People Try To Get Away From These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Refusing To Sneak Ranch Dressing Into Restaurants For My Autistic Nephew?
“I (27f) have my cousin (34f), my nephew (10m) and, niece (6f) coming to stay with me for four days next month.
My nephew is autistic and has some food troubles. In some ways he’s not a picky eater – he eats a very balanced diet and is willing to try most things if he’s given ample time to mentally prepare.
That being said he won’t eat ANYTHING without Ranch Dressing. He puts it on everything including sushi and soups. If it does not have ranch he won’t touch it and has a full-blown meltdown if you try to force him.
He keeps a little thermos with ranch on him anywhere he goes just in case.
My sister wants to go and have some foods she has been missing such as Thai and Indian. I think that’s great but I know these restaurants don’t serve ranch.
I called around to the restaurants to see if they would allow me to bring outside ranch into the restaurant due to my nephew’s disability but they said they can’t make any exceptions for outside food.
I told my cousin as such and she insisted we could just sneak some ranch into the restaurants and it will be fine since she does it all the time at home.
I refused. I feel uncomfortable with the idea and I like these restaurants and don’t want to risk getting banned. I know we can just order take out and both the kids would prefer to stay at my place anyway.
I told my sister if she was that insistent on going OUT to eat I could watch the kids while she went out (or stay home with just my nephew) and she could enjoy the meal herself. My cousin was offended by this suggestion and has been blowing up my phone saying I’m a jerk, trying to prevent her from having a nice vacation with her kids, and that I’m ableist (despite being autistic myself).
I really don’t think I’m being a jerk, but I’m really bad at understanding social norms and now her husband and my aunt are texting me saying I’m horrible for suggesting she can’t have dinner out with her children.
She’s been threatening not to come visit me and just go stay with her parents who live two hours away in the opposite direction.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you’re allowed to be uncomfortable with them bringing ranch dressing into a restaurant you frequent when you know it would not be permitted. How about she goes with the kids and you don’t accompany them — she can try bringing the ranch with her if she pleases, but you don’t have to be there to face the management/staff and have them recognize you and associate you with their behavior.
Also, no biggie, but a bit confused about if these are your sister’s kids (so they’d be your niece and nephew) that your cousin is bringing, but you also referred to them as being your cousin’s kids, making them your cousins too.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m also autistic and had huge issues with food growing up. Restaurants in general were not an environment suitable for me until I found ones that had: 1. A suitable menu 2. Environment that didn’t set off my sensory issues I simply did not go to restaurants or cafes until I was about 15 and after exposure therapy.
If the specific restaurant has rules about outside food, then your party needs to be respectful of that. There’s a certain level of accommodation that can be made, but not for every single issue that comes up. You’ve given your cousin alternatives that will work better for your nephew and she’s being entitled.” hydrangeafrog
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. No server is going to notice or care about some ranch dressing packets. I waited tables for years and would see people with their seasoning bottles or whatever and didn’t give a crap. You’re making this a much bigger deal than it is.
When restaurants say no outside food they mean don’t bring your meal, not a random condiment for an autistic child.” yeahipostedthat
23. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Have Breakfast With My Friend Instead Of Me?
“I’m a single mom to an 8-year-old, 3-year-old, and 6-month-old.
My ex is supposed to have the older two every other weekend but he claims that it’s too much work (8 year old has ADHD and 3 year old has autism) so they’ve had one overnight with him in the past 8 months and he’ll occasionally take them for 1-3 hours on his weekends.
My best friend has been amazing through all of this. She helped me and the kids get an apartment in her building and watched them whenever she could so I could look for a job, take care of the apartment, or shower in peace.
My 3-year-old has become extremely attached to her over the past few months. There are nights when nothing I do can get her to sleep, I call my friend, and she’s down in 10 minutes.
Her new thing is everything I make is yucky and she only eats her auntie’s food.
Last week she wouldn’t eat a yogurt out of the fridge but she ate the same one at my friend’s house. Same with cereal, she hates it at my house and loves it when she’s with my friend. The kid has to eat so my friend has been picking her up every morning, they have breakfast together and play for a half hour, then my friend gets her dressed does her hair, and takes her back to me.
My ex came to pick up the kids yesterday and I told him the 3yo was at my friend’s apartment and that she’ll be here in 5 minutes. He asked why she was there and I told him that she recently decided she hates the yogurt, berries, eggs, and cereal over here so she eats breakfast over there most days.
3yo also has curly hair and my friend is much better at taking care of her hair than I am (I’m learning)
He was furious and claimed that I was pawning the kids off on “strangers” and that I was just doing this because I was incapable of taking care of the kids.
He had them for the whole day just to spite me (my oldest says they just sat on the couch and watched TV after she got breakfast) and I’m worried he’s going to escalate this. AITJ for letting her have breakfast with my friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your friend sounds amazing. Your ex, on the other hand, needs to step up. I have a grown autistic daughter. When she was 3 she went through a “white” phase. Everything she ate had to be white.
Pasta, potatoes, rice, etc. I dealt with it without freaking out and it passed in a couple of months. Your daughter enjoys your friend’s company, and the feeling is mutual, so what’s the problem? When your daughter is ready to eat at home, she will.
Meanwhile, nobody is getting hurt by the arrangement, so your ex can go pound sand.” sbinjax
Another User Comments:
“NTJ From reading this he’s a deadbeat father and you should not be taking any nonsense from him. Watching TV all day is not great for kids.
He’s incapable of taking care of his children, yet he accuses you of the same because your friend is helping you? You sound like you are doing your best and you’re lucky to have this friend to help you.
You recognize you’re not the best at everything and are learning from her. Keep at it and cherish that friendship. I hope you are getting this jerk of an ex to pay full child support.” nioc14
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Chosen family is important which is what your friend sounds like to me. Your ex has a lot of nerve to get mad at you about this when he can’t be bothered to take care of his kids regularly.
Keep doing what you’re doing and maybe see about full custody since he sounds like a deadbeat anyway.” Hot_Box_4574
22. AITJ For Wanting To Go Out On Halloween After Agreeing To Babysit?
“Little background: me and now ex have had troubles for months, she has told me she wants to be alone, she can be independent, and has said she doesn’t need my help for anything.
(We also have a son age:8)
Last Wednesday: she asked me if it was okay if she went to her cousin’s Halloween party on Saturday, I asked her “WE” or “YOU” going she confirmed me(her solo) I didn’t want to argue so I agreed she could do her thing.
(This means I would stay home and take care of our son)
Saturday morning: I meet up with my parents, BIL, and sister, for lunch at a Mexican place they ask about our son and what we doing for Halloween I state I’m staying in and taking care of him since my ex is going out.
They state they can take him if I decide to go out. I say no it’s okay I’ll stay in. Food comes music is fire I’m dancing in my seat, sister and BIL ask if I’m sure I don’t want to go out that they would come and we could do something.
So now I’m like forget it parents said they could take their son, ex is going out, why shouldn’t I?
Me: I call ex and tell her the situation, hey I know you’re going out, I’m just asking if it’s cool if my parents take geo,
Her: why I thought you were taking care of him
Me: yeah but I’m here at this place is sounds like Poppin I’m thinking of going, but I’m not sure yet just making precautionary plans just in case is that cool?
Her: I thought we agreed you would stay home
Me: we did, but the circumstances have changed I might want to go out. And if I do I don’t want to be searching for a babysitter when my parents are right here and they can take him now (my parents live one hour away)
Her: no I want him to stay here this weekend.
Me: why? You’re going out you won’t wake up till like noon the next day by that time I’d have picked him up already he would be home and you can do your thing with him.
Her: no I want him to stay here if you want to go out fine I’ll stay home with my son.
End of convo.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I guess? Yeah, you made a promise, but like you said: circumstances changed. And if someone takes care of him, who cares but: Is there something you’re not telling about your parents?
It seems a bit weird how she reacts to them looking after your kid.” ThenRegion3345
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I can understand your ex being miffed at your son not spending Halloween with one of his parents. You said you’d watch him, you also said your ex is going out why shouldn’t I?
What a weird and immature mindset, you have a small child. That should all be left in the past where it was relevant.” Distinct-Practice131
It's not like ur dumping him off at a stranger's house. She needs to get over herself.
21. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Ex-Husband With Our Older Son's Expenses?
“My ex had been fighting for custody since 2020 and is still going. He finally managed to get my older son living with him and because the courts kept my younger son with me we now only see the other child every other weekend so the boys can spend weekends together.
