People Get Curious About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Cancelling My Wedding After Discovering My Fiancé's Secret Partner?
“I’m (34F) a US-born Desi and my parents have tried to marry me off several times. I’m considered old so they have been pushing me endlessly to marry and get settled down.
I have been set up with 3 potential matches and turned them down. My father keeps saying I’m too picky and any guy is ok. It’s up to me to make a happy marriage. I’m personally very skeptical of marriage but I’m now the black sheep of the family by still being single.
Last year they came to me with another potential match. We began chatting on WhatsApp and then began meeting up. It was nice, he seemed like a good match and I was sick of the comments from older friends and family. I told my parents it was a good match and they began planning the wedding.
We were supposed to get married in 2 months but then a girl messages me and claims to be my fiancé’s partner. I thought it was a scam but she knew everything about him and sent me photos of them together. She said they had been together for 6 years and they were supposed to be married.
I call my fiancé and he confirms that the girl is being truthful but says he will end the relationship once we marry. I asked if they were still together and he said no but the girl sent a photo of them kissing at a festival that happened the previous weekend.
So I don’t believe they are officially broken up and I think he plans to keep a side piece after we marry.
I tell my parents I want to cancel the wedding and they are very mad. Even after I show them the photos and what my fiancé says, they insist the girl is lying and I’m just getting cold feet.
I keep telling them he hasn’t ended the relationship and they refuse to believe me because his parents told them he has never had a partner. I’m so frustrated and tell them I refuse to do the marriage and my mom yells at me for wasting money.
They even told me it’s normal for a man to date around but he will automatically be faithful in the marriage because that’s how that works.
They put a non-refundable 10k deposit for the venue and catering. They are now insisting I have to pay them back because I backed out of the wedding.
I’ve told them I won’t and they been calling to me yell at me and so have the rest of my extended family.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ here if your fiance currently has a sidepiece that he admitted to but told his parents he’s never had a partner – he’s a LIAR.
Anything he’s said since cannot be trusted. I’m not of the same culture as you but I think that relationship values should and do transcend cultural barriers. The fact he said he’ll break it off with the other woman when y’all get married is most likely a lie.
There is someone for everyone no matter when you find them. He’s not the one girl. Don’t let your parents guilt trip you because HE lied, it’s not your fault.” KeyRain7102
Another User Comments:
“Tell your ex-fiance that you have the screenshots of your convo with his sidepiece.
He can either pay your parents back the 10K they lost because he’s a lying cheater OR you and you and you family will sue him in court and the screenshots will be used as evidence and so will become public record.” celticmusebooks
21. AITJ For Refusing To Pause My Future To Babysit My Sister's Kids?
“I’m an 18-year-old female with an older sister, Sarah, 29, who has two children, ages 8 and 4. Most of my childhood was spent taking care of her kids while she went out partying. Now that I’m starting a practical nursing course to boost my university resume, Sarah is asking me to put my future on pause and watch her kids so she can enjoy herself before I leave for university.
Our mom warned me when I was young not to babysit for Sarah’s kids because of her attitude. She also said this might be Sarah being jealous because she used to study nursing but dropped out due to bad company and not passing her final exam.
Everything came to a head yesterday when applications for the course opened, and I was talking to our mom about it. Sarah overheard that I applied and got mad, shouting about how selfish I am and how this is the only thing she’s ever asked me to do.
I told her to stop being childish and that it wasn’t my fault she had children, and I was not their mother. The kids have called me “mom” for about two years, even when corrected. I shouldn’t have said that, as she started yelling at our mom, saying I’m her favorite because if I wasn’t, she would tell me to put my future aside and help her with her children.
Our mom told her point-blank that she would never tell any of us to put our future on hold. She said she gave us all the same opportunity, and it’s not anyone’s fault that Sarah didn’t use hers wisely. Now she has children, and I’m going to take my life more seriously.
She needs to take responsibility for her children because no one told her to have them, and she can’t look after them.
Sarah started crying and left, and then our mom started on me, saying she warned me from the very beginning, and I didn’t listen.
She said I needed to stop being a pushover because I lost all my childhood when I was supposed to be outside playing with friends, going out, and just being a kid. I was babysitting like I gave birth. Our mom said it was my fault Sarah became so entitled because when she made plans for me to go out, I would cancel to watch the children.
She’s not wrong; I would always feel sorry for Sarah because she knew how to manipulate me, just because I don’t like to see people suffer or be sad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but there is a whole lot of truth being laid out here in your post. First, Sarah is ridiculously entitled. Her children are her responsibility.
You are sweet to help her, but you should not sacrifice your future for her. Sarah is also projecting her insecurities because she knows (deep down) that she has made some poor decisions in her life. Instead of facing that and bettering herself, she is choosing to lash out.
Second, your mom seems like a piece of work. That said, there is some truth to what she told both you and your sister. She is right to back you against Sarah’s entitled attitude. And even though what she told you was harsh, there is a nugget of truth to it.
Your mom likely realized that Sarah had entitlement issues many years ago. She was right to warn you against Sarah’s entitlement, though I do think she should have stepped in MUCH earlier than she did. It does seem like your mom needed to step up and defend you, instead of just watching as you sacrificed your life for babysitting.
Regardless, please make sure that you prioritize your future now. NTJ” Responsible-End-6371
Another User Comments:
“NTJ In what world is her partying her life away worth more to you than your life? Your mom is right. Get your head out of your butt and stop being a pushover.
Sarah is only having a snit now because you never told her no and had to deal with it before. If you had, it would have been easier when it wasn’t so entrenched and already over with.” KnightofForestsWild
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Your Mom is right.
You started this, by giving a mouse a cookie. When you were younger, your Mom should’ve stepped in more between you and your sister, but as an adult, you need to be firm. There is no nobility in being a martyr, in this case.” Big_Owl1220
20. AITJ For Mocking My Brother Over His Fight With His Son About His Stepmom?
“My brother has a 9-year-old son. For like a year now my brother and his son have been fighting. It’s all kinds of awful and pathetic on my brother’s part. It started when my nephew was doing his homework one day and on one of his sheets, he had to answer questions.
For a question about his parents, he said he has 2 and his mom is dead so he has one left.
My nephew’s mom died when he was 5 and my brother remarried 2 years ago. Stepmom took over the primary caregiver role but sometimes my brother is home to “help”.
This was one of those days. My brother and SIL saw what my nephew had written and my brother tried to correct him. My nephew refused to change his answer and ever since it’s been a fight.
I tried telling my brother he shouldn’t fight his kid over something like that.
He should just let the relationship be whatever and try to not make it such a power struggle. He told me his wife deserves more respect and recognition than that. SIL was so hurt that an 8-year-old didn’t mention her in his homework. She thought he loved her like a mom and she was let down he didn’t even like her enough to add her to the homework.
I heard this and suggested to my brother that maybe they needed to sit down and talk calmly (him and his son). But I was told that wasn’t possible where this problem is concerned.
It’s been a year of this battle between father and son and to me it’s annoying.
Mother’s Day last year was crazy. My brother bought a card that said mom on it and my nephew tore it up. SIL was upset again that he didn’t want to give her a card with mom on it and it annoyed my brother off.
They couldn’t shut up about it when they showed up at the restaurant for the Mother’s Day dinner our family had. I know this year will be equally crazy.
At the weekend my brother was complaining about the fighting and saying his son tells others more stuff than he tells him.
He was also saying people were judging him. I said of course they do, that he’s the adult fighting with his son for over a year, who’s still a young kid, all because he didn’t want to write that SIL is his mom and parent.
My brother accused me of mocking him. I was incredulous and maybe a little sarcastic about some points.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ So, let me get this straight. His mom died when he was 5. His dad remarried when he was 7. When he was 8, he wrote a school assignment that correctly said he had one parent left. And your brother went to war with an 8yo because he didn’t say that his stepmom of a year was his mom.
What the heck dude?” PurpleMarsAlien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your brother needs therapy. Tell him to read online forums to understand what he’s doing is traumatizing to his son. He’s actively hurting and harming him. This boy is a unique individual with thoughts and feelings, and he can’t be forced to feel something he does not.
He’s destroying his relationship with his son, and he needs to stop now. It’s going to take a lot of time to repair the damage he’s done.” lilolememe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother and his new wife are trying to erase his mom. Make sure to take your nephew out for ice cream or a treat regularly and let him talk about his mom.
He’s likely afraid of forgetting her and losing those memories he’s not allowed to share at home.” Open-Incident-3601
19. AITJ For Blocking My Mom After She Kicked Me Out and Then Sent Love Bombing Messages?
“So I and my mom have had a rocky relationship over the years, but last year things really went south.
So me and my mom moved into a new place last summer after a huge financial battle between her and our landlord which resulted in me having to take loans out to help with the down payment on the new place.
