People Get Tense Telling Their Worst 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Leaving A Gathering After Being Accused Of Faking My Autism?
“I, along with 3 friends of mine, went out to meet some friends of one of them, who I and one of the other person had never met before.
Only one of these new people that matters though.
Things went well for about 2 hours before one dude noticed I had a fidget toy in my bag.
(Like one of those fidget cubes, but mine is differently shaped.)
He was staring at it, with a look I’d guess I would retroactively call annoyance, so I asked him if something was up. He shook his head and said something about how “He sees that all the time with annoying kids online.” which I found a weird statement.
I just replied I use it when I am overwhelmed or overstimulated, adding that I have autism, to which he replied “Oh darn, you’re not one of those weirdos who claims to have every disorder ever, are you?” He said it loud enough for everyone to notice, and the other conversation that was going on kinda fell still.
I couldn’t get myself to respond with anything other than a “What?”
I can’t remember every word, since I was already panicking inside, have auditory sensory issues, and he talked quite fast, but he seemed to start to rant about people online making content about being autistic and other stuff, about how he thinks everyone is faking nowadays and hurting the real people, that kind of stuff mostly.
The other people were mostly silent during this, or at least I didn’t notice them. The moment it got too much for me was when he started saying that I was probably also one of them because I… made eye contact, willingly went to a gathering of people, and I didn’t “Look like a [word close but not quite the R-slur]” which was the final drop.
At that point, I just got up, left the room, and grabbed my car to go home, though when I did so he started yelling. Spend the rest of the evening trying to calm down, after what happened hit me I became ultra stressed out and overwhelmed.
This morning I got a message from the guy who organized this meetup, saying he is sorry that it happened, but also saying that I should have stayed and explained myself, and how my leaving made the guy sure I was faking it and how there friendship might be in trouble because of me.
I know that dude was a jerk, but now I feel like me leaving just made things worse.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “This morning I got a message from the guy who organized this meetup, saying he is sorry that it happened, but also saying that I should have stayed and explained myself.” The reason he is trying to get the blame on you is that he thinks you are the one who he can more easily pressure into apologizing and sweep everything under the bridge.
Like when parents teachers bosses or other authority figures pressure the more mature person to let it go rather than confront the stubborn instigator who was belligerent in the first place. It’s easier to confront you than that jerk.” RedditUser123234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in the slightest. There are 2 jerks in this story, the first being the guy who started ranting at you.
The second is the one who messaged you saying you were in the wrong. You were not in the wrong and you don’t have to “explain yourself” to others.” Knightseason
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not the Jerk whisperer. It is not your job to explain your diagnosis and medical history to every stranger with a bee in their bonnet bout neurodivergence.
If the dude was going to react that obnoxiously in a public place then probably nothing you could have said would have calmed him down. Maybe you should tell the organiser that once the jerk started shouting at you there were only three possible outcomes.
1. The organizer intervenes to stop the Jerk from harassing you. 2. You leave to prevent further disruption. 3. You have a full-on autistic meltdown.” Cutty_Darke
21. AITJ For Refusing To Go Out Drinking With My Old Friends?
“I (21F) refused to go out drinking with my old friends (20-22M/F).
It’s not just once I’ve refused to go out with them, around 3 months ago that friend group said they wanted to reconnect, we just grew apart, and I said “Yeah, let’s grab coffee!” But they just wanted to drink.
And it’s not like drinking in a bar, no no no, they still act like teenagers and drink in a forest or a field.
So when they asked this time I refused outright and said “We are at different stages in life” and now they’re making me out to be the bad guy, maybe I am, but that’s up to you to decide.
A year and a half ago I met my fiancé (24M) it was like that whole love at first sight thing, we started going out pretty soon after meeting each other, and we shared so many commonalities, we both come from poverty line and have experienced a lot together.
11 months ago he started his first job he was proud of, before that it was working in kitchens, supermarkets, fast food places, stuff he hated. 2 months later I took his lead and got a job I was proud of, 3 months later he proposed and we moved in together.
Since then we’ve been growing together, working on things together, and building a life together, we plan on moving to the US(we’re from Northern Ireland)
You’re probably wondering how this in any way relates to what I’m saying, I don’t like drinking anymore, and neither does he, we’ll share a glass of wine, or with our close friends and family but it’s never anything huge, it’s just not my lifestyle anymore.
So back to it, I say “We’re at different stages in life” which I acknowledge might seem rude on the surface, but I don’t think it’s entirely untrue, I’m too old to go binge drink, never mind binge drink in a field.
Since I said that, a lot of my old friends have come out and said I should just do it for old-time’s sake and stop being a jerk about it.
But they’ve come after my fiancé, which I’m not happy about, they’re saying he’s changed me, how I was a completely different person before him and I can tell it’s weighing on him and that hurts to see, that man has helped me become a better person, and pulled me out of a dark dark place, maybe I should have worded myself differently.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are in a different place in your life than you were previously. We all grow and change at different rates and you have reached the stage where you don’t want to binge drink before the rest. That’s ok.
And it’s ok for them to still be in that stage. Yes, he has helped you change, but it does not sound like it is a bad thing. You are doing lots of positive things. Don’t let them make you feel you are a bad person because of it.
You have just moved on with your life. Put them behind you and when they catch up, renew your friendship.” GeekySciMom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you accurately note, you have moved on from the heavy drinking stage of your life. They haven’t. No need to go back to that just because they can’t accept that you’ve moved on.
Someday, they will as well, and maybe you reconnect. Or not. Not the end of the world if you don’t.” HealthNo4265
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I wouldn’t word it the same way you did, as I think it is open to being misinterpreted but the basic sentiment is fair, you just wouldn’t enjoy doing that now, and meeting up with old friends isn’t enough to make up for that.
Fair and fine. The reason I would word it differently is both ‘I’m too old for that’ and we’re in ‘different stages of life’ can sound a little judgemental in this context and frankly incorrect too on the too old, as I’ve seen plenty of people way older then you binge drink. That said.
I wouldn’t have taken offense at your wording myself about something I do enjoy and you did offer an alternative way to meet up. So then being after your fiance is unfair.” -Patchwork-
20. AITJ For Threatening To Move Out Because Of My Sister's Unemployed Partner?
“So I (F22) have always had a rocky relationship with my sister “Alex” (F34) for multiple reasons. As you can see, we have a fairly large age gap so we haven’t been very close growing up.
I live with my parents. I work full-time, contribute towards electricity and water and I pay the internet bill.
My parents are both immigrants and come from a culture where your kids don’t move out until they are married.
Around 3 months ago, Alex moved back into our parent’s home with her partner “Tom” (M32) and she announced that she was pregnant. They’ve been together for just under a year.
Previously they were staying with Tom’s parents but chose to move out as they are having marriage problems and will likely get divorced.
I (and my parents were too) was under the impression this would be a very temporary thing but they are still here.
Alex was working part-time and had a pretty active social life so she was most often out of the house, although last month has been prescribed bedrest by her doctor.
Tom, on the other hand, is unemployed and has been since Christmas. He does the occasional odd job that’s cash-based but spends most of his day loudly playing video games or scrolling on his phone.
He insists that he is applying for lots of jobs but never hears anything back.
Tom is bothering me for many reasons but I’ll only list the main ones. He never cleans up his messes or helps out with the housework, in fact, I’ve been doing a lot of his laundry just so it will stop stinking up the house.
He’s always up late and sometimes wakes the whole house up by screaming at his video games. He has bad personal hygiene, he rarely showers and he stinks. I can never use the living room or fully relax because he’s always occupying it to play video games.
I had a serious conversation with my parents and said that I could not stand living with Tom and I think he’s a bum. They told me that although he can be annoying I should be trying to get along with him and he is our family now.
The conversation derailed and I said either Tom changes his behavior or goes, or I go.
My mom told Alex and Tom what I said and now they are both furious and this situation is a huge mess. They are both insisting that Tom’s behavior is not that bad and I am overreacting, since it’s not like he has been mean to me.
Alex said she was horrified I’d give our parents an ultimatum about this and said that I was being childish. She said that if I’m going to move out just because of Tom then she doesn’t want me in her child’s life. Am I being the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but be real petty and stop paying for Internet and cable. If the hotspot is available through your cell provider get that. If he continues with his bum behavior then I wouldn’t talk about moving out anymore, I’d prepare my finances and housing and move without further notice.” Winter_Raisin_591
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As you are paying bills and contributing it is not strange for you to want to have a say. But you have got your answer, your parents are ok with the whole situation and won’t change a thing. So it is time for you to move out.
They might get fed up themselves sooner or later. But you are fed up now and you need to do what is best for you which is leaving the situation as no one else acknowledges that something is wrong.” Pusslet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and if I were you I’d move out anyway as very soon there will be too many babies in the house producing bad smells and waking everyone up at all hours and you will probably be expected to help out with both of them.