I filed for child support but because we make around the same, it was set at 0 with us splitting medical costs and him covering insurance.
So before when both kids lived with me primarily I paid for everything for them – medical, extracurriculars, etc. My ex paid my rent and phone bill and paid for stuff for the kids separate from me.
He however decided he didn’t owe any support anymore when the custody became 50/50 even though it’s his job as a father to support his family.
Now that my older son is with him he constantly hounds me for money that I can’t afford because I work part-time now and have a baby with my new partner to take care of.
I also pay for my younger son (clothes, food, haircuts, school supplies, doctor’s visits) and never ask him for anything for him. He feels that because he still pays on his own decision for clothing and shoes for my younger son I am a “deadbeat” for not providing for my older son (I do still pay for half my older son’s braces which is like 100/month and for birthday/Xmas gifts and got him a backpack for school).
Some things my ex keeps asking for:
– half of my son’s contact lens fees
– half of copays for medical procedures
– money for his extracurriculars which are OPTIONAL and cost way too much
– half of the school field trip fees
I keep telling him I don’t have the money and now he is heavily implying I don’t care about my older son and that my older son is way more expensive than my younger son so me not contributing to his expenses is basically “deadbeat” status.
The most hurtful thing he has said is that my kid’s stepmom provides more for my older son than I do because I won’t “step up” which is terrible and unfair. After all, she makes way more money as it is.
So am I wrong for refusing?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. Why does being a male make him more responsible for being the financial provider? It doesn’t. It’s sadly funny because you sound just like many men I’ve talked to.
Just because you chose to have another kid, it doesn’t give you an excuse for not taking care of your older kids. Your kids didn’t ask you to have another baby, they shouldn’t have to pay for it.” Basilsainttsadface
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk – just because you and your new husband had a new baby, you are NOT exempt from helping with your oldest son, regardless of who has custody of him. The courts don’t care if someone can’t afford it, because there’s a new baby.
You are responsible for half of the oldest son’s medical. Any of the optional stuff is up for debate, but you are responsible for it. What was your ex doing paying for YOUR rent and phone bill? That’s your responsibility and not his.
He’s responsible for his two children with you. Not your lifestyle or your baby. He’s taking perfectly good care of his children, while you have 3 and you’re only taking care of 2 of them. Keep this up and you’ll lose custody of your other son you have with him.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Considering Banning My Son's Disruptive Aunt And Cousins From His Next Birthday Party?
“Would I (26F) be the jerk if I banned my son’s aunt and cousins(on his dad’s side) from his next birthday party?
A little back story: I know my son’s aunt does not like me.
There have been multiple times where I’ve heard that she has called me a bad mom and that I don’t deserve my child, and she also barely ever comes and sees my son outside of birthdays.
But, despite that, I still invited her and her kids to my son’s 3rd birthday party..
and it was a disaster.
Her kids acted like they’d never been out of the house before. They destroyed my son’s room and even got ahold of some things that we hid in his room (like his piggy bank) but they somehow still did.
They didn’t listen to anyone at all, when we would tell them to stop doing something they would just ignore us and continue doing it. And the cherry on top was, when my son was opening his gifts his cousins were taking over the whole thing: they grabbed gifts out of my son’s hands, pushed him out of the way, and started opening his gifts, and then even broke one of his new toys because they yanked it out of my son’s hands as soon as he opened it.
Where was my son’s aunt during all of this? In the room, not doing a single thing to stop it, and even when someone said something about it she responded with “They can help him open presents”
On top of all that I found out after the party that his aunt was sending pictures of my son to someone I don’t feel comfortable with seeing my son at the moment and she never even asked me if it was okay.
My mom and dad and my son’s dad and stepmom are totally on board with not inviting them again.
But my son’s grandma(on his dad’s side) and my partner think it’s not fair to the kids if we don’t invite them to his birthday parties.
I told them I wanted my son to enjoy his birthday parties without the stress of his cousins taking over everything.
I still have a year to think about this but this recent birthday party has me nervous for the next one.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only are her kids behaving like animals and she enables them, but sending pictures to others like that is a huge red flag. Disregarding your son’s safety and welfare is a good enough reason to never have her anywhere near your son.
It doesn’t matter what his grandmother and your partner think. It’s your son and it’s you who decide who you want in your son’s life.” Rude-Conclusion-2995
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son’s grandma doesn’t think it’s fair to the cousins that they can’t ruin another birthday?
Oh, well. She can host a separate birthday party for your son at HER place. One after you have the real one, so he has his own experience. Then, whatever disaster happens, happens on her watch, on her dime, at her place.
You show up, you don’t set up, you don’t clean up. Bet that happens only once.” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t invite kids that have not been brought up. Your son’s cousins sound more as if they have been brought down.
Not even children who have had the gentlest of parenting behave like this. I refuse to believe that being this destructive is the natural state of kids. Anyway, your son’s aunt has no control over her brood, so don’t let them into your house again.
That is being fair to your son. As for the cousins, Auntie is to blame for their exclusion.” FragrantEconomist386
19. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Special Recipe With My Ex Who Wants To Impress His New Partner?
“I [25F] broke up with my (ex) partner [29M] a year back. I’m Indian, he’s American. We still text cordially sometimes.
This morning, he texted to ask me for a recipe. It’s a dish called Chole (or Chana Masala).
Now, to give you some context, this is one of my favorite Indian dishes and I’ve perfected my recipe. I can proudly say that it’s incredible. Every single Indian person who’s tasted it, even those w****e from the region in India where this dish is common and popular, has said that it’s probably the best version they’ve tasted. I even won a cooking contest at my workplace because of this dish.
It’s slightly different from the recipes available online in terms of cooking techniques. My ex used to LOVE this dish whenever I made it.
I was about to text him the recipe since I don’t gatekeep, but then I asked why he wanted it.
He told me that he’d been seeing another Indian woman for a few weeks and wanted to make this dish to impress her.
Y’all, I saw red. You see, one of the issues in our relationship was the fact that he rarely cooked for me.
He would always clean up and do the dishes etc, but sometimes I wished that the roles were reversed. It was exhausting to constantly meal plan. Whenever I brought this up, he’d agree to cook but would end up making things like pasta with sauces from jars or preparing a frozen pizza with extra toppings.
Minimal effort stuff. It’s not that he didn’t know how to cook, because before us saw each other, he used to experiment a lot in the kitchen and made good food. But when we were together, he said he didn’t enjoy it and that he preferred my cooking, so most of the cooking in our relationship was done by me.
He NEVER made an elaborate dish for me. Not when we first started seeing each other. Not even at the end.
I told him that he can look up recipes online, which are also pretty good. He wanted my version, and I flat-out said no and reminded him of how he never cooked for me.
He said that I was being a jerk and that I did not appreciate the fact that he loved my cooking. I told him to stop texting me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He can look up a recipe and practice with it.
You have no obligation to share your recipe with him so he can impress his new partner. ” Emotional_Bonus_934
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you put your time and energy into perfecting a recipe, it has value. That is why people sell recipes.
Why should you give it away to someone who didn’t value you enough to cook in the relationship? He deserves nothing from you. Ironically, if he had bothered to help in the kitchen when you were seeing each other, he would know how to cook it himself.” wolofancy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s pretty tacky of him to spend his time with you never cooking for you, then try to use your delicious recipe to cook food to impress another woman. (I would love to know what makes your chana masala so amazing, though!
I get it at a local restaurant pretty frequently, but I’d love to learn how to cook it.)” TemptingPenguin369
18. AITJ For Not Being Flexible With My Son's Schedule To Maximize My Time With Him?
“So I conflict with my son mostly (15) but also my ex. Part of the reason I am so inflexible now is because my ex just takes advantage and always pushes to take time away from me when I already only see my son 4 days a month.
It doesn’t seem fair that I am the only one having to move things around. His younger brother lives with me and goes to his dad every other weekend. This was done so the boys could see each other on weekends so it is also not fair to him.
I no longer allow my son to stay for varsity games on Fridays (my pick-up time is 730 pm, but if he stays for games I usually have to pick him up at around 930 or forfeit the night). I tried this once and it was very hard on my partner and baby.
He also asked me this week if I could drop off his cousin and brother earlier for my ex’s weekend at 6 pm (his cousin was spending the wknd with him for his birthday) because it’s his birthday and he wanted his cousin and brother to go with him to the varsity game.
During school dances I find myself having to give up time also. Switching weekends doesn’t work because I work every other Sunday and I set it up that way so I can spend max time on my weekends with my older son and my partner cannot watch the kids when I work on the weekends.
