People Try To Get Out Of These 'Am I The Jerk?' Situations
20. AITJ For Insisting We Move In With My Mother-In-Law Against My Husband's Wishes?
“My (25F) husband (26M) ‘John’’ has a strained relationship with his mother ‘Paula’ (55F). She wasn’t abusive or anything. She was from what I’ve been told very overprotective and a bit controlling but she did love and care for him. He moved out when he was 18 to get out from under her thumb and visited and called only rarely before they reconciled when he was 23.
I started seeing my husband a couple of months before they reconciled and she has been nothing but great and kind to me since he introduced as. We have a great relationship. With the only hiccup being that she was upset we chose to elope rather than have a wedding when we found out I was pregnant.
But her excitement over being a grandmother quickly made her get over it. She helped me a lot with the pregnancy like buying gifts for the baby like a cradle and baby clothes. I gave birth a couple of months ago. She has since been a tremendous aid babysitting for free so we can work without worrying about daycare, helping with chores, etc.
Unfortunately, my husband lost his job a month ago. He has been unable to find another job in his field that pays anywhere near as much. He was able to get a job as a waiter and the wages plus tips were alright but still not enough to pay for our rent and bills even with the income from my job.
I had to sell some chairs on a social media platform to have enough to pay our rent. After talking to Paula about this she offered to let us move in with her. Her house has a large basement that would allow us to have our privacy well living with her.
She owns the house so all she asks is that we help pay some of the bills. I told my husband about this and he refused. This triggered an argument. I asked him how he expected us to pay our bills, maybe he wanted to sell our bed or TV next? He said that he could work overtime or get a second job.
I replied by saying that then I would be doing all the chores plus taking care of our baby. Our argument got pretty heated and I got fed up and said that we were moving in with Paula and that was final. I love my husband but even I admit that he has always been a bit of a pushover, so when I said that we were moving in with Paula and that was final, he relented. We are preparing to move in with her in a couple of weeks.
I was talking to some of my friends about this and they said that it was wrong of me to make the decisions for both of us against my husband’s wishes. I’m just doing what I think is best for us and our baby. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Dare I say it, but your post comes across as a little controlling too? I do however see your viewpoint, but *demanding* this of your Husband when you know he has a strained relationship with his Mom, is very disrespectful to him as your Husband and the Father of your child.
Either way, this should be a joint decision you both make, not one side giving an ultimatum.” OnlymyOP
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re very dismissive of your husband’s experiences and feelings towards **his mother** and upbringing. You also made a unilateral decision against his wishes without even discussing or exploring other options or creating an actual plan for the future.
“Let’s move in with your mom indefinitely” is not a plan nor is it reasonable to present to a man who had to leave home at 18 to escape said mom. ” GhostParty21
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I won’t be surprised if your husband ends up leaving you.
I understand the situation is stressful but you come off as a self-centered controlling jerk. His mom may be a good person now but you have no idea what kind of parent she was. Only your husband knows that. On paper, it sounds like a good idea to move in with her but true colors come out when you live with someone.
Honestly moving in with her does sound like the best solution. It’s the way that you spoke to your husband that I find gross. You have no right to tell your husband what you are doing. He’s your partner, not your child. If you were a man Reddit would rip you a new jerk for the “that’s final” comment.
You know he’s a “pushover” which is why you feel comfortable steamrolling him. I feel sorry for your husband. Coming home to two controlling dominating women.” Unicornfarts68
19. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Husband's Family Gathering?
“DH’s families have arranged an annual gathering every year. Previously, we stayed with everyone at the location 400 miles from our home.
We often left the gathering feeling left out but a huge relief it ended.
We just had a little one not long ago. The last time we were there, it was for the sake of him to be around his cousins and the rest of my DH’s family.
This year we were promised to stay at his aunt’s. Just a few days ago, she changed her mind. We were left to find rental accommodation at the last minute, considering the gathering will be during the school summer holidays.
Today I told DH that he should take our LO to this year’s gathering, without me.
Recently DH solo travelled to see his dad who has been poorly and immobile for several years. He promised to bring our LO to his next visit. DH thinks he can’t manage a road trip of 400 miles alone with our toddler.
DH and I have been married for 15 years.
I (F 41) never feel I am being a part of his family. He (M 46) also admitted not being popular among his crews. ( Even though we only see his family once a year, max) My DH and I agreed we are different kinds of people compared to his family, putting it mildly.
My argument, I left my hometown in another country two decades ago. DH and I had last seen my parents at our wedding. I made peace with myself about being so far away from my people, even before I had a child. LO never met my parents or anyone on my side.
When I pushed to make a plan to visit them, DH would have excuses about our finances or other non-valid reasons. He doesn’t support my idea to travel, just me and LO. Neither, he wants to come with me. Ended up, LO and I have not traveled to visit my family.
I spelled this out today to DH. He was disappointed. He insisted I should go on this trip, for LO’s sake. He kept saying that he promised my FIL who potentially might pass away in a few months. If I didn’t come to this gathering, he would miss this chance with his dad.
I despise traveling in the car for eight hours and have to put my LO through it. I have to spend two nights with people who do not appreciate our company or do not acknowledge the effort we are putting in. I hate that DH made no effort for my family.
I am not taking away a chance for LO to say farewell to his grandad. I just want DH to get on with his own family business.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re not so DH has been given the option of taking the toddler, going by himself, or staying home – it seems like he just wants you along to watch the kid for him so he’s refusing all options he’s been offered. Stand your ground – it’s his family and he’s the one that said he’d do it, not you” Ok_Homework8692.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but is there a compromise for you both to go another weekend and just spend time with his dad and not the entire family? Less stress and probably more 1:1 time with his dad? Also, he needs to put forth effort to visit your family or bring your parents to wherever you are.
I’d say go without him, but if you are in the US I believe you need both parent’s signatures for a passport.” User
18. AITJ For Offering To Pay My Teenage Stepson To Clean The House?
“I (36 F) have two kids (7F and 3M) with my husband (40 M). I’m an attorney. He’s a stay-at-home dad. He has two other kids, my stepsons, 16 and 20.
The 16-year-old, “Blake”, he didn’t have contact with until 2 years ago. Since then we’ve had him stay for a couple of holidays and several weeks each summer. He’s been here a couple of weeks.
At the end of last year, right before the end of school, he dropped out.
16 is the age our state requires. His mom doesn’t care. He wants to move and stay with us. All parties are okay with this. He’s had some trauma and I do think this could be a good thing. We’re leaving it open and up to him if he stays.
He says he’s going to study for his GED.
He’s our kid and a minor. He’s not going to be expected to pay rent or for food or anything. He will have an allowance.
My husband is a stay-at-home dad, but he has a not great back, all three kids are autistic and our littlest has higher support needs.
I work not quite as ridiculous hours as some attorneys but I’m drained at the end of the day. This has led to our house occasionally being a wreck. We’ve hired people to do deep cleans before but haven’t found anyone who works consistently to do cleanings -we live in a kind of rural area and there aren’t any big cleaning agencies.
It’s all just individual people.
Anyhow, I offered to pay him to clean the house regularly. I offered the going rate ($20/hr) but also with the expectation that it would be reasonably cleaned in a reasonable time. Like, I trust him, but he’s a teenager.
I’m not out to screw him over. It’s not required of him, but it gives him extra money. We agreed it’s probably 4-5 hours a week of work. He seemed excited about it because he had a job during the school year in his hometown.
Anywho, I still feel like this is all reasonable, but I told some of my friends and two of them said I was a jerk for asking him even if I was offering to pay him because I was treating him like labor. My husband also doesn’t love it (I discussed it with him first and he said it was up to B but he thought it was weird).
I thought it would be a good way to help out our WHOLE household with a cleaner house and give Blake the ability to earn reliable money when he wants to, but now I’m questioning whether I should have not and let him look for a job if he wanted (to be clear though if he wants to do that instead or in addition he can.
Or to not do either and just focus on his GED.) It’s going to be an adjustment for everyone of course, and I am worried I made a huge error.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This idea seems to suit everyone, so go for it.
This arrangement will help you greatly with the organization of the house and take the strain off your husband’s back while allowing Blake to make some money and take responsibility. If it works for your family, don’t take other people’s opinions into account.” PandaCotton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Normally, he would be in school, so you’d have to try and hire someone else to do the cleaning. You’re asking him to go above and beyond normal cleaning duties – but you’re paying him for his time. There’s no parentification going on here.