If you want to smooth things over with your family you could phrase it as you are moving out as they will need more space when the baby comes, but seriously I’d run before your sister is well enough to return to work and socializing and you and your parents are left to care for both of the children she has brought into your lives.” Salman
19. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Fiancé's Wealthy Father About His Son's Financial Struggles and Schemes?
“I (31 F) am engaged to my partner (40 M) and we welcomed our LO a few months ago.
My partner is very financially stable and has a well-paying career. I have a great job too and I’m going to school.
So my fiancé and his brother (38 M) who I will call Bob went to school together for the same career, however, Bob chose to go back to bartending while my fiancé stayed in the field.
My fiancé and his brother have a very wealthy father. Their father bought them the houses they live in now and gave them a trust fund at 35, giving them a head start for stability but they had to keep it going themselves. No more handouts after that.
My fiancé used that trust fund for his mortgage. His brother Bob used his trust fund to not work for a few years.
Then I came into the picture. And we got engaged after 2 years. Bob’s partner became pretty threatened by this because Bob won’t marry her.
And because he won’t marry her, she will not be getting any inheritance funds from any family members. Mainly their father. (Crazy story here.)
Feeling threatened, the partner announces they are expecting … again. #4.
Any penny they had left is completely gone now.
Feeling desperate, Bob asks my fiancé if he can use his identity to find a good job under his name.
He wants his resume, ID, social, etc., to get a well-paying job in the same field. My partner tells him no. But Bob keeps pestering and pestering saying they are struggling.
Then he asks my fiancé to borrow $20,000 while I am in the hospital. My fiancé says we don’t have that kind of funds but it’ll be no even if we did.
Then Last week Bob said he had no funds for the mortgage this month and he could lose the house. He begged my fiancee. My fiancé felt so bad for him so asked for help fixing the roof for funds.
Yesterday, Bob showed up for 1 HOUR “to help” and then ran off because his partner wanted him to do the dishes.
My fiancé still paid him in full.
Today Bob is asking for funds and his identity again.
I told my fiancé his brother and his partner are spoiled freeloaders. I grew up with a single mom, living check to check. If we didn’t work, we didn’t eat.
I still have that mindset. To have his brother coming in asking for savings that I’m also contributing to is infuriating.
I told my fiancé that I’d like to talk to his dad this week. You see… it is their dad’s name on Bob’s house.
I want to know what exactly is going on here. Shouldn’t their wealthy father help him out? But my fiancé says I’d be inviting drama and it’s a jerk move. WIBTJ if I told their dad what’s happening?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bob is taking advantage of you and your husband to the point of trying to involve you in illegal activities, wasting the head start his father tried to give him in life, and leading his partner along while refusing to work or commit. It sounds like Bob is taking advantage of literally every person in his life.
I also find it odd that your father-in-law’s name is on his house but Bob can’t pay the mortgage. I’d say either he’s not telling his dad about how much financial trouble he’s in (in which case you must warn him since his name is on the house), or Bob is lying to you about what he needs the funds for, and is planning to blow your cash on who knows what.” AngelicBear05
Another User Comments:
“This is your fiancé, not your legal spouse, STOP comingling your funds, set up separate accounts at a completely different financial institution, and freeze your credit. Bob may have already stolen your fiancé’s info and those credit cards may well be in your fiancé’s name… If you are in the USA, protect the SSN of your child too, and find out how to freeze the LO’s credit too, it is well known that stealing the identity of a child is commonplace.
You both may have good incomes, but Bob may destroy it all. Your fiancé needs to inform his father, not you. His father may not believe you because if Bob does all this, he will lie to his father and say you are the problem.” ArreniaQ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you and your husband have to agree on this. If your FIL bought them a house, how is there a mortgage? It’s *never* ok to use identity theft to “get a job”, or any other reason – it could wreck your own life if he does such an illegal thing.
He’s incapable of being an adult and trying to scam you. Tell the FIL, and let him sort out the house if your BIL has taken out a mortgage or other financial shenanigans. He may do nothing since it’s unlikely your BIL won’t stop this behavior and will become a perpetual leech if given any more handouts.
Any funds you give him will just be like throwing it down a bottomless well. Don’t do it.” savinathewhite
18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Wife's Troubled Employee To Live With Us?
“My wife owns an auto business in the US, combining sales and service. As a new venture, she can’t afford top-tier workers, so she hires skilled workers facing personal challenges, like those in recovery or with criminal records. We believe in giving these individuals a chance to rebuild their lives.
One of her employees, Mike, is a talented but troubled salesperson. After a painful divorce and losing his children, Mike moved here to start anew. He faced long-term unemployment due to financial constraints and lived in a sober house due to financial constraints.
Mike is effective in sales but comes with complications.
His clutter consumes the workspace, and despite space offered for personal items, he overuses it. His work is excellent, but he has caused disruptions. For example, he has initiated conflicts with other staff on busy days, impacting work completion. Or – he had a negative encounter with “friends” he met one night when he was supposed to have an interview the next day.
So there is this self-sabotaging side.
Despite these issues, we see potential in Mike and believe stable employment can help him find balance. He has shown some improvements and possesses the emotional intelligence needed in sales.
The immediate problem is his housing. After breaking the rules of his sober living arrangement, he was evicted. With no credit and a past criminal record, renting is nearly impossible for him.
For the last few days, he has been sleeping in his car or at the shop, but this of course isn’t a long-term solution and we want to help him.
I proposed that Mike stay in an extended-stay hotel, which is more expensive than an apartment but still affordable to him and has no background check.
Alternatively, I suggested that we could rent an apartment for him.
My wife suggested he stay with us, which I opposed due to lack of space in our living situation with her elderly mother and our teen daughter, as well as potential complications if she should need to get rid of him as an employee.
But my main concern is Mike’s unpredictable behavior. While I don’t think he would ever intentionally do anything, I don’t think he is fully in control. To me, the risk may be small but still not worth it.
My wife thinks my objections stem from discomfort around emotionally intense people rather than genuine concern.
My wife has often complained that I prefer a low-emotion environment and often try to suppress large displays of emotion. She feels this is just another case of this. That the only risk is to my emotional comfort, and there is no real material risk.
Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re requesting some reasonable boundaries here. The biggest boundary is having Mike living in an extended hotel. And you even state that you can refer him to an apartment. You did the utmost and beyond in assisting this person OP, you can have boundaries.” GhostPantherAssualt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I live in kind of rural Alaska where seasonal jobs are plentiful but housing is in very short supply. It is quite common here for bosses or colleagues to house other workers. Very common. So I am sympathetic to employee situations.
But this guy isn’t the right fit for your household or any apartment attached to it for several of the reasons you listed above. He needs to find alternative accommodations and your wife needs to be real.” DontRunReds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s inappropriate for an employee to live with the boss.
There are a myriad of other reasons as well, but that is the one you should stick with, and don’t let your employees live with/stay with you. It’s hugely blurring lines. It’s great you guys want to give ppl 2nd chances, but you need to maintain professional distance, not be life coaches/landlords/therapists, etc.” notpostingmyrealname
17. AITJ For Confronting A Woman Who Cut In Front Of Me In Line?
“I went to a gas station to grab my nephew a gift card for his birthday. It was an hour and a half drive with 3 small kids to where the party was. A line had formed because there was some issue at one of the cash registers so I got in the back of it.
Two people proceeded to get in line on the opposite sides of the man in front of me. When he finally got up to the cash register, one of the women declared “I was here first, she’ll go next, and then you can go.”. I was a little bit frustrated that she hadn’t asked me if I had been in line and then proceeded to tell her “Actually, I had been here first and have been waiting in line a very long time.
I am going to go to the register first.”. She then got really rude and said “No you were not, I was here.”
To which I replied very firmly “Actually no, I was here and watched you get in line after me. I followed the direction of the original line that had formed. If you have an issue with it you are welcome to ask the cashier who was here first, but I will be going up next”.
At this point, I had already been in line for like 15 whole minutes waiting, it was hot, and though I usually wouldn’t mind, I was tired from my ride and knew my husband was in the car with three cranky kids. She then said “Who are you?
You’re like half my darn age. Lines don’t matter and you shouldn’t bring the cashier into this.” My blood pressure was through the roof after her statement and general rudeness so I replied “Age has nothing to do with it. General decency and respect does.” She retorted again “You’re half my age, go up then and don’t dare talk to me.” I couldn’t help myself, looked at her and said “I have never met anybody so arrogant or rude.” She then said “It’s not that big of a deal. I’m not sure why you’re making such a big deal of this.” As if she hadn’t acted entitled and argued with me.
I generally avoid altercations. I don’t like arguing, but I was sort of at my last straw. When I got up to the cash register I apologized and said I just didn’t appreciate how she had assumed she was there first and had offered other people to go before me despite me waiting there well before her.
