A life insurance payment is not an inheritance. It is simply cash paid to you that you may use however you want. None of your father’s creditors have any claim to it, and no one has the right to demand you use it how they want.
It is yours. You can save it, use it for your education, buy a house, pay off your bills, or give it away to a charity. Don’t spend that insurance money on a funeral.” NoxWild
20. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Break His Ramadan Fast Due To His Attitude?
“My husband (31m) and I (32f) had our first child 6 ½ months ago, he is Muslim, and I am Christian.
Our baby had been going through a rough bit between teething and general grumpiness. She isn’t really satisfied with anything for long.
My husband is currently fasting for Ramadan, so from sun up to sun down more or less he has been fasting and unable to smoke.
He also has a caffeine addiction.
Well, 1 week in he has a horrible attitude, very snippy, and even had an attitude with the baby because she was super fussy. I asked him to calm down to which he replied that he can’t smoke, he’s hungry, thirsty, and has a headache.
Usually, he will sleep during his fasting time as much as possible but now this year he has a new baby.
Our baby sleeps through the night so I need his help during the day (during his fasting) so after him being snippy with her and me all day I asked him to break his fast or he needs to go somewhere.
He chose to break his fast but now is mad because he shouldn’t have to break his fast because he has a baby. I agree however I shouldn’t have to be a single parent while he’s fasting.
AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – There are exceptions to Ramadan and while new parents aren’t listed as an exception, they make an exception for those who are “able with hardship.” Taking care of a new baby and helping a new mother, in my opinion as someone who is not Muslim but who studies religion as an individual, qualifies as a necessary hardship.
While he may be angry, time spent out of fast can be made up later when the hardship does not exist so when you are in a better state and when the baby is a bit older he can more easily fast and make up for any time lost if he so wishes.
If he isn’t sure, there are religious counselors and leaders who would agree that taking care of a baby is more important than a perfect Ramadan.” OneEyedOneHorned
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if he sleeps to get through it, sounds like he is not exactly doing it right.
Muslims I know continue day-to-day activities. Not saying they are comfortable but they can manage. If he has these struggles he should speak to a mentor in his religion for advice. It may also not be a bad idea to go to a doctor about the issues he gets fasting.
Yeah, it is uncomfortable but fasting can be a real problem for some people, to rule out any medically related discomfort. As for things he may be addicted to like caffeine and smoking he either needs to work on cutting these things out of his life or start weaning off before the holiday.
Quitting can be hard and affect the body. It sounds like he goes cold turkey each Ramadan which will not help him or you.” RevolutionaryPin6091
Another User Comments:
“I am Muslim. Husband is Christian. I’m fasting too. I have an 18-month-old and a full-time job.
Does it suck some days? Absolutely! I want to sleep! I miss coffee. I miss water. I miss being able to go to the gym. But it’s 30 days, and it’s to strengthen my faith. But it was my choice. The last thing I would do is take it out on my family.
And to support me, my husband really kicks up his involvement in the afternoons and evenings when I’m hitting my slump. Also, sleeping all day defeats the purpose. He’s supposed to also pray as well and go on with life. Your husband is being ridiculous to you.
He can fast and do everything, with slight accommodations. But sleeping all day and leaving you to everything is not okay. NTJ for what you said. He chose to break his fast instead of carrying on. For reference, my dad has worked and fasted every year, even with diabetes, for over 4 decades.
His job was not easy, and often physically intensive. My mom raised 3 kids while fasting annually (except when allowed not to participate). They did so by choice. And I can honestly never remember them snapping at us due to fasting. They were honestly so much nicer that month than any other month.
Your husband is doing it wrong.” mrsgip
19. AITJ For Prioritizing My Career Over My Sister's Wedding Preparations?
“I (Edith, 30f) was recently asked by my sister Chloe (32f) to be Maid of Honor in her wedding next June (one year away). Our other sister Katrina (35f) will be Matron of Honor as she is already married. The only other person in Chloe’s wedding party is a woman who lives in Europe and will only be there for the day of the wedding (hoping she can actually make it).
This is Chloe’s first (and presumably only) wedding. She has been seeing this man for 5 years and living with him for 4 or so. I like him. I accepted Maid of Honor as I was already expecting it as a given since our family is close.
I am single and moved out of state (500 miles away) 5 years ago. Last year (before engagement) I decided to go back to school full-time while also working full-time. I’ve had some great career opportunities pop up for the next few months that are leading me to exciting places.
I’m taking advantage of this since I have had very few career opportunities in my life to actually have success doing something I want. Currently, my schedule is stressful, unstable, hectic, changing every few months, exhausting, and unpredictable.
I realized I should tell Chloe all this since I might not be able to be in town for everything she wants me to do as Maid of Honor in the year leading up.
I wanted to be fully informed so she can decide if she still wants me as Maid of Honor if I can’t fulfill the responsibilities to her liking. I was trying to be kind and preemptive. Chloe relies on strict structure and planning otherwise she has a really hard time with things.
(By the way, this is not about the wedding day, I’ll be there for that for sure. This is about dress shopping, flower arrangements, venue decorations, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and any other wedding prep she wants that Maids of Honor typically do. I will still try my best to make it to as many of these events as possible.)
Chloe got really upset and told me she was really hurt that I might not be able to come to everything. I apologized and explained it’s just not easy for me to make these trips (time-wise, money-wise, other-commitment-wise) and so I maybe won’t be able to make it in person for things like dress shopping but I can video in.
She’s unwilling to do these things without me in person. I want to be there for her since I love her and am happy for her but I also don’t want to have to miss my opportunities.
When Chloe is unhappy it’s a big deal and the whole family suffers.
Pressure is on me (especially from my parents) to just do whatever she wants and put my life aside – since after all this is a ‘once in a lifetime big day for her’ and that’s ‘just what you do.’ If I say no to being Maid of Honor, our family will implode.
That’s not an option.
So I’m just asking if I’m the jerk for not giving up my own desires in the face of my sister’s wedding? Is that rude or hurtful? Am I the jerk for how I handled it? Am I the jerk if I choose a career opportunity over wedding dress shopping or a bridal shower?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – She’s understandably upset, she wanted to do all these fun things with her sister to get ready for her big day, so obviously she was shocked and a little upset when you told her you might not be able to make all of them, but your job and desires are completely valid and important too, because these little things like dress shopping aren’t really a big deal. I’m sure she’ll come to terms with it super quickly, it was probably just her initial reaction that caused her to act upset.” CharacterMight1485
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your sister surely knows how to be a manipulative one. The fact that you are here asking if it is ok to say no to appointments regarding a wedding that is not yours so you can take care of your life says a lot about how messed up your family is and how manipulative your sister can be.
I am estranged from my family, so my first instinct is to say “forget this all and take care of yourself”, but I have to remember that people normally want to have a good relationship with their family regarding their toxicity. So instead, I will say, please don’t stop standing up for yourself, no matter how awful the rest make you feel.
Your sister is just having a wedding. She is not entitled to demand your time and be your full priority. Spoiling her to keep the peace is not your responsibility. Be happy, take care of yourself, and live a good life is your duty to yourself.
The rest is noise. Be careful with these dynamics. Sometimes no contact is a small price to pay for peace of mind and I am sorry to say, it seems to me that your family is not the best one to be around.” girl34pp
Another User Comments:
“Anyone expecting you to pause your life for a whole year for someone else’s wedding is insane. I have 4 siblings so to me, it sounds 1000× more insane that instead of being happy for you, your sister made this into a big deal. Like my brain cannot understand that your entire family is telling you, “throw away your career opportunity because we don’t want to have to deal with your 32-year-old sister’s temper tantrum.” I would suggest buying a new phone.