A couple of hours a week sounds doable. It’s a simply laid out opportunity to take some responsibility with a clearly defined reward.” Graflex01867
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – to be honest, this is a NICE offer, especially because it doesn’t sound like this kid is getting much structure to begin with and it’s a good way of giving him additional money and the flexibility to study for his GED. You aren’t treating it as a mandatory chore or punishment for dropping out and you are paying a pretty fair wage for what will likely be less-than-stellar cleaning compared to an actual cleaning professional. You’ve also based it all on consent rather than some kind of gun-to-the-head situation, which seals it as a generally fair offer.
No offense to your husband, but I see A LOT of people in communities like this crapping on women for not keeping the house clean as STAHP, even with high-needs children, so he’s also getting a pretty generous pass here that does feel slightly gendered.” DeepValleyDrive
17. AITJ For Asking My Stepdaughter To Reimburse For A Dress She Altered Without Permission?
“I have a daughter Ava 18F and a stepdaughter Mia 22F. Mia’s mom has primary custody of her, so I only saw her for a few weekends a year growing up, however, she went to college near me and my husband, so we are a lot closer now.
I have a job at a big fashion company, and we get clothing for free, like if it didn’t sell or sample pieces, and the rest is donated. When I first started, I got a beautiful silk mini dress that I love and have kept in very good condition.
After having my kids, it is more of a tight fit so I usually pick something more comfortable.
It fits Ava perfectly, and she borrows that dress all the time and it looks great on her. Mia asked me to borrow the mini dress for a wedding, and I let her.
She came over yesterday for dinner and showed us pictures of her at the wedding, she looked stunning, but I noticed she had altered the dress. Mia is much shorter than me and Ava, so the dress when she tried on in front of me was knee-length on her, however at the time she insisted it was fine.
In the pictures, it is a mini dress, which is how it sits on me and Ava. Mia admitted that she got home and preferred how it looked on Ava, so it got altered, however, she didn’t cut the fabric off, just hemmed it so I should be able to get the dress back, after picking out the stitches.
I got upset at Mia, and when she handed me the dress, it would be very hard to get the dress back to its original state. Taking out the stitches could leave holes in the silk and the dress fits more like a long top now.
I asked Mia to reimburse me for the dress, and told her I was upset she had stitched and altered it without asking me before. She said she didn’t know that she couldn’t stitch silk and it was an accident.
My husband said Mia made a mistake and asked her to reimburse me for the dress that I got for free, which at its original price is a lot more than she can afford as a college student.
He said I didn’t shouldn’t have let her borrow it if the dress meant so much to me. I accounted for Mia spilling something on the dress or getting it dirty, but I don’t think it was fair of her to alter it without asking me, and I can’t wear it as a dress anymore.
I am quite upset about the dress, so maybe asking her to pay full price is too much, but she is an adult and it wouldn’t be fair of me to treat her like a child.”
Another User Comments:
“I think this is an issue where you need to try to undo the modifications with a tailor first with Mia present.
Ask Mia for the name of the person who altered it and go talk to them all together about how to get it back. If they can get it back with no holes, then the problem is solved. If they can’t then Mia needs to be there to hear that and understand the consequences of her actions.” Electrical-Bat-7311
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think you should not press her to pay for the dress. Sounds like you have built a relationship with her and I would not throw it away for a dress that you got for free. But talk with her and say that the dress was one of your favorites and now it is unusable.
Also, do not let her borrow anything else unless she truly understands the boundaries associated with borrowing clothes.” hikergirl26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the wild thing about this is /and what makes you NTJ that as a 22yo, you have to know that it is incredibly disrespectful to even try giving something back that you borrowed for free without the object being in the same condition you got it in.
She altered it without even trying to restore it. I have no idea what is wrong with the people on Reddit, it doesn’t change anything that you got it for free. The value of the dress stays the same. She intentionally damaged it, did not try to correct it, and expected you to be fine with it.
The disrespect of your property is the main issue here; please don’t listen to the people who expect you to be a doormat in front of extreme disrespect.” Marvinzum
16. AITJ For Reporting A Stranded Man On The Highway To A Police Officer?
“I (29F) was driving into work this morning, jamming out to some ADTR, windows down, enjoying the fact that it’s Friday when I see a minivan pulled over but still blocking half of the exit ramp.
I slowed down and scooched over onto the shoulder to safely pass and a man started waving his arms in the air and walking into the street. Pretty much to the point I had to swerve a little so I didn’t hit him. He was screaming and then angrily flipped me off when I kept driving.
Probably less than a quarter mile after that exit is a gas station with a big fancy car wash (my destination before work this morning because the birds did a number on my car). I pulled into the gas station to top off before washing my car and I was still a bit frazzled by the guy running into the road at me.
When I walked inside there was a nice-looking police officer in uniform buying his morning coffee. Generally, I don’t approach cops but that guy on the road worried me so I went up to the officer and told him “Excuse me, sir, there’s a man pulled over on the exit ramp trying to flag down traffic, if you’re headed that direction, could you see if he needs assistance?”
The cop nodded and said sure his duty starts in 15 minutes so he will head that way after his breakfast. I was a bit miffed at that response, 15 minutes is a long time when it comes to being on the side of the road. But whatever, I reported it and it was no longer my problem.
I went on with my plan to get my car washed. After making my baby shine, I pulled into a vacuum spot to get some sand out and the guy who was flagging me down came around the corner screaming obscenities at me. He had followed me to the gas station on foot and wanted to tell me how much of a “spoiled jerk” I was for leaving him “stranded”.
The cop who was still eating his breakfast in his squad car saw this go down and came over to intervene. He ended up cuffing the man and putting him in the backseat after his de-escalation tactics didn’t work. I was extra shaken. The cop took my statement and then sent me on my way.
When I got to work a few of the guys said I never should have told the cop. They jokingly started calling me a narc and saying “Only jerks would get cops involved in something so silly”. A few of them said I was dumb and should have just come to work and skipped the gas station and car wash altogether.
So, was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it was a conscientious thing to do for the person who had been seeking help, not to mention you were in danger yourself given that ‘needy samaritan’ who was ‘stranded’ went out of his way to chase you down for not helping (like how much trouble is he in if he can walk to a gas station to berate a random woman for not doing more to help?).
Your coworkers are… freaking questionable. You were a woman traveling alone, in no world would it have made sense to stop and help that person AND he was aggressive and targeting you in the long run, which is so not something to be called ‘silly’.
Then to go on and call you dumb or whatever, just sickening. Your coworkers have shown you who they are. Believe them. And look for a new place to work.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A person pulled over on an exit ramp and tried flagging you down, it is natural to be a bit worried about what is going on there.
All you did was ask an officer to check if someone else needed assistance, to me that sounds like you were being a responsible citizen. The cop felt that your request was appropriate, otherwise he would have refused to go. You tried to help someone, so you’re not a jerk.” Sir_Prized
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you said, after you asked the officer to look into it, he said he’d eventually get to it. Before he could do so, this guy attacked you! You didn’t get the cops involved — the stranded motorist did! Even if you’d said nothing, it’s quite likely that the attack would have happened and the officer would have noticed the situation and involved himself.” CRichardDavies
15. AITJ For Refusing To Pay The Full Half Of The Utility Bill Because Of My Roommate's Freeloading Partner?
“My (21 F) roommate (22 F) is an absolute nightmare. Almost every “bad roommate” thing possible describes her. She’s loud at all times, filthy, doesn’t pay rent properly, has caused damage to the property, and constantly has either her mom or partner over.
Over the eight months of living together, I have attempted to talk to her many times about all of this and suggest ways to resolve the conflicts.
She claimed it was harassment, and then decided that I was only allowed to contact her via email, or she would go to the police.
A few weeks ago, without informing me, she decided to adjust how much she would like to pay for the rent, against how we had been paying the last eight months.
I only found out about this after receiving an angry text from our landlord saying we were short. I immediately paid what my roommate hadn’t.
Her partner stays with us 3-5 nights a week. He showers, does washing, and is often here when she isn’t.
He is filthy and leaves messes in the bathroom and is constantly playing loud trap music at any hour. I’m fairly certain he is unemployed as he is constantly here during the day, even on weekdays, as I go home for my lunch hour and always just find him here by himself.
The utility bill is completely in her name, and my name is not associated with it at all. This last couple of months it has been insanely high, almost twice as what it is usually, likely because of how often her partner is here. Last month I tried to talk to her about it and she ignored me and simply told me to pay my half, which I did.