We get our new place and I think the future is bright. Fast forward not even a month I get numerous angry messages on WhatsApp from my mom while I’m at work about her finding torn clothes and rugs in my laundry basket (bear in mind I had to improvise and use my basket to store things during our moving process, just never got around to rearranging stuff).
I tell her I’ll come deal with it when I get off work to which she responds she already dealt with it. I’m thinking ok that’s that.
I get home and find my laundry basket completely empty, mind you there were still clean clothes in there.
Out of curiosity I checked the trash and low and behold EVERYTHING from my basket was in there. I’m mad of course so I confront her about it the next day. This broke into a huge argument which ended in my getting kicked out of the house, but not before my mom told me to go away, that I was a disappointment, and that she’d “curse me as my mother”… whatever that means.
So since then, she’s been sending me these love-bombing texts telling me how she misses me and how she loves me and all that and basically acting like nothing happened. When I responded back confronting her about our last encounter she either tried to deny or “clarify” what she meant or justified it, telling me “Instead of looking for an apology ask yourself why you had rugs and torn clothes in the laundry basket”.
From that point, I just completely stopped responding to her messages but that didn’t stop her from constantly sending love-bombing messages even after the fact. I eventually blocked her so I could stop receiving those messages and so I don’t get stumped by a random message from her.
I’ll say it feels bad because it’s my mom, and she raised me a single parent so I’m basically cutting off my only parent. At the same time how she’s going about the situation refusing to even acknowledge the situation or blatantly justifying it while sending me “I love you messages” right after that expecting me to respond rubs me the wrong way.
Idk am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s thrown you out and “put a curse on you”. Blocking her is the right move. Would you want to go back and be her punching bag again? The standard bully technique is to mistreat and then lovebomb the victim.
You’ve left your bully behind. Don’t go back.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!! Nope! I had a mother like that. She told us kids to go away all the time cursed us and told us she hoped nothing good ever happened to us. She was toxic.
Your mother sounds like she’s the same way. She also got you to take out loans so she could live elsewhere after she got into a fight with her landlord. Who does that? Blood doesn’t make you family. You have the right to cut out toxic people, even your own mother.
Just because she had you, doesn’t mean she owns you and can treat you like garbage and mistreat you.” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1
18. AITJ For Calling Out My Parents' Unfair Chore Distribution In Front Of Extended Family?
“My parents have me (16m) and they have my three younger siblings (12f, 10m, and 9f). I don’t feel like my parents are fair to me and I have said this to them before. When I was 5 I had chores. Small ones. But still, I had chores.
It started with picking up after myself and bringing my dishes to whoever was washing up. It grew into vacuuming and setting the table and grew again into washing dishes, taking out the trash, and being in charge of keeping the upstairs clean.
My younger siblings have no chores and never had chores.
My parents only give me chores. My siblings never even got the baby ones I started with. I was typically expected to do it for them or my parents just did it.
Two years ago I was bothered by it and I told my parents I wish they split things more between us instead of giving my siblings no chores and me a bunch of them.
They argued that I get more privileges than them because of it but I don’t. We all get to go to friends’ houses, they get given money far more than I do, and they get treats way more often too. I was told I was at an age where I didn’t need to be given treats as much.
I brought it up again a few months later and my mom told me I should stop bringing it up because I was acting like an elementary schooler instead of a high schooler.
Last time I brought it up to just them I pointed out how often they have me pick up after my siblings and stuff.
They told me it helps teach me to care for my siblings and as the oldest shows me the responsibility I have with them. Dad said it built character. I told them it didn’t make me want to do stuff for them more. I resented taking care of them and seeing them do nothing for themselves or me in return.
It started to annoy the crap out of me lately because my parents have been on my case about leaving chores longer and not doing as good of a job. They told me I grumble more at my siblings too and it’s not kind. So when we were at a family BBQ last weekend I brought up again how unfair they are to me in giving me chores but not my siblings.
My parents were furious I used the extended family to try and get my way and they punished me for like 5 days.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s not going to work trying to get other people to pressure them into giving chores to your younger siblings.
That’s not an AITJ question really – it’s just not effective. However, they aren’t doing the younger siblings any favors by having no expectations for them. You know how to do things and the younger ones don’t. They aren’t doing anyone any favors by having changed parenting strategies there if they have *no* chores for anyone younger than you.
The younger ones should be helping clear the table and set it for example. But you can’t shame your parents into changing. You can recruit your siblings to clear the table. You can only control what you do.” Tiny_Shelter440
Another User Comments:
“Odds are you’re NTJ.
However, there are two opposing scenarios. 1. They’re annoyed that you’re questioning their authority and bringing up an internal family matter in front of others. They’re unhappy about you trying to use pressure tactics to get your way. 2. They know they’re being unfair. They don’t want others to know about it because they lose face, and they might be pressured to change.
Either of those would explain the anger and the punishment. Given what’s been going on, I’m leaning towards scenario #2.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as it seems you are near the end of your rope. In your shoes, I would do slightly more than 1/4 of the chores and leave the rest for your siblings.
Don’t grumble at them, just ignore them like freeloading roommates that you are getting close to getting away from. They are old enough to be doing almost everything that you’re probably doing. The youngest probably shouldn’t be using toilet cleaner and the youngest two shouldn’t be doing the mowing, but that’s about it.
If your parents get annoyed enough to kick you out (if that’s even possible where you are and as long as you have somewhere to go), sounds like a bonus.” C_Majuscula
17. AITJ For Discussing My Financial Struggles With My Partner Despite His Recent Losses?
“I have been with my partner for almost 7 years, and he recently even proposed to me. During this past year, he has been living in Jacksonville helping out his family and I’m living alone in Miami as I was waiting for him to come back.
He was hired as a manager over there and now makes triple than what I make down here despite having two jobs, and I was recently fired from my second job. Prior to this, we lived together for two years and I paid for our apartment deposits in two moves and also paid rent for him once for three months when he was unemployed and on another occasion when he was making 9 dollars an hour and was fired the next day with nowhere to live.
For the next couple of years, I was often the primary bread-maker and paid the majority of our rent and also lived with many of his family members and also paid for them on some occasions when they couldn’t afford our rent.
Fast forward to the present- his sister recently died and a month later his father died; both due to terminal and complicated illnesses.
I flew up on both occasions and was with his family for a week during both losses despite not having a dime in my pocket, and did everything possible to focus on them and not speak of my problems and financial struggles.
This past month, I only had enough money for rent and had days where I didn’t eat, ate my coworker’s leftovers, or my elderly father would pay for food from my local cafeteria so I could eat a proper meal, and wouldn’t even have enough money to pay for an Uber to get to work unless my manager gave me a ride.
Despite all this, I never asked for money from anyone, especially from him.
My job, despite asking for a raise for a month and a half, sent $980 this week as my paycheck-300 dollars less than what I make. I sent him a screenshot of what I was given at work, and immediately upon seeing it, he said that he wasn’t going to help me because I am giving him emotional stress.
Granted, I am aware that he just lost his father a month ago and lost his sister two months ago so perhaps I have been self-centered by telling him about what’s going on or have not given him as much support as he would have liked.
AITJ for mentioning my issues despite not even asking for money and for not being mindful?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’re experiencing financial hardship to the point where you’re missing meals, that is an extreme trauma and I see no problem in trying to discuss it with your partner of 7 years.
That is serious, too. I recommend finding a food bank, trying to change your living situation somewhat. I also recommend ditching the partner. Are you investing in someone who isn’t investing in you? Make sure you’re surrounding yourself with a team that is as passionate about supporting you as you are about supporting them.
If the roles were reversed and he was missing meals, how quickly would you give him 50 bucks for a few groceries? Exactly.” ladystetson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s offered up a classic gaslighting excuse – you are giving him emotional stress so he will punish you by not helping you.
Right. This guy is a jerk, and I have the distinct feeling he doesn’t need you anymore and doesn’t intend to be in the picture much longer. Quit waiting on him.” CatteNappe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you should be able to discuss stressful events with your partner and that includes finances.
Why are you trying to build a life with someone who has no problem being financially supported by you but will literally let you starve. This is not a partner. If it is emotionally stressful for him to hear about your difficulties, he could at least have some compassion for you who is living it.
I’m sorry you’re in this position. Please please visit a food bank or check out some local resources, to help ease the stress. You deserve a partner who will support you in the rough times as you have supported them.” rebmaisme
16. AITJ For Shouting At My Husband And His Family For Criticizing My Post-Pregnancy Body?
“I (25F) and my (27M) husband had a child 3 months ago but the pregnancy was hard on my body, especially after the delivery.