I should add that I also had to forfeit a lot of time during summer that we split 50/50 for his football practice which was 4 days a week because it is like an hour’s drive to take him to practice.
My son told me the other day that I am mean and I suck and I never give him a real reason why I can’t be flexible
on the schedule “I just say no”. However, this is my time with him and it doesn’t seem fair to have to give up hours or drive to get him late just so he can hang out at games or dances.
There are plenty of games and dances he can go to on the 80% of days he is with his dad.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ- It’s not that you’re unable it’s that you’ve chosen to prioritize the needs and wants of yourself and your partner over your kids.
You’re the adult, stop whining about it not being fair and start focusing on the fact those kids are going to be grown soon and will be well aware of where they stood on your priorities.” theferal1
Another User Comments:
“Wow, you are MEAN. Your poor son. Half of the job of parenting is driving them to stuff, and enabling them to do the stuff they love while you watch from the sidelines. It’s getting up at 6 am to take the daughter in the swim team to the pool before school, it’s sitting in your car waiting because it’s just a bit too far to drive home again while your kid rehearses, it’s staying out until 9:30 pm watching your son play and then taking him home.
It’s the conversations on the way about how he wants things to go, and on the way back about how he felt things went. And about dreams and plans and goals. You’re not willing to let him do his stuff because it “takes away from your time with him”???!?
You have a problem. Loosen your grip and be part of his activities. Help him do stuff so he finds out what he likes. YTJ” Equivalent-Board206
Another User Comments:
“YTJ this is not about you being flexible but you not liking your son is close to his dad and stepmum we can see from your last post what kind of person you are you are blaming your son for being a bad mother and moaning about only seeing him 4 days a month you do not allow your son to stay for the game to get back at him this is cruel and you need serious help is the bearded dragon alive still or did you not look after it?” User
17. AITJ For Defending My Japanese Language Skills To My Husband In Front Of His Family?
“I (34F) met my (33M) husband online and got married 6 years ago. I moved from my home country to live with him in Japan since then.
He is Japanese and has a stable job there, on the other hand, I am a freelance illustrator so I am okay to move here.
Every day I use English with him, maybe you notice already but English is not my first language, so it is not perfect, and so is my husband’s English, but at least we can communicate.
I tried my best to learn Japanese to be able to communicate with his friends and family, but Japanese is not an easy language. I have to learn how to read Kanji, Hiragana, and Katakana from zero by myself.
We got some financial assistance and he bought me some books and dictionaries, telling me to learn the language more intensively. He didn’t teach me anything though, he said, that since I could speak 4 languages, adding one more language should be easy for me.
I tried. But it is never good enough for him, he always said my grammar sucks. But I do always have problems with grammar.
He said I should be able to speak like a native at this point. So last year (summer 2022) I decided that I would get a part-time job at a restaurant so that I could practice more of my Japanese.
To my surprise, the staff there like me and they can understand my Japanese, I also now can read and write several Kanjis (I could write my address with Kanjis and read menus)
Last week, we had dinner with his family….
During the dinner, I made some grammar mistakes which was not quite bad because everybody still understood what I was trying to say, but my husband said in front of my family, that I was stupid for not understanding the correct grammar.
It made me upset because he said it in front of everyone so I said in English “Your English is not better than mine, and you can’t speak my language, why do you call me stupid?”
He was so upset and hadn’t talked to me since that day.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Your husband is a jerk though for sure. Even if you understand multiple languages doesn’t mean learning another is any easier. He definitely should’ve helped you too. I think what hindered you overall was not practicing.
From the sound of it once you got that part time and were forced to speak more your Japanese improved. So honestly he should’ve spoken more Japanese at home. Also curious if he’s making any effort to speak your native tongue?” No_Variety_6847
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your English is excellent. Your husband is a jerk for humiliating you in front of his family. I’ve learned that no matter where on the planet I am, natives of those areas are extremely forgiving if I attempt.
My French is horrifying and my German is worse, but the maximum anyone has ever done is gently teach me the proper way of what I’m trying to say. Most of the time, people get the general idea and we continue.” LowBalance4404
Another User Comments:
“NTJ For “not speaking Japanese”? If you speak Japanese well enough to work as a server, you *do* speak Japanese. You speak 5 languages – and your English is good, btw. He doesn’t speak *your* native language at all, after 6 years of marriage.
You were surprised that your coworkers could understand you, but they can just fine. Was your primary feedback on that matter before that point your husband? Did he tell you nobody would understand you? And, again, your English is not bad at all.
So I wonder who told you that your English is weak, was that your husband, too? Does he often undermine belittle and even publicly humiliate you? Does he do things to discourage you from speaking to other people generally, or suggest that they’ll reject you?
Regardless, what he did at dinner is a crappy way to treat you. You deserve better than that.” PinkNGreenFluoride
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Put My Cat Out When My Mom Visits?
“I (M23) am currently moving into my first studio apartment in a few weeks. I plan to get a cat or two after I’ve settled in and mentioned this to my mother.
In response, she said, “You need to put it out while I’m over.” I told her
I wouldn’t be doing that as:
A. The studio is under 300 sqft with only a small standing bathroom and kitchenette.
B. The studio is part of a bigger building and is on the first floor next to the door that leads outside.
There is a waterfront behind the building, and I don’t want to risk my future pet drowning or getting hurt outside.
C. I am a staunchly indoor cat.
I only told her I literally could not do that with the reasoning of point A.
She joked, “It’s fine, just tell me your pet means more than your mother.” But I could tell she was upset as she sulked a bit when I left to buy furniture later that day.
I’ve always wanted a cat since I was a child and have always been told no. My mom has always disliked animals as she grew up on a farm but she has a particular hatred for cats stating that they’re “evil” BUT has told me, in her own words, that I can get however many cats I want when I get my place, which I plan to do.
So I don’t know why she’s guilt-tripping me about not shutting my pet out for her comfort especially when I can visit them instead (they only live like 30 minutes away) it makes me wonder if I am being a jerk in this situation.
For extra context: A few years ago, I mentioned I would report anyone for animal mistreatment even if they were my own family while talking to my stepfather about caring for dogs. She later snapped at me because when I said that it made it seem like my own family is “lower than dogs” so this is what I THINK her thought process is but as an animal lover, I still don’t think animal mistreatment or locking out pets because they’re inconvenient is excusable.
So would I be the jerk for getting a pet like I’ve always wanted at the cost of my mother visiting me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and enjoy the unconditional love from your fur baby(s). Also, from a cat owner to a future cat owner there is 1 major piece of information you will need to be successful with your cats: Cats don’t have owners, they have staff.
Best of luck, OP!” slap-a-frap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can get the pet you want when you have your place. She needs to respect it as your decision. And of course, you don’t put your furry housemate “out” when she visits.
It lives there! Cats also have great radar for the person who hates cats and focuses on giving them attention. That’ll be fun and educational for your mother. /s” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mom sounds immature and… Jealous of a future cat?
My parents also did not want pets, and never let us have one. But when they come over, my mom treats my cats as grandkids, lol. She loves my cats because they’re an extension of me, and she likes to see me happy.
Your mom’s reaction tells me there is a lot more going on with her than just hating cats. Like hating cats more important than loving you? Has she been traumatized by a cat at any point in her life?” randomcharacheters
15. AITJ For Insisting On Wearing My Chosen Dress At My Wedding Reception?
“I went wedding shopping this past weekend with my fiance and his family. His mom was there and I was fine with it. She picked out a dress that I was okay with tbh, it was a pretty dress.
So backstop and then the tea to understand. My fiance and I have been together for over 1.3 years. We have never fought or gotten into an argument. He is understanding of me and vice versa. I love that man.
He has gotten along with my family and mom very well. My mom has the mindset that it’s your wedding, your choice, as long as my daughter is happy, I’m happy. His mom, on the other hand, has this “vision” for My fiance and my wedding.
We go wedding shopping, his family, him and I. My fiance’s mom chose a dress for me to wear at the reception but I said it’s a nice dress, let’s get it, but I have a different vision for MY wedding reception dress.
I will wear this dress at the other ceremony.
She didn’t agree with that but still bought the dress because she’s set that I HAVE to wear that dress at the reception. I like the dress, but it’s too simple and not MY vision for my dress at the reception.
She’s not budging and giving a choice. I’m not talking to her but my fiance is trying to convince her to let me wear what I want to my wedding. She said, “I’ll buy another dress she likes for the wedding, but reception she has to wear that because that’s my vision.” I told them at the lunch table when they were in town, I’m willing to wear the dress YOU helped chose to the wedding, I will not wear it to the reception.
