People Want Genuine Responses To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
16. AITJ For Not Sharing My Driveway With My Neighbor?
“So I am currently staying in Manhattan, NY.
We are in a big brownstone that my wife inherited from her grandpa years ago. We’re gonna stay here for the school year while we wait to sell it and buy our own place on long island. Anyways, we have a 2-car garage which is very rare in Manhattan.
There’s a lot around the corner by an apartment building where some people in the neighborhood pay to park their cars (There’s not much space on the road).
We have 2 cars. My wife’s car which she uses to go to work in lower Brooklyn and my teenage daughter’s car.
Being in NYC, my daughter doesn’t use her car all that much. She only uses it if she’s going to another borough or doesn’t want to deal with the subway which isn’t too often. But she’s a wheelchair user. She was born in China with spina bifida and clubbed feet, she’s been to a lot of hospitals and had a lot of surgeries but she’ll never be able to stand or walk.
Our house and garage are accessible for her but the parking garage isn’t. When my daughter does rarely wanna use her car I don’t want her to deal with getting down the stairs at the parking garage and possibly sketchy people who stay down there.
My wife needs to be at work by 7:30 and leaves at 6:50 every morning so it would be really inconvenient to have to walk around the block that early just to take the car. And when my daughter wants to use her car they can’t just switch because my daughter’s car has all her hookups and her lift so she can get in and drive it.
Now my neighbor recently had their 3rd kid and the wife went back to work. They wanna buy her a car to get to work and her husband approached me a couple of days ago when I was walking with my sons and asked if they could use the extra space in my garage since they thought we only had one car.
I explained that my daughter actually does have a car and we use both spaces. He got kinda mad and said we should just park one of them in the lot since we rarely use it and his wife’s gonna need it every day. I said I didn’t wanna pay for something I didn’t need and it’s our house and our garage.
I think he thought I use our car to drive to work and said something like “You’ll have no problem going down to the lot in the mornings but I’m worried about my wife.” That could’ve just been about me being a man but it might’ve been a little racially motivated but who knows?
I did clarify though that my wife needs the car, not me. We just kinda walked away and now they’re angry at us.
I’m not really sure what to do here, I mean I bet we could get creative and work out some compromise but I don’t wanna compromise on my house that my wife’s family paid a lot for.
Maybe I’m being entitled but I just want the best for my wife and daughter and not to be rude but his wife really isn’t my problem. And also by “rarely uses the car” I mean like once every other week or more not like once or twice a year.
But AITJ here and should I try to compromise?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’ve done nothing wrong and have no obligation to him, first of all.
I would personally go out of my way to help a neighbor if I could but you can’t. You have a disabled daughter and a wife who drives to work.
That means you have no room in your two-car garage. It’s that simple.
It would be absurd for anyone in your family to have to go elsewhere to get their car because the next-door neighbor was using a space in your own garage.
This guy understands that we get to use our own property.
He is pretending not to. Continue to be civilized–say “hello’ when you see him, etc. But if he raises this again, be very firm that you have a disabled daughter who needs one space and a wife who uses the other one. You have no free spaces.
Don’t feel even slightly guilty.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not compromise. You are planning to sell. Compromising will make things difficult. What if new owners have 2 cars? Will they still expect to be able to park there? I can hear it now “But the old owners said it was okay.”
Next time he approaches you about the space kindly inform him that if he wants the parking spot so much he can pay for it and the brownstone when the house goes up for sale. Until then it’s your wife’s property and they can’t park there.” CuriousosityKilldCat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This guy is a piece of work. Asking for use of your garage, fine, but getting mad when you said it wasn’t available bc you do use it? And expecting you to inconvenience yourself by walking around to the lot for his and his wife’s benefit?
Makes zero sense.
If he brings it up again, ask him if your wife instead of his should be the one walking to the lot, or your disabled daughter. Then politely wait for him to come up with a justification.” Aggravating-Soil-642
15. AITJ For Asking My Brother To Wait To Propose To His Partner?
“I (m26) asked my brother (m28) to not propose to his at-the-time partner (f21) until after my wedding.
I am a gay male and my family has a religious background.
They have been kind to my husband and never turned him away in the almost 8 years I knew him. We got married two and a half years ago. During our year-long engagement, my family barely addressed the fact we were engaged but were more interested in my brother and cousin’s heterosexual relationships.
Whenever I mentioned planning my wedding, they made a point to mention their partners. They would often avoid referring to him as my partner/fiancé, even calling him by name to people who don’t know him.
My older brother, who lives with my husband and me, came to me a few months after I proposed and asked me if I can help him plan a proposal. He said he doesn’t want to propose just yet because he needs to find a ring first. I told him I can help him find the right time and place if he wants.
A couple of months before my wedding, he came to me and told me that he was given a family ring and he would like to propose at my wedding. I told him, “I am going to be 100% honest. With how our family brushes off my relationship, I would ask that you wait until after my wedding to propose.
I just don’t want them to have more of a reason to downplay our big day.” I continued with “but outside from that, it is considered rude to propose at anyone’s wedding. But I would gladly help you pick another day or time.”
He agreed with me, telling me that he understands.
I finished planning my wedding, got married, went on my honeymoon, and came back. I touched base with him again and asked if he has an idea of where he wants to propose. He wasn’t sure, so I suggested replaying their first or favorite date.
He started getting upset saying that my wedding venue would have been the perfect spot and that I ruined it.
His girl dumped him three months later. He started blaming me for the breakup. He listed a couple of reasons, such as me refusing to cover their rent when they couldn’t pay (I used to cover them but stopped) and “rubbing my happiness in their face.” But he said the biggest reason was that I asked him to wait until after my wedding.
He said I was being extremely selfish and that I sabotaged his relationship. He said that if I cared about him, I would have let him propose at my wedding. It has been almost 3 years and he still holds it against me. Over those three years, he moved in on a friend’s mom’s couch and quit his job, and is still trying to make me feel guilty.”
Another User Comments:
“I think that this is one of those situations where you can’t control someone else’s behavior, but you can control your response to it. He is not right about any of this. If the relationship was going to work, a proposal at any time would have been fine.
You don’t propose at other people’s weddings. If you can’t afford rent, you can’t afford to get married. Either he will come to see this, or he won’t. You need to be happy regardless of his response to the situation.
Have a long and happy marriage.” Sea_Seaworthiness139
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if they broke up 3 months after your wedding there were some serious problems in their relationship. He sounds like he just takes the easy way on everything. Doesn’t need to really plan for the proposal, just uses Brother’s wedding.
Don’t want to accept the failed relationship, blame Brother because he wasn’t taking care of them (paying his rent). Don’t let your brother keep using you as a scapegoat for how his life is.” eyore5775
Another User Comments:
“Everyone present at the wedding dodged a bullet.
If he proposed at the wedding sounds like she probably would’ve said no and he might have made a huge scene (even if he didn’t it would be so awkward and ruin the wedding). That would’ve been the memory everyone had of your wedding and it would’ve never gone away no matter how many anniversaries you celebrated. NTJ and thank you for looking out for your guests and making sure they had a nice time.” picklefluffer
14. AITJ For Stating The Reason I Cancelled My Lyft Was Because I Felt Unsafe?
They dodged a bullet.
“So Saturday night, I was at a friend’s house and the friend I rode there with left before me so I called Lyft.
My friend’s house is next to the corner house and in a suburb. I’ve gotten Lyfts from there before and some drivers end up going around the corner, it’s weird because it’s only some and not all drivers.
Then they usually call me and once I explain they’re like “oh ok” and come back.
It doesn’t happen every time, my pin and address are entered and everything is all correct so it’s not my fault or theirs but probably the system or something.
So Saturday I called a Lyft. It said she/my driver was there, I was waiting outside and didn’t see anyone.
Then she called and said she was waiting outside. I said I was outside and didn’t see anyone. She started arguing with me that she was outside and I need to look for -color and model- car.
I said, “Well, I don’t see anything besides parked cars and there’s no -model-.”
She starts yelling “then you must have entered the wrong address!” and something about how she’s sick of people that don’t know what they’re doing when calling rides.
I said “I’m on blah blah street, that’s what I entered.”
She said, “Oh, I think I’m around the corner. I don’t feel like turning around so just walk over here” and hung up.
Right after my friend came out and said he’d give me a ride home because he was leaving anyway. So I canceled my Lyft.
I was going to cancel it anyway because I didn’t feel like walking in the dark and getting into a car with someone that was already screaming at me, who knows what she’d do once I got in the car?