This month however, when the bill was even higher than last, and when she hadn’t paid her rent properly and her partner had been here more than half of the days and nights of the month, I decided not to. I sent her an email explaining that I wasn’t paying the full half this month and explained why and then sent a fair amount.
She claimed that I legally needed to transfer her the entire half, which I replied that I did not as the bill was in her name, and I had given her valid reasons as to why she wasn’t receiving half. She told me she was going to take me to the disputes court.
I told her that it would not be a good idea for her to do that, as she was breaking multiple clauses in her tenancy agreement that I have plenty of evidence of. I told her we should discuss how we operate things and write up a roommate agreement to which she responded “No I’m not doing anything wrong, you legally need to pay me” and claimed she was going to lawyers.
AITJ for not paying it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your roommate’s partner is essentially a third resident, using utilities and increasing the bill without contributing financially. It’s unfair for you to bear the full burden of his usage. You’re not legally obligated to pay the full half of the bill, especially since it’s in her name and you have valid reasons for not doing so.
Her threats of legal action are likely empty and a scare tactic.” RubyxXxRedhead
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your roommate has consistently displayed problematic behavior and has failed to address the conflicts reasonably. Since the utility bill is solely in her name and the excessive cost is likely due to her partner’s presence, it’s fair for you to withhold paying the full half.
You need to protect your rights and consider discussing the situation with your landlord or seeking legal advice if necessary.” _PrettyRedditor_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would not pay her anything until she pays up the rent. Then I would try to do the sit-down.
THEN if she won’t be reasonable, I would go to the landlord and air your grievances. Find some way to document the days/times BF is there. And keep copies of the bills to show how they have climbed since he’s been there etc. Maybe you can get her booted out and you can try for a better fit with someone else.” SubjectBuilder3793
14. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Limit Contact With His Female Friend?
“My (33F) husband (34M) recently completed a nursing program and grew close to one of the girls (22F) in his class.
He’s said he thinks she’s attractive and pretty cool. This isn’t unusual in our relationship, we talk about people being attractive quite frequently.
The issue started when he wasn’t honest about who he was with while completing a group project.
I asked him how it went and he paused for a brief moment before talking about it.
The pause was unusual behavior for him and I couldn’t get it out of my head. I checked his phone and found out it was just him and the girl – the third-party member couldn’t make it.
I asked why he wasn’t honest and he said he didn’t want me to worry.
Time went on, and I found some flirty messages (mild flirting – nothing explicit) that he had deleted.
I asked him about it and he denied deleting the messages. Our son plays with our phones so maybe he deleted the messages somehow.
My husband is a fairly reserved guy and isn’t known to start or go out of his way for conversation.
He had sent her a picture of a store sign that had her name on it – thinking it was funny and wanted to share it.
By this point I’ve made it pretty clear I’m uncomfortable with the interactions and we’ve even gone to counseling (one session) about it.
He explains he doesn’t think we need counseling and that I’m reading too far into these things.
Months go by, I begin to trust the situation is harmless, and he graduates.
I meet her and her mom and she seems nice.
The texting picks back up but I’m okay with it because it’s largely just discussing professional-related items. They don’t work together, they just complete the same professional training.
Until he messages her happy Fourth of July while he was hanging out with my family and our close friends.
He didn’t message anyone else happy fourth – only her.
Again, my husband isn’t known for texting or talking to people. His family and friends frequently complain that they wish he reached out more.
So, I see a red flag.
I get upset and ask for the reasoning.
He said he thinks she’s cool and wants to be her friend.
I ask him what that friendship looks like. He says he doesn’t know. I ask what they have in common. He doesn’t know.
I asked him if he thought I would be uncomfortable with them texting, and he said yes.
I asked him why he would message her then – he said he thought since I met her I would be more comfortable with them talking.
I said I thought their friendship was inappropriate and I wasn’t comfortable with it.
I know a large portion of these feelings stem from a lack of self-worth and jealousy – am I the jerk for asking my husband to limit his contact with this friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m not sure how healthy it is to have discussions about real-life people (ie not movie stars) being attractive, it sounds like grounds for causing the other person to feel insecure. Thinking someone of the opposite s*x is attractive & cool is not the basis of a friendship, it sounds like he has a bit of a crush on her.
I’m not sure why you keep monitoring his phone though, that seems weird to me. Has he been unfaithful before? It sounds like you don’t trust him & I feel more individual or couple therapy is a really good idea!” sjwild2003
Another User Comments:
“NTJ however, at minimum, it’s an emotional affair.
At maximum, he’s already been unfaithful to you. Look, a 34-year-old man has no business trying to be “friends” with a 22-year-old. He’s even admitted they have nothing in common. Which I think is another lie, he just doesn’t want to divulge that information. If he won’t let her go, please move on before he is unfaithful to you.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He may not be unfaithful yet but he’s on the path. It’s because he’s spending a lot of time thinking of her (sending her a pic of the store name because it’s also her name, texting her on the 4th of July).
She’s clearly on his mind more than she should be if he just sees her platonically. I think you’re in the right to expect him to put an end to it. The only question is, what are you going to do if he doesn’t?” No_Thanks_1766
13. AITJ For Being Upset My Mom Invades My Phone Privacy?
“I’ve never posted before, but I had no idea where to talk about this and the subreddit immediately came into my mind.
I wouldn’t consider this a vent but I do feel very bad when thinking about it.
A few days ago, after my mother and I came back from my aunt’s house (almost 2 hours away from our house), she realized she had forgotten her phone there, and although I gave her the idea to ask my aunt so send it by mail, she stated she didn’t want to and that it would let her have a break from using it, so I let it pass (especially because my aunt is coming to visit us in a few days).
Little did I know I should’ve insisted.
First, she asked for my phone to make phone calls, which is fine, but then she started needing it every night to listen to a video to help her sleep, and although she falls asleep earlier than me she takes my phone every night and leaves me with nothing.
Sure, I do other things like reading or drawing, but I often need music to keep concentrating on other tasks, and the music is essentially on my phone.
Now, she doesn’t wanna give it back to me until she goes to work (yet she complains about me being obsessed with my phone when she takes it everywhere, always holding it).
The reason it bothers me so much is simple: she looks through my phone. She has done it and will probably do it again. I had to let her know how I felt so she would understand how wrong it is, I need privacy and she doesn’t need to know everything I do.
I’m almost 18 too, which makes matters worse because she won’t let me be until then…
This morning, she told me she “knew what I was hiding from her”, and all the types of YouTube videos I watched. I assumed she looked through my history but she affirmed that she didn’t.
Now that I’ve got it back, I saw it: she did look into my search history, along with who I was subscribed to, and watched some of the videos. She lied to me about not having done that. There’s worse but my mother is very close-minded, so needless to say what she witnessed was despicable to her (“Oh no, men trolling online as women, what a disgrace”…).
I’m mad at her, we talked about it way before and she had promised not to do it again, yet here we are. She’s also still trying to tell me my reaction is exaggerated, but I simply feel like I can’t trust her with my phone, and she knows it, with the way I look at the screen whenever she does something just like she does to me, except I don’t get to yell at her to stop like she does…
So, AITJ ?”
Another User Comments:
“Well, it is kinda obvious that NTJ. You have every single right to privacy. It is kinda funny nowadays that when older people are taught how to use a phone properly sometimes they act even more addicted than younger ones.
My 82 years grandmother loves using her phone and spending time on TikTok, lol. Your mother shouldn’t have gone through your phone and later used it against you. I would be pretty upset if someone has done it and it would make me feel extremely uncomfortable.” Hopstorm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your phone is your personal space, I would feel just as uncomfortable if someone was invading my privacy. It’s especially uncomfortable when you’ve already discussed everything and now those boundaries are being ignored. If your mom uses your phone to make calls and watch videos, that’s one thing, but digging into your history and lying about it is horrible and vile.
You have a right to privacy at that age too, it’s important to establish that right now. I would try having another serious talk with her about respecting your boundaries and finding a solution that works for you. Maybe it’s time for her to start using a different device to watch videos so you can return your phone at night.” Freedom_red15
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re in a difficult position while you are dependent on her, so you’re right that yelling back isn’t really a viable option and would just make life even more unpleasant. So – the minute you have your phone back, set up a separate “guest” account, and make sure you log out of yours and into that one before handing the phone to her to use.