I have stretch marks all over my stomach and I also got diagnosed with PPD, well I am working on it now and doing better day by day but since my delivery, I have been extremely tired taking care of the baby and stuff but the last two weeks I started going to the gym again with my husband.
One thing which irked me was he always made remarks about my stretch marks and how I should be somewhat better by now ( he was talking about my body ) and how it always “turned him off”. I kept up with it since I didn’t have any mental strength to argue.
But 4 days ago when I was feeding the baby, he again remarked on my stretch marks. I don’t know what happened inside me but I shouted back at him and berated him about it so much that the baby started crying, I took the baby and went to the spare bedroom to sleep.
Well since that day he has been giving me the cold shoulder and we only ever talk when it’s about the baby.
Yesterday we had to go to his mom’s house for a family gathering and midway through the night when all the people were present in a single room, she brought up the topic of my body and my stretch marks and said it’s not normal that I still have them and must not be doing enough to get rid of them.
Well, all the people ages 40+ chimed in with my MIL’s support. I was so embarrassed and ashamed by this that I left midway but I did shout at them and I left without my husband.
I drove to my sister’s home with the baby and have been living here since yesterday.
Most of our mutual friends ( specifically guys) support him and have bombarded me with messages about how I overreacted and it’s my fault. Well so did my husband this morning saying how I am overreacting and it’s nothing I should just come back, etc, etc.
I haven’t replied to any of them but I don’t have the mental capacity to even think about it I do think I shouldn’t have shouted at them and I was wrong but I need an outside perspective.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
Your husband and his family are massive ones. I’m so sorry they have been so horrible to you. Those stretch marks are evidence of the 9 months you spent growing and carrying HIS child! Trying to recover from pregnancy, birth, PPD, and adjusting to the needs of a new baby is no mean feat.
He should be worshipping the ground you walk on, not critiquing your body and shaming you for not physically recovering to his shallow standards. The fact that he complained to his mother about your body and she raised it in front of everyone just boggles my mind.
He and the family deserved everything you gave them, and more. Please don’t go back to him unless he sincerely apologizes and supports you against these family members and so-called friends.” Pure-Philosopher-175
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- You gave birth three months ago. It takes 2 months (6-8 weeks) just to recover physically.
Why does he think you are magically going to look the same? As for the stretch marks comments, those also aren’t just going to disappear. You didn’t yell at him in front of his family. You rightfully told off everyone in that room making horrible comments about something that is none of their business.
Your friends telling you that you are overreacting should not be your friends. Stay with your sister until you get a genuine apology.” lostalldoubt86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need all those mutual so-called friends to go away and tell your MIL to mind her own business.
Exactly like that. Your husband and I’m going to keep it real with you here, is a total waste of space and a waste of your time. You just had a baby and he’s acting like a total unmitigated jerk. If you want to be criticized by this jerk and his jerk tribe, your whole marriage by all means stays with him.
Btw, he’s talking about y’all’s private business with Mommie Dearest. This jerk is going to make you miserable. You can do much better.” RaccoonKey2860
15. AITJ For Wanting To Split Chores Even If My Partner Pays More Rent?
“My partner and I have been living together for almost four years. He earns twice my annual income and because of this, he pays $200 more in terms of rent.
He asked me to handle more in terms of chores and I wholeheartedly agreed. I make a decent amount, but paying the full rent (even when split in half) was tough. My partner got super busy with work (10 am – 11 pm tech job) and I pretty much do the majority of households after my 10 – 18 job.
This includes laundry, cooking, washing the dishes, shopping, keeping stock of all the things in the house, cleaning, and everything surrounding our dog.
My partner cleans the bathroom, and toilet, and brushes our dog’s teeth. I was fine with this since he worked long hours and he was paying the rent more than me.
I was slightly irritated with him since we welcomed our dog after we both agreed to take care of him together…but I honestly love my dog to bits and pieces, and I don’t see him as an “extra chore”.
Flash forward a few years, and we decided we wanted to relocate somewhere the rent is cheaper.
I would finally be able to split the rent! I asked my partner what we should do about the status of our chore assignment. He became very defensive and said he still works long hours, and that he would never consider splitting the task even if he started working in a more flexible working environment.
(He said he would rather hire someone to do everything for him, but we’d need to split the cost for that….which I thought was such a waste of money)
We decided in the end that he was going to pay a bit more again when we relocated since he couldn’t contribute in any other way.
He agreed, but grumbled “taking my money again huh”, which I thought was very rude.
He proceeded to insult me by asking me what I was doing in my spare time to contribute to the household’s finances. Honestly, after working 10-18 (8-18 about 4 times a month), and then doing the laundry, walking & playing with my dog, cooking, cleaning & washing the dishes, I don’t want to do anything anymore so I usually spend my two remaining hours I have to myself relaxing.
Is this so bad? Should I be spending my remaining two hours brushing up on my skills so I could get a better job?
What he contributes in money, I make up for with my time but it seems like he doesn’t understand how taxing it all is.
Am I the jerk for bringing this up in the first place?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You need to seriously sit him down and ask him what he honestly expects you to do. Does he really, true to heart feel, that you should be fine to do all the chores and pay 50/50?
Ask him what he would do if he was single and if he really can’t handle his job and his life. This needs to be a sit-down, face-to-face conversation and not a passive-aggressive, snide comments one. Make it clear that you looking for a partner, not a child to take care of and you won’t tolerate teenager remarks.
That he needs to be an adult and make adult decisions about HIS responsibilities. You aren’t his boss. He has options. He can do half the chores. He can hire AND pay for someone to do HIS half of the chores. He can be grateful for you doing his chores and take more responsibilities financially, IF recognizes that this is work and is real about it.” CakeEatingRabbit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand bf works 13 hours at his job. That can be tiring work, but so is doing chores on top of your 8-hour job. Just because he works long hours doesn’t mean you don’t deserve any rest. The way it goes right now, both of you are not satisfied with each other’s contribution.
This is something you should talk about, and as another Redditor said, if he can afford to hire help, it’s up to him. bf is the jerk for the snide remarks.” hellcoach
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If he was living alone, he would have to take care of himself and his home.
Lighten your load. Re-think chores and free up your time. Do you cook meals every day? Stop. Buy what you need to make sandwiches and soup – he can make his sandwich. Do you go out to buy groceries? Stop. Have them delivered. Your time is important, don’t waste it doing things for someone who does not appreciate it.” hadMcDofordinner
14. AITJ For Taking Back Concert Tickets Meant For My Daughter's Friend After Her Mom Decided To Use Them For Her Brother?
“My daughter, Jenny, (13) has a best friend, Morgan (nearly 13). The two of them spend a lot of time together at our place. I do not know Morgan’s mother very well as Jenny doesn’t often go to their house. This is mainly because Morgan’s house is a little chaotic.
She has 4 siblings. Jenny is an only child and Morgan has said she likes the quiet.
Morgan has done a lot of stuff with us. I occasionally enter radio/online competitions and will win tickets to certain local events. When I won 4 tickets to a concert last year, Jenny and I brought Morgan along with one other friend.
We all had a blast.
Recently, I won another pair of tickets to a concert that I planned to attend with Jenny. A few days later, I was told about a work trip that I had to take that fell that weekend. Jenny usually comes with me.
So, Jenny suggested we give the tickets to Morgan for her birthday. She could either go with another friend or her mom. I checked with Morgan’s mom before we mentioned this to Morgan and she said that was fine.
Last night, Morgan was at our house and she seemed upset.
When I asked why, she said her mom was taking her brother to the concert because “her brother has never been to a concert before”. I asked if Morgan’s brother even liked the band and Morgan said no, it was just the principle of the matter.
Morgan and her other 3 siblings have been to concerts. He hasn’t and since they can’t afford stuff like this, he gets to go.
I found this unfair and honestly a waste of tickets. I called Morgan’s mom to double-check this story and she confirmed it all, including her 11-year-old son barely knowing anything about the band.
I said I’m sorry, but I don’t feel right giving these as a birthday gift anymore as these were for Morgan. I said we’d give them to Jenny and Morgan’s other friend who I know likes the band, and we’ll get Morgan something else for her birthday.
Morgan is fine with this.
Morgan’s mom is upset and says I’m trying to tell her how to parent. I don’t think I am because if a different friend gave Morgan the tickets and it was the same result, as bad as I’d find her mom doing this, I wouldn’t say anything as that’s not my business.
As I am giving the tickets, I want them to go to Morgan. I’d also maybe feel different if the brother loved the band too but as he doesn’t, I don’t want to give them.
So here I am left wondering if I’m being a jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please tell me you are just as curious as to what is going on cause that’s insane. Why is her mom dragging a kid to a concert if the kid doesn’t even wanna go? If we were friends, I would volunteer my funds to Morgan’s mom to take lil bro to a concert he may enjoy cause why?