They feel some type of way and think I’m “rude” and “didn’t expect that” from me. They told my fiance that. My fiance told them she was simply standing up for herself, at the end of the day, it was her wedding.
One thing to note is that in our culture, the bride’s side buys the groom’s clothes, and the groom’s side buys the bride’s clothes.
Am I “being rude”? Any suggestions on what to do? I’m at a loss for words.
The ceremony is in 5 months”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s your and your fiancé’s wedding, not hers. It’s crazy she seems to think she has a say in the matter. If it’s due to her paying for the dress buy your own so there are no strings attached to it.
I’d be tempted to tell her to buy the groom’s outfit and your family will supply yours but I don’t know how frowned upon that would be in your culture. Good to hear your fiancé is sticking up for you!” Karla
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Keep reiterating to your future MIL that your wedding is about Your and Your fiance’s vision, not hers. She’s the mother of the groom, not the actual bride. Her suggestions might be listened to but don’t have to be acted on.
She needs to back off. Please keep in mind that No is a full sentence. You don’t have to make compromises or explanations or bow to her expectations. She’s being very aggressive and that isn’t ok. Your fiance needs to use stronger language to tell his mother to Stop and back off.
Good luck OP” Trippedwire48
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t HAVE to wear anything you don’t want to. She can’t hold you down and tie the dress onto you. Just keep holding firm. Get and wear the dress YOU want.
If she doesn’t like it, well that’s too bad. You DO have a choice and it’s yours and yours alone. If you allow her to bully you and get her way on this it will never end. Just remember, there is no HAVE to in this scenario other than what you want.” SatelliteBeach123
14. AITJ For Not Doing Extra Chores To Earn A Halloween Costume?
“I (13F) and my mom (53) had this disagreement yesterday, and I don’t understand how I’m in the wrong.
One day I was hanging out with my sister (29) and we were talking about Halloween, I mentioned how I’ve never gone trick or treating.
(Due to me living in the country) my sister lives in a neighborhood, so she said that I could probably trick or treat her family.
She mentioned how my nephews are dressing up as Mario characters and so is she, I decided to be Daisy, the distant sister lady nobody cares about for kicks and giggles.
I told our mom about it and she was cool with it. She looked online at Daisy’s costumes and they were like 30-45 dollars. For some context, my parents don’t give me an allowance for normal chores, so doing extra for money is normal. We are not dirt poor, we aren’t super rich either but we live very comfortably, nothing crazy.
Anyway, she said she wouldn’t be able to buy it for me unless I did extra chores around the house, so I said yes.
Fast forward two days and she says “If you want to do any extra chores ask me.” I said/asked “Oh if anything comes up can you go ahead and ask me?”
She said okay and mentioned that she had a ton of cloth napkins to fold and that I could do them instead so I did.
A couple of weeks passed and I hadn’t given trick or treating much thought, I was busy doing school and with fall events.
She out of the blue says it’s too late for you to get a Daisy outfit, the shipping will be a higher price for express shipping.
I was upset and asked her why she hadn’t given me any chores to do before it was too late.
She said “You never asked? I made of list of chores for you to do.” I said that I told her to ask me whenever something came up for me to do, and she didn’t care what happened.
Later on, she mentioned that I was going to have no Daisy costume because I didn’t do extra chores around the house so I said that she never told me to do anything.
Now she’s angry at me for blaming her when it’s my fault.
I’m not upset about not getting the costume, I didn’t do the chores it’s normal. But I asked her to do something and she said okay, instead of no, and then proceeded to not do it and now she’s telling everyone I know that I don’t do chores and I’m at fault.
Update ish: yeah I get it I’m the jerk (not for the reason most of you are proposing though) I’m going to wear one of my older blue dresses, style my hair, and say I’m Rosalina instead. I get that I definitely should have communicated with her throughout the couple of weeks I could, I was pretty busy with school so it never had crossed my mind.
I know that’s not an excuse but you know.
To clarify some things, I don’t expect the costume. I’ve seen that a lot in the comments and I’m not angry at my mom. The only thing is I was confused as to why she had been texting my sister who told me that I don’t do chores and acting like I’m lazy whenever I thought she had clearly stated she was going to give me chores, she randomly brought it up and acts mad at me so I’m super sad this mistake has caused this much conflict.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You want your mom to buy you a costume, she gives you a condition and you can’t be bothered to follow through and expect her to devote mental bandwidth to it when you don’t care enough to do it?
Surely she’s got enough on her plate to not have to add “reminding you to do things around the house so she’ll spend her money on something you want to do” It’s Oct. 26th. Surely you’re not unaware of when Halloween is or that shipping takes time, so you knew you were coming to the deadline.
It’s not everyone else’s responsibility to keep track of things for you. You’re 13, not 3.” Kitastrophe8503
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. People are going at you pretty hard, but for goodness’ sake, you are *13 years old.* Maybe you should have taken a little more initiative and asked your mom for chores, but come on!
You were willing to do the work. I’m all for the idea of chores to help earn extras (not going to comment a Halloween costume should be considered an “extra.”) I even make my 5-year-old grandson do little chores if he wants special treats.
However- I would have ordered the costume so it would be here in time and presented you with the chore list. It doesn’t sound like a lack of willingness to do the chores, but just bad (possibly deliberately) communication.
And your mom, being the adult, is more at fault for that.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She told you she had a list and even without the list, you could have easily asked ‘Can I do anything for you/can I help’ regularly.
Do you want to earn money, agree to do chores, and then just ignore it all and still expect to be rewarded? Entitled much? Welcome to the real world kiddo. Nothing’s for free, you want something, work for it.
Even if your parents are wealthy beyond belief, that doesn’t mean you have money.” Pino
13. AITJ For Letting My Kids Do Extracurriculars That My Stepkids Can't Afford?
“I have two kids with my ex and my husband has three kids with his ex. My kids are 13 and 11 and my stepkids are 12, 9, and 8. My ex heavily prioritizes the kids getting to do extracurriculars and wants them to have a chance to do all the ones they want.
He’s got more funds so in our divorce he fought for the right for the kids to do as many extracurriculars as he/they wanted and he would cover the cost. I should say I’m not opposed to extracurriculars but locally we do not have many affordable options so that would be a deciding factor for me if he had not fought for that.
It’s fine though. The kids are having a great time doing everything.
My stepkids do none but they have expressed an interest for a while now. But between their mom and us, we cannot cover the cost of doing it all.
I suggested maybe bringing them to the free activities that are a bit more of a drive but they’re lame and they aren’t the same as the ones you pay for.
My in-laws are now annoyed that my children do all these extracurriculars and that my stepkids see them going to them when they’re all in our home and they (my stepkids) don’t get to join in.
They told me if we can’t afford for my stepkids to do them I should put my foot down with my ex and my kids and refuse to let my kids participate.
I told them they were ridiculous. They complained to my husband and he said the same thing to them that I did.
They told me he’d defend me because he wanted to stay married this time. But deep down I must know I am being a jerk to my stepkids and taunting them with the fact their stepsiblings have so much more.
They even suggested my ex should pay for my stepkids to join our kids. I rolled my eyes so hard at that. I told them it was crazy. They said my stepkids will forever resent my kids if this continues much longer.
The thing is I know my stepkids are a little jealous. So I wonder if they’re right in any way. However, I still wouldn’t deprive my kids either. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna have to say NTJ. It’d be different if you were showing blatant favoritism towards your kids and not giving your stepkids the same treatment.
But that’s not what’s going on. Your ex wanted your kids to participate in all the extracurricular activities they want and is footing the bill. If you can’t afford for your stepkids to participate in extracurriculars, it may not be “fair” that they have to witness their step-siblings participating in these activities they don’t get to be a part of but it’s unreasonable to refuse to let your kids participate in these activities so they’re treated “equally” or to make you ex pay for the step-kids to join your kids.
Now if your kids are taunting their step-siblings or rubbing it in their faces in any way, that’s not ok. Beyond that, you’re NTJ. Hopefully, a solution can be found for your step-siblings to find activities they want to be a part of and you can afford to support them.” Infinite_Turnip_8491
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If your in-laws want their grandkids to attend extracurricular activities, they can pay for them. If you pull your bio kids out of their extracurriculars would that not breed resentment between the kids anyway? Because your bio kids would be missing out on something their dad is paying for because your stepkids’ parents can’t afford it.