Lyft asked why I canceled (there are several options) and I said I didn’t feel safe riding with her.
I’ve been using Lyft for 4 years without issue, or being screamed at, matter of fact I’m a 5-star rider so I’m not a problem customer. Lyft didn’t charge me for canceling, and that was that.
I was telling this story to a coworker that drives for Uber on the side.
Basically thought he’d agree about not riding with her. He said canceling wasn’t a big deal but I shouldn’t have said it was because I didn’t feel safe just because the driver was annoyed and yelled.
He said I was misusing a feature meant for if someone really makes someone feel unsafe not just someone yelling at you.
He said I lied about it being a safety problem since all she did was yell. Then he kept going about how I wasted the driver’s time, cost her since she didn’t even get the cancellation fee, and I probably got her into trouble and possibly caused her to not get as many riders.
To me it was a safety thing though, why would I walk in the dark to my Lyft? Then how she was yelling on the phone, who knows if she would have kept going off on me in the car?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Maybe it would’ve been better to state that they refused to come to the correct address and you were unable to walk to where she was. But it isn’t even much of a lie to say you felt unsafe considering she was yelling at you.
I would rather not be in the car with an irate driver, whether they were angry at me or other people… Maybe this isn’t exactly what that feature is intended for but regardless, I would be very uncertain about getting in the car.
But the bottom line, she didn’t actually come to pick you up.
She was supposed to be your ride, which means she should come to actually pick you up (unless you’re in a downtown area or airport or something where there are designated pickup areas, but you were not). And she was the person who wasted her own time and cost herself, that was not on you at all.
And if she behaves this way in a customer-facing job, she SHOULD get fewer customers. Because she’s bad at her job! I don’t even believe in fake American forced friendliness or kissing customers’ butts all the time. I hate that about our culture. But she’s very bad at her job, yikes.” Sleeping_Lizard
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you know the address in the Lyft system is hard to follow, it is on you to correct and prevent that. You are one rider most likely with different drivers for every trip. It’s like continuing to go to a restaurant even though they get your order wrong half of the time.
Eventually, you have to learn to relay that information before the driver pulls up.
ESH. As a 2k+ trip 5-star Uber driver, I can attest that situations like these are frustrating, but I’ve never raised my voice at a customer. Some drivers have little to no patience for rider’s mistakes or subpar mapping, which is unacceptable.
The driver was out of line.
Don’t feel bad about reporting the behavior though. Punishment is what stops it from happening again.” Cecuhl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nope, screw that. Let’s normalize being honest with services and not lying to protect some random person’s job when they screwed up.
You felt uncomfortable after they yelled at you, so why would you select anything different?
It’s like the other day someone reported a company on Etsy for really screwing an expensive custom order up and getting mad at the customer for not being okay with it.
They reported the company and one of their “friends” thought they were the jerk. Or how people give an Airbnb a 5-star rating even if their stay was crap because they don’t want to “hurt” the owner. It’s absolutely ridiculous.” xrsman
13. AITJ For Calling The Authorities To Remove My Neighbors' Loud Noise Machine?
“I (26f) recently moved to a new shared apartment. One of the issues I’ve had since the beginning is that my neighbors (in their 50s) across the street have one of those motion-activated things that play a high-pitched sound whenever activated, probably to scare away cats from their yard.
I talked to my roommate and the previous tenant about the situation, they never had any issues because their ears aren’t as good as mine I guess. It’s especially annoying for me because it’s unusually hot now (30C+ for days) and I can’t have my windows open because of it.
So pretty shortly after I moved in I went to my neighbors’ place to talk about it. Currently, the machine is facing directly to the street so it’s activated even when somebody across the street walks past the house. After I introduced myself I asked them if they could install the machine in a way that would point at their yard so it’s only activated by people/animals in it and not just everybody passing by.
They weren’t exactly friendly and said it wasn’t possible so that was the situation. I approached them again a few days later because after some googling I found out a lot of the machines can adjust the frequency they play at. I asked them to change it to a higher one I can’t hear, and they dismissed me again and told me not to approach them anymore.
Since I couldn’t come to an agreement with them I made an official complaint with the authorities. A few days passed again and I had angry neighbors at my door, yelling at me about how authorities took their (expensive) machine from them because the frequency is too low (which is apparently illegal), and were fined on top of that.
They yelled at me for not warning them I was planning to call authorities and that they would have changed something if they had known. I told them I tried to come to an agreement previously and they didn’t want to compromise and basically closed the door on them with them still yelling.
I thought that was that about the whole situation – I finally have my peace now.
I talked to my roommate (22m) about it though and he told me calling authorities was way exaggerated. The fact that I have such sensitive ears is apparently a “me-problem” and it can’t be that bad since he isn’t even able to hear it.
I should just keep my windows closed if it annoys me so much of having it “disappear mysteriously” some night. That has got me thinking if I exaggerated in calling authorities so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a person who has sensitive hearing, I am so glad the authorities took their obnoxious little machine away!
Obviously, it was NOT LEGAL or else they wouldn’t have taken it. When my dad was still alive and would come over or I’d visit, sometimes his watch alarm would start beeping in this SUPER high-pitched tone that would just make “my teeth stand on end” it was so bad!
He couldn’t hear it AT. ALL. I’d have to say, “Dad, your watch is beeping out of control”. Noises like this can affect people with sensitive hearing and it’s extremely unpleasant. Just because someone else can’t hear it, doesn’t mean it’s not a problem for someone else!!!
How rude, “I can’t hear it so it’s no big deal”…uh, NO! I just bet you have other neighbors who are also pleased they no longer have to listen to the headache-causing noise anymore!” SageGreen98
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You did exactly the right thing.
Neighbors got what they deserved. More importantly, the rest of the neighborhood and resident animals also got a better quality of life. And just because your roommate is hearing impaired compared to you it doesn’t make it a “you problem.” I also have excellent hearing in the upper ranges and I have no doubt it would drive me to distraction.
Had I known when I was younger that there was a use for that hearing range I think I would have sought out a career as a sound engineer or something like that. Your hearing is an asset as well as a burden and maybe you can leverage it into something wonderful if your interests lie that way.” love_laugh_dance
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You introduced yourself and then demanded changes about something which had not been a problem for anyone else before then. They suck for being bad neighbors. But you suck for being entitled. Maybe get to know your neighbors first before you start making demands about making changes to their property.
I mean, you just dove right into them accommodating your needs without even asking about theirs.” Reddit user
12. WIBTJ For Moving Out Of My Sister's Home While She's On Maternity Leave?
“For context, I (28f) have lived in my sister’s (32f) and BIL’s (35m) home for the last year after a terrible breakup. I pay $200 a week in board for my bedroom, which we agreed would be fine while I save enough to leave and be fine financially.
While I know that’s definitely not a fair amount to cover everything, I do help out a fair bit; walking and feeding her dog daily, helping out with any odd jobs, cleaning the kitchen and bathroom, running her to and from the hospital, appointments, (and now) babysitting and making sure they both eat throughout the day (I WFH).
We were already super tight-knit and my sister has helped me out so much in recovering this last year so none of this has been an issue.
My sister just recently gave birth to my gorgeous niece (3m.o) so is on maternity leave for as long as she can afford to be.
She worked really hard to get where she is now – to have the house, baby, etc. and I’m really happy for her and really grateful. She rebuilt her home so my mum (60) and brother (18) would have somewhere to live that they could afford.
She saved enough to have gotten herself and her “share” of bills covered for the mortgage etc. But her budgeted amount has gone quicker than expected bc BIL hasn’t chipped in for the essential baby stuff.
I am finally at a point where I’m ready to move out on my own.
Which is earlier than expected for me too, but my BIL had made living here the last few months pretty tough, to say the least. He goes out of his way to bait me into an argument, causes issues between my sister and me, and then say that I’m not pulling my weight around the house when I’m here looking after my niece more than he is.
Anyway. I’ve wanted to move interstate for a long time and now have the opportunity to relocate, with hopefully enough savings to get me by til I’ve gotten settled there.
I’ve been transparent with my sister about wanting to relocate interstate but she’s noted a few times now how she’s going to have to reassess her maternity leave, will find it difficult to be down another $200 a week, and will find maternity leave hard without me.
I just know I couldn’t stand living here anymore and if I’m going to move out, I’d prefer to live in the city interstate for a bit.