Talk about an utter utter waste. Kids gonna hate it, Morgan is gonna be upset, and you’re gonna be upset. Does the Mom like the band??? But then why bring an uninterested kid??? I do not get it. Morgan’s mom is going through something. I feel bad for her cause something else is afoot.
This is the dumbest of all possible plans, why is she fighting for it??? I would love to know what’s going on, seriously. I would feel better if Morgan’s mom just took the tickets herself and went on a date. I could understand that. Mother of 5 wanting to go out?
Ok. I understand. Still a jerk move but at least I understand.” pottersquash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You hadn’t given the tickets yet, so the only thing you “took back” was an offer. It’s reasonable to expect that a gift to someone (even a child) won’t be intercepted. What you did was restore order–the tickets go to someone who will enjoy them, and Morgan gets a birthday gift.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As much as I understand Morgan’s mom wants to give equal opportunity to her son as the other siblings, it’s Morgan’s birthday gift coming from you and that wasn’t your intention. She should have just accepted it and said ok and figured out a way to take her son to a concert that he’d enjoy.” Awkward_Property3043
13. AITJ For Stepping Back From Helping Unappreciative Friend With Her Wedding?
“One of my close friends, let’s call her Ellie (26f), is getting married (in my back yard) in about a week.
She chose 3 bridesmaids for her wedding who have not been super involved. However, me (23f), Adelia (23f) (her sister), and Bianca (25f) are not in the wedding but have been busting our backsides to make sure Ellie’s bridal shower, engagement party, and bachelorette parties have all been special for her.
Even though none of us were chosen to be bridesmaids, we put that aside because we are her friends and respected that decision. We have spent countless hours and hundreds of dollars on celebrating Ellie the past few months. Without a complaint, even though her bridesmaids have done the absolute bare minimum, we decided to keep our mouths shut in favor of the bride because she should not have to stress about her wedding party.
Fast forward to this weekend. Bianca (25f) asked last month if we could all celebrate her birthday at a bar this Saturday. Everyone, including Ellie, one of her bridesmaids (the bridesmaid who has done the least), and a few other mutual friends, agreed to come celebrate Bianca for the night.
The day of the party, Ellie decided she did not want to stay out late and backed out of the birthday party. Bianca, stayed quiet despite being upset after all the time and money she’s spent celebrating Ellie. Adelia, Ellie’s sister, sent a message to Ellie letting her know that Bianca was upset because of her decision to back out of the party last minute.
A few hours later, we realize that every person who agreed to go out was at Ellie’s house having dinner and ghosted Bianca hours before her birthday party.
Bianca decided to let Ellie know that she was very hurt by her decision to have all of their mutual friends over even though they were supposed to be celebrating Bianca for one night.
Ellie flipped the whole story onto Bianca saying, all the friends came over to comfort her because she was “so upset that everyone was mad at her for not going out for Bianca’s birthday”. This was extremely hurtful because we have all sacrificed many weekends getting things ready for her wedding.
Now the wedding is a week away and taking place at my house, but I have decided I will be doing the bare minimum to get things ready because the appreciation is clearly not reciprocated. Ellie has already noticed that I am backing off from helping and told others I am being “cold” towards her..
Am I the jerk for deciding to take a step back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ellie is unappreciative and being a mean girl. Drop anything you can. Maybe something could go wrong at your house, like a plumbing emergency, or some of the lawn getting torn up for some reason, or an electrical problem in one of the rooms, or a sprinkler accidentally going off at the wrong time.
Maybe you get sick for a few days and can’t do all the prep you intended.” NapalmAxolotl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Ellie is taking advantage of you and isn’t even grateful for everything you’ve done. The worst part is her playing the victim over Bianca’s birthday incident.
I don’t think this is a friendship worth preserving. If I were you, I’d reconsider lending my house for the event. If there are damages, will Ellie pay for them, or will she play the victim? If you don’t lend your house, you might lose Ellie’s “friendship,” and it’s possible that others invited to the wedding will take her side.
Think about whether you want to keep these people in your life. If you do, do the minimum (show up at the wedding) and ask them to make a deposit or sign a promissory note to cover potential damages.” Hour-Wind-2410
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ellie being tired/not feeling well is one thing and could have been excused/made up to Bianca in another way.
Her inviting mutual friends over the same night and then making herself the victim is just plain petty, juvenile behaviour. You aren’t a bridesmaid, stop acting like one and continue to do the bare minimum. Ellie hasn’t shown a modicum of appreciation for all the work you three have done and wouldn’t give you any more appreciation if you were bridesmaids.
She’s being a crappy friend.” Miserable_Cow403
12. AITJ For Refusing To Feed My Stepdad's Disrespectful Kids?
“My mom had a major surgery two weeks ago. She’s still in the hospital and won’t be home for another few weeks yet. I (16m) am home with my stepdad and my half-brother and sister since my dad isn’t in the picture. But my half-siblings go to our grandparents during the day and my stepdad picks them up after work.
Sometimes he will keep them with our grandparents for a few extra hours if he’s visiting mom and stuff.
My stepdad also has two kids from his other marriage. His daughter is 11 and his son is 10.
My stepdad’s kids treat my mom like trash. They’re being trained to act like that by their mom and my stepdad and her have been in court so many times in the last 5 years.
But nothing has changed with their behavior toward Mom and he and his ex still fight often about it. His kids call my mom names, say she feeds them trash, tell her she’s fat and ugly and they gag whenever they know she cooked for everyone.
It’s gross. They told my mom their mom was better than her in every way and she’d never be good. My stepdad punishes them and all that but it’s crazy how hateful they are to Mom. They’re also really rude to Mom’s family. I don’t have any affection or patience for them so we don’t interact.
But mom gets it a lot. When my mom was brought to the hospital they said good, we hope she dies. My stepdad looked incredibly angry at them and I acknowledge he intervened immediately.
But all of this means I want nothing to do with them and I’m so glad when they’re not at our house.
I dislike them.
My stepdad wants me to feed his kids anyway. He gets home late and he doesn’t want to pay for them to stay with a sitter for an hour or two. He also doesn’t want to send them to their mom, which I get.
So he wanted me to provide some food for them and I said no. He told me his kids need to eat and I said it’s not my problem and he does not want me left in charge of his kids ever. He told me they’d go hungry without someone to prepare something and I said so what?
He told me my attitude could use some work. He said he needed my help and he’s sorry they said what they said but I need to understand their mom has poisoned them so much. He told me it won’t be forever and I make myself food already so can’t I make some extra?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it doesn’t sound like he has stuck up for you or your mom, he does not discipline his kids for their rude behavior either. Why should you feel the need to help him or his kids? It is amazing what people (dad) will do or say when their bad parenting bites them in the butt.” demon803
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They are old enough to understand consequences, and their stomach grumbling for an hour or two won’t do them any harm, and will remind them of what they said about your mum. But if it doesn’t and they ask you for food, you can remind them who normally cooks for them when they visit, where she is right now, and what they want to happen to her.
Stand firm on your boundaries, your stepfather is not owed your service to his kids, and as many have said, they can make themselves a sandwich.” Curious_Puffin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know you are only talking about feeding them but there are other issues to consider.
Those kids are very hateful and there is no telling what they may accuse you of doing if you are left alone with them. I have seen false accusations fly in similar situations, you don’t want to be a part of that. So tell your stepdad you don’t want to be around them unless another adult is present.
He will have to figure out their care.” DontAskMeChit
11. AITJ For Refusing To Stay With My Parents While My Husband Visits His Family?
“My parents are very difficult human beings, I love them, but they have a lot of toxic traits.
A year ago we moved to a further city (about a 2.5-hour drive) because we couldn’t take the nagging and trying to control my husband’s and my life.
I love our new city, I made new friends and just enjoy being here. We have a 2-year-old, so we go on playdates and just have our schedule.
He also goes to daycare.
My in-laws all live in another country, so my husband visits them once in a while without us and in the summer we go as a family and stay for 2 weeks.
My husband is going to visit his family for about a week.
My mom called me a few days ago and asked me what my plans were in regards to staying with them for the week. I was taken aback since I did not intend to visit them that week and asked her what she meant. She sounded a little upset and said she’d assumed we would stay with my parents while my husband was gone.
I told her I didn’t plan on doing that, but that I would think about it.
The other night she called again and asked: “So when should we come to pick you up on Friday?” (we don’t have a car so we usually take the train when we visit them) I asked her where I was going that I needed a ride to.
And the inevitable happened and we got into an argument. She was accusing me of keeping their grandson from them and being selfish and inconsiderate since they miss him and want to see him. I told them they were free to visit anytime, but that I was no longer a child and that I could make my own decisions.