I paid for the card and walked out.
She had a point though, it wasn’t a huge deal, but I also think that if she had the social etiquette to have asked me if I was there, I still would have said yes… Because I was, and I was tired. Beyond that, her entitled nature and rude remarks were not needed. She didn’t have any disabilities that would make waiting hard for her, and despite being older she was probably only in her mid to late 50s.
Yet, I find myself wondering if I should have just turned the other cheek or handled the situation better.
So AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That said, I learned a long time ago that getting upset during situations like that never ends with any kind of resolution or catharsis.
Sometimes you just have to roll your eyes and get through it. When you get home you can tell your spouse or a friend “You won’t believe the day I had!”” knew
16. AITJ For Arguing With My Parents About My Interests and Forgetfulness Due to ADHD?
“I 18M just had a bit of a blowout argument with my parents, blowup on their end, I held my temper in check, something I’ve had trouble with in the past. Fundamentally, the core of the argument was them insinuating I’m a leech because I constantly forget to do stuff around the house.
Fair enough, I have ADHD, and constantly forget to do things to a frustrating degree, but they take it as a personal attack and selectively notice it. For context, I’m not a NEET, I’m out of the house 7 days a week between work (~30 hours, teach programming, pay is pretty low) & class (14 units local community college).
I also have (too many) personal projects I’m working on between continual study of ancient Levantine & Mesopotamian history & theology, particularly the Hebrew bible (as an atheist) on top of art.
Back to the question, they seemed very offended about that statement, but they have stated that they don’t enjoy talking to me about any subject I’m interested in.
They’ve told me that I should want to sit in the corner of the table quietly because it’ll make them happy. But, simultaneously were upset when I said it felt like they wanted me to be window dressing. They told me that I shouldn’t come to dinners at all and that they wouldn’t wait for me to get back from work (usually get home an hour after their ideal start.
I have been telling them that starting without me is fine for years. They emphasized how wrong it was that I wished to spend time with strangers (I’m a regular, I know many patrons, or I work there) instead of wanting to be at dinner, where they don’t want me to distract them from the table by talking too much.
They kept putting words in my mouth, like saying that I hate them, or think they’re low quality, and I kept saying that I had said no such thing. There’s more to it, but I don’t want to write an essay.
As stated, I agreed I could & should do more, but want them to help me work around my ADHD, I asked them to give me exact details on what & when they wanted me to do things so I could set alarms. They brought up failures of mine when I was younger on tasks, and mostly refused to give details.
There’s also some mild spice around politics & religion, EG: parents believe many right-wing conspiracy theories, have no epistemology, and constantly just state things as if they’re fact, and my mom has told me she considers my viewpoint nonsensical and rigid, which prompts me to explain standards of evidence, burden of proof etc…
I thought my dad enjoyed our deep conversations about philosophy & religion, since well, he’s told me as much, fairly explicitly, but he may be just trying to spend time.
Overall, I’m just not sure. I’ve mostly built myself into someone I’m happy with over the last year, and most people share that sentiment…please tear into me with the Socratic method, I’ll be honest. I want to know if there’s something I’m messing up or missing.”
Another User Comments:
“OK OP, tough love because you asked for it: I’d certainly be no fan of your right-wing parents or their conspiracy theories, I’m sure, but frankly you sound insufferable. I already know from the tone of this that your definition of a “conversation” about one of your chosen subjects bears more resemblance to a college lecture than an actual discussion and that their concerns about “talking too much” (or their supposed desire for you to sit like ‘window dressing’) is your interpretation of a request to please not *monologue* about esoteric subjects with which nobody else at the table has any familiarity or could meaningfully (or happily) engage.
I don’t think you’re the jerk for wanting to spend time at a cafe, but I highly doubt you’re behaving like a sociable adult at these dinners. Unfortunately, this whole thing reads a bit like you think you’re much smarter than your parents, and you’d like them to admit it (if not to you, then at least to themselves) and bend to your eccentricity like they’re side characters in a network drama about a genius antihero.
It is overall not a great look.” aemondstareye
15. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Extra Rent To My Mother-In-Law Without Further Discussion?
“Three years ago my mother-in-law bought a home that was a 1031 exchange. We mutually agreed that the home she purchased my husband and I would live in and pay the mortgage. The house was a huge fixer-upper from the 1960s that needed a full renovation.
While the bathrooms still haven’t been completed about 80% of the work has been completed and we’ve personally spent about $50k in renovations and are anticipating to spend another $20k to $30k. The house has made about $100m in equity
Our goal was to live in this house for at least five years and after that, we talked about selling it and doing another 1031 exchange into a larger house.
Here’s where the plans shifted.
About 2 years ago she was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. While we all hope her cancer will be in a place of “maintenance” she has declined dramatically. She has now moved into a phase where she needs a caregiver almost full-time to function, and the cancer has spread to multiple organs.
Here’s where I’m having trouble… yesterday she called my husband telling him that next month we need to start paying an additional $500 a month and then in a few months after that $1000 more. Mind you we pay the entire mortgage so this extra income would be going straight to her.
The house we live in could fetch an extra $500 a month if renovations were complete and they aren’t.
I guess I’m infuriated because she wouldn’t tell my husband why we needed to pay these funds right away and she expected it. I think about my parents and they would never charge a dime more on the mortgage if they were in this situation.
Granted, this is not the situation, but adding $500/$1,000 more a month is significant. I just don’t have those funds lying around. My husband was mortified about the phone call and honestly taken back that his mother suggested it. We can only come up with the reason she needs these funds she’s hired a caregiver and would be running through her retirement fund at an expedited pace.
While I’m more than happy to help my mother-in-law pay medical bills, I’m baffled by this stark request that she is making. My emotions are high, but I’m starting to resent her, and that is why I need more opinions to see it in a different light.
My husband did phrase it to look at it from an alternative view that we would inherit the house no matter what, and that we have to do this because his mother needs the help.
Update: The house is in a trust. She also owns a mobile home and has two children (my husband and his brother) but in the trust, everything is written as 50/50.
AITJ for telling him, no, don’t agree to the $500/$1,000 we need to have a further conversation of the reasoning and a concrete date that we all mutually agree on and negotiate the number?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You should have had a written agreement in place as to who does what and the terms of occupation before you ever started putting your own funds into the property.
While that ship has already sailed (and is now traveling through iceberg-laden waters), you may be able to put some protections back in place if you don’t delay. Assuming you are in the US, you also need to contact an Elder Law attorney IMMEDIATELY to check out your options.
If your MIL runs out of funds, you may well find that “your” house must be sold to cover her expenses(so the state will pick up her medical / care costs through Medicaid or some similar program), and if you don’t have the appropriate documentation in place you will simply be out of luck.
There is usually a 5-year “look back” period, so she can’t just give you the house by signing a deed over the day before she goes into long-term care. Relying on “inheriting the property” is a very risky proposition, and can easily fail. You need documents in place and a clear understanding of who is going to do what and when, and what financial responsibilities each of you must have.
This can be a complicated process and needs to have someone with specialized knowledge and particular knowledge of your situation involved. Yes, you will have to pay them for that knowledge and their services. I guarantee it will be a lot less than what you can potentially lose.” Tarik861
Another User Comments:
“Why are you paying her rent when you are paying the mortgage? That doesn’t make sense to me. Tell her you’ll pay the extra rent but she will need to pay the mortgage out of her rent. And also, I’m presuming you will be the ones caring for her as her needs grow.
She’s not treating you like family she’s treating you like tenants so pay the increased rent but cancel the mortgage” tmg2010
14. AITJ For Emptying My Mother's Room To Deal With Bed Bugs?
“I’ll start this post by saying that we have bed bugs. And for weeks my mother has been sleeping in the living room instead of her room. Each week she would say that she’d buy the bed bug spray, but something always came up as to why she couldn’t.
Now, she is back in her room and is claiming that she no longer has bed bugs. She “starved” them she says.
This annoyed me. I wanted to get this bed bug problem taken care of as soon as possible. And now my mother just wants to sweep it under the rug?
So I got the spray myself. I got the supplies. I watched the videos. I am committed to spraying, however I have to clean this messy house first. I decided to start with my mother’s room since she was working. I did this all the while knowing she would not be happy.
I cleaned out her drawers, I cleaned out her closet, and I got the stuff off the floor. I put it all in bags and threw it outside. I left important clothing like work clothes, undergarments, pajamas, etc in her room for her convenience. This took me the entire day, and this is just one room.
My mom came home from work and was shocked to see the state of her room. It was clean, but it was empty. This is what made her upset. She started reminding me that she starved the bed bugs and that she no longer has them.