We’ve been through a lot together and I don’t want her to feel abandoned by me..
but also, I can’t stand my BIL. Would I be the jerk if I left during her maternity leave?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP.
There are some dysfunctional dynamics in your sister and BIL’s marriage – and not all his. Moving out is both good for you and a chance for sis and BIL to either improve their marriage or see it for what it is.
Your sister seems to have worked hard and spent a significant amount to help out your family. It sounds like she has also moved your mom, brother, and you into her house – most likely without her husband being happy about it. It also sounds like mom and brother are not paying anything for living in the house.
That doesn’t excuse BIL’s jerkiness, but it might explain why he is being a jerk.
Eventually, your sister is going to have to figure out (1) how to live within her means (not spending so much to help out your mom/brother) if it’s putting a financial strain on her own family goals, (2) work things out with her husband so that they are both on the same page or determine that her husband is not going to contribute more to their family expenses and take steps that make sense for her to go forward, and (3) how to live the life she wants without depending on you for financial income and daily emotional/logistical/homecare support.
Moving out is what you want and is good for your growth and independence and moving toward the things you want in life. It also gets you out of the dysfunctional dynamic between your sis and BIL. It is also good for them because it may relieve some of BIL’s sense that the family is invading his home and help the two of them work things out better.
Or it may force your sister to face that she is married to someone who will not pull his weight and figure out how to handle that without requiring your family to be her full-time buffer to that reality.
I understand that staying a bit longer allows Sister to stay home for maternity leave longer.
If it were just a matter of you being able to move out whenever you wanted, you could set a time by which you moved out that would allow you to help her a few months more. But it sounds like this opportunity (is it a job offer or something else?) might require you to move very soon.
If it is for a job and a career move that is great for you, you need to take it while it is available.
Lastly, you can take steps towards your own dreams and independence and still love your sister. First, if mom and brother have not been paying, they need to be.
Your mom either needs to have job income or some government program income; your brother is old enough to be working and contributing to his keep. Help your sister realize she needs to establish that. You can be a sounding board and a champion for her when you two talk and catch up… and more.
Good luck to you and the extended family.” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“$800 for just a room in the house, while still being expected to help with other bills, more chores than a roommate would typically do, AND watch a baby is TOO HIGH for even living in an HCOL area.
I charged 850/month for a room in California Bay Area for perspective.
Your sister in no way listed how much she would miss you if you left. Only pointed out what she wants out of you. You’re being used. NTJ. Leave.
It’s disgusting how family will treat other members purely off the principle of ‘but we’re family’.
What is HER family doing? I.e. her husband. I’m sure she knows from the bottom of her heart that she can’t depend on her husband so she’s putting it on your shoulders. Pack and run.” N3rdProbl3ms
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You and your sister seem to have a great relationship and it is a shame that her husband is making it weird.
It is a shame you won’t be around to continue helping each other, but you shouldn’t feel obligated to put up with his nonsense… You’re not the one who married him.
I think you should be honest with your sister about things, as you told us.
Maybe you could work together to find a solution that wouldn’t leave you wondering if you are being selfish.
Her husband sounds like he needs an attitude adjustment and he really needs to start contributing to his child’s expenses.” ApprehensiveTruth330
11. AITJ For Not Helping My Mom After She Didn't Plan For Retirement?
“I’m now 34F and the middle child to a single Asian mother. I have an older brother who is a decade older, and for his whole life, my mom has babied him. I was expected to contribute to the household when I graduated college at 21F, but he didn’t have to at 31 because he was still in school at community college.
She gave him money for gas, let him take her car, sleep in, not cook, had me do his laundry, etc.
I moved out over ten years ago, and have always kept her at a distance. Due to issues, I don’t want my brother in my life or my family’s life.
I have made that clear to my mother that I will let her have a relationship with my kid, but she is not allowed near him and vice versa. She would get upset at ME for hanging up when she showed my kid to my brother on video chat.
When I found out that she took my kid to her house to play with my brother and posted pictures all over social media, I told her no more and that I asked nicely a few times, and that she ruined it by not respecting me.
Constant years of this and disregard for me and my boundaries.
Onto the issue, my mom had been living with him for a few years now. She still kept cooking for him and everything, and he was working somewhat and paying his portion of the rent.
Well now he moved out and she is left room surfing with friends and family. She came to my house and cried to me that I don’t call her to update her on my life or my family, that she now doesn’t live with him and is room surfing.
I just asked her point blank, what happened to my brother? She got upset and cried and left.
She didn’t plan retirement at all. In fact, when I was a teen, I was told that I was to be her retirement and she would be moving in with me.
Which I said no to and worked my butt off so I can leave ASAP. See I would’ve taken care of my mom had she not disrespected me all these years to the point I am low contact with her. I keep in contact here and there for my kid.
I feel bad because she is my mom, but at the same time, it’s not like all this wasn’t foreseen. I was stressing for years saying this would happen, and here we are. I refuse to help her financially because her son can, and will not allow her to move in because my mental health comes first.
Soon I will get family members who have been helping her with room and board reach out to me. I don’t feel like a jerk for not wanting to help her because this is the result of all those years of mistreatment, but I do feel like a jerk because…she’s my mom?
I need unbiased opinions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The worship of male children in Asia is terrible and in that sense and by the way she treated you, you don’t owe her anything and her son does. She’s also crossed your boundaries and to that extent, I can see an argument that you owe your child protection from her.
Again if you help her, she will prioritize the brother over you even now.
But you might have to aggressively start a whole campaign about reminding people of her favoritism towards your brother and pointing out his status and earning which make him capable of taking care of her.
Stuff like:
“Mom loved my brother so much, I know she will be happiest with him.”
“He’s doing so well, I know he can take care of her best.”
Please keep pointing out his failure to step up or else you’ll be the villain in the extended family despite everything you’ve been through.
And not gonna lie, I do still feel bad for your mom but she really made her own bed here.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I really hate this old tradition like girls are basically useless, used for cooking and cleaning, and boys are treated like kings, pampered and basically spoiled. But guess what!
It’s usually the girls who are more responsible and it also falls on them to pick up the pieces when the boys are so spoiled rotten they only care for themselves. I was in the same boat but with my grandma, thank goodness, not my parents.
I’m sorry you have to go through this but you have done your part, and caring for her might take a toll on your mental health. Maybe you can find a balance and have her move in with a family member to keep your distance but help pay for her room rental if you are able to.
This way you are doing your part as a daughter, but she has to understand it’s her own fault it got to this point and still go low contact from her.” KayKoe012
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You have to protect your mental health, and unfortunately, sometimes it means staying away from your own family/mother.
I never understood the concept that some cultures have to do everything for the boy(s) and not the girl(s). My mom was the same way with me growing up and now that I have kids of my own, I treat every single one of them the same.
I make sure they all know I’m there for them and love them very much.
Just know that if you start sending funds, yes it might be some form of payment for not having her in your home but it won’t stop there. Eventually, the funds you send won’t be good enough and more will be asked of you.
So, you’re going to have to mentally prepare for that if you decide to proceed. Best of luck to you.” stargazingchick
10. AITJ For Not Picking Up My Terminally Ill Neighbor From The Hospital?
“I don’t think I’m the jerk here, but it would be good to find out. I (F 40s) live in a lane of about 15 terraced houses. As I’ve owned my house for almost 20 years, I know most of my neighbors quite well. I also work from home so I’m about a lot of the time.
On Friday afternoon at about 2 pm, my next-door neighbor N (F 60s) shouted across the wall and said that the neighbor along the lane (A, F 70s) had to go to the hospital 20 miles away for a b***d transfusion and needed to be picked up.
A has terminal cancer, lives alone, and is struggling. I try to help her out if I can.
I explained that I’d be happy to pick her up but I was working so it wouldn’t be until after work which would be about 6. N said that she knew I sometimes finished work early and couldn’t I do that.
I explained that I need to get permission in advance for that and that I had an important meeting that I had to attend.
I asked N if her son (40s) who also lives in the lane could pick A up as he finishes work earlier than me.
She said he would but it wouldn’t be fair to leave her standing outside in the sun til then and she’d already told A I was about to leave. I said she’d have to untell her then and see if she could find someone else, that she could wait inside out of the sun and I headed back to work.
Ten minutes later she shouted at me again and said that a taxi would be 55 bucks, which A couldn’t afford. She then said that she’d told A that I had said because I didn’t want to pick her up, I’d agreed to pay for her taxi.