Then ripping off the plaster/bandaid and messaging Chloe, “I am stepping down as your MOH so you can find someone who is able to attend every single pre-wedding event in the lead-up to your wedding. I’m sorry we couldn’t reach a compromise on this.” And then muting all your family and switching to using your new phone for your friends, so you don’t have to see/hear/or deal with the backlash they send.
Which will die away quicker when they find they can’t even get you to acknowledge their messages. Has your sister always been the favored golden child? NTJ.” excel_pager_420
18. AITJ For Breaking Up With My Ex, Leaving Him Homeless?
“My ex-partner and I split a few months ago. I initiated the breakup and timed it to when we needed to give notice that we are not renewing our lease because I didn’t want it to be awkward but I was ready to break up for a while.
It’s nothing to do with him specifically (except maybe his work ethic and drive) but I just had enough of paying the bulk of everything.
Initially, I convinced myself I would be okay with paying for most things because I was making the majority of the money but as time went on I had enough and decided I wanted someone to split things 50/50.
I knew he wouldn’t be able to be made near min wage and 50/50 would bankrupt him so I sucked it for a while. Our relationship definitely suffered because if there was any expense I had to open my wallet. But since he can’t afford an apartment in the city we live even with roommates it really sucked to break up even though I knew what I wanted. I have nothing against him personally but I didn’t feel like I was responsible for him anymore and ended the lease.
He was angry because we both knew he didn’t have anywhere to go. We got 60 days to find new accommodations and I went to live with my roommate but he could only couch surf and now he is homeless and I’m being criticized by my friends who think I’m heartless for leaving knowing he can’t afford a place.”
Another User Comments:
“Well, it doesn’t sound like his situation would be any different if you broke up months previously. If he couldn’t support himself then, he can’t do it now either. He’s been freeloading off you. Now he freeloads off other people. Enjoy your freedom and your money.
My friend recently broke up with her longtime partner for the same reason. He just wouldn’t adult and she paid for absolutely everything. He would even ask for money. He would have sporadic jobs and just quit them after a while. She is sad because she loves him, but she likes not having to support him and spend all her money supporting him.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everyone saying that you should have given more notice; blindsided him with a 60-day notice; that you are the reason that he is homeless… is clueless. In any other situation, if you had just broken up, would you be responsible for housing him until he found a new place?
No. Would you be responsible for renewing the lease if you were just roomies and decided that the living situation wasn’t to your liking, just because the other person wouldn’t be able to afford the accommodations without you? Double no. You are not his parent, guardian, or spouse.
You were roommates with a relationship. Anyone who says you are heartless is… not right. If they are so compassionate then THEY can house him.” RyoTenukiTheDestroyr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This reminds me STRONGLY of a recent situation with one of my best friends. She spent seven years with her partner.
For the last three or so, he hasn’t had a job. Refused to work, lived only off his disability from the military (only about $1000 USD a month). She had to pay for everything and worked three freaking jobs to support him. He was also emotionally abusive and controlling, but that’s a different story.
I spent years trying to convince her to leave him. One of her hangups was that he’d have nowhere to go and no way to support himself. I’ll tell you the same thing I told her: NOT YOUR PROBLEM. She did finally leave him, btw.
Good for you for making the same decision. Sometimes you really need to put yourself first.” calcarius_
17. AITJ For Asking My Parents To Warn Me Before They Cook Salmon Due To My Allergy?
“I (26F) am back living at home. I don’t have a “real” job (according to my parents, I do digital art as well as stream and consider these my job). I pay rent ($500 per month) and buy my own groceries and necessities.
I don’t drive, and once a week if that, ask my dad for a ride, but usually go when my mom goes in to shop for the house. I mention this as it does bring tension on their side.
I eat dinner that they prepare.
I think the last time I complained was sometime in my early teens. If I don’t want dinner, I let them know, and I prep something using my own groceries. Recently (2.5 years ago), I developed an allergy to salmon (and my mother suddenly was no longer deathly allergic to salmon, pretty sure there’s some witchcraft).
This was the first time I’d been severely allergic to a food, and it’s scary to me, so near the beginning of it, I would raise a bit of a stink when they would prep my food in the same pan, so I told them that I would prep my own meals when they had it, not a big deal to me at all.
Cue years of “oh right, you’re allergic!” Didn’t care, I’d just prep my food later on. Well, now I’m on a schedule, so early this year I started asking them to let me know the morning or afternoon of if they plan on eating salmon that night so I could prep myself something to eat, as I start my work at 6 PM.
They never do.
Today I went to see about dinner, to see no prep. I ask my dad, “is it fend for yourself tonight?” To which he responds, “it is for you, we are having salmon,” that’s fine, but I’m a bit annoyed. I have no groceries (leaving for a bit, didn’t want to waste).
I say (my dad (68) has a short fuse, I made sure I had 0% annoyance in my voice), “okay, I’d really appreciate it if you guys let me know in the morning or afternoon if you’re having that so I can prep myself something else.”
This set him off.
He yells, “FOR CHRIST SAKE I’M NOT YOUR CHEF.” It was so sudden I was just.. shocked. I didn’t respond, and quietly tried to finish what I was doing so I could go to my room. I have mental health issues and I didn’t want to upset him off more and ruin my night (quite easy to do when yelling).
My mom came home and noticed something off, so she asked, and I told her. Before I could finish, he started yelling about how I “didn’t want” salmon, and “I’M NOT YOUR CHEF,” again. I’m prob the jerk here. I started yelling over him that I never said I wanted THEM to prep, I said so I could prep me something.
He kept yelling he isn’t my chef and it isn’t his responsibility. I yelled that I don’t need to be yelled at, and walked away.
I know I shouldn’t have yelled, and I can prep my own dinners all the time, but I am thankful they let me eat dinner with them as it’s difficult to save after rent.
I don’t feel the need to complain when asked to prep food for the fam or myself, it’s just this ONE thing.
I am wondering if I am a jerk in asking them to let me know beforehand that they are preparing something I can’t be around.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the request of some prior notice that you need to have groceries in the house, and stuffed prep for you to eat. But you need to look at the actual situation here. Your father is screaming at you because you already know he has a short fuse.
You already knew he was an unstable individual to live with. It is hard moving out when you have mental health issues, I’m struggling living by myself, but you need to start putting out feelers for other people to live with. Because the current situation you have doesn’t work.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you aren’t asking them to make you something just to warn you they are eating something that might kill you. That’s the bare minimum to ask if roommates let alone your parents! It sucks but maybe stop eating dinner with them altogether different food different time everything.
They’ll eventually ask you why and tell them “You’re right you aren’t my personal chef and apparently it’s too much to ask that you warn me when you’ll be eating something that could make me extremely ill so I have to limit the possibility of cross-contamination.”” PermantlyExhuasted
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seriously, I can’t imagine any scenario where you could ask for less than you are. You are not complaining, literally just asking that when they decide to eat salmon they say we are going to eat salmon so you can cook your own food.
Anyone could handle that. It’s a tiny little common courtesy to make the request that they say hey—allergen in the kitchen. Others are blaming you for living at home. I’m not going to do that. It’s normal in many places and I’m sure you have your reasons.
But I will say, I think your parents are bad for your mental health. They sound a little toxic. Particularly for refusing to believe you about the allergy. You would probably be a little happier without having their negativity in your head all the time.
I’d try to find some way to spend some time away from them even if it’s just walking around the neighborhood. Working from home makes it harder to get some distance from your stressors.” clutteredshovel
16. AITJ For Yelling At My Sister For Calling Me An Enabler Of My Partner's Weight Gain?
“My partner is 25, as am I, we live together.