When she saw her empty closet (which was filled with clothes that she rarely wears), she started telling me that the bed bugs were not on hanging clothes. She said that I shouldn’t have cleaned her room and took her stuff elsewhere without her. My sisters agreed, telling me that they would be upset too and that it was wrong for me to do it.
I felt like I had to do this. My family isn’t taking this seriously. My mom’s in denial, and my sisters are pessimistic that we will get this under control. I figure if I start with my mom’s room then we would have to do the rest of the house.
I already started it and there’s no go back. I’m not doing this for us. I’m doing it for others. I do NOT want to give bed bugs to other people. Especially my dad. Only 30% of his heart is functioning and if he were to get bed bugs when we visit him then he would become stressed and have another heart attack.
He probably wouldn’t survive this one…this is why it’s so important to me.
So AITJ for emptying my mother’s room without her knowing about, it and knowing that doing good will make her upset?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are taking action and it needs to be done.
You didn’t do anything permanent with her things. You put them outside temporarily. She didn’t act. She’s exposing you to a dirty environment. Sometimes actions like yours will galvanize others. She can put everything back the way it was (ugh) if she wants.
But it will be much better for your work!” Euphoric_Travel2541
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think if you’re perceived as one, this time it is beyond 100% justifiable. They are freakin parasites that can go months without a blood source and it was putting the people in the house in danger.
Your actions will always be justifiable in this instance.” HolyUnicornBatman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is a rare exception to the rules about messing with other people’s belongings/ private space. This was a health & safety concern that affects everyone in the household. I wonder how the actual owners of the property would feel about an unaddressed infestation.
Your stepdad’s parents could be liable if the bedbugs spread to the neighbors.” rapt2right
13. AITJ For Wanting To Remove My Future Sister-In-Law As Bridesmaid Over Prenup Dispute?
“My future husband’s older sister (32F) is one of my bridesmaids. We’ve all known each other for 14 years. I started seeing him because he was my best friend.
My FH and this sister are signed onto a mortgage together. Their parents gifted 3 of the siblings the down payment for them to buy a house together and she couldn’t get approved for the mortgage on her own.
She is always doing little petty things that get under my skin.
It bugs me to death but I let them go in the name of peace. She’s outdone herself this time.
He moved out but has allowed her to keep the mortgage as it is until rates go down. Then she will refinance and take him off.
She says she has every intention of refinancing by the end of next year. Two days ago, she called him and asked him to sign a binding document that says he has no rights to the house (even though he will still be on the deed and named on the mortgage), or to have me sign a prenup so I “can’t try to come for her house” if we get divorced before she refinances.
I have never been against the idea of a prenup and my FH and I have talked about it. I don’t want anything from him. We make just about the same amount of funds (I may even make a little more). I know that, if anything were ever to happen, we would make sure each other was taken care of.
He and I agreed that we don’t see the need for one. But now, 28 DAYS until the wedding, she is trying to stiff-arm us into one over her $250k funds pit that has a year and some change paid off on it.
I can’t imagine having someone who truly believes that I would do something so unbelievable being my bridesmaid.
The people who stand by you are supposed to be the ones who will support you through your marriage, and she is already trying to put precautions in place in case we get divorced before the end of next year. The word “divorce” has been thrown around more in the past two days than it has in our entire relationship, 4 weeks from the wedding.
I want my FH to tell her that, if she thinks so poorly of his choice of a wife, she should just start the process of refinancing now. Then, I want to tell her that it doesn’t make sense to me to have someone stand in support of our marriage who believes it is fully possible we could be divorced in less than a year and a half.
WIBTJ if I asked her to step down?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Pre-nups aren’t necessarily hostile. It sounds like you don’t like them, and that’s your prerogative, but plenty of people see them as a sensible precaution and it’s not personal. I don’t consider myself to be pro-tornado but I still get homeowners insurance.
However, your future sister-in-law needs to refinance the house. Forcing your fiance to sign something saying he has no rights while he still has a legal obligation to pay the mortgage is bad. If she can’t trust him, why does he have to trust her?” Gloomy_Ruminant
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You have nothing against a prenup but don’t want to talk about the division of property or events in case of a divorce. Their details about the house should have been hammered out before this. The sister sounds like the least jerk in the whole situation because at least she is trying to deal with it before you get married and you become part of the negotiations too.
Throwing bridesmaid duties into this is just petty and uncalled for.” rightioushippie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Print a prenup online and sign your names as Minnie and Mickey Mouse. Then you can tell your ex-bridesmaid you did sign a prenup. Sorry, your husband’s credit is at the mercy of his sister.
Hope she keeps making the payments. If the parents gifted 3 children the down payment won’t the sister-in-law owe your husband funds for this house? Wasn’t he also helping with the payments when he lived there? You two are in a big financial mess. His parents were nuts to set this up.
Your fiance absolutely should not sign over his portion of the house until the mortgage is re-financed without his name. If he does forgo his interest in the house, he is financially on the hook with no property rights. Right now, he could legally force the sale of the property.” zoegi104
12. AITJ For Postponing My Wedding Due To Family Drama Over Donations?
“I (22F) and my fiance (26 M) had our wedding date set for October of next year. We announced it 3 months ago at a family barbecue, and everyone seemed excited. We’ve been engaged for a little over a year now, and we wanted to announce the date before we even sent out invitations so everyone could plan for it.
Our initial plan to pay for the wedding went as follows: we save $500 each month for a year. We are getting married at the small-town family church, so $6,000 is plenty to cover what we need.
A week after the announcement my parents (the bride’s parents) gave a very generous $2,000 donation to the wedding.
My parents and my partners have about the same finances. My parents decided to skip their spring break trip to donate.
My mother-in-law heard about the donation. (We thanked my parents publicly but didn’t specify the amount.) She decided at the next family gathering to ask my parents about it, where she learned the amount, and how they afforded that.
There was some conversation before I walked over, but this is what I heard my MIL say to my fiancé: “Don’t worry, I’ll pay for your next one.” (My MIL hasn’t ever liked me, she says I’m dramatic. She’s probably right tbh.) My fiancé told her firmly to shut up.
My parents looked annoyed as well.
My mom said she didn’t think it was fair that the bride’s side (of 6 people, a small family), donated more than my financial side (20 people). I don’t have any grandparents or aunts and uncles left, so my family is smaller.
I told them that I love their donation, but my MIL’s side does not need to donate. My MIL responded with a snappy, “I’m not giving up my vacation just because you two are broke.” I got angry and told her again that I didn’t want any funds from her.
In mid-April, my MIL posted on social media about her spontaneous New York 5-day Vacation with other members of my fiancé’s side of the family. My parents got very offended, thinking that if they had enough for a spontaneous vacation, why didn’t they help pay for the wedding?
I think they exaggerated the trip out of spite, but I still kinda agree. But at the end of the day, it’s their funds.
Now it’s May and both sides of the family are posting sassy social media posts, messaging inappropriate comments, and some not even talking.
I posted on social media that we’re putting the wedding off for now.
I posted “We are no longer planning our wedding for October. We want to be married and supported by loving family members, and we all know we’ve been lacking that recently.
We will replan the wedding at a later date.” I tagged everyone, and now everyone’s mad at me. I tried to stay out of the drama, but seriously- wtf!
AITJ/What do I do now??”
Another User Comments:
“ESH They are very juvenile. And so was your post. You could have just told them privately without the limelight of social media.
I am sure not everybody is talking about it and making it even bigger. You are all so dramatic I love it. Hope popcorn is served on the day.” KikiMadeCrazy
Another User Comments:
“ESH. The parents need to grow up this isn’t a competition, but you ‘canceling’ the wedding is just adding fuel to the fire and forcing both sides to dig in their heels and blame the other side, and tbh it only hurts you and your fiance.
Someone here needs to be mature, I suggest you talk to your side and your fiance talk to their side and if that doesn’t do it just elope somewhere and let the focus be on you two which is where it should be.” soxfan581
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You would not be the jerk for just deciding to postpone. But the way you did it? Dramatically tagging everyone on social media? I’m embarrassed for you. And you just proved future MIL right that you’re overly dramatic. No one owes you funds for your wedding.
Period. Your ILs could go on never-ending vacations and it would be irrelevant. The fact that you let your parents attack them for that is gross.” SpeechIll6025
11. AITJ For Not Wanting to Use My Cup After My Cousin Kept Using It Secretly?
“My mom brought home 2 identical yellow cups about 2 weeks ago. One for me and one for her.
As she gave it to me my cousin was in the kitchen with us unpacking the groceries. He said that we are finally having new cups to drink out of since the ones we have are “boring” looking. When my mom said that one was only for me to use since she didn’t mind everyone drinking out of hers he commented “She gets everything that she wants and that’s not fair.” I ignored him because it was just a cup and my mom bought it for me as a gift. It is also not the first time he comments on such things whenever he sees that I get something from someone.