I suspect she’ll have far less need to hold on to yours for so long. If she complains, play “innocent” – you did it for her convenience so her stuff is easier for her to find not getting mixed up with yours. If she demands access to your account – you’re 17, not 7.
What she didn’t know wasn’t hurting her. I assume that you weren’t accessing illegal content, and you weren’t specifically “hiding” it – you were just doing your thing with perfectly reasonable expectations of privacy, and you’re a teenager, of course, you’re doing stuff she’s uncomfortable with as she remembers changing your nappies: she needs to start seeing you as the near-adult you are.” TeenySod
12. AITJ For Confronting My Father About His Verbal Use?
“Both my parents are in their late 50s, and my sister and in our late teens, for context, this happened this Wednesday. Me and my family had family therapy, we got home, everyone was in a bad mood so we didn’t talk to each other.
My mom goes to choir practice, while my mom’s gone my father comes to talk to me and my younger sister.
The argument started when my dad entered the kitchen, where we were since my sister was cooking dinner, he said…“Why did y’all lie and tell the therapist that I cuss y’all out?” We tried to explain that he did cuss us out growing up, even now, but he kept denying it, while we started arguing he started saying very foolish things such as ‘Yall use me for money’, ‘Y’all don’t even care about me’ and more things like that.
Out of anger, I told him he was being childish and a jerk, he got mad and said I was cursing him out, and then he said that my sister and my mother were dead to him and told us not to call him dad.
Me and my sister looked at him in shock before I told him he was making a dumb decision and acting like a complete jerk, he threatened to punish my sister the way he was punished. He left but proceeded to come back to say specifically to me that I was dead to him, right when my mom came back home for choir practice.
My mom tried to talk to him, while me and my sister were crying trying to calm ourselves down. My dad told my mom that I cussed at him, and then my mom came and told me that I was in the wrong for cursing at him since I was a child and he’s an adult, therefore no matter how mad I get I shouldn’t raise my voice or curse at him.
We tell her what he told us, but she still says that it’s not the right way to go at it. They got into an argument that night while I was on the phone with my close friend, and I started crying and had to turn on my fan to try and hide their arguing.
Yesterday he came into my room and threw a giant Slim Jim at me before leaving and today my dad sent me a paragraph apologizing but bringing up how we’re lazy, disrespectful, and don’t listen, to which I responded with, a proper apology and an explanation for it as well, he commonly ‘apologizes’, he says he understands and will try to, me being skeptical says we’ll see and he thinks in getting attitude, so I send him tone tags, saying that if he needed them I’d start using them to help him, I use them personally because I can’t read tone, and he still thought I was getting smart with him.”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom should probably also go to therapy if she’s playing the peacekeeper role. I’m guessing she said that to protect you, considering they got into a fight about it. Your dad seems like the kind of person who can’t handle being told that they are in the wrong, even when they know it’s the truth.
NTJ, but it seems like a lost cause to engage with him if he can’t even respect how you feel about the way you treat him and takes any criticism as childishly as possible. I will say the “we’ll see” is probably needlessly antagonistic.
I get you don’t trust him, I’m been in the same situation with my father. Anyways NTJ” ninjastarkid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you and your sister can get counseling for yourselves individually, even if that means your dad thinks you’re the problem, do it – the priority needs to be you keeping yourself safe (including mentally) through his use.
And get out of there as soon as you’re old enough and able to.” DuckWithAnEye
11. AITJ For Exposing My Brother-In-Law's Cruel Texts To His Family?
“My sister’s husband “Mark” left her and their 12-year-old son “Alex” about a year ago. His reason was that Alex was too difficult to deal with. I think Mark is a piece of crap who blames his son for everything. Alex is a bit hyper and he does get into trouble for being distracted, impulsive, etc but he’s not a bad kid.
He loved his dad very much but he’s not stupid. He quickly figured out why his dad left and hates his guts now. Not that I blame him. He’s been through a lot and to put it very plainly, he thinks his mom might just up and leave one day too.
Because of this, there will be nights when he won’t go to sleep unless his mom sits with him. My sister would never abandon him like his dad did but Alex is way too anxious. He used to wake up several times throughout the night just to make sure she was still there.
He’s LOADS better now, and my sister can go to bed in her room after putting him to sleep.
We don’t tell anyone in our lives about this as it would be extremely embarrassing for Alex. I only know because I currently live with them (I’m helping around the house with Alex).
Unfortunately, Mark called a couple of nights ago wanting to apologize (allegedly) and he and my sister had a pretty nasty fight about Alex and my sister ended up telling Mark about the sleeping problem. Mark was pretty surprised (allegedly) but just hung up.
I figured he felt some guilt towards his son for once but I heard Alex going crazy in his room and when I went to calm him down he just showed me his phone and he got exactly 3 texts from his dad telling him to “man up”, “stop annoying his mom” and “if he didn’t man up he’d tell all of Alex’s friends”.
I was appalled. Second, my sister came home I marched straight to Mark’s mom’s house (where I knew Mark was staying) and chewed him out. I don’t think I’m the jerk for that, he deserved it. But Mark’s mom and his sisters and their husbands and kids were home and I told them what Mark’s been saying about his child.
I didn’t have to, it’s none of their business, but I knew they adore Alex and his mom was extremely angry. One of his sisters even went “W*F is wrong with you.” Now Mark’s mom is giving him a week to find somewhere else to live and he’s yelling at me for essentially making him homeless and dragging his entire family into things.
He called me a dumb kid and said I don’t know what it feels like to be a parent and that he’s human too. He admits that he could’ve been more decent with Alex too so perhaps he’s reflecting (I doubt it). I suppose I went too far regardless.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t make him homeless, you just made him accountable. And tbh I’m pleasantly surprised at Mark’s family’s response. Your sister is the one you should be asking “AITJ” though, as she’s the one that’s going to face the fallout.
Alex is lucky to have aunts and uncles (including you) who stick up for him, and I hope he’s able to see and engage with that love. Frankly, I hope your sister keeps Mark out of Alex’s life, but that’s not something you can push for – it would need to be her (and/or Alex’s) decision.” DuckWithAnEye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would have told him to man up. He is living with his mommy. He ran out on his responsibility cause his 12-year-old is acting like a 12-year-old. He is 35, not an 18-year-old. He doesn’t care how his kid feels. I would have not been nice and I would also advise your sister to get a screen shot of the text messages he sent to his son.
It’s the best ammo to use with a judge stating he doesn’t care about his kid. You held him accountable and now his parents don’t want to deal with him since he messed around and found out.” Mooshu1981
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He abandoned his child, no wonder the kid now has abandonment issues!
He’s telling a 12-year-old child to man up, which is disgusting. Instead, he should be apologizing to his child for hurting him instead of attacking him and trying to embarrass him. You didn’t make him homeless. If someone wants their actions to be kept secret because they are afraid of the consequences, then they shouldn’t have taken those actions in the first place.
A basic component of being an adult and a “real man” is being accountable for your actions. You did nothing wrong. I’m glad your sister and your nephew have you in their corner.” Spinnerofyarn
10. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Toxic Longtime Friend?
“I’m F17 and have been friends with Suzy (F17) since 5th grade.
In our city, high school is only 3 years (10th, 11th, and 12th), and you apply to your desired school in 9th grade. Suzy and I both wanted to major in the same thing and since there aren’t many schools offering it, we ended up in the same school and class.
The problem is that Suzy has been an awful friend for years. I’m a people pleaser, so I’ve never addressed it, but it’s been building up. Here are some examples:
In 7th grade, I was going through a tough time with family issues and my mental health.
Suzy found me having a breakdown and comforted me, encouraging me to share my problems. While still sobbing, I spilled everything that had been piling up for months, and she was supportive at the time. However, last year, she told our current friend group that I “trauma-dumped” her and shared all the personal details I had confided in her.
In 10th grade, we practiced for a class debate with opposing views. I provided counterarguments and asked for sources as part of our grade. Suzy started crying, and when friends comforted her, she claimed I got angry because she was winning and verbally attacked her, which wasn’t true.
This false narrative painted me as the aggressor.
One of the most hurtful incidents was in 9th grade. We discussed if our friend group would stay together, and I expressed confidence in our friendship, calling her my best friend. She looked confused and said, “Oh, I am.
Jessica’s my best friend, so I wouldn’t count on it [us staying friends].” This made me feel insignificant and question our friendship.
Another incident spanned 7th and 8th grades. A girl named Robin joined our class in 7th grade. She constantly victimized herself. After she moved back to her home country, she stayed in touch with Suzy.