Also, it sounds like the extracurriculars are built into the divorce settlement so it isn’t something you can easily ‘put your foot down on’. Your stepkids are learning about economic inequality. It is a sucky lesson to learn. But it is the reality of life.
For them, it’s ‘lame’ activities or none at all.” RMaua
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sucks that your stepkids would like to participate in expensive extracurriculars but can’t due to finances, but taking your kids out of them may not be feasible even if you wanted to (and you shouldn’t do that anyhow!
That would breed resentment from your kids and make them feel like you’re favoring/prioritizing your step kids) due to your court agreement. Also asking your ex is out of the question. If the stepkids can find an activity that isn’t costly they should try that.
Free leagues can be as enriching as paid ones. Also, generally school teams in the US have some funding to supplement kids who can’t afford the fees but have natural talent. If there’s something they want to try, the parents can talk to the schools/coaches about help with fees.
They might try out for choir and have no fees, cross country is usually no fees just food and transportation, band generally hosts fundraisers, ROTC is free, academic teams are free but require travel occasionally, etc. What activities are they interested in that are expensive?
Maybe the folks here can suggest ways to find funding or a similar activity that costs less.” Willing-Helicopter26
12. AITJ For Accidentally Making My Strict Teacher Cry During Class?
“I, a 14-year-old male, have a strict teacher that we will call Ma’am S.
Ma’am S was your typical strict teacher, punishing students for doing the smallest things. I don’t have a problem with it since I’m an okay student in her class.
During our second review test, she snapped at me. What did I do, you might ask?
All because I answered my friend’s question accidentally.
Let me give you some context first. Usually, after answering our exam we have to answer the question each 1 by 1. So my friend was answering first since he sat in the first row.
It was a multiple-choice test and Ma’am S asked the first question. He answered and said “Number 1 A” and Ma’am S asked him “What’s A?” But to me, it sounded like she asked the class so I mumbled the answer.
Even though I mumbled it everyone could hear it because the room was so quiet.
After I said that, Ma’am S looked at me furiously and started to rant about me. To be honest, I didn’t care what she thought of me but she said “You’re always trying too hard” “Stop being such a smart aleck” and after her 2-minute rant, she said that she was stressed and I made it worse and she suddenly started crying.
This shocked me because she never really got this mad before. She usually rants all the time about everyone but this was her last straw.
Everyone looked at me like I did something wrong. After she cried, she made us leave early, but I had to do something about it.
So after everyone left I asked my friend to come with me to apologize. He didn’t do anything wrong I just wanted to have some company.
But due to my nervousness, I couldn’t say sorry properly. In my mind, I said it clearly but after we left my friend told me I didn’t apologize properly.
After that class, I heard a lot of rumors about me saying that I laughed during her breakdown. I wasn’t.
And honestly, I feel guilty. I wasn’t even trying to do anything bad I was just trying to be a good student.
Now I’m just trying to clear my name.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think this was really about you. When a glass is filled to the brim, even the smallest drop can make it overflow. I doubt a seasoned educator would snap over something like this.
But try to be nice to her when you meet her again. Something in her life is too much for her right now.” BluffinMcPuffin
Another User Comments:
“It’s hard to say from your story as you don’t explain your behavior but from what you’ve said; NTJ.
It sounds like she’s under a lot of stress at the moment and cracked, she should be apologizing to you and likely, her boss/family for putting her under too much pressure.” Diagro666
Another User Comments:
“OP, it’s great that you want to be a good student, and it’s obvious that whatever is going on in her life is not your fault.
If you get a moment, just go to her alone and seriously not get nervous because she’s your teacher but look at her as a person who is going through something hard in her life and sincerely apologize to her without fear, just as a person who has empathy for another.
It doesn’t matter what other people say you did, just ignore those who gossip and expand the truth, they’re not worth the effort, but do something nice for this teacher that may cheer her up, a true apology may be just what she needs.” Otherwise-Wallaby815
11. AITJ For Calling My Biological Parents 'Mum' And 'Dad' In Front Of My Adoptive Parents?
“I (F17) met my biological parents not too long ago, Dawn (F33) and Lennon (M34). It was insane how quickly I felt like I slotted right between them, and how much they dote on me. They’ve shown me the sort of care and affection I had been lacking with my adoptive parents.
My adoptive parents, June (F59) and Steven (M60) weren’t too happy about the situation, when I asked about my bio-parents before or asked them to help me look for them, they’ve always just said that it’s for the best to just let it be.
I don’t have too much of a good relationship with June and Steven, they were always a bit conservative with rules and they were distant to a point. It always felt weird to call them ‘mum’ and ‘dad’ but I did do it.
Lennon and Dawn both work creative jobs, Dawn’s an art teacher and Lennon’s an art illustrator which I thought was cool and led me to spend more time with them, as I did GCSE art and they helped me with that.
I’ve even started spending nights over at their house, which I absolutely love, the decor of the place, and the fact that it’s a cottage with chickens in the back. As well as going on days out with them, to get piercings or to museums or anything that seems remotely interesting.
It’s really brought me closer to them and it led to me seeing them as Mum and Dad and calling them that.
I slipped up at dinner with my adoptive parents the other day though, and whilst talking about what we did on Saturday and I referred to Dawn and Lennon as mum and dad.
It’s really upset my adoptive parents, they said that they were the ones that had raised me for the last 17 years and not them. They said that Lennon and Dawn having me was irresponsible back then and that it was a good thing they were mature enough to choose adoption, but shouldn’t be trying to force their way back in now.
I told them that I’m grateful for them raising me, but Dawn and Lennon are also my parents, just because they weren’t ready doesn’t diminish any connection we have right now.
I have been feeling bad about it recently though, as it has upset June.”
Another User Comments:
“NJH I’d suggest you dial it back. Right now Dawn and Lennon are acting like fun older friends. They are not acting like your parents in any meaningful sense. They certainly haven’t had to make any of the hard calls about how to keep you safe and keep your best interest at heart over the past 17 years.
And it remains to be seen if Dawn and Lennon will hold a parental or familial role in your life. The kinds of activities you’re talking about doing with Dawn and Lennon are the kinds of things you could be doing with any older friends who have jobs and their place.
By all means, keep spending time with them. But give the relationship more time to grow and see if it turns into something familial, rather than jumping to assuming it will be.” thirdtryisthecharm
10. AITJ For Wanting To Share The Parking Space With My Housemate?
“I (23F) live in an apartment with another girl (21F) in a city in Europe.
It’s not my home country, but it’s hers. Her hometown is a 40-minute drive away.
Me and my housemate have lived together for about a year and a half. During that time, she’s been a student and I work from home.
I recently got a new job, but it means that I’m going to have to drive to their offices as it’s in person. Included in our apartment there is one parking space. This parking space has always gone to her as she has a car and I don’t.
However, when I found out about this new job, my partner decided that I could share his car with him and use it whenever I wanted but I would have to park it at my house. I thought this would be fine because we both have equal rights to this car park, and you can buy a street permit on our street for months when you don’t have a parking badge.
So I suggested to my housemate let’s share the space, one month you and then one month me. However, she got so annoyed about this and angry and said that it’s so inconvenient for her and she was upset about it, to give some context because her hometown is pretty close by she usually is here for only six or seven months of the year, so she said that she should get it for any time that she is here and in the months that she’s not here I could have it, I didn’t think that’s fair because it means I’m the only person that’s put out and has to pay for a regular permit.
It doesn’t inconvenience her at all. I’m the one who takes the worst part of the deal, but I accepted it because she’s so stubborn, and I decided to pick my battles. However now she’s very unfriendly with me she’s not talking to me and she’s acting like I was so rude to even bring this up or to even suggest that I should have the parking badge over her, which isn’t what I meant.
I just wanted to share it with her. Am I the jerk here? How can we reconcile our friendship? Is she being childish? I have no idea.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH–Her for acting like a petulant brat but in a way you’re kinda the jerk because you made changes to your living arrangements that benefited you and did so making a huge assumption.
You made this assumption without thinking about how it would affect what your living arrangements would be, how your needing a car would change the rules of that existing 18-month living arrangement, or inconvenience her. You just acted and expected her to automatically give up one of the perks of having you as her roommate.
I think that was unfair of you. I would bet that one of the reasons you took the new job is that it pays more. This can easily be settled by you spending some of that extra money on a parking permit especially since you’re not even getting a car.
This way, you still have the free space that 40% of the time, you don’t rock the boat by insisting on changing a relationship you’ve had in place with certain rules and understandings for a year and a half and you get to keep living your same life just with your new, non-remote job.