She and I have been together for about 9 years. In those 9 years, her weight has skyrocketed. I don’t say a word about it. My view is, she has eyes, she has a mirror, she knows, she doesn’t need me controlling her like that.
My sister is 30 and has been vocal, or, about as vocal as you can be just reiterating the same opinion to the same person over and over again, that I’m wrong in my approach.
My sister is of the opinion I’m enabling my partner and that, instead of buying what essentially boils down to “his groceries” and “her groceries”, I should be stepping in, telling her I’m no longer going to watch as she sits around eating junk, and getting her up, outside, and moving.
I was on the phone with my sister a few nights ago, luckily my partner was out with friends, and my sister starts in with this “Your partner looked so enormous when I hung out with you on the 4th, you really need to step in.
You’re just allowing her to get bigger. You’re enabling an unhealthy life. How much bigger will you let her get?” nonsense.
I yelled at my sister and told her to stop with the “enabler” garbage. She told me not to yell, and said I was a jerk for doing so, but, reiterated that I was an enabler for “letting” my partner “wallow in obesity” and told me to have fun when she wakes up 300 pounds or can’t fit out the door.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think both you and your sister have valid points. You are right in that it’s not your place to control your partner, but your sister is right in that your partner’s skyrocketing obesity is a genuine health concern.
What is the difference between taking a hands-off approach, respecting someone’s autonomy, and enabling them? You might want to take a close look at how you are doing things and do some soul-searching to see whether you are just respecting your partner’s right to live as she chooses or if you have crossed the line by enabling her to delude herself into unhealthy behaviors while she refuses to see that any problems exist. There is space between respecting autonomy and controlling behavior where you can express genuine concern when someone is engaging in self-destructive behavior and is refusing to acknowledge it.
You can be honest about your concerns and encourage positive behavior while leaving the ultimate choice up to your wife.
Putting yourself in her shoes, it would surely be better to make decisions based on a non-delusional view of your situation, rather than being able to keep kidding yourself as things get incrementally worse because no one ever says anything about it to you, so you can successfully deny the problem even exists.
Having the problem pointed out when you have been denying it exists won’t be pleasant, but this is not about being able to care-freely sun yourself on the deck as the ship sinks, but about being able to get into the lifeboat in time even if it’s stressful to be told that the ship is sinking.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your sister was out of line for pushing BUT from your comments, you are less and less attracted to your partner, mainly due to her weight gain, and you are saying nothing about it. So for the sake of not saying anything, your relationship is going into the wall and you’re letting it.
Yes, there is a chance she would be mad you’re suggesting her weight is unhealthy, but saying nothing and lashing out at your sister because you’re refusing to intervene is wrong as well.” MamanBear79
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, First you’re right it is her body her choice.
You cannot and should not try to “make her” do anything. Your sister is the jerk because it is not her business. Yet you seem to be the jerk because you said it has skyrocketed and you haven’t said a thing, now if it is all-natural weight gain then you shouldn’t say anything.
However, if she is compulsively eating or eating every time she gets a bad mood there is possibly a poor health correlation, and you’re the jerk for not checking that she is taking care of her health. mentally and physically.” evanp36
15. AITJ For Voicing My Concerns About My Brother's Plan To Tattoo His Late Wife's Name?
“I (35f) have a younger brother Zack (33m), and we’ve always been pretty close.
Zack’s wife passed away last year, and my family and I did our best to support him.
A few days ago he told me that he was planning to get her name tattooed on his arm. I thought it was a temporary thing or maybe henna, but he said he was going to get a permanent one.
Now Zack’s never been much of a tattoo fan and doesn’t have any. Yes, I know some people get their SO’s names tattooed when they get together, but I thought it was strange to get your deceased spouse’s name. Zack is still fairly young, very handsome, and earns well – it’s not the end all and I’m sure future partners wouldn’t be keen on him having someone else’s name tattooed.
I voiced my concerns to him and said it was his choice what he wanted to do, but maybe he should think it through. He went off, swearing at me and saying I don’t understand. I really was just trying to look at the bigger picture, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“”I really was just trying to look at the bigger picture.” Maybe you think you were, but you were looking at the wrong picture. The bigger picture is that his wife – the person he promised to love until death do them part, ideally at an old age – passed away, likely decades before either of them thought it would happen.
She’s always going to be part of him. But the way you describe all of this is like he’s getting some random partner’s name tattooed on his arm, not that of his late spouse. And you’re pretty clear that the reason you think he shouldn’t do it is because he has all the superficial attributes that will easily attract future partners as if this should be the foremost concern in his mind.
If a woman sees the name on his arm, knows the story, and is insecure about it, she’s not the woman for him – period. YTJ.” hannahsflora
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it’s been a year, you and the family ‘did’ your best, but you should still do your best imho.
No idea how long they were together, but people who were that important in your life never get forgotten. So if he wants to remember her by a tattoo, that’s his choice. It’s not like he gets her portrait tattooed, so if in the future he decides he doesn’t want the tattoo anymore, he can still get it removed or covered up.
It’s not his ex-wife, it’s his late wife.” Demonazzzz
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – he lost his wife. They didn’t break up. They didn’t divorce. She died. He’s allowed to mourn. He’s allowed to honor her memories how he sees fit.
If a future partner can’t handle it, then she’s not right for him. And this is coming from a woman who believes putting a name on your body of a spouse/partner is a symbol of bad luck. But if my husband was to pass away, you bet your behind I’m going to have yet another tattoo added to honor the love I feel for him.
They didn’t fall out of love just because she died.” Mscatw
14. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Pay For Our Restaurant Meals?
“My partner (M25) suggested we go to a restaurant because his coworker was going to go.
I (F24) asked him if he was going to pay since he suggested it, and he got upset since he was running low on money too. Just for context, we moved to the town where my grad school would be. As grad students, we don’t get paid much.
He works a full-time job. We both share rent and sometimes he’ll pitch in for electricity here and there. Keep in mind that he has more bills to pay than me because all I have is rent. He has his phone bills and rent.
He also drives the car that my parents pay for to work. He used to have a car but someone rear-ended his car and it got totaled. Whereas I take the bus cause my workplace is just a 10-minute bus ride.
Back to the story.
He got mad that I won’t pay for the restaurant after I told him many times this week that I’m trying to make $50 the last two weeks (I get paid biweekly). Then he proceeded to say that all I think about is saving money every month whereas he wouldn’t be afraid to take money out of his savings to buy what’s necessary.
Food is necessary but going to restaurants is not when we both have no more than $50 combined. Plus, we have food at home. Sure, I have money in my savings, and I try to put 1/4 of my paycheck in there every month (not always possible) because I want to buy a nice house in the future.
He never even asked me why I was saving money. As if I don’t want to eat or dress well too. We then continue to argue over the restaurant issue. Now we’re not talking because he thinks I’m stingy for not wanting to spend money on restaurant food.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It also rubs me the wrong way that he’s content using your car but you ride the bus to work every day. Even if it’s a 10-minute ride, why isn’t he doing everything he can to save for his own car or ride the bus himself?
He wants you to pay for dinner when he asked even though HE could pull money out of HIS savings (sounds like he doesn’t have one though.) He just wants to have a good time at your expense so he doesn’t have to feel the consequences of his inability to save.” MoonMacabre
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say no, but it sounds like there are a lot of tensions and conversations over money that you need to have. It sounds more like you’re both living somewhat paycheck-to-paycheck and if you’re trying to save 25% each paycheck, then you need to communicate with your partner why.
I don’t think you should wait for him to ask why since communication goes both ways. If you want a nice house (which, financially, any house is better than renting usually, so don’t think your first house needs to be your forever home!), and you (assumably) want him to also live there, then he should contribute as well.