I liked the cup so I decided to keep it in my room to prevent anybody from using it.
Fast forward to a few days, I kept waking up every morning to find my cup missing from my nightstand. That’s where I leave it every night after drinking tea out of it.
I didn’t think much of it because usually when dishes are left in the rooms they get taken down to the kitchen to be washed in the early mornings by whoever is doing the dishes. But I also began to notice that it’s never in one of the cupboards that the cups are.
It’s always standing out on the counter. Or in the sink.
I asked who was using my cup. Nobody knew. I wasn’t mad or anything because my mom had the same cup and I thought that it was a genuine mistake. As the days progressed my cup was missing from my nightstand every time I woke up.
I never saw anybody drinking out of it. I kept reminding myself to hide it, but I forgot to do so each time.
One morning I was lying underneath the covers still awake but it looked like I was asleep. I heard someone entering my room and taking the cup from my nightstand.
I overheard my Mom talking to my cousin telling him not to use my cup because I had been complaining that someone kept using it. She even offered him to use her cup instead but his only response was that I wouldn’t notice which cup it was because they looked the same.
When in fact I do know which one was mine. My mom’s cup had a small white spot on it that was barely visible but if you looked close enough you could see it. Mine did not have that. He insisted on using MY cup.
He has been using my cup this whole time from the day that it was given to me.
I don’t know how to feel honestly. I don’t want to use the cup anymore now even though I like it..”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But it sounds like your cousin is doing some weird territorial power play over something as small as a cup, and I’d hate to see your Mum getting hurt because of something he’s doing wrong.
Maybe get him a cup that he likes to get him off your back and put an end to it. But I’ve got to wonder if there’s some underlying reason he’s being so petty about a cup. Is he being treated unfairly by the family or is he just a jerk himself?” Larkus_Says
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and the cup is not the issue here. The super creepy problem is that your male cousin is sneaking into your bedroom when you are sleeping. You don’t give your age and you are female according to your narrative. Unless you are both under 10, this could evolve into an unsafe situation for you.” spinningcolours
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is quite strange behavior. So many questions. Why is cousin living with you? Why is cousin upset you have a linked cup with your mum and he doesn’t? Is cousin perhaps feeling left out? Maybe missing their parents or whomever in their life they may or may not have lost to be living with you and not their own immediate family.
Is it just you, mum, and cousin in the house? Could he have a ‘special’ cup with someone else or perhaps buy him his own yellow matching cup? How old is everyone?” CrankyArtichoke
10. AITJ For Confronting My Roommate About Her Cruel Treatment of Her Cat?
“I (19m) have a roommate (20f) that lives with me and my fiancé. Some context: We both have cats. My fiancé and I handle the treatment of our cat VERY differently than our roommate handles hers.
My cat, let’s call her, Bella, is a tabby mix and very loving. We are very careful to not overwhelm her and shower her with lots of affection and playtime. My roommate’s cat, Mary, gets probably the exact opposite from our roommate. I still try to treat Mary the same way I do Bella, but Mary isn’t very responsive to it.
When Bella gets into things or acts up, I just take her out of the situation. Like recently, she was playing with a charger, so I just took away the charger and put it out of reach. However, if Mary were to do that, my roommate would yell at her and clap loudly or rush over to the cat, causing her to run away.
Mary is very skittish due to my roommate’s behavior.
I have tried to kindly approach the subject and originally just decided, we just do things differently. Recently however the yelling has escalated to every time Mary does something my roommate doesn’t like. The biggest one is when the cat grooms herself.
As long as it’s her paws or back it’s fine. But the minute Mary begins to groom her hind legs, my roommate yells at her, asking for her to stop licking her private part. I don’t understand why! I have repeatedly educated my roommate that she isn’t doing something inappropriate, which is how my roommate responds to the situation.
A week ago, after Mary was yelled at for grooming herself when a friend was over, I lost it. I asked my roommate to privately speak with me after the friend left. I told her that I thought her treatment of her cat was cruel and unnecessary.
She got very mad and said that it was her cat, not mine, and that she could discipline her, however, my roommate wanted. I told her that her “discipline” wouldn’t teach her cat anything and would cause Mary way too much stress and anxiety.
Since then, my roommate has been complaining about me to my fiancé accusing me of being a bad friend that doesn’t respect her.
She is refusing to speak to me, and her behavior towards her cat is getting worse. This has been very upsetting because my roommate has been a very close friend of mine and my fiancé (which is why we signed a lease with her in the first place).
I don’t know if I am in the wrong here. Should I even try to do anything about it? I would appreciate advice on how to move forward.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is horrible, cats can get so stressed and anxious that they have heart attacks.
My aunt had a cat called Mary and the cat was so anxious and skittish one day it was running and just died out of nowhere of a heart attack it was only 3-6 at the time so not old. Honestly, if she continues to be abusive when the cat isn’t even doing anything wrong I’d contact animal services as the cat doesn’t deserve for the mistreatment to get worse as it’ll wreck its quality of life and could lead to death.” The_mad_Inari
Another User Comments:
“How else does she think Mary is going to get clean down there? Cats bathe themselves by licking. They don’t shower or use toilet paper. Your roommate is a lunatic. Poor Mary. Sounds like your jerk roommate needs to have a conversation with a vet and learn a thing or two about cats!
NTJ.” EconomyVoice7358
Another User Comments:
“Do this only in the extreme chance that she escalates the situation. Take a video of her mistreating the cat. Then threatened to send it to the authorities, report it, or post it on social media if she didn’t correct her ways.
If your relationship with her continues to be estranged, please try to adopt Mary as your own and tell her to stop getting animals if she doesn’t know how to take care of them and that she is highly irresponsible. But first: Consider talking with her about adopting Mary.
Try other calm conversations before doing this.” Skye_Lancer
9. AITJ For No Longer Accommodating My Friend's Extreme Spoiler Sensitivity?
“Last year, my whole friend group got into the game Final Fantasy XIV.
A girl I know got me into it and I, upon falling in love with the game, introduced a guy I know to it. This guy seemed to enjoy the game but quickly began to complain about spoilers. These early spoilers were things that were easy to avoid – us referencing future characters in text chats he could see, sending screenshots of future areas, etc. and as such we quickly accommodated him by moving these spoilers to private chats.
However, over time the spoilers he complained about grew more difficult to avoid and everybody around him has grown increasingly annoyed. It has gotten to the point where he would get angry with me and be audibly frustrated at the mere mention of the name of a future dungeon.
A few nights ago, I mentioned while he was around that a wall in a different medium kinda looks like a wall in the dungeon “Pagl’than” (a name which as far as I know is meaningless out of context and never mentioned in the game until you unlock the dungeon itself).
He immediately interjects, saying “Nice, dude,” in an extremely passive-aggressive tone, and that was the end of that conversation.
Last night, things kinda reached a boiling point. We were doing something completely different and he mentioned how he was considering recording himself playing through the rest of the game because we would spoil things whenever we played with him.
I asked him what these “spoilers” were and he explained that we spoiled things by saying things like “Oh I love the music in this boss fight” or getting excited when he was nearing major cutscenes. At that point, I gave up and told him that he shouldn’t bother recording it and to just not talk about the game with us; that it made everybody else feel like he’d rather do anything than just simply play a video game with us.
We then moved on from the topic, but it has kinda stuck with me. I feel like my other friends and I have made good efforts to avoid spoiling things for this friend, and this friend is complaining about really small things. I don’t want to be dismissive of his feelings but I feel like the rest of our friends group has done the best we can reasonably do to accommodate him short of simply not discussing the game.
Early on we were hoping that he would finish the game quickly and then we would be able to freely discuss the game, but instead, he has been going weeks without completing a single story mission while still expecting us to avoid discussing the story.
I’m tempted to simply tell him that we’re done trying to accommodate him; that if he doesn’t want the story spoiled he can finish the game with or without us. Would I be the jerk if I did that? Also, are my friends and I jerks for “spoiling” the game in the way he claims?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – however, why don’t you guys just take an evening, party up with him, and level him up through the game? I don’t know how far ahead the rest of you are in the game, but if you are truly ‘in love’ with it, then running a ‘catch Friend X up’ campaign one night would stop the issues with spoilers.
If you do that and if he doesn’t continue to play and stay about where you are, that’s on him, and he can’t complain about spoilers, because he’s going to run into whatever you are talking about soon anyway. Give him a Chocobo, and tell him to get his backside grinding.” naginata
Another User Comments:
“You’ve double-edged buster-sworded yourself. Let me rephrase this in a way that may seem a bit easier to see his point of view. You have 2 friends. Both your friends are going to see the movie. You don’t want the movie ruined by a spoiler until you see it.