Edit: If you two were such good friends before, find a way to apologize and reconcile or besides losing your good living arrangement, you’re going to lose that good friend.” Dont_think_Do
Another User Comments:
“A soft YTJ.
I can understand where you are coming from here. But what she has proposed is more than reasonable. You are the one who has acquired a car and is seeking to change the agreement that has been in place since you moved in together.
She is still paying rent presumably when she’s not there, so you get the bonus of a place to yourself half the year at the cost of a shared rent. A fair shake in return is her getting the parking spot for the months she is here.
You are still splitting it evenly in terms of time used. Remember in your proposal ONLY YOU benefit from the trade pattern. As you get six months when she’s away + the extra three months when you trade off when she’s home.
If she’s home for the seventh month then you could discuss her having street parking for that month as that is reasonable. The suggestion she has offered has benefits for both of you. Your benefit is just in the form of a place to yourself for half the year at half the rent.
Her benefit is not having to pay for parking for 6 of the months she’s in your place. If you are deadset on alternating months then you should be prepared to offer to pay the value of the parking pass towards her rent for the 3 months she is away so that you get that spot when you otherwise wouldn’t.
In terms of making amends, I think the best you can do is go to her and apologize that you didn’t think about the benefits afforded to you by her being away and that you are happy to split the way she has suggested (or offer the second option suggested).
You could always leave the discussion around the seventh month for a later time so that you both have time to cool off. If you are unwilling to reach that compromise then the best I can offer is to give her space to cool off and don’t bring up the parking again unless you are ready to have that argument.” fluffyjedi_231
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I don’t see where it was an ‘argument’. Your request to share parking was reasonable, she disagreed, and you accepted it. Just tell your flatmate that you thought it was a reasonable request, I’m sorry she’s annoyed about it, but not worth losing a friendship over.
Now the parking. I’m not even sure why you asked. If she’s there for 6 months only, you pay for 6 then get the spot for 6 months. What’s the difference? If she’s there for 7 months, you only pay one month extra and have already decided that’s not worth arguing about.
Does she pay rent for the time she’s not there? Whose flat is it? Did she get it and you share? Lots of missing information though it sounds like a sweet deal you’ve had there, but if you go down the path of ‘equal rights to parking’ it’ll fall apart.” survivor0000
9. AITJ For Using Home Security Cameras To Monitor My Husband's Interaction With My Friend?
“So I’m on vacation (49F) with all my immediate family Children, mother, sister, and brother-in-law, and my (42M) husband is back at home.
So we have cameras in our home and used them more a couple of years ago when we were having issues with my youngest son.. so after my son moved out we just kind of stopped using our security cameras.
Just days before my vacation, I moved the cameras so they would face our living room area. I have a friend (40 F) I asked if she could stop by and care for my cat. I understand my husband would be around, and I normally never have issues with him hanging out with women, or my friends for that matter if I’m not there.
This particular friend always stays on our couch while she stays, that is why I moved the camera. I thought if she stayed over I’d have some piece of mind, seeing my husband not making any moves or anything.
I wanted to see how faithful he was to me. I wanted the truth.
They were messaging me videos of the cat, and telling me to have fun. She messaged me at 9:18 pm there(10:18 her)telling me she was going home and to have a good night.
I saw immediately afterward that my husband left for the local bars to have a few drinks because we shared our location I was able to see where he was. I saw that he was getting home, I turned on the security camera to see the both of them walking upstairs to our bedroom.
I freaked out and immediately tried video calling him, but he hung up repeatedly. He called back on just audio calling, saying he was trying to sleep. I asked him why he would do what he was doing, and why she lied. He said he was getting her comfortable in our bed so he could sleep in his daughter’s room.
They were caught and had so many excuses. She was going to drive home but I insisted that she doesn’t drive because she was intoxicated. He kept trying to give her the phone, so she could explain. When I wanted him to talk to me.
So AITJ for watching? Would they have told me if I hadn’t seen anything?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m confused as to why your husband would need help taking care of a cat for 3 days. That alone is suspicious.
The fact you felt you had to spy on him is even more suspicious and based on what you saw and heard I would assume he is being unfaithful to you and your friend is not a good friend.
NTJ.” Mundane-State-7306
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Little bit unclear why your husband didn’t go on vacation with y’all or why you need someone to catsit when your husband is literally at home. If he can’t even be trusted to take care of the cat for a few days, that’s a big problem.
But to record him. That’s not cool, but I’m guessing you had suspicions or he has a history of being unfaithful, and with your friend? Who was watching the cat? This whole situation is a mess. Kinda Justified jerk territory if you had serious suspicions, he had a history of doing such a thing, and you just needed to know.
The husband is the biggest jerk though, obviously, if he is being unfaithful with the friend.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“I think you read wrong, I asked my friend just to stop over after work. Not to stay. She messaged me on social media video of the cat, and some toys she bought her.
She messaged me also and said she was on her way home and to have a good night. When she went out with my husband. I looked at the camera, when I saw he got home from the bar, and the 2 of them headed upstairs together” Global_Swim_120
8. AITJ For Asking My Ex-Husband To Look After Our Daughter While I Visit My Terminally Ill Mother?
“I (F36) have a kid “Mia” (F16). I divorced her father “Daniel” (M46) when Mia was 3 and it wasn’t exactly a peaceful thing, he’s a non-existent parent except for paying child support.
My mother lives in the UK and was recently and suddenly diagnosed with a terminal illness.
I haven’t seen her since I moved to the US 18 years ago and we weren’t exactly on good terms, but I would like to come and say my goodbyes. Keep in mind that it was me who was resolving all the hospital stuff with her as her only other relative is my sister who doesn’t care about anything and I live overseas in a different time zone.
I can’t take Mia with me since she has school and I don’t want her to skip a month as it would ruin her grades and she wants to get into a nice college. She’s also not exactly thrilled to go and live in rural UK for a month.
I have no relatives in the US. For the last 13 years, I was in low contact with Daniel as we both wanted to move on and as he was doing some sketchy things that landed him in prison for a few years.
Mia has only me Daniel and her aunt from overseas. I’m not exactly a fan of having my kid around a felon, but I feel like I have no other choice.
So recently I contacted Daniel and asked him to keep an eye out for Mia.
She’s an independent child, has her car, cooks cleans, etc, so basically he just needs to look out for her so that she won’t be completely on her own. I was ready to pay for all the expenses.
Keep in mind we live in the same state but in different cities and it’s 2-hour drive from his place to mine. Needless to say, he went ballistic, screaming at me, yelling profanities, saying I’m a bad mother and a jerk and he’s not a free babysitter.
I shared this with my sis and she said I’m indeed the jerk for making my ex babysit the kid he had no connection with and didn’t want in the 1st place, which is not true by the way.
So I came here to get a second opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you are between a rock and a hard place. Do you have to go for a month? Could it be shorter? Maybe ask not just Daniel but also neighbors/co-workers to check in on Mia daily.
Make sure she has several folks to reach out to – not just your ex. And go for as short a time as you can.” Quick-Possession-245
Another User Comments:
“Take your daughter with you to the UK so she can meet her Grandma before she passes.
She can make up the schooling. It’s done all the time. You can probably even talk to the school about the situation and they can give her take-home work to cover what she missed.” Critical-Bank5269
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I am concerned that you’ve been in the US for over 18 years and have no roots or support system. Your daughter also having 0 friends, and no support system beyond you and a felon dad is concerning. Not related to your post, but worrying all the same.” ncslazar7
7. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Leave Me Alone On Our Shared Trip?
“I am an oncologist. And I went for a specialized course in Asia. My friend who has 2 very young kids told me how jealous she is and she would do anything to go on such a trip.
I offered to go with me if she paid her flight tickets and didn’t mind that I would be mostly unavailable and we would share a room. I have booked a 5* hotel with a huge double bed, sofa, and table so I can work.
She immediately said yes and we bought the flight tickets.
When we arrived she told me she was tired and if we could get a taxi, because she did not want to go by public transport and the hospital was going to pay for it anyway.
OK, so we took a taxi. OK, never mind, let’s take a taxi. Oh boy, we are here for two days and she is driving me nuts. She spread herself all over the room, the table the sofa, the closet everything is full of her things.
She is constantly bombarding me with photos and messages, asking me if we will go to the bar and dance in the evening and when I am going to go shopping with her. But she stays in the room, every time I come there she is in waiting for me like a doggy and asking me where we’re gonna go.