That’s why you’re partners! But he can’t know that if you don’t talk about it with him, and he might not know to ask. You’re not the jerk for being financially conservative, but he’s not the jerk for more “living in the moment.” It sounds like these are tensions that have been building for a bit.” capnbanana1219
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Not for trying to be frugal and responsible with money, but in the future instead of asking if he’s going to pay, I would just decline to go. The issue is that you probably came across as though you expected him to pay for you, which isn’t fair, especially considering it sounds like he doesn’t have much money either.
If you can’t afford to go, then you just don’t go, you don’t ask someone else to pay for you. If they offer, that’s different, but you should never expect them to pay, or expect them to offer to pay. But he’s also out of line by trying to tell you to dip into savings to unnecessarily go out for dinner.
If you do that kind of thing often enough, you’ll never manage to save any money. That’s irresponsible, and if you two fundamentally disagree about money and savings now, it doesn’t bode well for the future.” minicooperlove
13. AITJ For Not Sharing My Personal Fanfiction Account With My Friends?
“I’m super active in a specific fandom, and I love reading and writing fanfic. So much so, that I’ve actually become IRL friends with a couple of other girls and have met in person, talk frequently, etc. I’ve been doing this for years.
My “IRL” friends recently found out about this and have been bugging me for my username so they can read my stuff. But it’s something that’s really private and makes me feel really vulnerable. It’s not that I’ll never share it with them, but I don’t feel quite comfortable yet since I don’t think they’ll “get” it.
I’ve had my accounts forever. There are bookmarks, comments, and stories that are deeply personal there.
My friends have been bugging me more and more, and at first, it was just playful teasing but it’s recently turned a little more aggressive. They said that they’re hurt that I’d keep something from them and they take it as I don’t “trust” them.
I feel like it’s okay to have hobbies separate from them.
They recently called me out for being a jerk though, and said that I was making the whole issue into a “thing”, and why couldn’t I just share something quick and easy?
I’m pretty torn because I really don’t want to.
I like having two separate social lives. But I do also care about my friends IRL and they seem pretty peeved and annoyed. I wonder if I’m being too difficult.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – to turn it back around, why are they making it a big thing?
Why are they so hung up on claiming some kind of right to or ownership of something important to you, that you’ve clearly signaled to them is important and personal to you? They aren’t owed your privacy. I’d point out to them that their pushiness is making you feel worse about sharing it with them, not better, and that they’re being really unkind by demanding something clearly intimate of you.
How would they feel if you demanded and then got upset with them for not sharing their potentially embarrassing school photos or something?” Salrith
Another User Comments:
“As someone who writes a ton of fanfic – NTJ. You don’t have to share anything you don’t want to.
It took me a long time to actually share my ff.net page with someone I didn’t go to school with. I’ve had that account since like 2007, there’s some seriously embarrassing stuff there lol. You’re good. Don’t let them push you into doing something you’re not comfortable with.
Just tell them the more they push, the longer it will take for you to show them, since clearly they can’t be trusted to let you go at your own pace.” theanxiouscryptid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friends are being jerks. I’m 32 years old and I don’t share my fandom stuff with IRL friends, even if we’re into the same fandom stuff, because you’re right, that stuff does get really personal sometimes.
I still look back at some of my old fics and go “oh hot darn, the exact issues I was working through are actually really obvious in hindsight. Hmm. sure glad my friends and family can’t read this because I am not ready to have those conversations!” Honestly, the fact that they so obviously don’t get why this is a big deal to you tells me you’re making the right call.
They wouldn’t handle this as delicately as you need them to. As far as I’m concerned, every time they harass you about a boundary you’ve set for your own emotional protection, they’re proving that they are not people you can trust with this. Hold your ground.
You can make other friends, if not now, then someday. But if you make this part of yourself vulnerable to people who won’t see and respect that vulnerability for what it is, you may regret it for a long, long time.” rogue144
12. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Multicultural Accent?
“I’ve got a very weird accent. I’m from London, but am British Indian and spent a large portion of my childhood in Singapore, so my accent is very garbled. I’ve got a distinct cockney accent, but it can sound weird sometimes.
I’ve also had many Scottish influences in my life, as I went to an international school in Singapore, so sometimes I accidentally switch to a Scottish accent. That only happens rarely.
My parents’ first language is also Hindi, and English is their second, so though they speak it very well, they’ve got an Indian accent.
My father does have a more neutral/British one though.
All this is context to basically show how messed up my background and accent is. I live in Wales now. My school has a fair few Americans, many of whom are “campaigning” against our more unintelligible accents.
Guys from Glasgow, Liverpool, and London are in their crosshairs in terms of wanting us to speak slower and basically ditch the things that make up our accents. They especially dislike me because I speak with a distinct mix of the cockney and Scottish accent which results in a troublesome hybrid which they feel is me “faking” it.
Their other point is that we often have to work together in group settings, so it’s unfair to them that whenever I talk they either miss out on info or get distracted. They say I’m being unwelcoming to them and racist and that I should at least try and be more accommodating.
AITJ for not wanting to change my accent to be more understandable?”
Another User Comments:
“If anyone’s being racist, it’s them. Telling you you’re unwelcoming to them when you’ve done nothing but speak to them…that’s so ignorant it’s almost unbelievable. I’ve worked with people who have extremely strong accents, and the first thing they say to me, is apologizing if I can’t understand them.
Which honestly, no matter how thick of an accent someone has, if you listen carefully you can understand them 95% of the time. And if you can’t, it doesn’t hurt you to politely ask them to repeat themselves. It’s sad people feel the need to even apologize for speaking.
These people are big jerks for saying any one of the things they said to you. Everyone has their own unique accent. Just because they don’t want to listen when someone is speaking clearly doesn’t give them the right to tell you how you can or cannot speak.
Tell them to clean their ears out. I swear, the audacity of some people… NTJ, op. Don’t ever feel the need to change anything about yourself to please anyone. It’s so stupid they think you can just “ditch” certain things about your accent… it’s literally not in your control.
Shaking my head.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Believe it or not… I know these people. Not them per se but I understand them. NTJ and I won’t give you advice (outside of you asking) but they are scared they aren’t on top and feel…parochial. This leads to lashing out against things that are both foreign and not standard.
They don’t know where you fit in and you look and sound different from them and the “bog standard” so they don’t like you. But these people are very easy to impress and their reaction isn’t thought through, or something they deeply believe.
I’d say it’s an easy fix to be honest, and being British you know the move NTJ.” PM_yourAcups
Another User Comments:
“First, to be clear NTJ in any way. The only thing I might suggest is checking in with people who can understand you to make sure you aren’t also mumbling or speaking too quietly.
My Scottish roommate was a quiet mumbler and I really think a lot of why I couldn’t understand him had more to do with the mumbling. Also, Spotify kept playing the same darn ad all day today and that guy had a mix of at least 3 different accents.
It was a little disoriented as my brain kept trying to guess where he was from, but I understood every word because his enunciation was great.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Wanting To Keep Girls' Night Exclusive To Women?
“I (20F) used to hold once-a-month garden parties for my all-girl group of friends. We haven’t done it in a while. However, in light of it being Pride weekend, I decided to see if anyone wanted to go again this Friday (today). My partner is joining us for the first time, as we met recently, and one of our friends is bringing her partner who also has never been before for the same reason.
Everyone else is straight or at least in relationships with men so obviously if their partners came it wouldn’t be girls’ night.
One of them mentioned bringing along their male partner, and I said it wouldn’t be a girl’s night if a guy came, and she felt it was favoritism for me to allow my partner and our other friend’s partner to come.
But that’s only because they’re women. Emphasis on the girls aspect of the girls’ night. She disagreed and isn’t replying to me now.