They, however, Keep telling you all the plot points and ruin the ending. Did they ruin the movie for you? If no then YTJ. You have to fall in love with the story and game on your terms but are stealing that from someone else and simply don’t care.
If yes, then YTJ because you understand how annoying spoilers are and still did it. I’d almost say they haven’t bothered completing the game because you’ve ruined it for them.” Sufficient-Type-4545
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk – I feel that spoilers are only spoilers for so long after a game, movie, or show has come out.
FF XIV came out 11 years ago. It seems silly to me to keep trying to stay away from spoilers for a game that’s so old. That being said, I would have an honest conversation about it with this friend. I would say, hey pal, we all love this game and we want to talk about it, preferably with you.
Is there any way that you can keep on it so that we can all start talking about it together? I know you don’t want any spoilers but we’re all about over this hyper focus and if you want us to be able to talk about it with you and remember what happened as well then you need to hurry up.” ahsokathedragon
8. AITJ For Not Telling My Roommates That I'm Their Landlord?
“I (F28) got a job when I was 17 and lived at home saving as much as I could until I was 26, at which point I bought a small apartment for myself with a small mortgage.
(That I could afford whether I rented or not).
It has two rooms, one is bigger with an ensuite and the other is single. I didn’t want to live alone for safety reasons, so I posted about getting a roommate (them having the ensuite). I got lots of messages, but when people found out I was the landlord, they usually left the conversations.
I was very upfront that I wanted clean/tidy/organized/quiet/non-drinking people and my sister said that was probably sending a ‘toxic message’ since I was also the landlord. So I stopped mentioning that and very shortly after I found people.
They’re a nice engaged couple (F29 and M28) and though I wouldn’t say we are close best friends, but we are friendly, have dinner together sometimes and the living situation has been nice.
The rent was on the cheaper side of average in our area, we split bills, streaming and internet, etc. But they did not know I was the landlord.
I will fully admit, I can be strict. I hate things being messy/disorganized/loud, and especially since I am the owner I want things sorted quickly to avoid damage.
So a few times I have scheduled “checks” to get things rolling if they’re being pushed aside and mentioned I might have to complain if things weren’t tidied up properly.
Recently, the girl had some health issues and has been working less, which means they have been struggling with rent payments.
Again, I don’t *need* their funds to pay off the mortgage, but have been using it to help give me some extra funds.
I decided to come clean and mentioned I would cut the rent payments fully until she got better and found stable work again.
They were nice about it and took the deal until she got better. They then moved about last month and I went on the search for new roommates.
They started trashing me to everyone they knew about how I lied about being the landlord, was a strict pain in the rear, was trying to take their funds in a cost-of-living crisis to pay off my debts, etc.
Word has gotten around and I’ve stopped taking enquires. Some of my friends and family members are saying I was a jerk and should have been honest about it from the get-go, others are saying I didn’t owe them that information and ended up doing them a favor.
I don’t know what to believe. Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were misleading for your benefit. Depending on where you live, there are rules for landlords who don’t live on the property accessing the property, including providing a certain amount of notice.
If you live there those don’t apply, but your tenants don’t know that. They would have expected a reasonable amount of privacy from their landlord and you knowingly denied them of that. You also may have different eviction abilities, which again is to your benefit.
I’m not sure if this would be illegal, but if I were them I would look into it. And if I was someone interested in renting and I heard this, I wouldn’t consider you and I would warn people.” Somebiglebowski
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. But I would say you more than your tenants. You withheld material information that affected whether someone wanted to live there. Of course, they’re going to be upset. I never want to live in the same apartment as my landlord. I do not want to share a living space with someone who is in a position of power over me.
Living as a landlord without disclosing it to your tenant is the equivalent of a landlord installing CCTVs in the common areas of the apartment without telling the tenants. Because you’re able to see every single thing that your tenants do. Not everyone can live comfortably in that kind of environment.” Cats-in-the-rain
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So you just wanted to leech off of someone else’s income because you wanted some pocket cash? You admit yourself you’re strict and a pain in the rear to live with and would low-key threaten them if they didn’t do something exactly the way you wanted. That’s the reason people don’t live with landlords.
The person who can snatch your housing away is living with you and spying on everything you do. Get a job and stop relying on other people’s income.” Gandalf_The_Wise_Cat
7. AITJ For Firing A 14-Year-Old Employee For Taking An Extended Break During Dinner Rush?
“I (24M) am the kitchen manager at the restaurant I work at. Tuesdays are my one day off a week, but since I live only a 10ish minute drive away I’m always on call.
Last night was a busier night than normal, and around 6:45 I got called and asked to come in and help. I get there and only see 3 of the 4 kitchen staff (Alex 17F, Bob 20M, Hal 28F, and Tom 14M) in the kitchen, with 25 orders and struggling to keep up.
I start helping and ask where Tom is at. All 3 of them say they don’t know and he disappeared right before they called me. They thought he had just gone to the restroom so didn’t mention on the call that he was gone.
We had to catch up on orders so I didn’t have time to go look for him, after 40 minutes we were caught up enough that I went to look.
I go into the dining room and see him sitting at a table eating food. I called him over and asked where he was for almost the last hour, and he said he was on break(employees get a 30-minute paid break per shift). I then asked why all 3 other staff didn’t know where he was, and he said that they were lying and that he had asked Bob if he could have an order that was made wrong as his meal and then went on break(we let employees have mess ups for free so we lower our food loss).
I told him I don’t believe that all 3 other workers would lie about knowing he was on break, and regardless he took a break twice as long as allowed during our dinner rush so I told him to clock out and found replacements for his other shifts.
I went back to the kitchen and asked Bob about the order made wrong and Bob said he did ask to have it, but assumed that he was going to box it up to take home since he never said the word break.
Today at work a few servers and bartenders asked about it since they heard he was let go, I told them what happened and they think I shouldn’t have fired him because he was just eating with his family and is a kid who didn’t know any better.
I asked them how they would feel if in the middle of the dinner rush, the 3rd server just left so it was only 2 servers for the entire dining room, but they said that would be different and I went too far. He had been working for about a month, done training for 2 weeks, and clearly understood our protocols for taking a break yet still abandoned his shift for an hour causing the rest of the staff to struggle.
The owners are on my side but just wanted to see other people’s thoughts.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He’s 14. You could have just written him up and docked his hours. He’d have learned. Plus, if things are so dire that you’re always on call and can’t get one day off, seems like staffing’s an issue.
Now you’re down another person and have to train and get another person up to speed.” snarksallday
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You let go a 14-year-old for eating with his family. No warning, no discussion, just out the door. He probably didn’t think he was doing very much wrong, and he might even have been somewhat pressured by his family to sit down and eat with them.
Everyone deserves a warning. He needed to know that wasn’t cool to leave the other workers short, but to be let go on the spot for it seems, I dunno… draconian.” TabbieAbbie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and buying into the disposable-worker, fire-anyone-for-anything attitude is jerk behavior.
He’s 14, he shouldn’t even be having to work, let alone be put on the busiest shift. You’re expecting professional adult work from a child who is already showing a good work ethic by having a job at all. Confusion around break time aside, he didn’t do much wrong.
You’ve been a bad manager and need to take this as an opportunity to look at your professional behavior. It is your fault you have a 14-year-old on a dinner rush. It’s crazy that’s even legal.” ChrisHarpham
6. AITJ For Considering Controlling My Mother's Finances If She Moves In?
“I (57M) have been married to my wife (36F) for two years. Up until a month ago my mother(72) has lived in her own home across the country. She and I have not had much of a relationship most of my life since she moved across the country when I was 14.
We talked on the phone about once a month but never saw each other. She has been a heavy drinker most of her life. I have told her that I don’t like her calling me when she is intoxicated but she does it anyway. About a year ago she called me while intoxicated and asked me if she could move in with me if she decided to move back to my state.
I told her I would not discuss this with her when she is intoxicated and we never spoke about it again.
This past November she mentioned to me again that she wanted to sell her home and move out here. I warned her not to do it.
I live in California and she is in Louisiana which is much cheaper to live in. I suggested that my brother (single and rents a room) move out there. He can help her out and keep her house when she passes.
They both said they didn’t want to do that and she was still dead set on moving to California.
She said she was going to move back in March.
One day in March I got a call from her, she was on her way to Cali and was already in Arizona. I asked about her house she said she left it in the care of someone she met and they will pay the mortgage, fix it up, and then sell it for her..
she would get 20k out of it. She moved in with her sister who lives out here. I found out she had no ID. She closed her bank account in Louisiana and has no way to cash her retirement checks. Now she is calling me asking if she can stay with me because she and her sister are not getting along.
I am so irritated at this point because I told her months ago it was not a good idea for her to come back here.
I told her that if she was going to stay with me and my wife I would file to get control of her finances.