Well, today after the last lesson of the course I had a huge headache, was tired and just wanted to go to bath. She occupied the bathroom for an hour so I just sat on the bed and waited. She got out and I startled her by being in the room and she started to shout that I should have let her know I was in her room.
I snapped, I told her that she was in the room I paid for and she made a mess everywhere, she occupied every free space. She got offended and asked me, well I hope you will at least take me dancing tonight.
I saw red, I told her to leave me alone and to go do something on her own that I am tired. She started to complain I don’t pay her ANY attention and that she thought it would be different.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ of course, because it sounds like she’s no more mature than her children. I’m sure she’s a lovely person otherwise because otherwise you wouldn’t be friends with her, but this is really strange behavior for an adult.
Have you tried talking to her and reminding her what you said about being unavailable? What did she think that meant?” Pleased_Bees
Another User Comments:
“NTJ what is up with her? Does she fancy you? Why didn’t she go out on her own?
I would have barely seen the room in similar circumstances! Also just move her stuff to one pile and rest. I can imagine you are already tired without her exhausting you.” sarcastic-pedant
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Excluded In My Own Home Because Of My Ex?
“So this is a complicated one. I was involved with someone in our friend group for about half a year and we split up about 2 months ago. The break up was quite messy, which arguably was for a large part caused by behaviour on my side.
We wanted to stay friends and after ending things in a less-than-ideal way, I did help my ex a lot with her uni work and other things to show I still care about a possible friendship.
At first, I thought she was open to this as well, but she became more and more hostile with many backhanded comments and continuously brought up some of the quite messed up things I said around the time of breaking up.
Anyway, it became clear to me she had no intention of us staying friends and she was just using me to help with her applications for a new study. After realizing this, I let any contact fade.
Fast forward about a month of not talking, and I heard my roommate/friend that he invited her and some other friends to our house.
He thought I would be away for the weekend, but I am home as well. Upon hearing this, his solution was for me to stay in my room and they would sit on the other side of the house so I wouldn’t have to interact with them.
However, I believe this is a ridiculous solution. After all, more of my friends are coming and now I am the one excluded and sent to my room because my ex does not want to be around me.
For the record, I do not hate my ex.
I realize I did a lot wrong towards the end of the relationship and I do understand if she does not want to be around me, but I don’t care if she is around, I would happily join them if she allowed it.
I know my roommate is not stupid and wouldn’t organize it in our place if he knew I would be home. I however think he should really either try to move the location of the event or call it off, not ask me to stay in my room for the evening.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Have a chat with your mate, make your stance clear, and find new friends they are fine excluding you from her even in your own home, given your past behavior which you appear to want to own and are sorry for.
Maybe even start looking for a new place to live and a new roommate.” North_Cantaloupe_470
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – It sounds like your friends value her more than they value you. Maybe they’re being jerks or maybe you have undersold your “bad behavior” They’re jerks for expecting you to sit in your room in your place You’re a jerk for whatever you did to this person which split a friend group to the point where they specifically plan parties for when you’re out of town.” DiarrheaPirate
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Honestly. I’m assuming you are an adult. Your roommate can have anyone over he wants. You don’t have to hide out in your room. Just be polite. He tried to plan it when you weren’t there but oops.
He shouldn’t have to cancel because of you. This isn’t high school. Be civil.” trishsf
5. AITJ For Saying I'd Pay For My Wife's Daughters' College Education?
“Susan (36F) and I (42M) started seeing each other when she was in college. In the earlier stages of our relationship, when we were still not exclusive, she got pregnant.
We kept seeing each other and got married months later, before the baby, Joe, was born. I never knew almost anything about the dad. She just said it was a guy who wasn’t interested in being a father and she didn’t want to force him or chase him for money.
We never made a thing of pretending the baby was mine but we also didn’t necessarily announce to people he wasn’t.
The issue is that she soon started to complain about not being fulfilled by our life. We went to therapy and the conclusion was that she was right so we decided to try an open marriage.
She started seeing Oscar (43M). They have been together for 15 years now and have 3 daughters (14, 12, and 9). The girls live mostly with Susan, Joe and I but Oscar has always been a present father.
The other day we were all having dinner together and talking about Joe (17M) going to college.
One of the girls asked who was paying for it and I said I was. Another one asked if I was going to pay for them to go to college. I said something like “Sure but you still have to study hard” and that was the end of the conversation.
Later, Susan told me she was very angry because of this. She went on a tirade about how I think I am better than her and only said I would pay for the girl’s college to “humiliate” Oscar as a way of “pretending I was a big strong man”.
I felt all that was crazy. I have always paid for a lot of stuff for the girls without complaining about it in any way. It was just a random comment, maybe it was wrong but I don’t think it is fair for Susan to be so mad at me because of it.
I talked to Oscar and he doesn’t really care much about the girls knowing I pay for stuff but says the issue is important for Susan and we should just indulge her.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but dude, you are being taken for a serious ride. She is having her cake and eating it too. Back to the topic at hand. Would she prefer you make the girls feel like you have a favorite child by not paying for them?
Tell her you will happily let Oscar pay for it. Go tell the girls that their mom thinks you should back away on this issue, and allow Oscar to pay for their college education. If he is unable, then it is on her.” donnamayj1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s weird that Susan seems so sensitive about it now, after a decade and a half of you helping raise her daughters. That said, it’s really no big deal to indulge Susan and let Oscar pay for his daughters’ education since he doesn’t seem to mind who pays, you don’t seem to mind who pays, and the girls don’t seem to mind who pays.
There’s an easy path out of this: let Susan decide who pays. She’s the only one who is emotionally involved in this decision, it seems.” ladyteruki
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I feel like there is some projection going on here from Susan with her reaction.
Does she feel like Oscar should be more involved than he is? Is it a matter that you’re more financially stable than him? All I know is there is a reason for her reaction, just not sure what it is.
Oscar doesn’t seem to give two hoots about your comment so why does she?” jacksonlove3
4. AITJ For Adopting A Puppy Despite My Roommate's Complaints?
“I (30F) own my home and have lived alone for 2.5 years. I am an animal lover and adopted 2 cats last year, after my beloved dog of 15 years passed away, I decided to start looking for a puppy to adopt.
At the same time, a family friend’s daughter (40F) asked if she could rent my spare bedroom. Her financial situation is rough and she couldn’t afford to live alone anymore. She is also an animal lover (or so she says) and has had cats and a dog who recently passed. I made her aware that I was looking to get a dog when we were talking about her move-in time frame.
She told me she was excited and happy to be a dog “auntie” and even offered to come home on her lunch for walks.
Fast forward a couple of months, I have a pup(5 months old) and my roomie has moved in.
Roomie has done nothing but complain about the pup. Despite only being 5 months old, she is a very well-behaved dog. She is potty trained in a month and doesn’t chew, bark, or make excessive noise.
Both my roomie and I work full time, I am in the office 2x a week and she is full time in the office.
I start work at 8 so I leave the house around 7:30 and she starts at 8:30 (no clue when she leaves for work, it seems like she’s always late). The dog goes in a playpen that lives in the space between our bedrooms(it’s too large to put in my room) when I’m not home.
Roomie complains that the dog is too loud in the mornings. I installed a camera to watch the dog while I was away. She eats the food I give her and sleeps most of the day. I purposefully don’t give her any squeak toys, instead, she has bones and quiet toys to chew on.
Roomie still complains saying the dog isn’t socialized, trained, etc, which is far from the truth. I take her on long walks, to the dog park, to stores and to play with other dogs frequently. Any dog lover should understand that not every dog is perfect 100% of the time, yet I feel that roomie expects that to be the situation.
I feel like roomie’s claim of ‘animal lover’ and ‘dog mom’ are all lies.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s free to leave at any time. You were upfront with the fact that you were getting a dog. And not to be a jerk, but beggars can’t be choosers.
You did this woman a massive favor by taking her into your home at a level of rent that’s within her means. Tell her if the dog is such an issue she’s free to find an alternate living arrangement.” caucasian88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You helped this person because you felt sorry for them when they were struggling financially/still might be struggling financially. You offered her a room when she had nowhere to go and now she is acting like she owns your apartment and you are the problematic roommate.
If you’re fine without her financial help in paying rent, I would tell her to either stop complaining or find somewhere else to live if she can’t. It’s your apartment. You’re not running a bed and breakfast, it’s not your job to provide concierge service and make sure her stay is 100% pleasant so she leaves you a good review.
She sounds ungrateful. If you aren’t noticing any of these behaviors she’s constantly complaining about, then I would not worry about it at all. Puppies are difficult! Even the worst-behaved dogs deserve love and a chance to change/grow.