I feel it’s my party, that I’m hosting, at my house, in my garden. No one else even cares. If anything the rest think no partners should come out of fairness, but aren’t bothered either way.
One suggested easing up on the girls’ night and just letting it be a friend’s night. But again overall don’t feel victimized that male partners are a no. The rest are either single or have been in long-term relationships with men and never brought them along because they respect the girls’ night.
AITJ for wanting girls’ night to be a girls’ night?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. When you had a girl’s night previously, it was just a group of girls who were friends. Normally, girl’s nights or guy’s nights are groups of friends who get together without their significant others.
Now you’re adding SOs to the mix. This changes the dynamic of the event, whether or not the SOs are girls.” kitty-jamboree
Another User Comments:
“I’d say YTJ. You and your other friend are bringing partners who are not part of the friend group who have traditionally had these parties.
If they’d already been part of the friend group, it might be different. But basically, you’ve created a situation where some of the friends get to include their partners, involve them, and not have to choose between spending the evening at the party or spending it with their partners, while the other friends are not allowed to do the same.
I would also caution you about the “My house, my party, my rules.” You may be hosting, but this is a monthly thing the group does, right? Do you really want to set the tone that only the host’s wishes matter and anyone who doesn’t agree isn’t welcome?” ArbitraryAngelfish
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – BUT I think all the members of your original group should have a group discussion about how they saw/see your “girls’ night” as. “Girls” as in gender regardless of affiliation or “girls” as in friends and therefore no partners.
Try to see what the majority of your group was looking to get out of the parties and make a mutual decision from there about what to do. Both with this and future parties. I don’t know if you’d care, but personally, I’d side with your friend over you.
But I’ve also only been in friend groups that were mixed, aside from one. But even there I was the only girl among a couple of guys. Not as anyone’s partner, just as “one of the guys”. So I don’t really understand the concept of “girls’ night” in terms of one’s gender actually mattering.” Affectionate_Tree902
10. AITJ For Firing A New Employee Due To Declining Performance And Health?
“I (26M) am a data center network administrator and lead a team of six technicians. Four months ago I hired a new technician named Sarah.
During the interview process and testing, she was the most promising candidate and I was very keen on having her join my team. A month later she joined us at the data center. For a month everything was good however the following month was when things went downhill.
This coincided with her deciding to go vegan which normally would never matter to me or others. However, throughout the month there was a noticeable decline in her performance and health. It started with her looking paler than normal and was followed by her seeming to have headaches almost every shift. Additionally, I noticed that she was making mistakes on things she never had made mistakes on.
It was because of this that at the end of the month, I held a secret intervention between her and me. In this meeting, I explained what I had noticed and what my concerns were. I then asked her to do whatever she needed to do to address these issues while also giving her a link to company resources.
Things, unfortunately, did not get better so I decided to bring HR into the fold and share my concerns. At their request, I filed a formal notice of poor performance for bookkeeping purposes.
With the notice filed HR took a crack at helping her. They held a meeting and did the same thing I did by referring to both company and external resources.
This unfortunately did not work either which put me in a tough spot as her performance reached termination levels. In the end, I was forced to terminate her, on paper the reason was poor performance. In reality, her termination was really over poor health. When the other IT team leaders found out all but Mark understood the situation and were supportive.
Mark did not like my actions and called me a jerk for not bringing the issue up with the other team leaders so that she could be relocated. He then went on to say that I was too harsh on her and should have given her more time to address her issues.
Am I the jerk for firing an employee over poor health?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was there for what, 3 months tops? She was not a long-term employee with a good record who came down on hard times. She was basically a new hire who did ok for a month then did poorly.
You gave her time, you and HR both held meetings with her to address her poor performance, and nothing changed. The idea that you should have looked into transferring a poor performer to a different job is absurd. That guy really expected you to dump her in someone else’s lap knowing she has performance issues?
She was aware of her underperformance. She was given chances and resources to address her personal issues.” mzpljc
Another User Comments:
“I’d say NTJ – it sounds like you, and the company themselves through HR, gave her a few chances to work on it, plus resources.
Her performance reached termination levels even after this being addressed over time. If there was something more intense health-wise that was out of the scope of the resources offered, then she should have spoken up to you or HR once she knew her job was on the line.
An employee’s personal health isn’t their employer’s business, but when it’s putting their job at risk then they need to say something if further accommodation is required. Without that, it just ends up looking like a poor-performing employee.” corticalization
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This reminded me of an IT guy I fired. There were a lot of reasons to fire him. He didn’t get much work done. Was sloppy. Made a lot of mistakes. The final proof was when I hired a new guy out of college, that was able to prove how bad it was.
On top of that, he also spent 1.5-2 hours a day in the bathroom. He was the first person I (as a new manager) ever fired. I remember the advice my boss (owner of the company) gave me. Ignore the bathroom issue. Focus on his performance.
Is it acceptable? No. Just leave the rest out of it. My point is the same here. You did not fire her over poor health. You fired her over poor performance. Stop trying to overthink it. She was also a new employee. That’s very different than a tenured employee with a solid track record.” SDstartingOut
9. AITJ For Pretending To Be Gay To Stop My Mother-In-Law's Accusations?
“I’ve been married to my beautiful wife for around 7 months now after being in a relationship for 2 years and her mother has been making comments about my sexuality since the start saying that I’m secretly a homosexual all the time.
That’s due to me having a lot of friends in the LGBTQ+ community who I consider close to me.
Now my mother-in-law always tells my wife that I am gay because I hang out with people from the community and if my friends are gay it means I am.
It always bothered me not because of the assumption but because of this unhealthy obsession with who I am attracted to despite me marrying her daughter who is a biological female.
So today, I was talking to my wife on the phone when she was with her mother and she again made the comment after I said I’m hanging out with one of my friends who is a gay man.
So I took matters into my own hands and I did a full-blown coming out to my mother-in-law telling her that I’m a gay guy.
Now my wife knows the reason I’ve done that is just to get back at her mom but she is also annoyed at me and said that I took it too far because her mom now is upset and actually thinks that I’m gay (which I don’t care really if she believes that) and that it’s making her mom uncomfortable around me.
I should call her and admit to what I’ve done, but I’m refusing to do that because the way I see it even if I was into men as long as I’m not being unfaithful to her daughter she would not actually care.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, MIL is a bigot. Your wife thinks it’s your problem that her mom is uncomfortable around you because you’re gay (obviously you’re not, but you know what I mean), she needs to talk to her mom about not being a bigot.
I’m also concerned that your wife is okay with your mother citing sexuality as a reason to be uncomfortable around a person, constantly calling someone gay as an insult, and generally being super gross about sexuality.” Realdudemanguy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but you added fuel to the drama.
Curious… Why isn’t your wife drawing a line with her mom? If I was her… I’d have a calm dead serious conversation with my mother. If she jokes or directly insinuates that you are gay one more time – we are done. It isn’t ok.
He should be able to have anyone as a friend. If she is uncomfortable with it – feel free not to call or come over. Mom’s behavior shows a complete disrespect for the husband and for her daughter. If she wants her daughter in her life – daughter needs to tell her to knock it off – and hold that line.
No one needs this drama all the time. Best of luck OP.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“I’m gay and totally support this. You are NTJ. I feel like you also should just tell your mother-in-law to shut the heck up. If she continues to push ban her from your house.
Refuse to speak to her. I have no patience for ignorant jerks. Maybe she is just jealous that her daughter married someone who is accepting of everyone. She sounds like she wanted a son-in-law of a particular breeding.” GloomyDeal1909
8. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Tablet With My Narcissistic Mom?
“I am 16 and in high school. I got the tablet as a gift from my dad. My dad tends to give me gifts because he has a hard time apologizing. But this time I actually wanted this gift for digital art. My mom has been wishing for a tablet.