Oddly enough I don’t have that sort of money to spend on someone else’s taxi, it’s pretty much my budget for food for a week.
I phoned A and explained I was happy to pick her up after six but couldn’t do it before then and wasn’t going to pay for a taxi.
I suggested she speak to the hospital about patient transport which is provided for free for people with difficulty getting to and from the hospital. She told me that she didn’t like patient transport. I told her to text if she still needed a lift at 6.
I understand N’s son picked her up and brought her home after he finished work at 4. However, since then I’ve heard N telling other neighbors that I refused to pick up A from the hospital and that I was all kinds of cruel.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
No. You definitely are not the jerk. People can’t just expect you to drop everything at a moment’s notice. Ignore your neighbor. She’s not worth the energy. You told her why you couldn’t just drop everything. Your neighbor across the street needs to get her head around patient transport if she doesn’t have family members who can be relied on to take her.
Patient transport isn’t the most convenient way of getting to and from an appointment, you have to set off hours before your appointment sometimes and wait around in the transport lounge for a couple of hours after your appointment sometimes. Other times it’s a lot better and there’s no waiting around.
This is no reason for refusing to use it if needed though. Beggars can’t be choosers. Let them prattle. I live on a street with a lot of elderly people, and one of my neighbors is fond of creating drama. Ignore the drama llama. Everyone knows what she’s like I can assure you, and everyone knows that you help your 90-year-old neighbor when you can.” Medium-Fan440
Another User Comments:
“I take it, like me, you’re in Britain. I’m 70, I’ve had a lot of hospital appointments and I, too, hate patient transport but I’ve flaming well used it often enough because I wouldn’t expect anyone to have to take me or pick me up.
You’re definitely NTJ. If your neighbor doesn’t like patient transport, she should have made her own arrangements in advance not just expected someone else to drop everything to get her.” HomeworkCool7313
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But your neighbor is quite the little crap-stirring biddy devil, isn’t she?
lol. Not gonna lie, I kinda love old people like that. Gives me strong Diana Trent vibes, if you remember that show.
I’m UK too, and while yes, the NHS transport can be a pain in the butt, this is exactly the kind of situation that it’s there for.
I understand her not liking it but then, she has to wait for the people who are generously trying to support her. Your neighbor can’t just expect everyone to drop what they’re doing and charge in white knight style.
My mom relies on my dad for the same reason – she has macular degeneration, a guide dog, and can’t walk far anymore (they aren’t together but are best friends), but if he can’t pick her because he’s working – she waits for finds another way.
She doesn’t get mad at him and would yell at anyone who did.
I’d reach out to A and just check in to make sure she’s ok – that should help squash N’s little witch hunt. Other than that, just keep doing what you’re doing.
I think it’s lovely that you support your neighbors this way. NTJ OP, quite the opposite actually.” glitchandgo
9. AITJ For Picking My Best Friend As My Groomsman In Our Wedding, Even Though My Fiancee Disagrees?
Nobody said wedding planning was easy, but their marriage may be starting off on the wrong foot already.
“My fiancée (let’s call her Lily) and I are getting married next summer, and we are currently in the process of picking out our wedding parties. There has been a lot of drama surrounding this for obvious reasons when you hear the backstory.
The two of us met my best friend from college before we even enrolled in school, he was my roommate all 4 years.
For clarity’s sake, let’s call him Joe and his partner Beth. Joe and I had a lot in common, including the fact that we were both in very long-term relationships with our high school sweethearts. The 4 of us were best friends all throughout college, and even though the girls met through us, they became very close and I know my fiancée would consider Beth to be her best friend.
It was a great dynamic for a long time. Unfortunately, when I got engaged to Lily this year, Joe and Beth broke up. There was nothing major or dramatic that happened, basically, she wanted to get married and he wasn’t sure about it so they decided to end things.
They aren’t on bad terms necessarily, but I don’t think they are ready to run into each other at this time.
Fast forward to now, we are long-distance friends but Lily has kept in touch with Beth better than I have with Joe. I know when we reunite it will be just like old times, but we definitely don’t call each other up and chat the way the girls do.
Lily has already asked Beth to be her maid of honor and Beth accepted. Yesterday, when I brought up the topic of groomsmen, Lily IMPLORED me that Joe absolutely could not be a groomsman out of respect for Beth. I was completely stunned. It feels totally unfair to me that my best friend shouldn’t be a part of my wedding simply because Beth (who isn’t the one getting married so ultimately she should just******* up and deal with it) might be uncomfortable.
These are 2 adults who should be able to be in the same room together without causing drama. I know Joe and I know it would be easy for him to be civil with Beth, I just don’t understand why my fiancée gets to have her best friend in the wedding but I can’t have mine.
We had a huge fight over it and cannot come to an agreement. I don’t think Lily is going to fold so I am thinking about talking to Beth about it myself. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Ok. I think NTJ until y’all all talk.
As someone who just went to a wedding where my ex was, it was horrible.
We have no drama and have both moved on with our lives and I know the break up was the right thing… but dang. Hearing him give a best man’s speech about love was one of the hardest emotional hits of my life. It was like it ripped the 5-year-old wound wide open again.
I love my friends and am so happy they found each other and are married, but if I’d known my ex was going to be the best man, I don’t think I would have gone.
Emotions are hard, and everyone handles things differently. You, Beth, and Lily need to have a talk about how and in what ways this could be an issue.
I understand you wanting Joe there, but I also have a soft spot for Lily trying to look out for Beth. Y’all just need to talk and be prepared for either Beth or Joe to say they love you, but they just can’t.” TakeOutForOne
Another User Comments:
“Nobody’s the jerk. I don’t think you are being a jerk, but I do see why Lily and Beth don’t want him there. Beth just ended her longest relationship because the guy didn’t actually want her. That is hurtful. No matter how well she is handling it she wanted a future with Joe, and despite being with her for years he didn’t want that.
Now you want her and Joe to work together on a wedding. It might not be their wedding but a wedding is the reason their relationship ended. I don’t think anyone could be ok with working on a wedding with the man they thought they were going to marry.
It sounds to me like a messy situation full of opportunities for resentment to grow. Do you value your friendship with Joe above your relationships with Lily and Beth? Will Joe be a significant part of your future? Will he attend holidays and birthday parties, or would Beth be the one more likely to do that?
Because what it really comes down to is inviting Joe might give you years of work ahead repairing relationships with Beth and Lily. Not inviting Joe just risks you losing a relationship with a friend you admitted to already drifting apart from.” lunarchef
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you drag Beth into it before getting things resolved with Lily. Also, I think you’re being more than a little disingenuous with the whole “well, Beth’s not the one getting married” thing. That’s the whole problem. You don’t think it’s going to sting more seeing Joe dressed up in a tux to celebrate the thing he doesn’t want to do with her than it would if they had to exchange pleasantries at just another party?
More importantly, you don’t think Lily has a better handle on how badly hurt Beth has been by the whole thing than you do?
To be clear, I’m not saying Beth can’t ultimately******* up if she has to, or that the idea of a wedding isn’t going to bum her out to some extent regardless.
I’m definitely not saying don’t invite or even include Joe in some capacity. But start by ditching the “I don’t see what the big deal is” attitude with Lily and see where that gets you.” mm172
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is unreasonable for her to say he can’t be a groomsman at all.
As long as he’s not paired up with her it doesn’t affect Beth. If neither of them is the villain at the end of this breakup, why is your fiance trying to punish Joe?
I think you should try talking with your fiance about this one more time because this is definitely a between-you issue, but if she insists that she’s doing this at the behest or for the good of Beth, you need to rope Beth in to talk to your fiance.
Because her saying that Joe, your friend, shouldn’t be a part of your wedding party because Beth is a part of hers, is either your fiance trying to be a white knight unnecessarily, or Beth does have an issue with Joe and only your fiance knows about it because they are tight while you aren’t.” JCBashBash
8. AITJ For Refusing To Register My Mom's Car In My Name So She Can Continue To Drive?
“My (19M) mom (41F) has had a drinking problem for as long as I can remember. Even in elementary school, I remember instances of it affecting my life.
Recently, this has caught up to her.
She has gotten multiple DUIs at this point and any action that points towards her “changing” is just her trying to make herself look good for the court and jury that would be sentencing her for some of these things.
For example, she went to rehab after her most recent DUI but called and texted daily complaining about it and went on another bender maybe a month and a half afterward. She’s never going to change, and I have basically accepted that.