Five months is young. Your puppy is still growing and developing and as far as I can see, it’s not terrorizing her or ruining her things. Puppies get attuned to their owner’s schedule so your dog most likely wakes up a little before or right when you do.
Of course, any dog is going to make some noise in the morning. You get a dog for companionship, not so it can be seen and not heard.” Happy_Goat_5015
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t try to change your dog.
She doesn’t have to be perfect as long as she is trained and not aggressive. He doesn’t have to be a toy or completely submissive. I suspect your roommate is using a dog to make you feel guilty and therefore more compliant.
Soon it will turn out that you’re not doing her a favor, on the contrary, she is sacrificing herself for you.” Garamon7
3. AITJ For Inviting All My Brother's Children To His Funeral Despite Family Conflict?
“My brother passed away recently. He has 6 children and two stepchildren with 3 different women. He has one child and two stepchildren with his current baby mama.
There has been turmoil and problems with the exes and the siblings over the years. Unfortunately, my brother was partly to blame.
That being said when he was hospitalized he asked all his children to come and see him.
They all did except two of his boys from his second marriage. They had a falling out that was pretty bad and refused to come.
Sadly my brother passed away. I love him so much, he was my best friend.
He never held grudges and forgave the smallest or largest of slights his whole life.
When it came time for his funeral all of us pulled together and contributed to the expenses of the funeral as this was unexpected. And we didn’t want his current baby mama to have to bear the burden alone.
That being said my brother’s stepson reached out and messaged my nephew that he was not to come to my brother’s funeral. He threatened him with violence should he come to the funeral. He said he didn’t make the time to visit him in the hospital. So why come now?
When I was told what happened I was outraged and said he had no right to do that. My brother would have wanted all his children there. He loved them all regardless. He would hate that they were fighting.
He wanted all his family to get along.
We all wanted my brother to have his dying wishes fulfilled. And knowing my brother he would want all the kids there.
I’d like to add that I posted my brother’s funeral info on my social media page per his current baby mama’s request. So naturally all his children would see it.
So really my invite was to the entire family since I feel all who loved him should be welcome.
Some family members are divided on this. I think no one has a right to exclude anybody else based on who they do or don’t get along with.
Especially when it comes to his children. AITJ for taking this stance with my brother’s stepson?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First off, super sorry for your loss. . . I wish you and your family the best and hope that happy memories will help comfort you through the difficult moments~ As for judgment if your brother would have wanted all of his children present at his funeral, then they are all invited – flat out end of discussion.
This day should be about your brother and your brother only! This is not the day for sibling drama, catering to which relative dislikes another, past falling outs between family, etc.. Everyone can get over themselves for an hour or two to show some respect to your brother, whether that means saying final goodbyes or making some sort of amends/closure.” RaspyTaffyShark
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I are sorry you lost your brother and inviting everyone who loved him it’s the right thing to do, if there are problems with some of the kids then that’s unfortunate and as you said partly on your bro, hope it is a peaceful event for you all.” Realistic-Active7230
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Unless your nephew(s) were violent with other family members(or verbally abusive) then No I don’t think you are the jerk for trying to allow all family members to pay their respects. Your step-nephew threatening your nephew makes him the problem.
If your nephew is going to come then you need to have a system set up to protect your nephew.” MountainMidnight9400
2. AITJ For Wanting To Spend Sundays With My Dad Even On My Wife's Birthday?
“Every Sunday for my (28M) adult life, I’ve gone to my dad’s house to spend the day with him and watch sports (football, baseball, racing, whatever) and eat dinner together.
This has always caused friction between my wife (30f) and me ever since we started seeing each other. She gets along very well with my family, but she likes to have lazy Sundays on the couch while I like to go to my dad’s and be with him like we always have.
She’s more than welcome to come but she just wants to be home.
For this specific case:
Her birthday is tomorrow (10/30). Yesterday we had a party for her with my family and her family and everything went on fine.
This morning she was feeling unwell from the party and slept in while I got up and did things around the house. My dad called to confirm if I was coming over, and I told him I was. She wakes up and finds out I intend to go to my dad’s house, and is instantly upset because “I’m leaving her on her birthday”
I understand her side, but it’s not like I forgot or ignored her birthday completely. We had a good party for her yesterday, I have gifts ready for her tomorrow, and we plan to go to dinner tomorrow, her actual birthday.
I called my dad back and told him I wouldn’t be coming over today. She’s now upset and said I should just go to my dad’s now because she doesn’t want to be around me right now, I said I wasn’t going to flip-flop on my decision and call my dad back to change my mind again.
Now I am currently sitting at home and my wife is upset and doesn’t want to talk to me.
So, AITJ? Also, any suggestions to resolve this issue that happens every Sunday? I’ve already confronted it with my wife and said I am not happy with arguing about it every week and would like to find some sort of solution, but she says she won’t change and I guess we’ll just argue every Sunday for the rest of our lives.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Most people get two days off a week. You spend one with your Dad every single week. Your wife asks you to make her a priority just once and you get upset! It’s her freaking birthday!
Of course, you are the jerk. Side note, spending every Sunday with your father is excessive. You are a part-time husband right now. Your relationship with your wife should be your priority.” Expensive_Pain_5987
Another User Comments:
“YTJ This is just the tip of the iceberg.
Sounds like this has been brewing for a long time. She is sick of you going AWOL every Sunday anyway. Maybe you should cut it back now you are a married man, maybe once a month. This weekend is her birthday weekend and she probably hoped you would put her first today and spend the day with her.
It does not say if you have kids, but when you do this every Sunday at your Dad’s will have to stop anyway!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You can’t miss one Sunday to spend your wife’s birthday with her?
As to how to resolve the issue since it comes up every weekend, it’s simple. Start acting like you’re married and your first obligation is to spend time with your wife and kids on the weekend. Think about it.
Does your wife spend every Saturday with her family? I bet not. What makes you special? Work a deal where she gets one Saturday or Sunday with her friends/family and you get one Sunday with your dad. The other weekends are spent with her and the kids.” Legitimate-Moose-816
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Parents To Stay During Power Outage?
“There was a storm in our area last week and some trees fell and a lot of houses lost power. My (38f) and my husband were in one of the few houses that didn’t lose power. My parents’ house did.
We kept trying to get them to come over and possibly stay the night. They said they were fine and would just wait it out since the power is never out for too long.
The next day it was still out and they asked to come over during the day to charge their devices so my dad could work.
We all had a nice time. My cousin had a tree fall on part of the house and a wire, so they’re going to be without power for a while. She asked if she, her partner, and 1 year old could stay with us.
Then my mom finds out their power won’t be on for another 2 days.
I didn’t ask my parents to stay because I knew she wouldn’t want to since my cousins were coming. My mom does this thing when she’s mad where she talks out loud about what she’s doing.
So she starts talking about hotels. My husband asks them if they wanna stay too and she says, “No it’s fine, at least you asked, Paris(me) didn’t ask us though.” So she gets an attitude and then asks my brother if they can stay with him.
He said yes and he informed me she was upset I didn’t ask them and she was hurt.
I know my mom better than she knows herself, so I knew she wouldn’t want to stay since our house isn’t big enough for 3 families plus I said yes to my cousins before I knew my parents’ power would be out for 2 more days.
Here we are a week later and their power was on 5 days ago, but my cousin’s is still out, so they’ve been here since. I also know my cousin is struggling, her father just passed a few months ago, she moved into his house but it needs major repairs, she has a 1-year-old and her partner got laid off and has only been working about 2 weeks at this point.
I wanted to be there for my cousin and I knew my parents would have been fine.
Am I wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was more important that your cousins stay with you. Your mom should’ve realized that, but instead, she was being passive/aggressive.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Your parents were more than capable of taking care of themselves, while your cousin needed real help.” NOTTHATKAREN1
Another User Comments:
“On the simple logic that you didn’t ask because you had already said yes to someone else, NTJ.
However, when your cousin asked, that might have been an ah-ha moment for you to first check with your parents. While your cousin’s circumstances may be more trying, your relationship with your parents (assuming it is positive) might be given higher priority.
At the very least, it may have made sense to ensure your brother could accommodate your parents before saying yes.” Fit-Ad-7276
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. All you had to say was *”Oh Mom, I’ve already offered cousin to stay before I knew your power wasn’t coming back today.
You can stay too, of course. If it’s too tight a squeeze we can talk to brother about room at his place.” It’s always better not to make assumptions about what other people want.” ParsimoniousSalad
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