Which is strange because she asks for the most expensive gifts which I have no way of paying for because I don’t have a job and she refuses to let me get one. I told her she can use the tablet if I’m not using it, but she has to ask me first because I value my privacy and she tends to show my art to other people which I’ve never been okay with.
She gets mad when I tell her that I need my tablet saying that I have a PC and I don’t need a tablet and she says it’s unfair that I got the gift that she’s been wanting. She has massive narcissistic tendencies and I don’t know how to deal with this one.
She says she needs the tablet because she doesn’t have a TV in her room. Usually, she has no problem with occupying the living room/kitchen and refusing to let me eat because she’s sleeping in the living room.
What do I do?
Literally as I was about to hit post she gave me my tablet and the pen was missing.
She found it shortly after but was annoyed that she had to search for it. Lmao.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The tablet was gifted to you, therefore it is yours. It doesn’t matter if you have a PC, or if it is what she has been wanting, or what is fair, it is what it is.
It was your father’s gift to you. Your mother needs to accept this. It’s yours, you get first dibs on it. Your mother is an adult, if she wants a tablet, she can buy one for herself. Also, your art is yours as well.
Your mother should not be showing it to others without your permission. It sounds like she has problems with boundaries all around.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as a mom, I’d never dream of getting upset about my daughter using her own things. I really want a TV in my bedroom, and my in-laws got my daughter one for her room for her birthday.
Am I going to put it in my room because I “want it more”? NO! Because it’s not mine! Talk to your dad and make sure he understands what’s going on. Your mom is absolutely crossing the line here.” otomekaidii
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. More than the tablet I am concerned about your mother not allowing you access to food because she falls asleep in the living room. I don’t know what your relationship is with your father, but you might want to talk to him about this.
If it is to your liking, you can talk to him about moving in with him permanently. Usually, a court will take into account your wants at your age if custody needs to be legally adjusted. If you don’t want to, please find a way to keep some snacks in your room so you don’t go hungry.
Also, the tablet is yours. She is acting more like a jealous toddler than a parent. [deleted]
7. AITJ For Getting Upset That My Ex's Parents Bought Our Daughter A Car But Not My Son?
“I (37) have 1 son (17) and a daughter (15). I got pregnant during college as a result of a birth control malfunction. I dropped out and the father and I had every intention of making things work but midway through the pregnancy, he ended up in a fatal car accident.
After that happened his best friend ended up being there for me and we got married a few months after my son was born. His family came from money and I will admit I made a big mistake (I’ve made many) marrying him but I was young and scared and he offered a safety net.
He never really took a major interest in my son and kept pushing me to have another kid thus resulting in my daughter being born.
My ex’s side of the family didn’t like me much and never embraced my son as part of their family and after 5 years of an abusive relationship I divorced him after he got in a DUI accident.
That experience was a wake-up call for me so with the help of my parents who helped me raise my kids I got back into school, got my nurse’s license, and got my life together.
Fast forward to modern day. I have primary custody of my daughter and my ex has her every other weekend.
He has been unable to maintain a full-time job and lives with his parents so I do not get much in the way of child support but we make do. My ex’s parents spoil my daughter to no end. She had her own computer at 12 along with an iPhone and pretty much anything else she wanted and while she has been great in not rubbing it in my son’s face, my son has always been stuck with 2nd hand items or whatever I can get on discount.
When my son turned 15 (in my state a 15 y/o can get a permit) the one thing he wanted was his driver’s permit and a car. I still have a lot of debt from school and it’s just not something I can afford and he just said he understood and has been working to afford his own car since.
When my daughter turned 15 last week her grandparents bought her a car and told her once she got her license they would cover her insurance until she is out of college. The one stipulation was that no one but her could drive the car.
When my son found out all he said to his sister was “that’s great for you” and just isolated himself in his room.
When I went upstairs to talk to him and asked him if he’s ok he just responded with “I’m fine I just wish I could get something nice for once” and hasn’t spoken much to me or his younger sister since. I ended up having an “animated” conversation with my ex about it and his response was along the lines of “why should we hold back making sure my daughter has the best high school experience just because you can’t provide the same standard for your son” and that I shouldn’t be a jerk about the fact that they are providing a better quality of life for my daughter.
I’ve been struggling with this ever since.
So am I the jerk for flipping out on my ex-husband because my daughter was given a car by her rich grandparents and I’m just mad cause I can’t give my son the same thing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son sounds lovely and I totally understand why you want to give him more. However, this does not make sense to me. “I do not get much in the way of child support but we make do.” Get a child support order. If he gets a job they will garnish his paychecks.
Every state offers child support enforcement, you don’t need an attorney and there is a minimum your ex has to pay by law and based on what he’s paid you so far he might owe a chunk of money for back child support. Once you’re receiving child support hopefully you’ll have some spare income you can use to add your son to your insurance so he can start driving.
Child support is between you and your ex, his family, their money and what they spend on your daughter is irrelevant. She is his responsibility as much as yours.” SeaWitch1031
Another User Comments:
“I feel like no one here is a jerk. Because your daughter’s grandparents are her grandparents.
Though I see where you are coming from, I am the older sibling and it would suck if my brother got a car before me, my brother and I do come from the same father. The grandparents are your daughter’s grandparents but taking the car away from your daughter to give to your son is a jerk move.
It would be a bit hard to maintain 2-3 cars at the same time if you have one. Maybe you could have your children drive by turns with your daughter having more say in it but you do have to talk it over together in one room.” Successful_Peace396
Another User Comments:
“This is so sad. But the reason that you cannot give your son “the same thing” is, in part, because your ex doesn’t provide decent child support for his daughter, only expensive gifts through his parents, so, no, NTJ, some things are worth blowing up over.
I think you should not allow your daughter to accept the car. It is not reasonable for one member of a family to be so much better off through no effort of their own. I don’t know the insurance laws in your locale, but the stipulation that no one but your daughter drives the car just sounds mean to me.” WokeJabber
6. AITJ For Not Allowing Neighborhood Kids To Use My Pool?
“I (37M) moved into a small neighborhood with my fiance (36F).
The neighborhood is full of kids around the ages of 9 and 10. We found out that my fiance is expecting and both decided on wanting a pool. I had an above-ground pool put in last year and the neighborhood kids were very happy. I told them no dogs were allowed in the pool as the lining was fragile and could break.
This year, I opened the pool and the kids used it while we were away. When we got back, I noticed the water level was low and tried to refill it. I saw a good-sized tear on the side and got it fixed. The kids came over the next day with a labrador retriever wanting to use the pool and I told them that the pool was closed.
I come home and see a few of the neighbors arguing with my fiance. I walk over and everyone starts talking about how I hurt their kids’ feelings by not allowing them to use the pool. I explained what happened and why I had to close the pool.
A few of them start laughing and demand me to reopen the pool. My fiance thinks that I should open the pool and apologize to the families.”
Another User Comments:
“”I had an above-ground pool put in last year and the neighborhood kids were very happy.
I told them no dogs were allowed in the pool as the lining was fragile and could break. This year, I opened the pool and the kids used it while we were away.” I’m sorry, am I wrong or you are saying that you are allowing the neighborhood kids to use your pool while you are not home?
Are their parents with them? Is an adult supervising or…? Honestly, you are lucky you just got a broken pool and not a dead kid in your backyard. NTJ for doing the sensible and rational thing in the end but surely jerk for taking this long.” FartFace319
Another User Comments:
“My first question upon reading this is: Who was supervising the neighborhood children? Children (and I mean ANYONE who is not over 18) should never swim without supervision. If you are gone, or just not out there, who was with them? Should something happen, from a stubbed toe to (heaven forbid) a drowning, you can be held responsible because you allowed them to swim.