I still have a decent relationship with her in the periods that she is sober because she’s my mom and I don’t want to just cut her off, but some of her recent actions have made me debate this relationship.
Here’s the actual situation:
She is about a month away from being sentenced for her current DUI in court. She already doesn’t have a license but still drives herself around because she doesn’t have many other options to get places (she lives 10-ish minutes out of town so groceries, dog food, etc are things she has to drive to get to).
However, it seems like the court is really slamming down on her right now. She apparently already got a notification that she won’t be able to register a vehicle in her name for 5 years and they are trying to make her current vehicle basically undrivable for 1 year.
My mom came to my apartment yesterday and started sob story-ing to me about how this is a “death sentence” to her because she won’t be able to drive around or do anything. She then told me that if someone else registered her car in their name then she would still be able to at least have it around because then she doesn’t technically own it.
I told her I don’t want to register her car in my name because I’m pretty sure that is a crime and even if it isn’t a crime, it is definitely negligent. She asked me why, and I basically said that with the amount of DUIs she has, there is no possible way that I could ever be confident she’s not going to just go drive intoxicated with it again.
If she hurts herself or god forbid someone else while driving, that would be on my conscience forever because I enabled her to do something like that. I told her that I understand her situation, but I’m not going to be the person who does this for her.
Since I told her that, she uninvited me from a family dinner I was supposed to go to today and also told me that she’s not going to help me out anymore and is cutting off the family phone plan, streaming services, and car insurance plan that I have been on for years under her.
She’s calling me a jerk for only being by her side when it’s convenient and is financially burdening me because of it.
I don’t want my mom to suffer or anything, but I can’t see how I’m in the wrong for not wanting to let an unlicensed driver drive a car in my name.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you put the car in your name but let her have access you would be enabling her behavior, and since she doesn’t appear to yet realize the severity of her actions, it is extremely likely that she will continue to drive while intoxicated. Protect yourself, legally and emotionally, by not giving in to her.
As to the things she is providing start checking what the costs would be to take on those responsibilities yourself. Especially check your car insurance to see if you are actually paying what you should and what the cost would be to get your own.
It is very likely that with all the DUIs her rates are outrageously expensive. You want to make sure you are only paying what you owe, rather than paying more to subsidize the costs of her problem.” speakeasy12345
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is the jerk.
She is already breaking the law every time she drives if she doesn’t have a license. Registering and titling your Mom’s car under your name would be fraud, which IS illegal. You would also have to put the insurance in your name, again, fraud. And since your Mom doesn’t have a valid license, the insurance co. won’t put her on the policy anyway, so WHEN she causes an accident, YOU will be responsible financially, and you will also probably lose the ability to register a car.
I’m sorry you are having to deal with this, and that your Mom is blackmailing you to try to get her way. I hope there are other people in your life who will help you if she follows through with her threats. (INFO: Whose name is on the insurance policy you’re on now?
Can she even have insurance in her name without a license?)
I understand you still have compassion for your mom, but she’s bringing any suffering she’ll experience upon herself. I wish you well.” imaginarymillionaire
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I went no contact with a toxic parent, it’s not an easy choice but it can be a relief if you’ve reached that point.
To allow them to continue but in a car under your name would absolutely be enough for me personally. The thought of them potentially killing someone else because they won’t stop themselves is where you and anyone else able to give her this needs to go.
It’s only chance that this hasn’t already happened and the more she drives intoxicated, the more opportunity there is for this to happen.
There are always options, but many heavy drinkers who are not in recovery (will always be heavy drinkers in my opinion) will find any excuse to explain why they aren’t a heavy drinker.
This includes being able to drive, “Look at me, I can drive and therefore I’m not intoxicated,” but they’re not safe to. Taxis, Uber, Lyft, walking part way, getting a friend to take her, and public transport are alternatives to her getting behind the wheel of a car.
It sounds like she might’ve reached the point of now or never for getting proper help and staying sober and starting that recovery. I hope for your sake she takes these punishments (and safety measures), doesn’t drive (I assume with no license is no insurance), they will be on the lookout for her driving and she might not escape worse punishment next time.” wildfellsprings
7. AITJ For Only Babysitting My Sister's Biological Kids And Not Her Step Kids?
“My (half) sister has been married for 3 years, she has two daughters with her husband who are 2 and under. She’s also a stepmom to her husband’s two older children with his late wife. They are 9 and 8 years old. My sister and her husband have pulled way back from his late wife’s family because they don’t call my sister the kids’ mom.
While my sister and her husband are DYING for those two kids to call her mom or at the very least to label her as their mom when talking to others, they don’t. They have vague memories of their mom who died only months before my sister met her husband, and they married within 2 months of being together.
The kids are not the best behaved around our family or my sister. They are distant, they act out more, etc. My BIL’s family has pulled back from helping because they feel the kids should get more time with their maternal grandparents, and that while I babysit her daughters, they could be with their mom’s family being babysat.
My sister and her husband want our family to be the maternal line in their eyes. So they resisted. My dad, his wife, and my brother say the stepkids are too much work (stepkids are a boy and a girl) and couldn’t manage. So when she asked me I said I would babysit the girls but not the stepkids.
It left them with limited choices so my sister took me up on babysitting her girls and her stepkids go to their mom’s family. It’s been a few weeks now and I get a lot of crap for refusing to babysit her stepkids. My sister does not know the reason.
But I see the joy on those kids’ faces that they get more time with their real family.
I also understand them because my dynamic was the same with my sibling’s mom (aka my dad’s wife). She tried so hard to be “mom” that it pushed me away, and I had limited contact with my maternal family for the biggest part of my childhood because they said my dad’s wife would never be my mom.
It’s been 26 years and I am distant with the woman still. I also never forgave my dad for it. So when I did what I did, I could only remember what it was like to be them, and so I did what I figured would give my sister and BIL the push.
I’m only glad it worked. But my sister is very upset and deeply hurt. She believes I just see them as less than for being step and hates that I feel that way. Talking to her will not work because she and I have had issues in the past over her mom and how I don’t treat her the way she feels I should.
My BIL told me I was a jerk for treating his kids like they’re not family and showing them how we’re not people who can be relied on. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH, although I say that gently because it also sounds like everyone is operating from a place of trying to do what they think is best for the kids.
But you and your sister seem to have both inherited this limited idea of a “real family,” although you’re expressing it in different ways. It doesn’t need to be one or the other. These kids lost their mom. They can’t have too much love and support.
Ideally, you and your sister can have a conversation about all of this from a place that affirms the fact that you’re both concerned with family.
Regardless of how it goes with your sister, I do think you should agree to sit for them some – and, when you do, take the opportunity to have a brief conversation with the kids themselves explaining that you personally understand some of what they’re going through and that you’re a safe person to tell if they feel sad about their mom because you know how it feels to miss your mom and not feel like you can tell adults that.
Tell them that you’re not trying to replace their other aunts; you’re an extra. I think you’ll find that a little bit of understanding will go a long way.” Character_Sink9754
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are trying to walk a very fine line between acknowledging those children’s biological family and supporting their expanded family.
It seems like you are having some success.
Those kids are trying to hold onto their biological mother. And it must feel to them that their own father is trying to erase her from their lives and memories.
It’s not your place to tell them.
But your sister and brother-in-law will have more success when they stop trying to force the older kids to call her mom and, instead, allow that relationship to grow organically into whatever it’s meant to be, even if it’s no more than friends.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“I’m torn. These kids have had a huge loss and sometimes when this happens kids act out and push people away. They need someone to say hey I love you and you are part of the family and no one is going to forget about your mom and we are sorry for your loss.
I was the stepkid whose stepfamily treated her like she was not part of their family and it really hurt. My step-brothers were my brothers, and my step-mom was my bonus mom, but her family didn’t include me at all.
I’m not saying it’s your job to be that person but your bio niece/nephew will love their siblings, and eventually, they may have a feeling about you not showing that same love to them.
I really feel like all the adults in this situation are failing to recognize the trauma these kids have been through losing their mother and having to adjust to a new woman in their lives. Your sister shouldn’t be pushing them to call her mom but allowing them the time to grieve their mom and decide what role she plays in their life.
By pushing it on them she’s actually alienating herself. Dad is lost but it’s his job to facilitate the healing and relationships. You’re definitely NTJ for not wanting to watch them but I encourage you to build a relationship with them and let them know you see their grief and that you want to be their friend..
for the sake of the bio niece and nephew treating their siblings with love and attention will be important to them. I’m not sure anyone here is actually the jerk I just think no one is addressing the grief or allowing the kids to process it while also leaving a space for them to accept the new people in their lives and build that relationship.