My reasons for not wanting to go are a few:
1. I’m not that close to my parents, we saw them a couple of weeks ago for 3 days.
2. My life is here now, I work remotely but my equipment and everything is here.
3. They have a cat my son gets extremely attached to and he’ll be very sad and cry for days because he misses her.
4. I enjoy having some time to myself.
I told her all of the above and more, but she refused to understand my point of view, so I just told her she shouldn’t bother calling me over this again, let alone show up here and I hung up.
She texted me saying I was acting like a brat and I should be embarrassed of myself.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Mom doesn’t see you as an adult and is trying to control you. I’d block her until your husband returns from his trip.
If she shows up at your door, don’t open it. She sounds incredibly toxic. Don’t be afraid to threaten to call the police if she shows up because that would be a step up in harassment. If she still refuses to leave, call the police and let them deal with her.” lilolememe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ In the future, do not over-explain. Don’t list the recent visit, the work equipment, the cat, or the time to yourself. They don’t care. You’re just giving them fuel to say “And we’re less important than all those things?”.
Just say no, that’s not happening. No mother, I didn’t agree to that. I am not keeping your grandchild from you, you’re welcome to visit. No, you don’t need to pick me up because, once again, that’s not happening. We didn’t agree to that. I didn’t agree with that.
That is not what’s happening.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“Why entertain such BS? Let her ramble. Then be firm. Realize that she believes that her theatrics will get her what she wants. The more you engage with the theatrics, the more she’ll think that she just needs to do more.
Be prepared to just let her go off. Then be boringly firm. Don’t give details for her to debate. The decision is simple, it doesn’t need explanation or justification. Guilt trips aren’t fun. Don’t go for the guilt trip. NTJ.” rlrlrlrlrlr
10. AITJ For Refusing to Attend My Partner's Family Gatherings Due to Feeling Unwelcome and Uncomfortable?
“I (26F) have been in a relationship with my partner (25M) for 3 years now. He is Indian and comes from a decent-size family and I’m white and I come from a very small dysfunctional family. I grew up in a way that attending gatherings was not obligatory..
if you want to and can make it come, if not, no hard feelings (that’s if there is any gathering planned and I am told about it). They also do not set an expectation of visiting frequently but do enjoy when and if I can come to see them.
I also grew up without parents and my household was quite emotionally and mentally abusive.
Now, my partner’s family is all about obligations and it doesn’t matter how you feel or what you’ve got going on you need to visit once a week and go to every dinner/event no matter how big or small.
For the first 2.5 years, I did this. I went to every event.. every dinner.. every birthday.. every holiday. everything. Every time I felt like an outsider and most did not make the effort to include me it was more so I just faded into the background and waited to leave there.
This was extremely stressful and triggering for me as I struggle with rejection and a dysfunctional family as is. For years I asked my partner to help me tell his parents they weren’t making me feel welcome and from the get-go, they rejected me because I am not Indian.
He addressed this a few times and one of the responses from his mom was, “Well we don’t tell her not to come” after he asked why she never communicates or includes me. I gave grace and have tried but nothing has changed until recently 3 years later his mom wants to include me but now I refuse to do things and go places that make me feel like rubbish so I’ve stopped going to the dinners and certain birthdays and cut it down to only major holidays when his cousins are around (I like them a lot).
His mom is upset and said I’m just making excuses but I’m just setting boundaries. There was a year I didn’t go visit my own family because they were prejudiced toward my partner and I didn’t come back around until they fixed it. Life is too short to spend most of your time making others happy at the expense of your own.
My partner understands and supports my choice and he also has similar feelings about being obligated to attend family events. I want to live my life and be around those who love me and want me around.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Protect your peace.
But I think you need to open your eyes here and see that your partner isn’t being a good one. He hasn’t done more to make you feel included in events. I’m also not sure why/how you are hearing about all of this drama with his mom.
If my mom were saying unkind things about my partner for not showing up, I would tell her to suck it up and leave it alone and would not be repeating those things to my partner. Why is your husband telling you everything his mom is saying yet is taking real action to change the situation?” holliday_doc_1995
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Honestly, I think the part that makes you so tired is the fact that you feel like an outsider. I hope you can get your partner to include you better! Yes, it is so tiring to constantly go make appearances at family events but if you had a friend or you got along well with everyone it could be much more fun and you would look forward to going.
But yes that sounds so tiring and I hope you and your partner can create some sort of boundary!!” Silly-Carob-3185
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Your partner’s mom sounds crappy and rude. Your partner should’ve stuck up for you more and not been telling you about all the family gossip, which likely made you feel uncomfortable going to the events.
You’re entitled to not wanting to maintain a relationship with them after they treated you poorly. I also think it’s a little rude that your partner’s mom is trying to have a better relationship, and it seems like you’re not interested. Do you see yourself marrying/growing old with your partner?
If so, you may want to reconsider the relationship with his family because these people aren’t going anywhere, and having a good relationship could make everyone better off. But, if his mom is going to be a jerk about it and not try to make sincere amends, you have a right to protect your peace and disengage.” Lady_Caticorn
9. AITJ For Not Getting My Driver's License Despite My Partner's Frustration?
“I am a 30-something woman who can’t drive. I’ve never had a license.
I currently live and work in a place where it’s much easier and more affordable to commute using public transportation.
I’m fine with this. I also use a bicycle to get around (big biking culture where I live).
My partner of 10+ years is not ok with this at all. He wants me to get a license. The problem is that it costs a lot of money to get a license here.
The average cost for all the lessons and exams is over €3000. As you can imagine, I don’t have that lying around. The only way to learn is with a qualified instructor. There are no parking lots or quiet roads for practice.
Last year I managed to save enough for the lessons.
I took about 15 lessons, but I feel that I made very little progress in that time. This was due to a few reasons. My instructor was changed halfway through, and neither of the instructors was very good (constantly on their phones and not giving constructive feedback).
I was also off work due to depression during this time. Probably a bad decision to start the lessons then, but I felt a lot of pressure from my partner to do “something”. I know that I should’ve spoken up when I felt the instructor wasn’t helping, but I was nervous about confronting them.
Needless to say, I did not learn to drive and I did not get a license.
Now all this time of me not driving has affected my relationship with my partner. He has a lot of resentment towards me because he is the only driver in our home (just the two of us).
Because of the driving thing, he says that he feels like a caregiver instead of a partner. This has affected his attraction towards me. We have not been intimate in six months (and in the last couple of years like 10 times in total). This has taken a huge toll on me and my feelings towards my partner.
I want to drive because I think it’s a good skill to have (even though I won’t get a car anytime soon). I just feel like €3000 is a lot for this. I also have a recurring nightmare of losing control of a vehicle.
Could this be affecting me subconsciously? I was not particularly anxious during the lessons.
I’ve passed the theory exam six times, but every time it expires because I haven’t done the practical exam.
AITJ for not spending half of my savings on a license and therefore creating resentment in my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I’ve been with people who wouldn’t get their license because our city is walkable and has good public transit. Guess who had to drive on every road trip? Every camping trip? Every time we had to rent a moving van or take a big Costco trip?
It’s a HUGE deal being the only driver in a partnership. Get your license.” louisiana_lagniappe
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I can understand your partner’s frustration, but that doesn’t automatically make you a jerk. There are a lot of upset Americans in the comments here because most of us live in areas where if you don’t have a car, it’s impossible to accomplish any kind of errand.
They don’t know what living in a country where robust public transportation is like. Also, a lot of you are outing yourselves as people who would abandon a disabled partner because they couldn’t drive.” Filosifee
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Not because you don’t want to drive, lots of people don’t and I do get it because my brother and aunt both don’t drive.
That being said your husband has been telling you for years he is done with the codependency and doing all the driving. My grandma drove my aunt around until she stopped driving in her 80s, and while we never mentioned it to my aunt, the entire family knew what a toll it took on my grandparents to drive someone around their entire life.
So I would get the license if you want to save this relationship, otherwise take the bike and move on.” Fun_Milk_4560
8. AITJ For Wanting To Experience My Daughter's Firsts Instead Of My Partner's Parents?
“I (28)f and my partner (24)m have 2 kids my son (6) who is from a previous relationship and our daughter who is (7 months old). My daughter is the first girl and first baby in 22 years on my partner’s side of the family. So I understand that everyone is happy and it’s a girl.
Including his parents.
My partner we will call him E. Loves my son as his own and plays with him all the time. E is aware of my past with my son’s father and my postpartum. I had got postpartum after having my son. I wasn’t there when my son did all the little things.
First food, first step, first word, etc. so when I had my daughter I promised myself I would be there for all of it.
I had my daughter in September everybody was happy that she was okay. But when my daughter was born his parents started making all these plans without talking to me or ever asking me.