By the end of 8th grade, Suzy found Robin annoying and asked me to tell her to back off. I did, thinking I was being a good friend, but when the situation escalated, Suzy claimed I acted alone and victimized herself again.
I do love Suzy, but I feel like I’m always the one reaching out to maintain our relationship.
Even during summer breaks, I am the one who initiates contact. Every time I bring up these issues, Suzy accuses me of attacking her and makes me the bad guy. This pattern has made me question whether our friendship is worth the emotional toll it takes on me.
So, WIBTJ if I confronted my toxic friend? I worry that bringing up these issues will lead to more accusations of me being the aggressor, but I also feel that I need to address the ongoing toxicity in our relationship. Also if you think I should confront her please give some tips on how I should.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand why you’re wasting so much energy and effort on someone who blatantly tells you they don’t see your friendship lasting. And demonstrated that time and time again. Sure, bring it up, and confront them, as you’re explaining why this friendship is coming to an end.
NTJ but E S H if you let this carry on.” Tough_Crazy_8362
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From an adult woman to a soon-to-be young woman, I can tell you this: There are very few friendships that start when you’re young and carry over to adulthood.
Those stories you hear about people being friends since kindergarten or in diapers, and they were maid of honor at each other’s weddings are nice, but a lot of times, that doesn’t happen. Sometimes, these friendships end for serious reasons, others over silly ones and I’m sure everyone responding here can tell you their fair share of both.
(This is a serious reason btw) I can tell you this from experience: Suzy is not a very good friend. A good friend would never do those things to you. Confronting her would probably just end in more of the same behavior, but, in the end, it is very important you lay down the boundaries.
Do what you need to do and you will meet people worthy of being a friend. I promise.” venusjupiternix
Another User Comments:
“You do not have to confront her and confronting her now over stuff from previous years would indeed make it easy to accuse you of aggression. All you have to do is stop initiating contact and start building different relationships.
Stop trying the friendship to happen. Instead, focus on other people and hopefully you will find friendship-worthy individuals that reciprocate.” User
9. AITJ For Wanting To Distance Myself From My Complacent Friends?
“I live in a developed western nation (not US) and my partner and I do well enough. We are both in our 30s and have been steadily advancing our lives (both in our work and in our personal lives). All my friends are lifelong friends, but they need increasing amounts of help when it comes to simple adult tasks.
Lately I have noticed my friends have ZERO initiative in life. For example most of my friends have decent steady jobs, but they are the same jobs and the same pay that they have had for the last decade. They all seem to have major problems with their workplaces but they never try to improve their situations.
Additionally they seem to be constantly taking time off work, going on disability, etc. I understand that life can really throw people some curve balls, but if you hate your job why not spend less money on fast food and use that cash go take a course at a community college?
I even researched courses some of my friends could take and sent them web links, easy 2-week courses that could bump up their pay $3-$5 per hour but they just don’t seem interested.
Another example would be that not a single one can cook a healthy meal for themselves.
I literally saw one of my friends make a scrambled egg, place it in a bowl then pour soy sauce into the bowl until it was about 1” deep. Later that day he was complaining about having to take time off work due to health issues.
I have tried to show my friends how to cook, but they just don’t push themselves to put a fish in the oven or make up a good salad for themselves. Time is not an issue for most of my friends as they work 7.5 or 8 hour days (they don’t work OT) so they certainly could whip up a simple healthy dinner in the evening.
I have spent the last 15 years working my butt off to progress in life. I used to pick up garbage with my bare hands for $9 per hour, I now have a good salary job at a desk and a couple side hustles. I will never stop pushing forwards, I cannot go back to crawling in the mud cleaning up trash.
Over the last 15 years I have been trying to help my friends come along, but they remain complacent. I love my friends so much, but trying to help them become adults who work jobs and clean their own homes has taken so much energy out of me.
I am having to put aside my adult life to assist my friends with simple things that they should be taking care of themselves.
AITJ for wanting to throw in the towel and quietly bow out?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Sometimes people take different paths in life.
On the other hand, you sound kinda insufferable. Not everyone has to have your vision of ‘success’ to be an adult. I’m not sure you actually love them, at least not as much as you love your own version of what ‘success’ means. If you can’t accept them as they are, that ‘love’ is questionable.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I found myself in a similar situation. My friends had no ambition, no drive and no want for the future. They were quite happy to drive in circles for the remainder of their lives. It was extremely draining. It got to a point I was always worried about them.
My partner gave me a wake up call as I would only talk about getting their happiness and never my own. Misery loves company and they will continue pulling you down if you stay. Some people need to help themselves before they can receive help.
I am in a much better place now. Good luck friend. I hope things get better for them but you need to focus on repairing your mental health from everything first.” Beneficial_Bat_5656
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Firstly, what developed western nation makes you collect rubbish with your bare hands?
That’s so many OHS violations I can’t even start. They are who they are. You don’t need to fix them. Sure, get new friends. But why would you want to friendship divorce your lifelong friends because they’re not living up to your standards?
Who made you the judge and jury of where people are headed? If you’ve so well with your life and they’re still behind, they’re clearly not a mill stone around your neck, they’re just figuring themselves out- let them figure it out.” Useful_Refuse_
8. AITJ For Being Upset About My Husband's Loud Snoring On The Couch?
“My husband (m28) and I (f27) live in an apartment, we have a spare room that has our desks and his pc in it. He likes to watch stuff and play games on his computer in there and when he’s home alone he’s typically in there.
I enjoy being in the living room more, we have a sectional couch that’s more comfortable than my desk chair and I enjoy cuddling up on it when I eat and watch tv/ play video games. Most nights when I get home from work I spend the rest of the evening in the living room.
I do spend time in the spare room with my husband sometimes too but it’s not very comfortable and currently my desk is taken up with his 3D printer so I can’t eat or even fit my laptop on it. Half of the time my husband will join me in the living room and we watch tv together.
We enjoy each other’s company.
The issue at hand is that sometimes I will be out in the living room playing games or watching tv, and my husband will come out and lay on the other end of the sectional which 100% of the time results in him falling asleep- which 100% of the time results in him snoring at a ridiculous volume (obnoxiously loud).
This happens EVERY time he lays down on the couch in the evenings. He doesn’t snore like this when we sleep in the bed, just the couch. Whenever he snores like this I can’t continue what I’m watching/playing because it’s so loud. I shake him when he snores and ask him to sit up so he will stop but he’ll always sleepily say “I wasn’t” and go right back to sleep and snore even more, then I wake him again to ask him to stop and the cycle continues until I’ve had enough and have to leave the room and find something else to do.
As the years have gone on it’s made me more and more upset, because it always interrupts whatever I’m doing and I have to leave the room when I was there first. I’ve recorded him to show him how loud he is, I’ve cried to him about how inconsiderate I’ve felt it is, and there have been moments that I’ve screamed at him because he doesn’t seem to understand why I’m upset.
It’s actually driving me crazy.
I’ve talked to him about it countless times over the years and he just doesn’t get it. He continues to come out and lay down on the couch when I’m out there and I constantly ask him to not fall asleep because he’ll snore and I’ll have to leave, and he’ll jokingly say “I don’t even snore” like it’s funny.
I am actually losing my mind. He’s laying next to me right now and I snapped and said if he falls asleep and starts snoring again then it’s going to ruin my entire night and I can’t take it anymore and he acted like I was overreacting.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It may be an innocent enough act (sleeping on the couch is not inherently evil) but his complete refusal to consider you, even as you’ve cried and pleaded and explained how it makes you feel) is a jerk move. It sounds like he’s monopolizing your shared space in a way that pushes you out completely — not just by sleeping on the couch, but also by covering your desk with his 3D printer to the point where it’s unusable for you.
He’s also invalidated your feelings by not only ignoring your requests but also by making you feel like you’re overreacting and denying that he even snores (gaslighting? You have proof!). This has been an issue for YEARS, and the real issue is his inconsideration, and his ridiculous refusal to just sleep in his bed if it’s going to make his wife happy in the space that is just as much hers!” amoebafr3ak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I cannot STAND snoring with a passion, deep in my core, so I can completely understand why this is upsetting you so much. Your feelings are valid, you want your space where you can enjoy the living room comfortably with no distractions.
If my partner falls asleep on the couch he also snores and I have to go lay in the bedroom instead because I simply can’t stand it. Maybe make an audio recording of his snoring to show him if he’s truly in denial that he snores?