Sometimes kids feel like they are dishonoring their dead parent by moving on but if everyone allows them to see that they aren’t and no one wants to replace mom but they love them and want to be there for them… I would imagine their behavior will change too.” RepulsiveRhubarb9346
6. WIBTJ For Going No Contact With My Sister For Criticizing My Parenting?
“I’m a young widower, my wife lost a years-long fight against breast cancer 5 years ago at 42 years of age. My pre-teen kid and I are trying to keep it together, and in my opinion, we are doing a darn fine job, a conclusion my inlaws wholeheartedly agree with.
Towards the beginning of 2020, we went without haircuts for a while, with good reason. The last thing we needed was to lose another family member. We discussed haircuts and my son decided to grow his hair out in order to donate it to a charity that made wigs for kids who were undergoing cancer treatment, which I was 100% behind.
He had to do lots of work, there were many arguments about his hair getting rough looking and knotted up, and an equal amount of me working through the knots and tangles.
My son is a great kid, he genuinely cares for other people, and is kind, considerate, and helpful.
He’s an excellent student and is due to start a gifted program at school. He’s a natural musician and plays guitar, trumpet, and piano. He’s happy and well-adjusted, and we have a very close relationship, way better than what I had with my own father.
I’ll make any sacrifice for him. There are times I have to watch myself so that I don’t come off as bragging about what he has accomplished.
Mid-2021, he went out with his buddy to go fishing in the neighborhood and was gone a lot longer than expected. I started to worry, A LOT.
I’ll freely admit I have real PTSD regarding family members being in distress. He was safe but went farther than we agreed upon which I was upset about. On his way home, before I knew where he was, he stopped by my sister’s house to say hi and get a drink, which was fine with me, he should feel safe to do those kinds of things.
However, after he left to continue home my sister felt it necessary to call me to let me know he was on his way home, and for good measure thought she should voice her concerns that my wife would think I was doing a horrible job raising my son.
She didn’t like that his hair was so long. I was livid, and haven’t been able to let it go, the interaction has stayed with me for over a year. In the meantime, she takes opportunities to mention trivial things, and each burns me equally hard.
I’m literally at the point of cutting her out of our lives for good, I could do without the constant unfounded criticism, but feel bad because I don’t want my son to miss out on family. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m going to offer a suggestion: I think, before you go full no-contact with your sister, sit down with your son and EXPLAIN to him why you – you, alone, yourself – are going no-contact.
Explain what she has said to you, as his father, about how he’s raising you. Express to him, as a young man with his own life to live, that you don’t want to take him away from his family, and you are not going to.
But for your own mental health, you are going to set boundaries around your sister because of the hurtful things she’s said to you.
Your son sounds like a very conscientious and responsible young person. This will be an opportunity for communication with him and will allow him to see you leading by example on how to curate your circle of loved ones.
It will also allow him the opportunity to make his own choice regarding whether he wants to keep a woman who insults his father by invoking his deceased mother in his life.
Mainly, my thinking is: he shouldn’t be kept in the dark, and should be allowed a reasonable amount of autonomy in this situation.” neysadoescosplay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How awesome is it that your son likes to grow out his hair so he can donate it! Your son seems like he is being raised to be respectful and genuine. Good job Dad! You and your son don’t need negativity in your life.
Side story: when my partner and I first got together years ago, he used to just shave his head when his hair got too long. I told him that I really didn’t like shaved heads and he kind of made a joke about it like he would never shave his head again.
His hair started growing and growing and it was honestly beautiful. He had never grown it out before and it had always been short. He ended up getting it cut for his dad’s wedding, it was long enough to donate!! He now does this regularly, growing his hair out, cutting it to donate, and then starting all over again.
It makes me fall in love with him more and more all the time.” Used_Contribution997
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but have you tried having a conversation before cutting her out? I imagine you must not want to go through that awkwardness and worry that it won’t do any good, but if it’s that or cutting her out and you feel bad about your son missing out on the relationship then it seems like it’s the obvious next step.
One of those “nothing left to lose anymore” things. Unless you think she’s so bad that a fake reconciliation where she continues to undermine you more subtly is the most likely outcome and worse than just cutting her off directly.
Having conversations with other family members who might have influence over her or insight into her might be a good idea beforehand.
If they’re in your corner they could help you get a better outcome, and if they’re not it could be a way of gauging what the larger consequences of cutting her out might be (i.e. how much conflict would that cause with other family members).” Lennvor
I think it would be polite for you to give your son a heads up about going no contact with your sister, but I'd bet good money that he already knows. Doesn't sound like he's too enamoured of his aunt anyway.
Keep up the great work and ignore the haters.
5. AITJ For Feeling Abandoned Because My Parents Don't Have Photos Of Me?
“I’m a 16-year-old male, my parents had me when my mom was 15 and my dad was 16, they were kids themselves and couldn’t take care of me so they gave me to my aunt (grandma’s sister) and her husband (jerks, I’m glad they can’t take care of me anymore) who live 5 hours away.
My parents didn’t visit me as often as I wished, they did it sporadically and not together, it was when they turned 22 that they started coming together, they married at the age of 23-24 (I went to the wedding and was the ring bearer).
Even though they got married that didn’t change much of my life, I continued living with my aunt and they came to visit just for big events and family gatherings at my grandparents’.
My mom and dad are 31 and 32 now, they have been married for eight years and have two more kids (7M, 4M).
I don’t really know those kids and I never bonded with them.
My Aunt and uncle want to retire and start traveling so they told my parents that they couldn’t take care of me anymore thus my parents are “happy” (according to them) to have me.
I moved in two weeks ago to my parents’ house, it’s a nice home I visited a couple of times before, I have my own room and I feel welcomed and loved by my parents, my mom cooks for me a lot and my dad tries to know everything about me.
Here is the thing, the more I stay at this house, the more I notice that all the family pictures are of my parents and my siblings but none of them include me. I asked my mom why they don’t have any photos of me and she said that because those on the wall are recent ones, but they have old ones of me, I asked her to show me and she freaked out and avoided my request for a couple of days until she finally admitted that they don’t have any pictures of me.
I got mad at both of them and asked if they ever considered me family, I also said that they love their kids more than they ever loved me. My parents started apologizing and saying that we have a chance to create new memories now.
I know we have a chance now but I’m really mad at them, I’m 16 and they’ve been married for 8 years, they could have tried harder to include me, I was their existing son, I mean I don’t care if they don’t have pictures of me from before I was 8 because they weren’t together and assumed they had a hard time dealing with everything but after they got married, I think they should have tried harder.
The only picture I have with them is at their wedding and I’m not alone with them in the picture, I’m with other random kids I don’t even know.
My dad has booked a session at a studio to take a family picture but I can’t help but be mad at them, I feel unwanted and unloved, I know I was unplanned and unwanted but it’s hard to realize this way.
My friend says that I shouldn’t be giving my parents a hard time and I should instead be happy because everyone is having a “happy” ending.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your parents weren’t good parents for 14+ years. They barely saw you for the first six.
Even when they got older and more stable, they made minimal effort. They are absolutely to blame.
But it seems like they are trying to do the right thing now, with the resources they have now, that probably don’t include a time machine. Recognizing you as part of the family, trying to schedule a family portrait.
You have every right to not forgive them. To peace out when you are 18 and never look back. Or you can choose to be part of this family and make new memories and connections. Neither of these would make you a jerk. They aren’t entitled to you accepting apologies, even those that come with changed behaviors.
But it’s a decision you have to make, and talk to them about what’s best moving forward. What things they can do now that would make you feel more accepted.” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“Nobody’s the jerk. Maybe look into going to therapy, you rightly have pain from feeling they abandoned you.
And you are angry at feeling they excluded you from being part of the family which is normal and you should be allowed this anger and you have a right to feel that anger. But a GOOD therapist might be able to help you let that anger and hurt out and express yourself to them without being cruel to them, yourself, or your siblings.
It might help you to have someone who can help you with gathering your feelings, organizing them, and getting them through to your parents. There are healthy ways to tell them how bad they have hurt you, how much all of this has affected you, and how angry you are at what’s been done, without being destructive.
Because while your anger is absolutely just, I think your parents are trying and do want to help and be there for you. Yes, it isn’t when you needed it, and yes, they could or should have tried harder. But the past can’t be changed, but the future sure as heck can be better.