Even if you don’t allow them to swim, you can still be liable because a pool attracts children. If you have not already done so, you need to take immediate steps to stop them from entering the pool area. A very tall fence is a start.
Something that is at least six feet tall, although a fence can be climbed. If you can afford it, fully enclosing the pool, even with animal-resistant screening and a lock on the door would also be good. Then, the children would have to physically break into the pool to use it.
There is less chance that they will do that. You may wish to consult a lawyer or your county/city offices to see what they recommend you use. You need to secure the pool and eliminate access immediately. Second, this is your pool, not theirs.
You have every right to limit who may use your property. Do not feel bad about the “poor little kids” who are denied a fun activity. Stand your ground. They are trying to take advantage of you. Your fiancee may not know the liabilities so educate her.
She cannot be allowed to give access against your wishes. Good luck and happy swimming!” KoolJozeeKatt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The pool is on your property, and if you’re not home and they use the pool without you there, you are still liable for whatever happens because it’s on your property.
These entitled parents would no doubt be the first to sue if one of their precious children were to get hurt or drown while you’re away. Not only that, they damaged your property. I would set up cameras around the house, and post something on the community page on social media saying that your pool will not be open unless the community can respect you and your property, and even if you are home a few parents have to be present while the kids are there.
If that’s not possible, record yourself stating as such in a video and email each and every parent, and take screenshots of the recipient list so in case you do have legal issues you have documentation that you have stated your terms and conditions about community use of your pool.” LuckyRoux89
5. AITJ For Disconnecting My Roommate's Camera In The Living Room During My Therapy Session?
“I rented a bedroom in my apartment to a girl, she asked me if she could adopt a dog to live with us. I said that would not be a problem, I love dogs, I just don’t think I can take care of one.
I have once a week my therapy sessions that I do online. She decided to put a camera in the living room to watch the dog while she isn’t home.
I got home yesterday and usually, when I have my appointment nobody is home.
In the middle of my session, I saw the camera moving, which I had not even noticed before. I felt so violated. I disconnected the camera and was planning on talking to her about it in a nice way that I wasn’t sure about the camera in the common area.
But 5 minutes after the camera was disconnected she texted me: “Hi, Can you reconnect the camera?” I replied while I was in my session: “No, when you get home we will need to talk about this.” She did not reply.
She got home and clearly was dysregulated, she was even shaking, and yelled at me saying that I could not do that.
I said that I would not have a problem with a camera on if I wasn’t home, but otherwise, I would disconnect it. She said that I’m a jerk. Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a ridiculous request from your roommate to be honest. You are completely fair with telling her no problem when you are not home.
She is not on the apartment lease, however, you did allow her a room, therefore I would imagine shared spaces she is able to use as well. But, the camera is a complete violation of privacy —especially if it is within view or earshot of you and your therapy sessions, or anything else for that matter.
She would not allow you to put a camera in her bedroom under the argument that the apartment is yours, so… Shaking mad is ridiculous, she may need to go in order to avoid future problems.” princessgirl069
Another User Comments:
“Most legal jurisdictions have one-party consent or two-party consent required to record a conversation.
That means that at least one person in a recorded conversation must know and consent to the recording of said conversation and in some places both parties must consent. What your roommate did is likely a breach of some such law if one exists in your jurisdiction and could possibly be considered wiretapping as she was recording a call between you and another person.
She’s within her rights to record her room provided the camera doesn’t pick up conversations from outside of her room where she is not present in the conversation. You’re NTJ for protecting your privacy. Again, this only applies if you have a law that states that recording a conversation that you are not privy to is not lawful.” kikiacab
Another User Comments:
“NTJ eeew. Now I live with my pets. I have cameras everywhere but if I ever shared space with anyone else, this would not be the case and rules and access are implied and this happens with discussion. The expectation of privacy in your own home does extend to your common areas.
You would be likely just as uncomfortable to know your housemate had left and not returned but a stranger you’ve never seen walks out of their room saying they know your housemate and have been there for 2 days and you never knew. No, not okay.
You should always be informed of anyone other than your housemate being in your home especially if they plan to leave them there. That’s a bat to the head for me, or my dogs ripping them apart. Camera is a stranger you did not know about, invite, or approve of in YOUR home.
Unacceptable.” [deleted]
4. AITJ For Asking My Child's Father For Financial Help?
“I’m 17f. My daughter is 5mo. I work part-time as well as go to school full-time. Working full-time is not an option if I want to continue my education and make time for my daughter.
My parents are great, but they can’t help financially. They provide free childcare, which I’m beyond thankful for, and I couldn’t ask for a better set of parents. My kid’s dad refuses to have any part in her life, and legally he has no obligation (we’ve already been to court).
Basically, he only helps if he wants. And the most he’s “helped” is seeing the baby about once a month for the sake of not looking bad on social media.
Since I’m working part-time and I’m under 18, I’m not paid much. I have money for the essentials but that is it.
Often I go without to make sure my child can eat, but this month I forgot to cancel a direct debit (for my contact lenses) which took everything in my account and put me in the negative. It kind of screwed me for this week.
I asked my parents if they could help out but unfortunately, they aren’t able to, and they feel really guilty and now I do as a result.
I decided to heck with it, there’s nothing stopping me from asking the kid’s dad for help so I did.
I sent him a message explaining the situation and asking if he’d mind helping out. He basically asked why should he, since the judge said he doesn’t have to, and I said because he helped make the kid, the least he could do when he’s playing daddy of the year on Instagram is feed our child.
He told me that he didn’t want to because he’s going on a bender this weekend and won’t be able to if he does this. I asked him one more time, and said the situation again, saying how he can help out for once to make sure she’s fed and healthy.
He told me to stop begging him, that the baby isn’t his “problem” and I should go “trap” someone else so it could be their problem.
He screenshotted the entire conversation, and I’m assuming he either sent it to a few friends or maybe a group chat, because all evening now, I’ve had people messaging me saying that I’m being unreasonable because I chose to keep the kid when I could’ve easily not, so he has every right to not want anything to do with her so I should stop bothering him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If you’re in the UK (some of the language makes me think you may be), I have a few practical suggestions: 1) for the immediate food need, have you tried food banks? You should be able to Google your local one and contact them to explain and see if they can assist without you needing a voucher.
Some large supermarkets also offer food bags that other people have paid for which you can pick up if you’re in need. 2) are you already in receipt of benefits? If not, apply – Citizens Advice Bureaux can help with welfare applications and advice. They may also be able to help with getting vouchers for food banks.
3) have you checked whether your educational institution has a hardship fund? I can’t speak to sixth form/colleges, but it’s extremely common for universities to have hardship funds, so it’s possible that a sixth form or college might have one too. Also, get advice about whether you can go back to court and establish paternity once he’s 18 so you can try for child support then.
You’re NTJ for asking him.” sunkathousandtimes
Another User Comments:
“Why did you have a child when you cannot support said child? You must have known you needed to graduate and how jobs work with school and a baby. Did you guys talk about the child or pregnancy?
Did you use protection? Did you consider how this situation may affect your child? I’m not trying to judge but I feel like you need to figure stuff out for you and your child and it’s time to do what’s best for you guys. So baby daddy is a deadbeat, but he’s also still a kid too, and if you chose to keep the pregnancy and he didn’t want to then you gotta grow up and fight for you and your daughter.
Get financial assistance if possible from the government or support groups in your area. A food bank or formula donations from other parents. You have options. You just gotta keep your chin up.” TiredofBSRoommate
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It always baffles me when I see someone decide to have a kid despite the other party not wanting it.