So I talked to E about it and he just let them get it out because she is the first girl and first baby so they’re just happy I said fine left it alone. But that was my first mistake.
As my daughter starts to get bigger she’s starting to have something like food, and juice.
And started trying to do things. And I know there’s something I can’t help like her first steps and her first word. Things like this I understand that they just come. But there are things that I should do first as her mom.
I didn’t get to give her food for the first time.
They did because they said, “she’s 5 months we can start giving her some baby food.” They did it without asking me or talking to me about it. They gave her a lemon to see her get a sour face. So far everything that my daughter has is because they gave it to her first. And it makes me a little mad.
I have tried to talk to my partner about things and explain that we should be the first people to give her things because we are parents and it’s little things that make the moment. And all he tells me is “Don’t disrespect my parents.”
As of right now, I am thinking about keeping her away until we talk about them asking me or us before they start planning something.
AITJ for telling them that they need to ask me first before doing or giving her something?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are interfering with your parenting, and your BF is a wuss for saying you should let them do whatever they want. They gave her food before you were ready, and probably before your pediatrician’s recommendation. What’s next – her first haircut?
Why do they have so much unsupervised time with her? If they’re babysitting, your only option might be to find other childcare. (Or, the next time they tell you they’ve done something, *burst into tears* and say “I can’t believe you’ve taken another of her first experiences away from me!
I was so looking forward to seeing that!”)” OkeyDokey654
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Keep the child away from your partner’s family for a while. They are treating your daughter as if she is their daughter. If your partner is allowing this, you must make it clear to him why you object.
You will have lots of “firsts” so don’t get more upset than you already are but limit the time his family spends with her, especially if you are not there to tell them no when they ignore that she’s your child again.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Regarding the food thing, there’s no way to know if a baby is allergic to something until they react. A parent should always be there when a new food is introduced just in case something goes wrong. This may also be a good way to convince your husband.
It’s not just about missing firsts, it’s about safety. My best advice is to start being proactive with your daughter. Make a list of firsts that you want to experience and then make them happen. Beat them to the punch. It sounds like these people would go so far as to pierce her ears.
Figure out if you want that or not, and do it soon if you do. Don’t say anything to your husband until the week you’d want to do it.” Late_Perception_7173
7. AITJ For Leaving a Note for My Tenants About Their Recycling Habits?
“A little background- myself (33F) and my partner (44M) built a brand new home that has a 2bd + 2bath ADU that we lease out.
We do not charge extra for water/sewer/garbage. There is one trash bin and one recycle bin that both households share.
Our renters (30F and 31M) are for the most part great renters with almost no issues. A few weeks after they moved in I was taking out the trash and noticed our renter had put all of the decor from a party (none of it was recyclable) in the recycle instead of the trash.
I thought maybe it was a mistake so I dug it all out and moved it to the correct bin.
Over a couple of years, this became a regular occurrence and I often found nonrecyclable items in the recycling and they often did not break down their boxes either.
I always just sorted through and corrected it and went on with my day. When I went to take out my recycling one day, I found an entire LARGE silk floral arrangement in the recycling… I texted the renter and asked her to please move it into the trash.
She said okay no problem and moved it. Fast forward a few days I went out again to find the recycling full of baby shower decorations, gift bags and more boxes not broken down. After nearly 2 years of moving their recycling to the trash, I was *very* annoyed.
I printed out a chart (from the county’s website) of what is recyclable and what is not and wrote a note on it asking them to follow the guide and also break down their boxes. I considered moving all of the boxes and trash to their front door but I instead stacked it in front of the bins for them to handle because I had stuff to put in and I didn’t want them to dig through my trash to get to theirs.
When they got home, the male renter sent my partner a text that said “Next time there’s a problem we would appreciate a call or text instead of a note taped to the door and our trash thrown all over the driveway. Let’s act like adults.”
The trash was not thrown all over. I had just texted earlier in the week regarding nonrecyclables in the recycling. My partner says the note was petty. They are not friends, they are tenants so I felt a note was perfectly fine. They are adults in their 30s.
Recycling is not difficult. I was shocked at the text we received from them. So AITJ for leaving them a note and leaving their trash out?”
Another User Comments:
“I think you could have definitely talked to them about it first, and then followed up with the regulations from the county website.
We get fines if we don’t put proper recyclables in the recycle bin. If that’s the case, they may not be aware of that. Send them a note and let them know. It doesn’t make sense to lose a tenant over a straight-talk conversation.
Just chat with them to clear the air. Everyone’s a jerk here.” Vegetable_Baker_3988
Another User Comments:
“Every time you moved something of theirs without saying anything, that doesn’t count as part of them refusing to do it correctly. The times you said something, that counts.
Don’t suffer in silence! I think it would have gone a long way to just text, “Hey, I noticed there were some things in the bin that weren’t for recycling, so I moved them in front of the bins — I wasn’t sure if you wanted to toss them or if you had a different thought.
(It’s a pain, I know — We can get fined for not sorting, so that’s the reason I stay on top of it.)” Then if it happens again, you can do the same thing again, and you might not have to say anything. I wouldn’t mention the boxes unless you start to have an issue with either space in the bin or stuff not getting picked up.
I break down big boxes, but not always small ones, and it’s never been an issue.” MyDogsMother
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you should have sent them an email with the full info the first time this happened. This gives them an easy reference, creates a paper trail, and is less passive-aggressive/annoying than a note taped to the door.
Not to mention waiting years before mentioning anything.” ameadowinthemist
6. AITJ For Not Wanting to Work During My Last Summer Before College?
“I’m an 18-year-old male and my mom is forcing me to get a job. I’m genuinely not sure if I’m just being a lazy, conceited jerk, but I don’t want to get a job right now.
For some context, I didn’t get the traditional high school experience.
I went to a private, all-boys Catholic high school that was extremely challenging, leaving me with hours of work of studying and homework every night. Mind you, I was staunchly against attending, but my mom forced me and enrolled me anyway because of the superior education, which I suppose is reasonable, but I would have appreciated the choice.
Because of this, coupled with the fact that I’m naturally introverted, I became pretty alienated from my friend group, which I had formed in public school. I’m also not very interested in the ways most people my age have fun—I don’t drink or smoke—and that leaves me with very few options socially.
It’s not that I have no friends, but it can be hard sometimes, and I don’t go out much. Regardless, I worked hard during my four years and have just recently gotten into a great college, which I’ll be attending in the fall.
Now, I’ve already had two jobs during high school.
One summer, I worked as a camp counselor (~40 hours a week for most of the summer), and the other was recently, where I did seasonal work for a store at about 14 hours each weekend. It’s not like I’ve never experienced responsibility before. I’ll have a campus job when I matriculate in September.
Plus, it’s not like my family needs the extra income; we are financially comfortable.
My mom reasons that, because I don’t go out much, because I need “to experience life,” I need to get a job. I contend that I just want a few months to relax before college, considering high school has been pretty stressful for me.
This could be, quite possibly, the last summer in my life where I don’t need to be interning, networking, or having a job. It seems like college is the perfect place to start anew and “experience life.” I do all that’s expected of me—good grades, no trouble, respectful—and my mom forcing a job onto me just feels like a slap in my face.
This subject has been one of serious contention and has resulted in several fights between me and my mom. But everything I’ve written could very well be the ramblings of a privileged, lazy kid, which is why I’m defaulting to Reddit. Am I being unreasonable?
Should I just suck it up and get a job? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You can still work and have your “last summer” as a kid–feel free to soak up all of the joy to be found in not paying rent or utilities or stressing about how you’re going to feed yourself.
Your mom is either worried about you or sick of having you around all day every day or both.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I am usually pro working. But I do see kids burned out by too much. Some schools require more than others.
There are situations where working is unfortunately unavoidable. You are luckily not in this situation. This doesn’t mean you should just camp out and do nothing. I think your mother wants you just to be more socially involved. Find a volunteer. Part-time something. A class.
You may find also a new group of friends. Compromise on 1 month out of two.” KikiMadeCrazy
Another User Comments:
“You’ve graduated, and you’re an adult. You shouldn’t expect your family to support you, so you can have an extended vacation. Get a job and earn your money.
You may be grateful you have it when you’re in college whether to buy takeout, things you need, pay for experiences on campus or off, go on dates, etc. YTJ for acting entitled and privileged. Your mom doesn’t owe you. She provided an excellent education for you, and she is trying to set you up for success.” lilolememe
5. AITJ For Snapping At My Friend's Partner For Constantly Bringing Up Our Past Relationship?
“My family friend “Caleb” and I made the mistake of being in a relationship when we were younger (16-18 on and off).
It was a disaster of a “relationship” that was just a lot of hormones and hurt feelings. It took us a long time afterward to get to a place where we were friends again and meetings between our families weren’t awkward anymore. But we’re there now.