Don’t destroy what could heal you.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“Nobody’s the jerk. You have every right to your feelings and I agree get some therapy, tell your parents what life was like when you were not with them, and ask them why they didn’t get you when they married. Talk to them about how you feel about being suddenly back with them.
But also please listen to the answers.
Honestly, they were your age when they had you, and a lot of choices were likely not made by them.
Did they know you were unhappy with your aunt and uncle or were they being told you were happy and better off staying there?
Were they financially stable with a house and resources to take care of you? Was 7 planned? Were they worried about coping with a baby and older child while they themselves were so young?
I know people who are in a similar situation with an older child with grandparents and 2 young children.
The youngers were not planned and they are only just starting to stabilize. I know 23 and 24 seem old to you now, but believe me, it’s still very young. Ask for honesty so you can try to understand both sides. Your feelings are yours and I don’t expect you to change them but understanding may help things start to heal.” HexStarlight
I'm surprised you would want to have anything to do with them.
I'm wishing a good relationship for you. Good luck.
4. AITJ For Planning My Wedding On A Friday?
The world doesn’t revolve around your mother-in-law.
“My (24F) fiance (26M) and I are planning to get married next year.
At first, we didn’t want to have a wedding at all. However, we decided that we would like to organize a small wedding for the closest family and our friends. We started looking for the venue and we found a beautiful one with a huge garden.
We wanted to have a wedding on a Friday because it was easier to find a free date. We were so excited!
My fiance mentioned to his mom that the wedding will be on a Friday. The very next day she called him crying. She asked if it is possible to convince me to reschedule the wedding for another day if it is still possible.
My partner asked shocked why should he want to reschedule in the first place because there is nothing wrong and it was his idea. My future MIL said that it was not his idea; it was mine and that I tried to manipulate him into having the wedding on a Friday (??).
He said no and why is she so concerned about it? Then the bomb drops. His father called her and blew up completely about the idea of having the party on a Friday, and if it’s gonna be on Friday, he won’t come. She also said that if he won’t come she wouldn’t come either.
Then she again begged him to convince ME to reschedule even for a Tuesday, because “you don’t do these things on Friday because you would have to have a dispensation because Jesus was crucified.” (Mind you, they are not so religious; they don’t even go to church.)
Our mouths dropped. My partner said that he was going to call his dad and figure out what the heck is happening. He called and asked, “Why are you saying such things?” His father started shouting that we are out of our minds. He was yelling and cursing saying we just did the worst thing to him.
We wanted to know why he has a problem with Friday. He said and I’m not joking, “Do you want people laughing at me that I cannot afford a wedding on a Saturday or any other day?!” (FYI he’s not paying a dime.) My partner said that this is not his business as we pay for the party.
He yelled incomprehensively at my partner and called him all the names he knew. My partner just dropped the call. We were livid. We got so angry that he said those things without any normal reason and just yelled.
I said to my partner that we should throw away the wedding idea.
We calmed down, discussed, and came to the conclusion that if we are trying to organize a party for them and they are behaving this way (we had also a couple of bad comments when we chose the venue), they won’t get any wedding at all.
Now my partner wants to go no contact with his parents for this. And somehow I feel guilty that I first said I wanted to cancel this right after this call. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s always amazing to me what people internalize.
I understand that Saturday is viewed as a traditional day to get married in some countries and cultures. I also understand how some cultures can be very firm about wanting things done a certain way.
For whatever reason the fiancé’s parents have decided to feel personally attacked by having a wedding on a Friday.
Perhaps they are upset they aren’t being asked to help pay for the wedding. Some parents want to be helpful no matter the age of their offspring. For others, it’s all about control. And the only reason I could see bringing up the crucifixion of Christ as a reason not to marry on a Friday is if one is thinking about getting married on Good Friday.
That would make sense.” TaylorsToupee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I got married in a church on Friday the 13th. My vicar was really thrilled to do it. So if a real-life person of the cloth doesn’t give a crap about someone getting married on a Friday, I promise you your in-laws are talking crap.
All of their objections to Friday are really fascinating from an anthropological point of view. Something is blocking them about Friday weddings and they are not being totally honest about why. It’s curious but not enough that you should alter your plans for them.” IllustratorSlow1614
Another User Comments:
“NTJ over this situation. If you both want a wedding with just the closest friends and family that support you, go for it. It’s literally your party, do what you want with who you want. As long as you are both on the same page, then everything else is just extra.
But you WBTJ if don’t go NC with his family! They sound toxic as all heck.” nosey_introvert92
If this isn't normal behavior for his father, I'm wondering if he might have dementia......
3. AITJ For Stepping Down As Maid Of Honor To Care For My Cat?
I think the biggest issue here is that the bride switched up on her after being understanding at first.
“So a friend (female) of mine is marrying a very good friend of mine, and I’m supposed to be the maid of honor. I have planned some things with the stepmother of the groom but due to the distance, I could not be active and was very often “only” in video calls.
The stepmother was a light Karen which I dealt with. Up to a point.
Shortly before the wedding, my two young cats had to get shots, and I had to let them check if everything was okay. Everything went well until my cat couldn’t move his hind legs within two days and had no feeling in them anymore.
He stopped eating and just lay on the carpet, so I went with him to the vet, who had to keep him overnight and he needed cortisone infusions. It was all very nerve-wracking because we didn’t know what was going on with him, so I told my friend that I didn’t know if I could make it to the wedding.
The bride told me she would understand and hoped my cat gets better soon. I was relieved at first and also knew that her sister would be more than happy to step in as a maid of honor since she often talked about it with the stepmother openly.
One day before the wedding, I was able to pick up my cat from the clinic and he was much better. The shot was minimally misplaced and caused the muscle to swell, which had finally pressed on the nerves, so he could no longer feel his legs.
I was happy that my cat was fine again and that I would still make it to the wedding if only as a guest, but I didn’t want to let my friend down since I’ve known her for years. But when I called her to tell her the good news, she told me I couldn’t come anymore and didn’t give me any more explanation.
Later, the groom’s stepmother wrote me on WhatsApp that it was irresponsible as a maid of honor to cancel on the wedding for whatever reason. She called me selfish for doing this to my friend. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“The worst person in this story is the groom’s stepmother for inserting herself into the conflict.
The rest of your story is just plain sad.
You really miscalculated how upset and hurt your friend would feel when you backed out at the 11th hour to care for your ill cat. Did you even consider asking if the clinic could watch your cat during the wedding before you canceled?
Hate to say it, but I doubt your friend is ever going to fully move past this. Her initial response was very gracious, but your last-minute “good news” of being able to attend as a guest simply rubbed salt in the wound.
You were entitled to prioritize your pet, I suppose lots of people would, but to act surprised at how upsetting this would be to the bride means that you two are not operating on the same worldview.
For your lack of insight and surprise at the outcome, YTJ. Not because of your choices, but because you have a very poor appreciation of how upsetting this was to your friend.” justmeat23
Another User Comments:
“I have to say YTJ but a light one.
You made a commitment to your friend. I LOVE animals and would be in a panic if my cat went numb as well – not dismissing the fear. But it’s odd that your first reaction was to drop out of the wedding. Was this a destination wedding?
Did you call around to see if someone can look after the cat? How about a place to board the cat? Do you have friends and family that could pick up your cat from the doctor? Based on your use of “we” in the post, there was someone else who could look after your fur baby while you were at the wedding.
You could have told the bride about the situation and told her you will keep her posted on the situation before you made a final decision. You didn’t make an effort to stay in the wedding.” JaayJaay1970
Another User Comments:
“Nobody’s the jerk. You felt it was important to deal with your cat’s health and told your friend you didn’t think you might make it to the wedding (and therefore couldn’t be MOH).
In response, your friend assumed you would not attend and probably gave your seat (and prepaid meal) to someone else. There is also a good chance she was hurt even though she did not say so. I don’t think either of you is wrong in your feelings/actions, though you shouldn’t be surprised you no longer had a seat at the wedding after giving it up.” DaxxyDreams
2. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Parents For Attempting To Take Away My Car As Punishment?
“I (15M) bought my car about 2 months ago for about 3,000 bucks. It is a nice, used Ford car which is perfect for driving me to school and back.
I have worked since I turned 14 to gather enough savings to buy a car and I still currently work to pay for my insurance. My parents have not given me a penny to help pay for this car. They always say “if you want nice things, you will have to pay for them yourself” which I have no problem doing.