I’m sorry he isn’t taking that seriously but perhaps literal evidence might make him understand. You may need to have a more “serious” talk with him about this and let him know that it’s truly upsetting you and you need him to take you seriously.” lemondeahh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and as someone who has been married for decades let me give you some advice: ask twice, then tell. Someone who cares about your needs at least as much as their own would not act this way. Don’t allow him to lie down.
Don’t be shy about saying “you can’t be in here.” Tell him to find another spot for his printer. Don’t wake him up and expect him to take the hint (“you were snoring”) – wake him up and make him go to the bedroom.” Wonderful-Teach8210
7. AITJ For Ordering Before A Woman Who Left The Line At A Coffee Shop?
“We are in a fancy hotel. It was a splurge. I’m a little out of my element, but trying to have an experience with my 3 kids. 1 prek, 1 toddler and 1 special needs. We went to the little coffee shop/store for breakfast. There were 2 people in line.
One woman was ordering. Behind her was a woman and her daughter. Just as I joined the line the woman told her daughter not to move from the line and walked to the fridges about 20 ft away.
I was in a great mood. I had noticed that the woman who walked away had on a beautiful dress.
If she hadn’t left I would have complimented her dress.
I did have the 3 kids who were pretty excited about the selection of snacks available at the counter, none of which I intended to purchase.
The first woman completed her order and the daughter of the woman with the pretty dress was now first in line.
She looked uncomfortable. We waited maybe 20 seconds. The cashier began to shift around, the kids were restless. We waited maybe another 20 seconds before I kind of started to move up (the daughter had kind of shifted to the side and had tried several times to get her mom’s attention).
I asked “is it okay if I order?” The cashier deferred to the daughter (maybe age 10-12). I’m not sure what she said, but she ran to get her mom. I started to order. The entire order would have taken maybe a minute and a half.
3 cinn rolls, 1 kolache and a bagel with cream cheese. In the middle of my order the batista tried to give the pretty dress woman (who had now returned to the line I want to say 20-30 seconds after I began my order) someone else’s drinks.
She said “I haven’t ordered yet. She butt in front of me.” This after I heard her barking at her daughter for leaving the line.
I responded. I was mad. I didn’t yell, but I felt I was being accused of doing something I didn’t do and isn’t in my character to do.
I pointed out that she had still been shopping. She asked if I couldn’t have waited “a few seconds.” I said it was longer than that and that everyone had been uncomfortable. She said I was being embarrassing and would I just go ahead and order.
I said she should be embarrassed and I was glad she felt embarrassed. Talented employee stepped in and saved the day by offering to take her at the other register. She got the last word and huffed “yes thank you!” I’m not sure that it bothered my kids much but it ruined my morning and probably her daughter’s.
If I had known it would devolve like that I might have just waited for her to finish whatever she was doing.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with NTJ, as someone who works in a coffee shop myself I see this sort of thing regularly.
People don’t understand that letting the person behind them pass so they can get more time isn’t actually hurting anything. I will say though you should have just ignored her complaints. She wasn’t directing them at you, just at the employee, so the best thing you could have done is just to let her look angry and crazy while you continued on with your day.” AdNice2838
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. How long did you *really* wait? You make it sound like you gave her about half a minute before you busted ahead of her daughter, but want us to believe you waited an uncomfortable and unreasonable amount of time.
You were impatient and didn’t want to wait. The woman also was rude back at you. She didn’t respect the “move your feet lose your seat” rule you are clearly aware of. I actually still think you were the ruder party here. You clearly knew what she was doing and where she was.
It’s not like she left the shop. She was picking a drink from the fridge.” maybe_little_pinch
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here except the kids. She shouldn’t have left the line when she was up next, leaving her kid in an awkward social situation, but could you not have called out to the woman or said something to the barista instead of asking the kid?
Your pre-K aged kid will be in school soon enough and your “special needs” kid maybe already is, and they’re watching you and how you respond to social situations. You just taught your kids it’s okay to cut in line if someone hesitates, thus making school more socially difficult for them and making teachers’ jobs harder.
Also the weird level of detail and saying things like “my kids were looking at all the snacks I wouldn’t be buying them” and “I would’ve complimented her dress if she hadn’t gotten out of line” make you sound snobbish and read as though you don’t socialize often.”” hayleybeth7
6. AITJ For Snapping At My Friend Who Disapproves Of My Older Partner?
“This November, I (18F) began seeing ‘’Jason’’ (23M). We met at a music festival that was being held near my college. I was the one who approached him; I initially thought he was around my age, maybe a little older, 20 or 21. Nope, he was 23. After the meeting, I gave him my number and told him we should hang out sometime.
He didn’t text or call me for a week, so I ended up calling him, and we began seeing each other after that. So far, it’s been going great. He treats me amazingly; he is polite and respectful of me. I’ve been with three other guys my age in high school and college, and they were all a bunch of immature jerks, as most people my age are, I suppose.
I first decided to keep my relationship secret from my friends and family since my parents and older brother are both very protective of me and I knew they would not be happy with me seeing an older guy, but recently I decided to come clean about it.
My parents and older brother, as I suspected, weren’t happy with me seeing someone five years older. But they mostly accepted it. Though my dad gave the standard “if you hurt my daughter, I’ll kill you” talk, which he didn’t give to any of my previous partners, I’m guessing because they were boys my age.
I figured it was time to introduce him to my friends also. Most of them were happy or indifferent, except one: Amy (22F). She acted friendly when she met him but afterward pulled me aside and told me she was worried about me. She said that when she was my age, she went out with older guys and that they were all immature jerks who used her and treated her badly.
I told her that I appreciated her concern but that I trusted Jason and that he was a good person. After all, I was the one who made the first move; I was also the one who initiated intimacy between the two of us. Despite me saying this, she did not drop it and instead kept trying to convince me to break up.
After a while of this, I got fed up and said she wasn’t in a position to lecture me about relationships considering she was single. I know it’s stupid and immature, and I immediately apologized after I said it, but I could tell that struck a nerve.
Her last partner was unfaithful to her, and she has been single for over a year. I realized what I said was mean and apologized, but she was angry too and stormed off. We haven’t talked in a week. I kind of feel bad for what I said, but at the same time, it wouldn’t have happened if she had stopped trying to convince me after I told her to drop it.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH, but mostly you. Amy was doing you a solid when she pulled you aside and expressed her worry. That’s what friends do. But she veered into jerk-dom when she wouldn’t drop the issue, especially since her concern wasn’t based on anything about Jason specifically, but solely about his age.
She’s forcing her sexist generalizations on you. As for you, you had every right to tell her to back off when she wouldn’t drop it. But dipped your toe in jerk water when you said she wasn’t in a position to lecture you “considering she was single.” That’s brutally rude and nasty, and you know it.
She stepped past the line, but you dove past it. Since you were the bigger jerk here, it’s on you to initiate reconciliation. Admit that while you felt she was pushing things too far, you went WAY too far the other way, you’re sorry, you didn’t mean it (I hope) and were just being spiteful, and you hope she can forgive you and resume your friendship.
Then let the cards fall where they may.” TheGoodDoc123
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your friend, because she kept pestering you instead of nicely warning you and letting it go. But you’re the bigger jerk because of your unnecessary and mean response when she was looking out for you.
As a side note, I’m 22 and I can’t imagine ever seeing someone who’s 18 if I were single. Some people might disagree with me on this, but five years is a big age gap when you’re that young even though you’re both adults. It’s someone who just got done with high school and someone who’s already old enough to be two years out of college.
It weirds me out and gives me predatory vibes. The possibility of the older person taking advantage in that situation is there, and I would be worried and want to warn you just like Amy did.” gay_bats
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your friend brought up valid concerns.
You had a counter, in this case, you pursued him. At that point, she should have dropped it. Her continuing to do so either says she doesn’t trust your judgment or has other reasons for wanting to end this relationship. (She likes him, she likes you, she has a friend she wants to set up with you, she knows something else she isn’t saying about him.) That might be unfair of me, she might also be just downplaying how bad things were in her relationships and unable to see how yours are different.
I think you are out of line for saying her being single has anything to do with it. Single people can recognize bad relationships, especially when they have experience. You can put your foot down “I’m with him, and that’s it” without also putting your friend, who on the face of it is just worried about you.” Apprehensive-File251
5. AITJ For Defending My Sister's Decision To Elope Against Our Mom's Wishes?
“I see a lot of wedding drama posts on here so it gives me hope that you all can weigh in here. I will be changing everyone’s name out of privacy concerns but buckle up and sorry it’s long.