I consider him a good friend, not a super close one in the sense we don’t hang out much because we’re busy and don’t live near each other but I’ve known him my whole life, there will always be a bond there.
Caleb’s partner “Gretchen” is obsessed with the fact that we used to be together. And I don’t say obsessed lightly, it’s the only thing she will reference when we are in the same room. She will bring it up when it has no relevance to the conversation.
We (the whole group) will be talking about our favorite holiday destination and she will be like “Oh did you guys ever go on holiday there while you were together?”. What does it matter? Or if we are in our home town she will be like “Is this where you guys would come on dates?”.
Just…why? She has even asked me incredibly weird things that make me uncomfortable. I’ve told Caleb this is beyond creepy and she needs to stop bringing up the past and he agrees, but also said it’s pretty normal that she would be curious about it (I don’t think this is normal).
This past weekend we (my family and Caleb’s family) all had dinner because it was Caleb’s half-sister’s birthday. Gretchen was there and at one point the little girl (she’s 8) said I was her favorite “cousin” and Gretchen said, “Well she could have been your sister if she hadn’t ended things with your brother”.
I just lost it. I said something to the effect of “Why are you so obsessed with the fact that we had a fling nearly a decade ago? You’ve spent more time talking about this relationship than we spent in it, it’s pathetic.
What is the problem, Gretchen?” Gretchen didn’t say anything, but I demanded she answer the question. Caleb told me to just leave and I said I will leave it when she does. Gretchen called me a jerk which upset Caleb’s mother and then everyone was bickering.
Everyone’s got different opinions on what I should have said, whether I should have said anything, timing, etc. I just want to know if I was a jerk for saying something instead of just putting up with her essentially picking at scar tissue.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is normal for her to be curious – but not normal for her to bring it up/ask questions to anyone by her partner in private. That she keeps mentioning it to you – in front of both your families- is just weird and over the top.
After the first time she mentioned it, I would have told her “it’s in the distant past and I’d like it to stay that way. I’m not entertaining any more questions, thanks” and been done with it.” DenizenKay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If I had to guess, Gretchen is feeling incredibly insecure and it’s manifesting as obsessively bringing up your previous relationship with Caleb.
I would be curious if it’s all her or if Caleb and his family talk about you a lot when you’re not around in a way that is difficult for Gretchen. Honestly, it’s not your problem. Caleb needs to address it with her and decide what the best outcome is, which frankly sounds like not attending the same events as you if Gretchen isn’t able to overcome this.” indigo-lines
Another User Comments:
“NTJ their relationship problems are not your concern, like her insecurity is also none of her concern but I have been in her shoes before. You need to clearly state boundaries with your friend but if you want a different perspective I will give you one.
I had a partner who was still really good friends with his ex who then became his girl’s best friend. He always talked well about her, their relationship, and friendship and never focused on ours. Made me feel second place because no partner should do that to their significant other.
All along my partner at the time was still in love with his best friend and was using me to get over his feelings. Has your friend made a stand to hang out with his partner on one? Take her on dates or make her feel like his number one?
Though this relationship is none of your concern. If my friend’s significant other, no matter, gender identity, felt this concern about me I would make it very clear that if my friend had these feelings for me and their significant other second, I would cut off the friendship because I don’t want friends like that.” Reddish_manateee
4. AITJ For Confronting My Mom About Not Listening To Me?
“I’m not sure if this is even a serious situation or I’m just having the most basic 17-year-old girl feelings but basically for context, we went on vacation to Florida where we rented this electric car, so we had to find charging stations.
So we get to this charging station and it says we have to download an app, and I tell my mom this. She gets annoyed and calls customer service or something, and then she asks a guy for help and he says we have to download an app.
So then I finally just download the app and our car starts charging.
I’m really upset at this point because it took 2 different people for her to just listen to me. And I told her that I hate it when she treats me like I’m stupid and I can’t do anything.
She said “I never called you stupid” and I was like “No I never said you called me stupid I said you make me feel like I’m stupid.” And then she goes “You’re so dramatic I never do that” and then I bring up how she has been making me feel this way for years.
And how whenever I bring up any issue she does she either denies it, undermines it, and gives some halfhearted apology or tells me to shut up and move on.
So I start telling her that she’s been making me feel this way for years and she starts acting like I’m crazy.
I bring up how she treats me emotionally and how she legit used to physically discipline me as a kid. She gets offended and just denies and denies it. Eventually, she says that we will have nothing to do with each other and that I should move out at 21 and get over it.
But she always does this. She always undermines the issues I tell her. Another issue today was that she neglected to charge the car and it ended up losing its battery. So I got frustrated cause I felt like I had to do everything. And that my parents never read.
So I said they’re incompetent and that I hate going anywhere with them because of this. And they just kept laughing at me. And trying to say because I wasn’t very good at Spanish that they were laughing at something else Like I can’t speak Spanish or something and I was just mishearing them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But it’s hard to say if your mother is. From your perspective, she is. And she very well could be, but as the saying goes, there are three stories. Your story, her story, and the truth. And no offense, but your age and the complaints you make that sound fairly typical make me wonder if you are misunderstanding reality.
I’m a single mother of a 17-year-old young woman. Her father isn’t in her life. My daughter and I are very close. We get along very well. All her friends tell her they are envious of our relationship. (We went through some typical parent/teen storm and strife a few years back but have mostly come out on the other end.) She often tells me I’m her best friend and she’s scared to move away from me when she goes to college.
But when I tell her to do things she doesn’t want to do (like get off her phone and work on a project that is due in a few days or clean her room, etc.), she sometimes gets very agitated and says things like I’m the worst mother in the world.
I never listen to her. I always make her feel bad about herself. She wouldn’t have any pressure in her life if I would just back off. She can’t wait to move out when she graduates, etc. A few hours later she apologizes and says it was her fight or flight response, but in the moment, it can be hurtful and a bit scary for me (worrying about the future.) So it’s hard for me to know how much is your perception and how much of what you say is truly accurate.
What makes me believe that it’s not just your perception is that your mother said you need to move out when you are 21. I’m not saying that any parent who in the heat of the moment says something that hurtful is necessarily horrible, but it leans that way.
Best of luck to you.” phiking2006
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Sounds like standard family stuff. The older child wants to be heard, recognized, and respected. Thinks that lecturing her parents and bringing up many wrongs from a long period is going to change their behavior.
Parents think the girl is having a tantrum and don’t take her seriously as they think she is being dramatic and got too heated. The girl’s approach to the conversation convinces them of her immaturity. This stuff happens all the time. The main thing to remember is that if you want to have a serious talk about how to change family dynamics for the better, try to do it when you’re not angry.
Focus the talk on how things make you feel and not on blame/anger.” Squiggles567
3. AITJ For Hiding Bread Because My Parents Keep Feeding It To The Dogs?
“I (22 M) am the youngest of my family (for this case F 61 and M 81) and for years I have been the only one who goes and buys the bread that we all eat, including the dogs because of my parent’s insistence, every day (to my annoyance sometimes).
Since my mother started to make her wholemeal bread with a machine and my father joined her, I simply bought bread for my brother every day, and my father gave part of it to “make the dogs go to the backyard” (even though I say that it isn’t necessary because we were doing it for years and the dogs understand that they have to leave when we say so) and I didn’t mind that much because I would just go and get the bread for the next day anyways, but since my brother moved out to live his life, I had to get bread just for me, and because I am lazy I bought bread for a couple of days.
As you may have guessed, the problem with me, personally, comes when they still give bread to the dogs! Now my mother joined the “chore”, and because I prefer to avoid the conflict, explicitly with my mom because of how she is, I just started to hide the bread around the kitchen.
At some point my mother found out that I hid the bread and we talked, I simply argued that we shouldn’t give bread in the first place to the dogs because they (for years) understand that they have to go to the backyard to come in around sunset (they even scratch the door when times come) and that I am buying the bread to not buy it every day exactly because I don’t want to buy it every day, she argued that “they don’t eat anything for all of the day!” (it’s not like they have all the night to anyways or that they exactly don’t eat to then eat the bread that they give them every day) and that I can simply buy more bread.
Today either my mom (probably she) or my dad has found where I hide the bread again (2nd time) and I am thinking of simply stopping buying and starting to eat oatmeal or something like that.
I know that this situation is stupid in the first place and that I am probably being the jerk here, but I am not sure, so AITJ for not wanting to buy bread for my dogs?
EDIT: thanks for your opinions!, for what I am seeing, I want to add a few things
1) The dogs eat daily dog food, they simply eat it during the night, instead of when we put it on their plates… I… maybe had to explain more in detail that at some point in the first place, sorry for the confusion, still it wouldn’t be a bad idea to look if that’s making a problem as they are a small breed of dogs and they are probably eating 10 grams or more of bread daily.