Now the problem starts when my little brother (10M) has a tennis match that my parents tell me I have to pick him up and drop him off because they wanted to watch a movie. Usually, I would have no problem doing that, but this particular night, I had one of my biggest marching band competitions, so I wouldn’t be able to do it.
They said I would have to figure something out. We came to a compromise and I told them I could do it, but my little brother would have to be about 45 minutes to 1 hour early to the match and would have to stay about 1 hour late.
The day of the competition and my little brother’s tennis match, I get ready and take him to his school for tennis and I go to my marching band competition. As expected, he was about 45 minutes early and had to stay 1 hour late. Keep in mind he was completely okay with staying longer; he just played on his phone and played with friends before and after.
When I picked him up, I went to get ice cream from DQ.
When we got home, I was greeted by my parents with angry looks on their faces. They yelled at my brother to go to his room immediately and he did. Once he was gone, they started shouting at me for taking my brother too early, not staying to watch his game, picking him up too late, and giving him ice cream when he is on a strict diet they put him on because they think he is too “fat” when in reality he is a perfectly normal weight for a boy his age.
My dad then put his hand out and demanded the car keys for my car and said, “you are too irresponsible with your car and need to get it taken away. You will get it back to take your brother to any sports-related things he needs, other than that, you don’t need it.” I gripped my keys harder and told them, “NO, I will not give you something that is mine.” I was fuming with rage and I swear I was bright red. They screamed at me, “DRIVING IS A PRIVILEGE THAT WE CAN TAKE AWAY WHENEVER WE FEEL.” I didn’t say anything, but I walked away, got in my car, and drove to my friend’s house.
My friend is on my side, but his mom and some of my other friends say that I am in the wrong. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You may have paid for the car, but are you on your parents’ car insurance policy and is the car registered in your name or your parents’ name (for ownership purposes)?
Also, you are still a minor, living under their roof, making you their responsibility. So they can take it away.
But maybe, your parents should get off their butts and support both of you in regard to extracurricular activities. Boo hoo, they wanted to see a movie.
As married parents, my husband and myself split our time making sure our kids get to their appropriate activities. I never once forced my child who is 7 years older than the other, to do something for my youngest and have him miss out on something while I just decided to be an entitled parent.” ConsequenceLaw5333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hopefully, that car is titled in your name. If it’s only in your parents’ names, you need to wait until this blows over then find a way to get that changed. If you need an adult to be able to register the car have a reasonable grandparent or aunt/uncle help you out.
Also, find all your proof that you saved up for the car and purchased it. Take screenshots/photos of all that and put them in one folder in the cloud where you can get to it but your parents are unlikely to have access. Make sure you can pull up the title and registration quickly on your phone to prove it’s your car if you need to.
I’d also get a secure place to keep your keys. Maybe get in the habit of parking in different places nearby and walking the last few blocks home.
Legally, they may be able to revoke your driving privileges. However, they cannot sell your car.
I’m a parent and feel that your parents’ original request was unreasonable to start with.
You responded very nicely and clearly communicated a reasonable plan. The fact that they acted like this afterward is crazy.
And if they’re concerned about your brother’s weight they should be supportive and show enthusiasm for any sports he’s in. Attending your child’s sports competitions is parenting 101.
Even if you hate tennis yourself, you show up and cheer on your child.” pupperoni42
Another User Comments:
“ESH… Are your parents being incredibly unreasonable? Absolutely. BUT you are a minor and whether or not you bought something and pay for it is completely irrelevant; until you are an adult, you are at their discretion.
And so that being said, they didn’t “take your car away;” they rescinded their consent for you to have the privilege to drive, which includes taking your keys to remove that access. Completely reasonable action by parents in general. However, the reasons behind their action, in this case, are utter bullcrap.” censormenow2
1. AITJ For Not Supporting My Husband's Decision To Be A Stay-At-Home Dad?
“10 years ago I was studying and so was my partner, we found out I was pregnant and my morning sickness was so intense I couldn’t catch the train to my university so I stopped studying. My partner finished his course and once the baby came I intended to finish my course.
It never happened.
My partner didn’t get a job from his course and wanted to extend his studies by an extra year. I agreed on the condition that once he was finished that year he got a full-time job so I could finish my course.
Once that year was over, he wanted to extend his studies by another year. I refused to agree to it and reminded him that I was meant to be able to finish my studies.
From that point, he floated from volunteer gigs to his own projects, none of which made anything.
He did get a job at one point but it paid way less than he should have been paid and it didn’t leave enough room for me to put our son in daycare full-time so I could finish my studies.
Fast forward to now, and I’m pregnant with baby #2.
He is working for a new company that pays him way less than he should be paid but more than the previous company and I’m discussing the idea of going to do a year-long course to enable me to get a well-paying job after the baby arrives.
He has this idea that he will take on a government allowance for parents, sit at home and look after the kids. I told him there is no way in heck he is going to do that. If I’m working full-time to support us he will be getting a full-time, well-paying job.
I’ve supported him doing everything he wanted and I’m not going to support him to sit around and watch the kids. Especially since I’ve been working part-time to support us while he’s been working these “jobs” while also caring for the kids and cooking meals etc.
He thinks I’m being unreasonable and unfair, if I get a job there’s no reason why he has to work full time. I told him I’m not enabling him to do nothing while I’m busting my butt working, I supported him studying and working jobs that paid nothing and he needs to step up to the plate too.
He isn’t talking to me now because I’m being so unreasonable and unfair but I don’t think I am being unfair.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
First of all, a baby is a team effort. I understand that as the mother, your biological job is IMMENSELY more difficult than the father’s.
But he did try and hold down a job, and although you had a lot more of the domestic duties it’s not as if he was a deadbeat dad.
Second of all, why do you have baby #2 on the way when you can barely afford the first?
A baby is a team effort, but they’re also human – NOT toys.
Third of all, while your partner doesn’t seem to be doing the best of his ability, you certainly did not “support him doing everything he wanted” because, like I said, he did have a job.
What you said was pretty unreasonable in light of that.
But, lastly, depending on the government allowance, you’re right – he should be looking for a job too. The only thing is if you’re studying, and he’s working, and you can’t afford a daycare or babysitter, then who’s supposed to watch the baby?” reckless150681
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It sounds like you’ve spent the last ten years being reasonable and fair, allowing him ample time to explore literally every avenue he could possibly come up with while you patiently waited for your turn. It sounds like he’s taken full advantage of the fact that you’re female and “the baby maker” in this scenario, a situation that has kept you from being able to pursue the studies that you’ve been waiting so long to pursue.
He has also had more than enough time to secure a decent-paying job and the fact that he hasn’t yet, due to him not trying and not due to a better job just not being available, is very telling.
You need to put your foot down with this.
You’ve been reminding him for TEN YEARS that you plan to revisit your studies. He’s not been blindsided by this information and he’s been given plenty of time to prepare for the day that your returning to your studies becomes a reality.” Rubbish_Bunny
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
Your husband extended his college by two years. He got a job eventually but did not pay as well as you’d hoped. Then he got another job that pays a bit better. But still not as much as you would like.
You think he can do better. I’m sure you let him know every chance you get (and not in a motivational way). Meanwhile, you provided care for your ONE child for 10 years. 5 of which, the child is in elementary school. You said that you worked part-time.
I’m assuming you did this while your child was in school. Why didn’t you go back to school during this time?
“He thinks I’m being unreasonable and unfair, if I get a job there’s no reason why he has to work full time.
I told him I’m not enabling him to do nothing while I’m busting my butt working:
Wouldn’t he be doing what you are doing – essentially taking care of the kids. There’s not a lot of consistency in your complaints.
Also, why are you both having another kid?
I was going for Y T J, but bringing another kid into a relationship with this much resentment and financial strife is a jerk move on both your parts.” Turbulent_Cow2355
He got used to you taking care of the kid, and earning the stable income. 10 years is MORE than patient and there is no reason he should not support your wishes.
Not sure what the above commenter is talking about. Yes, wouldn't it be nice if he DID do what you've been doing the last 10 years which is take care of the children and work so that you can finally finish what you've wanted to do? Finish what you had to STOP doing because you got pregnant, which I'm guessing wasn't planned. He was very much a part of that, and now he just wants to skate by with low paying jobs here and there?
I'm imagining that continuing your studies would enable better jobs in the future.
He sounds entitled, and you might want to reconsider the relationship if he feels you are unreasonable when all you are asking for is your turn.