And then forcing them to be in the child’s life or pay child support. The father is just a kid. He has his entire life ahead of him. Yet he was trapped in this situation because you chose to keep the kid. It is funny how people talk about ‘my body my choice’ but then can’t take responsibility for their choice.
If he doesn’t want to be part of the kid’s life he shouldn’t be forced to do so. His future should not be ruined because of your decision.” Oppai_Dragon6996
3. AITJ For Honking At A Man In A Parking Space When Other Spaces Were Available?
“I (29F) was in a parking lot yesterday and entered the parking aisle I wanted to park in. This aisle had probably 20 or so spaces, all of which were empty, with just one exception: the very first space in the aisle, the one closest to me, had a man (without a car) crouching in the center of it.
He had a backpack open in front of him and it looked like he was searching for something in it. He didn’t appear to see me or hear me since his head was down, and I was driving slowly.
I gave a medium-sized honk, and the man jumped up, super startled, and got out of my way.
Once he was out of the way, I parked in the space. When I got out of my car, the man approached me. “Was that really necessary?” he asked. He gestured to all the other open spaces in that aisle. “You couldn’t have pulled your car like 5 feet further into the next space?
You really had to scare the heck out of me like that, and interrupt me while I was searching?” I responded to him that since he’s not a vehicle, he has no right to be occupying that space and that I was legally entitled to it if I wanted it.
He questioned me again why I didn’t just pull further, and I responded, “Why should I have to?”
He finished by warning me that if I do that to the wrong person, I could get a fight/road rage incident started, and he huffed off.
Was I in the wrong, should I have just pulled my car further, or was I within my rights to honk? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ what an entitled jerk you are, 20 empty parking spaces and you needed to honk at a pedestrian and take the spot they were standing in.
Not only are you completely insufferable but you are wrong too lmao. There is no law stating pedestrians can’t be walking or stop in parking lots and pedestrians have the right of way in parking lots. If he didn’t do what you asked were you gonna run him over or ask to speak to his manager?” FaizerLaser
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There were plenty of other spaces you could have used. You were being petty, spiteful, arrogant, and entitled. You only took that spot because someone else was using it. You are like those jerks who turn a corner simply because a pedestrian is waiting to cross the road.
Anything to inconvenience people who aren’t in a car.” UnluckyDreamer1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You’re just randomly spooking people for no reason. Especially if there is a different spot five feet away…or you could have waited a minute or so until he found what he was looking for.
Crouching in a parking space is a dangerous choice given he could have been hit. Your behavior and then your response about being entitled to a parking space (you aren’t it’s an open space, not your personal, paid, reserved space) is aggressive and nonsense. Which cements that YTJ.
Chill it with the parking rage because you’re the one bringing the rage to others.” JetItTogether
2. AITJ For Being Rude To A Scam Caller?
“I’m registered with the telephone preference service (a UK service that allows you to opt out of receiving unsolicited sales and cold callers).
It screens out a lot, but I’ve recently had a spate of insurance scam calls, those “we heard that you were recently in a road traffic accident that wasn’t your fault…” Usually, I hang up and block the number. If I’m feeling particularly grumpy I ask them to transfer me to their supervisor because they are committing a criminal offense by calling me when I’m registered with TPS, and that usually makes them hang up.
But today, I got three in a row and I was annoyed. I listened to her spiel, then said ‘Can I ask you a question?” and started asking her if this is what she had wanted to do with her life when she was asked at school about what she wanted to be when she was grown up, did she say I want to make nuisance phone calls and scam strangers out of money, and asked if her granny would be proud of her.
She hung up at this point.
My partner says I was being mean and cruel-she sounded quite young, and he went on about how this could have been her first job, that the job market was tough and maybe this was all she could get, and it wasn’t her fault.
She was just doing what her employer was paying her to do, and I shouldn’t have gotten personal with her, I should have just hung up as usual. So was I the jerk for getting snarky with her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I rarely pick up but lately, in the US there is a scam where the caller ID number looks similar to yours (same area code) so you think it’s someone local. Blocking the number doesn’t even work because the next day will be a new one.
Years ago I heard my husband telling one to get lost, and I thought he was rude because “it’s their job”. He pointed out, that if enough people do it, they will get a different job, and soon no more telemarketers! So yeah, I call them every name in the book as well as get a different job.
Those people will think twice about it next time they’re looking for work. Imagine, taking a job knowing perfectly well it is only to annoy the heck out of people!” PurplePunchy13
Another User Comments:
“Scammers take essential funds from the most vulnerable members of our society.
They are criminals that truly deserve to be locked away for the protection of citizens, instead of the petty substance offenders that fill our jails. Your partner is daft, these people deserve zero sympathy or respect. They are thieves. The best outcome here would be for a marginally moral person to take what you said as a wake-up call, preventing the next caller from having their hard-earned funds taken from them.
Something being a job doesn’t absolve you from moral responsibility. If your boss tells you to do something illegal you say “No” and report them to the authorities. If your boss tells you to do something immoral you say “No” and post what you’re being told to do to social media.
NTJ.” buckettrike
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Those calls are annoying, but personally attacking the person is a jerk move. I think we can all assume that’s not what anyone planned on doing with their life. Things happen. People get sick, people move to care for other people, divorces eat up funds, young adults get pregnant and have to support a family without career experience… the list goes on.
Just hang up the phone.” ScarletDarkstar
1. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Sending Money To My In-Laws Who Spend It Frivolously?
“My in-laws are from a country that has been in conflict for decades and now with the severe inflation and gas shortage the country is really facing hardship. Cue my husband who is sending his parents and brother funds. Although I am not opposed to helping out, I do find it offensive that one of my brothers-in-law is constantly asking for funds, and apparently spending much of it on parties for his baby.
All their firsts are getting celebrated with a photoshoot, cake, professional balloon displays, and bonbonnières and souvenirs for guests.
I wouldn’t have a problem with it if it weren’t for the constant bickering I get from my husband demanding I curb my spending for our family, we are a family of 6, because he has to send them more funds because they can’t afford the cost of living.
I told my husband how THEY curb THEIR spending and he accused me of being selfish and out of touch with their situation. What I told him is that he’s being milked and I’ve had enough. To be fair to him though at first, he would be nicer about “explaining” why he has to send them funds, but after each event, I bring it up and it’s gotten to the point where we don’t talk about it because it’s not civil anymore.
My husband thinks I’m being a jerk for wanting to stop sending funds, but I told him if what we are sending is getting used for the purpose it was sent for then I wouldn’t mind but it’s not!”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here except for possibly your BIL.
It’s fine for your husband to want to help his family, and it’s fine for you to want some assurances that the funds are truly needed. That said, you guys do need to figure this out together, as a team. Perhaps you could sit down and lay out a budget, and figure out exactly how much you can afford to send to the in-laws without it significantly affecting your own family’s standard of living.
You owe that to both yourselves and especially to your kids.” Tanyec
Another User Comments:
“My husband supported his parents overseas until they passed away. And we also sometimes had to send funds to pay for school fees etc for nieces and nephews. It was annoying for sure, but he had been upfront about this when we met and I knew it was important to him as he felt great responsibility towards them.
That being said, I think you need to have a conversation with your husband and set clear boundaries about the amounts being sent to them, I found it extremely helpful to have an actual budget written up that clearly shows where funds are being spent.
We decided between us what was feasible to send to them. You are definitely NTJ, but consider working on your communication together it might be really helpful.” dee90909
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Make a budget and decide how much funds you can afford (and are willing) to send to the in-laws.
Dictating how someone spends their funds (yes, once you give it to them it is their funds) makes you a huge jerk. What you consider frivolous, may be the only way they can give their child/grandchild a sense of normalcy. Ultimately how they spend the funds is none of your business.” t_a_degen
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