2) Yes, I find the situation as absurd as everyone else in the comments and I doubted posting this for a day or two, more than anything thinking that no one would take me seriously in the first place and think that this would be an actual troll post or something.
3) Yes, I am essentially maintained (I also hate being a bloodsucker), as I just came out of college, and I think I have used money that I earned for bread two or three times top instead of studies or public transport because I never had a real/reliable income, we as a family use what my dad gets from retirement to buy food in general, he just doesn’t mind, still jerk-ish from my part to complain in the first place.
4) Yeah, I accept that I am jerk-ish mainly because this can be avoided just by (to the surprise of no one) talking like human beings as some of you said, still, I asked to make sure how much of a jerk I was being”
Another User Comments:
“If they are throwing a slice per dog (medium or large sized dog) and the dogs get kibble and veg’s, then the dogs are okay. But this would not explain needing a loaf of store-bought bread every day if you are the only person eating it.
If the bread is the dogs’ primary food, that is unhealthy, just as it is for people.” tocammac
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you said in a comment that you’re not the one buying the bread, you’re using your dad’s money, living rent-free and jobless.
Why don’t you learn to use the bread machine too? It’s really not hard.” kikazztknmz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but questionable? It *is* a little immature to just *hide* the bread from your elderly parents instead of just talking about it first, but I do agree that it is inherently useless to keep throwing them bread.” fireytoilet
2. AITJ For Defending My "Selfish" Uncle's Parenting Skills?
“I (36f) was at a cousin’s wedding.
Background: there are two autism cases in the family, my sister (who passed away a year ago) with high-needs nonverbal autism, and my cousin (mom’s older brother’s son) who is more independent and verbal but let’s just say he’s on a first name basis with the cops.
He has a younger NT brother who’s been pretty traumatized from the whole experience, as have I and my youngest NT sister. We are the only cousins who are unmarried without kids (not that there’s anything wrong with this, but I come from a traditional family where it’s not considered “normal”).
Then my other aunt (mom’s sister) had 3 daughters, their father was a narcissist and they divorced while they were better adjusted than us and my other cousin they still had issues as a result. Two are married with kids the other just got married
Then there’s my mom’s younger brother who has a good marriage with his wife, and 3 NT children, neither of the parents is narcissistic.
All three ended up married with kids and good jobs and seemed very happy and well-adjusted.
My mother and aunt (my marriage, older brother’s wife) have bonded over their children with disabilities, and both are in serious denial about how much of an impact it’s had on their NT kids, but I can tell they’re both hurt at having no weddings or grandkids.
I heard them gossiping about my younger uncle, that he’s “selfish” (he’s only mildly so, like grabbing the largest slice of pizza at a Super Bowl party petty stuff, nothing too extreme, I’d still take him over my parents any day), I think they are bitterly jealous because his kids turned out much more well adjusted with no major issues (I’m not saying being single with no kids is an issue, but they’ve been the only one who’ve ended up without mental health problems).
I said to them “Say what you want about him but his kids are the most well-adjusted of anyone in the family” and they said I was “cruel” and I “have no idea how hard it is to raise a disabled child, he had no disabled kids” I said “that may well be but it just goes to show you how much the environment a child grows up in makes a difference in how they turn out as much as you two want to pretend it has no impact whatsoever”
My dad says I need to apologize to my mom, I don’t feel I have anything to apologize for I spoke the truth.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…have any of you had any real frank discussions with them about how your upbringings have affected you all?
I think they’re offended because they ultimately know you’re right, and feel ashamed, and guilty, but they also feel they did the best they could. It would probably benefit you all to try and have some real heart-to-heart so you can grow and become more well-adjusted. Not knowing the family dynamics, maybe a well thought out letter to your mom, with an apology, but also explaining why you said what you said would be a good start.” grumbleGal
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Gossiping sucks. Mean verbal snipes accomplish nothing of value and they are correct about the difficulty of raising autistic kids. I empathize, though. You got the short end of the stick growing up.” annotatedkate
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk.
They were gossiping, which isn’t cool to do around people. You chose to be a jerk by using an arbitrary measure to tell them their kids are worse than his Should you apologize? If you feel like they deserve respect then yes. If you don’t like them and don’t think they deserve it then don’t, but yeah you were being a jerk” DemonicBludyCumShart
1. AITJ For Being Upset That My In-Laws Prioritized Babysitting Over My Twins' First Birthday Party?
“I’m a new mom of twins. I took the first 6m off work to heal from a difficult birth and bond as they were born at 34w. My husband took time off to help; he is a very active and loving father & husband. I returned to work full-time, and the twins attended daycare.
The twins’ 1st birthday is in 2m, and I’m planning a birthday party. My parents & in-laws live out of state (in different states) and are retired in their 60s. I reached out to gauge interest & availability. I would have considered moving the date out, but the following weekend is a major holiday, so I’m trying not to interfere with that – I also want to have the party on their actual birthday weekend.
My husband & I initially discussed that we wouldn’t have anyone stay with us to not show favoritism between families.
My parents plan to drive & stay nearby during the week & help with the kids where they can – no conflict with being here on their birthday weekend and come beforehand to help us get ready for the party.
My in-laws are flying, but we had a lot of debate on schedule. My MIL mentioned she had tentatively agreed to babysit for my SIL/BIL (let’s call them Kay & Ben) that weekend so that Ben could attend a get-together with/ friends. This event is for Ben, but Kay also wants to attend – hence MIL babysitting their other 4 grandchildren.
MIL says that there is no one else who could babysit & that she would feel bad canceling because she tentatively agreed & Ben had to pay his deposit for a rental. They asked if we could move the party to accommodate them.
We moved the party so all could attend.
However, their flight arrives on the AM of the party & has booked on a budget carrier that often delays/cancels flights – leaving them at risk of missing the party, showing up late, or asking us to pick them up from the airport immediately before/during the party.
They are also now planning on staying with us, which goes back to not showing favoritism.
MIL babysits a lot for Kay/Ben. Ex of family dynamic – Kay was expecting her third child 1m before our wedding; when she was pregnant, we discussed that we completely understood if she couldn’t come.
Her response was, “A wedding is just one day, a baby is forever.” It feels hypocritical now with no reciprocation with the twins turning 1, in which in-laws are prioritizing babysitting.
I’m trying to focus on the positive — but I can’t shake that I’m hurt/annoyed by accommodating for something optional & also my husband caving to letting them stay with/ us.
I want the kids to have equal time with their aging grandparents & have them on their 1st birthday. I need a sanity check.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A birthday party the week before or the week after isn’t any less special. Ben and Kay asked your in-laws to babysit before you set the date for the party and a deposit was made based on the agreement.
You can’t expect people to back out of their commitments because of something you want to do. You also don’t get to be annoyed with their travel plans when you’re not paying for them. Just so you know, when Kay said “A wedding is one day, a baby is forever”, she was referring to the importance of prioritizing her health.
She didn’t want to risk going into labor early just to attend your wedding. No one’s health will be jeopardized by your children having their birthday party one week after their birthday.” Mother_Tradition_774
Another User Comments:
“A first birthday isn’t for the kids, it’s for the parents.
Y’all should have just set a date that worked for you and whoever could come would. You don’t want to pick them up from the airport? Then don’t, taxis still exist and I’m sure they can get one. You’re tying in a lot of drama about Kay and Ben here which isn’t related to this specific event.
I also don’t understand how they are staying with you when you made it clear no one was staying with you. Can neither of you say no or would they only come if they stayed with you? Next time, plan the party you want to have when you want to have it, and don’t get so controlling about who comes or not.
People will come if they can and not if they can’t. This year especially, your kids don’t care and they will never remember this.” Hot_Box_4574
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for several reasons. 1) The plan of your in-laws babysitting their other grandchildren was before you began to plan.
2) You can’t fault your husband for letting them stay at your house, the impartial thing was yours, not your husband’s. If you feel so strongly maybe you should let your parents stay at your place. 3) Your in-laws are making an effort despite their prior commitments and you just are more interested in being ungrateful and picky.
Maybe a budget airline is all they can afford, ever thought about that? 4) You could have easily moved the party to a weekend before or after their birthdays, this way everyone would have been able to attend. 5) Again your BIL/SIL going out and your MIL babysitting is not optional, you are making it to be.
6) Whether the flight gets delayed or not, it isn’t up to you, and if it does happen, then your in-laws will have to miss out on the festivities. 7) Your BIL/SIL and your wedding story have nothing to do with the problem at hand. I hope you understand that the birthday at age 1 isn’t really for the children but for the parents to socialize.” BoredofB
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