I (23F) have an older sister named C (29F) who just got engaged to her fiancée F (30M) less than a week ago.
The entire family is incredibly happy for them and we think they are perfect for each other but here’s where everything is going to chaos. C and F are adamant about not having a wedding and have said outright that they would like to elope.
They would rather take the money for a wedding and use it to travel to Japan for their honeymoon, which I and my other siblings are fully supportive of. However, our mother found that unacceptable. She became incredibly agitated and confronted me and my other siblings and told us that we needed to convince C to have a wedding.
We asked her why she couldn’t just accept and respect that it wasn’t her relationship, that it’s not her wedding to plan, and that they’re only days into their engagement and should just be enjoying their time together but she refused to listen.
I told C that our mom was demanding to know her wedding plans and demanding that they have a ceremony so she texted our mom privately and told her that there was no timeline and that if any wedding plans changed C would let our mom know herself.
Now for some background: My mom got pregnant with C at 19 and never got to have a wedding because she was paying for custody battles with her biological father. She had a civil ceremony with no witnesses at the courthouse with my dad. She frequently laments about not having a “proper” wedding.
Now, here is where I have a problem. When we asked her why she was demanding a wedding she said word for word “She took away my opportunity to have my wedding. She owes me this wedding and I will not have her take it away from me twice.” She believes that because she got pregnant with C and had to pay for custody battles, it’s C’s fault she never had a wedding.
We were utterly horrified. C never asked to be born, our mom decided to keep her (though we love that she did keep her), and it wasn’t her fault that our mom and her biological dad split. We think it’s completely insane and out of line to demand a wedding from C based on her own life decisions.
We got into a huge argument because I told her that she needed to back off and stop meddling in the wedding planning. AITJ? Do I need to be more understanding that she didn’t get to have a wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“My mother had a whole pdf file of wedding planning for when I got married. My side of the family is Mormon (I left that cult at 26 but was PIMO since my teen years) so she planned to the temple location and the reception at the church gym with the lamest music, and potluck style food.
Tons of children would be screaming and crying and making noise if I went that route. Instead, I got pregnant by my then fiance (now hubby and a Nevermo) and did a courthouse marriage at 6 months pregnant and the only thing my mom did was make the wedding cake.
I know she is sad on the inside since she didn’t approve but I grew a spine and said my wedding my way.” Korkantha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To save C from grief from your mother, you guys should get together and decide on a wedding date that is a year or a couple of years out, and then inform your mom that your sister wants to take a couple of months to enjoy being engaged before wedding planning, maybe use the excuse that they need to save up for a wedding ceremony.
During that time, your sister and her fiance can elope and plan their honeymoon without your mother breathing down their necks and whining 24/7 about a wedding. Lying to your mother isn’t the greatest but if she won’t take no for an option, she might just lose contact with her daughter because who would want to deal with that?
I would start dodging phone calls and visits so I wouldn’t have to deal with my mother if she behaved that way.” needabook55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… but wow, why do women think their children are the do-over for the things they regret doing or not doing?
A friend did this, got engaged, her mom “B” and her dad had eloped, and B had always talked about how much she had regretted not having a big wedding when all her friends were… When a friend got engaged, B was so excited about a wedding and the friend just let her have her way.
I think if B hadn’t been so involved in the planning that friend would have seen all the red flags about the relationship and would have broken the engagement. The marriage didn’t last, is anyone surprised?” ArreniaQ
4. AITJ For Cooking Without My Mom's Permission Due To Her Unreasonable Kitchen Rules?
“I’m a minor (F), and my mom (non-minor F) and I have an okay relationship—not the best, but not the worst either. I enjoy baking and cooking, but my mom rules the kitchen and gets upset whenever we use her stuff.
She established a rule: “Don’t bake or cook without asking me first.”
To my memory, I’ve never burnt or ruined anything I’ve made. However, if I ask her, “Hey Mom, can I bake something?” she’ll come up with a million reasons why I shouldn’t, so I end up not baking or cooking.
The only way I can ever cook or bake is if I don’t ask her, which has worked many times. Once, I made chicken tacos, and she didn’t get mad except for thinking I didn’t make any for my sister (which I did).
Another issue is that my mom sometimes stops cooking when she’s upset.
Because of this, from a young age, I had to learn how to make lunch for my sister and me. I remember many sleepless nights trying to figure out something to make with limited ingredients. She never apologized or thanked me.
One day, I came home from school and wanted to meal-prep.
My mom had never seen me meal-prep before since I usually did it around 1-2 AM. I had some raw chicken out to defrost and was frying some, but she got furious, telling me I didn’t know how to handle raw chicken and that the meals I made were unhealthy.
This made me never want to cook around her or ask her because she would just get angry.
Yesterday, I wanted to make brownies and cookies around 1 AM. I didn’t want to ask my mom because she’d yell at me, and I’d rather not cry myself to sleep.
So, I made a batch of brownies and cookies using 4 of the 20 eggs we had. The next day, my mom got very upset. She asked who I made the brownies for, and I told her ‘nobody.’ She got mad that I left some unused pans out and said the 4 eggs I used were for someone else, which she hadn’t mentioned before.
If I had known, I wouldn’t have touched them.
She reiterated that I wasn’t allowed to cook or bake without asking her and said other things that upset me, but I can’t remember because I had just woken up 10 minutes prior and was in a terrible mental state.
Now, both my mom and I are upset. Is it my fault? I think I’m just mad at her actions and her rules. Honestly, I think I’m mad because she makes me lose sleep to make lunch for my sister and me when she doesn’t want to cook.
When it’s times like that, I don’t have to ask her, but when it doesn’t directly benefit her, I do. I remember sleeping during breaks at school because I couldn’t sleep at home since she wasn’t cooking, burning myself many times, and her only complaint was that I was making unhealthy meals.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I’m gobsmacked that anyone has said otherwise. I would encourage you to reach out for support at school about how to manage this in yourself – ideally a counselor, but honestly any adult. Focus on the lost sleep for this and why you’re up through the middle of the night.
Google “walking on eggshells”, consider if that’s how you’re feeling, and look at what that means.” DuckWithAnEye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and what your mom is doing is use. Food is not something you should ever feel insecure about as a child. Not in terms of having it around the house and not in terms of being able to access it and prepare it for yourself.
You should not be guilted or punished for obtaining reasonable amounts of food for both yourself and your sister as you have been and you shouldn’t have to be cooking from 0100-0200 regularly to ensure you and your sister are being fed. It sounds like your mom wants control and is applying it incorrectly.
You are doing nothing wrong, but your mother is. I think you should speak to a trusted adult and determine some next steps and those steps should include counseling.” fortresses
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I understand your mum is frustrated with someone cooking so late, however, if she is not going to provide food for you and your sibling then someone has to.
It is her responsibility to make sure you are fed if you are underage and still live at home. As for the eggs, it’s not the end of the world. You can always go to the store and get some more. I doubt someone would miss 4 eggs that badly.
Regardless if there is another adult in your life you can trust/confide in please do so about this situation. Even if you didn’t handle this maturely, having meals every day and a stable home environment is important and your mother should not neglect her parental responsibilities.” BrightEdge8736
3. AITJ For Making A Mess To Prove A Point To My Unemployed Partner?
“For some context, my partner and I have been together for 5 years and living together for 3 of them. Not long after moving in together, my partner was laid off from her job. She claims EI, so her income is on the lower side. I make 6 figures and am well-established in my career.
I pay for the groceries and pay for the mortgage (the house is under my name). She covers utilities as she is at home most of the time and can’t afford to pay for much else.
Right after she lost her job she applied to different places, but no one was hiring, and then after 6 months she stopped applying.
I love her and I don’t mind being the main provider, although it does bother me that I haven’t seen her even trying to apply for jobs. I have brought this up and she gets frustrated/angry and the conversation doesn’t last long, so I’ve stopped bringing it up.
We have had an unspoken agreement, she cooks and cleans because she is home all day and other than utilities doesn’t contribute anything else to the household. This brings me to the main issue: in the last few months, she has stopped cleaning. She has simultaneously started playing a cleaning game, which infuriates me.
Last week I came home to her still in her clothes from the night before and lying in bed playing this game. I don’t think she had even left the bedroom. Our laundry is overflowing, there is a sink full of dishes, and the floors look disgusting.