I intend to find her an apartment close by since I don’t want her intoxicated in my house all the time. My wife and I are trying to have kids of our own. (My wife has been amazing about all of this. She supports my stance and is willing to help me deal with my mother) Would I be the jerk if I stood by this ultimatum?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ Why on earth would you even consider having this woman live in your home? NOT! She’s an adult, and you don’t have any rights to her finances, but you do have a right to keep that door closed. Please, for your sake and your wife’s sake, do not do this to yourselves.
There is no way you could raise a child with this much toxicity in the house.” lilolememe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would avoid your mom living with you like the plague. Finances or no finances. Nothing good will come of it. Why would you even want an intoxicated person living with you and your wife?
What happens if she is living with you and you and your wife have a child? Would you want your child to grow up around an intoxicated grandma? Just say no, no, no, no! When she shows up, tell her you never agreed for her to live with you and your wife and she will have to move to Louisiana.
Take it from me. There is more to life than being around an intoxicated person. They suck the life out of you. But, then, you already know that.” LowGiraffe4095
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… But like, do not move this woman into your house for one day, even if she agrees to you controlling her finances.
It’s just not going to work out how you want it to because she is gonna mess it up somehow. Who on earth moves to Cali with no funds or legitimate plan for a living space? She didn’t even figure out how to access her finances before she made a huge move.
She needs to be turned around and sent back from where she came.” Buffalo-Empty
5. AITJ For Leaving My Inconsiderate Roommate Without Notice?
“I (20F) had concerns about my side of the room in our new dorms, so I planned my trip to the hostel early. Sarah(19F), my new roommate, wanted the left side, and I agreed, intending to switch later. I told her I’d rearrange my side to avoid the washroom smell.
When she showed up two days later, she complained about the arrangement calling it ‘unacceptable’, but we managed to hash out a new room arrangement after some back and forth (although she wouldn’t let me speak). She kept saying how anxious she felt about speaking up, and how she was a people-pleaser.
For the next 10 days, she left her bags unpacked, blocking my cupboards, claiming she’d sort it soon while talking about changing rooms, leaving me unable to access my stuff, yet insisting we’d “figure it out”, despite having space under her desk.
After she asked to host a dance party shortly after we met, I expressed discomfort with strangers in our room; later, she unpacked and took up most of the space so I asked for adjustments she got angry and stormed out after flinging her laundry bag in frustration, yelling “ this is wanted right?
You didn’t like the laundry bag?” She finally listens after I tell her it’s my room too.
I adjusted my study habits when she asked, but when I asked for the same, she just got mad about it. I avoided the bathroom due to her lack of hygiene to prevent conflict.
When I got back from being ill for three weeks, I let my roommate borrow my fairy lights, but when I mentioned her using my stuff too much, especially my extension cord, she took it as mean and hurtful, even though she had her things.
She calls me inconsiderate but then claims her actions as consideration, despite my efforts to accommodate her.
Next few days she passive-aggressively did things to annoy me, despite inconveniencing her too.
She tells me to silence my phone notifications because they annoy her, but she continues to talk loudly on calls till 3 am, won’t let me open the blinds because the light hurts her, yet ironically stays up late on calls and keeps her lights on.
Fed up with her, I tried to switch rooms, but struggled to find someone willing to swap because of her reputation; when I learned she was going on a trip, I pushed harder and managed to move out the day after she left. Once she left, I moved out, turned in my keys, and never looked back; I still feel conflicted, I’m relieved to be out of that mess, wondering if I handled things wrong and was rude for leaving without a word.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you did what was best for you, it‘s not like you tried to get her evicted, or other horrible stuff. It‘s one thing when you both rent a flat and leave without notice then you would have been a jerk, but moving out to another dorm room nah.” m0veal0ngplease
Another User Comments:
“For me, NTJ. You tried to be a considerate roommate but also wanted consideration in return. You didn’t get it. So the consideration of giving her a heads-up before moving out was lost by her actions. I wouldn’t waste time worrying if you’re the jerk or not.
She’s not your roommate anymore. Onwards and upwards. Put her in your rearview mirror and wash your hands of the whole thing. Guilt, in this instance, is pointless. If she’d ever had a moment’s consideration for you, I would be saying otherwise.
But she didn’t.” JaneDoe_83
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s treated you like dirt too much and too long to be worthy of expecting a shred of courtesy from you. You did the right thing. I get the feeling that if you had told her, it would have turned into another excuse to berate or insult you or turn it into a guilt trip.
Some people are better when they’re at a distance.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
You are NTJ
4. AITJ For Confronting My Father-In-Law About Misusing Our Tax Payments for His Cabin?
“After getting married 9 years ago, my father-in-law gave me a document from his accountant. He said it was for my wife’s taxes, and that I would need to include it in our tax filing.
The document was a K-1 form, and listed about $3,000 of dividends and interest income attributable to my wife.
The document also listed my wife’s balance (about $130,000). I assumed that the $130,000 was funds held for my wife in a trust and that the dividends and interest income would be held for her as well. Under this assumption, I gladly paid the taxes every year.
Earlier this year I learned that my father-in-law plans to use all the funds for a family cabin and to give joint ownership of the cabin to each of his six kids. My wife and I want nothing to do with joint ownership. We would rarely use the cabin and don’t want to owe thousands a year for utilities, maintenance, property taxes, etc. Furthermore, we don’t want to deal with the inevitable disputes that would arise between her siblings regarding the use of the cabin, who owes what, etc.
At this point, my wife and I had paid $6,031 in taxes for the income to be used for the cabin, and I was upset that we were never told the income would be used that way. As I saw it, the cabin was my father-in-law’s dream, not ours.
I believed he should have paid the taxes on that income, not us.
My wife called my father-in-law to discuss the issue. He told her the funds were not held in a trust, but a Family Limited Partnership (FLP). An FLP is more difficult to get out of than a trust, but he offered to buy her out for $100.
Furthermore, he offered to pay us the $6,031 we had paid in taxes. (My wife said he didn’t have to.)
Later, I called my father-in-law. I spoke calmly. I told him my wife and I had been hurt by the way the FLP was operated, but that I wanted to be at peace with the situation and move forward with a positive relationship.
I asked that he buy my wife out as he offered. I then said that as the one who manages our family’s finances, I thought it would be appropriate for him to pay us the $6,031, even though my wife said he didn’t have to. Finally, I suggested that he pay cash distributions each year to each of the other five siblings to offset their tax liability.
I said that was the expectation of FLP legal experts, per research I had done online.
When we visited my in-laws a few weeks later, he bought my wife out for $100 and wrote her a check for the additional $6,031 in taxes. I didn’t discuss the matter at all with them during our visit.
We had a great time together.”
Another User Comments:
“OP just receiving a check doesn’t absolve you from the FLP. You need to either have the FLP dissolved and then reestablished without your wife’s name (with actual notarized paperwork) or all of the members agreeing that your wife’s FIL receiving agreement from all of the other members that he can buy out their share for the agreed upon price (as long as it follows along with the lines of the partnership agreement buy-out clause) and it’s again notarized. Otherwise, she’s still on the hook being a member on paper because writing a check won’t change the paper filing with your particular Secretary of State’s guidelines, as well as the IRS.” NumbersGuy22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Given how the situation panned out, it seems that you dealt with it professionally. Also, you simply gave your father-in-law a suggestion based on what you read. In the end, it’s still up to him to do what he wants to, so NTJ.” Exciting-Shock9869
3. AITJ For Feeling Hurt After Not Being Invited to My Childhood Best Friend's Wedding?
“So my childhood best friend moved a few hours away back in 4th grade, we’re 22 now. We have stayed in touch all these years and still see each other once or twice a year.
Well, she got engaged last year. I called her and we screamed on the phone and were so excited. When I started seeing my current partner about 4 years ago, I drove him to her city to meet her. She was an important person in my life and I wanted him to meet her.
This girl and I have been friends for 15 years. She means the world to me.
So, it never crossed my mind that I wouldn’t be invited to her wedding. She has a very wealthy family and they know a lot of people. She also has a ton of friends, she’s always been popular and makes friends everywhere she goes.
So I know this will be a huge wedding.
Well, I didn’t get asked to be a bridesmaid. I didn’t take it personally, I knew she just had so many friends and I didn’t know any of them really despite meeting a few times.
And then, her bridal shower pictures got posted. I hadn’t been invited to that either. But I again didn’t take it personally and figured maybe she just didn’t think I’d make the drive to be there. And then, I didn’t get invited to her wedding.
It’s next month and I’ve yet to receive an invite. She and I chatted on the phone 2 months ago, 3 months ago, around Christmas. Our normal monthly check-ins. Everything has been normal and fine. Well, she didn’t text me happy birthday in March.
And then I texted her in April, no response. And now her wedding is next month and I didn’t get an invite. I know what venue she will have it at because I know her well. This venue is massive. I know her parents are multimillionaires at this point, so it’s going to be big.