I lost it, I was supposed to be leaving for a 5-day work trip the next morning and had no clean clothes to pack.
I screamed at her for being lazy. This is where I may be the jerk, out of spite and partial pettiness I dumped two of our houseplants out, I dumped out two of the trash cans and the bottles, and finally tore apart the laundry basket to find my work clothes.
I was seeing red and I told her if she wants to play that ridiculous game instead of doing actual housework then I’ll continue to make the house as disgusting as the rooms she cleans.
I took the clothes I thought I might need and went to stay at a friend’s house for the night and left for the trip in the morning.
I came home yesterday, to the house clean EXCEPT for the mess I had made that night. She packed a few of her things and decided to stay at her parent’s house for the moment until “I realize what a jerk I am.” I’m not sure I even want to apologize or if I feel sorry.
So did I take it too far? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk – You less so but also get a new partner if nothing changes main thing is I don’t agree with the yelling…..probably should have gone with a mature discussion BEFORE it got to the state of overflowing laundry or sink full of dishes….I mean that kind of stuff accumulates and doesn’t magically appear the throwing out of house plants…..like what?
Why? The dumping out of trash cans? Like…intentionally making a mess? Not needed” warclonex
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk. Did you ever actually . . . talk about your “unspoken” agreement? Did you express your need for a clean living space, or did you sit on your resentment until you exploded into a scary, abusive reaction? If you talked about it and nothing changed, the right thing to do would’ve been to end the relationship.
Do not simmer until you boil over. Meanwhile, she sucks for not being willing to talk about how your household functions and who contributes what. She sucks for not communicating with you if she feels overwhelmed or depressed. Either way, you don’t come across as being very good to or for one another based on this post.” stillrooted
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk. You have a genuine and valid beef, but your reaction was abusive and terrifying. You must have known that your trip was coming up, so why couldn’t you talk to your partner ahead of time – if she didn’t do anything constructive within a reasonable amount of time, you could have sorted out your clothes for the trip and considered your king-term options.
At this point, you’d probably be better off calling the relationship quits if neither of you is prepared to work on it. Passive aggression solves nothing except to breed contempt between you, and then that contempt tips into outright fury and hatred. Which you’ve just discovered.” Normal-Height-8577
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother To Wear White At My Wedding?
“I am getting married next June 2025, and I thought it would be nice for my immediate family to have a color to wear, just so pictures look coordinated. I’ve asked my mom and future mother-in-law to wear a sort of terracotta/rust-red color.
I told them they could pick the dress or have a pattern, be any length, it doesn’t even have to exactly match the color swatch I showed them – I don’t care, just wanted everything to look cohesive in a red hue.
I thought this was pretty straightforward, but my mom keeps sending me tons of dresses she’s looking at to ensure they are the right color.
Each time I tell her that as long as it’s a reddish color, it’s fine, just to let me know what she ends up picking. She sent me a picture this morning (red dress with white top)
and then called me to say this was the dress she was going to go with as long as the color was right.
I told her the color was fine, but I would prefer that she didn’t wear a dress with white. She seemed to take this well, she only had a couple of comments like “Well I thought it was pretty” & “There aren’t very many options”.
Now cut to this afternoon, I am talking again with my mom and she starts talking about the dress color again, saying she’s very confused with the color I’m asking her to find. I told her again that I thought any red hue color would be perfectly fine, it wasn’t a huge deal. She then told me that she liked the dress she showed me earlier with the white because it broke up the dress.
She said she felt like she needed the white top or else she would look like a “menstrual cycle”. I was a little taken aback that she was comparing the color to a period. Anyway, I told her that I thought it would be nice if only I was wearing white, and that if she wanted to find a dress with a pattern that was fine, to break it up a little, but I would prefer that she didn’t wear white.
She came back telling me that it’s okay to wear white as long as it’s not a lot like a white shirt with a skirt would be okay – I told her again that I would prefer that she didn’t wear white.
She is now upset with me and being very passive-aggressive. Am I the jerk for not wanting her to wear white? Even if it’s just the top of the dress? I feel like there are thousands of red dresses online to choose from, it shouldn’t be hard to find one that is red and doesn’t make you look like a period stain.
I’m feeling upset with her, but maybe not wearing white to someone’s wedding is outdated and I should let it go?”
Another User Comments:
“Well, I don’t want to say YTJ, but I do think you’re taking the whole “only the bride gets to wear anything white” thing a bit (ok a lot) too far.
Pretty much any dress with a pattern is going to have a background, right? And oftentimes, that background will be white. Some white, IMO is perfectly acceptable. Also, the link you provided even refers to the dress as a mother-of-the-bride dress. So there’s a smidgen of white on top – no one is going to clutch their pearls and faint at such a small amount in an otherwise red dress.
Lighten up. It’s a very nice dress.” Ok_Conversation9750
Another User Comments:
“Not knowing whether this is typical of your mother’s behavior, I’ll say this: some people find it hard to choose when the instructions are too vague. Just saying “pick a reddish dress” is quite broad, which can be good and bad, depending on the person.
Also, when your mom sent you options (before the one with the white) and your reply was just “As long as it’s red,” I could see that not being a very satisfying answer for her. Was there not a specific dress among the ones she sent you that you could’ve said “yes” to?” jmbbl
1. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mom For Missing My Birthday Again?
“My mum works in America but I live in the UK with my nan (70) and my brother (23 male). My mum (45) has been working in America for almost 10 years. She comes back only every sixth months because she has to work but she video calls and texts us too.
My birthday was almost 2 months ago and I turned 14 (I am 14 male) and I expected my mum to come back. Because she missed my last 3 birthdays because she was busy but she said she would definitely be coming for this one. My brother asked if I wanted to invite my mates over but I said no and that I only was going to celebrate with mum.
That’s how sure I was that my mum would come.
But 1 week before she said that she wouldn’t be able to make it. Because she has work that suddenly came up. I was so disappointed but she told me that she would make it up to me.
So I thought she was still in America at the time. But my brother told me that she was in England and just didn’t come to where we live. And I was even more upset because it’s not that far of a train ride only 3 hours and why can’t she just come out of 1 day of the week.
And it wasn’t a company trip she was meeting her friends or something.
I sent her an angry message and ignored her calls for the next few days. On my birthday I was miserable I just hung out with a few of my mates but it was pretty bad.
And she didn’t even message me happy birthday only like the next day and I think my brother told her to.
I would get snippy with her and only responded to her texts very curtly. And I wouldn’t call her. But one day I received a parcel from my mum and it was 3 new Nintendo games that she bought for me and she texted me did you get the surprise?
And I said I didn’t care and haven’t touched any of the games she sent because I was still angry.
My nan and my brother must’ve been talking to her because she found out I didn’t use any of the games and that I’m still angry.
She messaged me a long paragraph saying that I’m ungrateful and should stop acting out for attention. And that she doesn’t make a big fuss out of my brothers birthday and that he’s alright with it. I was even more angry and called her selfish and that she doesn’t care about her children.
My brother and my nan have been getting into arguments with her about me. My brother says that my mum is to blame. But my nan said I should be more forgiving because she is really busy. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your mother is not a parent.
She was merely an incubator to you and your brother. She’s busy because she chooses to be. To basically ignore your birthdays for 3 years (?!?!) and try to gaslight you saying you’re the one in the wrong is just so…I can’t even think of a word hideous enough!
Your nan is just trying to pretend no one is the bad guy, because she’d then have to admit her daughter is a jerk. I’m really sorry you’re going through this – happy belated birthday from an internet stranger.” Ok_Conversation9750
Another User Comments:
“So she left her then 4yo child with her then 60yo mother and never came back, then all you want for you birthday is to spend a little time with her and she doesn’t want to make an effort.
NTJ Even though she is your bio mother, this is not how a mom acts. A mom would have moved heaven and earth to be physically present in their kids lives. Talk to your brother, seems he had this figured out, that’s why he doesn’t care for her presence or presents on his birthday.
So sorry. Happy belated birthday” dedoktersassistente
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your feelings are completely valid. It’s understandable to feel deeply hurt and disappointed, especially after your mom promised to be there and then chose to spend time with friends instead. Birthdays are special, and having your parent prioritize other things can feel like a major letdown.
It’s not just about the gifts but the presence and effort. It’s important to communicate your feelings to her calmly, and maybe suggest making up for the missed time in a meaningful way that shows she values her relationship with you.” Hairy-poo
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