But I didn’t ever think I wouldn’t be invited. I thought there was a chance she’d ask me to be IN the wedding. I had planned on her being a bridesmaid at my wedding. And to not even be invited?
I feel hurt and confused. There was no falling out, no negativity, no reason I can think of that would make her not want me around.
Am I crazy? Does this mean she doesn’t want my friendship anymore? Did she just forget about me? Should I even say anything or just let our friendship fizzle out since it seems that’s what she wants?
I’m so hurt. The thought of not calling her my friend and never meeting each other’s future children is heartbreaking to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s very hurtful, but she has moved on from you. It’s painful but you need to accept it and move on with your life. That she didn’t message you on your birthday, or respond to your message, let alone the fact that you weren’t invited to these significant events, is your proof.
It’s a tough part of life but it happens. For your own sake, deal with the loss and then focus on the people who are in your life now, let go of the past. Sometimes people aren’t meant to be in our lives forever, I hope one day you can enjoy the memories without feeling sad.
It’s up to you, but don’t send a card, don’t humiliate yourself like that. If you do, I think you will have to accept that it probably won’t be acknowledged. I’m sorry this happened to you because it does hurt. Be kind to yourself OP.” YrCeridwen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you cannot be the jerk for being upset. But you need to realize you are not friends anymore. Tbh, I would end the contact here and now. do not congratulate her… just keep silent. PS: I simply do not understand why people think planning a wedding is so stressful that our whole life revolves around it.
Making you forget friends, birthdays, manners… and yes, I am married and I planned my whole wedding and I planned the weddings of family members.” Outrageous-Muffin375
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. And this is coming from someone who relates to you – I am very sentimental, get attached to people, and still consider people I went to kindergarten with my friends.
Feeling hurt about this is not a bad thing. The fact that she views your friendship differently – maybe a childhood friend turned dear acquaintance – doesn’t make her the jerk either though. Nor does it mean that you’ll never be close friends again – these things come in phases.” Casutama
2. AITJ For Reporting a Classmate Who Spread Rumors About Me?
“I (16M) share a class with Jessica (17F), and our interactions have been anything but smooth. Initially, we connected over our shared interests in music, games, and languages.
However, things shifted when I developed feelings for her and anonymously inquired about her relationship status. Learning she wasn’t single, we agreed to maintain a friendship, which I genuinely valued.
Despite our agreement, Jessica suddenly blocked me on social media and stopped responding to my messages.
Confused and hurt, I tried to reach out several times, only to be met with silence. When she questioned a mutual friend, Bobby (16M), about my absence, Bobby said there was “beef” between me and her.
She asked to talk so we unblocked each other, and Jessica explained that she felt overwhelmed by the amount of messages I sent to her and my friends in general. Acknowledging her discomfort, I apologized and promised to reduce my texting frequency.
In return, Jessica agreed to communicate her feelings more openly.
However, our attempts at reconciliation were short-lived. Jessica once again ghosted me without warning. This time, I decided to move on and began talking to another girl, Sandy (15F). When I casually inquired about Sandy’s relationship status, Jessica reacted defensively, which struck me as odd.
It wasn’t long before I discovered the unsettling truth: Jessica had been spreading rumors about me, branding me as a “creep” based on a vague “gut feeling.” This baseless accusation led to confrontations from strangers, including a distressing incident during lunch when a group of girls I’d never seen before approached me, hurling insults and accusations.
Because of a school event, we were both attending we were forced to discuss our issues, and Jessica couldn’t provide concrete evidence for her accusations. Instead, she vaguely mentioned my ‘obsessive’ behavior which she couldn’t elaborate on. Moreover, she questioned the authenticity of my past relationship, despite evidence proving otherwise.
Despite my efforts to confront her about the rumors, she adamantly denied everything and persisted in spreading falsehoods about me
Feeling unfairly targeted and desperate to clear my name, I reported Jessica’s behavior to the school. However, her response was one of denial and defensiveness, despite multiple sources confirming her actions.
This relentless campaign against me has taken a toll on my mental well-being. I’ve been labeled a “snitch” and a “jerk” by Jessica and her circle, further exacerbating the situation as she continues to talk about me. Despite my efforts to resolve the conflict, Jessica remains steadfast in her refusal to acknowledge her wrongdoing.
I’m at a loss for how to proceed. I’ve been transparent about my intentions and have made genuine efforts to address Jessica’s concerns. However, her refusal to take responsibility for her actions and her continued spread of rumors have left me feeling powerless and frustrated.”
Another User Comments:
“Unless I’m missing something, Jessica didn’t lie. She said you made her uncomfortable although she had trouble articulating why. You might not enjoy hearing it, but that was her experience of your interactions. Why shouldn’t she talk to her friends about something that was bothering her?
Maybe it was truly unfounded. There are plenty of people in the world who have done nothing wrong but I don’t particularly care for them. And that’s ok – not everyone will like everyone else. I’d feel zero guilt saying to someone I was close to “I can’t put my finger on why but they sort of rub me the wrong way”.
It’s not a rumor – it’s just an opinion. Jessica’s friends might have been out of line for harassing you (although without more details I’ll reserve judgment). But Jessica appears to be blameless based on the facts you presented. YTJ” Gloomy_Ruminant
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you don’t report it, she gets to continue harassing you and trashing your name. Since you did report it, she still name-called you though at least this time it was a weak pathetic attempt at her trying to save face. She is an absolute loser and you are better off with her far away from you but that doesn’t mean she can’t still suck.
Maybe address these rumors by replying with what I think is the truth – she is obsessed with you and she should move on with her life like you plan to. And if she still spreads rumors tell people how truly sad it is. Sad she just can’t move on.” More-Diet3566
1. AITJ For Removing My Non-Responsive Bridesmaid From The Wedding Party?
“My fiancé doesn’t have a sister but he has a family friend, we’ll call her Sally, who is like his unbiological sister.
My fiancé made my brother one of his groomsmen, so I decided to make Sally a bridesmaid. Sally was excited because she said that her sister intended to have her as a bridesmaid last summer, but didn’t. This made me happy because Sally seemed to be genuinely happy and excited. Fast forward a few months and we have put together group chats for the bachelorette and wedding events.
The first text I send is a greeting and I ask the girls to introduce themselves via text so that everyone has each other’s numbers. Everyone responds except Sally.
Weeks go by, and the girls start asking about dress info so I send it to them, but still nothing from Sally.
My sister starts asking me who the extra number is in the chat and I’m starting to get worried so I have Sally over for dinner. While she’s over I tell her that I’m concerned and I need her to respond to the group chat just so that we all know she’s a part of it.
She apologizes and reassures me that I have nothing to worry about and that she’s there for me whenever I need something.
Fast forward a month, and Sally has said nothing in the group chat. The girls are now planning things for the bachelorette, my sister is ordering t-shirts, etc. So my sister is asking for everyone’s shirt size among other things, and nothing from Sally.
I’m starting to stress over this because now my sister and other bridesmaids have noticed Sally’s silence and they’re texting me separately about it. I told my fiancé and he decided to reach out to Sally since she’s technically from “his side”.
My fiancé sends a text asking Sally if she plans to be a part of the wedding because we haven’t heard from her and it’s stressing me out. Sally gets back to my fiancé with an angry text and sends me one as well.
She says that we are asking too much of her and that she has to focus on herself. She also says that I need to stop worrying and that she is “past exhaustion” trying to show up for herself. I respond by saying that we understand if she’s going through something but she needs to participate if she wants to be a part of this.
I told her that we love her and she’s not alone and that we’re here if she needs anything. This was a month ago and I haven’t heard anything since, so I’ve decided to remove her from the bridal party. Still planning on sending an invite though!
So, AITJ for kicking her out of the bridal party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it seems like there is a reason the sister didn’t have her in the bridal party. Sally has said she has too much going on and needs to focus on herself.
That would have been the time to say that you understand if she needs to step out of being in the wedding and that she’s of course still invited. Anyhow, since she’s had multiple opportunities to respond to messages and didn’t, it’s time to leave her behind.
However, be prepared for this to blow up and for the groom’s family to get dragged in.” BluePopple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just cover your back on this one and keep the important folks in the loop to avoid the inevitable blowback when she finds out.
As the other poster said, I’m sure she’ll suddenly be shocked and appalled to find out she isn’t at the wedding party. Do what you can to avoid that outcome” steve_french07
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but discuss it with your fiancé, have it be a joint decision from both of you.
The message should include the “we care about you, and your mental health, we understand you don’t have the time and bandwidth to be part of the wedding party, we do want you to come to the wedding and share our day with us.” Be prepared for someone to start stirring trouble.
Make sure the message is” we love Sally, we hope she will be at the wedding.” PleaseCoffeeMe
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